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Dear Roger, Can anyone help? I am a Christian who was happily married to my husband for 13 years. We adopted 2 boys. In January, my husband lost his temper and put my oldest boy’s head into the wall. It got reported and the boys taken. In February, they arrested him for molesting our oldest son. He has confessed to doing it, is in jail and awaiting his prison sentencing. He writes to me that he loves me and wants me to be faithful to him, yet I struggle with that because he wasn’t faithful to me. He wants me to forgive him, which I think I have, but he also wants me to love and pray for him. I don’t feel love for him but do care what happens to him. He says that I need to love him unconditionally and that true love endures all things. He says he knows he blew it but says that we have wethered [sic] many storms in our marriage. Why should this be any different? He said he would ball [sic] his eyes out if I leave but knows that he cannot control me. Every time he writes I find it hard to deal with. What is the right thing to do? How do I handle him? Is it okay to leave him, to divorce him, or is that not biblical love and forgiveness? Can you help? Most of my friends can’t understand or help. Hurting and Lost in Kansas (To our readers, I only publish letters with revealing or sensitive information after first receiving permission.) Dear Hurting and Lost, I am sorry for your tragedy—and tragedy it is. Kids are gone; husband is gone; security is gone; emotional health and well-being are gone; pain is intense; confusion reigns; and finances shake! My heart breaks as I write the previous paragraph. Each hurt is hurt enough: to suffer them simultaneously is more than I can imagine—but, not more than you can bear. Paul wrote words of great comfort and encouragement to suffering Christians in 1 Corinthians 10:13: “No [trial] has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be [tried] beyond what you can bear. But when you are [tried], he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” Paul recommended in Philippians 4:10-13 that we can find contentment in every situation because Jesus Christ pours in the power. Paul revealed in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 that after God chose not to relieve the tormenting thorn in Paul’s life, God said to him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me…. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” In my experience, turning to God for help is essential; and, handling your tragedy means opening up to friends about your hurts, and then receiving help and comfort from them. It is not good to be alone when you grieve and seek to rebuild your life. Before we go any further, let’s see his letters and comments for what they are: emotional hooks. An emotional hook is a guilt producing comment designed to make you feel badly unless you do what the “hooker” wants you to do. He has cast out any number of emotional hooks. Let’s be certain that you see them for what they are and not swallow any of them. Frankly, as best as I can tell, you don’t have to do or respond to anything he has said to you. Emotional hooks are dangling; don’t bite. After receiving your letter I posted it on Facebook and invited comments and suggestions from our readers. Scores of women (and men) responded. I have highlighted some of their more relevant comments. You are not alone in your torment. Many others have traveled the same path. Jennifer: “To be honest, there are two parts to this—forgiveness & boundaries. I would encourage her to forgive him. As far as accepting him back into the family goes, I would affirm that his actions have rippled some major traumas & also revealed that he is not in control of himself. Unfortunately, individuals with anger impulsivities say sorry all the time … [and often] end up repeating impulsive actions. Her child & each person involved will need trauma recovery. Forgiveness can be quick & is essential for us to live a healthy emotional life. Healing, though is different from forgiveness. The offender must own responsibility for his actions, & this dear mom certainly needs boundaries; such as requiring earnest relational recovery efforts from him. He can take classes such as: offending parenting/domestic violence classes, anger management therapy …I would also recommend both individual & family therapy for her & her child for trauma recovery.” Daniel: “I would tell her to do her best to try and forgive him … if she can’t it isn’t her fault. As for the man, he deserves the consequences whatever they turn out to be…he made his choice.” Gayla: “… what is of uppermost importance is the safety of the children (and her safety as well); forgiving him, loving him do not require he be allowed back into the family life.” Donna: “I would say….not to take him back. He has broken his marriage vows to her and his family. He did not protect, he hurt. I’m almost positive this is not the first time he has been violent, but perhaps this is the worst … As far as forgiveness is concerned, she will need to forgive in time. She’s in shock right now so she’s open to many emotions. Better to surround herself with Godly friends and remain in a constant prayer state.” Walter: “Wow. Very traumatic how very sad. This will take time for all partys [sic] involved. A lot of prayer on comfort and healing. May God hope hold this family together and get threw [sic] these days. Praying for them.” Melissa: “… She doesn’t need to worry about being in a relationship with anyone right now. ‘Right now’ being the key words. He’s toxic for her right now. Never make decisions based on what might be 10 years from now. Make decisions based on where you are right now … I would say, don’t keep investing into something that has already gone bankrupt. If anyone intentionally hurt my child, no matter who they are, I would say the relationship is off and I don’t know if it could ever be again. That way no one is being misled to future expectations…. Abuse counseling would definitely [sic] be good.” Cindy: “We say at Celebrate Recovery forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to let your abuser back in your life.” Deanne: “She needs to keep this abuser out of the house, unless she wants to be viewed as a negligent parent. We are to not only raise our children, but keep them from harm! They cannot protect themselves! Seek God’s help with the child to learn to forgive and let go.” Melissa: “Sometimes victims feel guilty for saying ‘no’ or for ending the relationship due to an abused psychological mindset. It adds stress to an already traumatic situation and can push some over the edge. She has lost her children, which is #1 on the stress list. She has also lost a spouse … She will have to make many life changes, which adds more stress. Since they are already physically separated, hopefully during this time she will get some counseling. If she gets stronger in time, she may not have to work through additional guilt feelings for leaving him … If she doesn’t get counseling, it doesn’t matter how many people tell her she should leave him, she could easily fall back into her old patterns regardless of who she’s with. A victim has to learn how to not be a victim anymore.” Now, I would like to share a few of my own thoughts with you. I think I can do so best by answering your questions in order. You write: “He writes to me that he loves me and wants me to be faithful to him, yet I struggle with that because he wasn’t faithful to me.” You are under no obligation to be faithful to him in any way. He has broken your marriage vows in multiple ways. Since he failed to love you as Christ loves His church, and since he has brought impurity into your life and not protected you from worldliness and sin (Ephesians 5:25-33), he has forfeited his right to be your husband. According to Jesus in Matthew 19:9, adultery is grounds for divorce. The Greek word that Jesus used for “adultery” is “pornea” which you will recognize as the root word for our English word, “porn.” “Pornea” refers to any sort of deviant sexual behavior including molesting you son. You are under no obligation to continue any sort of relationship with him. You write: “He wants me to forgive him, which I think I have, …” Forgiveness can take place in a short while. It is a choice of our will. However, most true forgiveness occurs over a period of time during which three steps are satisfied: (1) we mourn the hurt and receive comfort until the pain does not hurt any more (Matthew 26:38 and Luke 22:43-45); (2) we sort out the truth of what happened (Luke 23:34); (3) we forgive them fully. Don’t short circuit the process and fool yourself into thinking you have forgiven him when you are still struggling with the pain, anguish and reasons for what he did. Don’t get seduced into thinking that forgiveness means that everything can return to what it was before the abuse and molestation. Things will never be the same. Don’t allow faulty thinking to seduce you into believing that forgiveness means that you must release him from the consequences of what he has done. Physical and sexual abuse have consequences. One consequence is that trust is gone and may or may not be reestablished. Another consequence is that he will be incarcerated. Another consequence is that he may well have lost all that was near and dear to him. You write: “… but he also wants me to love and pray for him. I don’t feel love for him but do care what happens to him.” Of course, you may pray for him. He needs all the prayer he can get as he tries to put back together the pieces of his shattered life. Just because you pray for him does not mean you have to allow him to reenter your life—unless you choose to at the right time and in the right way. Placing strong boundary fences on how much you will—or will not—have contact with him is essential. You write: “… I don’t feel love for him but do care what happens to him.” Careful! Love and feeling sorry for someone are not the same. Distinguish between the two. His behavior can squelch love mercilessly. Of course, you feel compassion for him. That is only natural. You write: “He says that I need to love him unconditionally and that true love endures all things.” The idea of loving him unconditionally and enduring all things is wonderful; however, according to the Bible you don’t have to associate with a toxic person ever again if you don’t want to. Paul recognized this in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Unfortunately, it is not always possible to live at peace with everyone. In your case, you can no longer trust him—and rightly so. Your relationship with him may well never be restored because there is not enough life time left for him to rebuild the trust he has destroyed. You don’t have to wait and watch to see if he can rebuild it. As far as I can tell, you are absolutely free to put your relationship with him behind you and to pick up the pieces of your broken life and start over again. If you do choose to “be faithful and love eternally,” be careful. Reenter the relationship slowly, one or two steps at a time, as you give him time to reestablish faithful trust. Remember, physical abusers will promise never to abuse again. But, they usually continue the abusive behavior with increasing intensity. You may be next. You write: “… He says he knows he blew it but says that we have wethered [sic] many storms in our marriage. Why should this be any different?” The difference has to do with the severity of the storm. Storms we weather are one thing. Deadly tsunamis are another. He has unleashed a torrent of flooding into your family. If you don’t get away from the raging waters, you may drown. You write: “…He said he would ball [sic] his eyes out if I leave but knows that he cannot control me. Every time he writes I find it hard to deal with. What is the right thing to do? How do I handle him?” “Bawl his eyes out if you leave” is an enormous emotional “hook.” Don’t be suckered in. “Handle him” by not reading his letters now. Limit or refrain from communication with him until you are emotionally recovered and can handle his guilt producing comments. Your primary need is for healing and recovery. Any attempt to engage with him and solve your relationship problems will only sabotage your mental and emotional recovery. You may choose to interact with him after you are healed. You write: “… Is it okay to leave him, to divorce him, or is that not biblical love and forgiveness? Can you help? Most of my friends can’t understand or help.” According to the Bible, as I have outlined above, you have every reason and justification to leave or divorce him. Biblical love and forgiveness in no way imply that you have to stay married to him or keep any relationship going with him in the future. If I sound like I am leaning toward cutting him out of your life, I am. I grieve for him; however, I grieve more for you and for your son. His toxic behavior is evidence of inner problems that are beyond your control. I have been “around too many blocks” to predict a great future for your relationship. I am afraid that you will fall into the “battered wife” syndrome and really get messed up unless you act with wisdom and care. I strongly recommend that you see a wise and experienced counselor for healing guidance. Not all counselors are equipped or skilled enough to handle this. Now, that being said, miracles do happen. Jesus Christ can heal any marriage and He may be able to heal yours. Nevertheless, now is not the time to decide when and what Jesus can restore. Be healed. Make no permanent choices until you are “back on you feet.” I believe that Jesus will one day make His will so clear that you can’t miss it. Well, Hurting and Lost, I hope these thoughts will help you and your friends as you decide just what to do. Again, I am so sorry for your unthinkable experience. No one should endure what you have gone through. I am praying for your healing and for your wholeness. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, Are there no accidents in death because God appoints all deaths? And if so, then why should we bother wearing seatbelts? Sincerely, H Dear H, At first glance, the answer to your question is obvious. Put on your seat belt! But a closer examination reveals a much larger issue: Free Will versus Determinism. When I was about twenty-five I told our congregation that God has determined in advance the coming day of our demise. There is not one thing on earth, I preached, that can take us before our appointed time. If we are in prison for our faith, for example, no one can martyr us before God’s appointed time. If we have cancer, that dread disease will not be allowed to take our lives before God’s ultimate time table for us is played out. I was wrong. “Free Will” is a philosophical term that postulates the freedom of rational people to choose courses of action from among various alternatives. Theological determinism is the idea that there is a god who determines all that humans will do, either by knowing their actions in advance, via some form of omniscience or by decreeing their actions in advance. From this perspective, actions cannot be free because God has determined them before hand and they cannot be changed. It is possible to take the view that anything that happens on earth must be God’s will—otherwise, it could not have happened. This is determinism. On the other hand, it is possible to take the theological view that because the world is a broken and fallen world, God’s will can be thwarted by any number of things, including our own choices. The idea that God is deterministic means that it doesn’t matter whether you wear a seatbelt or not, if today is our God-appointed day to die, we will die today. If not, even the most horrendous accident can’t claim our lives. The idea that we have free will means that anything can happen, nothing is already “written” or determined. Therefore, we ought to buckle up our seat belts. There is a difference between God knowing in advance what will happen (omniscience) as opposed to making it happen (determinism) or just allowing it to happen. From a theological viewpoint, very few things on earth are bound to happen because God determined them. For example, God never intended for Adam to eat the forbidden fruit. Adam made that choice on his own (with Eve’s help, of course). God never intended for Genesis 6:5-6 to occur. Genesis 6:5-6: The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. Nothing was determined here. Mankind was free to make evil choices; and, what they chose broke God’s heart. We cannot extend the days God has appointed for us (Psalm 139:16); but we certainly can shorten them—or, they can be shortened for us by others. Psalm 139:16: “Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” While there is no doubt that God has a “Plan A” for each of us, there is no guarantee that “Plan A” will be fulfilled exactly as God imagines it. Accidental deaths occur because we live in a fallen world. Many things happen that are not God’s will because of the free-will choices (are they really free?) that we make. Too many people, because of carelessness, theirs or others, enter into God’s presence before their appointed time. Christians who choose to place themselves in the way of physical harm can’t claim that God has promised to protect them in order that “Plan A” will be fulfilled. I’ve met Christian missionaries who have claimed Acts 18:9-11 for their protection in dangerous situations: Acts 18:9-11: One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: “Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.” God promised that protection to Paul; He did not promise it to us. It is wrong for Christians to put themselves in risky situations and justify the risks by saying, “Nothing can take me before my time—or before the time God has planned for me either.” Another term for this is “tempting God”; another way to say this is “presuming on God’s will.” Remember that Satan is now in this world of ours and he is here to “kill, steal and destroy” (John 10:10). The battle in the Heavenlies between God and Satan is often acted out in real earth time. Spiritual warfare praying is more than a suggestion, it is essential (Ephesians 6:10-18). If pre-ordained death days are determined, then there is no need for Christians to wear seat belts. On the other hand, since we live in a fallen world where we have free will, we had best put them on and cinch them up tight! The issue of free will and determinism has perplexed men and women for centuries. Writings from Greek, Roman and Jewish philosophers and both Buddhist and Hindu teachings confirm that free will versus determinism is a hot issue in most all cultures and societies. Philosophers have debated this question for over two millennia, and just about every major philosopher has had something to say about it. While free will seems to me so obviously true, as to not be questioned, this is not the case. Let me just share a few of the subset of areas where philosophers struggle with the issue: biological determinism, genetic determinism, behavioral determinism, cultural determinism, social determinism and environmental determinism. So, at the risk of oversimplification, let me simplify this in a Christian and Biblical context that might give us guidance for the things God does and the choices we make. The reason that the free will—determinism debate matters is that it centers around the issue of moral responsibility. “Am I responsible for my actions or not?” If my actions are determined before hand by God, then I am not responsible for what I do and how I act. If, on the other hand, I have free will, then, of course I am responsible for what I do. I’d better buckle my belt. I am free to die today whether God planned it for today or not. In my opinion there is little room for argument. We all make wrong choices at times. Honestly, we must all admit that none of us are living out “Plan A” exactly. In fact, most of us are somewhere on “Plan X Triple Prime!” Have you ever stopped to consider that even God is free to change His Own mind? 1 Kings 21:17-19: Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite: “Go down to meet Ahab king of Israel, who rules in Samaria. He is now in Naboth’s vineyard, where he has gone to take possession of it. Say to him, ‘This is what the LORD says: Have you not murdered a man and seized his property?’ Then say to him, ‘This is what the LORD says: In the place where dogs licked up Naboth’s blood, dogs will lick up your blood—yes, yours!’” 1 Kings 21:27-29: When Ahab heard these words, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and fasted. He lay in sackcloth and went around meekly. Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite: “Have you noticed how Ahab has humbled himself before me? Because he has humbled himself, I will not bring this disaster in his day, but I will bring it on his house in the days of his son.” If God’s actions are not set in stone, then neither are ours. After all, we are made in His image. For me the issue is forever settled by Jesus’ words in John 3:16: John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” We are not predetermined to go to Heaven or Hell; but, we have a choice to make. We might say it like this, “Whoever so chooses is free to believe in Jesus and those who do believe are determined to receive eternal life. In conclusion, I think a proper understanding of the debate really includes both ends of the spectrum. Our freedom to choose is set in the context that some things are determined by God and will occur whether we choose them or not. Not even the gates of Hell can thwart them. Romans 8:35-39 is theologically determined and we are the better for it: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Well, H, I hope my answer is helpful. Love, Roger [Dear Reader, H and I exchanged several emails over the next several weeks regarding his question. In his last email he wrote, “I guess Ralph should have worn his seatbelt.” Yes, I suppose he should have.] So, put on your seat belt and be careful.

Dear Roger, It’s been almost a year since I left my husband with my 3 children. At that time my daughters were 15 and 13 and my son was 9. My daughters both told me that my husband (their step father) was saying sexual things to them and my 13 year old had a text from my husband that was very explicit about himself. Once I saw the text, I had proof of what my girls were saying. About 3 months after we left he did get indicted with two charges of indecency with a child-One charge for each daughter -which he is currently fighting. Since we left, I have had minimal contact until recently. He is in anger management as well as seeing a psychiatrist trying to get help. He is adamant that he never touched my girls (which he did not-but through all our interviews have come to know that what he did was grooming) and admits to the harm he caused. He feels that what he has done can be forgiven and we can repair our marriage. My girls have so much anger for him- I have forgiven him- he is no longer in our lives and nowhere near my children-forgiveness was easier for me than it is for my daughters. They are so young and their pain is far deeper than mine. I want to do the right thing for us all but feel lost in all of this. Can you give any advice? Sincerely, (Name Withheld) Dear (Name Withheld) I grieve for you and your children and for the pain and hurt you are enduring. I know that you all have suffered greatly. I hurt for you. Your children will need much care and comfort so as not to come out of this experience deeply scarred. One of the best ways to help them through their emotional pains and hurts is to do what Jesus suggested in Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” Your children are mourning. Sometimes the best thing is to put your arms around them, pat them gently on the head, and cry with them. While you didn’t mention actually divorcing your husband, I am certain that the idea crossed your mind. So let me confirm that you have “Biblical grounds” for divorce if you want it. According to Jesus sexual perversion breaks the marriage bonds. The Greek word translated “adultery’ which He used in Matthew 19:9ff is “porneia”. The word means much more than adultery. It includes a wide umbrella of illicit sexual activities including adultery, pornography, bestiality, fornication and incest (suggested or otherwise). You may also want to read Ephesians 5:25-31 where the responsibilities of a husband are clearly laid out. A husband who does not live up to these responsibilities has quite clearly broken the bond of marriage. On the other hand, while you have grounds for divorce, you by no means have to exercise that right. You can certainly work to restore your marriage and your relationship with your estranged husband. However, I suggest that you leave your children out of this procedure. By the way, I would never put your children through the trauma of living under the same roof with him ever again. Please recognize that his efforts to justify his behavior in the court system may be more hurtful than his original behavior with the children. In essence he is now acting like a bully. He is calling them liars Next, those involved in child sexual abuse very rarely get “well.” From my own genetic and brain chemistry research it seems to me that those involved in child sexual abuse seem to be “wired” differently than others who are not attracted to children as sex addicts. This is why so many child-sexual abusers immediately return to their dastardly activities as soon as they find the opportunity. Please don’t take this to mean that your husband is a child-sex abuser. He may have just allowed his old sin nature to overwhelm him. The fact that he is seeing a psychiatrist is encouraging whether he is “wired” that way or not. I hope that he gets help so as never to act like this way again. By the way, I feel quite broken hearted for your husband. His life will never be the same again. He has lost a major portion of his family, life and future. He also is in great pain; I can’t imagine him otherwise. In many ways his life is now on hold while all of this is worked out. He needs our prayers for the grace of God to sustain him while he tries to put his life back together again. If I seem rather intolerant of your husband’s behavior it is simply because there are lines that should not be crossed. Your husband crossed several. This is intolerable. I find the term “grooming” rather strange. He has no business touching your girls in any form or fashion—and especially writing them indecent notes about himself. Whatever he did, he certainly “scared your kids to death.” His behavior was painfully dysfunctional. Please don’t minimize in your mind what he did or didn’t do. The fact that your children are reacting like they are is evidence that whatever he did is more than just inappropriate. It was nasty, humiliating and terrifying. I believe that biological parents can certainly comfort their children when they are hurting and show them signs of affection. However, unless step dad has raised the children since preschool years and has a safe and loving parental relationship developed with them over many years of loving care, in all but a few special circumstances, step dad had best keep his hands away from the children—especially those of the opposite sex. My biggest concern is for your children. I think that you should keep them as far away from step dad as you possibly can. Eventually, over time, hopefully, they will heal from the trauma and work through the pain–but that will come later—usually with time, loving counsel and care. Please don’t try to make the kids forgive dad at the present time, this pressure will only cause more hurt to their young psyches. Finally, you may want to restore your relationship with your husband. If so, go slowly. You say that you have forgiven him. Let’s be certain you really understand the meaning of forgiveness—for both you and your children. 1. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. I do not know who coined the admonition “forgive and forget”. I do know that it is impossible to “forget” at will. 2. Forgiving does not mean letting the one who hurt you “off the hook.” The issue here is justice. Those who hurt people need to pay for what they did. You want to hold on to you perceived right to “get even”. However, the truth is that when we forgive, we let people off of our “hook”, but they are still on God’s hook—for vengeance or grace and forgiveness. 3. Forgiving is not a sign of weakness. Forgiveness is not a passive behavior that allows the person to keep on hurting you or others. On the contrary! Forgiveness is a courageous act that reflects the grace, kindness, and compassion of Christ. 4. Forgiving does not means that we must pick up the relationship with the one who hurt us as if nothing ever happened. Forgiveness does not demand that we reenter an abusive or toxic relationship with the unrepentant offender. If the offender is repentant, we can choose to establish boundaries, giving the offender—over a period of time—the opportunity to demonstrate his/her trustworthiness which is a precondition to authentic intimacy. Regaining trust—and that can take a long time—if ever. Again, I grieve for you and your pain. Everything in your life is turned topsy-turvy. You never expected this to happen. Life was never intended to be like this. May God bless you and your children as you pick up the pieces and struggle through these days to great victory as Jesus pours in the power and strength for all you need (Philippians 4:10-13). Love, Roger

Dear Roger, What does the Bible say about acupuncture? Sincerely, K Dear K, I believe that the Bible is completely silent on the subject. However, my studies regarding the electrical and neuronal pathways of the human body lead me to believe that acupuncture may have some physical healing efficacy. I think that many Christians wonder whether or not acupuncture has some sort of divine component that would best be left alone and even avoided. We will discuss that idea in a moment. To understand the possible spiritual implications of acupuncture means that we must understand the concept of “Qi” (also spelled chi or ch’i). In traditional Chinese culture, Qi is the life force or energy flow in every living creature. Qi is often compared to the Western ideas of energeia or élan vital (vitalism), as well as the yogic notions of prana and pranayama. The literal translation of “qi” is air, breath, or gas. Qi is comparable to the Greek word, pneuma, which means wind, breath, or air. From a Chinese perspective, Qi would be analogous to the work of the indwelling Holy Spirit in the lives of Christians. We might imagine that Qi is the wind in the sails that drives a ship. We can’t see the wind but we can see its results in moving the ship along in its journey. Balanced and free-flowing Qi results in good health, while stagnant or imbalanced Qi leads to disease. The purpose of both acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine is to restore balanced and free-flowing Qi. Acupuncture is the practice of inserting thin needles into specific body points to improve health and well-being. There is much discussion among acupuncturists revolving around the number and location of the various energy points. As I understand the procedure, care is taken to find the moving, positive Qi and place the needles accordingly. Does acupuncture work? Medical research demonstrates that acupuncture can reduce nausea and vomiting after surgery and chemotherapy. It can also relieve pain. No one understands how acupuncture works. But, I figure that sense it has been around for 2,000 years, there may be some validity to it. Some researchers conjecture that it aids in the body’s pain-killing chemicals. Others suggest that acupuncture may help release chemicals that regulate blood pressure and flow. Since the human body is an electro-magnetic entity, it is not far beyond the realm of reason to think that acupuncture really does tap into the body’s electro-magnetic energy which affects every cell in the body. Everything that occurs in the human body is powered by chemical reactions which produce electrical and therefore magnetic waves as well—in other words, energy! For example, magnets are best fashioned from iron—and the blood is filled with iron. The electrical and magnetic forces in the body interact in a myriad of ways. These intersections may help to explain the “energy centers” sought out by acupuncturists in their work. Now for the religious questions: Does acupuncture have a spiritual component? If I turn to acupuncture to help relieve some physical aliment, is there a possibility that I am getting involved with, or under the influence of, some Near or Far Eastern god or spirit? I believe that the answer to this question is a resounding, “no.” Acupuncture was developed in the context of Taoism during the 4th century B.C.. While Taoism is considered to be a sort of religious/philosophical system, it is basically atheistic. While there is no doubt that many Eastern Religions are profoundly intertwined with the occult world, Taoism is not one of them. I hope this gives some help. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I have a question regarding a divorce. I married my then spouse for all the wrong reasons. I thought things would change after the marriage, but they got worse. My then spouse confessed he didn’t believe in god and he brought all types of evils into our family. After many failed attempts to get him to join a church or get counseling I decided it only be wise to leave him. My concern is on remarrying, we were married in a court building, not on biblical grounds. So am I able to remarry if I cleanse myself, repent for those sins? Sincerely, Nicole Dear Nicole, Yes, under the Bible’s guidelines you are free to remarry. In fact, the Biblical teaching is quite clear. If you have grounds for divorce then you have the right to remarry. So, since you are the one to divorce your husband, let’s be sure that you had Biblical grounds for initiating a divorce. From everything that I can tell, you had the Biblical right to divorce your husband. According to the teachings of both Jesus and Paul, your husband failed to live up to his marriage vows and to his marriage responsibilities as outlined in Ephesians 5:25-33. In essence he broke up your marriage even before you were divorced. Paul taught that the role of a husband is to love and sacrifice for his wife as Jesus loved and sacrificed His life for His church. The husband is to invest his life in loving his wife and caring for her needs even before he takes care of his own. He is responsible to make her into the best woman she can possibly be. He is to watch over her and protect her from “evil things” like the ones he brought into your house. He is responsible for his wife’s spiritual development. From what you described, your husband walked out on you a long time ago—even while you both lived under the same roof. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul taught that married people are not to divorce. He taught that if a Christian is married to an unbelieving spouse who wants to stay married, then the Christian is to remain because you never know whether or not they might get their lives straightened out with Christ. Paul also taught that if a Christian is married to an unbelieving spouse and the unbelieving spouse wants out of the marriage, then the Christian is “no longer bound in such circumstances.” Nicole, I believe that in your case, your unbelieving husband has, by his very actions made it very clear that he has abandoned your marriage. Therefore, “in your circumstance” you are not bound and thus free to remarry. So, go ahead and confess the ways you might have not been the best wife, let your heart break over the pain of a failed marriage. Then, begin to pick up the pieces of your life and begin a new chapter. May God bring just the right Xhristian man into your life. May you be blessed with the marriage you wanted to begin with! May God grant good days ahead for you. By the way, when you prepare to remarry, remember that thinkkng you can change a man is usually wishful thinking. What you see is what you get. However, the grace of God can turn any spouse into the very reflection of Jesus Chhrsit. So, don’t give up hope. Love, Roger

Share 0 Dear Roger I’m struggling with masturbation. Is there hope for me? I always repent and will not commit this sin but after a few months I go back and fall into this sin. This has been happening for over 11 years way before I got born again in 2007. I really want to change but I don’t know how… “B” Dear “B”, Dealing with masturbation is uncomfortable. Churches—and most people—avoid the subject like the plague. Yet, with the shocking rise of pornography, masturbation is an important discussion we need to have. However, many do have a plan, either consciously or subconsciously, for handling the subject. I call it, “The Cycle of Guilt and Shame Plan.” It goes like this: “Don’t masturbate… If you do masturbate you ought to feel guilt and shame… Repent and confess your sin to God… Ask God to forgive you… Thank God for the cleansing.” Then the cycle begins anew: “Don’t masturbate… If you do…….” Ask Jeeves.com., a Christian website dealing with moral issues, broached the topic. “What about Christians and Masturbation,” and received scores of hits. A sampling of answers revealed a close adherence to the Cycle—some more closely than others. Check out Got questions.org, Probe Ministries; and clay.jones@biola.edu. All three classify masturbation as a sin. Each site provides helpful verses and concepts devoted to gaining victory. Nevertheless, each site offers the Cycle as the only means of relief. It seems to me that there must be a better approach. Reliable studies consistently find that 95% of men and over 30% of women masturbate on a regular basis. I find it hard to believe that God would build into us such a powerful, God-given and gifted drive like the one for sex and make it so that 95% of men and over 30% of women consistently repeat the Cycle again and again. It would seem there is no chance to stop the cycle of guilt and shame. Knowing that so many people masturbate is helpful because many Christians wonder if they are the only ones who struggle here. Be at peace; we are not alone. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:10: “There is no temptation taken you but such as is common to man.” So, if this is a temptation for you, take heart, the world is filled with Christians who struggle here as well and there is hope for victory. The drive for sex is deeply ingrained in the genetic and chemical fabric of the brain. Telling some one to “just stop it” is like telling some one who is hard-wired with chemical-clinical depression to “just stop it.” It can’t be done. Fortunately, anti-depressants can bring relief. Some Christian counselors will say that masturbation provides relief and others consider masturbation to be the way God designed for people to obtain sexual release when they are not married. I want to be careful to approach the subject with the utmost prayer and care. I would like to relate that I decided early on not to take the easy way out and give a non-answer that brings little satisfaction to anyone. Developing a practical theology regarding masturbation is quite complex and worthy of more than just a passing surrender to the Cycle of sin, guilt, shame, repentance, confession, forgiveness—and now everything is all right—until a day or two later and the vicious cycle commences once more. I postulate that how we manage masturbation hinges on how we define “lust”. I postulate that saying “Stop It” doesn’t work well. The key to a workable solution is self control. I believe that there is no direct Biblical reference to masturbation. Nevertheless, some turn to two passages that they claim teach otherwise. Dr. Ray Bohlin of Probe Ministries described these two suppositions: The Bible never explicitly mentions masturbation or states whether or not masturbation is a sin. The Scripture most frequently pointed to in regards to masturbation is the story of Onan in Genesis 38:9-10. Some interpret this passage as saying that “spilling your seed” on the ground is a sin referring to masturbation. However, that is not at all what the passage is saying. God condemned Onan not for “spilling his seed” but because Onan refused to fulfill his duty to provide an heir for his brother. The passage is not about masturbation, but rather about fulfilling a family duty (to provide an heir for his dead brother). [In essence, Onan’s maneuver was an early form of birth control—all be it not a very effective one—Roger] A second passage sometimes used as evidence for masturbation’s being a sin is Matthew 5:27-30. Jesus spoke against having lustful thoughts and then says, “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” While there are parallels between this passage and masturbation, it is unlikely that masturbation was what Jesus was alluding to. While many passages mention the sins of sexual impurity and sexual immorality, and encourage us to avoid such behavior, the Bible never mentions masturbation in the lists. Ephesians 5:3; 1 Corinthians 10:31; Romans 14:23; and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 are a few relevant passages. This fact in no way negates the possibility of masturbation being a sin; however, to declare it so from these passages and others like them is to argue from silence—a dangerous thing to assume. Certainly, sexual immorality is to be stringently avoided. It is of some note that Paul defines sexual immorality as occurring in the context of two or more people. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7). A careful reading of this passage describes sexual impurity as an activity that includes and takes place in the context of others: “and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.” Impure sexual activity can certainly occur without others involved. Think Pornography. However, the primary place where sexual immorality occurs is with others. All that being said—and much more can be said—let me share some thoughts to consider as guidelines in developing a practical and workable plan. First, carefully consider the definition of lust as enunciated by Jesus in Matthew 5:28: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Masturbation may not be specifically condemned in Scripture but lust is clearly condemned. I have asked a number of Christian counselors whether or not “lust” refers to thinking lustful thoughts about any woman (or man) or thinking lustful thoughts about a particular woman (or man). Many quickly respond that lust includes any and every possible woman or man. On the other hand, many are not so quick to answer. After all, Christian counselors are in the unique position of trying to apply Biblical truth to everyday life. They see hundreds of counselees over the course of their ministries. In struggling to make practical sense of Jesus’ statement, many narrow down the focus of lust as defining impure thoughts about a man or woman in particular. During my ministry I often turned to one particular-counselor friend for advice on how to guide a counselee with whom I was working. When it came to the subject of lust, he was quite emphatic. His conclusion was that lust commenced whenever the focus on one particular individual produced plans or imaginations which zeroed in on having explicit sexual behaviors with that person. At this point sin is being committed. Second, consider the damage pornography can do to you and to your marriage. Pornography is clearly identified as a sin in Job 31:1: “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” The lie of pornography is that the woman on the page or on the screen is willing and obtainable. The truth is that if you encountered her on the sidewalk, she wouldn’t give you the time of day. One of the saddest counseling sessions that I ever conducted was with a newly-married couple. He was upset with his new wife because she was horrified at the thought of some of the sexual activities he expected her to perform. It was quickly obvious that he had viewed quite a number of pornographic sexual behaviors on the internet and thought that all women performed in the same manner. She was shamed and he was angry. What an awful honeymoon. Consider that the persistent use of porn makes sexual addiction a real possibility. The more we look the more we creep closer and closer to the precipice. Proper sexual desire and activity is twisted and bent into unrecognizable misery when addiction commences. Masturbation with pornography follows the law of diminishing returns. Today’s pleasure is tomorrow’s disappointment. More and deeper levels are required to gain the same satisfaction. Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:19: “Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.” So, there’s a continual lust for more. For the true sex addict who may have sex or masturbate more than once a day, such a person reaches a point where an erection cannot be maintained even during masturbation. There’s a continual lust for more. Third, if you are married then obviously have sex with your spouse. If you are masturbating while married then Paul says there are several things to consider. Don’t deprive your wife/husband or have less sex with your spouse because of masturbation. This is a sin. By the way, why are you masturbating if you are married? Is it because you are lusting after other women? If so, this is a sin. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:5-6: “Do not deprive each other (sexually) except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.” Fourth, self control is essential. If you are using masturbation in an ungodly way know that Paul said: “Control yourself.” Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:9: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Another of my counselor friends related to me that a number of his clients struggle with out of control masturbation and desperately want relief from the domination. Self control is foundational to victory. He said: “One way to control is to make a goal each week to masturbate less than the week before until you finally find freedom. A lot of prayer and infused power from the Holy Spirit can make all the difference in the world in getting this behavior under your control instead of letting it control you. Finally, remember that your body belongs to Jesus more than it belongs to you. Make Him proud of how you use it for His glory! Our bodies are redeemed and belong to God. Paul wrote: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). The umbrella of sexual impurity covers so much more than masturbation. Sexual purity is top priority for all who follow the Lord Jesus. We know, according to Romans 1:18-25, that in the last days, sexual debauchery will increase without bound. This is all the more reason for us Christians to stand out as different. We are the ones who make sex a holy and blessed thing as God commanded us in Genesis 2. A healthy life of sexual purity is quite attractive to those whose lives are deeply stained by immorality. Well, “B”, I hope I have given enough information for you to decide how you want to deal with masturbation. When you sin, ask for forgiveness. OK. But, don’t be so hard on yourself. We probably make feeling guilty about masturbation more trouble than it is worth. The unresolved and irresolvable quilt can wreck untold havoc on our spiritual lives. Just stay away from the lusting. Lusting dirties the soul and leads to all sorts of marital and spiritual troubles. Sincerely, Roger Several days later I received the following reply from “B”. Dear Roger, Thanks for the reply, you have made it clear. I don’t necessarily lust after someone it’s just a feeling that comes at times and I’ll resist sometimes. I don’t know if age adds to this too, I’m 36 years old. Regards, “B” I replied: Dear “B”, I am glad I helped. Also, I think that your torment of guilt is much worse than the masturbating. Back off on feeling so guilty about a normal, human drive to procreate. Love, Roger By the way, as “B” mentioned above, aging obviously affects sexual desire. Decreasing testosterone and increasing estrogen (in males) wreck havoc with sexual desire. But, for most, the drive seldom, if ever, goes away entirely. I was sitting in an ethics class in seminary when eighty-six-year-old-retired-ethics professor T.B. Maston came in for a visit. He spent the hour answering our questions about Christian ethics. Near the end of the class time one student got personal. “At what age do men stop looking at attractive women?” he asked. “I don’t know,” Matson replied. “You’ll have to ask someone older than I.”

Dear Roger, This may come as a shock but I was wondering, is it said in the bible that God knows everything? Or is it assumed? Because if God were to know everything, he must also know the future. If this knowledge exists then the future must be predetermined. In result, the free will we see would only be an illusion to a plan that has already been predetermined in his head. Sincerely, Unknown Dear Unknown, We know about the past and the present. What about the future? Let’s begin with the idea of Time. Jesus declared His timeless existence both backward and forward when He said to John: “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End” (Revelation 22:13). Psalm 90:3 reveals God’s perspective on time. In comparing the shortness of human life with the eternal span of God’s life, Moses wrote: “For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by…” In other words, a long time to us is a short time to God. Of course, Moses was speaking metaphorically and not literally. Nevertheless, it is fun to play with this idea. One day I and figured out that according to Moses, one year on earth equals about 90 seconds in Heaven. One of the most frequently asked questions I get from wives whose husbands have died is, “Will he miss me?” I respond, “Let’s say you outlive your husband by ten years. Will he miss you? Well, if one year on earth equals 15 seconds in Heaven, what that means is that your husband died and went to heaven, and fifteen minutes later, here you come! He’s probably still waiting in line to see Jesus. According to Albert Einstein time is relative depending on the speed of the observer (the faster we go the more time slows down) and the proximity of the observer to the gravitational field of a massive body (the more massive the body, the slower time goes). In fact, at the event horizon of a black hole all time stops. Does this mean that eternity has already started there? Probably not; but the thought is intriguing. The only constant in the universe is the speed of light (although this precept is now considered questionable). So, now we know a little bit about time, let’s get a little more intrigued as we consider whether or not God knows the future. The implications of quantum mechanics in this area are astounding. Two stand out in considering your question. First, in our universe time can move forward and/or backward. Imagine that a gun is fired at you and moments later the bullet enters your body. There is nothing unusual about this scenario—except that the chance of you ever being shot are minimal. But, in our universe, time can also flow backward. In backward time, the bullet his you before the gun is fired. Impossible to imagine but backward time is quite real. By the way, God could just as easily have created our universe with backward time instead of forward time. The point is that God is not limited by time. He transcends time. We have a God Who moves just as easily in the future as in the past and present. Second, downward causation is a foundational truth of quantum mechanics. In the micro world we can cause subatomic particles to behave as we desire. We can set up experiments which predetermine just how a particular particle will behave. Our observation and choices predetermine their behaviors. Causation only moves down, never up. This means that while we can affect behavior and even existence in the micro world, we can not affect the behavior of things in dimensions larger than ours. God works downward to cause and bring into existence our world. The implication is that all of our activities are determined by God’s observations and choices. But, wait, don’t stop here. Now, Unknown, you can imagine that there is much more involved in God knowing the future and predetermining our behaviors than can be found in the scientific world. While science can give us insight into the material world, there is still a spiritual world that affects everything. We can begin to answer your individual questions in turn. First you asked, “This may come as a shock but I was wondering, is it said in the bible that God knows everything? Or is it assumed?” The answer is that many verses confirm the fact that God knows everything. I’ll share several examples. “The Mighty One, God, the LORD! The Mighty One, God, the LORD! He knows!” (Joshua 22:22). “For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything” (1 John 3:20). “I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come” (Isaiah 46:10). “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13). Second you asked, “Because if God were to know everything, he must also know the future.” Again, many Bible verses affirm His knowledge of the future. Here is one example: “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father” (Matthew 24:36). One of the most astounding proofs that God knows the future regards the many predictions God made about the coming of Jesus which were all fulfilled. Gerry Peters.com has compiled a list of Biblical prophecies which all came true in Jesus. They came true because God looked into the future and revealed them to us. In the Old Testament of the Bible, there are 300 predictions about Jesus Christ the Messiah. 48 specific details about the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. What are the probabilities of OT prophecies about Christ becoming reality? Birth in Bethlehem from tribe of Judah, Preceded by messenger Enter Jerusalem on a Colt Betrayed by a friend Hands and feet would be pierced Wounded by enemies Betrayed for 30 pieces of silver Spit on and beaten Betrayal money would be thrown in the Temple and then given to Buy a potter’s field He would be silent before His accusers He would be crucified with thieves People would gamble for his garments His side would be pierced No bones would be broken Body would not decay Buried in a rich man’s tomb Darkness would cover the earth. Remember, he was crucified on Passover…full moon…eclipse impossible. The probability of these 17 Bible prophecies occurring is equal to 1 chance in 480 Billion X 1 Billion X 1 Trillion or 1 in 480,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 This is a calculated number through scientific study by Auticians. It’s NOT a guess. Here’s my point: We have scientific proof that God knows the future. He knows our future. His predictions are right 100% of the time. Third, you asked: “If this knowledge exists then the future must be predetermined. In result, the free will we see would only be an illusion to a plan that has already been predetermined in his head. Just because God knows the future in no way means that He has determined in advance exactly what that future will be. Free will does not stop being free because God knows what will happen. When my children were small I knew for certain that when offered a bowl of chocolate ice cream and a bowl of raw spinach, they would go for the ice cream every time. My knowing this in no way took away there free choice to choose one dish over the other. Free choice is not predetermined. However the issue of predetermination is inherent in answering your question. As referred to earlier, the idea of downward causation seems to infer that everything that happens is determined by God. However, I tend to see in downward causation an indication that God has His “fingers” in everything that happens on earth. However we sort these concepts out, there is no doubt that we are certainly free to make all kinds of choices entirely on our own. Jesus solidified our free will ability when He invited “whosoever will” to come to Him for salvation (John 3:16). By the way, you may have heard of a relatively recent theological development among evangelical Christians known as “open theism.” The proponents of this nonclassical view postulate a God of limited omniscience who is unable to know all because He, like us, has yet to experience the future. God Himself is open to new experiences and to discovering new events as world history unfolds. I chuckled when the proponents of open theology made such a splash and caused such turmoil among evangelical ranks back in the early 1990s. Proponents continue to this day. Unfortunately, their understanding of time is limited. A little exposure to the nature of time in our universe would have precluded their foolishness. Now, let’s get personal. What I want to know is: “Does God have my life in His hands? Does He have good things in store for me and for my future? Fortunately, when I turn to the Bible, I find plenty to give me hope that I’m not on my own. I have a God Who is intricately and lovingly involved in everything I do—past, present and future. Let me share a few verses that focus on God’s care and security for our futures. “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” (Job 23:10). “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely” (Psalm 139:1-4). “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11-12). Well, Unknown, even though I don’t know who you are, there is a God in Heaven Who knows you very well. Fortunately, He has wonderful plans for you. I hope you enjoy them. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, i called Jesus stupid because i was with illness and then felt like an abomination i ask Jesus forgiveness but i still feel guilty. CW Dear CW, What a great question! Your question includes blaspheming the Holy Spirit, the unpardonable sin, handling anger, disappointment in Jesus, forgiveness of sin, salvation and questioning God’s character! Now, let’s get down to business. I imagine that you called Jesus, “stupid because you were angry with Jesus for not meeting one or more of the needs you experienced during your illness. I am so sorry that you felt that so angry, deserted and not helped by Jesus. You probably felt rejected and even betrayed. My heart hurts for you and the pain you felt. It’s OK to be hurting and angry and call Jesus, “Stupid”. I have never called Him “stupid” but I was once so angry at Him when one of my children was about to die of pneumonia that I wanted to give up on Him and even stop being a Christian. I was so angry at Him for letting her suffer so long and so deeply. Anger is an emotion we feel when we are hurt, experience a loss or endure an injustice. The Bible says that it is OK to be angry as long as we handle it properly by not getting bitter or letting Satan use our anger against us. Paul taught this: “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26-28). One of the wrong ways to handle anger is to allow it to burn into bitterness. I imagine that the reason you called Jesus “stupid” was because you were deeply hurt and disappointed. It’s OK to feel like that. You were speaking out of a natural, God-given, human emotion. We can’t stop emotions flowing. How we handle the emotion is what matters. You handled it well. You went to Jesus and told Him that you were sorry and asked for forgiveness. As indicated by your letter, are no longer angry with Jesus; you are broken hearted over how you responded. Now, rest assured that Jesus has forgiven you. John wrote in 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”” When you told Jesus you were sorry He immediately forgave you. So, why do you still feel guilty? Two reasons. First, you are accusing yourself and making yourself feel guilty. This is what Jesus would call, “Lack of faith.” You don’t believe that Jesus has really forgiven you. Be at peace. He has promised that you are forgiven. Believe Him. Trust Him. He is not lying. You are forgiven so stop worrying about it. Second, the Bible tells us that Satan is the one who accuses us to make us feel miserable. Your accusations may well be an attack from Satan. Whenever you start to feel guilty, tell Satan to leave you alone because you believe that Jesus has completely forgiven you! Tell Satan this until the guilty thoughts finally go away. Since you mention the word, “abomination”, in your question, let me say a word about that. “There is a related term in the Bible called, “The blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.” Jesus said in Mark 3:28-29: “I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.” Many call this the “Unforgivable Sin”. They feel that Jesus meant that it is possible for us to say or do something so bad against the Holy Spirit that we can never be saved. To blaspheme the Holy Spirit is to sign our death warrant to Hell! Yes, there is one unforgivable sin that is called, “The blasphemy of the Holy Spirit”. Be at peace, CW, you have not committed it. Let me explain. One of the responsibilities of the Holy Spirit is to convict us our sin and our need for a Savior. Jesus said in John 16:8-11: “When he (the Holy Spirit) comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment: in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me … ” The Holy Spirit tells people that Jesus died on the cross for their sins, and that they need to confess their sins, and surrender their lives to Jesus, so that He can forgive their sins and give them eternal life. Fortunately, many accept the Holy Spirit’s offer and give their lives to Jesus. Unfortunately, many other people call the Holy Spirit a liar and reject His offer. Calling the Holy Spirit a liar about their need for Jesus is the only sin that God cannot forgive. By the way, it is possible to call the Holy Spirit bad names and even call Him a liar about our need for Jesus and not yet commit the unpardonable sin. This sin can only be finally committed when we die because God gives us a chance to receive Jesus and have our sins forgiven right up to the moment of death. Once we die we our chances are over Hebrews 9:27-28 says: “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people…” Let me repeat this principle for certain clarity. Until we die we have every opportunity to say “yes” to Jesus. If we surrender our lives to Jesus before we die than any previous rejection of the Holy Spirit’s testimony is forgiven. I am sorry that you are struggling with accusations against yourself. Again, be at peace, I am sorry that you felt so hurt that you called Jesus “stupid”. Fortunately, the moment you confessed you sin Jesus forgave you no matter what you or Satan might think. Now go and enjoy the forgiveness and grace Jesus has given to you. Love, Roger

Share 0 Dear Roger, I believe I am in love with a man from my church who is married but no longer with his wife. She left him 2 years ago for another man. At the current time his finances are not sufficient enough to pay for a divorce. Would it be wrong to go out on a date with him? Sincerely, B Dear B, A date probably not—anything further? Definitely not! The most significant issue in this situation is purity of heart. Jesus emphasized the criticality of a pure heart in Matthew 5:8: “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Impure hearts can’t see God. Clean hearts are able to bring Him clearly into focus. Since you both are involved in church, I sense that seeing and hearing from God are important to you. So, purity of heart is essential. Dating a married man doesn’t dirty up a heart. However, the danger of a dating a married man presupposes that the relationship may escalate to sexual impurity. According to God sexual impurity is a great way to dirty up your heart so that you can’t see God nor hear Him speak. I am in no way predicting or intimating that your relationship will escalate sexually. However, the fact that you are in love, or falling in love, with him suggests that the possibility must at least be addressed. Sexual purity is a big issue to God. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20: Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Prostitution was a big deal in first-century Corinth. The issue was having sex with a prostitute. While we may not use the identical term today to describe having sex with a married man, the application is the same. Paul continued in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20: Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. Paul used here a double entendre. In the term, “sinning against the body,” Paul intended reference to both the physical as well as the spiritual heart. I am sorry for the pain your husband has endured with the leaving of his wife. The grief is incredible. I hope his healing and adjustment are proceeding well. You may well be an essential part of his emotional, mental and spiritual recovery. God may well have brought you both together for mutual enhancement and blessing. If so, I hope that a new chapter will soon open up for both of you. Be encouraged. Be patient. In God’s plan, if His will is for you to be together, keep your heart pure, and your desire pure, and I believe that the Lord Jesus Christ can get the finances covered. Remember, you can have all you want of Jesus, or you can have sin. But, you can’t have both. Somehow, “enjoying the pleasures of sin for a season,” just doesn’t measure up to seeing the glories of God. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, If you have never accepted Jesus and then something happens to you and you become a “vegetable” (ie. brain damage), can you ever get a chance to accept Christ again? Sincerely, Questioner from Casas’ “What’s Next” Class. Dear Questioner, Let me begin by saying, I simply don’t know the answer to your question. However, I can share with you several Biblical passages that shed some light on your query. First, according to Hebrews 9:27 , the answer is a resounding, No: “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment …” This verse gives all of us the impetus to surrender to Christ while we are alive and still mentally capable. It matters not whether we die without Christ in a car accident or lose our thinking capacities through a stroke. The time to receive Christ is while we are alive—now. This is why the writer in Hebrews four repeats again and again, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.” Second, in Romans one through three Paul declared that the entire world is guilty in sin and thus needs a Savior. A careful reading of Romans two will show that Paul left open the door for people who have never heard of Christ to have a chance after they die—especially if they have lived moral lives according to the several markers Paul outlines in that chapter. Unfortunately, no one lives up to those moral standards, or even comes close. Third, in 1 Peter 3:18-2 0 Peter seemed to describe a time between Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection when Jesus went to Hades and gave all the Old Testament people who had rejected God’s offer of salvation before the Flood a second chance to receive Christ: “He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built.” Some feel that if these people got a second chance then God may give others second chances as well. Fourth, in an argument from silence, some reason that God will, of course, give brain-damaged humans another chance because God is a God of love and it is only fair for these folks not be to penalized just because of an unfortunate incident leading to their brain damage. Finally, your questions begs the question regarding the many babies who are born brain damaged who never even reach a level of consciousness where they could accept or reject Christ! Do they go to Heaven or to Hell? Children with “Downs Syndrome.” are some of the happiest people l know. However, depending on the severity of their afflictions, many can never comprehend the theological dynamics of Christ’s work on the cross or of our need for a personal reception of Him into our lives. I believe that in Matthew 19:14 Jesus assures us that we will one day see these folks in Heaven’s glory: “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Well, I hope these thoughts are helpful. Nevertheless, I think that the main focus is on the death and judgment passage in Hebrews 9:27 . We must assume that people who die or become incapacitated without Christ will be judged according to whether or not they received Christ before they died. This truth powerfully affects our evangelism. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, If Adam and Eve had only boys, how did their children reproduce to create the world’s people? Incest? Sincerely, Questioner in Casas’ “What’s Next Class” Dear Q, According to the Bible incest is as good a guess as any. Let’s look at several options. We shall begin with the Biblical Foundations. According t o Genesis 4:1-2 Cain and Able were born to Adam and Eve: “Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.” Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Of course, we know that Cain murdered Able and was banished to distant lands according to Genesis 4:15-16 : “Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him. So Cain went out from the LORD’s presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden. Then, in Genesis 4:17 we discover that Cain had a wife: “ Cain lay with his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch. Cain was then building a city, and he named it after his son Enoch. Finally, in Genesis 5 : 4-5 we find that the first human parents had other sons and daughters besides Cain and Able: “After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Adam lived 930 years, and then he died.” So, where did Cain get his wife? Let’s consider three options. First, Cain married one of his sisters. This was incest. Of course, it makes sense that the fallen, broken, human race begins populating itself by incest. No wonder there are so many mentally and physically challenged people in our world! A second option is that when Cain went off to Nod he found a woman there and married her. Where did she come from? She was his distant cousin. You know the exponential potential of multiplying 2 X 4 X 16 X 32 X 62 X 128, etc. as each succeeding generation doubles, quadruples, and on and on. Not many generations are needed for the earth to be filled with people. With the length of time the early patriarchs lived (see “Ask Roger” regarding the long years in Genesis), it is easy to imagine a populated earth with multitudes already living in Nod not too many years after Adam and Eve began having babies. Finally, some have proposed the “Spike” theory in response to the idea that human kind may have erupted on the scene in various locals at the same time—like in both the Rift Valley of Africa and in China. This idea postulated several Adams “spiked” by God into a variety of locations simultaneously and gives insight into where Cain may have found his wife. Unfortunately, this theory raises many more serious questions than the initial one of where did Cain get his wife in the first place, and by adopting this theory the literal interpretation of Scripture is called into question. Well, Q, I hope my answer throws some light on the issue of Cain and his wife. Numbers one and two above seem plausible to me. Number three seems rather strange. Probably the real answer is behind Door Number Four which we will open on the other side of Heaven’s gates! Love, Roger