06/08/10
What Happens When the Worship Leader Commits Adultery?
Dear Roger,
I am a pastor and just found out that our worship pastor is committing adultery. I have heard through the grapevine that you’ve dealt with this issue on several occasions. This man has a significant following and I am afraid that he will spin his sin in such a way that might split the church and cause much confusion and pain.
As far as I know very few people are aware of his behavior. I want to handle this problem Biblically and properly. I want to keep the residual damage to the church as minimal as possible. Thanks for your help.
Sincerely,
Any Pastor
Dear Any Pastor,
Unfortunately, you are not the first pastor to face this issue. We all hear stories about how adultery leads to such turmoil and destruction. In your case worship pastor sinned. However, any staff member can fall. I couch my answer in the “worship leader context” because this is the case in your particular situation. Nevertheless the principles apply to any staff position—male or female.
Let me share several principles that I hope are helpful.
Sexual sin by a church leader cannot be allowed to go “underground.” The key words for handling this situation are truth, truth and truth. The next three words are openness, openness and openness. The next three words are leadership, leadership and leadership.
Carefully ascertain, as best you can, the validity—or not—of the accusation. Paul gave clear-cut guidelines to Timothy: “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses” (1 Timothy 5:19).
Sometimes, you may need to seek out quietly the “right” people in verifying the accuracy of the allegation. At other times you may pesonally just figure out what is going on. Once, one of our staff began acting strangely, keeping unusual hours, not going home on time, etc. I added up two plus two and got four. After church the next evening one of my trusted elders and I took the man outside. I said, “You’re committing adultery, aren’t you.” Mine was more a declarative statement than a question. He stammered, “Yes,” before he even had time to think.
Early on in the process include a trusted and influential church leader into the loop. You certainly don’t want to give an opportunity for a “he said … you said … she said … I didn’t say that …” scenario to develop after you confront the worship leader. This is not a church problem you want to handle alone (Galatians 6:1-2).
Understand that this church crisis is not the time for debating how to handle the problem, whether or not to try to restore him, whether or not to allow him to continue leading worship while you search for a suitable solution, or whether or not he should keep his job. His trust level with you, the rest of the staff and the church congregation has dissipated like the morning mist. He has lost his authority to minister (This can be regained later—perhaps). If he keeps his job and commits another sexual sin, the church is now wide open for lawsuits. We have a “duty of care” to protect others in the congregation. Consider that it is not unwise in today’s litigious society to obtain legal counsel as you proceed through the process of handling the sinful situation which is now tossed in your lap.
Call an elder’s or deacon’s or board meeting the same week you that unearth and verify the sin. The official leaders must be informed and action taken to remove the offender from job responsibilities immediately.
Remember that, as pastor, you are in the “power position.” As a result, you want to act quickly and decisively—before the rest of the church suspects a problem—and before the worship leader can rally a following. Your official church leaders also have “power.” You want them to know the truth so they can squelch potential lies or rumors.
Pick the right time to confront. Once we had a series of multiple-night-church pageants. I knew what was going on behind the scenes with one of our staff persons. Unfortunately, he was such an integral part in the nightly performances that to remove him would necessitate canceling the remaining programs. So, I decided to let him finish out the next several nights. As soon as the last performance concluded, he and I had a talk.
Sadly, the offender’s job must be terminated immediately. Have him clean out his office. Remove him from all places of leadership. He (or she) may not stand before any church group to explain, repent or suggest anything at this time. That can come later. If that seems a little harsh, so be it. Having just been “caught”, his emotions, thinking and words can’t be trusted. A time for repentance may come. But, not until the crisis is settled down and time has passed and you know whether or not true repentance is occurring.
Three affected areas need special care: the sin; the church; and the sinner.
The Bible is quite clear about how church leaders are to handle the sin of another church leader. They are to expose the improper behavior to the church in order that the fellowship may understand that no one is so high up in church leadership that they can sin and get away with it. Paul advised Timothy: “Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning” (1 Timothy 5:20). Sin in the church is serious business—especially when committed by a church leader and must be handled accordingly.
Let’s talk about what exposing sin and improper behavior might look like. This can be done discretely to ensure minimal damage to the church and to the staff pastor who sinned. The Sunday after the elders make the termination official the church needs to be told. Remember, nothing hidden; tell the truth. Telling the church what happened and why the leader can no longer keep his job is handling the issue decisively and will immediately stop all rumors.
I tell the congregation that the worship leader has committed a sin that forfeits his job. Then I say, “I am not going to tell you what sin he committed. We will leave that between him and the close group who are sorting out and properly handling the issues. Don’t be too harsh; some of you have committed exactly the same sin—or a variation of it. This is not the time for judgment. It is time for grieving and compassion. We are all hurting. But, none of us is hurting as much as he and his family. They need love and compassion; so when you see them, grieve with them and comfort them.”
Then, I continue, “If you feel that you have to know which sin he committed, then ask him. He can choose to tell you or not” (By the way, as far as I know, no one has ever taken me up on this offer.).
Then, I proceed: “His job is terminated because his behavior has violated trust to such a degree that he can no longer work here with integrity. We have developed a restoration plan that we pray can heal the marriage and one day result in a renewed opportunity for him to reenter into ministry. At the proper time he can publicly share his sorrow, regret and repentance with us all if he so desires.” In my experience, some avail themselves of this opportunity; and, some decline.
Finally, I say, “The worship leader and his family have decided to stay in our fellowship for a while as they begin to put their lives back together” (Every one of our ministers who has fallen in our church has chosen this option.). I continue, “I know it is awkward, but their friends and support are in our congregation. So love them and treat them with the care they need.”
Some groups need a little more care and restoration. In most cases we arrange for the fallen pastor to meet with the ministry groups that he worked with and led. This often results in a time of broken-hearted confession and repentance which is good for all involved. Not surprisingly, some have a hard time holding back their anger because of the loss and betrayal they’ve experienced. At this point, one or our counselors or I talk about the range of emotions we are all feeling and how to handle them properly. This is a good time to let the words and emotions of the group flow as they struggle to begin healing.
Now that we have talked about handling the sin and healing the church, let’s talk about the needs of the worship leader. We are dealing here with a broken-hearted man and his family.
As I mentioned before, we invite them to stay in our fellowship as they heal.
We arrange and pay for marriage counseling. Unfortunately, not every church has the resources to do this.
We invite several men to develop a support group to help restore him to integrity and to ministry. We ask several women to join in comforting and supporting his wife.
We try to care for them financially as they make the transition to a new life and line of work. In our case we usually continue salary for four to six months with the provision that when they obtain another job, or if they do anything to unsettle the church or congregation, their transition funds terminate. We also try to work out a way to help continue their medical insurance, if needed.
Anger at the worship leader and the pain he has caused makes it quite tempting to withhold proper care. Just remember that the church is not the only victim is this whole affair. If there is any time that a wife and children need support and financial security, this is it! If for no other reason, take care of his innocent family in their turmoil.
In my experience, and in discussions with other pastor friends, we agree that it is easy for husband and wife to ultimately join forces and blame the church for their demise—and what they consider to be ill treatment. They will often, unknowingly or not, transfer a tremendous amount of anger from themselves to the church. I’ve heard people say things like, “Well, what do you expect? The church always shoots its wounded!” When I hear this comment I often think, “Well, everything would have been fine had he not first fired a double-barreled shotgun in our midst.” But, I never say those words—out loud! I just pray for the hurting couple to find healing, relief and restoration—and perhaps one day to successfully reintegrate into ministry.
Well, Any Pastor, I hope these thoughts may be of help. May God bless you, your church family and your broken minister as you utilize truth, openness and leadership, during these painful times.
Love, Roger
Comments
Thanks.
The Presbyterian Church (PCUSA) no longer excludes active adulterers or those actively involved in same-gender relationships from consideration ordination and/or installation as deacons, elders, and ministers of the Word and Sacrament within the PC(USA).
A few years later, the Presbyterian Church knowingly rehired the same individuals in positions as a Director of Contemporary Praise Music and a Choir Director, without disclosing this to the congregation.
Church leadership stated that every Presbyterian congregation does its own hiring and employing of staff. In this case Presbyterian “leadership” evaluated the situation and determined the pastor, the church’s personnel committee and the session all acted appropriately and responsibly in hiring the adulterers. In explanation, it was stated that Christians may have more than one arguable conclusion on what the Bible says regarding on adultery and remarriage, and “how they are best applied in our modern context”.
thanks for sharing. How sad is this story of misguided and un Biblical decisions (also, sounds like to me the Presbyterian leadership brings into play future lawsuits for what they have done.
The two lists of qualifications for pastors are presented in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9.
Timothy 3:1-7: *One must seek the office, *Must be without reproach, *A husband of one wife, *Self-controlled, *Sober-minded, *Orderly, *Hospitable, *Able to teach, *Not a drunkard, *Not violent but gentle, *Not quarrelsome, *Not a lover of money, *Must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, *Must not be a recent convert, and *Must be well thought of by outsiders.
Titus 1:5-9: *Above reproach, *A husband of one wife,*His children are believers not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.,*Not arrogant,*Not quick-tempered,*Not a drunkard,*Not violent,*Not greedy for gain,*Hospitable,*A lover of good,*Self-controlled,*Upright,*Holy, *Disciplined, *Must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught
I believe adultery renders adulterous pastors, ministers, elders, and/or deacons as being ruled out permanently.
The Scriptures teach that he must be a “one woman man”. If he commits adultery, he is not a one woman man, and therefore that man cannot be in the ministry.
His adultery disqualifies him for another reason. The second requirement is that he is to be “above reproach”. That is, he is to be “blameless”, meaning “without blame”. Once a pastor has committed adultery, he will never again be “without blame”. He may be above reproach from that point on, but he will never be “above reproach”. A pastor who has broken the most solemn and sacred human covenant that human-beings enter has, by his actions, proven himself to be untrustworthy and reproachable. He may, if he repents be forgiven, and may be restored in his marriage; but he cannot be returned to office because he simply no longer qualifies.
The third requirement for the ministry relevant to this issue is that the pastor/elder must be “self-controlled”. This requirement means that he is to be “in control of himself”. Although a pastor will be a target for all of the temptations that exist, he must demonstrate “self-control”. If he commits adultery, he has demonstrated that he does not possess self-control, and therefore must be excluded from the ministry.
How can we minimize the wisdom literature which teaches that “a man who commits adultery lacks judgment. Whoever does so, destroys himself” (Proverbs 6:32). Are we to have leaders in the Church who lack judgment? And yet again “among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen something horrible. They commit adultery and live a lie” (Jeremiah 23:14).
It is important to differentiate between forgiveness, on the one hand, and restoration, on the other hand. Forgiveness is to occur in all instances. Restoration, on the other hand, while possible in many cases, may not be possible or advisable in all cases. Restoration, in human relationships, should always be the goal, but there is no scriptural mandate that it is to always occur.
I, for one, try to always to forgive and to restore others whenever possible. However, there are cases in which the behavior of the individual does not make that type of restoration possible or advisable; at least without limitation.
Take for example, someone employed as a driver who later is convicted of vehicular manslaughter caused by drunk driving. While those involved should seek to forgive that individual, the acts of forgiveness does not suggest it would be appropriate to restore that same person to another driving position. The same concept applies to individuals who are convicted of felonies; even when forgiven - they must forego certain rights as a result of their actions.
As to your claim I am a shooter of the wounded, I believe it is rather presumptuous for you to make this assessment, although clearly you are free to do so. However, I believe your quarrel is with scripture, and not with me.
What I did is to point to scripture as the basis of my statements and conclusions. While you may not agree with either the specific scripture or my conclusions based on that scripture, you certainly cannot speak to my motives. I believe your suggestions that I am a “shooter of the wounded” attempts to assign motives; something you clearly are not qualified to do.
I do not agree with your errant summary of my “pious views” that if a soul commits adultery he has no place in the kingdom of God. Although your ill-intended suggestion seems to suggests otherwise, for the avoidance of doubt, I do not believe someone who has committed adultery has no place in the kingdom of God; in fact I believe they have the same place as anyone else, except to the extent scripture indicates otherwise. And I believe there is a clear scriptural basis indicating that someone who commits adultery no longer qualifies as a pastor or elder. I am not alone. Many who are much more qualified and learned that me have reched this same conclusion. You might conclude we have a club of "shooters", but that simply is not the case.
I think it is rather unfortunate when one attempts to summarize another’s views by attempting to tarnish them by name calling (you know, like “pious”) and motive assignment. I believe it is much more contructive to present a scriptural basis for their contrary conclusion. I think name calling anmd motive assignment is innapropriate and lacks maturity.
So, rather than reduce a disagreement to name calling and motive assignment, I’d like to respectfully request that you provide your scriptural basis providing a clear and cogent position that suggests someone who has committed adultery should be restored to church leadership, despite their failure to continue to meet the requirements set forth in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and/or Titus 1:5-9. Where, specifically is this addressed in the Bible?
And if you accept my request, I promise not to assign motive or call you names, since it is obvious that doing so is misguided, useless and serves no edifying purpose whtsoever.
“We must recognize that leadership in the church cannot be regarded lightly. The foremost requirement of a church leader is that he be above reproach (1 Timothy 3:2, 10; Titus 1:7). That is a difficult prerequisite, and not everyone can meet it.
There are some sins that irreparably shatter a man’s reputation and disqualify him from a ministry of leadership forever. Even Paul, man of God that he was, said he feared such a possibility. In 1 Corinthians 9:27 he says, “I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”
When referring to his body, Paul obviously had sexual immorality in view. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 he describes it as a sin against one’s own body—sexual sin is in its own category.
Certainly it disqualifies a man from church leadership since he permanently forfeits a blameless reputation as a one-woman man (Proverbs 6:33; 1 Timothy 3:2).
Where did we get the idea that a year’s leave of absence and some counseling can restore integrity to someone who has squandered his reputation and destroyed people’s trust? Certainly not from the Bible. Trust forfeited is not so easily regained. Once purity is sacrificed, the ability to lead by example is lost forever. As my friend Chuck Swindoll once commented when referring to this issue—it takes only one pin to burst a balloon.
What about forgiveness? Shouldn’t we be eager to restore our fallen brethren? To fellowship, yes.
But not to leadership. It is not an act of love to return a disqualified man to public ministry; it is an act of disobedience. “
By all means we should be forgiving. But we cannot erase the consequences of sin. I am not advocating that we “shoot our wounded.” I’m simply saying that we shouldn’t rush them back to the front lines, and we should not put them in charge of other soldiers.
The church should do everything possible to minister to those who have sinned and repented. But that does not include restoring the mantle of leadership to a man who has disqualified himself and forfeited the right to lead. Doing so is unbiblical and lowers the standard God has set. “
I agree with Mr. McArthur.
Tailor.
This is my final word on this. I do hope you are not involved in a local church or worse, teaching somewhere. Get some help.
By the way, who is John McArthur?
I had hoped you might provide a well thought out response based on Biblical concepts; specifically. Sadly, I believe you may be guilty of binary thinking, where you mis-summarize the position of another, and then draw far reaching conclusions based on your own errant summarization.
I would suggest you read and look into issues, prior to espousing pseudo-theology. Your response appears to be based on your feelings, but not knowledge, fact or scripture.
Although I appreciate your helpful (and ever-so-funny) suggestion that I remove myself from the body of Christ – my faith is simply stronger than that. And why would I ever consider doing that, because Ben Howery thinks I should? I am sorry my Biblically (not emotion) based conclusions don’t sit well with you; but that is not my objective or concern.
P.S. - You aren’t the same Ben Howery who has tweeted something about it being “pretty dope to crash a lesbian wedding …” and aspring to “work” that into something inappropriately sexual, are you? If so, that speaks volumes.
Have a nice day.
Forgiven, restored, loved and serving,
Benjamin Howery
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