May I Date an "Un-Divorced" Man?

Dear Roger,

I believe I am in love with a man from my church who is married but no longer with his wife. She left him 2 years ago for another man. At the current time his finances are not sufficient enough to pay for a divorce. Would it be wrong to go out on a date with him?

Sincerely, B

Dear B,

A date probably not—anything further? Definitely not!

The most significant issue in this situation is purity of heart. Jesus emphasized the criticality of a pure heart in Matthew 5:8: “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Impure hearts can’t see God. Clean hearts are able to bring Him clearly into focus.

Since you both are involved in church, I sense that seeing and hearing from God are important to you. So, purity of heart is essential.

Dating a married man doesn’t dirty up a heart. However, the danger of a dating a married man presupposes that the relationship may escalate to sexual impurity. According to God sexual impurity is a great way to dirty up your heart so that you can’t see God nor hear Him speak.

I am in no way predicting or intimating that your relationship will escalate sexually. However, the fact that you are in love, or falling in love, with him suggests that the possibility must at least be addressed.

Sexual purity is a big issue to God. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

Prostitution was a big deal in first-century Corinth. The issue was having sex with a prostitute. While we may not use the identical term today to describe having sex with a married man, the application is the same.

Paul continued in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20:

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Paul used here a double entendre. In the term, “sinning against the body,” Paul intended reference to both the physical as well as the spiritual heart.

I am sorry for the pain your husband has endured with the leaving of his wife. The grief is incredible. I hope his healing and adjustment are proceeding well.

You may well be an essential part of his emotional, mental and spiritual recovery. God may well have brought you both together for mutual enhancement and blessing. If so, I hope that a new chapter will soon open up for both of you.

Be encouraged. Be patient. In God’s plan, if His will is for you to be together, keep your heart pure, and your desire pure, and I believe that the Lord Jesus Christ can get the finances covered.

Remember, you can have all you want of Jesus, or you can have sin. But, you can’t have both. Somehow, “enjoying the pleasures of sin for a season,” just doesn’t measure up to seeing the glories of God.

Love, Roger

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Comments

This is such a well written and complimentary response to His kingdom Roger. I believe also that this is what God wants for us. Purity is essential to a happy outcome. Marriage issues are not easy and placing yourself deliberately into such a situation will create more problems than solutions. Growing up back in the midwest we were always taught in my home to do what's right, no what's easy. I see that applying here as well. Doing what's easy is being involved with someone who first off is not available emotionally or "legally" for that matter while the problems associated of both still exist. Doing what's right is heeding the scripture and honoring ourselves as this is what He wants for us; stepping back from that person and being supportive through faith only. Time is the ultimate revealer of all things, and the one element people within such situations do not utilize wisely. Give yourself space from people in such situations, trust that He knows best and all things, and lastly, give it time. To do so is to do what's right by ourselves and our heavenly Father who wants what is best for His children.

Charlalynn Harris , 10/18/11 10:23 AM

"Dating a married man doesn’t dirty up a heart. However, the danger of a dating a married man presupposes that the relationship may escalate to sexual impurity." I agree that purity is important but saying dating a married man doesn't dirty up a heart? So it's okay to date a married man as long as you don't have sex with him? I don't think so. Maybe I'm missing the point, but that's what I read out of that statement. If I'm wrong, please correct me.

Dustin Scott , 10/26/11 10:45 AM

I agree with Dustin Scott. Dating a married person absolutely dirties up the heart. We have a covenant with Jesus and anytime we allow anything in between us and Jesus its called sin, usually idol worship. We can't allow human beings to have a different set of standards for covenants. There is sooo much more here to discuss, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Adam Hinkle , 10/31/11 11:45 AM