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A series on identity As Followers of Jesus, we are more than just members of the same organization. We are members of the same family! That is who we are meant to be. Click on the link below to download/view that complete series or individual materials for adults, Youth & Kids.

Here is a question we received on our site, Covenant Eyes: Dear Luke, “I have asked several pastors/mentors/friends about masturbation and whether it is sinful or not. I do not watch pornography, however, sometimes when I begin thinking about my fiancé sexually, I masturbate. These fantasies are not ‘out of the ordinary’ in the sense that it is not like the pornography I was formally addicted to. For example, I often just imagine us cuddling and becoming intimate. I don’t mean to be crude or anything…I’m just not sure if this is sinful and if it is harming me. “The responses I get seem to be in both extremes. One guy says to pray and stop because it’s lust, which means sin. The other will say it is a natural reaction to sexual attraction, plus she is going to be your wife. Can anyone offer a biblical response to this that will not just brush it aside like something simple? ‘Just stopping’ hasn’t worked. I can’t make myself not get an erection, so I’m not sure what to do.”What I’m about to offer is merely my own opinion, but I hope it serves as a help. Thank you. Dear Fellow Believer, Nowhere in the Bible is physical act of masturbation (that is, the solo kind) labeled a sin. It is my opinion, therefore, that the physical act itself should not be the focus of our attention when it comes to asking about what God thinks. That said, here are some critical questions I would ask you regarding your personal habit. 1. Is the act of masturbation tied to sexual lust? If it is for you, then it is wise to avoid masturbation (Matthew 5:28). In your case, you say that it involves fantasies of the person you are planning to marry, which certainly qualifies as lust. 2. Do you fantasize about being loved or adored or desired when you masturbate? If yes, then it is wise to avoid masturbation. Your desire for intimacy is meant to propel you towards a loving marital relationship, not a fantasy world where your pleasure is the focus. Winston Smith does an excellent job in his little book about masturbation, It’s All About Me . He has readers examine their own sexual fantasies and ask, “How do the people populating my fantasies relate to me? What are their attitudes in my fantasies? How do they behave towards me in my fantasy world?” Much of the time, the fantasies are less about those people and more about the person who is fantasizing. In your sexual fantasies, you tend to take center stage. The plot and characters revolve around you. It is the world where all the characters are you-centered and play to your desires. Smith calls this habit of fantasy “playing god.” “No matter how widely your fantasies may vary,” Smith writes, “in every instance you play god with people. You reduce those made in the image of the true God to mindless robots who serve your whims.” Idols are not merely made of wood and stone. The Bible speaks of the “idols of the heart” (Ezekiel 14:1-8). In this case, masturbation becomes the way we eroticize self-idolatry: We are turned on by a fantasy world where we are the center. 3. Is your habit of masturbation conditioning you to be selfish? If yes, then it is wise to avoid masturbating because your sexuality was meant for bringing you close to another person in love, not close to yourself. Like it or not, our fantasies and the activities of our heart reflect the truth about who we really are. “As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man” (Proverbs 27:19). The real harm masturbation fantasies cause is this: they train the mind to be self-focused, pleasure-seeking, and escapist. This runs contrary to the attitudes of love and service that are modeled for us in the life of Christ (Philippians 2:6-8). In other words, what makes the fantasies behind masturbation wrong is that they are attitudes that run in the opposite direction of Christlike love: a love that was willing to lose its life for others. Winston Smith’s comment about this is fitting: “This isn’t just about kicking a bad habit….God’s love is sacrificial. He puts our needs first even though it costs him a high price. Your basic compass heading for love is to do what is best for others even if it costs you. Your initial sacrifice will be your own comfort and lusts. When you are tempted to escape, look around and notice what others need in that moment and serve them.” 4. Is masturbation mastering you? Is it something you feel you are enslaved to or becoming enslaved to? If yes, then it is wise to avoid masturbation so your freedom does not become slavery (1 Corinthians 6:12). What to do about it… If, after reading this, you believe masturbation is sinful for you, then please remember that the answer isn’t “pray it away.” Your physical urges are, in a sense, completely natural, but what you do with those urges is another thing altogether. Merely calling sexual arousal “natural” is not a license to lust. That’s like saying our natural drive for self-preservation gives us license to be greedy, or our natural drive for food gives us license to be gluttonous. No. Your natural desire for love, intimacy, and sex are built into you by God, but the Maker never designed us to be slaves of our passions, but to be masters of them. If you get sexually aroused, then this is not your body’s signal telling you to masturbate. This is your body’s reminder that you are a sexual being, but your appetite for sex needs to be weighed in the balance of God’s design for sex. This is difficult because you’ve built up a habit that when you become aroused, your brain immediately begins sending signals that it’s time for masturbation. The solution is in replacing this habit in an act of surrender to God. Tell yourself and God, “I thank you that you have made me a sexual being, capable of experiencing and giving sexual pleasure. I surrender this desire to you now knowing my sex drive is meant for oneness with another person, not merely self-pleasure and self-centeredness. Instead, I choose to not retreat into the world of fantasy but put my energy to good use.” With each moment of arousal, take it as a new cue to do something productive: pray for someone, call someone, write someone an encouraging e-mail, engage in a project that blesses someone, physically exercise. Don’t wait to figure out what those things could be until the moment of temptation, but plan your “escape route” beforehand. Know that each time you choose not to masturbate but instead do something loving and good, you are training a new habit. And, of course, there are many teachings I have written on how to gain victory over pornography addiction. Read Neuroscience Finds Porn and Masturbation Destroy Willpower. www.covenanteyes.org . Used by permission.

Battles are both the bane and the glory of our existence. We adamantly abhor them when they’re forced on us by vengeful adversaries who mean us all the harm they can muster up, or when they randomly befall us through indiscriminately cruel circumstances over which we have no control. On the other hand, we rather bask in them when there’s something gallantly heroic about them, or they serve to right a great wrong. Indeed, battles are both the bane and glory of our existence. Battles as Daily Challenges The battles that we fight come in all shapes and sizes. Some are nothing more than things we would define as the day in and day out challenges of living out our lives. We’ve come to see these battles as a natural and acceptable element of life and living. It’s finding the right job, or working out the knotty kinks in a relationship, or tediously molding the mind of an entrenched teen, or wrestling with entirely opposing choices that will ultimately leave us with a loss no matter which choice we make. Although these kinds of battles can be acutely troubling and unduly painful, they become something less than battles and something more akin to the ordinary ebb and flow of life that swirls around each of us in either gentle rivulets or turbulent undertows. Battles as Battles But then there are those things that have little or nothing to do with the natural course of life and living. There are these acutely harrowing moments either forged on the anvil of our poor choices, or violently struck on the revengeful anvil of someone or something else. There are those things borne of us or borne far outside of us that force us into a maelstrom that we don’t have the speed or ingenuity to outrun. These are those events that are not about pressing through to the next thing, rather they are about surviving so that we can get to the next thing. These are those moments when the whole notion of progression is completely swallowed up in the far greater crisis of unadulterated survival. Battles of Justice Then there are also those battles that we choose to engage in. It may well be that nothing has advanced against us, or challenged us, or stands looming over us armed to the teeth with crushing intent. The cause of the current battle may have nothing to do with an external force as it may be prompted by an entirely internal one. It may be that we have witnessed a searing injustice, or that a line has been crossed that should never have been crossed. It may arise from something strong bullying something weak and thereby creating a litany of traumatized victims strewn along the road that we likewise trod. Any number of these things enflame our ire and prompt us to step into the fray. Battles of Calling Or we may sense some innate calling that’s compelling beyond any of our best efforts to resist. There might be a compulsion borne of some deep inner essence that whispers that we were born for such a moment, or that the entire purpose of our existence is to wage the singular battle before us. It may well be that engulfing conviction that calls us to right a wrong that has been granted slothful permission to keep breathing, or to wage a single war in order to stop a hundred others that would otherwise follow. Of warrior stock or not, we may feel an irresistible call to a battle either large or small. The Goliath’s Superiority Whatever the nature of the battle or the circumstances that set the various forces careening against each other, sooner or later we will all fight a battle. And it seems that in fighting these battles of ours, we’ve developed a mentality of superior warfare. There’s something in our construct that envisions what superiority is, whether that’s sheer numbers, or the extent of our resources, or timing, or any of an innumerable number of things. It seems that we tend to judge the value of the battle, the potential sacrifice in the battle, and the likely outcome based on how we’ve defined superiority. This is more akin to a Goliath mentality. Clearly, wisdom would dictate inventorying such resources as held up against whatever foe we face. Yet, I would wonder if this idea of superiority elevates itself above our convictions, our calling, our sense of justice, and the whole notion that we were raised up to lay ourselves down. Could it be that the calculations that we’ve devised to determine what battles we will fight or not fight have entirely removed our convictions, our calling, our sense of justice, and the whole notion that we were raised up to lay ourselves down? It is possible that we’ve granted fear a place at the table and elevated personal safety in a manner that battles have become shrewd calculations rather than passionate crusades? And if that is so, is it possible that we’ve gutted the very heart the battle? Could it be that any resources that we have will always be secondary to the heart that we have to use those resources? Would it be reasonable to conjecture that any instrument of war, regardless of how devastating, only takes on life when those who hold those weapons are driven by deeply core convictions that bring them to the battlefield? Have we taken passion and conviction and calling, which are the most potent resources of war, off the battlefield? And if we are not driven by those things, is the battle really a battle or is it just a slug-fest? The David’s Battles of Conviction In that sense, I would much prefer to be David. I would prefer to know my weapon well and be practiced in its use. Yet, I would want the heart behind the weapon so that the nature of the enemy and the weapons arrayed against me do not hold the power for me that they might otherwise hold. I certainly don’t want to be foolish or naïve and thoughtlessly take on an enemy without careful consideration. However, I don’t want to winch in fear when I need not be fearful. Neither do I want call a battle lost that is winnable when the core convictions that undergird the weapons that I possess are sufficient to overcome when others would think I could not. I much prefer to be David. It would seem that the greatest victories and the glories that have stood the test of time came on the heels of battles fought of great conviction and deep passion. These are the battle from which stories are spun and heroes arise. It is the common man energized with uncommon conviction that has stood against superior enemies and brought the battle home. And it is not that men weren’t wounded and that many perished. It is that they won when the world said that they shouldn’t have. It is the singularly compelling fact that conviction prevailed over might and stunned those who knew nothing of conviction. I would much prefer to be David. Admirable Convictions Yet, many people purport convictions that appear rather dubious and often outright destructive. It would seem that admirable convictions are driven by a greater good, a willingness to lift up another at great cost to self, and to adamantly refuse to dress evil in the garb of good in order to justify one’s actions. It may be that in a world of convictions centered on the good of oneself, the gorging of one’s own appetite, the spinning of belief systems to serve personal agendas, and the shrewd pabulum spun from these that such agendas have been misinterpreted and embraced as convictions. And when these kinds of convictions are brought to the weapons of war, we are no longer David’s. Our Battles It may be wise to survey the landscape of our lives, as well as the far greater landscape of the lives around us and ask whether we’ve fought battles or run from them. And whether our choice has been to fight or flee, where were our convictions and what role did they play or not play in those decisions? For a life that has forsaken conviction is a life lived in hiding, deaf to purpose, and robbed of victory. And since that is the case, I would much prefer to be David. © 2015 Craig Lounsbrough, M.Div., Licensed Professional Counselor Used by permission.

Israel was hopelessly outnumbered. Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon “and all his army, with all the kingdoms of the earth that were under his dominion and all the peoples, were fighting against Jerusalem” and its remaining cities (Jer. 34:1). Because of Israel’s sin, apparently even the Lord, Israel’s protector, had withdrawn. For nearly forty years, Jeremiah the prophet pleaded with God’s people to repent, but they would not have it. Israel was nearly apostate, and the dire warnings of the prophet Jeremiah were about to come to pass. However, hidden in the ways of God was a plan, a redemptive strategy that would reverse Israel’s direction. If the Jews implemented a “Year of Remission” (see Deut. 15:1-18), God would show to them the same mercy they showed to one another. What was required was that “each man [would] set free his male servant and each man his female servant . . . so that no one should keep them, a Jew his brother, in bondage” (Jer. 34:9). Not only did they agree to this year of release, but “all the officials and all the people obeyed.” Then, in earnest faith, they “entered into the covenant . . . so that no one should keep them any longer in bondage; they obeyed, and set them free” (Jer. 34:10). The Bible says the Judeans cut a calf in two and then passed “between its parts” (Jer. 34:18). This was the same kind of covenant ritual Abraham had made with the Lord centuries earlier (see Gen. 15:10, 17-18.). The redemptive plan of God was this: If the Israelites set free their slaves, they would not be taken as slaves. If they showed mercy, God would show Himself merciful to them as well. Even though they were, by all counts, nearly apostate, the act of releasing the debts of others would have averted the destruction of their cities, for “mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:13)! As they were releasing one another, something marvelous occurred. Supernaturally the Lord drew “the king of Babylon…away” (Jer. 34:21). At the very moment the people were releasing the debts of others, God was reducing their debt to Him. What they did on earth was actually being replicated for them in Heaven! In all the years since the establishment of the Law, Israel had never celebrated a year of release. Yet now, even with their enemies within striking range, Israel covenanted with God to free every man his slave. Unforgiveness In the Church How does the above story relate to us? Today we too are facing overwhelming foes. Our society is overrun with corruption and the church is hardly better than the world. The prophets are warning of judgment, and at times, it seems as though God has stopped listening to our prayers. Yet, I believe if we can sincerely forgive those who are spiritual debtors to us, even starting with those in our homes and families – if we extend forgiveness to our neighbors, and proclaim release to those who left our churches – the mercy of God will begin to fall again on our land. Let the Lord reveal all with whom you have unforgiveness. If we are at the altar and remember someone who has unforgiveness toward us, let us leave our offering and be reconciled (see Matt. 5:23-24). Yes, let us covenant with God for our communities, and even for our nation! Indeed, let us take this one step further: let us release those who have hurt us. It is time to rebuild our lives in Christ, and reunite in the power of redemption. Let us bring Christ’s covenant of forgiveness into our inter-racial relationships, and let us, each one, embrace the covenant of the Lamb. The Sad End of the Jeremiah 34 In spite of the great breakthrough Israel experienced, their story ends badly. For when the enemy left and the pressure was off, each man “took back his” male and female servants ” . . . and brought them into subjection” (see vv. 13-16). Beloved, hear me please: if only the Jews would have followed through and held fast their release, the Book of Lamentations never would have been written! Mercy would have triumphed and remained, but such was not the case. Still, for us, the final chapters of our times are yet to be written. We can learn from the example we see in Jeremiah 34. If we will embrace mercy, if we can sincerely release one another, we will escape the dire expectations coming to meet our sinful society. Our actions today, even now, will determine whether our society is blessed or judged. Let us, therefore, release the debts of every man and covenant for mercy for our land. www.frangipane.org . Used by permission.

A series on Easter and faith Does faith seem complicated? Or is it that we make it complicated by overthinking it. Faith is simply trusting God enough to do what He says. That may be simple but it’s not easy! In this series we’ll walk through several actions God says we need as we live out our faith in Him.

Here’s an excerpt from How Women Help Men Find God: Michelangelo captured the relationship between man and his Maker on the ceiling of the Sistine chapel. A holy God, surrounded by angels, stretches down from heaven to touch the finger of Adam. Meanwhile the man reclines, nonchalantly extending a single digit toward his Creator. Why is it so hard to get men to lift a finger for God? The problem isn’t atheism. Nine out of ten men in the US believe in God. 1 Five out of six men claim to be Christians. 2 Even irreligious men have a high regard for Jesus Christ and His teachings. But these days it’s hard to find a man who puts Jesus first—while it seems like Christian women are as common as boots at a rodeo. You love Jesus. And you love your men. Naturally, you’d like them to meet. You want your men to know the peace, joy, and contentment that come from an abiding relationship with the Lord. But these precious men don’t seem too interested. Why is it that only preachers, worship leaders, and a few laymen really get it when it comes to following Christ? What can you do to help the men you love find the Man you love? Plenty. Women can help men find God . It happens all the time. In fact, research shows that women often play a pivotal role in leading wayward men back to their heavenly Father. 3 But too often, women’s efforts come up short. Women pray daily for the men they love, but nothing happens. They spend years developing their sons’ spiritual lives, only to see them forget Jesus during their teens. Their witness to male colleagues falls flat. Single women search in vain for godly men. Then, a glimmer of hope: Bubba finally gets off the couch and slips into a pew. You pray like mad, but from the opening hymn it’s a total disaster. He feels as out of place as a penguin in the Sahara Desert. His visit reinforces the common male notion: church just isn’t for me. This book is not How to Make Any Man Become a Christian in Three Easy Steps . Think of it as a Rosetta stone, a key to understanding the mysterious, frustrating, and surprising spiritual lives of the other half of the human race. In pages 194-195 of Why Men Hate Going to Church , I wrote these words: “ Women, use your influence to say yes to the masculine spirit. One church suggested the men get together to play paint ball. Two prominent women complained, “How is paintball remotely Christian?” asked one woman. “It shows support for violence,” said another. Soon the men’s ministry is reduced to six white-haired guys having breakfast in the church basement. Another men’s ministry is neutered.” Let change happen, even that which cause people to grieve . Allow the men to do things you may not understand or approve of. Most of all, let your pastor know your support him. If your pastor knew the women of the church wanted a more challenging, man-friendly environment, he would probably be glad to oblige you. Armed with this knowledge, you’ll be equipped to fulfill Jesus’ call: Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. To get your autographed copy of How Women Help Men Find God, click here . Notes: 1. The Gallup Poll, May 2–4, 2004, as cited on www.galluppoll.com . Ninety percent of respondents claimed belief in God. Only four percent claimed not to. This number has remained virtually unchanged over the past seventy years. Women are slightly more likely to answer in the affirmative than men. 2. Barna Research Online, “Women are the Backbone of Christian Congregations in America,” 6 March 2000, www.barna.org . 83 percent of men polled claimed to be Christians. 3. Thom S. Rainer, Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2001), 83. Rainer found that “wives were the most influential in reaching the unchurched.” To book David Murrow for a conference, or to order his books, go to www.churchformen.com .

The fullest expression of Christian living has to be a combination of God’s truth entering the head, igniting the heart, and outworking through the hands. If we’re going to enjoy the fullness of his grace more perfectly, there has to be an entrance of the truth into the head that affects the heart and comes out through the hands. There is an increasing anti-intellectualism and a stereotype against Muslims. There is a misconception of the unreachability of Muslims. I think a lot of us are afraid of Islam and Muslims. Where fear takes control, thinking doesn’t. This fear can manifest itself in apathy or hatred. Thinking is not the same as reactionism. We need to engage Islam. Thinking is not the same as stereotyping. Stereotyping simplifies complexity. Thinking is not the same as feeling. Thinking and feeling should be rightly joined. But we may feel deeply and quickly before we’ve ever thought through a thing. When we feel without thinking, we endanger our heads and our hearts. 1) What Is Pluralism?   People with different cultural and religious identities can live together simultaneously. People with different backgrounds are able to joyfully, mutually exist in the same setting. There are good forms and bad forms of pluralism. One of the good aspects is that it recognizes a basic reality that our world is diverse and that these differences are right outside our door. Another is that it honors basic human rights such as freedom of religion. It helps us to see people as they are and to respect them. It values dignity and uniqueness of human life. It also attempts to recognize value in the diversity. Some people act as though the existence of diversity or difference is wrong. Some have a phobia of people who are different from them. Pluralism in it’s good form pushes back against bigotry and xenophobia. There is also a naïve form of pluralism. This is the kind of diversity-seeking that fails to recognize the difference between valuing people and valuing every idea as though each idea is equal in it’s worth. It is an unthinking approach to pluralism. Not all ideas are created equal and ideas have consequences. “All paths and religions lead to God” is an example of naïve pluralism. This type of pluralism is ethically irresponsible. It is unhealthy because it fails to account for the far-reaching affects of religious pluralism. It makes us like ostriches with our head in the sand. Why does naïve pluralism find support in our culture? We have become uncomfortable with argument. There is a willingness to blur the significant differences in religions and cultures. There’s a tendency to avoid the big questions in life. “We’re amusing ourselves to death.” Religion is regarded in pragmatic and consumerist terms: “What works for me.” We live in a culture that does not prize absolutes or certainties. The question of which religion is true or best is off limits. 2) What Is Islam? Is Islam Consistently Compatible with Pluralism?   Islam is not compatible with this type of pluralism. Islam is a religion, not primarily a theology. It is mainly the shahadah, the confession that God is one and Muhammad is his messenger. The basic view of God in Islam is that he is radically transcendent. Islam is not an institution but primarily an identity. What is primary is to be Muslim. It creates great solidarity among Muslims because of first importance is to be Muslim. Over a billion people identify themselves as Muslims. Islam has five religious pillars, but it is a system for governing all of life. It can’t be reduced to the five pillars. The goal is to conform society to the teaching, precepts, and commands of the faith. There are four things that go into the forming of Sharia law, and it is under these things that Muslims seek to live. The Quran The Sunna and the Haddith, which build on the Quran with sayings of the prophet The principle of analogy for religious beliefs and practices which the Quran and Haddith don’t speak directly to Traditions, which are the consensus of the communities The west, secularism, and internal weaknesses in Islam have lead to the development of groups of fundamentalists who seek to enforce a more extreme form of Sharia. Most Muslims on the streets are going to be either modernists or traditionalists. Why is Sharia not compatible with pluralism? Four reasons: Sharia at it’s best is theocratic and theonomic. Sharia is the constitution of Islam and incompatible with democratic jurisprudence. Sharia leaves no room for the kind of pluralism that is healthy. Because Sharia incorporates cultural consensus into it’s law, certain cultural practices enter into the legal framework of countries. In Islam culture is religion and religion is culture. Advocacy for Sharia sometimes reaches a point where it can not tolerate differences. 3) What Is the Christian’s Responsibility for Encountering Muslims and Islam in This Context?   The Christian lives in two cities. We are citizens of a nation and citizens of heaven. Our response must be dictated by how we belong to both of these, our country and the kingdom of God. As a citizen of the United States in particular, work for the faithful continuance of the Establishment and Free Exercise clauses. We want to defend our Muslim neighbors’ right to worship according to the dictates of their own consciences. Maintaining freedom of religion allows us to come to them with the gospel. We fight for the freedom of religion. How do I talk to my neighbor, coworker, or friend who is a Muslim? Mathew 10 shows us how. 1. Remember the gospel ( Matthew 10:7 ). Our main responsibility is the heralding of the news of our Savior and the message that the kingdom of heaven has come. Speak of his glory, his cross, his love, his resurrection, his grace. We often lack confidence in the gospel, but we should be confident in it! It is the power of God unto salvation for your Muslim neighbor or friend. Remember the gospel and speak of Christ. 2. Return to the world ( Matthew 10:16 ). Be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent and pure as doves. This world is a dangerous place, but God sends us into it and he won’t waste the lives of those he has purchased with the blood of his Son. Go into the world with the gospel. To live is Christ, to die is gain. There’s a people out there who needs us to be wise, engaged, and faithful. 3. Repent of fear ( Matthew 10:28 ) We have been fearful, and in our fear we have been unbelieving and unfaithful. This fear is destroying our love for our neighbors. It is destroying our missionary zeal. Think of God’s providence and provision. 4. Retrieve the reward ( Matthew 10:39-42 ). Throw away convenience, safety and comfort. It makes us fat and lazy. Go give your life for something greater: the joy of God. Christ is our reward and inheritance! Remember the gospel and preach it as sheep among wolves. Great will be your reward! We shall see him and be filled with satisfaction and joy unspeakable and full of glory. © Desiring God

Here’s a brief summary to whet your appetite: 1. A Manly Pastor. Men don’t like macho or power-hungry pastors, but a pastor who projects a healthy masculinity will draw men. This is because men see their churches through their pastor. If a man respects his pastor, then he likes his church. If a man doesn’t respect his pastor, he won’t like his church. Go ahead, ask a man about his church. He won’t talk about the ministries, or the facilities, or the programs; he’ll talk about the pastor. 2. Excellence is vital. Men are less forgiving of anything bad, hokey or half baked. The churches that are growing and attracting men consistently offer excellence – in the preaching, the music, the facility and the programs. You don’t have to be the best in town; just do what you do very well and men will be drawn. And if you can’t do something well, then don’t do it at all. 3. Give men space. Churches that attract men honor their need for space. Don’t force your men to hold hands or hug each other. If you must hug, there are safe ways to do it. And you should also be judicious when laying hands on men. These days we like to put people in “prayer mushrooms.” You know what I’m talking about – Vince asks for prayer and soon he’s mobbed, with hands all over him. The other men look at what happened to Vince, so they keep requests to themselves, for fear that they will be mobbed too. 4. Make Prayer Real. Christians speak normally to one another, but when they talk to God they lapse into a strange language I call “prayer speak.” I’m not talking about speaking in tongues; prayer-speak is a nonstop petition to God, repeating his name over and over, punctuated by the word “just” (Father God, we just thank you for this day, Father God, and Father God, we just ask that you’d bless us Father God). The problem with prayer-speak is that it discourages plainspoken men from praying aloud, because the feel that their petitions need to be delivered in this “holy language.” If you want more men praying, cut the prayer-speak. 5. Honor Men’s Time. Nothing discourages men like a worship service that drags on and on. It’s no coincidence that African-American churches, known for their 3 hour worship services, are also very likely to have a man shortage. Jesus was not long winded; in fact the average parable of Jesus can be taught comfortably in under a minute. It’s not the length of your message but its impact that changes men’s lives. The other five ways are captured on David Murrow’s DVD, Why Men Hate Going to church. This DVD is only available from this web site , and is not sold in stores. To book a conference, please contact David at www.churchformen.com .

Why Men Hate Going to Church is a best-selling book by David Murrow, founder of www.churchformen.com . He offers invaluable information pastors and church leaders should digest. If we take Murrow’s work seriously (and we should), we will change the way we do church forever. Here are just a few statistics we should know: The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories. [1] On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches. [2] This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands. [3] Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants. [4] The majority of church employees are women (except for ordained clergy, who are overwhelmingly male). [5] Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return. [6] More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only one out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church. [7] Churches overseas report gender gaps of up to 9 women for every adult man in attendance. [8] Christian universities are becoming convents. The typical Christian college in the U.S. enrolls almost 2 women for every 1 man. [9] Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry. [10] Church is good for men: Churchgoers are more likely to be married and express a higher level of satisfaction with life. Church involvement is the most important predictor of marital stability and happiness. [11] Church involvement moves people out of poverty. Its also correlated with less depression, more self-esteem and greater family and marital happiness. [12] Religious participation leads men to become more engaged husbands and fathers. [13] Teens with religious fathers are more likely to say they enjoy spending time with dad and that they admire him. [14] And men are good for the church: A study from Hartford Seminary found that the presence of involved men was statistically correlated with church growth, health, and harmony. Meanwhile, a lack of male participation is strongly associated with congregational decline. [15] FOOTNOTES: [1] “U.S. Congregational Life Survey – Key Findings,” 29 October 2003, < www.uscongregations.org/key.htm >. [2] This statistic comes from Barna’s figures on male/female worship attendance, overlayed upon the Census 2000 numbers for adult men and women in the U.S. population. [3] I came up with this figure by taking the U.S. Census 2000 numbers for total married adults and overlaying Barna Research’s year 2000 percentages of male vs. female attendance at weekly worship services. The figures suggest at least 24.5 million married women attend church on a given weekend, but only 19 million married men attend. That’s 5.5 million more women, or 22.5%. The actual number may be even higher, because married people attend church in much greater numbers than singles. [4] Barna Research Online, “Women are the Backbone of Christian Congregations in America,” 6 March 2000, < www.barna.org >. [5] Ibid. [6] “LifeWay Research Uncovers Reasons 18 to 22 Year Olds Drop Out of Church,” PowerPoint presentation accompanying study, available at the LifeWay Web site, http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_main_page/0,1703,A=165949&M=200906,00.html , accessed 12 September 2007. [7] Barna, “Women are the Backbone of Christian Congregations in America.” [8] I get an e-mail message about once a month from a pastor overseas whose congregation is almost totally female. [9] Camerin Courtney, “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” Christianity Today, Single Minded. View at http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind40630.html . [10] Based on a show of hands at the National Coalition of Men’s Ministries meeting in 2005. The consensus in the room among hundreds of men’s ministry experts was that less than 10% of congregations had any ongoing ministry to men. Compare this to the 110% of churches that offer women’s and children’s ministries. [11, 12] “Why Religion Matters: The Impact of Religious Practice on Social Stability ,” The Heritage Foundation Backgrounder, 1064, 25 January 1996,  < www.heritage.org >. [13] Penny Edgell (Becker) and Heather Hofmeister, “Work, Family and Religious Involvement for Men and Women,” Hartford Institute for Religion Research, < http://hirr.hartsem.edu >. [14] Christian Smith and Phillip Kim, “Religious Youth Are More Likely to Have Positive Relationships with Their Fathers,” University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 12 July 2002, findings based on the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (1997). [15] C. Kirk Hadaway, FACTs on Growth: A new look at the dynamics of growth and decline in American congregations based on the Faith Communities Today 2005 national survey of Congregations. Hartford Institute for Religion Research, http://hirr.hartsem.edu . Read Why Men Hate Going to Church , David Murrow, Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2005, or to book David for a conference, visit www.churchformen.com

A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together. He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. “The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. “I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.” One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if I had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. The president called all of the executives into the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful—in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him! When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!” All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!” When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed – Jim told him the story. The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, “Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!” Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed. “How could he be the new CEO?” the others said. Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow. So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later. All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!” ·      If you plant honesty, you will reap trust ·      If you plant goodness, you will reap friends ·      If you plant humility, you will reap greatness ·      If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment ·      If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective ·      If you plant hard work, you will reap success   Think about this for a minute….   If I happened to show up on your door step crying, would you care? If I called you and asked you to pick me up because something happened, would you come? If I had one day left to live my life, would you be part of that last day? If I needed a shoulder to cry on, would you give me yours?  This is a test to see who your real friends are or if you are just someone to talk to. Do you know what the relationship is between your two eyes? They blink together, they move together, they cry together, they see things together, and they sleep together, but they never see each other; ….that’s what friendship is.. Your aspiration is your motivation, your motivation is your belief, your belief is your peace, your peace is your target, your target is heaven, and life is like hard core torture without it!