I have spent many hours counseling broken-hearted singles who have ship-wrecked relationships. Go into dating with open eyes and a discerning heart!
If I could sit down with single people one on one and just offer them one piece of advice it would be…
Desperation In Dating Always Leads To Destruction!
How do you know you are desperate?
- You are compromising! (And…if you are compromising you KNOW you are doing so!)
- You are listening to your friends more than you are listening to Jesus.
- You have placed your value in whether or not he calls and asks you out for a second date (or whether she says yes to a second date!)
- You view yourself as “damaged goods” and believe that you are not worth very much.
- You believe the myth that “I am miserable because I am single” and believe that marriage will solve all of your problems.
- You are pretending to be someone you are not because you fear if you were who you really are the person you are dating would not like you!
- You are with a person who is leading you away from Jesus, not closer to Him.
Desperate people rarely make good decisions and reality is that some singles reading this may be pursuing a relationship that has warning signs all over it…but instead of paying attention to that you believe that if you push through that eventually the other person will become who you want them to be!
But…the book of Proverbs says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” (Proverbs 22:3) In other words…if we see danger in something (like maybe our dating relationships) and we pursue them anyway then we are clearly told there is a penalty to pay.
Desperate people hardly ever make great decisions. The worse thing that you could do for your future spouse and children is become desperate and grab on to whomever just happens to be in front of you.
Desperation in dating always leads to destruction. My prayer is that if you are wrestling with this that you would turn your desperation for a date into a desperation to hear the voice of the Lord (Jeremiah 29:13) and allow Him to shape your view of dating and marriage more so than the culture we are living in.
The ONE THING I know about the Lord is that HE IS GOOD…and if HE IS GOOD then so are HIS WAYS! AND…whenever HIS WAYS and my ways are not the same it is I who need to adjust my thinking (Isaiah 55:8) because in doing so there is hope, life and freedom! We should NOT be desperate when there is a God in heaven who wants greater things for us than we could ever imagine!
Just a reminder: Here are the WRONG REASONS TO DATE A GUY!
#1 – “He’s cute!” – give it time, he won’t be!
#2 – “He has money!” – that can (and most likely will) change! And money cannot buy the security your heart is longing for!
#3 – “I’m lonely!” – buy a dog, if it whines all the time you can throw it outside!
#4 – “I’m bored!” – Take a zumba class, update your pinterest account and read “The Hunger Games!” ”But Perry, the trash gets taken out more than me,” you say. I would tell you that may be true…but the only place trash gets taken to is the dump. AND…that you are NOT trash, you are a daughter of GOD!!!
#5 – “I feel sorry for him!” – and if you date him for this reason you will one day feel sorry for you!
#6 – “My friends are pressuring me!” – get a new set of friends!
#7 – “I’m getting older and my options are running out!” – so you are going to settle for a fixer-upper? It won’t be pretty! Give God time…He knows what He’s doing!
Here are the WRONG REASONS TO DATE A GIRL!
#1 – “She’s Hot!” – So is hell! (Ripped that off from Mark Driscoll!)
#2 – “I’m bored & lonely!” – So, because you want “entertainment” you are actually going allow yourself to play games with the heart of a woman that you are not interested in at all? Suck it up and get some friends! Go and fill your life with great work, great friends and great experiences! No woman worth having wants a guy with no life!
#3 – “She Is So Interested In Where I Am & What I Am Doing All The Time And Contacts Me Around 10 Times A Day Just To Check In” – Congrats, you are either dating your mother or a very insecure person–neither one is going to work out for you.
#4 – “She Dresses To Attract Rather Than Dressing Attractive” – There is a HUGE difference! Women can dress attractive; however, when a girl dresses as to purposefully draw your attention to either her “sexiness” you can bet there is going to be trouble. (Check out Proverbs 7:6-23, the picture of what an ungodly woman looks like…notice what Scripture clearly says about the way she dresses in Proverbs 7:10–if she’s dressed like a prostitute she has “crafty intent!”)
#5 – “She Was Aggressive In Coming After Me!” – Once again, Proverbs 7:6-23 says a lot about the “ungodly woman”…but pay special attention to Proverbs 7:13-22, she came after him, kissed him first, pursued him and flattered him…and it led to a place that none of us want to be! Men, if you want to find a wife then FIND A WIFE (see Proverbs 18:22), YOU should pursue…not her!
#6 – “I Have The Opportunity” – I teach this as a leadership principle…but is applies here as well, OPPORTUNITY DOES NOT EQUAL OBLIGATION! Just because you have a chance to date someone doesn’t always mean you should.
#7 – “My Friends Say That She’s Perfect For Me” – Unfortunately, sometimes our friends care more about our social status than what is best for us! This is not to say that your friends cannot be a good resource for you…just make sure you are listening to God more than your friends!
#8 – “All My Friends Are Getting Married And I Am The Only Single Guy Left” – Yep. think about that…maybe you’re the problem. and you know what, you can do something about it! Ask God to make you the man your future wife is praying for, and then respond in obedience when he gives you some direction. get busy living, man! Don’t blame God for not providing a wife for you if you’re in debt, out of shape, and undisciplined. Thank him for protecting his daughter from you! If you really love your future wife, you’ll listen to her heavenly Father and build a life worth following!