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Buddhism, as a system, requires its adherent to be devoted to exploring a set of principles that will earn him or her an enlightened state that they hope will lead to the end of suffering—a noble and worthwhile goal. Yet on a practical, day-to-day level, many Buddhists inwardly struggle. They feel spiritually empty, as if the practices they engage in provide some temporary satisfaction or guidance, but when over, the emptiness or futility remains. While they pursue the path they are taught the Buddha has lain out, they secretly wonder about the reality of the Buddha’s teachings. Being taught that they will experience many rebirths until finally reaching their objective, they cannot help but wonder, “Will this truly end my suffering? How can I know that what I am doing really works?” Our Buddhist neighbors can discover a different kind of enlightenment—one that can be fully experienced and realized in this life, right now, without the need for what may seem like a tumultuous cycle of rebirth. The World Around Us What is the nature of reality? How can we tell when what we experience is primarily an experience that comes from our own perceptions or is a part of true existence? If our reality is defined by our perceptions, how can we know when our perceptions give us accurate information about the world around us or even our own existence? If our perceptions of reality are problematic, then how do we address the even more important issues involving eternity? To its credit, Buddhism tries to address the questions of reality and perception. Many Buddhists have found meaning and solace in Buddhist teachings (or debate) about the nature of the world around us. At first a person who is unfamiliar with Buddhist concepts may struggle. In fact, many Buddhists themselves struggle with these ideas. Whole schools of competing Buddhist thought have arisen to address the nature of reality. What are the Buddhist ideas about the world around us? • The evidence of reality presented to us by our senses is faulty. Human perception of the world is mistaken,(1) • “Everything is part of an ultimate, impersonal ground of existence which is neither good nor evil,”(2) • Good, evil, truth, and falsehood are mistaken perceptions (or conventions), which have no absolute meaning. These ideas about reality are foundational to Buddhism’s attempt to address humanity’s ultimate problems. Let’s address these issues together and also discover how Jesus Christ addressed these issues in His teaching. First, let’s apply some common sense—and science—to the Buddhist teachings about reality and perception. Sense & Senses As I type these words I see them on my computer screen. By doing this I am making the assumption that you who are reading it are also seeing the same words that I typed. In fact I’m also assuming you have access to a computer, the Internet, can input a website address, find this page, and read this article. You are doing the same thing that thousands of people have done before you, and will after you. All of us share a common set of perceptions that allows us to have a certain degree of unity in our experience of writing and reading—or any other experience. Let’s call this our unity of perception. Sight in an important part of our perceptive abilities. What we see can be pleasurable or frightening. It can foster longing or fear. What we see is also an important part of our learning process and contributes heavily to the assumptions we make together. And—together—is the point I’d like to make. If you sit in a group with a printed version and all read together from the page, you will all read the same thing. Your perception about what words are written, are the same. It is this unity of perception that encourages us that what we are reading really exists, and that by implication, it has a writer who also exists. The same may be said of the world. We have a unity of perception about the world around us. We do not all experience different realities generated by our minds like hallucinations—”self generated sensory experiences.”(3) Nor are our perceptions, illusions. “Cognitive illusions come about because the brain is full of prejudices: habits of thought, knee-jerk emotional reactions and automatic orders of perception.(4) “Ah, but wait,” you might say. “Isn’t that part of what Buddhism refers to, cognitive prejudices, etc.?” In some ways, yes. But the idea that our perceptions create an illusion of what the nature of the world is like, must disregard the unity of perception that we all share. This leaves us with one of two choices: Humanity’s unity of perception is itself, illusionary, or our unity of perception provides evidence that our experiences and the world around us are real. Which is the case? Saying that our perception of the shared unity of perception is illusionary is the same as saying our illusion is illusionary—i.e. our we do not experience illusion. It is self-defeating and leaves us only with our second option. Our perceptions are real. In fact, our perceptions are not only real, but our brains naturally anticipate the reality around us allowing us to experience it according to reality. Our brains know that what our senses deliver to it is real. “An act of perception is a lot more than capturing an act of incoming stimulus. It requires a form of expectation, of knowing what is about to confront us, and preparing for it. Without expectations, or constructs through which we perceive our world, our surroundings would be…confusion. Each experience would truly be a new one, rapidly overwhelming us.”(5) Where do those “constructs” come from? From the previous real-world experiences we have had! This does not mean that we do not sometimes have faulty perceptions about the world around us, or our nature. In fact, the very thrust of the argument presented here is that Buddhism is a perceptive filter that presents an illusion about the nature of existence. The Nature of Existence If our perceptions about the world around us are faulty, and there is another truth underneath what we perceive, then, our perceptions about how to live in the world are also colored by our misperceptions. Could this be true? Let’s turn again to our unity of perception. Everyone has some kind of concept of right and wrong, good and evil. We all share common perceptions, that there are certain things that are good, and certain things that are evil. Personal preference and culture permit varying degrees in our agreement over what is right and wrong. But the fact stands that there still remains the concept of good and evil, right and wrong. According to Buddhist thought the issue of what is right and wrong is nothing more than a convention without absolute authority or substance. This teaching, in point of fact, leaves the adherent with the idea that what is good and evil cannot be ultimately defined since good and evil are illisionary. Let’s present it this way: Is a belief in absolute good and evil, a right belief or a wrong belief? If you are under the Buddhist way of thinking that last sentence is a trap in both its construct and its implication. For the Buddhist the question is unanswerable without causing a new set of philosophical problems. If you declare it a “wrong belief,” you are left with a moral dilemma. Under Buddhism, wrong beliefs or perceptions lead to suffering. If this wrong belief leads to suffering, then is not the belief itself evil (morally wrong and not just factually wrong)? Could it not be argued that Siddhartha perceptually recognized the existence of evil when he saw the sick man, poor man, beggar, and the corpse? He lamented the suffering of humanity because he recognized the evil of what he saw. These arguments would seem to indicate the existence of evil, which would be a right belief, meaning that there is something more significantly wrong with humanity than perceptions, ignorance, and suffering.(6) There is More Wrong with Us Than Our Ignorance Buddhism has gotten something right about our existence. We do have a problem with perception. But according to Jesus Christ, our problem is not ignorance about the human condition. Our problem is denial. Christians interpret everything around us through perceptual filters like greed, envy, jealousy, selfishness and so on, then we should ask the question: Where do these come from? Jesus taught that such things come from within the human heart. “The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.”(7) But who is an evil man? What constitutes a person who is evil? During a conversation with a devoutly religious man, Jesus made a surprising statement. While asking about how to attain eternal life, a man called out to Jesus, calling him, “Good teacher.” Jesus responded: “‘No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments, do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not bear false witness, honor your father and mother.’ ‘And he said, “All these things I have kept from my youth.” ‘When Jesus heard this, He said to him, “One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.’”(8) Jesus had two criteria for evil. First, a person who is evil is a person who obeys evil. He or she is a person who engages in morally wrong thoughts, feelings, and actions. The commandments Jesus referred to were Laws given to Israel by God. Engaging in these behaviors, like all behaviors, starts from the heart or mind, and ends with the actual doing of the evil. A person who obeys evil is evil. Second, Jesus provided a criteria for evil that was highly personal and surprising to the man who heard it. “…and come, follow Me.” Jesus regarded the person who willfully rejected him as evil. Why would He do this? Why did Jesus’ criteria for right and wrong have to be so relational? Unlike Buddhism, which presents everything as an “impersonal ground of existence, which is neither good nor evil,” Jesus Christ presented himself as the ultimate standard of personal existence that is, inherently, good. He recognized that in order for man to deal with suffering, he had to deal with his relationships. Notice the commandments that Jesus mentioned. All are committed in relationship with, or to, another person. In fact, all evil is committed within the context of relationship. The same is true about good. There can be no good and no evil without relationship. Under Buddhism the adherent attempts to either remove himself from the world through monasticism, or minimize his attachments. In other words, the devout Buddhist must minimize relationships. Yet doing so will not mitigate evil, because love is only expressed in relationships and only love can conqueror evil. Suffering is therefore, not the real problem for Buddhism, denial is. Because Buddhism is a philosophy of the impersonal, it is only natural that it would deny concepts of good and evil beyond their use as mere conventions. Yet Jesus Christ defined good and evil only in terms of relationship—relationship to others and relationship to Himself. In Buddhism one does not have a relationship with the reality around him since his reality is considered to be an illusion of mistaken perceptions. In comparison, the Bible teaches us that we have not only a relationship with the world around us, but also the people in it, and the God who created it. Our perceptions are real, and given to us by God so that we might “seek him with all our heart.”(9) If God has enabled us to seek Him, then surely He has given us the perceptive ability to recognize His reality. ________________________________________________________________________ 1. Dalai Lama XIV, The Dalai Lama at Harvard, page 36. 2. M. Tsering, Jesus in a New Age, Dalai Lama World, page 153. 3. Ibid, page 131. 4. John J. Ratey, M.D., A User’s Guide to the Brain: Perception, Attention, and the Four Theaters of the Brain, page 56. 5. What if you argue that the belief itself is not right or wrong? Doing so would imply the nonexistence of the belief, and perhaps even the question. For an argument against such a point, read two paragraphs above. If in doubt, read it with a friend using unity of perception. 😉 6. Matthew 12:35. 7. Luke 18:19-22. 8. Psalm 119:2.

The scene: A bunker on the front lines. Artillery shells are exploding all around. Machine-guns lay down a blanket of tracer rounds overhead. The drone of enemy dive-bombers is increasing in pitch. A fully equipped soldier cowers, sniveling at the feet of his superior officer saying, “Captain, they keep shooting at me. Please make them stop!” Have you seen the movie? Probably not. After all, war movies are about war. Soldiers know they are at war, and they expect to be shot at, because that is what war is all about. Yet, how many times do I play the part of the sniveling soldier? The apostle Peter writes, Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. (1 Peter 4:12-13) We are at war. We have an enemy who is hell-bent on destroying us because we belong to Christ, nothing personal about it. He even seeks to destroy those that don’t yet belong to Christ, simply because they are made in the image of God. And he hates God. Why does it amaze me that he and his minions would shoot at me. And if he can’t “take me out”, he will be content to keep me neutralized, cowering in my foxhole. The last thing he wants is for me to engage him in battle. He knows the power I have at my disposal. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-5) I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. (Ephesians 1:18-21) The question is, do I know the power I have at my disposal? Oh yes, I can quote the verses above, and others. But do I know it not just in my mind, but in my heart? What will it take to convince me of the power I have to oppose the enemy, not just on my own behalf, but also on the behalf of others? What will it take to “encourage” me? I think it is largely a question of focus. On what do I focus the thoughts of my heart and mind? Think of Peter, as he was walking towards Jesus out on the troubled waters of the Sea of Galilee. He did fine as long as he kept his focus on Jesus. Once he began to focus on the angry waves, he began to sink. Is that my problem too? Do I keep my focus on Jesus, who has defeated the enemy already? Or do I become distracted by the noise of battle around me and allow it to unnerve me? A big part of maintaining an intentionally-biblical world-view is to remain cognizant of the truth. The truth is that Jesus has already defeated the enemy. Eternal life is mine, now, not just after I die. Eternity is now, and Satan’s head has already been crushed under Christ’s heel. I don’t need to cower in fear. I am on the winning side! Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:2-3) I used to have a bumper sticker that read, “I know the future … God wins!” I need to remember that. In the passage above, the word “perfecter” could also be translated “finisher” or “completer”. It is done, in eternity, and I am in eternity now, so I can live according to that truth. As Jesus said from the cross, “It is finished!” Though in this life, I am still bound by time, I know I have been purchased for eternity, and I can choose to live with an eternal perspective. A biblical world-view is by definition an eternal perspective. Therefore, I need to gird myself with this knowledge as I face life each day, not fearing the battles to come, but preparing myself for them. Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. (Ephesians 6:10-18) We often quote those verses from Ephesians, but I think we too-often miss that last sentence. I need to remain alert to the reality about me, not just the physical reality, but the spiritual reality. I need to recognize that the spiritual is far more real than I think, and the stakes are much higher. As that sinks in, I could become frightened, like Peter out on the waves, or I could remember who I serve and turn my eyes on Him. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. (2 Corinthians 4:16 – 5:1) Though the stakes are high, the reward is already in place. I have a place in eternity. I have a home in heaven. The worse thing the enemy can do to me will only make that reward more real to me. The way to keep my eyes on Jesus is to remain in prayer and fellowship with Him. This must be an intentional act, but will become more “natural” the longer I practice it. In prayer and fellowship I need to worship Him, remembering who He is, and what He has done, and how much He cares for me and for those around me. As that truth sinks in, it will be easier to appropriate the joy and peace He has already given. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phiippians 4:4-7) In fact, as I practice worshipping in His presence, all of the fruit described in Galatians 5 and elsewhere, will begin to flow from me as evidence of His presence in me. That alone is a death knell to the enemy. When the fruit of God’s Spirit pours from my life, it affects those around me, and ushers them into the presence of God Himself. In His presence, they will be free from the harassment the enemy uses to enslave and blind them to the love and mercy and grace so freely offered them. Therefore, let me resolve continually to be bold and courageous in battle, not because I am strong, but because I serve one who is strong. Let me remember who the real enemy is; it is not those around me. Rather, let me resolve to do battle for my Lord, under His command, in His power, and for His glory. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

A few years ago when I was working to re-establish the ministry of Eagle TV in Mongolia, I spent some time looking at the ministry of the Apostle Paul in the book of Acts. While we often think of Paul as a great orator for the fundamental doctrines of the faith, in fact most of the speeches given by Paul as recorded in the book of Acts revolved around or touched on a single topic. Heresy. The Apostle Paul’s first recorded words at the beginning of his ministry were not about Jesus, but a rebuke to a man who misappropriated the name of Jesus for his own purposes. The man was called “Bar-Jesus” in Acts 13:4-12 which literally means, “Son of Jesus.” Paul confronted this man’s heresy in front of many witnesses saying, “Will you not stop making crooked the straight paths of the Lord?” (13:10) What makes this remarkable is that Luke, the author of the book, could have chosen to write out one of Paul’s many messages about the Messiahship of Jesus, or many proofs from the Old Testament of His identity. Instead, Luke chose Paul’s first recorded words in ministry to be a rebuke of a false teacher. In this period of Paul’s ministry the church was less than 20 years old. That got my attention. You see, I live in Mongolia; and the Mongolian church is less than 20 years old. The early church, just like the Mongolian church, already a recognized leadership of those raised up by the Apostles and their disciples to help guide the young church into maturity. Though most of the Apostles were still alive at this time, many in the church embraced various forms of aberrational or heretical teaching. Much of the New Testament is actually a defense against various heresies including Jewish legalism, antinomianism, and the appropriating of Christianity, or Jesus’ name, into aberrational religious teaching. In fact, in the 11 recorded speeches of Paul in the book of Acts, six of them warn about heresy or teachers who will turn people away from Christ and to themselves, or he is forced to deal with idol worship (13:4-12, 14:8-18, 15:1-29, 16:16-19, 17:22-24, 20:17-36). When reading Paul’s writings in the New Testament the theme of heresy arises time and again. Paul’s fight against early church heresy was a vigorous and a necessary one. Paul saw early on in his ministry the need for a young church, unfamiliar with the history of the Old Testament, to be brought into a full understanding of the Divine nature, Jesus’ exclusivity, and the holiness of a righteous and loving God. To combat against the aberrations or heresies in the young church, Paul focused on two types of heresy: 1. The misuse of the name and reputation of Jesus for the purpose of advancing false religion or material gain, and 2. False teaching that draws believers away from devotion to Christ, and instead draws men to themselves. Paul’s defense against such heretics within the church was simple. He used his own behavior as a guide for the early chuch. Paul noted that he never profited from the sharing of the Gospel with those he tried to reach—implying that false teachers within the church would do just that. For such teachers Christ is a ministry meal ticket. That the author of the book of Acts places such an emphasis on Paul’s fight against heresy should not be brushed aside quickly—especially for for missionaries working with a young national church, or pastors working in a church with many new believers. The newness of faith and excitement of relationship with the eternal God of the universe can often leave the new believer, or new body of believers open to even newer ideas that were never part of God’s plan for his people. A young church, like a young teenager, is not yet mature, but is growing into maturity. It often has many of the marks of a mature person, including strength and passion, but its vigor still awaits the temperament of experience and a practiced hand with the things of God. From the Apostle Paul we learn that a new believer, or a new body of believers, whether a small group or a national church, is susceptible to three carriers of heresy: 1. False Testimony – Diverting attention from Jesus to mere men, 2. False Leaders – Receiving gain instead of providing it, and 3. False Teaching – Diverting truth away from obedience and faith, to slavery and tradition. In each case Paul openly rebuked false testimony as sin, false leaders as sinful, and false teaching as ineffectual against the ravages of sin. By openly and directly exposing heresy within their midst quickly and without hesitation, Paul saved the early young church from traveling down a road that would lead to its demise.

Anytime two Christians are mad at each other, the church splits. The Body of Christ was supposed to be beautifully and perfectly one (according to Jesus in John 17), but some Christians are like oil and water–they just won’t mix. Some congregations even try to encourage unity by naming themselves “United Methodist” or “United Church of Christ.” At least it’s good advertizing. The folks that don’t see eye to eye will argue doctrine until they’re blue in the face, but nobody wins. It’s always a draw. The more tactful dissidents call it a “parting of the ways.” I think somebody didn’t get their way! I’m not referring to the immutable truths of God’s Word, I’m talking about quibbling over details. A highly-charged room of irritable deacons or elders can be fodder for Satan. That’s why most churches have the good sense to plan potluck suppers before charting the course of the church’s future. Instinctively, the wives of these contrary men know that carbs must be good. I distinctly remember the business meeting where two preschool workers came to blows over whether we should have wooden or aluminum cribs in the nursery. Let’s just say that it got ugly. “Church people” can grow apart because of innuendo-a fancy word for gossip and presupposition. Dysfunctional families always hide their dirty little secrets and act as if everything is hunky-dorey. Healthy congregations handle issues openly and compassionately. The real question is not “if” but “when” a church will split. They all do–and often. Some go down the street and change their name. Some just sit in stony silence and choose to co-exist. And some decide going to church is not worth the pain. So they play soccer on Sundays. We could probably learn a lot from the soccer players. They realize they are on the same team, and in order to win, they must play together toward a common goal. Jesus prayed in John 17:23 “…that all of them may be one, Father, just are you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ” If being one was easy, Jesus would not have prayed that prayer so fervently. However, when people see Christian family members meeting needs, healing hurts and huddling together, they are hungry to know more.

Last week, the Dalai Lama, Buddhism’s spiritual leader made this astounding quote, “Too much attachment towards your children, towards your partner,” was “one of the obstacles or hindrances to peace of mind.” The whole idea of suffering, desire, and detachment in Buddhism has had an effect on Buddhist societies that most Buddhists themselves do not recognize. Buddhism not only fears suffering, but actually contributes to suffering. By emphasizing detachment and the elimination of desire, Buddhism puts an unnatural barrier on relationships that stifles the fullest possible expressions of mercy and sacrificial love. Certainly there is love in Buddhism, but not the kind of love that we see in the demonstration of Christ on the cross. That is Buddhism’s greatest tragedy. The fullest possible expression of love cannot be experienced without suffering and sacrifice. Buddhism fails to understand this, and thus is a system that has an outward expression of love that is void of a truly impassioned heart. Buddhism has love without passion, Islam has passion, but not love, Christianity loves passionately. Nothing expresses love in the way that Jesus’ sacrifice for us does. Buddhism and Islam deny this truth. Buddhists must work for their version of “salvation”—non-existence! Buddhism is a philosophy where the living hope for an eternal death. But Christianity presents the spiritually dead with the hope of a joy-filled, conscious eternity. There are no mediators in Buddhism or Islam to stand in for the sake of a person’s eternal destiny. But Christians have the joyful advantage of having salvation given to them freely by a God who took their punishment in their place.

During World War II, Lieutenant General Jonathan Mayhew Wainright was commander of the Allied Forces in the Phillippines. On may 6, 1942, following a heroic resistance of enemy forces, he was forced to surrender Corregidor and the survivors of the Philippine campaign. For three years he suffered as as a prisoner of war in a Manchurian camp. During his interment, he endured the incessant cruelties of malnutrition, physical and verbal abuse, and psychological mind games. Through it all, he maintained his dignity as a human being and soldier. But after the war ended, his captors continued to keep Wainwright and the other prisoners incarcerated. The war was over, but the bondage continued. One day an Allied plane landed in a field near the prison. Through the fence that surrounded the compound, an airman informed General Wainright of the enemy’s surrender and the American victory. Wainright immediately pulled his emaciated body to attention, turned and marched toward the command house, burst through the door, marched up to the camp’s commanding officer and said, “My commander-in-chief had conquered your commander-in-chief. I am now in charge of this camp.” In response to Wainwright’s declaration, the officer removed his sword, laid it on the table, and surrendered his command. For those who know Christ as Lord and Savior, the good news is this: Our Commander-in-Chief has conquered our enemies. Even though it is legally and positionally so, many Christians continue to live under the debilitating bondage of condemnation because they don’t understand or appropriate the victory and freedom that have already been provided. They stay in their inner prison, waiting for victory and subsequent deliverance. As long as the enemy keeps us bound, he can bluff us into accepting a defeatist attitude in which we think our only hope of freedom is when we finally reach heaven. But God’s promise of freedom is in the present tense. “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:57) NIV “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) Don’t deal with condemnation alone. The Apostle Peter describes Satan as a roaring lion who is looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8) The analogyis accurate because a lion won’t attack a pack of animals; it waits until its prey is isolated from the rest of the group and then strikes when its victim is alone. When condemning thoughts and feelings come, share them with a Christian brother or sister you trust. Don’t try to resist them alone. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) This underscores the importance of having a group of close friends and loved ones with whom we can be open and vulnerable. It speaks powerfully to those who are married and to families: a deep, intimate marriage and close family ties or church fellowship help to keep us safe. When we vulnerably share with those who care for us on a regular basis, we keep ourselves in a safe environment. We stay close to “the pack.” When the enemy attacks, we’re not far from help!

A little boy had a part in the school play that read, “It is I, be not afraid.” He came out on stage and said, “It’s me and I’m scared!” Fear is an emotion common to humanity. Even the Apostle Paul testified to his struggle with fear: “For when we came into Macedonia…we were harassed at every turn…conflicts on the outside, fears within.” 2 Corinthians 7:6; and he shared with the Corinthian church that, “I came to you in weakness and fear and with much trembling.” 1 Corinthians 2:3. Initial feelings of fear can be normal and even healthy. But fear, if left unresolved, can become detrimental. Fear can cause physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure, chest pain, shortness of breath, fatigue, lightheadedness, panic attacks, or intense headaches. Fear can also impact our behavior toward others. For instance, we can become controlling, intolerant and critical of others, and unable to take on the challenges we face. Like the rabbit in headlights, we remain frozen. What are our sources of fear? From where do they originate? Past hurts can lead to present fear. Any traumatic event-a painful divorce, a car accident, a debilitating illness can cause us to fear what’s ahead. The hurt we experienced must be properly dealt with before the fear will subside. Lies from Satan and our own self-talk can immobilize us. Satan is called the father of lies (John 8:44), which implies that he tells a lot of them, and he’s good at it. Often, his lies are intended to make us fearful. For example, you will read an article in the newspaper about teenage drug abuse and Satan will suggest, “Your kid will become part of the drug culture.” Lies can often be self-inflicted. Our minds will wander aimlessly, inadvertently attach to a random thought and embrace and embellish it. Perhaps you live with the nagging thought that you will never amount to anything. You live with the fear of failure every day. We can also fear the unusual and the unknown. Perhaps the disciples were feeling anxious about the unknown when Jesus announced that after three years of being together, He was going to leave them. Anxious thoughts no doubt raced through their hearts: “What are we going to do after Jesus leaves? Just fish and collect taxes again?” Jesus, sensing their anxiety, said to them, “Do not let your hearts by troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me.” John 14:1. So how do we gain victory over fear? Here are a few simple suggestions. The mental dimension of fear is ministered to by truth. (John 8:32). The emotional dimension of fear is ministered to by perfect love. ((1 John 4:18). The volitional dimension of fear is ministered to by faith (Luke 8:25). John 8:32 says that the truth will set us free. When our fear is based on lies, truth will help bring relief. 1 John 4:18 teaches that “Perfect love casts out all fear.” Perfect love can be expressed by a reassuring presence from a loved one, a concerted effort to write, call or visit the person on a regular basis. Don’t leave them out in the cold. Perfect love is expressed by caring involvement. Helping the person to drive again after they have been in a car accident, being trustworthy for a friend who has been betrayed, listening to them as they process their fearful emotions are ways to show “perfect love.” As we look through the future, we can view it through the lens of fear or the lens of faith. Just as fear is future-oriented (we do not fear the past), faith is future-oriented. God promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…your Heavenly Father knows what you need…But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:25,32-33. Never face your fears alone. Jesus is there to meet you in the midst of your fear. God wants us to bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and that includes sharing and bearing the fears and anxieties of those who are paralyzed by fear. Wouldn’t it be profitable to share with someone who loves you, all the fears and anxieties with which you struggle, and to be able to do that on a regular basis? This is God’s design and will! Ferguson, David, and McMinn, Don. Emotional Fitness. Irving Texas: Intimacy Press, 2003, pp. 69-78.

How can my words deceive others? We can often speak untruths in the name of “etiquette” or “fearing what others think. Here are just a few ways we can compromise our integrity by speaking half-truths. 1. Exaggeration “All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward [crooked] or perverse in them” (Prov. 8:8 KJV). • Do I exaggerate past accomplishments? • Am I exaggerating the results or fruits of my efforts in serving the Lord? • Am I overstating the truth by using words like “always” and “never?” • Do I make sweeping generalizations about people or situations? • Do I embellish details to make a story more humorous or interesting? • Am I overstating (or understating) the seriousness of a situation in order to make a point or for greater effect? 2. Flattery “Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception” (Ps. 12:2). (Flattery is saying things to others that you wouldn’t say behind their back. Slander is saying things about others that you wouldn’t say to their face.) • Do I give insincere praise? • Do I compliment another to enhance my own reputation in his or her eyes? 3. Lying “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful” (Prov. 12:22). • Am I slandering someone—spreading false reports with the intent to inflict hurt? • Am I answering direct questions with untruths in order to protect my reputation? • Do I falsify time cards, employment applications, expense reports, or tax returns for personal benefit? 4. Misleading “For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men” (2 Cor. 8:21) . • Do I leave a false impression (even though my spoken words may be true)? • Do I communicate facts selectively to influence others for my own purposes? • Have I ever given misleading references to prospective employers? 5. Inaccuracy “We trust we have a good conscience, in all things willing to live honestly” (Heb. 13:18 KJV). • Do I fail to verify the facts before repeating a story? • Am I careless with regard to factual details of stories? • Am I failing to speak precisely or to make sure that my words are literally true? 6. Deception “Deliver my soul, O Lord, . . . from a deceitful tongue” (Ps. 120:2 KJV). • Do I ever attempt to create a better impression of myself than is honestly true? • Am I allowing people to say things that are untrue about another person while implying consent by my silence? • Do I give the impression that I am more spiritually mature and committed than is actually true? • Am I allowing my mate to believe that I am morally pure and faithful, when I have failed morally? • Have I covered up sins of my past? 7. Hypocrisy “Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart” (Prov. 26:23). • Do I speak kindly to another while harboring hatred or bitterness in my heart? • Do I praise another to his face while criticizing him behind his back? 8. Inconsistency “For I am the Lord, I change not” (Mal. 3:6 KJV). • Am I flip-flopping on issues, depending on my “audience?” • Do I say what I know the other person wants to hear, rather than what I really believe? • Do I put a different spin on matters, depending on who I am talking to? 9. Guile “Blessed is the man . . . in whose spirit there is no guile” (Ps. 32:2, KJV). • Am I maintaining hidden agendas and ulterior motives when dealing with people? • Do I look for loopholes in a contract, rather than honoring the intent and spirit of the agreement? 10. Broken promises “Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? . . . [He] who keeps his oath even when it hurts” (Psalm 15:1, 4). • Do I promise to pray for someone and then neglect to do so? • Do I agree to be somewhere at a certain time or to meet a need, but fail to do so? • Am I failing to fulfill a financial obligation? © Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com Info@ReviveOurHearts.com

Humanism, Paganism and Relativism have all impacted today’s churches in one way or another. High on man, soft on sin, grey on truth, apathy and consumerism can foster the fatal flaws of the churches in Revelation 3 in our day. In recent years, there has been a denial of the cardinal doctrines of the Christian faith from church leaders. This leaves a greater spiritual vacuum in the world, which invites people who have spiritual needs to go elsewhere to have them satisfied. Moreover, some church leaders who have forsaken the gospel have themselves become practitioners of the occult, causing a follow-the-leader mentality in many former churchgoers. The classic example from church history would be the late Episcopal bishop, James Pike, who rejected the church’s belief in the deity of Christ, His virgin birth, and other central truths. After the suicide death of his son, Pike began to consult mediums, including the famous Arthur Ford, in an attempt to contact the spirit of his dead son. Pike became a firm believer in life after death from his occultic involvement rather than from Biblical doctrine and took many people with him to the dark world of the occult. When the church “waters down” the gospel of Christ, the door to occultic practice swings wide open. Our age seems to have a fascination with evil, the bizarre and the inexplicable. It thrives on horror and repulsion. Guised as innocent romance, the Twilight saga fosters blood cult practice, cutting and vampirism. Even Christian teenagers are caught up in the pop phenomenon. Unfortunately, curiosity for black magic is not neutral. An individual cannot get involved without adverse effects. There is a “spiritual” reality in the occultic experience which attracts many people to it. All of us desire some sort of ultimate answer for life’s basic questions, and the world of the occult gladly supplies the answers. The astrologist will chart your future. Even prophetic words given in church, untested, can be misleading if not tested through the lens of scriptural principles. “Discernment of spirits,” if practiced as a spiritual gift by carnal Christians who have past occultic involvement, can lead to clairvoyance. The Ouija board promises you direction, and the medium talking to the spirit of your dead relative informs you that things are fine in the nest world. Saul consulted a medium to talk with the spirit of Samuel the prophet. 1 Samuel 28:7-29:1 There are many indications that we are living at the end of the age with the return of Jesus Christ on the horizon. If this is the case, then we should expect to see an increase in demonic activity as Christ’s coming nears, for this is the clear teaching of Scripture: “But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons.” 1 Timothy 4:1. Jesus Christ said that at the end of the age, “…false Christs and false prophets will arise, and will show signs and wonders, in order, is possible, to lead the elect astray.” Mark 13:22. Thus, Scripture indicates that occultic activity would be on the rise shortly before the second coming of Jesus Christ. Jesus gave us some guidelines for protection in the Sermon on the Mount. “The lamp of the body is the sys,” He said. “If therefore your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!” Matthew 6:22-23 We must be in whole-hearted agreement with Jesus. Our behavior needs to be guarded by the light of God’s Word, which also means we need to be careful about what we allow to enter our body through our senses-especially our eyes and ears. Walk wisely. Stay in the Word. “Be shrewd as snakes, and innocent as doves.” Matthew 10:16 Josh McDowell, The Occult. San Bernadino, California: Life Publishers, 1992, pp.22-26.

Rape, robbery, suicide, and the ravages of combat are just a few of the circumstances that can cause post-traumatic stress disorder. As pastors and concerned friends and family members, it is important to realize the stages these victims will experience and assist them on the road to healing. Obviously, PTSD victims need professional help to heal, if at all possible. But here are a few insights into what a person who has been “violated” might face. The Impact Stage This period occurs immediately after the traumatic event and is characterized by shock, denial and loneliness. A victim of a robbery will sometimes go through denial by stating that they possibly misplaced or lost the stolen items. They experience confusion and their defenses are weakened. They feel that their sense of control has been taken away. How to Help It is important that the caregiver “give back” some of this control by doing only what they give permission to do, and allowing them to do as much for themselves as they desire. The Recoil Stage The victim begins to come to terms with the loss during this stage. Their fragmented lives slowly come together as they continue to talk and bring some order to their daily existence. The victims begin to engage in recuperative rhythm as they deal with the crime/trauma and the emotions it aroused and then defending against them by denial. Mood swings-moving from controlled to raw emotions, especially fear and anger will be experienced, as well as anger with God because He “allowed” it to happen. The main question the victim is trying to answer at this stage is the reason this event occurred, or an attempt at making this pain go away. How to Help The victim will have to be assured that God has not abandoned them. They wonder why God allowed this to happen to them instead of another person. They need comfort, prayer and continuous ministry of scripture concerning God’s love and care. The Reorganization Stage During this stage, the victim has resolved their experiences and integrated them into their understanding of the world and themselves. The amount of time this takes is determined by several variables. First, the severity of the catastrophe. The more traumatic the experience, the longer it takes for them to heal. Secondly, the depth of the loss will be a factor. In the case of a robbery, the meaning attached to the articles stolen will be a factor. Try to understand this by asked about the items stolen. Thirdly, the life skills of the person must be taken into account. Some have not learned healthy coping skills. They have not learned how to deal with their emotions. Fourth, the responses from family members can be healing or detrimental to them in their recovery process. Sometimes family members will not be empathetic to the victims. They get advice to simply “get over it,” or other comments such as “the items will be replaced” or “life goes on.” How to Help Listening and patience as the victim processes is essential. Don’t minimize their pain. Recognize signs of PTSD and help the victim to discuss their feelings of vulnerability and anger. Learn as much as you can about post-traumatic stress so that you can be an informed friend or loved one. Help them find a counselor, especially a Christian counselor. Just as the Holy Spirit is the paraclete (One who comes alongside), come alongside the injured person. “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

My faith is grounded in history, supported by historical evidence. Therefore, my approach to history is critical. The modern approach precludes the possibility of the supernatural. I see that I must interpret history without prejudice, accepting God’s view as accurate, choosing to agree with God’s evaluation of the facts and refusing to believe my perspective as true. Evidence for my faith in Christ can be substantiated by the legal-historical method of proof. Many skeptics say, “This is an age of science, and I don’t accept anything unless it’s proven to me. Prove the resurrection to me scientifically! The biggest problem with religion is that its followers want us to believe without any proof. If you can’t prove scientifically what you’re saying, then it’s just not true. If you’re going to be dogmatic about Christianity, let’s have some proof!” The one who says, “I don’t accept anything until it’s proven to me scientifically,” faces a big problem. It would be very difficult (not to speak of inconvenient) to consistently live by that principle. The simplest things of life sometimes defy explanation. Fireflies, electricity, aging, digesting food, flying an airplane and even falling in love involve processes not altogether understood by even Pulitzer-prize-winning scientists! Those who insist that scientific proof is the only “true” proof are those who do not understand what scientific proof involved. I. Observe these two methods of proof. The two basic methods used to arrive at proof are the modern, scientific method (scientific proof) and the legal-historical methods (legal proof). We need to understand the difference so that we may discover the two of evidence that supports our faith in Christ. 1. The scientific method. Scientific proof is based upon demonstrating a fact by repeating an event in the presence of the person questioning the fact. It calls for duplicating the event over and over, noting and recording the results, before drawing a conclusion. “The scientific method, however, it is defined, is related to measurement of phenomena and experimentation or repeated observation” (The New Encyclopedia Britannica, Micropedia Vol. VIII, p. 985). The scientific method demands the use of a controlled environment (such as a laboratory) where: (1) observation can be made. (2) data is drawn. (3) a hypothesis is experimentally verified. The scientific method involves: * observation * gathering of data * theorizing * deduction * verification of facts by repeated experimentation. 2. The legal-historical method. Legal-historical proof is based upon showing that something is true beyond a reasonable doubt. That is, the truth of a matter is decided on the basis of the weight of the evidence. There must be no reasonable basis for doubt. The legal-historical method depends upon three types of testimony: (1) oral testimony (2) written testimony (3) physical testimony (exhibits). This is the same type of evidence that is valid in a court of law. The exhibits admissible in a court case would include a gun, a bullet or an article of clothing; written testimony could include a letter or handwritten instructions or deposition; and an eyewitness report would be an oral testimony. The jury reaches a verdict on the basis of the weight of the testimony presented. II. Limitations of proof 1. The scientific method. Because the scientific method is based upon experimentation, it is severely limited in proving past events, and is useful only in proving repeatable events. Science cannot answer questions about a person or an event in history. If the scientific method was the only legitimate method for proving something, you couldn’t prove that you went to work that morning or that you had your lunch today! There is no way you can repeat these events in a controlled situation. So the scientific method isn’t appropriate for answering questions that relate to past events. 2. The legal-historical method. While the legal-historical method can provide convincing proof about the resurrection, the reliability of the Bible or the actual facts of the Christian faith, it does have its limits. When the question is asked, “Can Christianity be proven with 100 percent certainty?” we must answer truthfully, “No.” But that doesn’t leave us without any proof. The decisive question in historical research is, “What is the most probable explanation for the evidence at hand?” One cannot establish 100 percent certainty through legal proof, but probability puts the matter beyond any reasonable doubt. This should not surprise us. We base nearly all our decisions on probability. A jury bases its verdict on the most logical explanation of the weight of the evidence. An auto accident or robbery cannot be repeated in a courtroom. No reasonable doubt must exist, but if the jury waited until it established 100 percent certainty before rendering a verdict, the case could not be settled! Based upon the application of the legal-historical method, frequently heard statements by non-believers are: “You can’t prove that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. I won’t believe it until I have some proof.” “If God is real, why doesn’t He just come down, introduce Himself and shake hands with me? Then I’d believe Him.” “You can’t believe the Bible. Science has proven that miracles aren’t possible.” 1. Scientific proof. The evidence supporting the faith of a Christian is based in history. Therefore, the scientific method of proof is not applicable. The scientific method can be used only to prove repeatable events, and is therefore not appropriate for dealing with matters of history. 2. Legal-historical proof. The evidence for the faith of a Christian is based on the record of God’s acts in history and on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The legal-historical method of proof is designed to investigate matters of history. If we wished to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, or other figures or history existed, we would apply the legal-historical method. Based upon this same method, the truth of Christianity can be established beyond any reasonable doubt. The weight of the evidence points overwhelmingly to the validity of Christ’s claims and the reliability of the Scripture. As you grow in your faith, pray this prayer: “Lord Jesus, I thank You for the written testimony of Your Word that has been so miraculously preserved for us and assures us of who we are and what You are. I’m grateful You have provided a way to be assured intellectually and spiritually of Your involvement in our world and in my life. You don’t leave us alone to guess but You provide adequate proof of Your individual love and concern for me. My faith is strengthened as I see You as a real person whom I can know better and better each day. Amen.” FOR FURTHER REFERENCE “Can Christianity be proved?” Read “Answers to Tough Questions”, pages 145-146. Read “What About Science?” chapter 3 of “More Than a Carpenter”, pages 36-40, for a concise explanation of the scientific and legal methods of proof. Note also the ineffectiveness of the scientific method in refuting the evidence for the resurrection in “The Resurrection Factor”, pages 21-22. Apply the legal-historical method to the resurrection by reading “Evidence That Demands a Verdict”, pages 189-195.

As I have studied the Scripture, observed others’ lives, and seen deeper glimpses of my own heart over the years, I have come to realize that no one—no matter how spiritual—is exempt from the potential of succumbing to moral temptation. I have also become convinced that any woman can bring about the moral downfall of any man—no matter how godly. This is one area of our lives where we can never afford to be less than vigilant. According to God’s Word, a vow is a serious, binding commitment to God and not to be made or taken lightly. I have only made a few vows to the Lord. One of those sacred commitments is the vow to be morally pure. This is such a serious matter to me, that I have asked the Lord to take my life before I would jeopardize a marriage or come between any man and his wife. I have often been in a position where it would have been possible to cultivate an inappropriate relationship with a married man—or at the very least to make incremental compromises that could have fueled sinful desires in my own heart or in someone else’s heart. Why Do We Need Personal “Hedges”? Over the years, the Lord has led me to develop a set of “hedges” (boundaries) in relation to the men that I have served with and related to in various settings. Those hedges have been a powerful safeguard and protection—for my own heart, for those men and their marriages, for my reputation, and most importantly, for the reputation of Christ. I have been blessed to serve alongside of many men who have strong hearts for God. But I never assume that I (or they) are beyond being tempted and falling. The Enemy eagerly looks for opportunities to cause God’s children to fall. Let me explain the concept of “hedges” a bit more clearly. By “hedges,” I mean boundaries we establish in our relationships with individuals of the opposite sex. (My focus in this piece is particularly on our relationships as women with married men.) Just as hedges surround our property to protect and surround what is ours, and define what is not ours, we also need hedges in our relationships. Once those hedges are in place, they need to be carefully maintained. Each woman needs to know her own areas of weakness and vulnerability—especially if she has not been morally pure in the past—and adjust her hedges as needed, for greater protection. My personal “hedges” have been developed as I have watched others—and myself, at times—deal with difficult or tempting circumstances in relationships with members of the opposite sex. Another word picture I have found helpful is the concept of “guardrails.” Anyone who has driven on a narrow mountain road knows how crucial a guardrail is for safety. Staying within the guardrails provides protection from falling off the edge of the mountain, but it represents more than that; it represents freedom. Guardrails do indeed “restrict” us, but they also free us to drive without fear. Restrictions or Protections? For those who may consider these principles “legalistic,” I would suggest that far from being restrictive, these “hedges” have allowed me to enjoy healthy, wholesome friendships with the men with whom I work and serve, as well as with their wives and children. Adhering to these practices has allowed me to have a part in strengthening marriages and family relationships. I am not suggesting that all of these “hedges” are biblical absolutes or that violating any of these would necessarily be sin. However, after seeing the anguish and heartbreak of broken marriage covenants brought about by the entrance of a “third party,” I have come to believe that these are wise parameters and that those who violate them do so at their own peril. Helpful Guidelines This is not an exhaustive list or a guarantee against infidelity. These are simply some of my personal “hedges”—principles that have served me well during many years of working alongside married men. It was never my intent to publish this list. However, as I have shared this concept of establishing personal “hedges,” I have often been asked if I would be willing to share mine. Further, I have watched enough naïve or foolish women (and men) act in inappropriate ways toward the opposite sex—and then been called upon to pick up the wreckage left behind—that I felt it would be helpful to share these specific examples . My “hedges” reflect my desire to be discreet and not to defraud the men around me—through my speech, actions, dress, or attitudes. To some who have been influenced by our permissive culture, these standards will probably seem excessive. To which I would simply ask: what’s it worth to you to avoid the devastating consequences of adultery? It’s hard to imagine how an adulterous relationship could develop if these precautions were maintained. For those who don’t know me personally, you might think this approach borders on being obsessive. However, I have found that as I hold to biblical convictions and keep specific practical “hedges” of this nature in place, I don’t have to “obsess” about guarding my heart or having pure relationships. I can trust God to work in and through me as I relate to men in godliness, purity, and wisdom. It is my prayer that God will lead you as you seek to establish effective “hedges” and “guardrails” for your own life, and that you will experience the freedom, joys, and blessings of “keeping your heart with all diligence.” Practical “Hedges” in working with married men Most of my contact with married men has been in the context of the workplace—working and serving together in ministry. A huge percentage of emotional and physical “affairs” begin in the workplace. The following “hedges” are specifically targeted toward relationships with married men in the workplace, but most could be applied more broadly to relationships in other settings, including the church, school, counseling situations, social or community groups, etc. These “hedges” are not necessarily a measurement of spirituality—it would be possible to abide by a list twice this long and still have an impure heart or be guilty of self-righteousness. No “list” can be a substitute for sincere love for Christ and a heart to please Him. This is not a comprehensive list; these are merely some practical guidelines that I have found to be helpful and would urge you to consider as you develop your own “hedges” for relationships and become accountable to God and others for maintaining them. As a rule, the closer the working relationship with a married colleague of the opposite sex, the higher and more “inflexible” the hedges need to be. Reduce Opportunities for Temptation or Accusation • If it is necessary to meet alone, keep the door ajar or meet in a room with a window. Don’t meet in private places; be sure others are in the vicinity. • Always have a third party if required to travel together. Don’t ride alone together in a vehicle. • When traveling for business or ministry, stay on different floors of the hotel, unless he is accompanied by his wife. • No meals together without a third party. (I realize that in many business settings, it is considered “standard practice” to meet, travel, or dine with members of the opposite sex. But I am convinced that is risky at best and foolish at worst. In our ministry, maintaining these particular hedges often requires inconvenience or additional expense. But it’s a small price to pay if you care about being above reproach morally, guarding your heart, protecting others’ marriages, and, above all, glorifying God.) • Don’t flirt! Be careful about even “innocent” playfulness and teasing—especially when you are alone with each other. (He should have more “fun” with his wife than with any other woman!) • Dress modestly. (Provocative clothing sends an invitation to a party you have no right to throw.) • Keep your hands to yourself. Don’t invite, receive, or initiate intimate forms of physical contact (i.e., embracing, kissing, caressing, stroking, etc.). Refuse to Participate in Conversations That May Damage Relationships • Don’t listen to him speak critically of his wife. Praise his wife to him and others. Never criticize her to him or to others. • Don’t provide a listening ear for him to share his marital difficulties or tensions at home. • Don’t confide personal or emotional concerns unless his wife or a third party is present. • Avoid expressing admiration for physical characteristics, clothing, etc. • Have a grateful spirit, but be discreet and restrained in offering verbal or written encouragement, even for godly characteristics. His need/desire for admiration should appropriately be fueled by his wife! • Be discreet and restrained in expressing admiration for him to others. • No secrets! Don’t communicate anything to him (verbally or in writing) that you would not be comfortable with him sharing with his wife (unless you’re planning a surprise birthday party for her!). Never ask that he refrain from sharing something with his wife. • In written and verbal communication, include references to his wife (e.g., “How is _______doing?” “Tell ______ I said ‘hello.’” “I am so grateful for you and ________.” “You and________ have been on my heart.”) Respect Co-workers’ Marriages and Family Relationships • Don’t establish a close working relationship, unless you know his wife and have a positive relationship with her. (I realize this may not be possible in some work environments. But I have found this an enormously helpful principle. The more closely you work with him, the more important this is.) • Copy his wife on any email communication that relates to personal matters (including spiritual issues). (I can’t emphasize this enough. Email can be an incredibly subtle avenue for inappropriate communication and cultivating “intimacy.”) • Don’t call him at home unnecessarily. Be considerate—if his wife or a child answers the phone, take time to connect with them before asking to speak with him. • Be sensitive to periods that he and his wife may not have had a lot of time together, and limit time spent working together accordingly. Exercise the same caution if you have reason to believe there may be tension or stress in his marriage. • When with the couple, include her in the conversation. If discussing work-related matters, explain what you’re talking about, so she doesn’t feel left out or “in the dark.” • Show genuine interest in his wife and look for opportunities to bless, serve, and encourage her—birthdays, special occasions, needs you can meet, etc. • Look for opportunities to minister to them as a couple (and family)—anniversaries, gifts for date nights, etc. • Be a genuine and loving friend to his wife and children. Show an interest in what interests them. • If his wife has any concerns or hesitations regarding his relationship with you, get out of the way! Request a transfer or quit your job if necessary. She may be overly-sensitive; she may be a “terrible wife.” There may be “nothing going on” between you and her husband. Regardless, it is your responsibility to do everything in your power to encourage and protect their marriage. Do not let yourself become a wedge in his relationship with his wife—for any reason. Respond to God’s Spirit for Maximum Protection • Don’t allow a mental, emotional, or spiritual bond between you that is more intimate than what he has with his wife. Ask the Lord to prompt you when you are getting too close. • Be accountable. Share your “hedges” with one or more close women friends who will commit to ask periodically whether you are maintaining them. • If you find yourself being tempted mentally or emotionally, share with a mature, female confidant, for purposes of accountability. Don’t wait until you’re in trouble to reach out for help! • If another believer expresses concern about your relationship with a married man, don’t dismiss their caution. The wise person listens to and heeds counsel! • Depend on the indwelling Spirit of God to guard your heart, direct your steps, and protect your relationships. Remember that these “hedges” are not intended to be a burden, but a blessing—not to put you in prison, but to help protect you and others. And remember that no list of “rules” can make you holy. Look to Christ—seek to love Him supremely. Be sensitive to the leading of His Spirit. Follow Him. Depend on His grace to guard your heart. He is the one who is able to “keep you from falling” (Jude 24). Making it Personal Write a prayer responding to what you have just read. • Express your commitment to be pure in your relationships with men (whether married or single). • Ask God to show you what practical “hedges” need to be in place in your life and to give you grace to maintain those safeguards. • If you are in a situation where you are vulnerable to temptation or have developed an inappropriate relationship with a man, record what steps you intend to take to obey God and be pleasing to Him in this matter. • Ask God to guard your heart, to make your life a reflection of the purity and love of Christ, and to help you be a blessing rather than a hindrance to the men around you and to their wives and children. My Personal “Hedges” Make a list of specific “hedges” that you believe need to be in place in your relationships with married men. (Over the years, I have added to and refined my own list. I am still growing and learning in this matter. As you grow, ask the Lord to make you aware of additional “hedges” that may be needed in your life.) Remember that these “hedges” are not intended to be a burden, but a blessing—not to put you in prison, but to help protect you and others. And remember that no list of “rules” can make you holy. Look to Christ—seek to love Him supremely. Be sensitive to the leading of His Spirit. Follow Him. Depend on His grace to guard your heart. He is the one who is able to “keep you from falling” (Jude 24). “I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me. . . . By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you.” (2 Timothy 1:12, 14) © Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com. Info@ReviveOurHearts.com