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It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine… That’s a line from the chorus of a hit song by the band R.E.M. And I think, surprisingly, there’s a great deal of truth in it. I was pulled aside after a Sunday morning service not long ago by an attender who wanted to know when I was going to be warning the congregation about the impending crash of the world economy that Illuminati would be orchestrating in order to decrease the human population by up to 90%. After several minutes of hearing of the danger of vaccines, conspiracies with communist nations, and the malicious intent of the heads of states, I finally held up a hand and said, “Even if this were all true, I’d be completely comfortable preaching exactly what I just preached.” I believe, at the time, I was in a series called Roots based on the book of Colossians. We were covering such subjects as how to spot real love, how to grow deeper in Christ, and how to live a spiritually fruitful life. This isn’t the first time I’ve been confronted about my lack of urgency about end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it issues. There are also these pesky blood moons to worry about. And someone is always trying to kill us with vaccines, or aspartame, or a zombie virus, or purple dinosaurs on TV, the numerical value of whose names add up to 666 and therefore must be the antichrist in disguise… I’ve heard it all… I’m a skeptical believer. I’ve come to have a sturdy faith in Jesus because I believe the central truths of Christianity stand up under tests of logic, reason, science, history, archaeology, and textual criticism. I embrace the Bible as inerrant, as crazy as that may sound to some. But I’m still skeptical. I don’t mind wrestling with big questions and have found it to embolden my faith over time. I’m especially skeptical of teachings and arguments that serve as a distraction from the main thing – the gospel. Let’s say, hypothetically, that the blood moons point to the end of the world as we know it. The Illuminati is planning to trim the human race back a bit and assume complete control over our lives economically and militarily. What I’d want to preach about this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again. And if that wild theory is hogwash and poppycock (the direction I’m inclined to lean in), then what I’d want to preach this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again. The Apostle Paul once warned a young Pastor named Timothy to rebuke some leaders in the ancient church of Ephesus for getting people off track in endless debates about myths, legends, and Old Testament genealogies. As Paul put it, “these things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God.” (1 Timothy 1:4 NLT) And then Paul continued by saying, “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.” (v. 5) I love that statement. Paul is essentially charging Timothy to avoid motivating people to seek God on the basis of fear, rational or otherwise, and instead to seek him on the basis of love and a desire for purity and real faith. I don’t want people to be afraid of the end of the world. After all, what do we Christians have to worry about in the eternal scheme of things? Though the world fall apart around us and our bodies be destroyed, we live on! We win! We enjoy victory! I’m not attempting to minimize the seriousness of persecution, which is obviously a real and present danger in our world. I’m simply saying that there are some essentials to be preached weekly regardless of the direction the world around us is headed. If the world were ending tomorrow, I’d want to preach this Sunday the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again, and that we can live a life of faith in him that matters for eternity. And if the world hangs around a few more millennia, I’d want to preach the same exact message. It’s (possibly, at any moment) the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. You can build a congregation in size and collect large offerings by creating anxiety, fear, and anger toward the outside world, but I don’t think you’d be on task. In fact, you might just wind up starting a cult, which never ends well. Instead, lead people to life in Jesus. Lead people to the cross for redemption. Lead people to discover the life worth living no matter what the world looks like around us. Lead people to follow Jesus, emulate his character, and implement the ways and practices conveyed in Scripture. Confront sin and apathy. Point people to redemption in the cross of Christ. Equip believers to live a life of faith. Empower servant leaders. Strengthen families. Reinforce the biblical faith. And hail the triumphant return of King Jesus. In other words, this Sunday… Preach. The. GOOD. NEWS. Re-printed from www.pastors.com. Used by permission.

There are two conditions of the heart no one can hide: one is when the heart is filled with love and the other when we are infected with bitterness. Either condition can take over our thoughts and both can filter our entire view of life. As followers of Jesus Christ, we must make our highest quest to possess hearts full of God’s love. Indeed, how successful we are at revealing Christ’s love is the true measure of our spirituality. Thus, love cannot long exist as an unexpressed or hidden secret. If love is real, it will be seen in a thousand manifestations reaching to the heart of its beloved. Love, which is in truth passion for oneness, is too powerful to be contained by mere discipline or self-control. Indeed, is not love boldly displayed in its unrequited gifts, and is it not heard in its many encouragements and expressions of concern? Is it not tangible in its unabashed enjoyment of time spent with those it loves? Bitterness, too, cannot be hidden. A bitter soul is not seeking oneness, but justice. It is driven by the unresolved theft of its peace, personhood or possessions. Bitterness is not just a wound seeking healing, it is a prosecuting attorney building a case against the guilty. Because a bitter soul is conjoined to the injustice committed against it, it perpetually is listening to the voice of its heartache and, thus, perpetually wounded by the unforgiven offense. Dear friends, Jesus said He came to give us life in abundance. He said He was anointed and sent to proclaim release to prisoners and freedom to captives (John 10:10; Luke 4:18). If we feel we have been spiritually incarcerated by a bitter experience or an injustice, God is not seeking to condemn us for it, but to save us from it. Even now, His Spirit is reaching to release us from this unbearable burden of the past. How Do We Become Free? In my years of walking with the Lord, there have been times that I have been slandered, defrauded or unfairly attacked. I have had plenty of opportunities to be embittered by injustice. Not every wound was healed instantly nor each injustice swiftly remedied. Jesus said, “By your endurance you will gain your lives” (Luke 21:19). The Message translation renders this: “Staying with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” In the final analysis, being wounded or suffering loss is not the issue – Paul said he “suffered the loss of all things.” The real issue is that we “may gain Christ” (Phil. 3:8). Let me also say, I know people whom the Lord simply touched and healed. Yes, often the Lord will simply remedy the offending situation itself, thus bringing healing. Let us make room for the vastness of God’s grace. Indeed, Hebrews 2:18 reveals that since Christ “Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.” For no other reason except that He loves us, He will “come to the aid of those” who are embattled. Let us always make room for such grace. At the same time, I have also recognized that God’s highest goal for me is my conformity to Christ. (See Rom. 8:28-29). God heals me so He can conform me to Christ, and sometimes He reverses that process: He conforms me to Christ so He can heal me. In other words, my deliverance came as I appropriated Christ’s love and learned to entrust myself to God even when I was wounded by injustice. Consider this issue of trusting God. Peter tells us, “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;” (1 Pet. 2:21-23). Sometimes my healing from wounding and possible bitterness came, not because restitution was made to me by the person who hurt me, but because I learned to entrust myself to God who judges righteously. To trust that God will vindicate me in His time and in His way is a sign of spiritual maturity. It’s really the only way we can avoid responding to reviling with reviling and allowing a wound to fester into bitterness. There are other times when a lingering conflict would become an oppression upon my soul. Again, as an antidote to becoming bitter, Jesus taught, “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad (Luke adds, “and leap for joy”), for your reward in heaven is great” (Matt. 5:11-12). If you have been unfairly treated, if some injustice has soiled your name or threatens your future because of your faith in Christ, one antidote is to rejoice. Before you defend your right to remain miserable, let me ask this: have you obeyed Jesus by leaping for joy? I remember one occasion when I was especially hurt by a man who, based on a dream his wife had, used his wife’s fantasy to divide our little church. I loved this couple greatly, just as I loved everyone in our church, so my sorrow was multiplied. Indeed, each time I considered the evil this slander was causing, my emotions stormed with anger and grief. Yet, eventually the Lord spoke to my heart. He asked, since the slander spoken against me wasn’t true, why I hadn’t obeyed Him? He said I had become oppressed by people’s words, but I hadn’t yet leaped for joy. So, I decided to obey Him. Standing alone in the dimmed afternoon lighting of our church sanctuary, I prepared myself to rejoice. Yet, I was so emotionally drained with sadness I had no joy; I could hardly walk, much less leap. Yet, in obedience I tried a feeble jump. Then again, and again, until the Holy Spirit broke through and I was shouting and leaping before the Lord, rejoicing in His sovereign power in my life. Now, if the problems we are encountering are legitimate consequences to our bad behavior, then we should repent and not blame others for our condition. We still can rejoice that we serve a great God who can work even our failures for good. But if our conflicts are due to our commitment to serve the Lord, then we ought to obey Him and “leap for joy.” The Waters of Marah Christ is not our “Savior” in merely a distant or theological sense; He is Immanuel, “God with us.” He dwells within us; He is committed to us. He is fully capable of transforming what was meant to destroy us and using it as a means to perfect us. We must believe that God is fully able to redeem all we go through. If we harbor unbelief about either the Father’s goodness or His abilities, our difficulties will reduce us to bitter, angry people. Consider also, if Satan is set on destroying us, it must be because God has something powerful waiting for us in the future. The devil does not waste his time attacking insignificant people; he attacks those he fears will be used by God to liberate others. If Satan can set up an attack that causes you to become bitter, your destiny will be sidetracked until that root of bitterness is plucked from your soul. How is it that bitterness can exist in us? Bitterness is a demonic manipulation of a wound or injustice we suffer in our soul. Jesus, however, said that the only way to save our souls is to lose them to Him (John 12:25). Beloved, I am telling you how I have passed through some of the most difficult battles I faced: I carried the cross. I believe that my steps are ordered of God. Therefore, if I have faced an injustice, He must have either allowed it or ordered it. In His great omniscience, He knew I would need more love or faith or dependency upon Him, so He arranged my steps so He could work in me His overcoming nature. My battles are not about me and someone else, or even me coming against the devil; ultimately, in every conflict, God is seeking to create Christlikeness in me. As the character, authority and love of Christ become functional in my life, my enemies are subdued and Christ is triumphant through me. We must, therefore, get over the idea that there is a painless place of existence on earth, and we must learn how to carry the cross of Christ. The cross puts to death our unbelieving, fearful, selfish nature and allows the character of Christ to emerge in our spirits. The cross is the cost we pay so that redemption prevails. There is a story in Exodus that figuratively reveals the power of the cross. The Israelites went three days without fresh water. When they finally found water,“they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter; therefore it was named Marah” (Ex. 15:22-23). Marah, you’ll recall, means bitterness. They finally found water, but they could not drink it. The Lord, however, showed Moses “a tree; and he threw it into the waters, and the waters became sweet” (Ex. 15:25). What Moses did was prophetic. The tree that was applied symbolically to the bitter water was a picture of the cross of Christ when it’s applied to our bitter experiences: it turns the bitter to sweet. I know in the many times the enemy has used people to wound or strike me, as I applied the cross to my life – forgiving, blessing and letting love be perfected – the outcome has always been a greater manifestation of Christ in my life. This is exactly how Paul handled adversity and injustice. Listen to what he wrote, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh” (2 Cor. 4:7-11). Dear one, is this not what you desire most: the life of Jesus Himself manifested in your mortal flesh? Satan has been manipulating your old nature, seeking to work bitterness into your life. The way the Lord has redeemed me from every battle I have faced has been to use that battle to crucify my old nature and release a greater unveiling of Christ in me. This is New Testament Christianity in its greatest glory. Lord Jesus, forgive me for trying to save my life. I purpose to trust You, to allow love to be perfected within me, to not seek justice, but mercy for myself and others. Help me, Lord. Reveal Your Spirit’s power within me. Even now, uproot every bitter plant in my soul. Let my words be full of grace and truth, not bitterness and evil. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Spring speaks a different dialogue in the country. Its native tongue is the same: warmer days, sudden gusts of air like angels are breezing through, robes caught on branches then tugging free, chattersome birds competing for best lung and limb, dogs sunbathing and scratching their backs on the few stiff sprigs of dead grass leftover by winter. Though Spring bears such similarities every year, it still surprises and delights the delight-able. I want in the worst way to remain one of those. Our area of the country experienced the worst drought in its history last Spring, Summer, and early Fall. Though we’ve had the enormous relief of winter rains, they tell us that this unwelcome desert-shroud has not lifted from us yet and will blanket us in our hot flashes for another half a year. We hope they are wrong. The question for people of faith is not “Will I experience drought?” It’s “When will I experience drought?” And, when we do, how we will respond. Will we, for all practical purposes, die a needless spiritual death or will we strengthen what remains, plant something new in Jesus’ Name, and dig our roots deeper toward the stream? Here are a few thoughts about God’s lessons in cutting away that which is dead and finding new life. 1. The cutting away is painful but it can relieve considerable angst. Sometimes knowing for certain what is dead is better than wondering. It is pointless to keep trying to resuscitate things God has killed…or permitted to die. I’m not talking about unspeakably sacred treasures like people. I’m talking about things.< Like plans, works, efforts, castles, methods, accomplishments, goals, aspirations, positions, tenures, results. Sometimes God uses a fresh Spring to say, “That was a good thing. And it had some good life. But now it is dead. Let’s chop it down and use it for firewood. You’re wearing yourself out giving it CPR. It’s dead. Have a one-day memorial service and move on. You don’t have to understand why. I bring to life. I kill. I understand the cycle. You don’t. But, if it’s any encouragement, you will.” There comes a time when it’s finally time to stop forcing things that don’t work. You know me better than to think I mean marriages. We’re talking things here. God alone can perform a resurrection and, notice, He usually chooses in His sovereign wisdom to keep dead things dead once they’re dead here on earth. That’s not so bad when you consider that we’re heading somewhere where nothing will die but death. 2. The cutting away of the dead is to make room for the living. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine dresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit He takes away.” That thing we keep beating our bloody fists on is not bearing fruit. It’s taking up space where something else needs planting. Something that needs nurturing. Something that needs exposing to the sun. It’s in the way. Crack. Break. Thud. Another one. Good grief. How many will there be? Spring talks on… 3. Sometimes only a few limbs are dead. The tree is alive but it’s suffering, trying to hold onto dead weight. Let it go. Scoot out from under it and let it fall. And the rest of the tree will flourish again. You do not equal “it.” Stop defining yourself by what’s past. The Holy Spirit penned it this way in John 15: “Every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” The purpose for this massive cutting away of what is dead is to make room for what is alive. It is for our health. Not for our end. “Abide in Me, and I in you,” He says. 4. Some limbs are alive – barely – but they’re too strangled to sip from the tree. “As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.” Catch the nuance in Galatians 3:3 – “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” I’ve tried that before. Have you? The limb is choking on a stubborn clot of flesh. Cough up the human means to a divine end, spit it as far as you can, and drink of the Tree of Life. “Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,” says the Lord of hosts. (Zech. 4:6) 5. Not every loss of something old is a crying shame. Just because it’s been there long and large doesn’t mean that it should stay. Keith’s parents lost a really big tree in the drought. A painful one. A prime oak that loomed over their front yard like a giant flexing its muscles on twenty massive arms. In the tree-man’s own words, “That was a near perfect tree. Perfectly shaped. Sometimes things get to live a really long and wonderful life before they die. But perish the thought that, in their honor, we’d keep calling something alive that has long since breathed its last. If it is not cut down, it could tumble down and cause ten times the destruction. Traditional and eternal are not synonymous. Sometimes they coexist. Sometimes they conflict. 6. So much is alive. Sometimes only a cutting-away of what is dead can improve our view. In the words of Proverbs 29:18, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (KJV) Most of the trees down the dirt road we share with our neighbors survived the drought. There is a birthing of every shade of green around us. Forest green, hunter green, apple green (minus the apple), sea green (minus the sea), lime green (minus the lime), shamrock green (do three-leaf clovers count?), and pine green (pines enough to count). But I’m partial. If I tilt my head the other way, it all just looks plain green. But after the ugliest drought to ever hit our area, nothing is more gorgeous than green. 7. Not every dying thing is meant to be dead. If we are so distracted by what has died that we cannot see what is alive, we could risk losing the living. “Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die.” (Revelation 3:2) Hear that one more time: Strengthen what remains! It is still there on purpose. Nothing is haphazard here in the landscape of God. Nothing is as random as it seems. Though you thought less of it, look at its strength: it survived the worst drought in your history! Though you were parched, it stuck its tongue out at the drought and licked the dew. Thank God for it and tend to it before it dies from the quiet cancer of neglect. 8. Bare ground is not necessarily barren ground. Maybe it’s time to plant something brand new. Like a Redbud. The difference between growing a tad older and just plain getting-old can be the willingness to plant something brand new. Listen to Jeremiah’s prophetic words in Jeremiah 17:5-8: 5 This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. 6 That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. 7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Feeling a tad dry? Go deeper. Trust God. Do NOT fear. The drought will pass and, even though the mightiest trees around you may wither or fall, you may cease for a while to have fun, but you will not cease to bear fruit. I don’t know about you but, if for a little while life’s not fun then, Lord help me, at least let there be fruit! “They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” Isaiah 61:3 NIV Re-printed from “In the Wake of Drought, What Remains” by Beth Moore, Living Proof Ministries. March 28, 2012.

“Gary R. Brooks, Ph.D., describes what he observes as a ‘pervasive disorder’ linked to the consumption of soft-core pornography like Playboy.1 He mentions five main symptoms of this:” • “Voyeurism – An obsession with looking at women rather than interacting with them; this can apply to far more than pornography, including any consumption of the ‘sexuality-on-tap’ culture in which we live; media glorifies and objectifies women’s bodies, thus, promoting unreal images of women, feeding male obsession with visual stimulation and trivializing other mature features of a healthy sexual relationship.” • “Objectification – An attitude in which women are objects rated by size, shape and harmony of body parts: sexual fantasy leads to emotional unavailability and dissatisfaction.” • “Validation – The need to validate masculinity through beautiful women; women who meet centerfold standards only retain their power as long as they maintain ‘perfect’ bodies and the lure of unavailability; it is very common for a man’s fantasy sexual encounter to include a feeling of manly validation; it is also common for men to feel invalidated by their wives if they have trained their minds and bodies to respond only to the fantasy advances of their dream girl.” • “Trophyism – The idea that beautiful women are collectibles who show the world who a man is; pornography reinforces the women’s-bodies-as-trophies mentality.” • “Fear of True Intimacy – Inability to relate to women in an honest and intimate way despite deep loneliness; pornography exalts a man’s sexual needs over his need for sensuality and intimacy; some men develop a preoccupation with sexuality, which powerfully handicaps their capacity for emotionally intimate relationships.” “When a child or adolescent is directly exposed to pornography the following effects have been documented:” • “Lasting negative or traumatic emotional responses.” • “Earlier onset of first sexual intercourse, thereby increasing the risk of STD’s ?over the lifespan.” • “The belief that superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner, thereby reinforcing the commoditization of sex and ?the objectification of humans.” • “The belief that being married or having a family are unattractive prospects.” • “Increased risk for developing sexual compulsions and addictive behavior.” • “Increased risk of exposure to incorrect information about human sexuality long ?before a minor is able to contextualize this information in ways an adult brain could.” • “And overestimating the prevalence of less common practices (e.g., group sex, bestiality, or sadomasochistic activity.)”2 “Teens and Sexting:” “In a survey (2008) of teens and young adults done by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com:3” • “20% of teens overall have sent or posted nude or seminude pictures or videos of themselves.” • “39% of teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages.” • “71% of teen girls and 67% of teen guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent/posted this content to a boyfriend/girlfriend.” • “21% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys say they have sent such content to someone with whom they wanted to date or ‘hook up.’” • “15% of teens who have sent or posted nude/seminude images of themselves say they have done so to someone they only knew online.” • “51% of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages ?or images; only 18% of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.” • “23% of teen girls and 24% of teen boys say they were pressured by friends to send or post sexual content.” • “66% of teen girls and 60% of teen boys who have sent sexually suggestive content say they did so to be ‘fun or flirtatious’ (this was their most common reason for sending sexy content).” • “40% of teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as ‘a joke.’” • “34% of teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content say they sent/posted sexually suggestive content to ‘feel sexy.’” • “Among teen girls, 38% say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails—originally meant for someone else—shared with them, and 25% say they have had nude or semi-nude images—originally meant for someone else—shared with them.” • “Among teen boys, 39% say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails—originally meant for someone else—shared with them, and 33% of teen boys say they have had nude or semi-nude images —originally meant for someone else—shared with them.” “Internet Porn and its Effects on Marriage:” “According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, prolonged exposure to pornography leads to:” • “An exaggerated perception of sexual activity in society” • “Diminished trust between intimate couples” • “The abandonment of the hope of sexual monogamy” • “Belief that promiscuity is the natural state” • “Belief that abstinence and sexual inactivity are unhealthy” • “Cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners” • “Belief that marriage is sexually confining” • “Lack of attraction to family and child-raising4” ?“According to sociologist Jill Manning, the research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends, among others:” 1. “Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce” 2. “Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction” 3. “Infidelity” 4. “Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity ?associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices” 5. “Devaluation of monogamy, marriage and child rearing” 6. “An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive and addictive sexual behavior”5 “In a press release from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (divorce lawyers) reported that the most salient factors present in divorce cases are as follows:6” • “68% of the divorces involved one party meeting a new lover over the Internet.” • “56% involved one party having “‘an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.’” • “47% involved spending excessive time on the computer.” • “33% involved excessive time spent speaking in chat rooms.” “In 2003, a Focus on the Family poll showed 47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home.”7 For citations in the original article, go to Covenant Eyes.

“I think I’ll go with you today,” Ted informed Krista as she started out the door one Sunday morning. Her stomach knotted. She glanced at him, wondering what brought this on. “Sure.” “I’ll change my shirt and be right out.” Joy and dread warred within her. Every time Ted attended church her hopes soared. Is this the day he’ll ask Jesus into his life? Will this be the first of many weeks we’ll sit in church together? Will anyone talk to him? Will he hate the sermon? The music? At best, the experience was bittersweet. On the drive, Krista rubbed sweaty palms against her cotton skirt, praying fervently in silence. God, please help him feel comfortable, and send men to shake his hand. Let the pastor’s message pierce his heart with truth. Open his eyes to see his need for You. Her endless, noiseless begging continued as she walked toward the double doors. “Where would you like to sit?” she whispered. No use dragging him up to the front, where she normally settled into one of the first five rows. He would definitely be intimidated then. Ted pointed to the last row. Krista nodded and slipped into the second chair, leaving him the seat on the end. Her hands, balled tightly into fists, rested in her lap. Her tension mounted as the praise team took the stage. “I was a wreck, scrutinizing everything,” Krista commented afterward. “Every word the pastor uttered—I wondered how Ted interpreted it. I left with a headache, a stomach ache, and wondered if my life would be easier if he just stayed home. His coming along put me on an emotional roller coaster that left me exhausted and depressed. “I wished the pastor had said this instead of that, wished the man sitting in front of us was friendlier, and wished the associate minister who prayed for the offering had foregone his mini-sermon about tithing. I already knew how Ted felt about church and money issues. “Anyway,” Krista continued, catching her breath, “one day the truth hit me. I wasn’t trusting God! Startled by the revelation, I cried. I needed to relax and not worry about all the details. God is sovereign, and He’s big enough to handle the particulars. This concept brought freedom. I still pray for God to take charge of everything said and done, but then I just enjoy the service. God can and will do the rest.” I resided at the opposite end of the spectrum from Krista. In the early years I invited Dean to church often. If he went, I usually ended up regretting I had asked, because he was miserable. When he said no, disappointment and sorrow nearly did me in. Either way, I lost, so I quit mentioning it. I adopted a new policy: I would invite him only for special events and programs the kids were involved in unless the Holy Spirit directed otherwise. I would ask without pressure or expectation and pray for sensitivity to accept Dean’s answer graciously and trust the Lord for His timing. My spouse’s church attendance and salvation are God’s work, not mine. Whether your life is filled to overflowing with people or you are in a season of isolation, choose to fill your voids with God alone. I’ve made both choices, having searched for answers in the things of this world and letting God be my all in all. Only in Him did I find peace, contentment, and joy—even in my empty pew. MY PRAYER DEAR GOD, Please be with me in those lonely times that naturally arise out of an unequally yoked relationship. Make me aware of my limitations, and give me the wisdom to choose wisely the activities that will enhance my growth and not cause me to stumble. And God, please reveal where You want me to serve in Your Body of Believers. On the occasions my husband does attend church, I invite You to be in charge instead of me. Teach me to rest, knowing You are there with me. Open my spouse’s ears to hear what You know he’s ready to hear. Lay upon the hearts of men to reach out to him, and, Father, flood me with Your peace, that I may rest in You. I long to follow where You lead, so don’t let fear or lack of understanding paralyze me. May my trust be in You alone, knowing that You’re completely trustworthy. The plans You have for me are for my best, even when it doesn’t seem that way at the time. I thank You, my dearest and most faithful companion, for Your promise to never leave me. I love You, Lord. In Your name I pray. Amen. Spiritually Single: Living with an Unbelieving Husband. Used by permission.

Spiritual abuse is often unrecognized among Christians and churches. A person who has experienced hurt at the hands of a religious leader who “spoke for God” will likely have a distorted view about who God is as a result. Here are just a few examples. A pastor told a woman who was being physically abused by her husband that God wanted her to stay in the marriage and endure the abuse because it was an act of obedience to God and that He would change her husband. Church leadership who assumed control over the members to the extent that permission and “blessings” had to be obtained from them prior to getting married, changing jobs, or buying a house. A church that taught that God is punishing, and that for every sin committed you should received corresponding levels of punishment. If something bad happened, it was always because God was punishing the sinner. A church that taught that God’s blessing, approval, love and salvation are all conditional based upon one’s performance. Two responses often occur as the result of spiritual abuse. The “abused” believer often “strives” to be good enough to deserve God’s love and grace. He or she compulsively tries to strive for God’s favor of “quits” because he or she realizes they can’t ever measure up to God’s impossible standards and leaves religion altogether. When I have asked people who have experienced spiritual abuse and hold a distorted image of God, their answers usually fall in one of four categories. They see God as a policeman-an enforcer who will exact punishment for any wrongdoing. God’s job is to be on the lookout for those who violate His laws, to catch them and see that they are punished. They see God as disapproving, rejecting, critical and perfectionistic. People with this view describe God with statements like “I can never do it well enough to please God, so why try?” They see God as absent or distant. This person will say, “God doesn’t know that I exist,” or “Yes, He exists, but He is not really involved in my life.” They see God as a tyrant. As one person put it, “He acts without reason to make my life miserable. Another stated, “God must really hate us, just look at all the horrible things that happen to people.” Fear, questioning (“Where was God when…”), lack of trust, lack of joy and gratitude can plague the life of a person with a distorted view of God. So how can a right view of God be rebuilt? Here are a few suggestions. Identifying the distortions in a safe setting with someone they respect and trust is key. Because damage was done in a relational context, healing must also take place in a healthy, safe relationship. Ask God to heal the distortions. We must recognize our dependence on the Holy Spirit for healing. The woundedness often goes so deep that our cognitive understand will take us only so far in the healing process. Understand the causes of the distortions. It helps to ask questions to determine how the distortions got rooted in the person’s mind. Build a relationship with a safe person. It is imperative that wounded people be in a relationship with a safe person. As trust is established with a caring helper, the one being helped can begin to see and experience how the same process can take place with God. This process takes time. Connect with a healthy church. The healing process is enhanced and enriched by a sense of belonging and acceptance that can take place in a functional Christian community. Choose the truth as an act of obedience to God. It is a partnership between the individual and the Holy Spirit facilitated by the ministry of the Body of Christ. Commit to do the work. The individual who has been hurt must also commit to do the hard work of applying truth and taking negative thoughts captive. The daily infusion of truth about who God is and how He sees us is essential spiritual food. Pastors, address the issue of distorted images of God from the pulpit in a way that draws out the alienated and encourages them to connect with others who can help them in the process of healing and growth. Have you been hurt in church? Don’t bury it. Allow God to bring healing in your life today. He wants to reveal Himself to you. Dowdle, Steven. Helping the Hurting in Your Church . Lake Mary: Creation House, 2007, pp. 105-117.

After a loss, each member of a family has his or her own unique grief process. But just as important and unique is the grief experience of the entire family unit. Here are some of the reasons that it is important to acknowledge the needs of the family as a whole: Each person in a family has functions and roles not filled by anyone else. The death of any member results in the reorganization of all relationships in the system. Roles must be shifted and the family must reorganize. This shifting takes time and strongly influences the family’s growth and character. A family has its own identity. For example, the family may identify themselves as “community leaders”, “a group of practical jokers”, or “centered around the children”. When a member dies, family members often struggle to retain or redefine that identity in a way that is meaningful to them. Due to different developmental levels, life circumstances, lifestyles and relationships with the deceased, grief needs differ among family members. How family members communicate about their needs can contribute either to family harmony or family conflict. An open family system acknowledges feelings openly and involves each member in decisions and events. A closed family system denies feelings and excludes some members from decisions and events. Time and effort may be needed to apply a healthy style of interacting after the impact of loss. Grief and ways of expressing grief can be handed down from generation to generation. If parents have unresolved grief issues from their own childhoods, it will ripple into the lives of their own children. The family rules that a parent learned while growing up are likely to be the rules he/she models to the next generation. Family members may now practice these rules unconsciously, even if the rules are unhealthy. For example, a family who has dealt with emotions by keeping them secret and unexpressed will likely have negative results if they suppress all discussion of grief. New phases of family development often result in a resurgence of family grief. Suppose, for example, that a mother of two children dies. As those children grow up and reach life milestones, such as the first piano recital or a high school graduation, the family will grieve their loss anew from their current perspective. New grief needs arise whenever we face life changes without the deceased loved one, including moves, marriages, job/career changes, births, and even later deaths. Here are some suggestions to help families grieve together: Hold a family meeting for all interested members. Allow for open discussion of thoughts, feelings, and needs that have emerged for each person since the death. Set a ground rule that each person will listen to others without interrupting or passing judgment. Brainstorm ideas for how to memorialize, express feelings, and meet needs as a family unit. Memorialize together. Collaborate on a photo album, video montage, or collection of stories in honor of the deceased. Make a copy for each family member or each branch of the family tree. Create something that symbolizes the family unit’s identity, such as a “Coat of Arms”, Family Mission Statement, or Family Motto. Have plaques or some form of reproductions made so each member or subsection of the family can have one to display in their home. Hold a family ritual where all family members can unite in memory of the deceased and in honor of the family’s values and history. Some examples include: a candle-lighting ceremony; an ash-scattering gathering; participating together in a walkathon to find a cure for the disease the loved one died from; making an annual donation to or volunteering as a group for a cause important to the entire family; planting a tree together in honor of the deceased and the family’s ongoing growth, even after loss. Consider engaging the services of a family counselor to facilitate communication and problem-solving among family members. Remember that all families need an objective perspective sometimes. Invite members of all ages to share their perspectives and ideas. Posted by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise” available online at Amazon (www.amazon.com/Love-Never-LPC-S-Larry-Barber/dp/1613796005 ) Used by permission.

Children need us to be strong and confident in the Lord. We cannot impart what we don’t possess. If the parents are not experiencing freedom in Christ, they will have a difficult, if not impossible time helping their children experience freedom from Satan’s oppression in their young lives. Let’s examine from a parental perspective the most definitive passage in the New Testament for helping others find their freedom in Christ: “And the Lord’s bondservant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” 2 Tim. 2:24-26 NIV As you can see this is a kind, gentle, able to teach, patient when wronged model that requires the presence of God in order to set a captive free. The passage also teaches that freedom comes from knowing the truth, because people are in bondage to the lies they believe. The battle is shown to be in the mind, because when they come to their senses they escape from the snare of the devil. It also establishes the fact that the one who is going to help your child must be completely surrendered to the Lord. Jesus is the wonderful counselor and only He can grant repentance and set a captive free. · Have you been patient when wronged by your child? · Have you been kind or harsh? · Have you corrected them with gentleness? · Do you know the truth well enough to teach them what to do when they are under attack? You may need to start by asking your child to forgive you for the times that you have not disciplined in love, or understood the true nature of their problem. If a parent has severely disciplined (punished) a child, without knowing what is going on inside, the relationship may be damaged. The same problem is true for any other authority figure that has tried to shape only their behavior without knowing about the battle that may be going on for their minds. Can you imagine the frustration of hearing voices or experiencing a presence in your room that frightened you, and not have anyone to talk to who understands? The problem is compounded when they share what they are experiencing with another person who won’t believe them. Being told that there is a spiritual battle going on for your mind and that the problem is resolvable brings immediate relief! Hopefully you will have resolved your own personal and spiritual conflicts as a mature Christian, and you will be personally familiar with the process of helping your child fight their spiritual battles. It will also make you an example to follow rather than one who is judging or condemning them. The joy of knowing your own identity and freedom in Christ will be something your children will recognize and want to have for themselves. Be careful to use terms that a child can understand. In order for children to cooperate they must know that they are not the problem, but they must be proactive. If your attitude is wrong and you say something like: “What’s wrong with you anyway?” they will probably get defensive. I asked one young boy if he had thoughts in his head telling him what to do. He said he did, and I asked what the thoughts were. He said, “I’m no good!” The frustrated parents of this adopted child had all but thrown in the towel trying to control his behavior. The message that he was getting internally and externally was that he is incorrigible, no good, hopeless, and helpless. The goal is to resolve their personal and spiritual conflicts in Christ and find the peace of God that passes all understanding. For the duration of their life they need to know that they have to be responsible for what they think and do. In order for this process to work, you must have their cooperation to share with you any mental thoughts they are having which are in direct opposition to what you are attempting to do. The power of Satan is in the lie. As soon as the lie is exposed, the perceived power is broken. The control center is the mind, and if Satan can get them to believe a lie he can control their lives. Thoughts like, “This isn’t going to work,” or “God doesn’t love you,” etc., can interfere only if they believe the lies. I usually tell people that it doesn’t make any difference if the thoughts they are hearing are coming from a loud speaker on the wall or in their head. It is just a thought or voice and it can’t have any power over you unless you believe it. In either case don’t pay attention to it. There are two reasons why most people, including our children, don’t share what is going on inside. Firstly, if they even remotely suspect that we won’t receive the information appropriately, they won’t share it. Patronizing responses like, “You’re just having a bad day,” or “It will go away,” or “You have an over-active imagination,” or judgmental statements like, “You need to see a doctor!” will keep a person from revealing what they are thinking. The last response is what many fear the most. They already fear they are going crazy, and anything you do to suggest that possibility will drive them away. I have assured many people that nothing they could share about their thoughts would surprise me. Sometimes thoughts are threatening or vulgar. Once they know that you understand that those thoughts aren’t their thoughts, they are more free to share what is going on inside. Secondly, they may be threatened by voices they think they hear in their head. Usually it is a threat to harm them when they get home or back in their bedroom. The threat can be towards someone else such as their father or baby sister. They believe they have to obey the voices in order to save someone else. Much of the intimidation is threatening them not to share what is really going on inside. Satan’s attacks are like cockroaches. They only come out in the safety of darkness. They fear being exposed. When you turn on the light they scurry for the shadows. All this intimidation is to keep the child from sharing what must be shared in order to be free in Christ. The problem isn’t at home or in their room, it’s in their mind. So if they resolve it in your office, it will be resolved at home. And if the problem is resolved in the parent’s bedroom it will be resolved in the child’s bedroom. One person called hours later and said with a great deal of joy, “They’re not here either!” They never were “there.” What is going to set your child free is what they do, not what you do. Since Satan is under no obligation to obey our thoughts, a child who is deeply struggling spiritually should pray their prayers out loud, and assume their responsibility to resolve the issues that are standing between them and God. For a child who is deeply disturbed, it is not what we do that sets them free; it is what they choose to renounce, confess, forgive, etc. Watch them closely as they pray, especially their eyes. If they start to drift away mentally, ask them what they are hearing. In some cases they may be seeing something. The moment they share it, the lie is exposed, and the power is broken. We must help them focus their minds and to ensure them that they do have control if they would only choose to exercise it. It is common for children under spiritual attack to have headaches or feel like they are getting sick. Usually the physical symptoms stop when they share it. If they say, “I have to leave here.” Remind them that is only a thought. The weapons of warfare are not of the flesh (2 Cor. 10:3-5). Prayer is our weapon when we calmly take our place in Christ. Trust is an essential prerequisite. If a child trusts you they will believe what you say. For them to trust you they have to feel accepted, safe, and secure. The more you calmly explain what is happening in the spiritual realm and the more reassurance you give them, the more they will believe and trust you. The safer they feel, the better chances they have of finding freedom from the lies they have believed. The authority we have in Christ does not increase with shouting or coercion. Don’t respond in the flesh. God does everything decently and in order. Teach your child to pray victorious prayers from God’s Word. Listen carefully. Make them feel safe. Guide them gently. The Holy Spirit is the One who transforms their lives. www.ficm.org . Used by permission.

The role of leadership is to leverage the tension to the benefit of the organization. That’s your assignment as a leader. You’ve got to learn through your personality, your position and your gifts to leverage these tensions for the benefit of the organization because these tensions result in progress, progress, progress when properly leveraged. Here are seven quick suggestions. A. First, obviously, is to identify the tensions to be managed in your organization, and this isn’t really hard to do. Sit down and work through with your team members, “Hey, what are the tensions that in that aren’t going away?” And here’s the key. What are the tensions that shouldn’t go away that we have to learn how to properly manage? If you don’t identify these tensions, you will spend hours trying to solve problems that can’t be solved and shouldn’t be solved. And if you are a peacemaker by nature, if you are a conflict-avoider by nature you will lean in the direction of bringing about peace and giving up the tension, which will impede progress, and you will make everybody happy temporarily, but you may undermine the strength of your entire church or organization. Identify the tensions. B. Create terminology. Create new terminology. The terminology we use in our organization is simply this. This is a tension to manage. I’m telling you, in the midst of conflict, staff conflict, volunteer conflict, all of a sudden it’s bingo! We’re trying to solve a problem that is actually tension we must learn to leverage. C. Inform your core. I would say to my team, “I’ve discovered something that I think we need to integrate into our culture and we must all learn to speak the same language.” And I informed our core, all of our leaders. I said, “There is a third way. This isn’t about you winning, and this isn’t about you losing, or you winning and you losing. There are tensions in our organization we must all learn to manage.” And we created a conversation, and we created a category and we created terminology. Again, as I said, it’s kind of the third way. D. Continually give value to both sides. Whenever there’s a conflict in your organization, you’re a leader. You have an opinion, right? In fact, in many cases we’re the one surfacing the conflict. We’re the ones calling people in and saying, “Hey, I don’t know about what was going on Sunday,” or “you sure that’s the right way to do this,” or “why are people coming in so late,” or whatever your deal is. So as a leader, we automatically have an opinion about ever single conflict in our organization. Also, your words as a senior pastor, the youth pastor, whoever you are in authority, your words weigh more. So consequently we must get in the habit, once we’ve identified what these tensions are, we must get in the habit, regardless of what our opinion is and regardless of where we tend to weigh in, we’ve got to learn to give value or speak value into both sides. E. Don’t weigh in too heavily based on your personal biases. You give value to both sides and you learn not to weigh in too heavily based on your personal biases. For example, you’re the communicator. Well, you know what communicators think about how much time communicators should get? They think they should get more time. Right? But you’re the worship leader. And what does the worship leader think about how much time the worship leader should get? Well, the worship leader thinks, “Well, I should get more time than I have.” And then there’s the volunteers. They’re going, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Children’s attention span is about 15 minutes. We’re giving you a whole hour. Don’t you dare let the whole thing run over.” I mean what do you do with that? As a leader you must decide. “You know what, my goal is not to win, my goal is not to always resolve; my goal is to make sure that the important progress-critical tensions never drop out of sight.” If you as a leader don’t learn to create, maintain and keep front and center certain tensions, you become an impediment to progress. Understand the upside of the opposite side. Understand the down side of your side. You need to understand the upside of the opposite side; you need to understand and be able to verbalize the downside of your side. That means communicators, you must learn to be a champion for worship, and worship leaders have to learn to become a champion for the spoken preached word, and preachers, you’ve got to learn to be a champion for the integrity and the quality of what happens in student ministry and youth ministry, and education directors need to learn to become champions of the spoken word and the worship word. That if you’re the point person, you must learn to be the champion of every single angle and every single perspective. Otherwise your words will squash the conflict and you’ll try to erase tension. And at the end of the day, progress is impeded. F. Don’t allow the strong personalities in your group to win the day. If your education director has a stronger personality than your worship leader and you let them battle it out, and you watch the worship leader just kind of fold up under the pressure of the words of the education director, and it looks like everything is resolved because your worship leader just shut down, that is not a win. You as a leader have failed to keep a very important tension alive in your staff meetings. Some people on your team people talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and there are people who never open their mouth. And I have learned, and have had to learn, to say, “Thank you. Kevin, talk. Talk. Just talk. I just want to know. You’re thinking. I want those thoughts to come out of your mouth now. Talk.” Because you can’t let anybody win. The tension has got to be out there, and you as leader have got to learn to leverage it. You need passionate people who will champion their side. But you need mature people who understand this reality. And if you have somebody that just won’t let it go, and if you have somebody that just can’t embrace this third way, then you may need to move them out of your inner circle because you can’t afford to allow problems that should never be solved to become tensions that are ultimately resolved. We must learn to manage tensions. And once you’ve identified them, leverage them. Grow from them. Because in some cases they will be the key to progress in your organization. Excerpt from Catalyst West. Used by permission of Catalyst.

Understanding the Neuroscience Behind Online Harems A wife who stumbles on the Internet tracks of her husband’s porn tour is often shocked at the number of images and videos in this cyber harem. Why so many? Why so varied? People, and even some scientific studies, have offered simplistic answers to explain the depth and breadth of a man’s cyber trough, but the real reasons lie in the neurochemistry of our incredible brains. Simplistic Explanations A prevalent explanation for the cyber brothel is that guys are acting on their evolutionary impulses to breed as many females as possible. This concept is based on a phenomenon known as the Coolidge Effect, which has been seen in testing a variety of mammals since the 1950s. The scenario goes like this: a male rat is placed in a cage with a willing female with which he excitedly breeds until he is satiated. Though he’s no longer in the mood with the current female, as soon as another female is introduced he immediately overcomes his boredom and mates with the new gal. He becomes bored again, until a new female is introduced, and the scenario repeats itself until the male rat is physically exhausted. Some analysts, citing these studies, believe that evolution tells guys, “Get it while the getting is good. You are exposed to a limited number of possible mates on the Savannah of life, so when the opportunity presents itself, take advantage of it.” The same can be said of eating high fat foods and engaging other behaviors that propagate the species or ensures survival. And since this applies to other mammals, it must be all-consuming for people, too. Similarly, another simplistic explanation is that guys are not designed to be monogamous in the first place. Evolution urged them to roam, find herds of women on the open plain, and compete to mate with as many as possible. That’s why guys skip through a multitude of Internet mates or are constantly targeting new females to breed; they are not designed to find a lifelong mate but to spread their seed far and wide. One Australian study set men and women in a room and showed them the same porn film 18 times. Initially, they were aroused, but after watching the same movie over and over, they became uninterested. But lo and behold, when a new porn flick was introduced the subjects gained new interest. This test is similar to others, so to some analysts it proves that people get bored with the same mate and need to roam to keep sex interesting. Advances in understanding But more and more therapists and neurologists say these studies fall flat. In his book, The Brain That Changes Itself, Dr. Norman Doidge argues that instincts, like that of the rat, resist change, and that human sexuality is not based on instinct. The human libido isn’t hardwired by biological urges, but rather it is often finicky and altered by an individual’s psychology, experiences, and sexual encounters. “Much scientific writing implies otherwise and depicts the sexual instinct as a biological imperative, an ever hungry brute, always demanding satisfaction—a glutton, not a gourmet,” Doidge writes (p. 95). “But human beings are more like gourmets and are drawn to types and have strong preferences; having a ‘type’ causes us to defer satisfaction until we find what we are looking for, because attraction to a type is restrictive; the person who is ‘really turned on by blondes’ may tacitly rule out brunettes and redheads.” Rats are only attracted by sight and scent, said Dr. Doug Weiss, an author of 23 books and a sex addiction therapist in Colorado Springs. But people have many ways to become attracted, such as sharing an affinity toward specific entertainment, politics, ideas, religion, and situations. Their childhoods and adolescence contribute to their sexual desires as do the rest of their experiences in life. People experience emotional and cognitive levels, including fantasy or imagination, that are unavailable to the rat. “Every guy or gal reading this has seen a man or woman at a distance who they thought was attractive until that person opened their mouth,” Weiss said. “So attraction goes way beyond the physical for human beings.” As for the studies that suggest familiarity lessens sexual interest, Weiss says, “I think the study is just flawed. There is no control group. It has no validity.” What would a control group look like? Weiss suggests showing a Charlie Brown cartoon. Lots of people like to watch Charlie at Thanksgiving or Christmas, but show the same film 18 times and just about anyone would grow bored. Then introduce the movie Captain America and watch a group gain interest. “Show me 12 red blocks and I’ll want to see a blue one,” he said. So why isn’t one porn image enough? People learn through life experience to be sexually aroused by body types, places, and situations, and this list of sexual interests can be very short or a mile long. In the past, a single image would have been enough to arouse a man who now looks at a stream of Internet pornography to maintain the same arousal, says therapist Dr. Peter Kleponis of Integrity Restored. But overtime this man has neurologically attached his brain to be aroused when viewing a wide variety of images and acts. “He conditions his brain to only really be sexually aroused to this constant parade of different women, of different sexual images,” Kleponis said. The neuroscience behind porn Indeed, the variety of porn on the Internet has an appeal. But the reasons behind it are more complex than a rat’s attention to a parade of new mates. Doidge explains that “human beings exhibit an extraordinary degree of sexual plasticity compared with other creatures” (p. 94). By “plasticity” he means that our brains and our sexuality are molded by our experiences, interactions, and other means of learning, which is why people vary in what they say is attractive or what turns them on. The brain actually creates neural pathways that say a specific type of person or activity is arousing. This may help explain why men combing through Internet pornography often delay orgasm until they find an image “worthy” of climax. In fact, some porn addicts have no interest in variety. “With over 25 years of working with sex addicts, there are some men—and women for that matter—who stick to vanilla, whatever vanilla is,” Weiss said. “They are neurologically attached to vanilla, and they never up that.” This means some people who use pornography—even addicts—never sink deeper into porn than the models of Playboy or Playgirl. So what about 32 flavors? So why do some people who were once programmed for vanilla now entertain many more flavors at the ice cream bar? The brain likes novelty, Kleoponis said, especially if it perceives a possible release of dopamine or other neural chemicals that are natural rewards that provide feelings of comfort or euphoria. “The immediate attraction will give you a little bit of a rush or a sense of novelty…but that will wear away quickly if it’s not reinforced by the neurological release of masturbation,” Weiss said. The opiates released during orgasm help seal the deal that this new and novel sexual concept is not only arousing but worth returning for in the future. Add it to the shelf of hot stuff: this one is a keeper. With repeated interaction the arousal becomes more engrained, and with more exploration the brain adds more containers found to be exciting, even things a person once found disgusting. Porn websites generate catalogs of common kinks and mix them together with images. Sooner or later the surfer finds a killer combination that presses a number of his sexual buttons at once. Then he reinforces the network by viewing the images repeatedly, masturbating, releasing dopamine and strengthening these neural networks. He has created a kind of “neosexuality,” a rebuilt libido that has strong roots in his buried sexual tendencies. Because he often develops tolerance, the pleasure of sexual discharge must be supplemented with the pleasure of an aggressive release, and sexual and aggressive images are increasingly mingled—hence the increase in sadomasochistic themes in hardcore porn (p. 112, The Brain That Changes Itself ). Why have pornographers added so much aggression and violence to today’s porn? Because they are trying to keep their customers satisfied. But apparently, it’s never enough. Can’t get no satisfaction So if a human masturbates to a wider range of images or videos, does that satiate? The simple answer is no. Dr. Doidge explains that porn is more exciting than satisfying because humans have two separate pleasure systems in our brains: one for exciting pleasure and another for satisfying pleasure. The “exciting system,” fueled by dopamine and anticipation, is all about appetite, such as imagining your favorite meal or a sexual episode. The satisfying system involves actually having the meal or having sex, which provides a calming, fulfilling pleasure. This system releases opiate-like endorphins, that provide feelings of peace and euphoria. Pornography, Doidge writes, hyperactivates the appetite system. But the satisfying system is left starvingfor the real thing, which includes actual touching, kissing, caresses, and a connection not only with the body but also the mind and soul. The satisfying system releases oxytocin and endorphins that says, “Ain’t nothing like the real thing, Baby.” In a nutshell, porn is so addictive because: the variation of porn online exposes men to more and more body types and scenarios; through masturbation a man bonds neurologically; these types and scenarios are added to the list of stimuli that his brain learns is exciting and they are associated with a neurochemical reward; the neural pathways are formed that make the excitement easier; and yet his appetite system is better fed than his satisfying system leaving him hungry for more. Want to learn more? Neurologist Dr. William Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy, talks at length about porn addiction and the brain in this detailed interview, filmed at the Covenant Eyes headquarters. Here is more helpful information from Covenant Eyes. Internet Pornography: A Ministry Leader’s Handbook —This free e-book, written by pastors and counselors, helps ministers who struggle with pornography understand the importance of confession and accountability. It addresses why pastors are particularly vulnerable to pornographic temptations and what should be done to bring this truth into the light. 10 Stories of Pastors in the Struggle — Read, watch, and listen to the stories of pastors who have struggled deeply with porn and sex addiction and how God set them free. PornToPurity.com — Jeff and Marsha Fisher were church planters until Jeff’s porn addiction came to light. After he was removed from church leadership and found help in overcoming his sin, he started PornToPurity.com, a website for anyone trapped in sexual temptations. Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, by Michael John Cusick — Michael was sexually abused and exposed to pornography as a child. Later in life, serving as both a youth pastor and a counselor at a Christian university, his sexual struggles only became more acute with porn and prostitutes. This book talks about what he learned in the midst of recovery Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey Through Sex Addiction, by T.C. Ryan — Pastor Ryan had a lifelong struggle with sexual addiction and secrecy. This book shares his story of learning to let the gospel of Christ transform him into a man who can be open, honest, and unashamed before God and his Christian family. Breaking the Silence: A Pastor Goes Public About His Battle with Pornography, by Bernie Anderson — Bernie Anderson battled behind closed doors with pornography for years. In this book, Anderson tells his personal story of struggle and how God changed his life, giving practical tips to protect yourself and your family. My Struggle, Your Struggle, by David Erik Jones — Pastor Jones struggled with porn as a pastor. This book is his personal story of porn addiction that lasted 20 years and how he found freedom while serving in the ministry. Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough, by Justin and Trisha Davis — Justin didn’t just struggle with porn. As a pastor, he also began an affair with another church staff member. This book shares Justin and Trisha’s story and how their marriage recovered. The Pornography Trap, by Dr. Mark Laaser and Ralph Earl, Jr. — This book addresses what should be done when ministry leaders (pastors, deacons, choir directors, Sunday school teachers, etc.) struggle with Internet pornography. The authors share the core issues related to sexual sin and how to develop a biblical view of healthy sexuality. Restoring the Soul of a Church, edited by Dr. Mark Laaser — This book from the The Interfaith Sexual Trauma Institute describes the devastation that can happen to a church congregation when a pastor sexually sins and is removed from the church. It gives insight about the neglected secondary victims of abuse: the congregation, the wider community, other clergy, the wider church, the offender’s family, and the pastor who takes over. Stone Gate Resources — Dr. Harry Schaumburg has been counseling Christian men and women about sexual and relational brokenness for years—with a special emphasis on caring for pastors and ministry leaders caught in sexual sin. His intensive counseling is known around the world as one of the best for sexual addiction. ThrivingPastor.org — This is a ministry of Focus on the Family for pastors, including apastoral care line for ministers who need to speak with a trained counselor. 8 Resources for Ministry Leaders Who Want to Equip Their Church Porn-Free Church: Raising up gospel communities to destroy secret sins — This free e-book is for church leaders who want to create a safe community where taboo sins can be confessed and people can find healing. False Love and True Betrayal — This video series by Summit Church is designed for small groups or recovery groups focused on the pain caused by sexual sin. False Love walks men and women who struggle with sexual sin through a step-by-step process of repentance and restoration. True Betrayal walks spouses of sexual strugglers through the same process as they overcome the pain of sexual betrayal. Pornography Statistics: Annual Report — This conglomeration of more than 250 stats, quotes, and facts about pornography can help any pastor preparing to teach others about this subject. A Bird’s Eye View of Lust and Pornography — This free sermon series can give pastors a place to start for talking with their congregations about pornography in a way that is biblically sound and practically helpful. Fight Porn in Your Church: What works and why it matters — This free white paper from Covenant Eyes looks at how real churches are addressing the issue of pornography and gives practical ideas for programs churches can implement today. Confessing Sin: How Matt Chandler preaches a culture of grace — Matt Chandler of Village Church understand that church leader set the pace when it comes to being open about sin. In this sermon clip, Chandler talks about not being afraid to be honest about sin and being vigilant to fight it. The Quick Reference Guide to Sexuality & Relationship Counseling, by Dr. Mark Laaser and Dr. Tim Clinton — This book gives pastors, counselors, and everyday believers the information they need to help congregants, clients, and friends with their most intimate sexual and relational issues. Join1MillionMen.org — This movement, spearheaded by Pastor Jay Dennis, is equipping church leaders nationwide to bring the issue of pornography into the light where church members can find help and healing. Reprinted from Covenant Eyes. Luke Gilkerson. Used by permission.

THE NINE POINTS OF CHRIST’S STAR From the Biblical account in Matthew, unpacking it verse by verse, we can compile a list of nine qualities that must be present before any celestial phenomena could be considered to be the Biblical Star of Bethlehem. If any qualification is missing, then we will assume we haven’t found our Star. Let’s start with the nine points of Christ’s star: 1. It signified birth. 2. It signified kingship. 3. It had a connection with the Jewish nation. 4. It rose in the east, like other stars. 5. It appeared at a precise time. 6. Herod didn’t know when it appeared. 7. It endured over time. 8. It was ahead of the Magi as they went south from Jerusalem to Bethlehem. 9. It stopped over Bethlehem. All of these following verses come from the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 2:1: “After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod” (NIV) To begin, we see again how important the date of Herod’s death is to the investigation. If Herod died in 4 BC, then Christ had to be born before that year. But if Herod died in 1 BC, as the best evidence indicates, then we should look at the years 2 and 3 BC. Matthew 2:1b continues: “Magi from the east came to Jerusalem…” (NIV) Who are these magi? The word, ‘magi,’ which is sometimes translated ‘wise men,’ is the root from which we get our word ‘magic.’ This doesn’t make them all magicians, in the present sense of the word. Some of them were learned men in general, who studied the physical world and were knowledgeable about many things, including the stars. Magi were often court astronomers who were consulted by the rulers of the day for guidance in affairs of state. This was also true in much earlier times. For example, during the Babylonian captivity of the Jews, some 500 years earlier, King Nebuchadnezzar kept a stable of court magi. Nebuchadnezzar made the Jewish prophet Daniel Chief Magus of his court when Daniel was able to interpret a dream the other magi could not. There were magi of various schools, and some were more respected than others. We know something of a particularly prestigious school of magi from the writings of Philo. Philo was a Jewish philosopher and contemporary of Jesus who lived in the large Jewish community of Alexandria, Egypt. Philo wrote in praise of an Eastern school of magi and their great learning and understanding of the natural world. This school may have descended from the Babylonian magi of Daniel’s day. Matthew does report that the Wise Men were from the East, and Babylon is east of Judea. It was at one time part of the Persian Empire, which ties in with Philo. So it is possible the Wise Men were of this prestigious Eastern school. This would account for Herod giving them an audience, and for his strong reaction to the news they brought. Matthew 2:2 continues with Herod’s question: “…and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?” (NIV) The Magis’ question gives us three points for our list of qualifications for the Star. Whatever happened in the sky indicated 1) birth, 2) kingship and 3) Jews. It also gives us a clue about the Magi. They were interested in things Jewish. In verse 2, Matthew writes: “We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.” (NIV) When the wise men said “we saw his star in the east,” they didn’t mean “we saw his star while we were in the East.” The Greek text here says the Star was “en anatole,” meaning they saw his star rising in the east. That’s what all but polar stars do, because of the rotation of the Earth. Stars rise in the east, but not all celestial objects do that. So, that’s another qualification for the Star: 4) it must rise in the east like most other stars. The motive of the Magi in coming to Jerusalem tells us a great deal more about them. They wanted to worship a Jewish king. It can’t be proven from the text, but it is quite possible that some of the Magi were of Jewish descent, perhaps a Jewish remnant from Daniel’s day. This would help explain why a Jewish philosopher, Philo, would admire them, why they were watching the sky for things Jewish, why they wanted to worship a Jewish king, and why they were taken so seriously by Herod and Jewish chief priests. If they were not Jews, then they must have been most impressive magi indeed, as Jews of the time were deeply disdainful of pagans and their beliefs. In verse 3, we read Herod’s response: “When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him.” (NIV) You must know more to understand just how very troubled Herod and Jerusalem became at the Magis’ news. Historians tell us that respect for the stars and guidance derived from them was at a peak. Both ancient historians and the Bible make it clear that the Jews of this period expected a new Jewish ruler to arise, based upon Jewish prophecy. And it was accepted that the stars could announce such an arrival. For example, about 60 years earlier, in 63 B.C., magi made a presentation to the Roman Senate. They described celestial portents indicating that a new ruler had been born. Evidently regretting that news, the Senate responded by ordering the death of baby boys in the candidate age range. Sound familiar? It turns out that when Herod ordered the slaughter of children in Bethlehem, he may have been following a sort of Roman precedent. That precedent may be one reason Jerusalem was troubled at the news the Wise Men brought. Perhaps they realized the Romans might shed blood in response in Matthew 4:4-6: “When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Christ was to be born. “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written: “‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.'” (NIV) Herod took the Magis’ message as factual, and consulted the Jewish experts about the location of the birth. The fateful verse in the Book of Micah which is quoted to Herod by the Jewish experts soon resulted in the death of many little boys in Bethlehem. Matthew pens these words in verse 7:3: “Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared.” (NIV) Another qualification for the Star: 5) It appeared at an exact time. And yet another qualification: 6) Herod didn’t know when it appeared. He had to ask. In verses 8 and 9, the Hebrew king orders: “He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.” 9 After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was.” (NIV) And now we have the last three qualifications for the Star: 7) it endured over a considerable period of time. The Magi saw it, perhaps from Babylon, traveled to Judea and saw it still. 8) It went ahead of them as they traveled from Jerusalem to Bethlehem. You might not realize that this doesn’t mean the Star was needed to guide the travelers to Bethlehem. Bethlehem was (and is) just five miles south of Jerusalem on the main road. They couldn’t miss it. No, the star appears ahead of them as they trek south not so much as a guide as a further confirmation of the signs they had seen. Lastly, 9) the Star stopped! IN REVIEW, WE NOW KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE STAR! 1. It signified birth. 2. It signified kingship. 3. It had a connection with the Jewish nation. 4. It rose in the east, like other stars. 5. It appeared at a precise time. 6. Herod didn’t know when it appeared. 7. It endured over time. 8. It was ahead of the Magi as they went south from Jerusalem to Bethlehem. 9. It stopped over Bethlehem. John the apostle tells us that Jesus Himself was the “star,” the light of men. He embodied the revealed truth of God. Jesus not only revealed the nature of God, but His light also revealed the character of man. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it…v.14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:1-4, 14 (NIV) • What do we learn about Christ and His relation to God and man according to the John 1 passage? • The magi were persistent in their search for the king. What are some ways that you can seek God’s Word and His presence in the coming year? • Read Isaiah 9:6-7. What are the descriptive names of Christ in this passage? How do they impact the blessings you receive from knowing Christ? Spend some time praying and praising God for who He is. APPLYING THE SCRIPTURES Read the following passages and record your observations. John 1:1-14; Matthew 2; Isaiah 9:6-7; John 3:19-20; 1 John 1:5-9 Material for this study may be found at www.bethlehemstar.net

Russell Moore shares his insights about tension during the holiday season. Here are his wise suggestions: “We tend to idealize holidays, but human depravity doesn’t go into hibernation between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. One thing that will hit most Christians, sooner or later, are tensions within extended families at holiday time. Some of you will be visiting family members who are contemptuous of the Christian faith and downright hostile to the whole thing. Others are empty nest couples who now have sons- or daughters-in-law to get adjusted to, maybe even grandchildren who are being reared, well, not exactly the way the grandparents would do it. Still others are young couples who are figuring out how to keep from offending family members who are watching the calendar, to see which side of the family gets more time on the ledger. And others are new parents, trying to figure out how to parent their child when it’s Mammonpalooza at Aunt Judie’s house this year. And, of course, there’s just always the kind of thing that happens when sinful people come into contact with one another. Somebody asks “When is the baby due?” to an unpregnant woman or somebody blasts your favorite political figure or…well, you know. Here are a few quick thoughts on what followers of Jesus ought to remember, especially if you’ve got a difficult extended family situation. 1. Peace Yes, Jesus tells us that his gospel brings a sword of division, and that sometimes this splits up families (Matt. 10:34-37). But there’s a difference between gospel division and carnal division (see 1 Cor. 1, e.g.). The Spirit brings peace (Gal. 5:22), and the sons of God are peacemakers (Matt. 5:9). Since that’s so, we ought to “strive for peace with everyone” (Heb. 12:14). Often, the divisiveness that happens at extended family dinner tables is not because an unbelieving family member decides to persecute a Christian. It’s instead because a Christian decides to go ahead and sort the wheat from the weeds right now, rather than waiting for Judgment Day (Matt. 13:29-30). Yes, the gospel exposes sin, but the gospel does so strategically, in order to point to Christ. Antagonizing unbelievers at a family dinner table because they think or feel like unbelievers isn’t the way of Christ. Some Christians think their belligerence is actually a sign of holiness. They leave the Christmas table saying, “See, if you’re not being opposed, then you’re not with Christ!” Sometimes, of course, divisions must come. But think of the qualifications Jesus gives for his church’s pastors. They must not be “quarrelsome” and they must be “well thought of by outsiders” (1 Tim. 3:3,7). That’s in the same list as not being a heretic or a drunk. Your presence should be one of peace and tranquility. The gospel you believe ought to be what disrupts. There’s a big difference. 2. Honor The Scripture tells us to fear God, to obey the king, and to honor (notice this) everyone (1 Pet. 2:17). If your parents are high-priests in the Church of Satan, they are still your parents. If cousin Betty V. does Jello shots in her car, just to take the edge off the cocaine, well, she still bears the imprint of the God you adore. You cannot do the will of God by opposing the will of God. That is, you can’t evangelize by dishonoring father and mother, or by disrespecting the image-bearers of God. Pray for God to show you the ways those in your life are worthy of honor, and teach your children to follow you in showing respect and gratitude. 3. Humility Part of the reason some Christians have such difficulty with unbelieving or nominally believing extended family members is right at this point. They see differences over Jesus as being of the same kind (just of a different degree) as our differences over, say, the war in Afghanistan or the future of Sarah Palin or the Saints’ winning streak this year. Often the frustration comes not because of how much Christians love their family members as much as how much these Christians want to be right. The professional Left and Right cable-TV and talk-radio pontificators may value the last word, but we can’t. Jesus never, not once, seeks to prove he is right, and he was accused of being everything from a wino to a demoniac. He rejects Satan’s temptation to force a visible vindication, waiting instead for God to vindicate him at the empty tomb. Often Christians veer toward Satanism at holiday time because we, deep down, pride ourselves on knowing the truth of the gospel. The rage you feel when Uncle Happy says why “many roads lead to God” might be more about the fact that you want to be right than that you want him to be resurrected. Plus, we often forget just how it is that we came to be in Christ in the first place. This wasn’t some act of brilliance, like being accepted into Harvard or some exertion of the will, like learning to put a Rubik’s cube together in 20 seconds. “What do you have that you did not receive,” the Apostle Paul asks us, “And if you received it, then why do you boast as though you didn’t receive it?” (1 Cor. 4:6-7) Satan wants to destroy you through his primal flaw, pride (1 Pet. 5:7-9; 1 Tim. 3:6). He doesn’t care if that pride comes through looking around the family table and figuring out how much more money you make than your second cousin-in-law or whether it comes by your looking around the table and saying, “Thank you Lord that I am not like these publicans.” The end result is the same (Prov. 29:23). Unless you’re in an exceptionally sanctified family, you’re going to see failing marriages, parenting crises, and a thousand other shards of the curse. If your response is to puff up as you look at your own situation, there’s a Satanist at your family gathering, and you’re it. 4. Maturity The Scripture tells us that if we follow Jesus we’ll follow the path he took: that’s through temptation, to suffering, and ultimately to glory. Often we think these testings are big, monumental things, but they rarely are. God will allow you to be tested. He’ll refine you, bring you to the fullness of maturity in Christ. He probably won’t do it by your fighting lions before the emperor or standing with a John 3:16 sign before a tank in the streets of Beijing. More likely, it will be through those seemingly little places of temptation—like whether you’ll love the belching brother-in-law at the other end of the table who wants to talk about how the Cubans killed JFK and how to make $100,000 a year selling herbal laxatives on the Internet. Some of the tensions Christians face at holiday time have nothing to do with outside oppression as much as internal immaturity on the part of the Christians themselves. I’ve had young men who tell me they feel treated like children when they go home to see their extended families. Their parents or parents-in-law are dictating to them where to go, when, and for how much time. Their parents or parent-in-law are hijacking the rearing of their children (”Oh, come on! He can watch Die Harder! Don’t be so strict!”). Some of these men just give in, and then seethe in frustration. Sometimes that’s because the extended family is particularly obstinate. But sometimes the extended family treats the young man like a child because that’s how he acts the rest of the year. Don’t live financially and emotionally dependent on your parents or in-laws, passively dithering in your decisions about your family’s future, and then expect them to see you as the head of your house. Be a man (if you are one). Make decisions (including decisions about where, and for how long, you’ll spend the holidays). Teach and discipline your children. Your extended family might not like it at first, but they’ll come to respect the fact that you’re leaving and cleaving, taking responsibility for that which has been entrusted to you. 5. Perspective Remember that you’ll give an account at the resurrection for every idle (that means seemingly tiny, insignificant, unmemorable) thought, word, and deed. At the Judgment Seat of the Lord Christ, you’ll be responsible for living out the gospel in every arena to which the Spirit has led you… including Aunt Flossie’s dining room table.” www.russellmoore.com . Used by permission.