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The Excellent Book, Hispanic Realities Impacting America: Implications for Evangelism and Missions , by Daniel Sanchez, Ph.D., provides an eye-opening overview of America’s rapidly changing population demographics. It vividly reminds readers that Hispanics have spread throughout the country faster than immigrant any previous group. Its central point IS that Hispanics are showing more receptivity to the Evangelical message than ever before in the history of the Country . What I found most helpful was the discussion about needs in the Hispanic community (chapter 13). The author, a seminary professor who was previously a missionary and church planter, highlights a survey of Hispanic pastors who suggested various needs that could be served, which the pastors ranked in this order: 68%, Helping persons get jobs or better jobs 61%, Helping new immigrants establish themselves 61%, Helping persons to have better access to basic social services (health care, Social Security, Medicare) 61%, Counseling programs 59%, Ministry-based evangelism such as block parties) 58%, English or citizenship classes 57%, Evangelistic services 53%, Helping students to stay in school 52%, Church / community sports programs 50%, Job training 49%, After-school programs for teenagers 45%, Drug / alcoholic rehabilitation programs 45%, Daycare or childcare programs 41%, Reduce violence among families 38%, Food distribution 32% Programs for the elderly 31%, Providing shelter for the homeless 29%, Reduce violence in the community 26%, Adequate housing 21%, Voter registration. Certainly people’s needs will vary from place to place according to economic level and other factors including proficiency in English, but these are good ideas of how to serve especially our Hispanic neighbors who are newer to this country – but they also apply well to anyone else we want to reach out to and serve. What’s Working best in your Community for Reaching out to your Hispanic neighbors? By Leadership Network on November 6th, 2013. www.leadnet.org. Used by permission.

Neuroscience now knows that willpower is a function of the prefrontal lobes of the brain. Scientific studies have also confirmed that using porn over and over actually reshapes these areas of the brain, literally eroding our willpower and our moral compass. Neuroscientists call it hypofrontality. Hypofrontality is a state in which there is decreased blood flow to the prefrontal lobes of the brain. Hypofrontality is observed in schizophrenia patients, and is also observed in all manner of addictions. What is Hypofrontality? In his book, The Porn Circuit, Sam Black explains what hypofrontality is for the porn viewer. “Compulsiveness is a good descriptor of hypofrontality. Many porn users feel focused on getting to porn and masturbating even when a big part of them is saying, ‘Don’t do this.’ Even when negative consequences seem imminent, impulse control is too weak to battle the cravings.” The porn-addicted brain has trouble thinking logically. When impulses and desires come from the midbrain, instead of being moderated, the brain feels these desires as compelling needs. The prefrontal region is supposed to be able to weigh consequences and situations and judiciously shut down cravings, but hypofrontality means the addict’s ability to do this is impaired. To the addict, when the craving for porn surfaces, their whole body gears up for action. As unhindered hormones are released and neurotransmitters fire, the craving consumes them. The heart begins to race, blood pressure rises, and the addict is consumed by a single thought: “Just one more time.” What Causes Hypofrontality? Compared to other creatures on earth, human beings have a very well developed prefrontal region. When our prefrontal lobes are working properly, then we have “executive control” of the processes going on in our brains. It is where we do our abstract thinking, make goals, solve problems, regulate behavior, and where we suppress emotions, impulses, and urges. But the more one masturbates to porn, the more dopamine is released in the brain. Eventually dopamine receptors and signals in the brain fatigue, leaving the viewer wanting more but unable to reach a level of satisfaction. The viewer becomes numb to things once considered pleasurable. “To escape this desensitization, people, and men especially, expand their pornographic tastes to more novel stimuli,” Black writes. This leads, again, to more fatigue. Desensitization impacts the prefrontal cortex. As dopamine receptors decline in the brain, so do the amount of neural cells in the prefrontal lobes. How Do You Cure Hypofrontality? To bring the prefrontal lobes back into working order, a two-pronged attack is needed: (1) the old neural pathways must be starved, and (2) new neural pathways must be built and fed, increasing dopamine levels in a way that build up the prefrontal cortex. 1. Starve: Stop All Pornography and Fantasy Don’t give into the urge to look at porn. As the prefrontal lobes are given plenty of time to rest, executive control will be strengthened over time. This advice feels to many like a catch-22. “You tell me I’ve killed my willpower by looking at porn. So now the way to increase my willpower is by willing myself not to look at porn. How does that work?” Isn’t that like telling the alcoholic to “just stop it”? The big difference between “just stop it” and a conscious effort to rewire your brain is this: The man being told to “just stop it” has no hope that the cravings will ever be different. When he hears “just stop it,” he hears, “Live with these intense cravings the rest of your life and never give into them.” To the addict porn is life. Telling him to stop is like telling him to die. However, informed by the process of how our brains can change, the addict can avoid porn and fantasy knowing that real change is possible. Change is built into the very fabric of our brains. Change is exactly what our brains are designed to do. When this person abstains from porn, he thinks, “Okay, this really stinks for now. I feel terrible. But I will not always feel this way. In fact, I aim to reclaim my brain so I can experience real, lasting pleasure again.” Here are some helpful tips for avoiding pornography Redirection – When you feel the urge, get into the habit of distracting yourself with another activity that you can start immediately. This can be as simple as a breathing exercise or journaling your thoughts. It can be as involved as making a meal or going for a jog. It will be difficult to do, but each time you choose to redirect, your brain will build new neural circuits. Avoid All External Triggers – Remember, you’ve carved a grand-canyon-sized gorge of neural circuits in your mind. It is easy for everyday experiences to become triggers. If the trigger is a specific channel on TV, refuse to visit that channel. If the trigger is a type of person you see walking down the street, choose to bounce your eyes away from that person. Learn what your triggers are and for the first several weeks or months, completely avoid them—no exceptions. Avoid Internal Triggers – External triggers are things you experience in the world. Internal triggers are emotions or states of mind. For some, when they feel lonely, this has become a trigger for porn. Porn has become their release valve to make themselves feel good. Identify what your internal triggers are (loneliness, boredom, exhaustion, anger, etc.), and create an escape plan when these emotions pop up. Call a friend. Journal your thoughts. Do something creative. Avoid SUDs – “Seemingly Unimportant Decisions.” These are the rationalizations you say to yourself to get you one step closer to porn. “I’m just going to see what’s on TV.” “I’m just going to check my e-mail.” “I’m just going to get on Facebook.” Get honest with yourself and learn what your SUDs are. Be ruthless against these rationalizations. Avoid Inactivity – Fill up your social calendar to the brim. Refuse to give yourself an open window. Finish the Fantasy – When the thought of looking at porn enters your mind, immediately finish the fantasy: imagine yourself having just orgasmed and the feeling of shame, guilt, or disgust you feel. Vividly experience the emotions. Destroy Fantasies – As a fantasy or thought enters your mind, picture the image being eliminated. Draw a red X over it. Smash it with a hammer. Put it through the shredder. Flush it down the nastiest looking toilet you’ve ever seen. 2. Feed: Build Up Your Brain Much like a muscle, the more you exercise the prefrontal cortex, the stronger it becomes. The goal is to engage in new habits that will increase your dopamine and dopamine receptors. Meditation – Making a habit of meditation has been shown to increase dopamine release up to 65%. Even after only 11 hours of meditation spread over a month, changes are observable. (For a Christian approach to meditation, visit CCEF.org or biblicalcounselingcoalition.org.) Exercise – Aerobic exercise has been shown to increase dopamine receptors and decrease cravings for those bound in addiction. Socializing – Porn-watching is a very anti-social habit. By reforging connections to real people, spending pleasurable time together, you will establish new neural pathways of pleasure. Change is Gradual, But It Will Come Summarizing these above two points, Sam Black writes in The Porn Circuit: Whatever rewarding activity is pursued, it needs to be an activity that is reoccurring. Building new rewarding neural pathways requires time and ongoing repetition…Neurons that fire together wire together. Repeating a pleasurable activity instead of the compulsive activity, such as porn use, forms a new circuit that is gradually reinforced instead of the compulsion.Neurons that fire apart wire apart. When a person refuses to act on a compulsion, like porn and masturbation, it weakens the link between the activity and the idea that it will provide relief. The prefrontal cortex is one of the things that makes us unique from other creatures on earth. By reclaiming it we are reclaiming more than our willpower. We are reclaiming our humanity.

A man’s life is a series of transitions. As he moves from one stage to the next, he often passes through a liminal state – no longer his old self but not yet aware of his new identity. Some philosophers call this transitional state “crazy time.” Adolescence, bachelorhood and midlife crisis are often crazy times for men. Crazy time sneaks up on men, and often causes them to make rash, foolish decisions. Or some men become passive, clinging to the vestiges of the past out of fear of striking out into the unknown. Religion has given us a vocabulary for describing and understanding crazy time. Robert Bly says: In times past theologians, philosophers, and spiritual pilgrims spoke about this part of the journey as being crucified, dead and buried, losing the ego, being lost in the wasteland or a slough of despond, descending into hell, being consumed by the hungry ghosts, being in the belly of the beast, doing battle with dragons, encountering demons. Nowadays we strip it of poetry and give it clinical names: stress, depression and burnout.[i] God’s word is packed with stories that give meaning to a man’s struggles – Jacob wrestling with God, Moses running from Pharaoh, Jonah in the belly of the whale, Jesus tempted in the desert. Properly understood and interpreted, these epic stories can help men through their transitions. When the midlife monster is clawing at the door, we want men to turn to the church. Yet men often do the opposite – when crazy time comes, men flee Christianity. Why? Bly would point out that the church lacks masculine energy – it’s a very feminized institution. It has the nurturing feel of a family – or the academic feel of a school. We talk about the big issues of life, but rarely do we work through them together. The other great lack in the church is the shortage of spiritual guides. These are older men who’ve successfully navigated the shoals of their own crazy times. Guides are also known as mentors, or disciple makers. A guide is a man who invests himself for a time in another man’s life, showing him the larger purpose of his struggle. Some guides are specifically trained to deal with crisis situations. They listen more than they speak. They ask great questions and let their disciples discover the answers themselves. Their currency is wisdom. Imagine a church full of wise, older men who can walk younger men through their crazy times – without judgment – simply helping their disciples let go of what they’ve been so they can become the new creation they’re destined to be. Guides should know the epic tales of men and be able to find them in the Bible. They should also have a good grasp of popular culture and movies, so they can help guys see their story through the films they’ve seen. Example: one time I was counseling a man in his late 20s who had faced a boatload of adversity. He’d nearly died several times as a teen. His marriage had broken up in the most painful way possible. His ex-wife was playing custody games with their daughter. On top of this, he had a lot of health problems. He asked me why God had afflicted him so. “Have you ever seen the movie, ‘The Terminator’”? I asked. “Of course, I love that movie!” he said. “Of course you do,” I said. “Because you are John Connor.” His eyes lit up. I continued. “You will do great things some day. God knows that – but so does your enemy. Therefore, he went back in time to when you were young, and he’s been trying to kill you ever since, so your mission would be thwarted. But you survived, thanks to the care of God.” I then led him through the story of Joseph – a man whose brothers threw him down a well and sold him into slavery; a man who was falsely accused and jailed. In spite of all this, Joseph later ascended to the highest place and saved his people. There’s a Joseph inside every one of us. But he’s down in the well, stuck. Enslaved. Behind bars. He needs someone to help him escape. – See more at: churchformen.com/discipling-men/helping-men-through-their-crazy-time/

Who Is “Unsafe” and Who Is “Safe?” When I was a counselor at a Christian agency, the front desk received a call from a distressed woman. She said that she didn’t feel safe because her husband would chase her around the house with an axe. (Apparently, he stopped long enough for her to make the call.) She also said that “he’s really a nice guy; I just think he has a spirit of murder on him.” Woah! The woman didn’t want counseling and she wouldn’t give us her phone number or address. Because I counsel people with severe complaints against their mates – though rarely this severe – the situation still makes me wonder how we know who is “safe” and who is “unsafe.” The “really nice guy with the spirit of murder” on him is pretty obvious. Well, I guess it wasn’t obvious to his girlfriend. But the rest of us could probably conclude that he was the carrier of many red flags. Here’s a great list when things aren’t so obvious: Personal Traits of Unsafe People: 1. Unsafe people think they “have it all together,” instead of admitting their weaknesses. 2. Unsafe people are religious, instead of spiritual. 3. Unsafe people are defensive, instead of open to feedback. 4. Unsafe people are self-righteous, instead of humble. 5. Unsafe people only apologize, instead of changing their behavior. 6. Unsafe people avoid working on their problems, instead of dealing with them. 7. Unsafe people demand trust, instead of earning it. 8. Unsafe people believe they are perfect, instead of admitting their faults. 9. Unsafe people blame others, instead of taking responsibility. 10. Unsafe people lie, instead of telling the truth. 11. Unsafe people are stagnant, instead of growing. Interpersonal Traits of Unsafe People 1. Unsafe people avoid closeness, instead of connecting. 2. Unsafe people are only concerned about “I,” instead of “we.” Safe people are empathic. Safe people act on their empathy. 3. Unsafe people resist freedom, instead of encouraging it. 4. Unsafe people flatter us, instead of confronting us. 5. Unsafe people condemn us, instead of forgiving us. 6. Unsafe people stay in parent/child roles, instead of relating as equals, e.g., “I feel like a kid around them,” or “I feel like I have to be their parent.” 7. Unsafe people are unstable over time, instead of being consistent. 8. Unsafe people are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one. 9. Unsafe people gossip, instead of keeping secrets. As with the story above, I’ve heard plenty of other stories of unsafe people: There was the person who smuggled dope aboard their plane when they traveled abroad – without the partner’s knowledge. Someone just told me how their car was rear ended by someone who was talking on a cell phone. The man with the phone got out of the car and told my friend, “You made me drop my phone” (perhaps, he’s in the category of someone who thinks he has it all together). I once advised a woman to get out of a relationship with a controlling man. She did. But the woman who ended up marrying him, not knowing of the other woman’s experience, came to my office to tell me of her misery, due to marrying someone so controlling. (Stories have been slightly altered to insure confidentiality – except for the cell phone story!) Do you know anyone who is unsafe? If that person(s) is a close friend, do you have a plan to either leave the relationship or draw boundaries to create safety? Always stay safe! (The list above is from “Safe People,” by Cloud and Townsend.) And now for some comic relief:

“It is not God who hinders the healing of our land. Rather it is our apathy, our own unbelief, that keeps us from grasping the potential offered in the Gospel of Christ! Do not marvel when I say entire cities can be saved. The Scripture tells us that nations will come to our light and kings to the brightness of our rising!” (Isaiah 60:1-3) All We Lack is Christlikeness! “He then began to denounce the cities in which most of His miracles were done, because they did not repent” (Matt. 11:20). Jesus has a word to say, not only to us as individuals, but to entire cities as well. In anger He rebuked Chorazin, Bethsaida and Capernaum (Matt. 11:21); with tears, He cried out to Jerusalem (Luke 13:34). If He expected cities to repent in the first century, He expects cities today to repent as well. It was in this very context of reproving cities, however, that Jesus made a statement which unveiled the scope of God’s redemptive power. Listen to His rebuke, but also to its hidden promise. He said, “For if the miracles had occurred in Tyre and Sidon which occurred in you, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes” (Matt. 11:21). Tyre and Sidon were Gentile cities known for their debauchery and sin. Yet, Jesus said that His life, revealed in power, can bring even the vilest of cities, places which ought to be destroyed, to “sackcloth and ashes.” The strategy, therefore, to win our cities is for the church to reveal Christ’s life in power. Yes, the revelation of Christ in us as individuals, and the power of Christ displayed corporately through us, can turn our worst cities back toward God! Today, many cities are ripe for revival. What hinders the turning of the people’s hearts? Part of the answer lies with the church, with our sins of self-righteousness, indifference and unbelief. The Lord said if His people would humble themselves and pray, seek His face and turn from evil, He would then heal their land (see 2 Chron. 7:14). The future does not belong to the world; it belongs to the transformed church. Indeed, let us never forget: God “desires all men to be saved” (1 Tim. 2:4). With this in mind, Paul taught that entreaties and prayers should be made on behalf of all men, “for kings and all who are in authority” (1 Tim. 2:1-4). The sacrifice of Christ provides for the salvation of all men. Heaven waits only for the church to act. One may say, “But, that was then. Our cities are worse. They are beyond redemption.” Not so. Jesus continued His rebuke of cities, saying, “If the miracles had occurred in Sodom which occurred in you, it would have remained to this day” (Matt. 11:23). Amazingly, when Christ is manifested in power, Jesus said even Sodom could find repentance! I have heard many ministers compare Los Angeles or New York to Sodom. Good. These cities have seen hell, now let the church show them heaven. They need to see Jesus revealed in His church. The promise of Christ is that even Sodom could repent in the atmosphere and revelation of Christ’s power. If there is hope for Sodom, there is hope for your city as well! The Obstruction to Revival: Complacency When we picture cities, we tend to see skylines and factories, streets and schools. Jesus, however, sees people. He beholds husbands arguing with wives while their children tremble in fear. He sees drugs being sold on playgrounds and teenagers having abortions. He suffers at the bedside of the infirm. The heart of Christ grieves with the loneliness of the elderly and identifies with the struggles of the handicapped. Yes, the eyes of the Lord probe the spirit and humanity of the city. From His eternal perspective, He also beholds the most terrible event known to man. He sees the overwhelming horror, the utter despair an unsaved person experiences as he realizes he is, indeed, dead and going to hell. And, in the midst of it all, He sees the church—His church, purchased at the cost of His own precious blood—sitting comfortably and amused, remote control in hand, watching television. Jesus does not have a problem with the hot or cold dimensions of life. It is the lukewarm that He will spew from His mouth (Rev. 3:15-16). What stopped the cities of Chorazin, Bethsaida and Capernaum—communities that already had the blessing of Christ’s healing—from embracing ongoing renewal? They assumed Christ’s love was given only to enrich them. All they saw were the rewards of Christ without understanding His requirements. The church today is frighteningly similar in attitude to these ancient cities. The majority of the first century saints gave their lives to Christ with the full knowledge they would face persecution, suffering and, possibly, death for their faith. Such was the character and vision of the church in the first century. The main emphasis of much of our Christianity, however, is to help believers become “normal.” So much of our contemporary teaching keeps alive the very nature Jesus calls us to crucify! We need to reevaluate our preaching. Are we preaching the cross and the call to follow Jesus? What are we training our people to become? Please hear me, the Father’s goal is not merely to bless us, but to transform us into the image of His Son! He desires to use us to turn our cities back to Him. But God has made no provision for the healing of our land apart from us becoming Christlike! Once we realize this vital truth, we shall return to the source of New Testament Christianity, and our cities will have hope for redemption. When the church demonstrates the love and power of Christ, repentance and revival can occur even in a place like Sodom. Lord, forgive us for our unbelief and apathy. You have promised that even Sodom would come to You at the revelation of Your character and power. Transform us, Lord Jesus, for the sake of your glory and the renewal of our cities.

Teams are important because of synergy. Churches get people to give them money to create volunteer positions for them to fill. If you don’t know why something is working when it is working, you won’t know how to fix it when it breaks. But leaders are generally bad at evaluating things that work. Leaders tend to be good at evaluating problems. This is why church leaders tend to blame things that break on people rather than systems. You might not need a new youth pastor; you might need a new system. When you see something working well, ask, “Why is this working so well?” The reason things work well at churches is because of high performance teams. Regardless of the size of your ministry, you want and need high performance teams. You need action-oriented people who have extraordinary clarity around what are we doing, why are we doing it, and why are we doing it here? Irreducible Minimums for High Performance Teams #1 :: Select performance-oriented people and position them for maximum people. Recruit doers and not thinkers. If you have to choose between a doer and a thinker, choose a doer. It is much easier to educate a doer than it is to activate a thinker. Jim Collins says, “If you have the right people on the bus, the problem of how to motivate people largely goes away.” Great vision without great people is irrelevant. Put people where they can create their greatest contribution. Albert Einstein says, “Everyone is a genius, but But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” You’ve got to figure out a way within your organization to get the best people in the right roles. It usually takes bypassing the politics of who deserves the role by tenure. Everyone on the team needs to feel the interdependency of the team. Speak to your staff and volunteers so that they understand the interdependency. The senior pastor depends on the children’s ministry volunteers in order to do what he does. Every role is essential to the whole ministry. Interdependency won’t be felt unless key leaders makes people feel valued and that their roles are important. #2 :: Clarify the what and why. Performance oriented people like to win. You must clarify the win for every staff and volunteer position. When you clarify the win, it becomes the magnetic north for the energy and get-it-done doers of the organization. When you don’t define the win, each individual will define it for themselves. Teams dissolve when the problems are all solved. Conversations about change don’t begin around conversations about the problems. Conversations about change begin around conversations about a common goal. You have to organize to the what. Once you clarify the win/what, you must create an organization where all of the resources are allocated to that win. Don’t force your staff and volunteers to have to work around what your organization was structured for. Nothing frustrates high energy people more than having to do work arounds. The lion’s share of your time and money must go to getting critical mass. #3 :: Orchestrate and evaluate everything. Orchestrate means this is how we don it here until further notified. Great teams never depend on individual thinking and creativity. Great teams know exactly what the play is when it is called. Linebackers don’t get creative except when in trouble. Orchestration is the elimination of discretion. High performance teams stick with the playbook. Orchestration brings consistency and predictability to all of your processes. Orchestration will make your organization seem more personal. Evaluate everything. Create a feedback loop. As a leader you must stay close to critical events, or you will default to numbers, which get exaggerated. Figure out how to get close to key events in your church. Has your organizational growth pushes you so far back that all you see is numbers? Numbers are never accurate. See it for yourself as often as possible, and create meetings in between to learn more than numbers. What you are doing is so important. Notes created by Kent Shaffer from Catalyst Conference 2012. Used by permission of Kent Shaffer, www.churchrelevance.com.

Do you or your child experience ADD or ADHD symptoms? What are the most common? A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has accomplished) that often creates anxiety and sense of failure for the individual. Difficulty getting organized, particularly with situations that involve multi-tasking. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started with even small projects or tasks. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow-through on any of them individually. Tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark. An ongoing search for high stimulation. A tendency to be easily bored with a short attention span. Easy distractibility, trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation, often coupled with an ability to focus at times. Often creative, intuitive and highly intelligent. Individuals can exhibit innovation. Trouble going through established channels, following proper procedure. Impatient; low tolerance for frustration or failure. Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as in impulsive spending of money, changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans, and the like. Tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers. Sense of impending doom, insecurity, alternating with high risk-taking. Depression, especially when disengaged from a project. Restlessness. Tendency toward addictive behavior. Chronic problems with self-esteem. Inaccurate self-observation. Family history of ADD, manic-depressive illness, depression, substance abuse, or other disorders of impulse control or mood. Causes of ADD and ADHD ADHD is believed to be inherited. ADHD is two to three times as likely to be diagnosed in boys as girls. The actual cause of ADD is unknown, but it is probably associated with subtle differences in brain structure, its neural pathways, its chemistry, its blood supply, or its electrical system. Regardless of the cause, ADD or ADHD can be disruptive in the life of the individual. Child and adolescents particularly report not only difficulty dealing with daily activities, but sensing a deep frustration that only serves to exacerbate the already tough symptoms. Many people report personal duress, confusion and discouragement over their behaviors. They often recognize the problematic nature of their behaviors, their inability to control their behaviors and the impact of their behaviors of their environment. Many carry a sense of guilt over their inability to control these behaviors, feeling that they are somehow inadequate, stupid or retarded. Often self-esteem becomes an issue. What You Can Do ADD and ADHD can be managed. Seek a qualified therapist who can assist you or your child in building effective coping skills. Develop structure within the home and school environment to assist the child in better managing behaviors. Explore issues such as adequate sleep, nutrition, structured study and recreation as well as regular exercise. If the symptoms are significant, consider the possibility of medications to assist the person/child in further managing their behaviors. Dr. Julie Barrier says: “For the Christian, quiet meditation, prayer and Scripture memory can assist in slowing down the racing brain. Focusing on God’s will for one’s life and channeling the purpose and passion God created within oneself will harness creative energy. The discipline of fasting can also help. Remember, there is hope!” Recommended Reading: Dr. Edward M. Hallowell and Dr. John J. Ratey, Driven to Distraction ( New York: Simon and Schuster, 1995) This information is presented for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for informed medical advice or training. Consult a professional.

1. Porn causes men to feel like they “need” sex. The journal Human Brain Mapping published a study demonstrating that while many men and women have similar regions of the brain activated during the viewing of porn, only in men is there a significant activation of the thalamus and hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is responsible for primary drives for food, water, and sex, as well as motivation and hormonal control. This means, when men get turned on by porn, their bodies experience sexual arousal not just as a desire but as a survival need (even though, unlike water, men will not die if they don’t have sex). 2. Male brains don’t just view porn. They enter into it. The journal NeuroImage published a study demonstrating that as men are sexually aroused by pornography, the mirror neurons in the brain also fire. This means the brain naturally imagines the porn viewer in the scene. The man is not merely responding to the naked woman. His brain is mirroring the pornographic scene with the viewer as the main character, heightening arousal. 3. Porn gives men a new standard of beauty. According to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, when men are shown pictures of centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgements about the attractiveness of “average” people. 4. Porn dampens a man’s ability to think straight. The Journal of Behavioral Decision Making published a study showing that as a result of viewing porn, men are more likely to find a wider range of sexual activity exciting, more likely to engage in morally questionable behavior, and more likely want to engage in unsafe sex. 5. The more porn men watch, the more their brains look like an addict’s brain. Cambridge Neuropsychiatrist Valerie Voon discovered that the brains of habitual porn users show great similarity to the brains of alcoholics. When a self-confessed porn addict sees a pornographic image, a brain structure called the ventral striatum “lights up” in the same way it lights up for an alcoholic who sees a picture of a drink. 6. Viewing porn over time makes men lose self-control. By using more and more porn, the viewer’s brain begins to change as a result. Dr. William Struthers demonstrates that viewing pornography and masturbating weakens the singular cortex—the region that is responsible for moral and ethical decision making and willpower. 7. Porn makes violence sexy. According to research by Dr. Dolf Zillmann and Dr. Jennings Bryant, the more porn one is exposed to, the more likely one is willing to trivialize rape. After just five hours of pornographic exposure stretched over a six-week period, subjects were willing to cut the sentencing of an accused rapist in half, compared to those who had not watched pornography. Those who watched more porn were also likely to believe that practices like sadomasochism were two to three times more common (i.e. “normal”) in general society than those who had not seen porn. www.covenanteyes.com . Used by permission.

Rape is one of the most traumatic experiences a person can endure. Rape and violent death are among the experiences many women fear most. Sexual assault is a very complex type of violence. It leaves the victim with more dilemmas than just the physical and emotional aspects. It also produces a crisis of faith that must be addressed if the survivor is to continue to work through the recovery process. Carol Adams, in her book, “I Just Raped My Wife,” suggests three qualities of the pastoral counselor that are essential when survivors disclose their experiences: The ability to process information about the dehumanizing violence enacted by one person against another. The ability to process information about the dehumanizing violence enacted by one person against another. The ability to provide practical assistance. The ability to reflect theologically. More importantly through, these three characteristics must be balanced. If any of these aspects become disproportionate to the others then there is the danger that certain areas of the survivor’s care will be neglected. Adams further suggests three components of a pastoral counseling model to survivors of sexual assault. Care: The pastor/counselor can say “I am sorry this has happened to you.” The survivor can be assisted in grieving the lost of safety and security. The pastoral counselor can validate the feelings of the survivor. Concern for safety: The pastor/counselor can take practical steps to ensure the safely and feeling of security for the survivor. Empowerment: The pastor/counselor can offer assurance that it is possible to reestablish control over life. By posing questions to the survivor such as “What can I do?” The pastoral counselor can empower the survivor to make decisions. The problems of the survivors of sexual assault may be complex, however the role of the pastor/counselor cannot be over-stressed. Survivors are going to need someone who can be trusted, someone who makes them feel safe. Survivors also need someone to help them interpret what they have just experienced. This is perhaps one of the fundamental aspects that need to be addressed in order for the survivor to cope with the assault and begin to recover. In addition, the church can offer invaluable ministry to the survivor in the way of understanding, acceptance, and support. Prayer and personal affirmation help heal deep wounds. Vining, Dr. John Kie (1997) When Home Is Where the Hurt Is: A Ministry Guide for Trauma Victims, http://www.marriagecomission.com/ pp. 162, 198-199. Adams, Carol, J. (1993) “I Just Raped My Wife!” Transforming a Rape Culture eds. Emilie Buchwald, Pamela R. Fletcher, Martha Roth, Minneapolis: Milkweed Editions.

Teach your children to encourage and inspire others with homemade prayer gifts at Christmastime. Here are some creative craft ideas that show children the true meaning of Christ, God’s greatest gift, coming to earth. Be sure your child delivers the gift personally, so he or she sees the joy and gratitude on the face of the recipient! A Huggable Prayer for Another Child. Things you need: A plain calico or cotton-covered toy such as a teddy bear. A fine-tipped permanent-ink fabric pen. Give a prayer that can be hugged! Purchase a plain pale-colored, firmly-stuffed soft toy. Write short prayers for the recipient on the bear or other toy and let your child sign his/her name at the end of the prayer. If your child is too young to write on the toy, have him/her compose the prayer and write the prayer on the toy for the child. Let the child wrap the gift with tinsel, bows, tissue paper or a box decorated by your son or daughter. Give the bear (toy) to a mother-to-be, a young child, someone in need of comfort and encouragement…even a student leaving home for the first time. “A time to embrace…” Ecclesiastes 3:5. Bible Promise Prayer Book. Things you need: Computer with a good graphics program and color printer, or pens and crayons. Christmas stickers may also be used. White paper (for a large book) or large white note cards (for a smaller child’s book.) Hole punch and Christmas ribbon. Create a booklet of promises that your child may want to pray for a friend or family member. You can use a Bible promise book (an easy-read Bible translation). Choose favorite Bible verses. Psalm verses can be meaningful choices for your child. Match lovely pictures from your computer graphics program, or use stickers to go with each verse. Be sure to personalize each verse by including the recipient’s name with the book. Treat each page of the card as a page in the book. Create an attractive cover and print this on card stock. The child may also make a collage of wrapping paper to make a cover for the prayer book. Hole-punch and use ribbon as the book binder. (You may also want to go to an office supply or print shop to laminate the book or simply use clear contact paper). “’I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” Jeremiah 29:11. Ornament Prayer. Things you need: cardboard, a water glass for tracing, or tracing paper. A photo of your child. Glitter, stars, foil, or wrapping paper. A wire ornament hook or ribbon Create a two-sided ornament by tracing the ornament shape onto the cardboard. Cut the traced shape to make the ornament. Be sure the ornament is large enough to accommodate the photo and the name of the child. Glue the photo of your child in the center of the ornament. Write a short prayer for the recipient on the other side of the ornament. Be sure the name of your child is written at the end of the prayer. If your child is old enough, they will want to write the prayer. You may want to write the prayer on the paper if your child is younger. Go crazy. Let the child glue, color and glitter the ornament as much as they like! (You can always sweep up the mess later)! “You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful” Psalm 139:13-14. Bookmark Prayer. Things you need: Card cut into bookmark shape(s). Scissors, Rubber stamps, inks or markers, stickers and lace or other trim, hole punch, thin cloth ribbon. Create a bookmark to give to a friend. Use all kinds of craft materials to make simple bookmarks. Match the theme of the decorations to the theme of the prayer. Write a personalized prayer for your friend on the back of the bookmark. Punch a hole in the bookmark and knot a length of ribbon through the hole. Give the bookmark as a gift to go with an encouraging book. “Let the reader understand” Mark 13:14. Quilt Prayer. Things you need. Fabric (different colors and patterns) and fabric pens. Fusible webbing Sewing thread, Embroidery threads. Batting and binding for older children. Create a quilt for your child, or for the wall, as a prayer reminder. Design a quilt or a patchwork wall hanging with equal-sized squares. Add a half-inch to the finished size of the squares to allow for edging. Create designs for the squares that remind you of different things to pray about. Many of the traditional quilting designs lend themselves to being prayer reminders. For example: Angels: prayer for protection. Hearts: reminders of God’s amazing love. Flowers: thanks for God’s creation. Car: prayer for safe travel. House: prayer for the home and family. Birds: songs of praise to God. Hands and Hearts: prayer for God to use our hands to show love to others. Flags: prayer for our country. Gold Crown: praise to God. Appliqué or iron designs onto the squares using scrap fabrics and fusible webbing, or use a traditional appliqué method. You may find quilting books or tracing designs at your local craft store. Use fabric pens or embroidery for any words your wish to write on the quilt. Sew or iron the squares together. You may also buy a solid color quilt and iron the designs onto the fabric. Adapt this idea to suit the child’s skills and time frame. Use hem tape and trim for the edging. This could be a lovely gift for a mother-to-be, a baby or elderly person. “She makes coverings for her bed” Proverbs 31:22. Doorknob Prayer. Things you need: A blank doorknob sign or stiff cardboard to make your own sign. Markers, paints, transfers, stencils, etc. Create a prayer to hang on someone’s door. Write a prayer on the blank sign with fine permanent pens. Decorate the prayer in any way you like. Laminate or seal the sign with clear contact paper. Prayers for protection are especially appropriate for the door hangers. “Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” Deuteronomy 6:9. A Christmas Cookie Tin. Things you need: Sugar cookie ingredients or pre-made sugar cookie dough, a cookie tin. Plastic colored tissue paper, ribbon and trim, fabric glue, cardboard and art supplies to make the gift card for the tin. Photograph of your child. Bake sugar cookies from your favorite cookie recipe and cut them into rounds. Put Bible verse references on the cookies with tubes of icing or a piping bag. Write or type the corresponding verses onto the inside of the gift card. Include the photo of your child on the front of the card. Wrap the circumference of the tin with curly ribbon and tie the hole-punched card to the ribbon. Another variation is to put a single word on each cookie, like love, peace, joy and use a corresponding verse on the card using the key word. “How sweet are the taste of Your words, sweeter than honey” Psalm 119:103. Be creative this Christmas. Save time to “craft” with the little people who live in your house. Have your child make a prayer gift for someone who is hurting or in need (an elderly person, a sick person or someone in a homeless shelter). Take a picture of the recipient with your child on your phone or with your camera. Print the photo. Place the photo in your child’s Bible. Pray for the person who received the gift every night as a part of your little one’s bedtime prayers. Ideas included in this article are compiled with 100 Creative Prayer Ideas for Kids by Karen Holford. Nampa, Idaho: Pacific Press Publishing, 2003. Also written and edited by Julie Barrier.

Do all men leave? For the first ten years of my marriage, I struggled with the fear of abandonment. My father and my first pastor had both left their wives for younger women. Because of what I had experienced, I allowed fearful thoughts to linger unchecked in my mind. They didn’t yell; they whispered, Eventually all men leave. Don’t let them get too close. Then they can’t disappoint you. This kind of thinking caused me to even resist small displays of affection. When John hugged me, it wasn’t long before I’d start patting him so I could pull away. One day after one of my “pat-and-pull-aways,” John asked me point blank, “How long will we have to be together before you realize I’m not going to leave you? Are you going to wait until we’re seventy?” I was stunned. “I’ll wait as long as it takes,” he continued, “but we’re going to miss out on a lot of fun in the meantime.” I realized I was making John pay for the disappointments I had with other men. I thought, Why should John have to pay for their shortcomings? That’s not fair. In an effort to protect myself, I am sabotaging our relationship. My fear of losing John in the future was robbing both of us in the present. I decided then that I would rather love John completely, even at the risk of losing him, than love him halfway and look back with regrets on what might have been. Fear and distrust keep us from thriving in marriage, for fear tenaciously clings to the past while refusing to believe something better can arise in the future. If we want God to do a new thing in our marriages, we must choose to abandon fear and accept what love would forecast for our futures. Fear expects failure, while love ultimately can never fail. Fear is a spiritual force in direct opposition to God’s love and protection in our lives. It is the opposite of love, for both love and fear operate from believe in the unseen. Love challenges us to doubt what we see and believe for what we cannot. Fear urges us to believe what is seen and doubt the unseen. When faced with the fear of failure or the hope of love, we can choose to believe one or the other, but never both. Fear displaces love; love casts out fear. …Perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. ( 1 John 4:18–19 ) Love’s ability to transform is greater than fear’s ability to ensnare. The perfect love that expels fear is only found in the experience of God’s love. Through the power of His love, we can forsake concern for self, because we know that God will faithfully tend to our needs. But if we don’t spend time in God’s presence, we cannot have an intimate knowledge of His loving nature; for His faithfulness manifests in His presence. Without knowledge of God’s true nature, we will live in constant fear of abandonment by Him or by spouses, which is a twisted form of punishment. As we grow more and more secure in God’s love for us, we can become free from fear and offer selfless love to our spouses. …Let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. ( 1 John 4:7–8 ) The stronghold of fear is what causes us to say things like, “If my spouse ever cheats on me, I will never forgive him.” Such vows, which are intended to shield us in the future, keep us from embracing the power of God’s love today. We must learn to trust God to care for our hearts, even if a spouse wounds, rejects, or betrays us. God has asked us to surrender our fears to Him. Refusal to do so tells God we don’t believe He is capable of directing our lives. We cannot submit to Jesus’s lordship without surrendering our fears. What fears are you holding on to? Dear one, let them go and watch the love of God transform you from the inside out and free you to step into your destiny. On the other side of your fear, you will discover the life you so deeply long for. www.messengerinternational.com .

When the Scriptures refer to the “heavenly host,” we usually think of “choirs of angels.” The word “host” in the Bible meant “army” (Josh. 5:13–14). It is an important truth: the hosts of Heaven are worshiping armies. Indeed, no one can do warfare who is not first a worshiper of God. The Central Issue In Tribulation: Worship One does not have to penetrate deeply into the Revelation of John to discover that both God and the devil are seeking worshipers (see Rev. 7:11; 13:4; 14:7, 11). Time and time again the line is drawn between those who “worship the beast and his image” and those who worship God. In the last great battle before Jesus returns, the outcome of every man’s life shall be weighed upon a scale of worship: in the midst of warfare and conflict to whom will we bow, God or Satan? Yet, while this warfare shall culminate in the establishment of the Lord’s kingdom on earth (see Rev. 11:15), we must realize the essence of this battle is the central issue in our warfare today. Will we faithfully worship God during satanic assault and temptation? True worship must emerge in the context of our lives now. For no man will worship through the great battles of tomorrow who complains in the mere skirmishes of today. You will remember that the Lord’s call to the Israelites was a call to worship and serve Him in the wilderness (see Exod. 7:16). Indeed, when Moses first spoke of God’s loving concern, we read that the Hebrews “bowed low and worshiped” (Exod. 4:31). But when trials and pressures came, they fell quickly into murmuring, complaining and blatant rebellion. Their worship was superficial, self-serving and conditional—an outer form without an inner heart of worship. This same condition of shallow worship prevails in much of Christianity today. If a message is given that speaks of the Lord’s great care for His people, with eagerness do we bow low and worship. But as soon as the pressures of daily living arise or temptations come, how quickly we rebel against God and resist His dealings! The enemy has easy access to the soul that is not protected by true worship of the Almighty! Indeed, the Lord’s purpose with Israel in the wilderness was to perfect true worship, which is based upon the reality of God, not circumstances. The Lord knows that the heart that will worship Him in the wilderness of affliction will continue to worship in the promised land of plenty. Without true worship of God, there can be no victory in warfare. For what we bleed when we are wounded by satanic assault or difficult circumstances is the true measure of our worship. You see, what comes out of our hearts during times of pressure is in us, but hidden during times of ease. If you are a true worshiper, your spirit will exude worship to God no matter what battle you are fighting. In warfare, worship creates a wall of fire around the soul. Protecting Your Heart Through Worship Most of us understand the basic dynamics of the human soul. We have been taught, and rightly so, that the soul is the combination of the mind, will and emotions. Generally speaking, when the enemy comes against the church, he targets any of these three areas. We must see that the protection of these areas is of vital importance in our war against Satan. To further illuminate the nature of this battle, let us add that, in addition to the mind, the will and the emotions, the soul is made of events and how we responded to those events. Who we are today is the sum of what we have encountered in life and our subsequent reactions. Abuses and afflictions hammer us one way, encouragement and praise inflate us another. Our reaction to each event, whether that event was positive or negative, is poured into the creative marrow of our individuality, where it is blended into the nature of our character. What we call memory is actually our spirit gazing at the substance of our soul. With few exceptions, those events that we remember the most have also shaped us the most. Indeed, the reason our natural minds cannot forget certain incidents is because those events have literally become part of our nature. Our soul is shaped by how well or poorly we handled our past experiences. When Scripture commands us to not look back and to “forget . . . what lies behind” (Phil. 3:13; see Luke 9:62), it is saying we must undo the consequences that have come from our unchristlike reactions. With God, this is not impossible, for though the events of our lives are irreversible, our reactions to those events can still be changed. As our wrong reactions to the past change, we change. In other words, although we cannot alter the past, we can put our past upon the “altar” as an act of worship. A worshiping heart allows God to heal and restore the soul. All of us receive a portion of both good and evil in this world. But for life to be good, God, who is the essence of life, must reach into our experiences and redeem us from our negative reactions. The channel through which the Lord extends Himself, even into our past, is our love and worship of Him. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” (Rom. 8:28). The key for the fulfillment of this verse is that we become lovers of God in our spirits. Bad things become good for “those who love God.” When we are given to loving Him, all that we have passed through in life is washed and redeemed in that love. Bad becomes good by the power of God. Therefore, it is essential to both the salvation of our souls and our protection in warfare that we be worshipers. The ship that safely carries us through the storms of adversity is worship. Psalm 84 expresses in praise to God the wonderful effect worship has upon the soul. “How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passing through the valley of Baca [weeping] they make it a spring; the early rain also covers it with blessings” (vv. 5–6). If you are “ever praising” God (Ps. 84:4), your worship of God will transform the negative assault of the enemy into “a spring” of sweet refreshing waters. No matter what befalls a worshiper, their “valley of weeping” always becomes a spring covered “with blessings.” You cannot successfully engage in warfare, nor pass safely through the wilderness of this life, without first becoming a worshiper of God. Worship: The Purpose Of Creation We were created for God’s pleasure. We were not created to live for ourselves but for Him. And while the Lord desires that we enjoy His gifts and His people, He would have us know we were created first for His pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them further and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem “smitten of God, and afflicted” (Isa. 53:4). Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord’s purpose for creation. One would think that God would protect them, guarding them in such a way that they would not be marred. Instead, they are marred more than others. Indeed, the Lord seems pleased to crush them, putting them to grief. For in the midst of their physical and emotional pain, their loyalty to Christ grows pure and perfect. And in the face of persecutions, their love and worship toward God become all-consuming. Would that all Christ’s servants were so perfectly surrendered. Yet God finds His pleasure in us all. But as the days of the Kingdom draw near and the warfare at the end of this age increases, those who have been created solely for the worship of God will come forth in the power and glory of the Son. With the high praises of God in their mouth, they will execute upon His enemies the judgment written (see Ps. 149). They will lead as generals in the Lord’s army of worshipers. Orginally titled “Army of Worshippers.” www.frangipane.org. Used by permission.