Leading Through Uncertainty with Empathy
- Andy Stanley
- Sep 8, 2020
- 16 min read
Today we're wrapping up our four part series entitled Leading Through, and the subtitle is
Three Essentials, Three Essentials for Navigating Uncertainty. As you are painfully aware,
and actually don't need to be reminded of, this season has been challenging for all of us. It's
been brutal for some of us financially, socially, relationally to consequently we're all picking
up the pieces and we're moving forward the best we can. But, many of us are actually not
simply navigating ourselves through this difficult time, we're responsible for helping other
folks move forward as well, right? Family members, employees, team members, students,
perhaps your entire community.
So if you're a parent, a manager, an executive of any type, a teacher, a city or state official, people
are looking to you and they're looking to me for direction, for inspiration and ultimately for hope. And
you know this, while leading under normal circumstances is tough enough, I mean, leading people
through what we're experiencing right now, well, as my friend, Charlie Renfroe is fond of saying,
"This is not a casual endeavor". And, be honest, nobody prepared us for this, right? I mean, how do
you prepare for a pandemic combined with an economic shutdown, that's left us teetering on
economic meltdown while navigating social unrest during an election year.
I don't know about you, but this is my first time. And I can't focus on simply getting me through this
because I'm responsible for getting the me's around me through this as well. I'm responsible for
leading my family through this, our 500+ staff members through this. And I feel responsible to some
extent for leading many of you through this as well, and perhaps you can relate. There aren't any
maps, there aren't any instructions, we're making this up as we go along, and this is the tension that
every single leader lives with. Every father who's lost his job, every mother who finds herself
parenting alone, every small business owner trying to stay afloat, every manager, and maybe this is
you who senses all eyes on him or her when she walks through the door or when she logs on to
Zoom.
We don't have all the answers, we don't always know what to do. And while much of this feels new,
there's something that's actually not so new about it. And that's uncertainty, because uncertainty is a
permanent part of life, and to the point of our series, uncertainty, uncertainty is why the world needs
leaders, and it's why the world needs leadership. It's why your family, it's why your company, it's why
your city, it's why your state needs you.
So we're discussing three essentials for leading through disruption and uncertainty. And while these
facets of leadership are always important in times like these, they are more important than ever. So
if you haven't been with us, a quick review, the first of our three, was moral authority, to lead through
times of disruption and uncertainty we have to maintain our moral authority. There must be
alignment between what we say and what we do. What we expect of others and what we expect of
ourselves. Moral authority is the credibility we earn by walking our talk and moral authority creates
credibility and credibility creates influence, and come on in because of uncertainty influence is
everything.
The second non-negotiable we talked about last time, is clarity. Clarity, you can be uncertain, but as
a leader, you cannot afford to be unclear. In fact, our mandate as leaders and as parents is to be
clear even when we're not certain, and here's why I say that. Clarity is actually perceived and
experienced as leadership. In times of disruption, clarity is the next best thing to certainty. So mom,
dad manager, mayor, teacher be clear even when you're not certain, which is pretty much most of
the time, right?
And that brings us to our third non-negotiable for leading through difficult times, you must
display your humanity. You must display your humanity. You have to be human. We have to
be vulnerable. We have to be transparent. We have to be real, exercise our empathy muscle,
the people who are looking to you need to experience your humanity. And here's why. When
I'm convinced that you know how I feel, I will be far more open to your influence. When I'm
convinced that you know how I feel, I'm gonna be far more open to your influence, even
when, in fact, especially when, you're asking me to follow you into the unknown.
I mean, when you acknowledge and legitimize my fear or my worry, my concern, I'll trust you, but if
you ignore it, if you downplay it, if you brush it off, if you criticize me for it, if you seem to be unaware
of how current reality is impacting me and impacting my family, I'm gonna resist you and I'll resist
you because, well, you've convinced me that you don't understand me. And while that may not even
actually be the case, I mean, you may be as worried as I am, you may be as uncertain as I am, but
for me to follow you, for me to follow you, you've got to convince me that you get me.
Now, recently, I had the opportunity to interview author and consultant Patrick Lencioni on my
leadership podcast, and I asked him, I said, "Patrick, what are you telling leaders right now"? He
consults with business and community leaders. And I said, "Hey, during all this stuff that's going on,
what are you saying"? And here's what he said, he said, "I'm telling leaders to be human". "I'm telling
leaders to be human, to check in often. Come on, no one has ever left a company because the
leader over communicated or communicated too often".
But to be clear, I'm talking about expressing your humanity within the context of your role as a
leader. This isn't just empathy for empathy sake. This isn't, I know you're worried, I'm worried too, so
let's just all be worried together. That's a version of empathy, but that's not leadership and it's not
what your family and the folks who are depending on you need right now. Empathy within the
context of leadership is for the purpose of building trust so that the people who depend on you will
trust you enough to follow you.
Now, there's actually a biblical term for this that I think encapsulates this idea perfectly. It could
really, it captures this dynamic. It may make you a bit nervous, but it shouldn't, and it's the term
pastor, pastor, and for most of us, the term pastor carries religious connotations, but technically it
shouldn't. It comes from the Latin term for shepherd. In fact, interesting fact, the term pastor should
have never appeared in our English New Testament because it's not a translation of the Greek text.
Early Bible translators actually substituted the Latin term pastor for the Greek term shepherd. And
why did they do that? Well, that's a story for another day. But originally like back in Jesus' day,
originally, pastoring or literally shepherding was a function, not a church office, it certainly wasn't a
position.
Now, the important thing for our discussion is that during times of disruption, uncertainty
and uncertainty, our families, our communities, and our employees need to be pastored or
shepherded. Not because they're sheep, because they're looking to you and they're looking
to me for, well, they're looking to us for what sheep looked to their shepherds for, protection,
security, and reassurance. So, if you lead in any capacity, in any capacity, shepherding is
part of your responsibility.
And if you're thinking, "Well, Andy, that's easy for you to say because you're a professional
shepherd". It's not as easy for me to say, as you might imagine. I'm a pastor by profession, but the
pastoring aspects of my leadership does not come natural to me. I had to learn, and honestly, I'm
still learning. I'm a much better public speaker than I am a shepherd. And I'm not proud of that, in
fact, the only reason I tell you that is to encourage those of you who are already playing with your
phone, because you're thinking, there's no way I'm doing this too touchy, feely for me, right? I get
that. And this may not be the way you're wired, but this is still your responsibility at home, at work, at
school and in your community. And maybe this will encourage you.
Years ago of our board members was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery, and when I
found out, I drove over to the hospital to check on him. Back then, I didn't, in fact, I still don't do
much hospital visitation for two reasons, I'm terrible at it, and consequently, I'm uncomfortable with it,
and I make people uncomfortable, which is the last thing you wanna do when people are already
uncomfortable, right? Anyway, so when I walked into Ray's hospital room, his eyes got big and
before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "Andy, what are you doing here"? And I said, "Ray, I
just came to check on you". And he said, and I quote, "Oh, when I saw you, I thought it must be
worse than they told me". I'm such a comforting presence.
So, for some of you, what I'm about to suggest will not be natural, but that doesn't mean you don't
care about people, you do, you just care differently. But, and this is so important, in times of
disruption, in times of uncertainty, we have to disrupt our own patterns and resist, in some cases,
our personalities and our temperaments, in times of uncertainty, we have to step into the role of
pastor and shepherd, because along with clarity and moral authority, that's what people need. It's
not necessarily what they need most, but, and this is so important, it's not necessarily what they
need most, but it is what they need first.
So don't hide behind what's comfortable. Don't barricade yourself behind busy-ness or a role
or a title, great leaders do what needs to be done, and in times of disruption, people need
shepherding. They need pastoring. They need reassuring. So whether it's comfortable or not,
it's time to turn it up in the mix. And here's the thing. In fact, I'll make you a promise, if you do
this, even if you do it poorly, even if you do it awkwardly, the people you're responsible for
will be so grateful. They will appreciate the fact that you are stepping outside of your comfort
zone for their sake, that you're putting them first.
And according to Jesus, that's what great leaders do. That's what he did. He put other people first.
After a particularly stressful season of literally hands on ministry, Jesus and his 12 apostles decided
to get out of town for a break. In fact, Peter, by way of Mark tells us what took place. Here's what
Peter told Mark. He said, "So they", talking about the 12 apostles and Jesus, "So they went away by
themselves in a boat to a solitary place". So they decided we just need to get away from the crowd
and take a break because they've been so busy.
The story continues, but many who saw them leaving on the boat, recognized them, there's Jesus,
there's Jesus, and they ran on foot around the edge of the Lake from all the towns, and they got to
where Jesus was going ahead of Jesus. And then something interesting happens. When Jesus and
his apostles landed and saw the large crowd, he got back on the boat and went to an even more
solitary place. No, that's not what he did. And when Jesus saw the large crowd, this is so powerful,
even though he was worn out, even though he was tired, he had compassion on them, because they
were like sheep without a shepherd, and so he began teaching them many things.
everybody missed dinner, and so then he did what good shepherds do, he fed them, all 5,000 plus of
the crowd. Later on John, the apostle John would record Jesus' description of his role as a
shepherd, and this is so instructive, and this is so inspiring for all of us, in fact, for those of us who
are responsible for members of our family or a company, or a community here is the posture, here's
the posture we are to take as leaders who are stepping into the role of shepherd.
Here's what Jesus says, speaking of the role of shepherd, he says, "He calls his own sheep by name
and leads them out". This is what the good shepherd does. "He calls his own sheep by name and
leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them. He goes on ahead
of them and his sheep follow him because they know his voice".
Now what I'm about to say next is so extraordinarily important. During times of uncertainty,
and during times of disruption, your voice, your voice is more important than your words.
During times of uncertainty and disruption, when it comes to the people looking to you for
hope and reassurance, your voice is more important than your words. Your voice is an
expression of your humanity. People need to hear your voice. It's not enough for them to
read your words, email and texts, those are for normal times, but during times of disruption
and uncertainty find ways for people to hear your voice.
When you're tempted to text, call, I mean, they probably won't answer anyway, right? Nobody
answers anymore, but leave a voicemail. Let people hear your voice, because your voice conveys
your humanity, your empathy, your genuine interest, and call somebody even if you can't call
everybody, this is symbolic leadership. It goes back to what you've heard me say before. Always
look for an opportunity to do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. Your team or your
staff may be too large for you to call everyone, but call someone and check in. Especially those who
are having a particularly difficult time in this season.
And please ignore that little voice in your head, ignore that little voice in your head that says, "Well,
since I can't do it for everyone, I shouldn't do it for anyone". That's nonsense. Don't try to be fair, be
engaged, especially now. And again, this doesn't come naturally for me, not because I don't care,
but because I forget how important this is.
When I first heard that my friends Stuart Hall had been rushed to the hospital with complications
from COVID, I came home that afternoon and I told Sandra, and I was telling her all about the things
that were going on, and Sandra asked me, she said, "Well, have you called Kelly? His wife, Kelly,
have you called Kelly"? I said, no, I'll text her later. And she smiles, she reached over, literally took
my phone, slid it across the counter, and she looked at me and she said, "I think we should call her
now". She was right. And so I called, and I didn't know what to say. I mean, at times there's nothing
to say. It's why we don't call, isn't it? But that's a mistake.
Call somebody even if you can't call everybody. Again, this is our responsibility as leaders.
But if you're a Jesus follower, it goes beyond that. If you're a Jesus follower, this goes
beyond just good leadership etiquette. Jesus said this, he said, this is so powerful, he said, "I
am the good shepherd". "I am the good shepherd". And when we read something like that,
especially if you're a Jesus follower, you feel like it just puts them in a category of one, but
that's not his point. He said, "I am the good shepherd". Which means, if we are Jesus
followers, and if Jesus was willing to step into the role as shepherd, think about that, if Jesus
was willing to step into that role, as his followers, we have no choice but to follow.
But what he says next may cause your heart skip a beat. He says this, "I am the good shepherd".
And oh, by the way, "The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep". To which, we think, I'm
not sure I wanna be that good, right? Fortunately, this is not literal for most of us, but there is
certainly application. And here's why I say that. The good shepherd puts the sheep first and the
sheep know it. And the good shepherd steps out of his or her comfort zone to make sure the sheep
feel comforted.
So, don't just be father, be dad. Don't just be mother, be mom. Don't just be boss, manager,
supervisor, be human. Or to use Jesus' words, don't be like a hired hand, don't be like someone
who's there because they have to be, they're there because they're paid to be, because they're
supposed to be, the hired hand isn't in it for the sheep, the hired hand is in it, well actually Jesus
says it best, here's what he said, he said, "The hired hand is not the shepherd and does not own the
sheep".
So what happens, "When he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and he runs away".
Why? Jesus tells us. "The man runs away, because he's a hired hand and he cares nothing for the
sheep". He's not in it for the sake of the sheep. So he doesn't stick around when things are
uncomfortable. During times of uncertainty and disruption, when the wolves are howling, your
presence, your willingness to stick around, your willingness to keep showing up is more important
than ever.
Your presence, your presence is more important than your presentation. Your presence is more
important than your preparation, where I struggle with this as a leader, and sometimes even as a
father, is I feel like there's no reason to show up until I have something new to say, right? Until I have
something helpful to say, insightful to say, until I have something specific to offer, until I have
answers and solutions. That's a mistake. In times of uncertainty, our presence, our presence is
everything. And this is difficult for some of us, because we're solution people, right? We're progress
oriented. So, why pull people together if we don't have solutions and answers? Because in times of
disruption, there is something more important, namely our presence.
Now, this next little illustration may be a bit close to home, so I just wanna warn you ahead of
time. But have you ever sat in a waiting room, waiting for information from a doctor or a
surgeon? Let me ask you this, if you've ever been in that situation, can they show up or
check in too often? Can they show up or check into frequently? I mean, can they be too
present? No. Because when the doctor or the surgeon walks in, what do we do? We lean in,
why? Because we crave reassurance. We crave their presence. We don't want a text, and we
don't want a phone call, we want a person and in a hospital waiting room, come on, we could
care less about the quality of the doctor's presentation, right? We don't roll our eyes if his
grammar isn't perfect or she mispronounces a name.
So as a father, as a husband, as a leader, as a boss, here's the question, here's the question that
I'm responsible for asking myself every single day, and if you have people looking to you for
direction, reassurance and hope, it's a question you should ask yourself every day as well. And here
it is, do people know, do people know, do people know that I care? Do the people you are
responsible for, do they know that you care? You know you care, but do they know? Or to ask it in a
different way, is your humanity showing? Is your humanity showing?
To wrap up, I wanna tell you a story, it involves president Obama, and if you're a Democrat, you're
gonna love this. If you are a Republican, you should love this, not because you necessarily loved
him, but because you're mature enough to learn from anybody and everybody, right? So for four
minutes, just four minutes, I want you to set aside your political filter because this incident from his
presidency punctuates the importance of taking on the mantle of shepherd and pastor in times of
disruption, uncertainty, and in this instance, in times of unspeakable tragedy.
If you have ever visited a friend or family member who has lost a child, you know that it's one of the
most difficult environments to walk into. As a pastor, I have found myself in this place over and over
and over, and there's just nothing to say. And this is especially difficult if someone has lost a child
unexpectedly. There just are no words. There are no solutions. But imagine having to walk into that
set of circumstances or that environment 20 times to comfort 20 families on the same afternoon.
This is the situation president Obama found himself walking into by choice following the Sandy Hook
elementary school shootings in 2012 in Newtown, Connecticut.
On the morning of December 14th, you'll probably remember this, a 20 year old broke into the
school, right after the doors had been locked. He shot and killed 26 people, including 20
children before taking his own life. The oldest child was seven years old. Michelle Obama in
her memoirs said this, she said it was the darkest day in the White House. She wrote, "When I
walked in, when I walked into the oval office, Barack and I embraced silently. There was
nothing to say. No words". As a fact guy, that's how she describes him, as a fact guy she said
that president Obama demanded to be fully briefed. He wanted all the details.
Joshua Dubois, who was the spiritual advisor to the president in his book, "The President's
Devotional" describes the Saturday afternoon, that the president called him and said he wanted to
meet with each of the families of the victims and he wanted Joshua to go with him. Joshua describes
what happened when they arrived. This is from his book. He said, "We prepared seven or eight
classrooms for the families of the slain children and teachers, two or three families to a classroom.
The president took a deep breath, steeled himself and went into the first classroom. And what
happened next"? He says, "I'll never forget" "Person after person received an engulfing hug from our
commander-in-chief".
He would say, "Tell me, tell me about your son. Tell me about your daughter, and then he would hold
pictures of the loss beloved as their parents described their favorite foods, their favorite television
shows and the sounds of their laughter. For the younger siblings of those who had passed away,
many of them two or three, four years old, way too young to understand, he said that the president
would grab them, toss them into the air, laughing, and then hand them a box of White House
M&Ms".
Joshua says this, "In each room, I saw his eyes water, but he did not break. And then the entire
scene would repeat itself for hours over and over again through well over a hundred relatives of the
fallen. Each one equally broken. Each one equally wrecked by the loss". Joshua says that he and
the president flew home in silence, and that president Obama never spoke of these sacred moments
in public. In fact, this is probably the first time you've heard about this.
Now, here's why I tell you that story. It takes away our excuses, because that day president Obama
was the pastor in chief, the shepherd in chief, not because he claimed that title, it's not a title,
because he acted, because he led in that capacity. He showed his humanity. He took off the mantle
of authority and he set it aside, because that's what the moment called for. Think about it, he
could've gotten away with a handwritten note. He could have gotten away with just a call. He could
have met with all the families at one time, and express his condolences and then flown home. But he
didn't, he waited in because that's what the moment called for.
The point being this, there's a time for us non-huggers, to hug, for us order givers, to listen
for the fact people to stop and just feel, for us progress people to pause and just be in the
moment. For fathers to be dad, and for mothers to be mom. And times of disruption and
uncertainty, words are important, but words are not enough. Lead with your humanity, your
presence, your compassion, your empathy. Assure the people who are looking to you that
you care, make sure your humanity is showing.
When leading through uncertainty, you must display your humanity. You have to be vulnerable, transparent, real. The people who are looking to you need to experience your empathy because they will trust you enough to be open to your influence, and to follow you into the unknown.