Do all men leave? For the first ten years of my marriage, I struggled with the fear of abandonment. My father and my first pastor had both left their wives for younger women. Because of what I had experienced, I allowed fearful thoughts to linger unchecked in my mind. They didn’t yell; they whispered, Eventually all men leave. Don’t let them get too close. Then they can’t disappoint you. This kind of thinking caused me to even resist small displays of affection. When John hugged me, it wasn’t long before I’d start patting him so I could pull away. One day after one of my “pat-and-pull-aways,” John asked me point blank, “How long will we have to be together before you realize I’m not going to leave you? Are you going to wait until we’re seventy?” I was stunned. “I’ll wait as long as it takes,” he continued, “but we’re going to miss out on a lot of fun in the meantime.” I realized I was making John pay for the disappointments I had with other men. I thought, Why should John have to pay for their shortcomings? That’s not fair. In an effort to protect myself, I am sabotaging our relationship. My fear of losing John in the future was robbing both of us in the present. I decided then that I would rather love John completely, even at the risk of losing him, than love him halfway and look back with regrets on what might have been. Fear and distrust keep us from thriving in marriage, for fear tenaciously clings to the past while refusing to believe something better can arise in the future. If we want God to do a new thing in our marriages, we must choose to abandon fear and accept what love would forecast for our futures. Fear expects failure, while love ultimately can never fail. Fear is a spiritual force in direct opposition to God’s love and protection in our lives. It is the opposite of love, for both love and fear operate from believe in the unseen. Love challenges us to doubt what we see and believe for what we cannot. Fear urges us to believe what is seen and doubt the unseen. When faced with the fear of failure or the hope of love, we can choose to believe one or the other, but never both. Fear displaces love; love casts out fear. …Perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. ( 1 John 4:18–19 ) Love’s ability to transform is greater than fear’s ability to ensnare. The perfect love that expels fear is only found in the experience of God’s love. Through the power of His love, we can forsake concern for self, because we know that God will faithfully tend to our needs. But if we don’t spend time in God’s presence, we cannot have an intimate knowledge of His loving nature; for His faithfulness manifests in His presence. Without knowledge of God’s true nature, we will live in constant fear of abandonment by Him or by spouses, which is a twisted form of punishment. As we grow more and more secure in God’s love for us, we can become free from fear and offer selfless love to our spouses. …Let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. ( 1 John 4:7–8 ) The stronghold of fear is what causes us to say things like, “If my spouse ever cheats on me, I will never forgive him.” Such vows, which are intended to shield us in the future, keep us from embracing the power of God’s love today. We must learn to trust God to care for our hearts, even if a spouse wounds, rejects, or betrays us. God has asked us to surrender our fears to Him. Refusal to do so tells God we don’t believe He is capable of directing our lives. We cannot submit to Jesus’s lordship without surrendering our fears. What fears are you holding on to? Dear one, let them go and watch the love of God transform you from the inside out and free you to step into your destiny. On the other side of your fear, you will discover the life you so deeply long for. www.messengerinternational.com .

Sermons, talks, and books on discipleship usually give a basic definition of disciple as “learner.” But the New Testament gives us a more thrilling and dynamic definition of a disciple and the cost that follows. Take for example the parable of the soils in Matthew 13. How do we know a disciple from merely a “learner”? Matthew 13:23 says, “He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.” A disciple is, by nature—by definition!—a multiplier. Disciples are not merely learners but fruit-bearing disciple-makers; they multiply themselves. Dynamic Definition As you read the New Testament, you see that discipleship is complex and thrilling. Hans Kvalbein wrote in 1988 a Themelios article on the concept of discipleship in the New Testament (see the entire archive of Themelios articles) that gives strength and depth to how local churches should think, talk, and teach about discipleship. He gives 13 theses on discipleship. Here are several of them in summary form: The first word for Christians was not “Christians” but “disciples.” Newcomers to the faith saw themselves in relationship to the risen Lord Jesus in some way similar to the relationship of the first disciples to the earthly rabbi Jesus. A disciple learns by hearing his Master and doing like his Master. This is explicitly commanded by Jesus in John 13: “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set an example that you should do as I have done for you.” The disciples are chosen by Jesus. He says, “You did not choose me, But I chose you to go and bear fruit” (John 15:16). Life as a disciple is “death and resurrection” with Christ, inaugurated in Christian baptism. Baptism is initiation into discipleship, giving admittance to the “school” of Jesus and starting a new life in obedience to him and his commands. To be a disciple is to be called to make new disciples. Throughout the New Testament, the term “disciple” is a dynamic concept. It implies multiplication. All nations have been invited to this mission. “He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world” (1 John 2:2). You can read the rest of Kvalbein’s helpful article for the entire list and helpful summaries. The Cost As we should expect, whenever the New Testament explains discipleship, it immediately warns us of the cost. Being a follower of Jesus splits up your family, threatens your life, and calls you to radical sacrifice of your job, finances, desires, hopes, and reputation. However, the cost comes after a promise. When Jesus tells his disciples to “sell your possessions, and give to the needy” (Luke 12:32), he does so after a very important assurance: “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” In Jesus’ day, they didn’t have banks, savings, or CDs. Their net-worth was found in their possessions. Jesus is saying, if you are my disciple, you should be able to radically give, even if it means dipping into your savings (see Joel Green’s The Gospel of Luke). But notice the order. Jesus doesn’t say, “Sell everything, give to the poor, and God will give you his kingdom.” It’s the exact opposite. Disciples can be radical in their giving because they’ve already been given the kingdom. Christ became poor, so his disciples might become rich (2 Cor. 8:9), and out of infinite riches, disciples become generous. Another example is when Jesus instructs his disciples that he will be sending them out as “sheep in the midst of wolves,” and the wolves will “deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synagogues” (Matthew 10:16-17). That’s not a very encouraging rallying cry for church growth and evangelism! Notice that Jesus isn’t saying that they will be suddenly attacked by wolves; he’s sending them out into them. This is deliberate. They will be mocked, shamed, and possibly even killed. He knows this will happen to them, because that’s what the wolves will do to him. No servant is greater than his Master. Only when disciples are filled with God’s grace can they go into the wolves hoping to see some turn into lambs. Discipleship is as dynamic and costly as the gospel. Disciples can give up anything, go anywhere, and risk everything because the gospel has filled us with good things that can never be taken away. John Starke is an editor for The Gospel Coalition and lead pastor of All Souls Church in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. http://www.gospelcoalition.org. Used by permission of the author.

I took a survey asking Christian leaders and laity why they believed churches split. I received more responses to this subject than any previous subject. From my best analysis, about five percent blamed pastors, saying that the pastors were in serious sin, heavy handed, weren’t in “the river” or refused accountability to anyone (sadly, this is true among a minority of ministers). Twenty percent wrote simply to encourage us to write the book. However, amazingly, 75% spoke of being “deeply devastated” by a split, some calling it “hell on earth.” These people usually wrote long and obviously painful emails. They grieved for their pastors, the loss of friends and the “death” of their church. These individuals said the division arose from a subordinate leader or group within the church. Judging from those who wrote, the main problem does not seem to be with the pastors. Clearly, though, there is more to this subject than a couple preview chapters can reveal, including mistakes pastors make. In the book we will discuss a vital insight the Lord revealed about “Satan’s hour,” that time when hell advances into a church. We will also seek to remove the oppression on a church when its pastor sins; we will address healing for wounded churches and the deception surrounding ambition. Finally, we will look at how divisions affect children, as well as how to become unoffendable, and much more. I may even intersperse some of your profound and passionate comments so others may understand this hellish pain and seek to avoid it. I will offer no political solution to divisions. Ultimately, if attaining Christlikeness is not enough for you, I have no other remedy. I am a man in quest of the character of Christ. I write to people who share my passion. If you are reading this, but do not care passionately about becoming Christlike, I truly have nothing to offer you regarding splits. Becoming Christlike is the only way to avoid them or be healed from them. Let the Word Be True The Bible has a great deal to say about unity. However, I have yet to find one New Testament example where the Scriptures encouraged born again Christians to divide from or split a church. I have heard many Scriptures taken out of context and twisted to suit the purpose of division, but in context I do not see the Holy Spirit anywhere telling His people it is right to divide from other imperfect Christians. Therefore, let’s look at some of the Scriptures people have used to justify splitting a church. Frequently quoted is Paul’s admonition, “Come out from their midst and be separate” (2 Cor 6:17). However, the apostle was not speaking of being separated from other Christians. Rather, his purpose was to warn Christians about being “unequally yoked” with pagans or “unbelievers” (see 2 Cor 6:14-15 KJV). Interestingly, the name “Pharisee” literally translated means “the separate.” Among them we see the perfect example of when pride and self-righteousness cause us to think of ourselves as more spiritual than other people. Another historic misinterpretation comes from 1 Cor 11, where Paul seems to concede that splits and divisions were almost necessary. He wrote: “. . . I hear that divisions exist among you; and in part, I believe it. For there must also be factions among you, in order that those who are approved may have become evident among you” (1 Cor 11:18b-19). Certainly, isolated by itself, the idea that there “must also be factions . . . that those who are approved may have become evident” adds legitimacy to the idea of splits and divisions. Of course, those who split from others always identify themselves with “those who are approved.” However, the actual context of the verse reveals the apostle’s true perception. Here’s the complete eighteenth verse: “For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that divisions exist among you; and in part, I believe it.” Listen carefully to Paul’s overriding, prevailing context: “When you come together as a church, I hear that divisions exist. “Don’t rush past his opening address. They hadn’t split from each other. They were still united. Paul wasn’t justifying the divisions among them; he wrote specifically to correct their divisions. But even though one identified with Paul and another with Apollos or Cephas, they still came “together as a church.” Every week all the Christians in Corinth met together in worship. At this meeting they also had a love feast and shared weekly communion. It was here, in the administration of food, that they had broken into cliques and factions. Some, indeed, tried to keep their focus on the significance of the Lord’s supper while others were eating as much as they could during the community meal (see 1 Cor 11:20-22, 33-34). Paul wasn’t sanctioning their divisions; he was acknowledging that the more gluttonous Christians had become a separate group within the church as they rushed to eat before others. In contrast, the Christians who reverently waited became a group as well – but they were all still united, meeting together as Christ’s church. Throughout this entire letter, Paul’s focus has been unbending toward eliminating divisions and disunity. It is utterly inconceivable that he would sanction division among them. In the very next chapter, Paul communicates again his theme of unity, using the analogy of a body interdependently united. Everything he has written to this point is captured in his summary-thought in verse 25. Listen again to his heart: “That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another” (1 Cor 12:25 KJV). Beloved, this word translated ‘schism’ in the King James (rendered ‘division’ in the NAS), means ‘split’ in the Greek language. Translated literally, Paul is saying “there should be no split in the body.” What part of “no” don’t we understand? Unity is the central theme of First Corinthians. How could one honestly ignore entire chapters about unity and take one half verse out of context to justify a split? This is willful deception. The Goal is Unity In all that the New Testament declares for Christians – in all of the epistles and pastoral letters of Paul and the other apostles – the call is clearly, unmistakably toward unity, not division. There is a hurricane of spiritual wind blowing and bending the church in the direction of oneness with Christ and, because of Christ, oneness with each other. The repeated rebuke comes because of disunity and sectarianism. What about Jesus’ admonition, that He did not come to bring peace, but a sword of division? Jesus does indeed divide us from the world (Lk 12:51). However, He eternally unites us to Himself and one another. As I searched through the New Testament on the subject of Christian unity, there were literally hundreds of verses pointing toward oneness in the born again church. After years of study on this subject, I have yet to read one verse that instructed a group of Christians to slander, divide and split from another group of Christians in a city, just because that other group was imperfect. If the truth of God calls us to unity throughout an entire city, how much more does the call to unity apply in relationships in a local fellowship? Part of unity means we can accept that people in our church may desire to function differently than the rest of the church. This diversity needs to be defended, yet it must find its expression without contention or strife. The test is to find a creative ways to facilitate diversity while remaining united. If unity of purpose cannot be maintained, a church plant born of love and done with wisdom is a possibility. Several years ago I approached one of our associate pastors at River of Life, Marty Boller, and asked if he was praying about moving out of state. He said yes. Marty had been a Vineyard pastor who merged with us and now, seven years later, he wanted to return to the Vineyard. Yet Marty did not want to sow division in our community, so he planned on moving to Canada to start his church! Because he was an honorable man and very committed to unity, I suggested he take a few months and explain his vision in a weekly class with those interested from our church. When Marty started a new work in our city he did so with a dozen or so ROL families, and others. Today, we remain great friends and serve together in many citywide projects. We are closer because he was patient, wise and nondivisive. There are many ways to multiply a church as long as we stay Christlike. It’s when pride or ambition enter that division soon follows. A Purer First Century Church? The argument arises that the church was much purer in its early years than it is now; so today we need to separate from others because of sin in the camp. The church in Jerusalem, in its inception, certainly set a standard for us all. However, as the church expanded to other cities and cultures there were many problems; in some cases, their failures were worse than our own. Yet, the apostles who served Christ’s church still called for unity in spite of the churches’ imperfections. Even in Jesus’ address to the seven churches in the Revelation of John, though sin existed in the churches in five cites, Christ never instructed the innocent to break from the sinners. Rather, He commended those who walked in purity and left them in the midst of the sinful as an example of His righteousness. Doctrine Another argument used to justify splits has to do with doctrinal interpretation. Let me make it clear that our doctrines are very important; they define our belief systems and open the door to spiritual realities and levels of blessedness of which we would be otherwise ignorant. Having clear biblically based doctrines also provide boundaries to keep us from deception and half truths. However, there are both core truths and peripheral truths to our faith. There are precepts that we must be willing to die for, yet there are other instructions that good Christians interpret differently. Because we are all learning, we must be willing to yield and stay humble. In practical terms, we cannot be united with those who do not hold the deity of Christ. Yet, we certainly can maintain the unity of the spirit, for instance, with someone who has a different view about the timing of the rapture. We cannot dilute God’s truth concerning the new covenant, the inspiration of the Scriptures, the centrality of Jesus Christ; the atonement of His cross, His bodily resurrection; His physical return; salvation by grace through faith; the Trinity and the indwelling work of the Holy Spirit. But we are still learning about spiritual gifts, effective church government, signs and wonders, styles of praise, and various programs that train youth and make disciples of adults. When Jesus defined the requirements for unity in John 17, He refined unity to three core realities. These fundamental truths, if adhered to, He said would unite His people. He said spiritual oneness would come as we believed in His name, His word and glory (Jn 17:11, 20-21,22). Unity is pretty simple if we sincerely desire it. However, to split a church because of a disagreement concerning peripheral doctrines is a smoke screen. It is a deception. There are those who argue they are taking their stand in defense of God’s word. Yet, how can they divide a church in defiance of God’s word? A person who will split a church over a nonfundamental doctrine or over a spiritual gift or style of worship is deceived and seeking to deceive others. Lord, forgive us for accepting divisions. Heal Your church, O God! Bring us into Christ-centered unity, that the world would believe in Your power. Amen. For more sermons and articles, go to www.frangipane.org. Used by permission.

“Truly you are a God who hides himself, O God and Savior of Israel.” ~ Isaiah 45:15 The question of God’s existence has plagued philosophers and theologians for thousands of years. For that reason, I don’t have any canned answers on the question and I’m not about to solve the problem. But I do have some thoughts that may cause you to rethink your position and help you reach your own conclusions. I have met many people that have struggled with believing in the reality of God. This is especially true for very intellectual people. They feel that there is zero proof for God’s existence. How can a person put faith in a God who cannot be seen, felt, heard, touched, or smelled with his or her physical senses? Some people deny God’s existence because they love their lifestyle. They surmise that if there were a God, they would have to be accountable to Him and change their behavior. As a result, they simply reject the notion that God exists so they would not have to feel accountable to anyone for their actions. For them, to believe that there is no God helps to appease their conscience in some way. Others have experienced deep pain, sorrow and heartbreak in their lives. And many of them cannot understand why a good God would allow such things. Even for the most devoted Christians, when tragedy strikes, faith is put into the salt-shaker. No one can prove that God exists. Only evidences can be offered. I learned that early on. When I first started down the path of being a Christian, I took a big interest in trying to convince my friends that God was real. Sometimes we would evaporate hours discussing the subject. Enduring their antagonistic bombasts caused me to generate my own nagging doubts. It had gotten so bad that my path grew almost too dim to follow. But after processing the whole subject to near exhaustion, I discovered that I couldn’t deny that God exists, even if I tried. Faith was present. And I couldn’t shake it. Here are a few things to consider before you adopt the idea that no evidence exists for God’s existence: 1. The complexity, order, sophistication, and intricate design of the universe and all biological and botanical life give strong evidence for God’s existence. There are only three alternatives to explain the origin of the universe: 1) It always existed, 2) It was created by chance, or 3) It was created by God. The universe could not have always existed, for it is expanding and contracting. This suggests that it came into existence at a certain point in time. The universe could not have been created by chance because it is too orderly and complex. It is a basic principle that the things which chance creates are always unorganized, irregular, inconsistent, and partially integrated. And whatever chance creates, it almost instantaneously destroys. For example, if I continue to throw a chair into the air, by chance the chair will eventually fall to the ground on its four legs. However, the next time I throw it up, it will land on its back or side. Suppose that we put a monkey in front of a computer keyboard. If the monkey stays at that keyboard long enough, he may eventually produce a coherent sentence (maybe after a few hundred years of typing!). The sentence may be: “Monkeys rule.” However, with the next few strokes, the monkey will make that coherent sentence incoherent through his arbitrary typing: “Monkeys rule lsldksldfsdoaf.” So whatever chance creates, it almost instantaneously destroys. Therefore, it is inconceivable to believe that chance could create anything complex and sophisticated, whether it be a watch, a car, a computer, or a human being. All of these things require a superior designer. Therefore, the consistency, organization, symmetry, form, and purposefulness of the universe and all life forms testify compellingly to God’s existence. Would you not agree? I mean, can you conceive of something as complex as the human brain simply coming into existence randomly by the forces of chance? That would be like believing that the computer I’m presently typing on just appeared without a designer. Can you conceive that something as complex as human life emerged spontaneously out of nothing but random chance and long periods of time? By my lights, it requires much more faith to believe that the universe always existed or that it was created by chance than to believe that God created it. Incidentally, the “Big Bang” theory doesn’t solve much. For it doesn’t answer the probing question: “Who or what started the Bang in the first place?” 2. A natural and inborn desire for God in the heart of humans supports God’s existence. Virtually every religion in the world believes in a Creator. And there is no culture on the planet that does not have a religion as a part of its tradition. So the belief in a Divine Person is universal. It can be found in all cultures, nations, and tribes. Desire implies and indicates the existence of a real object. In other words, if a person desires something, it shows that the desired object exists in some form. If, for example, I desire a car, a house, or a particular job, then my desire for these objects demonstrates their existence. Moreover, orphans desire parental love, even though they may have never seen their real parents or had a foster parent. Someone may object, “Yes, but what about Santa Claus? Children desire him and he’s not real.” Yes, but the Santa Claus myth is that of a human being who gives gifts to people. And the myth was spawned from historical origins. So every desire of the heart arises out of an existing object, even if that desire is tailored or reframed. Seeing that people in all cultures have a capacity and a desire to believe in, to know, and to fellowship with God, God must exist. The explanation for this, of course, is that God created humankind with a capacity to know Him and to fellowship with Him. 3. The multitude of answered prayers that cannot be explained by natural means affirms God’s existence. What I have set forth thus far rests on the modern belief that everything can be answered by science or reason. But that belief is becoming old and tiresome. There is something within all of us that cries out for that which is unseen and spiritual. Resting in the human heart is an authentic desire to experience God. My next two points relate to that intangible element which transcends reason, empirical proofs, and scientific models. All who have known God throughout the span of time know that He is real by His response to their prayers and the specific guidance that He affords them in life. Neither coincidence nor chance could account for the thousands upon thousands of answers to specific prayers that Christians in the past and present have received. Many of these answered prayers were miraculous in nature and cannot be explained by empirical means. I have met a lot of people who have tried to dismiss this fact. But none of them could prove that such reports were not genuine. Time and space would not permit me to describe the countless answers to prayer that I myself have received in my life, not to mention the countless number of others who have had the same experience. Although this evidence is subjective, it is still an evidence for God’s existence. I would also add that the belief in God has changed multitudes of lives. Those who meet God change. Sometimes in profound ways. By contrast, I have never seen the philosophy of atheism sober an alcoholic, reform a criminal, deliver a drug addict, or transform a prostitute. But God’s transforming power and love has done all of these things in the lives of multitudes. 4. The sense that God is our Father within those who have met God. Although this is a subjective evidence, it nevertheless remains a reality for those who have met the Lord. When we do not know God, He seems distant — like a stranger who lives in some unseen planet millions of miles away. But upon meeting Him, something dramatic happens. We have the sense that He is near and that He is our Father. This being so, we instantly have an affinity for others who also know God. We have the sense that they are our relatives . . . our brothers and sisters. A kinship beyond words is discerned. I have met Christians in other parts of the world. We had nothing in common except the Lord. Instantly, there was a common bond. We did not shake hands; we hugged. The sense of family was immediately present. And yet, we may not have said five words to one another beforehand. The connection I am describing here goes beyond the natural affinities that people who hold common interests share. I cannot quite put my finger on how it is richer except to say that it is the result of God’s indwelling life, which is a very real thing. And it creates an invisible bond between those who possess it. One of the major objections that some of my friends have had to my belief in God is the problem of human evil. The argument goes like this: “If God is good and all-powerful, how can He allow evil in the world? Since evil exists, it proves that God cannot be good and all-powerful.” Modern philosophers have perfected this argument. But here’s a question I’d like to ask you in response. If you were God, how would you remove evil from the world at this minute? Most people answer saying, “I would just remove it with the snap of my fingers.” My reply: You have just annihilated every breathing soul from planet earth . . . including you and me! The reason? Because every person on the planet is either presently committing evil or they are capable of committing evil. So you just terminated us all. It seems to me that God had two choices when He created humankind. He could have created humans without a free will. If He had, we would all be robots forced to follow His will at all times. The result would be no evil in the world. But God would get no pleasure out of it. Because we would be loving Him out of sheer force rather than free choice. The other choice God had was to create beings with a free will who possessed the ability to choose to love Him or reject Him. The net result is that evil would be born in the world, for some would reject Him and live selfishly. Not to mention the insidious consequences that often follow those selfish actions. But the amazing thing about God is that He is so wise as to take the evil that is inevitable and use it for good. To put it in a metaphor, God is masterful at drawing straight with crooked lines. I know in my own life there have been many horrible experiences I endured because of the evil of others. I have also suffered as a consequence of my own foolish choices. But those experiences have always culminated in making me a stronger and better person. (Sometimes it takes years to make that discovery.) As one philosopher put it, “What does not kill you makes you stronger.” These are just some things to consider. Augustine said, “Do not seek to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand.” Faith is simply trust. It is rooted in humility and is the tool of a child. It knows with the heart, not the mind. Though it doesn’t contradict reason. Surprisingly, the Bible never sets out to prove God’s existence. The Lord has chosen to remain invisible. He is a God who hides Himself (Isaiah 45:15). He has chosen to remain unprovable. One reason for this is because salvation is a work that is utterly His own. It is exclusively His doing. No person could ever boast about being saved because they were bright enough to figure out that God exists. Knowing Him is a matter of child-like faith that springs from humility, and it will always be so. “The Lord resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” and “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God,’” we are told in the Bible. God reveals Himself to those with believing, child-like hearts. While on earth, Jesus said, “I have hid these things from the wise and prudent, but revealed them unto babes.” So be a child. Be a babe. For the kingdom of God is given to such. Taken from www.frankviola.org. Used by permission.

Gruesome reports of forced abortions continue to emerge from China, where a one-child policy has resulted in untold death, chiefly targeting girls. So far, few American media have circulated Monday’s news of a U.S. State Department inquiry into the case of Cao Ruyi, who anti-abortion activists say will be required to abort her child this weekend if she fails to pay a substantial ”social burden fee.” Tragically, we have no shortage of incidents that remind us of abortion’s horrors, intended and unintended. For example, last fall a hospital in Australia mistakingly killed the wrong twin in a selective abortion. Steven Ertelt, founder and editor of LifeNews.com, reports, “The mother of the two babies had wanted to abort the baby who doctors said had little chance to live. But now, both babies are dead.” The doctors told the mother that one of the unborn babies had a heart defect that would require years of surgeries, if the child survived long enough. The mother asked doctors to abort the one child while allowing the other to live. “However,” Ertelt writes, “the abortion . . . went awry and the wrong baby was injected with drugs meant to end his or her life.” The Implications: Peter Saunders, CEO of Christian Medical Medical Fellowship in the UK, responds, “The story graphically illustrates the grim reality of the ‘search and destroy’ approach to unborn babies with special needs. Such procedures are now very common although very few involve twins.” His remarks deserve further reflection: It is interesting that the killing of an “unwanted” child with special needs in the womb is regarded as “normal” whilst the killing of a “wanted” normal child is seen as a tragedy and worthy of international news coverage. By contrast the Christian view is that the life of every human individual, regardless of its intelligence, beauty, state of health, or degree of disability is infinitely precious. A just and caring society is one where the strong make sacrifices for the weak, or in the words of the apostle Paul, “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). Earlier this week, Ross Douthat’s column “Eugenics, Past and Future” notes the eerie relation of today’s selective abortions to “the American elite’s pre-World War II commitment to breeding out the “unfit.”‘ He concludes: “…This progressive fascination with eugenics largely ended with World War II and the horrors wrought by National Socialism. But while the West has discarded the theory of the eugenics era, the practice urged by Fisher and others — the elimination or pre-emption, through careful reproductive planning, of the weaker members of the human species — has become a more realistic possibility than it ever was in the 1920s and ’30s. The eugenicists had very general ideas about genetics and heredity, very crude ideas about intelligence, and deeply poisonous ideas about racial hierarchies. They did not have, as we do, access to the genetic blueprints of individuals — including, most important, human beings still developing in utero, whose development can be legally interrupted by the intervention of an abortionist. That access, until recently, has required invasive procedures like amniocentesis. But last week brought a remarkable breakthrough: a team of scientists mapped nearly an entire fetal genome using blood from the mother and saliva from the father. The procedure costs tens of thousands of dollars today, but the price will surely fall. And it promises access to a wealth of information about the fetus’s biology and future prospects — information that carries obvious blessings, but also obvious temptations. Thanks to examples like Irving Fisher, we know what the elites of a bygone era would have done with that kind of information: they would have empowered the state (and the medical establishment) to determine which fetal lives should be carried to term, and which should be culled for the good of the population as a whole. That scenario is all but unimaginable in today’s political climate. But given our society’s track record with prenatal testing for Down syndrome, we also have a pretty good idea of what individuals and couples will do with comprehensive information about their unborn child’s potential prospects. In 90 percent of cases, a positive test for Down syndrome leads to an abortion. It is hard to imagine that more expansive knowledge won’t lead to similar forms of prenatal selection on an ever-more-significant scale. Is this sort of “liberal eugenics,” in which the agents of reproductive selection are parents rather than the state, entirely different from the eugenics of Fisher’s era, which forced sterilization on unwilling men and women? Like so many of our debates about reproductive ethics, that question hinges on what one thinks about the moral status of the fetus.” From a rigorously pro-choice perspective, the in utero phase is a space in human development where disease and disability can be eradicated, and our impulse toward perfection given ever-freer rein, without necessarily doing any violence to human dignity and human rights. But this is a convenient perspective for our civilization to take. Having left behind pseudoscientific racial theories, it’s easy for us to look back and pass judgment on yesterday’s eugenicists. It’s harder to acknowledge what we have in common with them. But this is a convenient perspective for our civilization to take. Having left behind pseudoscientific racial theories, it’s easy for us to look back and pass judgment on yesterday’s eugenicists. It’s harder to acknowledge what we have in common with them. First, a relentless desire for mastery and control, not only over our own lives but over the very marrow and sinew of generations yet unborn. And second, a belief in our own fundamental goodness, no matter to what ends our mastery is turned. (Originally titled “Profiles of Death.”) John Starke is an editor for The Gospel Coalition and lead pastor of All Souls Church in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. You can follow him on Twitter.

Tom Lutz says that many people want “better sameness” which insulates us from any kind of change and leaves us ill-prepared for positive changes. Better sameness is simply a different face on the “status quo,” or you could call it “the same pig with lipstick.” Because continual changes are a part of life, Lutz helps us to navigate the “corridors of change” by defining several different kinds of change and suggesting strategies for navigating each kind. For example, we’ve all been through a “Blind Side” change. Lutz suggests the following actions: 1. Get on your knees and ask God to calm you. Don’t follow your emotions to run in panic. 2. Concentrate on where you are in the maze. Don’t focus on how you got there. 3. Stop and reflect. Is it the change that is causing your trauma or it the fact that you were surprised? (When you calm down, you may see the maze shrink because the change isn’t such a big deal.) 4. Look back over your experiences. Have you ever been faced with a change like this before? If so, can you remember what you did then? That experience can guide you to what you should or shouldn’t do to navigate now. 5. Call a Christ-follower friend. One you can trust to be objective and confidential. Take the time to describe the change. Ask the friend to help you distinguish between the mind and heart dimensions. Talk it through. He probably won’t be able to navigate for you, but it should help clean your windshield of extraneous bugs so you can see the maze corridors more clearly. 6. Look at yourself in the Change Capacity mirror. Determine whether you’ve allowed the change to shove you into territory where you don’t normally operate. If it has, get back to where you function the best. Remember Kodak film for our cameras? Now 80% of Kodak’s revenue comes from digital products. Kodak smartly navigated a change maze. Actually, this maze was a different kind of maze because Kodak could see the changes coming. Lutz has strategies to navigate these and several other kinds of mazes. He also suggests that people have basically four kinds of “change capacities”: Resistors, Slow Followers, Fast Followers, and New Idea People. For anyone who is called to be a “difference maker,” it’s important to know the change capacities of everyone on your team. Also, difference makers have a clear understanding of the “AS-IS” and a clear vision of the “TO-BE.” Lutz also defines “change fundamentals,” e.g., “Change abides by the law of inertia: If a body is at rest or moving at constant speed in a straight line, it will continue to do so unless it is acted upon by a force.” Other interesting points include a list of “Signs of Hitting the Wall,” along with actions to take. “To Change or Not Change” list. “Absolutes” list that will help to keep us focused and able to make good decisions. “Marks of Leadership” that help difference makers lead their team through change. And a list of different resistance forces to expect and how to handle them. Two of Lutz’s recommendations stand out: “Urge every member of your team to assess whether their faith is directing their behavior and their resolve” and “Never pass up an opportunity to communicate.” This advice flows from his principle that we cope with change better if we separate facts from emotions and if we let our spirits lead our responses to change: “Your response to change can be spearheaded by your heart, your mind, or your soul. If you let God inhabit your soul, the dominance of the Lord in your life can lead you to cope with the facts and emotions of a change more effectively.” Lutz was strongly influenced by the ministry of his personal friend, John Piper. For the last 20 years, Lutz’ business has been to consult, mentor, and coach business executives, church leaders, politicians, and many others. Lutz draws from his experience in several different careers, including his work with IBM (which he says stands for “I’ve Been Moved”), his own traumatic life events that caused him to “Run out of cope.” He also gives many biblical references of Bible characters that faced various change mazes and how they were transformed for the better by and through them. Our biblical heroes usually overcame a WIFM mentality (“What’s In It for Me?”) and learned to lean wholly on God. Lutz suggests that an important question to ask ourselves is this: “Is the change driven by spiritual values?” I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in navigating the corridors of their own change mazes more successfully. The book is filled with “Reality Cases that combine personal experiences and observations to reinforce the principles and approaches discussed.” As Lutz states, God allows all of us to at all times be in a change maze of some kind. Therefore, it would seem that we can all benefit from any wisdom that helps us to pass through these mazes successfully. Tom Lutz can be reached at Tom@LutzGroup.com.

Tips for parenting: 1. Watch your expectations, make sure they are positive and not negative! 2. Make sure your kids get enough Vitamin E (encouragement) and some very essential Vitamin N which is No! Remember, if you love your child, you will disciple them 3. Rules are important but not the only thing that is important, relationships matter most! 4. Have fun with your kids, laugh at yourself, use the words, “I am sorry” 5. Finally, to put it bluntly do not take any disrespectful act from your son or daughter without significant consequences! Kids have a need to please you. They don’t like it when Mom and Dad are unhappy. As important as relationships are with our kids, the more profound relationship is with your spouse! Now, realizing that many of you are single, stay with me because there are tips for you to come. For those of you who are married, here are some thoughts to make this year as close to stress-free as possible. Tips for your marriage: 1. Ladies, remember he is the SIMPLE one! As I have said many times, think of him as a four year old that shaves! His needs are simple. He needs to be needed and wanted by YOU! 2.Guys, understand that your wife majors in relationships and communication. She has the need to hear from you. She wants to know your feelings that you have about, well… almost everything in life! She needs to feel like your lovingly affectionate at all times! 3. We spend money on everything under the sun, I wonder how many of us invest our time and our money in our marriage? Want to do something for your family this year, take time to be a couple, enjoy a date night, consider joining next year’s Couples of Promise Cruise! Those kind of investments play dividends for generations. 4. Do your marriage a great favor and make sure that your spouse and your relationship take precedence. Tips for relationships (including those of you who are single!): 1. Don’t “should” on yourself — When you “should” on yourself, you are really putting down the masterpiece that God created in you. You truly are a one-of-a-kind! 2. If you have a critical eye– that is to say that you can spot a flaw, especially in the ones you love, in less than 10 seconds…. give it a rest! And rather than pull up the negatives, look for the positives and use the words, “Good job!” “Nice going” and “I bet that makes you feel good inside!” 3. One more thing, if you want to see a relationship with someone you love improve dramatically, in less than 48 hours, stop asking questions! It’s like magic. On that note, tuck the “why” word away and watch the relationship change before your eyes! Two of my favorite scriptures come from St. Paul — Where in Ephesians 6, he says “Children obey your parents, it is the right thing to do! Because God has placed them in authority over you.” And in the preceding chapter, Paul writes these profound words, for those of us who are married, “Honor Christ by submitting to one another.” These imperfect people that surround your life are God gifts for you! Handle these relationships with care. I have said many times that marriage and parenthood is not easy, but it is simple. God does have a simple plan for our marriages as well as for the journey of being a good parent.

When the Scriptures refer to the “heavenly host,” we usually think of “choirs of angels.” The word “host” in the Bible meant “army” (Josh. 5:13–14). It is an important truth: the hosts of Heaven are worshiping armies. Indeed, no one can do warfare who is not first a worshiper of God. The Central Issue In Tribulation: Worship One does not have to penetrate deeply into the Revelation of John to discover that both God and the devil are seeking worshipers (see Rev. 7:11; 13:4; 14:7, 11). Time and time again the line is drawn between those who “worship the beast and his image” and those who worship God. In the last great battle before Jesus returns, the outcome of every man’s life shall be weighed upon a scale of worship: in the midst of warfare and conflict to whom will we bow, God or Satan? Yet, while this warfare shall culminate in the establishment of the Lord’s kingdom on earth (see Rev. 11:15), we must realize the essence of this battle is the central issue in our warfare today. Will we faithfully worship God during satanic assault and temptation? True worship must emerge in the context of our lives now. For no man will worship through the great battles of tomorrow who complains in the mere skirmishes of today. You will remember that the Lord’s call to the Israelites was a call to worship and serve Him in the wilderness (see Exod. 7:16). Indeed, when Moses first spoke of God’s loving concern, we read that the Hebrews “bowed low and worshiped” (Exod. 4:31). But when trials and pressures came, they fell quickly into murmuring, complaining and blatant rebellion. Their worship was superficial, self-serving and conditional—an outer form without an inner heart of worship. This same condition of shallow worship prevails in much of Christianity today. If a message is given that speaks of the Lord’s great care for His people, with eagerness do we bow low and worship. But as soon as the pressures of daily living arise or temptations come, how quickly we rebel against God and resist His dealings! The enemy has easy access to the soul that is not protected by true worship of the Almighty! Indeed, the Lord’s purpose with Israel in the wilderness was to perfect true worship, which is based upon the reality of God, not circumstances. The Lord knows that the heart that will worship Him in the wilderness of affliction will continue to worship in the promised land of plenty. Without true worship of God, there can be no victory in warfare. For what we bleed when we are wounded by satanic assault or difficult circumstances is the true measure of our worship. You see, what comes out of our hearts during times of pressure is in us, but hidden during times of ease. If you are a true worshiper, your spirit will exude worship to God no matter what battle you are fighting. In warfare, worship creates a wall of fire around the soul. Protecting Your Heart Through Worship Most of us understand the basic dynamics of the human soul. We have been taught, and rightly so, that the soul is the combination of the mind, will and emotions. Generally speaking, when the enemy comes against the church, he targets any of these three areas. We must see that the protection of these areas is of vital importance in our war against Satan. To further illuminate the nature of this battle, let us add that, in addition to the mind, the will and the emotions, the soul is made of events and how we responded to those events. Who we are today is the sum of what we have encountered in life and our subsequent reactions. Abuses and afflictions hammer us one way, encouragement and praise inflate us another. Our reaction to each event, whether that event was positive or negative, is poured into the creative marrow of our individuality, where it is blended into the nature of our character. What we call memory is actually our spirit gazing at the substance of our soul. With few exceptions, those events that we remember the most have also shaped us the most. Indeed, the reason our natural minds cannot forget certain incidents is because those events have literally become part of our nature. Our soul is shaped by how well or poorly we handled our past experiences. When Scripture commands us to not look back and to “forget . . . what lies behind” (Phil. 3:13; see Luke 9:62), it is saying we must undo the consequences that have come from our unchristlike reactions. With God, this is not impossible, for though the events of our lives are irreversible, our reactions to those events can still be changed. As our wrong reactions to the past change, we change. In other words, although we cannot alter the past, we can put our past upon the “altar” as an act of worship. A worshiping heart allows God to heal and restore the soul. All of us receive a portion of both good and evil in this world. But for life to be good, God, who is the essence of life, must reach into our experiences and redeem us from our negative reactions. The channel through which the Lord extends Himself, even into our past, is our love and worship of Him. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” (Rom. 8:28). The key for the fulfillment of this verse is that we become lovers of God in our spirits. Bad things become good for “those who love God.” When we are given to loving Him, all that we have passed through in life is washed and redeemed in that love. Bad becomes good by the power of God. Therefore, it is essential to both the salvation of our souls and our protection in warfare that we be worshipers. The ship that safely carries us through the storms of adversity is worship. Psalm 84 expresses in praise to God the wonderful effect worship has upon the soul. “How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passing through the valley of Baca [weeping] they make it a spring; the early rain also covers it with blessings” (vv. 5–6). If you are “ever praising” God (Ps. 84:4), your worship of God will transform the negative assault of the enemy into “a spring” of sweet refreshing waters. No matter what befalls a worshiper, their “valley of weeping” always becomes a spring covered “with blessings.” You cannot successfully engage in warfare, nor pass safely through the wilderness of this life, without first becoming a worshiper of God. Worship: The Purpose Of Creation We were created for God’s pleasure. We were not created to live for ourselves but for Him. And while the Lord desires that we enjoy His gifts and His people, He would have us know we were created first for His pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them further and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem “smitten of God, and afflicted” (Isa. 53:4). Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord’s purpose for creation. One would think that God would protect them, guarding them in such a way that they would not be marred. Instead, they are marred more than others. Indeed, the Lord seems pleased to crush them, putting them to grief. For in the midst of their physical and emotional pain, their loyalty to Christ grows pure and perfect. And in the face of persecutions, their love and worship toward God become all-consuming. Would that all Christ’s servants were so perfectly surrendered. Yet God finds His pleasure in us all. But as the days of the Kingdom draw near and the warfare at the end of this age increases, those who have been created solely for the worship of God will come forth in the power and glory of the Son. With the high praises of God in their mouth, they will execute upon His enemies the judgment written (see Ps. 149). They will lead as generals in the Lord’s army of worshipers. Orginally titled “Army of Worshippers.” www.frangipane.org. Used by permission.

“Happiness” is an over-used, misunderstood term. The word happy literally comes from the root word “happenstance.” “Happiness” is something that happens to you. We say “Happy Birthday” or “Happy New Year.” We talk about happy hour as a place where you can go to buy cheap drinks and appetizers. Then the hour ends. Disneyland advertisers call their theme park the “Happiest Place on Earth.” I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Disneyland. We took our kids to the Magic Kingdom. We had fun, but when we stood in line 95-degree heat on black pavement for and hour and forty minutes we weren’t happy. All of us live our lives in this tension. We want to be happy, but a lot of what happens to us causes us to be unhappy. Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:10: “God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” Whoa – wait a minute … again that word “God blesses” is one word in the original language. It could literally be translated as “divine favor” or “blessed” or “happy.” Happy are those who are persecuted for doing right. As you read through this passage in Matthew 5, Jesus assures us twice that the persecuted are blessed. It’s as if he’s saying there are double blessings to you when you are going through a difficult time because you are a follower of Christ. Double blessing. Happy are you because people are persecuting you. We can experience an inner peace and an inner joy that co-exists with tough circumstances. It is possible to have this happiness within us even through persecution, sufferings and setbacks. Focusing on our problems and difficulties is a happiness-killer. We must look beyond those to the hope of Heaven and the love of God, to the peace and the reward that we will ultimately receive as we follow Christ. What you focus on tends to be what you see. You’ll start to see Jesus and experience His strength and power in the midst of your trouble and problems. Christ’s divine blessing can give us the power to say and do miraculous things even when everything and everyone around us is going against us. A perfect example of a man who rose above his problems and challenges was the English statesman William Wilberforce. Wilberforce was elected to parliament at the age of 21. This bold young man of 21 years stood in front of parliament for four and one-half hours and argued to abolish slave trade. His motion was summarily voted down. For the next 23 years, every single year, William Wilberforce did the same thing. He stood up in parliament pleading for the abolishment of the slave trade. He was mocked. He received death threats. People wrote horrible things about him. He was the brunt of jokes and the subject of satirical cartoons in the newspapers. Wilberforce was persecuted for doing what was right. This godly man could have focused on his troubles, but he never did. He continued to keep his eyes on God and passionately pursue the calling God gave him. After twenty-three grueling years, the vote tipped in favor of abolishing the slave trade. History books tell us that the day the English government abolished slavery, everyone rose to their feet. The resounding ovation was one of the longest in the history of the British parliament. Do you know how William Wilberforce responded? He sat in his seat with his face in his hands and he wept. Undaunted by persecution, this godly servant spent twenty-three years of difficulty and struggle to fight for his cause. But God told him he had not finished his mission. Wilberforce, continued to persevere. For the next twenty years, the crusader gave his life to another phase of that campaign-freeing the existing slaves. This great saint fought that battle until the final days before he died. While Wilberforce lay on his deathbed, parliament finally voted to free all of the slaves. His colleagues came and told him that finally it had been done. All existing slaves were freed! This compassionate, visionary Christian man also fought for single mothers and orphans. He defended the poor. He was unstoppable, and I think he represented the heart of Jesus Christ in such a powerful way. Peter writes in I Peter 3:13 “Now who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for doing what is right God will reward you for it. Don’t worry or be afraid of their threats; instead you must worship Christ as Lord of your life.” You follow Christ; you remember who and whose you are and do what’s right. Jesus exhorts us to rejoice when we suffer great difficulties and obstacles. In Matthew 5:12, Christ encourages us to rejoice: “Be happy about it. Be very glad.” It could be translated as “jump for joy.” What? You want me to jump for joy? He’s saying in the midst of difficulty and hardships you can rejoice. I think what Jesus means is that between what happens to us and how we chose to respond is one of our greatest life-tests. Jump for joy. Keep jumping even when you suffer. Rejoicing is the gasoline that fuels your engine to keep moving forward with God’s passion and power. Wilberforce knew the key to facing impossible obstacles and suffering was rejoicing in God. We have a choice to make. We may be victims, but we don’t have to live as victims. We can choose to live differently. Do you know the saying, pain is inevitable, but misery is optional? We may face pain in our lives from any number of directions, but how we choose to deal with that will determine whether or not we are miserable. Your attitude is the one thing that you can control. Jesus says to learn in the midst of those difficulties–to rejoice. And when you learn the power of rejoicing, God can help you move mountains and change the course of history.

“There are six things the LORD hates – no, seven things he detests . . . a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.” ~ Proverbs 6:16, 19 How are seeds of discord sown? One way is to tell others what someone allegedly said about them. The first is rather subtle so it broadsides many Christians when it takes place. One of your friends . . . a Christian, perhaps even a member of your fellowship . . . says the following to you: ”You know, Jimmy doesn’t like you . . . I’m telling you this because I’m your friend.” Or they may say something like: “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I think you should know that Twila said such and such about you.” Immediately, your defenses go up. You feel insulted. Hurt. You suddenly look at Jimmy and Twila, whom you’ve regarded as trusted friends, in a completely different light. Your friend was doing you a favor by telling you these things . . . right? Think again. The problem is that in most cases where I’ve seen this play out, the person reporting on Jimmy’s feelings or Twila’s words isn’t telling you the truth. Re-read that sentence. Sometimes they are spinning. Other times they are flat-out lying. The motive? It’s usually because they don’t like Jimmy or Twila and they want you to dislike them too. Or maybe your friend is buddies with Jimmy or Twila and they are jealous that you are close to them also. So they want to sabotage the relationship. Other times the motives aren’t so dark. Your friend has simply “read into” the words of Twila or Jimmy and thought the worst. And they are passing on to you what they assume Jimmy is feeling and what Twila may have meant. Or . . . they heard someone else pass on to them what Twila or Jimmy allegedly said. So they are engaging in gossip. The person hearing such reports . . . in this case you . . . usually believes it, never thinking to go to Jimmy or Twila privately and directly to ask, “ I was told that you may have an issue or a concern with me. Is this true? Are we okay?” Or even more boldly, “Someone told me that you said such and such . . . please be honest with me and let me know if you said this or something similar or if the person who gave me this report is bearing false witness.” This direct approach will get things out on the table . If Twila or Jimmy did say whatever was reported to you, you can work it out with them. If they didn’t, well . . . your friend is sowing seeds of discord. When this direct approach isn’t taken, however, dissension is sown and rifts occur. Suddenly, there’s a rift between you and Jimmy . . . or you and Twila. . . and they haven’t the foggiest idea why. They can just feel distance from you. All because of lies, spin, or misinterpretation on the part of one person . . . what the Bible calls a “whisperer” or a “troublemaker.” “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” (Proverbs 16:28, ESV) “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (Proverbs 16:28, NLT) So the next time someone comes to you bearing bad news of what someone allegedly said about you or what they allegedly think of you, there’s an excellent chance that they are sowing seeds of discord. The antidote? Go to the person in question directly. It will reveal a great deal. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24) If your friend is sowing seeds of discord in your life, there’s a good chance that they are doing the same in the lives of others as well. What is another way to sow seeds of discord? One sure way to destroy a friendship, alienate people, and cause division is to judge another person’s motives. It’s perfectly fine to judge someone’s actions. Lying about someone is wrong. Paying them a sincere compliment is good. Those are value judgments. But to impute motives to their hearts is wrong and Scripture condemns it. When someone says something like, “Tommy told that joke because he was trying to garner attention and is full of pride.” Or . . . “Candy wore that dress because she was trying to impress Rick.” Or . . . “Bill posted that update on his Facebook page because he was trying to make Andrea jealous.” Or . . . “Tim said all of that in order to prove to himself that he’s better than his father.” They are attempting to read someone else’s heart. The irony is that in many cases – if not most – the person who is ascribing a bad motive to another person is simply revealing what’s in their own hearts. This is called “projection.” An individual cannot face their own shortcomings and defects so they unconsciously project them onto other people. They accuse others of the very same dark things that are lurking deep within their own hearts. As I put it in another place, In Matthew 7:1–4, Jesus points out that those with defective eyesight are all too willing to perform eye surgery on others. Yet within this text, the Lord makes this chilling assessment: If you impute an evil motive onto someone else, you’re simply making known what your motives are. To put it another way, the piece of sawdust we see in our brother’s eye is simply a small chip off the two-by-four that lies within our own. And a piece of wood will always distort our vision. When people cannot face the reality of what’s in their own hearts, they project it onto others—particularly those who they find threatening to their egos. (Excerpted from Revise Us Again.) To assume and disparage a person’s intentions is to sow seeds of discord and create division. May we never judge someone’s motives, therefore. Love always thinks the best. It never second-guesses or imputes evil. It always treats others the same way we want to be treated. And no one wants their motives judged. Only God can peer into the human heart. So we are wise to leave such business in His hands.

I am an out-of-the-box parenting problem solver. A clever method of getting little “ankle biters” to obey is less exhausting and more successful than ranting, raving, blaming, pleading, begging or threatening. It’s all about responsibility The first thing to remember about Reality Discipline is that you want your children to learn to think for themselves and learn to become more responsible through guidance and action-oriented techniques. In an article from First Things First , Dr. Leman says, “Action-oriented discipline is based on the reality that there are times when you have to pull the rug out and let the little buzzards tumble. I mean disciplining your children in such a way that he/she accepts responsibility and learns accountability for his actions.” Here’s an example. When my brother was in high school, my mother implemented Reality Discipline without realizing it. My little brother, Gannon, could sleep through a tornado (or a hurricane or tsunami) and my mother was tired of waking him up every morning and saying, “You’d better hurry, or you’re going to miss the bus.” Finally, Mom thought, I’m not waking him up anymore. He can be late. Just as she suspected, Gannon did miss the bus and was forced to walk the mile to school. Much to my mother’s delight, he was never late again. She didn’t have to beg, plead, give him ultimatums or nag Gannon one more time. Instead, she let reality do the discipline. A little bit of ice cream can do the trick One afternoon, I had the privilege of listening to Dr. Leman explain on the radio how reality discipline teaches responsibility. He told an engaging story about a mother whose preschool son was driving her bananas because every day when she stopped to pick him up from preschool, he ran from her on the playground. She felt like a fool for being outrun by a preschooler while teachers and parents looked on. Desperate, she asked Dr. Leman for advice. Dr. Leman suggested that if her son ran from her next time, she should ask another adult on the playground if they would be kind enough to keep an eye on her son for a few minutes. Then she should drive away, go to the nearest ice cream shop, purchase a cone for herself and drive back to the school to pick up her son. Then, when her little guy got in the car and asked, “Where’s my ice cream?” he told the woman she should cheerfully say, “Well you could have had some ice cream, but you ran away; so I had to go get some alone.” One point for mom; zero for Junior. That’s Reality Discipline. No ranting. No raving. No warnings. Just cool, collected action with some quick, clever thinking to make your point loud and clear. Sounds great, right? Here are some basic principles of Reality Discipline to help you get (and keep) the upper hand with your kids. Don’t focus on creating a happy child In his book Have a New Kid by Friday , Dr. Leman says that the goal of parenting is not to create happy kids; rather, it’s to create responsible kids. This means Junior will probably be pretty unhappy that he didn’t get an ice cream cone; he may even throw a fit, and rant and rave — but he will become more responsible and respectful. Don’t back down, but do stay cool as a cucumber. Remind yourself that it’s a battle of the wits and the wills, and you will win. Understand your child’s reality According to Dr Leman, if you want to use Reality Discipline effectively, you need to know what’s important to your child — what really moves him in his reality. Your child may value money, sports, a daily cookie break, staying up late or spending time with friends. Parents who know how to use Reality Discipline make creative connections between bad behavior and discipline through action rather than through warnings, nagging or threats. For example, suppose you ask your ten-year-old daughter (who loves saving money) to take out the trash. She ignores you, and thirty minutes later the trash is still sitting by the back door. With a little creativity, you decide to implement some Reality Discipline. Instead of reminding your daughter about the trash, you enlist her younger sister to take it out . Then you take some money out of your ten-year-old daughter’s allowance and give it to her sister for a job well done. Can you imagine the peace and satisfaction that could come from being such a quick-witted parent? Note: If you want to use Reality Discipline, you have to listen to your child. Then you’ll know what will move him to responsibility. The more you understand what’s important to him, the more ammunition you’ll have in your arsenal to “train up” your child in the way he should go. Make sure that Reality Discipline is grounded in love In Have a New Kid by Friday , Dr. Leman writes, “Show me a mean teacher, and I’ll show you a good one.” If you find that you are a permissive parent who is afraid of “pulling the rug out from under your child” as Dr. Leman suggests, remember that Reality Discipline is not unkind. Instead, when it’s motivated by love to help your child mature into a responsible adult, it’s a very good gift. Dr. Kevin Leman: Have a New Kid by Friday.

“Blessed is the person who is not offended by me.” ~ Matthew 11:6 To be offended means to stumble or trip. The Scripture tells us that Jesus is a rock of offense . . . or a rock of stumbling . . . to the disobedient (1 Peter 2:8). In His earthly days, the Lord Jesus was constantly offending the religious establishment. But in the above text, Jesus has someone else in mind. He’s speaking to His followers: “Blessed are you, my followers, when you are not offended by me.” The context bears this out. John the Baptist was utterly loyal to Jesus. He walked a life of total self-denial. He gave everything up for his God. And now he finds himself in a cold prison. We have no record that the Lord ever visited him there. So John is questioning and doubting. He’s probably thinking, “Was it really worth it? I lived my whole life to pave the way for the Messiah, and now I’m in prison. The kingdom hasn’t yet come.” John is wondering and wavering; he’s tempted to stumble at his Lord. So he sends word to Jesus asking, “Are you really the one who was to come? Or should we expect another?” Again, Jesus doesn’t visit John. He instead sends this answer to him via his disciples: “Go back and report to John what you’re seeing. The deaf hear; the blind see; the lepers are cleansed; the dead are raised; the good news is being preached to the poor . . . and happy is the person who is not offended in me. Peaceful is the man who doesn’t stumble over me. Blessed is the person who doesn’t fall away on account of what I do or not do.” Over the years, I’ve watched Christians take offense with the Lord. Some of them were passionate followers of Jesus in their youth, but later ended up renouncing Him. Why? Because they chose to be offended by Him. “Blessed is the person who is not offended by me.” This is the forgotten beatitude. In this post, I want to share three reasons why Christians become offended by their Lord. In part two of the series, I want to discuss the issue of Christians being offended by others. The two are distinct, but not separate. Reason 1: He demands too much. In John 16:1, Jesus tells His disciples that He’s sharing “all these things” so they won’t be offended by Him. Some of those “things” were stern warnings that they would be hated by the world and persecuted (John 15:18ff.). Jesus made clear that following Him won’t lead to a bed of roses. Suffering and loss are involved. Unfortunately, some present a gospel that leaves these parts out. The result: Christians get offended when they realize what they’ve gotten into. But Jesus lets us know up front what following Him entails. Even in His own day, some of His followers stopped walking with Him because they regarded the cost too high (John 6:53-59). Reason 2: He doesn’t meet our expectations. The Lord often works in ways that we don’t understand. I’ve heard some Christians say, “My life would have been much better today if I didn’t follow Jesus in my youth. Look where it’s gotten me.” In Finding Organic Church, I talk about the Catch-30 crisis. There comes a point in all our lives where we reassess the major commitments we’ve made in early adulthood. And we either dig in deeper or we abandon ship. Isaiah says that God’s ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9). The Lord works on levels that we cannot fathom. Paul says that God works all things for our good (Romans 8:28). “Why hasn’t God answered this prayer? Why didn’t He fulfill this promise? Why did He let this happen to me? Why did He let this happen to him/her? Why is God silent when I need to hear Him most?” These are the questions that plague the mind of the serious believer. If you’ve not yet met the God who refuses to meet all your expectations, you will. And how you react in that day will reveal whether you are worshiping Jesus Christ or Santa Clause (see John 6:26). It will show whether or not you love God more than His promises (or really, your interpretation of those promises). Jeanne Guyon once said, “I will still serve Him, even if it sends me to hell.” Job said, “Shall we receive good from the hand of the Lord and not evil?” Recall the three Hebrew children. They had lived a life loyal to their God. And the pagan king said to them, “Worship my golden image or else you’re going to die in my fiery furnace.” Their answer is telling: “We’re not going to worship this image or serve your gods. The Lord is able to deliver us, and He will deliver us from your fiery furnace. But even if He doesn’t, we’re still not going to bow down to your false gods.” What an attitude. What a posture. What faith. “God will deliver us. But even if He doesn’t, we will still follow Him.” Those words contain thunder and lightning for every child of God. If I can use an illustration, we mortals are living on pages 300-400 of a 2,000 page book. Only God can see the whole book. And He’s only given us the ability to see pages 300-400. We have no capacity to understand what’s in pages 1-299 or pages 401 to 2,000. We can only speculate and assume what’s in them (hence we create all sorts of intricate theological systems to explain mysteries we don’t understand). Here’s a lesson to learn: Life always comes down to trusting in the Lord rather than trying to figure out His ways via our finite, limited understanding. Yet together, we can better discover and understand what’s in pages 300-400, and thereby learn to live more effectively within them. (I hope blog posts like this contribute to that goal.) Reason 3: He doesn’t show up on time. He works too slowly. He reacts too late. His deliverance takes too long. God’s clock is a lot slower than ours. We can text or email our prayer to God, and He doesn’t text or email back when we expect. In fact, sometimes we never hear back from Him at all. The screen is blank. Sometimes we’ll pray for an important matter in our own lives . . . . or we’ll pray for someone else . . . for years. And the dial doesn’t move. Waiting on the Lord can become weary. And it can lead to offense. But God always keeps perfect time. To sum up, here’s how NOT to offended by the Lord: Remember that He demands everything, and He has promised suffering and tribulation along with blessing and eternal life. So don’t sell out for a cheap, easy gospel. Such is not the gospel of Jesus Christ. He told us what we were getting into and exhorted us to count the cost ahead of time (Luke 14:26ff.). Remember that His ways are higher than ours, and He doesn’t always show us what He’s doing or why. We may not always understand what He does or allows, but He can still be trusted. This is the nature of walking by faith rather than by sight. Even when His grace isn’t sufficient, it is always sufficient. Remember that God is always on time, but His clock ticks differently from ours. He’s a Lord who sometimes shows up long after the hour of healing has passed and we are dead for four days. Just ask Lazarus. Being offended by God is a choice. You can choose to take offense at the Lord and stumble over that which you don’t understand. Or you can “trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). “Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out!” (Romans 11:33).