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In my last post I delved into the gory details of the complete and utter dysfunction of Jacob’s family: deceit, jealousy, lust, unrequited love, manipulation, preferential treatment, twisted use of sex – this family had it all. I talk with all too many people from Christian families who are deeply ashamed of the dysfunction in their homes. Modern American Christian culture is a nuclear-family centric culture. Just turn on your local Christian radio and you’ll find filtering through the airwaves not so much the gospel as “family friendly” or “positive and uplifting for the whole family” fare. Christian politicking, likewise, is focused on “family values” and “pro-family legislation.” The biggest downfall of Christian leaders (both political and otherwise) usually has to do with something they’ve done that has broken the trust of their family (adultery, sexual sin, etc). Many local churches try to draw people through their doors with their children’s programs or family-themed messages. The merits of such politics and programming aside, the underlying message in American evangelicalism is clear: our relationship with God is inextricably intertwined with and dependent on the health of our relationship with our nuclear family. If your family isn’t smiling on Sunday, God’s not smiling at you. It is not surprising, then, that so many families hide the deep dysfunction in their families and are ashamed with such dysfunction accidentally leaks out. My wife is a counselor and there have been many families we’ve dealt with who have refused to attend counseling sessions when approached by friends in the church or church leadership. Why? 1) Because they think if they keep it hidden it doesn’t exist. And 2) because they think their problems are unique. What a sad state of affairs! These problems aren’t unique. To be more confrontational about what I said in my previous post, I challenge you to find me one functional family in the Bible! And yet God’s mercy and love and plan is in full force at every point. God isn’t a messy God, but he sure isn’t afraid to pull his people out of the mess. In fact, he seems to relish it. We all are born into dysfunctional families and we all create dysfunctional families. It’s what sinful people do. But our God is a God who can lavish your sinful family with his love, grace, and compassion.

As it was in the days of Christ, so it is today: There are few true worshipers. Many believers work for God, perform Christian services, follow a disciplined ritual, but few worship God as He specifies and requires. Too many of us have been programmed to think that the worship service takes place on Sunday morning in a sanctuary. We have missed the real essence of worship. Worship is falsely associated with a certain place and time. An esthetic location may enhance our emotional involvement, but it will not ensure worship. Christ teaches that worship of His spirit must take place in our spirits. Man’s spirit is the one place where he can meet God. The spirit, which involves consciousness of God and the supernatural world, consists of conscience and discernment of right and wrong (2 Cor. 2:13); intuition, which perceives knowledge without use of the soul or the five senses (John 11:33, 13:21; Mark 2:8; Acts 20:22); and the capacity of communion, worship and communication with God (John 4:23; Rom. 8:16; 1 Cor. 14:15). Only when we are born again can we fellowship with Christ. It takes the redeeming work of Christ to enlighten our spirit and make it responsive to God. Even though there is nothing wrong with incorporating the body and soul into worship, all spiritual activity must emanate from the spirit. Our worship of God will be no greater than our knowledge of Him. In this respect, every believer has a different capacity to worship. Some are so backslidden that they have not received any revelation from God in years. It is no wonder they cannot worship God. They do not know Him; they have not spent time with Him. On the other hand, how sweet are the hours of worship for one who has made it a lifelong quest to know God. The Father still seeks true worshipers. Has His searching eye found you? Why not meet God in the quietness of your spirit and worship Him today?

In our first 20 years of marriage, my wife and I seldom welcomed guests. Our parents had not modeled this in our childhoods, and we didn’t realize how wonderful it is to offer hospitality to others. Now hardly a month goes by that we don’t fellowship regularly around our table with old and new friends. In these tough economic times, we find this relaxed but meaningful ministry can do much to ease the isolation and tension some of our friends are facing. Even though all of God’s people should be hospitable, it is an especially important part of being a church leader. Caring for people by offering them fellowship and a meal is a meaningful part of ministry. Spontaneous or planned hospitality allows people to get to know each other on a deeper level so that we can pray for one another. With practice we can reach out in natural, unstructured ways so that our homes become frequent stops for friends and even strangers. (Heb. 13:2) Offering hospitality has two main objectives. First, we can graciously provide for the physical needs of others – food and lodging. Second, we can provide an environment where relationships can be nurtured and developed. Whether we are on the giving or receiving end, hospitality is a blessing. Unfortunately, we allow many excuses to interfere with this blessing. Here are some practical suggestions that have worked for our family. Don’t worry about the size or condition of the house. One family I know has a dollhouse size kitchen and eating area, but they entertain small groups frequently. The home is clean, the family is prepared and that’s all that matters. Plan ahead and give guests clear instructions and directions. Make sure people know the date and time well in advance, who else is invited, driving directions, if they are expected to bring anything, appropriate dress, the telephone number, the general plan for the evening and if children are included. Consider carefully the size of the group. Keep in mind that the ministry aspect of showing hospitality increases as the number of invited guests decreases. Small groups provide more intimacy; large groups provide opportunity for meeting more people. Both kinds of events qualify as hospitality, but consider the emotional/spiritual difference between them. Keep the meal simple. Do I hear an “amen” to that? Remember, the meal is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Physical nourishment is secondary to emotional and spiritual nourishment. When we have people for dinner, we usually serve a simple meal that includes a casserole, salad, bread and dessert. Make the evening a joint effort among family members so that one person is not unfairly burdened. Decide ahead of time who takes responsibility for cleaning, meal preparation, serving and cleanup. Greet people when they arrive. This pivotal moment conveys friendliness and puts guests at ease. Make sure they are introduced to others, offered refreshment, can locate the restroom and know the plan for the evening. During the meal, direct the topics of conversation. Without some direction, conversation can drift to trivial, meaningless, even questionable topics. The host can steer the conversation by initiating certain topics. We can ask people to share about themselves or their family, how they got involved in the church or where they call “home.” Avoid topics that could be uncomfortable for some guests. Asking everyone to share their testimony would be risky unless the host knows everyone would be comfortable with that. Likewise, asking everyone to share about a favorite vacation could leave out someone who is unemployed and can’t afford a vacation. Control most of the conversation. Don’t let some people dominate the conversation while others sit in silence. Try to vary the topics so more people have a chance to find a topic of interest. Imagine how a non-musician would feel if the entire evening is focused on classical music. After the meal, engage in additional “one anothers.” When we move to the den, we might share a short devotional and pray for one another, making sure ahead of time that no one feels obligated to pray aloud. During this time we may find opportunities to comfort someone who is hurting or encourage someone who is raising children. Provide closure to the evening. Let people know when it is okay to leave without disrupting the evening’s agenda. We can invite them to linger for fellowship, but some guests may have other obligations and are looking for the courteous moment to say good-bye. Personally affirm each person as he leaves. Make sure guests know how much their presence has meant. Showing hospitality may also involve offering lodging. Whether for a night or an extended time, here are some house rules for making sure things run smoothly. Make sure husband and wife are unified in the offer of hospitality and that everyone else in the house knows who is coming and for how long. Clearly define how long the houseguest will stay and what meals and transportation will be provided. It is not fair to you or your guests to be unclear about these arrangements. Communicate house rules that will make you and your guests comfortable. For instance, no food in the living room, don’t let the cat out, breakfast on your own, what to do if the phone rings, etc. Hospitality is a two-way street. Here are some hints for being on the receiving end. Graciously receive and quickly respond to an invitation. Offer to bring part of the meal. Be on time and park without blocking a driveway, etc. If appropriate, bring a simple gift. Respect the house rules. Respect the host’s leadership. Don’t hijack the conversation, turn on the TV or leave early without notifying the host. Don’t dominate the host’s attention. Leave at a decent time. 4 Express gratitude verbally and follow up with a written note. Too often we think fellowship involves excessive amounts of time and money. Perhaps our focus is on being impressive instead of on being hospitable. Generally, our guests remember how warmly they were treated long after the meal has been digested. Don McMinn, Ph.D. (with Kimberly Spring) Executive Director of theiPlace.org The 11th Commandment: More Insights into the One Anothers of Scripture

Christmastime… that peaceful, everybody-gets-along time of year, right? Not necessarily. Harmony in relationships can be challenging year round, but as activities increase with holiday celebrations and we encounter more people, our chances of offending someone or being offended increase. Regardless of how careful we are to avoid hurts and misunderstandings, problems happen. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, so we need to be conscientious about resolving personal issues. After all, “God has called us to live in peace.” (1 Cor. 7:15) When a relationship is broken, we should take the initiative to restore peace, even at the expense of religious/spiritual activities, even if it is the other person who is upset with us. We are told to be proactive and to settle matters quickly. (Matt. 5:23) If left unresolved, controversies and misunderstandings seldom evaporate. Instead, they usually go deep into the heart, lie dormant, fester and begin to poison the soul. Issues need to be dealt with quickly and at a time and place conducive to restoration. Keep in mind, however, that some of our personal issues just need to be forgiven, forgotten and dropped. When the neighbors don’t respond to our invitation to a Christmas celebration, we don’t need to make an issue of it. However, we should never dismiss as trivial another person’s feelings if they are upset. Then it is our responsibility to seek resolution. Sometimes, our efforts to live in peace with people do not bring about the desired result. I once offended someone by inadvertently leaving his name off the church bulletin acknowledging his musical performance. Even after attempts to apologize, the person was still upset. Eventually, I had to realize that I had made every effort and I should let it go. Of course, I continued to pray for the situation, showed kindness to the musician and tried to be more careful in the future. At times, we may be called upon to help arbitrate other people’s quarrels and misunderstandings in which we are not personally involved. Initially, this might involve encouraging someone else to seek resolution. Or, we may need to get directly involved – “John, let me set up a meeting with you, Bob and me so this issue can be settled.” Helping others live in peace is certainly the responsibility of those in authority. Parents, church leaders and employers should take the initiative to resolve relational conflicts with their children, members and employees, respectively. The guidelines I use for making peace are found in Ephesians 4:15. “Speak the truth in love.” Speak When a misunderstanding occurs, all parties need to talk. It is not spiritually mature to remain silent and just “take it.” In every healthy relationship, participants should have the freedom to speak, and we can make this work by being approachable and being good listeners. Being approachable means letting others know they are welcome to share the truth in love. It doesn’t mean that we must agree with those who approach us, but they should know we are willing to communicate with them. Lines of authority should never separate us from our responsibility to be approachable. As parents, church leaders or employers, we should never convey the message that our position puts us beyond approachability. Keeping the peace also depends on being a good listener. We need to focus on what the other person is saying and give our undivided attention. Listen not only to what the person says, but also to their heart. (Matt. 12:34) Sometimes people don’t mean what they say, but sometimes people mean more than what they say. The teenager who says, “I just want to go to my room,” may actually mean that she is dealing with something hurtful that happened at school. Listening also requires remembering, being sensitive in the future to this shared information. Speak the Truth While most of us would not boldly lie, we may be tempted to distort the facts, exaggerate the facts, make assumptions or speak part of the truth. Instead, we should share only the truth and all of the truth as we pursue peaceful resolutions. We need to understand all sides of a story. Often, just talking through a misunderstanding to get all the facts will resolve an issue. Speak the Truth in Love Some people think that armed with truth they can express themselves anyway they want, even if it hurts another person. When we share our truth with love, it reveals our motivation to sincerely bring peace to the situation, to edify, not humiliate. Timing, place and approach can affect how our words are received. Consider this. I want you to speak the truth in love to me, but… · Not as soon as I get home from work · Not in front of the kids · Not when I am tired · Not in front of other people · Not by condemning me What would you add to the list to define your personal criteria? Here is mine: Please, not on Sundays, particularly not before worship services. These are some other suggestions for speaking the truth in love: · Get to the point quickly · Stick to the issue at hand · Discuss the situation only with those who are directly involved in · Give the other person(s) an opportunity to respond · Be sensitive about when you share and do so in a timely manner · Use a gentle tone of voice and non-threatening body language Living in peace with one another is a big deal with God. Christ wants his body to be united and harmonious, not torn by strife and division. We can enjoy relational, interpersonal peace, but it takes constant effort. Don’t let fragile relationships ruin the joy of Christmas. Make peace with others and resolve to keep the peace in the New Year. Don McMinn, Ph.D. (with Kimberly Spring) Executive Director of theiPlace.org The 11th Commandment: More Insights into the One Anothers of Scripture

My dear Muslim friends, That Allah does not love the sinner is abundantly clear in the Quran. Note just a few of the many passages in the Quran addressing this topic: “God loves not transgressors.” (2:190) “He loves not creatures ungrateful or wicked.” (2:276) “God loves not those who do wrong.” (3:57, 140) “God loves not the arrogant the vainglorious.” (4:36) Who is a sinner? Certainly the Quran regards anyone who rejects God as a sinner. But there is another person the Quran regards as a sinner. The person who once obeyed God, but turned away. “Say: ‘Obey God and His Apostle; but if they turn back God loves not those who reject Faith.” (3:32) The Quran has dozens of passages like this. It is a fact, nowhere in the Quran is God ever reported to love someone who does not love Him first, nor is Godi´s love ever used as the primary motivation to draw someone close to Him. In contrast, both the Torah and Injeel record that God loves everyone regardless of their sin. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ.” (Ephesians 2:3-5) Note the contrast between this passage and the Quran in 2:190 “God loves not transgressors.” In both passages, people who have not yet turned to God are in focus. What a contrast! In the Quran, God simply does not love them. But if they turn, then God will love them. Whereas in the Injeel, God loves them and it is because of His love that He pursues a relationship with them. In the Prophets, God’s love for man is illustrated by His willingness to endure our sin as He waits for us to come to our senses about His character. “Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go again and love Gomer, who is loved by her husband [Hosea], yet an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods….” (Hosea 3:1) It is interesting that such a huge variance in the character of God’s love should exist between the two books? Mohammed claimed He was revealing the will of God, who also sent the Prophets and Isa. Both Moses and Isa characterized God as loving the unrighteous and desiring to draw the unrighteous to Himself by means of His love. This is something the Quran does not do. Take your own normal relationships as an example. Certainly your ability to love and express your love is imperfect, being that you are only human. Yet the Quran ascribes a lesser ability to love, on the part of God, than even normal human beings who have rejected Him. Consider this: The vast majority of parents love their children unconditionally. Even when their children do wrong, their parents still love them and express their love to them in some fashion. There are many parents whose children have turned to gross immorality, or violence as a lifestyle. Some even turn against their parents more directly. Yet in the majority of cases, though those parents know their children have filled their lives with evil, they still love them and hope that their expressions of love will eventually turn their children back from the brink of destruction. Nowhere in the Quran is God ever described in this manner. In fact, the opposite is true. He only loves those who obey or love Him first. The God of the Injeel loves deeply and unconditionally.

To my dear Muslim friends: The Quran and the Injeel (the Gospels) in the Bible reflect very different views of God. God’s love is the basis for all relationships and behaviors. To imagine that God could love someone unconditionally is a concept unique to Christianity. Many of the concepts taught within the Quran appear at their surface to be quite similar, if not the same, to concepts in the Injeel (Gospels). This is certainly true regarding teachings about many moral standards and codes of personal behavior. However, the basic fundamentals of each faith differ sharply. Probably the most important difference is the teaching about God’s love. In the Torah, the Love of God is given as the very reason that God selected a people for Himself to save. “Because He loved your fathers, therefore He chose their descendents after them…” (Deut. 4:37). The Torah also notes that God loved His people though there was nothing special about them. “The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because you were more in number than any people; for you [were] the fewest of all people….” (Deut. 7:7) Even in the Injeel we see that Godi´s love for man is given as the primary reason He sent Isa as the Messiah. “For God so loved the world He gave His One and Only Son….” (John 3:16). Also, “This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (I John 4:10) These, and many other passages in the Bible portray God as loving those who don’t love Him, and working to redeem those very same people. Some apologists call this, unconditional love. We might also call it, unequalled love. As a Muslim, you know that God is merciful, and compassionate, along with many other of descriptions of His character. It is comforting to know that God has such qualities. That God is compassionate and merciful is not in question, rather, to whom is He compassionate and merciful, and why? This is the key difference between the Quran and the Injeel; especially if these characteristics are qualities of God’s love. The picture painted of God’s love by the Quran is very different from the Injeel. Each section below outlines the main points the Quran gives regarding God’s Love: The Quran: God does not love the sinner. God’s love is reserved for those who do good. God’s love is conditional, based upon our deeds. God’s people love him, but obedience is the requirement. Consequently, God’s people imitate God’s love. The Injeel: God loves everyone, regardless of sin. God’s love is for everyone. God’s love is unconditional, being based upon His character, proven by His deeds. God seeks a personal relationship with us. Consequently, God’s people imitate God’s love.

Can you protect your child? As parents we often want what’s best for our children – I love what Psychologist Jonathon Haidt suggest about hardships and how they shape us ~ he gives this hypothetical exercise: Imagine that you have a child, and for five minutes you’re given a script of what will be that child’s life. You get an eraser. You can edit it. You can take out whatever you want. You read that your child will have a learning disability in grade school. Reading, which comes easily for some kids, will be laborious for yours. In high school, your kid will make a great circle of friends; then one of them will die of cancer. After high school this child will actually get into the college they wanted to attend. While there, there will be a car crash, and your child will lose a leg and go through a difficult depression. A few years later, your child will get a great job—then lose that job in an economic downturn. Your child will get married, but then go through the grief of separation. You get this script for your child’s life and have five minutes to edit it. What would you erase? Wouldn’t you want to take out all the stuff that would cause them pain? If you could wave a wand, if you could erase every failure, setback, suffering, and pain—are you sure it would be a good idea? Would it cause your child to grow up to be a better, stronger, more generous person? Is it possible that in some way people actually need adversity, setbacks, maybe even something like trauma to reach the fullest level of development & growth? *Condensed from Leadership Journal, © 2009 Christianity Today International. (article author: John Ortberg) So, may you and I be reminded of God’s proximity in the midst of our moments of calamity. May you open yourself to what those moments can produce within you, how they can sweeten you and how it can increase your trust in him! 1 Peter 3:7; James 1:2-4 ~Jack (I’ll leave you with this thought)… “Christianity does not so much offer solutions to the problems of suffering, but rather provides the promise of a God who is completely present with us in suffering. Only Christians believe in a God who says, “Here I am alongside you. I have experienced the same suffering you have. I know what it is like.” No other religion even begins to offer that assurance.” ~Timothy Keller, author & pastor

Sometimes we don’t realize how “far down” Jesus had to go to save sinful man. I guess it’s because we really can’t get a handle on the holiness of God. A story I read really gave me a picture of what Jesus sacrificed to come from heaven’s glory to “earth’s dungeon” and be born a tiny, helpless infant. On June 5, 1978, a seven-year old boy named Martin Turgeon slipped off a wharf and fell into the Prairie River in Canada. At least a dozen adults saw him struggle for a few moments before he sank & drowned. Why didn’t anyone dive in to save him? Just upstream, a plant used to dump raw sewage right into the river. The water was dirty—dangerous to your health. So, nobody jumped in to save Martin Turgeon. SomeONE did jump in for YOU! God thought you were worth jumping in after…that’s what the Nativity proves…unwrap the wonder of that again. John 3:16 / Ephesians 2 Frederick Buechner said “Those who believe in God can never in a way be sure of Him again. Once they have seen him in a stable, they can never be sure where he will appear or to what lengths he will go or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of man… And, this means that we are not safe, that there is no place where we can hide from God, no place where we are safe from his power to break into and recreate the human heart because it is where he seems most helpless that he is most strong and just where we least expect Him that he comes most fully.” The Nativity – is the profound picture of God – the ONE that notices & responds. As you see a Nativity this CHRISTmas season – PAUSE… Take a moment to thank God for being willing to ‘jump in’ for you. Take a moment to pray & ask Him to show up unexpectedly again into your life. Take a moment to make sure you’re not missing His already unannounced entrances… What did Jesus jump in & save you from? What might he be wanting to save you from now?… ~ Jack

Our assumptions about Paul’s view of women in ministry are surprisingly challenged in Romans 16. God’s desire is for men and women to be restored to their equal standing before the fall of Adam and Eve. Churches can increase their effectiveness when women are allowed to lead and minister as God originally intended. Casas Adobes Baptist Church Romans 16 S-1716 “strong-weak” Christian question from Ladies Retreat yesterday….. SLIDES: TOP 10 FEMALE DRIVERS How many of you think that a woman took those pictures? No, of course not! Men making fun of women. SLIDE: Call it battle of the sexes. It goes on in every culture. Barbara Bacon stuck her head into my office several years ago: “What is the Greek word for ‘woman’?” “‘Gune.’ Why do you want to know?” “I was in Gary Shrader’s office (Gary of the 4 box fame of the last two Sundays) and he told me it was ‘YakYak.'” Barbara left office and returned: “What is the Greek word for ‘man’?” I thought a minute: “courageoso.” Barbara was gone about 7 seconds: “No, it is not. I think it is ‘Ego Ego.'” But, in some ways, the battle is no joke. How many of you believe that women are treated in our society with the same equality as men? How many of you believe that women receive the same pay for the same amount of work as men? How many of you believe that women are treated equally and fairly in the Christian church? This ought not to be! Why the ongoing battle? SLIDE: Genesis 1-3 Reveals God’s Original Design. SLIDE: GENESIS 2:18: The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” “Helper Suitable:” woman is the counterpart of man: interlocking fingers Man and woman are to work together like two finely meshed gears. Then—the Fall into sin. SLIDE: Genesis 3:14-15: So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” Is Genesis 3:16 is a Curse on Satan—but, no curse on the women or the man. SLIDE: Genesis 3:16: To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Not a curse, it is a consequence: This is not God’s design and it doesn’t have to be this way. Show you what is happening here. Desire–“You are Turning” God says, “You have turned from me and now you are turning to your husband. He is going to rule over you. “Supposed to turn to me and desire me: Love Lord God with all your heart.” Now look what you have done! No more harmony. No more counter part. Forever after men are justified to rule over women. This is the consequence for first eating the forbidden fruit. Fall also has a consequence for men. SLIDE: Genesis 3:17: To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. The ground is cursed—not Adam—but he has to bear the consequences. In Christ, God’s desire is for men and women to be restored to the place they had before the fall. The glory of Christianity is restoration. SLIDE: No one is more concerned with restoring women to their proper place than the Apostle Paul. SLIDE: Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Do you see the restoration? Probably the most profound New Testament insight regarding the respective status of men and women in the Christian community. In the society of Paul’s day women had little or no standing whatsoever. BLACKBOARD: Jewish Society: A woman was forbidden to learn the law Women had no part in the Synagogue service; they were shut apart in a section where they could not be seen, and were allowed no share in the service. Greek Society The respectable Greek woman lived a confined life. She never appeared on the street alone; she never went to any public assembly; much less ever speak in an assembly. In those days education was the privilege of the men. The Greek language had a special word for almost everything—but there was no special word for “wife.” Same word, “gune” (γυνη) use the context. (By the way, we get our English word, “goon” from this word! Just kidding!) SLIDE: 1 Corinthians 11:11-13: “In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. 12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” The companionship between man and woman is broken all over the globe. Paul leaves no doubt through Christ, God has every intention of bringing restoration to the male-female relationship. SLIDE: PAUL’S RESTORAION OF CHRISTIAN WOMEN IS SURPRISING BECAUSE MANY CONSIDER Him A CHAUVENISTIC SEXIST. 1 Corinthians 14:33-35 women can’t speak in church. Yet: 1 Corinthians 11:5 talks about a woman praying and preaching in church. Talking about rules for tongues. Integrating cultural practices with liberating Christian truth. SLIDE: 1 Timothy 2:11-15: A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women will be saved through childbearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. Egnamatic passage: Misunderstanding brought hurt, confusion and bondage to women. There is a sudden change from “women” in verses 9-10 to “woman” in verses 11-15. The Greek makes no distinction between “woman” and “wife.” In Martin Luther’s German version verse 12 reads “I permit not a wife to teach nor to have dominion over her husband,” implying that this is simply a family matter; it has nothing to do with church worship. “Let a women learn…” (culture where they were forbidden to learn) and then he goes on to give Timothy the reason why. His mind goes back to Eden, and he remembers how Eve through her innocence and immaturity had fallen victim to the wiles of the devil and had become “thoroughly deceived.” Yes, she was once deceived, so teach her! She has been restored through the work of Christ on the cross. Let’s get back to headship and counterparts as I designed it. 15 But women will be saved through childbearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. This doesn’t mean that if she has kids and remains faithful and loving she can go to Heaven. No, because of the promise that the Messiah would come through woman, because Christ has now come, she can be saved, restored to her proper place with her husband before the Fall. Of course, if she turns from the faith, becomes selfish and unloving and lives an impure life, she will never know the intimacy of partnership God designed for her. Paul Yonggi Cho in 1982 in korea; church of 700,000. Speaking to a group of American pastors. “Biggest hindrance of the American church is the under-utilization of the women in the church. Through a series of beliefs that are more cultural than theological you are attempting to advance the Kingdom of God on earth with one hand tied behind your back. You would double your power, resources, and effectiveness if you would allow women to lead and minister as God ordained them to do.” To that Paul would shout a hearty, “Amen!” I know that is true because of how he commends some precious women as he closes Romans. SLIDE: Romans 16:1-16: Of the twenty-nine people, nine are women. Phoebe Romans 16:1-2: I commend to you our sister, a servant [deaconess] of the church in Cenchrea. 2 I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been a great help to many people, including me. Letter of introduction: sustatikai epistolai. Phoebe was the bearer of the letter to the church at Rome. “Great Help:” The word occurs no other place in the New Testament, but is the feminine form of the Greek word prostatès. According to Liddell and Scott’s lexicon the literal meaning is “one who stands before, front rank man, leader, chief, protector, champion.” Priscilla Romans 16:3-5: Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus. 4 They risked their lives for me. Not only I but all the churches of the Gentiles are grateful to them. 5 Greet also the church that meets at their house. The order here is significant: The wife’s name first, because she was foremost, no doubt. Could have been rich woman married to slave. They risked their lives for him and that “all the churches of the Gentiles are grateful to them.” We do not know how they risked their lives for Paul, but it may have been at Ephesus when the mob led by the makers of idols of the goddess Diana were rioting. Mary Romans 16:6: Greet Mary, who worked very hard for you. Junias Romans 16:7: Greet Andronicus and Junias, my relatives who have been in prison with me. They are outstanding among the apostles, and they were in Christ before I was. Imprisoned with Paul. Crysostom in his exposition of Romans 16:7 (homily 31) comments: “Oh! how great is the devotion of this woman, that she should be even counted worthy of the name of apostle!” Tryphaena and Tryphosa Romans 16:12: Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, those women who work hard in the Lord. They were very likely twin sisters – he wrote them with a smile. The verb kopian (copius) means “to toil to the point of exhaustion.” Tryphaena and Tryphosa means respectively “dainty” and “delicate”! It is as if Paul said, “You two may be called dainty and delicate; but you have worked your tails off for the sake of the church and for Christ.” Persis Romans 16:12: Greet my dear friend Persis, another woman who has worked very hard in the Lord. Here he uses the past tense. This probably means that Persis was old; her hardworking days were over. Yet although she could no longer work as she once had, what she did was remembered and she was highly regarded. Paul calls her “my dear friend”. Rufus’ Mother Romans 16: 13 Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too. Her husband was Simon of Cyrene who carried the cross of Christ—became a Christian and led his family to Christ Nereus Sister Romans 16: 15 Greet Philologus, Julia, Nereus and his sister, and Olympas and all the saints with them. Nerus and his sister were children of the man who implemented the death of Christians during the Neronian persecutions of the early 60s. Saw the testimonies of dying Christians and became Christians. BLACKBOARD: New Testament tells us of women laboring in the four areas mentioned in Ephesians 4:7-13: pastoring and teaching evangelism, prophesy, acting as deaconesses and leaders in the early church, and even fulfilling the role of apostles missionaries in taking the gospel to foreign lands. Letter From Pliny The Younger (Ad 62-113) SLIDE: “I thought it the more necessary to inquire into the real truth of the matter by subjecting to torture two female slaves who were called “deacons,” but I found nothing more than a perverse superstition which went beyond all bounds…. Pliny chose these two “female slaves” to torture because they, like Phoebe, held some official position as deacons and could reveal what Christianity was all about. SLIDE: PERPETUA was a young married aristocrat who lived in Carthage, North Africa. At the age of twenty-two she was tried before the procurator who asked, “Art thou a Christian?” “I am” she answered. Her diary is preserved: “Then he passed sentence on the whole of us, and condemned us to the beasts…. Then because my baby was accustomed to take the breast from me, and stay with me, I asked my father for my baby. But my father refused to give him. And as God willed, neither had he any further wish for my breasts, nor did they become inflamed; that I might not be tortured by anxiety for the baby and pain in my breasts. Then she summoned her brother and spoke to him: “Stand ye all fast in the faith, and love one another; and be not offended by our sufferings.” The story is finished by Tertullian: For the young women the Devil made ready a mad heifer…Perpetua was tossed first, and fell on her loins….Then, having asked for a pin, she further fastened her disordered hair. For it was not seemly that a martyr should suffer with her hair dishevelled, lest she should seem to mourn in her hour of glory. So revolutionary was the power of the Gospel in early church times that Libanius, the heathen philosopher, exclaimed, SLIDE: “What women these Christians have!” SLIDE: Ephesians 5:21: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. See the restoration… Ephesians 5 relationship: Engaged couple volunteers to illustrate sun and moon. SLIDE: Romans 16:25-27: Now to him who is able to establish you by my gospel and the proclamation of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery hidden for long ages past, 26 but now revealed and made known through the prophetic writings by the command of the eternal God, so that all nations might believe and obey him- 27 to the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ! Amen.

In order to find purpose and meaning in life, we must learn to recognize God’s will. The Bible identifies six principles that are explicitly the will of God for us. When these are in place, we can learn the specifics of God’s will for our lives with some practical how-to’s: responding in obedience, humbling our hearts, searching the Scriptures, gathering pertinent facts, seeking wise counsel, prayer and listening for God to speak. “R U RUNNING?” S-1769 Funny Skit on priorities and the things in life we are chasing BUMPER VIDEO: ●SLIDE #1: Are You Thirsty? Jesus’ Living water I have chosen four things that can stem the living waters that Jesus’ promised from flowing out through our souls. ●SLIDE #2: ●We began three Sundays ago with “R U Stressing? ●SLIDE #3: ●Two Sundays ago “R U Pretending?” ●SLIDE #4: ●Last Sunday “R U Bitter and Unforgiving?” Preach it Teach It sermons and CDs on sale. ●SLIDE #5: ●Are You Running Aimlessly?” A lot of people don’t have life figured out. Most can’t define success beyond paying the bills or whether or not my favorite football team made it to the super bowl. Some of us have no idea what is the clear-cut purpose of our lives. We haven’t thought much past next month. Want to tell grandchildren what your life was really all about. Here is what I set out to do. What I am all about—what will you say? Mom: My purpose in life is to raise you boys with proper character and values for life.” Some of us are still struggling with the basic questions: Why am I here? What is my purpose in life?” ●SLIDE #6: What is God’s will for my life? ●SLIDE #7: Rhonda Sprunger: “To give Him glory in whatever way He chooses for me.” They told Jesus, you mom and brothers and sisters are waiting out side to see you. ·SLIDE #8: MATTHEW 12:50: “For whoever does the will of my Father in Heaven is my brother and sister and mother. The Bible Identifies Six Things That Are Explicitly The Will Of God For Us. ·SLIDE #9: 1. IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE TRUST IN JESUS CHRIST AS OUR SAVIOR AND LORD. READ 2 PETER 3:9: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. SWITCH TO ROGER’S COMPUTER DRAW SLIDE #10: three circles and darkened spirit which is cleaned up at conversion. Spiritual radio receiver ready to hear from God. In order to fine purpose and meaning for life we must include God in the equation. We cannot find the will of God or the purpose of life alone. ●DRAW SLIDE #11: Godel’s Incompleteness Theory: There are limits to what we can know in any system. There will always be truth outside of the system. Need the truth outside of the system to figure out the system. Transcendance: Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle: Quantum level: Can know position or velocity but never both: Limits to quantum mechanics. Something has to come from outside the system to solve the problems—can’t solve the problem. Entanglement issues and transfer of information tell us the limits of relativity theory. Touring Computers: Theory of incomplete computation: Feed computer unsolvable problem and it will run forever and never solve the problem. Needs help outside the system to solve. We are in Box System: Theory of incompleteness applies here as well. ·SLIDE #12: Colossians 2:8-9: See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. 9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and you are complete in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. Story of 80 year old man so excited about coming to Christ at Casas. Wife was overjoyed—first person I have ever helped lead to Christ. ·SLIDE #13: 2. IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE KEEP ON BEING FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT. READ EPHESIANS 5:17-18: Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. “Foolish” So if you don’t understand what His will is, what are you? Ah, that’s hard to say. Well, what is the will of the Lord? Read the next verse. DRAW on title slide: draw circles and filling of spirit fill middle circle Contrast: When drunk with wine, in control of an inside agent. As Christians, must yield control of life to inside agent. Only this agent is not alcohol – it is the Holy Spirit. Like take glove and say “Glove, go play piano.” What is it going to do? Nothing. Gloves can’t play the piano. Have 5 fingers and are flexible – but it needs a hand. Now if I pick up glove and put my hand in it and try to play piano, what happens? Chaos. Julie plays Point is, if put hand in glove, it just goes. Doesn’t get pious and say “Oh fingers, I’ll follow you forever. I’ll do your commands.” If just goes. As Christians, we’re like a glove. A lot of gloves are lying around groaning and wondering why they haven’t gone anywhere – and I’ll tell you why – it’s because they’ve never been filled with H.S. Notice – it’s one thing to have the Holy Spirit. It’s quite another thing to keep on being filled with the Spirit. ●DRAW SLIDE #14: three circles with Sin and Self clog the pipeline Draw Picture of Bucket being filled up: potatoes—gold balls—marbles—grave. At what stage of filling are you? DUI: Breath analyzer: breath out alcohol—or breathe out Jesus into people’s lives. ·SLIDE #15: 3. IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE BE PURE AND HOLY—SANCTIFIED = SEET APART FROM WHAT DIRTIES UP OUR LIVES. READ 1 THESSALONIANS 4:3-7: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, …. The Lord will punish men for all such sins … For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit.” “Sexual sin is any sexual perversion from adultery to homosexuality to bestiality to pornography to indecent exposure to … Here some young person saying “How far?” – now that’s a good question – very practical. Stay far enough away to be what? 99 44/100% pure? – Well – no – far enough away to be pure. Now, some people never indulge in sex sins but they certainly don’t mind watching other people do it. It is one thing to do it and another thing to be entertained by it! NO! As far as your Christian purity is concerned, it is the same thing. Hidden dirt: Julie doing laundry: No napkin: wiped mouth on sleeve: Wiped chocolate under arms. STORY: Anatomy of Lust: Have God or have luscious Cheryl Teiggs (Heidi Klum; Angelia Jolie) ·SLIDE #16: 4. IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE SUBMIT TO EVERY AUTHORITY—EVEN WHEN SUBMITTING BRINGS PAIN OR SUFFERING. READ 1 PETER 2:13-15: Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15 For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Obey speed laws. Ouch! To Chip Brigham, “If you caught me speeding, would you give me a ticket?” “If you caught me sinning, would you confront me about it?” It’s God’s will that we submit to government! What if government comes out with law I don’t agree with – Doesn’t matter – obey. Obey your boss. “Yeah but you don’t know boss that I have.” Doesn’t matter – Submit. You have a perverse one. Obey him. “Put to silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.” Where is first contact which people have with Christianity? Not at church – but on job or in neighborhood. Must be submissive to state & employer because this shows true character of the believer. Chaplain in state prison tells of interviewing a new prisoner. Prisoner: “Say, I’m a minister, too. I was a preacher before I came here.” Chaplain: “Then what are you doing with that number?” Prisoner: “Man, that’s a long story.” Chaplain: “Well do me a favor, tell me a little of it and then don’t tell anyone else that you were a preacher…you’re bad advertisement Dr. Harold Fickett, 1st Bapt. of Van Nuys, California tells of seeing this happen in a traffic jam. Guy pulled up behind Christian in traffic jam. Began to honk: BEEP BEEP BEEP, Christian was just fuming, you know how you get – BEEP BEEP BEEP. Finally Christian got out of his car, fuming mad and came around: “Why don’t you stop that!” “Why I just saw your bumper sticker “Honk if you love Jesus.'” ·SLIDE #17: 5. IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE SUFFER FOR DOING SOMETHING GOOD—NOT SOMETHING BAD. You say, “Well, I finally qualify. Boy do I suffer. I suffer like crazy.” 1 PETER 3:17: It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. 1 PETER 4:19: So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. ·SLIDE #18: Randa leading woman’s meeting in country I can’t mention. She is at podium. She has a ministry to girls raped and thrown out of family. 72 Muslim women so stifled and confined are surrendering to the freedom of life in Christ—facing rejection when they get home. Possible death. It’s God’s will that we suffer for well being. Rest assured that when you live a godly life in an ungodly society that you’re going to suffer. That’s His will. ·SLIDE #19: 6. IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE BE JOYFUL, PRAYFUL AND THANKFUL ALWAYS. READ 1 THESSALONIANS 5:16-18: Be joyful always; 17 pray continually; 18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Attitude: follow an old sour-puss Person others like to be around Eric Army Children Moms: Kids who are forced ot move often have two extreme. Life is a great adventure or Angry at bitter. Eric: My observation is that it all depends on the mother! If she looks at it as an adventure so will they. If she is angry and bitter about always moving, so will they. If you are doing these 6 things, – you just do whatever you want. That is right, do whatever you want. ·SLIDE #20: PSALM 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” “Delighting in the Lord” is following His will for your life—these six things! Hear this verse so misused. People say “Just Praise God and He’ll give you whatever you want?” NO! NO! Hebrew construction reveals differently! It’s not that He gives you what you want, He gives you the correct wants. He puts the right desires in your heart! “You mean, if I do these 6 things and I want a new car then it’s God’s will for me to buy the new car?” Yes, but just remember, when you’re doing these things God may change your priorities and you may not want that car after all. None of us do these six things perfectly. We are working in partnership with God to get his will ·SLIDE #21: PRACTICAL “HOW TOs” FOR KNOWING GOD’S WILL ·SLIDE #22: 1. Commit To Doing God’s Will Whatever It May Be (John 7:17). Otherwise, don’t bother with the rest of the suggestions below. READ John 7:17: Anyone who wants to do the will of God will know whether my teaching is from God or is merely my own. Man in my office: “Will you commit to do God’s will whatever It might be. “First, I want to see what it is. Prior to their wedding, David and Susan met with the minister to discuss their marriage ceremony and various traditions, such as the lighting of the unity candle from two individual candles. Couples usually blow out the two candles as a sign of becoming one. Their minister said that many people were now leaving their individual candles lit to signify independence and personal freedom. He asked if they wanted to extinguish the candles or leave them burning. After thinking about it, David replied, “How about if we leave mine lit and blow hers out?” ·SLIDE #23: 2. Humble Your Heart In Trust Before The Lord A little boy walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and said, “Are you a Christian?” “Yes.” “Do you read your Bible every day?” She nodded her head. “Yes.” “Do you pray often?” the boy asked next, and again she answered, “Yes.” With that he asked his final question. “Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?” ·SLIDE #24: 3. Search The Scriptures To Find Passages Applicable To Your Situation And Then Interact With The Holy Spirit In Discerning How They Apply. Most of the situations, opportunities, and decisions the average person encounters in life are already dealt with in the Word of God. A girl once asked me to pray with her for her life’s mate. Said, “I’ve prayed and agonized and can’t find out for sure. I want to marry a fellow who’s not a Christian and I want to know whether or not that is His will.” You can stop praying. God’s already revealed it!” “Really? Where?” “in the Bible – Be not equally yoked with unbelievers.” – Don’t even need to waste time with that one. God says, “No.” Well she went ahead—and she shouldn’t have. ·Slide #25: 4. Gather Pertinent Facts And Make A List Of Pros And Cons. As we seek to know God’s will, we must gather all the facts we can and assess them, because our decision must be based on knowledge and not hearsay. ·SLIDE #26: 5. Seek Wise Counsel Proverb 15:22: Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. A loving and wise friend can often see dangers and detours that are hidden from us. Buck and measuring tape. Not every friend is a good counselor, so we must choose wisely. Three men were marooned on an island. Suddenly a genie appeared and said, “What would you like to have? Any wish is yours.” One man said, “I miss my family in L.A.” Whoosh – and he was gone. Another said, “I miss my brokerage in Boston. I wish I were back at my desk. I wish I were at work.” Whoosh – and he was gone. Then the third man said, “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.” ·SLIDE #27: 6. Pray for God to make the plan so clear that we can’t miss it. ·SLIDE #28: 7. Listen And Wait Quietly For God To Speak a. In Bible Verses B. Through God’s People C. By Providential Circumstances D. During Worship And/Or Prayer E. Through Trials And/Or Sufferings F. By laying out “Fleeces” (Judges 6:17-40) (Only If God Invites You To Lay One Out) G. Through Inner Promptings In The Human Spirit We are back to where we started. So, when we have a decision to make, ·SLIDE #29: Do Whatever Your Heart Leads You To Do PSALM 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Paul learns contentment in a Philippian jail. The apostle encourages us to rejoice in three things: the hope of glory in heaven, our sufferings and our intimacy with God in Christ. The strength to rejoice comes from God, even in our most dire or mundane circumstances. Paul learns contentment in a Philippian jail. The apostle encourages us to rejoice in three things: the hope of glory in heaven, our sufferings and our intimacy with God in Christ. The strength to rejoice comes from God, even in our most dire or mundane circumstances.

King Solomon teaches many valuable lessons about love and romance in the marriage relationship. We learn from him that love is pure, love protects and love is passionate.  In the marriage relationship, God portrays the intimacy that He wants to have with us. The divine romance is Christ laying down His life for His bride, the church. Bring Your Sexy Back Song of Solomon 8:6-7 S3-1749 Roger SLIDE 2: Turn in your Bibles to Song of Solomon 8. God called King Solomon the wisest man in history. His poem “Song of Solomon” is one of the most passionate and intense expressions of love and devotion (between and husband and wife) in literature. Forget eHarmony or any other on-line matchmaking service. If you need some tips on finding a wife, maybe these examples from the Old Testament will help. JULIE SLIDE 3: Don’t be so picky. Grab as many as you can get.. SLIDE 4: Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3) Roger SLIDE 5: Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. SLIDE6: Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) JULIE SLIDE 7: Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. – SLIDE 8: Any old Hebrew Guy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) Roger SLIDE:9. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife – SLIDE 10: David (I Samuel 18:27) JULIE SLIDE 11: Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. – SLIDE 12: Benjaminites –Those party animals.(Judges 21:19-25) Roger SLIDE 13: Or, you can do it like our daughter Bronwyn Bron’s wedding dress: Ricky, this dress will go with any guy.. JULIE Read and explain passage: SLIDE 14: Song of Solomon 8:6: “Put me like a seal over your heart, lid Like a seal on your arm. Protective cover For love is as strong as death, fierce, unrelenting. Jealousy (to possess) is as severe as Sheol; cruel Its flashes are flashes of fire, lightning, arrows The very flame of the LORD. Fire of Jehovah SLIDE 15: 7 Many waters cannot quench love, put the fire out Nor will rivers overflow it; floods wash it away If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, It would be utterly despised. No cost is too high, love is priceless. ROGER Solomon tells us how to have hot, burning love. If you follow his advice, “til death do us part” is possible. This passage has three powerful lessons about true love. He teaches that: SLIDE 16: Love is pure. Verse 8:6: “Place me like a seal over your heart . . .” SLIDE 17: Love is protective. Verse 8:6: “Place me . . . like seal on your arm.” SLIDE 18: Love is passionate. Verse 8:6-7: Its flashes are flashes of fire—the very flame of the LORD. JULIE SLIDE 19: LET’S LOOK AT HOW LOVE IS PURE. “Set me as a seal upon your heart.” How do you value someone you love? You seal and protect from contaminants and impurity. The Hebrew word chatham (khaw-tham’); to close up; especially to seal up: SLIDE 20: It’s Tupperware love. Tupperware keeps mold and bacteria out of food so that it won’t spoil. For example, you protect your loved one’s virtue, you guard her honor by keeping her sexually pure until the wedding. Women, Here is Solomon’s injunction regarding sexual purity for you. She chooses to save herself for her husband. SLIDE 21: Song of Solomon 8:12: “But my own vineyard is mine to give; the thousand shekels are for you, O Solomon, and two hundred are for those who tend its fruit.” Solomon tells us that our virginity is the most precious gift we can give our husband or wife—is worth 1,000 shekels! You can only give your virginity once. It’s kind of like a Safety deposit box. You have a key and you fiancé has a key. It takes two keys to unlock the treasure. When you are dating or engaged, both of you have the “key to save your precious treasure”, your virtue, for marriage. Protecting the virginity of your loved one is one of the greatest ways you can protect her trust foundation, your spiritual growth, and your sexual freedom in marriage. If you have not stayed pure, you can receive God’s forgiveness today and start from this moment on to wait for God’s right person for you. We waited four years to be together. We knew we wanted to be married the first month we met. Never have regretted having only one partner. Sex just gets better. There’s nothing like broken trust to spoil sex-no greater pain than infidelity. ROGER SWITCH TO ROGER’S COMPUTER SLIDE 22: OVERHEAD: You have heard the phrase: “Those two have chemistry.” Chemistry: couple comes together—oxcytosin moment Mother’s milk—binds mom to child and child to mom Monogamy Parenting SWITCH BACK TO TECH COMPUTER SLIDE 23: Song of Solomon 8:8-9: We have a young sister, and her figure is not yet developed. What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for? 9 If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. This is an illustration of what Solomon is teaching in this poem. The young innocent girl is protected by silver towers and enclosed with cedar—her dad and her brothers! Guys, It is also a good injunction for fathers to protect their daughters. Now we all tease about locking them away in a closet until they are thirty (a little harsh), but we must preserve and prepare them for life. We teach them about sex and marriage. We know their friends, pray for them, listen to them and stay involved in their lives. Otherwise peers and media give them sex education. SLIDE 24: For example, here is another example of purity. A husband is keeps his wife pure by example as spiritual head of the home, and by keeping uncleanness out of the marriage. SLIDE 25: Ephesians 5:25-27: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Examine the language and attitudes you bring into you home. Guys, Solomon also warns us in Proverbs 5 to seal off our hearts guard our hearts, from sexual impurity, from coarse language, from pornography and impure influences in the home. JULIE Love is pure. Love also protects. SLIDE 26: Love protects. “Set me as a seal upon your arm.” A seal over your arm-your wife guards her physical and emotional well-being. SLIDE 27: It’s not like Angelina Jolie’s tattoo. She tattooed her previous husband’s name, Billy Bob Thornton, on her arm, and when they broke up, she filled in the B’s so it looked like a chain. SLIDE 28: The Covering of Protection for the wife is perfectly illustrated in the love story in the book of Ruth. Ruth was a beautiful young widow from Moab. When her husband Chillion died, she chose to follow her mother-in-law to Israel. Sons were supposed to provide for their wives and mothers-so Ruth and Naomi were destitute. But Naomi was clever and Ruth had moxy. Naomi advised Ruth to glean for grain in the field of her rich relative, Boaz. When Boaz saw Ruth, he was bitten by the love bug. Boaz didn’t just give her day-old bagels, he gave her the whole bakery. Naomi saw Boaz’s generosity and devised a plan. Ruth followed Naomi’s advice. She put on her prettiest dress, spritzed with Chanel #5 and then slipped down to the barn (granary) where Boaz was snoring away. As Naomi had instructed her, Ruth lay down at Boaz’s feet and used his robe as a blankie. When the rich farmer awoke in the early morning, he smiled and said in Ruth 3:10-12: SLIDE 29: Ruth 3:10-12: “The LORD bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. 11 And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character This was an OT custom. When a blood relative died, man was responsible for caring for his relative’s wife—often by marrying them. Boaz was testing out her character. Young Ruth had respectfully asked for Boaz to marry her-to cover her with his loving protection as her husband. ROGER This kind of “covering” is the protection Jesus gives to His bride as described in Ephesians 5: SLIDE 30: Ephesians 5:28-29: In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— JULIE Roger was always concerned to take care of me physically. Worked as a janitor cleaning potties to have enough money to take me out. After a few months, the church made him associate pastor and the nursery ladies still kept coming to his office for toilet paper. But Roger took any job he could find to provide for me. He protected me by financial planning, keeping us out of debt. By buying sufficient insurance, wills, saving for our children’s education. If a man says he loves God and does not provide for his family, he is worse than an infidel. Roger even protects me by treating me like someone special. He is always walking on the outside of the sidewalk, opening the door for me, pulling out my chair, carrying heavy bags, etc. By those simple acts of kindness- he is showing methat I am valuable and that he cherishes me. Guys, if you want for a girl to fall for you, try treating her like a queen. She will love you for it. ROGER: Avril Lavigne Cinderella lyrics SLIDE 31: I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the door Even though I told him yesterday and the day before I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the tab And I have to pull my money out and that looks bad. Where are the hopes, where are the dreams My Cinderella story scene When do you think they’ll finally see… JULIE Here’s the fun part. SLIDE 32: Passion is a mighty flame. SLIDE 33: Old Flames. George McCaleb-first grade gave me a cracker-jack ring and kissed me on the playground. I tattled to the teacher and he had to stay after school. I got into a kissing contest on the playground in second grade, and I had to stay after school. ROGER Janet Burnet was the first girl I ever kissed. I was 7. My flame in 5th grade was Hara Hunt. Her uncle owned the Kansas City Chiefs NFL football team JULIE You only loved her for her money. Remember Molly Parker? ROGER She threw up in my car. I don’t know if she had flu or just was sick of me. I never dated her again. Remember Marshall Millsap? You and he were pretty close. JULIE Well, I looked him up on the internet and he’s global vice president of Chase Bank. ROGER Ricky told me you really traded down! Remember two-timing me with Stuart Depew? I thought I was the only one. Now I know you were dating Stuart and Bill and that guy up in Wisconsin and we all thought we were the only ones. You had a lot of old flames. JULIE I was a little ADD. You’ve heard the expression “He’s an old flame…well if he’s an ex-boyfriend, according to Solomon, he may be a flame—but certainly not an eternal flame. SLIDE 34: BECAUSE REAL FLAMES LAST FOREVER. Love burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. This is spontaneous combustion here. Blazing fire has the connotation of lightning or arrows being shot. Cupid’s arrows are not too far off the real description of this verse. Passion in sex. Let’s read the romantic words Solomon and his bride said to each other. Roger, you be Solomon, and I’ll be his Shunnamite bride. ROGER SLIDE 35: Song 4:1-7: How beautiful you are, my darling! (you’re so hot) Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. (feathery eyelashes) Your hair is like a flock of goats (the dow jones stock market going up) descending from Mount Gilead. SLIDE 36: 2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, Coming up from the washing. (she brushes her teeth) Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. (she has all her teeth) SLIDE 37: 3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate (pomegranates have red seeds-did she have pimples in her temples.) SLIDE 38: 4 Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, (elaborate necklace) all of them shields of warriors. SLIDE 39: 7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. SLIDE 40: Remember, the good news is, love is blind! JULIE SLIDE 41: Song 5:10-16: My lover is radiant and ruddy, (Solomon could have been a red-head like his father.) outstanding among ten thousand. (I can pick him out of a crowd.) 11 His head is purest gold; (I’ll go for silver) his hair is wavy (I’m glad he has some) and black as a raven. SLIDE 42: 12 His eyes are like doves (gentle and sparkling) by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice (nice aftershave) yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. SLIDE 43: 14 His arms are rods of gold (he works out at LA fitness) set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory (buns of steel) decorated with sapphires. 15 His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. (He didn’t need a pedicure-Guys, do us girls a favor-Cut your toenails) His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. SLIDE 44: 16 His mouth is sweetness itself; (gargle occasionally) he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, (Don’t just chase me around the bedroom, be my friend) SLIDE 45: Remember, love is blind! Speaking of lovers and friends…Can you imagine that the love map for a guy is different than the love map for a girl? SLIDE 46: LOVE MAP EXERCISE: Answer this question: “From my point of view, a perfect romantic encounter with my spouse would include:” (What would you enjoy receiving from your husband or wife?) Then you write them down and exchange them with one another. Put them in a brown envelope, out of the reach of the children. Let me tell you why this is so important. In our work it is amazing how many couples we counsel who never talk about sex. If it is hard to communicate about spiritual matters, if it is hard to communicate about financial matter, it is real hard to communicate about sex. SWITCH TO ROGER’S COMPUTER SLIDE OVERHEAD 47: Julie draw on computer One of the first couples we did and the lady’s list looked almost verbatim like this: #1 Wednesday night, home on time for dinner. That is item 1 on her passion list. #2 Thursday night, go for a walk. #3 Friday night, take me out on a date. Then from there on, starting on Saturday night they got sexually explicit ROGER I have never seen a man’s love map look like that! Most men would say, “That’s wasting time!” God wired us so that what it takes to turn on a man is so different from what it takes SLIDE 48: to turn on a woman. JULIE Its flashes are flashes of fire, lightning, arrows The very flame of the LORD To be sexy is to be godly. After, He invented it! ROGER Here’s what real love looks like. SLIDE 49: (Draw diagram of man, woman and God.) It’s Jehovah’s fire that keeps romance alive! SLIDE 50: The Divine Romance God has pictured for us in the marriage relationship the intimacy that He wants to have with his people. So today we are going to take the Lord’s Supper and remember the Divine Romance-Christ laying down His life for His bride, the church. LORD’S SUPPER