“Sometimes, when I consider what tremendous consequences come from small things, I am tempted to think…there are no small things.” — Barton The Space Shuttle Challenger disaster occurred when it broke apart 73 seconds into its flight, leading to the deaths of seven crew members. Disintegration began after an O-ring seal in its right solid rocket booster failed at liftoff. The O-ring failure caused a breach in the SRB joint it sealed, allowing pressurized burning gas from within the solid rocket motor to reach the outside and impinge upon the adjacent SRB aft field joint attachment hardware and external fuel tank. Why did the O-ring fail? The morning of the launch, the temperature was unusually cold and the rubber O-ring became brittle. NASA scientists overlooked (or underestimated) the importance of that one small detail, and the result was catastrophic. Charles Eames, the famous American architect and furniture designer, once said, “The details are not the details. They make the design.” Everything is composed of details so every detail is important. I used to pride myself on my disregard for details, thinking that I was a “big picture” guy who was too concerned with macro issues to worry about micro ones. I was wrong. Being detail-oriented and maintaining a broad view are not mutually exclusive. We can and should do both. Small things can have a big impact. When Johnson & Johnson heard complaints in 2009 about a musty odor coming from Tylenol Arthritis Pain caplets, it retraced its entire supply chain to find the cause. The culprit: shipping pallets. The pill packages had likely been contaminated by trace amounts of a fungicide used to treat the six-inch-tall wooden platforms, which carried them from factory to warehouse to retailer. The cost of lost production and yanking Tylenol and Motrin off store shelves: $900 million. [Forbes, May 31, 2018, pg. 46] In all aspects of life and leadership, pay attention to details. Great artists are obsessed with details—Ernest Hemingway wrote 47 endings to A Farewell to Arms. The health of personal relationships often hinges on small courtesies—a friend called me last week to ask about a project I’m working on; I was so pleased that he remembered. When writing, details are essential—There’s a difference between “I’m going to eat, Mom” and “I’m going to eat Mom.” I’ll end with a great story of an artist who insisted on perfection, particularly in the details of his work. Librettist and theatrical producer Oscar Hammerstein II once remarked on an aerial photo of the Statue of Liberty taken from a helicopter. He described how the photo revealed finely etched strands of hair atop the head of Lady Liberty, details placed there by Frederic Auguste Bartholdi. It’s important to remember that the Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor on October 28, 1886, almost two decades before the Wright brothers’ first flight. In those days, no one believed that human beings would ever be able to fly over the statue and look down on the top of Lady Liberty’s head. Yet Bartholdi refused to cut corners with his sculpture. He paid attention to the little things, to the fine details he thought no one would ever see. (from Coach Wooden’s Greatest Secret by Williams and Denney, pg. 119) Big doors swing on small hinges, so get the hinges right. donmcminn.com . Used by permission.

Look at your mental processes. For example consider the following: How many “could-have”, “would-have”, “should-have” statements have you made today? How many “if onlys” were part of your inner vocabulary today? How many times have you replayed in your head a conversation or situation that pained you, or one that hasn’t even occurred yet? How many scenarios have you created of the unpredictable future? How much is speculation taking out of your day? How passive is your mind? How honest are you with yourself? Are you at cross-purposes with yourself – going through the motions, but not really committed to the goal, saying one thing but meaning another? How distorted is your thinking? Are you forming a personal identity around for example, a disease? Do you speak about “my arthritis”, “my multiple sclerosis”, “my heart problem”? Do you ever make comments like “nothing ever goes right for me”; “everything I touch fails”; “I always mess up”? If you answered yes even to just one of these, your thought life needs detoxing right now. 87% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life. What we think about affects us physically and emotionally. It’s an epidemic of toxic emotions. The average person has over 30,000 thoughts a day. Through an uncontrolled thought life, we create the conditions for illness; we make ourselves sick! Research shows that fear, all on its own, triggers more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than 30 different hormones. There are INTELLECTUAL and MEDICAL reasons to FORGIVE! Toxic waste generated by toxic thoughts causes the following illnesses: diabetes, cancer, asthma, skin problems and allergies to name just a few. Consciously control your thought life and start to detox your brain! Medical research increasingly points to the fact that thinking and consciously controlling your thought life is one of the best ways, if not the best way of detoxing your brain. It allows you to get rid of those toxic thoughts and emotions that can consume and control your mind. Change in your thinking is essential to detox the brain. Consciously controlling your thought life means not letting thoughts rampage through your mind. It means learning to engage interactively with every single thought that you have, and to analyse it before you decide either to accept or reject it. How do you go about doing that? By “looking” at your mental processes. That may sound like a strange, if not impossible thing to do. After all, it’s not as if you can just crack open your skull like an egg and have a look at what is going on inside your brain. A potential pitfall on the path towards detoxing your brain is the fact that toxic thoughts come in many guises. On the surface, a thought like “I must do well” seems positive enough. It is only when you look at it closely, and check out the feelings it generates and their effects on your body and mind, that you will be able to judge fairly and squarely if this is a thought that serves you well. If you base your thought life on assumptions like the above the foundations will be shaky and the edifice (your body mind) that you create thereafter will be highly unstable. As you think more toxic thoughts and generate more toxic emotions, that edifice will show cracks, cave in and eventually collapse altogether as burgeoning illness and disease takes hold. Right off, you need to ditch unrealistic thinking and keep in mind some key principles to kick-start the process of controlling toxic thoughts: Thoughts create your moods! When you experience a fear-based emotion you will feel depressed and your thoughts will be characterized by negativity. A negative thought linked to emotional turmoil will be distorted “…bringing all thoughts into captivity to Christ Je sus” ( 2 Corinthians 10:5 ) becomes the golden rule of safe thinking The process of “bringing all thoughts into captivity” There are four simple techniques involved Understanding that thoughts are real and have an actual anatomy Thoughts are real things: they have a structure in your brain and occupy space. Thoughts are the same as memories. Thoughts and memories look like trees and are called neurons or nerve cells. You build a double memory of everything as a mirror image of each other. This means that the memory on the left side of the brain builds from the detail to the big picture; and the memory on the right side builds from the big picture to the detail. When you put these two perspectives of thought together, you get intelligent understanding taking place. As information comes in from the five senses, you process it in certain structures of your brain, then you grow branches on the “trees” to hold this information in long term memory. In fact, as you are reading this, you are growing thoughts, because, thoughts are the result of what we hear and read and see and feel and experience. This means that whatever you grow is part of you, actual branches in your brain that create your attitude and influence your decisions. Increasing conscious awareness of your thoughts and how you are feeling. Knowledge of the anatomy of thought naturally leads into the process of actively analysing incoming information and thoughts constantly. You should never let a thought or thoughts roam chaotically and unchecked through your head. Examine every thought you have and ask yourself: is this good for me? Is it from God or the devil or my own confused thinking? Conscious awareness of your thinking should become like a habit. A habit takes twenty-one days to create. Today is the first day of that twenty-one… Doing something once you have analyzed the thought . So, whilst technique two is developing a conscious awareness of what you are thinking about. Now technique three is doing something about the thought. This means making a conscious decision to actively accept the thought (if it is good for you) or reject it (if it is bad for you). This means you use your God-given ability of free will (this also has actual structural position in the brain) to do something about the thought you are consciously aware of. Thoughts have as much control as we give them. Building new memories over the old. This is the really exciting part in dealing with our thought life because, accepting or rejecting the thought is changing the neural circuitry of your brain: your brain is growing while you think and you have control over the process. Technique four happens when the brain steps in and creates a structural representation of what you have chosen to accept (adds more branches on the tree) and converts what you have chosen to reject into hot air! Let’s see how these four techniques work if you have unforgiveness in your memory trees towards someone: Technique one: this unforgiveness looks like a thorn tree and will hurt you – visualize the twisted bitter thorn tree. Technique two: be consciously aware of this thought of unforgiveness – where it comes from, how long it has been there, and so on. Technique three: ask the Holy Spirit to help you use your free will to make the wisdom decision to reject unforgiveness and forgive. Picture the unforgiveness disappearing as hot air. Technique four: now build a new de-thorned memory to replace the thorny unforgiveness with for example, quoting scriptures, singing a worship song, praying for the person, and so on. READ DR. LEAF’S BEST-SELLING BOOK “WHO SWITCHED OFF YOUR BRAIN” drleaf.com/store/

Revelation chapters four and five provide a unique opportunity to experience a bit of heaven—and John’s description is the tiniest glimpse of a mind-blowing reality we cannot even begin to comprehend. And the overwhelming truth this passage provides is the heaven isn’t just where Christians will spend eternity, a paradise of golden streets and enormous mansions. Heaven is all about God. It is a living, breathing testament to His glorious presence, an all-encompassing place of utter devotion and worship. Every heart, every sound, and every movement is designed to worship the King of Kings. Nothing could have prepared John for the indescribable presence of God he experienced. And as we read and reflect on his journey, we will learn much about the character and purpose of worship—in heaven and on earth. A Glimpse of God’s Glory In Revelation 4:1, Jesus called out to John, “Come up here, and I will show you want must take place after these things.” John was immediately lifted to the throne of God. But he didn’t attempt to describe God Himself. No earthly words would suffice. Instead, He uses earthly images to paint a picture of God’s glory, with precious jewels, rainbows, thunder, and other natural elements standing in for God’s infinite worth, beauty, and power. God Himself remained utterly unapproachable, rendered nearly invisible by the light of His glory. From John’s initial description, several vital truths become apparent. First, God is the center of all things and the source of all things. Everything radiates from His presence and surrounds His throne. He is the Creator, and as such He is worthy of all attention and praise. He also has the ultimate authority over all things. Therefore, we as His creation must never forget who He is and who we are in relation to Him. This glimpse of His throne is a lesson in perspective, challenging our commitment to Him and bringing our hearts and minds to utter reverence. The Throne Room John described the throne room vividly, always retaining God as the center of his attention. Twenty-four elders surrounded the throne, robed in white clothes, with golden crowns on their heads. And though the identity of these elders is disputed by scholars today, one thing is abundantly clear—their attention is focused solely on God. Then John noticed seven burning lamps and a large expanse of crystal, shimmering like the sea. And in the midst of the throne room stood four living creatures who were constantly praising and worshiping God. The prophet Ezekiel’s description of heaven in Ezekiel 10 may help to shed light on the identity of the four creatures, naming them “cherubim,” or angels. Their wings and eyes and animal forms are foreign to our understanding, but their purpose is clear, “day and night they do not cease to say, ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and who is and who is to come.’” What a picture of our purpose as Christians! Someday soon we will join together in the never-ending worship that is heaven. But while we’re on earth, we should strive for that same attention to worshiping our Lord. A Picture of Worship Following the four living creatures, the elders joined in worship, laying down their golden crowns at the feet of God, falling before Him in abject worship. Through their actions, they physically acknowledged that everything they had belonged to God and that He alone deserves glory and honor. They joined in the song of praise, saying, “Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You have created all things, and because of Your will they existed and were created.” And perhaps in their example is the definition of worship for Christians here on earth—recognizing that all things belong to God and that He alone is truly worthy of praise and honor. The Worthy Lamb John saw a seven-sealed scroll, representing “Christ’s ‘title deed’ to all that the Father promised Him because of His sacrifice on the cross.” Only the Lion of Judah, the Lamb who was slain, was worthy to open it. At His appearance, all of heaven and earth turned to focus on Him, directing their worship towards Jesus Himself. All creation joined together to praise Him—the righteous Son of God who became a man, winning victory over sin through His death and resurrection. He alone is worthy to “receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing.” And He is worthy of our praise; no, He demands it because of who He is, because of where He is, because of what He has done, does, and will do. He is our Savior and King. Joining in Worship When we take time to reflect on the reality of heaven, the magnificence of God, and the glory of the Lamb, our response must be to lay everything we have at the foot of the throne, falling on our faces, and joining in the song of heaven, saying “To Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever!” Someday, we will have the immense privilege of experiencing the heaven of John’s vision for ourselves.

“Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” Matthew 10:28 All of us struggle to make sense of bloodshed and violence. Life is a dangerous endeavor. We pass our days in the shadows of ominous realities. The power to annihilate humanity has, it seems, been placed in the hands of people who are happy to do so. Contrary to what we’d hope, good people aren’t exempt from violence. Murderers don’t give the godly a pass. Terrorists don’t vet out victims according to spiritual resumes. The bloodthirsty and wicked don’t skip over the heavenbound. We aren’t insulated. But neither are we intimidated. Jesus has a word or two about this brutal world. “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul” (Matthew 10:28). His disciples needed this affirmation. Jesus had just told them to expect scourging, trials, death, hatred, and persecution (Matthew 17–23). Not the kind of locker room pep talk that rallies the team. To their credit none defected. Perhaps they didn’t because of the fresh memory of Jesus’ flexed muscles in the graveyard. Jesus had taken his disciples to the “the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, [where] two men who were demon-possessed met Him as they were coming out of the tombs; they were so exceedingly violent that no one could pass by that road. And behold, they cried out, saying, ‘What do we have to do with You, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before the time?’” (Matthew 8:28–29 NASB). These two men were demon-possessed and, consequently, “exceedingly violent.” People walked wide detours around the cemetery to avoid them. Not Jesus. He marched in like he owned the place. The demons and Jesus needed no introduction. They had battled it out somewhere else, and the demons had no interest in a rematch. They didn’t even put up a fight. “Have you come to punish us before our time?” (Matt.8: 29 cev). Backpedaling. Stuttering. Translation? “We know you will put it to us in the end, but do we get double trouble in the meantime?” They crumpled like stringless puppets. Pathetic, their appeal: “please send us into those pigs” (Matthew 8: 31 CEV). Jesus did so. “Move,” he exorcised. No shout, scream, incantation, dance, incense, or demand, just one small word. We Christians trace the source of violence back to the devil. We place the fault of bloodshed at the feet of the one whose days are numbered; Satan. We find our hope in the sure victory of Jesus. And though this world with devils filled, should threaten to undo us, we will not fear, for God has willed his truth to triumph through us: the prince of darkness grim, we tremble not for him, his rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure, one little word shall fell him.[i] This is the balance on which Jesus writes the check of courage “Do not fear those who kill the body and cannot kill the soul” (Matthew 10:28). Courage emerges, not from increased police security, but from enhanced spiritual maturity. These days of violence call for people of faith. People of fear make poor decisions. They overreact, lash out and/or retreat. People of courage, on the other hand, keep a cool head. They are not blind to nor bewildered by the evil in the world. Martin Luther King exemplified this courage. He chose not to fear those who meant him harm. On April 3, 1968, he spent hours in a plane waiting on the tarmac due to bomb threats. When he arrived in Memphis later that day, he was tired and hungry, but not afraid. “We’ve got some difficult days ahead,” he told the crowd. “But it doesn’t matter to me now. Because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don’t mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the Promised Land. And I’m happy tonight. I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.”[ii] He would be dead in less than twenty-four hours. But the people who meant him harm fell short in their goal. They took his breath, but they never took his soul. Evildoers have less a chance of hurting you, if you aren’t already a victim. “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but to trust the LORD means safety (Proverbs 29:25 NLT). Real courage embraces the twin realities of current difficulty and ultimate triumph. Avoid Pollyanna optimism. We gain nothing by glossing over the brutality of human existence. This is a toxic world. But nor do we join the Chicken Little Chorus of gloom and doom. “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” Somewhere between Pollyanna and Chicken Little, between blind denial and blatant panic, stands the level-headed, clear-thinking, still-believing person of faith. Wide-eyed, yet unafraid. Unterrified by the terrifying. The calmest kid on the block, not for lack of bullies, but for faith in our heavenly Father. The old people of God knew this peace: “Though a host encamps against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident” (Psalm 27:3 RSV). Do not give in to your fears. Resist the temptation to retreat and hunker down. This is the time for faith; the season for God-based hope. “Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about the evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes” (Psalm 37:7 NLT). Courage is a choice. Let it be yours.

Share 0 It is amazing how quickly a reputation can be ruined! I had been asked to be the speaker at my home church’s women’s retreat one fall. The more I prayed the more I felt like God wanted my messages for that weekend to come from Luke, chapter 6. After sharing this with the worship leaders, they also began reading and meditating on Jesus’ ”Sermon on the Plain” in Luke, chapter 6. One of those ladies, Susan, had recently moved away from Tucson to Georgia. For years she had served on the retreats worship team and because we missed her leading worship we had invited her back. Susan was trying to explain her joy over the invitation to a new friend in Georgia and the friend asked her what the retreat was about and she said, “Oh, we will be studying Luke 6.” And, you know how in different parts of the United States they have different ways of pronouncing words. Georgia’s regional dialect is very different from Tucson’s. And so, her friend replied, “I can understand your excitement over seeing old friends, but why would you want to attend a conference to learn about lukewarm sex?” And this is how my reputation as a Bible teacher was ruined. For a season I became famous for being the woman who could teach about lukewarm sex. Or, as a friend put it, “If you want to have a good time, don’t call Jan.” There is one verse in Jesus’ “Sermon on the Plain” in Luke 6:20-49 that gives clarity to the entire section. That verse is Luke 6:36, “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful” , ESV. This verse is the key to understanding every other verse in this sermon, including the passage I want you to explore today. The call in Luke 6:20-49 is to be transformed into the image of God. To become Christ-like in your mercy because you refuse to judge others since you now know only God has all the facts. To copy Jesus’ most relevant prayer and pray for your enemies, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”. To exercise mercy, just like your Father in heaven, who in generosity sends the rain on the just and the unjust. To let the life that has been planted in you by the Holy Spirit come forth in ever-increasing acts of mercy. A. Embracing mercy means welcoming transformation. As long as you have breath, the Holy Spirit will be challenging you to grow. You might be tempted to believe you are finished being transformed or feel that spiritual growth is purely a pursuit of biblical head knowledge. This is simply not true. Spiritual Growth should be about learning to practice more mercy. At the end of the chapter in Luke 6:43-49 Jesus introduces two new metaphors that round out his teaching on mercy. Jesus uses a gardening and a construction parable to help us connect with the deeper importance of God’s mercy. Jesus’ use of parables and metaphors will often uncover a profound spiritual truth. As you examine a metaphor remember it is not that a spiritual mystery cannot be understood, it is that a word picture can be endlessly explored and mined. This is the richness and depth of God’s word. So, look at Luke 6:43-45. “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” ESV Gardeners must be patient and they must believe in the future. If they don’t they will quit laboring before they begin. Over time a plant stores energy from the sun, water and fertilizer to produce a fruit sometime in the distant future. This passage teaches that the mouth speaks out of the overflow of the heart. The mouth is drawing from the treasure you have been storing in their heart. What you store will determine what fruit you produce. B. Embracing mercy means learning to treasure what is good. The storing of heart treasures takes a long time, but are you storing the right kind of treasure? Are you tempted to try controlling your mouth without controlling your thoughts? Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. So, as you think about mercy make it your ambition to treasure what is good. I love it that the ESV chooses “treasure” instead of using the word “store” in this passage. Take a moment and consider these questions. 1) How might a person treasure evil in their heart? 2) How might a person treasure good in their heart? The second metaphor is a construction picture. Look at Luke 6:46-49. “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell and the ruin of that house was great.” ESV The wise person does the labor-intensive work of digging deep before he builds a house. Israel, like many desert regions, is famous for seasonal flash floods. The wise one wants to construct his house on the bedrock stone buried underground. He knows that the house is only as good as the foundation that it is built upon. C. Embracing mercy is not about storm avoidance. The proof of a well-lived life is not what you go through, but how you go through it. Both houses go through storms. Both houses listen and hear Jesus’ words, but only one of them will build their house upon the “Rock” by putting Jesus’ words of mercy into practice. There is no magic formula to insure your life will go more smoothly after you come to Christ. God is not a force you can control. But, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Understand then, that growing more merciful is not an exercise to deliver you from storms. Why might a person hear Jesus’ words, but not put them into practice? Jesus said , “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I tell you?” It is almost like he is asking, “Why the pretense?” Pretending you are following after God will only result in destruction. The foolish builder in the second parable knows the word of God, but he builds his life on shifting sand because he will not submit to what Jesus asks. His life is destroyed not by ignorance, but by refusing to put into practice the Father’s heart of mercy. Choosing to forgive someone who has hurt you are steps you will take in faith. In your natural strength you won’t know how to process pain and loss, but God does. Listen to his voice of wisdom. Forgiveness and praying for your enemies is a practice that will begin to liberate you from your hurt. Act on Jesus’ words of warning. As you daily choose mercy you are consistently treasuring good in your heart. Replaying trauma or choosing thoughts of envy or revenge will lead you to store evil. Choose to not judge others and watch God free you from feelings of condemnation. Become a vessel of God’s mercy, and people will see God. These are spiritual lessons which will bless you. “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful”

“Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature.” Genesis 1:26 MSG Racial violence has stirred the rawest of wounds–racism. Judging a person according to skin color is an ancient sin. For that reason, God gave this ancient solution. In the earliest words of Scripture, God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature so they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, and, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth” (Genesis 1:26 MSG). Embedded in these words is the most wonderful of promises: God made us to reflect his image. No one is a god except in his or her own delusion. But everyone carries some of the communicable attributes of God. Wisdom. Love. Grace. Kindness. A longing for eternity. We are made in his image. Sin has distorted this image, but it has not destroyed it. Our moral purity has been tainted. Our intellect is polluted by foolish ideas. We have fallen prey to the elixir of self-promotion rather than God-promotion. The image of God is sometimes difficult to discern. But do not think for a moment that God has rescinded his promise or altered his plan. He still creates people in his image to bear his likeness and reflect his glory. Pop psychology is wrong when it tells you to look inside yourself and find your value. The magazines are wrong when they suggest you are only as good as you are thin, muscular, pimple-free, or perfumed. The movies mislead you when they imply that your value increases as your stamina, intelligence, or net worth does. Religious leaders lie when they urge you to grade your significance according to your church attendance, self-discipline, or spirituality. According to the Bible you are good simply because God made you in his image. Period. He cherishes you because you bear a semblance to him. And you will only be satisfied when you engage in your role as an image-bearer of God. Such was the view of King David. “As for me, I will see your face in righteousness. I shall be satisfied when I awake in your likeness” (Psalm 17:15). How much sadness would evaporate if every person simply chose to believe this: I was made for God’s glory and am being made into his image. Would you let this truth find its way into your heart? You were conceived by God before you were conceived by your parents. You were loved in heaven before you were known on earth. You are not an accident. You aren’t a random fluke of genetics or evolution. You aren’t defined by the number of pounds you weigh, followers you have, car you drive, or clothes you wear. You are made in God’s image. Print that on your resume. You are a diamond, a rose, and a jewel, purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ. In the eyes of God you are worth dying for. Would you let this truth define the way you see yourself? Would you let this truth define the way you see other people? Every person you see was created by God to bear his image, and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. This means that all people deserve to be seen for who they are: image-bearers of God. Imagine the impact this promise would have upon the society that embraced it. What civility it would engender! What kindness it would foster! Racism will not flourish when people believe their neighbor bears God’s image. The fire of feuds will have no fuel when people believe their adversaries are God’s idea. Will a man abuse a woman? Not if he believes she bears the stamp of God. Will a boss neglect an employee? Not if she believes the employee bears a divine spark. Will society write off the indigent, the mentally ill, the inmate on death row, or the refugee? Not if we believe, truly believe, that every human being is God’s idea. And he has no bad ideas. Parents and grandparents understand the implications of this truth. I recall when my daughter Jenna was pregnant with our first grandchild. She was round as a ladybug. Long before Jenna gave birth to Rosie, I loved our granddaughter. I’d never seen her, but I loved her. She’d done nothing to earn my love. But I loved her. She’d never brought me coffee, or called me Papa. She’d never sung me a song or danced me a dance. She’d done nothing! Yet I loved her already. I would do anything for her. That is not hyperbole. Why? Why did I love her so? Because she carries some of me. A small part for sure, but a part of me, nonetheless. Why does God love you with an everlasting love? It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with whose you are. You are his. How can we respect our neighbors? What is God’s solution to angry racism that gives birth to violence and bloodshed? Government programs might help. Lectures might enlighten. But, in the end, God’s plan is the only plan: see every person on the planet as God’s idea. And He has no bad ideas.

Christmas presents piled high….how many toys do our children need? How do we make our Christmas less about money and more about Jesus? Randy Alcorn writes: “An alarming number of children from Christian homes grow up grasping for every item they can lay their hands on. Children raised in such an atmosphere—which includes most children in America—are afflicted with a killer disease called “affluenza.” Consider the typical American Christmas. When the annual obstacle course through crowded malls culminates on the Big Day, what’s the fruit? We find a trail of shredded wrapping paper and a pile of broken, abandoned, and unappreciated toys. Far from being filled with a spirit of thankfulness for all that Christmas means, the children are grabby, crabby, picky, sullen, and ungrateful—precisely because they’ve been given so much. We love our children. So do their grandfathers and grandmothers, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends. All of us seem to think that love is measured by giving things. We say it isn’t so, but we go right on acting as if it were. Our children aren’t battery operated. Their deepest needs are spiritual, mental, and emotional, and these needs cannot be met by flashing lights and doll houses. This sometimes dawns on us, but we soon forget. Another Christmas, and again we immerse our children in things. In doing so, we mentor them in a perspective on life directly at odds with the Scriptures we seek to teach them at home and in church. Can we change the pattern of materialism in our homes at Christmastime? Certainly. We can buy far less. We can hand make presents, set a budget, and buy presents in advance to avoid the unnerving jostling through stores. Any change is good if it helps us to focus on Christ rather than on ourselves. We can visit shut-ins or take food to the needy—to focus on giving rather than receiving. My wife often staged a “Happy Birthday Jesus” party for our girls and their friends. Each child brought one gift personally made for Jesus. (After all, whose birthday is it?) One year, a few nights before Christmas, our family sat around a candlelit table holding hands. Then each of us said what we appreciated about the Lord. After praying together and singing Christmas carols, we shared what we appreciated about each other. It was an unforgettable evening. If a child receives four presents, the gifts can be spread out on each of the four days before Christmas. On Christmas night, after reading Scripture and singing carols, each giver can present his or her gift in turn to the recipient. In the quietness and simplicity of the celebration, we can pray and express our gratefulness to God for his greatest of all gifts, the Lord Jesus. By taking our focus off the human receiver and putting it on the divine giver, Christmas can become a symbol of God’s giving heart rather than people’s grabbing hands. This is only a beginning. You may wish to make more radical changes in your Christmas. When our missions pastor told our church about enslaved Christians in Sudan one November, family after family spontaneously decided to forgo Christmas presents and give instead to free the slaves. My family was among them, and it was a wonderful Christmas, made better by the knowledge that we’d given to what matters instead of exchanging more stuff we didn’t need. But even if you still exchange presents, you can make Christmas different. Don’t be victimized by the world’s materialism. Worship Christ in simplicity.” www.epm.org .

We learn to find joy in our walk with God as we remember who God is and what He has done for us throughout our lives. Matt Chandler gives us an insightful lesson from Habakkuk: “In Habakkuk chapter 3, we find a prayer that is 19 verses in length. For 16 verses, Habakkuk remembers God’s past faithfulness to deliver Israel from her enemies. In the final three verses, he rejoices over God’s strength and majesty. Habakkuk’s prayer is instructive for us today because it establishes a rhythm of remembering and rejoicing. When we remember God’s past faithfulness and rejoice in it, we find a firm foundation regardless of our circumstances, but when we forget this rhythm, the weight of the world feels crushing. Here are three ways that you can remember and rejoice when your circumstances look bleak: 1. Remember and rejoice that God saved you. It is imperative that you understand that you did not save you. God saved you. You may say, “That’s not true. I heard a message, walked down the aisle, shook the pastor’s hand and said a little prayer. That’s when I became a Christian.” No, it’s not. Do you know what motivated you to get out of that seat? Do you know what motivated you to come down that aisle? It was the Holy Spirit opening your heart to the reality of Jesus Christ. God began your conversion before you ever stood from your seat. Ephesians 2:13 says, “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” You were brought near, and not because God looked down and thought, “Look at all that skill. You’re on My team.” No. You were brought near by the blood of Christ. God saved you. You didn’t save you. You didn’t save you by getting up in the morning and reading your Bible or by no longer saying cuss words. You got in by the blood of Jesus alone. 2. Remember and rejoice that God is present in your circumstances. God has not abandoned us to our circumstances. It doesn’t matter how dark the night is. Romans 8:26 says, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Some of us are unsure of what to do with the Holy Spirit. We think of the Spirit as the crazy uncle who shows up drunk and makes things weird at family reunions. But consider how the Holy Spirit functioned in the life of Jesus. At His baptism, Jesus was anointed by the Holy Spirit. He was driven into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil and overcame those temptations by the Spirit. He returned from the wilderness filled with the Holy Spirit. He began His ministry empowered by the Holy Spirit proclaiming the good news of the kingdom. By the power of the Spirit, He drove out demons and performed miracles. If the Holy Spirit empowered Jesus, how much more do we need the Spirit? The Spirit testifies that we are children of God and intercedes for us in our weakness. God is with us always through the Holy Spirit. 3. Remember and rejoice that God finishes what He starts. You should have no doubts about whether or not you can carry your salvation to completion. You can’t. Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” God began it. God will finish it. God is never surprised when you blow it. He is never taken aback. You can’t wear Him out. You can’t do anything to undo the salvation He has worked on your behalf. You belong to Him, and no one can pluck you out of His hand. You are His. He finishes what He starts. That knowledge makes you bold. Consider Paul. If you put him in prison, he’s just going to convert your guards and all the prisoners. If you try to kill him, he gets giddy about going to heaven. If you beat him, he doesn’t consider the suffering of this day worthy to be compared to future glory. You can’t touch Paul. He’s free because he knows to whom he belongs. He’s free because he knows God has not abandoned him. He’s free because he knows that God began this and God will finish it. If you can remember and rejoice in these three things, you’ll be unshakeable, even in the darkest days. But we have a way of being forgetful of this rhythm. We have a way of quickly forgetting who is the Author and Perfecter of our faith. We have a way of quickly feeling abandoned. We have a way of quickly feeling like it’s up to us to bring this thing to completion.” May He who is rich in mercy save us from all that. May we remember with Habakkuk the truth of who God is and what He has done. May we rejoice as he rejoiced: “I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places” (Hab. 3:18-19). www.tvcresources.net . Used by permission.

Years ago, I interviewed a young man from Burundi who told me something profound: “If I fear death as unbelievers do, I have nothing to offer unbelievers. Only when you are free from the fear of death are you really free.” Though as believers we know that Heaven awaits us after death, many of us still wonder about or fear the moment of death. What will it be like? Will it be frightening to experience the soul’s departure from the body? May we remember that Jesus came to deliver us, “that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery” (Hebrews 2:14-15). I love Charles Spurgeon’s perspective: Depend upon it, your dying hour will be the best hour you have ever known! Your last moment will be your richest moment, better than the day of your birth will be the day of your death. It shall be the beginning of heaven, the rising of a sun that shall go no more down forever! There’s evidence that at the moment of death, the believer will be ushered into Heaven by angels (Luke 16:22). Different angels are assigned to different people (Matthew 18:10), so perhaps our escorts into Heaven will be angels who have served us while we were on earth (Hebrews 1:14). Most importantly, the Lord Himself will be with us during our deaths. He has promised to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Nothing, not even death, can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). God promises that all who know Him will experience acceptance into His holy, loving, and gracious arms. Erwin Lutzer describes death and God’s presence with us this way in his book One Minute After You Die: Death is not the end of the road; it is only a bend in the road. The road winds only through those paths through which Christ Himself has gone. This Travel Agent does not expect us to discover the trail for ourselves. Often we say that Christ will meet us on the other side. That is true, of course, but misleading. Let us never forget that He walks with us on this side of the curtain and then guides us through the opening. We will meet Him there, because we have met Him here. Psalm 23:4 says, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (emphasis added). Nancy Guthrie writes in her One Year Book of Hope about this verse: There is no doubt that a shadow is a dark place to be. But when the Lord is our shepherd, we no longer have to fear the dark places that death takes us. In the shadows we reach out to find him beside us, and the fear of the unknown fades. When he gently uses his rod of correction to prod us in the right direction and his staff of compassion to draw us close, we find comfort. When we are in the fold of God, death is impotent to destroy us. It is depleted of its evil power. The valley where we encounter death is transformed into a place of peaceful comfort; it is in this valley that we are more aware of God’s presence than ever before. For more answers to questions about eternity, see Randy’s book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Heaven as well as his comprehensive book Heaven.

So…if you had to describe yourself, would you say you’re an optimist, a pessimist, or as pessimists like to say in social settings to be polite, a realist? For the record…my current theory is that realists are pessimists who don’t want to call themselves pessimists. Most leaders (not all, but most) are optimists when they start out. I was. I’m an idealist. But as you may have discovered, your optimism gets tested—really tested—in leadership. Leadership not only throws you curve balls, it throws you hardballs. As in a 103 mile an hour fastball aimed right at you. Which is why so many leaders find themselves in a place where they hardly recognize themselves anymore. The budding idealist feels his heart go flat. The eternal optimist finds herself rolling her eyes the next time someone says “Hey, I have a great idea.” And the guys who used to roll out of bed in the morning excited about the future now thinks about the grind and winces at the thought of yet another meeting where nothing will get accomplished. Recognize that person? For so many reasons, I found my pessimism growing exponentially in my first decade of leadership. Then, after a tough battle with burnout, came out on the other side to reclaim my optimism, which is, fortunately, absolutely possible. (I outline the journey and the principles on how to do it here .) Here’s what I’ve learned. Pessimism and cynicism go hand in hand. Scratch the surface of a pessimist, and you’ll almost always find a cynic. Sure, it’s hard not to grow cynical in the world we live in. In fact, a lot of people think cynicism is inevitable in life and leadership. That once a cynic, always a cynic. But here’s the truth. Life doesn’t make you cynical. Leadership doesn’t make you cynical. You make you cynical. Cynicism and pessimism aren’t inevitable and they are reversible. If you’re interested in some help with that, I just released a free 5-day devotional plan on YouVersion that can help you wrestle down cynicism. (The surprise for many people is that their cynicism is also a spiritual issue.) And if you want deeper motivation to change, how about this, leaders? It’s harder to follow a cynic than it is to follow an optimist in leadership. Cynics think they’re better leaders because they have it all figured out. But what they miss is that it’s actually really hard to follow a cynic for at least three reasons. Here they are (and there’s some big help at the end of this post too…so keep reading.) 1. A NEGATIVE VIEW OF THE FUTURE INSPIRES NO ONE Has a pessimist ever inspired you? Didn’t think so. What unites cynics, pessimists and realists? A negative view of the future. The financial forecast is bleak. The trends are negative. People have tried this before, and it hasn’t worked. And while it may be a great idea, pessimists can tell you 100 reasons you’re probably going to fail. Guess what? A negative view of the future inspires no one. Cynics never change the world. They just tell you why the world won’t change. Even in the throes of one of the darkest moments of the 20th century as Hitler swept over Europe, Winston Churchill saw how bleak the future looked and–against all odds —cast a vision for hope and freedom. People thought Churchill was naive and stupid. Fortunately for millions, his stubborn vision for a better world won the day. There’s a fine line between discernment and negativism. The discerning see the obstacles, plan for them, and then forge ahead with hope. And they inspire dozens, thousands or millions to follow. There’s enough darkness in the world. What the world needs are brokers of hope. 2. PESSIMISM HAS NO VISION FOR THE FUTURE One of the challenges of having a consistently pessimistic view of life is that you end up with no vision for the future. Pessimists know what’s wrong. They just can’t figure out what’s right. Similarly, pessimists don’t know what they’re for. They only know what they’re against. How can you build a vision for the future around that? Exactly, you can’t. When cynicism and pessimism infect the senior leadership of any organization, vision becomes a serious challenge. Instead of focusing on what they can accomplish, pessimistic leaders focus on what they can’t accomplish. As a result, nothing gets accomplished. This is why, when a negative mindset takes over the senior leadership of any organization, you see a shift from leadership to management. Instead of leading into a better future you create, you manage the current reality you have. Sure, leadership without management produces chaos. But management without leadership produces a constantly shrinking organization. If you have no vision for the future, you end up with no future. 3. ENCOURAGEMENT WILL DIE…FAST I recently heard Frank Blake, former CEO of the Home Depot, drop this line in an interview he was giving: We’re all pretty disappointed in ourselves. Then he dropped the mic. No, he didn’t, but okay, he could have. You know what most of us need every day? Encouragement. Massive encouragement. I have never met a single person I encouraged who said Carey, can you please stop? I’ve had my lifetime dose of encouragement. I’ve had enough. Anyone who has sat down with a board of bean counters or cynics knows how frustrating it can be to share ideas knowing that they’ll be shut down or spun in the most negative light. I agree with Jim Collins, reality is your friend. So is sober thought. But fundamentally leaders are dealers in hope. You have to find the gold in people (thank you Brian Houston). Your job is to find the one thing that might work in a sea of things that won’t work. Encouragement is the fuel people run on. If you want to motivate your team, encourage them, deeply, honestly and constantly call out the best of them. If you want to discourage your team, point out why everything they’re doing won’t work. If pessimism infects your culture, encouragement is one of the first casualties. And when encouragement dies, so does hope. MOTIVATED? 3 THINGS THAT WILL HELP YOU RECLAIM YOUR OPTIMISM If you need some encouragement and some concrete help to overcome cynicism, pessimism and negativism, here are three things that can help. A SHORT CYNICISM QUIZ How badly infected has your mindset become? It’s a good question, and it can be hard to tell. I developed a short, free cynicism quiz that might help you assess where you’re at. You can take it for free here

What are the bare-bone facts of the gospel? What is the minimum information needed to believe and be saved? While those questions may foster interesting discussions, they are not valid questions for developing evangelistic programs. Sadly, too many evangelistic efforts are based on answers to those questions. In fact, many of the formulaic approaches to the gospel deliberately omit important truths like repentance and God’s wrath against sin. Some influential voices in modern evangelicalism have actually argued that those truths (and others, including Christ’s lordship) are extraneous to the gospel. They say such matters should not even be brought up when talking to unbelievers. Other evangelical leaders, desiring ecumenical unity with Catholic and orthodox churches, suggest that important doctrinal issues such as justification by faith and substitutionary atonement are not really essential to the gospel. They’re in effect calling for a bare-bones approach to the gospel. Their ecumenical openness implies that virtually any kind of generic faith in Christ may be regarded as authentic saving faith. They ignore the fact that the New Testament condemns those who profess to believe in Christ while rejecting or twisting the doctrine of justification (Galatians 1:6–9). It seems many evangelicals are obsessed with finding out how little of God’s truth a person can believe and still get to heaven. Parental Evangelism Applied to parenting, that approach has potentially eternal consequences. That’s why parents should resist the temptation to think in such terms. The sort of constant, faithful, diligent teaching required by Deuteronomy 6:6–7 is incompatible with a minimalist approach to the gospel. The gospel is the good news about Christ. There is a sense in which the gospel includes all truth about Him. There’s no need to think of any aspect of biblical truth as incompatible with or extraneous to the gospel. In fact, since Christ is the sum and the summit of all biblical revelation (Hebrews 1:1–3), every truth in Scripture ultimately points to Him. And therefore none of it is out of place in evangelistic contexts. One could accurately say, then, that parents who want to be thorough in evangelizing their children need to teach them the whole counsel of God, taking care to show the gospel ramifications in all that truth. That, I believe, is the true spirit of what Deuteronomy 6:6–7 calls for. No single formula can possibly meet the needs of every unregenerate person anyway. Those who are ignorant need to be told who Christ is and why He offers the only hope of salvation (Romans 10:3). Those who are careless need to be confronted with the reality of impending judgment (John 16:11). Those who are fearful need to hear that God is merciful, delighting not in the death of the wicked but pleading with sinners to come to Him for mercy (Ezekiel 33:11). Those who are hostile need to be shown the futility of opposing the will of God (Psalm 2:1–4). Those who are self-righteous need to have their sin exposed by the demands of God’s law (Romans 3:20). Those who are proud need to hear that God hates pride (1 Peter 5:5). All sinners must understand that God is holy and that Christ has met the demands of God’s perfect righteousness on behalf of sinners (1 Corinthians 1:30). Every gospel presentation should include an explanation of Christ’s sacrificial death for sin (15:3). And the message is not the gospel if it does not also recount His burial and the triumph of His resurrection (vv. 4, 17). Highlight the Crucial Gospel Doctrines Along with a commitment to be thorough, however, parents must also take great care to highlight certain truths that are particularly crucial to a correct understanding of the gospel. Here are some pointers that will help keep you on course: Teach Them About God’s Holiness “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Psalm 111:10). That is not speaking of a craven fear. It is not the kind of fear that regards God as capricious in His anger. Rather, it is a devout, reverential fear of offending God’s holiness, based on a true understanding of God as One whose “eyes are too pure to approve evil, and [One who] can not look on wickedness” (Habakkuk 1:13). Show Them Their Sin Be sure to teach your children from the youngest age that misbehavior is not merely an offense against Mom and Dad; it’s also a sin against a holy God, who demands that children obey their parents (Exodus 20:12). Help educate your children’s conscience so that they understand they are accountable to God first, and then their parents. Teach them this with love and genuine compassion, not in a browbeating manner. Teaching them they are sinners does not mean belittling them or tormenting them with constant verbal battering about their failures. The goal is not to trample their spirit by continually berating them. Instead, you need to instruct them tenderly and help them view their own fallenness from God’s perspective. They need to appreciate why they are drawn to sin, and ultimately they must sense their own need of redemption. Jesus said, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Mark 2:17). How will your child turn to Christ if he doesn’t realize he’s sick? Instruct Them About Christ and What He Has Done Teaching your children about their own sin is by no means an end in itself. You must also point them to the only remedy for sin—Jesus Christ. He is the heart of the gospel message, so instructing them about Jesus Christ should be the ultimate focus and the design of all your spiritual instruction. Explain Christ’s deity (John 1:1-3, 14) and His Lordship (Philippians 2:9-11). Explain that He became a man (Philippians 2:6-7), but maintained His sinless purity (Hebrews 4:15; 1 Peter 2:22-23) and became the spotless sacrifice for our sins (2 Corinthians 5:21), shedding His blood as an atonement for our sin (Ephesians 1:7). Explain how His death on the cross purchased our salvation (1 Peter 2:24; Colossians 1:20), and that He triumphantly rose from the dead (Romans 4:25; 1 Corinthians 15:3-4). And explain that He freely justifies those who trust in Him (Romans 5:1-2; Galatians 2:16), and that His righteousness is imputed to us (2 Corinthians 5:21; Romans 4:5-6; Philippians 3:8-9). Tell Them What God Demands of Sinners God calls sinners to repentance (Acts 17:30). Genuine repentance is not self-reformation or the turning over of a new leaf. It is a turning of the heart to God from all that is evil. It’s helpful to stress that repentance is a heart-turning and should not be equated with any external action on the child’s part. In many modern evangelicals’ minds, the act of praying to invite Jesus into the heart has become practically a sacramental means of salvation. The same thing is true of lifting a hand in a meeting, or coming forward to the altar. But such external actions have no intrinsic saving efficacy. They are all works, and works cannot save. Faith —a repentant trust in Christ alone for salvation—is the one true instrument of our justification, according to Scripture. “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8–9). It’s best to avoid all such emphasis on external actions, and keep focusing instead on the response Scripture calls for from sinners. Advise Them to Count the Cost Thoughtfully Don’t downplay the hard demands of Christ. Don’t portray the Christian life as a life of ease, free from difficulties and dilemmas. Keep reminding your kids that the true price of following Christ always involves sacrifice, and the prelude to glory is suffering. It’s true that Christ offers the water of life freely to all who will take it (Revelation 22:17). But those who do are making an unconditional commitment to follow Him that may literally cost them their very lives. Here is why all the central truths of the gospel focus on the cross: It reveals how heinous our sin is. It shows the intensity of God’s wrath against sin. It reveals the great love of God in paying such a high price for redemption. But it also serves as a fitting metaphor for the cost of following Christ. Jesus repeatedly stated that the cost of following Him involves a willingness to sacrifice all. Urge Them to Trust Christ We began by noting that regeneration is the Holy Spirit’s work in the heart, and we cautioned parents not to employ artificial means or external pressure to coax a shallow profession of faith from the child. Nonetheless, there is an urgency inherent in the gospel message itself, and it is right for parents to impress that urgency on the child’s heart. God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. (2 Corinthians 5:18-20)

Share 0 More than 25 percent of children in the United States are being raised in a single-parent home according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Ten million of those homes are maintained by women. Though there are many ways to become a single parent (divorce, death or even through adoption), all parenting has challenges but single parenting has additional ones. If you want to succeed as a single parent, keep this in mind: challenges are simply challenges, not insurmountable obstacles. An important consideration is that single parents should not strive for perfection. There can be a happy ending if you do things right. But you can’t make your kids happy at every turn. After counseling thousands of single parents and their children, I have discovered six keys to single parenting that work. Key 1: Create a plan. Look at the whole picture of your life, where you are and where you will be Key 2: Know yourself and your child. Helping your chld means starting on yourself first. Key 3: Gather a team. Being a lone ranger can be lonely so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Key 4: Focus on the ABC’s. Acceptance, Belonging and Competence. Key 5: Know what to say and do when kids ask. Hard questions come up. Know what to say. Key 6: Realize it’s not about you. It’s about the kids for now. The key to single parenting doesn’t lie with your child’s relationship with schoolteachers, youth leaders or coaches. The key lies within the parent…in the relationship between parent and son or daughter. It’s through your eyes, your behavior, your words and your thoughts that your child learns about her self-esteem, her worth in God’s eyes and how to relate to others. Those things affect not only her present, but her future and the generations to come. Guilt is a feeling that many single parents experience. Neither spouse was the sole reason the relationship failed. Guilt only serves to drag you back face-to-face with your past. Grace, on the other hand, frees you from the past and enables you to look forward in confidence and hope. MISTAKES YOU DON’T WANT TO MAKE There are three mistakes a single parent doesn’t want to make. #1 Avoid moving. When the family’s foundation has been severely shaken, many parents want to leave that home behind. Stay put. There are exceptions, for example, if the family you have around you is toxic, or if the town isn’t big enough for both spouses, etc. #2 Avoid letting grandparents parent your children. With the daunting responsibility of parenting alone, who wouldn’t call Parent 911? Grandparents can serve as wonderful coaches, but they can’t take completely over. #3 Avoid jumping into the dating game. Also, avoid getting back into a relationship with your ex. This is an extremely vulnerable season of life and plunging into another relationship during this period is simply trouble. If possible, don’t start dating until after the kids are 18 years old and out of the house. By waiting, you make things as smooth as possible for the children. Realistically, with only 24 hours in a day, dating requires a significant portion of time and energy. If you want to raise healthy kids, waiting to date is the best thing you can do for them. If you are going to date, be sure that person can emotionally adopt your kids. Never remarry until you are able to release your children to the new mate as if they were his or her own. We all have 24 hours a day. Too many single parents take on the same load as everyone else rather than adjusting their lives to the time that they have. Learn to say no. Limit the number of activities your family is involved in. Allow kids one activity per term. Say yes to doing things together. Presence with your children is far more important than anything else.