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“After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” 22 The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he spoke.” John 21-22 The very thought that someone from his most intimate circle of disciples could betray him gave Jesus what the Gospel calls “trouble in his spirit.” Judas Iscariot was so trusted hat no one looked his way. They looked around with bewilderment. One of the ways we know Judas was trusted by the twelve is because he was the one responsible for the disciple’s treasury. The money bag was guarded from thievery and bandits by Judas Iscariot, which may suggest that the word “Iscariot” was etymologically connected to the word sicarii. The sicarii was a Jewish ultra-zealot terrorist group operating in Judea that leveled blow after blow to the Roman occupation and their supporters. It is possible that Judas was a former sicarii. (They were largely men of principled convictions and excellent fighting skills. Judas was not entrusted with the money because he could count better than the other disciples. Had this been the case, Mathew, the former tax-collector, would have been chosen.) 23 One of his disciples, whom Jesus loved, was reclining at table at Jesus’ side, In a world where tables were on the same level as the floor, the disciples partook of their food reclining (almost prostrate) around the area where food was served. One of the disciples was this mysterious person who is called “the beloved disciple.” There have been various theories put forth as to the identity of this disciple. (None fully convincing). He was most likely the author of this otherwise anonymous Gospel. 24 so Simon Peter motioned to him to ask Jesus of whom he was speaking. Notice the level of detail that the Gospel gives. It can best be explained by the author (in opposition to Luke’s account) being an eyewitness to the narrated events. He remembers the small points, like the beloved disciple motioning to Jesus to get his attention during the meal where no doubt the disciples were loudly talking. 25 So that disciple, leaning back against Jesus, said to him, “Lord, who is it?” 26 Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I will give this morsel of bread when I have dipped it.” So when he had dipped the morsel, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. We can almost feel the tension. Jesus speaks of his betrayal by one of the disciples. The beloved disciple asked him quietly to show him who would betray him. Jesus answered just as quietly: “I will show you now”. (It was customary to take a piece of bread and dip it in something tasty and give it directly to another person nearby.) It was the perfect way to tell the beloved disciple something in such a way that no one would guess what Jesus was really doing. 27 Then after he had taken the morsel, Satan entered into him. Jesus said to him, “What you are going to do, do quickly.” 28 Now no one at the table knew why he said this to him. 29 Some thought that, because Judas had the moneybag, Jesus was telling him, “Buy what we need for the feast,” or that he should give something to the poor. 30 So, after receiving the morsel of bread, he immediately went out. And it was night. As Jesus extended his hand to give the peace of bread to Judas Iscariot he told him out loud that he should hurry up. Jesus had routinely given Judas assignments, so it looked like nothing unusual had taken place. 31 When he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him. 32 If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself, and glorify him at once. 33 Little children, yet a little while I am with you. You will seek me, and just as I said to the Jews, so now I also say to you, ‘Where I am going you cannot come.’ It is intriguing that while we normally ascribe the term glorification to Jesus only after his resurrection, Jesus does so in advance of the events. It seems that Jesus viewed betrayal, death, resurrection and ascension as one package, so much so that at the time when the events that ultimately led to his death and resurrection began, he was already able to say: “Now is the Son of Man glorified”. 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” This was intended for of all faithful Christ-followers everywhere and at all times (and rightly so) but originally it was in reference to the 12 apostles. How you may ask? If Jesus was appointing new heads of the tribes of Israel and as such was renewing Israel’s hope; when could we expect there to be some correlation with the narratives of the 12 heads of the tribes of Israel. One of the foundational stories of the sons of Jacob was the story of Joseph’s near-killing and eventual being sold into slavery in Egypt. One can hardly speak of anything more unloving than the heads of Israel’s key family attempted murder of their brother. In our text, here, at the foundation of the renewed Israel through the twelve new heads/apostles, Jesus begins by commanding them to love one another. This is indeed how their authority as true disciples of Christ would be recognized by those who are true Israel. 36 Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus answered him, “Where I am going you cannot follow me now, but you will follow afterward.” 37 Peter said to him, “Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” 38 Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, the rooster will not crow till you have denied me three times. Peter’s commitment would soon be tested. Jesus told Peter that when the time would come, Peter would deny him. That time was rapidly approaching. One of the reasons Jesus said this was because he already knew Judas Iscariot was on his way to the Temple to betray Jesus’ location to the authorities for his immediate arrest.

Share 0 Leadership is a rare commodity. It’s almost impossible to imitate. Competitors can only imitate what you do, but they can’t imitate who you are. How do you define a successful leader? A great leader is someone who inspires others to greatness. This simple definition is all-encompassing. Leaders do not fit a single profile. Leaders are not like t-shirts: one size fits all. They are not robots. Different kinds of leaders can be effective. What competency do great leaders have? They know their main objective: the “one thing” that drives every decision, every methodology. What’s your “One Thing?” It is your passion, what makes life worth living for you. This one thing becomes your true north, your inner compass, your centerline. I call it having a clear “Life Philosophy”. Steve Jobs defined his vision: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” If we don’t have a clear life philosophy, we stop thinking, we stop asking questions and we don’t understand the “why” behind things. Having a clear life philosophy has two advantages. You need to know where you are going, or life will take you somewhere you don’t want to go. For example, living life is like navigating an old sailing ship on the high seas. If you drop the sails, have no compass or captain, you are driven by wind, currents and storms. You drift aimlessly. When you live purposefully, you follow the captain. You know your tools, and sail using a rudder, a compass, reading the stars. You can sail through storms, into the wind and overcome obstacles. People sense your authenticity and passion. They identify your purpose, inner conviction, honesty and transparency. Being a purposeful leader gives you freshness and joy. Such character is attractive and compelling. How do you develop your life philosophy? Think deeply. Know yourself and understand life’s principles. We often depend on others to think for us. We listen to media, politicians, preachers and friends to tell us what to think and how to determine right and wrong. Thinking deeply requires simplicity, silence and solitude. What can you eliminate in your life to slow down and focus? What habits clutter your thinking? How much media can you pare down? How much time do you devote to television, internet, social media, e-mails? Do you look at your iPhone 150 times per day? Silence requires us to quiet our minds, talk less and listen more. We need to listen to others, but also to our inner voice. We need to be spiritual people. Solitude is essential to thinking deeply. You spend time with the person you want to get to know. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, meditate and allow yourself to be comfortable with being alone. Peel back layers of pretense and self-delusion and learn who you truly are. By the time we are adults, we form a “protective shield.” Psychologists call it “confirmation bias.” Confirmation bias happens when we filter reality through our prejudices, ignoring evidence that challenges or refutes what we believe and eagerly accepting evidence that confirms what we believe. Confirmation bias becomes a form of “self-delusion” Author Adam Smith writes that self-delusion is the “source of half the disorders of human life,” creating multiple problems in human existence. President Lincoln struggled with the injustices in the South. He knew the Confederate leaders. How could so many reasonable, educated and godly men defend the atrocities of slavery and its injustice? Confirmation bias. They saw what they wanted to see, and disregarded the rest. Mentors, spouses, books, self-evaluation, and psychological testing all help us see the reflection of our “true selves.” Finally, we need to “feed the wolf” as leaders. We must understand the governing laws of life and learn how to utilize them to our advantage. There are laws of nature, economics, and spirituality. If we don’t clearly understand these laws, we will find ourselves fighting against them. Here is just one example: An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth.” The boy thought about it and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?” The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.” What you feed is what will grow. You are either going to feed good or evil, virtue or vice. Be a focused leader. Think deeply. Know yourself. Practice virtue and integrity. Those who follow will bless you.

Laura’s Question: ?” The other day I was sharing with my husband about my day. It was a hard and long day. As I started to tear up, he launched into solutions to my problems. I’m hurt now because I have asked him to just listen before, but he does not get it. What do I do? How can I get him to understand that I usually just need a listening ear and that I will ask for solutions when I need them?”?? Dr. Leman’s Answer: This is something that men don’t get. Your husband is an absolute perfect specimen of what is a man. Men, by their nature, are fixers. Just like so many women, by their nature of comforters, givers, and huggers. ?Okay? So, we’re asking the crooked river not to bend.? You have to know what you’re up against. And so, that’s probably one of the toughest questions that I could be asked but let me be the wife here for a minute and see if I can pull this off. ?”Frank, I need to talk to you and I don’t want you to say one word for the next three minutes. I just want you to hear what I have to tell you. And Frank, this is very serious.” And there’s a pause on purpose. And then, you launch into it.? ”Yesterday afternoon, when you came home, I started to share with you about my day and about how my day turned ugly quickly. And you could see in my face and you could see the tears in my eyes–this was bothering me. As I began to reach into my heart, to bare my soul to you, you took a meat cleaver and you cut the pork loin in two. Crash. You just cut me off. And I was more than hurt by that.”? “I realize this isn’t easy for you or any of your buddies at work could do naturally because men are not great listeners. They’re fixers. You went on to point out all the things that I need to do to solve my problem. Frank, that’s the least I need from you. That is not what my heart desires. I want you to hear me out and that’s why I’ve asked not for one word out of your mouth for the next three minutes because you really have to understand how I, as a woman, operate.”?“ And I know enough that I’m representative of the female gender. We, as women, have a need to pour our feelings with a safety net underneath us. And that safety net is you. We want to be like that commercial, you’re in good hands with Allstate. We want to feel like there’s tendered gentle hands around our feelings.” ?“And when I share from my heart and that meat cleaver comes down and just shuts me off, I feel hurt. I feel neglected, I feel unwanted, I feel disrespected and it brings up feelings in me. Frank, that quite frankly, I don’t think I would feel at a liberty to tell you how bad those feelings are because it cuts through the very core of who I am.” ?“So, I know it’s difficult for you to just listen. But I need you to just listen to me. I don’t need you to fix anything. So, when I pour out my heart to you, what I need from you is open arms, a smiling face, a warm caress. You know what that means to me? It means you get it. You understand what I’m up against.”? And then, I just might say to you, “Frank, I’m stuck. I need your help. And you come on with your suggestions because you have a logical, linear, A comes before B which comes before C mind. And I’ll admit I need that from time to time in my life. You’re my rock, you’re the man I love. You’re the one I’ve had children with. The only man I’ve ever been intimate with in my entire life. So when I share these feelings with you, I’m almost to that point, just open your hands like Allstate and then mimic and you just squash those feelings by rubbing your hands together that makes me feel like I’m less than a human being.”? “Now, I’m so glad you didn’t say a word. I appreciate you hearing me up. “Now, I’m going to do something that you’re going to love. I’m going to say to you, ‘Frank, tell me how you feel about what I just said.’ “?Now, if he tells you some things at that point, okay? And again, your job is to listen. What he’s done, if he’s missing points, now it’s your turn to come back and say, “Okay, fine. I need to ask you just one more time. I just need one minute of silence on your part because I want to clarify something that I said that I think you misinterpreted.”? Okay? And then you go ahead and clarify it, okay? And then again, at the end of that you say to him, “Alright, now you’ve heard what I said now. Now you have an opportunity to tell me what you think you heard just so there’s no escaping the fact that we, as husband and wife, need to be on the same page. That’s one of the very practical ways I think a husband and wife can stay on the page. But realize you only stand a chance if you’re willing to shut your mouth and really listen to the other person.”

Narrow-minded, judgmental Christians. That’s how many people view Christ-followers. Often we do not convey God’s love, mercy and compassion as we ought. However, Christianity is not simply a set of “shoulds.” Why is Christianity unique among all world religions? Many people say, “Essentially, all religions are alike, with only minor differences. They all reach ‘love your neighbor, be good, don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t cheat, be kind and make the world a better place.’ Take Christianity, for instance. Christ taught that we should follow the Golden Rule by being kind to our neighbors. “So I say religion is like choosing a car. There are lots of models and makes, but they’re all designed to get you where you want to go. Whether it’s Buddha, Mohammed, Moses, or Christ, they all teach the same thing, they all go the same place…” God created man and woman for intimate fellowship with Him and with each other, but they rejected His fellowship and chose to rebel (sin). Subsequently, all have sinned, but God had determined to restore us to Himself. The plan called for Jesus, God the Son, to become the God-man and die on the cross, suffering the penalty of sin on our behalf. The plan was carried out and God’s righteous justice was satisfied. Now God is able to bring us into loving fellowship with Himself as His forgiven children. That’s the gospel; God reaching down to us, offering us a permanent connection with Himself through Christ. Religion, by contrast, is man’s attempt to reach God, an attempt that always fails. Many challengers of Christianity ignore the fact that Christ is the basis for Christianity. For example: I discovered that Christianity is based on the life, character, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. So, instead of learning that Christ came to teach Christianity, I realized that Christ is Christianity. Most other religions are based on philosophical propositions or theological ideologies. Remove the founding prophet or guru, and the religion remains essentially intact. 1. Mohammed Remove Mohammed from Islam, and Islam remains. Mohammed, being simply the communicator of Allah’s will, is not critically important to Islam; but what he communication about Allah and his will is all-important to that religion. In Islam, then, the message is far more important than the founding messenger. The teachings count for more than the teacher! 2. Buddha Remove Buddha, and Buddhism remains. Buddhism rests mainly on Buddha’s teachings, which instruct the faithful to lead a tranquil life through attainment of a disciplined state of mind. Buddha, himself, is not essential to the quest. 3. Confucius Remove Confucius, and Confucianism remains. Confucianism teaches philosophical concepts about wise behavior. It is a religion in which the identity of Confucius, its founder, is inconsequential. 4. Christ (No Christ – No Christianity) Remove Christ, however, and Christianity crumbles. The identity of Jesus is crucial to Christianity. Without Christ, Christianity would cease to exist, for it rests upon His claims to be the eternal Son of God, a claim attested to by the resurrection. Personal faith in Christ establishes a relationship with God, thereby distinguishing Christianity from all other religions. As a university student, I was challenged by a group of Christians to investigate the truthfulness of Christianity. Not long after I met these Christians, I learned something that altered my outlook on Christianity. I asked one of the students, “Tell me, what changed your life?” She said, “Jesus Christ.” I never thought I’d hear that in the university. I said, “Don’t feed me that garbage; I’m fed up with religion.” She shot back, “Josh, I didn’t say religion; I said the person of Jesus Christ.” My heart was touched. Her reply pointed our something I’d never known before – Christianity is not a religion; it’s an intimate relationship which God is offering men and women through his Son, Jesus Christ. I longed to know that intimacy, unconditional love and forgiveness. For further study, read: Genesis 3:8; Mark 3:14; 1 Corinthians 1:9; Hebrews 4:15; Revelation 3:20 www.josh.org

As a parent, have you ever had the feeling society is working against you in raising your children – particularly in regard to sexual matters? If you have, you might just be right. Let me begin by setting the stage with information from the 2014 National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy Survey which no doubt supports your desire for the very best for your children. The survey found: · Tremendous support among young adults (18 to 24-year-olds) for waiting longer to have sex. · Virginity is widely accepted and respected among young men and women, including those who have already had sex. · Pressure to have sex is common, but the pressure comes more from within than from others. · Many young adults want the media to show more and varied portrayals of those not having sex and they want the media to improve the way they portray young adults’ sex lives. The survey also found: · Most teenagers have not had sex. · Most sexually active teens wish they had waited. · Most young adults think it would help teenagers wait longer if they knew most of their peers are virgins. Note: All Aim For Success abstinence programs conclude with the following statement… MOST TEENAGERS HAVE NOT HAD SEX! BUT NOW . . . The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is encouraging pediatricians across the county and anyone else who will listen, to consider LARC as America’s first line of defense against teen pregnancy. If AAP has its way, the use of birth control pills and condoms for reducing teen pregnancies will soon be a thing of the past. So what is LARC ? It stands for Long-Acting Reversible Contraception which includes IUDs and Implants . Both provide a high degree of protection from pregnancy for up to three to ten years. Ironically, up until recently, IUDs were not considered safe for teenage girls, but now they are being touted as: Easy and Invisible Nothing to Remember Freedom for Girls Get It and Forget It Never Interrupt the Heat of Passion Again! In the September 24, 2014 issue of Pediatrics, AAP provided pediatricians with an eight page policy statement, Contraception for Adolescents, as a means to promote LARC and an instruction manual on how to talk to teenage patients about protecting themselves while having sex. The following is the information on avoiding sexual activity: “Counseling about abstinence and postponement of sexual intercourse is an important aspect of adolescent sexual health care. Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy and STIs and is an important part of contraceptive counseling. Adolescents should be encouraged to delay sexual onset until they are ready.” The remainder of the eight page policy is devoted to instructing pediatricians about the various forms of contraception along with details on how to work around those pesky parents who might interfere with their Child’s Confidentiality Rights . (Note: The policy states, “In the setting of contraception and sexual health care, American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) believes that policies supporting adolescent consent and protecting adolescent confidentiality are in the best interests of adolescents.”) This approach might be beneficial in lowering teen pregnancies in those teens with no parental involvement or support. But let’s face it, in your home where you are trying daily to help your children learn to make good decisions and build strong character in order to achieve the most from their lives, the ability to go behind your back under Child Confidentiality Rights and provide a message contrary to your values is anything but helpful. However, for those whose ultimate goal is to prevent teen pregnancy, this must seem like the long awaited silver bullet. But here’s a question to consider: With the Nothing to Remember mentality and the ability to circumvent parental involvement in issues pertaining to sexual health – what are the odds of a teenage girl returning to the doctor every year to get tested for STIs? Considering about half of the 20 million new STIs in America each year are contracted by 15 to 24 year olds and the fact that teenage girls are far more susceptible to STIs than anyone else, shouldn’t there be serious concerns about an upcoming rise in the teen STI epidemic? It’s also important to remember the only way to prevent STIs is for two people to remain faithfully committed to each other for life. However, the terms – “marriage”, “lifetime partner” or even “long-term relationship” are not a part the AAP’s policy. They do, however, explain that latex condoms reduce STI transmission. But then they go on to state, “Condoms require commitment at every sex act which tends to drop off over time.” If the concern of STIs is included in the equation of IUDs, and IUDs provide no protection against STIs, then the silver bullet is looking rather tarnished. The American College of Pediatricians (ACP) – not to be confused with AAP – weighed in on the controversy with the following statement: “Even when contraception is used, early sexual debut has been associated with negative consequences including multiple sexual partners, sexually transmitted infections, increased likelihood of psychological injury (feelings of regret, depression, suicidal attempts), greater substance abuse, and lower academic achievement. Delaying sexual activity, ideally until marriage, has been associated with improved emotional and physical health, higher achievement and a more stable marriage.” Dr. Den Trumbull, president of the American College of Pediatricians, went on to state, “Our primary message to adolescent patients must not be contraception, but rather the tremendous physical, psychological and even future marital benefits in delaying all sexual activity until after marriage. Anything less is a compromise.” We at Aim For Success believe your children consist of far more than a body filled with raging hormones. They have a brain, abilities and the potential for a bright future. They also have the ability to develop self-control, self-respect and self-discipline. The AAPs mentality of “not having sex until you’re ready” is nothing more than allowing hormones to dictate the outcome of your child’s life and hoping for the best. Aim For Success is committed to empowering teenagers to build strong character and to save themselves for one lifetime partner inside marriage. This lifestyle provides freedom from pregnancy before marriage, STIs and painful memories. It also paves the way for the freedom to enjoy fulfilled dreams and goals. All parents would be wise to have a conversation with your children’s health care provider to make sure your family values are not being compromised when the doctor closes the door and leaves you sitting outside. So with all this said, do me a big favor – keep reminding your teenagers of the previously mentioned survey that found: · Tremendous support among young adults (18 to 24-year-olds) for waiting longer to have sex. · Virginity is widely accepted and respected among young men and women, including those who have already had sex. · Pressure to have sex is common, but the pressure comes more from within than from others. · Many young adults want the media to show more and varied portrayals of those not having sex and they want the media to improve the way they portray young adults’ sex lives. The survey also found: · Most teenagers have not had sex. · Most sexually active teens wish they had waited. · Most young adults think it would help teenagers wait longer if they knew most of their peers are virgins. And don’t forget – All Aim For Success abstinence programs conclude with: MOST TEENAGERS HAVE NOT HAD SEX! References: http://thenationalcampaign.org/sites/default/files/resource-primary-download/virgin-territory-final.pdf http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2014/09/24/peds.2014-2299.full.pdf+html http://www.acpeds.org/promoting-the-myth-of-safe-sex

Just a few days after my husband’s passing, my phone rang. For the sake of protecting the guilty, let’s say the caller represented Shady Pines Old Folks Home. Me: “A personal care home? Is that one of those places where they cook your meals, clean your room, and even help you with bathing?” Shady: “It certainly is, Mrs. Clark. We can provide a wide range of services in your time of need.” Me: “Awesome. Sign me up.” My two college-age children wondered if grief had taken their mother’s sense of reason. It had not. Neither had it taken her sense of humor. Shady: “Alright Mrs. Clark, I need some more information from you, starting with your date of birth.” Me: “May 15, 1963.” Shady: “1963? Mrs. Clark, did you mean to say 63?” Me: “Sure did. I’m nifty at 50. . . Hello? You there?” And so began the long list of encounters with folks who had little understanding of widows and our needs. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, one-third of all women who become widowed are younger than age 60, and half of those widowed become so by age 65. In fact, seven out of ten baby boomers can expect to outlive their husbands. Here are nine things you need to know about the ever-increasing member of society, the widow: 1. A widow’s deepest pains last longer than a year. Immediately after a death, the church community is adept at responding with flowers or a casserole but far less gifted in maintaining a ministry to her long-term. Her experience can feel like major surgery—a radical amputation, to be specific. She may be numb for several months. After the cards and letters stop, the visits drop off, and friends return to their normal lives, her hardest work has just begun. 2. A grieving widow who lives alone may go several days without hearing another human voice, especially months after the initial funeral. Emails and text messages are good; however, phone calls and visits may be better. While this may not seem like the most efficient use of your time, efficiency and effectiveness are sometimes mutually exclusive. 3. A grieving widow’s pain is unique and volatile. What encourages one woman may be painfully unhelpful to another. Grief is like a virus that waxes and wanes with intensity. Emotional mine fields such as these may require intimate knowledge of the bereaved. A close friend might be better suited to visit than a newly hired pastor. Don’t confuse compassion for a church acquaintance with a call to take personal action. If you don’t know the widow well, allow one of her close friends to direct your ministry efforts. 4. A grieving widow is often physically and emotionally exhausted. Don’t call her late at night or early in the morning. Be patient if she is slow in responding to your acts of kindness. Graciously accept her “no thank you” when she says she’s not up to going to dinner. She isn’t refusing help or harboring bitterness. She may simply need rest. 5. A grieving widow loves her children. Watching her children suffer is a misery that compounds grief and one in which the body of Christ is uniquely suited to offer comfort. The day of my husband’s funeral, students from my children’s college (Covenant) drove more than four hours one-way just to be with my kids. The sight of several pews packed with young adults will forever stay with us. One of my son’s professors eats breakfast with my son nearly every Friday. Loving a widow’s children is loving the widow. 6. A grieving widow often feels second (or third) to everyone else. Months after my husband, Jim, died, an ice storm crippled our city. Power outages citywide and downed trees littered homes and businesses. The damage was so widespread that I couldn’t possibly ask church friends to leave their own homes to address mine. But leave they did. A tree had fallen through the roof of one church friend’s home, yet he and his dad headed first to my place. “I’m waiting on the insurance company to call me,” he said. “I can wait here working a chainsaw as easily as pace the floor there.” 7. A grieving widow’s life is not a tragedy but a gift. When she is ready, encourage her to serve. In many cases, the death of her spouse did not hamper her gifting. Quite the contrary, it is part of how God heals her. Don’t look at her through the lens of her loss, but rather chose to see God’s faithfulness as she deepens her trust in her Savior. 8. A grieving widow’s finances may dramatically change after the loss of the primary breadwinner. More than half of elderly widows now living in poverty were not poor before the death of their husbands. She may have life insurance policies, long-term savings plans, and family to lean on, yet still find her finances overwhelming. After my husband’s death, two of his friends—one an accountant, the other a senior bank vice president—helped me work out a budget based on my lower income level. And these two did not treat me like an obligation. Every time they left my home, a piece of my burden went with them. 9. God loves a grieving widow. He does not despise her tears nor shudder when she doubts her faith in the darkness. The widow knows much of Jacob’s wrestling with God. He walked with a limp the remainder of his earthly life, but gained a changed heart. A grieving widow needs gospel-drenched compassion and not pity. While compassion walks beside the bereaved, pity stands off at a safe distance. The day my husband collapsed, my boss—a physician and head of a busy community clinic—canceled his appointments immediately and came to the hospital. He looked after my in-laws with uncanny tenderness and prayed with them. When my children came in from out of town, he wrapped his arms around them both and shed tears as I told them their dad was not expected to survive. To offer compassion in any circumstance is to share in another’s suffering, and in so doing, we mirror the suffering of Christ on our behalf. Gaye Clark works as a cardiac nurse at University Hospital in Augusta, Georgia, and writes in her free time. She has two adult children, Anna and Nathan. Re-printed from Gospel Coalition. Used by permission.

I would like to introduce David Jenkins, Executive Director of Servants of Grace Ministries as a guest author of this powerful article. Read his insightful thoughts: Recently a new survey commissioned by a nonprofit organization called Proven Men Ministries and conducted by the Barna Group took a national representative sample of 388 self-identified Christian adult men. The statistics are alarming and paint a picture of the serious problem that is addiction to pornography. The statistics for Christian men between 18 and 30 years old are particularly striking: 77% look at pornography at least monthly 36% view pornography on a daily basis 32% admit being addicted to pornography (and another 12% think they may be) The statistics for middle-aged Christian men (ages 31 to 49) are no less disturbing: 77% looked at pornography while at work in the past three months 64% view pornography at least monthly 18% admit being addicted to pornography (and another 8% think they may be) Even married Christian men are falling prey to pornography and extramarital sexual affairs at alarming rates: 55% look at pornography at least monthly 35% had an extramarital sexual affair while married These statistics are alarming; in fact they can be downright discouraging. The porn addict lives in a world where they go through a cycle of feeling sorry for what they did, but never coming to see the horror and complete depravity of what they have done. The statistics, as I stated earlier, paint a disturbing picture. They demonstrate that we need to help porn addicts understand the seriousness of their sin, the nature of true biblical repentance, and turning away from sexual sin to Jesus Christ. 6 Ingredients of Repentance The great Puritan author, Thomas Watson, once said there are six ingredients for true repentance. 1. The first is sight of sin, whereby a person comes to himself (Luke 15:17) and clearly views his lifestyle as sinful. If we fail to see our own sin, we rarely, if ever, are motivated to repent. 2. The second ingredient for true repentance is sorrow for sin (Psalm 38:18). We need to feel the nails of the cross in our souls as we sin. Repentance includes both godly grief and holy agony (2 Corinthians 7:10). The fruit of repentance is revealed in genuine, anguishing sorrow over the offense itself, not just the consequences of it. Sorrow for sin is seen in the ongoing righteous actions it produces. True repentance lingers in the soul and not just on the lips. 3. The third ingredient is confession of sin. The humble sinner voluntarily passes judgment on himself as he sincerely admits to the specific sins of his heart. We must not relent of our confession until all of it is freely and fully admitted. We must pluck up any hidden root of sin within us. “Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit” (Deuteronomy 28:19). 4. The fourth ingredient for true repentance is shame for sin. The color of repentance is blushing red. Repentance causes a holy bashfulness. Ezra 9:6 says, “O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens.” The repenting prodigal was so ashamed of his sin that he did not feel he deserved to be a son anymore (Luke 15:21). Sin makes us shamefully naked and deformed in God’s eyes and puts Christ to shame, the One who took the scorn of the cross on Himself. 5. The fifth ingredient in repentance is hatred of sin. We must hate our sin to the core. We hate sin more deeply when we love Jesus more fully. Repentance begins in the love of God and ends in the hatred of sin. True repentance loathes sin. 6. Finally, the sixth ingredient of repentance is the turning away from sin and returning to the Lord with all your heart (Joel 2:12). This turning from sin implies a notable change, “performing deeds in keeping with their repentance” (Acts 26:20). “Thus says the Lord God: Repent and turn away from your idols and turn away your faces from all your abominations” (Ezekiel 14:6). We are called to turn away from all our abominations, not just the obvious ones or the ones that create friction in others. The goal of repentance is not to manufacture peace among others with perfunctory repentance, but rather to turn to God wholly and completely. This repentance most importantly is not just a turning away from sin. It also necessarily involves a turning in “repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ” (Acts 20:21). Here is the joy that is found in repentance. “It is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance” (Romans 2:4). We rejoice that Christ has done so much for us and continues to do for us. By understanding the seriousness of sin and biblical repentance, we can come to understand that there is hope and freedom for the captives. Jesus came to set the captives free. While we live in a world that is full of bad news, in the midst of the bad news of our sin there is hope and healing from sexual sin. Look to Jesus—He is the cure for sexual brokenness. Jesus is in the business of setting the captives free through His finished work. No matter your sexual history, Jesus alone can make you pure again. Turn to Him, and trust in Him. He is all you need.

People have a desire to be know by others. All of us have an appetite to be known, but the thing about an appetite is it can never fully and finally be satisfied. The more we feed it, the more we crave it. There is no amount of fame or success for your appetite to be satisfied. At what point do you say, “I am known enough.” This desire starts when we are young because we all wanted to be famous with our fathers. We see in our children that there is something in them that wants to be known for something and known by somebody. In ministry, we can get caught up on numbers ad what others think. We feel bad when attendance decreases. We might think self-conscious thoughts while we preach on stage. There is no amount of applause, there is no amount of being known that will fully satisfy you. Instead your appetite grows. 3 Laws of Applause What is exceptional the first time will be expected the next time. Exceptional becomes “expectional”. A lot of leaders become so enamored with being known. Applause is intoxicating, and intoxicated people don’t make very good decisions. Those most applauded for, feel most entitled to. Applause is addictive. If you get it once, you want it again. You may even be tempted to manufacture it. Amen? So how do we make sure that we don’t fall victim to the laws of applause? Let’s learn from John the Baptist. Mark 1:4-9 John appeared, baptizing in the wilderness and proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And all the country of Judea and all Jerusalem were going out to him and were being baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. Now John was clothed with camel’s hair and wore a leather belt around his waist and ate locusts and wild honey. And he preached, saying, “After me comes he who is mightier than I, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.” In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. John 3:25-30 Now a discussion arose between some of John’s disciples and a Jew over purification. And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness—look, he is baptizing, and all are going to him.” John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven.  You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘ I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him. ’ The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease. ” The whole country of Judea and all of Jerusalem came to see John the Baptist. Apparently, thousands and thousands of people showed up in that dry, dusty environment just to hear him. This is not an easy place to get to, but he attracted thousands. He is a phenomenon. He is known. But with all of this attention on him, he chooses to turn the attention from himself to Jesus. When John did this, he lost two disciples to Jesus. When people confronted John the Baptist about him losing his fame, John replied, “A person can only receive what is given to him.” John the Baptist knew when his time was up and was not going to try to manufacture what he had before. Surviving fame is remembering who it is from and who it is for. Your appetite for fame will never be satisfied by a number but a name – a who not a how. John the Baptist got it right.” catalystconference.com/atlanta

I’d like to encourage you to keep track of what God does in your marriage over this next month. I hope you’ll take time to share what God does in your home as you bless and encourage your spouse. Day One: “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Prov. 31:11-12 To refresh your memory . . . here’s the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge: for the next 30 days: You can’t say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband. Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband. . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband! To help you get started, have you ever thanked your husband for “choosing you” above all other women? He found you attractive as a person, and appreciated you. Though many circumstances in your marriage may have changed, let your husband know that you are glad God led you together, and that you want to be a blessing to him for the rest of your marriage. Let him know that he can trust you to be in his corner. One of the best opportunities to express your gratitude is first thing in the morning. How do you greet your husband each morning? Is he confident in your love? Give him a “wake up call” that he’ll never forget-a big “I love you” and an “I’m so glad I’m your wife!” Day Two: ” . . . through love serve one another.” Gal. 5:13b How did you do yesterday with your first day of blessing and encouraging your husband? Was it easy? Was it hard to hold your tongue when you wanted to say something negative? We hope you’re off to a good start. (If you blew it, don’t give up start again today!) There are so many practical things you can praise, if you look for them. Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If your budget allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure he doesn’t think it’s part of a “Honey Do” list! Maybe your husband’s not a handyman, but does he run errands for you? Let you go first? Take care of you when you are sick? Help you make decisions? Praise him for his willingness to serve others. Let him know that you see his unique service as a great strength. Day Three: “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19 Love indeed suffers long and is kind. As you consider your Encouragement Challenge, determine today that you will not say anything negative to or about your husband. Speak kindly to him with words of genuine encouragement. If your husband is considerate of your needs, let him know that you have noticed. Thank him for his kindness and consideration. Thank the Lord that your husband knows how to be both tough and tender. Sometimes it’s difficult for a man to be gentle, kind or tender—especially if he hasn’t had role models in these areas. If he’s not a considerate person, appeal to him for help without complaining. Let him know that it’s hard for you to handle some things alone. Then, when he moves in to help, don’t insist that he do it your way. Be glad that he is responding, and express your gratitude. Ultimately, you can’t expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc. Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart. Day Four: ” . . . let him labor, working with his hands what is good . . . ” Eph. 4:28 We are all accountable for the things we say, both negative and positive words. Have you embraced the challenge to speak only positive things to your husband and to others about him? Here’s a suggestion that touches the core of your husband’s world. Some women take their husband’s career for granted, and they show it in many ways. Do you “dump” on your husband at the end of the workday, or do you strengthen and encourage him with your words? A wise wife will make her husband feel that she values and appreciates his work. Let him know that you are glad he is a hard worker. Take opportunities to praise his diligence and resourcefulness to others. If your husband is out of work, unable to work, or refuses to work, you’ll need to be more creative. Praise him for a character quality that you see in him that would be a vital part of a successful career—such as persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, good with people, good listener, determination, etc. Day Five: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Eph. 4:29 Another way to describe the positive side of this “30-Day Encouragement Challenge” is by using the word “edify,” which means, “to build up.” Negative comments only discourage and tear down. Positive comments encourage and build. Do you edify your husband before others, adding to his value in their eyes? This is especially important to other family members. Do you praise your husband to his relatives, and yours? Does your husband’s mother know how much you love him? How about your dad? Perhaps you can drop a word of praise into a conversation or letter. Be creative in letting your relatives know that you respect your husband, love him, and support him – in spite of whatever flaws and weaknesses he may have. Day Six: “. . . whatever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Cor. 10:31b Do you recognize and appreciate your husband’s creativity? Or do you criticize and demean his efforts? Instead of negativity, determine to be positive. Perhaps you can help your husband see that his efforts are an opportunity to glorify God. Is your husband the “creative” type? Does he have any artistic gifts? What is that special “knack” he has? Affirm him for his handiwork – a hobby, music, gardening, tinkering with cars, working with wood, etc. Remember: Even if he doesn’t measure up to your standards, praise his efforts. If your budget allows, buy him a book or magazine that will continue to encourage his special skill or talent. If you have a hard time finding his “creative side,” understand that men’s creativity sometimes is related to their work. Find something he does to make his job run more smoothly or something he does that adds value to his work . . . and let him know that you have noticed. Make his day . . . Praise his accomplishments in public, while he is listening. Day Seven: “Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease! . . . for riches certainly make themselves wings . . .” Prov. 23:4-5 “That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth, that I may fill their treasuries.” Proverbs 8:21 Money is the root of much marital discord. Ask yourself, “Am I being negative toward my husband in the area of finances?” Determine not to speak evil of your husband in this area. Discover ways to encourage and help him instead. Does your husband handle finances wisely? Does he make good financial investments, based on biblical principles? Does he have a budget? Does he make wise decisions about purchases—checking many sources before he buys? Is he a good steward of his money before the Lord? Let him know how much you appreciate his strengths in financial matters. If he is weak in this area, encourage any good decisions that he does make. Perhaps you can help him, if he’s open to the idea, by organizing financial files or providing other practical assistance. Or, if he wants you to handle the finances, ask for his input before you make decisions that will affect him. Day Eight: How are you doing with the “30-Day Encouragement Challenge”? In case you’ve forgotten, here’s the challenge: You can’t say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband. Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband. . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband! “. . . but who can find a faithful man?” Prov. 20:6b Faithfulness is a wonderful but rare quality today, especially in regard to marriage. Do you understand how important this quality is? Your challenge is to continue to root out all negative speaking, and plant seeds of encouragement instead. You may be amazed at what will grow. Contemporary culture often entices men to be unfaithful to their wedding vows and spiritual commitments. Appreciate your husband’s faithfulness—how he is loyal to you. Let him know that you are glad he has “stick-to-it-iveness” in your marriage. Appreciate his faithfulness to God. (If you have an unfaithful husband, this is a difficult area for you. Pray, speak the truth in love, remain faithful yourself, and discover ways to encourage faithfulness in your mate. The Bible says that husbands may “. . . be won by the conduct of their wives” [1 Pet. 3:1]. You may also want to seek counsel from a mature, godly individual or couple.) Day Nine: We are often so busy speaking that we don’t take time to listen. We are so quick to offer a comment – negative or positive—that we don’t really “hear” our husband’s heart. Remember: we have two ears and only one mouth. We need to listen more! As you continue in your 30-day challenge, not speaking negatively and focusing on positive encouragement, hear the Lord’s admonition today: “Be swift to hear.” If listening is a real problem for you, play a game with yourself. See if you can listen to your husband for one whole day, only speaking when asked a question. If your husband notices the difference, explain that you are learning to listen more-not only to God, but also to him. One easy way to express admiration for your husband is to ask a question about something he enjoys, and then listen to his response. If it’s an area of personal familiarity, keep asking questions until you learn something you didn’t know, then tell him, “Wow, I didn’t know that!” Day Ten: We all crave appreciation. We want to know that we are valued and loved. Early love letters probably reflected our admiration, but if we’re not careful, our spouse will forget why we were drawn to him. If you still have any of your old love letters, re-read them for clues to deepen your current level of appreciation for your spouse. When we spend time criticizing our husbands, we lose time that could be spent admiring them. As you consider various ways to encourage your husband, ask, “How can I admire him?” Does your husband know that you think he is attractive? What was one of the characteristics in your husband that first drew you to him? Was it a physical characteristic, or something else? Was it his gentle, compassionate eyes? Kindness or concern for others? An easy-going confidence? A steadiness that comes from trusting in the Lord? Strength of character in a culture that lacks integrity? Do you see at least a glimpse of that characteristic in him today? Whatever it is, tell him! Day Eleven: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Eph. 5:22 Women who are constantly negative toward their husbands—especially by speaking evil of them to others—show great disrespect. Determine not to do that today (or ever!). This challenge to encourage is closely connected to submission. Men respond to women who respect them. What do you respect about your husband? Part of that respect includes submission to his authority. Let your husband know how respecting him makes it easier to submit to his leadership. Show your respect in public by listening to him and smiling at him when he speaks. Place your hand in his as you walk together. If you feel there is nothing to respect, search harder . . . nearly every man has some core characteristic that can be nurtured and respected. In any case, you must still cultivate a submissive spirit to his position of leadership . . .”as to the Lord.” Day Twelve: “With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.” Eph. 4:2 Part of the difficulty you may face as you continue in this 30-day challenge to encourage your husband is that you really are struggling to find positive things to praise. Perhaps the problem is not with your husband. Have you checked your own heart? Sometimes we get disillusioned because of our own unreasonable or unrealistic expectations (Prov. 13:12). It may not be that our mates are doing something wrong; it’s simply that we expect too much in some areas. Our expectations must be met in God alone, and then we will have the right perspective to ask God for the healing and grace we need to respond to others. How sad that we give more grace to others than to those in our own homes. Today, try to look at your husband through eyes of grace. Verbally thank your husband for what he is already doing. Day Thirteen: “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.” Song of Solomon 7:10 The sexual relationship. It’s one of those elements—along with money and children—that can derail a marriage through negative comments. Negativity destroys intimacy, but encouragement builds and strengthens the marriage bond. Let’s get practical here. Is your husband a “good lover”? Have you told him so? Be specific. Let him know when he pleases you. Most husbands genuinely want to please their wives, especially in this important area of marriage. In moments of intimacy, do you find your mind wandering? This can change as you focus on something wonderful about your husband. Realize that your husband wants intimacy with you . . . his desire is toward you. Does this area of your marriage need some work? Remember that this is a sensitive area for men. Be sure to encourage his lovemaking and masculinity in positive ways. Day Fourteen: “The righteous man walks in his integrity . . .” Prov. 20:7a Every week there are news reports about men who gave in to temptations and compromised what they said they believed. We hear countless reports about dishonest business dealings, hidden infidelity, and hypocritical leaders. It’s so easy to focus on these things and ignore those who are being honest, faithful and genuine. As you continue in the “30-Day Encouragement Challenge,” determine to look for ways that your husband stands against the culture. Is your spouse a man of integrity? Is he fair in his dealings with people? Does he understand the meaning of justice? Is he honest in business? Unhypocritical in his faith? Consider all the ways a man can live in integrity, and praise your husband for one of them. As you have the opportunity—as it is appropriate—share examples of your husband’s honesty and integrity with others. Day Fifteen: “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ . . .” 2 Pet. 3:18a Sometimes we live so close to our spouse that we fail to see him as others do; we only see our husband’s faults. But take a step back. Perhaps he is growing spiritually in ways you have failed to appreciate. How can you encourage his growth in a fresh, new way? Remember—your husband is accountable to God for his spiritual development. You are accountable to God to encourage and not hinder that growth. Can you identify an area of spiritual strength in your husband? Does he pray or read his Bible regularly? Does he like to read about or discuss spiritual matters? Does he go to church with you? Is he a spiritual leader? What do others say about him? If you can identify a specific area, praise him for that. If not, pray earnestly that God will work in his heart, and watch for signs of spiritual growth in the future. Day Sixteen: “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Genesis 2:18 God says that it is not good for man to be alone. But the way some women criticize their mates, the husbands may long for solitude. Be careful today not to criticize your mate, but look for ways to encourage him personally and publicly. Speaking of communication, does your husband communicate with you? God has made you a companion and helper for your husband, and part of being “one flesh” with him is the privilege of sharing and discussing personal needs and concerns. Thank God for that wonderful gift. Thank your husband for communicating with you. If your spouse does not communicate as you wish, look for ways that he communicates that are normal for him—smiling at you, nodding his head, even a pleasant “grunt!”—and then thank him for letting you know that he cares. Perhaps he needs to be lovingly taught how to communicate. Be patient with him . . . and listen when he does speak. Day Seventeen: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Prov. 9:10 Are you a wise woman? Do you open your mouth with wisdom, as Proverbs 31:26suggests? As you continue in your 30-day challenge, remember that a wise woman encourages her husband. Is your husband a “wise man?” Does he have a godly perspective that comes from knowing God and walking with Him in obedience? Does he have a sense of purpose for his life and vision for your home? Tell him how much this means to you. If you are not sure about your husband’s vision for your home, ask him, “Honey, what do you want to accomplish with our marriage and home in the years to come?” and “How can I help you accomplish that?” If he does not have a vision, your questions may inspire him to develop one. If your husband is not walking with God—or perhaps, does not know the Lord – you have the opportunity and responsibility to practice your faith and create a thirst for God. Thank God for giving your husband a place in his heart that only He can fill, and keep praying that he will turn to the Lord to fill that vacuum! Day Eighteen: “You will show me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy . . . Happy are the people whose God is the LORD!” Ps. 16:11a; 144:15b “A merry heart does good like medicine . . .” Prov. 17:22a It’s hard to criticize others when we are enjoying their company. Instead of speaking negatively to your husband today, enjoy him! Encourage him! As you experience fullness of joy with God, share some of that joy with your husband. Does your husband have a playful side? A great sense of humor? Is there a “little boy” that wants to escape from time to time, reflecting the joy in his heart? This is a wonderful part of who he is, and a great strength. Let him know that you appreciate his joyfulness and his playful spirit. Find opportunities to join him in positive play times. If your husband can sometimes be overly serious, coax him out occasionally for some play times. It will help him relieve stress and relax. Day Nineteen: Read this description of a wife’s description of her beloved—Song of Solomon 5:10-16 Criticism leaves scars; but encouragement can bring healing. Remember that today as you focus on your “30-Day Encouragement Challenge.” Almost nothing is as devastating to a man as the belief that his wife finds him repulsive. Sadly, many women unwisely criticize their husbands’ bodies. Have you ever considered how wonderfully God designed men and women? No matter how a man looks—by the standards of the world – a loving God designed them all, and they are all “beautiful” in His sight. Encourage your husband today by praising his uniqueness. As you look over your husband’s body, from the tip of his toes to his bald or bushy head, thank God that your husband is “wonderfully made,” then admire your husband verbally. (Strong arms? Hairy chest? Firm hands? Big feet? Rugged chin? Wide shoulders? Compassionate eyes? Broad smile?) Day Twenty: “And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.” Eph. 4:32 It’s time for some heart examination. As you continue in this 30-day challenge, have you found any roots of bitterness that are contaminating your relationship with your husband? Do you understand that as long as you are unwilling to forgive your husband—by God’s grace and in His power —you will not be able to encourage him? Your own resentment will keep getting in the way. Now is the time to deal with any unforgiving attitudes. Forgive him, even as God has forgiven you. Is your husband a forgiving man? Does he keep short accounts of your problems? Express your thankfulness for such a man. Does your husband seem to harbor grudges against you? If so, could there be things you need to change? Do you possibly need to ask forgiveness for an offense? Day Twenty-one: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matt. 6:33 If we are living in light of eternity, everything we think, do or say is seen from an eternal perspective. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful. Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism and temporal values? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him for putting eternal things before riches and other things of this world. If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same. Only two things will go into eternity . . . the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right things. Day Twenty-two: “Let your speech always be with grace . . .” Col. 4:6a Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your community. In this challenge to encourage, ask: “If all my family and friends knew about my husband came from a filter of what I’ve said about him, what would they think of my husband?” Do you need to change the filter? Do you talk positively about your husband to others . . . or do you complain and criticize? Your speech should reflect 1 Cor. 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never “rejoice in iniquity” (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband’s faults to others. Satan likes to trick us in this area—be wary of sharing barbed “prayer requests.” Remember, “Love will cover a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8b). Present your husband before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a “good word” for your spouse. Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may come back to him—and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never tearing him down. Don’t forget: you are always criticizing—or encouraging—before an audience. God hears your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your speech be always seasoned with grace. Day Twenty-three: “Let your speech always be with grace . . .” Col. 4:6a You’re moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of what you’ve committed: You can’t say anything negative about your husband . . . to your husband . . . or to anyone else, about your husband. Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband. . . to your husband . . . and to someone else, about your husband! “In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works . . .” Titus 2:7a Does the “30-Day Encouragement Challenge” seem like hard work? Or is it becoming a pleasant exercise in genuine Christ-likeness in your home? You are only scratching the surface of ways to encourage your mate. Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise. Affirm him for one or more of these traits that you see in him. Some men have not developed these qualities because they are naturally more spontaneous. You can praise his spontaneity! Perhaps God has called you alongside to help him with disciplines he has not yet developed – but this does not include nagging. You can keep him organized. Whatever the need, you can be your husband’s cheerleader, encouraging him when he wants to give up. Day Twenty-four: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Eph. 6:4 Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support her husband’s leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to give up. Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for these important life skills. If you don’t have children—is your husband positive and encouraging around other people’s children? Let him know that you have noticed. If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents, and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him how to parent—while still maintaining his authority in the home. Day Twenty-five: “. . . seek peace, and pursue it.” Ps. 34:14b “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Is. 26:3 Before you consider whether these verses describe your husband, consider your own presence in the home. Do you promote an atmosphere of peace, or do critical words often flow from your mouth? Do you struggle with anger? If so, before you continue with your Encouragement Challenge, confess these sinful habits to the Lord, and determine to speak words of peace to your family today. Does your husband bring an atmosphere of peace into your home? Is his presence a calming influence? Does he bring music, entertainment, books or people into your home that build a sense of serenity? Let him know how much you appreciate this wonderful quality, and support his choices. If, on the other hand, he is quickly angered or he creates chaos rather than calm, ask God to give you an abundance of the kind of peace that will speak to his heart. Be patient and loving. Create an inviting atmosphere of peace, as much as possible. Day Twenty-six: “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” Luke 2:52 If you have faithfully encouraged your husband, you will no doubt have seen some changes in his life . . . and your own life, as well. Encouragement is a wonderful habit that we hope you will continue for the rest of your life. The important thing is to keep growing in Christ and obeying the Word of God as you respond to your husband. As you consider today how to bless your husband and not tear him down, think of ways that you can encourage balance in your home. Jesus led a balanced life. He grew mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. As you see your husband branching out in these areas, is there a pattern of growth? Is your husband striving for balance in his life? If so, let him know you have noticed, and ask how you can further encourage that balance. If your husband is out of balance—focusing on one area to the exclusion of the others—consider whether there are things you can do to help restore or create balance in his life. Can you encourage times for sports or exercise? Keep the children quiet for a study time? Invite friends over for dinner? Stimulate his mind? Be sure you are working toward balance in your own life, as well. Be an example! Day Twenty-seven: “Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD.” Ps. 31:24 You have almost completed the “30-Day Encouragement Challenge.” Perhaps it has taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of encouragement consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words have been shared. There are lots of “tough guys” in the world, but true courage comes from the Lord. Does your husband exhibit the courage to take an unpopular stand, perhaps even to stand alone against evil? Is he courageous in his faith? Does he work hard to change injustice? Is he a stickler for the truth? Does he protect you or your family from the attacks of the Enemy? Psalm 27:14says this kind of courage comes from “waiting” on the Lord for His strength. If your budget allows, “award” your husband with a medal, trophy, framed picture of a brave knight, or some other token that represents his courage as a man of God. Praise evidences of your husband’s courage in protecting you, your marriage, your family, or your home. Day Twenty-eight: “The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is humility.” Prov. 15:33 Sometimes, when we just “know” we are right and our husbands are wrong, it takes great humility to honor them. It is difficult to speak well of our husbands when our own hearts are puffed up with pride. As part of your Encouragement Challenge today, pray that you will respond to the Lord in faith and humility before you react to your husband. Speak wisely and well, and leave the results to God. The humility that comes from a right relationship with God—the humility that comes when a man is willing to listen to God and be taught from His Word—is indeed a beautiful quality. Jesus was an example of this kind of humility when he was willing to submit to His Father’s will (John 6:38; Matt. 26:39). Does your husband have that kind of humility? Is he willing to learn from and submit to direction from the Lord? Let your husband know how precious this is to your marriage relationship. Day Twenty-nine: “A prudent man foresees evil, and hides himself; the simple pass on, and are punished.” Prov. 27:12 As you near the end of your Encouragement Challenge, take time to think about your husband’s responses to the wickedness of the culture, the media, etc. Does your husband recognize and avoid evil? Does he regularly turn his back on pornography, sexual temptations, and the urge to lie and cheat? This is a valuable character trait. Like Joseph in the Old Testament, who fled from the wicked advances of Potiphar’s wife, this takes an understanding that these kinds of sins are first and foremost, sins against God (Gen. 39:9). Praise your husband when he recognizes and turns his back on wickedness. If you can think of a circumstance where your husband stood for righteousness, remind him of that today-and express your gratitude. Day Thirty: “. . . This is my beloved, and this is my friend . . .” Song of Solomon 5:16b Friends can be completely honest with each other, but friendships are strained when truth is not spoken in love. How are you speaking to your beloved? Are you so “used” to him that you don’t appreciate the wonder of his friendship? That is your challenge today. Is your sweetheart your best friend? Does he know this? Have you told him, or do you assume he “just knows”? Friendship is something that is cultivated through the good times and the bad. Friends can share their hearts, but they don’t step on each other’s hearts. The way to have and be a good friend is to cultivate and celebrate the relationship. As you end this “30-Day Encouragement Challenge,” celebrate your friendship with your husband. Get alone and reflect on your beloved friend. Write him a letter, listing the qualities you admire and appreciate about him. If you are creative with words, write and frame a poem about him. Perhaps you can prepare a special meal, just for the two of you, and read the letter or poem to him. Ask if you can pray for him, and if he is willing, thank God for your love and friendship, asking for His blessing on your home. Encouragement, as you have seen these past 30 days, is a synonym for love in action. How has this challenge changed your heart and life, dear friend? Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? Days when it was hard to leave the results to God? Remember that God is faithful, and He will bless you for your willingness to obey Him. His ways are not our ways, and perhaps He will honor you in ways you do not expect, but one thing is sure—you will never be the same because of your commitment to be more like Christ! What kinds of victories have you experienced in your home since you started the “30-Day Encouragement Challenge”? Would you take a moment to share these victories with us? © Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com. Info@ReviveOurHearts.com.

“…In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome this world.” John 16:33 NIV A sign beside the door of an Army Chaplain’s office stated: “If you have troubles, come in and tell me about them. If you don’t have troubles, please come in and tell me how you do it.” A fitting sign for a Chaplain’s office, especially when one considers its location…an Army Post for Combat Training! This would be a great sign to hang outside each church pastor’s office, as well; especially, if the pastor reads it frequently.” Many would say their life has been nothing but trouble ever since they were born. Consider the little children, who are born in the war-torn geography of the Middle-East, and hope to live long enough to see their tenth birthday, or eventually, live in peace one day. In a news video, aired earlier this year, an adolescent girl, also the designated protector of her prepubescent sister and brother, could name the different types of shells being fired in the region surrounding her make shift home inside a bombed-out building. At such an early stage in life, already, she was a weapons expert and could tell which army was firing the shells, what type of shells they were as they whistled through the air, or how they exploded, and whether enemy or friendly. Imagine living like this day and night, every day, wondering when the bomb might land on their home. Watching this documentary, no doubt, viewers were both exceedingly amazed by the little girl as she told her story, but equally sad, when they considered the truth in what she said. Chaplains, missionaries, church pastors and/or church staff ministers hear and see many sad, sometimes even terrifying stories from people, on a daily basis; and often these stories have a traumatic end such as being permanently disabled or bedridden, and in many cases, death and departure from this earthly life. The Question to ponder becomes, “How does one handle the various types of difficult experiences in this life?” A question that is generally followed by, “How can ministers be so cold and hard-hearted when talking to people about their problems.” After a number years in the ministry, many ministers, especially, church pastors realize they do appear to have a cold and hard heart towards the daily realms of life that people experience, but only because they witness suffering, shame, despair, guilt, financial disaster, mental illness and other health issues, terminal illness, and even death on a large and frequent scale. One inquires, “Do they become bitter and callous as a result of that?” The answer might be, “Yes”, but many would say, “No”. Some might even try to sound overly strong and persuasively encouraging. Perhaps they were hoping to hear something similar to what the disciples finally said to Jesus: “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.” (John 16:29-30) Of course, Jesus responded: “Do you believe now?” (John 16:31) This world is full of troubles and people are affected either directly, or indirectly. Soldiers training for combat will constantly hear their Training Officers say: “A soldier is only as good as his training. A dead soldier is no good to his comrades or his army.” Those are harsh words, but a very true concept. Was Jesus being harsh or inconsiderate when he asked the disciples, “Do you believe now”? No, of course not, but all the time he was teaching the disciples, he was relying on them to equate their knowledge and understanding of the scriptures with the principles of his teachings. They had grown up under the Jewish Law and they had to learn the scriptures by rote memory so well they should have immediately referenced the scriptures with what Jesus taught them. During combat, soldiers are expected to utilize all their training to perform successfully. Jesus expected no less from his disciples. All too well, they knew the story of their fore fathers and ancestors held captive by the Egyptians and how Israel aimlessly wandered for forty years in the desert (Numbers 33:38). The disciples were with Christ on that stormy night when he calmed the raging sea and invited Peter to walk on the water with him (Mark 4:35-41; Matthew 14:23-33). They had watched as Christ fed five thousand people from a few fish and a couple loves of bread (Mark 6:30-44). Yet, when Christ used parables to teach them about the Kingdom of God, good students, the disciples were not! People find themselves constantly challenged with their experiences of life in this “real world” of the present day, the “world to come” and “eternal life” in God’s kingdom, about which Jesus spoke. Soldiers are simultaneously vexed by the reality of life in this “real” world and the “unreal” world filled with harsh evils and destruction of war. Like everyone else, they worry, wonder, search for refuge and desire peace that sometimes seems far out of reach. The Bible teaches that Satan is at war with God and as a result everyone in this world will be a victim of that battle (Revelation 12:7-12). Jesus wanted his disciples to know that even though everyone will know troubles in this present world, even though they might feel like soldiers fighting what seems to be an endless and futile war, they can still be of good cheer and a grateful heart because he has overcome the evil of this world (Psalm 23). Jesus is victorious over all that is at enmity with God, his father (Revelation 1:18; John 6:47). The reality of Jesus’ encouraging words are realized when one learns that this present world is the domain of Satan (Galatians 1:4), but this present world is merely ephemeral, when one accepts Jesus’ salvation and claim, because in that claim this world will pass away (I John 2:17) and the new earth and the new Jerusalem are eminent (Revelation 21:1-27 NIV). The people of the Old Testament had been taught to believe this truth (I Samuel 2:8); and the disciples had memorized this truth from their scriptures training, which began in the very early childhood and continued throughout their days. How does one handle the various types of difficult experiences in this life? Whether a soldier dealing with the awesomeness of combat, or just a person in this world, perhaps living according to one’s own chosen lifestyle, maybe wandering aimlessly without hope, or even a Christian looking forward to eternal life, how does one go into the Chaplain’s office and tell the chaplain he has no problems, but if he truly has no problems, then, how doe he, or she, accomplish a life free from problems? Just like David, the shepherd boy learned from slaying the giant in his world, like Peter, the New Testament disciple of Christ, and Saul of Tarsus, who persecuted and stoned Christians to death, had to learn not to live this life by the blade of the sword, or the honor and glory of all mankind, but simply by the word of God; so must everyone in his or her own particular realm of life. The answer sounds rather simple, but for the person, who is not a Christian, the challenge may be more than devastating. Unfortunately, the person, who does not believe God, refuses to believe in God, to trust Christ for their Lord and Savior, will not know the comfort, confidence, joy, and peace that only can be found in the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. They may simply believe the world is as it is and once this life is complete, only death remains and that is all there is. How sad! What is one’s incentive to be good, live better, or even to attempt to accomplish anything worthy of a person’s existence? The Christian follower of Christ recognizes God, the Heavenly Father; Jesus Christ, God’s Son and Mankind’s Savior; and the Holy Spirit, as the great comforter, who indwells the believer, promised after Christ’s departure from earth. Like a soldier, Christians recognize who is in Command and the chain of commands through which he receives his instructions, he obeys those commands, he wears his uniform proudly and he serves with pride, he learns to prospers by the Code of Conduct taught him; and he is successful, even if he dies in the process. Better than any of the best soldiers, the Christian realizes that only God has the divine authority for judgment (Romans 8:33-34). The soldier acknowledges that all his instructions come from the highest of Commanders and he does not question the commands, but he is only to execute according to his knowledge, training and ability. The Christian knows to trust in the God and not lean on his or her own way of doing things, but in every way acknowledge God, who will direct the Christian’s pathways in life (Proverbs 3:5-6). The soldier knows to keep his uniform and equipment ready for warfare at all times, and to always be ready to show the world he is ready to fully and correctly represent his Army, Commander-in-Chief, and all his fellow soldiers to the world in the way he is trained and expected to perform. The Christian has learned to be ready for life in this world by reading the Bible, following the instructions for life, gaining wisdom from the scriptures, to be diligent and sober (I Peter 5:8), always renewing the mind and spirit (Romans 12:2), and to always live graciously, to stand fast and fashion oneself according to the image and likeness of God, after which all mankind has been created, and to live in hope and peace, until the end (I Peter 1:13-15). The good soldier strives to perform well and to receive accolades, awards, commendations, medals, respect and honor from his Commanders and fellow soldiers, whether received while alive, or posthumously. Many great soldiers are also Christians. Just like the Christian Soldier, all Christian should live a life of hope and desire to hear these simple, but truly the greatest words ever to be spoken to them: You have done well, my good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness! (Matthew 25:21). References and Suggested Readings: Dahger, Sam. “Life In the War-Torn Syrian City of Aleppo.” The Wall Street Journal: Page One. Video (WSJLive) April 25, 2014. September 24, 2014. Snodgrass, Klyne, Stories with Intent: A Comprehensive Guide to the Parables of Jesus. Chicago: William B Eerdmans Publishing Company. 2008. Young, Rich, U.S. Army Chaplain. “Sign On Army Chaplain’s Door” (January, 2001). Schofield Barracks, Hawaii 96857. SermonCentral.com/contributors/rich-young-sermons-5088.asp. January 2001. September 24, 2014.

Share 0 Derek Leman, a messianic rabbi from Atlanta, GA in this guest post for Jewish Studies for Christians deals with an issue of whether or not Jews and Gentiles are bound by the same commandments. While there are other well-argued opinions, I am happy to present his post to you for your careful consideration and engagement. Whose commandments are they? That is, for whom were they laid down as stipulations? Does that still matter or did something change, such as God issuing a new covenant that made the original commandments a law for everyone? Or did a new people come to God who were then transformed in some way, made to have the same relationship to God as this first people, the Jewish people? The logic of “one law” or of the divine obligation of all people of faith in Messiah to the same laws as those given to Israel is usually based on one of a handful of arguments. Aren’t non-Jews grafted into the Jewish tree through Messiah and if so, doesn’t this eliminate the Jewish-Gentile differentiation? If a commandment is holy, then isn’t it unholy not to follow it? Since the Torah is the only ordered list of God’s requirements, it has to be for everyone, because God nowhere gives a “law for the Gentiles,” right? People often base their opinion about the commandments on their experience and not on the Bible. I am not against the importance of our personal experience with God. It’s just that experience can be misinterpreted. It seems to be far better if we interpret our experiences with reference to the great ideas that are in the Bible and find answers which bring together Bible and experience. So, for example, a Christian may experience a deep awakening upon discovering the joys of Passover and Sabbath and the rhythm of the Torah calendar. Likewise, eating a restricted diet can feel like intensifying holiness. And the whole experience of becoming a Torah-observer may feel like getting very close to God. Then, when encountering Jewish beliefs about Torah — that Torah is a covenant between Israel and God, not between the nations and God — such a person might feel as if they are being denied membership in an exclusive club. I would like to explain why, in simple terms, God’s way is not one law for everyone, and suggest a middle path for non-Jews who want to have a closer relationship with Israel’s Torah. First, it would be helpful if people would go back to the giving of the Torah from Sinai in Exodus 19. Would Jewish people be asking too much if we say, “Please keep in mind the importance of this event as something special between us and God?” When you read Exodus 19, can you not see God is making a covenant with the Jewish people? Yes, there are clever work-arounds such as “Gentiles were there too in the form of the mixed multitude.” But those tortured arguments look like a way to deny the simple truth: Torah was given as a covenant to Israel. The commandments are the stipulations of the covenant. Second, what is in the Torah? Do people who want to read it as “one law for everyone” actually take into account what is actually contained in it? Many things in Torah no longer apply to anyone today, Jewish or non-Jewish. Do you need laws about how to treat your slave? Have you seriously entertained the idea of taking a war-bride after giving her a month to mourn her father? Were you considering stoning your rebellious teenager? Reading the Torah calls for some maturity in reading, some willingness to learn history, to see the difference between the ideal in Torah and the time-bound social and civil legislation it contained for an ancient nation in a barbaric world. Third, when people talk about how they are “Torah-observant” or say that they “keep the commandments,” they mean only a handful of them. What they are really talking about is the observances given to Israel which the church has not made part of its practice: Sabbath, dietary law, circumcision on the eighth day, tassels on one’s garment, and festivals. There is no Temple anymore, so the laws about offerings and giving the tithe to the priests cannot really apply. But these few commandments that differentiate Israel from the nations — which can be referred to as the sign commandments, since they are signs of Israel’s uniqueness — are a cause for controversy. It may help (or maybe not) to point out that the Sabbath is specifically said to be such a sign: “Above all you shall keep my Sabbaths, for this is a sign between me and you throughout your generations” (Exod 31:13). When God said this, it is clear the “you” was Israel, and Israel’s generations are still very much alive today. Fourth, it is possible — and I try to get people to see this — that what is holy and required for one person is not holy and required of all people. One person — a priest in Israel — may not be able to attend a burial or walk in a graveyard. If the whole world follows the “one law” principle, none of our dead will ever be buried. One person — someone under a Nazirite vow — must avoid wine and even grapes and raisins. If the all-commandments-apply-universally notion is followed, well, we will all miss out on some great Cabernet and the joy of raisins in our oatmeal. Likewise, it is possible that Sabbath is a holy sign of Jewishness (just like Exodus says) and that it is not holy for Gentiles. It may be that Israel’s diet was restricted and this marked them as a different people in the ancient world, but that there is no reason why pork is inherently unclean — just as Genesis 9:3 suggests. Fifth, it is fairly easy to see — but clever and specious arguments are used to avoid seeing what is obvious — that the apostles believed Jews in Messiah should keep all the commandments but that the Gentiles did not need to “keep the law of Moses.” They did not mean by this that Gentiles in Messiah were free to steal and murder. “Law of Moses” means the covenant stipulations from Sinai as a total system. It is clear in reading Paul that he taught his Gentile adherents they were not bound by diets and days and the use of flint knives to remove a foreskin. To many people, this makes Paul seem problematic, anti-Torah. Did it occur to anyone he was being a good Jew and interpreting Torah according to its true sense? Sixth, it is also fairly easy to see that the church went too far in distancing itself from Torah and the Jewish people. Christian theologians regularly write about this and recovering the Jewishness of Christianity is standard form today in many circles. Yes, plenty of Christians remain oblivious to what the theologians and historians within Christianity are saying about Jewish roots, but the church has definitely turned a corner. It is possible now to argue that Christians practice a form of Judaism and to point this out entirely from Christian thinkers and scholars. Seventh, it is often overlooked that Christians keep most of what is in Torah, at least what I call the ideals of Torah. Love God and neighbor is the ideal center of Torah. It is expressed in ways we treat the powerless, honor one another, serve those in need, form community, and repair the world. Christians have always been very involved in love and service and good works. Eighth and finally, there is a middle way for people who want to keep some of Israel’s Torah without those same people denying Israel’s unique relationship to God. It is not necessary to say, “I am grafted into Israel’s tree and so I am virtually an Israelite now.” It is not necessary to say, “All the commandments are holy for everyone and there are no distinctions.” It is possible instead to adopt the philosophy of one of the earliest writings of the Yeshua-movement, the Didache (pronounced deed-ah-KHAY). The Didache came out of the first century Messianic Jewish movement and a few decades after Paul died, the Didache argued that Gentiles could keep Torah. It is possible to see that in Paul’s time this could have been dangerous, it could have rendered Messiah null and void. But after many Gentiles came in, it was possible some of them would want to live close to Jewish communities and worship with them. So in the Didache, Gentiles were encouraged to “keep as much Torah as they are able” and to live in fellowship with Jewish disciples. The audience of the Didache, then, were Messianic Gentiles — as we often call people today who are in Messianic congregations or, even if not members of a Messianic congregation, live a Messianic Jewish lifestyle and maintain friendships with Messianic Jews. And the Didache does not encourage these Gentiles to simply act as if they are Jewish. Some distinctions remain. So, for example, in Messianic Judaism today, Gentiles have a welcome place. The best practices of Torah will include making distinctions without discrimination. It is possible to distinguish and not discriminate. And it is not necessary that Gentiles who choose this middle way should claim that all Christians must do the same. Living as a “Messianic Gentile” (or just as a “Messianic”) does not make a person holier. It is one way and God has many ways for people. The most important commandments are not Sabbath and dietary law anyway. To over-exalt these is to practice a form of cheap self-righteousness. Jewishness is not a privilege. It is a responsibility. Jewishness is not a status of higher blessing. It is a calling to be a distinguishable people and to pass on that identity to children and children’s children forever. Gentiles who love the Torah should not try to erase Jewish distinction, to render Jewishness inert, to say all Messiah-followers are essentially Jews. It does matter whose commandments they are. And the ideals of Torah apply to everyone even if some of the specifics are about Israel’s peoplehood. One law for everyone fails to read Torah according to its own distinctions. Being grafted in is a way of explaining how Gentiles come into the blessings of the Abrahamic covenant, one given long before Sinai and which included Gentiles from the beginning (Gen 12:1-3). God did not ever say, “I now take the commandments given to Israel and make them apply to all of Messiah’s people.” But Paul did show his Gentile adherents how they could derive from the Torah what was required of them. And like Abraham (Gen 26:5), it is possible to keep all of God’s statutes without having a specific law-code. The Torah is not one law for everyone. But neither do we have to forbid people from keeping it. There is a middle way. What do you think? Used by permission of www.eteacherbiblical.com.

More often than not, we’re pretty good with beginnings. However, a lot of times we seem to hate endings. In stating that, I need to clarify there are a whole lot of things that we just can’t wait to wash our hands of. We all have those nagging situations that we desperately wish would give us blessed relief by vanishing altogether. Sometimes we can’t wait for the day to end, or for that looming deadline to pass, or for a particular event to be mercifully over. There are some endings that we gladly welcome with open arms, and by the time they arrive we find ourselves ecstatic that whatever’s done is finally done. Nonetheless, there are many times when we tend to hate endings. Endings can be incapacitating and painful for a variety of reasons, most of which we never identify because we’re too caught up in the loss to see anything but the loss. We don’t really identify what we’re actually doing with whatever the ending is, or what the ending is actually doing to us because we’re too lost in the loss to even begin to consider any of that. And so, the fact that something is ending becomes entirely consuming to the point that the ending is all that we can see. And because it’s all that we can see, the ending becomes an end in itself when directly ahead of us new beginnings are being forged and fresh byways are being laid out from the very ending that we’re caught up in. Because this tends to occur, we’re left with the inability to see within the loss the seeds of a new beginning. We’re not able to comprehend that an end is always a beginning. We can’t even remotely fathom that whatever is ending for us is always more than an ending. An ending robs us of the vision to understand that things are escorted out of our lives so that better things have room to be escorted in. We lose the understanding that death always begets life of some sort, and that life is always an opportunist, persistently standing ready to build something out of the smoldering ashes and raise something up out of the tangled carnage. We lose the precious sense that an end is only a beginning in disguise. And so, how do we learn to see a beginning being formed in the ashes of whatever end we’ve experienced? We might do that better by getting some obstructive thinking out of the way: First, We Don’t Want to Lose Something Quite simply, we tend to hate endings because many of our endings involve things that we don’t want to lose. Sure, there are many things that we’re glad to get rid of, but many times some ‘thing,’ or some person, or some life-phase played such a role in our lives that we can’t imagine going on without it. Or we feel that its end has come far too soon and we are bereft of everything we could have gotten out of it, or it out of us. Whatever the case, we’ve been cheated or short-changed or short-sheeted in some manner that elicits a sense of loss intermingled with a sense of anger. What we end up doing is seeing the loss within the agenda that we had created for that thing, or that person, or that life-phase, and we’ve not recognized a larger agenda that’s simply playing itself out so it can play other things in. Second, We Fear That Whatever We’ve Lost Can Never Be Replaced Then there’s the fear that what we’ve lost can never be replaced. There’s an immediate sense that losing something demands that it be replaced. There’s that sense where we don’t want to disturb the continuity of our lives and the rhythm that we’ve created. Things have been disrupted, sometimes dramatically so, and we want to stop the disruption by immediately replacing whatever it was that we lost. But then we’re caught up in the ever-accelerating fear that maybe it can’t be replaced. Maybe there is no substitution. Maybe there’s nothing to swap it out with, and we will therefore have to settle with the disruption of a “new normal” that we have absolutely no interest in. What we tend to miss is that replacement only serves to perpetuate the repetition of the past, where creating space for something new creates space for something fresh. And it is out of something fresh that this journey of ours is so often refreshed. Third, Glorifying the End But because we have to tolerate endings, we want them to be good and even glorious. We want an end to have some meaning to it, that whatever is ending was meaningful and possibly spectacular while it was around. If something’s going to end and we can’t stop it, we want to send it off with some sort of recognition or appreciation or final ‘hurrah.’ If it’s going to be an ending, we want it to be one that will be such an ending that it will never be forgotten. We can’t hold on to that which we’re losing, but we can make the end grand and glorious to the point that the memory of it all will always stay with us. There’s nothing inherently wrong about bringing something to a close in a manner that’s respectful and celebratory, unless this becomes our one and total focus. Fourth, We Fear That an Ending Might Be a Failure What if the ending is really a failure? What if whatever it is that ended wasn’t really supposed to end, but it did because somebody screwed up somewhere? What if this really wasn’t the time? What if this loss really was grossly premature and achingly unnecessary? What if this loss was due to my stupidity or poor timing or lack of insight or lackluster commitment? What if this loss was the product of someone’s blatant failure? Sometimes losses are so unexplainable and seemingly irrational that we think this way. And it may well be that the loss did not have to happen, and maybe should not have happened at all. Yet, life is big enough and has ample room to take the most tragic mistakes and weave them into the most wonderful of opportunities if we let it do so. An ending is only a failure if we choose not to tease out the manifold lessons in the ending. Fifth, We Fear That There Will Be No New Beginning So what if this is an end and nothing more than an end? What if nothing emerges from whatever it is that we’ve lost? What if life doesn’t go on, or there are no opportunities beyond this, or it all dies here? Could an end be irrevocably an end where a beginning of any kind simply does not exist? Is there a place where life stops because there is absolutely nothing else ahead? Could this be that dreaded chasm where this is no other side from which to pick up the journey? And it is this very fear that makes most of our endings so terribly frightening. We often wonder will the road run out, will an irrevocable end eventually come, and will there be no place to go because the future simply won’t exist and the past is forever gone. Yet, it is looking at the nature and fabric of life, and in the looking realize that things always find a way to go forward because there is always a place to go forward to. An End as a Beginning in Disguise As we approach spring and Easter, we are incessantly reminded of new beginnings. Life is a relentless perpetuation of things arising out of things that have passed. There is the coming and the going. The emptying out and the filling up. The uprooting and the planting. There is an unrelenting exchange that makes things unrelentingly new. The coming of spring heralds a titanic resurgence arising out of the debris and decay of fall. It is a message woven into the most intimate fabric of creation where nothing ends because an end is only a beginning in disguise. It’s living with the understanding that loss is real, and that loss can be utterly devastating. But loss is only a precursor to something that we will soon gain. It might be different, it could take us in an entirely new direction, it may well be unfamiliar, but it is the next step picking up where the previous step left off. And whatever the nature this new step might be, life is such that it opens new horizons, paints new vistas, and calls us to perpetual adventure if we’re willing to heed the call. An ending is only a beginning in disguise. © 2014 Craig Lounsbrough, M.Div., Licensed Professional Counselor