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Dear Roger, It’s approaching Father’s Day. Why are there so many bad dads mentioned in the Bible? What do you think are some of the most important things about being a good dad? How can I be a good dad? Sincerely, Scott Dear Scott, Why are there so few good fathers mentioned in the Bible? The answer is simple. Because there aren’t many good dads around. Being a Dad is a difficult task. Let’s discuss some of the fathers in the Bible—good and bad—and then learn a few lessons on how to be a good one. First, dads are human. They’re fallible. They’re broken. And they’re far from perfect. When God didn’t come through quickly enough, Abraham got impatient and used his concubine to have a child. Instead of fathering one family, Abraham now had two. The result was untold misery (Genesis 21-22). His sons, Isaac and Ishmael, spent their lives in competition and battle against each other. Isaac and his wife Rebekah birthed Jacob and Esau. They played favorites with their twin sons (Genesis 26:1-27:). Many research projects reveal that while denying it vehemently, most parents really do have a favorite child. Don’t think for a moment that brothers and sisters aren’t aware of which child is the favorite. Jacob fathered twelve children. His awful fathering produced a family filled with deceit, rape, murder, regrets, anger, adultery, and mistrust (Genesis 30-31). David had at least 30 sons and daughters. His family was dominated by death, murder, incest, rape, adultery, and rebellion (1 Samuel 13). David was a neglectful, permissive, absent father. Also, like many biblical fathers, David was a polygamist. Unfortunately, he had more wives, concubines, and children than he had time to care for. It’s time to recognize that many men in our society are serial polygamists. They just don’t have all of their wives at the same time like David did. They have three or four wives spread out over several years. Unfortunately, many of their children face horrible consequences just like David’s did. Second, the Bible has only a few good fathers to put on display. I can only think of three. Job was involved with his children socially and prayed for their spiritual lives (Job 1:4-5). His heart broke when they suffered. He loved and cared for them in a hands-on way. The father of the Prodigal Son was loving and forgiving. Even after all the misery, selfishness, worry and grief that the Prodigal Son caused had caused his father, dad’s arms were still open with love, forgiveness, acceptance, and rejoicing (Luke 15:11-27). Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, must have been a great father. Otherwise, God would have chosen someone else to help with parenting! It’s not hard to imagine Joseph caring for Mary and protecting baby Jesus when Herod called for the slaughter of the two-year-olds. As Jesus was growing and maturing, Joseph obviously saw to Jesus' education and to his spiritual, emotional, mental and physical needs. Joseph taught Jesus the carpentry trade. The Bible calls Joseph a righteous man. Joseph was a father of quiet strength, honesty, and kindness (Matthew 1). And Jesus must have loved him dearly. I imagine that multiple thousands of books and articles have been written on how to be a good parent. My intention is not to relate them all. However, let me mention a few characteristics of good fathering that mean a lot to me. 1. Build a solid spiritual foundation. A vibrant spiritual life is more caught than taught. If we are walking in the spirit, nine times out of ten, so will our children. I remember looking through the door to the den early one morning and seeing my dad on his knees in prayer. You never get over that. When I became a father, I glued a small plaque to the outside door which led into the kitchen. Every time my children went in or out of the house they were reminded: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 1:7). We must raise our children “In the nurture and admonition of the Lord and on his precepts” (Ephesians 6:4). In other words, take the time to read and study the Bible on your own and with your children. You have the opportunity to help them develop a rich relationship with Jesus and a reverence for God’s Word. 2. Take the time to develop an intimate relationship with your children. Busy fathers often say, “I may not have much time for my children; but, the time we do have is quality time.” Don’t be deceived. Having a little quality time doesn’t come close to the quantity of time that children really need. Based on actual face time, the average father spends fourteen minutes a day with his teenage children. Christians fathers aren’t much better. They average seventeen! Children spell love, T-I-M-E. Think about what happens when most fathers try to discipline their teenagers. The teenager brings all of his/her emotional baggage to the conflict. Dad brings his. Their issues immediately clash. Imagine the explosive scene. Everyone gets hurt. Now, imagine a situation where mom and dad have built a loving relationship with their teenager. Can you imagine that the confrontation would have a much better outcome? It’s hard to discipline a child you don’t even know. 3. Meet the needs of your children by implementing these top ten intimacy principles. Most people don’t think they really have many needs. But they do! It’s important for fathers to meet the needs of their children. Meeting their needs is the physical, emotional, and spiritual practice of love. When meeting the needs of our children, we look most like Jesus. The Top Ten Intimacy Needs Acceptance: Can you receive me and unconditionally love me even if I never change? Affection: We are talking about touches and cuddles and verbalized expressions of love. Appreciation: This has to do with someone commending the things you do. Attention: Who is spending time with you? Approval: This is close to appreciation but also contains an affirmation of who you are. Comfort: Who will let you cry? Who will cry with you? If you only have one temperature, you don’t have enough. Encouragement: This is to urge others on to fulfill their dreams, goals, and desires. Who’s your cheerleader? Respect: The key word here is value. I need someone to value my opinions, ideas, thoughts and convictions. Security: This is not just freedom from physical harm and having the doors locked. It has to do with emotional protection. Support: This is a practical need. I don’t need you to criticize me or advise me, I need you to get under this burden and share the load with me.” Pay attention to your children’s needs and deliberately meet them daily. You’ll be a great father. Our hope is that our children have no unmet needs. Be encouraged; even if your child is an adult, you can still begin filling the holes left by unmet needs. It’s never too late! One Friday, Julie and I were teaching a number of couples about the importance of having needs met. On Saturday morning we regathered, and one father could hardly wait to tell us a story. It seems that last night while pumping gas he got a call on his cell phone from his daughter. She had been in an accident. He said, my old model was to ask questions like: “What happened? Were you hurt? Was anyone else hurt? Was it all your fault? Did you call the police? How many times did I have to tell you to be more careful?” He continued, “I decided to try out what I just learned in the conference. I said to her, ‘I’m so sorry this happened to you. You must be so scared. Please be at peace. We will work everything out for the best. No harm done. There is nothing here that can’t be fixed. Relax, I’ll be there soon to help you.’” There was a long pause on the phone, and then she said, “Daddy, is that you?” Good fathering means meeting the needs of our children. 4. Some dads are really good. You were fortunate if you had one. I was fortunate. I had a great dad who invested time, energy, and wisdom to help prepare my brother and me for life. For example, he was constantly searching for words of wisdom to pass on to us. Perhaps the wisest thing ever said to us was: “Son, if you have to love people and work hard, you will always be a success in life. Here are just a few sayings that he drilled into us: “Life by the yard is hard; but by the inch it’s a cinch.” “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” “A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” “Don’t sell your peanuts at the end of the parade.” “He who whispers down the well, about the goods he has to sell, will not have as many dollars, as he climbs a tree that hollers.” His favorite words of advice were from the Bible. He must’ve quoted Philippians 4:13 twenty times a day: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Be at peace. You are not doomed pass along to your children the mistakes of your past. Many men have raised successful children despite a tough childhood. By the way, don’t be too angry if you had a poor dad. Give him room for some grace. If you don’t get appreciation from your dad, there’s a good chance he didn’t get some from his father either. It’s very hard to pass on what you have never received. Fortunately, if we didn’t have a good dad, the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, and special people around us can minister to the unfulfilled needs in our lives. We can then pass them along to our children. Well Scott, I hope this is helpful. May God bless you and your children. Love, Roger

One - A Blessing of Hope May the God of peace, the eternal One and only God, grant you an awareness of his immediate return. May you be patient, may you be eager, but most of all may you be found ready when he calls. “Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:8, NIV Two - A Blessing of Grace Today, may you go in the grace and peace and the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. May the grace he has given you be the grace that you share with others. “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing.” Galatians 2:20-21, NIV Three - A Blessing for Protection May the God of peace and grace and truth be your guide as you begin your day. May he go ahead of you and prepare the way. May he come behind you and protect you. May he surround you and make you aware of his presence. “I ask the Father in his great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through his Spirit. I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love.” Ephesians 3:16-17 Four - A Blessing for Daily Worship Today, may you be aware that worship is a way of life — it’s not just a once a week event. May your worship never cease. May you continue living in the Father’s presence, and may you continue being thankful for what he has done. “Shout to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with joy; come before him with singing. Know that the Lord is God. He made us, and we belong to him; we are his people, the sheep he tends. Come into his city with songs of thanksgiving and into his courtyards with songs of praise. Thank him and praise his name. The Lord is good. His love is forever, and his loyalty goes on and on.” Psalm 100 Five - A Blessing for Encouragement May you know the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ today. Let his spirit overshadow and consume you. I pray that it gives you strength and courage and focus in everything you do today. “God will strengthen you with his own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. And you will joyfully give thanks to the Father who has made you able to have a share in all that he has prepared for his people in the kingdom of light." Colossians 1: 11 Six - A Blessing for Conviction As your day begins, may the Father’s blessing be upon you. Be his quiet and holy representative. Be the one who takes a stand for that which is right. Be the one who reminds the world of what really matters in our world. Be the voice of God and the promise of eternity. “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father encourage you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say. God loved us, and through his grace he gave us a good hope and encouragement that continues forever.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 Seven - A Blessing for Guidance May the Spirit which lives within you guide and convict you. Remember the message which brought you to him. Let it be the message you share with others. May peace and power be yours today. “I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 Eight - A Blessing of Anticipation In everything you do today, may your spirit be one of eager expectation and patient trust. Eagerly expect your Father to return any minute, but patiently trust him to do what is right. “Our homeland is in heaven, and we are waiting for our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, to come from heaven.” Philippians 3:20 Nine - A Blessing for the Soul May the song within you which sings for eternity, sing loudly. Heed the songs of heaven. Dismiss the songs of earth. May the Father quiet the voices around you which tell you to settle for less than what he promises. “Always be joyful. Pray continually, and give thanks whatever happens. That is what God wants for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Ten - A Blessing for Eternity Look for the Father’s face today. Seek him. Search for him. Pursue him. And may what you see cause you to long for the day you see him eternally. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In God’s great mercy he has caused us to be born again into a living hope, because Jesus Christ rose from the dead. Now we hope for the blessings God has for his children. These blessings, which cannot be destroyed or be spoiled or lose their beauty are kept in heaven for you.” 1 Peter 1:3-4 maxlucado.com.

Emmeline Wetherbee shares what she loves about her godly father, Brad Wetherbee in this humorous yet compelling interview..

"Unless the Lord builds the house, they that build it labor in vain." Psalm 127:1 KJV “Unless the Lord builds” is a conditional clause. If God doesn’t lay the foundation, if Jesus is not the cornerstone of your life, you’re living on condemned property and one day you will be evicted. Jesus taught a parable about building a foundation on sand in Matthew 7:26: “Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.” NIV If you are your own real estate agent, you’d better think again. You may be building on sand. The rains will wash your house away. My father was a contractor by trade. When he retired, he built a home in a new suburban development. My parent’s house was the smallest in the neighborhood. Hotel-like mansions popped up around them shortly after they moved. Each showplace was replete with Porsches, country-club wives and 2.5 preppy children. Two years later, every elegant edifice had John Deere bulldozers hacking giant holes in the front yards. Workmen were shoveling dirt and concrete under cracking foundations as fast as they could. You see, those wealthy buyers looked inside the homes but not underneath them. My father, on the other hand, knew that the soil in his neighborhood was sandy. Before he laid the foundation for his home, he poured concrete piers 150 feet beneath the foundation of his house. The only upheaval going on in his yard was transplanting gerani-ums. A mature Christian realizes, like jaded King Solomon, that everything in life is dust—its vanity, it’s vapor. Only the godly man or woman will have deep roots like the righteous person in Psalm1:3: The godly man “will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season. And its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers.” Lives built-by- God are works in progress. Laying down your life daily to the Master-Contractor is like handing Him the blueprints, and allowing Him to do His work onsite.

Every father has a soft spot for his daughter. It doesn’t matter if she is three or thirty-three. The Schull girls are especially cherished by their pop. As a Dad – I get the privilege of investing into my kids – just like you… Recently on a daddy/daughter date with my 3-year-old, I was reminded of some simple parenting lessons. I’ll admit – sometimes these lessons drift off my radar screen, but on this day they were thrust back front and center. I’m still learning, just like you. Calista and I spent the day together ~ here’s the observations that struck me… 1. Questions?… She feels totally at ease to ask me any question – and I mean there is NO shortage of questions. At times, that barrage of inquisitiveness can become frustrating, but I need reminded – those questions are gifts. It’s a gift that my little girl looks to me for answers, advice and input. She feels totally comfortable to ask me for it. She trusts me. The spiritual implication that struck me is: do I feel totally at ease asking God? Is He the first one I look to for answers and advice? How’s your trust level with God? 2. Innovation comes pre-wired within children. Sticks become microphones and playground equipment can instantly become an ice cream store. Often as we get older ~ we lose our imagination, our drift toward innovation and settle for the status-quo. When it comes to our spiritual journey ~ have we lost our ability to imagine all of what God can do – how He can use us to impact our world? How’s your creativity & imagination? I love what the Apostle Paul says in Ephesians about God’s imagination. May we dream bigger! 3. Listening. I’ve always heard “you have 2 ears and only 1 mouth“. We live in a culture that speaks a lot, but listens less. Have you ever had that moment: you know the one – the moment your child has repeated your name 5-8 times to get your attention? Been there. Listening is what draws relationships closer – knits hearts together. James reminds us that ‘everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak’ (James 1:19). As I practice intentional listening to Cali – it binds us together. Question is: how quick am I to listen for God’s voice? How about you? 4. Enter their world. That day I got to do something I rarely do. I got to paint Cali’s nails. Now, that is not something I do all the time. In fact I had different plans in that moment of what we’d do – but it was significant & special to her. I had to leave my world and enter hers. Isn’t that what the Incarnation is all about? God didn’t think that a reconciled relationship with humanity was something we could figure out – so He entered in. Still does. Have you stopped long enough to become aware again of His presence? Thank Him for being in your world. As a parent – how quick are we to enter into our children’s world? It takes time, imagination, listening and even questions. KEEP LEARNING. What’s 1 parenting lesson you’ve learned recently?

Transcript You can't rush relational intimacy. That doesn't happen in a day. Again, that's, sometimes the eagerness, we're so starved for actual people in our lives, sometimes anybody shows us any attention, and we just come on so strong and lay it on so thick because we're trying to Amazon Prime the relationship decades past where it actually is at in a moment. But when it's just this tiny little thing, you just add a little bit of twigs to it, and a little bit of kindling to it. You can't get to the big logs right away. It'll put the fire out. That little flame it's not enough to take on that big log, so you need friendship kindling, and that takes time. Friendship, friendship's what we're talking about in this series that we're in. Friendship is something that you can experience, but how do you define it? We all know it when we feel it, but how do you define it? Aristotle tried. Aristotle said, when he was asked what is a friend? A friend is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. Interesting. Of course, theologically, highly incorrect, but interesting. But when you do, he's on to something, though, because when you do really encounter friendship in its fullest, purest form, it does feel like that. It feels like there's a soul connection. In fact, that idea is thoroughly scriptural. There's a great little passage, when you want to read about the different relationships in life. Deuteronomy 13 verse 6 is one of the few verses in the Bible that in one fell swoop lets us know about all sorts of the different human relationships that are possible. You know, of course, that there are four different Greek words for love, and we only get the one English word. But all four have different words in the Greek. There's a love for a family, a family love, storge. There's a love for your spouse who you marry romantically intimately. That's eros. Then there's the love, of course, that God loves us with, agape love, sacrificial love, the highest, purest love. This is 1 Corinthians 13 love. And then finally, the least understood because it's the least necessary love is phileo. You couldn't be here if there wasn't some storge. You have family. You, of course, have a need to, if our species is not to end, eros is going to continue to be a thing. So you couldn't be here without eros then, as well. But phileo becomes, then, the least of the least necessary of the loves. We don't at surface see the value of friendship, of phileo. And so we have this love. And, of course, agape love is what makes all the other loves possible. It makes them operate at their highest, purest, sweetest best. But all of those kind of loves are wrapped up in this verse. Notice it. "If your brother, the son of your mother, your son or your daughter, the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, secretly entices you," telling you to go and worship other gods. And then spoiler alert. Moses says, don't do that. Don't do that. Your attention please. What is Moses saying here? And where is there agape. Agape is the love that would keep you from following any of these other loves into putting something else in God's place. So Moses is saying, even if your storge love, your eros love, even if your phileo love tries to pull you away from agape love being the most important, don't do it. That would be idolatry. So let these other loves be at their best by letting agape love be the most important. Now, that's awesome, and that's great teaching. But what I wanted you to notice is the phrase "your friend who is as your own soul". That's got some Aristotle vibes to it. Some translations, and if you have like the NIV, the New Living, it just says the closest friend. But the one we read is more true to the Hebrew. Because literally, it's, or if your friend who is as your own soul tells you to do it. And I love that little description because it gives us some sense of insight, and you know it when you experience it, into the power of friendship. This is exhibited in David and Jonathan's relationship in 1 Samuel 18. When they met, there was this sense in which "the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul". This is phileo. This is like what is happening here? Are our souls connected? There's some brotherhood bond here, but you're not my family. So why, oh, it's phileo. This is also what we see in Ruth and Naomi's relationship. Ruth, chapter 1 verse 16, when Ruth says to Naomi, who is not her blood family, and there's no connection between them anymore now that Naomi's son, Ruth's husband, is dead. But she says to her, don't you dare urge me to leave you, to turn back from you. Look at it. Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God, my God. They're going to have to find a place to bury me in Israel because I ain't going back to Moab. You're now my people. There's a sense in which there's this ride or die that comes from a friend who is as your own soul. Oh, that was great for David and Jonathan, Levi. That's wonderful for Ruth and Naomi. But what about us today living in 2023. Well, that's what I want to talk to you about. I want to talk to you about friendship in the 21st century because there are some unique challenges that friendship has that is working against it In our day because we are more portable than we've ever been. Throughout most of human history, you ended up dying not far from where you were born. You didn't walk around back in the day being like where are you from? Where are you from? I'm from right over there. That's where I was born. You know me. We've lived next to each other all of our lives. But we're so portable today. And it is more affordable than it's ever been to go live wherever you want to go. I mean, it was so difficult back in the day if you wanted to go to Europe and live abroad. You had to get on a ship, and it would take months. And even if you could afford that, I mean, it was so prohibitive. I mean, during the potato famine, people fleeing Ireland because there was no food. They had to get on these coffin ships that they had to scrape every penny together to even be able to afford. They called them coffin ships because of how many people died on these boats. Just the hope of life in a new world, and it took months this dangerous ocean crossing. Now, it's, I'm not saying it's easy. But if you want to, you can go live somewhere else. You can get a Southwest Airlines ticket. You can take your life into your own hands and go Allegiant if you want to. I mean, see what I'm saying. But there's also Amtrak. And there's also Euro rail. You can get on, I mean, you can live somewhere else. We are more portable. And people are taking advantage of that, travel and the idea of I'm going to start over new someplace. That would have been foreign for most of human history. That works against friendships. It turns out when you live in a camper van and you work remotely, you don't put down great roots, shockingly. When your scenery is constantly changing, we've kind of almost returned to a nomadic kind of way of life, as many people just kind of just breeze in, breeze out. I live here this season. I live there that season. I just, I follow the snow, or I follow the waves, or I just need a Wi-Fi connection in a coffee shop where I can do my work. But then I can live wherever I want to live. That works against friendships. There's lots of connectedness in our day, but perhaps, there are fewer connections than ever before because there's the illusion of friendship, which is sort of like the mirage you see in the desert. Oh, there's water. There's palm trees. Not true. Not true. But we're connected to everybody. And Facebook even introduced this phraseology of friends. Because now I'm connected to you on some level, so surely we must be friends. And this idea this notion of phileo love has sort of been hijacked. Added to that, there's the problem of celebrity in our day because we feel like we're friends with these people. But guess what? Taylor Swift doesn't know who you are. She doesn't. I know you know what she did last week. I know you know what kind of cookies she likes. I know you know the names of her cats. She knows nothing about you. You're not her friend. And Travis Kelce is not coming to the hospital with a casserole if you get hurt. So it's very weird how much we know about these people who don't know us back, who don't know us back. So celebrities kind of introduced this idea, like we're following as though we are friends. And we kind of do feel like we're friends with them. But there's not real friend, it's the illusion of friendship because of how connected we are and how we follow the exploits of other people. Isn't it weird that you might know more about Selena Gomez than you do the very people in your life? You might know more about the random football player you follow, or the greatest hunter whose exploits you follow. But the actual people in your life, you know very little about them. You could tell us less about their last week or month or year than someone who actually is connected to you with flesh and blood. We have entertainment options that can keep us sort of in this medicated coma inside of our homes. And Hulu ran out of stuff to watch. And now, it's telling, I'm just telling, we'll switch over to Max. Oh, there's nothing on Max? Well, guess what? I got Netflix. I got I got backup options, OK? I am never going to actually pay attention to how I really feel when I could just watch things all day. What about when you get hungry? How will you leave this medicated cocoon of media? I'm not going outside. It's too cold. And it really is. It's shockingly, horrifically cold out. I just would like to say I am appalled by how cold it is outside. I'm scarred. I'm angry. I'm sad. And then I get hungry. So I just get, well, I'm going to DoorDash. I'm not going to a restaurant. You going to talk to the DoorDasher. No, I won't. I will only proceed from my lair when I see on my ring camera they are gone. I might wave at them as they drive off, but that is as much social contact as I'm getting today, people. How crazy life is that kind of a life is possible. We're back in the matrix, bro, just eating out of our belly button. Num num goes here. It's like just swimming around with our VR goggles on, giving us the idea of this is real. This is real life. And so for all of these reasons, there are some challenges to love you like I love my own soul. Where you go I go. Where you get buried, by a plot for me next to it kind of friendship that feels like, what the heck happened? Did one soul get put mistakenly into two bodies? Because friendship, we said last week in the first half of this sermon, is in peril. And that's to our detriment because of how powerful friendship is. We spent some of the sermon last week talking about just the power of it. We could say that the Bible warns you, "Woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up". That's an important thought to think about, Ecclesiastes 4:10. Who's there to catch you when you fall? It turns out friendships are more than just the spice of life. It's nice. It's not just this luxury thing. It's actually a necessity. It's something God wants you to experience the fullness of, even spiritually, especially spiritually speaking. And we kind of, again, why is friendship in peril? Even within Christianity, have this mistaken notion that it's just all about me and my own personal walk with God. I don't know about all the church because there's drama, and I've been hurt. And there's messed up people, and they smell bad. But, no, no. No no. Your relationship with God is intended to be experienced communally. Did not Jesus say, "For where twp or three are gathered together in my name", this is Matthew 18:20, "I am there in the midst of them". So there are aspects to your relationship with God you will never be able to experience all by yourself. God sets the solitary into families. He wants there to be the power of fellowship. Koinonia is the word in the Greek. And that's why he experience, that's why he created you with deficiencies, so that the interlocking pieces of other people might bring them together. And Adam wasn't lonely, we said last week, quoting Tim Keller, because he was imperfect. Adam was lonely because he was perfect, perfect, but created to crave something that God had a cure for. God had a cure for the solitude, the relationship piece with other humans. And so for that reason, we can say safely friendship is possible. God wouldn't create you to crave anything that a solution does not exist for it. You're thirsty. There's water. You're hungry. There's food. You're tired. There's beds. You see, you get sexy. There's sex. So everything we have a desire for, there's a righteous fulfillment of that desire. So we are lonely people. And we're seeing in our day the effect of loneliness, which is at epidemic levels because of all the reasons that we mentioned living in this 21st century. So what do we need to do? We need to fight to get to what he created us to crave, and that is friendship, phileo love. Friendship is possible. Possible, though, is not the same as easy. Possible is not the same as easy. This is so important because we're living in a life where everything is easy, really. So many things have gotten easier and easier and easier. Friendship is possible, but it's hard. And because it's hard, many of us walk away from it thinking it must then be impossible, or even worse, that it must be bad. What I'm trying to say is it's possible, but it's going to take work. It's possible, but it's not going to happen easy. I'm reminded of Admiral James Stocksdale, who was taken captive as a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War that took place throughout, in the '60s and '70s. And for 7 and 1/2 years he found himself as a captive. And he noticed some things leading his men through this time of captivity. The ones who did not make it out to get back home were the ones who had this naive optimism. It's just, we're going to get home. They would just buoyantly like come into like the, it's OK, guys. We're going to get home. I have a feeling we're going to get home. He said, those ones never made it through this. The ones who kept going, we'll probably be home by Christmas. Hey, everyone think together, Christmas. We're going to be home by Easter. We're going to be home by Easter. Those ones did not do well. He said, those who did well had a realistic appreciation for the difficulty of the task that lay in front of them, but had a never say die belief that no matter what it takes, we're getting out of this. That, it's been said, is the ingredient, the concoction, the tension, the two truths held in tension. This may not be easy. But no matter what, we're going to get through this. I see in that the power that it takes to stay happily married over the course of a lifetime. Now, Levi, are you comparing marriage to being a POW. Hey, it depends on the day, OK? It entirely, sometimes the food's better, but it can be difficult. But what I'm saying is those who go through marriage just with this rosy, we fell in love, and we don't care who knows it. We finish each other's sandwiches, so it's going to be, nothing's more powerful than the flames of our love. Yikes. That's the we're going to get home by Easter. It's not enough to make it through the difficulties. And a marriage has to mature. There has to get to the true levels of it that are possible when you continue to love and serve someone repenting of your sin and continuing to die daily to yourself. And you watch the sort of chemistry and the initial puppy love, which really, the honeymoon phase they say on paper lasts about two years. And the real test is, what do you do when that ends? Do you go off to find someone else to have puppy love for? Because let me just play out your life as it continues, that's going to continue to repeat itself. Or do you let it deepen and stay in those oak barrels and eventually have something to be desired as it ages into something beyond just the chemistry and the initial spark. As it is in marriage, so it is when it comes to friendship. That is to say, it being possible does not make it easy. But that actually should make it more desirable and not less. So what I want to do with you is to ask the question, do you despise the days of small things when it comes to your friendships? Because Zechariah 4:10 says, "Who dares despise the days of small things"? And the answer to that question, every freaking one of us despises the days of small things. I'm going to get healthy. All right. I'm going to get on that elliptical. I despise this. I loathe this. Look down at the thing, and I'm working my little heart out. I'm huffing and puffing like Thomas the little engine that could or whatever. And I'm like, gosh, 74 calories? That's half of a power bar, and I ate two power bars fueling up for the stupid exercise. I'm actually at a deficit because I worked out. Who needs this? McDonalds. You know what I'm saying? We despise the days of small things. And so it is in friendship. OK, I'm going to try. I'm going to put myself out there. It didn't go so good. Ah, screw this. I'll go back to my Netflix, cave back to my DoorDash safety. Who's afraid, we could say, of the days of small talk? The days, you don't get to the deep talk without going through the small talk. But I'm encouraged by the example of Jesus, who it's been said performed a lot of miracles, walking on water, water into wine, feeding 5,000, amazing miracles. But one of the least appreciated miracles is that he had 12 close friends in his 30s. That's a miracle. He's a man with 12 close friends in his early 30s. But how did he get there? Because he got to a really great place. He got to the end where at dinner everyone's swearing they're his ride or die. And you know what? Every single one of the apostles who made it through to the day of Pentecost did give their lives for Jesus, except for the apostle John. So they, how did he end up with such close friends? Well, it was early awkward beginnings. There's so much throughout the, when you're reading the stories of the Gospels. You're like, dude, these guys didn't get along. They didn't understand what was going on. But it began this, I'll die for you, John lying at his bosom, a friend who loved Jesus and Jesus loved him like his own soul. It started with just this small talk. The disciples asked Jesus, where are you staying? He's like, come and see. Like, it was just this early walking by, hey, do you want to come? Come follow me. Leave the tax collectors thing. To Jesus, hey, you want to, to Peter, do you want to be a fisher of men? So it began, it didn't begin where it ended. Do you see that? A lot of us don't ever get in our friendships to where they could be because we're stopped because of where they are right here. But if you just keep with it, if you just stick with it, you can get to where Jesus said at the end of his life, just before he went to the cross. Look at it, John 15:15. No longer do I call you servants. I have called you friends. It took time, but it got there. It got to a great place. So the question then becomes, how do I be a good friend? How do I be a good friend? You have to first of all take the initiative. Take the initiative. Proverbs chapter 18, verse 24 says, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly". And it can get to a place where there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother. That's the end in mind. How does it start? Well, hey, you got to be friendly. I love this because it brings it back down to you having agency. It's easy to walk away and go, no one was friendly there. No one was nice to me there. I left that church. Why? Wasn't a friendly church. Were you friendly? A church is just people, and we're as strong as our weakest link. So if you want to have friends, it's back on you, buster. You have to choose to be friendly. Someone has to take the initiative. You know Gabrielle Reece did in the early 2000 for women's beach volleyball what Shaun White did for men's snowboarding, what Tiger Woods did for golf, what Lance Armstrong, too soon, did for professional cycling. She really brought it to the bleeding edge of popularity. And everyone was kind of following, and it launched this kind of bigger life. I read an interview recently with Gabrielle Reece. She's married to Laird Hamilton, who's a big wave professional surfer and, claim to fame, he's the one who following his celebrity life from a distance, Laird doesn't know who I am, got me into cold plunging and hot sauna. So you're welcome. Anybody who's ever been dragged into my cold plunge, you have Laird Hamilton and Gabrielle Reece to thank for this. But basically, she was asked, what's something that's helped you out in life that maybe other people would need to hear, by Tim Ferriss. And she said, I've just decided to be the one to go first. I've decided to be the one to go first. And he says, what do you mean go first? I love this. She said, I just, I mean by that if I'm checking out at the store, I'll say hello first. If I come across somebody and make eye contact, I'll smile first. She says, I've been experimenting with that in life just a little bit at a time. Not all times, but most times, it ends up in your favor. She then says, I was at the park the other day. My kids were playing. There was these two other women who were a little bit older than me standing there, on surface looks, we had nothing in common. I walked by them, turned around, looked at them and smiled. And she said immediately, a smile of relief came over their faces. The realization is people are ready, but everyone's kind of just waiting for someone to go first because we're being trained in this world to opt out. Nobody's going first anymore. That's what scripture is saying. You want to have friends? Be friendly. Go first. Come on. Let's take that initiative. Let's not wait for someone else to notice us. Let's not wait for someone else. What relief's going to come when you be the kind of a person who walks into a room and just says, hey, there you are. Hey, what's going on. Hey, I see you. You want to have friends, you got to be friendly. So take the initiative. Then, be vulnerable. As friendships progress, what's going to take them to the next level is you having an anti-social media mindset. Because social media is basically all built around this idea of we show the best, hide the rest. Every photo you see on Instagram, just think of the 30 on their camera roll that are going to get deleted because they were not deemed good enough. Oh, no. That's not true. I have my vulnerable posts. We know that because you wrote "vulnerable post colon". And then now comes a carefully calculated algorithm-smashing vulnerability that's all been sanitized. So now, we can't even trust even our vulnerable post moments. Is this real talk? Is this not the truth? So the problem is this is the highlight reel mentality of social media, we then apply it to real life. And you know what happens in real life? The blooper reels of the movie. So you have to embrace that a little bit. You're not going to have great friendships unless you just say, hey, there's going to be some blooper reel moments. Blooper reel moments, I said the wrong thing. Blooper reel moments, I put my foot in my mouth. In those moments, we get red-faced, and we get embarrassed, and it didn't go so good. So we kind of like, again, our tendency is to run away from that. But don't resist that. Embrace the fact that power comes through weakness. That's our kingdom, the kingdom that Jesus inaugurated. 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness". So as friendships progress, and, again, this is not immediate. This is where we're wanting to get to, a place where within those friendships there can be actual vulnerability. Come on, enough with the church talk. How are you doing? So good. Great. Yeah, you're doing great? Great. Everything's great. Yeah because everything's perfect because you have a halo. No man, because God's good all the time, and all the times God's good. Enough with all that. Where's the place where we can actually tell people that we love and are connected to, here's what's really going on. And I'm not going to be afraid that my mess and my weakness is going to repulse you. In fact, there's going to be a lot of sense of I'm not the only one who feels that way. You do as well. Let's talk about it. So we need to be comfortable feeling uncomfortable, to be exposed in that way, not curating what we're willing to show people in community. Number three, look for ways to add value. Look for ways to add value. It's possible, but you're going to have to look for, take good notes in your mind. As you're meeting people, as you're talking to people, think as they're saying things. Who do I know who could help you with the problem that you've just admitted to having? How can you be a connector? Hey, I noticed you mentioned this. I want, I got to introduce you to my friend. He does that, the amazing things that can happen when you're just looking for ways to add value. That's how friendships are formed because your gifts that you have, that you're strong in, aren't going to necessarily be for me and vice versa. So as we have a budding relationship, we need to look for ways to add value. Proverbs 18:16, "A man's gift makes room for him and brings him before great men". And this is an opportunity you have in the friendship phase to ask the question, what can I do that would actually help you out in some way? And that's kind of intuitive because we get it. It makes sense to me. Someone that I've done something for going to look favorably on me. And that's true. Proverbs 19 says that, "Many entreat the favor of the nobility, and every man is a friend to one who gives gifts". Maybe the harder part then is the reverse of this. How to build a friendship by being willing to be on the receiving end of that? That's the harder one. We're all looking, oh, I've got to introduce you to so-and-so. Let me open that door for you. Is there something I could do for you? Oh, hey. What's this handwritten thank you note and this little gift that showed up after we met? Yeah, well, you mentioned you like this, and just, I know a place that does a great job at doing that. Here's just a little thing. That's a simple, easy, we can all do this. This isn't rocket science. The harder thing, though, is when someone offers, hey, you. I noticed you mentioned you're having a real hard time with your golden retriever. I know of a great invisible fence. And hey, I'd come over, and we could dig that thing, you see what I'm saying? And they say that to you. And you're like, oh, no, no, no, no. You see what I'm saying? All of our pride kicks in. And then you'd see my house, and I won't have time to clean it up. And you're going to actually see what I didn't show you on my vulnerable post on Tuesday because that's when the algorithm said, vulnerable posts do particularly well between 4:00 and 6:00 PM, when all the soccer moms get off of, you see what I'm, like, you're just going to come in, so being on the receiving end of someone helping you out, being willing to receive help from somebody else. And in saying all of these things, there's an icky version and a good version. In all of these things, there's a manipulative version, a smarmy version. There's a hard sell vacation rental on holiday pitch version of all of this that people can smell. But if your motives are pure, and you're seeking to do it to bless, and there's no sense of like quid pro quo and transactional, I did this, and now you kind of owe me. You know, Dwight Schrute and Andy trying to both give each other favors so that they can both, no, you owe me. Now, you owe, Of course, that's not what we're talking about. These are, but these are how friendships get built. We bless each other. We help each other. And then we watch certain things click. We get to see and wait for those moments where you kind of notice like Jonathan and Ruth. Ah, there's some sense of soul connection here, but it's trial and error. So don't be afraid to get into the lab a little bit. Ultra important, read the room. You want to have friends? Read the room. And if you missed me when I said it a moment ago, read the room. Social smarts cannot be overstated. John Rockefeller had this thing that he did. He would take guys golfing. Richest guy in the world at one point, he would take guys golfing. And he just wanted to kind of have friendships. But he had a rule that he didn't tell anybody. It was an unspoken rule. If you brought up work, or if you asked for a job or a favor for so-and-so, or you asked for a loan, or you sort of subtly hinted a little funding for your dream thing, you would never get invited back again. You were just, you were crossed off the list of golf. He was looking for people who could just golf with him and just be in the moment and actually read it, and those were the people that he began to confide in and trust and who knew the moment, that he wasn't there to have a meeting. He wasn't there to do any Shark Tank investment. He was there because he really liked golfing. So we have to get better at reading the room, knowing what people are actually about. This is Proverbs 27:14, "He who blesses his friend with a loud voice rising early in the morning, it will be counted as a curse unto him". And they say the Bible ain't practical. Is this person an early bird or a night owl? And are they caffeinated enough yet? You know what I'm saying? Like, just what's going on here? Ah, this person seems to back away slowly whenever I walk towards them. Maybe I'm doing something that is annoying. So reading the room means not overdoing it, not coming on too strong. Maybe because we're so socially starved for friendships in our celebrity bubble of media and consumption, that when we actually do start to make friends, we overdo it by just wanting to cover 20 years of friendship in like two weeks, leaving someone with just whiplash. Like, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll. We just met, and I gave you, And now you're like, well, here's what we're going to do Tuesday. And then we're going to make snow angels. And then it's just like, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm Homer Simpson backing into the bushes. Do you see me? What's your social security number? It's like, whoa. Are you in my lawn right now looking in through my window? There's stalker behavior. Proverbs 25:17, "Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you". We don't want to have that impact on people. We want to sort of leave them wanting more. You get invited to someone's house, the art of knowing when the night's over, when the host sort of stands up and says, well, thank you for coming. That's your cue to go. It's like, it's not, like, well, I'd love more coffee if anyone's having any. It's like, it's a Tuesday. They have to work tomorrow. Just mellow, right? This is just so important. I was talking with Lennox this week. We were splitting kindling off of logs for firewood. And he was like, why do we need to do this? We have so many logs. I'm like, you can't shove these big logs into a little fire. It'll smother it. It'll suffocate it. So it takes the little kindling, and a little bit bigger. And then eventually, the flame will be so powerful it can handle that big log. But I think some of us are trying to leap forward two decades out of our camper van friendship that we just formed into this beautiful thing that will be there to stabilize us in the hardest trials of life. But that friendship is weak. You can't handle that kind of flame. And it won't work if you repot the tree and move it to a new nursery every two years. It will not work if you just keep on with this nomadic life, where every time any difficult thing ever shows up, you're on to the next thing because there just, it was dramatic over there. No, you just were adverse to any conflict, any difficulty, and you didn't persist through the hard things to get to what you actually want there to be. So read the room. Give what you want. What do you want? Well, that's what I tried to do. I gave everybody what I wanted. No, no, no. You don't want that. You want people to take the time to figure out your love language and become fluent in your love language. That's what you want. You should ask the question in your friendships, what do they want? And me giving that will actually open up for me, me getting what I want, which is to be noticed and appreciated that I took the time to speak someone else's love language will help open up the case for me to get mine met because it's an upside down kingdom. We don't get by demanding we get by giving. If you just start trying try to take, it will be taken from you. But you give, you lay down, you will often get what you want when you give what they need. So you have to ask the question, what is it that my friends want? What is it that their friendship would have them receiving from me? And how can I be the kind of person who gives what's needed. And this changes from day to day, and it changes from season to season, doesn't it? Proverbs 25:20, "Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather and like vinegar on soda is the one who sings songs to a heavy heart". So just because in one season they loved that song, doesn't mean they're not hurting today where that would be grating to them. So it takes intuition. It takes empathy. It takes work. All of this is not instant turnkey gratification. Most importantly, friendships are possible, but you're going to need to trust the Holy Spirit. This is my favorite because I get to take the pressure off of you, of this misinformed notion that you're to be friends with everybody. Hear me. The Holy Spirit has in mind certain relationships that are to be those love as your own soul kind of friendships. And you need to be listening and paying attention when those nudges happen. And shocking idea, have you prayed, God would you show me what friendships I'm to invest in? Because your soul does not have the capacity to have that kind of intimacy with a large group of people. You see this in the life of Jesus. Jesus had 70 commissioned preachers he would send out, out of a pool, a greater pool of some 500 who believed and followed him. And out of that 70, were shrunk down to those who he could actually know and send out on mission. And out of that, there were 12 that he was close friends with. This is kind of like a Fresh Life group, kind of like a small group or a team approach. There's 12, and we can have vulnerability to a degree. But out of that 12, he was so wise, only three in that group actually got the kind of real soul access to him, Peter, James, and John. I think this is a model for us that it's not unloving to know how to put people in their place. Now, I know we use that in a very pejorative, very negative way. But the Holy Spirit has your similar paradigm, that there are going to be some hopefully, praise God, 12 people that you're really kind of close to. They're your friends. They're your people. And out of that 12, there are going to be three who are your Peter and your James and your John. And the Holy Spirit needs to free you to find those. And that means that other people are not that for you, and that's OK. And that's not bad, and that's not unloving. C.S Lewis said, and I love this, "I have no duty to be anyone's friend, and no man in the world has a duty to be mine". You have to hear from God and know what your duty is to do what he's called you to do. Paul said the same thing, Romans 13:8, "Owe no one anything except to love one another. For he who loves another has already fulfilled the law". So I can love you, but not be friends with you. All right? Nice woman came up to Jennie the other day, goes I feel like we're best friends. Because you've heard all my sermon illustrations and you read my book, we're not friends. But I love you. You're my sister in Christ, and I love you. I do have friends. That's not a bad thing that you're not my friend. And it would be so setting you up for disappointment to think I'm going to be able to act like a friend to you just because God's called me to minister and bring God's word to you. You need friends. And you need to owe it to everybody in the body of Christ to just simply love them. And that means, here's the cool thing, you can be friendly without having that pressure of you're my soul friend. And you need your few friends, and the Holy Spirit will speak to you on that issue. But you don't have, it's a capacity issue, really. You don't have the capacity to be friends with everybody that you're connected to, which is now more than ever a lot of people. OK? All right. So friendships, that's the first half of the sermon, are possible. But buyer beware. They're also painful. They are painful. And so it's not just camper vans and high-speed internet that makes friendships hard. It's that they hurt sometimes. They hurt. And I've narrowed down two reasons why friendship is painful. Thus, why some of us are predisposed to not even open ourselves up to all that difficulty. The two reasons are friendships are painful because they go wrong. Sometimes they go wrong. You thought you knew a guy. You thought you had the right choice. And then they ended up stabbing you in the back. They ended up betraying you. They ended up gossiping about you, and you found out later. This happens to everybody, everybody. One of the books I've been reading this year, really slowly working through, is a biography on Ulysses S. Grant. And I picked him because I know nothing about him. I literally, I was like, I know he smokes a cigar sometimes. I knew about his horse. I knew the baseball card stuff. I was like, I really want to get to know this great leader as best as I can. And so I was reading this book, and so much that he went through that was difficult and hard and challenging. And at the end of the biography, he was, the author says, Ulysses S. Grant was asked at the end of his life in all that you went through and experienced, what was the most painful part of your life? That's a crazy question, considering he was the commanding general during the Civil War. How many people under his command died that he would have to lose? That's painful. His daughter, while he was president of the United States, got married to a Brit. And so Ulysses didn't want it to happen, didn't like the idea. But she fell in love. And, of course, what he feared, he cried all through the ceremony in the White House. This guy wanted her to live in England with her. So the sadness and pain of his daughter moving. Don't you get any ideas, Lesko girls, who are listening in on this sermon. He was sad that it was painful to have his daughter live abroad. And the guy ended up being a bad guy, and betrayed his daughter and was a philanderer all around the world, and the marriage did not go well. So that was painful. Agreed? He had an alcohol problem, Grant did. Turns out, he had a real difficult time with drink. And Abraham Lincoln was asked about it. Why can you trust this guy to run our North through the war, the nation through the war? He's an alcoholic. And he goes, I'll tell you, if I find any other generals that do as well as he do, I will send barrels of alcohol to them, too. Lincoln was like, the positives outweigh the negatives. But it was hard because even when there were seasons of his life when his addiction was in control, under control, then there was rumors about the alcohol. And all his political opponents would just say, oh, the drunk, the drunk. You can't trust the drunk. Is that it painful? That's painful. Oh, how about the fact that he was friends with Lincoln, who was assassinated. Can you see where I'm going? Grant experienced some pain, which is why I was surprised when the question was asked, what was the most painful thing you experienced in your eventful life? And he responded, and I quote, "To be deceived by a friend". To be deceived by a friend. His own secretary in the White House turned out to be a rat. There's this big scandal, ironically, called the Whiskey Ring scandal. Because I don't know how much you know, but, I'll tell you all day about Grant. I love this guy. I have a man crush for days on this guy, love him like my own soul. I'm joking. He, Lincoln paid for the Civil War by putting a huge tax on whiskey. But then after the war the tax had not been removed yet, but it was super susceptible to corruption because people could, for favors, say that the tax due had been paid when it hadn't, but then siphon a lot of money off for doing that favor. And they suspected someone close to Washington, DC was involved at a very high level. And when rumors began to circulate that maybe, just maybe, it was President Grant's secretary, he said no, no. This guy is true blue. He's the real deal. And he was actually taken to trial, and Grant volunteered to give testimony on behalf, And everyone said, you can't do that. President can't go do, and he said, no, I'm doing it for this guy because he's my, I will die for this guy. He's my real deal friend. So he did. The guy got off. And right after the fact found out the guy was completely a snake in the grass and that had been lying and double-dealing the entire way right under President Grant's nose. And that betrayal he counted the most difficult thing he endured in this life. King David agreed. David went through some difficult things, some hard days. And yet, David, in Psalm 55, said, "It is not an enemy who reproaches me. That I could bear. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me. That I could hide, then I could just hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We used to take sweet counsel together, walking to the House of God in the throng". What is he talking about? He's talking about that pain that we all know if we've been betrayed. He had this friend named Ahithophel. And when there was high treason against David by his own son, he said it was actually the sting of Ahithophel's betrayal that hurt even worse than his natural family, storge, turning against him, that it was his brother from a different mother, Ahithophel, who picked Absalom's side in the fallout that stung more than anything. He said, I can handle enemies. I've been having enemies come at me since Goliath. Hello. But to have someone who I thought was one way end up being another way, well, that hurts, doesn't it? It's the "Et tu, Brute," that rings out throughout history, that Jesus himself experienced through the betrayal of Judas and the kiss of deceit, and that Paul, the apostle, who we said last week as he preached, he would tell everybody where he went, about his friends that helped him do what he did, the sting of that. Look at it in 2 Timothy 4. Paul is at the end of his life, and he says, "for Demus has forsaken me, having loved this present world, and has departed for Thessalonica". This is hard because Paul is about to have his head cut off. And when you read Colossians, he says, hey, Demus, says hi. Demus says hi. But now he's like, I'm all alone. No one's with me. Why? Because I got forsaken by this Demass, I mispronounced that. My bad. But that's the emotion, isn't it? Demus had said, Paul, I'm with you. I am with you. I am with you. I am with you. But then when Paul got arrested, Demus started to get scared that maybe he would end up in difficulty. So he bolted for Thessalonica, and that's hard. And this is not the first time Paul went through that. Paul was preaching once, and he brought along a young man named John Mark because he was this guy who had all this faith. I want to go with you, Paul. I want to be your friend. And so they go out and do this. And the moment it got difficult on the missionary journey because there's the Pinterest idea of what ministry is like, and then there's the reality. The moment it got difficult, what did John Mark do? He bolted. He bailed. And that's hard to sort out. Now, here's, let's just separate Christianity from cults. In a cult, if someone leaves the cult, no one in the cult still is allowed to have any communication with them. They've become the apostate. They've become the outsider. They're to be rejected. If you see them in the street, you shun them. You unfollow them. That's not how we're supposed to be in the body of Christ, right? Can we be clear? If someone's left Fresh Life, we want you to still have friendship with them. We want you to still love them. That's not the heartbeat at all. That being said, you don't see Paul with Demus like, hey, but next time in Thessalonica let's get a latte. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's a sense in which there's this betrayal now has caused Paul to need to have a boundary, and that's not unloving. And the same thing is true with John Mark. When John Mark bolted from the mission, later on Barnabas tried to bring John Mark up again. Let's maybe give him another shot. And Paul said, over my dead body. And Paul and Barnabas, two good friends, actually ended up with animosity over it. Why am I saying all this? Because I'm trying to say it's confusing. Even under the best of circumstances, there is a messiness to it. But what I would I'd say to you is that you have to continue to let people close, even when you've been hurt, even when it's been hard, even when you've been stung by that kind of pain, that you would not armor up, that you would not keep everybody at arm's length waiting to get wounded, hoping to get hurt, making everybody else in your life guilty for sins that somebody else committed, and to continue to have the sweetness of spirit for people in relationships in your life, even though there are hard things that are going to come. And I do love, by the way, to kind of end Demus's story, that by the end, we don't know about him. But we know about John Mark. By the end of Paul's ministry, he actually says, would you get John Mark and send him to me, for he is useful. So apparently, Paul was able to reassess a boundary that at one season needed to be pretty secure and open it up again to give John Mark himself another chance. But all this is to say that the table stakes for friendship is pain. And that's when they go wrong because they will at times for you and for me. But there's also a second source of pain and that is the pain of friendships going right. The friendship that goes right will cause pain for you as well. Why? Well, because vulnerability hurts. It hurts to let people in. It hurts to be willing for them to see you. It hurts your ego to admit that you need help, and that you need prayer, and that you need someone that can cry with you and sit with you. You also are going to go through the pain of honesty, honesty meaning you hopefully will allow people, the right people, close enough in your life to say what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. Listen to me. If you only allow people in your life who tell you what you want to hear, you don't have true friends. Joab, 2 Samuel 11, David's off the rails, man. He's having this adulterous affair with Bathsheba. And he's fixing, he's plotting a plan to make it much, much worse. And he talks about it with his friend, Joab. And Joab does everything that David asks him to do. He does nothing to say bro, no. That comes in the next chapter, 2 Samuel 12, when a true friend, when someone who truly cared about David told him something that hurt, something that stung, something that put a mirror up in front of his life about what he was about to do by saying, you've done wrong. You've sinned. And that stung. So if we're going to put the right people in our life, sometimes it's going to be unpleasant. There's going to be difficult conversations. And every single time it happens is an opportunity to leave the relationship because that's hard and go start over new with someone else who's less drama. Or persist through the difficulty and get your relationship to another level. And I think, again, as a microcosm of that friendship, my relationship with Jennie, and then in the 19 years, the difficult nights and the bitter fights and the challenging moments that would for sure have been chance for us to go, well, then, we're incompatible, but to allow instead those differences to propel us to another level. And the same is true in friendship. How do we get to that kind of "love you like I love my soul" friendship. We persist through enough difficulties to level up our friendship enough to where the pain, the sting, and the challenge at times of loving rebuke gets us to where we want to be. We have some serious equity in the friendship account. There's another reason, though, that friends hurt, and it's the fact that when you let someone close enough in to love you, anything they go through deeply affects you. Galatians says, "Carry one another's burdens, and in so doing, fulfill the law of Christ". If I love you like I'm supposed to love you, when the Holy Spirit says to both of us we're to pursue this friendship, there are going to be times when I have to watch you hurt. And what am I going to do? I'm going to let you be helped. How am I going to do that? By hurting with you. Think about Jesus when the woman touched him. Virtue went out of him. He was weaker, so she could get stronger. That's a picture of friendship. And in your pain, I'm going to walk away. There's going to be anguish that I feel because I'm helping you carry your burden. So for all of these reasons and many others, friendships are painful. And I only tell you that so that you have full disclosure. And I want you to buy this thing without some due diligence, without knowing what you're getting into. But with that all said and every bit more, I still say to you with all of my heart, they're worth it. They're worth it. They're worth it. A Harvard study was done. It was begun in 1938, and we're in the height of the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl, this dark, hard chapter in our history. And some scientists, some sociologists at Harvard University said, we should study what makes people happy. And the best way to do this would be to track people for their entire lives. And then look at what was different about their lives and if there's any commonality in the happiest, healthiest group. Sounds good. The only problem is the researchers will die or retire, and who's going to carry on their work? But they launched this project, the Harvard Study of Adult Development. And they got this group, 724 men, half of them were going to come from Harvard University. That group included John F. Kennedy, by the way. And the other half was going to come from a sampling of the poorest neighborhoods in the inner city district of Boston. And they found the tenements. Now, think about it. In the Great Depression, you have people living in hovels without running water, and they found half of the group from that sampling. So these two, as different as you could possibly be, wealth, privilege, opportunity, Ivy League, all of the things. This group over here, man, very bleak possibility for better lives. And they began tracking them. Well, the original researchers either died or retired, and the baton has successfully changed hands to the current one, who just released a book on this called The Good Life, is the fourth director of the program. And what they do is every two years they call each of these men and have an interview with them about their health, about every single detail of their life, and they compile it all. It's literally in human history the longest study on human thriving that's ever been done. There are still 59 of these men who are alive. They're in their 90s. And what they basically have is an accurate picture and an understanding of what leads to happiness. And what's shocking is that how it has almost nothing to do with the number one, number two, number three things that most people, millennials and Gen Z alike, say that there are goals in their life, which usually are somewhere in this order, money, great job, ability to travel, being famous. These are almost always the top things. And they found that those who lived the longest, are the healthiest, and are the happiest, there's nothing of those things in common with them on this list. They say having a mansion on the beach is not what they have in common, the happy ones. Having a six-figure income, not, even good cholesterol. Shockingly, in your 40s and 50s, good cholesterol is not a predictor of are you going to be thriving and happy and healthy and living a very long life. Access to a country club, not on the list. College education, not even on the list at all. Those who are happy and healthy and thriving have good relationships plain and simple. That is the one proven thing this study has found, having good friendships, having relationships in your family. It's not about more money. It's not about having the prestigious job. It truly simply boils down to friendships. The friendships, they say, seems to delay mental health and physical decline and are better predictors of long and happy lives than any other single thing. So, like I said a moment ago, hard, yes. Messy, for sure. Painful, 100. Worth it. But a word of warning before you go. I don't want you to rush out from this moment now and just be on a mission for friends. Any friends? Any friends? Friends are important. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die... I need a friend. Just be the thirstiest person in the whole world. You know, friends. Because friendship is not meant to be the end. And friendship actually never works when it's about friendship. Friendship must not be about friendship. In fact, God told me to put it to you this way, and then I'll explain. Let me just say it like God told me to tell you. For better or for worse, looking back from the end of your life, it is going to be what you gave your life to more than any other thing that determines the friends that you have. What you give your life to, the agape, that's going to determine the phileos that fall into place as an effect of following whatever or whoever you choose to give your life to. In the book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis puts it far more eloquently than I could when he said, and I quote, using words you could hardly ever imagine writing today and publishing, if anyone from Thomas Nelson is listening, "That is why those pathetic people", the snowflakes wouldn't like all that, right? "Those pathetic people who simply want friends can never make any. The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. There would be nothing for the friendship to be about, and friendship must be about something. Those who have nothing can share nothing. Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travelers". So if you make having friends the goal, that's where you're going. What other travelers are you going to get? You're not going to get the kind of friends the friends you're looking for are themselves looking for. So let me use the words of Jesus's BFF, Peter, Jesus's bestie, Peter, who when Jesus gave him the chance, hey, man. Do you want to call it quits? Do you want to go away? Do you want to, do you want to bounce? Peter said, man, where else am I going to go? You alone speak the words of eternal life. So our application today isn't, all right, well, I'm going to go make friends. No, the application should be, challenging question, who have you bowed yourself down to? Who have you given your life to? Where are you going that's going to bring a fellow traveler? If you give your life over to the making of money, or to being the highest or whatever, this endeavor that you want to give yourself to, being the best in class at that, you'll get fellow travelers towards that, but they won't be the kind of fellow travelers that you want at the end of your life. But if you bow yourself down to, like Peter said, you alone speak the words of eternal life. And then here's the trick. You get to look to your left and look to your right and see who else is doing that, and that should be the grid and the criteria by which you make, that's how I met Jennie. Jennie and I both gave our lives to Jesus. And we looked to the left and looked to the right. Hey, she's also doing that. Let's do that together. That should be the same grid by which we, and here's the beautiful surprise. You're not going to end up with any friends quite like what you thought on paper you were most compatible with. The algorithm would never serve that up. What in common does Matthew, the tax collector, have with Simon, the zealot? I hate Rome. You work for Rome. We're not friends. Yeah, but we're both following Jesus. So it turns out we have a lot, we are fellow travelers. That's what you want your friendship, now, I'm not saying Jesus was a friend of sinners, love people, keep the light on for people, the hope for restoration. But who actually is going to be those two, three, those Peter, James, and John's that I let access to my soul? You better make sure you're heading in the same direction. And so, Father, we do pray that our response to this message would be to re-up, or to up for the first time, our commitment to you and ask you to add the other things unto us. We're going to keep idolatry from our hearts, even the kind of idolatry that we would turn to to get a friend. Moses said, even if the friend who you love like a soul pulls you away from God, choose God. May every other love in our life look like hate compared to our love for you. And then, God, you will add to our lives the friendship and the family. And where those overlap, we hope it's beautiful, that we can even have the friendship within our families, with other people who have that same spirit and same mind. If some part of this message touched you, and you would say, I needed to hear this today, and I wanted to specifically add perhaps you have a little whiplash from some relational pain that has kept you from letting people in. You've armored up your heart. What I want to say to you is the opposite of letting people in and getting hurt is going to be you don't let people in. And you're not going to find that your heart stays hurt-free. You're going to experience a different kind of hurt, the hurt of loneliness. So if you would say there's been some pain in my heart, and I want God to heal me from that and trust people again, could I just ask you to raise up a hand so I could pray for you. God bless these. It's hard. It hurts, Lord, but I pray for your healing. I pray for your touch. I pray for your spirit. Help us to believe again. Start small, God, but keep diligently at it. And we will look back and see, I'm so grateful I kept investing. I'm so grateful I didn't pull that investment out. Thank you, Jesus. Would you touch these? Thank you for being the perfect friend to us. In Jesus' name. You can put your hands down. I want to now invite those who have never trusted Christ for salvation to that all important decision. Every other thing we're talking about, it's something that we can sort out once we've nailed down our allegiance to Jesus as King. But if you're here today and you don't have that peace, that confidence, that promise that when you die you're going to go to heaven, I invite you to open up your heart to Jesus. And I can tell you on the authority of God's word if you come to him, he will not cast you out. I don't care what you've done, where you've been, how much you've sinned, or how proudly you've adamantly said you would never do this. Jesus will come into your heart today if you invite him in. So with heads bowed and eyes closed, if you would say, I need to surrender my life to Jesus. Maybe you're listening in a correctional facility or some other bleak situation, listening in a hospital, God's word has come to you. The gospel can't be chained. So here now you can respond to the spirit and receive salvation. Every campus, every location, if you're ready to trust Jesus, I'm going to pray. I want you to pray this with me, out loud, after me, believing it in your heart. Church family say it with us: Dear God. I know that I'm a sinner. I can't fix myself, but I believe you can. Please come into my heart. Make me new. I give myself to you.

Regarding health, get the facts, understand the layers of health care, explore treatment options, seek wise spiritual counsel and take a personal inventory. Team up with family and friends, support groups and mentors, clergy and prayer partners, doctors, pharmacists, mental health professionals, dietitians and alternative health care providers

II Kings 5:1-14 What kinds of things can you accomplish with power and prestige? Now Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Aram, was a great man in the view of his master, and eminent, because by him the LORD had given victory to Aram. The man was also a valiant warrior, but afflicted with leprosy. Now the Arameans had gone out in bands and had taken captive a little girl from the land of Israel; and she waited on Naaman’s wife. And she said to her mistress, “If only my master were with the prophet who is in Samaria! Then he would cure him of his leprosy.” And Naaman went in and told his master, saying, “The girl who is from the land of Israel spoke such and such.” Then the king of Aram said, “Go now, and I will send a letter to the king of Israel.” So he departed and took with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels of gold, and ten changes of clothes. And he brought the letter to the king of Israel, which said, “And now as this letter comes to you, behold, I have sent Naaman my servant to you, so that you may cure him of his leprosy.” But when the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his clothes and said, “Am I God, to kill and to keep alive, that this man is sending word to me to cure a man of his leprosy? But consider now, and see how he is seeking a quarrel against me.” Now it happened, when Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes, that he sent word to the king, saying, “Why did you tear your clothes? Just have him come to me, and he shall learn that there is a prophet in Israel.” So Naaman came with his horses and his chariots, and stood at the doorway of Elisha’s house. And Elisha sent a messenger to him, saying, “Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh will be restored to you, and you will be clean.” But Naaman was furious and went away, and he said, “Behold, I thought, ‘He will certainly come out to me, and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, and wave his hand over the site and cure the leprosy.’ Are Abanah and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, not better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them and be clean?” So he turned and went away in a rage. Then his servants approached and spoke to him, saying, “My father, had the prophet told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more then, when he says to you, ‘Wash, and be clean’?” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, in accordance with the word of the man of God; and his flesh was restored like the flesh of a little child, and he was clean. What kinds of things can you accomplish with low standing and humility? BACKGROUND At first, when examining the passage, I was drawn to two things: Naaman’s leprosy and its miraculous healing. But the more I dug into the text, the more I realized that these were just settings for the real theme of this passage. It is a contrast of the humble with pride, power, and prestige. Consider the major players in the text. There is Naaman, a powerful general in Aram’s army with the appreciation of his king. There is King Ben-hadad of Aram, a powerful and wealthy figure. There is King Jehoram of Israel. And there is money, a lot of it, offered by Ben-hadad to Jehoram, as we will see. In contrast, there is a little servant girl, really, a slave of Naaman’s wife. A person on the lowest rung of society’s ladder. She’s a girl. Girls were not highly prized. She was foreign. She was a slave. She had everything against her. Yet, a few simple words from her changed the course of Naaman’s life. Then there are Naaman’s servants with him on the trip to Israel to see Elisha. They are servants, not military commanders or people of power. Yet, their words, like the little girl’s, carried great weight. Naaman was a man of pride, power, and prestige. Yet, none of these things could bring him a solution to his condition of leprosy. Leprosy was a term used to cover a variety of skin diseases. In the worst cases, leprosy could mean exile from the community. Naaman’s leprosy was not that bad, though it was a problem. It was a mark of his identity. Leprosy, in the Bible, is a type for sin. Just as nothing could cure leprosy, so too, nothing human can cure our sin. Naaman’s life is a picture of our life without a miraculous solution for our sin. Our solution doesn’t come through pride, power, or prestige, but through the humility of one man, Jesus Christ. Likewise, Naaman’s solution to his problem didn’t come through pride, power, or prestige. But through the humility of a little girl and a few servants. EXAMINATION (V.1) Now Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Aram, was a great man in the view of his master, and eminent, because by him the LORD had given victory to Aram. The man was also a valiant warrior, but afflicted with leprosy. Aram is associated with the territory of modern-day Syria. Aram had a complicated relationship with the northern kingdom of Israel, sometimes an ally and sometimes a foe. The relationship was an uneasy one. Notice the text said the Lord had given victory to Aram. Israel had been committing idol worship, a violation of the covenant, which God punished by giving victory sometimes to Israel’s enemies. Naaman’s leprosy was probably restricted to a small part of his body as he was able to carry out his duties as commander of Aram’s army. Verse 11 indicates the leprosy may have been restricted to a spot that one could wave a hand over. So, it was not debilitating. His digits and limbs were not in danger of falling off. The important thing to note here is that the text says that Naaman was “a great man in the view of his master and eminent.” Here we begin to see the beginnings of Naaman’s pride, power, and prestige. (V.2-3) Now the Arameans had gone out in bands and had taken captive a little girl from the land of Israel; and she waited on Naaman’s wife. And she said to her mistress, “If only my master were with the prophet who is in Samaria! Then he would cure him of his leprosy.” WHAT KIND OF SOCIAL STANDING DOES A SLAVE GIRL HAVE? Notice the contrast to Naaman. “She is an Israelite, he is an Aramean; she is a ‘little maiden,’ he a ‘great man;’ she is a captive servant, he a commander; he has fame in the king’s estimation, … she has none, for she simply ‘waited upon’ … Naaman’s wife.” [1] God used a caring comment from the most humble of girls to initiate something great. (V.4-5) Naaman went in and told his master, saying, “The girl who is from the land of Israel spoke such and such.” Then the king of Aram said, “Go now, and I will send a letter to the king of Israel.” So he departed and took with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels of gold, and ten changes of clothes. In ancient times, people believed in healing through magic arts. This was no less true in the Ancient Near East. Hearing of a prophet who could cure leprosy was taken seriously. Upon seeking permission to go to Israel to seek healing, King Ben-hadad assists Naaman with a letter to King Jehoram of Israel. Letters like this between kings were a common form of communication between kingdoms. To show the seriousness of the request, Ben-hadad sends a gift of ten talents of silver and six thousand shekels of gold. In today’s money, this is $383,000 in silver and $7.2 million in gold. Here we see the prestige that comes with great wealth. The king of Aram has great wealth, and he gives it to Naaman to use for his healing. (V.6-7) He brought the letter to the king of Israel, which said, “And now as this letter comes to you, behold, I have sent Naaman my servant to you, so that you may cure him of his leprosy.” But when the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his clothes and said, “Am I God, to kill and to keep alive, that this man is sending word to me to cure a man of his leprosy? But consider now, and see how he is seeking a quarrel against me.” DO YOU THINK THAT KING JEHORAM OF ISRAEL IS CORRECT HERE? WAS BEN-HADAD LOOKING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO ATTACK ISRAEL? WAS HE USING NAAMAN FOR HIS OWN PURPOSES? At first thought we might agree with Jehoram that Ben-hadad is seeking an opportunity against Israel. But the size of the gift that Ben-hadad sent through Naaman would argue otherwise. Ben-hadad highly valued Naaman, as testified by the large gift he sent for his healing. We might be tempted to say that King Ben-hadad was using Naaman as an excuse to pick a fight with Israel. But we learned from the first verse that that is not the case. Because King Ben-hadad had high regard for Naaman. (V.8) Now it happened, when Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes, that he sent word to the king, saying, “Why did you tear your clothes? Just have him come to me, and he shall learn that there is a prophet in Israel.” In one sense, we might say that Elisha is using pride and prestige by declaring that he is the prophet in Israel. But that’s not really what is happening. Saying that “he shall learn that there is a prophet in Israel,” is the same as saying, “there is a God in Israel.” (V.9-10) So Naaman came with his horses and his chariots, and stood at the doorway of Elisha’s house. And Elisha sent a messenger to him, saying, “Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh will be restored to you, and you will be clean.” Notice Elisha’s response. Here was a king’s envoy with a large number of horses, soldiers, and chariots, and Elisha did not even come out to meet him. Rather, he sends a servant to relay the message on how to be healed. In one sense, this is insulting. On the other hand, it is humble. Elisha is not seeking payment or status. He simply declares what is to be done. He performs a miracle by proxy. We should not forget that in these ancient times, the culture was primarily driven by a shame-honor dynamic. In one sense, Elisha is shaming Naaman. He is humbling him. He is letting it be known that his pride, power, and prestige will amount to nothing when it comes to the things of God. And notice how Naaman responds. (V.11-12) Naaman was furious and went away, and he said, “Behold, I thought, ‘He will certainly come out to me, and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, and wave his hand over the site and cure the leprosy.’ Are Abanah and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, not better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them and be clean?” So he turned and went away in a rage. There is a touch of pride in Naaman’s response. He is proud because Elisha offended him by sending a servant to relay the message rather than coming out himself. And he demonstrates his pride in his own country over Israel. If he had maintained his pride, he never would have been healed. (V.13-14) Then his servants approached and spoke to him, saying, “My father, had the prophet told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more then, when he says to you, ‘Wash, and be clean’?” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, in accordance with the word of the man of God; and his flesh was restored like the flesh of a little child, and he was clean. Just like his humble servant girl, Naaman’s servants urge him to obey the prophet’s instructions. What made the difference in Naaman’s life was not the high and mighty. It wasn’t the two kings or the millions of dollars in gifts, or even his status and power as the commander of Aram’s army. It was the words of a little girl and a few servants. Humble circumstances and simple obedience is what made the difference in Naaman’s life. We’ll examine the second half of this story in our next lesson. WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED? Naaman was a man of great power and influence. Word of a solution to Naaman’s leprosy came through humble circumstances—a little girl. A king’s letter and millions in gifts had no impact on Naaman’s healing. Simple, humble obedience to a humble instruction brought about Naaman’s healing. INTERPRETATION What is the author’s big idea? God uses humble circumstances and people to accomplish great things. Consider our greatest example of humility, Jesus. He was born into a poor family. Worked as a carpenter, a common laborer. When he ministered, he had no home. His disciples were people on the lower end of the scale of society. He had no horse or donkey; he walked wherever he went. He was dependent on the gifts of others to make his living and provide for his disciples. Yet, this most humble man led the most extraordinary life, teaching thousands, healing disease, and raising the dead. What made the difference in Naaman’s life was simple humility and obedience. He was expecting magic, a show of talent or power. He was equipped with the gifts of kings. But none of that mattered. Salvation cannot be bought with money or influence. Just as Elisha’s miracle of healing was free, so is our salvation. Jesus offered what he offered at no cost. He even told his disciples, “Freely you have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8). Remember that leprosy is a type for sin in the Bible. Just as Naaman’s leprosy could not be cured by anything but a miracle, so too, our sin cannot be cured by anything but a miracle. That miracle was the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. APPLICATION Great success cannot cure the deepest human problem. Naaman was powerful, wealthy, respected, and successful, yet he still suffered from leprosy. The passage reminds us that status, money, and achievement cannot solve the deeper problems of sin, brokenness, mortality, or spiritual need. Every person ultimately needs God’s grace. God often works through humble and unexpected people. The turning point in the story comes through a young servant girl taken captive from Israel. God used someone overlooked and powerless to point Naaman toward healing. We should never underestimate how God can use ordinary believers, children, servants, or people with little public influence to accomplish His purposes. Pride can keep people from receiving God’s blessing. Naaman almost walked away angry because Elisha’s instructions seemed too simple and humiliating. He expected something dramatic and prestigious. Often, people resist God because His way requires humility, repentance, and surrender rather than self-importance. Obedience to God matters even when we do not fully understand. Washing seven times in the Jordan River did not appear logical or impressive, yet Naaman was healed only when he obeyed. God sometimes asks believers to trust Him before they fully understand His methods. Faith is demonstrated through obedience. God’s grace is available to all people. Naaman was not an Israelite; he was a foreign military commander from Aram. Yet God showed mercy to him. This points to the broader truth that God’s salvation is not limited by nationality, ethnicity, background, or social standing. God welcomes all who come to Him in faith and humility. —– [1] House, Paul R. 1995. 1, 2 Kings. Vol. 8. The New American Commentary. Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

II Kings 5:15-27 WHERE WE’VE COME FROM Let’s remember where we’ve come from since our last lesson. Naaman, a trusted general in the Aram army, was afflicted with leprosy. With the support of his king, he sought the help of the prophet Elisha to heal his leprosy. When Elisha told him to dip himself seven times in the Jordan River to be healed, Naaman was furious. His pride, power, and prestige had blocked his way, but when his servants encouraged him to obey the prophet’s words, he dipped himself seven times in the river and was completely healed. Now we come to the point where, in total thankfulness to God, Naaman returns to Elisha to express his gratitude. In the process, he meets Gehazi, and this is where our story picks up. SCRIPTURE Then he returned to the man of God with all his company, and came and stood before him. And he said, “Behold now, I know that there is no God in all the earth, except in Israel; so please accept a gift from your servant now.” But he said, “As surely as the LORD lives, before whom I stand, I will accept nothing.” And he urged him to accept it, but he refused. Then Naaman said, “If not, please let your servant be given two mules’ load of earth; for your servant will no longer offer a burnt offering nor a sacrifice to other gods, but to the LORD. Regarding this matter, may the LORD forgive your servant: when my master goes into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leans on my hand, and I bow down in the house of Rimmon, when I bow down in the house of Rimmon, may the LORD please forgive your servant in this matter.” He said to him, “Go in peace.” So he went some distance from him. But Gehazi, the servant of Elisha the man of God, thought, “Behold, my master has spared this Naaman the Aramean, by not accepting from his hand what he brought. As the LORD lives, I will run after him and take something from him.” So Gehazi pursued Naaman. When Naaman saw someone running after him, he came down from the chariot to meet him and said, “Is everything well?” And he said, “Everything is well. My master has sent me, saying, ‘Behold, just now two young men of the sons of the prophets have come to me from the hill country of Ephraim. Please give them a talent of silver and two changes of clothes.’” Naaman said, “Be sure to take two talents.” And he urged him, and tied up two talents of silver in two bags with two changes of clothes, and gave them to two of his servants; and they carried them before him. When he came to the hill, he took them from their hand and deposited them in the house, and he sent the men away, and they departed. But he went in and stood before his master. And Elisha said to him, “Where have you been, Gehazi?” And he said, “Your servant went nowhere.” Then he said to him, “Did my heart not go with you, when the man turned from his chariot to meet you? Is it a time to accept money and to accept clothes, olive groves, vineyards, sheep, oxen, and male and female slaves? Therefore, the leprosy of Naaman shall cling to you and to your descendants forever.” So he went out from his presence, afflicted with leprosy, as white as snow. BACKGROUND Our passage today shows us the danger of greed. Gehazi was a man of covetousness and greed. “The confidential servant of Elisha. Various words are used to denote his relation to his master. He is generally called Elisha’s servant, or personal attendant; he calls himself his master’s servant or slave. He is mentioned by name in three narratives: II Kings 4, 5, and 8. “He is introduced in the story of the wealthy Shunammite who provided in her house special accommodation for Elisha (II Kings 4:8–37). Having failed to determine what she might desire as repayment for her kindness, Elisha asked Gehazi what should be done for her. Gehazi had the insight to recognize her great wish and told Elisha of her secret desire for a son. Elisha promised that this wish would be granted. Later, when the child died, in her grief, she clutched at the prophet’s feet, and Gehazi thrust her away, probably in a desire to protect his master but nevertheless exhibiting a lack of the finer feelings so apparent in Elisha. Gehazi was directed to hasten to Shunem and lay the prophet’s staff on the child. In this narrative, he appears in general as a willing, efficient, and practical man. “In the incident connected with the healing of Naaman (II Kings 5:20–27) the moral character of Gehazi is revealed in its sordid covetousness. Elisha’s integrity in refusing the gifts of Naaman sharply contrasts with the baseness of Gehazi’s action. To him, Elisha’s refusal of the Syrian’s wealth was incomprehensible. The careless repetition of Elisha’s oath, the glibness with which he lied to Naaman, and the coolness with which he subsequently appeared before Elisha indicate that such actions were characteristic of him. His deception of Naaman was in itself worthy of punishment, but his guilt was magnified because his actions gave the Syrians occasion to impugn Yahweh’s servant and thus Yahweh Himself. Although the story told by Gehazi about the fictitious guests who had come unexpectedly to Elisha was credible, the Syrians would undoubtedly have interpreted the request as a measure of covetousness on the part of Elisha. Gehazi’s punishment was immediate and permanent leprosy, extending even to his descendants.” [1] EXAMINATION (V.15) Then he returned to the man of God with all his company, and came and stood before him. And he said, “Behold now, I know that there is no God in all the earth, except in Israel; so please accept a gift from your servant now.” Naaman makes a remarkable confession. The people of Israel at this time were living in rebellion against God. They did not profess Yahweh as the one true God. But here comes this pagan foreigner, recently healed by Elisha of his leprosy, and he makes a profession of faith that Yahweh is the one true God. This is very much like the healing that Jesus did when he ministered. Most people that Jesus healed did not seem to come into a relationship with him. They received their healing and then moved on. A friend of mine, many years ago, who had a ministry of healing, admitted to me that most of the people that he saw healed did not come and be thankful or make a profession of faith in Christ if they were non-believers. Healing does not always result in somebody following the Lord. But in this case, with Naaman, that was not the case. His healing resulted in a total conversion so that he became a disciple of Yahweh. Naaman wants to make a return to the Lord for what he has received. This is another demonstration that his faith was real. It was common for prophets to receive payment for services rendered from time to time. But as we will see, Elisha would accept none of it. (V.16) But he said, “As surely as the LORD lives, before whom I stand, I will accept nothing.” And he urged him to accept it, but he refused. WHY DO YOU THINK ELISHA REFUSED NAAMAN‘S GIFTS? “Contests of politeness are common in the East, where the one party offers to give and even insists on giving, while the other makes a pretense of declining; but here both parties were in earnest, and the gift was absolutely declined.” [2] When my family and I lived in Mongolia, we came back to the US for a visit. I met with a business owner who offered me a position with his company. He wanted me to take over media for his company. He offered me a starting salary of $200,000 a year. I’ve never made any kind of money like that before in my life. He offered me a $1 million signing bonus; that is, he would pay me $1 million upfront just for taking the job. Then he offered me a percentage of the profits of the company when he sold it. In essence, he was offering to turn me into a multi-millionaire overnight. All I had to do was take the job. I thought about it for about two seconds, but I realized that if I had taken the job, I would have to give up my ministry in Mongolia. And that was not something I was willing to do. Why would I give up my ministry for money? Money can be a powerful inducement. But we must walk carefully, being sure that our minds and our eyes are not clouded by the wealth the world offers in lieu of service to God. (V.17) Then Naaman said, “If not, please let your servant be given two mules’ load of earth; for your servant will no longer offer a burnt offering nor a sacrifice to other gods, but to the LORD. Naaman wants to establish holy ground in his homeland. This is likely for the construction of an altar that Naaman would use to worship the Lord. As he recognized that God is the god of Israel, he wanted to take some Israeli land back with him to use in sacrifice to the Lord. The concept of holy ground was not unknown in Israel. Moses removed his sandals because he stood on holy ground where God was. David purchased the land of Mount Moriah to make a sacrifice to save Israel, and that land became holy ground that was eventually used to build the temple. Dirt was often used to create altars to the Lord for sacrifice. Naaman was doing something similar here. (V.18-19) Regarding this matter may the LORD forgive your servant: when my master goes into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leans on my hand and I bow down in the house of Rimmon, when I bow down in the house of Rimmon, may the LORD please forgive your servant in this matter.” He said to him, “Go in peace.” So he went some distance from him. WAS NAAMAN COMPROMISING HIS NEWFOUND FAITH BY ASKING THIS QUESTION? “Every land had its own god, who was supreme in it—Baal in Phœnicia, Chemosh in Moab, Moloch in Ammon, Rimmon in Syria, Bel or Bel-Merodach in Babylon, Amun-Ra in Egypt.”1 Naaman was not asking for permission to worship Rimmon; rather, he was asking for permission to assist his master, the king. As a trusted person to the king, he would’ve accompanied the king on official and religious duties, such as in his false worship of a false God. Signifying that the king would rely upon him to bow down signifies that the king was probably older and needed some assistance. Naaman wanted to faithfully serve his king, but he also wanted to faithfully serve the Lord, so he asked for permission to help the king bow down, but he was not bowing down his own heart to a false God, but would worship only the Lord. Elisha’s response to him is to go in peace. In other words, he is forgiven. (V.20) But Gehazi, the servant of Elisha the man of God, thought, “Behold, my master has spared this Naaman the Aramean, by not accepting from his hand what he brought. As the LORD lives, I will run after him and take something from him.” It’s interesting that Gehazi says, “As the Lord lives,” while he intends to deceive Naaman and take something from him. This is irrational. But all sin is irrational. It clouds our thinking. We declare the greatness of God in one breath, then lie with the next. Here we see Gehazi’s greed. But this is not his only character flaw, as we shall see later. (V.21-22) So Gehazi pursued Naaman. When Naaman saw someone running after him, he came down from the chariot to meet him and said, “Is everything well?” And he said, “Everything is well. My master has sent me, saying, ‘Behold, just now two young men of the sons of the prophets have come to me from the hill country of Ephraim. Please give them a talent of silver and two changes of clothes.’” It’s unusual that Naaman should come down from his chariot. In the culture of the day, only an inferior would come down to meet a superior. This demonstrates how much of a changed man Naaman really was. Previously, he was filled with pride, power, and prestige. Now, he humbles himself in gratitude. (V.23) Naaman said, “Be sure to take two talents.” And he urged him, and tied up two talents of silver in two bags with two changes of clothes, and gave them to two of his servants; and they carried them before him. Notice the generosity of Naaman. Completely deceived, he offered Gehazi twice as much as what he asked for. This demonstrates the heart of gratitude that Naaman actually had. He wanted to bless the prophet for what had happened to him. And he demonstrates his generosity by providing more than he has asked to give. On top of that, he provides servants to carry the gift back to Gehazi’s home. Imagine the conversation that Gehazi may have had with Naaman‘s servants on the way back. How much of the lie did he continue to tell during that conversation, I wonder? Two talents of silver would weigh about 100 to 150 pounds. So it was necessary for servants to help Gehazi carry the gift. And the gift was substantial, equal in today’s dollars around $75,000. (V.24-25) When he came to the hill, he took them from their hand and deposited them in the house, and he sent the men away, and they departed. But he went in and stood before his master. And Elisha said to him, “Where have you been, Gehazi?” And he said, “Your servant went nowhere. Gehazi compounds his lie with another one, this time to his master, who had discipled him so well. This is the indication that Gehazi did not collect the profit for the benefit of his master, but for his own personal benefit; he intended to keep it for himself. (V.26-27) Then he said to him, “Did my heart not go with you, when the man turned from his chariot to meet you? Is it a time to accept money and to accept clothes, olive groves, vineyards, sheep, oxen, and male and female slaves? Therefore, the leprosy of Naaman shall cling to you and to your descendants forever.” So he went out from his presence, afflicted with leprosy, as white as snow. WHY DO YOU THINK GEHAZI‘S PUNISHMENT WAS SO SEVERE? In some ways, Gehazi is like Judas Iscariot. Look at the tragedy of Gehazi’s life. “From his life, we can see that Gehazi was compassionless. When the woman whose son died grabbed the feet of Elisha, he wanted to push her away (4:27), even as Judas was offended when Mary poured oil on Jesus’ feet and wiped them with her hair. “This is a waste,” Judas said. “That money could have been used for something better” (John 12:1–6). “Secondly, Gehazi was powerless. He was sent to raise up a woman’s son, but he was impotent (4:31). You know you are losing your effectiveness as a servant when you are no longer able to be used in reviving the spiritually dead, when your witness is ineffective, or absent altogether. “Thirdly, Gehazi was faithless. When the man brought the first fruits, it was he who said, “There’s no way this food will feed all these people” (4:42). “Lastly, Gehazi was covetous. He wanted the silver and the garments, just as Judas sold Jesus Christ for a few pieces of silver. Judas was a follower of Jesus. And yet something happened. Compassionless, powerless, faithless, and overcome with covetousness, he ended up denying the Lord. So did Gehazi.” WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED? Gehazi was a man of flawed character, specifically, falling prey to covetousness and greed. Gehazi carefully thought through a plan to deceive Naaman into giving him wealth. Naaman had become a humble man, generous in spirit, grateful for his healing. Gehazi preyed on Naaman’s generosity. When discovered, Gehazi was punished with Naaman’s affliction—poetic justice. INTERPRETATION What is the author’s big idea? The fruit of covetousness is loss. WHY IS GREED SO OFTEN DIFFICULT TO RECOGNIZE IN OURSELVES? Consider what Gehazi tried to do. Through deception and cunning, he tried to acquire wealth for himself at the expense of his master and Naaman. He coveted what Naaman had. And Naaman had a lot. The gifts that he intended to bring to Israel and the prophet for his healing totaled over $7 million in today’s value. It’s easy to see why Gehazi could’ve been tempted by that wealth. However, he was unlike his master, Elisha. Elisha was not tempted by wealth. He was an example to Gehazi. But Gehazi did not take that example to heart. He ran after Naaman in order to acquire from him what he had hoped to get, wealth. The end result was that Gehazi lost the very thing that he sought. In poetic justice, he received his punishment, the permanent loss of his health. This is similar to Judas Iscariot. Judas acquired 30 pieces of silver for betraying Jesus. It was not a large sum of money, just $400 in today’s value. But in the end, Judas lost the money by throwing it back, and for betraying Jesus to death, he lost his own life. Also, poetic justice. Covetousness and greed never gain us what we’re looking for. But they always cost us. They reveal the depth of our hearts, focused on things rather than on the person of Christ. Our focus should be on the person of Christ, not the wealth of the purse. Remember that Jesus said you cannot serve God and money. Do you sometimes imagine winning the lottery or acquiring a great sum of money? Putting a priority on money and things is a form of idolatry. It puts God in the backseat and our personal desires in the forefront. I once asked a woman if she could have $1 million or her husband. And she answered very frankly that she’d preferred the million dollars. I can’t imagine what her husband felt like when he heard that. In our faith in Christ, we should be focused on the relationship and not the benefits. Benefits may come, but they are not the be-all and end-all of what it means to know Christ as Savior. APPLICATION True Gratitude Leads to Worship and Life Change. After being healed, Naaman returned to Elisha, declaring, “Now I know that there is no God in all the earth except in Israel” (II Kings 5:15). Naaman did not simply appreciate the miracle—he recognized the true God. Genuine encounters with God should move us beyond temporary excitement into worship, obedience, and a transformed life. God’s blessings should draw us closer to Him, not merely make our lives easier. Gratitude should produce worship and spiritual growth. God’s Grace Cannot Be Bought or Manipulated. Elisha refused Naaman’s gifts because he wanted Naaman to understand that God’s healing was an act of grace, not a transaction. But Gehazi secretly pursued money and possessions from Naaman. This contrast reveals two very different hearts: Elisha valued God’s honor, Gehazi valued personal gain. We must guard against using ministry, faith, or spiritual things for selfish profit, recognition, or advantage. God’s grace is freely given and should never be exploited. Hidden Sin Eventually Brings Consequences. Gehazi thought he could deceive both Naaman and Elisha. But God exposed his greed and dishonesty. Gehazi’s punishment was severe because his sin misrepresented God before a new believer. Sin hidden from people is never hidden from God. Greed, dishonesty, and hypocrisy eventually damage both ourselves and our witness before others. [1] MacLeod, M. A. 1979–1988. “Gehazi.” In The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, Revised, edited by Geoffrey W Bromiley, 2:423. Wm. B. Eerdmans. [2] Spence-Jones, H. D. M., ed. 1909. 2 Kings. The Pulpit Commentary. London; New York: Funk & Wagnalls Company.

An ailing five-year-old suffers with chronic illness when a group of kind kindergarten students show genuine love and concern. God never forgets us.