Dear Roger, I’m stressed and scared. It seems that the world is becoming more unstable daily. I worry about COVID, mass murderers, and protests. I’m worried about losing my job. I’m worried about what’s happening to my children’s education. I’m worried that life is we knew it is gone forever. I no longer read the news, because it seems that the same scary things are being repeated over and over. Everything seems to be in crisis. What are some practical ways to handle my stress? I’m all stressed out. Sincerely, Andy Dear Andy, When I was a teenager, I came across the following “LIFE EVENTS STRESS SCALE in the Sunday morning newspaper. Of course, putting a number to various stress situations is not an exact science. If you were to make a personal chart, your evaluations would certainly be somewhat different. Nevertheless, this exercise may well give us an idea of just how much stress we’re under. Life events Stress scale To get an idea of the level of stress (distress) in your life, place a checkmark beside each event that you have experienced in the last 12 months. Depending on your coping skills or the lack thereof, this scale can predict the likelihood that you will fall victim to a stress-related illness sometime in the next year. NOTE: Stress-related illnesses can include heart attack or other heart problems, stroke, cognitive difficulties such as extreme forgetfulness or decline in problem-solving abilities, major depression, anxiety, immune suppression and a rise in infections, chronic fatigue, increased susceptibility to certain types of cancer, and many others. When you're finished, add up the points for each event. Check your score at the bottom. _____ 100 Death of Spouse _____ 73 Divorce _____ 65 Marital or relationship partner separation _____ 63 Jail term _____ 63 Death of close family member _____ 53 Personal injury or illness _____ 50 Marriage _____ 47 Fired from work _____ 45 Marital reconciliation _____ 45 Retirement _____ 44 Change in family member's health _____ 40 Pregnancy _____ 39 Sex difficulties _____ 39 Addition to family _____ 39 Business readjustment _____ 38 Change in financial status _____ 37 Death of close friend _____ 36 Change to a different line of work _____ 35 Change in number of marital arguments _____ 31 Mortgage or loan over $350,000 _____ 30 Foreclosure of mortgage or loan _____ 29 Change in work responsibilities _____ 29 Trouble with in-laws _____ 28 Outstanding personal achievement _____ 26 Spouse begins or stops work _____ 26 Starting or finishing school _____ 25 Change in living conditions _____ 24 Revision of personal habits _____ 23 Trouble with boss _____ 20 Change in work hours, conditions _____ 20 Change in residence _____ 20 Change in schools _____ 19 Change in recreational habits _____ 19 Change in church activities _____ 18 Change in social activities _____ 17 Mortgage or loan under $350,000 _____ 16 Change in sleeping habits _____ 15 Change in number of family gatherings _____ 15 Change in eating habits _____ 13 Vacation _____ 12 Christmas season _____ 11 Minor violations of the law ____­_ 50 Before we tidy up our total score, we need to include points which reflect the stress of the covid pandemic. I’m suggesting 50 points. You may want to go higher or lower depending upon your circumstances. Of course, you may want to add points in unlisted areas like worrying about recessions and depressions. Or having a fixed income with a downturn in the economy accompanied with worries about inflation. You may have to add points based on you own personal circumstances. ______Your Total Score Now, compare your score to the scale below: < 149 = Low susceptibility to stress-related illness 150-299 = Medium susceptibility to stress-related illness > 300 = High susceptibility to stress-related illness Let me give you several practical thoughts about handling stress in a healthy, biblically sound way. WE CAN CHOOSE TO QUIET DOWN AND REDUCE OUR STRESS. Psalm 131, written by David, is one of my favorite “quieting down” biblical passages. I go to it often, especially when I’m stressed. David says that it is possible to quiet our minds if we so choose: My heart is not proud, oh Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I still and quiet my soul; like a child quieted at its mother’s breast, like a child that is quieted is my soul. (Psalm 131:1-2) I also like to keep in mind the following verse. I often quote it to myself. Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee. (Isaiah 26:3 KJV) Imagine that you’re sitting on the hillside with Jesus while He teaches about handling stress. WE CAN LOWER OUR STRESS LEVEL WHEN WE CONSIDER HOW VALUABLE WE ARE TO CHRIST. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26) How many birds are you worth to God? Perhaps five sparrows, a hawk, two cockatoos, and a bald eagle? How about two vultures? Julie and I were teaching a spiritual seminar as in Izmir, Turkey. One of my daughters and one of her friends were with us on the trip. I came upon a leather-engraved briefcase in the bazaar. The price tag was $300. I said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll give you $150!” He replied “No, how about $200.” “No, thank you,” I said, $150 is as high as I’ll go.” We left. Several hours later we were walking by the shop with the briefcase. The shop owner saw me, held up the briefcase, and yelled out, “How about one daughter and two goats?” “No, that’s too much” I hollered back. “How about I give you one daughter and one goat!” “Dad!” Of course, my children are priceless. God’s children are priceless to Him. He will never allow anything to happen to us that is out of His control. We are worth too much. DRAW ON YOUR FAITH TO TRUST THAT NOTHING IS OUT OF CONTROL. GOD HAS A PLAN AND A PURPOSE FOR EVERYTHING. And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in his entire splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” (Matthew 6:28-30) Jesus invented the word “little faiths” ( oligopistoi ). It seems to be a nickname he utilized as a way of gently chiding his disciples for their lack of faith in God. Remember when the storm raged upon the Sea of Galilee? Jesus was asleep in the boat, and the disciples were terrified. They awakened Jesus. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid, you “little faiths”? I wish we could’ve seen His face and heard the inflection of His voice. He wasn’t scolding. He was smiling and encouraging. I’ve often thought that he may have been singing something like: “You’ve got the cutest little baby faith!” Jesus is in the business of building and strengthening our faith. Maybe you’re just starting out in your spiritual walk. “Baby faith: you’ve got the cutest little baby faith!” One of the most difficult and most important issues for those of baby faith is understanding that God often uses those things which stress us to mature us to look like Jesus. During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered. (Hebrews 4:8) The tools of obedience that God used with Jesus are the same tools that He uses with us. Consider these three types of faith we see in Scripture: Doubting Faith: Like Thomas vacillating in the Upper Room, we struggle to believe. But when all is said and done, we put our faith in Him. Normal Faith: Most of us live with normal faith. This type of faith enables us to work with the Father in finding good solutions to handle our stress. With normal faith, we can analyze and better understand what’s going on in our situation. Amazing Faith: The Centurion’s son was dying. As Jesus set out for his house, the Centurion said, “My house is far away. You don’t need to go all that way. Just speak the word from here and now, and I know he’ll be well.” Jesus said, “That’s amazing faith! I have not found this type of faith even in Israel!” The more faith that we have, the easier it is to handle our stresses. RECOGNIZING THE WORRY PROCESS MAY HELP US UNDERSTAND HOW WE WORRY AND THUS REDUCE OUR STRESS. What I call the “worry PROCESS” works like this. First, our alert system registers that something is going wrong. This is often called “fight or flight.” Second, our brain tells us that we are fixing the problem. So, we work on it. Third, our brain tells us that the problem is fixed. All is well. For some people, that process works well. Unfortunately, we can become stuck at any point. Personally, I get stuck on all three. My alert system is overactive. Try as I might to fix things, I find little relief. I never reach the time when I can say, “All is well.” Unfortunately, because of my genetic makeup, and also because of the habits I’ve developed, I’ve never handled stress very well. I live with a knot in my gut that never goes away, that tells me that something bad is about to happen. In other words, worry and anxiety occur more naturally to some people than to others. But knowing how these three parts of the process work together, I can get a rational head start on handling my stress. I have a chance to control my worry and consciously choose faith. PRACTICE LIVING DAILY IN THE PRESENT SO THAT YOU CAN ENJOY THE ABUNDANT LIFE THAT JESUS PROMISED AND STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT TOMORROW. Living in the present is one of the best tools we have for overcoming our stress. Jesus said: The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but I have come that they may have life and life more abundantly. (Matthew 10:10) Please notice the context. What does Satan come to steal, kill and destroy? Our abundant life! We can only enjoy abundant life in the present. We may say “Well, last week I enjoyed some abundant living.” Yes, but when we experienced it last week, we experienced it in the present. The same goes for the future. We may say, “Well, one day in the future I’ll experience more abundant life.” Yes, but when that future day comes, it will be your present. What if Satan can keep us bound up in regrets, hurts, anger, humiliations, and ruminations about failures and losses in the past? Would not that ruin our abundant life? What if Satan can keep us filled with anxiety, worry and fears for the future? Would not that ruin our abundant life? Satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy our abundant life. We overcome his attacks by keeping our thinking in the present. LET’S MEDITATE ON JESUS’ SUMMATION OF HIS SERMON ON HOW TO HANDLE STRESS AS RECORDED IN MATTHEW 6:25-34. I enjoyed Jesus’ teaching about God providing clothes and caring for the birds and the flowers. But I enjoy most Jesus ending His sermon with a simple and easy to remember statement that summarizes His advice on handling stress. When you struggle with stress, memorize the following verse, and use it often: Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34) Well Andy, I hope you can use these tools to dramatically reduce your stress when needed. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, What is the “Book of Life” and how do I know if I’m in it? Sincerely, Paul Dear Paul, The Bible teaches that the Book of Life is the register of everyone who is going to heaven. Very simply, if your name is not in the Book of Life then you’re not going to heaven. What is the Book of Life? Obviously, the Book of life isn’t a real, big, physical book. Instead, the names most likely reside in a giant database on Christ’s heavenly server. Just kidding! The term comes from Revelation chapter three, where Jesus spoke to the church at Sardis, saying: He who overcomes will be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life but will acknowledge his name before my father and his angels”. (3:5) The image Jesus used refers to a king’s registry. Kings often had an official list, or registry, of all of his citizens. This list was used primarily for taxes and for conscripting men into the army.   A particular name could only be removed from the king’s registry if a person died, moved outside of the king’s realm, was convicted of a crime, committed treason, or rebelled against the king.   It’s as if Christ said to the church at Sardis, “Some petty king might blot you out of his register, but I’ll never blot those who follow Me out of My Book.” NOTE: “He who overcomes” is referring to those who have accepted the free gift of eternal life Jesus has provided for us through His birth, death, and resurrection. We become overcomers when we believe in Him as Savior and King (read John 3:16; 11:25-26). When are our names written in the Book of Life? Can they be removed? When we are conceived! Everyone who has ever “received the breath of life” (Genesis 2:7)—including those who are living now—has their name written in the Book of Life. However, it is possible to have your name removed from the Book of Life if you are not “one who overcomes” (see above). Those who die without receiving Christ as Lord and Savior are spiritually dead. In essence, they are no longer alive and in the Kingdom. These are those who will have their names then blotted out from the Book when they die without trusting Jesus Christ. Why does the Bible talk about the Book of Life? The term “Book of Life” is a biblical construct which helps to put in simple terms various truths throughout the Scriptures. Let me share a few examples. In EXODUS 32, while Moses is on Mount Sinai talking with God, the people below are dancing and drinking and worshiping the foreign gods of Egypt. The people incited Aaron to build a golden calf, so that they could see and worship like the idols that they saw in Egypt. God was more than a little upset with their behavior: “I have seen these people,” the Lord said to Moses, “and they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them.” (Exodus 32:9-10) Moses gave God several reasons why he should not destroy the people and then, with great passion, he pleaded , “But now, please forgive their sin—but if not, then blot me out of the book that you’ve written ” (Exodus 32:32). Moses was offering up his place in God’s heavenly registry for the sake of the Israelites. That’s how important Moses’s people were in his eyes. PSALM 69 is an imprecatory Psalm. An imprecatory Psalm is one where David pleads with God to wreak vengeance upon his enemies: Charge them with crime upon crime; do not let them share in your salvation. May they be blotted out of the book of life and not be listed with the righteous. (Psalm 69:28) In DANIEL 12:1, the angel Michael is outlining for Daniel some of the events of the end times. He says that those whose names are in the Book of Life will be delivered: At that time Michael, the great prince who protects your people, will arise. There will be a time of distress such has not happened from the beginning of nations until then. But at that time your people—everyone whose name is found written in the book—will be delivered. In LUKE 10:20, Jesus is describing his power over Satan and then gives a word of encouragement to his disciples: However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven. PHILIPPIANS 4:3 records Paul settling a dispute between two women in the Philippian church. When things are healed, he reminds them of his own fellow laborers whose names are written in Book of Life: Yes, and I ask you, loyal yoke fellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life. In REVELATION 20:11-15, when we come to the Great White Throne Judgment, things get really tense. Those whose names are not found in the Book of Life are cast into the lake of fire: Then I saw a great white throne and him (Jesus) who was seated on it. … And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books…. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire . Why is keeping your name in the Book of Life REALLY important? There will be no Christians at the Great White Throne Judgment. Christians will be evaluated and rewarded earlier at the Judgment Seat of Christ on the basis of how profitable or unprofitable their lives were while they were on earth (1 Corinthians 3:10-15). Notice that there are other books utilized at the Great White Throne Judgment. We may call these the Books of Works because they contain the records of the sins and activities of all those who don’t make it into heaven because they never received Jesus as their Lord and Savior (John 1:12). Those whose names are not in the Book of Life will plead with Christ that they were good enough to get them into heaven. However, Jesus will use these books to show them that no life was ever good enough to earn Heaven. That’s because entering Heaven is based on grace, not on works. As I close, Paul, it’s a good time to ask, “Is your name permanently written in the Lamb’s Book of Life?” Your name can be on a church register without being on the Divine Register. You can have your name placed on the membership roll of a church and not be among those who are enrolled in heaven. Your name can be included in the baptism, confirmation and wedding registers of a church, and yet be missing from the book of life. Christ’s gracious promise to the Christian overcomers in Sardis is that He will not blot the name of any Christ-follower out of the Book of Life. The Greek sentence has a double negative, as if Jesus meant, “I will never, never, by any means, blot out his/her name.” So the question really is, have you trusted Christ as your Savior? Are you following Him? Have you chosen to be an “overcomer”? Well Paul, I hope I’ve answered your question. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I have a question: If our salvation is eternally secure, why does the Bible warn so strongly against apostasy? Sincerely,  Weldon Dear Weldon, Let’s begin by defining the word, “apostasy.” In the original Greek, the word is  apostasia , meaning “defection,” “departure,’ or “rebellion.” Christian theology refers to “apostasy” as the rejection of the Christian faith by an individual who at one time professed it. Your question brings up a very difficult theological question—one that students of Scripture have long debated. Some say that the Bible strongly warns against apostasy because falling away from Jesus (whether overtly rejecting Him or simply choosing not to believe any longer) means that you lose your salvation. On the other hand, others say that it’s possible to fall away and still remain saved, with the reality of eternity in heaven with Jesus remaining unchanged. This interpretation is often called, “Once Saved, Always Saved.” I hold to the “once saved, always saved” doctrine. Let me explain why. Apostasy comes with serious spiritual consequences. But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons.  (1 Timothy 4:1) Who wants to slide into a relationship with deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons? Can you imagine that would be the opposite of a commitment to following Jesus? This refers to a choice between those two relationships. Timothy continues, “ At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another”  (1 Timothy 4:2). Both of these passages describe events that will occur in the latter days. Apostasy will be rampant when the antichrist takes the stage. But while many are falling away,  true Christians —those who have committed their lives to Him fully—will stick to Jesus at any price. What the Bible says about committing apostasy and losing salvation in John 15. In this passage, Jesus says that He is the vine and His followers are the branches. He says that every branch that “remains” attached to him produces fruit. On the other hand, those who do not “remain” in him are cut off from the vine and thrown in the fire: I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; if anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  ( John 15:5-6 ) Jesus taught that the branches that produce fruit “remain in him,” while others fall away and no longer are “in Christ.” They are “out of Christ.” Who wants to be in a position where we no longer remain in Christ?  It’s dangerous to be “thrown into the fire and burned!” The following declaration is quite shocking! Don’t miss this. The writer to the Hebrews declares that those who commit apostasy cannot repent and become Christians again . The reason is because, in a spiritual sense, they crucify Christ again and put Him to open shame by giving credence to the idea that Jesus is a fraud! For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the  Holy Spirit , and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.  ( Hebrews 6:4-6 ) In other words, the author of Hebrews is saying, “Once lost, always lost.” Who wants to say that? Well, when we read this passage, it makes us want to stay as far from apostasy as we possibly can. Reasons why people commit apostasy. Demas was a close friend and companion of the apostle Paul. Sadly, he turned his back on Jesus. Notice his downward regression into apostasy. Our first picture of him is as a fellow worker of Christ .  He was on fire for Jesus. “Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.”  ( Philemon 1:24 ). The next time we see him he is just Demas. There is no praising appellation. Something is happening, and he is not burning quite as brightly. “Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings"  ( Colossians 4:14 ) Finally, he took his eyes off Jesus and was attracted on the world. For Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica."  ( 2 Timothy 4:10 ) Three simple mentions of Demas in the Scriptures show the apostasy of a man who started fast with Jesus and didn’t make it to the end. People fall away from Jesus for numerous reasons. Let me list for you a few: pride; arrogance; sexual involvement; deceit; disappointment or bitterness toward God; being hurt or disappointed in God’s people; turning to God for help and not receiving what was desired; not being able to figure out spiritual things with rational thinking; false teaching; worldly distractions; persecution; betrayal and a rampantly sinful culture—just to name a few. “Once saved, always saved,” says that even if we sin, we are still saved. The classic statement of “once saved, always saved” is  John 3:16 : For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. The operative word here is “eternal.” Once we believe in Christ, we are given eternal life. It’s not eternal if Jesus can take it away. Once our Heavenly Father gives us eternal life, nothing that we might do in the future will ever surprise Him to the point where he will take back our  salvation . When Jesus gives a future apostate eternal life, He knows everything about his or her coming apostasy—and He accepts him or her anyway. How can this be? Answer: this gift from the loving heart of God is completely undeserved grace. We are born again (regenerated) when we believe in Christ as our Lord and Savior. At the moment of our salvation, the  Holy Spirit  comes into our dead and darkened human spirit and turns on the light. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, “you must be born again.”  ( John 3:3-5 ) He saved us, not because of righteous things we’ve done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.  ( Titus 3:5 ) Before we receive Christ, our human spirit is dark and dead. When we receive Christ, the Holy Spirit turns on the light. For us to lose our salvation means that God would have to un-regenerate us. In other words, for us to lose our salvation means that God would have to take a sledgehammer and slaughter the human spirit that He once lit up. He would have to turn off the spiritual light that he once turned on. Personal conclusion: “Once we are saved, we are always saved.” This is pure, unadulterated grace. I do not believe that a true Christian can commit apostasy. I believe that one who “falls away” from Christ was never a Christian in the first place. Remember that Jesus said: He that stands firm to the end will be saved.  ( Matthew 24:10-13 ) Let’s return to the passage in  Hebrews 6:4-6  that we examined earlier. It’s my opinion that these people who “fell away” were never Christian in the first place. For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the  Holy Spirit , and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame. On the surface, this passage seems to describe people who had a powerful experience with Jesus Christ, but then committed apostasy and “fell away” from Jesus. However, upon further review, that is not the case at all. Jesus said to them: I am the living bread that comes down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh which I will also give for the life of the world. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. . . Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him . From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.  ( John 6:51-66 ) Of course, Jesus is using metaphors when he preached about eating his flesh and drinking his blood. He is referring to the cross and simultaneously to full commitment. If we only taste something, we can always spit it out if we so choose. However, if we swallow, it becomes part of us. The people described in this passage tasted Christianity but fell away without swallowing. They tasted the Word of God, tasted the heavenly gift, and tasted the powers of the age to come, but the fact is, they never swallowed. It’s no wonder that they walked away! They were never Christians in the first place. Take a hard look at your own faith. It is clear from the  Bible  that apostates are people who make  professions  of  faith  in Jesus Christ but never genuinely receive Him as Lord and Savior. These pretend believers never truly surrendered to Him. Now engage with this thought. The passages warning against apostasy exhort everyone to be  sure  of their salvation. Our eternal destiny is not a trifling matter.  We are to examine ourselves in order to be certain that we are “in the faith.” Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Jesus Christ is in you—unless of course, you fail the test.”  ( 2 Corinthians 13:5 ) The apostle John shares one mark of false believers: They went out from us, but they were not really of us; for if they had been of us, they would have remained with us; but they went out, so that it would be shown that they all are not of us.  ( 1 John 2:19 ) When I was young, I overheard my dad and our pastor discussing the salvation of a man in our church who recently turned away from Jesus, gave up on Christianity, and wanted nothing more to do with Christ or His church. Brother Baker said, “He started so well, and ended so poorly. I’ll tell you what,” he continued, “I’d much rather face Jesus with a poor start and a great ending than with a great start and a poor ending.” Well, Weldon, I hope this helps. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I'm a very worried Christian wife. My husband has completely changed over the last several months. He is constantly surfing the internet and delivering angry "the sky is falling" messages to me and our adult children. He claims he is only the "watchman on the wall" and that he has to deliver his messages, or our blood will be on his hands. He sucks the joy and peace out of life now, and he gets very angry, gives us the silent treatment, or belittles us if we disagree with him. I don't mind the occasional "Well, God says it's going to get worse in the end days" talk, but I'm hearing this almost every second sentence, and it's driving me crazy! He tells me I'm ignorant and a sheep. I'm just a Christian woman who believes that God is sovereign and in control even when we don't see it. I trust in God, and I’m very troubled by his haughty, prideful anger and bitterness. How do I handle this? How can my so-called Christian husband be so scared and try to ram his ideas down the throats of me and our adult (unbelieving and thoroughly disgusted) children? I’m scared and confused. Sincerely,  A Worried Wife Dear Worried Wife, You must be so disappointed. What’s happening now with your husband is certainly not the way that you dreamed marriage would be. I feel so sorry for you and for your children. In fact, let me say it again; I am so sorry for what’s going on with your husband. I know that you’re hurting a lot. As I read your email, it seems to me that at one time he was a good husband but has suddenly turned into something else. You are obviously concerned for you and your children and the damage that he’s doing. Obviously, you’re brokenhearted for him and for the broken relationships which are multiplying throughout your family. From reading your email, his sudden change in behavior caught you off guard. I know that you are hurting deeply about his downward progression. All those things being said, let me give some suggestions that might prove helpful to you in the days ahead. Consider Physical and Mental Causes First, your husband may be dealing with some severe medical issues. Sudden, drastic shifts in thoughts or personality can often indicate brain tumors or hormonal changes. I don’t mention this to scare you; but, just to keep this possibility in the back of your mind as you work through this struggle with him. After pastoring over five decades, I have observed this scenario occur numerous times. He almost sounds delusional as he pictures himself as the “watchman on the wall” and also by declaring that your “blood will be on his hands” if you do not see things as he does. I’m certainly not a physician, nor do I give medical advice, but because of his sudden change in personality and rapid deterioration, I would recommend pursuing medical help. By the way, his unstoppable repetition of things may be a tipoff to mental issues that a psychiatrist can help fix. Brain chemistry can change swiftly due to stressors, illness, or simply “just because.” For example, paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder can have a sudden onset of symptoms. Fortunately, these can often be treated well with medication and therapy. I would encourage you to seek out psychiatric care as well. This can be a hard sell when a loved one is struggling—they often believe that there is nothing wrong with their way of thinking and resist even the thought of treatment. Family intervention, conversation with a respected friend, or even an ultimatum (be very careful) can become necessary. Note that your description of his internet addiction may need extra special care if he’s to get free. I’m so sorry about this. It may prove profitable to help him get involved with an internet support group. All of these suggestions may seem impossible, but it’s amazing what God can do as we pray for His will to be accomplished in the lives of our husbands and wives! Set Secure Boundaries Second, his mental, verbal, and emotional abuse must not be tolerated. It’s time to set secure boundaries. For example, make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable and that you will not continue to endure it. Follow through. Leave the house if necessary. Go spend some time with a friend, relative, or neighbor. Only return when he’s had time to settle down. This will be a judgment call. It sounds as if he is quite a volatile man. Setting boundaries may simply make him angry. You will have to decide this for yourself and proceed carefully as necessary. Be creative in setting boundaries. I know of one woman whose husband loved to eat. She made a boundary that affected his eating. Whenever he breached the boundary, she simply stopped cooking. He began changing his behavior. Call Attention to Abusive Behavior Third, call him out on his abusive behavior or berating language. Let him know how his behavior is wrong, and that it’s hurting you and the children. Scripture clearly teaches that that abusive behavior between husbands and wives, or parents and children, is wrong in God’s eyes. Remind your husband that not all abuse is physical or sexual. Explain to him that abuse can be mental, verbal, emotional, or spiritual. He may not understand that there are more types of abuse, and he needs to know that these other types can produce a tremendous amount of hurt as well. This would be a good time to see if you can communicate to him how much he is hurting relationships with you and your children. Let him know we all need a support system to handle the issues of life, and he’s ruining his. What Your Role Is Fourth, you make it quite obvious that you are a Christian, and I’m assuming that he is not, on the basis of his behavior. I’ve had many women ask me how they should help their husbands to change their behavior, and if they are not already a Christian, to become one. Peter says that the best way to do this is not to argue, judge or berate your husband. Instead, he encourages us to keep quiet and live a lovely and consistent Christian life. Pray that he will be attracted to your love and compassion ( 1 Peter 3:1-3 ). Finally, if his abusive behavior and language continue, and if he refuses to get counseling, medical or psychiatric help, make an exit plan. You need to keep yourself and your children safe. Well, Worried Wife, I hope this helps. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, How can we trust that the Bible is reliable? Sincerely, Alexa Dear Alexa, The Bible is an old book in a world where age is no longer considered an advantage. If we are going to trust the Bible, we must have sound, proven reasons to do so. At stake are issues as timely as our approach to sexuality, ethics, morals, values, money, the economy, marriage, work, welfare, abortion, government, and worship—just to mention a few. Recently, I was looking through an old file cabinet from at least forty years ago that dealt with this subject. Using it as a guide, I have selected eight key reasons why the Bible is reliable. I hope that they will allow you to be bold in your evangelism, build your faith stronger, and help mature your spiritual life. 1. It is unusual to see the same theme consistently repeated over a span of 1,600 years without wavering. The number of words written in the last 6,000 years (since writing was invented) are countless. The writings of humans are marked by disunity and contradiction. Words written by more than one author often contain glaring discrepancies in philosophy, facts, style, and ideas. Josh McDowell, the Christian apologist, pointed out in Great Books of the Western World; “If you take ten authors from the same walks of life, the same time period, the same country, and the same language, and asked them to expound on one basic subject, would such a conglomeration all agree? Of course not.” Yet, from start to finish, the Bible has one simple theme: Humankind is sinful and needs a Savior. Jesus Christ died on the cross to forgive our sins and give us eternal life in heaven with Him. Consider that the Bible was written: - By 40 different authors - In 66 books - Over a time period of 1,600 years - In three languages (Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic) - On three continents (Asia, Africa, and Europe) - By writers from all walks of life: prophets (like Jeremiah), priests (such as Zechariah), shepherds (like Amos), a doctor (Luke), a tax collector (Matthew), fishermen (like Peter), and preachers (such as Paul). - With a gap of more than 400 years between the end of the Old Testament and the beginning of the New Testament. Despite this wide diversity, the Bible is one book with the same theme from start to finish. 2. Hundreds of events, people, and things are prophesied in the Bible – all of which have come true. Let me share a few fulfilled  prophecies  concerning Jesus: Virgin Born – Prophesied  Isaiah 7:14  – Fulfilled  Luke 1:26-35 Birth in Bethlehem – Prophesied  Micah 5:2  – Fulfilled  Matthew 2:1 Triumphal Entry on  Palm Sunday  – Prophesied Zachariah 9:9 – Fulfilled  Matthew 21:1-11 Betrayed by a Friend – Prophesied  Psalm 41:9  – Fulfilled  Matthew 26:20-25 Falsely Accused by Leaders – Prophesied  Psalm 35:11  – Fulfilled  Matthew 26:59-68 Silent before His Accusers – Prophesied  Isaiah 15:7  – Fulfilled  Matthew 27:12-14 Hands and Feet Pierced – Prophesied  Psalm 22  16 – Fulfilled  John 20:25 Said “My God My God Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?” – Prophesied  Psalm 22:1  – Fulfilled  Matthew 27:46 Crucified With Robbers – Prophesied  Isaiah 53:12  – Fulfilled  Matthew 27:38 Lots Cast for His Clothes – Prophesied  Psalm 22:18  – Fulfilled  John 19:23-24 Bones Not Broken – Prophesied  Psalm 34:20  – Fulfilled  John 19:33 Thirsted on the Cross – Prophesied  Psalm 22:15  – Fulfilled  John 19:28 Buried in the Tomb of a Rich Man – Prophesied  Isaiah 53:9  – Fulfilled  Matthew 27:57-61 Said “It Is Finished”– Prophesied  Psalm 22:31  – Fulfilled  John 19:30 Is that enough? Or would you like some more? 3. The Bible is historically accurate at every point where it’s been tested. At the beginning of the 20 th  century, many enemies of the Bible declared that the Bible was more fable than actual history. Since then, archaeologists have documented many existing historical places that were mentioned in Scripture. For example, the Old Testament mentions the Hittite nation over fifty times. Archaeologists scoffed until they found archaeological evidence of the Hittite nation. Or consider that  Luke 2:2  says Quirinius was the governor of Syria when Joseph and Mary went to the city of their birth, Bethlehem, to be counted in the census. Historical records had absolutely no mention of a Roman governor by this name. Then, a number of years ago, a rock was discovered with his name on it. Once again, the Bible was proved to be historically accurate. Many more examples exist today. 4. When properly understood, there is no conflict between science and the Bible. We need to remember that the  Bible  is a religious book, while science is a science book. Francis Bacon , the famous philosopher (1561 to 1626) understood the separation: "Let no one think or maintain that a person can search too far or be too well studied in either the book of God's word or the book of God's works.” Many Science vs. Scripture arguments today center around the reality of a Creator versus naturalistic evolution. Instead of being forced to believe one or the other, many look to theistic evolution as a good alternative. In other words, God created the universe and used evolution as a tool. I would encourage you to spend time studying these concepts. Reasons to Believe ( www.reasons.org ) is a wonderful resource. Several passages do show a link between science and the Bible: “The Lord sits enthroned above the circle of the earth”  ( Isaiah 40:22 ). “By  faith , we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what is visible”  ( Hebrews 11:3 ). Much controversy comes into play around Genesis chapter one, which says that the world and everything in it was created in six 24-hour days. Many scientists think that that is ludicrous when they can examine the evidence which demonstrates that the earth is at least four billion years old and the universe close to 13 billion years old. In contrast, some are convinced that since the Bible literally counted those days, then that is what we’re supposed to believe. One way to handle the issue is to see that the discrepancies go away when we understand that not all of the Bible is literal. Sometimes it is written in poetry. When we read poetry we often think of rhyming words: “Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.” On the other hand, Hebrew poetry rhymes thoughts: “Moab is my washbasin, upon Edom I toss my sandal; over Philistia, I shall in triumph” ( Psalm 60:8 ). God does not wash His hands, and He does not wear sandals. This is Hebrew poetry rhyming words and thoughts regarding God’s destruction of his enemies. Moses wrote much of the book of Genesis in this Hebrew poetry style. Let me illustrate. Genesis one says that the earth was “without form and empty”. So, God gave it form and then filled it. On DAY 1, He formed light and darkness; On DAY 2, He formed sun and sky; On DAY 3, He formed land and vegetation; On DAY 4, He filled the light and darkness with the sun, moon and stars; On DAY 5, He filled the sky and seas with birds and fish. On DAY 6, He filled the dry land and vegetation with animals and man. Notice how days one, two, and three rhyme with days four, five, and six. You can also see that God formed the earth on days one, two, and three. Then He filled the earth on days four, five, and six. The thoughts “rhyme” across two different patterns. Also, each of the created things mentioned here were Hebrew gods. Moses was encouraging God’s people never to worship anyone but Him. The Egyptian gods were nothing compared to Him! Moses was not giving us a science book on how God created the universe. He was giving the Exodus-era Israelites a religious book to remind them and us that the Egyptian gods were not gods at all. Moses’ God created them. 5. Textual preservation guarantees that the manuscripts we have today are exactly what the original writers wrote. The original documents are called “autographs.” None of those are in existence today. However, the copies can be traced back thousands of years. How certain are we that the original text has been preserved? The earliest copies of the original Old Testament text dates back over 2,500 years. These copies are remarkably error-free. Biblical Hebrew scribes had an elaborate counting system for preserving accuracy. At the end of each page, the scribe counted the number of letters to ensure accuracy. They knew which letter was exactly in the middle of the text. If it did not match, they threw away that copy and started over. The New Testament autographs were all written before the end of the first century. They go back in time to the original writers. Over 3,500 extant copies have been found and translated. Biblical Scholars say that by comparing all the various pieces, they know 99.9% of what the original writers wrote when they wrote. The 0.1 percent affects no major teaching or theology. The American Society Greek Bible covers all of this if you would like to pursue further study. 6. The Bible has a powerful impact on both society and individuals. The Bible’s impact on society is dramatic. For example, most hospitals were started by Christians. Christians pioneered orphanages and were the impetus for child protective agencies. The Bible has often brought new respect and freedom in places where women are treated little better than animals. The sailors and women described in the book, Mutiny on the Bounty, were cast aside on Pitcairn Island in the Pacific Ocean and destined to die. The thirty or so unrestrained men and women were falling into moral debauchery when one of them found a Bible. They decided to follow its teachings, and everything changed for the better. In fact, when those who were marooned were later rescued the rescuers were shocked at the impressive moral society that had developed. In the 1970s, the United States the Supreme Court outlawed  prayer  and the Bible in public schools. Our society has become more degenerate and filled with unrestrained anarchy ever since. We live in a society where people are saying things like, “It’s my right to do anything that I want.” Our society doesn’t understand that we don’t have the right to do anything; the Constitution means that we have the freedom to do what is right. And how often we hear the testimony of those whose lives were changed powerfully when they surrendered to Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior! Martin Luther, who sparked the Protestant Reformation, had his life forever changed when he saw in the Bible the words: “The just shall live by  faith ” ( Habakkuk 2:4 ). 7. The Bible declares itself to be the Word of God. The  Bible  claims that even though it was written by human authors, it was inspired by God. Therefore, it is completely trustworthy. “Inspired” doesn’t mean a flash of insight that comes to us as we work on a particular problem or seek answers in a certain area. “Inspiration” means that the biblical writings were initiated and controlled by God through men like Moses, Isaiah, Matthew, and Paul. The Bible claims to be the very Word of God accurately given to man from God. “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness”  ( 2 Timothy 3:16 ). “Knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the  Holy Spirit ”  ( 2 Peter 1:20-21 ). 8. Jesus himself taught that the Bible is 100% accurate. Jesus Christ used the Bible continually in his ministry: He called it “the Word of God” ( Mark 7:13 ) and “the commandment of God” ( Mark 7:8 ). He accepted that the persons and events mentioned in the Scriptures were historical: Adam and Eve; Noah and the flood; Lot's wife; Jonah and the big fish; and Satan during His temptations. Let me conclude by encouraging you to dig deeply into the Word of God and pursue your own understanding of its teachings, origin, and authenticity. Search through  piti.wpengine.com to find hundreds of articles, sermons, and articles about each one of these eight reasons, then decide for yourself. I always find that searching for the truth myself leads to a stronger, more personal belief system that I can count on as I walk through life. I hope you will continue to build your own. Well, Alexa, I hope this helps you to understand how you can trust the reality of the Bible. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, How do you cure a “Messiah Complex”? I think that I may have one. Sincerely,  William Dear William, Years ago, I was one burned-out pastor. On a Saturday night, I was sitting behind our orange couch crying, and I couldn’t stop. Julie suggested, “Why don’t you call one of our church counselors and see if you can get some help?” So, I called Steve and told him what was going on. He said, “I’ve been seeing this coming for a while. I’ve already contacted a counselor who specializes in executive-level stress. He’s waiting for your call.” I was in the counselor’s office Monday morning. About the third session he said to me, “Today, we’re were going to start dealing with your Messiah Complex.” “Messiah Complex!” I exclaimed. “I’m not delusional. I don’t think that I am Jesus!” “Of course not;” he responded. “However, in some situations, you act as if you are.” The term “Messiah Complex” can describe an individual who believes that he or she is destined to become a “savior” today or in the near future. But that's not the kind of Messiah Complex that we’re talking about today. Let me explain. What Is a Messiah Complex? For our purposes, we will define a Messiah Complex as a person’s belief that he or she can “fix” or “save” another person from their problems. How Do You Know if You Have a Messiah Complex? My counselor and I worked through quite a list here; perhaps some will sound familiar to you. I would dare to say that most of us have made some of these assumptions at one time or another: You feel the need to jump in, to “fix” whatever difficulties a person is going through. You feel like you know what’s best for others—even more than they do for themselves. You feel that it’s your responsibility to keep your friends or loved ones on the “right track.” You trust yourself more than any professional or expert to help address other people’s problems. You may find yourself doubting the credibility and efficacy of professionals. You start paying another’s financial costs. There is a big difference between helping out in hard times and becoming a go-to source of funding for someone else. You’re certain that without you, your friends or loved ones would be “toast.” You expend so much energy trying to fix others that you burn yourself out. You feel that is your responsibility to change people. You think you’re the only one who can help. You believe someone out there is capable of single-handedly making everything better, and that person happens to be you. Read through this list one more time. Can you imagine how exhausting it is to believe that you are responsible for everyone else’s well-being? How frustrating or disheartening it is to watch people struggle when you can’t fix it?  How painful it is to “fail” over and over again, because these things aren’t actually true? I do have good news for you. God never intended for you and me to act like everyone else’s Messiah. Jesus came to save us from sin and give us eternal life in Him. In heaven, we will be free from sorrow, sickness, pain, and all the problems we face in this world—but here on earth, we will experience them all. And “that’s life.”  You and I shouldn’t feel responsible for saving others. We simply can’t, and in trying, we may interfere with their spiritual growth along the way . How Can You Heal Your Messiah Complex? I worked through another list with my counselor, intended to help me understand my “Messiah Complex,” recognize when I was trying to save others and stop taking on the role that was never meant for me. Some of these are tough to hear. Others are more obvious, but extremely difficult to let go of. Remember; you don’t have to confront and overcome a Messiah Complex on your own—the  Holy Spirit  is in you! Keep in mind that you may not be as smart as you think you are. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly.”  ( Romans 12:3 ) In trying to help others, remember that God is God, and you are not. God is omnipresent: He is everywhere all the time, and you are not. God is omniscient: He knows everything about everyone, and you don’t. God is omnipotent: He is all-powerful, and you are not. Become an active listener. Notice that often, others may just want to vent, not be fixed. Be quick to listen, slow to speak. ( James 1:19 ) Stop thinking about what to say next while the person you are trying to help is talking. To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” ( Proverbs 18:13 ) Wait before stepping in with advice. Consider carefully what you’re going to say before you say it. We have received … the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught by human wisdom but in words spoken by the Spirit. ( 1 Corinthians 2:12-13 ) Offer help only when someone else requests it. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful in my ministry . ( 2 Timothy 4:11 ) Beware of pride. When you are proud, you’ll often assume that you really can “save the world” while meeting everyone’s expectations … and you can’t. Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because “God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble.”  ( 1 Peter 5:5 ) Finally, following the model of  John the Baptist  will heal a Messiah Complex every time. John was baptizing scores of followers, and then he saw Jesus. John said, “Look, there is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world! Go and follow him.” Then, John spoke the immortal words which will forever squash a Messiah Complex: “ He must increase; I must decrease ” ( John 3:30 ). Well, William, I hope this helps. Healing from a Messiah Complex isn’t easy. But as you put these principles into action, you can get there. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, My life is a constant struggle. I feel like everything is falling apart. I feel depressed and miserable. My  marriage  is crumbling. I just lost my job. I pray to God to make things better; but it seems that everything is just getting worse. I feel like I'm slogging through deep sand. I’m overwhelmed, and I don’t know how much more I can take. Can you help me? Sincerely, Rick Dear Rick, Your question reminds me of the time that Jesus’ disciples were caught in a raging storm on the Sea of Galilee. After feeding the 5,000 at the Mount of Olives, Jesus dismissed the crowds and instructed His disciples to sail to the other side of the lake. Jesus then withdrew to a secluded place to pray. The disciples were on the east side of the Sea of Galilee and wanted to go west towards home. Unfortunately, things were not going so well on the boat. Matthew was on the boat that night, and he wrote, "But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary"  ( Matthew 14:24 ). Look at that phrase again; “For the wind was contrary.” In other words, it was blowing the wrong way. Rick,you're not alone . Most all of us, at one time or another, are pushed back and forth by winds blowing the wrong way. No matter which way that we turn, the wind is against us. Contrary winds can blow from any direction. Broken homes, loss of jobs, sickness, death, accidents, children who struggle, parents who should never be parents, marriages that break and cause great heartache, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, and physical abuse roar and rage against us … these are just a few examples. I’m sure you can think of others—ones that are personal to your life right now. Let me share with you a little story that might help. A mother noticed all was quiet in the backyard. She thought that she had better go check on the children. Outside, she saw her children huddled around a mother skunk and four baby skunks all plugged in and getting their morning meal. As soon as she recovered her speaking voice, she cried, "Run, children, run!" And each child picked up a baby skunk and ran. I meet people every day who are carrying an old skunk that the wind has blown to them, and they can't seem to get rid of it.  We need to recognize when we’re picking up the skunks in our lives … it’s easy to think they’re always forced on us against our will.  But watch carefully when the winds blow.  Sometimes, you may have the chance to put the skunk down. The winds on the Sea of Galilee were ferocious that night. The cold winds on snow-packed Mount Herman were blowing down into the hot Jordan Valley. This action often created huge storms that could whip the water into a fury within seconds. Rick, it sounds as if you are feeling that way right now . I know how you’re feeling. I’ve been there. Fears and problems are overwhelming you. It feels like you can never catch the wind blowing the right way. One of my favorite preachers, Alexander McLaren, used to say: “Be kind to everyone you meet because everyone you meet is fighting a battle.” “How’s it going?” We ask so glibly, not really expecting a true answer. “Everything’s OK” is the usual response. However, the number of painful feelings hiding just below the surface is astounding. As a pastor, I meet many people who are living with broken hearts . It’s much easier to heal a broken bone than to mend a broken heart. In six to eight weeks, a broken arm will heal. But I know people to whom I can bring up a certain name or subject, and tears slide into their eyes and lips begin to tremble. After all these years, the headwinds are still howling against them. Rick, allow me to share with you four truths about contrary winds in the hope that you will be better able to withstand them. First, contrary winds come to all Christians. Doesn’t that excite you! I've heard some imply that once we receive Christ into our lives our cares and struggles should basically dissipate. Jesus is supposed to solve all our problems and fix every trial. They have the twisted idea that once they become Christians, Jesus will fight all of their battles for them. Nothing could be further from the truth. All Christians have contrary winds … we live in a sinful, broken world. Contrary winds go with having a body. Contrary winds go with having a family. When my friends weep; I weep. We experience contrary winds because we are fighting Satan. Satan's fighting us! Don't ever think that you’re abnormal because you're a Christian and face contrary winds. All of God's people do. Are you shocked? Let me suggest that you become familiar with  Psalm 73 . Before we go to the second principle let me lay down this point:  I believe that the unsaved person experiences more contrary winds than the saved person . In  Psalm 73 , Asaph is going through a rough time. It seems that his unbelieving friends have more blessings than he. He complains that their kids are healthy and his are sick. Their houses are in great shape and his roof is caving in. His non-Christian friends are being promoted, and he's worked the same job for years. He almost concludes that if God really cared, he wouldn't be fighting a headwind. So, he concludes that it’s really not worth it for him to be a Christian! God replied, "Your problem is that you're not looking far enough ahead. You are looking at only what’s happening today. Look on down toward the end!" Then, Asaph went to church; "I went into the sanctuary of the Lord and I opened my eyes and saw that God had placed the unbelievers on slippery places." Rick, contrary winds might blow in our faces, but no Christian ever stands in a slippery place. It might be a hard place, but it's not a slippery place because our feet are on the rock. Second, contrary winds often strengthen us for more difficult things. When winds blow against us, it's a challenge to rise up and walk anyway. A contrary wind blew away the eyesight of John Milton. That English literary giant faced the wind and wrote  Paradise Lost . A contrary wind blew Ludwig Beethoven’s hearing away. That well-known German faced the wind and became one of the greatest composers of all time. A contrary wind blew John Bunyan into the Bedford jail for 18 years, because he refused to stop preaching the gospel. He faced the wind and wrote  Pilgrim’s Progress , which is the second all-time selling book in the world next to the Bible. Contrary winds destroyed my daughter Brianna's health. She writhes in constant pain, with no cure in sight, and yet she writes with insight and ability. She has raised over a billion dollars for non-profit ministries. Only God could have given her the strength to stand strong in the storm. Rick, contrary winds often strengthen us today in order that we might do greater things for God tomorrow. Third, contrary winds often blow us to something better. A contrary wind blew Paul from the life of a Christian-hating, scheming, murdering Pharisee to the greatest Christian messenger God ever had. Another great example is the old story about a ship that sank, leaving one lone survivor. Days passed with no rescue in sight. He built a shack, still no rescue. One day, his cookfire raged out of control and burned down his hut and all of his possessions. "What else could be worse? This is the most miserable day of my life!" he said. Then he heard a ship's horn and a small boat coming to shore. "Ahoy!" they shouted. "We saw your smoke and have come to rescue you!" Rick, one day you’ll find that contrary winds, those troubles and heartaches which hurt us so much, will often blow us to something better if we'll just open our eyes to see. Finally, contrary winds bring Jesus to us!  Contrary winds brought the disciples troubles and problems. But, in the midst of their troubles, contrary winds brought the miracle of Jesus walking on the water. Jesus comes when the winds are contrary because He cares for us. It’s hard to trust Jesus and turn our lives over to Him and believe that He will take care of us …  but He always will . It’s like the story man who fell off a cliff one night. He grabbed a bush as he slid downward and cried out, “Help me Jesus, help me!” Jesus hollered back, “Let go, let go!” The man who was hanging by a thread on the cliff yelled, “Is anyone else up there?” Again, Jesus called out “Let go, let go!” With his strength ebbing away, the man fell—three inches—to the solid ground below him. Jesus is always standing right under us. He is ready to take our burdens if we’ll just let go and trust them to Him! How do you take it when the headwinds are contrary? Do you bend and weave like the grass or do you stand up strong like an oak? So, Rick, what should we do with our burdens? The answer is simple; “Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you" ( 1 Peter 5:7 ). Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, I worry a lot. My friends and family call me a "worry wart.” I have to agree with them. My worrying makes me miserable.Yesterday, our pastor preached about the time that the disciples almost drowned in a terrific storm on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus asked them, "Where’s your  faith ?" Then today, I was in a church staff meeting, and we were discussing worry and anxiety. We all agreed that worry is a sin, and that if we just had more faith and belief in Jesus, we wouldn't have this problem. I've tried all sorts of tricks and coping mechanisms to get victory; however, I'm not having much success. I've read on "Ask Roger," where you've mentioned your struggles with worry. Do you still worry a lot? Can you help me overcome my anxieties so that I'm not so miserable? Sincerely, Susan Dear Susan, Anxiety and worry are two of my besetting sins. I'll give you an example of how much I struggle with worry. Driving down the street, if I hit a bump, 100 yards later I’ll think that maybe I ran over somebody. My rational mind tells me that of course, it’s not true. But my worrying mind says that I'd better go back and check to be sure. Can you believe it? I'll go around the block and drive back to the bump just to be sure I haven't hit somebody. Talk about miserable! Today, I understand that I struggle with OCD, or “Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.” I try to gain victory by casting all my cares on Jesus. I think about  Matthew 6  and how the birds of the air have no cares because God cares for them. So, I should be free from worry like the birds, right? Unfortunately, that approach doesn't seem to work very well. I've worked hard to learn contentment as Paul described it in  Philippians 4:13 . I've tried to meditate on passages like, "Whatsoever is right, pure, lovely, clean, holy, righteous … think on these things" ( Philippians 4:6 ). I gain some relief but not much. I need more help. Medical Intervention Matters About 20 years ago, I began to get some victory when I went to my doctor and mentioned in passing my problem. He said, "Roger, I'm so sorry that you suffer like this. When did it all begin?" "About my junior year in high school." "Let's try to help that," he said, as he gave me a little white pill. "What is this?" I asked. "It's an anti-anxiety, anti-depression medicine. Try it for a month or so and let's see how you do." My, how things have changed! Since then, I figure that at least 70% of my worry and anxiety have dissipated. Now, I am able to use the passages above in a helpful and significant way. I found that I was beginning to control my worry and anxiety instead of them over-controlling me. The anti-anxiety medicine has helped adjust my brain chemistry to lessen the impact of my besetting sins. It breaks my heart that so many Christians are averse to using anti-anxiety or anti-depression medicines when they are so miserable. Christians who have high blood pressure and/or heart rhythm problems seem to have no qualms about taking medicines to help care for their hearts. Christians with thyroid problems seem to have no qualms about taking thyroid medicine to straighten out their endocrine system. Therefore, in the same way, I believe there is nothing wrong with taking medicine to help mediate the negative effects of brain chemistry issues. I remember a man who came to me for counseling regarding his depression. He mentioned that he'd been going monthly to counselors for over fifteen years. I listened to his tale and thought of all the money that he had spent. I thought of the suffering he endured for so many years. So, I said, "Go talk to your doctor about an anti-depressant, and let's see how you do.” Two months later he sat back in my office relating the dramatic change in his outlook on life. What 15 years of counseling could not accomplish, a simple anti-depressant did. Don’t misunderstand.  There is certainly a place for counseling/psychotherapy to help deal with worry and anxiety. Just remember that there is a place for anti-anxiety/anti-depression medicines as well . Please don't misunderstand; I still struggle with worry and anxiety. At times, it gets the best of me. But, at least I feel that I am on a more level playing field. Anxiety and the Brain It may help if I describe in simple terms the brain processes concerning worry and anxiety. Three, what I call, "brain modules," are involved in the process. The first module is the "alert-module". It monitors the negative things going on around us to warn us of any dangers lurking nearby. The second module is the "fix-it module". When something needs our attention, the alert-module communicates with the fix-it module, and the fix-it module starts to fix the problem. The third module is the "all-clear module." This module tells us that the danger is alleviated, and we need be anxious no more. All is well. We can stop worrying. Any, or all, or any combination of the three at work can cause us to be filled with worry and anxiety. Imagine that you have an overreacting "alert-module" that is relentlessly telling you things are going wrong when in fact everything is fine. You will tend to struggle more with anxiety than those whose "alert-modules" are more "normal.” Imagine that your "fix-it module" is malfunctioning. It receives the alert that something is wrong, but it doesn't fix anything or even try to. You're still filled with anxiety. Imagine that the first two modules are functioning normally, but your "all-clear module" is not doing its job. You will still struggle with worry even though the danger issues are eradicated. Of course, there are many combinations and levels of intensity accompanying all three modules. For example, the "alert-module" may not be sensitive enough, which brings in a whole new set of issues for us to consider. God's design is for the "alert-module" to work at the right level, for the "fix-it module" to prompt us to take the necessary steps to alleviate the worrisome problem, and for the " all-clear module" to remove any need for worry or anxiety. By the way, our brain chemistry is capable of initiating an anxiety attack when there is no reason for any threat or worry. Tools to Win the Battle against Anxiety Now, let me share with you some of the ways that I find victory over worry and anxiety. I’ve learned these and put them into practice over many years, and I’ve studied each one extensively in both scientific literature and Scripture. I hope they’re very helpful for you. 1. Stay in close contact with your medical doctor to keep your brain chemistry as balanced as possible. If you sense that your worry-anxiety system is causing you problems, then I suggest that the first thing you do is ask your doctor for diagnosis and some help. 2. Sing a lot. The Bible has numerous references to the positive impact of changing sour attitudes by consciously updating our countenance to look happy, and act happy, even if we don’t feel that way at all ( Song of Solomon 2:14 ;  Proverbs 15:13 ). By the way, singing is one of the very few activities that engages both the right and left sides of the brain. Perhaps it is this interaction that disrupts and resets our “brain modules.” 3. Cultivate an awareness of God’s presence and care. Hebrews 11:27 : "Abraham persevered as seeing Him who is invisible." Also, read  Isaiah 41:10  and 43:1-3. Refuse to imagine the worst that can happen. My daughter taught me this one; although I could have learned from Paul, I didn't. Whenever I catch my imagination running wild, I firmly say to my mind, "Stop it!" Both Jesus and Paul talked about the significance of thinking positive thoughts. So, I consciously change my thinking. My mother was a living victim of worry and anxiety. When Julie and I brought the children for a visit, the first thing she did was have a fire drill so we all knew which window to exit depending on where we were in the house. This was not a one-time thing. We had our drill every time we visited. She had two locks on the outside doors, but when my dad died, she added four more for a total of six locks to keep the house secure. She was always afraid that lightning was going to strike the house and burn it down. Her advice to me was always to imagine the very worst thing that could happen, then she would say, “but nothing will ever be that bad.” That was supposed to make me feel better! All she did was drill into my mind to repeat the worst things that could possibly happen. Why in the world would she teach me to imagine the worst things? I now suffer from looking first at the very worst thing that might occur. This is no help in quieting down my worry and anxiety. I want to keep the worst things that might happen as far away from my mind as possible. 4. Work hard to avoid "borrowing," which means to bring concerns for the future or the past into the present. 5. Compartmentalize. Imagine placing all your concerns in a casket. Stop opening the lid to look inside. Instead, try to “cremate” your problem by placing the ashes in a mental casket and burying the ashes deep underground. If ever I am tempted again to worry about that problem, I look at the cremated ashes scattered over the bottom of the casket. I don’t want to go there again. 6. Replace worry with  prayer  ( Philippians 4:6 ). 7. Finally, meditate on  Psalm 151  as your “go-to” principle for best handling your worry and anxiety issues. As you read the Psalm it quickly reveals that David has full control over whether or not he lets worry and anxiety infect his life and behaviors. He has the choice of living in worry and anxiety or of calming and quieting his soul. The same choice is ours. “O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted at its mother’s breast; like a child that is quieted is my soul.” Susan, thanks for bringing up this subject. You are not alone in your struggles. I hope that my thoughts are helpful to you and many others. May God give you a peaceful and grace-filled life. Love, Roger

Hi Roger, What would you say to someone who states that they can't “help” their homosexuality? I’m thinking of someone who believes that they were born that way and that they can't help the way they feel. I'm always at a loss for words when this comes up, and I don't know exactly where to point them in Scripture. Thanks, “L” Dear “L”, Your question about homosexuality is by far the most common “Ask Roger” question I receive! I’m glad to share some of what I’ve learned and studied on the subject. First, please understand that I don’t intend to engage in the Christian fight regarding the rightness or wrongness of the homosexual issue. I’ll make a few comments on the homosexual lifestyle; but, I mostly want to write about how we Christians might best follow Jesus’ model in responding to those of a homosexual, gay, lesbian, or transgender (LGBTQIA+) persuasion. I imagine that He may have agreed with the old adage, “We catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Notice how loving and accepting He was of sinners and tax collectors! While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. (Matthew 9:10) While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. (Mark 2:15) Now, let’s compare that with how the religious leaders treated the people! So, you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. (Matthew 23:3-4) Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are. (Matthew 23:13, paraphrase) If we’re not very careful, we are more likely to play the role of religious leader than we are Jesus! Also, no one likes to be yelled at. It’s the quickest way I can think of to sabotage a conversation or relationship. I remember listening as one dedicated Christian woman declared that homosexuality is without a doubt one of the most heinous sins on earth. She exhibited no tolerance for the behavior and no tolerance for those involved in the lifestyle. From her perspective, homosexuality was absolutely a choice and those involved made a choice they could unmake if they wanted to get right with God. Many of those in the meeting nodded their heads in approval. When she finished, her husband said, “My college roommate was gay.” A hush fell over the room! I thought about the parable of the Good Samaritan. Jesus said, a “certain” man was walking down the road to Jericho when he was beaten and robbed and left for dead by the side of the road. As long as the injured person is just a “certain man,” it is easy to pass on by. But when we pull back the covers and see a human being, cut and bleeding to death, it is hard to pass on by. In the same way, as long as we can put homosexuals in categories, it is easy for us to pass by. But when we get down off our donkeys and see what’s really happening, it is hard to pass on by. So, as I answer your letter, I will do my best to be neither pro-homosexual or anti-homosexual. I’m trying to deal with this subject like Jesus did. He was “filled with compassion” (Luke 15:20). Here’s What the Bible Says about Homosexuality. In Romans chapter 1, the Apostle Paul describes man forsaking God. Then, he describes God forsaking man—leaving him to the consequences of his own devices. Let’s begin with Romans 1:24-27, which describes God’s judgment on a world which has rejected His personal revelation through nature and conscience: Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator, who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. We see here God’s judgment on a society which abandons Him. He lets it run wild, leading to all sorts of sexual liberties and perversions. The ultimate perversion is the rampant overrunning of society by the gay and lesbian community. Notice that we are not waiting for God’s judgment on our American society. Judgment has arrived. We are reaping what we have sown. In Romans 1:24-25, the Greek word, epithumia , translated as “sinful desires,” really means a “reaching out after pleasure that defies all reason.” It’s like saying, “What in the world are they doing?” It is the way of a society which is so completely immersed in the pursuit of sex that they have ceased to be aware of God at all. Then, Romans 1:26-27 describes rampant homosexuality as one of the marks of a godless, wicked, and abandoned society. Even the words Paul uses for “females” ( θηλυς ) and “males” ( αρσην ) are not the normal Greek words for men and women. Paul used the animal terms for “male” and “female.” Paul also describes homosexuality as using one’s body in an unnatural way—"against nature.” A simple look at one’s sexual apparatus should convince anyone that practices of this kind are not normal. They were not meant to be. Hopefully, I have given a simple but fairly accurate rendition of the major biblical passages involved in discussing homosexuality. There are others; but you get the idea! Let’s Overview Some Current Scientific Research Regarding Homosexuality. Scientific research indicates that homosexuality is certainly more than just a choice. It very well may be hardwired into both the anatomical and chemical makeup of the brain. The anatomy of the homosexual brain is slightly different from heterosexuals. For example, the average hypothalamus of a homosexual person—a part of the brain involved with emotions, sex drive, and hormonal activity—is about 2/3 the size of the heterosexual person’s hypothalamus. Much scientific research points to the tendency to be homo- or heterosexual as influenced by the amount of testosterone produced in mother’s womb during pregnancy. The more testosterone we have, the more likely we are to be heterosexual. The less, the more likely we are to be homosexual. With each succeeding male child, mom produces less and less testosterone during pregnancy—this probably has to do with mom’s genetic immune system reacting to each new male child. Given exactly the same genes, every male child born to mom has less testosterone available than the brother before. We can get an approximate value on the amount of testosterone present in mother’s womb during our prenatal days by measuring the proportionate size between our ring and index fingers. The longer our ring finger is in proportion to our “pointer” finger, the more testosterone we received in the womb. But this is key: science has also clearly determined that genes do not fatalistically determine our personally, brain chemistry, or physical appearance. Our environment and personal interactions in the womb, especially during our first six years, and then literally throughout the rest of our lives are turning genes on and off. Certain environments also turn on certain genes to express themselves. The same genetic makeup, but in a different environment would cause different genes to turn on. This is true of genes with a propensity toward homosexuality. Is Homosexuality a Choice? I was having lunch with a Christian doctor friend of mine who is well versed in both Christianity and the genetic, hormonal, and environmental issues regarding homosexuals. We were discussing the complexities of Romans 1 and homosexual genetics when my doctor friend said, “This all means that it is time for us to get ‘off our high horses’ and let God be the Judge. We need to enter this arena with love and compassion! We know we are called to do that.” Don’t get me wrong. Homosexual behavior is a sin at any level (so is heterosexual activity outside of marriage). If you have homosexual leanings, God says, “Control yourself. You will never close the spiritual gap from where you are to an intimate relationship with Me while you are involved in homosexual behavior.” Our behavior is always a choice. Heterosexual behavior outside of marriage is also a sin at any level. God says, “Control yourself. You will never close the spiritual gap from where you are to an intimate relationship with Me while you are involved in heterosexual behavior outside of marriage.” Again, our behavior is always a choice. How Should I Respond to My Homosexual Family Members, Friends, or Acquaintances? Here are a few “takeaways” about how we Christians might choose to deal with ourselves as well as those who engage in homosexual behavior. Protect the children. Any contact with homosexual behavior during childhood can cause genes to express themselves, and thus develop a homosexual bent. In dealing with your adult children, in all but a few situations, it is more important to maintain relationships with your children than argue over their sexual orientation. In the long run, as you build a relationship, you will be better able to speak into their lives in the future. Pray for repentance throughout our nation. The chance of our nation repenting is slight. Nevertheless, it has happened before! Nineveh fell to its knees in sackcloth and ashes after Jonah preached of God’s coming Judgment. The entire nation turned around, and His judgment was stayed. I would like to think that if it happened for Nineveh, it can happen for America. Let’s stop yelling, “Stop it” at the “sinners” in our society. Few “sinners” have ever given their lives to Christ because someone yelled, “Stop it!” As far as we know, Jesus never yelled “Stop it” to the sinners, He yelled, “Stop it” to the religious leaders who should have known and behaved better. He lived with compassion for the folks who knew no better. We will turn this society around only when we show them a better way. We are called to love and to demonstrate a better set of values to a decaying culture. Parents of homosexuals, be at peace. You did not cause your child’s homosexuality, nor are you responsible for “fixing” it. By the way, there was once a widespread belief that homosexuality was the result of overbearing mothers and quiet, submissive, and uninvolved fathers. This is not true. Studies reveal that dads tend to shy away from their heterosexual sons when they are not strongly masculine. Mom then becomes overprotective of her “rejected” son. Rejecting dads and overprotecting moms are often the result of a child’s homosexual bent, not the cause of it. The proper Christian response to homosexual individuals is to have compassion for them just as we do for others. They have the same needs for love and affection, comfort, acceptance, affirmation, security, encouragement, and respect as everyone else. How we respond to their human needs is incredibly important for their sakes and for ours … never forget that Jesus ate with tax collectors. He loved all people. Do scientific research of your own. I have chosen to share a number of scientific facts from a variety of sources. Let me share with you some other sources that you will find most helpful in your research: Genome by Matt Ridley Nature via Nurture by Matt Ridley Mapping the Mind by Rita Carter Beware of succumbing to either the “Naturalistic Fallacy” or the “Moral Fallacy.” The Naturalistic Fallacy declares: “This is the way things naturally are; therefore, this is the way things (behaviors, morals, ethics, etc.) ought to be. For example, “I was born homosexual; therefore, my sexual orientation is OK. This like saying, “I was born with multiple sclerosis, or bipolar disorder, or something else—this is the way it ought to be.” No, it is not OK to be this way. The Moralistic Fallacy declares, “This is the way things (behaviors, morals, ethics, etc.) ought to be; therefore, this is the way they are. For example, “The homosexual lifestyle ought to be a matter of choice and not a matter of built-in genetic determinism; therefore, it is a choice despite any scientific evidence to the contrary.” The scientific evidence points strongly to all sorts of genetic (nature) and environmental (nurture) factors which cause certain genes to turn on or off to produce our unique humanity . I hope that Christians today will carefully examine all factors (both biblically and scientifically) as we move wisely, intellectually, and compassionately into winning over a secular society for the sake of Jesus Christ. Be careful not to focus so much attention on homosexuality that you neglect to see other sins—especially your own. Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry . . . Anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language. Do not lie to each other, that you take off your old self with its practices put on the new self (Colossians 3:5, 9). Stop saying “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.” Notice that while this phrase sounds good in the Christian community, it only produces great anger in the LGBTQIA+ community. We are all sinners. Remember that there is no reason to allow the confusion surrounding homosexuality to shake your faith. Our faith rests in the death and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15) of Jesus Christ on Easter morning, not on our ability or inability to understand God and homosexuality. To close, in his book “Tell Me A Story,” Anthony Campolo shared a story that I think gives a compassionate understanding from a Jesus’ perspective on the subject of homosexuality. I hope it touches your heart like it touches mine. Remember the parable of the good Samaritan. The local undertaker in Brooklyn called a pastor friend and said that he had a funeral that no one else wanted to do because the guy had died of AIDS. So, this pastor took the funeral. What was it like? Let's listen to the pastor describe it in his own words. "It was weird. When I got there, about 25 to 30 homosexual friends of the deceased sat there frozen with their hands on their laps. Their eyes were riveted straight ahead. I read some Scriptures and prayed some prayers. The funeral was over; we got in some automobiles; we drove out to the cemetery. We watched as the casket was lowered into the hole. Once again, I read scriptures and prayed. I said the benediction and turned to leave, but, none of the homosexual men budged. I asked, ‘Is there anything else I can do?' One man spoke up; ‘Yeah, there's something else you can do. I haven't been to church for years. Actually, I was looking forward to the funeral because I always loved to hear them read the 23rd Psalm. Pastor, you didn't read the 23rd Psalm. Would you read the 23rd Psalm?' I read the 23rd Psalm. When I finished another man said, 'There is a passage in the book of Romans and it says that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Do you know that passage?' I read to this to these homosexual men, 'Nothing can separate you from the love of God...neither height, nor depth, nor things present, nor things past, nor principalities, nor powers, nothing...nothing can separate you from the love of God...nothing can separate you from the love of God.' I stood by the grave reading these homosexual men passages upon request for over an hour." Campolo continues: “That story and makes us want to cry because there are people who are hungry for the Word of God who would never set foot inside the church because they believe that the church despises them—and they are right. You say, "Are you approving of a homosexual lifestyle?" Certainly not! Neither do I approve of a heterosexual lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. All I am saying is that it is about time we started loving the people that we don’t tend to love.” Well, “L”, I hope my answer is helpful as you sort out the issues and make your own conclusions. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I’m thinking about getting married to my boyfriend. Can you give me some guidelines that may help me know that I am marrying the right guy? Sincerely,  Kate Dear Kate, You know that there are hundreds of websites and books which talk about what to look for in a future spouse. These usually focus on the good traits we want to find in someone that we want to marry. I decided to give you another perspective and point out seven types of people you should think about twice before marrying: 1. A Non-Christian This first one is obvious. “Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her” ( Ephesians 5:20-33 ). It’s not possible for non-Christians to fully fulfill the divine “ agape ” love God intended for  marriage . On the other hand, you need not fear marrying a Christian who is following Christ. 2. Someone with a Different Religious Background “Be not  unequally yoked  together with unbelievers”  ( 2 Corinthians 6:14 ). Can you imagine two building contractors trying to build the same house with two different sets of plans? In the same way, living with the same spiritual plans promotes harmony and success. Living with a person of a different religious persuasion often ends up with one being hurt and one not. You need to be on the same page with your values, morals, and outlook on life. I see this often when a wife or husband wants to go to one type of church while the other wants a different one. Neither ends up being very happy … then imagine what happens when raising children comes into the picture. 3. One Who Has Been Divorced... with a Caveat or Two “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God, “and I hate a man beating his wife”  ( Malachi 2:16  RSV alternate rendering). Before you marry a divorcee, be sure you know exactly what happened, why it happened, and you feel that the personal issues are rectified. This doesn’t mean that someone who has been divorced should never be married. Just be careful. Seventy percent of all second marriages end in divorce. Paul provides a checklist of things to avoid when choosing a  marriage  partner: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed, anger, rage, malice, slander, violence, abuse, and filthy language ( Colossians 3:5-10 ). A bank teller told me that on the second night of her honeymoon her husband hit her. She gathered her clothes, walked out the door, and never looked back. 4. Those with Personality Disorders Persons with personality disorders seldom make good  marriage  material. However, that does not mean it is not  possible . For example, I knew a woman who married a schizophrenic individual. She loved him and helped him get through life. Let me give you a list of personality disorders that may or may not show up before you are married. But first, know that I encourage all couples to wait at least a year before they are married. This takes them through all four seasons, and if some problem is going to show up, it most likely will during that year. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorders are self-absorbed to the exclusion of all others. They “suck the life” out of all who befriend them. People with Borderline (or Emotionally Unstable) Personality Disorders struggle with impulsive actions, rapidly shifting moods, and chaotic relationships. This disorder is often a combination of several others. People with Antisocial Personality Disorders have no sense of right and wrong. They can do dastardly things to the people associated with them without feeling remorse. People with Histrionic Personality Disorders are incredibly emotional and attention-seeking. Their “roller coaster” up and down lives wear down the people around them. They seek to control through emotional manipulation. People with Paranoid Personality Disorders often interpret the actions of others as deliberately threatening or demeaning. People with Avoidant Personality Disorders are hypersensitive to rejection. They are timid, fear criticism, and tend to avoid activities that involve interpersonal contact. People with Dependent Personality Disorders want others to make decisions for them. They require excessive reassurance and are easily hurt by criticism or disapproval. “Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”  ( Romans 8:5-6 ). 5. An Angry Person The problem with an angry person is basically two-fold. First, you might be in their line of fire. Second, they may bury their anger and then express it in all sorts of unhealthy ways. It’s important to recognize that some people struggle with anger because they have been drastically hurt. This person then experiences a double hurt because nobody cares. I call them “emotional rocks.” It is possible to heal from these hurts and let go of even the most deeply entrenched anger. However, the road back is extremely difficult, and few attempt it. If you are considering marrying someone with serious anger issues, wait until they choose to get help and heal. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”  ( Ephesians 4:26 ). 6. A Selfish Person “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”  ( Proverbs 11:25 ). “The stingy are eager to get rich and are unaware that poverty awaits them.”  ( Proverbs 28-22 ). The key here is “self.” Selfishness ruins relationships. “Self" manifests in three dangerous forms. First, selfish people take from others. Second, self-reliant people are unhealthily independent and think that don’t need others: “I can take care of myself; and, if you were just a better person, you’d take care of your own needs, too.” It’s tough to live with a self-reliant person. Third, some people struggle with self-condemnation. They don’t feel worthy to be the kind of person that blesses others. Instead of utilizing their God-given personality, they hide it. Before we get to the last topic,  please remember, nobody is perfect. If we expect someone to live up to all of these considerations, no one would ever get married. Pick out your three or four issues that you can live with—be aware of them and help each other through them—and have a great  marriage . Make sure your partner does the same. 7. Those Who Grew Up in a Dysfunctional Family I’ve saved the topic of dysfunctional families for last because all of us live and grow up in dysfunctional families. Some dysfunctions, handled well, can build great character. The same dysfunction in the life of another may bring heartache and despair. David’s family was intensely dysfunctional. He ruined every child he ever had. His children lived in a world of incest, rape, murder, deceit, shame, and rebellion. He never took time to love and discipline his children. On the other hand, Joseph grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family. Eight of his brothers hated him and sold him into slavery in Egypt. Nevertheless, he used that background to become second in command to Pharaoh. In the early 1980s, Janet G. Woititz published a synopsis of many of the characteristics of adults who grew up in alcoholic families. Shortly after publishing her book,  Adult Children of Alcoholics,  she discovered that many people with addictions, who grew up in strict and/or judgmental religious upbringings, who were adopted, who lived in foster care, or who grew up in other dysfunctional environments often exhibited the same adult problems as those whose parents were alcoholics. If you discover that you are growing up, or did grow up, in a dysfunctional family, be sure you give those around you a little grace. After all, they are usually just passing on what they received from their own parents. My family tree is full of alcoholics, drunk drivers, sclerosis of the liver, suicides, rebellion, and even an abandoned child. Both of my grandfathers were alcoholics. My mother and father never drank, but everyone around them did. Personally, I always considered my family to be a good one—and in many ways it was. But I never understood just how dysfunctional my family was until I read Woititz’s work and identified with many of the symptoms. Now I understand that many of the dysfunctional characteristics my mother passed on to me were passed to her from her ancestors. Mom simply passed on what she was given. According to Woititz, adults whose parents were alcoholics or who grew up in overwhelmingly dysfunctional families: Guess at what normal behavior is; Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end; Judge themselves without mercy; Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth; Have difficulty having fun; Take themselves very seriously; Have difficulty with intimate relationships; Overreact to changes over which they have no control; Constantly seek approval and affirmation; Usually feel that they are different from other people; Are super-responsible or super-irresponsible; Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved; Are impulsive (they or others tend to spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up their mess). I identify with nine of the characteristics. I suppose that our family was about 4/13 th  functional. How about yours? Well, Kate, I hope you find some of these thoughts faithful as you are considering someone to marry. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I am really angry! I’m angry with what’s happening in our world. I’m angry with what’s happening to our nation. I’m angry with what’s happening to my friends and family. I’m angry with what’s happening in my own life. Help me! Sincerely, Scott Dear Scott, I think that the best way to answer your question is to start with a humorous story. If you read it carefully, you’ll see that it speaks about anger in several different dimensions. A man with glasses was drinking in a bar on the top floor of the Empire State Building. The more he drank, the more mean and angry he became. Another patron decided to cheer him up. He told him that life was really great, and he wasn’t going to leave until the angry man started to smile. The more they talked, the angrier the man with glasses became. He just wanted to be left alone. Finally, the angry drinker pointed out at the skyline and asked the unappointed cheerleader if he knew what happened to the winds when they swept through the big city’s skyscrapers. The angry man growled, “When the wind sweeps through the buildings of a big city it creates powerful updrafts. Sometimes, like today, they are so strong that you can hardly throw anything off the building without it being blown right back up to the top.” He walked out onto the penthouse, climbed up onto the wall, and said, “Look, I’ll show you.” Before the concerned man could stop him, the man with glasses jumped off the building. The cheerful cheerleader looked over the edge as the man fell past the 80th floor, 70th floor, 60th floor, 50th floor, and sure enough, down about the 40th floor, the man’s fall slowed and gradually he began to come back up to the top of the building. He climbed back over the ledge safe and sound. The cheerful patron was stunned. He said, “That is the most incredible thing I have ever seen. Do you think I could do it, too?” The angry patron said, “Of course you can.” So, the cheerful man climbed up on the ledge and jumped. He fell like a rock, 80th floor, 70th floor, 60th floor, 50th floor, 40th floor, 30th floor, 20th floor, 10th floor – splat. As the mean and angry man went back to the bar and ordered another drink, the bartender turned to another patron and said, “That Clark Kent really gets mean when he drinks.” Think about this for a moment. What are some of the principles about anger that you see in the above story? How Anger Works in the Brain The amygdala and the hippocampus are parts of the lower brain which, though they operate in our unconscious, are intricately involved in the generation of human emotion. Anger always begins with a “trigger event” which kicks off our “fight or flight” response. Adrenaline and cortisol begin to flow. This results in rapid heart rate, raised blood pressure, sharpened senses, and other physiological responses. Concurrently, the amygdala and hippocampus send messages to our pre-frontal cortex, where much of our conscious decision-making occurs. At this point, we have the ability to choose how we are going to respond to the anger trigger. We can choose to try to calm ourselves down, or we can let the process continue all the way to rage. But don’t miss this; the release of adrenaline into your system will  always  override the prefrontal cortex unless we learn how to stop the “snowball” of anger from spinning rapidly down the hill before we have the chance to process it and decide how to respond. It's vital to learn how to “catch” our anger trigger early, do whatever is necessary to think properly, make wise decisions to calm things down, and take the necessary steps to solve the trigger issue. Why the Terrible Twos Are So Terrible The neural pathways from the amygdala and hippocampus to the prefrontal cortex do not come ready to run. The connecting process begins to occur near the end of age two. This gives us some insight into the Terrible Twos. Without these neurons in place, the child has difficulty controlling his/her behavior. Mom and dad  can  encourage the growth and strength of the neurons. The more the parents help their child learn to control rage and anger, the stronger and more numerous are the neurons. Thus, those children are better able to control anger as adults. A child left to himself/herself not corrected, patterned, and disciplined in early life, will struggle more with anger as an adult. This is because they have fewer and weaker neurons. It’s important to note that the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until ages 21-25! So continued wise  parenting , modeling, and patterning are vital throughout childhood and even early adulthood. Violent Video Games and Those Who Play Them Research now reveals that consistent exposure to violence serves to encourage the development and quick response to anger triggers, as well as more frequent aggressive behavior in the future. One study showed that children who were originally low in aggressive behavior and who were given free play experiences with aggressive toys became significantly more aggressive in their behavior after playing with those toys. Playing violent video games does not drain away anger. Rather, it opens up new ways for expressing anger and for translating anger into hostility. It’s worth limiting exposure to violent video games as your child’s mind develops. You will help him or her learn to control anger triggers in the future. So, let’s talk about anger as an adult. Is It a Sin to Be Angry? The emotion of anger is not sin. Experiencing anger triggers is not sin. Jesus experienced anger triggers all the time! Consider His time with Satan in the desert. Or His confrontations with the Pharisees. Or His  righteous  indignation in the Temple. Anger does not become sin until we translate it into aggressive and hostile actions—or activities destructive to the self. “A quick-tempered man does foolish things”  ( Proverbs 14:17 ). Properly utilized, righteous indignation is always acceptable Righteous anger is the anger that arises against those who are hurting others or causing actions which jeopardize the life and well-being of others. We are right to be indignant over the sins of those who are doing wrong. God was filled with righteous indignation because his Israelite people who were living in the midst of godless sin and debauchery. “He unleashed against them his hot anger, his wrath, indignation and hostility”  ( Psalm 78:49 ). Blow Up or Clam Up? Both Are Damaging In Greek there are two words for anger: "Thumos" describes the flash flame which comes from dried straw being quickly ignited. It is the anger that blazes up quickly and dies down just as fast. This type of anger may feel like a release to the angry one; unfortunately, it often devastates everyone around them. "Orge" is the long-lived internalization of anger. We clam up, stuffing down the emotions. This response rots away the insides of those who nurture it. This deep-seated misery also impairs relationships over time. Which type most characterizes you? 9 Things to Do if You Find Yourself Losing Control Here’s a list that have found very helpful in dealing with anger. I have developed it over years of counseling my congregation and engaging in personal counseling with a godly, challenging therapist. 1. Choose to calm yourself down. De-escalate the emotions of the moment. Be patient, and wait to respond. Thomas Jefferson: “Count to ten. If that doesn’t work, count to one hundred.” Mark Twain: “Count to ten. If you don’t feel better by the time you get to four, swear.” “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city”  ( Proverbs 16:32 ). 2. Take your thoughts captive before they run away out of control. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”  ( 2 Corinthians 10:5 ). 3. Learn to recognize your anger triggers , and practice short-circuiting them before they begin to snowball. I’ve found that a journal can help me recognize my triggers. I’ve even placed post-its with lists of my triggers where I can see them and recognize them even as they happen. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”  ( James 1:19-20 ) 4. Ask the question, “Where have I been hurt?” Hurt and anger are two sides of the same coin. When we get hurt, the emotion which always comes next is anger. Consider what is really going on. Ask a friend to listen as you share your anger and then ask him/her to say words of comfort to them. “Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted”  ( Matthew 5:4 ). 5. Pray against allowing Satan to get a foothold into your life because of your anger . “In your anger do not sin do not let the sun go down while you’re still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold”  ( Ephesians 4:26-27 ). 6. Meditate on Scripture. Some of my very favorites include: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about these things.” ( Philippians 4:8 ). The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.  ( Psalm 103:8 ) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.  ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ) 7. If one or more individuals have precipitated the hurt which led to the anger, go through the process of forgiving them. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  ( Colossians 3:13 ) 8. Refuse the temptation to get even, and refrain from plotting revenge. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”  ( Proverbs 15:1 ). 9. Sometimes, we come out ahead if we simply ignore the attack. “A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense ” ( Proverbs 19:11 ). The Academy Award-winning movie Forrest Gump has been viewed by millions. Most people remember the line, “Life is like a box of chocolates,” but there is another line worth noting. In this particular scene, one of the central characters, Jenny, returns to her old dilapidated and abandoned home after her father has died. As she reflects on the sexual abuse that she endured from her dad as a child, she is overcome by rage and begins throwing rocks at the house where she grew. The scene escalates as we watch her rapidly reaching for rocks and then violently throwing them at the house. Jenny finally falls to the ground in exhaustion and the scene closes with Forrest Gump sympathizing, “Sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks.” Many of us struggle with anger. It can stem from a variety of reasons, and some anger seems justifiable. Yet, unresolved anger leaves us reaching and crying out for more rocks. The rage is never satisfied, and contentment is never found. Through the power of Christ, we can find the strength to lay down the rocks of anger rather than needing to reach for more. Well, Scott, I hope this is helpful in handling your anger. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, With so much fear and uncertainty these days, I’ve decided to study the book of Revelation. I’d like to get a feel for what’s going on in the world right now, and I think this is a good place to start. Could you please explain the opening of the seven seals in Revelation chapters five and six? It is somewhat difficult to understand. Thank you. Sincerely, Kaitlin Dear Kaitlin, Revelation is not designed to be confusing or hard to understand, even though it certainly feels that way at first. The apostle John in describing a vision that God gave him during his exile on the isle of Patmos. The images are clearly described, but their meanings require an understanding of cultural context, history, and other biblical teachings. So, let’s start with a quick summary. Chapter 1 is a vision of the resurrected Christ. Chapters 2-3 are letters to seven churches which need encouragement and rebuke. Chapter 4 looks right into the throne room of God. Chapter 5 is the “hinge” of the book. The book of Revelation is also organized around three groups of seven. -  Seven Seals = Man's destruction of mankind -  Seven Trumpets = Satan's destruction of mankind -  Seven Bowls = God's destruction of mankind The Seven Seals, Trumpets, and Bowls encompass all seven years of the “tribulation,” or the time of suffering that will precede the Second Coming of Christ. When the last bowl is poured on the earth, Christ will return. I think that the best way to answer your specific question about the Seven Seals is simply to exegete the passage. This means explaining it verse-by-verse. Then I saw in the right hand of him who sat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals . (Revelation 5:1) The “Scroll” is the Title Deed to earth and its people! Adam and Eve lost the earth to sin and to Satan. It is Satan’s earth right now. The book of Revelation is the story of how God takes back the earth and its people. And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, "Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?" But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth could open the scroll . . . I wept because no one was found worthy to open the scroll. Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals." Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne. (Revelation 5:2-6) Christ is revealed as the only one who is qualified to redeem the earth by opening the scroll! He is the Lion who has the power. The Lamb is the rightful heir. Jesus purchased the world and its inhabitants with His shed blood on the cross. Next, the first four seals are often referred to as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” The “Apocalypse” describes utter destruction and desolation. THE FIRST SEAL Is the Rider on The White Horse, Who Represents Peace. I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest. (Revelation 6:1-2) “White” represents peace. The rider on the white horse is Satan's counterfeit of Christ! He is the “Antichrist,” who rises to power by promising peace. Notice that he has a bow with no arrows. The first seal is opened at the beginning of the final seven-year tribulation. The first 3 ½ years are peaceful. But then the Antichrist brings desolation and destruction during the final 3 ½ years. The Antichrist is also the first of God's judgments on a Christ-rejecting world. He who claims to be a savior is really a “Trojan Horse.” THE SECOND SEAL Is the Rider on the Red Horse, Who Represents War. When the Lamb opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature say, "Come!" Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. Its rider was given power to take peace from the earth and to make men slay each other. To him was given a large sword. (Revelation 6:3-4) Notice that this rider takes peace from the earth. Thus begins the final 3 ½ years of Great Tribulation. Let’s remember that war is always military conquest. War is always tragedy. When Euripides, the Greek playwright, wished to depict warfare on the stage, he did not bring on an army with banners. He brought on a bent and bewildered old woman leading by the hand a weeping child who had lost her parents. That is war. THE THIRD SEAL Is the Rider on the Black Horse, Who Represents Famine. When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a black horse! Its rider was holding a pair of scales in his hand. Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, "A quart of wheat for a day's wages, and three quarts of barley for a day's wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!" (Revelation 6:5-6) The black horse represents famine. Famine means that it takes an entire day’s wages just to buy a quart of wheat. Famine means that the “balances” to measure out food are scarce. We don’t worry about weighing food in times of plenty—Why? The garbage cans of America contain more than enough food to feed multitudes of starving people. But worldwide famine is not hard to imagine now. Millions die of starvation every day. In the event of serious crop failure, no part of the world is more than one year away from critical starvation, and the rich U.S. is only two years away. THE FOURTH SEAL Is the Rider on the Pale Green Horse, Who Represents Death. When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!" And I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine, and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth. (Revelation 6:7-8) What is result of war and famine? Death. Also, the Greek word for "pale" describes the ashen look of a dead body without blood. One-fourth of the earth’s people dies. That’s about 1.8 billion (1,800,000,000,000) at today’s earthly population. By comparisons, only 100 million (100,000,000) have died in all wars on earth to date! It seems as if it is impossible to kill so many in such a short time. Think of the American Revolution. You couldn’t load your musket fast enough!  But that all changed on August 6, 1945, in Hiroshima, Japan. You say, "This is awful." But it's just a preview of coming attractions. As the 1,000 year millennial reign of King Jesus on earth is a preview of Heaven (see Revelation 20), so the Tribulation is a preview of Hell. The fifth, sixth, and seventh seals are different! The Fifth Seal describes the martyred believers who died for Jesus during the Great Tribulation. They are under the altar in heaven, crying out for God to take vengeance upon these mass murderers. When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained. They called out in a loud voice, "How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?" Then each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to wait a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and brothers who were to be killed as they had been was completed. (Revelation 6:9-11 Who are these people? These are folks who have been martyred—sacrificed—for their great loyalty to Jesus Christ. Many suggest that they are the great cloud of martyrs who have sacrificed their lives from all times. The altar is place of sacrifice and death. These saints are right where the blood was poured and sprinkled. They cry out with a loud voice: “ How long until you get vengeance on these murderers ?” Notice that these martyrs are not reprimanded for being so angry. We must remember what these men and women went through. We must remember the agony of the flames, the bloodshed in the arenas, the wild beasts, the beheadings, those skinned alive and the sadistic torture which they suffered. So many lives and dreams are cut short. They are angry. Then, they are given long, flowing robes and told to “Rest a little while longer.” They are rewarded and honored for dying the ultimate death. But the Lord says, “Wait until the full number of martyrs is completed.” This is chilling, isn’t it? What He is saying is that there are more yet to be martyred. Then, and only then He will take His vengeance. Even today, people are paying a price to follow Christ. The Sixth Seal is a Nuclear Holocaust. I watched as he opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as late figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind. The sky receded like a scroll, rolling up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place. (Revelation 6:12-14) This is John’s description of nuclear holocaust. “The earth rolls up like a scroll,” is obviously a reference, from a first-century perspective, of what nuclear explosions will look like. In a nuclear explosion, the atmosphere literally rolls back on itself. A tremendous rush of air flows outward from the initial explosion creating a tremendous vacuum. It is the air flowing back into the vacuum which creates such destruction. He writes, “Stars fell to earth.” The Greek word "stars" here describes a meteor. Meteors strike the atmosphere and glow fiery red. When they hit the earth, they pulverize dirt and other materials that remain in the atmosphere, shutting out the sun, for two or more years. Nuclear winter results. No sunshine equals no crops. People starve. His description may also apply to today’s "fractional orbital bombs." Nuclear-tipped missiles are fired simultaneously from orbiting satellites. These can strike several cities simultaneously. When these missiles streak through the air, they'll look like meteors entering the atmosphere. Look at the human reaction. Then the kings of the earth, the princes, the generals, the rich, the mighty, and every slave and every free man hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains. They called to the mountains and the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb! For the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?" (Revelation 6:15-17) Every strata of society is affected. The greatest prayer meeting the world has ever seen takes place. You’d think that those who endured these things would finally call upon the name of the Lord. Instead, they begin praying to the rocks. What's the result of all this shaking?  Do people turn to God? No! For some reason their hearts are harder! There is a lesson here. I recall the family which called me and said that their 78-year-old father would not receive Christ as his Savior. They had shared the gospel with him on many occasions with no success. He was now in the hospital waiting to die. They asked me if I would go to the hospital and share the gospel with him one more time. I carefully led him through the gospel and invited him one more time to come to Christ. His response was chilling. He said to me, “I have said ‘No’ to Jesus so many times that I don’t think I could become a Christian even if I wanted to.” The Seventh Seal Represents Silence. When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. ( Revelation 8:1) I believe that when those in heaven saw the horror which was about to be unleashed on the earth, their jaws fell open. They couldn’t believe it! They stood in rapt silence. Then, the first trumpet blows. Kaitlin, What do you think is going on in God’s heart? God is having to destroy the very creation He made. It is breaking His heart. There is an old rabbinic story about the Israelites departing Egypt as the Red Sea split so they could cross on dry land. The Israelites make it across just as the Egyptian army began charging toward the Israelites with the Red Sea waters stacked up on each side of them. The angels in heaven are singing and happy and rejoicing as they watched the waters of the Red Sea close back over the Egyptian armies. Then, the angels look over to see how God is responding. God is weeping . Well Kaitlin, I hope this gives you a good understanding about the nature of God and what happens when the seals are opened. Love, Roger This Ask Roger article was also featured at crosswalk.com