While I doubt anyone this side of Heaven will ever manage to fully “explain” how God’s sovereignty and human choice fully fit together, I believe Scripture provides us with many examples of how the two work symbiotically. For example, Paul called himself not only a “servant” of God but also a “fellow worker” with God (1 Corinthians 3:9; see also Titus 1:1). While Paul never lost sight of God’s sovereignty, he also recognized himself as God’s partner in the work of the gospel (see 2 Corinthians 6:1; see also 1 Peter 4:13). (These are the kinds of passages that emboldened me to title my book, on the topic of God’s sovereignty and meaningful human choice, hand in Hand.) Paul made his evangelistic plans (see Romans 1:13; 15:24; 2 Corinthians 1:15–17), often in line with his personal preference for pioneering work (see Romans 15:20). And yet he held those plans loosely, always submitting them to God’s sovereign plan (see Acts 16:1–10). In this way, both Paul and God made choices that altered world history. When the prophet Elisha lay dying, King Jehoash of Israel came to see him. The meeting took place at a time when the people of Aram were severely “oppressing” the Israelites. Without explaining himself, Elisha instructed the king to take some arrows out of his quiver and strike the ground with them. The king obeyed, but feebly; he stopped after just three strikes. The angry prophet responded, “You should have struck the ground five or six times; then you would have defeated Aram and completely destroyed it. But now you will defeat it only three times” (2 Kings 13:18–19). Jehoash’s halfhearted choice meant the difference between temporary victory and total triumph—a very consequential difference. Consider Daniel’s long prayer of confession (see Daniel 9:4–19). He’d read the book of Jeremiah and saw that the seventy years prophesied for Israel’s exile had almost come to an end. Had some of us been in Daniel’s place, we would have exclaimed, “Bring it on, Lord!” But not Daniel. He got down on his knees and prayed one of the Bible’s longest prayers, asking God to restore Israel to her land—exactly what God said He would do. It seems that Daniel had a different idea of “sovereignty” than many of us do. All too often, those ideas make us passive, but they launched Daniel into a fervent period of activity and focused prayer. Would Daniel have received the remarkable prophecy of verses 20–27 if he hadn’t prayed the remarkable prayer of verses 4–19? (We’re told in verse 23 that God dispatched Gabriel, His messenger angel, only after Daniel started praying.) Did God’s response to Daniel’s prayer constitute a change in the way God fulfilled Jeremiah’s prophecy? Who knows? When I think of the examples of Paul, Elisha, and Daniel, I can’t help but marvel at the beauty of the unequal but real partnerships forged when we submit our choices to God and walk hand in Hand—His the strong and sovereign Hand lovingly reaching down, ours the weak hand eagerly reaching up. www.epm.org . Used by permission.

#1 Thinking of Prayer as a Way to Manipulate God We’ve all done it. Prayed a certain prayer and then when things don’t turn out the way we want them to, we let God have the full fury of our anger. I’ve seen some deeply spiritual people fall into this trap (just claim it in Jesus’ name and it will happen!!), some well-meaning people, and just about every other type of person you can think of fall victim to this one. At some point, most of us spend time praying for a dying relative or a sick child or friend. While illness and death are not simple to deal with, I’m honestly shocked at how many times people make the assumption that God somehow let us down because our prayers weren’t answered our way. I won’t pretend for a second to trace out cause and effect — why some people recover and others don’t. Do I believe that God can and does intervene and heal people? Absolutely. Would I suggest that it’s always a direct intervention? Not sure. Would I say that God directly willed the death of someone who didn’t recover even though they were prayed for? Stated that way, and you can begin to see the problem with our thinking. So what fixes this? Respect. So many biblical writers and figures had a very healthy respect for God. They did not pretend to be able to figure God’s every move out. When they prayed, there was a deference to the wisdom of God. When they prayed, their prayers were honest, gut-wrenching, real dialogues that laid out the whole array of human emotions before God. (Read the Psalms for example.) And at the end of it all, many were simply able to worship God in the face of their loss and worship God in the face of a healing. They just worshipped God because they knew Him to be good. But in our culture, God is good when He does what we say. God is bad when He doesn’t listen to us. Ouch. I think we all long for a God who is far deeper than that. Thank God He is. 2 Expecting Your Pastor to Be Your Personal Chaplain Somewhere along the line, a lot of us fell into the belief that somehow the pastor was supposed to be there for us at every key moment of our lives. He was supposed to visit us in the hospital, be there for weddings, funerals, crises and through most of the every day moments of life. There are four problems with this view. It kills pastors once their church grows beyond 200 people (one guy just can’t do all that, and if you hire more, it just gets irrationally expensive in staffing). It keeps pastors from their real calling: leading, prayer, and teaching the Word. It perpetuates spiritual infancy among people in the congregation, never maturing them to a place of direct reliance on God or looking to other Christians to walk with them. Oh yeah. It’s completely unbiblical. The Apostle Paul didn’t sail from Corinth to Thessalonica to do hospital visits. Nor did he sit around drinking tea and eating crumpets with congregational members. Nor did he forbid average Christians from praying for each other, visiting each other, being there for each other and loving each other in Christ so he could swoop in and do it for them. God’s dream of a church is to see leaders equip people to be the church (Ephesians 4). A true biblical community is equipped by its leaders to care for each other, pray for each other, get into the bible together, do life together and be there for each other and the wider community. I love it when I see Christians caring for each other. And it’s cool that I get to be a part of that in my own community group and little world, and get to equip others to care for each other and more fully rely on God. #3 Confusing Emotion with God’s Leading I hear this all the time: I feel God is leading me to….I feel God wants me to….It just doesn’t feel right to me so the Holy Spirit must be telling me to…..I felt like God was so totally in it so it must be right . And often those sentences are completed with things that really don’t stack up with scripture, or seem to be reflections of a person’s personal struggle for recognition or appear to be linked to some insecurity or struggle they are facing, rather than a reflection of God’s priorities. I’ll say it out loud: I’m just not sure our feelings are a reliable indicator of anything except how we feel. Christians today confuse emotionalism with faith, moods with promptings, inclinations with divine leadings. I’ve heard Christians say “I’m not going to serve in ministry until God tells me exactly what to do.” Let me use my outside voice again: isn’t that just…arrogant? Who are we to expect God to directly reveal specifically to us what we are supposed to do? Who are we to think we get exempted from the biblical directive to serve God and others because we “feel” we need a special revelation? Feelings are mostly just that…feelings. If I acted on my mood all the time, I’d probably be nominated for sainthood one hour and then commit a crime the next. My feelings seem to wander all over the map. God does speak to us, but mostly He speaks to us in His Word. And in His Word He gives us direction about what matters to God and how followers should live. That pretty much applies to all of us. The discernment comes in when we try to apply God’s clear teachings to our specific situation. Through prayer over God’s word, community and listening to those God has given particular wisdom to, we can figure out how to live in the moment for Christ. And true humility would move us to serve selflessly. Scripture directs all of us to serve, to give, to devote ourselves, to read the Bible, to worship, to show compassion. Honestly, what the Bible tells each of us to do is not rocket science. We know the drill. Often we just don’t want to do it. How do you feel about feelings? Or better yet, what do you think God feels about your feelings? #4: Expecting Someone or Something Else to Share Your Faith If you don’t invite your friends enter a growing relationship with Jesus, who will? Almost every follower of Jesus I’ve met wants their church to grow and people to go to heaven, but most of them don’t live that way. There is an expectation that the church had better grow, but a minority take personal responsibility for being a part of the solution by inviting their friends and family. Increasingly, we seem to count on a church’s marketing to “sell” Jesus for us. Billboards, radio ads, flyers, web marketing are all supposed to “drive” people to the church. In my former ministry, we grew rapidly and at the same time became “famous” (in such a tiny way) for our direct mail flyers. But it bothered me that most of the people came because they saw our flyers or someone who didn’t go to our church told them to come to our church. When a church loses a bit of a growth curve or stagnates, members blame everyone but themselves. Hear me — as a leader, I take full responsibility when we hit a tough spot, but imagine what would happen if we all shared that responsibility and took action by telling the world about Jesus. Imagine in eternity when our friends find out that we sat on forgiveness, hope, healing, mercy and grace and kept our mouths shut. (Friends don’t let friends go to hell.) In the Bible, when people met Jesus, they left him only to run and tell their friends what this incredible man had done for them. We call that dynamic investing and inviting. Invest in real relationships with people who don’t go to church. Hang out with them. Pray for them. Develop great friendships. And then invite them with you into a relevant environment (like Sundays or community groups) where they can meet Jesus. The number one reason people don’t go to church? No one invited them. A recent poll on hypocrisy revealed that while Americans (sorry, no Canadian data) generally dislike Christians, 78% of people who don’t go to church would have a conversation about faith with a Christian if the Christian was willing. God’s mercy is bigger than we realize. #5 Expecting Someone Else to be Responsible for Your Spiritual Growth My basement flooded last week. Thankfully, it appears my insurance is covering it and, after some initial long hours of hard work, contractors and clean up crews will pretty much do the rest. (Which works well with my non-existent handy-man gift set). We delegate and outsource so much these days. How many of us expect something/someone other than us to be primarily responsible for our spiritual growth? I think Christians look to their churches to “grow” them spiritually, while not asking the tough personal questions or doing the hard soul-work that comes in an authentic relationship with Jesus. We become so much more effective when church leaders work in partnership with parents to leverage every day at home plus the time together at church to shape a child’s future. The same is true of us. The more we put into our relationship every day — personally — the closer we grow to Jesus. # 6 Lousy Devotional Life I just hear it all the time from people who come to tell me they’re not growing spiritually (often they begin by saying it must be the services…they’re not “deep” enough.) Then, after a few questions and some listening, I usually ask how their personal walk with Christ is going. Too often (and sadly) this is what I hear: I pray when I’m in the car. Six days go by and I realize I haven’t picked up my Bible. I pray in the shower. I don’t pray much. I’m just so busy. I heard part of James MacDonald this morning on the radio – that’s all I do. I find the Bible difficult. I get to it when I can. So imagine if that dialogue was your approach to food. If I eat at all, I eat in the car…grab it mostly through drive thrus. Six days went by, and I realized I just hadn’t eaten. I really only drink when I’m in the shower. I just don’t each much…never got into a routine. I get to food when I can, which is a couple times a month. You get the point. This week, change your pattern. I use a one year Bible. It’s so easy. I open the Bible and turn to January 13th…the readings are all there. I reflect on those readings, pray over them, and pray over all kinds of issues. Some days it’s dry. But over time, regular devotion becomes a harvest that offers the finest food. An amazing thing happens…when you go deep with God, He goes deep with you. #7 Living a Dual Life Too many of us have different personas for different environments. We’re one way at home, one way at work, one way at school, one way at church, one way with friends, and in the end, we don’t know who we are. I remember struggling with this a lot in my teens and twenties. I had a set of Christian friends and non-Christian friends and I was mostly a chameleon. Put me in a different environment and my colors changed. I remember losing a lot of self-respect in the process and sensing it was a real impediment in my relationship with God. So, I decided I wouldn’t play the game anymore. I spent a number of years figuring out who I authentically was (that takes a while), making a list in my mind of the things I wanted to stop doing and others I wanted to start doing, and then mustering up the courage to step into environments and face rejection because I didn’t always play along. I’m always hesitant to say a struggle is in the “past”, but since making the change I feel much more peace and like my life is aligned with a purpose worth the effort. I rarely have to worry about what I said or did because it really doesn’t matter who’s in the room or who saw what: I’m basically the same wherever I go. And that means people see my faults, not just my good side. I’m relieved when I hear people say “One thing about Carey — what you see is what you get.” I still don’t like everything people see or what I bring to every setting, but at least the consistency is refreshing. #8: Changing Nothing, But Expecting Everything to Change Christians are great at blaming others (including God) for their shortcomings, and a bit famous for being lazy when it comes to personal change. We sometimes change nothing but expect everything to change. Many of us get stuck in life on harmful habits, patterns behaviors. (I think the Bible calls that sin.) But rather than acknowledging that we might need to face reality, deal honestly with our role in the problem, and come before God willing to change, we change nothing but expect the results to be different. When things don’t change, we blame God for the misery in our lives. It amazes me how at times I can change nothing but still expect everything to change. The antidote is to face reality. Reality is our friend. If I’m stuck, what role did I play in getting me here? (God is not some cruel puppeteer pulling our strings to make our lives miserable.) Confess it (Trap #9), and then begin to study the scriptures to get a fresh perspective on how to live and rely deeply on God each day for the power and strength to correct the problem. When you change your attitudes and behaviors (God giving you the power and strength), that’s when things finally begin to change. #9: Failing to Confess Sins I just don’t hear people talk about confession much any more. (Not like the priest/booth thing…the confess your sins while praying thing). And honestly, I’m not sure how good my confession prayers really are. Confession is so raw..so scary. It means we stand naked, exposed before God for who we really are. The Bible even says we should confess our sins to each other. No wonder we duck it. It’s easier to justify behavior, blame others, play the victim or just limp along and try again tomorrow. Confession takes us into the jaws of our own shortcomings. But it also takes us into the arms of God’s mercy. Because when we see ourselves for who we really are, we also see God better for who He really is. And He is merciful….deeply kind and able to love us into change. What would we Christians be like if we really, deeply confessed our sins? What would change? How would we be different? Confession. Maybe becoming real with God about who we really are is one of the best catalysts to change we’ve got. #10. Confusing How You Serve God with Your Identity as a Follower of Jesus I’ve seen this way too many times. Serving God is great, and biblical. But too often we get so hooked on what we do for Him that it becomes our identity in Him. We are worshipers of Jesus first, and servants of Him second. In the church, so many people fuse their identity with what they do (their role) that it becomes deeply unhealthy. If you got cut from your worship team, stepped back from the usher team, told you weren’t need to do sound again, would your love for God be threatened? Would you still worship? Would you dig deep into the Word? Would you pray with gratitude? I’ve seen too many people only go to church when they serve or play or preach. That’s not really worship. That’s a gig. Underneath it (often) is a very insecure person who feels they need something to make them “acceptable” or “meaningful”. Nothing could be further from the truth. We have value — enough for Jesus to die for us. That should be where we start. If your service/job could be taken away from you and you could still have full participation in the life of Jesus, then you’ve probably got a healthy attitude toward how you serve God. You serve Him because you love Him, and you serve Him out of gratitude for what He’s done for you. How do you combat this trap? I remind myself virtually every week that what I do is a privilege. It’s not why God loves me and not why I love Him. I also read daily Bible passages that have nothing to do with what I preach and pray about lots of things that are about “life”, not just church. I remind myself I’m a worshiper first, a servant second, a preacher third. It helps. Ironically, when I get that order right, it actually frees me up to serve God far better than when I’ve got it wrong, because when it’s wrong my service is about me, not Him. www.careynieuwhof.com . Used by permission of the author.

Grief is never truly finished. When a loved one dies, we will always miss the relationship we had with that person. Sometimes we will re-experience the pain of that loss as we go through annual celebrations such as birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. Nonetheless, we are called back into the land of the living and our daily responsibilities. Reinvesting in life and significant relationships is the key to getting through our grief. Realizing life is forever changed by the death of a loved one gives us permission to begin building a new life with their memory in our hearts. Building upon our experiences of the past can lead us to a new future. While the death of our loved one was not our choice, how we respond to that loss is a choice we must make. To move forward we must settle or be at peace with unresolved issues, accept the reality that our life has changed, allow ourselves to let go of guilt and resentment regarding the death of our loved one and recommit to our lives. How do you know you are moving on? The following signs of healing are adapted from Costa’s Handbook for the Bereaved. You can talk about your loved one without getting a lump in your throat You can enjoy memories and even look at pictures without becoming depressed You can share your feelings with someone and not be overwhelmed You feel more in control of your emotions Self-esteem returns and you take pride in yourself Ability to focus on others and get involved in other activities Life holds new meaning and purpose You begin to plan ahead and think of the future without dread You are able to laugh and enjoy life without feeling guilty Finally, the goal is to move from grief to gratitude: When we are able to see the gift of having had our loved one in our life When we appreciate the good and the difficult experiences that were a part of that relationship When we can forgive and accept forgiveness for past mistakes When we understand the relationship is a part of the fabric of our life When we recognize that every moment we spent with that person was a gift Then we can be grateful for the moments we shared with that person in our life. Written by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise” available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Christianbook.com.

How do we stay emotionally and physically healthy with toxic people around us? Dr. Caroline Leaf writes: “Let’s face it: people can be too much at times. In fact, occasionally things will get so toxic that a deserted cabin in the middle of the wilderness can sound quite appealing! We cannot run from the ugly side of humanity. Every day we can potentially face a toxic experience in one form or another, whether this is an email, text message, conversation, meeting and so on. We need to learn how to deal with such situations, not run from them. As I am sure you know, toxic people can be upsetting and mess with our emotions and mental health, so the sooner we learn to manage the way other people choose to react, the better off we will be (both mentally and physically). Even friends and family can unknowingly, or knowingly, create toxic environments! Yet, as Warren Buffet wisely says, “You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.” This quote has helped me so much, so I wanted to share it with you and give you some tips that I have developed that have really helped me and others learn how to manage toxic situations. First, you need to realize that you can’t control what another person chooses to think and say, but you can control your emotional reactions to them, as I discuss in my books Switch on Your Brain and Think, Learn, Succeed. If you choose to give people power over you by continually ruminating over what they said or did, you will to continue to suffer , damaging your brain and mental health in the process. And, if you have developed a pattern of overreacting and being too sensitive (for more on overcoming this see my recent blog post), you can get stuck in a toxic reaction cycle that will directly affect the quality of your mental life. You need to stop and ask yourself “what kind of person am I becoming?”. Are you developing a victim mentality? Do you want to keep suffering like this? Are you becoming overly self-involved and inward-focused? As Buffet said, true power is restraint. This is key in managing toxic situations: most people are way too reactive and do not develop their self-restraint and self-regulation; living this way makes them miserable! This type of restraint particularly applies to your thought life. You may be thinking something about someone’s motives, but it is not necessarily true. It is important to remember that assumptions are, by and large, the mother of all mess-ups! You can never truly know what another person is thinking, even if you know that person well. Restraint also means taking a step back and observing a situation logically, as Buffet says. It means reminding yourself that you have control—you aren’t under someone’s power unless you allow it . Indeed, you can’t be offended unless you take offense! If you let your toxic emotions grow unchecked by constantly thinking about them and ruminating on your feelings, you will feel worse because the resultant neurochemical chaos will cause brain damage and dramatically affect your mental and physical wellbeing. Do you really want to give people that much power over your life? Remember, “if words control you, then everyone can control you”! You need to be honest with yourself: are you letting other people control you? Are you walking around hurt and upset? Do you constantly see yourself as a victim? Is everyone always attacking you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it may be time to shift your thinking! When you are faced with a toxic person or situation, the best thing you can do is STOP, allow some time to pass, and do a 5-step “mental autopsy”. This has really helped me learn how not to react to toxic people or situations, and can help you too: 1. Practice breathing in and out deeply to control your cortisol and adrenalin levels (which are good but can cause havoc when they flood the brain and body) and calm your HPA axis. This, in turn, will help you get clarity of thought and defog your mind. For example, say you were just sent a really nasty email from a colleague. Don’t respond in a reactive way! Stop, breathe in for 3 counts, and breathe out for 3 counts. This will dissipate excess cortisol and help your mind clear and your emotions stabilize. 2. Recognize and name your reaction. For instance, using the email example above, describe how you feel out loud: “I feel hurt, attacked, defensive…” and ask yourself why. Observe your thinking, and have a discussion with yourself. Writing down your thoughts can also help you manage and examine your thoughts and emotions. Don’t do this for too long, just a few moments—the purpose of this exercise is to help you name your emotions, such as “I feel hurt because I…”. Writing down your emotions and naming or putting your feelings down on paper can help bring fluency and clarity to your thinking and reduce the overwhelming effect of your emotions. My new app Switch is a great tool for helping you go through this process. It is based on my 5-step program, which is designed to help you identify and eliminate the root of your toxic reactions, and help you build a healthy new thinking habits through the mental process of reconceptualization. 3. Next, I want you to intentionally and deliberately separate the toxic emotions behind your thoughts and words and the logic of the situation apart. Visualize this: imagine a scary, ugly, toxic tree with all your negative emotions and attitudes. Imagine ripping the emotions off this tree, and seeing the well-defined branches with all the information of the situation hanging on the tree in a clear and clinical way, which will give you insight into what to do next. You are essentially imagining taking the threat of the turbulent emotions away from the thought “tree”. 4. Now, focus on the content and words of this tree, which will help you see the actual problem or issue that was previously blocked by your toxic emotions. When you try see things through a veil of emotions, it is like trying to drive through a storm with no windscreen wipers–you can’t see properly and can end up in some serious trouble! So, using the email example above, when you mentally divorce yourself from your immediate emotional reaction, you can perhaps see that the person who sent the email is frustrated because of “so and so…”, and, putting yourself in their shoes, you can choose to see if there was something you can learn from the situation in order to improve your communication with this person and so on. By doing this, you can transform a potentially explosive situation into a productive learning experience! The key is to focus on the logic of the situation, which is separated from your emotions and feelings. 5. This brings me to step 5: work out a solution in order to progress forward in a way that can transform the toxic experience into a good “ahah!’ moment. Once again, using the email example above, you can respond in a composed and logical manner to your colleague, and set up a call or in-person meeting to calmly discuss the situation and improve your future communication, even if you don’t agree on something. This kind of reaction can not only improve your relationship, but also your productivity! We can’t just focus on our feelings, even though it is important we acknowledge them. We need to find concrete solutions or come up with a plan of action, which is the only way we can truly move forward. To sum it all up, we need to learn to be kind to ourselves and to others. It is so important that we control how we react and respond to people—this can mitigate relationship disasters and improve our own mental health. Of course, this does not mean that we agree on everything, but we learn how sometimes it is okay to “agree to disagree”, and that sometimes we don’t know everything! Indeed, at the end of the day, you will never truly know what really motivates someone’s words or actions. You may be able to guess to a certain extent, but you will never get beyond a 70% accuracy rate, so stop yourself going down that dangerous road. Assumptions are often toxic: you can end up wasting a lot of your mental energy on things that do not contribute to your quality of life or your success. As the saying goes, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that!'” www.drleaf.com . Used by permission.

The following is an excerpt from Dr. Leman’s podcast on www.birthorderguy.com: Blaming others has been around since time began. Let’s go back to Adam and Eve. Adam said in Genesis 3:12:“It was you, God, that gave me that woman. It’s her fault.” Passing the buck has literally been around forever and it’s a scapegoat. It’s a psychological defense mechanism. It’s not my fault. It’s your fault. Life’s been unfair to me.” I would bet you a nickel and a few pesos that a daughter complaining about her mother is always asking her mother for help in some way, shape or form, either financially or otherwise. Of course, if you don’t like yourself, you need to find a way of deferring that to someone else. You have to lay blame on it, like it didn’t have anything to do with the fact that she, now these are just guesses in the dark because perhaps she chose not to go to school onto post high school, that she was the one that decided to take off extra time from work and ended up getting fired. What you see is a trail of non-responsible behavior from day one, and so rather than face myself and look myself in the mirror and say, “You know what? This is on me,” as the old song says, you strike out, you only hurt the ones you what? Love. The next time she throws a barb at you, just say simply, “Honey, I’m sorry you feel that badly about yourself.” My prayer for you someday is that you’ll look honestly at yourself and take responsibility for the things you say and do and won’t have the need to blame others, including me, for your inaction and your failure. Failure isn’t fatal in life, honey, but realize that you failed and then not doing anything to try to get yourself into a positive track is quite frankly just a shame because quite frankly, I believe you could do better.” “But if you want to continue to play this dog and pony show where I am the source of your problems, you go right ahead. You just have to understand that I’m not buying it.” That’s the conversation that has to take place. That’s kind of scary for that mom to say that. Moms are often afraid that that daughter’s going to pull away. Perhaps they’re too close. Mom is probably way, way, way too involved in her adult daughter’s life. Okay? So I’m guessing that daughter is asking mom, “Hey Mom, what do you think about this? What do you think about that?” And Mom tried to help, giving her two cents worth. Daughter does partly what Mom suggests. It doesn’t work and then now whose fault is it? It’s Mom’s fault. So what I’m saying is the quicker they separate, the better. The next time she’d get asked a question from her daughter, say, “Honey, I don’t have the foggiest idea what to tell you. That’s completely up to you. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision,” and then psychologically turn your back and walk away. I mean, this doesn’t work without Mom doing some changing of her own. She has to see, just like fighting is an act of cooperation, this nonsense that’s going on between her and her grown daughter continues to go because she plays a role in that. So all of a sudden Daughter says something like this: “Mom, you are stupid. You don’t know a thing.” Then when she asked for help, especially financial, which I bet you a nickel she’s doing, I would just say, “Honey, I’m unable to help you right now for a lot of different reasons. Let it go.” Playing the victim and using a parent as a scapegoat is a psychological defense is commonplace now in our culture. How as parents do we not let our kids gain this stance or this opinion? Start when your children are young. The general principle is don’t do for kids what they can do for themselves. Now, if you take that too, literally, I mean, if a kid says, “Mommy, would you get me a glass of milk,” am I saying don’t get the kid a glass of milk? No, I’m not saying that at all. What I’m saying is the kids will work you and you have to have a built in antennae that says, wait a minute, this is a little too much. They can do this work. I sat down with my granddaughter once and my wife assigned me, “Hey you, help Adeline with her homework.” So I sat down and I looked at the homework and I said, “Okay, what are we doing here Adeline?” “We’re doing these six questions,” Adeline said. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. Adeline wanted me to figure out her six problems for her, and I said, “Honey, I don’t know.” “This is your homework. This isn’t Grandpa’s homework. This is something you have to do.” “Yeah, but I don’t understand it,” Adeline replied. “Well, I mean, I don’t know how I can help you understand it. You can read it once you read it out loud, see how it goes.” I just keep the ball on her side of the court. Kids will work you. You just have to understand that. It’s human nature for a lot of kids, particularly later born children or overly-dependent firstborns to use the ones that they’re supposed to be loving. People aren’t for using. They’re for loving. So you draw those lines early. You have expectations. Your yes is yes. Your no is no. You’re in authority without being an authoritarian. You’re not being a pushover and it’s that balanced life that you present before your children that gives them a solid foundation to grow from. That’s the important thing. What would it take as a mom to be able to have the confidence that this is actually going to bless that child, not irreparably destroy your relationship? Some Moms feel the desire to be needed so much that they ignore the importance of setting boundaries and helping their offspring to assume responsibility for their behaviors and choices. If Moms learn to do this from the start, there’s so much hope in that thinking, okay, when I have adolescents, when I have young adult children, that they’re not going to be blaming me. They’re not going to come whining to me for an answer. They’re not going to be dependent on me. They’re going to be responsible, able to make their own choices.

The most important influence to my pastoral counseling is from David Powlison. Powlison was a professor at the seminary my wife Angel graduated from and has had an indelible impact on her counseling. I had the chance to meet Powlison face-to-face a handful of times and was deeply impacted by his ministry both through Angel and through his writing. Seeing with New Eyes is the most important book I’ve ever read on Biblical counseling. A month ago David Powlison died of cancer at age 69. He lived his last months as he lived his life: full of grace. In the midst of diminishing strength, Powlison used his trial with cancer as a trumpet for the gospel. In my Angel’s words, “He longed for God’s glory and God gave him that gift early.” Weeks before Powlison died he wrote the closing comments at Westminster Theological Seminary’s graduation where they were delivered by his friend and colleague, Mike Emlet. Powlison’s call to step into God’s grace in the midst of our weaknesses is doubly powerful because it is a truth spoken in the midst of an extreme trial. It is a very picture of what he is speaking of: strength in weakness. May we too be unafraid to be weak for the sake of the revelation of the strength of God. Here is what Powlison said:[i] I grieve not to be with you this afternoon. I very much looked forward to walking with you, worshiping with you, listening to our God with you, and cheering you on as you set forth into the next season of your life. After being diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer in November, I returned to work half-time at CCEF [Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation], serving a future that I am not likely to be part of. Part of why I have so looked forward to this graduation day is because it is something fully in the present tense of my experience. And I grieve. I truly grieve not to be present with you. But my health has become fragile and I recently entered hospice care. I want to share words of encouragement with you. I first graduated from Westminster thirty-nine years ago! I still remember the specific details of one sermon that I heard in seminary chapel. Dick Gaffin was speaking from Romans 8:26 about how the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. He made a point I’ve never forgotten — that “weakness” is singular. It does not say “weaknesses” as if there were a finite list of sins A-B-C, and sufferings X-Y-Z in your life. “Weakness” singular is a comprehensive description of our human condition. We are perishable. We are mortal. We face a multitude of afflictions in our lives. And we are sinful, bent from the heart towards pride, self-righteousness, fear of man, and a multitude of desires and fears that beset us. The mercies of God meet us in this comprehensive condition of weakness. Something I long admired about Pope John Paul II is that he was unafraid to be publicly weak. He was willing to be in front of people when it was evident that he was failing. I deeply respected that. It’s so countercultural to people who want to say, “We are STRONG!” and “You can do it!” On the contrary, we are fundamentally weak. That weakness is a most unusual door into all the ways God enables us to be strong. One of my favorite novels is Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton. I’ve always admired one of the characters. Msimangu is an Anglican pastor living in South Africa under apartheid. He is very generous to a grieving older pastor, Steven Kumalo. When Kumalo expresses deep, tearful gratitude for how generous Msimangu has been, he responds: “I am a selfish, sinful and weak man, but God has put his hand on me. That is all.” Being unafraid to be publicly weak was true of King David. The end of Psalm 40 has always resonated deeply with me. This psalm contains a great deal of fruitful ministry and joyful worship, yet David summarizes himself this way: “As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me.” David’s strength grew out of his comprehensive sense of weakness, and his confidence in God’s strength. We see something very similar in the life of the apostle Paul. He pleads with God to take away a very distressing affliction, but the Lord says, “No, my grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Paul goes on to say, “I will gladly boast of my weakness as the doorway through which the strength of God enters my life.” Supremely we see fearlessness of public weakness in the life and words of Jesus himself. The Beatitudes sound the keynote of Jesus’ keynote talk, the Sermon on the Mount. What Jesus says to us captures what he himself embodies. When we think about how the image of Christ is expressed in our lives, the Beatitudes show us how the right kind of weakness, a fundamental sense of neediness, then leads directly to the right kind of strength, a strength grounded and founded in need. Think about the qualities of strength that the last four beatitudes portray. · “Blessed are the merciful” — to have your life characterized by a deep concern for the welfare of others, to be generous, open-hearted and open-handed. · Jesus says, “The pure in heart are blessed,” describing the ability to approach all people free from duplicitous motives, free of self-serving. · Jesus says, “Peacemakers are blessed — they’re nothing less than the children of God.” Peacemaking is the ability to be candid, constructive, and caring; to pursue peace in a world that is full of war, dissension, conflicts, arguments, and avoiders. · Jesus says, “Those who are persecuted are blessed.” He calls us to joyful purposefulness, finding courage in affliction, finding perseverance in opposition. These are wonderful traits. These are the traits of leadership and loving fruitfulness in Jesus’ life — and ours as well. The right kind of strength comes from the right kind of weakness. The right kind of weakness is expressed in the first four beatitudes: · “The poor in spirit are blessed” — those who know they need help outside of themselves. Jesus is described as one who, though he was rich, became poor. He became poor for you. He became utterly dependent, utterly needy. He died in the ultimate weakness and perishability of the human condition. · Jesus is portrayed throughout his life as one who mourns: “He is a man of sorrows, acquainted, well-acquainted, deeply-acquainted, with grief.” “Blessed are those who mourn.” He mourns for your sake, he mourns his own suffering that he must face, he mourns all the things that are wrong in this world, and he comes on a mission of mercy to make wrongs right. · “The meek are blessed. ” Jesus describes himself as meek and lowly in heart. Meekness is not weakness in the negative sense. It’s weakness in the positive sense, being under the hand and voice and will of Another, heeding the voice of his Father. He was meek for you and for me, fully trusting God’s promises, fully obeying God’s will. He is the one in whose image we are to become. · Jesus is blessed because he hungers and thirsts for righteousness. He makes right what is wrong. He makes true what is false. And he remakes what is evil for the good of His people. He who is all-righteous hungers and thirsts for righteousness for our sake. So we see in the very life of our Lord that he is all these things. He is fruitful, he is strong, but he is fruitful and strong on the foundation of this abiding sense of weakness and need. And it’s that weakness and need that we see supremely exhibited at the end of his life when he goes to death in our place, casting Himself on his Father’s mercy and power. He was raised in strength, while retaining compassion and sympathy for our weakness and our need. He warmly welcomes us to the throne of his grace, that we might receive the mercy we need and the grace specific to whatever difficult situation we are in. My deepest hope for you is that in both your personal life and your ministry to others, you would be unafraid to be publicly weak as the doorway to the strength of God Himself. [i] https://www.ccef.org/a-special-note-from-david-powlison www.thebeehive.live . Used by permission.

God wants to bless every relationship you have! In John 15:13 Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Deborah Haddix writes: I think we are all guilty – at some time, to some degree – of having preconceived notions and prejudices. They may not be of a racial or socio-economic nature. Nonetheless, we have them. Members of the younger generations ASSUMING members of the older generations are stiff, unyielding, “just wouldn’t understand.” Those of us who fall into those “older” generations ASSUMING that the younger generation is too lax, uncommitted, “just doesn’t understand.” No matter the generation we were born into, when it comes to connecting with members of other generations, we face a gap – one that may seem uncrossable. We can ASSUME that intergenerational friendships aren’t even possible. Exploring the Gaps “The further removed we are from another person—financially, racially, generationally—the number of potential connection points we have diminishes.” – Joseph Rhea, Why the Church Needs Intergenerational Friendships For our conversation on intergenerational friendships, it’s necessary for us to first look at the 4 generations to which our conversation would most apply. While they have many names, we’ll refer to these generations as: Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Gen-Xers, and Millennials. To help us in our understanding, it’s important for us to know that, generally speaking, each new generation is born during an approximate 20-year period, and each one is shaped by shared experiences that occurred while its members were coming of age. Therefore, the members of each generation will commonly possess shared values and behaviors that were influenced by parenting, education, politics, social, and cultural issues. With this in mind, take a look at just a few brief “influencers” from each of the 4 generations: Traditionalists – born prior to 1946 Have experienced the most amount of conflict: World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War Raised by parents who lived through both World Wars and the Great Depression Grew up in largely pre-feminist era where women tended to not work outside the home Loyalty to one’s company and job was strong Most often, the same job was held for lifetime Often described as “disciplined, self-sacrificing, and cautious” Baby Boomer – born 1946-1964 Referred to as the “me” generation Began the wave of changing common values (including women working outside the home and the social acceptance of divorce) Television was common in the home Generally welcome and respect hierarchal structure and tradition Members of this generation are typically hopeful, motivated, and team oriented Baby Boomers are often described as “self-righteous and self-centered” Generation Xers – born 1965-1979 Children of this generation were often home alone while both parents were at work Has been said that television raised this generation During their formative years, a shift was made in the way knowledge was accessed – from paper to digital Tendency toward being individualistic and preferring to rely on self Often retain a strong sense of family and want to be “present” parents Prefer to commit to themselves rather than to organizations Concerned for individual rights, particularly those of minority groups Millennials – born 1980-2000 Raised by hopeful, present, and active parents Taught to believe that they are unique and valuable Prefer to schedule activities and like to work in teams Experience significant levels of academic pressure and have high expectations of themselves Prefer a relaxed work environment with support and feedback Have not lived without computers Due to the accessibility of information, tend to hold strong views Reflecting on This Generational Snapshop Let’s think about this a little. Go back into the generation of your birth. Are there any “influencers” from your generation that you hadn’t really given any previous thought? What core value and/or attribute do you see as a result of this “influencer?” Now look back at one of the generations neighboring yours (one generation away). Do you notice an “influencer” on that generation that you’d never given any thought to before? What core values and/or attributes do you see as a possible result of that “influence?” What about two generations away from yours where there are even more diminished connection points? Any “influencers” that may help to explain core values and/or attributes of members of that generation? Implications for Intergenerational Friendships Were there any “Aha” moments? I know there were several for me, a Baby Boomer – — the caution and patriotism exhibited by the Traditionalists in my sphere. — the need for my younger Millennial associates to schedule every little thing and their tendency to share all of life on social media. This “generational” insight and understanding has many implications for our lives. First, it can help us get beyond our ASSUMED barriers. Instead of making assumptions and sitting in judgment, it can help us begin to recognize and acknowledge our differences… and the reasons for them. And it can help us see that, sometimes, where we thought there was a problem – there wasn’t! It’s Your Turn How about you? Did you experience any “Aha” moments as you browsed the “generational” information? Especially as you looked at generations one or two away from yours? How might you use this “generational” information this week as you interact with members of generations other than your own? www.deborahhaddix.com . Used by permission of the author.

What do you want out of your Christian experience? If you’re like most people you might answer that you are looking for peace, strength during difficulties, or even some level of personal prosperity. Would these be your answer? If so, you might want to consider God’s list of priorities for us in prayer. When you pray, what are your priorities—your spouse or kids, your job, your finances, for your friends and family? Lo and behold, none of these are God’s priorities in prayer. Don’t get me wrong. We can and should ask God for these things. But we need to have our prayer priorities straight. Think back to your prayers. Whatever you pray for first, or most often, is your priority in prayer. So let’s compare that to God’s priorities in prayer and see how we fare. Jesus provided his disciples with a model prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. Let’s take a look: Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. In this model prayer, Jesus has given us five prayer priorities. What is number one on God’s list? God’s reputation. Note Jesus says, “Hallowed be your name.” God’s reputation is very important to him. In fact, our reputations are important to us as well. We don’t like getting slandered or accused falsely, do we? In our case we might deserve a little accusation, but not God. As Christians, how we behave is a reflection on God’s character. You may remember the days when people used to say that if children misbehaved it was a bad reflection on their parents. This is true spiritually. Because the Holy Spirit indwells us, because we are made in God’s image—to think what he thinks, to feel what he feels, and to do what he does—our behavior is supposed to be a reflection on who he is. What do you pray for? How important is God’s reputation to you? For Jesus, it is his number one priority in prayer. Note God’s second priority in prayer: God’s will. What do you want out of your life? What do you want out of your Christian experience? Following on the heels of God’s reputation is God’s will. Some might think it should be the other way around, that if we focus on doing God’s will then we will then protect God’s reputation. But in reality it’s the other way around. A high view of God’s name, his character, will drive us to do God’s will. We will care about God’s will because we value him so much. But if we focus first on doing things, even on obedience, we will lose the motivating reason for doing his will. Our obedience will then become a work of man instead of an outpouring of responsive love that comes from honoring his reputation. Part of praying for God’s will also involves evangelism. Wrapped around the statement, “Your will be done,” is “Kingdom come,” and “Earth as it is in Heaven.” God want those on earth who do not yet know him to be prayed for, that their eyes may be enlightened, and their hardened hearts softened to receive the Gospel. It is part of God’s will that we pray this way (I Timothy 2:1-4). After getting things right with God’s reputation and his will, then we focus on the lesser things. They are important, but lesser compared to God’s reputation and will. Jesus says to pray for our daily bread. In other words, pray for your physical needs. But elsewhere in scripture Jesus says that God already “knows that you need these things” (Matthew 5:32). Here it is that we discover that God wants to meet our physical needs. He does not ignore our earthly needs, but wants to give us what we need to sustain our lives. So why does Jesus instruct us to pray for something that he also says God fully intends to give us anyway? You might have guessed it—it’s a matter of God’s will and reputation. He is a God who provides. If he did not provide for his children, what kind of reputation would he have? Why would his will matter to us if he didn’t provide? Thirdly, Jesus instructs us to pray for forgiveness. God is a forgiving God. Without his forgiveness we would have no hope of eternal life, heaven, or experiencing his love. We would forever be cut off from God. Though it’s fourth in the list God considers forgiveness as foundational to the Christian life. It’s so important that it is the only thing we are instructed to pray for that has a proviso attached, “As we also have forgiven our debtors.” Finally, deliverance from temptation and Satan are listed last. Satan is a powerful foe. Why would Jesus list him last if we are to understand this prayer as including a list of priorities? Because Satan is already defeated. This doesn’t mean that he can’t pull the wool over our eyes or tempt us greatly. It means that we have everything we need in Christ to defeat him as Christ also defeated him. We do not need to be spiritual victims if we keep alert. What do you pray for? How high on your list is God’s reputation? Even Jesus’ prayer in John 17 puts God’s reputation first. Jesus uses words like “glorify,” “name,” and “true God” when addressing God’s character. In fact, Jesus’ prayer in John 17 contains all of the elements of the Lord’s prayer (except for forgiveness since Jesus needed none and he had already forgive his disciple’s sins). If we lift high God’s reputation in our lives and prayer, if we will become jealous for his name (Ezekiel 39:25, Numbers 25:1-13), God will honor our hearts and prayers by granting those other things we seek that are according to his will. So, what do you want out of your Christian experience? What do you pray for? guywithabible.com

Do you really want to see Jesus? Randy Alcorn reflects on the happiness we will experience as we look on the face of Christ: “Ancient theologians often spoke of the “beatific vision.” The term comes from three Latin words that together mean “a happy-making sight.” The sight they spoke of was God. To see God’s face is the loftiest of all aspirations. But sadly, for most of us, it’s not at the top of our list of desires. Wayne Grudem writes in his Systematic Theology: When we look into the face of our Lord and he looks back at us with infinite love, we will see in him the fulfillment of everything that we know to be good and right and desirable in the universe. In the face of God we will see the fulfillment of all the longing we have ever had to know perfect love, peace, and joy, and to know truth and justice, holiness and wisdom, goodness and power, and glory and beauty. The most astonishing sight we can anticipate in Heaven is not streets of gold or pearly gates or loved ones who’ve died before us. It will be coming face-to-face with our Savior. To look into Jesus’ eyes will be to see what we’ve always longed to see: the person who made us and for whom we were made. And we’ll see Him in the place He made for us and for which we were made. Seeing God will be like seeing everything else for the first time. I grew up in an unbelieving home. My dad, a tavern owner, was totally hostile to Jesus. (He remained so until he was 85 and appeared to be dying, when I had the privilege of leading him to Jesus; he lived four more years.) When I was in high school, God drew me to Himself, and Jesus changed everything for me. God’s Son gave me my first glimpses of the Creator. When Moses said to God, “Show me your glory,” God responded, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you… but you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live” (Exodus 33:18-20, NIV). Moses saw God, but not God’s face, yet in another sense “the LORD used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend” (Exodus 33:11, NASB). God “lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see” (1 Timothy 6:16, NIV). Sinful humans were rightly terrified by the prospect of seeing God. Samson’s father, Manoah, who after seeing the angel of the Lord, told his wife, “We are doomed to die! We have seen God!” (Judges 13:22, NIV). Yet—and this is really striking to me—Job cried out with this ancient hope, and solid confidence: “I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes—I and not another. How my heart yearns within me!” (Job 19:25-27, NIV). To actually see God and not be struck dead? Job was given a promise of something that, before the incarnation of Jesus, was unthinkable! The God who lives in unapproachable light became approachable in the person of Jesus (John 1:14). In fact, it was Jesus Himself who made God visible to us: “No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father’s side, he has made him known” (John 1:18). Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father.” Jesus answered: “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:8-9, NIV).­ Jesus also said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5:8, NIV). This anticipated what God promises we’ll experience after the resurrection, on the New Earth: “No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face” (Revelation 22:3-4, NIV). “Without holiness no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14, NIV). For us to see God would require us to undergo radical transformation between now and then. And that’s exactly what will happen. By faith in Christ, God’s children already have His righteousness, which will allow us into Heaven (see Romans 3:22; 2 Corinthians 5:21). Because we stand completely righteous before God in Christ, once we’re glorified and forever made sinless, we’ll be able to see God and live! Incredible. Yet absolutely true! For more on Jesus, see Randy’s book Face to Face with Jesus: Seeing Him as He Really Is.

“…on the day when according to my gospel God will judge the secrets of men through Jesus Christ” (Rom. 2:16) “He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world through a man…” (Acts 17:31) Jesus Christ is not only man’s savior but is also man’s judge. He will either have taken man’s judgment on the cross or He will deliver God’s judgment at the Great White Throne. Either way Christ will be the one who is the judge of all sin. “For not even the Father judges anyone, but has given all judgment to the Son, so that all will honor the Son even as they honor the Father.” (John 5:22-23) What is the Great White Throne Judgment? It is that judgment of all lost men. When a lost man dies now his soul goes to a place called Hades which is a “holding place” for the souls of lost men. According to Luke 16:23-24 it is indeed not a pleasant place. “Agony”, “flames” and “torment” are terms that describe Hades. But in Revelation 20:11-15 it states that Hades will give up its dead to stand before the throne. It states that their bodies come to life. In other words all men shall be raised indestructible. Some to endure heaven. Others to endure hell. The Bible attributes this resurrection to Christ. In John 5:28-29, “…for an hour is coming in which all who are in the tombs will hear His voice and will come forth; those who did the good deeds to a resurrection of life, those who committed the evil deeds to a resurrection of judgment.” Christ is man’s final judge. The bodies of those who have refused the salvation of God through His mercy will be raised. John wrote that “even the sea gave up the dead.” (Rev. 20:13) John wrote also that “heaven and earth fled away and no place was found for them.” (Rev. 20:11) This is what Peter meant when he said, “the elements will be destroyed with intense heat and the earth and its works will be burned up.” (2 Pet. 3:10) It’s what Jesus meant when He said, “Heaven and earth will pass away but My words will not pass away.” (Matt. 24:35) It’s what Paul, Isaiah and Jesus meant when all three said, “the old things passed away.” (2 Cor. 5:17, Rev. 21:4, Is. 65:17) There will be a terminus to history and the universe. According to Rev. 20:13 men will be judged by what they have done. “The books will be opened.” (Dan. 7:10) Men will see their works and their sins. And then the Lamb’s Book of Life will be opened. It is a book that records no sins, only the names of those who are found in Christ. Those whose names are not there shall be cast into the lake of fire. Evil shall finally be punished. Sin that began in Genesis 3 in the Garden of Eden, sin that was judged on Calvary, the sin that God was patient with as it refused God for now 20 plus centuries is finally dealt with. How thick would your Bible be if you were God? Jesus Christ will eliminate death as man will soon go into the Age of Eternity where he will look upon the Father face to face. He will- as the last Adam- have brought everything under the rule and footstool of God. “All things under His feet.” This Genesis 1 and 2 verse spoken to Adam, lost through Adam’s sin, is now restored in Jesus Christ. You know what’s wonderful? His victory will be ours also! Paul said, “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your(the Christian’s) feet.” (Rom. 16:20) We who are joint-heirs. Indeed has God “put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as Head over all things unto the church, which is His body…” (Eph. 1:22-23) “The last enemy shall be death” (1 Cor. 15:26) which shall be no more. What a wonderful Savior is Jesus, my Jesus What a wonderful Savior is Jesus, my Lord. Our Incomparable Christ! www.dentonbible.org/notes .

Anxiety will always try to stop you from chasing God’s calling. Join Pastor Craig Groeschel to see how to start coping with anxiety by adopting a perspective of praise, even when you’re in your darkest moments. www.lifechurch.tv/open

Once on a mission trip to Pakistan I saw an appalling sight in the market place. A man was begging with a gazillion flies swarming around an open sore on his leg. As a young, sanitized American I had never seen a swarm of flies feasting on an open wound. Whenever I think about those flies swarming in that sore I remember one insightful name given to Satan in scripture is Beelzebul. This name means, “Lord of the flies.” In the first world where wounds are bandaged and medicated with Neosporin, the meaning of the name Beelzebul gets lost in translation. Greek readers knew the name described the activity of Satan. Like flies swarm to an open sore, demonic hoards love to swarm around emotional and spiritual hurts. These septic sores can be personal, church wide, or within a society, like when we experience the horrors of genocide. Demonic swarms will take advantage of our pain and our sorrow. Using our fear and self-pity they try to stir up anger, hatred, and vengeance toward those who have hurt us and toward our God who allowed it to happen. No one ever said that Satan fights fair. He loves to kick us when we are down. Because the evil one is more active when we are hurting it is very important we learn the art of being kind to ourselves. When my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor I again experienced the swarm’s activity. But, in the confusion I could clearly hear God calling me. “Jan, will you trust me?” “Yes Lord, you know I trust you,” I answered. “I believe you are good and even though I don’t understand what is happening or why it is happening, I believe you are good. I believe your plans are good. I believe your plans for Gary and I are good. I trust you.” And then God said something new to me, “Jan, I want you to walk out what you believe.” God’s plan was for my good theology to grow deeper and to move from mere head knowledge, to heart knowledge; I was to walk in what I believed to be true about God, no matter what the outcome. I was to hold onto my belief in God’s goodness. As time went by, I understood there was even more God wanted from me, because the swarm was still trying to push my buttons in my vulnerable state. According to scripture I also needed to resist the evil one. James 4:7-8a teaches, Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. ESV Many times we try to draw near to God without wanting to resist the devil. We must do both to be free of the swarm. We must submit to God while at the same time we must resist the evil one. When we draw near to God, he promises to draw near to us. When we identify the swarm’s activity, we can choose to trust God, his good plans, and resist the devil. Jesus will bring healing, even in difficult circumstances, when we submit to God. We practice our Christlikeness when we honestly choose God’s transforming work. In releasing our enemies, and our perceived enemies to God’s judgment, we are unlocking our freedom from satanic bondage. Forgiveness then is an act of kindness we exercise to free ourselves. Forgiveness does not mean we forget what happened to us. Sometime in the future there will be those who will need to hear our story. It will be very important we remember how we felt and what methods God used to deliver us, but we can forgive without forgetting. Oddly, modern scientists have discovered that sometimes flies can facilitate healing. Doctors can now place medical grade maggots, such as blow fly larvae, on soft tissue wounds. The maggots will eat only dead tissue and as they eat, they secrete antimicrobial molecules in the affected area, promoting the growth of healthy tissue. Satan loves to assault us when we are miserable, but Jesus is the Victor. God may allow the swarming for a season, but only to eat away that which is spiritually dead. Eventually, God’s new life can abound in our places of brokenness. We are called to submit to God and resist the devil. When we identify the swarm’s activity, we can reach out to those still caught in suffering. When we understand the nature of Satan’s tactics we will courageously want to help others. Like Christ, we will desire to bind up the brokenhearted. We won’t rush in where angels fear to tread, nor will we fear the swarm. But, because we bring hope we move with gentleness and mercy. In Romans 2:4 Paul teaches that it is the kindness of God which leads to repentance. Knowing what is at stake we walk patiently with those who have a heavy and an aching heart. Comforting those who mourn, then, is an important act of spiritual warfare. Emotionally, to hold onto our hurt feels just. But, while grief is honorable, unforgiveness is not. Refusing to forgive will leave us miserable and make us a pawn in one of Satan’s schemes (Matthew 18:21-35). When we identify the swarm’s activity, we remember that Satan is vastly weaker than our God. In Luke 11:14-20 Jesus is accused of performing an exorcism by the power of Beelzebul. Look at these verses. Now he was casting out a demon that was mute. When the demon had gone out the mute man spoke, and the people marveled. But some of them said, “He casts out demons by Beelzebul, the prince of demons,” while others, to test him, kept seeking from him a sign from heaven. But he knowing their thoughts, said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste and a divided household falls. And if Satan also is divided against himself, how will his kingdom stand? For you say that I cast out demons by Beelzebul. And if I cast out demons by Beelzebul, by who do your sons cast them out? Therefore they will be your judges. But if it is by the finger of God that I cast out demons than the kingdom of God has come upon you.” ESV In Luke 11:20 Jesus said, “But if it is by the finger of God that I cast out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you.” Jesus uses the term, “finger of God, “ to illustrate how little power God has to expend to squash the demonic. We need to understand spiritual warfare is not a struggle between two equally competing powers. God only needs to flex a pinky when he wants to deal with Satan. Satan deceitfully gains access in lives when we join in his evil ways…when we listen to his lies of fear and self-pity…when we refuse to forgive our enemies…when we traffic in anger, gossip and deception. Any evil practice will give ground to the demonic to continue swarming around our heart and hurt us. Exhausted from the conflict, those who love Jesus will finally surrender, repent, and listen to God. He is our deliverer, but he calls us to remain teachable and forgive. He calls us to resist the devil. How we think about God and his eternal plans are critical when we want to walk in God’s healing kindness. 1) How might a person begin seeking greater emotional health? 2) Who might we protect by forgiving our enemies?