Why do committed Christians go to church less often? The statistics are in! 1. Greater affluence Money gives people options. If your church is at all engaging the middle class, the upper middle class, or a suburban demographic, an interesting trend is developing. The middle class is shrinking, but as this New York Times report shows, it’s shrinking (in part) because more of the middle class is becoming upper class. Both US and Canadian personal disposable incomes are at all time highs. There are simply more affluent people than there were decades ago, which may in part explain why so many “average’ people indulge their obsessions with granite counter tops, designer homes and decent cars, even without being mega-wealthy. Naturally, this leaves a huge theological void about ministry to and with the poor, but it helps explain what’s actually happening in the suburbs and increasingly with the re-urbanization of many cities as the affluent move back downtown. Please…I’m not arguing things should be this way. I’m simply showing that this seems to be what’s happening. And again…people with money have options. Technology options. Travel options. Options for their kids. And, arguably, that affluence may be one of the factors moving them further away from a committed engagement to the mission of the local church. It’s perhaps fueling some of the reasons outlined below. 2. Higher focus on kids’ activities A growing number of kids are playing sports. And a growing number of kids are playing on teams that require travel. Many of those sports happen on weekends. And affluent parents are choosing sports over church. It’s as simple as that. 3. More travel Despite a wobbly economy, travel is on the rise, both for business and pleasure. More and more families of various ages travel for leisure, even if it’s just out of town to go camping or to a friend’s place for the weekend or a weekend at the lake. And when people are out of town, they tend to not be in church. 4. Blended and single parent families Fortunately, more and more blended families and single parent families are finding a home in church. So how does this translate into attendance patterns? Church leaders need to remember that when custody is shared in a family situation, ‘perfect’ attendance for a kid or teen might be 26 Sundays a year. Similarly, while the affluent might not be in church because of access to reliable transportation, single parents (who, not always, but often, struggle more financially) might not be in church because they lack access to reliable transportation. So here’s the strange twist. People who have a car are often not in church because they have a car. People who want to be in church are often not in church because they don’t have a car or because it’s not their ‘weekend’ for church. Sadly, people who want to get to church simply can’t. By the way, I lead a church that virtually requires a vehicle to get there. I love how we often see people with reliable transportation helping out those who don’t have a vehicle. That’s at least a partial remedy to this problem. 5. Online Options Many churches have created a social media presence and many podcast their messages like we do at Connexus. Churches are also launching online campuses that bring the entire service to you on your phone, tablet or TV. There are pros and cons to online church and there’s no doubt that churches with a strong online presence have seen it impact physical attendance. But whether or not your church has online options doesn’t make the issue go away. Anyone who attends your church has free access to any online ministry of any church. Online church is here to stay, whether you participate or not. 6. The cultural disappearance of guilt When I grew up, I felt guilty about not being in church on a Sunday. The number of people who feel guilty about not being in church on Sunday shrinks daily. I regularly meet people all the time who haven’t been in months but LOVE our church. If you’re relying on guilt as a motivator, you need a new strategy. (Well, honestly, you’ve always needed a new strategy…) 7. Self-directed spirituality People are looking less to churches and leaders to help them grow spiritually, and more to other options. We live in a era in which no parent makes a visit to a doctor’s office without having first googled the symptoms of a child’s illness and a recommended course of treatment. Just ask any family physician. It drives them nuts. (Google, doctors will tell you, is not a complete replacement for medical school.) Similarly, when was the last time you bought a car without completely researching it online? In an age where we have access to everything, more and more people are self-directing their spirituality…for better or for worse. Similarly, another characteristics of the post-modern mind is a declining trust of and reliance on institutions. The church in many people’s minds is seen as an institution. I don’t actually believe that’s what a church is. I think it’s a movement…not an institution. But many churches behave like an institution, and the post-modern mind instinctively moves away from it as a result. 8. Failure to see a direct benefit People always make time for the things they value most. If they’re not making time for church, that tells you something. Even among people who say their love the church and who say they love your church, if declining attendance is an issue, chances are it’s because they don’t see a direct benefit. They don’t see the value in being there week after week. That could be because there isn’t much value (gut check). Or it could be because there is value that they simply don’t see. Either way, failure to see a direct benefit always results in declining engagement. So what are you doing or not doing that leaves people feeling like there’s not that much value? 9. Valuing attendance over engagement When someone merely attends church, the likelihood of showing up regularly or even engaging their faith decreases over time. At our church, I find our most engaged people—people who serve, give, invite and who are in a community group—are our most frequent attenders. More and more as a leader, I value engagement over attendance. Ironically, if you value attendance over engagement, you will see declining attendance. 10. A massive culture shift All of these trends witness to something deeper. Our culture is shifting. Seismically. Church leaders who fail to recognize this will not be able to change rapidly enough to respond to the shifts that are happening.. Change is unkind to the unprepared, so prepare. Careynieuwhof.com . Used by permission.

Share 0 The secular concept of environmentalism and climate change activism is based upon the idea of nations exercising rights through occupation and proximity. If a people group occupies territory or is in proximity to territory, then it has a “right” to that territory and even possesses ownership. But this is not a biblical idea. Imagine that space aliens came to settle on the earth. By our “being here first” we would say that the alien has no right to settle here without permission. In our way of thinking, we “own” the earth. But what if the aliens wanted to settle on the moon? Does man own the moon because it is in proximity to the earth? The earth needs the moon to maintain its weather patterns and eco-systems. Our proximity to the moon and our need for it would seem to imply that it belongs to us. The same can be said for the other worlds in our solar system. If they did not exist, life on earth would be impossible. Thus, our need and proximity imply right and possible ownership. If we are the only life in the solar system, does that mean man possesses the solar system? This is the way the world works. Throughout history we have taken territory and conquered to take possession. The world’s way is to “take” what we need and claim ownership whether we do so through conflict or negotiation. But the biblical model is different. It is the idea of “gifting” rather than taking. Adam and Eve were given the Garden of Eden to steward and its resources to use. Israel was given the promised land which gave them a divine right to take it. Other nations, the Bible says, are given their territory by God. “Do not contend with them, for I will not give you any of their land, no, not so much as for the sole of the foot to tread on, because I have given Mount Seir to Esau as a possession” (Deuteronomy 2:5). When the new heavens and earth are revealed, we will be given dominion again, through our relationship with Christ. Because of sin, territory is taken away. Adam and Eve sinned and were exiled from the Garden. Israel rejected God and God drove them into exile from the Promised Land. Death itself is a form of exile for sin. Because of sin we are exiled to an eternity in hell where we cannot enjoy the benefits of a given territory (earth or heaven) unless we come into relationship with Jesus. The difference between the secular view of earth and the biblical view of the earth is that man owns the earth vs man stewards the earth. God states, “All the earth is mine” (Exodus 19:5). Even regarding nations, the Lord claims the same thing for himself. “The land must not be sold permanently, because the land is mine and you reside in my land as foreigners and strangers” (Leviticus 25:23). The modern environmentalist movement from which climate change proponents make their case is predicated upon the idea of ownership. Now, at the surface, this is denied. The environmentalist would acknowledge his stewardship role and say that the earth belongs to all life, not just man. There is some truth in this. But the intention of controlling the earth’s processes (as in climate change), is a fundamentally religious idea that implies ownership with man’s right to control the earth. It places man in the position of God. Consider that God is sovereign and can remake the earth as he sees fit. We can see this in the history of the earth. Millions of years ago the earth rotated faster and its climate was more suited for other forms of life rather than for man. As the environment changed over eons so did its usefulness for different kinds of life. Only recently in geologic history did the earth become suitable for man’s use. The earth’s climate will certainly change in the future and God will remake it for new purposes (Revelation 21:1). God is sovereign and has the right to reshape the earth, including using man’s abuses, for his own purposes over time. We do not possess this right. If man launched himself into space and settled on another planet thousands of light years away, he would take possession, regard his new home as his own, and proceed to act in the same manner as he has on the earth. Man assumes that occupation and proximity imply ownership. But, biblically speaking, they do not. The biblical view is one of gifting. We do not take possession of our own accord. We are first given territory and then are charged with its management (Genesis 1:26-28). We don’t own the earth anymore than your children own the house you live in. You own the house, they live in it and have responsibilities for keeping it clean and useful for their enjoyment. As the owner you have a right to expand the house to add a room, retile the floor, or put in a sunroof. Your child does not. He must care for the portion of the house you have given him. So is our stewardship of the earth. Therefore, occupation and proximity do not imply ownership. They may entail some rights, but not ownership. Environmental engagement is a good thing. We should care for the home that we have. But, when we cross over to the idea that we should control the earth’s processes, then we have assumed an ownership position which solely and rightly belongs to the sovereign God alone. What do you think? guywithabible.com Used by permission.

Andy Stanley and comedian Jeff Foxworthy discuss life issues and the importance of making a difference in our community. “When the church does good, God’s name is made great. This year, we want to continue the wave of Be Rich in good deeds we’ve experienced over the past decade. We want to show people in our communities that God loves them. And we don’t want you to miss this opportunity to be extraordinarily generous.” Property of North Point Resources. northpoint.org/messages/ Andy Stanley: How to Be Rich: It’s not what you have. It’s what you do with what you have.

Christian character has always been important, but it seems like it’s never been as important as it is now. Ephesians 5:1-4 states: ” Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.” NIV There have been far too many stories of church leaders, business leaders, politicians, athletes and other public figures whose private walk has not measured up to their public talk and whose integrity has been far less than expected or needed. Especially if you’re a Christian leader, there should never be a gap between your private walk and public talk. The people who know you the best should admire you the most, not be covering up for you or dismayed at what they know. The problem, of course, is that that’s hard for us sinners. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes. But the longer I live, the more I’m realizing character is everything. Competency may get you in the room. But character keeps you in the room. Above all, character endures. It’s what your family and friends remember about you (for better or for worse), and ultimately it gives you the moral authority to lead. Especially today, character matters most. So how do you guard your character…in a day-in-day-out manner? Here are five essential character rules every leader must follow: 1. ASSUME WHAT YOU DO IN PRIVATE WILL BE MADE PUBLIC What if you lived in a way that you assumed whatever you did in private will be made public? I’m not just talking about having an affair or other scandals that make headlines. I mean definitely don’t do that. I’m talking about less headline-worthy but still-damaging things. Like treating your spouse or kids harshly. Or turning to porn or drinking to cope with your stress. Or anything else you’d rather not anyone know about. What if you lived in a way that just assumed it’s only a matter of time until everyone knew about it? That would change how you live, wouldn’t it? When I first got into ministry I was a little fearful of the level of accountability that comes with the role. Now, I’m grateful for it. Why? Because honestly, it’s made me a better person. Not a perfect person by any stretch (ask my team; ask my family). But I’m a better person because of the higher level of accountability that come with pastoring. Knowing I’m accountable and living as though whatever I’m doing might see public daylight is a good thing. So ask yourself: if what you’re about to do was made public, would you still do it? There are so many leader who wish they had asked that question and changed course. So ask it. Daily. It’s an incredible check on your spirit and, ultimately, on your actions. Plus, the people around you will be so grateful. 2. ALSO, ASSUME THAT WHAT YOU SAY IN PRIVATE WILL BE MADE PUBLIC This one’s even a little more nuanced. As a leader, there’s a need to blow off steam…I get that. You face a lot of pressure every day and it’s not always easy to keep it together. Plus, it’s important to give vent to your feelings. But are you doing it in a healthy way? Ask yourself: how comfortable would you be if someone had the passcode to your phone and started reading, or was a fly-on-the-wall in your closed-door meetings? Theologically, this principle shouldn’t be a stretch for any Christian leader. Jesus promisedthat whatever we said in private would be shouted from the rooftops. That’s true in a way we’ll only really see in eternity, but we may not have to wait that long. We live in an age where every email and text has the potential of being made public. A few months ago, I had a situation I was nervous and a little upset about that I wanted advice on. I emailed some friends about it, one of whom happened to have the same first name as the person I was concerned about. I accidentally emailed the person I was concerned about with the email about my concern. You know how that goes: Gmail auto-suggests names, and I picked the wrong “Alex.” That could have been disastrous if I had been careless with my words or been acidic in my tone. But I wasn’t. I had been trying to live by the principle that what you say in private will be made public. The Alex I was concerned about actually let me know I had sent my email to the wrong “Alex,” and there was no harm done. Because (in that moment at least) my email was professional, balanced and more than fair. Some of you have accidentally discovered that what you thought was a private DM posted instead as a status update. Same thing. (I’ve seen this happen many times on social.) Just assume that what you say in private will be made public. At work, at home, in life. You’ll be a better person. You’ll have richer and less conflicted relationships. And you’ll sleep better at night. Assuming what you say in private will be made public changes what you say in private. 3. DON’T SAY SOMETHING ON SOCIAL YOU WOULDN’T SAY TO SOMEONE’S FACE Social media makes us all a little bolder, and a little stupider. There’s a weirdness to social media and any online communication that makes us think pot-shots are worth it, that hurting other people is fair game, and that public ridicule is in season. Some of the most toxic things ever said to me have been said by people I’ve never met, never will meet, and who don’t really know me. Ditto for you if you’ve written anything. Just read the comments on this blog, my Amazon reviews or Podcast Ratings. We live in a one-star universe where people delight in tearing down people they don’t know and don’t care about. Don’t get me wrong…the vast majority of interaction I have online is extremely positive. Good people gather online too. And sometimes the criticism is fair. I have a lot to learn. But what’s missing online is actual human interaction. That look into another person’s eyes. That scan of their face that notes the hurt you just caused them. The realization that they’re a person just like you. Look, I’m tempted to respond in kind—to get back at a critic. And then I think “no, there’s no point.” There isn’t. The reason there’s no point to responding in kind is that first, you won’t win. You won’t win because nobody wins at that game. Nobody. They don’t. You don’t. The mission doesn’t. You end up behaving like a six-year-old who can only think about themselves. Sometimes you do need to respond to someone. And when you do, don’t let your emotions get control of your fingers. Type prayerfully. When you’re responding, imagine that you’re talking to the person face to face. And that you care about them. And that they’re made in the image of God. You might even try to love them. That changes a lot, doesn’t it? Scott Sauls is one of the best I know at trying to find that voice on social media and in public discourse again and again. He’s worth a follow. It’s time to civil, again. (I interviewed Scott on this subject here.) Just know this, leaders: you can disagree with someone without being disagreeable. 4. ASK YOURSELF, ‘5 YEARS FROM NOW, WHAT WILL I WISH I HAD DONE?” I know there’s a lot of verb tenses in that question, but the question has helped me so much over the years. Leadership is emotionally confusing. You get kicked a lot. You end up being misunderstood, and sometimes you are at a loss on how to respond to a difficult situation. When you’re in that place, ask yourself: 5 years from now, what will I wish I had done? I don’t know why, but that question is so clarifying to me. It makes me swallow hurtful words. It makes me search for the high road. And sometimes it makes me push an issue I am too afraid to push because five years from now I’ll know I wish I had done it. When you don’t know what to do, ask yourself…5 years from now, what will I wish I had done? 5. HUMBLE YOUR TALK. ACCELERATE YOUR WALK. All of us in leadership can talk today at an unprecedented level. Thanks to social media, blogs, podcasts and so many of the other channels at our disposal, talking about what we’re doing has never been easier. Which surfaces the always-present tension of wanting to make things seem better than they are. Big mistake. In an age where most people seem to be accelerating their talk more than they’re accelerating their walk, one of the best things you can do to increase your integrity is to humble your talk and accelerate your walk. If you simply make your talk match your walk, the gap between who you are and who you want to be becomes smaller almost instantly. Increase your walk. Humble your talk. OF ALL THE WORK YOU DO…WORKING ON YOURSELF PAYS BACK MOST! www.careynieuwhof.com . Used by permission.

Why would a Christian need a bucket list? We have all of eternity for joy, excitement and adventure. He writes, “I often cringe when I hear Christians talk about the lists of things they want to do before they die: “I really want to go sky-diving, at least once, before I die” or “I want to, just one time, climb Mount Kilimanjaro before I’m too old to do it” or “I want to see the pyramids, before I’m gone.” There’s nothing wrong, of course, with wanting to do these things, but often the hidden subtext is: “You only live once.” The assumption behind this is deeply un-Christian, the idea that our span of life is merely the next ten or twenty or a hundred years. If we assume that what’s waiting for us beyond the grave is a postlude rather than a mission and an adventure, we will cling tenaciously to the status quo, or at least the parts of it we like. We will want to, just like the pagans, want to eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we shall die. (Regardless of all this, you probably should see the pyramids, though, if you want to, since the Book of Exodus casts a little doubt as to whether Pharaoh’s monuments will make it to the new earth). If Jesus is telling us the truth, however, our life planning ought to be about the next trillion years, and beyond. We as Christians need to recover a holistic vision of what the kingdom of Jesus is and what it means for us both now and later. Unless we do, will fundamentally misunderstand how this life relates to the next, and imagine that our earthly years are nothing more than a ferry to take us into eternity. The Apostle Paul tells us that our citizenship is not here but in heaven (Phil. 3:18-20). But it is crucial to understand that Paul’s main point is not that heaven is away from earth, but that Jesus is in heaven. Of heaven, Paul wrote: “and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself” (Phil. 3:20b-21). That’s why Jesus taught on “seeking first the kingdom” in the context of worry about economic provision (Matt. 6). If we don’t see how the kingdom come informs this life now, we become frantic about the things of this life, wanting to make them ultimate. Or, we act as though justice and righteousness are irrelevant since, after all, what is really waiting for us is worship, so why should we be concerned about those who have no food or clothing, those whose lives are in jeopardy? When we think this way, we become, either by frantic engagement or by disengagement with the communities around us, worldly (a word that isn’t used much nowadays). Being worldly means to be shaped and patterned by the world around us. Worldliness does not mean caring about what’s happening in the world; on the contrary, James simultaneously says for us to remain “unspotted from the world” and to care for widows and orphans in their distress (Jas. 1:27). Worldliness means that we acquiesce to the priorities and the agenda of the systems now governing the world, in many cases because we don’t even question them. Jesus’ declaration of the kingdom was quite different. It was not from the world, that is, it didn’t emerge out of evolutionary progress. Jesus was interrupting the direction the world was going, starting with his rather disruptive conception (also a subject for gossip in Nazareth). But Jesus’ message was decidedly for the world. The prophetic oracle isn’t just about surviving biological death, but also about peace with God and with one another about a just society. Implicit in Jesus’ preaching in the synagogue was the message he would preach everywhere else later, to seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness. Kingdom first does not mean kingdom only. Since the kingdom is a kingdom of justice and righteousness, seeking the kingdom means that we come to know what to care about in he first place. If the kingdom is what Jesus announced it is, then what matters isn’t just what we neatly classify as “spiritual” things. The natural world around us isn’t just a temporary “environment,” but part of our future inheritance in Christ. Our jobs—whether preaching the gospel or loading docks or picking avocados or writing legislation or herding goats—aren’t accidental. Our lives now are shaping us and preparing us for a future rule, and that includes the honing of a conscience and a sense of wisdom and prudence and justice. God is teaching us, as he taught our Lord, to learn in little things how to be in charge of great things (Lk. 2; Matt. 25:14-23). Our lives now are an internship for the eschaton. The moment you burst through the mud above your grave, you will begin an exciting new mission—one you couldn’t comprehend now if someone told you. And many of the things that seem important now—whether you’re attractive or famous or cancer-free—will seem irrelevant. But many of the things that matter little now will take on a cosmic new significance then. In the kingdom of God, Jesus shows us the goal of the future—of our lives individually and congregationally, and of the galaxies and solar systems around us. Finding ourselves in his inheritance frees us from clamoring and fighting for our own glory or relevance. Seeing our lives now, and the universe around us, as precursors to the life to come, we’re freed from the ingratitude that turns away from God’s good gifts, from the apathy that ignores those God hears. We pour ourselves into loving, serving and working because these things are seeds of the tasks God has for us in the next phase. We don’t invest any of those things with infinite meaning. My life’s meaning is not found in the brief interval between birth and grave—in a happy marriage, a satisfying job, or the kind of “success” my in-laws would recognize at the Thanksgiving table. At the same time, my sojourn in this interval is shaping and preparing me for what is ultimate, so I cannot shirk off the person I am becoming by the habits I am learning. The goal of the kingdom is the merger of heaven and earth—when the dwelling place of God transforms creation and the kingdoms of this world become the kingdoms of our Lord and of his Christ. We do not bring this about, which is why Jesus teaches every generation of the church to pray for the realization of God’s reign on earth as it is in heaven (Matt. 6).” This article is adapted from my new book Onward: Engaging the Culture Without Losing the Gospel. www.russellmoore.com . https://www.russellmoore.com/2015/11/03/should-pastors-stop-signing-marriage-licenses/

Revelation 6 is an unfolding of God’s judgment in the Tribulation. Discover the antichrist and afterlife. What will these times look like? Man, who has rejected his Creator, will suddenly see God as He really is! Preached at Denton Bible Church. Used by permission.

When my family traveled from our small-town home to Tucson for a doctor’s appointment or a back-to-school shopping trip, we always stayed overnight with my mother’s best friend Bea Solley. There we would find a fun lady who was busy cooking for us, and a card shark. Bea loved to play cards. She had an easy laugh, wore bright red finger polish and was always creatively engaged with a new sewing project. From a tender age I made Bea my shopping mentor. Bea received the magazine, Consumer Reports, and she read it from cover to cover. She often cautioned me that the cheapest item was not always the best bargain. Bea taught me to do my research before I made a purchase. When I got engaged Bea is the first person I called. Gary and I were overwhelmed at the thought of buying a diamond ring, but Bea knew which jewelers in Tucson were reputable. Bea could keep a secret. After my mother died I learned Bea had never told my mother that she was the first person to know I was engaged. Bea was careful with people’s feelings. But, the greatest gift Bea Solley ever gave me was her daughter, Gerry. Gerry Solley Johnson has been my safe friend for 61 years. She is not my oldest friend but she is my longest friendship. She used to change my diapers. Like her mother before her she always protects me and supports me because Gerry loves really well. Safe friendships like Gerry’s would turn out to be very important in my life. Because, as a pastor’s daughter I moved frequently and would eventually go to six schools in six years. Being the new kid in school was tough, but Gerry’s kindness was constant. Today I believe people are hardwired for friendship. Quality relationships are critical for you to enjoy a long and healthy life. I want to give you three biblical realities about safe friendships. A) If you want a safe friendship, you need to realize you were created with relational needs. Genesis 1 is one of the most significant Trinitarian passages in the Bible. The doctrine of the Trinity is defined as: one God in three persons. That God could be one and still exist in three persons has often been called a theological mystery. Trying to understand a theological mystery is different than trying to solve other mysteries. For example in a murder mystery there is usually only one question you are trying to answer, “Who did it?” The wonder of a theological mystery is it can be understood at one level and then with more meditation a theological mystery can be comprehended at a different more profound level. So, it is not that the Trinity is so mysterious it can never be understood; it is that it can always be understood at a deeper level with more time and spiritual maturity. Beginning in Genesis 1:1-2 you already see evidence of the doctrine of the Trinity, “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.” ESV So, you start with God, and then specifically you see God the Holy Spirit hovering over the face of the deep. In John 1:1-3 Jesus is also revealed as being a part of the creative force at work in the beginning. Now if you skip down to Genesis 1:26 you will see this phrase, “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness…’” In this passage God uses phrasing like ‘us’ and ‘our’ when describing himself as he moves to create the human race. This verse is another trinitarian reference. Father God as the first person of the Trinity is—God who is for you. You need to know God as your Father, because you need to know God is on your side. If you struggle to relate to a loving benevolent Father you are missing the compassionate care God wants to shower on you and the wonder he wants you to know in him. Jesus as the second person of the Trinity is— God who is with you. Jesus is Emmanuel, which means “God with us”. The second person of the Trinity, God the Son, took on a body and became a man. He can now walk alongside you through your sorrow, for Jesus has first-hand experience of what it feels like to suffer because of the sinful choices of others. Identifying with God the Son who has felt the same temptations as you (Heb. 2:18) is a vital part of your comfort and healing. The Holy Spirit as the third person of the Trinity is—God who is within you. God the Holy Spirit lives within you. The Christian life is impossible in your strength, but as you surrender to the power of God that lives within you the life of God flows through you. You must know the indwelling God the Holy Spirit to be able to have this life empower you. The reason this is so important to understand in friendship is humans were created in the image of the community and fellowship enjoyed by the triune God. The Trinity never experiences competition within the Godhead. The Holy Spirit has never said to the Father, “You know, Father, that Jesus is just getting too much attention.” It has never happened. They always enjoy sweet fellowship together, and they created you with a relational need when they created you in their loving image. And, this need for safe friendship predates sin or the fall of man in human history. So, it doesn’t matter how many failures you have experienced in relationships; you will always need to try again for fellowship. You were created to need lasting relationships. Part of learning to find and keep safe friendships is to understand you were created to enjoy the same loving community enjoyed within the Trinity. B) If you want a safe friendship, you need to recognize Satan will try to destroy your relationships. You were created in the image of God for lasting community, but Satan is going to try to destroy all your friendships. On many occasions Satan attacked my mom’s and Bea’s friendship. But they both fought hard to forgive each other and also to forgive us kids, because sometimes we were the source of their conflict. I love the blatant honesty of the Bible because in it you clearly see how common it is to experience relational conflict. From Adam and Eve’s marriage, to Cain and Abel’s brotherhood, to Noah and his extended family’s dysfunction, to the servants of Abraham and Lot fighting over who would get the best pastures for their flocks. Don’t forget Saul’s jealousy of David, or Mary and Martha’s frustration over who would help in the kitchen, or the competing disciples of Jesus. And lastly remember Paul and Barnabas arguing over whether they should take John Mark on their second missionary journey. Surely, missionaries never argue? No, according to the word of God they do. Satan has continually schemed in human affairs to cause doubt of God and distrust of others. C) If you want a safe friendship, you need to trust God to use what Satan has intended for evil. When Paul and Barnabas had their huge disagreement, eventually two missionary trips were planned and taken (Acts 15:36-40). Take comfort in God’s ability to get glory from Paul and Barnabas friendship struggles. If your flaws and disagreements can further the kingdom, cannot God use anything? Not all relationships can be rebuilt; some behaviors have severe consequences. But all offenses can be forgiven. The pain you feel from a destroyed friendships is tied to unforgiveness. Sometimes you will have to wake up and purposely forgive every day for a year, but keep forgiving, because forgiveness is a process. Forgiveness is your key to being freed from the emotional pain. It is very encouraging for me to think about the Apostle Paul, a godly man I admire, who wrote half of the books in the New Testament, and yet he was wrong about John Mark. Barnabas as an encourager wanted to give John Mark a second chance. If Barnabas had not stood up to Paul you might have never seen a written copy of gospel of Mark. As the first gospel writer, John Mark would prove to be a trailblazer. How might Paul and Barnabas’ story reshape your view of relational failure? How is forgiveness relevant to a safe friendship? Becoming Christ-like in your mercy is one of the ways God desires for you to reflect his image on this earth (Luke 6:35-36). God in his goodness created you to enjoy safe friends. It was part of his design from the very beginning. Satan will always try to destroy these very relationships. Your challenge is to trust God with the outcome of all your relational conflicts. When you suffer a failed friendship you have a unique opportunity to grow and show more of God’s mercy. In surrendering the outcome to God you will truly know what it feel like to be remade in God’s image.

ome people have asked me if our resurrected bodies will shine. They cite two passages: “The righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father” (Matthew 13:43) and “Those who have insight will shine brightly like the brightness of the expanse of heaven, and those who lead the many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever” (Daniel 12:3, NASB). On the one hand, Jesus didn’t have a halo after His resurrection, and there’s no reason to believe we will either. Christ’s body appeared so earthly and normal that the disciples on the road to Emmaus didn’t notice He was the resurrected Lord (Luke 24:13-24). However, at this point He was not yet glorified. During Christ’s transfiguration, His clothing “became as bright as a flash of lightning” (Luke 9:29). Since this portrays Christ as King, it makes sense to think He will literally shine in His kingdom on the New Earth. John says of the city, “the Lamb is its lamp” (Revelation 22:23). As noted earlier, John saw Christ in the present Heaven as a powerful shining being, not someone who would blend into a crowd (Revelation 1:12-18). Moses and Elijah, who joined Christ on the mountain, “appeared in glorious splendor” (Luke 9:31). After Moses received the Ten Commandments from God on the mountain, Moses’ face shone (Exodus 34:29-30). Many believe these descriptors are figures of speech. Yet in some cases (including Moses’) it was clearly literal. Since God Himself is consistently portrayed as existing in brilliant light, it shouldn’t surprise us to think that in His presence we too will partake of His brightness. I believe that as resurrected beings, we will indeed bear this physical evidence of being God’s image bearers and living in God’s presence. To be glorified appears to mean that, among other things, we may literally shine. If this seems hard to imagine, think of a person with drab, grayish, malnourished skin, and then imagine the same person as vibrant and healthy. Couldn’t you say the person shines? Have you heard it said of someone “she’s radiant”? I’ve met people so full of Jesus that they seem to have a physical brightness. If God Himself is bright, then it seems appropriate that we, His image-bearers, will reflect His brightness. Now, moving beyond that weak analogy of our present condition, imagine people in the very presence of God, who are so righteous, so beautiful, so devoid of sin and darkness, so permeated by the very righteousness of God, that they have a literal physical radiance. That’s not so hard to imagine, is it? Shining speaks of glory, the outward display of greatness and majesty. Gloryis a word associated with rulers. Kings had glory. We understandably hesitate to attribute glory to ourselves, but God doesn’t hesitate to ascribe glory to us. As God’s children we should bear His likeness. It’s He, not we, who declares that we are royalty—kings and queens who will reign with Christ. A. B. Caneday reminds us, “God is the original; we are the organic image, the living copy. We do not rightly speak of God as King by projecting onto him regal imagery because we think it is fitting for God. Rather, bowing before God who has dominion is proper, for man as king over creation, is the image of kingship; God, the true king, is the reality that casts the image of the earthly king.” [1] Hence, our glory as lesser kings and queens will serve to magnify His greater glory as the King of kings. We won’t absorb and keep the glory given us, but we will reflect it and emanate it toward its proper object: Christ Himself. This is evident in the fact that God’s worshiping children will “lay their crowns before the throne” (Revelation 4:10). What prepares us to participate in God’s glory? Our current sufferings (Romans 8:17-18; 1 Peter 5:1-4). “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:17). Provided we draw our strength from Christ, the greater our troubles now, the greater our glory then. For more on the eternal life that awaits us, see Randy’s book Heaven. You can also browse additional books and resources on Heaven available from EPM. [1] A. B. Caneday, “Veiled Glory,” in John Piper, Justin Taylor, and Paul Kjoss Helseth, Beyond the Bounds (Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway, 2003), 163.

When some Pharisees put Jesus to the test concerning the greatest of all God’s commandments, He answered with a quotation from Deuteronomy 6:5: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” “This is the first and great commandment,” He told them. “And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:38-39). What did He mean when He said the two commandments are alike? Well, obviously, they both deal with love. The first calls for wholehearted love toward God—a love that consumes every human faculty. The second calls for charitable love toward one’s neighbor—a humble, sacrificial, serving love. Jesus said all the law and the prophets hang on those two commandments, so the whole law is summed up in the principle of love. “Love is the fulfillment of the law” (Romans 13:10). Both commandments make that point. But there’s another sense in which the second great commandment is just like the first. Loving one’s neighbor is simply the natural and necessary extension of true, wholehearted love for God, because your neighbor is made in the image of God. Made in the image of God God’s image in every person is the moral and ethical foundation for every commandment that governs how we ought to treat our fellow humans. Scripture repeatedly makes this clear. Why is murder deemed such an especially heinous sin? Because killing a fellow human being is the ultimate desecration of God’s image (Genesis 9:6). In the New Testament, James points to the image of God in men and women as an argument for allowing even our speech to be seasoned with grace and kindness. It is utterly irrational, he says, to bless God while cursing people who are made in God’s own likeness (James 3:9-12). That same principle is an effective argument against every kind of disrespect or unkindness one person might show to another. For example, to ignore the needs of suffering people is to treat the image of God in them with outright contempt. Proverbs 17:5 says, “He who mocks the poor reproaches his Maker.” Neglecting the needs of a person who is “hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison” is tantamount to scorning the Lord Himself. That’s exactly what Jesus said in Matthew 25:44-45: “Inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.” Neighbor? Who’s that? Who is our neighbor? That’s the question a lawyer asked Jesus when He affirmed the priority of the first and second commandments (Luke 10:29). In response, Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan, poignantly making the point that anyone and everyone who crosses our path is our neighbor—and truly loving them as ourselves means seeking to meet whatever needs they might have. One of Jesus’ main points in that parable was this: we’re not to love our own brethren and fellow believers to the exclusion of strangers and unbelievers. God’s image was placed in humanity at creation, not redemption. Although the image of God was seriously marred by Adam’s fall, it was not utterly obliterated. The divine likeness is still part of fallen humanity; in fact, it is essential to the very definition of humanity. Therefore every human being, whether a derelict in the gutter or a deacon in the church, ought to be treated with dignity and compassionate love, out of respect for the image of God in him. The image restored The restoration of God’s image in fallen humanity is one of the ultimate goals of redemption, of course. God’s paramount purpose for every Christian involves perfect Christlikeness (Romans 8:29; 1 John 3:2). That will consummate the complete restoration and utter perfection of God’s image in all believers, because Christ himself is the supreme flesh-and-blood image of God (Colossians 1:15). But if you’re a believer, your conformation to Christ’s likeness is gradually being accomplished even now by the process of your sanctification (2 Corinthians 3:18). In the meantime, Jesus taught that one of the best ways to be like God is to love even your enemies. Not only do they bear God’s image, but (more to Jesus’ point), loving them is the best way for us to be like God, because God Himself loves even those who hate Him. Loving even our enemies Of course, the prevailing rabbinical tradition in Jesus’ day claimed that “enemies” are not really “neighbors.” In effect, that nullified the second great commandment. It was like saying you don’t really have to love anyone whom you hate. All kinds of disrespect and unkindness became impervious to the law’s correction. Jesus confronted the error head on: You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. Your enemy is made in God’s image and therefore deserving of your respect and kindness. More important, Jesus said, if you want to be more like God—if you want the image of God to shine more visibly in your life and behavior—here’s the way to do it: love even your enemies. Remember, “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him” (1 John 4:16). Such love—expressed even toward our enemies—is the mark of the true Christian, because it is the most vivid expression of God’s image in His own people. “As He is, so are we in this world” (1 John 4:17). · Genesis 9:6; Deuteronomy 6:5; Proverbs 17:5; Matthew 22:38-39; Matthew 25:44-45; Luke 10:29; Romans 8:29; Romans 13:10; 2 Corinthians 3:18; Colossians 1:15; James 3:9-12; 1 John 3:2; 1 John 4:16-17

Very recently I was speaking with a pastor who had come to me for counsel on how to bring his dying church back to life. I was somewhat taken aback by his remark at the very beginning of our conversation: “Deb, I value all you have to tell me, but let’s just cut to the chase. I need someone to help me figure out what to do with all of the angry, bitter women in my church!” I was taken aback for a number of reasons, but mostly I was sad that he had missed the point, as have so many other pastors when it comes to “dealing with” the women in their churches. This pastor, as so many others, knew there was a problem, and he knew that in part he had to figure out how to deal with the unhappy women in his flock. But what he failed to understand was that his church was suffering, not in addition to the problem he saw in his female members, but in part because of the problem he saw in his female members. You see, Paul very aptly referred to women as “managers of the house” in Titus 2, but this extends beyond the home. God created women with unique abilities to manage the house, His house, and there is nothing less productive than discontent and unhappy managers. What so many pastors are failing to see is the absolute necessity of addressing the needs of their managers, the ones in the church who organize and efficiently keep the church family in running order—the women. Simply put, pastors need to minister to their managers. If they don’t, the managers will become discontent and lonely, both of which will lead to anger and eventual all-out defection. Truly, a lot of this is a gender issue: men and women speak different languages. We relate differently and work differently, but there are a few very basic ways that all pastors can better serve the women in their churches—the managers of God’s house—so that the local church will flourish instead of fade. #1. Listen to us. When a woman comes to you, she wants to talk to you, but she also yearns to be listened to by you. Nothing will hurt the women in your church more than to feel that they are burdensome and that your time is too valuable to waste on them. Women are extraordinarily relational, and in that, we thrive on communication. Much of that communication is successful when we see you making eye contact when we talk, giving us a few minutes of that eye contact, and then talking to us. Don’t throw a book at us or refer us to another woman without first listening to what we are saying and then responding to us. You don’t have to spend an inordinate amount of time in uncomfortable conversation. Simple eye contact and attention are worth hours and hours in your office. #2. Value us. As I stated earlier, women are uniquely gifted by God to multi-task, to manage things, and these traits make us invaluable to the operation of any church. However, when a woman is relegated to nursery duty or child care, simply because she is a woman, valuable and timeless service is lost. That is not to say that child care and nursery duty are unimportant. These little ones are precious, and it is a privilege to care for them. Many are called to that—men and women alike. My point is that many are not. When a pastor makes it clear that the women in his church are needed to cook and care for the children exclusively, he has devalued the prayer warriors and teachers and ministers in his flock who happen to also be women. The bible very clearly states that gifts are given to all in like manner and that we all have a role to play in the family. My contention is that if God uniquely designed women to manage the house, then a pastor is leading poorly who doesn’t utilize that particular gifting. Pastors, value us as fellow heirs with Christ, and inasmuch as this is true, value us within our particular gifts. I promise you, we aren’t trying to usurp. We are trying to serve and to be valued within that service. #3. Accommodate us. There is absolutely no getting around the fact that men are different than women. We speak “women speak,” if you will, and men speak “men speak.” I hear and understand better from a woman, just as my husband will hear and understand better from a man. Consequently, denying women’s bible study or women’s functions, such as retreats and conferences, is a detriment to the spiritual growth of the women in your church. These are not meant to be replacements to Sunday morning where we hear directly from our pastors (as I’ve heard many pastors lament), but they are meant to enrich and edify us on a feminine level. Furthermore, do not relegate us to studies of “women’s issues” or “motherhood issues,” though both have their places. The fact is that women can and should learn doctrine and Scripture throughout the week. Additionally, it is often advantageous for us to hear it from a woman. Too many pastors have determined that women must only hear women speak on women’s topics and that only men can speak on doctrinal or Scriptural ones. What a disservice they do to the women in their congregations, and this sort of disservice does not go unnoticed. #4. Appreciate and acknowledge us. I wish I had a nickel for every woman who has come to me in dejection, simply because she feels her pastor doesn’t appreciate her. Again, because women are relational, we need words. We need to hear you tell us you appreciate and notice what we do in the church as we manage. I would venture to say that the men in your church need that too, but all too often I hear pastors acknowledge the work of the elders and male leaders in the church, yet say very little about the female leaders and workers there. When a woman who is managing and working in your church doesn’t hear you tell her that she is appreciated, she may think, “It doesn’t matter what I do anyway. He’s not going to notice, and he doesn’t care.” No happy manager says that, but there is an easy solution. You are the pastor, and as such, you must lead with compassion and caring for all of your congregation. If you want your managers to remain loyal and engaged, acknowledge them. Appreciate them. It will go a long way. #5. Utilize us. Women aren’t problems to be solved or issues to be contended with. We are uniquely gifted to further the Kingdom-building work in our local churches. We can see solutions to problems that the men in your church may not. We can relate on an emotional level and help in ways that, quite frankly, men simply cannot do. If you aren’t utilizing the women in your church in an active and obvious manner, you are not only risking their discontentment, you are missing the boat on great counsel and talent. Utilize us. We have so much to offer, so much wisdom to give, so many points of view that you may not have even considered. God created us not as less than, but as different. Those differences might just be the key to the success of your church and the more important spread of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Are you ministering to your managers? The answer could mean the difference between a healthy and happy church and one that’s simply not. loveeverlastingministries.com/blog/

Desire is a very powerful force in our lives, and I am convinced it’s the root of why it’s so difficult for us to live intentionally. The reason we get into trouble is because our desires are not aligned with what God has for us. James 1:14-15 says, “Each one is tempted when, by this own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.” There are four things James notes about the word, desire , that can help us be more intentional in our lives. 1. James says desire is personal. We are drawn away are tempted by our own evil desires. Satan is a deceiver and a liar, but ultimately, his biggest trick is to build desires within you that will draw you the wrong direction. But ultimately you choose to follow your own desires. 2. Desire is powerful. James describes it like you are being dragged away. Have you ever experienced a desire for something, and it felt like someone grabbed you by the collar and pulled you into it? Let’s just get real for a minute. In psychology, we talk about food filling a hole of some unmet need in your life, which is true. We could analyze these things, but the fact is food can develop as a desire center. How about the desire for power? We see power in politics, and how it corrupts. People go through great loss when they lose power. How about the desire for sex, which is God-given? As Christians, in marriage, should have the best sex lives. 1 Corinthians 7 is pretty clear about that, but we take things that should be normal desires that God has placed in a box, and they become distorted. The desire for control for some people is a big issue. I wrestle with that one. You’ve always got to know where the boundaries are in having that sense of control. Intellectually I don’t control much, but I have this desire to make sure there are things I can control. 3. Desire is progressive after it is conceived. It is like a seed is put into the ground, growing and developing into whatever that seed is. Desire demands more to be satisfied, but it is never satisfied. Some of us have family with an addiction – it’s a very powerful force. There’s draw that pulls people into needing more and more, even though intellectually they know the desire for that ultimately will kill them, it overtakes their life. 4. Desire is perilous. Ultimately, according to our verses in James, left unchecked, it will lead to sin and death. God’s intention for us to be led by His desires. His desires drive us to live. How do you know when you are driven by your desires? Our biggest enemy is ourselves. I’m the one that gets in my own way. Have you ever noticed that you get up and you realize that our greatest enemy isn’t our spouse, our neighbors or our culture? Some days it’s not even Satan, it’s you! For example, we: · Procrastinate on important things. · Eat what’s unhealthy for us. · Say things that are unkind. · Buy what is unaffordable. · Trust those who are unreliable. · Support rules that are unjust · Think what is untrue. That is how many of us live our lives. In fact, we even have a vocabulary to identify this thing of the problem of self. We use phrases like, “I’m my own worst enemy,” or “I’m going to shoot myself in the foot.” We set ourselves up for failure. The problems we face in life have roots that go into yesterday’s desires and into yesterday’s actions. We become a product of the things that we desire in our lives. The desires of our heart get us into trouble. Even the Apostle Paul had this challenge in Romans 7. He said, “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I can’t carry it out.” He admits that of all the things that he knew in his relationship with Christ, and all that he went through, the biggest problem he had was himself. He got in his own way. We live in a world of good intentions. Living intentionally in Christ is hard because the desires we have can be the problem. If you change your desires, that changes your actions, and ultimately changes your life. What is desire? From a biblical perspective, the word desire means something I long for. It’s a deep, abiding thing that grabs hold of me, and I desire it. The world tells us we should desire – a new car, a new way of living, or a new experience. The world constantly places things in front of us to distract us. If we pick those things up, they become the desires of our heart, and unfortunately create problems. God’s intention for us to be led by His desires. His desires drive us to live. Think about your desires. Where did they come from? How did your desires from yesterday impact your life today? What one thing can you do during these next 30 days that will help you align your desires to God’s desires to bring Him glory? The Psalmist in Psalm 37:4 says: Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart . In the Hebrew, the word delight means total dependence upon, and pleasure in. When you have total dependence, and pleasure in God, then he will give you the desires of your heart. Take a challenge for the next 30 days. Every day, get up and say, Lord, give me the right desires in my heart that are in alignment with your intentions for my life. Whatever the desire I have may it be in accordance with your will because I am totally dependent upon you. www.theintentionallife.com . Used by permission of the author.

I often hear from Christians who want to find a mentor, but aren’t sure how to go about that. Often these believers know they would benefit from this kind of relationship, but they don’t know how it starts or what they should be doing. Here is some guidance on finding a mentor: Don’t ask someone to mentor you. Don’t misread me to be suggesting that you shouldn’t seek out a mentor. I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is, don’t use that language when you seek someone out. First of all, it’s kind of awkward. I remember once having someone say to me, “Do you think you and I could be friends?” It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be friends with this person; it’s just that that’s not really how friendships form. They form naturally, and then at some point one realizes, “This is my friend.” Mentoring is most often kind of like that. More importantly, the person you’re asking is going to be, more than likely, intimidated by the request. Partly that’s because mentoring means different things to different people. He might be blessed with the sort of humility that leads him to feel unqualified to be chief disciple maker in every area of your life. Or, he might not be sure that the two of you will “click” relationally in such a way that the mentoring won’t end up being a burden to you both. But there’s a way to get around that. Ask for mentoring help in a specific area of need. When I’ve had people say, “Will you mentor me,” I almost always say no. I don’t know what they’re expecting: an every morning coffee? A year of counseling? What? But I almost always say yes if someone asks for help in a specific area, if I can be of help there. For instance, from time to time a young preacher has asked if I would listen to one of his sermons and give it my critique, to help him learn. Sometimes I’ve done that. But I’ve been even more willing to help with one specific area. One young preacher said, “I have trouble figuring out how to conclude my sermons. Could you help me think through how you go through the process of landing on a conclusion?” That’s an easy yes. Find someone who has one specific area of gifting or personal holiness or practical skill that you can learn from and ask for help in that specific area. You might ask a godly business leader for help learning how to craft a budget. Or you might ask a godly married couple to help you and your spouse think through how to work through a disagreement. Or you might ask a pastor you admire to show you how he plans out his week, making time for both study and administration, or how he would preach a particular Proverb in light of the gospel. Set a time limit, at first. It might be that your ideal mentor doesn’t yet know that he’d be your ideal mentor. He’s not likely to commit, if he thinks your asking for a lifetime. It’s not that he doesn’t see the need for lifelong mentoring; it’s just that he doesn’t know if you and he are fit for that sort of commitment. Ask for an hour, or for five weeks of one-hour a week, or whatever it would take to accomplish that specific area of mentoring. Sometimes this will lead to another aspect of mentoring or discipleship. What you’re wanting to see is if what develops out of this is an actual friendship, of the sort it takes to do long-term mentoring. Paul did not think of Timothy as a project or even a protégé, but as a son (Phil. 2:22; 1 Tim. 1:2). That cannot be engineered but must be organic and authentic. That takes time to discern. Offer to help. As I look back on the people who mentored me, often the way that came about was through work, first on small, mundane projects and then on to bigger projects. That congressional candidate I believed in needed envelopes stuffed and doors knocked on. Later he needed to be driven to campaign events. Later still, he needed someone to respond to the media and execute press events. Somewhere in all of that, a friendship emerged, and I learned more from him than I could have imagined. My seminary president needed some help grading papers in a course he was teaching, then needed some pages proofed, then someone to drive him to some speaking events. I didn’t know I would end up serving him as dean. The same thing is true, come to think of it, with the men I have mentored in ministry. Most of them started out offering to help with some project, or set of projects. Some of them then became interns. Three of them now sit on my executive cabinet, and others are pastors and leaders around the country. Another is now the editor of my new book, among his many leadership responsibilities at a publishing house. In many of these cases, it ended up as mentoring but it started out as just working together on something, usually small and mundane and sometimes boring. If there’s someone you respect and you might like to be mentored, offer to help. By that, I don’t mean offer to preach or to lecture or to run his office. I mean mention that you would love to be of help if he needs some research tracked down, or someone to drive to a speaking event, or someone to help navigate computer issues, or whatever. Often, this can lead to mentoring, sometimes even of a lifelong Paul/Timothy or Naomi/Ruth kind. Commit to mentoring others. I’ve found that men who come from fatherless homes usually follow one of at least two trajectories. Some of them lament the absence of a father in their lives, and then go on to repeat their absent father’s mistakes and sins, all the while groaning that they can’t be held responsible because they didn’t have a good father figure. Many more, though, take a different approach. They lament the absence of a father in their lives, and commit that the story will be different for their families. Many of the best husbands and fathers I know fit this type. They couldn’t learn to be a husband and a father from their dads, but they learned from this negative example, and resolved to do otherwise. The cycle ended with them. A similar path is possible with mentoring. You can groan and whine that you haven’t been mentored, and you can place blame with the older generation. Or, you can resolve that when you are in a place of leadership, you will mentor and disciple those coming after you. If you can’t have the mentor you need, you can be the mentor someone else will need.