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There is no greater opportunity to become Christlike than in the midst of pain and injustice. When Satan is raging with evil, God is planning to turn it to good. If we maintain our integrity in battle; if we let love rise to its purest expression, we will touch the heart of God. Such is the path to God’s power. I have set my heart to eliminate many of the vulnerabilities to, and effects of, church splits and other ungodly divisions. At the same time, I realize that we can do almost everything right as pastors and churches and still suffer divisions. For some of us, this may actually be part of God’s greater plan for our lives–that we should endure rejection, conflict and slander as part of the process of truly becoming Christlike. A Collective Madness Let me address those who may currently be engaged in splitting a church . My earnest admonition is that you flee quickly from the dividing group. For once you fully embrace the resolve to split your church, a type of “collective madness” occurs. You will know what you are doing is wrong, but will become so hardened that you detach yourself from guilt. You will be aware that your anger is venomous and unchristlike, but you will be powerless to mute your words. Beloved, no one needs to slay love to defend truth. Love is not truth’s enemy; it is its validator. If what you say cannot be said in love, do not say it. It is not of God. To speak without love is evidence that the collective madness has begun to infect your soul. Satan’s Hour Let us isolate this terrible insanity that drives people to say and do things they know are wrong. For the sake of discernment, we shall call this season of madness “Satan’s hour.” It is a period when the restraining powers of justice and goodness seem to withdraw. Instead of love, or even civility, what governs the dissenting group is the manifest “power of darkness” (see Luke 22:53). It is as though people invite the legions of hell to temporarily escape the abode of the damned and find access to their secret resentments–the unresolved issues that exist in their hearts. The resident evil within human nature is fully awakened, and then empowered by hell to fulfill demonic gratification. This collective madness is the exact opposite of a visitation from heaven; it is a visitation from hell. It is not the healing of bodies, but the wounding of hearts. It is not reconciliation between souls, but estrangement of friends. It is not truth spoken in love, but emotions discharged in wrath. It is not the gospel of peace, but the heartache of strife. During Satan’s hour, friends become enemies; loyalties become betrayals; and unity degrades into unreconcilable division. Satan’s hour is an uncontested, seemingly unstoppable, invasion from hell, where every hidden jealousy, every secret, unresolved bitterness in the human heart is unsheathed and used as a weapon in the hands of demons of strife. It strikes churches, but it also manifests during a divorce and in other personal relationships. Its goal is to divide and destroy. Indeed, Jesus Himself, during His last days on earth, watched this invasion from hell advance upon the people of Jerusalem. It’s power infected even His own disciples. Yet, if we study the terrible, demonic events which were compressed into Jesus’ last earthly days, we can gain a vital insight into the demonic activity in church splits and divorces. More importantly, we can see how God can bring victory through it. First, this swarm of evil did not take Jesus unaware. Throughout the time of His ministry Jesus frequently warned His disciples that a time of unfettered evil would come (Mark 8:31; 9:12; Luke 17:25). As the day arrived, Jesus announced to His disciples that the prince of darkness was coming (John 14:30). Yet, knowing a time of satanic darkness was at hand did not make enduring it easier; knowing such a time was imminent, however, did help Jesus to prepare. Thus, Jesus was fully aware of several things that would occur during Satan’s hour: evil would strike in full force and His disciples would be severely sifted (Luke 22:31); His followers would scatter; and one of the twelve would betray Him. Even Jesus’ closest friends would deny they ever knew Him (see Luke 22:60-61). Satan’s hour was a time when reality itself seemingly bent in service to the power of darkness (Luke 22:53), and the Father offered nothing Jesus could use to stop it. We cannot help but picture Jesus always upbeat and overcoming, but when hell was unleashed, even God’s Son was not invulnerable to Satan’s oppression. “Grieved and distressed,” Jesus took His closest friends aside and spoke intimately with them about His heartache. “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death,” He said, as He urged Peter, James and John, to keep watch with Him. Yet, the heaviness of satanic battle overwhelmed them. Even John, who had rested his head on Jesus’ breast, could not lift his head from slumber–all escaped into sleep, hiding themselves from excessive sorrow (Matt 26:38-45). Staggered by the weight of the spiritual attack against Him, Jesus “fell to the ground, and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by” (Mark 14:35). We know Jesus ministered peace wherever He went, yet now His intense, internal struggle ruptured blood vessels on His face, which beaded on His skin. Again, He sought to waken His disciples. Roused from sleep, they actually saw the droplets of blood on Christ’s brow and cheeks; still, they could not endure. I think it is significant that Jesus returned to His friends three times during the hour of His Gethsemane prayer (Matt 26:39-45). Beloved, there are some agonies in life for which God alone seems not enough; we crave also the comfort of our friends ( Prov 17:17). There is no substitute for our Heavenly Father’s Presence, yet our soul also needs the embrace of a loyal companion, the shoulder of a faithful friend. Yet, Jesus’ friends were not there. They slept while He prayed. They fled when the Pharisees came (Matt 26:56). During the trial when, of all people, they could have certainly defended Jesus’ character and doctrine, they hid. Even if others would forsake Him, surely these who broke bread with Him, who knew His heart, would speak in His defense. Yet from Gethsemane to the cross, Jesus heard the voice of just one friend. It was Peter’s, who less than a day earlier had sworn undying loyalty, swearing now he never knew Him (Matt 26:69-70; Luke 22:61). Our Master experienced betrayal, abandonment, slander, mockery and gross injustice. He endured the heartache of His disciples’ immaturity–their failure to pray, failure to stand and failure to defend the truth about their most wonderful friend and Lord. Dear follower of Jesus, what our Messiah endured and what the disciples suffered, in various degrees, are all the elements found in a church split. What happens to a pastor–what might have happened to your pastor during a church split–is similar in nature to what Jesus Himself suffered in His last few days. How Jesus Overcame For a pastor, there exists only one way out of the tragedy of a church split: become like Jesus. You see, God’s greatest goal for our lives is not that we become successful ministers, but that we become Christlike. Pastoring is simply an opportunity to be transformed into Christlikeness. This means that, when we go through injustices and conflicts, Christ’s character and mercy must be manifested in our mortal lives. As we follow Christ’s pattern, we learn to respond to human failures as Jesus did. The wounding that occurs to a pastor during a split comes on several fronts: the failure of friends or church members to speak in his defense or to persevere, on his behalf, in prayer. Confusion and fear, suspicion and doubt overshadow people who know better, paralyzing them into inaction. To counteract the failure of His disciples during their personal sifting, Jesus assured them, “but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:32). There are valuable lessons for Jesus’ disciples that only failure can teach, and Jesus knew this. His disciples frequently slipped into pride and strife. After their failure, they were humbled, broken and contrite enough for God to use them. The Holy Spirit redeemed their failure, using it to excavate their souls of pride. These same disciples would soon be willing to suffer and die for Jesus, and count it an honor to do so. They never denied Him again. Knowing they would fail Him, Jesus prayed that their faith would not fail and, upon returning, they would become a strength for others. For the disciples, their biggest problem was carrying the guilt-burden of their failure. Yet, immediately after warning them that they would, in fact, each deny Him, Jesus comforted them, “Let not your heart be troubled” (see John 13:38-14:1). Incredibly, even before they fell, Jesus sought to remove the weight of condemnation that would inevitably seek to overwhelm them. So, pastors, as Jesus loved His disciples, even though they failed Him, so we need to love those who, though falling short of our expectations, still remain with us. They will strengthen others. We need to remove any sense of condemnation or blame from those who have disappointed us. As they see our Christlike reactions, they too will become united to serve God’s highest purposes. How Jesus Handled His Enemies Jesus loved His disciples and His love covered and redeemed their failures. However, the next people we must deal with are those playing the role of the enemy, the instruments of injustice, who sought to destroy a ministry through gossip and slander. We must find Christ’s reaction to these and emulate His behavior. While we may have many legitimate arguments to wage against our accusers, Jesus stood silently before His. Beloved, there is a time to take your stand and defend what God is doing, and there is a time to become silent and simply entrust yourself to God. Peter reveals how Jesus processed the storm of accusation that came against His soul. Peter writes, “while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Peter 2:23). If your words will not persuade your attackers, beloved, recognize it is time to be silent. Yet, Jesus was not just silent; He bore their sins on His cross (1 Peter 2:24). So also for us: It is not enough that we not react negatively; we must respond positively to those who come against us, just as Christ did. We must pray the mercy prayer, even when it may appear that they have successfully put to death our vision. You see, Jesus knew Satan’s hour was coming. Yet He also knew that if He could maintain His vision of redemption and His capacity to love, it would be through this very time of darkness that redemption would triumph for mankind. Though grieved and deeply troubled, still Jesus prayed, “What shall I say, ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came” (John 12:27). Jesus understood that for redemption to be accomplished, His love would face its most severe test. Jesus knew this battle was over one thing: would He allow love to reach full maturity and its most perfect expression? Would He maintain His passion for man’s redemption even as men mocked and crucified Him? So it is with us. God allows injustices to perfect our love. The cross is the cost we pay so love can triumph. This battle is not about you and your enemies, but about you maintaining love in the midst of injustice. Dear pastor, let us redefine our meaning of success. Here is the success that will bring the power of redemption into our world: When we have endured Satan’s hour and, instead of reacting, allowed adversity to refine our love, we will have succeeded in the purpose of our existence. Beloved, regardless of the test God calls you to endure, it is not about you and your relational opponent. The real issue is about you and God. Will you allow love to be perfected? Will you transform Satan’s hour into an offering of your life in Christlike surrender? Lord Jesus, my soul yearns to be like You. Master of all that is good, grant me grace to succeed in love. Guard my heart from its natural instinct for self-survival. Let me never choose the way of hardness; let me, in all things, find the way of life. Even now, I offer myself for those who have struck me. Thank You for the opportunity to become like You. Amen. www.frangipane.org

Many people see multiple personality disorder as demon possession. Can a person with this disorder NOT be demonized? Here is a review from Dr. Chet Weld on the insightful book: Shattered Secrets by Gwendolyn and Dorothy Egan and written by Laura Steffens. Imagine awaking from a blackout of time that lasted for days. You have evidence that you lived your life. You may have journal entries or simply the comments of others about your behavior. But what you don’t know is that, during that time span, another personality was “the boss of you.” You “switched.” Early in your most formative years, such a switch was out of your control. Also, imagine that these switches are frequent over a period of 28 years with an increasing number of personalities taking charge. Imagine that at first you don’t know what’s going on. “Shattered Secrets,” leads us through Gwen Egan’s dark, multipersonality corridors of survival of abuse and loss into the light of deliverance and freedom. As the reader journeys through Gwen’s account of creating personalities in order to deal with traumas, we learn of the psychologist who didn’t tell her parents that their minor child had multiple personalities. This trusted therapist also did not tell the parents that Gwen had been molested at the age of three. He also fostered Gwen’s dependence on him, even let Gwen sit in his lap, as well as talked to the personalities one by one, which is exactly the wrong thing to do. Secrets were kept from the family between Gwen and the therapist, increasing Gwen’s struggle to survive. After turning 18 Gwen remained with the same therapist who was no longer required by law to divulge any information to the family. Gwen was increasingly fractured in spirit, soul, mind, and body (having extreme migraine headaches). Gwen was born with Apert syndrome, having feet with fused toes and hands with fused fingers. Apert syndrome also includes cranial/facial abnormalities. Her father, Bert (now passed on), was a WWII hero and a kind and gentle father, and her mother, Dorothy, has always been a hard worker and a loving mother. Now try to imagine that you are a member of this wonderful family that also includes two loving, younger sisters, Shawna and Rachel. When angry personalities were in control of Gwen, none of you had any idea what was going on. As a child, Gwen endured many operations to correct the deformities of her hands and feet. As an adolescent, Gwen’s face was reshaped by plastic surgeons. Despite the benefit of these operations, Gwen was still ridiculed throughout her childhood for not looking “normal” and for being “stupid.” The theme of Gwen’s life was an established record of rejection. Gwen says, “I was a walking conflict.” Laura Steffens, a journalist and the writer of “Shattered Secrets,” skillfully weaves the events of Gwen’s drama, as told to her by Gwendolyn and Dorothy, into a riveting tale of Gwen’s condition going from bad to worse, from miserable to thoroughly demonized, and from oppressive darkness to finally emerging into the liberating presence of God Himself. The writer also clearly explains the difference between different personalities and demons. The writer thoroughly researched the subject of Multiple Personality Disorder, now called D.I.D., or Dissociative Identity Disorder. She also researched treatment methods and underlying paradigms used by therapists. Interviewing skilled secular and Christian-based mental health professionals, she left no stone unturned to try to understand Gwen and to present an accurate and absorbing account of Gwen’s torment and her ultimate victory over darkness. The writer recounts details of Gwen’s life such as telling us about sexual abuse, the exact words of the teacher that ridiculed Gwen in front of her class members, and the impact on Gwen of losing her grandfather. Speaking of going “from bad to worse,” the therapist’s treatment via hypnosis seemed to be the cause of the emergence of five more personalities that Gwen believes were demons (while the first four were not, but were simply supposed protectors from the pain of trauma or loss). Gwen says the five demons even took control of the first four personalities. The end result of Gwen’s therapy sessions (presumably hundreds of them) was that the real Gwen was in “solitary confinement” or “lock-down.” Some of the personalities hated her and wanted her dead. Because Gwen’s family cannot locate the therapist, now presumed dead, many questions go unanswered, engaging the reader even more in Gwen’s mysterious world. Gwen had secrets from herself, her psychologist, and her family. Many secrets that needed to be shattered! This reviewer was privileged to counsel Gwen long after she had been healed and delivered. We counseled around relatively common issues, unrelated to her past. When I first saw that Gwen had two fingers on each hand, I felt badly for her. I prayed, “O, God, I would gladly trade hands with her so that she could know what it’s like to have the use of five fingers on each hand.” I had that thought every time I saw her in the brief number of sessions I was privileged to counsel her. I think God’s Holy Spirit was simply helping me to identify with a portion of the pain Gwen had endured even though I didn’t know the full details at the time. After reading Shattered Secrets and learning of her ultimate healing, I know that Gwen is such an overcomer (she’s even a very good typist!), that I don’t think she’d even want my fingers. Jim Rohn says that past experiences can either be our master or our servant. Through the strength and wisdom that only God can give, Gwen has made the dark encounters her servant. She knows that, as the Bible says, she is “seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus” and that she now lives her life through Him. She lives in the light. No more secrets! Now imagine that you are Gwen, that your trusted therapist had told you that healing was impossible, but that that you are now bursting with “impossible” love and joy of God. The victory of a spirit-filled underdog who conquered a mighty Goliath! Without divulging the entirety of Gwen’s complete and permanent healing, this reviewer can say that Gwen’s loving family, a pastor filled with the power of God, the sudden appearance of a Christian woman who became Gwen’s first friend, and Gwen’s motivation to be whole played key roles. Ultimately, the reader learns much about a mysterious subject and is uplifted by Gwen’s victory. With God’s help Gwen’s secrets are totally shattered, and feelings of rejection are destroyed by God’s love. This reviewer believes that anyone can be ennobled by absorbing the truths of “Shattered Secrets” and that this book should be read by all mental health professionals.

As shoppers walked past, and Christmas music rang through the air, no one seemed to notice the man standing there. Why would they? He looked just like most of the folks out scrambling to get their shopping done before Christmas. Everyone had their mind focused on what they had to get done. Mr. Baker walked more slowly than the rest of the crowd as he began to make his way out of the mall. He only wanted to buy one gift, but he couldn’t even afford to do that. His face was forlorn and his head dropped as he sadly made his way out into the winter cold. His thin coat was not enough to keep out the raw winter chill of the wind that blew that day, but he didn’t feel it much for he already felt so cold on the inside; so much in despair. People brushed past him hurrying into the shopping plaza, and one lady almost knocked him over. “So sorry!” She exclaimed as she kept moving quickly toward the door. “Have a Merry Christmas!” He looked back at her with emptiness in his face. How did she miss it? It was a long walk around the corner and down several blocks before Mr. Baker arrived at his destination. The warm air hit him in the face as he stepped inside the sterile building. As he reached the main desk he heard his name. “Mr Baker…” “Yes?” he replied turning in the direction of the voice. “The doctor wants to see you.” Mr. Baker’s stomach turned over with fear as he followed the nurse down the long hall. “Dr. Monroe… how… how is she?” The doctor hesitated, “She is not doing well Mr. Baker. We’re very concerned but we want you to know we are doing everything we possibly can. She was already weak and the fever doesn’t want to break.” Mr. Baker put his head in his hands and began to weep. “Doc… she’s all I have… please… she’s so young…” The doctor put his hand on the man’s arm and said, “I know, and we promise we are doing everything. Try to get some rest.” Mr. Baker opened the door and peered in quietly. Her long blonde hair hung around her sweet face as she slept. Sweat dripped from her brow as the nurse mopped her forehead with a cool cloth. “Would you like a few minutes with her?” asked the nurse. “P..please.” he responded. He walked over and pushed back her soft hair and ran his hand across her forehead. A tear fell from his eyes and splashed on her cheek, and he wiped it away. He leaned over and gave her a kiss and said “God… what have I done? Why? First my wife, then my job, and now…. now… my sweet Carley. Lord… take me… NOT her!” With that, he gathered himself and left the room. It seemed like the hall was longer than before as he headed for the door. “I’ve got to do something.” He thought. “We have no place to stay, no food, and I don’t even have a simple Christmas gift for my girl.” He made his way back down the road and turned into the doorway of the bank. “Please let me see Mr. Manning.” He said to the lady at the desk. “I’m right here Doug.” Mr Manning was a tall dashing man, with gray at his sideburns and a dark blue suit. “Jack…. Carley is really sick. She’s in the hospital. I don’t know what to do. I’ve no job, and I can’t even get her a gift for Christmas. I….. I… don’t even know if she’s…” “Now stop there Doug. She is going to be okay. We won’t think otherwise.” Mr. Manning gave Doug Baker a light squeeze. “Now what can I do for you?” He continued. “Is there any way the bank can give me a small loan… just until I find work?” Doug had no where else to turn. “Doug you know we can’t give you any kind of loan without a work reference. I wish we could, but….” at that moment Doug interrupted, “Nevermind Jack. I know, I just hoped… maybe….” Doug turned and began to head for the door. “Doug…” Mr. Manning called to him, “Please let me know how Carley is. We will keep her in our prayers.” Doug nodded and headed back into the cold. It was bitter that day. The wind blew right through him as he pulled his coat more tightly around his body. He walked… and walked. His thoughts swirling in his head. Suddenly, he stopped. There he stood at the entrance to the cemetery. Had he walked there on purpose? He could see the big tree. There were icicles hanging from it’s branches and it looked like a fairyland! The light rain the evening before had created such a beautiful sight in a place that normally didn’t feel very beautiful to Mr. Baker. He walked to the tree and knelt down in front of the stone at its base. “MaryAnn….. what should I do?” He began to speak. He had never felt very adequate after she died. She was a great mom, and he…. he did not feel he had done a very good job of caring and providing for his young daughter. MaryAnn always prayed when there was a need. He, well, he didn’t feel so connected to God. “But what have I got left God!!!” Doug yelled as he clutched his hands to his chest. “I’ll pray.. if you want me to pray… I will pray. If you will restore my daughter’s health, then I’ll pray and I’ll pray and I’ll pray!” He dropped his head and began to pray…quietly at first… then louder. “God…. I don’t know how to do this, so I’m just gonna talk to you. God…. whatever I’ve done to deserve all this, I’m sorry. I don’t even know what it is. I’ve tried my best, but it’s not enough. Forgive me Lord…….. let your mercy shower my little girl. She is innocent; she has done nothing. She believes in You! “He stopped. Something in those words spoke to him. She believes in Him….. Carley believes in Him!! “Is that it God? Have I not believed?” Doug stood to his feet as if he had found new strength…. he walked toward the gate, then he started to run. A smile broke out on his face. “Okay God….. I believe!! I will believe in You. I will give you everything I have… or don’t have…. please…please be with me!!” He ran down the street and around the corner. The cold didn’t feel so cold anymore. Doug burst through the doors of the hospital panting. He came in so fast it startled the nurse at the desk. “Mr. Baker!” She said firmly, “Where have you been. Dr. Monroe was looking for you.” “Where is he?” Doug inquired. The nurse pointed as she continued to stare at Mr. Baker’s new found energy. Mr Baker made his way down the hall toward Carley’s room. As he entered, he heard a giggle. Both Dr. Monroe and Carley turned to look at Doug. “I’ve been trying to find you,” the doctor said. “Her fever has broken. She’s going to be fine with a few more days rest.” Doug raced to her bedside and held her tightly as he cried. “Daddy… why are you crying?” Carley asked. He looked into her deep blue eyes and said, “I was afraid I’d lose you too baby. I couldn’t bare it!” Carley looked up at him and said, “Dad… while I was sleeping, I saw you at the tree.” Doug looked surprised. “You what?” “I saw you at the tree.” She paused. “God was there too. He was standing behind you with His hand on your back.” Doug hugged his little girl. “He heard me didn’t he Carley?” “Daddy… God always hears us.” Doug gave his little girl a big hug and as he did the nurse came in. “Mr. Baker, this was just delivered. They said you requested it?” She handed Doug a large wrapped gift that said, “To Carley… Merry Christmas”. “Daddy how did you do this?” Carley’s eyes got big as silver dollars. Mr. Baker started, “well, I …uh… well….” Carley ripped the paper from the large box and opened it. Inside was a big, soft stuffed bear. It was almost as big as she was!” “I LOVE him daddy!!!” She hugged the big bear tightly and Doug was happier than he’d been in a very long time. But he had no idea who’d done such a kind thing. “Mr. Baker,” said the nurse. “We need to let Carley rest now. Doug gave his little girl a kiss and said “Rest, I will see you later.” She smiled as he left. As Doug walked down the street toward town he felt so warm on the inside. “Thank you God.” he said looking upward. He turned a corner and heard a voice. “Doug!” Doug wheeled around to see Jack Manning standing there. “Doug I’ve got something for you!” Jack made his way toward Doug. He took Doug’s hand and placed something in it. “What’s this?” Doug asked as he opened his hand to expose a single key. “My wife and I have a small place that we want you and Carley to use until you get back on your feet Doug. Consider it a Christmas gift if you will. We want to help.” Doug was stunned. “Jack, how can I ever….” “Don’t give it a second thought Doug. Here are directions…. oh and Mrs. Keeley wants to see you about a job on Monday.” Doug shook Jack’s hand. “Thank you so much Jack.” “Don’t mention it Doug.” Mr Manning turned to leave. Then he stopped and looked back. “Oh.. and how about if we pick you both up for church on Christmas? Would you like that?” Doug paused…”We’d love that Jack.” he said with a smile. Jack headed down the street. “Jack!” Doug gave a holler. Jack wheeled around to look at Doug. “Did you by any chance….” Jack smiled a big grin and said “Merry Christmas Doug. No child should not get a gift on Christmas.” With that, Jack pulled his coat tightly around his neck and disappeared around the corner. Doug tried to yell a big thanks but Jack was gone. As Doug walked down the street toward the little cafe to get a cup of coffee, he felt the warmth of love fill him from head to toe.”Thank you God,” he said quietly. “And thank you….. for your son.” Merry Christmas to all….. every one.

How many of you said you were never going to say what your parents said to you? More than that, how many of you now say what they used to say to you and now YOU sound just like THEM!! This just goes to show that what parents model STICKS! There are three types of parents, and who you are as a parent has a lot to do with the way your child responds to you. I’ve talked about this in depth in other books (Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours is a good resource) Let me give you the summarized version. Does this sound like you? “Buford, have you chosen to go to bed yet?” Do you want to make sure your child never fails? Are you continually doing things for your child that he could do for himself? Are you your child’s best friend at every turn? Do you find it hard or impossible to say no to him? Promising a reward if he does what you ask? A permissive parent: -Places the priority on the child, not on his or her spouse. -Robs the child of self-respect and self-esteem by doing things for her that he child can do for himself -Provides the child with the “Disneyland” experience; make things as easy as possible-does homework for the child.. etc.. -Invites rebellion with inconsistent parenting Does this sound like you? “You go to bed RIGHT NOW!” Are you always right? Do you bark out orders to your kid and threaten him with warnings if he doesn’t immediately do what you say? Do you tell him how to do life in no uncertain terms? An authoritarian parent: -Makes all decision for the child -Uses reward and punishment to control the child’s behavior -Sees himself as better than the child -Runs the home with an iron hand; grants little freedom to the child Does this sound like you? “Let me know when you’ve brushed you teeth, and I’ll come in a tuck you in” Do you ask your children the facts about a situation and what they think about it before you jump to conclusions? Do you give them age-appropriate choices? D o you look out for their welfare, yet allow them to experience the consequences of their behaviors? An authoritative or responsible parent: -Gives the child choices and formulates guidelines with him -Provides the child with decision-making opportunities -Develops consistent, loving discipline -Holds the child accountable -Lets reality be the teacher -Conveys respect, self-worth, and love to the child and therefore enhances the child’s self-esteem You as the parent are in the position to leave an indelible mark on your child. And you do it often without even being aware of it! The truth is, both extremes (permissive and authoritarian) will cause children to rebel. What a permissive parent, there are no guidelines, and children flounder. With the authoritarian parent, everything is heavy-handed. The wise parent finds middle ground! Put it into practice! Let’s say you are sitting down for dinner, and your child isn’t crazy about your food choice of pork chops. The permissive parent would say, “Oh, honey, do you want a cheeseburger instead? I’ll get up right now and make one for you!” The authoritarian parent would say “Eat it! Pork chops are good for you. And you better clean your plate.” The authoritative parent would say, “I know pork chops aren’t your favorite, but that’s what I made for dinner tonight. If you want to make yourself something else afterward, that’s fine. But thanks for sitting with us at dinner anyway. Dinner as a family is important” The authoritative parent is majoring on the relationship and minoring on everything else!

Tim’s head was pressed hard against a burning hot rock wall. It was so hot the skin on his check was sizzling. Gasping for breath behind the shemagh which barely kept out the blasting sand, Tim cried to God: “Please, God… Please stop this storm”. Tim’s company of Marines had been called to gather reconnaissance at a remote location near Fallujah, Iraq when they discovered an outpost that housed enemy ammunition stores. As ordered, they blew up the ammo cash and the outpost which housed it. However, they then found themselves without shelter when the worst storm in a century struck. It is now known by the natives as “The Churning” and “The Airing of Grievances”. Tim could not understand why God did not hear his pleas. He prayed and prayed, but the storm persisted. For three days the Marines were pinned down, barely surviving as the storm raged. Finally, on the morning of the third day, The Churning ceased. Tim and his company of soldiers were badly battered, but alive. They could not understand why God let them suffer in such a grueling matter. That is until Tim stood atop a remaining wall and discovered a mine field which had been uncovered. The storm had moved so much sand that the mines, IED’s, and explosive traps which the enemy had planted were now in plain sight. Tim gasped, and began shouting out to his company the location of the death traps. Despite our inability to comprehend God’s actions, He always has our good in mind. The Marines thought God turned a deaf ear to their suffering, when in fact He was saving their lives. Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14 When you Believe God, more than just believe in Him… But actually BELIEVE He is the Almighty God who breathes out stars, holds the Universe in His hand, and controls the very movement of each and every atom of your body… Then you will also believe that when you are pinned down by the Churnings of life, despite the moment’s sizzling pain and blistering sand, God is actually in the process of delivering you from unseen destruction. “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us” Ephesians 3:20. “The eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His” 2 Chronicles 16:9 NASB.

People deal with sexual abuse in different ways. One common method is denial or complete forgetfulness. The memories of the past are so traumatic or painful that a person can only continue to function by blocking the memories from the mind. Unfortunately, even though they’re blocked out, they’re really not gone. These memories must be dealt with in order for the person to be healed. Our enemy, Satan, will use these things which are buried deep in a person’s mind to make him or her feel rejected, worthless, unloved, and hopeless. The first step in being healed is to recognize that you were a victim. In no way were you responsible for what happened to you, regardless of your age when you were abused, who was involved in your abuse, what the person told you, or the circumstances surrounding your abuse. When you accept the fact that in no way did you cause the abuse, then you can refuse to accept the condemnation Satan tries to hold over you. The second step is to acknowledge that God did not want this abuse to occur. Although He could have stepped in and prevented it, He did not, because He gave each person a free will to choose righteousness or to choose sin. When a person chooses sin, innocent people suffer. God grieves over man’s sin and His heart is compassionate toward the hurting. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” We have mentioned how some people deal with the memories by suppression. At some point in a person’s life these memories surface. This is God’s way of saying, “Now is the time I have ordained for you to deal with your past.” Trying to suppress these memories will only make the healing process more difficult and take longer. God wants us to experience the abundant life that Jesus promises in John 10:10. Some people are more aware of their emotional wounds than others, but all who have been victims of sexual abuse suffer to some degree. God sees our emotional wounds just as much as He sees our physical wounds. Like a splinter which must be dug out in order to prevent infection, so abuse must be dealt with in order for healing to take place. Physical pain is involved in digging out the splinter, just as emotional pain is involved in dealing with abuse, and dealing with it God’s way ultimately brings healing. God has many ways He can heal—through His Word, Christian books and music, prayer, praise, Scripture meditation, and even tears. He may lead you to share your memories with someone–either a professional Christian counselor or another trusted Christian friend, mentor, pastor or teacher. As much as you may want to be healed of your memories, recognize that Jesus wants it even more. He said that He came to bind up those who are bruised (Luke 4:18). I hope you’re spending time each day reading your Bible and praying. Doing these things can draw you close to the Lord, causing you to trust and love Him more as you understand His ways. The Word of God is powerful in bringing about changes in our lives. Psalm 107:20 says that God sent forth His Word and healed them. The written Word is the Bible, and the living Word is Jesus. As you spend time each day reading the Bible and praying, you are drawing upon a very real source of strength, both the written and living Word. Forgiveness is a very important principle in the Christian walk. Carrying unforgiveness can cause a real blockage in your relationship with the Lord. Do you feel that you have forgiven the person or persons who caused your pain? Forgiveness is not easy, but it is possible in the Lord’s strength. We forgive, not because we feel like it, but because it is commanded in the Bible. If we do not forgive others of their sins, then God does not forgive us of ours, according to Matthew 6:15. Ask the Lord to give you His strength and grace to forgive those whom He places on your heart, and be obedient to follow His leading. You can walk in confidence with God. You can lead a full and victorious life, emotionally whole and healthy. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came to give us an abundant life. The power of God is greater than the power of the enemy (1 John 4:4). God is able to do more than you could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Trust in and lean on His Word. The Lord loves you very, very much, and He is able! If you have prayed and feel led of the Lord to seek professional Christian counseling, we encourage you to seek someone who has experience in dealing with victims of sexual abuse. If you do not know of a Christian counselor in your area, you may want to find a name through the following link for the American Association of Christian Counselors. Please know that we are not personally familiar with these counselors, so we cannot give personal recommendations for individual counselors. http://www.aacc.net http://www.josh.org . Used by permission.

What does it mean to be an extravagant worshipper? Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines the word extravagant as “2a: exceeding the limits of reason b: lacking in moderation, balance and restraint, praise) c: extremely or excessively elaborate 3a: spending much more than necessary b: profuse, lavish.” The Holy Spirit is calling us to excessive worship. We’re to be overgenerous in our praises to God. Extravagant worship means to be elaborate in our offering of admiration to Him; our worship is to be over and above reasonable limits previously established. The cause of Christ pumping away in our veins should cause extraordinary praise to the Father . I long to worship Jesus as did the woman with the alabaster jar of perfume! Excessive, abundant, expensive, superfluous lavish, costly, rich, priceless, valuable… Jesus knew the woman who anointed Him with her precious perfume fully understood that she had been forgiven for terrible sins. Jesus explained this love she had for Him to Simon, telling him a parable about two servants who were forgiven for debts by their Master. One owed him a little; the other owed him much. Jesus continued the story: “Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?” 43-47 Simon answered, “I suppose the one who was forgiven the most.” “That’s right,” said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, “Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn’t quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn’t it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal.” 48 Then he spoke to her: “I forgive your sins.” 49 That set the dinner guests talking behind his back: “Who does he think he is, forgiving sins!” 50 He ignored them and said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.” Lk. 7:41-50 The Message When we stand before the Lord to worship Him, we are to worship Him in truth. To do so, we must ask ourselves: 1.“How big are the debts Jesus canceled for me? 2. “How generous was He toward me when considering the pain my sins inflicted upon Him?” 3. “How much thanks do I owe Him for canceling the consequences of my past?” 4. “Am I overgenerous with my worship? Do I exceed reasonable limits when praising Him? Or am I merely doing what is required, merely fulfilling the basic level of commitment? 5. “Am I simply trying to earn my right of passage (into heaven)?” If our worship is spiritual and truthful, we will search our souls and appraise the value we place on His love for us. What can we bring to the altar that represents such extravagance? I have had the honor of meeting some extravagant worshipers during my lifetime: Among them is a young couple in our church who lost their young daughter through sickness, yet they worshiped their King through overwhelming grief and are still doing so today . A young man who was left paralyzed from his waist down through an accident was quickly back in our church services. With tears running down his face, his arms stretched heavenward, and his heart loving Jesus, he worshiped His Savior with extravagant thanksgiving. The Oxford English Dictionary describes extravagant as “wasteful.” This word is particularly grabbed my attention, for one of the most beautiful accounts of extravagant worship in the Bible is this story of how the gift of perfume from the sinful woman was considered “wasteful” by those around her. But as she poured out her costly perfume from the alabaster jar, she must have wished she had even more to give Him. As she poured out her tears in offering, He washed away her brokenness. As she loved extravagantly, He forgave extravagantly. The woman’s demonstration of elaborate love toward her Lord is a powerful example of true, heartfelt worship. Her act of worship had nothing to do with music or song, but it had all to do with being extravagant in devotion to her Savior. Darlene Zschech. Extravagant Worship . Bloomington, Illinois: Bethany House Publishers, 2002, p. 5. www.darlenezschech.com . Used by permission.

Josh McDowell, renowned Bible teacher, apologist and author, posted some absolutely fascinating research on his site. Teen depression and STD’s are of epidemic proportions, and as parents, teachers and concerned Christians, we must persistently and passionately promote sexual purity: “Dr. Meeker, author of the new book ‘Epidemic’: ‘In 2003 we are living in the midst of a public health epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases amongst 12- to 18-year-old children, and an epidemic of depression related to much of the promiscuous sexual activity amongst our youth.’” “‘What I have seen in my beautiful quiet and suburban northern Michigan practice is occurring nationwide, and when I turned to the medical literature two years ago to see if what I was experiencing was unique I found that the Center for Disease Control talks about the hidden epidemic of 15 million Americans getting a new sexually transmitted disease every year and two thirds of them being in people under 25, my patients, your children, the kids on your kids’ basketball teams and soccer teams and ballet recitals.’” “According to the New England Journal of Medicine, one in five Americans 12 years and older test positive for genital herpes.” “Forty-six percent of young teen-age girls after just one episode of intercourse contracts human papilloma virus (HPV), and 14 percent of them will go on to develop signs of cervical cancer, and more women’s lives are given over to cervical cancer every year than to HIV and AIDS.” “This, she warns ‘is not a time for mothers and fathers and doctors and teachers and politicians to be silent about the sanctity of the life of our teen-agers.’” “What has been our answer to this out-of-control scourge, she asked. Condoms. ‘We have taught 14-, 13-, 12-year-old kids to put condoms on bananas. We have done this for 15 or 20 years.’” “In 1960 there were just two sexually transmitted diseases, syphilis and gonorrhea. After 20 years of teaching our kids how to use condoms, we now boast 30 or more sexually transmitted diseases among 12- to 18-year-old children. Condoms have failed as an answer.” “‘A little over a year ago the National Institutes for Health reviewed all the best condom literature available in the world. They found that condoms, if used 100 percent of the time correctly, may reduce the risk of HIV by 87 percent in men and women, and it may reduce the risk of gonorrhea in men, but for all of the other sexually transmitted diseases which infect beautiful heterosexual children across the country there is insufficient evidence that condoms work at all.’” “‘Yet we are still teaching condoms and more condoms in our schools. As a physician I consider it malpractice to hand one of my patients a condom and tell them that they will be safe when the NIH doesn’t say so.’” “‘We have the answer. It is abstinence education. Many opponents of abstinence say it doesn’t work—it does work—all the time. The kids are willing to learn it. Are we willing to teach it?’” “Sex among girls is leading to an epidemic of cancer, she revealed. ‘The 14-, 15-year-old girl’s cervix cannot handle bacteria and viruses. They flourish and turn into cancer much more quickly than in a 25-year-old.’” “All of this promiscuous sexual activity among youngsters is having another deadly effect: serious depression and sometimes suicide.” “‘We are living in an epidemic of depression, where one out of three American teen-agers have thought of killing themselves, much of this related to sexual activity.’” “‘Are we willing to tell teen-agers that sexual health trumps sexual freedom?’ she asked, adding that we’d better be.” (Brenna, Phil, “Doctor: Teen Sex Is Killing Our Children,” NewsMax.com, February 3, 2003, www.newsmax.com/ http://www.josh.org . Used by permission.

“The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood: but the mouth of the upright shall deliver them” (Proverbs 12:6). This is a sobering scripture, but aligns with many others. In the midst of men who spoke wickedly about him and who wanted to put him to death, Paul prayed that the love of the Philippians would “abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight.” Rather than focusing on the mischief and evil of his persecutors, he focused on those for whom he was giving his life. Essentially, Paul “turned the other cheek. In essence, the Bible teaches that we are to love people unconditionally, as Christ commanded, but that we are not to be naive. Christ told His disciples to be “wise as serpents, but innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). We are not to let ourselves be taken advantage of simply for the sake of being taken advantage of. Christ taught us to “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39), but when He was struck at His trial, Christ simply stated, “Why did you strike me” (John 18:23)? There is balance in much of the scripture. Seemingly opposite truths can be true in different situations. For example, sometimes we need to rest in God, and other times we need to work hard to establish His kingdom on the earth. When we rest first in order to work and not the other way around, our labor is through Christ. As 1 John 1:9 states, “God sent his only begotten son into the world that we might LIVE through him.” The closer we are to God, the more we know which way to lean in difficult situations. During Christ’s trial, He knew that there is a time to show ourselves “shrewd” to the “crooked” (Psalm 18:26), rather than to be vulnerable to them. A modern sage has said, “When you’re around sharks, don’t bleed!” Every day policemen and soldiers face such decisions. Our founding fathers decided to stand for the right and the good, rather than “turn the other cheek.” They pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor for the future of our nation. Indeed, many of them “gave it all,” rather than “lay down” for the abuses of King George. We all know people who have been unmercifully abused, and we know that this is not God’s plan for their lives. Some of us have been through similar situations. Fortunately, “The fear [respect] of the Lord is to hate evil” (Proverbs 8:13). The more we love God, the more we’ll love people and hate evil – all at the same time! God hates evil and wants us to, as well! He also loves PEOPLE and wants us to, as well! When I’m not certain what course or what action to take with those who may have hidden or even evil agendas – and I’m rarely uncertain on a course of action in such cases – I simply err on the side of loving people and letting them take advantage of me. God sees and my rewards are forever secure in heaven while the “wicked are like the chaff which the wind drives away” (Psalm 1:4). Is there a time NOT to turn the other cheek? When is there ever a time to NOT imitate Christ? Walking with the Lord certainly presents us with many win/win situations! ? He shall know the truth by his reverence for the Lord” (Isaiah 11:3, The Tanakh).

Our churches can create a “male-friendly” atmosphere that will reach men for Christ. Here are a number of suggestions to draw them in! Front door experience: Maintain your buildings and grounds Put men in the parking lot One layer of greeters (don’t be too friendly) Lots of signs so men don’t have to ask directions Worship service: Keep the focus on God – not the family Minimize dead time between elements Do something unexpected Add humor or something fun Good lighting and sound so people can easily see and hear Décor: Remove the “old lady” stuff: quilts, felt banners, needlepoint, etc. Remove lace and flowers from communion table. Remove bulletin boards and “kindergarten classroom” collages from interior walls Decide if religious symbols in the sanctuary help or hinder Colors: choose earth tones and colors of the field. Give men space: Do not ask the congregation to hold hands Do not ask everyone to hug everyone else Discourage “prayer mushrooms” Prayer: Keep pastoral prayers short Avoid showy “prayer-speak” when praying in church Avoid “vain repetitions” in public prayers Offer prayer after the service instead of prayer-and-share Music: Quality is vital. Don’t attempt more than your musicians can deliver. Choose songs that convey respect to God Avoid wimpy “love songs to Jesus” Avoid more than 3 repeats of any chorus Select a key the baritones can sing Help the worship leader “man-up” A pastor who relates well to men will: Talk like a regular guy (avoid “preacher-speak”) Do man stuff and talk about it during the message Choose metaphors and stories men can relate to Be firm but gracious on theology and moral issues Be judicious about emotive displays Teaching: Shorter is almost always better. Say it and be done. Share personal stories of your struggles as a man Avoid feminine metaphors (such as “fall in love with Jesus”) Avoid “preacher-speak” Build sermon around great illustrations Use visual aids Use video clips to illustrate Use an object lesson to illustrate Call men forward for a 3-minute “men’s huddle” at the end of the service Honor men’s time: Start and end the service on time If something goes long, cut something else on the fly For services more than 90 minutes, offer an intermission or an opportunity to “get-up-and-go” so men don’t feel trapped Sunday school: Bury the name “Sunday school” Abandon the classroom method in favor of a more kinetic one Place boys with male teachers Don’t ask boys to read aloud Use a boy-friendly curriculum with hands-on learning Use professionally produced videos to help teach spiritual truths

Have you seen control and manipulation divide your church? Have you suffered through the fall of a spiritual leader into sexual sin? The life of Queen Jezebel gives us a window of how Satan operates in our churches to destroy God’s people. To understand the spirit of control and manipulation as epitomized by Jezebel, we must understand the genesis of her personality in the Bible. The first mention of Jezebel is in 1 Kings. She was the rebellious, manipulative wife of King Ahab. It was actually a powerful demonic spirit, operating through Queen Jezebel, which had caused over ten million Hebrews (all but seven thousand faithful souls) to bow to Baal. Jezebel caused them to forsake the covenant, destroy the sacred altars and kill the prophets (I Kings 19:14-18). This one woman was almost totally responsible for corrupting an entire nation, and this same influence has come full force against us in this present day. Jezebel was fiercely independent and intensely ambitious for pre-eminence and control. It is note-worthy that the name “Jezebel,” literally translated, means “without cohabitation.” This simply means she refuses “to live together” or “cohabit” with anyone. In other words, she was divisive to the core. A “Jezebel” will not dwell with anyone unless she can control and dominate the relationship. When she seems submissive or “servantlike,” it is only for the sake of gaining some strategic advantage. From her heart, she yields to no one. Some who display this controlling, manipulative behavior are embittered against others, either through neglect or misuse of authority. This Satanic scheme can operate through women who, because of insecurity, jealousy or vanity, desire to dominate others. For example, “Jezebel’s” influence is exemplified by a woman who publicly humiliates her husband with her tongue, and there after controls him by his fear of public embarrassment. Jesus identifies a “Jezebel” influence sitting in the church in Thyatira when the Holy Spirit exposed it nineteen hundred years ago (Rev 2:19-29). It still has its favorite seat in church. There are respectable men who love God and who seek to serve Him, yet secretly in their hearts are persuaded by lust and allure into making unwise decisions. As we identify those whom this control and manipulative behavior will most likely influence, let us recognize how such spiritual attack of seduction (as Jezebel’s supposed seduction of the general Jehu) can operate through men. A charismatic leader with highly refined qualities will become very authoritarian and unyielding in his control of the church. Such a leader or pastor will invariably be isolated from fellowship and accountability with other pastors. The man will find himself lured into maintaining flirtatious and sensual relationships, “special intimacies” with one or more women in the church. In time, he will most likely succumb to adultery. Looking at scripture, Jezebel’s worst enemies were the prophets; her worst fear was that the people would embrace repentance. Jezebel hated repentance. Jezebel hated humility. Jesus taught that greatness in the kingdom was not measured in what we seem to be, but in childlike honesty of heart. A true ministry is willing and eager to be submitted and accountable to other ministries. It is typical of those who are servant-minded. Therefore, we must learn that spirituality is measured in meekness, not power. Jezebel hated prayer-and so does Satan. Intercessory prayer pries manipulating influence’ fingers off the hearts and souls of men. It sets people free. When you pray, freedom is released. When you pray against immorality, it cripples her. When you pray for a submissive heart, it is like the trampling of Jehu’s horse upon her body. Jezebel hated the prophets, for the prophets spoke out against her . The prophets were her worst enemies. More than her hatred of the prophets, she hated the word they spoke from God. Her real enemy was the spoken Word of God. Jezebel’s ultimate hatred was against God Himself. She hated the grace God lavishes upon His bond-servants, even after they sin. She hates the fact that God will take the weakest and lowliest and use them to strip her of her power. She hated the holiness and purity of heart that comes from God and surrounds those who serve in His courts. The first weapon to defeat schemes of Satan is to recognize his wiles, pray earnestly for God’s people, and submit ourselves to God. The prayer of a righteous man (and woman) avails much!

Here’s an excerpt from How Women Help Men Find God: Michelangelo captured the relationship between man and his Maker on the ceiling of the Sistine chapel. A holy God, surrounded by angels, stretches down from heaven to touch the finger of Adam. Meanwhile the man reclines, nonchalantly extending a single digit toward his Creator. Why is it so hard to get men to lift a finger for God? The problem isn’t atheism. Nine out of ten men in the US believe in God. 1 Five out of six men claim to be Christians. 2 Even irreligious men have a high regard for Jesus Christ and His teachings. But these days it’s hard to find a man who puts Jesus first—while it seems like Christian women are as common as boots at a rodeo. You love Jesus. And you love your men. Naturally, you’d like them to meet. You want your men to know the peace, joy, and contentment that come from an abiding relationship with the Lord. But these precious men don’t seem too interested. Why is it that only preachers, worship leaders, and a few laymen really get it when it comes to following Christ? What can you do to help the men you love find the Man you love? Plenty. Women can help men find God . It happens all the time. In fact, research shows that women often play a pivotal role in leading wayward men back to their heavenly Father. 3 But too often, women’s efforts come up short. Women pray daily for the men they love, but nothing happens. They spend years developing their sons’ spiritual lives, only to see them forget Jesus during their teens. Their witness to male colleagues falls flat. Single women search in vain for godly men. Then, a glimmer of hope: Bubba finally gets off the couch and slips into a pew. You pray like mad, but from the opening hymn it’s a total disaster. He feels as out of place as a penguin in the Sahara Desert. His visit reinforces the common male notion: church just isn’t for me. This book is not How to Make Any Man Become a Christian in Three Easy Steps . Think of it as a Rosetta stone, a key to understanding the mysterious, frustrating, and surprising spiritual lives of the other half of the human race. In pages 194-195 of Why Men Hate Going to Church , I wrote these words: “ Women, use your influence to say yes to the masculine spirit. One church suggested the men get together to play paint ball. Two prominent women complained, “How is paintball remotely Christian?” asked one woman. “It shows support for violence,” said another. Soon the men’s ministry is reduced to six white-haired guys having breakfast in the church basement. Another men’s ministry is neutered.” Let change happen, even that which cause people to grieve . Allow the men to do things you may not understand or approve of. Most of all, let your pastor know your support him. If your pastor knew the women of the church wanted a more challenging, man-friendly environment, he would probably be glad to oblige you. Armed with this knowledge, you’ll be equipped to fulfill Jesus’ call: Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men. To get your autographed copy of How Women Help Men Find God, click here . Notes: 1. The Gallup Poll, May 2–4, 2004, as cited on www.galluppoll.com . Ninety percent of respondents claimed belief in God. Only four percent claimed not to. This number has remained virtually unchanged over the past seventy years. Women are slightly more likely to answer in the affirmative than men. 2. Barna Research Online, “Women are the Backbone of Christian Congregations in America,” 6 March 2000, www.barna.org . 83 percent of men polled claimed to be Christians. 3. Thom S. Rainer, Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2001), 83. Rainer found that “wives were the most influential in reaching the unchurched.” To book David Murrow for a conference, or to order his books, go to www.churchformen.com .