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When I was young, there were plenty of people who didn’t think I’d amount to squat. My life’s philosophy was “I only count when I get other people’s attention.” And that’s exactly what I did. I was an expert at making people laugh, having a good time, and driving teachers up the wall. I wasn’t concerned with making the grade (my siblings already had that base covered), and my saintly mom was in school talking to the principal more than I was in class! My teachers all told me the same thing—“If you’d just apply yourself, Kevin, you’d do so much better” or “Why can’t you be more like your brother and sister?”—that is, all except for Miss Wilson. When I look back, I count Miss Wilson, my gray-haired math teacher, as one of the top five people who really mattered in my life. She was the first one to tell me I had any skills. Just a few months before graduation, Miss Wilson cornered me and said, “You know, it occurred to me the other day, and I wonder if it ever occurred to you, that maybe you could use some of the energy you expend on these antics to really make something of yourself, rather than just being the proverbial class clown—at your expense, I would add.” This blew me away. It even made me angry at first. But her expression told me that she saw something in Kevin Leman that others didn’t, and so I gave her a chance. It was thanks to her help and tutoring that I was able to make the grades to graduate. Even when I was sure I was dumber than mud, Miss Wilson didn’t give up on me. Later, I would meet another wonderful woman who didn’t give up on me either—my wife, Sande. My point is, we all have dreams, goals, and things we want to do with our lives. But it’s awfully hard to get there without any help. We need people who believe in us, who don’t give up on us, like Miss Wilson. When you’ve got a person who believes in you, you’ll find you have a lot more courage to try those things you never thought you could do. I always ask people when I’m speaking, “Who believed in you?” If you’re successful in any area, it’s because perhaps one person believed in you. If you had two people who believed in you, then you’re really blessed. Consider the people in your own life who’ve believed in you. Do they know how grateful you are? Maybe take some time to write them a thank you note and to provide them with some encouragement. Also, ask yourself what you’ve done to let the people you love know that you believe in them. Everyone needs to have someone who believes in them. As for me, if it wasn’t for an old math teacher, I might not be writing this. – See more at: www.birthorderguy.com/self-help/a-little-belief/

Music is a unique vehicle when instruments and voices respond to the rap of the Divine Conductor’s baton. Nothing can replace our soul-song. If its outlet gets clogged, the soul gets heavier and heavier. Songs in the night are sacrifices of praise. Having a new song in our mouths doesn’t mean we’re out of the pain that caused our “pit” of despair, or the pain our “pit” caused. If the pit was of our own making, it doesn’t necessarily mean that all consequences of our foolish choices are behind us. It simply means we are no longer stuck. No longer defeated. No longer caked in mud. Our vision is returning. Hints of creativity are emerging. It’s a new day. We can’t help but praise God because His fresh air is breathed into us and hope springs eternal. A whole new level of praise begins to erupt from a delivered soul. Your Song, your worship delights your Maker, delivers you from doldrums and discouragement and draws others into God’s glorious presence. You may not feel like singing. You may feel like sobbing. But even troubled Job declared that His God gave to him “…songs in the night.” Job 35:10. (NIV) No matter how dark the valley you traverse, God has a melody for you. “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.” Psalm 40:2-3 (NIV) We are all born with a heart-song. When we sing it, the sound may be meager and monotone or masterful and melodious. God doesn’t care. He just cares that we sing it. A virtuoso violinist may play brilliant encore performances to a cheering crowd, but God’s song in the simplest soul is more than that. When we lift our hearts in praise, we silence demons and enter the throne room of God. Our brain is filled with millions of neurological pathways. Are you creating ruts or building holy highways? Singing your praises to God can change everything. He wants to hear your song. Moore, Beth. Get Out of that Pit: Straight Talk about God’s Deliverance. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2007, pp. 182, 188, 190. Used by permission.

Studies reveal that about 50 percent of those who marry today will end up divorced. And of the other 50 percent who stay together, only half of those are satisfied with their relationship. No wonder the average marriage lasts only seven years. So let me ask you: How satisfied are you right now with your relationship? — from 7 Things He’ll Never Tell You, but You Need to Know Dr. Kevin Leman I like being a man. It takes a woman an hour or two to get her nails done at the salon. But I can do my nails at a red light in 10 seconds or less with my front teeth. I even make it a game to see how many times I can hit my speedometer with my fingernails. (If you’re saying, “Eww, gross,” you’re definitely a woman. If you were a man, you’d be saying, “All right, score! I’ve got a whole pile on my dashboard.”) I could wear the same pair of Bermuda shorts day in, day out. It would never dawn on me to change them, unless I saw another pair waiting for me on my bedroom chair . . . or unless my wife, Sande, handed a new pair to me, told me to put them on, and whisked the old pair off to the washer. I think I’m dressed up and ready for anything when my shirt has only one spot on it, and I’m in my standard T-shirt, shorts, tennis shoes, and baseball cap. It’s how I dress 95 percent of the time. The other day, as I was taking my wife a cup of coffee in bed, as I do every morning, my daughter Krissy showed up with my two grandkids, Conner and Adeline. I was so excited to see them that I sloshed a few drops of coffee on the kitchen floor. So what did I do? I took my sneaker and rubbed the drops around on the floor a bit, so they would dry faster. “Daaad,” Krissy said, rolling her eyes. “That is so male.” And that’s exactly what I am. A male. I don’t like to share my food with anybody. But I get first right of refusal on anything on Sande’s plate. I am as color-blind as anyone can get. I never ask for directions. I get antsy when you launch into a really long story. I can’t help thinking, What’s the point? Sometimes I act like a four-year-old who has to have everything now… including all of your attention. Other times I am my wife’s hero. When I say things, I mean them. I like to say what needs to be said plainly. But when I’m quiet, I’m hoping you get the drift that I’m not crazy about what you’re saying, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I’m a tough guy . . . but I’m tender underneath, especially where my family is concerned. (Just ask Krissy sometime how many times I cried when I found out she was engaged, when she tried on her wedding dress for the first time, when she walked down the aisle, when she told me she was pregnant with grandbabies one and two, and when I saw her holding those babies for the first time.) Truth is, I’m no big puzzle. And neither is any man. The path to our heart is well-marked, but it’s also narrow, for there are few that we trust with it. And somehow, someway, we’ve come to trust you. But let’s face it. When you date someone, you always put your best foot forward. Then you hook him, or he hooks you, and you decide you’re both “keepers.” You want to be in this relationship for a lifetime. You can’t wait to never have to say good night and drive off to separate locations ever again. You envision romantic evenings together, wrapped in each other’s arms, in front of the fireplace of your very own home. Once the wedding is over, you concentrate on living life together. Settling into your careers, deciding who will do what around the house, who will keep track of the car’s oil changes, pay the bills, etc. Somewhere in the midst of all this finagling is when you, a woman and a natural problem solver, get your first notion: I don’t remember that bugging me before. Did he always do that? How can I stop him from doing that? All of a sudden, there is a chasm between your expectations and the reality of living with your man. Does he expect me to be his maid? you wonder when you find the heap of dirty laundry under his side of the bed. What’s more important to him — hanging out with the guys or spending time with me? And if he likes “guy time,” why does he act all hurt when I go out with a girlfriend? I thought we talked about our budget. I’ve been sticking to it. And then he went and bought that plasma TV. We can’t afford that. What was he thinking? If he’s an engineer, how come he never gets around to fixing our leaky faucet? The list can grow. You’re the Energizer Bunny of communication. He’s the rabbit on his side with a dead battery. If you’re not aware of the true needs of a man — what he dreams about, thinks about, and what motivates all he does — disillusionment can set in. Misunderstanding can grow to anger and bitterness. You can begin thinking, This sure isn’t what I signed up for. Most people in relationships live with an expectancy that they can change the other person. That if they just work hard enough, long enough, and if they nag enough, the other person will eventually change. But that’s a little like trying to rub the spots off a leopard. Sure, you can try to make that critter all one color by scraping his skin with a Brillo pad, but you won’t wipe off those spots. You’ll just irritate the leopard. Makeovers work great with clothes, hair, and houses, but they don’t work well with leopards or the men in your life. A woman who sets out with a Brillo-pad personality won’t get very far before she irritates the man in her life enough to shut him down. No one likes being told what to do . . . especially a man. If you want to catch a mouse, you have to put cheese — a mouse’s favorite — in the trap. You can try pineapple, but all you’ll be left with is an empty trap. In the same way, you need to understand the male species before you try to change him. Otherwise you may have good intentions, but you’ll be going about it the wrong way. No matter how much society tries to make the two sexes androgynous, men and women clearly are different. Are they equal? Absolutely! But they are not the same. When women talk about the man of their dreams, they use words such as rugged, protective, handsome, and strong. Yet the media is trying hard to turn the image of a man into a feminine, wimpy man-child. Someone who will be your girlfriend, who will go shopping with you, always see eye-to-eye, and give you the verbal and emotional strokes you long for. But a happy marriage is one in which both partners understand, accept, and celebrate their differences. They enjoy relating to each other and seeing the world through each other’s unique eyes. They cut each other some slack during pressured or tough times. (Before you get annoyed with your husband, just think of how annoying you are during that “special time” of the month. It’ll put a lot of petty grievances into perspective.) Your guy isn’t like you. He shouldn’t be like you. If he was, why would you have found him interesting? Those differences can drive you crazy — or they can drive you together. Understand a guy’s basic needs, and all of a sudden you’re talking his language. The paycheck at the end is huge. Think about how many close friends you, as a woman, have. Now, how many do you think your guy has? If you answered 0 or 1, you’re right on the money. Your guy needs just one intimate friend — you. He wants to please you. So don’t underestimate yourself. You rate much higher in his life and thoughts than you could ever dream. He’d take a bullet for you. He really would. Visit www.drkevinleman.com for his invaluable resources.

Among the many things to learn about God’s Kingdom, we must also learn principles of spiritual warfare: how to war and how to win. First, though, I have two concerns. The first is our need for wisdom. There is an old European proverb worth heeding. It reads: “Age and treachery will always defeat youth and zeal.” Before we engage in spiritual warfare, we should know this about Satan: he is an ancient and extremely treacherous foe. On the other hand, the strength of most Christians lies primarily in idealism and untested fervor. It is not long, usually five to ten years in the ministry, and most zeal has waned. Without warning, the minister’s call has deteriorated from a walk of vision to a mere job. What occurred was that zeal, by itself, challenged the treachery of hell and lost. The brightness of youthful dreams dimmed under the dark cloud of relentless satanic assault. Under the weight of growing frustrations and discouragement, compromise increased, and with it came iniquity and spiritual bondage. Yet the real villain was not sin but ignorance. We put the devil in a doctrinal box and expected him to stay there. He did not. He undermined relationships, and our love grew cautious. He resisted us in prayer, and our faith turned weak. Disillusionment set in. After spending much time with struggling pastors, I have seen a common trend in most: They failed to discern the assault of the devil. They stood unprotected against an ancient, treacherous foe. Jesus prepared His disciples for everything, including war. They saw Him casting out demons. In fact, He sent them forth doing the same. But before He sent them out, He charged them to become wise “as serpents” yet innocent and harmless “as doves” (Matt. 10:16). This fusion of divine wisdom and Christlike innocence is the taproot of all spiritual victory. Indeed, we can defeat the enemy, but wisdom must precede warfare and virtue must come before victory. Consequently, the goal of this book is to train the church in wisdom and call the church to innocence. We will not disregard what we have previously learned; we will still live by faith. But we must learn the ways of God, which means we must think with wisdom. And we must be pure of heart, that we may see God and gain discernment. Indeed, it is this very ignorance that has left us vulnerable to satanic attack. Of my second concern, let me say that there are no shortcuts to successful warfare, only ways to make it longer and more perilous. One way of peril is to enter battle blinded by presumption. When it comes to waging war effectively, consider carefulness to be the essence of victory. Whatever lofty spiritual plane you imagine that you are on, remember: Adam was in Paradise when he fell. Before your increased knowledge and religious experiences make you overly self-confident, recall that Solomon wrote three books of Scripture; he actually gazed upon the glory of God, yet he fell. Yes, even in your deepest worship of the Almighty, do not forget in long ages past Lucifer himself was once in Heaven pouring out praise to God. We all have seen many who have fallen. Jesus warned that the love of many would grow cold. Do not presume it cannot happen to you. Our enemy has been deceiving mankind for thousands of years. Our experience, on the other hand, spans but a brief moment. It is wisdom to recognize that we do not know all there is to know concerning warfare. Therefore, be bold but never brash or arrogant in your prayer life. Use your spiritual authority administratively and compassionately, but never presumptuously. Multitudes of well-meaning but ignorant Christians have approached the field of spiritual battle with flippant attitudes and have suffered greatly for it. Study several books and seek confirmation from the Lord for your strategies. As it is written, “Prepare plans by consultation, and make war by wise guidance” (Prov. 20:18). Thus, our purpose here is to help equip you for battle in each of the three primary battlegrounds: the mind, the church, and the heavenly places. There are other fields or subcategories of spiritual warfare; however, these are where most of us will face conflict. One last note. A few of you will be instrumental in actually turning your cities toward God. Our prayer is that these chapters will help guide and equip you for that goal. The promise of the Spirit speaks thus: “There was a small city with few men in it and a great king came to it, surrounded it and constructed large siegeworks against it. But there was found in it a poor wise man and he delivered the city by his wisdom” (Eccl. 9:14-15). While many are predicting the destruction of our nation and the collapse of our cities, they have not considered the power of Christ in you. But remember, “Wisdom is better than strength. . . . Wisdom is better than weapons of war” (Eccl. 9:16, 18). —Francis Frangipane, July 1989 Adapted from Francis Frangipane’s book, The Three Battlegrounds available at www.arrowbookstore.com.

Do you ever get tired of the spin? Do you ever feel like everywhere you go and everywhere you look somebody is trying to sell you something? They are trying to spin something one way. You are never getting the full story. Whether it’s media or politics, to them trying to sell you Thompson’s Individual Stringettes, to a brand new vacuum cleaner for $19.99 and you’ll never have to get carpet again in your life! It even starts to get down to the language that we use. John Ortberg has noted how our language has changed a little bit over the last several years. For instance, when a company fires people now they no longer say, “You’re fired.” That would sound way too harsh. They no longer “down size” because that seems negative. Companies are now calling it “right sizing.” We are “right sizing” the whole thing. Guys are no longer “bald,” they are “follicly challenged” or “comb free” as one guy said. It’s no longer “road kill” – it’s “maladaptive compressed life forms,” or in some states in America that will remain unnamed, “road kill” is dinner. It’s no longer “used cars”– now it’s “pre-owned certified vehicles.” Somebody pre-owned it for you. They broke it in for you. It’s not really used. It affects our language. We see it on film and television as well. Reality TV – the big craze. Yet reality TV isn’t really reality TV. It’s still shot, edited, and spliced up to make a point and to get the basic themes of a story across. You can do an amazing amount with editing. We live in a culture where everything is edited, airbrushed, and cleaned up. You can do a lot with it. Do you ever just get tired of the spin? Don’t clean it up. Don’t edit it. Just lay it out there and let me work with it from there. That’s exactly what James does in the Bible. He’s a no bull, no nonsense kind of guy. He starts his book talking about trials and temptations. of that.” It’s not pure joy at the trial, but it’s pure joy in the midst of the trial because you are rejoicing in who God is. That is a lot easier to say than to do. It can be a real challenge to do in our lives. What kind of trials is James talking about here? What is he really talking about? Whatever trials you face, all across the spectrum, in the midst of it choose to rejoice because God will bring a great thing out of that trial and difficulty. James is calling us to rejoice even in difficult times because God will do something great in the midst of it. Paul says it this way in Romans 5:3, “Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings. Because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope; and hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us.” There is this progression that Paul lays out here. First of all he says we rejoice in our sufferings. That word for sufferings is an intense word. It means real pain. Real difficult pain may come into our lives. We persevere through it. Suffering produces perseverance. If it wasn’t hard you wouldn’t have to persevere to get through it. Perseverance produces character. Character is really only proven in the midst of difficult times. That’s where character is molded. You could even make the argument that unproven character isn’t character yet at all. Proven character is what character ultimately is. Then there’s hope that comes out of that character that is formed into our lives. Through this hope we realize that we are never disappointed. God’s love on the other side of it will pull us through. We don’t rejoice at the trial. We rejoice in the trial because through this hardship and difficulty God is doing a work in our lives to form us and mature us so we become the kind of people that He desires for us to be. Over forty million Waldo books have been sold in twenty-eight countries all over the world. Don’t you wish the Waldo idea were yours? Here is Waldo so you know what he looks like. He has the goofy glasses and the striped shirt. Do you ever feel like when you are going through a trial or a difficulty in life that you are playing “Where’s Waldo?” with God? Do you ever find yourself in that moment when things are going right and you are wrestling with difficult times and you say, “God, where are You?” You don’t see Him. You pray and you wonder if your prayers are going above the ceiling. You come into church and you leave and still feel empty. You read your Bible but it doesn’t seem to be connecting. Do you ever feel like you are playing “Where’s Waldo?” with God? Where are You in the midst of my struggle? the Bible declares that God is on every page of our lives. He’s there even when we can’t see Him. When we can’t feel Him or not sure that He’s there, He is. Sometimes when it doesn’t make sense, James says, we can ask for wisdom. Look at how he puts it in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom who gives generously to all with out finding fault. It will be given to him.” If you lack wisdom, ask and God will provide. It says He will give wisdom without finding fault. God is loving and faithful. He WILL show you the way.

What if Jesus walked into your church office, applying for a staff position. Would He be welcomed? Would He be laughed out of the office? Would he be politely dismissed in favor of a flashier, more opportunistic pastor? David Murrow creates a tongue-in-cheek scenario about Christ’s mission and today’s church methodology. Very telling…. [CHURCH OFFICE SETTING. TWO MEN SEATED ACROSS A DESK FROM ONE ANOTHER.] INTERVIEWER: Your name, sir? JESUS: Jesus. INTERVIEWER: Your full name? JESUS: Jesus of Nazareth. INTERVIEWER: Jesus F. Nazareth. All right Mr. Nazareth. Tell me, why do you want to work at First Church? JESUS: I’m here to proclaim the good news to the poor, freedom for the captive and sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free and proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. INTERVIEWER: Well, that’s a rather ambitious agenda. But at First Church we like employees who think big! So how to you plan to accomplish these lofty goals? JESUS: I’ll recruit a dozen men and lead them through a series of challenges over the course of three years. I’ll show them how to minister to others. I’ll test them at every turn, to see whether they have true faith. INTERVIEWER: That’s it? JESUS: Yes. INTERVIEWER: And then what? JESUS: They’ll change the world. INTERVIEWER: I’m sorry Mr. Nazareth, but I’m having a hard time seeing where that kind of ministry fits into our church’s strategic plan. JESUS: Strategic plan? INTERVIEWER: First Church adopted a strategic plan 2 years ago. We’re targeting young families with children as a key growth demographic. Parents and kids are under such pressures today and we want to help them be healthier. JESUS: An admirable goal. How do you hope to achieve it? INTERVIEWER: We’re rapidly expanding our offerings for children. We’ve hired 2 new youth staff and recently broken ground on a new youth building. JESUS: Why are you doing this? INTERVIEWER: Mr. Nazareth, don’t be naïve. If we don’t offer quality children’s and youth programs, women will choose another church. As you know, women are the religious decision makers in the home. And if we lose women we also lose our volunteer base. JESUS: What about your men? Are they being actively discipled? INTERVIEWER: We have a men’s ministry. They meet for a monthly pancake breakfast in the church basement. JESUS: That’s not what I asked. INTERVIEWER: Mr. Nazareth, I believe I’m conducting the interview here. Now let’s say we hired you to challenge 12 men for a few years. What about all the other men? Won’t they feel left out? JESUS: Some will. INTERVIEWER: You see, that just won’t fly around here. Our goal is to reach as many people as possible. Our slogan is, “There’s a place for you at First Church.” We don’t exclude anyone – and we don’t put any limits on God. JESUS: If you never single a man out and call him to greatness, he will never become great. INTERVIEWER: Excuse me? JESUS: I tell you the truth: every man secretly dreams of being called into an elite group and molded into something extraordinary. That’s what I intend to do with a limited number of men. INTERVIEWER: Elite group? You make it sound like the Navy Seals. What if your challenges are so tough that men drop out of your group? Won’t these men feel alienated from our church? They might go around and spread lies about us, accuse us of being a cult, that sort of thing. JESUS: Many are called but few are chosen. One cannot be faithful to God’s call without incurring criticism. Yet I tell you the truth: if you call and train a handful of faithful men you can change the world. In a generation, you will have the healthy families you seek. INTERVIEWER: Mr. Nazareth, we are totally down with your good news to the poor message, but I can’t see how you get from A to B. How does working with one small group of men result in the outcomes you’ve described? How can we lavish limited church resources on such a tiny number of members, who quite frankly, being men, just don’t offer the R.O.I.? JESUS: As these men change, the church will change, and your city will change. And at the risk of appealing to your flesh, your church will double in size over the next five years if you do the things I’ve told you. INTERVIEWER: Well, Mr. Nazareth, I need to be at a planning meeting for the upcoming youth retreat in a few minutes. It’s been very nice to meet you and we’ll be in touch. [REACHES OUT TO SHAKE HANDS] Ooooh, that’s a wicked scar. How did you get that? – See more at: Churches for Men. Used by permission.

She sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee and check her e-mail on her iPad. Trying to find a website she visited the day before, she opened the browser’s history. Instead, what she found completely shocked her. One after the other, a list of sexually explicit titles appeared in the history log. Page after page, the raunchy titles continued. Slightly panicked, but paying careful attention to the details, she noticed these sites were all accessed in the afternoon the day before. Her husband had been at work then. Wasn’t him. Then she remembered letting her 10-year-old son borrow the iPad to play some games. Reality sank in. From what she could tell, her son had spent at least an hour or so glancing through these pages. The question that plagued her was: What should she do now? A Parental Nightmare Many parents today feel like they are playing catch up when it comes to educating their kids about sex. It seems our sex-saturated world is getting the first word in too fast—and our kids are growing up too fast. When a Christian parent discovers that their child or teenager has been looking at pornography, to some this can seem like a small nightmare. How can parents approach this topic with tact and love? More importantly, what prevents parents from having this discussion, even when they know there is a problem? 1. Because parents are uncomfortable talking about sex The first big reason parents don’t like the idea of talking about porn is because the idea of talking about anything sexual with their child bothers them. Porn touches on all the things about sex that seem like awkward topics: different body parts and what they do, the pleasure of orgasm, not to mention all the sexual variety porn portrays. If sexual topics are uncomfortable, the topic of porn is way out in left field. 2. Because they believe a little porn is nothing to worry about A child discovering his or her own sexual desires is as natural as the day is long. Our children are sexual beings. Parents often look back to their own childhood, how they clumsily figured out their own sexual feelings, and say to themselves, “Looking at a little porn won’t hurt anything. They’re going to see it anyway, right? I’ll just keep tabs on things. No need to make a big deal out of this. 3. Because they don’t have a good theology of sex It is one thing to be uncomfortable talking about sex with a child or teenager. But for many parents it goes beyond comfort to confusion: they simply don’t know what they would say about porn or sex. They would have a hard time coming up with words that give their children a foundational understanding of why God created sex, why God created it to be so pleasurable, and why porn is a problem. 4. Because they are afraid they will awaken sexual curiosity too early For many parents, the question of timing is the biggest concern. How early is too early? How late is too late? If they err, they would rather err on the side of silence. They don’t want to awaken undue sexual desire in their child too soon. What if they say something about sex and want to find pictures of it online—or worse yet, try it with someone? Many parents want to wait until they are absolutely sure the time is right. 5. Because they’ve never seen it done before Many parents know that talking to their kids about sex is a good idea, but some are paralyzed by the fear of “doing it wrong.” No one ever talked to them about sex when they were kids (aside from maybe a discussion about anatomy). The thought of a parent-child relationship that freely and naturally discusses sexual topics is about a foreign to them as Greek or Swahili. Shattering the Fears Five facts demolish these five fears: 1. You may be uncomfortable talking about sex, but you are the person most equipped in your child’s life to converse with them about it. No one knows your child like you do. 2. A little porn can do a lot of damage. Porn is the worst kind of sexual education a child can get, and the more they see, the more their sexual beliefs will be shaped by it. 3. You may not feel like you have a good “theology of sex,” but there’s never been a time in history easier to learn. Countless resources are available to parents today. 4. If your child/teen has been exposed to porn, it has already provoked a curiosity about sexual matters. This is not the time to hold back because you are afraid of speaking too soon. Your son or daughter needs your wisdom, not your silence. “Too much too soon” is a rare circumstance in today’s world. 5. You do not need to see this done in person to do it well. Glean from those who’ve done it before. To help you along with this, you can download this free step-by-step discussion guide, When Your Child is Looking at Porn. Don’t let inexperience or ignorance be an excuse anymore. www.covenanteyes.com . Used by permission.

Church leaders want to be good stewards of what is entrusted to them, but each generation has struggled to find an appropriate way to measure their effectiveness. Businesses measure return on investment (ROI), but measuring return on ministry investment (ROM) is much trickier. Here’s a few reasons why: The Inputs Healthy ministry takes more than money and heavily relies on a mix of time, money, talent, and obedience to the Holy Spirit and God’s Word. These inputs are a difficult mix to quantify. The Results Even trickier is attempting to measure spiritual fruit – authentic conversions, maturing believers, discipleship, accountability, right heart attitudes, purity, and biblical obedience. God’s Economy What is the most effective thing in ministry doesn’t always make rational sense. After all, God likes to use the foolish things of this world to confound the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27). While it is good to be strategic and make wise choices in ministry, we must always be sensitive and obedient to leadings from the Holy Spirit. In other words, we must be willing to throw out our plans and programs and follow the Holy Spirit when He guides differently. Sometimes healthy and obedient ministry is reaching thousands of people, and sometimes it is spending 40 years to win one convert. What matters is obedience. Reality is it’s impossible to measure ministry effectiveness with man-made metrics. There will always be some mystique to the way God works and what He truly defines as effective. So how do churches measure their effectiveness? While there will never be a perfect formula, churches have found supplemental metrics by counting attendance, finances, commitments to Christ, baptisms, small group participants, and volunteers. While not direct indicators, these metrics can be good hints as to a ministry’s health. Some church leaders have borrowed tools from the business world, such as Harvard Business School’s Balanced Scorecard (BSC) for performance management. Nonprofits and businesses have been using the Balanced Scorecard for two decades to: Align efforts with the organization’s vision and strategy Improve communication internally and externally Help prioritize programs and projects Evaluate performance against strategic goals Free Ebook Ministry consultant Eric Soon has tweaked the Balanced Scorecard to better fit churches’ needs, and ACTIVE Faith is offering a free whitepaper – “Excellence in Ministry: Balanced Scorecard” – as a great introduction to using the BSC in ministry. If your ministry is healthy and built on a strong foundation of prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit, then tools like the Ministry Balanced Scorecard can be a wonderful complement to your ministry and produce greater stewardship as long as you use it within the framework of your unique calling. Church Relevance, Used by Permission of Kent Shaffer. 2013. Special thanks to ACTIVE Faith for supporting Church Relevance by sponsoring this post.

Many church leaders are aware that pornography is a massive problem among Christians. According to some surveys, it is one of the most confessed sins and is deemed by church leaders nationally to be the most sexually damaging problem in their churches. Porn use starts young: over half of boys and nearly a third of girls see porn before their teenage years. In these tender years when sexual beliefs are still forming, pornography serves as a powerful kind of sex education—the wrong kind of sex education. Parents are the Key Parents have always been and always will be the best defense. Not only do they have the ability to put up fences to protect against exposure to porn, but they are the ones responsible for teaching their children about authentic and godly sexuality. Find good training tools Parents need good instruction about the prevalence of pornography, its impact on children, and how to counter the false messages of our over-sexualized culture. Many church leaders are starting to use resources like UNFILTERED, a DVD workshop for parents. This workshop offers parents both a spiritual and psychological understanding of why pornography is so damaging, and gives them the rules and tools they can use in their homes to combat it. Incorporate training into existing meetings Many churches offer classes or groups for parents. Church often have Sunday School programs for different ages and stages of parenting. Churches that offer catechism or confirmation programs often will have a “parents’ track.” Many churches have small groups, formal and informal, of parents doing life together. The best way to implement a curriculum like UNFILTERED is to simply integrate it into these existing groups. Churches that try to host a special event—something that advertises itself as a “porn workshop” for parents—might be attended by some concerned parents, but probably won’t be widely attended. Instead of hosting a special event, choose to integrate this training into what parents already attend. Help parents see the big goal Ultimately, parents will not be the protectors of their children forever. Kids grow up and become young adults. The big goal parents should have when thinking of protecting their children from porn is preparing them to live in a world without fences, without filters, without guardrails. The goal is to teach kids to become their own watchdogs, and this is the goal of UNFILTERED as well: to train parents to teach their children discernment and wisdom. www.covenanteyes.com . Used by permission.

Internet Pornography: A Ministry Leader’s Handbook —This free e-book, written by pastors and counselors, helps ministers who struggle with pornography understand the importance of confession and accountability. It addresses why pastors are particularly vulnerable to pornographic temptations and what should be done to bring this truth into the light. 10 Stories of Pastors in the Struggle — Read, watch, and listen to the stories of pastors who have struggled deeply with porn and sex addiction and how God set them free. PornToPurity.com — Jeff and Marsha Fisher were church planters until Jeff’s porn addiction came to light. After he was removed from church leadership and found help in overcoming his sin, he started PornToPurity.com, a website for anyone trapped in sexual temptations. Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle , by Michael John Cusick — Michael was sexually abused and exposed to pornography as a child. Later in life, serving as both a youth pastor and a counselor at a Christian university, his sexual struggles only became more acute with porn and prostitutes. This book talks about what he learned in the midst of recovery Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey Through Sex Addiction, by T.C. Ryan — Pastor Ryan had a lifelong struggle with sexual addiction and secrecy. This book shares his story of learning to let the gospel of Christ transform him into a man who can be open, honest, and unashamed before God and his Christian family. Breaking the Silence: A Pastor Goes Public About His Battle with Pornography , by Bernie Anderson — Bernie Anderson battled behind closed doors with pornography for years. In this book, Anderson tells his personal story of struggle and how God changed his life, giving practical tips to protect yourself and your family. My Struggle, Your Struggle, by David Erik Jones — Pastor Jones struggled with porn as a pastor. This book is his personal story of porn addiction that lasted 20 years and how he found freedom while serving in the ministry. Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough, by Justin and Trisha Davis — Justin didn’t just struggle with porn. As a pastor, he also began an affair with another church staff member. This book shares Justin and Trisha’s story and how their marriage recovered. The Pornography Trap , by Dr. Mark Laaser and Ralph Earl, Jr. — This book addresses what should be done when ministry leaders (pastors, deacons, choir directors, Sunday school teachers, etc.) struggle with Internet pornography. The authors share the core issues related to sexual sin and how to develop a biblical view of healthy sexuality. Restoring the Soul of a Church, edited by Dr. Mark Laaser — This book from the The Interfaith Sexual Trauma Institute describes the devastation that can happen to a church congregation when a pastor sexually sins and is removed from the church. It gives insight about the neglected secondary victims of abuse: the congregation, the wider community, other clergy, the wider church, the offender’s family, and the pastor who takes over. Stone Gate Resources — Dr. Harry Schaumburg has been counseling Christian men and women about sexual and relational brokenness for years—with a special emphasis on caring for pastors and ministry leaders caught in sexual sin. His intensive counseling is known around the world as one of the best for sexual addiction. ThrivingPastor.org — This is a ministry of Focus on the Family for pastors, including a pastoral care line for ministers who need to speak with a trained counselor. 8 Resources for Ministry Leaders Who Want to Equip Their Church Porn-Free Church: Raising up gospel communities to destroy secret sins — This free e-book is for church leaders who want to create a safe community where taboo sins can be confessed and people can find healing. False Love and True Betrayal — This video series by Summit Church is designed for small groups or recovery groups focused on the pain caused by sexual sin. False Love walks men and women who struggle with sexual sin through a step-by-step process of repentance and restoration. True Betrayal walks spouses of sexual strugglers through the same process as they overcome the pain of sexual betrayal. Pornography Statistics: Annual Report — This conglomeration of more than 250 stats, quotes, and facts about pornography can help any pastor preparing to teach others about this subject. A Bird’s Eye View of Lust and Pornography — This free sermon series can give pastors a place to start for talking with their congregations about pornography in a way that is biblically sound and practically helpful. Fight Porn in Your Church: What works and why it matters — This free white paper from Covenant Eyes looks at how real churches are addressing the issue of pornography and gives practical ideas for programs churches can implement today. Confessing Sin: How Matt Chandler preaches a culture of grace — Matt Chandler of Village Church understand that church leader set the pace when it comes to being open about sin. In this sermon clip , Chandler talks about not being afraid to be honest about sin and being vigilant to fight it. The Quick Reference Guide to Sexuality & Relationship Counseling, by Dr. Mark Laaser and Dr. Tim Clinton — This book gives pastors, counselors, and everyday believers the information they need to help congregants, clients, and friends with their most intimate sexual and relational issues. Join1MillionMen.org — This movement, spearheaded by Pastor Jay Dennis, is equipping church leaders nationwide to bring the issue of pornography into the light where church members can find help and healing. Reprinted from Covenant Eyes. Luke Gilkerson. Used by permission.

To my fellow humans who are entering that most precarious stage of human development. Let me begin by congratulating you on making it through the embryonic stage. Too many of our fellow humans don’t even make it as far as you have now. Many died of natural causes. Others were cut down prior to implantation by an abortifacient. Still others are trapped in the freezers of IVF clinics, in suspended animation awaiting their fate. You have made it to the second stage of life. But you’re not out of the woods, as they say, until you’re out of the womb. In America there are roughly 250 abortions for every 1,000 live births, which means that you have (all other things being equal) a one in five chance of still being aborted. Here are four reasons you might be aborted and what you can do to avoid this gruesome fate. #1. Don’t be the unlucky third in series of IVF induced triplets Many couples who are unable to have a child naturally because of infertility are willing to pay a high price (between $10,000 – $20,000) in order to bring a child into this world. However, some are a bit more cost conscious, and are willing to pay an extra cost in human life rather than in dollars. To save money on in vitro fertilization, couples can implant several embryos at one time in order to increase the changes of pregnancy and reduce the cost of multiple procedures. Although it lowers the cost, it increases the chances of multiple pregnancies, which increase the risks to both mother and children. As the Washington Post noted several years ago, “Carrying three babies to term would more than double the woman’s risk of developing the most severe diseases of pregnancy, such as preeclampsia. The average triplet is born two months premature, significantly raising the risk of disabilities such as cerebral palsy and of lifelong damage to the infant’s lungs, eyes, brain and other organs.” Unlike embryos, money can’t be created in a Petri dish. Which is why it is less costly (in economic if not in human terms) to just kill you rather than pay for another round of IVF. They euphemistically refer to this as “selective reduction”— your parents have selected to reduce your chances for survival to zero. If you find yourself bumping into other siblings in the womb, you might hear a conversation similar to this one: “Triplets,” [Sonographer Rachel] Greenbaum said. “So they tell me,” the woman said, her voice hollow. And, sure enough, on Greenbaum’s screen were three little honeycombed chambers with three fetuses growing in them. The fetuses were moving and waving their limbs; even at this point, approaching 12 weeks of gestation, they were clearly human, at that big-headed-could-be-an-alien-but-definitely-not-a-kitten stage of development. Evans has found this to be the best window of time in which to perform a reduction. Waiting that long provides time to see whether the pregnancy might reduce itself naturally through miscarriage, and lets the fetuses develop to the point where genetic testing can be done to see which are chromosomally normal. Which leads us to step #2 for how to stay alive until birth: #2 Don’t be anything other than “chromosomally normal” May our Lord have mercy on your poor fetal soul if you have the misfortune to possess a chromosomal abnormality. Once you make it out of the womb you can be filled to the brim with bile — indeed you can rape, pillage, plunder, and murder — and you’ll have people defending your right to live. But right now if they measure the fluid behind your neck using a nuchal scan and discover you have too much— well, you’re as good as dead. Such a test reveals that you may have the unforgivable condition of Down syndrome. Down syndrome itself is not an inherently fatal condition. Indeed, many children with this condition grow to become loving, sweet-natured, and gentle children. Such behavior, however, merely confirms that these children are freaks of nature since “normal” children do not act that way. Therefore, society has decided that it is better for you to be put to death rather than for us to have to suffer the cost and inconvenience of having to love such seemingly imperfect humans. Nothing turns our American hearts to stone faster than seeing the cheerful smile on a “mongoloid” visage. It’s a horror that we cannot tolerate. #3 Don’t be a girl Speaking of chromosomes, be sure you have a Y chromosome to go along with the X. If you have the misfortune of being of the homogametic sex you have an increased risk of being killed. It may not be a concern if your parents are white, black, or Hispanic. But if you’re parents are Chinese, Japanese, Indian, or Filipino you may be in trouble. Of course, just because the sex ratio at birth for Asian Americans is biologically impossible does not mean that they are aborting baby girls. There may be some other reasonable, morally unobjectionable explanation for this unnatural phenomenon. Still, you’ll be better off playing it safe and getting that X chromosome. #4 Don’t squint Several years ago in England, doctors were given permission to create a baby free from a genetic disorder which would have caused the child to have a severe squint. According to the Daily Telegraph, the license was granted by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) to Prof Gedis Grudzinskas. The good professor said he would seek to screen for any genetic factor at all that would cause a family severe distress. When asked if he would screen embryos for factors like hair colour, he said: “If there is a cosmetic aspect to an individual case I would assess it on its merits. “[Hair colour] can be a cause of bullying which can lead to suicide. With the agreement of the HFEA, I would do it. “If a parent suffered from asthma, and it was possible to detect the genetic factor for this, I would do it. “It all depends on the family’s distress.” The good news is that this is not England, where doctors are granted a “license to kill” anyone who might end up looking like Clint Eastwood. The bad news is that this is America. Here a doctor can abort you for any reason at all. We believe in being pro-choice, which means that we respect a mother’s choice to kill you for cosmetic or other eugenic reasons. Therefore, you need to play it safe: when you hear the whirring of the sonogram machine, keep your eyes wide open. There are other things that would increase your chances of making it through gestation. For example, if you are in the womb of a white 27-year old happily married Catholic woman who has never had an abortion and has a household income of $60,000+ a year, you are fairly safe. Unfortunately, while your parents can choose you — even choose to kill you — you can’t choose your parents. Your best hope is to pray and hope that others are praying for you too. With any luck you’ll survive the fetal stage of development and move on to infancy, adolescence, and adulthood. Once you reach this stage of life you’ll be able to join other Americans in exercising one of our most cherished and incontrovertible rights: the right to kill a fetus for any reason you choose. Re-printed from the Gospel Coalition Blog. Used by permission. Other posts in this series: Why Christians should care about bioethics How Christians should think about bioethics 38 ways to make a baby Eleventh Week Eugenics: On killing children with Down syndrome Still in the world Further Learning Learn more about: Life, Abortion, Science, Bioethics,

READ JOHN 12: 20-32 There are two words in the Greek language that could be translated as Greeks – Hellenistoi and Hellenes. Both refer to Greek affiliation. John uses here the latter word. The difference between the words is usually understood as the following: Hellenistoi is used for Greek-behaving people, like Greek-speaking Jews (Hellenized Jews); while the second word refers to ethnic Greeks (in this case probably the Greek God-fearers that we meet in the book of Acts). However, in John’s Gospel, we are faced with an interesting dilemma. John does not seem to use hoi Ioudaioi (usually translated as the Jews) as others use it. He has his own use that is particular to his Gospel, given his unique audience and situation. (The use of hoi Ioudaioi meant something to his audience that it does not mean to others). NOTE: To read posts on all previous chapters of John, please, click “The Jewish-Samaritan Journey” banner that appears on the right bar. Thinking along the same lines it is entirely possible that John has his own use of Hellenes as well. Whereas others use the term Hellenes for ethnic Greeks, John may be using it in a different way. But this of course is only a possibility. The burden of proof is upon those who would like to argue that these were Hellenized Jews and not God-fearing Greeks. We must however think of both possibilities with the first still being the most probable one. Whether Hellenized Jews are in view or Greeks God-fearers (probable version), who were seeking out Jewish religious leader for a meeting, Jesus’ following had reached the farthest corner of Jewish influence! (If one looks at the Israelite umbrella of various Jewish movements, the Gentile God-fearers who had not fully joined Jewish community, but in many ways affiliated themselves, can be viewed as occupying the furthest corner of Jewish communal influence.) Now that Jesus has followers not only in Judea, Galilee, Samaria, but also in the Diaspora he declares that the time for the Son of Man to be glorified has finally come (something that he denied number of times before). 24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. What is very intriguing here is that the Gospel does not tell us if Jesus actually met with the Greeks. Instead the author switches his emphasis to the words of Jesus where he spoke of his coming death and sacrifice. It is likely that Greeks were invited in; and what comes in the following verses may constitute a summary of that conversation. Jesus’ point is simple. Unless he dies, his ministry will not bear much fruit. Those who sanctify God’s name might also be required to die with him, but his Father will honor them. NOTE: You can sign up for research updates (if you don’t get them already) on any page of this site or invite your friends to do so by typing into the box their email address (http://JewishStudies.eteacherbiblical.com) “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name.” The words of Jesus speak deeply of his full humanity. It is not natural for a human being to want to suffer and die. Jesus, understanding the core of his mission, is willing to do so. Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” 29 The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, “An angel has spoken to him.” 30 Jesus answered, “This voice has come for your sake, not mine. The connection between God’s voice and thunder is important here. We read in Ex.19:16-19: “16 On the morning of the third day there were thunders and lightnings and a thick cloud on the mountain and a very loud trumpet blast, so that all the people in the camp trembled. 17 Then Moses brought the people out of the camp to meet God, and they took their stand at the foot of the mountain. 18 Now Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke because the Lord had descended on it in fire. The smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled greatly. 19 And as the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke, and God answered him in thunder.” The voice of God in speaking of the glorification of Jesus is, therefore, set in the same glorious context. 31 Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. As I discussed in the previous section, while it is traditional to assume that the ruler of this world is Satan, the enemy of God’s purposes on this earth, it is also possible (though this is only a possibility) that a particular evil leader of the hoi Ioudaioi in fact was in view instead. The Qumran community speaks of a wicked priest as a towering evil figure in the Qumranic imagination. While one cannot simply draw quick conclusions, we are justified however in entertaining the possibility of such a figure. It is noteworthy that every known case of persecution against Jesus and the Jerusalem believers in Jesus, especially their leaders, “was taken when the reigning high priest was one of those who belonged to the powerful Sadducean family of Annas.” Caiaphas, Annas’ son-in-law condemned both Jesus and Stephen. James the Son of Zebedee was executed and Peter was arrested by Agrippa I; while Matthias, son of Annas, was probably a priest. In Acts 12:3 we are told that the king was motivated to gain the favor with “the Jews,” that is to “placate the high priest Mathias and his family” since some time before Agrippa had humiliated Annas’ family by deposing Theophilus, brother of Mathias. Another son of Annas, Ananus II, put James to death taking advantage of being Roman Emperor’s before the appointment of the next leader of the Empire. The above shows that we are justified to speak of a case of family vendetta against “the followers of a man whose movement Caiphas (as a member of Annas priestly family) had expected to but failed to stamp out”.[1] 32 And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” 33 He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. It was clear to Jesus that he would be crucified and would be lifted up on the Roman cross for criminals. When this dying/sowing of the seed happens, it would produce much fruit and all men (in this nearer sense, Israel, though certainly not only) would be drawn to him. [1] See Bauckham, R. 2007. James and the Jerusalem Community. In Jewish Believers in Jesus: The Early Centuries. Edited by O. Skarsaune and R. Hvalvik. Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, 75. www.eteacherbiblical.com . Used by permission.