You Probably Shouldn't Date Him If...

Attention single ladies…dating is not a recreational sport, it’s a BIG DEAL and you are way more valuable than you could imagine.  There is no such thing as the perfect guy, but you should consider the following warning signs and probably should not date him if…

#1 – He Uses The Phrase, “The Ball Is Now In Your Court!”

This usually means that he is tired of pursuing you…and so he is going to abdicate his role as the man and actually wants you to pursue him!  DON’T DO IT!!  You are worth the pursuit and if you wind up pursuing him now then he is, most likely, not going to pursue you after you get married. (And GREAT marriages always include pursuit…by the man!)

#2 – He Says He Has “Issues” But They Will Get Better Once You Are Married.

Marriage is a magnifier–period!  If he is addicted to porn now it’s not going to disappear when you get married.  If he has racked up a massive amount of debt on credit cards and is unwilling to address it and make changes then you are headed for a financial train wreck…and unfortunately bankruptcy and divorce LOVE to hang out together!

#3 – You Have To Tell Him To “Stop” Because He Is Making You Uncomfortable!

He should NEVER put you in that position.  He is not struggling for purity if he isn’t fighting for it!

#4 – The Closer You Get To The Wedding The More Uninterested In You He Seems!

If he is slacking off in his efforts to make you feel special today…it’s not going to get better after the ceremony tomorrow!

#5 – You Only Know Him Through An Online Relationship

Anyone can be anyone online!  You have no idea who that person really is until you have spent an extended amount of time with then.  How do they handle anger?  Hurt?  Disappointment?  DO NOT allow yourself to be swept away by a guy you don’t really know!!!

#6 – You Have To Talk Yourself Into Being With Him (enough said!)

#7 – You Have To Drag Him To Church (enough said!)

#8 – He Lies To You

Trust is HUGE…and, ONCE AGAIN please understand that it won’t “get better” when you get married!!!  If he does not love and respect you to tell you to truth about him now…then you can’t trust him, period.  And a relationship that is not built on trust will crash!

My friend Clayton King has a blog…and last week he wrote this article that I asked for his permission to repost here on my site because it was SO AWESOME!!!  Thanks Clayton!

Last week I taught on some practical, common sense ways to know if you should stay or walk away from the dating relationship you are pursuing.  These principles should be asked by every single girl or guy before and during a dating relationship.

Often, people will become so enamored with the idea of being in a relationship that they become brain-dead to the realities of conflicting goals, personalities, expectations, career paths, of dreams for the future.  Just because you are “in love” with someone does not mean it is wise, practical, a good idea, or the will of God that you marry them.  I will say that again…

Just because you are “in love” with someone does not mean it is wise, practical, a good idea, or the will of God that you marry them.

Here is the essential outline of the message with some questions that are worth asking.

1.  Do you constantly question the relationship?  If there is a nagging doubt that will not go away after prayer and seeking Godly counsel from respected leaders and older believers, is it really a good idea to move forward?

2.  Are you in a cycle of sexual sin?  This is the #1 fastest way to ruin a God-honoring, Christ-centered relationship.  When a couple begins messing around sexually, common sense goes out the window and lustful desire takes over.  It is very difficult to salvage a dating relationship once a cycle of sexual sin (and justifying that sin) kicks in.

3.  Is there constant drama, a daily crisis, and frequent late-night intense conversations?  Healthy relationships don’t require 6 hour long marathon cry-fests twice a week or regular arguments and conversations that last til the wee hours of the morning, unless you are in middle school.

4.  Is there spiritual inequality?  It is never a good idea for a Christian and an unbeliever to pursue a romantic relationship.  It is equally foolish to date someone who is in a completely different place in their walk with Christ.  Avoid becoming the counselor or discipler of the person you are dating.  Also avoid “missionary dating” where you fall in love first and then try to lead them to Christ.

5.  Is there complete honesty about your maturity?  How do you (or they) handle conflict?  Money?  How much time do you spend online, playing video games, entertaining yourself?  Is there an overall lack of long-term commitment in their life?  Do they act like a child or an adult in social settings or when they don’t get their way?

6.  Is there involvement and accountability from older believers?  See #1 above.  We try to do relationships alone and we suffer when we don’t involve our parents, our elders, our pastors and our trusted friends by asking for their prayer and discernment.

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