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Dear Roger, Thanksgiving and Christmas are tough times for me. I really don’t want to spend any time with my family. It’s like when we get together the pain and hurts all come back. I can bury the pain and rejection for most of the year but family get togethers brings it all back. I guess that the hardest part is that I get more hurt every time we get together. Mom yells; dad says for the hundredth time how I’ll never amount to anything, and my brother and sister still gang up on me and criticize me and make fun of me. My husband asked me when was the last time that I left my family and felt better than when I came. I can’t remember one time. I always leave with more hurt than when I came.   The truth is that I have “amounted” to something. I have a great job and a wonderful husband. I love his in-laws and they love and support me. When it is time to leave I always feel better than when I came.   I am looking for suggestions. I am tired of being “beat up” every time we get together with my family.   Sincerely, Pamela   Dear Pamela,   I see three options. First, think of some positive ways to make it better. Second, don’t go; and third, “grin and bear it.”   David Ferguson of Intimate Life Ministries tells of an experience he had that you might find encouraging.   A pastor and his wife were having marriage difficulties. The church was fine, family OK, but their relationship was struggling. David had them fill out a questionnaire before the sessions began. One of the questions was, “How did your father praise you?” The wife left it blank. Dave reflected: “It looks like you may have missed praise and appreciation from dad. Is that right?” She said, “Yeah, that’s right, and it hurts a lot-because he’s the most important man in my life.”   At that point, how do you think the husband was feeling? They’d been married 20 years! We are talking hurt, pain, and rejection here!   Note the dysfunctions playing out in this family. My experience is that if your family was and/or is painful and hurtful that you certainly won’t want to spend the holidays with them.   David continues story.   Christmas time was near and the pastor and his wife were about to make a trip from Texas to Michigan to be with her mom and dad for the holidays. At the conclusion of the session Dave asked the husband to stay behind for a moment and after his wife left. Dave gave that husband a homework assignment.   They spent three or four days with her mother and father. Dad was no more affirming, affectionate, or approving than he ever had been. He was distant, withdrawn, critical and negative.   The pastor and his wife were about to get in the car and head home. They were standing in the kitchen, husband, wife, and her mother and father. It was time for this husband to do his homework. He looked at his mother and father-in-law and said, “I don’t know if I ever told you this or not, but you have a very special daughter. I am proud that she is my wife. She is great with the children, loves and prays for the church family, and supports me in everything that I do.” As soon as they got in the car his wife scooted over next to him and burst into tears of joy. All of the affirmation, praise, and appreciation that she’d longed for decades for her dad to express were being ministered deeply to her by her husband.   A powerful healing took place. She left her family feeling better that day than when she first came.   This story illustrates a creative way to protect you from your hurting family. Your husband contradicts every criticism with a positive expression of your personality and character.   This is what the Bible calls, “pouring hot coals on your enemy.” This is like doing good things for someone while you are really “thumbing your nose at them” as we might very loosely translate that term in today’s vernacular (Proverb 25:22; Romans 12:20 ).   I am not sure that intentionally heaping coals is a nice thing to do; but, it sure can make you feel better.   For those not married, perhaps you can partner with one of your siblings to finally stand up to your antagonizing family. Enough is enough. Spend time with the most functional ones in your family and try to build each other up so that you feel better when you leave than when you came.   Another option is to “grin and bear it.”   This option is one you must prepare for. Get your expectations in line with reality. Accept the fact that you will get hurt and rejected again. You will be in a hostile environment. Before going, consciously build a hedge of protection around yourself ( Job 1:10 ) so that their harsh words and evil criticisms cannot penetrate your feelings and emotions and leave you rung out, devastated, and fallen on the floor.   Plan to arrive late and leave early. Expose yourself to the poisonous venom as little as possible.   Another option is simply don’t go. Again, it was holiday time. I was advising a husband and wife soon to depart Tucson for Christmas on the East Coast with her family. Several years ago she and her husband made a conscious choice to move 2,000 miles away just to get away from her painful, dysfunctional family. She related the pain she still experienced when even when her family members continued to chide her for deserting the family by moving away.   She didn’t want to relive again all the reasons she chose to get away from them in the first place. “Then, why go,” I asked her. “Because I would feel guilty for not going.”   After chatting for over an hour it became obvious to her that nothing good could come from her going—and it was not her fault. One visit was not going to fix anything and all she would do was expose herself to more mental and emotional anguish. She made up her mind not to go before I had the opportunity to advise her likewise.   There are some families you just don’t want to grow up in, or be in.   I told her that she reminded me of Joseph. He grew up in a family filled with murder, rape, rejection, favorites and pain. His brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt when he was a teenager. Yet, he was the only one in the family who turned out all right. “You’ve made the steps to come out all right,” I said. “Maybe someday you can reconcile with your family—like Joseph did with his brothers—maybe not, but at least now is not the time.”   I hope that you can have a positive and joyful holiday experience. I hope that you have a great family and are looking forward to a great holiday season with them. I’m sorry if you family is so hurtful that you really hate to be anywhere near them at Thanksgiving and Christmas. May God give you grace and perhaps some delightful surprises with your family this holiday season.   Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I think that if I understand how to really praise God, I will deepen my walk with Him and live a more positive, victorious life. The professor in my college Bible class made the comment that not all the words for “praise” in the Bible really mean “praise”. She mentioned that there were several different Hebrew words which are often translated as “praise” but in fact have deeper and multiple meanings. Could you please elaborate? Thank you, Jennifer   Dear Jennifer,   Your professor’s right. Not all the words translated as “praise” are equal. Some words translated as “praise” mean “to throw up the hands”. Others describe loud shouting. Some refer to playing the guitar. Others describe hope in the midst of hopelessness, anticipating God’s while we are still in our troubles. Let me share with you some of the most often used words for praise in the Bible   1. “HALLAL” IS THE MOST COMMON WORD FOR PRAISE.   ( Joel 2:26 ; Psalm: 63:11; 150:1-6; Ezra 3:10-13 )   This word simply means to boast, brag, or rave about God even to the point of appearing foolish. People who attend football games often shout and scream and holler for their favorite team. They are called fans. Unfortunately, for most of us, if we shout and scream and brag on God we may be labeled as fanatics-as if something is wrong with us.   “ Because your love is better than life,my lips will glorify you.I will praise you as long as I live . . . ” ( Psalm 63:3-4 ).   2. “YADAH” MEANS TO WORSHIP WITH EXTENDED HANDS.   “Lift up your hands in the sanctuary and praise the Lord” ( Psalm 134:2 ).   ( Psalm 43:1-5 ; 134:2 ; 2 Chronicles 20: 1- 21 ; Nehemiah 8:6 ; 1 Timothy 2:8 )   Yadah pictures a three-year-old child, hands raised, running towards daddy, crying, “Hold me, daddy, hold me!” Yadah is often translated as, “giving thanks.” Yadah is often a cry for help. Yadah praise is used when we are in desperate straits and need a victory from the Lord.   Raising the hands is one of the most explosive and meaningful expressions of praise. Raising the hands is an international sign of surrender. A worshiping person raises hands in adoration and surrender to God.   3. “BARAK” is used to denote blessing.   “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,and naked I will depart.The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;may the name of the Lord be praised” ( Job 1:21 ). ( Judges 5:1-2 ; Psalm 72:15 )   Barack suggests the transcendent privilege of blessing the Lord.   4. “TEHILLAH” means to sing or to laud.   “Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;    you are the one Israel praises” ( Psalm 22:3 ). ( Exodus 15:2 ; Isaiah 61:3 ; Deuteronomy 10:21 )   Tehillah involves music and singing-especially singing. Singing is vital to the worship of God. There are over 300 Bible mandates to sing. This word suggests that God himself is a song of praise. We might say it like this, “God is our song.”   5. “ZAMAR” means to pluck the strings of an instrument. “For the director of music. Of David the servant of the Lord. He sang to the Lord the words of this song when the Lord delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul.” “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,. . . I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,and I have been saved from my enemies” ( Psalm 18:1-3 ). ( Nehemiah 8:10 ; Psalm 18:1-4 , 46-50 ; 68:1-4 ; Ephesians 5:19 )   Zamar speaks of rejoicing. It is involved with the joyful expression of music.   Zamar means to sing praises or to touch the strings. It speaks of involving every available instrument to make music and harmony before the Lord. It is God’s will that we be joyful.   Use Zamar when you are rejoicing after God has done something great for you.   Zamar is translated into the New Testament has “Psallo”. “Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord” ( Ephesians 5:19 ). Psalms = Psalms Hymns = Songs Based On Scripture Spiritual Songs = Songs Based On Personal Testimony Or Songs From The Spirit.   6. “TODAH” means to shout or to address with a loud voice.   But Todah goes even further. It includes an attitude of gratitude for God’s promised deliverance even while we are still in need. This type of praise also refers to lifting of the hands in inviting God’s help. Todah praise is having faith and assurance that is well even before the victory actually comes.   For example, David is trapped by the Philistines in Gath. He gives thanks and offers Todah praise even before God delivers him. “Be merciful to me, my God,for my enemies are in hot pursuit; . . .   When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.       In God, whose word I praise— . . .All day long they twist my words;They conspire, they lurk,they watch my steps, hoping to take my life.Record my misery; . . .   Then my enemies will turn backwhen I call for help.By this I will know that God is for me” ( Psalm 56:1-12 ).   Offer Todah praise and trust that God will deliver.   7. “SHABACH” also means to shout or to address in a loud tone.   For example, the pagan king of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar, was struck insane by God because of his pride. When God restored his sanity seven years later Nebuchadnezzar shouted words of Shabbat praise:   “Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble” ( Daniel 4:37 ).   “HALLELUJAH” is the premier word for praise in the Bible. Hallelujah transcends the languages of the world. It is not translated; it is transliterated. “Hallel” means to boast or to brag on, to make a show, even to the point of looking ridiculous. “Jah” is the short form of the name for God.   Hallelujah is the spontaneous outcry of one who is excited about God. It is used only 24 times in the Old Testament all between Psalm 104 and 150 . It is reserved for times of extreme exultation. “1  Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary;praise him in his mighty heavens. 2  Praise him for his acts of power;praise him for his surpassing greatness. 3  Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,praise him with the harp and lyre, 4  praise him with timbrel and dancing,praise him with the strings and pipe, 5  praise him with the clash of cymbals,praise him with resounding cymbals. 6  Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord” ( Psalm 150 ).   The word hallelujah is used only four times in the New Testament, all of them  in Revelation 19:1-7 . Hallelujah!  Salvation and glory and power belong to our God, Hallelujah! Revenge on the Harlot: God is just after all. Hallelujah! God is still on his throne even though the world is destroyed. “Hallelujah!     For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be gladand give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come,and his bride has made herself ready.   HOW DO I FIND WHICH WORD FOR PRAISE IS BEING USED IN THE PASSAGE THAT I AM READING?   If you can find a discounted copy Strong’s Exhaustive Bible Concordance” then you have found a real treat. But even better, the following three sites and others like them will prove most helpful in identifying which Hebrew word for praise is used in various passages.   Worship Basic 101 Biblehub.com Gatewaychurch.org   I hope that you’ll find my answer helpful. Let me know how things are coming along.   Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, I’d love to understand more about the Magi and the star – what made them think this star would lead them to a king? Is there anything in the Old Testament that forbids or warns against using the stars to search for guidance? There are many traditions related to the Magi–what is in the scriptures? Gayla Dear Gayla,   The reason that the wise men thought that the star would lead them to a king is because of the ancient belief that signs in the heavens portended great–or terrible–things to come–depending on who is interpreting the sign. Some unusual movement or stellar event of great magnitude was often thought to herald the birth of a King or someone of great personage. An event occurred in the sky and they went looking. The fact that the star appeared and moved indicates more of a miraculous appearance than a natural one.   Deuteronomy 18:9-13 forbids activities like using the stars for guidance.   Many traditions surround the wise men. Legend makes them all kings; but, this is not true. They were wise men. They were most likely the King’s personal advisors whose responsibilities included reading the stars among other things.   They were from “the east” which most probably meant Persia or Babylon.   Early church traditions put their number at twelve. Today, we imagine there were three (probably because there were three different types of gifts).   Church traditions have assigned them names and personalities. Melchior, old, grey-headed, with a long beard brought the gold. Caspar, young, beardless, with a ruddy complexion brought frankincense. Balthasar, swarthy with new beard brought myrrh.   The wise men were not at the manger on Christmas night. When they arrived in Bethlehem several months to two years later, Joseph, Mary and Jesus were living in a house.   The three gifts they brought to Jesus were most likely used by Joseph to finance their “flight to Egypt” to escape Herod’s order to kill all the boy babies under the age of two.   Let me gather two lessons from the wise men and then share with you the traditional story about Artaban, the fourth wise man. I think you will enjoy it.   These Men Were Wise Because They Were Seeking After Christ.   What could we better do in this world than to seek after Christ? The wise men thought all other pursuits of small account compared with this.   The search to worship Jesus Christ is all out of proportion to anything else we may do in life.   These Men Were Wise Men Because They Refused To Worship Empty Handed.   Everyone knows that gifts have something to do with Christmas; but, after that, there is mass confusion. If we read the Christmas story carefully, we find that the wise men did not exchange gifts with one another. They gave gifts to Christ.   The lesson here is that true recognition of Jesus Christ will ever be attended by the spontaneous surrender of our best to Him.   Now Let Me Share With You The Traditional Story Of Artaban–The Fourth Wise Man. Artaban set out to follow the star and took a sapphire, a ruby, and a pearl beyond price as gifts for the king. He was riding hard to meet his three friends – Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar at the agreed-upon meeting place. Time was short. He knew they’d leave if he were late. Suddenly, he saw the dim figure of a traveler in the road ahead. He was sick–his body racked with fever. Artaban knew that if he stopped to help he would miss his friends. But, what else could he do? When he arrived at the agreed upon meeting place his friends were gone. He now needed camels and bearers to cross the desert. He had to sell his sapphire to get them. He was sad because the new king would never get his gem.   He was late to Bethlehem. Mary and Joseph were gone. He took lodging in a little house where there was a small child that he had come to love. Herod gave the order for all male children to be slain. Soldiers came to carry out the order. The weeping of stricken mothers could be heard throughout the city. Artaban stood in the doorway. When the soldiers came Artaban bribed them with his ruby not to enter. The child was safe; the mother overjoyed; but the ruby was gone. Artaban was sad because the new king would never have his ruby. After over thirty years of searching for the king he came to Jerusalem. A crucifixion was scheduled for that day. Artaban had heard of this Jesus who was to be crucified, and thought that he sounded much like the King for whom he was searching. So, Artaban headed for Calvary. Maybe his pearl could buy the life of his King.   Suddenly a girl came sprinting down the street, crying out: “Save me! My father’s in debt! He’s going to sell me as a slave to pay his creditors. Somebody help me!”   Artaban hesitated. Then, sadly, he brought out his pearl and gave it to the creditors to settle the debt.   Then, all of a sudden the skies grew dark and an earthquake ensued. Flying tile hit Artaban on the head and knocked him half-conscious to the ground. The girl he’d just ransomed pillowed his head.   Suddenly Artaban’s lips began to move. “Not so, Lord. For when did I see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you a drink? When did I see you a stranger and took you in, or naked and clothed you? Thirty-three years I’ve looked for you; but, I’ve never seen your face, nor have I ministered to you, my King.”   Then, like a whisper from far away came a sweet low voice. “Truly, I say unto you, Artaban, inasmuch as you’ve done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me. Enter into the joy of the Master’s Kingdom.”   Then, mortally wounded, Artaban smiled. He knew that the King had received his gifts after all.   Well, Gayla, I hope that I’ve answered some of your questions and that you enjoyed the story.   Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I’ve celebrated Christmas more than 70 times in my lifetime. Tell me something I probably haven’t heard about the Christmas story, something I can apply to my life.  Sincerely, Randy   Dear Randy,   One of the challenges facing pastors is how to be creative and do something special every year when Christmas rolls around. This problem reminds me of Solomon’s statement in Ecclesiastes: “There is nothing new under the sun. It has all happened before.”   One of my favorite Christmas lessons that you may not have heard is what I call the, “Bethlehem Principle.” I recently preached on the “Bethlehem Principle.” for the first time in my life. Maybe this will be something new for you.   According to the “Bethlehem Principle”, God can use the weakest things in our lives to be actually the strongest.   The “Bethlehem Principle” is my high school mentor whose ravaging brain cancer gave him just three months to live motioning me to draw near to his hospital bed and lean down close to his lips. “Roger,” he said, “ watch me, I want you to see how a Christian dies.” By God’s grace, he was manifesting strength during weakness and glory for God.”   The “Bethlehem Principle.” applies in two ways.   First, God gives me grace to handle any weakness. Second, God gets glory when I handle my weaknesses in a positive way.   The “Bethlehem Principle.” is found in Micah chapter five and Matthew chapter two.   It’s 600 BC and the Babylonians are decimating the southern provinces of Israel. Micah, a Minor Profit describes the scene in Micah 5:1 : “Marshall your troops for a siege is laid against us. They will strike Israel’s ruler on the cheek with a rod.”   Israel was weak and defenseless. No hope. All was lost. King Jehoikim lost his head. Unless God sent a Savior, the Babylonians would kill, murder, steal, burn, kill babies, rape women, knock down the temple and enslave those who were still alive.   In the midst of this horror, Micah makes a startling, almost incomprehensible, promise. He declared that a Savior was coming out of one of the smallest cities in Israel: Bethlehem. But of course, no Savior arrived to defeat the Babylonians.   Micah 5:2 : “But you, Bethlehem, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from old, from ancient times.”   Israel was destroyed because no Messiah arrived. However, like many Old Testament prophecies, Micah’s promise of the coming Messiah was an overarching prophecy spanning 600 BC to the birth of Christ.   Matthew picked up on the “Bethlehem Principle.”   Matthew 2:1-6 : “When Herod heard about the newly born baby King, he was disturbed. He asked the Temple priests where the Messiah was to be born.” They replied, “In Bethlehem, just like Micah said.”     FIRST, THE “BETHLEHEM PRINCIPLE” PROVIDES STRENGTH TO POWER US THROUGH THE WEAKEST OF OUR WEAKNESSES.   Of all the places for the Savior to come from, why in the world would God pick Jerusalem? Nobody who is anybody came from Bethlehem.   If Jesus were to come to Texas he would not come to Dallas. Dallas looks down on Fort Worth. Fort Worth looks down on Arlington. Arlington looks down on Waxahachie. Waxahachie looks down on Ennis. Ennis looks down on Gun Barrel City.   If Jesus were to come to Texas, he’d likely be born in Gun Barrel City.   The “Bethlehem Principle.” is the hope of Christmas. If the Messiah can come as a little baby from one of the weakest villages on earth, then he certainly can be down on my level to care for me.   The contemporary relevance for this aspect of the “Bethlehem Principle” for the Christmas season is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:    “But God said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ power can rest on me. That is why for Christ sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, for when I am weak then I am strong.”   In 2 Corinthians chapters 11-12, Paul details his sufferings for Jesus: imprisonments, beatings, near-by stoning, whippings by the Jews, beatings with metal rods by the Romans, shipwrecks, danger during frequent journeys, many sleepless nights, hunger and thirst, often without food, cold, malaria, epilepsy, and to top it all off, God gave him a tormenting thorn from Satan to keep him humble.   To one degree or another, we are all like Paul in our weaknesses.   How many of us have stepped on the gas but we have to admit that the power just isn’t in us. God didn’t equip us with eight cylinders, or was six, only – – those not too good.   I know people who’ve had expectations for normal, well-adjusted, happy lives; but, like beasts from ambush, an accident or sickness leapt out from nowhere and now they must work with crippled machinery.   Others dream of love and marriage and missed it.   Many are heartbroken dream about a marriage that might’ve been a thing of beauty, but was a tragedy instead.   Some children who were created as a blessing, became an inward agony.   In some households, the tie that binds has been ripped asunder.   Then comes the “Aha” moment when we understand that God promises to give us the same grace for our weaknesses that he poured into Paul during his weaknesses.   Grace is not some sweet, petite, graceful ballerina. The working hypothesis behind grace is awesome, unleashed power.   Grace is experienced as a deep-inner strength and peace that carries us through the most difficult of circumstances.   SECOND: GOD’S GRACE IS PUT ON DISPLAY AS WE POWER THROUGH OUR WEAKNESSES. GOD RECEIVES GREAT GLORY BY HOW WE HANDLE THOSE WEAKNESSES.   Paul sums up the second aspect of the “Bethlehem Principle”  in 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 :   “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.   We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.”   Well Randy, perhaps you’ve heard of the “Bethlehem Principle” before. Maybe not. But if you have, hopefully it was good to hear it again from my perspective.   Love, Roger

Dear Roger, Is there any one thing that I’m not doing now that might transform my prayer life? Sincerely, Brooke Dear Brooke, SEE ALSO:  When You Pray for Your Children with No Results ” Yes! Practice praying a spiritual prayer. A spiritual prayer is based upon biblical passages which focus on our bodies, souls, and human spirits. We are three-part creatures. ”May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus”   (1 Thessalonians 5:23 ). “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow (body) it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart”   (Hebrews 4:12 ). SEE ALSO:  Why You Don’t Want to be a Spiritual Baby Regarding our bodies, we are all concerned about praying for healthy bodies, for others as well as for ourselves. Some prayers originate in our souls. Our soul is the essence of who we are. We feel, think and make choices in our souls. In our souls we pray for people and things. Praying through a “prayer list” is an example of prayers that originate in our souls. Most of us are not so familiar with praying in our inner-human spirit. At the moment of our conversion, God the Holy Spirit takes up residence in our human spirit. The human spirit is where we commune with God and experience true worship. Our human spirit prompts us to pray in our souls for things that are not on our “prayer list.” 1. A spiritual prayer begins with praise. SEE ALSO:  How to Recover from a Spiritual Backslide Praise occurs when we tell God and others how impressed we are with God’s majestic character. Praise means focusing upon his love, compassion, mercy, righteousness, purity and holiness. Praise also occurs when we call to mind the demonstrations of his awesome power. He stood on the edge of nothingness and spoke the universe into existence! He turned the Nile into blood, split the Red Sea, and resurrected Jesus from the dead. Finally, praise occurs when we thank God for both his character and power. As we praise him for his marvelous character and awesome power, our faith is stimulated. We are encouraged that he is able to handle, in a loving way, any difficulty that comes our way. 2. We quiet our souls. We refuse to let our minds run away in multiple, uncontrolled directions. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”  (2 Corinthians 10:5 ). Fortunately, we have complete control as to whether we want to quiet down our souls or not. David wrote: “My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, like a child quieted and its mother’s breast; like a child that is quieted is my soul”  ( Psalm 131:1-3 RSV). 3. We enter into a time of mindful meditation. Meditation means that we quiet everything down as we prepare ourselves to enter the throne room of Heaven. As we seek to pray spiritual prayers, we focus cut on biblical and godly themes. For example, imagine  Psalm 23 , Jesus is your Shepherd. Imagine what he may look like. Do you picture him in a brown robe with long chestnut colored hair? He’s wearing sandals. You look up into his eyes as he looks down into yours. He’s smiling. Can you sense his love and compassion? Are you sensing his mercy and care? Imagine him putting his arms around you as he tells you how much he cares for you. Are you anxious? Meditate for awhile on  1 Peter 5:7 :  “Cast your anxieties on him because he cares for you.” Consider putting yourself in a  Bible  story. I often imagine that I am the last Israelite in line hurrying to get across the Red Sea before being caught by the thundering Egyptian army. I make it just in time as the waters close. What a sense of relief! 4. We’re ready now to transition from soul to spirit. Don’t be in a hurry here. We did most of the talking when we prayed in our souls. Now, it’s time for us to be quiet while God does the talking. “Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. A dream comes when there are many cares, and many words mark the speech of a fool”  (Ecclesiastes 5:1-3 ). Here we listen for the promptings and guidance of the Holy Spirit. He may give us answers to questions. He may give us a better understanding of his will, or his plans for our lives. He may tell us about people and things who/which need our prayers that we would miss if we only focused on praying in our souls. While we’re praying in the spirit, it’s a good idea to spend some time in worship. Jesus said,  “God is looking for worshipers who will worship him in spirit and in truths” (John 4 ). Well Brooke, thanks for asking this question. I hope that my answer will bless your heart, and the hearts of many others. Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, A friend of mine criticized me for some life decisions I’ve made. I believe it is none of his business. However, he is a really good friend, so I am not sure what to do with his words of rebuke. Should I blow him off and not worry about it? Should I feel guilty? Should I defend myself? How should I respond? Sincerely, H T. Dear H T, When I left Texas for Arizona to pastor Casas Church my mentor warned me that there will be three pastors in the church. The one who is the pastor (me); the one who wants to be pastor and the one who thinks he is the pastor.   Once upon a time I was leading a church elder meeting when the man who wanted to be pastor got up and walked around the table until he stood directly behind me. I could swear that I felt his breath on my neck as he began a soliloquy on why I was leading the church down a path of destruction. He proceeded to enumerate all the decisions that I had made over the years that he thought were wrong or destructive. No one was surprised at his accusations. He’d made very clear over the previous months to any who would listen that I was not fit to be pastor. The implication was clear: He wanted me gone and consciously or unconsciously he wanted to be the pastor. My cheeks reddened. I dared not look up. How do I handle this? Fortunately, I knew the applicable Bible verse:   “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverb 19:11).   So, I sat quietly and “took it”. I sat with my head down repeating this verse about receiving glory for overlooking his tirade. I was not certain just what the “glory” was but I was glad it was available. This was not the time or place to settle out his issues. I moved on to the next item on the agenda.   That was the last time he ever attended an elder meeting. That night he waited outside for me. As he told me all the ways that I was destroying the church he was punching my chest with his index finger. I decided that his political maneuverings would soon fail so I let him poke as he spoke. He was gone within the month. Early in our marriage I knew that Julie kept a journal but I never dared to look inside. Her journal was her private domain. One morning I saw it laying open on the bed. “Just a quick look can’t hurt,” I said to myself. So I peeked. Her journal was opened to her prayer list for the day and there was I at the top of the list. She was praying for me to handle criticism well. She had listed seven criteria. I have used them often. Over the years I have codified the list and added tips from several sources. I hope you find these Proverbial tips to be helpful as you navigate the waves of criticism.   Most of the criticism that comes our way falls far short of the attack I suffered at the hands of the man who would be pastor. Let’s focus on the more “low level” criticisms that we most often face.   Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or even at times a stranger. No one enjoys it; but Proverbs teaches that good criticism is good for us. Proverb 12:1 declares: “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” Offering and receiving criticism is an art. The tips listed below all come from the Book of Proverbs.   Have The Right Attitude. No one is perfect, so welcome rebuke, even if it stings (Proverb 25:12). Let your wisdom show. Respond with humility, gratitude and apologies, if warranted (Proverb 12:1).   Have The Right Response. Stop and look at the person. Criticism is serious business (Proverb 10:17). Listen to what they have to say. Don’t answer too quickly (Proverb 18:13). Resist the temptation to defend. Don’t accuse or use labels (Proverb 23:9). Don’t act like a fool by changing the subject or joking (Proverb 10:8). Continue restating in your own words what you think the critic said until you both agree to what the critic actually said and means to ensure that you both are talking about the same thing (Proverb 16:21).   Evaluate Carefully. If the criticism is true, make appropriate changes. If not, ignore it ( Proverbs 13:18 ). People have different priorities and expectations; so evaluate criticism in light of your purposes and calling in life (Proverb 1:1-6). Consider The Source. Some People Can’t Be Satisfied; Some Criticisms Aren’t Worth Engaging; Some People Aren’t Worth Listening To.   You Don’t Have To Suffer Abusive Criticism.   I was greeting departing parishioners in the church foyer when the leader of a group who said they had figured out the time and the hour of His return, told me it was God’s will for me to announce the warning so others may be ready. I refused. He came after me. It was only when my five-year-old daughter burst out in tears that I put her in my arms and walked away. He continued to shout. I don’t stand there any more and think that I have a divine responsibility to stand there and endure that sort of verbal attack. I tell the abuser, “When you can talk to me like a normal adult instead of like a three-year-old let me know. Then we can finish this conversation. Let me know when you are ready. Until the, I am leaving. And I do. By the way, this procedure works well on phone calls, too. Sometimes We Need To Do The Criticizing. Words are powerful things. Be careful what you say and how you say it. Share the truth in love ( Ephesians 4:15 ). Timing is sometimes more important than truth. You may not know as much about what is going on as you think you do.   “Great is the man who can accept criticism. Greater yet is he who welcomes it. But greatest of all is he who knows how to administer it in a spirit of love and sensitivity without causing pain or chagrin.” (Rabbi Norman Lamm) Hope this helps. Love, Roger

Dear Roger,   I worry a lot. My friends and family call me a “worry wart.” I have to agree with them. My worrying makes me miserable. Yesterday, our pastor preached about the time that the disciples almost drowned in a terrific storm on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus asked them, “Where’s your faith?”   I work on the church staff and today some of us were discussing worry and anxiety. We all agreed that worry is a sin and that if we just had more faith and belief in Jesus that we wouldn’t have this problem.   I’ve tried all sorts of tricks and coping mechanisms to get victory; however, I’m not having much success. I’ve read on “Ask Roger,” where you’ve mentioned your struggles with worry. Do you still worry a lot? Can you help me overcome my anxieties so that I’m not so miserable?   Sincerely, Susan   Dear Susan,   Anxiety and worry are two of my besetting sins.   I’ll give you an example of how I can worry. Driving down the street I hit a bump and 100 yards later think that maybe I ran over somebody. My rational mind is telling me of course that’s not true. But my worry mind says that I’d better go back and check to be sure. Can you believe it? I’ll go around the block and drive back to the bump just to be sure I haven’t hit somebody. Talk about miserable!     I try to gain victory by casting all my cares on Jesus. I think about Matthew 6 and how the birds of the air have no cares because God carefully cares for them. So, I should be here free from worry like the birds; unfortunately, that approach doesn’t seem to work very well. I’ve worked hard to learn contentment as Paul described it in Philippians 4 . I’ve tried to meditate on passages like, “Whatsoever is right, pure, lovely, clean, holy, righteous,… think on these things” ( Philippians 4:6 ). I gained some relief but not much. I needed more help.   About 20 years ago I began to get some victory when I went to my doctor and mentioned in passing my problem. He said, “Roger, I’m so sorry that you suffer like this. When did it all begin?”   “About my junior year in high school.”   “Let’s try to help that,” he said, as he gave me a little white pill.   “What is this?” I asked.   “It’s an anti-anxiety, anti-depression medicine. Try it for month or so and let’s see how you do.”   My, how things have changed! today, I figure that at least 80% of my worry and anxiety have dissipated. Now, for the first time I am able to use the passages above in a helpful and significant way. I found that I was beginning to control my worry and anxiety instead of them over-controlling me. The anti-anxiety medicine was adjusting my brain chemistry to lessen the impact of my besetting sins.   It breaks my heart that so many Christians are adverse to using anti-anxiety, anti-depression medicines–when they are so miserable. Christians who have high blood pressure and/or heart rhythm problems seem to have no qualms about taking medicines to help care for their hearts. Christians with thyroid problems seem to have no qualms about taking thyroid medicine to straighten out their endocrine system.   Therefore, in the same way, there is nothing wrong with taking medicine to help mediate the negative effects of brain chemistry issues.   I remember a man who came to me for counseling regarding his depression. He mentioned that he’d been going monthly to counselors for over fifteen years. I listened to his tale and thought of all the money that he had spent. I thought of the suffering he endured for so many years. So I said, “Go talk to your doctor about an anti-depressant and let’s see how you do. Two months later he sat back in my office relating the dramatic change in his outlook on life. What 15 years of counseling could not accomplish, a simple anti-depressant did.   Please don’t misunderstand; I still struggle with worry and anxiety. At times, it gets the best of me. But, at least I feel that I am on an even playing field.   It may help if I describe in simple terms the brain processes concerning worry and anxiety. Three, what I call, “brain modules,” are involved in the process.   The first module is the “alert-module”. It monitors the negative things going on around us to warn us of any dangers lurking nearby.   The second module is to “fix-it module”. When something needs our attention the alert module communicates with the fix it module and the fix it module starts to fix the problem.   The third module is the “all-clear module.” This module tells us that the danger is alleviated and we need be anxious no more. All is well. We can stop worrying.   Any, or all, or any combination of the three can cause us to be filled with worry and anxiety.   Imagine that you have an over reacting “alert-module” that is relentlessly telling you things are going wrong when in fact everything is fine. You will tend to struggle more with anxiety those whose “alert-modules” are more “normal”.   Imagine that your “fix-it module” is malfunctioning. It receives the alert that something is wrong but it doesn’t fix anything or even try to. You’re still filled with anxiety.   Imagine that the first two modules are functioning normally but your “all-clear module” is not doing its job. You will still struggle with worry even though the danger issues are eradicated.   Of course, there are many combinations and levels of intensity accompanying all three modules. For example, the “alert-module” may not be sensitive enough which brings in a whole new set of issues for us to consider.   God’s design is for the “alert-module” to work at the right level; for the “fix-it module” to prompt us to take the necessary steps to alleviate the worrisome problem; and for the ” all-clear module” to remove any need for worry or anxiety.   By the way, our brain chemistry is capable of initiating an anxiety attack when there is no reason for any threat or worry. In other words, we are not always at liberty to overcome a worry or anxiety episode started by our brain chemistry and not by our own conscious thinking.   Now, let me share with you some of the ways that I find victory over worry and anxiety.   1. I stay in close contact with my medical doctor to keep my brain chemistry as balanced as possible.   If you sense that your worry-anxiety system is causing you problems, then I suggest that the first thing you do is ask your doctor for diagnosis and some help.   2. I sing a lot.   The Bible has numerous references to the positive impact of changing sour attitudes by consciously updating our countenance to look happy, and act happy, even if we don’t feel that way at all ( Song of Solomon 2:14 ; Proverbs 15:13 ).   3. I try to cultivate an awareness of God’s presence and care.   Hebrews 11:27 : “Abraham persevered as seeing Him who is invisible.” Also read Isaiah 41:10 and 43:1-3 .   4. I refuse to imagine the worst that can happen. I capture my “run away” thoughts by saying, “Stop It” ( 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 ).   My daughter taught me this one; although I could have learned from Paul, but I didn’t. Whenever I catch my imagination running wild I firmly say to my mind, “Stop it!” Both Jesus and Paul talked about the significance of thinking sweet-positive thoughts. So, I consciously change my thinking. Usually I do this by beginning to sing.   My mother was a living victim of worry and anxiety. When Julie and I brought the children for a visit, the first thing she did was have a fire drill so we all knew which window to exit depending on where we were in the house. This was not a one-time thing. We had our drill every time we visited’   She only had two locks on the outside doors but when my dad died she added four more for a total of six locks to keep the house secure. She was always afraid that lightning was going to strike the house and burn it down.   Her advice for me as I grew older was to handle my worry and anxiety by taking time to think of the most terrible thing that might happen. Then, pull back and realize that it probably won’t. That was supposed to make me feel better.   She was not helpful. I want to keep the worst things that might happen as far away from my mind as possible.   By the way, she soon got lonely with my father gone so she sold the house she had lived in for 55 years and moved into a retirement facility. Can you believe it? Three weeks after she moved a lightning bolt hit the house and burned it to the ground. The fire marshal told her at the initial bold hit in her bedroom where she used to sleep every night.   5. I work hard to avoid “Borrowing,” which is bringing concerns of the future or of the past into the present.   6. I’m not good at compartmentalizing, I keep opening the lid to look inside. So, I find victory by cremating my problem and placing the ashes in a mental casket and burying the ashes deep underground.   If ever I am tempted again to worry about that problem, I look at the cremated ashes scattered over the bottom of the casket. My problem is dead and gone.   7. I replace worry with prayer ( Philippians 4:6 ).   Finally, Psalm 151 is my “go to” principle for handling best my worry issues.   As you read the Psalm it quickly strikes you that David has full control over whether or not he lets worry and anxiety infect his life and behaviors. He has the choice of living in worry and anxiety or of calming and quieting his soul. The same choice is ours.   “O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.   But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted at its mother’s breast; like a child that is quieted is my soul.”     Susan, thanks for bringing up this subject. You are not alone in your struggles. I hope that my thoughts are helpful to you and many others.   May God give you a peaceful and grace-filled life.   Love, Roger

Dear Roger, Two leaders in our church are locked in a legal battle because of a business deal gone bad. I am so disillusioned. I want to tell them to stop, but I need to know what the Bible says about this. Can you give me some help? Sincerely, Adrian Dear Adrian, The best passage I know that teaches on how Christians handle conflict are the words Paul penned in 1 Corinthians 6:1-11 . Here are just a few thoughts:   WHAT WE FORGET WHEN WE CAN’T GET ALONG We live in a litigious society. Entitled people, self-important people, have difficulty with overlooking offense. Remember, the author of this passage was a prominent Pharisee, a legalist, before he met Christ and penned these words! The Jews did not ordinarily go to law in the public law-courts; the Greeks on the other hand, loved lawsuits and litigation. So do we. Not unnaturally, certain of the Greeks had brought their litigious tendencies into the Christian Church; and Paul was shocked. His Jewish background made the procedure revolting; and his Christian principles made it even more so. I. THE PRECIPITATING ISSUE: CHRISTIANS WHO TAKE CHRISTIANS TO COURT ARE COMPLETELY DEFEATED!      ( 1 CORINTHIANS 6:1 , 6-7A ) “If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people?” First, to settle disputes before pagan judges is a blight on the Christian faith. Second, such a practice was treason to one of the key doctrines of the Christian faith–love and unity among the saints. It should not be construed that there is never an occasion when Christians should go to court.  Sometimes it is necessary to go to court.  But even in these kinds of exceptions, a Christian’s purpose should be to glorify God, and never to gain selfish advantage. The general rule is: Do not go to court with fellow Christians, but settle matters among yourselves. II. WHAT THEY FORGOT ( 1 CORINTHIANS 6:2-5 , 7B-11 ) ” Or do you not know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, do you ask for a ruling from those whose way of life is scorned in the church? I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers?” NIV A. THEIR FUTURE ROLE: OR, CHRISTIANS WILL JUDGE THE WORLD AND ANGELS. ( 1 CORINTHIANS 6:2-5 ) One day the children of God are going to sit in judgment upon the world! “This is to be your ultimate destiny,” says Paul. “Why, then, are you spending your time quarreling about inconsequential things?” B. THEIR CHRISTIAN ATTITUDE: OR, CHRISTIANS CAN CHOOSE TO SUFFER WRONG AND BE CHEATED.      ( 1 CORINTHIANS 6:7-8 ) “The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters.” NIV Jesus taught us clearly: “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.” MSG The right attitude of a Christian is rather to be wronged or defrauded, than to sue a fellow Christian.  It is far better to lose financially than to lose spiritually. God outlines two alternative actions to lawsuits between Christians. 1. Set up a judge within the congregation and keep the matter within the Christian community. 2. The superior alternative is to absorb the loss without complaint, criticism, or lawsuit. Long ago Plato taught that the good man will always choose to suffer wrong rather than do wrong. The safest measure is to follow the teaching of our Lord as found in Matthew 5:38-42 . 1 Peter 3:19-25 reminds us that we’re called upon to suffer injustices!   God does not ultimately settle accounts in human courts. He settles them at Judgment.   C. THEIR DISTINCTIVE CHARACTER: OR, NOT EVERYONE IS RIGHT WITH GOD. ( 1 CORINTHIANS 6:9-11 ) “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers, nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” NIV In this catalog of sins Paul named about every type of wickedness there is. Then he made the amazing statement, “And that is what some of you were.”   He was reminding them that there was a time when they should have been taken before God’s court and immediately consigned to hell. Instead, the Lord forgave them of all their sin. Thus what right did they have to hold anything against a Christian brother? If God had been so merciful, they should be merciful to others of the Lord’s people.   The proof of Christianity is in its power. It could take the dregs of humanity and make saints of them. It could take men lost to shame and make them sons of God. The world is filled with men and women who are living, walking, proof of the re-creating power of Jesus Christ. Roger

Dear Roger, I’ve read the Selfish Gene and The God Delusion by “atheologist” Richard Dawkins. I just made up that word but I’m using it here to describe an individual who makes a study of atheism. Both books take a crack at the validity of Christianity by casting aspersions on its reliability. Since his works are well known in so many countries, I’m afraid that some of his attacks are hurting Christian people. What do you think? Sincerely, Sandy   Dear Sandy, I don’t like Richard Dawkins at all. The truth is, I really can’t say that I don’t like him. I’ve never met him. He may be an nice guy.   What I do know is that I really don’t like the attacks which he is making against Christianity.   Dawkins is in atheist who considers the debunking of Christianity to be one of his callings in life. His most recent book, “The God Delusion,” espouses the idea that there can be no transcending Creator God and thus the Bible cannot be true.   These attacks against Christianity are nothing new. Atheists have tried to invalidate the Bible for centuries.   Madeline Murray O’Hare, the famous American atheist of the last generation developed a great following. How ironic that her own son became a Christian and took a stand against her atheistic beliefs.   The French philosopher, Voltaire, tried to discredit the Bible in the late 1800s. He mocked Christians and reduced himself to calling them names like, “bad fools.”   How ironic that his house is now owned by the American Bible Society which currently uses that same house to print Bibles for distribution around the world!   The other day it dawned on me that Dawkins is not simply attacking the Bible. He is destructively and insidiously fiddling with the hopes of millions of people.   One of the nastiest things anyone can do to others is to take away their hopes.   Take away people’s memories and they become anxious.  Take away their hopes and they become terrified.   My third year at Baylor, during final exam time, a student jumped out of a third story window and killed himself.   Two things deeply impressed me about his suicide.   First, I remember the description in the Baylor Lariat newspaper the next morning. The article expressed how the student’s eyeballs popped out when landed face first on the sidewalk.   Second, I was saddened by the suicide note that he left behind: “There is absolutely no hope.”   Attacking someone’s hopes is a nasty thing to do. I want say to people like Dawkins, “Tread softly here; you’re messing with people’s hope for the future life.   In First Corinthians Chapter Fifteen, Paul makes it clear that if Jesus Christ is not risen from the dead then we Christians are to be most pitied. But, this is where our hopes come into play. By faith we have the hope that we will be in heaven for eternity in the presence of Jesus Christ and enjoying eternal fellowship with our friends and loved ones.   Jesus said, “I cheated death and I promise that if you surrender to me as your Lord and Savior, I promise that you can cheat death and live forever, too.”   This is the hope that people like Dawkins are attempting to eradicate.   Ninety-five percent of the Bible verses about hope refer to our hope of one day entering into heaven and eternal life!   Colossians 1:5 : “Faith and love spring from the HOPE that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the gospel that has come to you.”   Titus 1:2 : “Faith and knowledge rest on the HOPE of eternal life, which God who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time.”   1 John 3:2-3 : “But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him. . . . Everyone who has this HOPE in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.”   Just for fun, I remember the time that my son-in-law Ricky asked me: “If Mom died would you remarry?” I replied, “No, I can’t imagine anyone who could ever replace Mom.” I asked Ricky: “If Bronwyn (my daughter) died, would you remarry?” Ricky replied: “Yes, I probably would.” Bronwyn’s head shot up! “What! you’d better not. I don’t want you to come into Heaven with another girl on your arm—-unless you marry someone who is not a Christian. Then, she wouldn’t be in Heaven!”   People look for hope in the present. If we can’t find hope in the present , we look to the immediate future . If we can’t find hope in immediate future , we will look to the distant future . If we can’t find hope in the distant future , we will place our hope in the next life.   Let me illustrate.   Negro Spirituals are all based on Hope deferred.   Tied up and thrown into the crowded holds of slave ships, slaves had no hope of escaping in the present. So, they looked for hope in the immediate future.   Standing on the auction block they saw their hopes for the immediate future dashed. So they postponed their hopes to the distant future. Hopefully, one day they would be freed. As the years went by they no longer had the future hope that one day they’d be released. So they turned their hopes to the distant future and began to look toward eternity.   Listen to their singing: “When the trumpet of the Lord shall sound . . . When the role is called up Yonder… Deep River, my home is over Jordan. . . . I’m gonna ride that chariot in the morning. . . . I’m dwelling in Beulah land.”   It’s critical that we draw our hopes for the future into the present where we can enjoy them!   A cemetery is a symbol of our hope for eternity and life beyond.   We see people weep over gravestones:  “Momma’s dead. Thank God for some good times and marvelous memories. How wonderful that we will see her again!” They leave the graveside with peace and a smile.   On the other hand, those who have no hope weep at the grave side and are miserable. Their loved one is gone forever.   We Live In A Society Struggling To Find Hope.   This partly explains all of the grasping for materialism. If you have no hope of going forward after death, then you will grab for anything.   Many people in our culture have no hope of eternal life! They have no hope for anything after death. They are frozen on a mountain cliff!   A mountain climber gets stuck half way up. He can’t go up or down. He will grab on to any bit of outcropping that brings security!   We Christians, have the message of hope! We are the people of the Open Tomb. We are the Easter People.   How do we help people who are frozen on the cliff?   We don’t get above them and shout where the footholds are! We come down along side of them and lead them to safety.   1 Corinthians 13:13 :  “Now these three remain: faith, HOPE, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.”   Of course, the greatest is love—but hope is not far behind.   Sincerely, Roger

I woke up in Hell. Really. It was that hot. Open heart surgery was finished and my thirteen-year-old body was racked with pain. It’s easier today. Open the chest and cut the sternum from stem to stern, operate and wire it back together. Pain is intense but bearable. A little tube in your nose provides oxygen. Not then. Not like that.   My chest was cut open wide and a spreader with a crank pushed apart my ribs. Septum ripped. Fourteen inches of cut takes a lot of stitches to close. No easy oxygen tube in my nose. I was in an oxygen tent. Above my right ear was a boiler of some sort producing oxygen that flowed into the tent. Morphine didn’t touch the pain. The oxygen boiler never ceased sizzling.   I told Jesus that if this agony was anything like His suffering on the cross I wanted never to forget it. Looking back, I knew my agony had a purpose; I knew my life was changed forever. I knew enough about the Bible to know that God uses experiences like this to mold us to look more like Jesus.   Five days later Dr. Mitchell sat on my hospital bed and said, “We made a mistake. I held your heart in the palm of my hand and cut it open to find the hole. But, there was no hole. I put your heart back in and sewed you up. You have a perfect heart.” Well, not really. The scar tissue compromises my heart to this very day.   My daughter Jessie suffered for nine months until Jesus finally spirited her to her Heavenly mansion. I was in shock. I denied what was happening. I got depressed. I grieved. I got angry. I went through all the stages of loss until months and months later I finally reached a peaceful resolution.   Now, I wanted to know why.   On the basis of James 1:5 I believed that He’d tell me.   If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.   Early in my ministry I put together a Biblical checklist to help me to understand why I was suffering. At that time my check list had only three things to check.   1. Is This Suffering Punishment for a Sin I’ve Committed?   A father’s sins can be passed on to their children to the fourth generation ( Exodus 20:5-6 ).   I thought of my many sins. If God wanted to punish me with a dying daughter, He had plenty of justification. But, I sensed the calm, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit whisper from deep within, “No, this is not punishment for sin.”   2. Is It Time To Die?   I watched Dad die. He was 85 and full of lymphoma. No one lives forever. It was time to die.   The day will come when our lives will be closed like a book and the last chapter written. Then, thank God, we have faith to know that He will lead us into glory.   I asked God, “Is Jessie’s sickness unto death?” “Yes.”   By the way, shortly after Jessie was born, a woman approached me and said, “If you just had enough faith your daughter would be healed.” She was well meaning but ignorant. It is not always God’s will to heal. Sometimes it is time to die.   3. Is This Suffering Designed To Bring God Glory?   Before Jesus healed the man born blind, His disciples asked Him “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” ( John 9:2 ).   Jesus responded, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned; but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” ( John 9:3 ).   God receives glory from the way we respond in the midst of our difficulties. When we murmur, complain, gripe and get angry at God, there is not much glory to see. But, let us live out Philippians 4: 10-13 —and be content in every circumstance because Jesus Christ is pouring in the power—then God’s glory is displayed for all to see.   “Lord, is the purpose of Jessie’s sickness so that You can receive glory?”   Very quietly, deep in my innermost spirit, I heard Him reply, “Yes, Roger, do you know how much it hurts to have a little baby who cannot grow up physically?” “Yes, Lord, it’s is like a sharp pain and a dull ache all rolled into one.” Then, God said, “Roger, Jessie’s short life is designed and accomplished so that you might have a tiny-little taste of how I feel when one of My born-again children refuses to grow up. The greatest tragedy in Christianity is the Believer who refuses to grow up.” God continued, “Jessie’s life was designed to focus your heart on helping baby Christians grow up to be spiritual mothers and fathers. I hope God has received much glory from these maturing Christians.   The checklist in my early ministry had only three questions. I’ve added others over the years.   4. Is This Sickness The Result Of The Fallen World In Which We Live?   The fall of Adam introduced sickness, colds, cancer, rape, accidents, pinched sciatic nerves, wars and death. These are realities of our fallen world.   The first teenager I buried was driving home when a drunk driver crossed the median and killed him. I have a hard time saying that his death was God’s will. Accordingly to a Biblical world view, this was an accidental occurrence in a broken world.   5. Is This Trial The Result Of Some Spiritual Battle In The Spirit Realm?   Job endured horrible tragedies and sicknesses. He suffered because of the battle taking place between God and Satan in the spiritual realm. Job was just a suffering pawn in the chess match of Heaven ( Job 1-2 ). Unfortunately, he never figured that out.   Paul encouraged us to be on guard against the devices of Satan: “. . . in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes” ( 2 Corinthians 2:11 ). Fortunately, as we mature spiritually we learn to see through Satan’s schemes so that we may fight with him on his own ground and win ( Ephesians 6:10-17 ).   6. Is This Suffering Designed To Mold Me To Look More Like Jesus?   Two of my high school friends were hurt in a devastating car wreck returning home from the lake. Shortly after I arrived the surgeon came out to inform both sets of parents that one boy would survive and the other was going to die. Unfortunately, their billfolds were in the glove compartment at the time of the accident. Both were wearing swim suits.   Fortunately, Romans 8:28 assures us that all will turn out well:   “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, …”   But, at that moment Romans 8:28 didn’t seem quite right. All four parents loved God—but, for one set of parents—things were not going to work out well at all. I kept my mouth shut and decided to sort out this passage later.   I understood when I read verse 29. God never promised that everything would always turn out well for those who love Jesus. He promised that all things worked together for the good purpose of maturing us to look more like Jesus. We can never understand the “good” in verse 28 until we incorporate it with verse 29:   “All things work together for good for those who love God who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his son …”   Miles Stanford wrote:   The open secret of healthy spiritual growth is to know and settle upon this fact as set forth in Romans 8:28-29 . When we see that all things are working together to make us more and more like the Lord Jesus, we will not be frustrated and upset when some of these “things” are hard, difficult to understand, and often contain an element of death. We will be able to rest in our Lord Jesus and say to our Father, “Thy will be done.” And our constant attitude of faith will be: “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him” ( Job 13:15 ). This is our matriculation to spiritual maturity” (Miles Stanford; Principles of Spiritual Growth).   7. Is This Suffering The Result Of Following Christ?   Jesus concluded the Beatitudes with a warning:   “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you” ( Matthew 5:11-12 ).   Paul viewed suffering for Jesus as a treasured pleasure: “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him . . .  ( Philippians 1:29 ).   My wife Julie and I teach often in the Middle East. The stories of suffering we hear from some of our Christian friends in closed countries like Uzbecistan or Tajikistan curl my toes. One friend was called in by the secret police to reveal the names of other Christians in their country. He was interrogated and tortured yet refused to divulge names. Finally, a curtain drew back and through the one-way glass he saw his wife tied to a chair with four men lurking near by.   “Tell us their names or they’ll take turns raping your wife.” He refused. Later both were released.   8. Is This Suffering The Result Of Doing Good?   Peter wrote in 1 Peter 3:17 : “It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.”   My father worked as an airline vice-president overseeing finances for over forty years. New management threw him out on his ear. Dad was angry and confused. He confided, “Some day when Larry (the new CEO) is burning in Hell and God tells me to dip my finger in the water and bring him a drop, I am not going to do it.” Dad was so hurt and angry.   Two years later FBI agents knocked on his door and invited themselves in. They wanted to know about some transactions that occurred after my dad left the company. The Feds had discovered a secret slush fund illegally siphoning money to President Nixon’s reelection campaign fund. My dad was a man of integrity—and the new management knew that he would never go along with the deception.   Dad said that best day of his life was the day he was dismissed: “With all the pressure I was under, I would never have reached 65 if I hadn’t gotten out of there.” At sixty he started his own accounting business. At 65 he decided it was time to work in the morning and play golf in the afternoon. When he reached 70 he decided to close down the accounting business and just play golf. He suffered for doing good.   9. Is This Suffering Intended To Keep Me From Future Sin?   Sometimes it is! Think about Paul’s thorn:   “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’” ( 2 Corinthians 12:7 ).   I love Portria Nelson’s “An Autobiography In Five Short Chapters”:   Chapter One: I walk down the street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter Two: I walk down the street, There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault. It takes a long time to get out. Chapter Three: I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It is a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get our immediately. Chapter Four: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter Five: I walk down a different street.   10. Is This Suffering Designed To Increase My Faith and God Dependence?   Jesus engineered a three and one-half year training program for His disciples aimed at increasing their God dependence. The storm on the Sea of Galilee was part of the training:   Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. ( Matthew 8:23-26 ).   Philippians 4:13 was my dad’s favorite Bible passage: “I can do all things through Christ who give me the strength.”   He was in great shape at eighty-four when the lymphoma hit. The doctors tried numerous drugs with little success. The last try was an experimental drug. In December I took dad to his doctor for an update. “ Well, Roger,” the doctor said to dad, “the new drug’s not working. We might as well stop using it.” “OK, what are we going to try next?” “There is no next. There is nothing more we can do.” I watched my dad react as he heard that his life was over: “How long do I have?” “Three months or less.” He bowed his head and shook it softly back and forth: “Well then, I guess this is it.” I rolled him in his wheelchair passed the nurses’ station that we’d never pass again. After a while he spoke, “Well, Osh (He called me “Osh”; it was my little boy nickname.), “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”   I Have No Illusions About My Checklist. Sometimes, I’m Still Left Wondering Why? After All, God Does Have His Secrets.   “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known” ( 1 Corinthians 13:12 ).   I enjoy those passages when Christ had to admit, “I don’t know everything!” The disciples asked, “When will your coming be?” Jesus was forced to say, “I don’t know.”   Once upon a time I listened to Calvin Miller tell a “once upon a time” story the about a traveler who saw a monastery in the dim, rainy mist. He knocked on the door and when the abbot answered, he asked, “May I come in?”   The abbot said, “Not only may you come in, you may eat with us.” The traveler had a wonderful evening, safe, dry, well fed, and warm. Because the weather was so bad, the monks invited him to spend the night. He agreed on the basis that they supply him with several things. “What is it that you want?” they asked.   “If I spend the night, I must have a pound of butter, a pair of rubber pants, a poker, a cricket bat, and a bass saxophone.” It was an unusual request; nevertheless, they scurried around the monastery and found them all. As they went to sleep that night, the monks heard an awesome progression of half tones and squeaks and squawks coming from the traveler’s room.   The weather continued badly so they asked him to stay another night. He agreed, but only if they again supplied him with a pound of butter, a pair of rubber pants, a poker, a cricket bat, and a bass saxophone. Again, they heard those awful noises emanating from his bedroom.   Finally, it was time for him to leave. The old abbot walked him to the door and said, “We were glad to supply all of those things, but if you don’t mind, would you mind telling me why you wanted them?”   The traveler said, “Well, it is a family secret that’s been in my family for years. But, if you promise not to tell another living soul, I’ll tell you.”   So, he told the abbot, and the abbot, being a man of his word, never told another living soul.   When we follow Christ we are often are forced to live with mystery. If Jesus cannot answer it all, neither can we. We wait in darkness; and, one day, by faith, God will give light in the next life.   Fortunately, We Are Never Abandoned In Our Sufferings. God Knows Exactly Where We Are And What Is Going On.   “When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way.” ( Psalm 142:3 ) “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” ( Job 23:10 ).  And surely I am with you always, even to the very end of the age” ( Matthew 28:20 ). Roger

Dear Roger, I hear people talking about praise and worship. Are they the same? If not, how are they related? What is the difference between them? Sincerely, Liz   Dear Liz,   The ministry of praise and the experience of worship are not the same.   Praise is unidirectional. We praise God. He does not praise us.  Praise is our acknowledgement of His power, authority, wisdom and worthiness.  Praise does not require a response from the one who is being praised. On the other hand, worship is relational. It is not only our communion with God. It is also is His communion with us.   “Ascribe to the Lord, all you families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; (these three phrases describe praise). bring an offering and come before him. Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness (these two phrases describe worship)” ( 1 Chronicles 16:28-29 ).   Praise is something that we can do by ourselves–or with others. Worship is something that we do alone–in our innermost being.   Praise has to do with our telling God and others how wonderful He is.   Praise has to do with shouting forth of his marvelous character, compassion, and marvelous creation, just to name a few of his powerful attributes.   Some Definitions May Help To Further Our Understanding Of Worship .   The Hebrew word for worship is “Shaha.”   It means to “bow low” or to “prostrate” oneself.  Worship involves our bowing low before the Lord, not only physically, but in our hearts.   The Greek word for worship is “Proskyneo.” This word means “to kiss the hand of one who is revered.” It’s the word used to describe a dog licking the master’s hand. My dog, Shannon, is imprinted on me. When we sit or walk she often licks my left hand. That is her hand. It’s as if she only has eyes for me. In some small way, this parallels the concept of worship.   Praise usually precedes worship.  “Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise” ( Psalm 100:4 ). Then, we are ready to enter into the Holy of Holies where we may begin to worship.   Understanding the nature worship means understanding Paul’s allegory that compares us to the Temple in Jerusalem.   “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;   you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” ( 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ).   Notice that Paul does not compare our makeup to our house. The Holy Spirit does not live in our “House”. He lives in our “Temple.”   The Temple, like man, consisted of three parts: the Outer Courts, the Holy Place and the Holy of Holies.   Entering the temple was to pass the outer courts, then, enter the Holy Place where the priests went daily to minister to God. The innermost room was the Holy of Holies where only the high priest went and then only once a year. The Holy of Holies contained several articles including the Ark of the Covenant that was covered by the wings of the cherubim. The Mercy Seat was on top of the ark between the cherubim.   Ask any first-century Jew where God lived and the answer was simple. God lived in the Holy of Holies on the Mercy Seat between the wings of the cherubim.   The three parts of the Temple correspond to the three parts of man: the human spirit, the soul and the body.   “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” ( 1 Thessalonians 5:23 ).   The outer courts correspond to our outside bodies. The Holy Place corresponds to our soul. The Holy of Holies corresponds to our human spirit.   The outer courts correspond to our bodies that consist of our five senses.   The Holy Place is our soul (“psyche”) or mind (“ nous” ). This is the essence of our Self. The Holy Place is where (we) live. Our soul consists of our intellect, will, and emotions. All three together define any psychological definition of personhood.   The Holy of Holies is our inner human spirit (“ pneuma” ) where God lives.   Praise Manifests Itself In Our Body And Soul.   Worship Manifests Itself In Our Human Spirit Where God Dwells.   Keeping in mind the allegory of the Temple, notice that Paul wrote, “I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my mind; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my mind” ( 1 Corinthians 14:15 ). July so what I heard it all   I have a prayer list of things for which I know I need to pray. I use my prayer list when I’m playing with my mind. When I’m in the midst of worship there are times that the Holy Spirit reveals prayer needs that I had no idea even existed.   Worship Flows Both Ways. God Wants To Be With Me. I Want To Be With God.   Here Are Some Ways That May Help Us transition Into True Worship.   1. BEGIN WITH A TIME OF PRAISE.   2. TRANSITION INTO QUIETING DOWN YOUR SOUL.   “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” ( 2 Corinthians 10:5 ).   Taking thoughts captive is the key to quieting down our souls. Unfortunately, we evangelical Christians don’t know much about meditation.   If you are just a beginner, try quieting your mind for 15 minutes. If you get distracted then capture that runaway thought and return to quietness.   This may not be easy at first. I’ve discovered that I can have 25 or 30 runaway thoughts in during a 15-minute period. If you think about your job, capture that thought and bring it back to quietness. If you start thinking about your family, capture those thoughts. Don’t let it then run away unchecked.   This Principle Is Described By David In Psalm 131:1-2 :   “Oh Lord, my heart is not lifted up. I do not occupy myself with things too high and mighty for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted it and its mother’s breast. Like a child that is quieted is my soul.”   Notice that we can choose to quiet our souls if we want. A quiet soul is well within our reach.   3. TRANSITION FROM SOUL TO SPIRIT.   A. Don’t Be In A Hurry For Something To Happen. Take Time To Listen For God To Speak.   Listening for God to speak is one of the most dynamic dimensions of worship.   “Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.” Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few ( Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 ).   It’s a very precious moment when our souls quiet down and God begins speaking.   The more time we spend worshiping with Him in our spirits the more intimate our relationship, and friendship with Him will be.   Remember, God never reveals the deep things of the spirit to the Christians who just drop by for a little chat.   B. Worshiping In The Spirit Is Relational.   In John 4 , Jesus told the woman at the well that true worshipers are those who worship in spirit and truth.   Jesus makes it clear that God is seeking out true worshipers. Think what it means to be the kind of person with whom God wants to spend time. What does it do to your heart when you realize that God wants to spend time with you in worship?     C. Here Are Some Worship Tools That I Use To Help Transition From Soul To Spirit.   Tool #1: One dimension of worship is sensing Christ’s pain and then comforting Him.   For example, we discover in Genesis 6 that God was grieved that He had made mankind. People who are hurting need comfort. Have you ever considered that intimacy comes from comforting God for the hurts he’s experienced? Tell Him you’re sorry that he got hurt. Imagine the pain he’s experienced.   David wrote: (Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me. Bless his holy name” What does it do to your heart when you realize that God likes for you to bless him?   Tool #2: Try seeing Jesus from a relational perspective.   We call Psalm 23 the “Shepherd’s Psalm”. But it’s really not. It is the “Sheep’s Psalm”. David gets down on his knees and imagines his shepherd from the sheep’s point of view.   Now, quietly on your knees, picture yourself as a sheep and sense what it’s like to be secure in the hands of the Shepherd.   Tool #3: Look for biblical examples that help us see into the heart of God.   Ten lepers came to Jesus for healing. As they followed his instructions and were running to the Temple priests they were healed as they ran. One of them turned back in gratitude, and kneeled at Jesus’ feet to worship. Listen to the sadness in Jesus’ voice when he asked, “Didn’t I heal ten? Where are the other nine? Can you meditate on the pain in his voice?   Tool #4: Put Yourself In Bible Stories.   Reflect on the Red Sea in Exodus. What would it be like to be the last one out of the sea? The Egyptians are getting closer and closer. I am running faster and faster. I see Moses’ hands raised in the distance. The Rod of God is about to descend and re-flood the Sea. It is going to be close. Will the Egyptians catch me before Moses lowers his staff?   At the moment I’m clear, Moses lowers his hands and the sea rushes in to destroy the Egyptian army. What a relief? Saved by the hand of God. Imagine my feelings and emotions!   A sense of holiness and awe overwhelm those who worship in the spirit.   I remember the story of two men standing before the Grand Canyon.   One said, “This is the hand of God. I’m amazed.” The man next to him looked over edge, spit and said, “That’s the first time that I ever spit a mile.”   Can you believe that?  Standing in front of the Grand Canyon and one guy says, “It’s the hand of God,” and another man just spits.   It all depends upon how much we want to know God and love him at any price.   Well Liz, I hope that I answered your question and that you’ll spend many wonderful moments praising God and communing with him –Holy Spirit to human spirit.   Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, I am shocked and disappointed. I have been to several dynamic, growing churches who end a service and asked if anyone in the audience wanted to “pursue a relationship with God?” or even “connect with Christ.” When hands were raised, EVERY time Jesus’ death on the cross was not mentioned, sin and repentance was not mentioned, heaven and hell were not mentioned in any way. I know that people who don’t know Christ are “on a continuum,” but what happened to Paul’s words: “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the POWER of God unto salvation for those who believe.” Where has the gospel gone? And where can we, in good conscience, bring people to a hunger for knowing Christ without giving them clear direction about the next step? The four spiritual laws may sound corny, but at least the gospel was clear and a choice had to be made or rejected. What has happened to our churches and pulpits today? A Frustrated Christian Dear Frustrated Christian, Seduced by relevance and relationships, we can find it easy to neglect the cost inherent with the Gospel. Relevance and relationships are great tools for getting people to come and enjoy church. However, I have noticed among many churches and church leaders a thundering silence when it comes to sharing the true essence of the Gospel. Dietrich Bonhoeffer put the Gospel like this: “When Jesus Christ calls a man He bids him come and die.”  In fact, I dare say that the Gospel is not fully communicated until people have enough understanding to say, “No.”   Jesus put it like this to the Rich Young Ruler: “Go and sell all that you have and come and follow me.” Jesus looked on him with compassion as he turned to walk away. I can imagine the Disciples thinking, “Surely, Jesus didn’t mean like that. Surely, He will all him back. We need people like him. But, Jesus did mean it that way and He let him walk away.   Bonhoeffer put it terms of cheap grace and costly grace: “Cheap grace doesn’t cost a person anything, and leads to Hell. Costly grace costs a person everything that he has, and leads to Heaven.”   A.W. Tozer, a Canadian pastor and writer put it like this: “Thank you America. You’ve given us instant coffee, instant TV dinners, instant communications and now you have bequeathed to the world instant Christianity by which a person can walk down the aisle of a church and say, “I believe in Jesus,” and in thirty seconds complete a divine transaction that he/she need seldom think of ever again.”   In a generation of relevance and relationships it’s easy to keep quiet about the cost of discipleship.   Once upon a time I was in a small group discussing the importance of understanding different cultures and responding accordingly. We were studying was Acts (    ) where Paul was preaching to the Greek inteligencia about Jesus and the Resurrection. We discussed how Paul referred to their idol dedicated to an “Unknown God” (just in case they had forgotten one). He spoke in terms that identified with his audience and with their cultural understandings. A discussion ensured about how to make the church more relevant to our contemporary culture. We stopped there and it was time for fellowship and refreshments. But, first, I asked for permission to address an intriguing sidelight to the passage which only comes through in Greek.   Unlike English, Greek words are masculine, feminine or neuter and are declined accordingly. In Greek the word “Jesus” is masculine and the word “Resurrection” is feminine. The Athenians thought Paul was introducing them to a pair of new gods named “Jesus” and his female compatriot named “Resurrection”. They listened gladly until it dawned on them that Paul was really talking about a new God named, “Jesus” and His physical resurrection. About that time Paul got to the point of the Gospel: “God commands everyone to repent…” Most of the Greeks began mocking Paul and his speech, called him the “Babbler” and climbed down the hill. They faced the Gospel’s demands and they rejected it. Several remained and wanted to hear more. That night, Paul, scorned by the most prominent philosophers of his day, spent the most depressed night of his life. Julie said later in the car, “Did you see how some squirmed when you said that the Gospel is only fully presented when people are led to point where they have to make an intelligent, determined choice, “yes or no”?   The cost of discipleship is the most expensive decision we can ever make.   I was teaching in the Ukraine, shortly after the fall of the Berlin Wall, to several hundred Ukrainian pastors and wives concerning the cost of discipleship. If anyone knew of the cost these persecuted Christians certainly would. Under the communists they had been on the front lines of martyrdom and persecution every day for years.   I began one teaching session by addressing Paul’s longing in Philippians 3:10-11 : “I want to know Christ—and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection of the dead.”   “How many of you want to know Christ?” I asked. All hands rose. “How many of you want to experience the resurrection power of Christ?” All hands rose. “How many of you want to share in the fellowship of His sufferings. No one moved. They, like very few others, understood the cost of following Jesus. Slowly, one hand went up … then another … then another … until all hands were in the air. Several men and women raised both hands!   We must help people understand the difference between cheap and costly grace. Their eternal destiny is at stake.   Some may feel that I am minimizing the importance of relevance and relationships. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Many churches are using relevance and relationships as creative ways to lure people into a user-friendly church setting. I agree wholeheartedly with this tactic. Relevance and relationships are essential in laying the foundation for sharing Christ. However, this is only good if the church has other ways to give people enough information and truth to make an intelligent decision to follow Christ, or not.   Decisions come in all shapes and sizes. The easiest person I led to Christ was a high school friend sitting in the front seat of my car. He looked at me and said, “I want to be a Christian. Can you tell me how?” “Of course I can.” We talked about the wages of sin and the need for forgiveness and the life-time surrender to Jesus Christ at any price. He said, “yes” to Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior and he and his family have followed Christ faithfully ever since.   My most heartbreaking experience was watching a man cry as he said “no” to Jesus. Keeping his mistress meant more than following Jesus.   Julie led an ex-con to Christ one evening in her office at church. He prayed all the right prayers and said all the things. We arranged for several Christian friends to watch over him and help him along in his Christian life. He ate Easter dinner with us. He was so grateful. Several months later we discovered that he was a contract killer. He stabbed his target 37 times behind an office complex. He and his “employer” are in prison for life without parole.   Wisdom and balance are essential in leading people to Christ. After all, no one has to know everything. Buckner Fanning was approached by a seeker who was having trouble believing that the miracles were true—especially the Virgin Birth. Fanning advised him go ahead and think and act as if he had commit his life to Christ and to let the miracles take care of themselves. Several months later he returned to say, “I can see now how it all fits—even the Virgin Birth.   No one must know everything and have all their questions solved before they can have their sins forgiven and make a decision to follow Jesus at any price.   After all, I became a Christian when I was seven. I didn’t even know what a virgin was. Roger