Share 0 Have you settled for a mediocre faith? Is your prayer life mundane, expectations low. God is bigger than that. Steven Furtick preaches about childlike faith. “Paul said to not let anyone look down on you because you are young.” • I’m an expert on the idea of being dumb enough that God can do anything. Anything that is written in God’s Word is possible for anyone who believes. Audacious faith is the hope, the passion of my life and ministry. These words constantly inspire me: “I despair at the thought that my life might slip by without God showing Himself mighty in my life.” – Jim Cymbala. 2 Kings 3:9-20 is an incident in the life of the prophet Elisha. Elisha is an under-rated prophet. • Elisha did miracles everywhere he went. Fire from heaven, rain to heal a drought, defeating the host of prophets of Baal. There’s is nothing God can’t do. We can position ourselves, learn and get training, but only God can make it rain. After we’ve done all that we can do, we have to remember that only God can send favor, mercy, salvation, and healing. Only God can make it rain. Proverbs 3:5-6 states that… “in ALL your ways acknowledge Him.” We can’t expect God to show up in our work unless we do our work God’s way. You can do it. You can make it. When you attend conferences, or come together with other believers and Christian leaders, in at atmosphere like this it’s easy to get fired up, be inspired, motivated to act, etc. But we have to praise God for inspiration. But how will you get from inspiration to implementation? Having good ideas doesn’t make you a visionary, it makes you a daydreamer. The difference is having the audacity and courage to act. God gives you the faith to get started. If the size of the vision you have isn’t intimidating to you there’s a good chance it’s insulting to God. Remember Elijah’s faith. If you want to see the land filled with water, dig some ditches. Dig ditches in preparation for how God wants to use your life. You may not see rain or even see clouds, but don’t wait to get to work until you seethe evidence of God’s blessing. Faith believes it before it sees it. Pray for God to start a groundswell. Don’t let time talk you out of your dreams. Life can beat the audacity out of you. God is not done with you yet. Do it or die trying. True faith has a bit of ambiguity to it. No leader is ever 100% sure that they’ve heard from God. Just like Elijah, keep digging ditches. One of the reasons we struggle with insecurity is because we are comparing our behind-the-scenes with others highlight reels. If you will dig the ditches God will send the rain. If you will do what you can do God will do what only He can do. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like anything is happening, but you don’t know what God is doing behind-the-scenes. Hebrews 11:1 states that “Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the evidence of things not yet seen.” Expect God to do great things through your life. Don’t dig one ditch… make the valley full. Noah looked stupid building a boat until it started to rain. When the vision you see around you doesn’t match what God has spoken to you, you’ve got to close your eyes and hold on to what you’ve heard. Be a ditch-digger. Believe for God to do great things. Notes by timschraeder.com. Used by permission.

Is God calling you to serve Him in ministry? First of all, it’s a big YES. God draws lost people to himself to save them, and his desire is that all saved people serve people. So, if you’re a believer, you are called! Obviously, however, there is a kind of “calling” that sets certain individuals apart for positions of ministry leadership. The New Testament refers to some people as apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers. And they are given to the church to teach, preach, shepherd, equip, and instruct. It should be noted before moving any further that everyone within the body of Christ is of equal worth and importance. We may serve different functions, but the gap between “clergy” and “laity” is an imagined one. All believers are “ministers” even though a few may receive a special calling to lead and to take responsibility for the health and welfare of the flock as undershepherds who follow Jesus. Some of these leaders are paid and some are not. Some work for churches full-time, some part-time, and others on a volunteer basis. Regardless of their formal relationship with a particular church body, they are called to a higher level of responsibility for the maturing of the body of Christ. So they preach, they lead, they counsel, they give oversight, and they cast a vision for the fulfillment of the Great Commission. Here’s the million dollar question among those who grapple with this subject: Is the call of God to ministry leadership discerned mystically? Or practically? Is God’s call heard supernaturally? Or naturally? And again, the answer is YES. I have friends who testify that God showed up in a moment of their lives in an unusual way and made his presence known to them in the moment of their calling. But this isn’t always the case. Personally, I would describe my own experience of God’s calling in three phases: I was hungry. I couldn’t get enough of the Bible, and I couldn’t seem to read enough about ministry or ask enough questions of my mentors. This hunger grew over several months as I found my way back into a local church. (As an aside, we ought to pursue this calling in the context of a local church community and under the mentorship of our pastors and leaders.) I was convinced. I came to a moment when I simply knew that God wanted me to spend the rest of my life in full-time, vocational ministry leadership. It was on a bus ride to Louisville, Kentucky when I was a senior in high school. I jotted in the margin of my Bible the phrase, “3-1-95 Called to Preach”. I wrote it next to Jeremiah 1:5, which I was reading that day… Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. I became confident. Once I knew God was calling me, sadly, it took another seven months for me to find the guts to go public. In October of 1995, I preached my first, rather pitiful eighteen-minute sermon. But that experience lit a fire under me that burns to this day, and I still can’t hold it in. While I believe God can and does often speak his calling into our lives in precise and unique ways, I believe that there should be some practical confirmation of that calling. After spending twenty years talking to younger leaders just getting started, I’ve developed a sense for those who are serious and those who aren’t – those who will go far because they lean into God’s grace and launch out in faith, and those who squander their time and energy on the sidelines. When someone expresses an interest in ministry or talks of a calling, there are several questions that are quite appropriate to be asked, and through which a prospective leader can and should be screened, and I would divide them into five areas. 1. YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE Are you presently walking in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit? Are you soaking in God’s Word, praying regularly, and growing in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus? And does it show in your closest relationships? Would those nearest you (especially a spouse) describe you as Spirit-filled? 2. YOUR HEART Do you WANT to lead the church? Do you crave it? Hunger for it? Is your appetite insatiable enough that you cannot be stopped? Do you desire to do the work of a Pastor? 3. YOUR ABILITY Obviously we should never attempt to serve merely in the power of our own flesh, but to be effective, we must be sharpening our skills and abilities. This is why teachability is one of the most vital characteristics of ministry leaders. When you stop learning, you will stop leading. 4. YOUR PERSONALITY Your unique personality doesn’t really determine whether or not you’re ready to lead in ministry. Rather, it relates to HOW you should lead. One of the most beneficial exercises I’ve ever gone through is the DISC profile (or one of dozens of similar personality and temperament assessments). I’m laid back (a high “I”), so I have to work at communicating clear expectations. I hate conflict, so I have to be intentional about confrontation. And I’m an introvert, so owning this and being at peace with it is important. 5. YOUR EXPERIENCES A decade and a half ago, Angie and I started to go plant a church, and had we done so, it would have been disastrous. I only know that because of all that we’ve encountered in the last five years that I would have been totally unprepared for back then. All of your past experiences – the good, the bad, and the ugly – prepare you for what is next in your life. If you’ve come to a place in your Christian walk where your hunger to serve and your conviction that God wants you to serve line up, and you have the maturity, the desire, the ability, the personality, and the experience necessary to prepare you, then GO FOR IT! Every believer is “called.” We’re all called to serve others, to share the gospel, and to glorify God. And we’re all called to do these things “full time.” But thank God for granting the special opportunity for some to be fully immersed in the life of leading the body of Christ forward for the gospel’s sake! www.pastors.com . Used by permission.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine… That’s a line from the chorus of a hit song by the band R.E.M. And I think, surprisingly, there’s a great deal of truth in it. I was pulled aside after a Sunday morning service not long ago by an attender who wanted to know when I was going to be warning the congregation about the impending crash of the world economy that Illuminati would be orchestrating in order to decrease the human population by up to 90%. After several minutes of hearing of the danger of vaccines, conspiracies with communist nations, and the malicious intent of the heads of states, I finally held up a hand and said, “Even if this were all true, I’d be completely comfortable preaching exactly what I just preached.” I believe, at the time, I was in a series called Roots based on the book of Colossians. We were covering such subjects as how to spot real love, how to grow deeper in Christ, and how to live a spiritually fruitful life. This isn’t the first time I’ve been confronted about my lack of urgency about end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it issues. There are also these pesky blood moons to worry about. And someone is always trying to kill us with vaccines, or aspartame, or a zombie virus, or purple dinosaurs on TV, the numerical value of whose names add up to 666 and therefore must be the antichrist in disguise… I’ve heard it all… I’m a skeptical believer. I’ve come to have a sturdy faith in Jesus because I believe the central truths of Christianity stand up under tests of logic, reason, science, history, archaeology, and textual criticism. I embrace the Bible as inerrant, as crazy as that may sound to some. But I’m still skeptical. I don’t mind wrestling with big questions and have found it to embolden my faith over time. I’m especially skeptical of teachings and arguments that serve as a distraction from the main thing – the gospel. Let’s say, hypothetically, that the blood moons point to the end of the world as we know it. The Illuminati is planning to trim the human race back a bit and assume complete control over our lives economically and militarily. What I’d want to preach about this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again. And if that wild theory is hogwash and poppycock (the direction I’m inclined to lean in), then what I’d want to preach this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again. The Apostle Paul once warned a young Pastor named Timothy to rebuke some leaders in the ancient church of Ephesus for getting people off track in endless debates about myths, legends, and Old Testament genealogies. As Paul put it, “these things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God.” (1 Timothy 1:4 NLT) And then Paul continued by saying, “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.” (v. 5) I love that statement. Paul is essentially charging Timothy to avoid motivating people to seek God on the basis of fear, rational or otherwise, and instead to seek him on the basis of love and a desire for purity and real faith. I don’t want people to be afraid of the end of the world. After all, what do we Christians have to worry about in the eternal scheme of things? Though the world fall apart around us and our bodies be destroyed, we live on! We win! We enjoy victory! I’m not attempting to minimize the seriousness of persecution, which is obviously a real and present danger in our world. I’m simply saying that there are some essentials to be preached weekly regardless of the direction the world around us is headed. If the world were ending tomorrow, I’d want to preach this Sunday the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again, and that we can live a life of faith in him that matters for eternity. And if the world hangs around a few more millennia, I’d want to preach the same exact message. It’s (possibly, at any moment) the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. You can build a congregation in size and collect large offerings by creating anxiety, fear, and anger toward the outside world, but I don’t think you’d be on task. In fact, you might just wind up starting a cult, which never ends well. Instead, lead people to life in Jesus. Lead people to the cross for redemption. Lead people to discover the life worth living no matter what the world looks like around us. Lead people to follow Jesus, emulate his character, and implement the ways and practices conveyed in Scripture. Confront sin and apathy. Point people to redemption in the cross of Christ. Equip believers to live a life of faith. Empower servant leaders. Strengthen families. Reinforce the biblical faith. And hail the triumphant return of King Jesus. In other words, this Sunday… Preach. The. GOOD. NEWS. Re-printed from www.pastors.com. Used by permission.

There are two conditions of the heart no one can hide: one is when the heart is filled with love and the other when we are infected with bitterness. Either condition can take over our thoughts and both can filter our entire view of life. As followers of Jesus Christ, we must make our highest quest to possess hearts full of God’s love. Indeed, how successful we are at revealing Christ’s love is the true measure of our spirituality. Thus, love cannot long exist as an unexpressed or hidden secret. If love is real, it will be seen in a thousand manifestations reaching to the heart of its beloved. Love, which is in truth passion for oneness, is too powerful to be contained by mere discipline or self-control. Indeed, is not love boldly displayed in its unrequited gifts, and is it not heard in its many encouragements and expressions of concern? Is it not tangible in its unabashed enjoyment of time spent with those it loves? Bitterness, too, cannot be hidden. A bitter soul is not seeking oneness, but justice. It is driven by the unresolved theft of its peace, personhood or possessions. Bitterness is not just a wound seeking healing, it is a prosecuting attorney building a case against the guilty. Because a bitter soul is conjoined to the injustice committed against it, it perpetually is listening to the voice of its heartache and, thus, perpetually wounded by the unforgiven offense. Dear friends, Jesus said He came to give us life in abundance. He said He was anointed and sent to proclaim release to prisoners and freedom to captives (John 10:10; Luke 4:18). If we feel we have been spiritually incarcerated by a bitter experience or an injustice, God is not seeking to condemn us for it, but to save us from it. Even now, His Spirit is reaching to release us from this unbearable burden of the past. How Do We Become Free? In my years of walking with the Lord, there have been times that I have been slandered, defrauded or unfairly attacked. I have had plenty of opportunities to be embittered by injustice. Not every wound was healed instantly nor each injustice swiftly remedied. Jesus said, “By your endurance you will gain your lives” (Luke 21:19). The Message translation renders this: “Staying with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” In the final analysis, being wounded or suffering loss is not the issue – Paul said he “suffered the loss of all things.” The real issue is that we “may gain Christ” (Phil. 3:8). Let me also say, I know people whom the Lord simply touched and healed. Yes, often the Lord will simply remedy the offending situation itself, thus bringing healing. Let us make room for the vastness of God’s grace. Indeed, Hebrews 2:18 reveals that since Christ “Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.” For no other reason except that He loves us, He will “come to the aid of those” who are embattled. Let us always make room for such grace. At the same time, I have also recognized that God’s highest goal for me is my conformity to Christ. (See Rom. 8:28-29). God heals me so He can conform me to Christ, and sometimes He reverses that process: He conforms me to Christ so He can heal me. In other words, my deliverance came as I appropriated Christ’s love and learned to entrust myself to God even when I was wounded by injustice. Consider this issue of trusting God. Peter tells us, “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;” (1 Pet. 2:21-23). Sometimes my healing from wounding and possible bitterness came, not because restitution was made to me by the person who hurt me, but because I learned to entrust myself to God who judges righteously. To trust that God will vindicate me in His time and in His way is a sign of spiritual maturity. It’s really the only way we can avoid responding to reviling with reviling and allowing a wound to fester into bitterness. There are other times when a lingering conflict would become an oppression upon my soul. Again, as an antidote to becoming bitter, Jesus taught, “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad (Luke adds, “and leap for joy”), for your reward in heaven is great” (Matt. 5:11-12). If you have been unfairly treated, if some injustice has soiled your name or threatens your future because of your faith in Christ, one antidote is to rejoice. Before you defend your right to remain miserable, let me ask this: have you obeyed Jesus by leaping for joy? I remember one occasion when I was especially hurt by a man who, based on a dream his wife had, used his wife’s fantasy to divide our little church. I loved this couple greatly, just as I loved everyone in our church, so my sorrow was multiplied. Indeed, each time I considered the evil this slander was causing, my emotions stormed with anger and grief. Yet, eventually the Lord spoke to my heart. He asked, since the slander spoken against me wasn’t true, why I hadn’t obeyed Him? He said I had become oppressed by people’s words, but I hadn’t yet leaped for joy. So, I decided to obey Him. Standing alone in the dimmed afternoon lighting of our church sanctuary, I prepared myself to rejoice. Yet, I was so emotionally drained with sadness I had no joy; I could hardly walk, much less leap. Yet, in obedience I tried a feeble jump. Then again, and again, until the Holy Spirit broke through and I was shouting and leaping before the Lord, rejoicing in His sovereign power in my life. Now, if the problems we are encountering are legitimate consequences to our bad behavior, then we should repent and not blame others for our condition. We still can rejoice that we serve a great God who can work even our failures for good. But if our conflicts are due to our commitment to serve the Lord, then we ought to obey Him and “leap for joy.” The Waters of Marah Christ is not our “Savior” in merely a distant or theological sense; He is Immanuel, “God with us.” He dwells within us; He is committed to us. He is fully capable of transforming what was meant to destroy us and using it as a means to perfect us. We must believe that God is fully able to redeem all we go through. If we harbor unbelief about either the Father’s goodness or His abilities, our difficulties will reduce us to bitter, angry people. Consider also, if Satan is set on destroying us, it must be because God has something powerful waiting for us in the future. The devil does not waste his time attacking insignificant people; he attacks those he fears will be used by God to liberate others. If Satan can set up an attack that causes you to become bitter, your destiny will be sidetracked until that root of bitterness is plucked from your soul. How is it that bitterness can exist in us? Bitterness is a demonic manipulation of a wound or injustice we suffer in our soul. Jesus, however, said that the only way to save our souls is to lose them to Him (John 12:25). Beloved, I am telling you how I have passed through some of the most difficult battles I faced: I carried the cross. I believe that my steps are ordered of God. Therefore, if I have faced an injustice, He must have either allowed it or ordered it. In His great omniscience, He knew I would need more love or faith or dependency upon Him, so He arranged my steps so He could work in me His overcoming nature. My battles are not about me and someone else, or even me coming against the devil; ultimately, in every conflict, God is seeking to create Christlikeness in me. As the character, authority and love of Christ become functional in my life, my enemies are subdued and Christ is triumphant through me. We must, therefore, get over the idea that there is a painless place of existence on earth, and we must learn how to carry the cross of Christ. The cross puts to death our unbelieving, fearful, selfish nature and allows the character of Christ to emerge in our spirits. The cross is the cost we pay so that redemption prevails. There is a story in Exodus that figuratively reveals the power of the cross. The Israelites went three days without fresh water. When they finally found water,“they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter; therefore it was named Marah” (Ex. 15:22-23). Marah, you’ll recall, means bitterness. They finally found water, but they could not drink it. The Lord, however, showed Moses “a tree; and he threw it into the waters, and the waters became sweet” (Ex. 15:25). What Moses did was prophetic. The tree that was applied symbolically to the bitter water was a picture of the cross of Christ when it’s applied to our bitter experiences: it turns the bitter to sweet. I know in the many times the enemy has used people to wound or strike me, as I applied the cross to my life – forgiving, blessing and letting love be perfected – the outcome has always been a greater manifestation of Christ in my life. This is exactly how Paul handled adversity and injustice. Listen to what he wrote, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh” (2 Cor. 4:7-11). Dear one, is this not what you desire most: the life of Jesus Himself manifested in your mortal flesh? Satan has been manipulating your old nature, seeking to work bitterness into your life. The way the Lord has redeemed me from every battle I have faced has been to use that battle to crucify my old nature and release a greater unveiling of Christ in me. This is New Testament Christianity in its greatest glory. Lord Jesus, forgive me for trying to save my life. I purpose to trust You, to allow love to be perfected within me, to not seek justice, but mercy for myself and others. Help me, Lord. Reveal Your Spirit’s power within me. Even now, uproot every bitter plant in my soul. Let my words be full of grace and truth, not bitterness and evil. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Here are scriptures to address Satan’s attacks on your mind. Blasphemous Thoughts –2 Cor10:4-5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Condemning Thoughts – Rom 8:1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Confusing Thoughts – 1 Cor.14:33 for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. Fearful Thoughts – 2 Tim 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. NKJV Rom 8:15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ” Abba! Father!” Haughty (prideful) Thoughts – Phil 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Lying Thoughts – Eph 4:25-26 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. John 8:44-45 ” You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Obsessive Thoughts – Phil 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension (need to figure it out), will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Negative Thoughts – Rom 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Jealous Thoughts – James 3:14-16 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. Thoughts of Guilt and Shame – Gal 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us–for it is written, “CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE”—Heb 12:1-2 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Suicidal Thoughts – John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. Luke 9:56 for the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”] Fantasy Thoughts – Acts 17:24-27 The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; 25 nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; 26 and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation. Ps 139:1-6 O LORD, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. 3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. 5 You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Perfectionistic/Legalistic Thoughts – 2 Cor3:5-6 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, 6 who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. Unprotected Thoughts – 2 Thess3:1-3 Finally, brethren, pray for us that the word of the Lord will spread rapidly and be glorified, just as it did also with you; 2 and that we will be rescued from perverse and evil men; for not all have faith. 3 But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. Religious Thoughts – Gal 1:6-10 I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ, for a different gospel; 7 which is really not another; only there are some who are disturbing you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! 9 As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed! 10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Thoughts of Regret – Jer 29:11-12 ‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Distracting Thoughts – 1 Peter 1:13-14 Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Defensive Thoughts – 1 Peter 5:6-8 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Angry Thoughts – Eph 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. People Pleasing – Gal 1:10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Thoughts of loneliness – Rom 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. FICM.ORG . Used by permission.

“Gary R. Brooks, Ph.D., describes what he observes as a ‘pervasive disorder’ linked to the consumption of soft-core pornography like Playboy.1 He mentions five main symptoms of this:” • “Voyeurism – An obsession with looking at women rather than interacting with them; this can apply to far more than pornography, including any consumption of the ‘sexuality-on-tap’ culture in which we live; media glorifies and objectifies women’s bodies, thus, promoting unreal images of women, feeding male obsession with visual stimulation and trivializing other mature features of a healthy sexual relationship.” • “Objectification – An attitude in which women are objects rated by size, shape and harmony of body parts: sexual fantasy leads to emotional unavailability and dissatisfaction.” • “Validation – The need to validate masculinity through beautiful women; women who meet centerfold standards only retain their power as long as they maintain ‘perfect’ bodies and the lure of unavailability; it is very common for a man’s fantasy sexual encounter to include a feeling of manly validation; it is also common for men to feel invalidated by their wives if they have trained their minds and bodies to respond only to the fantasy advances of their dream girl.” • “Trophyism – The idea that beautiful women are collectibles who show the world who a man is; pornography reinforces the women’s-bodies-as-trophies mentality.” • “Fear of True Intimacy – Inability to relate to women in an honest and intimate way despite deep loneliness; pornography exalts a man’s sexual needs over his need for sensuality and intimacy; some men develop a preoccupation with sexuality, which powerfully handicaps their capacity for emotionally intimate relationships.” “When a child or adolescent is directly exposed to pornography the following effects have been documented:” • “Lasting negative or traumatic emotional responses.” • “Earlier onset of first sexual intercourse, thereby increasing the risk of STD’s ?over the lifespan.” • “The belief that superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner, thereby reinforcing the commoditization of sex and ?the objectification of humans.” • “The belief that being married or having a family are unattractive prospects.” • “Increased risk for developing sexual compulsions and addictive behavior.” • “Increased risk of exposure to incorrect information about human sexuality long ?before a minor is able to contextualize this information in ways an adult brain could.” • “And overestimating the prevalence of less common practices (e.g., group sex, bestiality, or sadomasochistic activity.)”2 “Teens and Sexting:” “In a survey (2008) of teens and young adults done by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com:3” • “20% of teens overall have sent or posted nude or seminude pictures or videos of themselves.” • “39% of teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages.” • “71% of teen girls and 67% of teen guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent/posted this content to a boyfriend/girlfriend.” • “21% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys say they have sent such content to someone with whom they wanted to date or ‘hook up.’” • “15% of teens who have sent or posted nude/seminude images of themselves say they have done so to someone they only knew online.” • “51% of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages ?or images; only 18% of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.” • “23% of teen girls and 24% of teen boys say they were pressured by friends to send or post sexual content.” • “66% of teen girls and 60% of teen boys who have sent sexually suggestive content say they did so to be ‘fun or flirtatious’ (this was their most common reason for sending sexy content).” • “40% of teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as ‘a joke.’” • “34% of teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content say they sent/posted sexually suggestive content to ‘feel sexy.’” • “Among teen girls, 38% say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails—originally meant for someone else—shared with them, and 25% say they have had nude or semi-nude images—originally meant for someone else—shared with them.” • “Among teen boys, 39% say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails—originally meant for someone else—shared with them, and 33% of teen boys say they have had nude or semi-nude images —originally meant for someone else—shared with them.” “Internet Porn and its Effects on Marriage:” “According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, prolonged exposure to pornography leads to:” • “An exaggerated perception of sexual activity in society” • “Diminished trust between intimate couples” • “The abandonment of the hope of sexual monogamy” • “Belief that promiscuity is the natural state” • “Belief that abstinence and sexual inactivity are unhealthy” • “Cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners” • “Belief that marriage is sexually confining” • “Lack of attraction to family and child-raising4” ?“According to sociologist Jill Manning, the research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends, among others:” 1. “Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce” 2. “Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction” 3. “Infidelity” 4. “Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity ?associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices” 5. “Devaluation of monogamy, marriage and child rearing” 6. “An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive and addictive sexual behavior”5 “In a press release from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (divorce lawyers) reported that the most salient factors present in divorce cases are as follows:6” • “68% of the divorces involved one party meeting a new lover over the Internet.” • “56% involved one party having “‘an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.’” • “47% involved spending excessive time on the computer.” • “33% involved excessive time spent speaking in chat rooms.” “In 2003, a Focus on the Family poll showed 47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home.”7 For citations in the original article, go to Covenant Eyes.

“I think I’ll go with you today,” Ted informed Krista as she started out the door one Sunday morning. Her stomach knotted. She glanced at him, wondering what brought this on. “Sure.” “I’ll change my shirt and be right out.” Joy and dread warred within her. Every time Ted attended church her hopes soared. Is this the day he’ll ask Jesus into his life? Will this be the first of many weeks we’ll sit in church together? Will anyone talk to him? Will he hate the sermon? The music? At best, the experience was bittersweet. On the drive, Krista rubbed sweaty palms against her cotton skirt, praying fervently in silence. God, please help him feel comfortable, and send men to shake his hand. Let the pastor’s message pierce his heart with truth. Open his eyes to see his need for You. Her endless, noiseless begging continued as she walked toward the double doors. “Where would you like to sit?” she whispered. No use dragging him up to the front, where she normally settled into one of the first five rows. He would definitely be intimidated then. Ted pointed to the last row. Krista nodded and slipped into the second chair, leaving him the seat on the end. Her hands, balled tightly into fists, rested in her lap. Her tension mounted as the praise team took the stage. “I was a wreck, scrutinizing everything,” Krista commented afterward. “Every word the pastor uttered—I wondered how Ted interpreted it. I left with a headache, a stomach ache, and wondered if my life would be easier if he just stayed home. His coming along put me on an emotional roller coaster that left me exhausted and depressed. “I wished the pastor had said this instead of that, wished the man sitting in front of us was friendlier, and wished the associate minister who prayed for the offering had foregone his mini-sermon about tithing. I already knew how Ted felt about church and money issues. “Anyway,” Krista continued, catching her breath, “one day the truth hit me. I wasn’t trusting God! Startled by the revelation, I cried. I needed to relax and not worry about all the details. God is sovereign, and He’s big enough to handle the particulars. This concept brought freedom. I still pray for God to take charge of everything said and done, but then I just enjoy the service. God can and will do the rest.” I resided at the opposite end of the spectrum from Krista. In the early years I invited Dean to church often. If he went, I usually ended up regretting I had asked, because he was miserable. When he said no, disappointment and sorrow nearly did me in. Either way, I lost, so I quit mentioning it. I adopted a new policy: I would invite him only for special events and programs the kids were involved in unless the Holy Spirit directed otherwise. I would ask without pressure or expectation and pray for sensitivity to accept Dean’s answer graciously and trust the Lord for His timing. My spouse’s church attendance and salvation are God’s work, not mine. Whether your life is filled to overflowing with people or you are in a season of isolation, choose to fill your voids with God alone. I’ve made both choices, having searched for answers in the things of this world and letting God be my all in all. Only in Him did I find peace, contentment, and joy—even in my empty pew. MY PRAYER DEAR GOD, Please be with me in those lonely times that naturally arise out of an unequally yoked relationship. Make me aware of my limitations, and give me the wisdom to choose wisely the activities that will enhance my growth and not cause me to stumble. And God, please reveal where You want me to serve in Your Body of Believers. On the occasions my husband does attend church, I invite You to be in charge instead of me. Teach me to rest, knowing You are there with me. Open my spouse’s ears to hear what You know he’s ready to hear. Lay upon the hearts of men to reach out to him, and, Father, flood me with Your peace, that I may rest in You. I long to follow where You lead, so don’t let fear or lack of understanding paralyze me. May my trust be in You alone, knowing that You’re completely trustworthy. The plans You have for me are for my best, even when it doesn’t seem that way at the time. I thank You, my dearest and most faithful companion, for Your promise to never leave me. I love You, Lord. In Your name I pray. Amen. Spiritually Single: Living with an Unbelieving Husband. Used by permission.

Spiritual abuse is often unrecognized among Christians and churches. A person who has experienced hurt at the hands of a religious leader who “spoke for God” will likely have a distorted view about who God is as a result. Here are just a few examples. A pastor told a woman who was being physically abused by her husband that God wanted her to stay in the marriage and endure the abuse because it was an act of obedience to God and that He would change her husband. Church leadership who assumed control over the members to the extent that permission and “blessings” had to be obtained from them prior to getting married, changing jobs, or buying a house. A church that taught that God is punishing, and that for every sin committed you should received corresponding levels of punishment. If something bad happened, it was always because God was punishing the sinner. A church that taught that God’s blessing, approval, love and salvation are all conditional based upon one’s performance. Two responses often occur as the result of spiritual abuse. The “abused” believer often “strives” to be good enough to deserve God’s love and grace. He or she compulsively tries to strive for God’s favor of “quits” because he or she realizes they can’t ever measure up to God’s impossible standards and leaves religion altogether. When I have asked people who have experienced spiritual abuse and hold a distorted image of God, their answers usually fall in one of four categories. They see God as a policeman-an enforcer who will exact punishment for any wrongdoing. God’s job is to be on the lookout for those who violate His laws, to catch them and see that they are punished. They see God as disapproving, rejecting, critical and perfectionistic. People with this view describe God with statements like “I can never do it well enough to please God, so why try?” They see God as absent or distant. This person will say, “God doesn’t know that I exist,” or “Yes, He exists, but He is not really involved in my life.” They see God as a tyrant. As one person put it, “He acts without reason to make my life miserable. Another stated, “God must really hate us, just look at all the horrible things that happen to people.” Fear, questioning (“Where was God when…”), lack of trust, lack of joy and gratitude can plague the life of a person with a distorted view of God. So how can a right view of God be rebuilt? Here are a few suggestions. Identifying the distortions in a safe setting with someone they respect and trust is key. Because damage was done in a relational context, healing must also take place in a healthy, safe relationship. Ask God to heal the distortions. We must recognize our dependence on the Holy Spirit for healing. The woundedness often goes so deep that our cognitive understand will take us only so far in the healing process. Understand the causes of the distortions. It helps to ask questions to determine how the distortions got rooted in the person’s mind. Build a relationship with a safe person. It is imperative that wounded people be in a relationship with a safe person. As trust is established with a caring helper, the one being helped can begin to see and experience how the same process can take place with God. This process takes time. Connect with a healthy church. The healing process is enhanced and enriched by a sense of belonging and acceptance that can take place in a functional Christian community. Choose the truth as an act of obedience to God. It is a partnership between the individual and the Holy Spirit facilitated by the ministry of the Body of Christ. Commit to do the work. The individual who has been hurt must also commit to do the hard work of applying truth and taking negative thoughts captive. The daily infusion of truth about who God is and how He sees us is essential spiritual food. Pastors, address the issue of distorted images of God from the pulpit in a way that draws out the alienated and encourages them to connect with others who can help them in the process of healing and growth. Have you been hurt in church? Don’t bury it. Allow God to bring healing in your life today. He wants to reveal Himself to you. Dowdle, Steven. Helping the Hurting in Your Church . Lake Mary: Creation House, 2007, pp. 105-117.

After a loss, each member of a family has his or her own unique grief process. But just as important and unique is the grief experience of the entire family unit. Here are some of the reasons that it is important to acknowledge the needs of the family as a whole: Each person in a family has functions and roles not filled by anyone else. The death of any member results in the reorganization of all relationships in the system. Roles must be shifted and the family must reorganize. This shifting takes time and strongly influences the family’s growth and character. A family has its own identity. For example, the family may identify themselves as “community leaders”, “a group of practical jokers”, or “centered around the children”. When a member dies, family members often struggle to retain or redefine that identity in a way that is meaningful to them. Due to different developmental levels, life circumstances, lifestyles and relationships with the deceased, grief needs differ among family members. How family members communicate about their needs can contribute either to family harmony or family conflict. An open family system acknowledges feelings openly and involves each member in decisions and events. A closed family system denies feelings and excludes some members from decisions and events. Time and effort may be needed to apply a healthy style of interacting after the impact of loss. Grief and ways of expressing grief can be handed down from generation to generation. If parents have unresolved grief issues from their own childhoods, it will ripple into the lives of their own children. The family rules that a parent learned while growing up are likely to be the rules he/she models to the next generation. Family members may now practice these rules unconsciously, even if the rules are unhealthy. For example, a family who has dealt with emotions by keeping them secret and unexpressed will likely have negative results if they suppress all discussion of grief. New phases of family development often result in a resurgence of family grief. Suppose, for example, that a mother of two children dies. As those children grow up and reach life milestones, such as the first piano recital or a high school graduation, the family will grieve their loss anew from their current perspective. New grief needs arise whenever we face life changes without the deceased loved one, including moves, marriages, job/career changes, births, and even later deaths. Here are some suggestions to help families grieve together: Hold a family meeting for all interested members. Allow for open discussion of thoughts, feelings, and needs that have emerged for each person since the death. Set a ground rule that each person will listen to others without interrupting or passing judgment. Brainstorm ideas for how to memorialize, express feelings, and meet needs as a family unit. Memorialize together. Collaborate on a photo album, video montage, or collection of stories in honor of the deceased. Make a copy for each family member or each branch of the family tree. Create something that symbolizes the family unit’s identity, such as a “Coat of Arms”, Family Mission Statement, or Family Motto. Have plaques or some form of reproductions made so each member or subsection of the family can have one to display in their home. Hold a family ritual where all family members can unite in memory of the deceased and in honor of the family’s values and history. Some examples include: a candle-lighting ceremony; an ash-scattering gathering; participating together in a walkathon to find a cure for the disease the loved one died from; making an annual donation to or volunteering as a group for a cause important to the entire family; planting a tree together in honor of the deceased and the family’s ongoing growth, even after loss. Consider engaging the services of a family counselor to facilitate communication and problem-solving among family members. Remember that all families need an objective perspective sometimes. Invite members of all ages to share their perspectives and ideas. Posted by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise” available online at Amazon (www.amazon.com/Love-Never-LPC-S-Larry-Barber/dp/1613796005 ) Used by permission.

Children need us to be strong and confident in the Lord. We cannot impart what we don’t possess. If the parents are not experiencing freedom in Christ, they will have a difficult, if not impossible time helping their children experience freedom from Satan’s oppression in their young lives. Let’s examine from a parental perspective the most definitive passage in the New Testament for helping others find their freedom in Christ: “And the Lord’s bondservant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” 2 Tim. 2:24-26 NIV As you can see this is a kind, gentle, able to teach, patient when wronged model that requires the presence of God in order to set a captive free. The passage also teaches that freedom comes from knowing the truth, because people are in bondage to the lies they believe. The battle is shown to be in the mind, because when they come to their senses they escape from the snare of the devil. It also establishes the fact that the one who is going to help your child must be completely surrendered to the Lord. Jesus is the wonderful counselor and only He can grant repentance and set a captive free. · Have you been patient when wronged by your child? · Have you been kind or harsh? · Have you corrected them with gentleness? · Do you know the truth well enough to teach them what to do when they are under attack? You may need to start by asking your child to forgive you for the times that you have not disciplined in love, or understood the true nature of their problem. If a parent has severely disciplined (punished) a child, without knowing what is going on inside, the relationship may be damaged. The same problem is true for any other authority figure that has tried to shape only their behavior without knowing about the battle that may be going on for their minds. Can you imagine the frustration of hearing voices or experiencing a presence in your room that frightened you, and not have anyone to talk to who understands? The problem is compounded when they share what they are experiencing with another person who won’t believe them. Being told that there is a spiritual battle going on for your mind and that the problem is resolvable brings immediate relief! Hopefully you will have resolved your own personal and spiritual conflicts as a mature Christian, and you will be personally familiar with the process of helping your child fight their spiritual battles. It will also make you an example to follow rather than one who is judging or condemning them. The joy of knowing your own identity and freedom in Christ will be something your children will recognize and want to have for themselves. Be careful to use terms that a child can understand. In order for children to cooperate they must know that they are not the problem, but they must be proactive. If your attitude is wrong and you say something like: “What’s wrong with you anyway?” they will probably get defensive. I asked one young boy if he had thoughts in his head telling him what to do. He said he did, and I asked what the thoughts were. He said, “I’m no good!” The frustrated parents of this adopted child had all but thrown in the towel trying to control his behavior. The message that he was getting internally and externally was that he is incorrigible, no good, hopeless, and helpless. The goal is to resolve their personal and spiritual conflicts in Christ and find the peace of God that passes all understanding. For the duration of their life they need to know that they have to be responsible for what they think and do. In order for this process to work, you must have their cooperation to share with you any mental thoughts they are having which are in direct opposition to what you are attempting to do. The power of Satan is in the lie. As soon as the lie is exposed, the perceived power is broken. The control center is the mind, and if Satan can get them to believe a lie he can control their lives. Thoughts like, “This isn’t going to work,” or “God doesn’t love you,” etc., can interfere only if they believe the lies. I usually tell people that it doesn’t make any difference if the thoughts they are hearing are coming from a loud speaker on the wall or in their head. It is just a thought or voice and it can’t have any power over you unless you believe it. In either case don’t pay attention to it. There are two reasons why most people, including our children, don’t share what is going on inside. Firstly, if they even remotely suspect that we won’t receive the information appropriately, they won’t share it. Patronizing responses like, “You’re just having a bad day,” or “It will go away,” or “You have an over-active imagination,” or judgmental statements like, “You need to see a doctor!” will keep a person from revealing what they are thinking. The last response is what many fear the most. They already fear they are going crazy, and anything you do to suggest that possibility will drive them away. I have assured many people that nothing they could share about their thoughts would surprise me. Sometimes thoughts are threatening or vulgar. Once they know that you understand that those thoughts aren’t their thoughts, they are more free to share what is going on inside. Secondly, they may be threatened by voices they think they hear in their head. Usually it is a threat to harm them when they get home or back in their bedroom. The threat can be towards someone else such as their father or baby sister. They believe they have to obey the voices in order to save someone else. Much of the intimidation is threatening them not to share what is really going on inside. Satan’s attacks are like cockroaches. They only come out in the safety of darkness. They fear being exposed. When you turn on the light they scurry for the shadows. All this intimidation is to keep the child from sharing what must be shared in order to be free in Christ. The problem isn’t at home or in their room, it’s in their mind. So if they resolve it in your office, it will be resolved at home. And if the problem is resolved in the parent’s bedroom it will be resolved in the child’s bedroom. One person called hours later and said with a great deal of joy, “They’re not here either!” They never were “there.” What is going to set your child free is what they do, not what you do. Since Satan is under no obligation to obey our thoughts, a child who is deeply struggling spiritually should pray their prayers out loud, and assume their responsibility to resolve the issues that are standing between them and God. For a child who is deeply disturbed, it is not what we do that sets them free; it is what they choose to renounce, confess, forgive, etc. Watch them closely as they pray, especially their eyes. If they start to drift away mentally, ask them what they are hearing. In some cases they may be seeing something. The moment they share it, the lie is exposed, and the power is broken. We must help them focus their minds and to ensure them that they do have control if they would only choose to exercise it. It is common for children under spiritual attack to have headaches or feel like they are getting sick. Usually the physical symptoms stop when they share it. If they say, “I have to leave here.” Remind them that is only a thought. The weapons of warfare are not of the flesh (2 Cor. 10:3-5). Prayer is our weapon when we calmly take our place in Christ. Trust is an essential prerequisite. If a child trusts you they will believe what you say. For them to trust you they have to feel accepted, safe, and secure. The more you calmly explain what is happening in the spiritual realm and the more reassurance you give them, the more they will believe and trust you. The safer they feel, the better chances they have of finding freedom from the lies they have believed. The authority we have in Christ does not increase with shouting or coercion. Don’t respond in the flesh. God does everything decently and in order. Teach your child to pray victorious prayers from God’s Word. Listen carefully. Make them feel safe. Guide them gently. The Holy Spirit is the One who transforms their lives. www.ficm.org . Used by permission.

So many of us suffer with false guilt; we take moral responsibility for actions, events, and situations that were not our fault. False guilt has no value; it is always detrimental. Where does false guilt come from? False accusations can come from other people (it was your fault that our parents got a divorce), from our own self-talk (if I hadn’t insisted on going out to dinner, we wouldn’t have had the accident). Satan is the primary source of false guilt. He is called the nefarious “accuser of the brothers” (Revelation 12:10). The Holy Spirit will convict us of sin (John 16:8), but Satan will not. True guilt is a good emotion. When we have wronged someone, we should feel guilty. If we seldom have guilty feelings, it may because our conscience is hardened, which is a dangerous condition. God doesn’t want guilt to remain in our hearts, and that’s why He instructs us to confess our wrongs to both God and those we have offended. So many of us suffer with false guilt; we take moral responsibility for actions, events, and situations that were not our fault. False guilt has no value; it is always detrimental. Where does false guilt come from? False accusations can come from other people (it was your fault that our parents got a divorce), from our own self-talk (if I hadn’t insisted on going out to dinner, we wouldn’t have had the accident). Satan is the primary source of false guilt. He is called the nefarious “accuser of the brothers” (Revelation 12:10). The Holy Spirit will convict us of sin (John 16:8), but Satan will not. However, Satan and others may accuse us of: Sins we have committed but properly confessed. Sins and hurts for which we are not responsible. Issues and actions that are not morally wrong and therefore do not need to be confessed. Let’s look at each of these areas. False guilt over sins we have committed but for which we have properly confessed. When we sincerely confess our sins to God, He always forgives. When we confess our sins to other people, they may or may not forgive us. But regardless of how people respond, our sense of guilt should be removed. We ma continue to sense regret over our actions, but we should not feel guilty. But often, Satan, the accuser, will continually remind us of past sins and suggest that the issue is unsettled. If we entertain his accusations, we’ll become entangled in a no-win mind game of confessing sins that we have previously confessed, only to find that relief is elusive. False guilt cannot be neutralized by confession. False guilt over sins and hurts for which we are not responsible Sometimes, we’re involved in a hurtful and/or sinful situation, but we’re not personally responsible for the sinful or hurtful acts. For instance, a child may feel false guilt over problems and conflicts his family is having. “Mom and dad are fighting again, it must be because of my grades at school.” “Our car got repossessed; it’s probably because my doctor bills cost so much.” “My younger sister got busted for doing drugs. That wouldn’t have happened if I were a better sister.” False guilt over issues that are not wrong We may confuse issues that are unfortunate or even hurtful with issues that are actually wrong. We should not feel guilt over the former, although feelings of sorrow and sadness may be appropriate. “I had ten kids audition for the main characters in the play. There were only three parts, so I know seven of the kids were sorely disappointed. I feel so bad about it.” “Our company is down-sizing, so I had to release several good employees. I feel awful about it.” “I had to discipline my four-year-old because she disobeyed me. She cried a lot. Did I do something wrong?” So how do we avoid false guilt? Here are a few practical suggestions. “Filter” your thoughts. Learn to filter questionable thought through several layers of scriptural truth. Unhealthy thoughts will have a hard time surviving. For instance, send troubling, guilt-ridden thoughts through the “filter” of Philippians 4:8: “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—think about these things.” Share your thoughts with a close friend or spouse . It is important to emotionally de-brief with another person. During that time, it would be advantageous to talk about the significant thoughts that you had during the day, particularly those thoughts which were troubling or confusing or ones that might have caused you to feel bad about yourself. It’s amazing how clearly someone else can see through the fog of accusations and deception and minister truth to us. So what is the biblical antidote for false guilt? Knowing and receiving truth. In John 8:32, Jesus declared that “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” In other words, as we replace lies with the truth, false guilt will be dislodged. “I’m not responsible for my Mom and Dad’s arguments.” “The sexual abuse I experienced was not my fault.” “There’s nothing wrong with disciplining my children appropriately.” Receiving truth is also essential. Have you ever had the experience of knowing Bible verses intellectually and yet struggle with what they promise? For instance, it’s possible to mentally know that truth and “experientially” be unable to grasp its meaning. For example, you may know that the psalmist writes that “…you are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:4) and yet feel inadequate, unlovely and inept. You may know that you are forgiven (1 John 1:9), but still struggle with forgiving yourself. So how can truth take the eighteen-inch plunge from our heads to our hearts? How can truth impact us emotionally? We must allow others to confirm truth to us. Sometimes lies can be planted so deeply in our hearts, that we need more than one person to minister truth to us. We need the confirming testimony of two or three witnesses. “A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” (Deuteronomy 19:15) Issues can be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses. There is power in the joint declaration of Christians. It’s often important for more than one person to confirm an issue. We have the ability and authority to bind and loose on earth, that which is bound and loosed in heaven. (Matthew 18:18) When we gather together and “confirm” a matter, we are simply declaring to be true what God has established in the heavens (Psalm 119:89). For instance, we can confirm to people that their sins have been forgiven because God’s Word declares it to be true; we can affirm a person’s worth because God has already established it. When we engage in this joint accomplishment, He will be with us. (Matthew 18:20) When we faithfully minister the Word of Christ, we are assured that Jesus will stand by us and ratify what we say and do. As friends and family who are encouraging friends or family struggling with false guilt, we can comfort them, pray with them and affirm the truth. “But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:16, 18-20) www.greatcommandment.net . Used by permission.

The role of leadership is to leverage the tension to the benefit of the organization. That’s your assignment as a leader. You’ve got to learn through your personality, your position and your gifts to leverage these tensions for the benefit of the organization because these tensions result in progress, progress, progress when properly leveraged. Here are seven quick suggestions. A. First, obviously, is to identify the tensions to be managed in your organization, and this isn’t really hard to do. Sit down and work through with your team members, “Hey, what are the tensions that in that aren’t going away?” And here’s the key. What are the tensions that shouldn’t go away that we have to learn how to properly manage? If you don’t identify these tensions, you will spend hours trying to solve problems that can’t be solved and shouldn’t be solved. And if you are a peacemaker by nature, if you are a conflict-avoider by nature you will lean in the direction of bringing about peace and giving up the tension, which will impede progress, and you will make everybody happy temporarily, but you may undermine the strength of your entire church or organization. Identify the tensions. B. Create terminology. Create new terminology. The terminology we use in our organization is simply this. This is a tension to manage. I’m telling you, in the midst of conflict, staff conflict, volunteer conflict, all of a sudden it’s bingo! We’re trying to solve a problem that is actually tension we must learn to leverage. C. Inform your core. I would say to my team, “I’ve discovered something that I think we need to integrate into our culture and we must all learn to speak the same language.” And I informed our core, all of our leaders. I said, “There is a third way. This isn’t about you winning, and this isn’t about you losing, or you winning and you losing. There are tensions in our organization we must all learn to manage.” And we created a conversation, and we created a category and we created terminology. Again, as I said, it’s kind of the third way. D. Continually give value to both sides. Whenever there’s a conflict in your organization, you’re a leader. You have an opinion, right? In fact, in many cases we’re the one surfacing the conflict. We’re the ones calling people in and saying, “Hey, I don’t know about what was going on Sunday,” or “you sure that’s the right way to do this,” or “why are people coming in so late,” or whatever your deal is. So as a leader, we automatically have an opinion about ever single conflict in our organization. Also, your words as a senior pastor, the youth pastor, whoever you are in authority, your words weigh more. So consequently we must get in the habit, once we’ve identified what these tensions are, we must get in the habit, regardless of what our opinion is and regardless of where we tend to weigh in, we’ve got to learn to give value or speak value into both sides. E. Don’t weigh in too heavily based on your personal biases. You give value to both sides and you learn not to weigh in too heavily based on your personal biases. For example, you’re the communicator. Well, you know what communicators think about how much time communicators should get? They think they should get more time. Right? But you’re the worship leader. And what does the worship leader think about how much time the worship leader should get? Well, the worship leader thinks, “Well, I should get more time than I have.” And then there’s the volunteers. They’re going, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Children’s attention span is about 15 minutes. We’re giving you a whole hour. Don’t you dare let the whole thing run over.” I mean what do you do with that? As a leader you must decide. “You know what, my goal is not to win, my goal is not to always resolve; my goal is to make sure that the important progress-critical tensions never drop out of sight.” If you as a leader don’t learn to create, maintain and keep front and center certain tensions, you become an impediment to progress. Understand the upside of the opposite side. Understand the down side of your side. You need to understand the upside of the opposite side; you need to understand and be able to verbalize the downside of your side. That means communicators, you must learn to be a champion for worship, and worship leaders have to learn to become a champion for the spoken preached word, and preachers, you’ve got to learn to be a champion for the integrity and the quality of what happens in student ministry and youth ministry, and education directors need to learn to become champions of the spoken word and the worship word. That if you’re the point person, you must learn to be the champion of every single angle and every single perspective. Otherwise your words will squash the conflict and you’ll try to erase tension. And at the end of the day, progress is impeded. F. Don’t allow the strong personalities in your group to win the day. If your education director has a stronger personality than your worship leader and you let them battle it out, and you watch the worship leader just kind of fold up under the pressure of the words of the education director, and it looks like everything is resolved because your worship leader just shut down, that is not a win. You as a leader have failed to keep a very important tension alive in your staff meetings. Some people on your team people talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and there are people who never open their mouth. And I have learned, and have had to learn, to say, “Thank you. Kevin, talk. Talk. Just talk. I just want to know. You’re thinking. I want those thoughts to come out of your mouth now. Talk.” Because you can’t let anybody win. The tension has got to be out there, and you as leader have got to learn to leverage it. You need passionate people who will champion their side. But you need mature people who understand this reality. And if you have somebody that just won’t let it go, and if you have somebody that just can’t embrace this third way, then you may need to move them out of your inner circle because you can’t afford to allow problems that should never be solved to become tensions that are ultimately resolved. We must learn to manage tensions. And once you’ve identified them, leverage them. Grow from them. Because in some cases they will be the key to progress in your organization. Excerpt from Catalyst West. Used by permission of Catalyst.