A series on identity As Followers of Jesus, we are more than just members of the same organization. We are members of the same family! That is who we are meant to be. Click on the link below to download/view that complete series or individual materials for adults, Youth & Kids.

Here is a question we received on our site, Covenant Eyes: Dear Luke, “I have asked several pastors/mentors/friends about masturbation and whether it is sinful or not. I do not watch pornography, however, sometimes when I begin thinking about my fiancé sexually, I masturbate. These fantasies are not ‘out of the ordinary’ in the sense that it is not like the pornography I was formally addicted to. For example, I often just imagine us cuddling and becoming intimate. I don’t mean to be crude or anything…I’m just not sure if this is sinful and if it is harming me. “The responses I get seem to be in both extremes. One guy says to pray and stop because it’s lust, which means sin. The other will say it is a natural reaction to sexual attraction, plus she is going to be your wife. Can anyone offer a biblical response to this that will not just brush it aside like something simple? ‘Just stopping’ hasn’t worked. I can’t make myself not get an erection, so I’m not sure what to do.”What I’m about to offer is merely my own opinion, but I hope it serves as a help. Thank you. Dear Fellow Believer, Nowhere in the Bible is physical act of masturbation (that is, the solo kind) labeled a sin. It is my opinion, therefore, that the physical act itself should not be the focus of our attention when it comes to asking about what God thinks. That said, here are some critical questions I would ask you regarding your personal habit. 1. Is the act of masturbation tied to sexual lust? If it is for you, then it is wise to avoid masturbation (Matthew 5:28). In your case, you say that it involves fantasies of the person you are planning to marry, which certainly qualifies as lust. 2. Do you fantasize about being loved or adored or desired when you masturbate? If yes, then it is wise to avoid masturbation. Your desire for intimacy is meant to propel you towards a loving marital relationship, not a fantasy world where your pleasure is the focus. Winston Smith does an excellent job in his little book about masturbation, It’s All About Me . He has readers examine their own sexual fantasies and ask, “How do the people populating my fantasies relate to me? What are their attitudes in my fantasies? How do they behave towards me in my fantasy world?” Much of the time, the fantasies are less about those people and more about the person who is fantasizing. In your sexual fantasies, you tend to take center stage. The plot and characters revolve around you. It is the world where all the characters are you-centered and play to your desires. Smith calls this habit of fantasy “playing god.” “No matter how widely your fantasies may vary,” Smith writes, “in every instance you play god with people. You reduce those made in the image of the true God to mindless robots who serve your whims.” Idols are not merely made of wood and stone. The Bible speaks of the “idols of the heart” (Ezekiel 14:1-8). In this case, masturbation becomes the way we eroticize self-idolatry: We are turned on by a fantasy world where we are the center. 3. Is your habit of masturbation conditioning you to be selfish? If yes, then it is wise to avoid masturbating because your sexuality was meant for bringing you close to another person in love, not close to yourself. Like it or not, our fantasies and the activities of our heart reflect the truth about who we really are. “As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man” (Proverbs 27:19). The real harm masturbation fantasies cause is this: they train the mind to be self-focused, pleasure-seeking, and escapist. This runs contrary to the attitudes of love and service that are modeled for us in the life of Christ (Philippians 2:6-8). In other words, what makes the fantasies behind masturbation wrong is that they are attitudes that run in the opposite direction of Christlike love: a love that was willing to lose its life for others. Winston Smith’s comment about this is fitting: “This isn’t just about kicking a bad habit….God’s love is sacrificial. He puts our needs first even though it costs him a high price. Your basic compass heading for love is to do what is best for others even if it costs you. Your initial sacrifice will be your own comfort and lusts. When you are tempted to escape, look around and notice what others need in that moment and serve them.” 4. Is masturbation mastering you? Is it something you feel you are enslaved to or becoming enslaved to? If yes, then it is wise to avoid masturbation so your freedom does not become slavery (1 Corinthians 6:12). What to do about it… If, after reading this, you believe masturbation is sinful for you, then please remember that the answer isn’t “pray it away.” Your physical urges are, in a sense, completely natural, but what you do with those urges is another thing altogether. Merely calling sexual arousal “natural” is not a license to lust. That’s like saying our natural drive for self-preservation gives us license to be greedy, or our natural drive for food gives us license to be gluttonous. No. Your natural desire for love, intimacy, and sex are built into you by God, but the Maker never designed us to be slaves of our passions, but to be masters of them. If you get sexually aroused, then this is not your body’s signal telling you to masturbate. This is your body’s reminder that you are a sexual being, but your appetite for sex needs to be weighed in the balance of God’s design for sex. This is difficult because you’ve built up a habit that when you become aroused, your brain immediately begins sending signals that it’s time for masturbation. The solution is in replacing this habit in an act of surrender to God. Tell yourself and God, “I thank you that you have made me a sexual being, capable of experiencing and giving sexual pleasure. I surrender this desire to you now knowing my sex drive is meant for oneness with another person, not merely self-pleasure and self-centeredness. Instead, I choose to not retreat into the world of fantasy but put my energy to good use.” With each moment of arousal, take it as a new cue to do something productive: pray for someone, call someone, write someone an encouraging e-mail, engage in a project that blesses someone, physically exercise. Don’t wait to figure out what those things could be until the moment of temptation, but plan your “escape route” beforehand. Know that each time you choose not to masturbate but instead do something loving and good, you are training a new habit. And, of course, there are many teachings I have written on how to gain victory over pornography addiction. Read Neuroscience Finds Porn and Masturbation Destroy Willpower. www.covenanteyes.org . Used by permission.

Battles are both the bane and the glory of our existence. We adamantly abhor them when they’re forced on us by vengeful adversaries who mean us all the harm they can muster up, or when they randomly befall us through indiscriminately cruel circumstances over which we have no control. On the other hand, we rather bask in them when there’s something gallantly heroic about them, or they serve to right a great wrong. Indeed, battles are both the bane and glory of our existence. Battles as Daily Challenges The battles that we fight come in all shapes and sizes. Some are nothing more than things we would define as the day in and day out challenges of living out our lives. We’ve come to see these battles as a natural and acceptable element of life and living. It’s finding the right job, or working out the knotty kinks in a relationship, or tediously molding the mind of an entrenched teen, or wrestling with entirely opposing choices that will ultimately leave us with a loss no matter which choice we make. Although these kinds of battles can be acutely troubling and unduly painful, they become something less than battles and something more akin to the ordinary ebb and flow of life that swirls around each of us in either gentle rivulets or turbulent undertows. Battles as Battles But then there are those things that have little or nothing to do with the natural course of life and living. There are these acutely harrowing moments either forged on the anvil of our poor choices, or violently struck on the revengeful anvil of someone or something else. There are those things borne of us or borne far outside of us that force us into a maelstrom that we don’t have the speed or ingenuity to outrun. These are those events that are not about pressing through to the next thing, rather they are about surviving so that we can get to the next thing. These are those moments when the whole notion of progression is completely swallowed up in the far greater crisis of unadulterated survival. Battles of Justice Then there are also those battles that we choose to engage in. It may well be that nothing has advanced against us, or challenged us, or stands looming over us armed to the teeth with crushing intent. The cause of the current battle may have nothing to do with an external force as it may be prompted by an entirely internal one. It may be that we have witnessed a searing injustice, or that a line has been crossed that should never have been crossed. It may arise from something strong bullying something weak and thereby creating a litany of traumatized victims strewn along the road that we likewise trod. Any number of these things enflame our ire and prompt us to step into the fray. Battles of Calling Or we may sense some innate calling that’s compelling beyond any of our best efforts to resist. There might be a compulsion borne of some deep inner essence that whispers that we were born for such a moment, or that the entire purpose of our existence is to wage the singular battle before us. It may well be that engulfing conviction that calls us to right a wrong that has been granted slothful permission to keep breathing, or to wage a single war in order to stop a hundred others that would otherwise follow. Of warrior stock or not, we may feel an irresistible call to a battle either large or small. The Goliath’s Superiority Whatever the nature of the battle or the circumstances that set the various forces careening against each other, sooner or later we will all fight a battle. And it seems that in fighting these battles of ours, we’ve developed a mentality of superior warfare. There’s something in our construct that envisions what superiority is, whether that’s sheer numbers, or the extent of our resources, or timing, or any of an innumerable number of things. It seems that we tend to judge the value of the battle, the potential sacrifice in the battle, and the likely outcome based on how we’ve defined superiority. This is more akin to a Goliath mentality. Clearly, wisdom would dictate inventorying such resources as held up against whatever foe we face. Yet, I would wonder if this idea of superiority elevates itself above our convictions, our calling, our sense of justice, and the whole notion that we were raised up to lay ourselves down. Could it be that the calculations that we’ve devised to determine what battles we will fight or not fight have entirely removed our convictions, our calling, our sense of justice, and the whole notion that we were raised up to lay ourselves down? It is possible that we’ve granted fear a place at the table and elevated personal safety in a manner that battles have become shrewd calculations rather than passionate crusades? And if that is so, is it possible that we’ve gutted the very heart the battle? Could it be that any resources that we have will always be secondary to the heart that we have to use those resources? Would it be reasonable to conjecture that any instrument of war, regardless of how devastating, only takes on life when those who hold those weapons are driven by deeply core convictions that bring them to the battlefield? Have we taken passion and conviction and calling, which are the most potent resources of war, off the battlefield? And if we are not driven by those things, is the battle really a battle or is it just a slug-fest? The David’s Battles of Conviction In that sense, I would much prefer to be David. I would prefer to know my weapon well and be practiced in its use. Yet, I would want the heart behind the weapon so that the nature of the enemy and the weapons arrayed against me do not hold the power for me that they might otherwise hold. I certainly don’t want to be foolish or naïve and thoughtlessly take on an enemy without careful consideration. However, I don’t want to winch in fear when I need not be fearful. Neither do I want call a battle lost that is winnable when the core convictions that undergird the weapons that I possess are sufficient to overcome when others would think I could not. I much prefer to be David. It would seem that the greatest victories and the glories that have stood the test of time came on the heels of battles fought of great conviction and deep passion. These are the battle from which stories are spun and heroes arise. It is the common man energized with uncommon conviction that has stood against superior enemies and brought the battle home. And it is not that men weren’t wounded and that many perished. It is that they won when the world said that they shouldn’t have. It is the singularly compelling fact that conviction prevailed over might and stunned those who knew nothing of conviction. I would much prefer to be David. Admirable Convictions Yet, many people purport convictions that appear rather dubious and often outright destructive. It would seem that admirable convictions are driven by a greater good, a willingness to lift up another at great cost to self, and to adamantly refuse to dress evil in the garb of good in order to justify one’s actions. It may be that in a world of convictions centered on the good of oneself, the gorging of one’s own appetite, the spinning of belief systems to serve personal agendas, and the shrewd pabulum spun from these that such agendas have been misinterpreted and embraced as convictions. And when these kinds of convictions are brought to the weapons of war, we are no longer David’s. Our Battles It may be wise to survey the landscape of our lives, as well as the far greater landscape of the lives around us and ask whether we’ve fought battles or run from them. And whether our choice has been to fight or flee, where were our convictions and what role did they play or not play in those decisions? For a life that has forsaken conviction is a life lived in hiding, deaf to purpose, and robbed of victory. And since that is the case, I would much prefer to be David. © 2015 Craig Lounsbrough, M.Div., Licensed Professional Counselor Used by permission.

My youngest daughter Bronwyn has always pushed the envelope, sticking her hairy toe across any line drawn before her. Bronwyn, or “White Breast” was a Welsh heroine in her father’s favorite book, “ How Green Was My Valley.”  We never told her what her real name meant until much later. We just called her “pure heart” which matches her nature now. Her “pure heart,” however, was coupled with a predilection for stubbornness and extreme sports. Life with the Bronskie was never dull. When she burst forth from the womb (after performing a continual tap-dance in my abdomen for nine months) her bright red face and Indian mohawk were prophetic. Her colicky warpath made for long nights of rocking and loud days of cajoling. Once we passed babyhood, Roger and I were sure Bronie would settle down. Forget it. She protested any hair-combing or hair-washing the first two years of life. Headbands and hats were our only option. I don’t blame her for being cross. Nobody could spell or pronounce her name (including her). She was dubbed everything from “Brownie” to “Broadman” (the name of the old Baptist hymnal). Her only consolation came years later when we travelled to Wales and discovered her name was a household word. Instead of Barbie dolls, Welsh little girls had Bronwyn dolls. Bronwyn had three treasured possessions in her young life:  the first was the “animal blankie”-a multi-colored mini-quilt pock-marked with farm animals and handed down from her older sister, Brianna. One tear-filled afternoon, we jumped in the car, peeled out and frantically drove to El Paso’s Motel 6 to retrieve it-dust bunnies and all. The second treasured possession was a blue taffeta dress with a built-in jingle bell petticoat.  It never left her stinky body between the ages of three and four without a fist fight.  The third, and by far the greatest, was a bald baby doll named Otis Lee.  Otis appeared as the trophy toy from her three-year-old Christmas bounty.  None of the other gifts mattered.  It was Otis who stole her heart. Otis had a hard life.  Besides the smelly task of living under Bronwyn’s armpit day and night, Otis had many brushes with death. Becky, our black and white border collie, fancied Otis as a chew-toy.  Besides dragging the plastic heartthrob through dog-poop, several teeth-marks had actually penetrated Otis’ skull.  After major surgery and some duct tape, Otis survived.  We’re not sure whether he had brain damage.  The worst catastrophe of Otis’ and Bronwyn’s lives came when her older sister Brianna had finally taken all of the pestering she could stand from her annoying little sister.  Being the precocious yet sneaky seven-year-old that she was, Brie watched the weather channel to find a rainy night in July.  After dark, she slipped Otis under a very deeply planted rosebush and waited for the mud to bury Otis alive.  Her act was ruthless, pre-meditated dolly murder. Much to my chagrin, Otis was found.  Bronwyn was in hysterics.  In desperation, I threw Otis in the washer on perma-press.  Although the rubber body parts were slightly deformed, Bronwyn didn’t mind.  Otis slept in her bed for years.  One day she was forced to give up Otis for another.  Otis was exchanged for Richard, the man who captured her heart.  Bronwyn loved Otis, but as long as she held onto him, she could never grow-up and enjoy the man of her dreams. After all, Richard is washable. We hold onto many things in this life-journey.  Most of them are made of plastic. However, if by faith we choose to invite Jesus Christ into our lives and receive His gift of eternal life, we are forever transformed. All the playthings of this earth seem to fade when He captures our hearts.  We do not carry Him under our arm, as Bronwyn toted Otis.  We carry Him in our hearts.  And when He draws us with His love, we will never be the same.

Dear Roger,  You have preached almost 50 Easter sermons. What Easter principle means the most to you? Sincerely, Julie Dear Julie, Jesus saw people, not as they were, but as what they might become. This is the essence of the resurrection story. If Jesus Could Transform The Disciples, then He Can Transform You And Me! WHAT THE DISCIPLES WERE They were a disappointing disaster. For example, the last week of Jesus’ life was not a good one for Jesus’ disciples.  We should not be surprised; they didn’t do all that well during the first three and a half years either. Philip is panicking in the upper room and unsure over whom Jesus really was. As Jesus was sharing the bread and the wine at the Last Supper, Luke tells us that the disciples began to fight over who was the greatest. That must have really hurt Him. They fell asleep and left Him alone during the time of His agony in the Garden. Peter denied him. Judas betrayed Him. Thomas doubted. At the cross all the disciples deserted Him and fled. Jesus told to wait in Jerusalem—instead, they all go back to the Sea of Galilee and return to their fishing business. When he needed their support they constantly disappointed Him. After preaching his most demanding discipleship sermon (John Chapter Six), the entire crowd rejected him departed in mass, except the Twelve. There’s no doubt this was the most depressed moment of his ministry. He didn’t ask his disciples, “You’re not going away too, are you?” expecting the answer to be, “No, of course not.” In his despair, he asked his disciples, “You’re going away too, aren’t you?” Expecting the answer to be, “Yes, we’ve had enough.” This was the low point of his ministry. From this moment on everything was downhill straight to the cross. I’d like for you to consider with me how Jesus must have felt when His closest friends misunderstood, criticized, denied, betrayed Him and left him all alone at the cross? If Jesus could transform them, he can transform anyone. Julie and I were leading a conference for pastor’s and wives.  During a testimony time, one woman, with tears in her eyes, shared a childhood experience with her parents.  Dad wanted to go somewhere and mom did not want to go.  Mom was angry.  Daughter was sent to the neighbors to be cared for while mom and dad were away.  While at the neighbors’ house, she was attacked by the neighbor’s dog. She said, “I remember awakening with blood all over my face and chest, my heart racing in terror. “When mom came home, she was angry.”  Now she began to sob.  “Mom wasn’t angry at the neighbors’ dog, she was angry with me.” “How could you let this happen,” she screamed at me? ““But, that’s not all,” she said. “The dog had not been vaccinated.  I remember my parents talking about what to do.  Rabies has no symptoms until it is too late.  If they took me for shots the neighbors would get upset and they might put down the dog.  So they decided not to get me shots. (weeping) I learned that the neighbor’s dog meant more to my mom and dad than I did.” Think of how Jesus felt as he was arrested in the garden and Matthew records one of the saddest verses in the entire Bible: “And they all forsook Him and fled.” Talk about rejection, betrayal, disappointment, and hurt! I guess that we should not be so hard on the disciples; after all, by our sin many of us have done the same. I have a copy of an ancient letter, purported to be from the first century which was sent to Jesus by the Jerusalem Management Consultants after He sought out their opinion about potential disciples before making His final selections: “Dear Sir, Thank you for submitting the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for management positions in your new organization.  All of them have taken our battery of tests … and we arranged personal interviews for each of them with our vocational aptitude consultant. It is the opinion of the Staff that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education, and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking.  We would recommend that you continue your search for persons of experience in managerial ability and proven capacity. Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper.  Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership.  The two brothers, James and John, place personal interest above company loyalty.  Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale. Matthew has been blacklisted by the greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau.  James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus have radical leanings. However, one of the candidates shows great potential.  He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind, and has contacts in high places.  He is highly motivated, ambitious, and responsible. We recommend Judas Iscariot as your comptroller and right-hand man. We wish you every success in your new venture.” Fortunately, Jesus saw people not as they were, but as what they might become.   WHAT THE DISCIPLES BECAME Most of the Disciples disappear from the Bible early in the first century.  But history records what they did.  Frankly, they carried Christianity all over the known world. The disciples did not start all too well—but they ended strong. Such is the impact and care of the person of Jesus Christ. James, was martyred in the streets of Jerusalem in 45 a.d. Matthew gave up financial security to follow Jesus Christ.  He was slain with a sword in Ethiopia. Philip was born in a little city called Bethsaida, which means the house of the fisher or the house of the hunter.  He went fishing and hunting for men.  He was hanged in Phrygia. Bartholomew was skinned alive in Armenia, near the modern day town of Derbend in the old Soviet Union. Andrew took the gospel to Russia (He is the patron saint of Russia). He was crucified in Greece. Thomas, often criticized for his doubts, left no doubt as to his loyalty to the Savior.  He carried the gospel to East India where he was run through with a lance. Thaddeus was shot to death with arrows in Beirut, Lebanon. Simon the Zealot, was a member of the Jewish nationalistic party, ready to die for his country against the hated Romans.  Instead he was crucified in modern-day Iran. Peter got as far as Rome where he, too, was crucified—at his request, upside down.  He did not consider himself worthy to die right-side up as did his Lord. John died in his 90s, exiled on the Isle of Patmos after writing the Gospel of John, three epistles, and Revelation. HOW THE DISCIPLES BECAME WHAT JESUS INTENDED FOR THEM TO BE. What happened to Peter can happen with us. In the presence of Jesus, Peter had great courage. In the Garden of Gethsemane he drew his sword and cut off the ear of the servant of the high priest. In the presence of Jesus, Peter did the miraculous. He cast out demons. In the presence of Jesus, Peter said miraculous things. “You are the Christ, the son of the living God. Then, sadly, in the presence of a little girl by the fire on Thursday night, frightened and scared, Peter denied three times that he even knew Jesus. What happened? What made the difference? Standing by the fire, Peter was no longer in the presence of Jesus. Astoundingly, in the opening pages of the book of Acts, Peter was once again filled with courage. Threatened with death if he if he kept on preaching, Peter refused to stop. Astoundingly, Peter was again doing miraculous things. “Pick up your bed and walk.” The cripple got up and walked. Astoundingly, Peter was again saying the miraculous. “I’ve come to tell about Jesus Christ-whom you crucified!” He was doing the same miraculous things that he did when he was standing by Jesus. What made the difference? At Pentecost Peter was indwelt by the life and presence of the Holy Spirit who is the Spirit of Christ. IF JESUS TRANSFORMED THE DISCIPLES HE CAN TRANSFORM US. First, we thank God for the resurrection which proved the validity of Christ Second, we pray to see ourselves from God’s perspective. Compared to the perfection of Christ we all need transforming. Third, we follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit as we allow him to live freely in us. Just think of what the disciples were—and what they became in the hands of both Christ and the Holy Spirit. Just think of what we are—and imagine what we can become in the hands of both Christ and the Holy Spirit. Okay Julie, I hope that I’ve helped you gain more insight into the resurrection power of Jesus Christ. May Jesus continue his transforming work in us both. Love, Roger

DEATH AND OUR ETERNAL DWELLINGS 2 CORINTHIANS 5:1-8 S-1299 Turn to 2 Corinthians 5. The last two weeks we saw in 2 Corinthians 4 how God delights to put Himself on display in our lives. In Paragraphs 1 and 3 by the words we speak. In paragraphs 2 and 4 by how we handle the trials and troubles which come into out lives. READ 2 CORINTHIANS 4:16-18. That passage leads into our text for today. READ 2 CORINTHIANS 5:1-10. (5:1-8 this week; 5:9-10 next week.) We have seen so many deaths on social media that it doesn’t shock us much anymore–desensitized to it. We read report that hundreds of thousands are killed on the battlefield. Now civilians and hospitals are targeted. See that a great earthquake devastates Southern California, and we turn on to YouTube videos. Notice black crepe paper on neighborhood door and pause a moment, but in an anonymous city with neighbors we don’t know we pass on. But death is suddenly no longer in the next city or next block or next house; it comes into our own circle of friends or our family and that which seemed ordinary suddenly becomes extraordinary. I remember doing a funeral on a rainy day in East Texas. The rain had come in buckets. I was standing at the head of the casket when the wooden shoring over the saturated ground gave way and my legs began sliding into the grave. I grabbed the casket and missed; but the funeral director caught my arm and held me out. But not before I looked long and hard into the open ground–and knew one day I myself would be there. Most people are not able to discuss the possibility of their own death, although they may think about death and dying often. Have you ever had a cemetery plot salesman stop at your door? They are trained to handle the objections that people give for not wanting to buy a cemetery plot: “If they say that they need some time to discuss it, just ask them how long it’s been since they had a serious talk in the family about death. Their answer to that question will prove that although death is one of the inescapable realities of our existence most people never discuss it.” I believe that statement is correct. People think about their death, but they never discuss it. DEATH IS INEVITABLE. READ 2 CORINTHIANS 5:1. “If” really is “when.” Dramatic increase in Life span. We may delay death, but we are still going to die. 1850 – 39 years. There was no old age. No retirement…No Sun City Pom-pom girls. 1900 – 47 years. Why age 65 for SS? Kaiser Wilhelm setting up social security system. Said”65!” No one will live that long. 1985 – 76 years. God has given men a definite maximum to their years. Psalm 90:9-12 records that a man is given 70 to 80 years. But, Death is inevitable. “HEBREWS 9:27: It’s appointed to all once to die; and after that comes judgment.” One exception to death is the RAPTURE. When Christ returns, Christians who are alive will be changed to His likeness and given eternal bodies. Now let me illustrate this: Turn to Luke 12, please. I hear a common refrain at funerals. I hear it again and again. The oft repeated words go something like this: “You don’t know, do you?” Stand at grave side, “Well, you don’t know, do you?” READ LUKE 12:13-21. So often we look at this story as a story on stewardship or covetousness. It seems to me that the more significant message is the one that says, “You don’t know, do you?” This is the message for the man in the story. You have everything else in order. You know how to farm. You know how to manage. You have your business affairs in order. God’s blessing and your hard work have brought you great riches. You have taken care of many things. But, you fool, tonight your life is required of you. Are you ready? The implication is that he was not. Reminds me of an article in last month’s Golf Digest about the man who made he first hole in one at the age of 68. He had tried all his life and finally made one. He was naturally excited. Went the very next tee and prepared to tee off, rolled his eyes, and said, “Oh No.” And he was dead. “You never really know, do you?” I once buried 4 year old boy with brain aneurism: “Daddy, my head hurts.” I buried a 19 year old who committed suicide. “Who would suspect it? You don’t know, do you?” I buried a college age young man who died in head on collision. You don’t know, do you? I buried a mom in her mid thirties mom who collapsed and dies while she is playing in the park with her children. You don’t know, do you? I have often buried older people: “We knew she was ill, but we just didn’t expect it now. You don’t know, do you? If you are a Christian, don’t fear death, THE ETERNAL HOUSE IS BETTER THAN THE EARTHLY TENT. READ 2 CORINTHIANS 5:1-4. PAUL USES TWO METAPHORS HERE. 1. The TENT and the HOUSE The TENT is a picture of our earthly bodies. A tent is a weak and temporary structure. When we die we move into a permanent HOUSE. You ask what it will be like? God says that in it we will never be weary, never have pain, never be thirsty or hungry; you will never sin, and we will see God face to face and yet be unafraid (Rev 7:14-17). 2. NAKED and CLOTHED READ 2 CORINTHIANS 5:2-4. Let me explain what Paul means by being naked. While the Greek world tended to look upon the body as a tomb for the soul and death as an escape, the Jews thought of their bodies as clothing for the person. The body was what made contact and communication with others possible. To them the death of the body deprived them of everything which meant being a person; it was being unclothed or naked. Paul is saying, “When I die, I don’t want to be naked and without a body. I want to be CLOTHED with immortality.I want to be able to communicate with my environment. HOW DID HE KNOW WE WOULD BE FAR BETTER? Well, Paul had once been there. READ 2 CORINTHIANS 12:2-4. Paul says, “If I was in the body I didn’t know it, and if I was out of it I didn’t miss it.” So our dear friends over yonder do not miss their bodies; they are perfectly intelligent and perfectly happy; they are really people even if out of the body. This explains why death holds no terrors for the Christian. Writing to the church at Philippi from a prison and facing the possibility of execution, he spoke of physical death not just as a possibility but as being preferable “For me a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better” READ PHILIPPIANS 1:21-23. One meaning of this Greek word is “to take down one’s tent and move on.” All of Paul’s discussions of life and death are permeated with the idea that for the Christian, death is not the end but a new beginning. WE DON’T GET MULTIPLE LIVES. WE ONLY GET ONE. The New Age Cult has led our country to embrace the idea of REINCARNATION at record pace. The essence of this teaching is that we come back again and again to earth for many lives. This allows us to avoid the reality of dying and facing God in Judgment for our behavior. Patton: “I have been to this battlefield before. Carthaginians.” Sylvester Stallone believes that in a previous life he was a monkey in Central America. Jack Gracie: “If that is true, that is as powerful piece of evidence to prove evolution.” HIGHWAY MAN Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristopherson, Johnny Cash “I was a highway man, along the coach roads I did ride – with sword and pistol by my side. Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade – Many a soldier shed his blood upon my blade. The master called me in the Spring of ’25 – But, I am still alive. “I was a sailor, I was born upon the tide – with the sea I did abide. I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico. I went aloft and unfurled the mainsail in a blow- and when the yard broke off they said that I got killed. But, I am livin’ still. “I was a dam builder – across a river deep and wide where steel and water did collide – A place called on the wild Colorado. I slipped and fell onto the concrete below. They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound –but I am still around “I’ll always be around, around, and around, and around, and around. “I fly a starship across the universe divide – and when I reach the other side, I’ll find a place to rest my spirit if I can. Perhaps I may become a highway man again. Or I may simply be a single drop of rain. But I will remain. “I’ll be back again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.” Only problem. It is not true. It is a very appealing, deceptive lie. READ 2 TIMOTHY 4:1-3: “The Spirit clearly says that in latter times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons . . . They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from eating meat.” Why? Might be a friend or relative. Interesting parallel between New Age Growth and increase of number of Vegetarians in America. It is appointed unto men once to die and after that comes judgment.” (Hebrews 9:27) Multiple lives and deaths do not exist. READ REVELATION 2:11; 20:6, 14; 21:4, 8. There are really only two. Avoid the second death at all costs. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? AND WHEN? CHART: THE INTERMEDIATE STATE OF MAN BETWEEN DEATH AND RESURRECTION 1. This chart shows the state of a person–body, soul, and spirit–between the moment of DEATH and the resurrection of his body. 2. First locate on the chart the word LIFE. Then follow the sequences shown on the chart: a) At death, the bodies of all believers and unbelievers alike go to the grave. b) At death, the spirits of believers go to paradise, in the presence of Christ. c) At death the spirits of unbelievers go to hades, which is the waiting place of torment. 3. At the RAPTURE, the bodies of believers will be resurrected from the graves and joined with their spirits and souls (1 Thess 4:16), and so shall they be with the Lord forever (v. 17). This is the first resurrection. 4. At the GREAT WHITE THRONE JUDGMENT the bodies and spirits of all unbelievers will be resurrected from the graves and hades, respectively (second resurrection). Every unbeliever will be judged. Lake of Fire is second death. WE ARE CONFIDENT THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE WITH THE LORD. READ 2 CORINTHIANS 5:5-8. How do we know? No Christian has to consult a fortune-teller, a Ouija board, a spiritist, or a deck of cards to find out what the future holds or what lies on the other side of death. 1. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS OUR GUARANTEE We can be sure because the Spirit lives within us. The Holy Spirit dwelling in the believer’s body is the “down payment” that guarantees the future inheritance, including a glorified body. The Comforter will never leave Paul, for Christ said so: “…Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world” (Matthew 28:20)> 2. WE HAVE A RESURRECTED CHRIST WHO PAUL MET ON THE DAMASCUS ROAD. He had met Jesus Christ face to face, and the assurance that one day the tabernacle would be changed for a home was contained in the promise of the Lord. People often say, “We do not know anything about heaven. Nobody has ever come back to tell us what it is like.” But they are overlooking something. Our Lord Jesus Christ came down from heaven, and He says, “In My Father’s house are many mansions (or abiding places).” 3. “WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT. Faith in resurrected Christ. Commitment to Christ is not a feeling or emotion. It is a choice of our will. Make a decision to come to Christ. You don’t know do you? Let me read you the statement of our absolute confidence 2 TIMOTHY 1:12: “I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.” PAUL YONGI CHO is pastor of largest church in the world. I went to Seoul, Korea about ten years ago and watched 18,000 people crowd onto 5 acres to worship again and again every hour and a half come beginning at 6:30 am and continuing all day long. In 1978 his primary school aged son, Samuel, and several of his friends stopped by a fry vendor on the way home from school. In Korea fried silkworm is a fine and delicious treat. But this afternoon, the farmer who had brought the catch into town had put them into an empty bag which had contained a strong insecticide. Cho was speaking to a men’s meeting downtown when his wife’s emergency telephone call had come. Cho found his wife frantic and helpless. Samuel was lying asleep on his father’s bed, and by now he could not be awakened. Before dropping into such a deep sleep he had said to his mother, “Tell Daddy to pray for me.” Then rolling his head on his pillow he added, “But I’m pretty sure I’m going to heaven tonight.” Cho dialed the neighborhood doctor. “Well, it’s no use, Pastor. Eight boys have died tonight already. There is not anything we can do for Samuel now. If he is in that sleep like you say, then it’s too late; he will go in peace.” Go in peace? Samuel was his son who had loved him and patted him with his baby hands. “No, Lord, not Samuel! Not yet!” Then crawling to the middle of the bed Cho began to pray. “Father, I will not let my boy go!” For two hours, Cho prayed for Samuel’s life and confessed his sins. When Cho opened his eyes again, Samuel appeared to have no life left in him. No one could rouse him or communicate with him in any way. He went on praising God past midnight, still sitting cross-legged on the bed. After a while he got off the bed, stood facing the boy and in a thundering voice commanded, “Samuel!” He clapped his hands together in a loud, jolting manner. “Samuel! in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!” The boy sprang to his feet! Cho bolted backwards in fear. Samuel crumpled and fell halfway across the bed, vomiting upon the sheets. His mother bent to bathe his face, but she was almost afraid to touch him too soon. Samuel spoke and gestured with his hand. “Say hello to Jesus, Papa.” He said it again. “Say hello to Jesus. He’s right there.” The boy pointed. Going along with his son’s strange talking, Cho bowed politely toward the space where the boy had indicated and said softly, “Hello, Jesus.” “Didn’t you see us coming down the hallway? Didn’t you see us, Papa? Jesus carried me in His arms like this.” Both voice and gestures were weak but the parents could make out his words perfectly. “Jesus was carrying me next to His chest to a beautiful place.” He stretched out the word along with his hand. “It was bright, brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. All the colors of the world are dull next to those colors He showed me. “And music! Mama, you’d love it too. It was the most beautiful music my ears have ever heard. I couldn’t recognize the tune, be we kept getting closer and closer to it.” “Then Jesus said to me, ‘We have to go back.'” “‘No,’ I said. ‘Yes, we have to go back. Your father won’t let you go.'” “And He was bringing me in here to the bedroom. Didn’t you see us coming down the hall?” “You were calling me, and you commanded me to get up. That’s when Jesus let go of me. There He is-oh, He’s not there. He must have gone back, I guess.” LET’S PRAY.

Dear Roger,   I really struggle with anger. It seems like I just can’t keep it under control. I know it’s not Christian to be angry, so what advice would you give me? Sincerely, BLE Dear BLE, Who says that it’s a sin for a Christian to get angry!? Jesus got angry on numerous occasions ( Mark 3:5 ; Mathew 13:23-36 and John 2:13-17 just to name a few). I figure that if it was OK for Jesus to get angry then it is OK for you and me!   Like you, many people do wonder: “Is it a sin to be angry?” Of course not. Anger is a necessary, built-in emotion. ( Proverbs 27:4 ; 14:17 ; Ephesians 4:26-27 ). The emotion of anger is not sin; but, anger has the potential to lead into sin. Anger does not become sin until we translate it into aggressive and hostile actions—or activities destructive to ourselves.   However, anger has its limits. Out of control anger can be a dastardly thing. One of my favorite proverbs is Proverb 29:11: “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”   Why do people get angry? You know the answer to that. People get angry for all sorts of reasons. Some are angry because of the injustices done to themselves or to others. Some are angry for righteousness sake. Hurt someone and they will get angry ( Proverbs 20:2 ). Anger is the natural response to being hurt. Some are stymied and kept from doing something they intend to do. Some have been embarrassed by others. Others feel cheated. The loss of a loved one can trigger intense anger. Occasionally a small squabble can become an angery encounter. The list goes on and on.   On somewhat of a deeper level, some get easily and overly angry because of imbalanced brain chemistry. Some have opened their lives to a demonic stronghold ( Ephesians 4:26-27 ).   Uncannily, many people don’t realize when they are angry. According to Dwight L. Carlson, M.D. the following are misconceptions about anger: 1. If I don’t look, feel, or seem angry, I don’t have an anger problem. 2. If I ignore my hurts and anger, they will go away and won’t cause me any trouble later on. 3. If I just let all my feelings and anger out—just get them out of my system—I’ll solve my anger problems. 4. It won’t cost me too much emotionally to be a nice person who never gets angry at anybody. 5. If I express my hurts and anger to the person with whom I’m angry, our relationship will suffer.   Very often, we tend to express our anger in two ways: we blow up and vent our anger ( Proverbs 29:11 ) , or we internalize it by “clamming up.” The first century Greeks recognized these two polar opposites.   “Orge” describes a fire that quickly flashes up and dies down just as quickly. Like when an open flame is touched to a pile of extremely dry sticks and leaves. It burns furiously and just as quickly burns itself out. Some angry people explode and often hurt those around them–but they sure feel better.   On the other hand, the Greek word “thumos” describes a ripe peach still hanging on the tree that keeps getting riper and riper until it turns to mush and falls on the ground for some unsuspecting person to step in. “Thumos” people internalize anger and refuse to face it for what it is. Eventually, however, their anger will likely ooz out and sabotage relationships with the people around them–as well as their own emotional well being.   In his dynamic work, The Angry Book , Dr. Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D., illustrates describes what “orge” and “thumos” might look like. 1. Venting (“orge”): Auto Poison; Bullying; Explosive Behavior; Rage; Violence; Suicide; and Murder 2. Repressing (“thumos”): Anxiety; Depression; Self-Sabotage; High Blood Pressure; Overeating; Under eating; Sleep Problems; Silent Treatment; Malicious Gossip; Overworking; Over sexing; Over exercising; Bad Dreams; Always Tired; Drugs; Alcohol; and Juice-Stewing   Now, let’s come to the crux of the matter. What do I do when I feel myself becoming angry? ( Proverbs 16:32 )   1. Deescalate the emotions of the moment. Choose to calm yourself down. ( Proverbs 30:33 ; 15:1 ). Take time to read and apply Psalm 131 . Counting to 100 is still a most effective way of quieting yourself down before doing something stupid . 2. Quickly decide whether the anger is worth it and back away if it is not. I was a happy third grader on the play ground when a big-fourth grader challenged me to a fight. “I heard that you said that you can beat me in a fight. Do you want to try,” he asked?” My first thought was, “I never said that.” My second thought was that it wasn’t worth the fight. I said, “O.K. you win. You are better than me.” He screwed up his face and looked at me: “Well then, don’t you forget it.” Some situations just aren’t worth it. 3. Ask the question, “where have I been hurt?” Most people get angry they’ve been hurt by someone, something or some situation . ( Proverbs 19:11 ). What hurt is producing you anger? Heal the hurt and you will begin to heal the hurt Matthew 5:4 ) . 4. Follow Jesus’ anger-healing model as revealed during His crucifixion experience (This model is adapted from “Jesus Healing Model by David Ferguson of Intimate Life Ministries.) First, He mourned His hu rt ( Matthew 26:38 ) and received comfort ( Matthew 5:4 ) f rom the angels. “ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with m e” ( Matthew 26:37-38 ).   Second, He understood the truth of what was happening: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” “( Luke 23:34 ).   Third, He forgave those who were crucifying Him: “Father, forgive them . . . ” ( Luke 23:34 ).   I hope this helps. We need to feel the emotion of anger to be healthy, as long as we express it in a godly way.   Love, Roger

Dear Roger, The political unrest in the Middle East is incredible. I never imagined a time that I would see the civil wars and rebellions now occurring there. I know that Muslims fighting against Muslims is nothing new; but I find myself feeling so sorry for the many Innocent people who are caught In the crossfire and who are just so much collateral damage in the civil wars now occurring in Libya, Yemen, Bahrain, Egypt, Palestine, Tunisia, Syria, and Lebanon–just to name a few. I struggle with the issue of how and when to support a government which is not governing in the best interests of its people. My question is, “Are there any biblical guidelines for when it is OK to try to overthrow a repressive, totalitarian government?” Sincerely, Julie Dear Julie, I wish Jesus had been more directive with His answer to this question. Frankly, He never took time to give any guidelines about civil obedience against a totalitarian government. As best as I can tell He only made two references regarding the totalitarian Roman army which occupied Israel during His life time. In the Sermon on the Mount He discussed loving enemies. In that context He taught: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, ‘Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles'” (Matthew 5:38-4). The last statement is the pertinent one. Jesus referred to the Roman law that allowed a soldier to conscript any local person to carry his pack for one mile–no more. He instructed His followers to go another mile to help the invaders. In answer to a trick question about paying taxes to the totalitarian Roman government, Jesus supported the Idea that Roman rules were to be obeyed without hesitation: “Then he said to them, ‘Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.'” (Matthew 22:21). By the way, I have often wondered why–with one of every three people in the Roman world, living in slavery—Jesus never condemned or addressed in any manner the evils and immorality of slavery? I suppose that He let nothing detour Him from fulfilling His life’s work on earth. There were a lot of issues that needed addressing; but, they would have to wait for another time. Based on Jesus passing comments, I wonder sometimes that overthrowing an oppressive government is much less of an issue to God than it is to us. Paul has a bit to say about whether or not it is OK to ignore or rebel against an unfair, oppressive, sinful government. His reasonings are found in Romans 13:1-7 which I have taken liberty to quote below. 1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4 For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. 6 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Paul wrote these words while in prison in Rome–before Nero came to power and the morals, ethics and good practices of the Roman Empire went “south” in a hurry! Before Nero, the Pax Romana brought peace throughout the Mediterranean world. Paul wrote that Christians are to “obey the government” because it brings order and justice to society. Paul was writing during a rather peaceful time in Roman history. I wish to goodness that he had written 5 years later when Nero was rampaging and killing Christians. From the above passages, I conclude that it is never OK for a Christian to overthrow or violate the existence and laws of a government. But, that conclusion leaves me so “cold.” I don’t like where it goes at all. There just has to be more to the issue. Immediately I think of Proverb 24:11-12: Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay each person according to what he has done? Solomon gave every one the obligation of fighting to rescue those who were being killed and persecuted by others–and that includes an oppressive government. Therefore, I conclude that rebellion against a government which has broken its covenant with its citizens (which is to give proper care and protection as Paul described in 1 Corinthians 13) is justified. The citizens are under no obligation to sit quietly by while an unjust government continues to violate its God-given responsibilities. In Acts 4:17-20 the local law In Jerusalem was, “Don’t preach about Jesus.” Peter and John, however, declared to the governing authorities, “We can’t help but preach. We will continue to do it.” And they did. “We must obey God rather than men!” they said in Acts 5:29. Let me elucidate several simple principles to apply when deciding whether to obey or disobey the government–to support it or to fight against it. First, Christians are to be good citizens. Second, citizens have a responsibility to stop, negate, or overthrow any government which is perpetrating, murder, mayhem, genocide, harm or damage to its citizens. Third, we are to obey the government, except when it requires us to disobey the laws of God. Finally, if government orders us to do evil, we must disobey. Well, Concerned. I hope this gives you some food for thought as you work through your own conclusions and convictions regarding the rebellions now being perpetrated in the Middle East. Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, Can anyone help? I am a Christian who was happily married to my husband for 13 years. We adopted 2 boys. In January, my husband lost his temper and put my oldest boy’s head into the wall. It got reported and the boys taken. In February, they arrested him for molesting our oldest son. He has confessed to doing it, is in jail and awaiting his prison sentencing. He writes to me that he loves me and wants me to be faithful to him, yet I struggle with that because he wasn’t faithful to me. He wants me to forgive him, which I think I have, but he also wants me to love and pray for him. I don’t feel love for him but do care what happens to him. He says that I need to love him unconditionally and that true love endures all things. He says he knows he blew it but says that we have wethered [sic] many storms in our marriage. Why should this be any different? He said he would ball [sic] his eyes out if I leave but knows that he cannot control me. Every time he writes I find it hard to deal with. What is the right thing to do? How do I handle him? Is it okay to leave him, to divorce him, or is that not biblical love and forgiveness? Can you help? Most of my friends can’t understand or help. Hurting and Lost in Kansas (To our readers, I only publish letters with revealing or sensitive information after first receiving permission.) Dear Hurting and Lost, I am sorry for your tragedy—and tragedy it is. Kids are gone; husband is gone; security is gone; emotional health and well-being are gone; pain is intense; confusion reigns; and finances shake! My heart breaks as I write the previous paragraph. Each hurt is hurt enough: to suffer them simultaneously is more than I can imagine—but, not more than you can bear. Paul wrote words of great comfort and encouragement to suffering Christians in 1 Corinthians 10:13: “No [trial] has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be [tried] beyond what you can bear. But when you are [tried], he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” Paul recommended in Philippians 4:10-13 that we can find contentment in every situation because Jesus Christ pours in the power. Paul revealed in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 that after God chose not to relieve the tormenting thorn in Paul’s life, God said to him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me…. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” In my experience, turning to God for help is essential; and, handling your tragedy means opening up to friends about your hurts, and then receiving help and comfort from them. It is not good to be alone when you grieve and seek to rebuild your life. Before we go any further, let’s see his letters and comments for what they are: emotional hooks. An emotional hook is a guilt producing comment designed to make you feel badly unless you do what the “hooker” wants you to do. He has cast out any number of emotional hooks. Let’s be certain that you see them for what they are and not swallow any of them. Frankly, as best as I can tell, you don’t have to do or respond to anything he has said to you. Emotional hooks are dangling; don’t bite. After receiving your letter I posted it on Facebook and invited comments and suggestions from our readers. Scores of women (and men) responded. I have highlighted some of their more relevant comments. You are not alone in your torment. Many others have traveled the same path. Jennifer: “To be honest, there are two parts to this—forgiveness & boundaries. I would encourage her to forgive him. As far as accepting him back into the family goes, I would affirm that his actions have rippled some major traumas & also revealed that he is not in control of himself. Unfortunately, individuals with anger impulsivities say sorry all the time … [and often] end up repeating impulsive actions. Her child & each person involved will need trauma recovery. Forgiveness can be quick & is essential for us to live a healthy emotional life. Healing, though is different from forgiveness. The offender must own responsibility for his actions, & this dear mom certainly needs boundaries; such as requiring earnest relational recovery efforts from him. He can take classes such as: offending parenting/domestic violence classes, anger management therapy …I would also recommend both individual & family therapy for her & her child for trauma recovery.” Daniel: “I would tell her to do her best to try and forgive him … if she can’t it isn’t her fault. As for the man, he deserves the consequences whatever they turn out to be…he made his choice.” Gayla: “… what is of uppermost importance is the safety of the children (and her safety as well); forgiving him, loving him do not require he be allowed back into the family life.” Donna: “I would say….not to take him back. He has broken his marriage vows to her and his family. He did not protect, he hurt. I’m almost positive this is not the first time he has been violent, but perhaps this is the worst … As far as forgiveness is concerned, she will need to forgive in time. She’s in shock right now so she’s open to many emotions. Better to surround herself with Godly friends and remain in a constant prayer state.” Walter: “Wow. Very traumatic how very sad. This will take time for all partys [sic] involved. A lot of prayer on comfort and healing. May God hope hold this family together and get threw [sic] these days. Praying for them.” Melissa: “… She doesn’t need to worry about being in a relationship with anyone right now. ‘Right now’ being the key words. He’s toxic for her right now. Never make decisions based on what might be 10 years from now. Make decisions based on where you are right now … I would say, don’t keep investing into something that has already gone bankrupt. If anyone intentionally hurt my child, no matter who they are, I would say the relationship is off and I don’t know if it could ever be again. That way no one is being misled to future expectations…. Abuse counseling would definitely [sic] be good.” Cindy: “We say at Celebrate Recovery forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to let your abuser back in your life.” Deanne: “She needs to keep this abuser out of the house, unless she wants to be viewed as a negligent parent. We are to not only raise our children, but keep them from harm! They cannot protect themselves! Seek God’s help with the child to learn to forgive and let go.” Melissa: “Sometimes victims feel guilty for saying ‘no’ or for ending the relationship due to an abused psychological mindset. It adds stress to an already traumatic situation and can push some over the edge. She has lost her children, which is #1 on the stress list. She has also lost a spouse … She will have to make many life changes, which adds more stress. Since they are already physically separated, hopefully during this time she will get some counseling. If she gets stronger in time, she may not have to work through additional guilt feelings for leaving him … If she doesn’t get counseling, it doesn’t matter how many people tell her she should leave him, she could easily fall back into her old patterns regardless of who she’s with. A victim has to learn how to not be a victim anymore.” Now, I would like to share a few of my own thoughts with you. I think I can do so best by answering your questions in order. You write: “He writes to me that he loves me and wants me to be faithful to him, yet I struggle with that because he wasn’t faithful to me.” You are under no obligation to be faithful to him in any way. He has broken your marriage vows in multiple ways. Since he failed to love you as Christ loves His church, and since he has brought impurity into your life and not protected you from worldliness and sin (Ephesians 5:25-33), he has forfeited his right to be your husband. According to Jesus in Matthew 19:9, adultery is grounds for divorce. The Greek word that Jesus used for “adultery” is “pornea” which you will recognize as the root word for our English word, “porn.” “Pornea” refers to any sort of deviant sexual behavior including molesting you son. You are under no obligation to continue any sort of relationship with him. You write: “He wants me to forgive him, which I think I have, …” Forgiveness can take place in a short while. It is a choice of our will. However, most true forgiveness occurs over a period of time during which three steps are satisfied: (1) we mourn the hurt and receive comfort until the pain does not hurt any more (Matthew 26:38 and Luke 22:43-45); (2) we sort out the truth of what happened (Luke 23:34); (3) we forgive them fully. Don’t short circuit the process and fool yourself into thinking you have forgiven him when you are still struggling with the pain, anguish and reasons for what he did. Don’t get seduced into thinking that forgiveness means that everything can return to what it was before the abuse and molestation. Things will never be the same. Don’t allow faulty thinking to seduce you into believing that forgiveness means that you must release him from the consequences of what he has done. Physical and sexual abuse have consequences. One consequence is that trust is gone and may or may not be reestablished. Another consequence is that he will be incarcerated. Another consequence is that he may well have lost all that was near and dear to him. You write: “… but he also wants me to love and pray for him. I don’t feel love for him but do care what happens to him.” Of course, you may pray for him. He needs all the prayer he can get as he tries to put back together the pieces of his shattered life. Just because you pray for him does not mean you have to allow him to reenter your life—unless you choose to at the right time and in the right way. Placing strong boundary fences on how much you will—or will not—have contact with him is essential. You write: “… I don’t feel love for him but do care what happens to him.” Careful! Love and feeling sorry for someone are not the same. Distinguish between the two. His behavior can squelch love mercilessly. Of course, you feel compassion for him. That is only natural. You write: “He says that I need to love him unconditionally and that true love endures all things.” The idea of loving him unconditionally and enduring all things is wonderful; however, according to the Bible you don’t have to associate with a toxic person ever again if you don’t want to. Paul recognized this in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Unfortunately, it is not always possible to live at peace with everyone. In your case, you can no longer trust him—and rightly so. Your relationship with him may well never be restored because there is not enough life time left for him to rebuild the trust he has destroyed. You don’t have to wait and watch to see if he can rebuild it. As far as I can tell, you are absolutely free to put your relationship with him behind you and to pick up the pieces of your broken life and start over again. If you do choose to “be faithful and love eternally,” be careful. Reenter the relationship slowly, one or two steps at a time, as you give him time to reestablish faithful trust. Remember, physical abusers will promise never to abuse again. But, they usually continue the abusive behavior with increasing intensity. You may be next. You write: “… He says he knows he blew it but says that we have wethered [sic] many storms in our marriage. Why should this be any different?” The difference has to do with the severity of the storm. Storms we weather are one thing. Deadly tsunamis are another. He has unleashed a torrent of flooding into your family. If you don’t get away from the raging waters, you may drown. You write: “…He said he would ball [sic] his eyes out if I leave but knows that he cannot control me. Every time he writes I find it hard to deal with. What is the right thing to do? How do I handle him?” “Bawl his eyes out if you leave” is an enormous emotional “hook.” Don’t be suckered in. “Handle him” by not reading his letters now. Limit or refrain from communication with him until you are emotionally recovered and can handle his guilt producing comments. Your primary need is for healing and recovery. Any attempt to engage with him and solve your relationship problems will only sabotage your mental and emotional recovery. You may choose to interact with him after you are healed. You write: “… Is it okay to leave him, to divorce him, or is that not biblical love and forgiveness? Can you help? Most of my friends can’t understand or help.” According to the Bible, as I have outlined above, you have every reason and justification to leave or divorce him. Biblical love and forgiveness in no way imply that you have to stay married to him or keep any relationship going with him in the future. If I sound like I am leaning toward cutting him out of your life, I am. I grieve for him; however, I grieve more for you and for your son. His toxic behavior is evidence of inner problems that are beyond your control. I have been “around too many blocks” to predict a great future for your relationship. I am afraid that you will fall into the “battered wife” syndrome and really get messed up unless you act with wisdom and care. I strongly recommend that you see a wise and experienced counselor for healing guidance. Not all counselors are equipped or skilled enough to handle this. Now, that being said, miracles do happen. Jesus Christ can heal any marriage and He may be able to heal yours. Nevertheless, now is not the time to decide when and what Jesus can restore. Be healed. Make no permanent choices until you are “back on you feet.” I believe that Jesus will one day make His will so clear that you can’t miss it. Well, Hurting and Lost, I hope these thoughts will help you and your friends as you decide just what to do. Again, I am so sorry for your unthinkable experience. No one should endure what you have gone through. I am praying for your healing and for your wholeness. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, After devastating occurrences taking place in my life one after the other I have given up on God! As somebody who from an early age has been taught to trust, confide and love God, I have thoroughly began to feel that me loving and believe in him has been a waste of time! He is the biggest disappointments of my entire life, which is extremely hard for me to be saying! Without him I feel alone even though there are many people that I care about and love that surround me everyday! I would like to forgive God and restore my faith because without him I can’t see a way forward! I would love it if you can explain why bad things happen to good people?! Dear “J”, I’m not surprised that you feel this way. I’d feel that way, too, if all those things had happened to me. Wait a minute! They have happened to me. I’ve had open heart surgery as a child to fix a nonexistent hole in my heart after the doctors made a horrible diagnostic mistake. My first daughter died in my arms. I’ve had numerous operations to remove my colon, fix my knees, extract broken disc material from my spine and several more operations to try to fix a broken electrical system in my heart. When they failed a pacemaker was implanted in my heart to make my heart beat. Without it my heart will cease beating immediately. I have nicknamed my pacemaker, “repeat”! My wife has had a nervous breakdown. I have stood on the ledge of a three story building in so much emotional pain that it took every mental ounce of strength to climb back down and not jump. Both of my daughters have bipolar chemistry issues. One of them was sexually assaulted. I know what it is like to be angry and disappointed in God. I’ve shared the above not for sympathy—I have had plenty of that over the years. I share to let you know that it is OK to be sick and tired of God. It is OK to be totally disappointed in Jesus. It is normal to wonder if following Jesus was just a waste of time. I don’t blame you a bit. Your anger and disappointment are natural emotions that you can’t stop from arising deep within to affect how we feel about pain and suffering. The big issue is what we do with those deep emotions. I shared my own pains to let you know that you don’t have to give up on God. You can give up if you want to. I can’t stop that. But, since you asked for some guidance, let me share with you some thoughts that may be a help. First things first. I am sorry for your loss. The God you believed in, the One Who stood beside you, Whom you trusted and in Whom you confided is no longer part of your life. The magnitude of that loss is incalculable. The pain there I know is deep. I am sorry. I assume that you would like to reconnect with Him. You would like to know if He even exists and if He does, could you ever trust Him again. I don’t know how well I can answer your questions, but what I can do is share with you the theological framework that I used to reconnect with God the night one of my daughters was lying in a hospital bed with 90% of her lungs filled with fluid. The attending physician said to me quietly, “Tonight, your daughter may become a statistic.” I turned on God and snarled in anger, “If she dies, You and I are finished.” I wasn’t just speaking about that night. It was from a life time and suffering that I spoke those words. I was so angry that God would let her suffer like this—gasping for every breath—feeling that each would be her last. Here is how I sorted out my relationship with God. First, why do bad things happen to good people? Because we live in a fallen, sinful and suffering world. The Bible says that God created the earth without sin. He had great plans for it. Adam and Eve had a great time in the Garden of Eden. I imagine they laid around in hammocks, soaking in the sun, eating grapes and pomegranate nectar. But, when they rebelled against God, the earth itself was cursed. Suffering had entered the scene. Satan took control of this fallen world. Adam had to weed weeds and burn under a hot sun. Camelot disappeared. Immediately after sin entered the world, God devised a plan which would one day culminate in no more suffering. Jesus would come to redeem the world of sin by sacrificing Himself on the cross, and, according to the Book of Revelation, He will eventually recover the world to God’s control and suffering will stop and peace will prevail. Until that occurs, bad things will continue to happen to good people. Second, the purpose of suffering is to help to make us look like Jesus. Consider, “J” that all you have endured were designed and/or allowed by God to fashion you to look more like Jesus! For non-Christians, suffering is for nothing. For Christians suffering is for Someone. In other words, God uses suffering to mold us to look like Jesus. How we respond to our trials makes all the difference in the world. When we suffer we can get bitter, angry or depressed. Or we can say, “Thanks, Jesus, I know that You will use even this to help me look more like Jesus.” Let me share several passages for you to ponder: Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:7-11). But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold (Job 23:10). And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified (Romans 8:28-30). Notice in the last passage that the “good for those who love God” is to be “conformed to the likeness of his Son.” Respond properly to pain, God is in the business of making us more like Jesus. Third, we will only understand the workings of God when we see the big picture. In Psalm 73 Asaph struggled just like we. He was serving God and was frustrated because his ungodly neighbors were doing better in life than he was. Asaph even wondered whether or not he was wasting his time in following God. He was sick and tired of the God he had followed since childhood. He was plagued with disappointment and anger until he went to church and saw what was really going on behind the scenes: This is what the wicked are like — always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning. If I had said, “I will speak thus, “I would have betrayed your children. When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies. When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:12-26). I love Psalm 73. Do I dare tell you that during my doubting period I preached for a number of years and wasn’t sure that there was a God. Thank God for this Psalm. I knew that the Bible teaches that when the Word of God is proclaimed it will be strong and powerful. I could still preach with integrity because that’s what Asaph did during his angry-doubting period. God told him to keep his mouth shut about his doubts and keep on preaching while he was working out his issues with God. Fourth, I no longer imagine that God has promised to remove all suffering from the earth—including mine. What God has promised to do is to help me find victory in the midst of any and every suffering through the power of Jesus Christ. Lying in a hospital bed the night before major surgery I came across Philippians 4:10-14: I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles … (Philippians 4:10-15). For the first time I began to engage with the fact that troubles were going to come whether I liked it or not. Sufferings are inherent in life whether I wanted to admit that or not. The secret to enduring them is to learn contentment and to find peace even in the most difficult of circumstances. How? Through the poured in power of Jesus Christ. Don’t miss the fact that the way Paul found victory was in the company of others who shared their grace and sustenance with him. It is never good to handle pain and suffering alone. You shared some of your sufferings in your letter. I shared some of mine at the beginning of my letter to you. I want you to hear Paul as he described the troubles he had endured in life. We are both in good company. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn? (2 Corinthians 11:23-29). How could Paul endure these things with contentment? Because of the power of Jesus Christ and the sufficient grace of God. Look at how God works in the following passage. To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Fifth, the Bible is the best source for telling us what God is really like—not our own wishes, expectations, or preconceived notions. God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you'” (Exodus 3:14). According to God, He is Who He is. He is operating in a fallen world where things don’t always work out as they should. One day He will retake this broken world from Satan and Sin. Until then, He is helping us find power, grace and contentment in a variety of difficult circumstances. I loved Albert Fox. He was my mentor in my growing up years. He taught me to have an appreciation for science and physics—and many other things—and Jesus. Then he got brain cancer. About three weeks before he died he called me to his bedside and whispered in my ear: “Watch carefully, I will show you how a Christian dies.” And he did. Three months later he passed on to glory—strengthened and content by the power of Jesus Christ. Well, “P”, I hope you find here a few principles which will help you along in your spiritual journey. May God bless you with forgiveness for how God seemingly has hurt and abandoned you. Perhaps you will begin to look at God more like a partner through life’s struggles instead of One Who disappoints and lets you down. I am sorry for your pain. Yet, I pray for you much better days ahead. Love, Roger