The Trap of Fear-Based Parenting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viRMZUqlCZI

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She was one day old with the brightest bluest eyes, a bald head, and the cutest little ears that stuck nearly perpendicular out of her head. We checked out of the hospital's front desk, and we walked to our car with our baby girl in the car seat. As the safety officer checked out the security of our car seat base, a wave of fear came over me. Why would they let us take this beautiful baby home?

Hi, my names is John Beeson. Welcome to the Beehive.

To be a parent is to experience fear. Will they be safe? Will they be bullied? Will they make friends? Will they like me? Will they survive in a sexually confused world? Will they avoid addiction? Will they go to college? Will they launch from our home? Will they be successful? Will they get married? Will they still want to be with us as adults?

What are your fears for your children?

In the face of a threat, we tend toward one of three classic responses: fight, flight, or freeze.

When fears rise in you about your child, which response do you ten toward?

To fights is to try to control your child, your circumstances.

When we take flight, we jump to appeasement.

To freeze is to shut down and withdraw.

For many of us, our intuitive response to a threat to our children is different from our response to a threat to ourselves. There are a lot of mama and papa bears who respond to threats to their children by fighting, but who flee or freeze when it's a threat to themselves.

A fighting, controlling parent will lean toward legalism, creating rules to protect our children from danger. Legalism provides faux security.

We fear for our children's safety so we don't let them go to the park.

We fear that our children will be addicts, and so we allow them no screen time.

We fear our children won't be successful, and so we demand straight A's.

A fleeing or freezing parent will lean toward license, granting unrestricted freedom. License provides faux self-protection. Because we fear what our children will think of us, we abdicate our responsibility to guide them. We allow them to eat what they want, watch what they want, and do what they want.

Gospel-shaped parenting falls neither into the trap of legalism nor the trap of license. Right after God gave the Israelites the Ten Commandments, Moses instructed them that the covenant they made was to shape the culture of their homes. He says this here, O Israel, the

command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligent diligently to your children. And you shall talk of them when they sit in your house. And when you walk by the

way, when you lie down, when you rise, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand. They shall be as frontlets before your eyes. You shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates.

The declaration begins with the character of God and a call to set our hearts on him. Look ahead in the story and you will see that this is no accident. God is preparing his people to

enter the promised land. As Moses hands over leadership to Joshua, he assures them, "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear and do not be dismayed."

Moses urges Joshua to keep the people's eyes on the Lord. He will dispel fear.

God repeats the same message to Joshua after Moses's death. Have I not

commanded you? Be strong and courageous.

Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with

you wherever you go. .

How can we break through the trap of fear-based parenting?

Look to the Lord in his character. Speaking the Lord's character

to ourselves into our children in the morning, at lunchtime, at dinnertime,

before we go to bed, and every time in between.

The Lord's presence and leading are the only hope we have to dispel

fear. And how does the Lord lead? What does the Lord say to us? If we look just

before the Ten Commandments are given, I think we get a sense of that. Before God

speaks commandments over the Israelites, he declares an identity over them. Now,

therefore, you will indeed obey my voice and keep my commandment. You shall be my

treasured possession among all the peoples for the earth is mine and you

shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. These are words that you

shall speak to the people of Israel.

Before God calls the Israel Israelites to do, he reminds them who they are.

Gospel-based parenting echoes God's statement of identity over our children.

Consider how Paul speaks to his children in the faith. In the first line of almost every letter, Paul addresses the churches as saints. He doesn't leave it there. He reminds them that they are sons of God, heirs of God's promise, the body of Christ, the temple of God, and

on and on.

Gospel-based parenting cuts through the world's lies and reminds our

children who they tr truly are.

I want my parenting to be free of the fears that so easily rise within me. My only

hope is to point myself and my children to who God is and to who we are.

The gospel-based parenting can release us from the grip of the world's fear and

into the arms of our protective father.