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What do I say to a mourner? The moment of greeting a mourner is indeed difficult. What are the words of comfort? Can I help to ease the pain? I want to express my condolences sincerely, but the words seem so inadequate. Or, perhaps I will say the wrong thing- something I intend to be well-meaning – but is received as hurtful? WHAT CAN I SAY? In the Bible, we learn from the example of three friends who come to comfort Job as he grieves for his ten children: “And they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great. After this, Job began to speak…” (Job 2:12-13) Jewish tradition derived three principles of comforting the mourner from this text: BE THERE, SPEAK IN SILENCE and HEAR WITH A HEART. BE THERE If there is one fundamental message of Judaism about death and bereavement it is this: We are not alone. When a loved one dies, the feeling of being alone is overwhelming. That is why the goal of Jewish comforting is to surround the mourner with a supportive community. Be there. Be there at the funeral. Be there at the shiva home. Be there during the difficult days, weeks, and months ahead. Without a word, your presence says “I am here for you. You are not alone.” SPEAK IN SILENCE Ironically, silence is often the most powerful language of all. It is perhaps the best way to begin a conversation with a mourner. A warm embrace, an arm around a shoulder, a sincere look, the sharing of tears together – these are the non-verbal messages to the bereaved that say more than a thousand words. Jewish tradition suggests that comforters say nothing until the mourner begins to speak. Let the mourner take the lead. Some will want to talk, to tell the story, to share their feelings. Some will not. Do not fear silence. Offer a hug, a hand, a touch that says “I understand. ‘I accept your feelings another way you are expressing them. Go ahead. I’ll be here for you.“ HEAR WITH A HEART There is great power in presenting yourself to the mourning as an empathetic listener. Real hearing is silent – no interruptions, no judgments, no denials, no problem-solving – just hearing with the heart . This is not easy to do. We all want to fix things. We all want to make things better. We all want to take the grief away. But we cannot. Nor should we try. For when we do, we often say the wrong thing: “Time will heal. ” “Calm down.” “I know exactly how you feel. ” “It’s probably for the best.” “Be strong.” “What my mother went through when she died…” “You’re young. You’ll have another child. ” “It’ll be all right. ” For most bereaved, it is definitely not “all right.” A loved one has died and the grief-work must proceed for the person to be psychologically healed. One of the most important gifts you can give to a mourner is the full, complete and non-judgmental acceptance of the person’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, no matter how explosive, no matter how “embarrassing,” no matter how much you wane desperately to reassure the mourner that things will be better. It is the mourner who must do the grief-work, not you. It is the mourner who must come up with answers, not you. It is the mourner who must speak, not you. WHAT YOU CAN SAY You have come to the home. You have offered your nonverbal greeting. Now comes the awkward moment when you have to say something. What can I say? Here are a few suggestions for opening a conversation with a mourner: “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.” “I’m so sorry about your (mother; brother; etc. or name the deceased)” “I don’t know what to say. This must be really tough for you.” “I hurt for you ” “(Name the deceased) loved you so much.” “I hope you can hold on to the good memories.” ”Do you feel like talking?” If the answer to the last question is “no,” suggest another time. Often mourners are too exhausted to talk. Or, they may be tired. of telling the same story over and over again. On the other hand, if they indicate a willingness to talk, you may want to ask a simple “What happened?” As the mourner talks, keep in mind these suggestions for helpful conversations: Listen non-judgmentally. Mourners don’t want to be told their feelings are wrong. Pay attention. Give your undivided attention. Try to get on eye-level with the mourner, establish eye contact, lean forward, hold hands, nod your head and use nonverbal expressions to encourage the mourner to continue the conversation. Don’t interrupt. Give the bereaved all the time he or she needs to speak without jumping in to finish a thought or to hurry the person along. Don’t give rational answers. The death of a loved one cannot be explained away with logic. Don’t compare experiences. Grief is not a competitive. The last thing a mourner wants to hear about is your loss. Some mourners do feel a connection with someone whose loved one went through a similar illness and death, but if you must speak of your loss, it’s important to qualify your comments with the statement, “I can’t know how you feel, but when my…” You may also want to offer your help, but make a specific suggestion: “Can I bring dinner tomorrow?” is a much better approach than the vague “Is there anything I can do?” SHARE MEMORIES Many of us have been in shiva homes where there was more talk about the news, sports and weather, more sharing of gossip and jokes, than memories of the deceased. We do this in part because we are uncomfortable with death and grief. But we also do this because we aren’t sure what is appropriate conversation in the home of a mourner. The rabbis who created the Jewish approach to bereavement knew that there would be talk of death, but they also wanted talk of life. Specifically, talk of the life of the deceased. The eulogy at the funeral is designed precisely for this purpose – to stimulate a life-review and to conjure up memories of the loved one. Those who seek to comfort can continue this process by sharing personal memories of special times with the mourner and the deceased: “I remember when you and your mother went with us to the theater…” Or, recall a favorite characteristic of the deceased: “I’ll never forget what a generous man your father was…” When the time is right, you might even share a humorous incident. The laughter, though bitter sweet, can be very therapeutic for the mourner. If you did not know the deceased, ask the mourner about photos or other mementos that may be displayed in the home. Enabling the mourner to share these stories helps them crystallize and record fond memories of the deceased in the heart and mind. This is one of the major goals of the bereavement period. It is also one of the most comforting things we can do. WHAT CAN I BRING? When making a condolence call, it is appropriate to bring a token of your support. During the bereavement period, it is customary for the community to enable the mourners to concentrate on their grief by providing for their sustenance. This explains why gifts of food are often brought to the home. A safe choice for any home is a fruit basket. Flowers, liquor and candy are usually considered too festive for a house of mourning. A meaningful and much appreciated alternative to food is to make a donation in memory of the deceased to a charity designated by the mourners. WHAT CAN I WRITE? Condolence letters are another source of comfort to mourners. The words of sympathy and memory are welcome reminders to the bereaved that you are thinking about them. A good condolence letter acknowledges the loss and names the deceased, uses words of sympathy that share your sorrow, notes special qualities of the deceased, recalls a memory about the deceased, reminds the bereaved of their personal strengths, and offers specific help. For further study: Purchase I Didn’t Know What to Say: Being a Better Friend to Those Who Experience Loss. www.griefreliefministries.com . Used by permission. ~ What Can I Say / Words of Comfort was written by Dr. Ron Wolfson

Here are scriptures to address Satan’s attacks on your mind. Blasphemous Thoughts –2 Cor10:4-5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Condemning Thoughts – Rom 8:1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Confusing Thoughts – 1 Cor.14:33 for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. Fearful Thoughts – 2 Tim 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. NKJV Rom 8:15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ” Abba! Father!” Haughty (prideful) Thoughts – Phil 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Lying Thoughts – Eph 4:25-26 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. John 8:44-45 ” You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Obsessive Thoughts – Phil 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension (need to figure it out), will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Negative Thoughts – Rom 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Jealous Thoughts – James 3:14-16 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. Thoughts of Guilt and Shame – Gal 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us–for it is written, “CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE”—Heb 12:1-2 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Suicidal Thoughts – John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. Luke 9:56 for the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”] Fantasy Thoughts – Acts 17:24-27 The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; 25 nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; 26 and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation. Ps 139:1-6 O LORD, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. 3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. 5 You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Perfectionistic/Legalistic Thoughts – 2 Cor3:5-6 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, 6 who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. Unprotected Thoughts – 2 Thess3:1-3 Finally, brethren, pray for us that the word of the Lord will spread rapidly and be glorified, just as it did also with you; 2 and that we will be rescued from perverse and evil men; for not all have faith. 3 But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. Religious Thoughts – Gal 1:6-10 I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ, for a different gospel; 7 which is really not another; only there are some who are disturbing you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! 9 As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed! 10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Thoughts of Regret – Jer 29:11-12 ‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Distracting Thoughts – 1 Peter 1:13-14 Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Defensive Thoughts – 1 Peter 5:6-8 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Angry Thoughts – Eph 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. People Pleasing – Gal 1:10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Thoughts of loneliness – Rom 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. FICM.ORG . Used by permission.

“I quit!” I told my husband. “I’m leaving our church. This church no longer brings me life. It brings me death. I am going to another church.” I had been imagining this very moment for months. Since my husband was the Senior Pastor of our church, this was no small decision. For years, I made feeble attempts to get him to pay attention, to see my tiredness and frustrations. Finally, I was finished. “You can’t do that!” Pete replied, visibly upset. “That’s ridiculous.” I remained silent, determined not to cave in to his anger. “What about the kids? Where are they going to go? It’s impractical! Listen, just one more year and things will smooth out.” I could see his anxiety rising as he came up with more and more reasons why my quitting was a bad idea. “What about God? Didn’t He call both of us to this? Look at all the good things He is doing. People’s lives are being changed!” Who could argue with that? Pete had been pulling out the God card since the beginning of our marriage. For years, I felt brushed off and ignored by Pete, and I did not care anymore. I had finally hit bottom. With Pete pouring so much of his life into the church, I felt like a single parent raising our four young girls alone. Only a few months earlier, I had told Pete, “You know, if we separated, my life would be easier because then you would at least have to take the kids on the weekends and I would get a break.” I meant it, but it was still only a fantasy, an empty threat. My need to be what other people wanted and expected me to be was far too great to actually allow me to stand up for myself. While I had been a committed Christian for many years, my primary identity was defined not by God’s love for me but by what others thought of me. This negatively impacted every area of my life – marriage, parenting, friendships, leadership, even my hopes and dreams. But now I had lost the fear of what others might think or say. There was no longer anything else left to lose. I had given so much of myself away that I no longer recognized myself. Gone was the creative, outgoing, fun, assertive Geri. Now I was sullen, depressed, tired, and angry. Our church was growing and exciting things were happening in people’s lives, but it came at a too high cost – a cost I no longer wanted to pay. There was something desperately wrong with winning the whole world for Christ at the cost of losing my own soul. I complained to Pete about my unhappiness and blamed him for my misery. To make matters worse, I felt ashamed and guilty about it all. After all, weren’t good pastors’ wives supposed to be cooperative and content? Still, I got to the point where I was so miserable that I did not care what anybody thought of me. I no longer cared if people saw me as a “bad pastor’s wife” or a “bad Christian.” I wanted out. It has been said that a person who has nothing left to lose becomes the most powerful person on earth. I was now that person. I started attending another church the next week. As I look back, I am deeply sad and embarrassed it took me so long to finally take action. The fear of what others might think paralyzed me for years. Quitting the church was only the first small step toward true freedom in Christ. The problem, I would learn, was not ultimately the church, Pete, the congestion of New York City, or our four young children. The hard truth was that the primary problem was me. Monumental things inside of me needed to change. Looking to Others to Tell Me “I’m Okay” For the first nine years of our marriage, I conformed and accommodated myself to Pete’s desires. I quickly dismissed my desire to go back to school because it clashed with Pete’s already overloaded schedule. I avoided “hot button” topics I suspected might arouse tension in our marriage. I was unable to tolerate the discomfort and pain of Pete’s pouting or, worse yet, his anger toward me. What was I to do? Wouldn’t he be miserable if I started to be my own person? Yet, I soon realized this issue went much deeper and wider than my relationship with Pete. Unhealthy patterns of self sacrifice and accommodation overflowed into every area of my life – in friendships, church, parenting, and my family of origin. Like most people, I enjoy it when people tell me, either verbally or nonverbally, that I am okay. This is a good thing. I enjoy being supported and accepted by Pete and others. The problem comes when validation from others becomes something one must have. Sadly, I needed it; I had to have it in order to feel good about myself. In other words, I was okay with myself as long as I felt others were okay with me. Four Reasons to Stop Living for the Approval of Others If we do not break through our need for the approval of others, our growth is seriously stunted. We cannot mature into spiritual adulthood. A wall is erected that stands between us and the beautiful future God has for us. We settle for the pseudo comfort of being okay with ourselves based on others being okay with us. 1. You Violate Your Own Integrity You violate your integrity when what you believe is no longer what you live. You ignore values that you hold dearly. A wall exists between what goes on inside of you and what you express to others. Who you are “on stage” before others is not who you are “off stage” when you are by yourself. 2. What Or Whom You Love Is at Stake You realize that if you continue your present course and behavior, you will lose someone or something dear to you. This may be your spouse, family, career, future, or even yourself. To make a change feels awful, but to stay where you are is even worse. 3. The Pain Of Your Present Situation Is So Great You Have To Make A Change Some of us have such a huge tolerance for pain that it takes an explosion to get us to move. One attractive, highly educated, young woman I know went in and out of an abusive relationship because she was so familiar with such treatment from her family of origin. The pain eventually led her to leave the relationship completely. As she began to receive Christ’s love, her identity was remolded, and she was able to value herself the way Christ does. 4. The Fear That Things Will Stay The Same Is Greater Than The Fear That Things Will Change The notion of changing our situation can easily overwhelm us. There comes a point, however, when the thought of remaining in certain circumstances another one, five, ten, or thirty years is more terrifying than risking change. At times, this serves as a clear message from God to get off the road you are on. Change becomes less scary than the prospect of remaining where you are. This fear was a contributing factor that finally propelled me into changing my situation. The fear that things would never change in our church or our marriage became greater than my fear of quitting the church and risking the displeasure of others. My dread that life could remain like this for the next twenty years moved me to finally say, “No more!” Two Practical Steps When it comes to quitting the approval of others, progress is best made with two daily practices: reflecting on the movements of your heart and reflecting on the love of God. For example, to reflect on the movements of your heart, think back on your recent interactions with people. What did you say to position yourself so that others would think well of you? What might you have done differently? Ask God to help you be aware of the temptation to adjust your behavior or words for someone’s approval. The second daily practice is to contemplate the love of God. I spend time regularly in Scripture, in silence and solitude, receiving the love of God, allowing it to permeate and change every cell in my body. This has proven foundational to slowly dissipate the fear of what others think. The principle is simple: the more you ground your identity in the love of God, the less you need the approval of people for your sense of lovability. And when you are willing to quit caring what others think, you take a giant step to discover the Holy Spirit’s power to break into your life and birth that which is new and beautiful.

Too often we are repetitively reactionary and little more. Life becomes something more of obligatory duty rather than gifted privilege. Our days become stale, methodical routines that hammer out another empty twenty-four hours on the incessant assembly line of our lives, rather than being an astonishing adventure that could peel off in a hundred different glorious directions at any time. Living becomes banally rote, the day-in and day-out devolves to stale routine, blandness leaves us forgetting that flavor exists at all, and habit seizes the reins with both hands. Left unchecked, habit strangles individuality by imposing sameness, and it crushes creativity by demanding adherence. Habit takes that which might have been mindful and makes it entirely mindless. If we are not diligently careful, habit will come to define the whole of our existence, leaving the fluid magnificence of who we are and what we could accomplish wholly dissipated in the backwash of lack-luster procedure and irreversibly dispersed in heartless protocol. Yet, we are exceedingly more than the bland amalgamation of habit, even though we incessantly permit its lifeless rubrics to press the life out of us. The outliers of our essence extend leagues out beyond our own vision, and our depth is past plumbing despite whatever discipline we might bring to the plumbing. And it is altogether impossible that the whole of this essence can be packed tidily into the asphyxiating rubric that habit constructs. Habit might indeed be unswerving and fixed, granting us a steady direction and a secure course when all becomes unsteady. Yet, given unbridled rein to freely propagate the rubrics that make habit what it is, we would die the death of character asphyxiation. Who We Are We are an potently composite collection of experiences, wounds, failures, successes, relationships, genetics and a wholly incalculable array of other things that press together and then settle into some sort of uniquely amalgamated compilation that makes us, us. The nature of these things and the manner in which they have each jostled for position and eventually fall into place lends us a uniqueness that sets us apart from everyone else in all of existence, while concurrently creating both adoring and sometimes irksome similarities with everyone else. From the core of this place that makes us who we are, there emerges a refined proliferation of beliefs, values, opinions and perspectives that both drive and dictate the manner in which we engage life in ways both large and small. Indeed, this core place becomes the sturdy helm from which the ship of our lives is faithfully navigated. In time, this place becomes sagely informed, sharply intuitive and shrewdly instinctual. This proficient compilation of assets lends itself to great things beyond even the scope of our dreams and fondest aspirations. The Helm Commandeered by Habit However, this helm can become insidiously commandeered by habit. It is our choice to let that happen, and the choice is most often based on the curse of ease and the ignorance of our abilities. Over time, we surrender to the reflex of habit. Habit is easy. Habit demands nothing cognitively. Habit subdues mindfulness, and reflex ousts wisdom. It blunts creativity and undercuts innovation. In time we react without knowing why we’re reacting, and when we reach that point we’ve devolved to mindless automatons living out the staleness borne of a reactionary existence. Habit has its place, but we habitually grant it every place. In time, habit is confused with intelligence and wisdom. We deem ourselves to be quite astute, overtly mindful, shrewdly insightful and rigorously thoughtful. We commend ourselves for the tact with which we engage life and the wisdom that exudes from us with ever increasingly depth. Yet, this is often little more than the redundant repetition of habit that we’ve taken for something far more than habit. We ascribe to habit brilliant ideas, epic decisions and colossal achievements that are in reality nothing of habit, all the while allowing the grander part of ourselves to atrophy in the decay of life lost. Habit as Ease Sadly, it seems that we create habit so that we don’t have to create. Habit provides us a soulfully soothing sense that we’re being amply responsible and sufficiently judicious in living out our lives while permitting us to pay as little attention as possible to the living out of our lives. It’s the autopilot that we engage so that we can turn our attention to the endless other things that are pounding at the door of our lives. In time, we craft some sort of habit to deal with each of these demands as we grant them entrance into our lives. We then develop habits about developing habits, rendering each habit something of all the others before it. Our lives take on the redundancy of the habitual habits that we now apply to everything. Soon, staleness becomes our lot and the apathy of redundancy becomes our trademark. Despite the dankness of it all it is easy, and the habit of ease repeated habitually is the pallor of death. The Habit of Getting Out of Habit There might be a bit of wisdom in doing a little, or possibly a lot of introspective inventorying in order to determine the extent to which the decay of habit has infiltrated the fabric of our lives. We can fall to the mindless repetition of habit and live out our lives as a series of encoded reflexes rather than digging down, getting our hands marvelously dirty, and being mindfully engaged in a grand adventure that we’re on the verge of throwing away. We can ferret out the scourge of ease and confront the debilitating messages that ease has bribed us with. We can get into the habit of getting out of the habit. Getting into the habit of getting out of the habit means that we need to be brutally honest with ourselves. Ferreting our habit can be overtly frightening due to the fact that it is often habit that has created the very framework that binds our lives together. If we abandon habit, we fear that will cause our worlds to implode beyond recognition or hope of recovery. Habit is the tightly cinching framework that binds the precarious parts of our lives together in a manner that allows our lives to hold together when life assails us. Habit retains a soothing familiarity when all becomes jarringly unfamiliar. Indeed, it may restrain us from great things at times, but in excess it also insulates us from falling into terrible things. It is a sure course when the course to adventure is unsure. Habit is a certain passage that is certain to keep us safe, but too much of it is certain to keep us safely at a distance from greatness and goals both grand and glorious. The Benefit of Habit It is both responsible and important to point out that habit has an important and terribly critical place in our lives. Habit provides consistency to areas of our lives while we concurrently push out into other areas that have yet to be consistent, or may never be consistent. They can be a series of strategic boundaries that intentionally set the stage for us to safely step outside of those boundaries to new ones. Habits can keep rather rogue and rowdy behaviors in check while giving more responsible behaviors ample room to flourish and grow. They can provide a framework until those parts of lives have matured sufficiently to stand on their own. Yet, this brand of ‘habit’ is carefully crafted of wisdom, sown supple with flexibility, evenly tempered by vision, and held to places where it is needed while being withheld from places where it is not. These kind of habits are designed to pave the way for the next step rather than insulating us from the next step. They are the progressive not regressive. Visionary and not visually blind. Progressive habits frame our lives to advance our lives for the whole of our lives. And it is these kinds of habits that will habitually keep us from the death knell of destructive habits. We need to get into the habit of recognizing our habits. Once we have, we need to develop the habit of evaluating our habits even though we have a habit of not doing so. And it is this piercing acumen that will allow us to bend habit so that it does not bend us and become our death knell. © 2015 Craig Lounsbrough, M.Div., Licensed Professional Counselor

Even though I believe we’ll live in time in Heaven, God is certainly capable of bending time and opening doors in time’s fabric for us. Perhaps we’ll be able to travel back and stand alongside angels in the invisible realm, seeing events as they happened on Earth. Maybe we’ll learn the lessons of God’s providence through direct observation. Can you imagine being there as Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount? Perhaps you will be. Want to see the crossing of the Red Sea? Want to be there when Daniel’s three friends emerge from the fiery furnace? It would be simple for God to open the door to the past. Because God is not limited by time, He may choose to show us past events as if they were presently happening. We may be able to study history from a front-row seat. Perhaps we’ll have opportunity to see the lives of our spiritual and physical ancestors lived out on Earth. Usually we’re not able to see God’s immediate responses to our prayers, but in Heaven God may permit us to see what happened in the spiritual realm as a result of His answers to our prayers. In the Old Testament an angel comes to the prophet Daniel and tells him what happened as the result of his prayers: “As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given, which I have come to tell you” (Daniel 9:23). Will God show us in Heaven what almost happened to us on Earth? Will He take us back to see what would have happened if we’d made other choices? Perhaps. Will the father whose son had cerebral palsy see what would have happened if he’d followed his temptation to desert his family? Would this not fill his heart with gratitude to God for His sovereign grace? Will I see how missing the exit on the freeway last night saved me from a crash? Will I learn how getting delayed in the grocery store last week saved my wife from a fatal accident? How many times have we whined and groaned about the very circumstances God used to save us? How many times have we prayed that God would make us Christlike, then begged Him to take from us the very things He sent to make us Christlike? How many times has God heard our cries when we imagined He didn’t? How many times has He said no to our prayers when saying yes would have harmed us and robbed us of good? Perhaps we’ll see the ripple effects of our small acts of faithfulness and obedience. Like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol and George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life, perhaps we’ll see how we affected others, and how living our lives differently might have influenced them. (May God give us the grace to see this now while we can still revise and edit our lives.) If we believe in God’s sovereignty, we must believe God would be glorified through our better understanding of human history. We’ll no longer have to cling by faith to “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” (Romans8:28, NASB). We will see history as definitive documentation of that reality. Does this discussion seem to you a bit bizarre? Consider it further. Surely you agree that God is capable of sending resurrected people back in time or of pulling back the curtain of time and allowing us to see the past. If He couldn’t do this, He wouldn’t be God. So the question is whether He might have good reasons to do so. One reason might be to show us His providence, grace, and goodness in our lives and the lives of others. Wouldn’t that bring God glory? Wouldn’t it cause us to praise and exalt Him for his sovereign grace? This is surely a high and God-glorifying response. Couldn’t this fit His revealed purpose “that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace” (Ephesians 2:7)? C. S. Lewis wrote, “Don’t run away with the idea that when I speak of the resurrection of the body I mean merely that the blessed dead will have excellent memories of their sensuous experiences on earth. I mean it the other way round; that memory as we know it is a dim foretaste, a mirage even, of a power which the soul, or rather Christ in the soul . . . will exercise hereafter. It need no longer . . . be private to the soul in which it occurs. I can now communicate to you the fields of my boyhood—they are building-estates today—only imperfectly, by words. Perhaps the day is coming when I can take you for a walk through them.” [i]

When my wife and I purchased our first home, I determined our lawn would be at least comparable to that lovely lush landscape of the guy two doors down. Our street took a lot of pride in curbside appeal. I joined them in the weekly ritual of weeding, seeding, planting, mowing, watering, raking, trimming and brimming with pride. I spent a lot of time rooting shrubs and flowers, and sometimes digging up the roots of things that needed to go. I learned something valuable while bent over my spade, turning mulch, and worming my fingers into loam to find the extent of root balls: Only well-rooted plants survive, and sometimes that means roots must run deep. That came home in a powerful way when someone gave me a cactus to plant. Actually, it wasn’t even a complete cactus, just a leaf. They told me it would grow anywhere and wouldn’t need much attention. So I stuck it in the dirt at the mailbox, the pretty white mailbox perched atop a white post with colorful tulips painted on its side. The cactus was meant to be the backdrop to the dancing colors of real tulips surrounding the post. Soon the cactus grew. The one leaf became two, then doubled again. Before I knew it the cactus had taken over the mailbox area, drinking up all the moisture and nutrients. My tulips drooped, faded and died. Finally I decided to remove the cactus and replant the small bed around the mailbox. That’s when I discovered how deep and wide cactus roots run! That sprawling system of tentacles forced me to dig up a sizable section of the front yard curb area! After a couple weekends of toilsome digging and searching—and a couple of weekends of hard looks from neighbors—I dug up the cactus, roots and all, and started anew. In the last couple of weeks we’ve gotten a good glimpse into the root system of racism. We thought we could stick the racists into the country’s past, next to a post marked “obsolete,” and gladly forget about it. But the roots of racism run deep. That’s why an entire police department and many others appear shot through with indications of that insidious root system. That’s why we’re now inundated with reports of municipal governments and court systems complying with police to raise revenue on the backs of African Americans. And that’s why we’re watching youtube videos of students on college campuses—both secular and Christian—engaging in acts that are at least stupid and insensitive and in some cases plainly racist. The roots run deep, deeper than the natural eye can see, beneath the soil of our hearts, our cultures and our institutions. We need to do some digging—especially Christians and Christian leaders. It’s necessary we take the shovels from our garages, put on our gardening gloves, and get to weeding. Seems to me a few things need to be recognized perhaps more fully and even gladly than they have been. 1. Racism Is Alive and Well. Greatly exaggerated were any reports of racism’s demise. That should be obvious now. But just a few short months ago a lot of people pressed back against claims of racism. They told us we could not know for certain if any racist motivation were a part of incidents like Ferguson or Staten Island or Cleveland. These were sad events, some said. But perhaps these were isolated incidents, not connected, almost random. Why cry “racism”? Well, now we have a look at the roots, sprawling beneath the soil of assumed respectability and authority. Ferguson, Staten Island, Cleveland and an untold number of other places all share the same root system. They all manifest human depravity, and that depravity sometimes takes the form of racial animus. For my part, the DOJ report on the Ferguson Police Department tells us quite plainly that the vital signs of racism are quite strong. The old man lives. And more than that, the DOJ report decisively proves the prevailing reality of institutional racism and systemic injustice. Those numbers do not lie and they cannot be explained away as chance. And when the statistics say African Americans were less likely to be guilty of the crimes for which they were stopped than white drivers, then appeals to black criminality won’t do either. Still further, Ferguson isn’t alone among Missouri towns in these practices. And Missouri isn’t alone among the states. There’s a piling mound of research evidence that shows the same thing in other places as well. Sad to say, but racism is alive and well. 2. Racism Cavorts with Power. Rarely does racism walk alone. She dances with power. Not just the raw, unlettered, erratic power of stereotypical toothless hillbillies who sometimes “have a few too many” and cause trouble for brown-skinned people while embarrassing the good white-skinned town folks. No. Racism acts far more seductively than that. She prefers men in robes or suits or uniform. She rathers young people wearing the letters of fraternities, with power over who can and cannot join their organizations. Racism makes her deals in country clubs, once segregated by club rules, now segregated by club fees and culture. Racism likes smoky rooms with dark cherry paneling, where the makers of futures and cities like to laugh, back slap, and cut deals. She would marry power, but that’s too public and people would talk. So she continues as power’s mistress, the unseen influence that poisons his heart toward his wife, Justice. We cannot have any discussion of power without suspecting that fallen human alienation along racial lines is at least a possibility. 3. Racist Contexts Cast Clouds Over Us. The root system of racism spreads beneath all our feet. There are a lot of people in Ferguson who had no clue about what was going on in its police department. They were sympathetic toward police and trusting of authority. They couldn’t see the cactus draining water and nutrient from their community. But the DOJ describes a pervasive corruption along racial lines. That corrupt context informed the attitudes and actions of some officers and it created racially misinformed impressions about African Americans (i.e., more likely transporting or selling drugs, less respectful of law, more criminal). The shooting of Mike Brown, the police reactions to protests, the kangaroo grand jury and the aftermath all occur in this context, under this burgeoning cloud of racist stereotype, mistreatment, frustration and anger. That cloud bust and everyone got wet. If we don’t let the winds of justice blow then we cannot be surprised if cumulus clouds of racial hostility form overhead. And we shouldn’t be surprised when the rain comes and it’s toxic. We can’t let racism go unchallenged or it’ll come back to hurt everyone. 4. Frat Boys and Judges Have A Lot in Common. Here’s another kindness from the Lord: On the heels of reading the DOJ report and perhaps beginning to think to ourselves, Those racists in Ferguson are terrible, the Lord shows us that our children and our brightest students can be just as terrible. Judges go to college. They make good grades. They lead student organizations. Then they graduate and begin legal careers. Some of them run for office and make public policy. The students in Oklahoma University’s SAE grow up to be prosecutors and judges and city officials. And guess what: Sometimes such students attend Christian colleges and universities. Perhaps the Lord is telling us that this racist root system gives rise to that Ivy and Kudzu crawling up academic towers. If any of us think we’re immune by virtue of education and class, we ought to be careful lest we fall. Education doesn’t eradicate racism any more than it eradicates any other sin. We need something more profound, that reaches farther down in the human soul. 5. Racism Destroys Lives. This point isn’t to be forgotten. When we talk about Ferguson’s criminal justice system or systemic injustice generally, we’re talking about the weight of the State crushing citizens. We’re talking about everyday people being harassed, imprisoned, and further impoverished by a government that’s supposed to be “of the People by the People for the People.” To put it plainly: These things kill Black people. Sometimes slowly. Sometimes suddenly. But it’s always deadly. It could be the death of long sentences or the death of bullets. It could be the lingering death of poverty and resource restriction or the infectious death of disease and few health options. But it’s death. Things are better compared to, say, 1960—which is to say the overreaching hand of deadly oppression has been beaten back through long years of protest. But the owners of the hand are not happy about being pushed back. So the snarled hand of racism continues to overreach. And it kills what it touches. That’s why none of this is a game and none of this should be left to our favorite talking heads, whoever they are. 6. This Is a Christian Discipleship Issue as Much as a Social Justice Issue. Tell me what you think, but I’ve come to the conclusion that the Christian Church desperately needs to be discipled regarding “race,” racism and justice. I once thought the most significant deficiency in Christian theology (at least in the West) was a deficiency in the theology of suffering. But I think there’s more ink used to help people with suffering than there is to help people think of themselves primarily as Christians and radically apply their new identity in Christ to fallen categories like “race” and insidious sins like racism. It’s tragic that the country’s biggest sin is racism and the Church’s biggest omission is racial justice. The tragedy gets compounded when one remembers that some quarters of the Church were once the strongest supporters of this sin. That means we’re working our way out of a deficit. The roots of racism are tangled with our faith. And this means we can’t assume some neutral stance, being formally against this sin but practically uninvolved. The root keeps creeping. We had better be weeding the garden of our faith and growing one another up into the fullness of Christ with attention to this anti-Christ called “racism.” Over and over the question I get from genuine and well-meaning Christians is, “How can I think about…?” Or, “What should I do about…?” Those are discipleship questions that desperately need answering in every local church—assuming we don’t want the roots of racism to find any soil in the body of Christ. Conclusion The roots of racism run deep and wide. They’re deeper than the outward actions of a self-professed racist. That’s surface mulch. They’re deeper than the actions of an officer in a corrupt police force. That’s only the potted soil. They’re deeper than police policy and institutional practices. They’re deeper than education. That’s the surrounding soil. The roots of racism are as deep as the fallen soul. That’s bedrock. We’re going to have to dig that deep to eradicate this poisonous root. Taken from www.gospelcoalition.org. Used by permission.

Materialists believe that the mind emerges from the brain and that the mind (soul) is an artifact of the brain. Like the Sadducees of Jesus’ time, they only believe what they can see, feel and touch (Matthew 22:23-31, Acts 23:8). This has been the prevailing paradigm in the western scientific world since Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution became the dominant scientific dogma. Recently, however, there has been growing dissent in the area of neuroscience, psychology and psychiatry because the result of adherence to the materialists’ philosophy in the lives of patients, where the rubber meets the road, has been devastating [1]. Interestingly the discovery of the baffling area of quantum physics at the beginning of the last century [2] marked the beginning the crumbling of materialist philosophy. Denial of the power of the mind, and by extension the spirit, in the treatment of patients with mental and even physical disorders, has led to poor treatment outcomes in many cases. The materialist position, therefore, is becoming increasing untenable. Alternatively the Bible presents the view of the spirit, soul and the body as separate, but intimately integrated entities (Genesis 2:7, Matthew 26:41, 1 Thessalonians 5:23, Hebrews 4:12). Each of us is a spirit, having a soul (mind) and living in a body. Life is actually a spiritual force. The mind has the power of intellect, emotions and free will [3], and, if enabled by the spirit and, empowered by the Holy Spirit, can make good choices that can positively change the body, which includes the brain. The materialist view, however, in denying the existence of the spirit and soul, has held to the pre-eminence of the body. This mindset contributed to the view that the brain could not really be changed once we reached adolescence and that all we could hope for in many psychiatric and neurological conditions was compensation and reliance on medication rather than a total cure. This was the prevailing view in the 1980s when I started in research and clinical practice as a communication pathologist treating patients with various mental and neurological conditions in clinical and educational settings and research settings. Because of my belief in the biblical view, I set out to help patients, who the medical community had given up on, with remarkable results [4]. I also was able help transform destitute students in deprived schools even to international notice [5]. At the time clinicians and educationalists like me who believed in the power of the mind to change the brain, were scoffed at. However, as the Sanhedrin discovered, when faced with the walking man who was once crippled (Act 4:14), it was difficult to deny her results. Fortunately certain discoveries have led credence to the biblical view research included. It was discovered that the brain continually changes in response to mental and sensory signals throughout the human life span [6]. This process has now been termed ‘neuroplasticity’. It was once thought that, as adults, we had the full complement of nerve cells (neurons) and that we basically lost neurons until we died. Now we know scientifically that we continue to produce neurons in certain areas of the brain constantly, a process known as neurogenesis [7]. The growing medical specialties of psychoneuroimmunology and psychoneuroendocrinology [8] are bringing to light the intimate relationship between the mind, the brain and the immune and endocrine systems. Remarkably the eye-opening science of epigenetics is showing how our choices can profoundly influence, not just our own genes and those that we are in relationship with, but the genes of multiple generations of our descendants [9]. There is thankfully now a growing opposition to the materialist view even among mainstream scientists. In response to the growing evidence of the mind being able to change the brain, materialist have held the view that it is the brain that changes the brain [10] This is akin to a computer reprogramming and redesigning itself. Thankfully, in the face of growing recent evidence, the materialist view is losing some of its pre-eminence. There is growing dissent among a populace that is seeking answers to gnawing questions and cures to intractable mental and physical disorders [11]. Surveys show that the majority of lay people globally do not see themselves as biological automata, but as thinking human beings with the ability to think and choose making biological change [12]. Furthermore, the crisis in the education, over-labeling and over-medication of our children is crying out for a change of direction. It is time to return to what the Creator says about the nature of man in the Bible- He knows what we are made of and how we are made (Psalm 103:14). The Mind definitely changes the Brain. References 1. Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2005 Jun 29;360(1458):1309-27. Quantum physics in neuroscience and psychology: a neurophysical model of mind-brain interaction. Schwartz JM, Stapp HP, Beauregard M. Nour Foundation: Mind-Body Connections: How Does Consciousness Shape the Brain? United Nations 9/11/2008- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwXhcyTe7qQ Creation Ministires:’ Charles Darwin’s real message: have you missed it’ by Carl Wieland-http:// creation.com/charles-darwins-real-message-have-you-missed-it 2. Nobelprize.org – The Nobel Prize in Physics 1918. http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/physics/laureates/1918/ 3. The Spiritual Man – June 1, 1968 Watchman Nee 4. Mind-Mapping: A Therapeutic Technique for Closed-Head Injury, a dissertation submitted for her Masters at the University of Pretoria, May 1990. Mind-mapping as a Therapeutic technique, in Communiphon, South African Speech-Language-hearing Association No. 296, pg. 11-15,November 1990. 5. The Mind-Mapping Approach: A Model and Framework for Geodesic Learning, a dissertation submitted for her Ph.D. at the University of Pretoria, March 1997. The Development of a Model for Geodesic Learning: The Geodesic Information Processing Model, in the South African Journal of Communication Disorders, Vol. 44, 1997. 6. Neural Plasticity Volume 2014 (2014), Article ID 541870, 10 pages. Adult Neuroplasticity: More Than 40 Years of Research. Eberhard Fuchs and Gabriele Flügge. 7. Nat Rev Neurosci. 2000 Oct;1(1):67-73. Neurogenesis in the adult brain: death of a dogma. Gross CG. 8. International Society of Psychoneuroendocrinology- www.ispne.org/. Psychoneuroimmunology Research Society- www.pnirs.org/. 9. Ethan Watters, “DNA Is Not Destiny: The New Science of Epigenetics Rewrites the Rules of Disease, Heredity, and Identity,” Discover, November 2006,http://discovermagazine.com/2006 nov/cover. Nova- Ghost In Your Genes, 2006 Nat Rev Genet. 2012 Jan 31;13(3):153-62. Understanding transgenerational epigenetic inheritance via the gametes in mammals. Daxinger L, Whitelaw E. 10. The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science– December 18, 2007 by Norman Doidge 11. Med J Aust. 2004 Jun 7;180(11):587-9. The rise and rise of complementary and alternative medicine: a sociological perspective. Coulter ID, Willis EM. 12. Scientific American- Site Survey Shows 60 Percent Think Free Will Exists. Read Why. By Gary Stix | January 15, 2015 | http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/talking-back/site-survey-shows-60-percent-think-free-will-exists-read-why/

Given the substantial evidence of Scripture to the contrary, the burden of proof is on those who argue people in heaven are unconcerned with and unaware of what is happening on earth. Does Scripture really teach this? Where? Or is the belief that those in heaven are unaware of what happens on earth merely an assumption, one that over decades or centuries has been elevated by some into a doctrine, one not based on Scripture? I believe it is no more than a deduction based on a faulty premise, namely that for heaven to be happy, people in heaven can’t know what’s happening on earth. That argument is therefore worth taking a closer look at. Argument: “It wouldn’t be heaven if we knew of bad things happening on earth. We’re promised there will be no more crying or pain in heaven.” Answers: 1. It’s heaven for God and he knows exactly what’s happening on earth. 2. It’s heaven for the angels and they know what’s happening on earth. 3. Angels in heaven see the torment of hell, but it does not minimize heaven (Rev. 14:10). 4. Abraham and Lazarus saw the rich man’s agonies in hell, but it did not cause heaven to cease to be heaven (Luke 16:23-26). If one can see people in hell without ruining heaven, surely nothing he could see on earth could ruin it. (Note: Luke 16 is in the intermediate state, before the end of the world and the resurrection. It does not therefore necessarily indicate those in the new heavens and earth can see into the eternal lake of fire. However, it suggests those currently in heaven may be able to see into hell, or at the very least be fully aware of its existence.) 5. There is a chasm that those in heaven and hell can’t cross, but they can see what was happening in the other place (Luke 16:23-26). If this is true of heaven and hell, is the same true of heaven and earth? A chasm separating them and preventing direct intervention, yet an ability to see what’s happening in the other world? 6. The promise of no more tears or crying is after the end of the world, after the Great White Throne judgment, after “the old order of things has passed away” and there is no more suffering on earth (Rev. 21:1-4). This passage is not a valid argument for tearlessness in the present heaven, but only in the new heaven and earth. This doesn’t mean those presently in heaven must be unaware of what’s happening on earth. Certainly those in heaven are not frail beings whose joy can be maintained only by sheer ignorance of what is going on in the universe. In fact, even if our knowledge did produce some sadness in heaven (we don’t know for sure it would), the old order hasn’t yet passed away. Heaven is not in its final state. We should not begin by defining heaven as “no sorrow, no concern, no knowledge of suffering” and then dismiss any scriptural indications that undermine that assumption. Christ grieved for people on earth (Mt. 23:37-39; John 11:33-36). Is he no longer capable of doing so because he is in heaven? Or does he still hurt for his people when they suffer? If he can hurt for them, could not we? It is one thing to no longer cry because there is nothing left to cry about. It is something else to no longer cry when there is ongoing suffering on earth. Going into the presence of Christ surely does not make us less compassionate, but more. Hence, it is possible that even with the predominant joy presently in heaven, in light of the fact there is still so much evil and pain in the universe, there could be periodic expressions of sadness in heaven until the evil and pain is permanently gone. 7. Since God is continuously at work on earth, observing saints would have a great deal to praise him for, including people’s spiritual transformations (Luke 15:7,10). If there is rejoicing in heaven about what happens on earth, aren’t the redeemed allowed to participate in the rejoicing? How could they participate unless aware of the cause for celebration? Conclusion: Happiness in heaven is based on being with Christ, gaining accurate perspective, and living in a sinless environment. It is not based on a fundamental ignorance of what is happening on earth or even in hell. Problem: Isaiah 65:17 says in heaven “the former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.” First, Isaiah 65:17 must be weighed against the dozens of other passages of Scripture previously cited in this article and the earlier one. If they clearly teach some things from earth will be remembered in the eternal state, then properly understood this verse does not contradict them. Furthermore, whatever this verse means, it specifically comes after the new heavens and new earth, not before. Hence, it has no bearing at all on the question of whether saints presently in heaven can witness events happening on earth. Isaiah 65:17 is linked to the previous verse: “For the past troubles will be forgotten and hidden from My eyes.” This does not suggest literal lack of memory, as if the omniscient God couldn’t recall the past. God knows everything. Rather, it is like God saying I will remember their sins no more” (Jer. 31:34). It means he will not choose to call to mind or to hold against us our past sins. In eternity, past sins will not plague us or God, nor interfere with God’s acceptance of us. Likewise, both God and we will be capable of choosing not to recall our past troubles and sorrows and sins in a way that would diminish the wonders of heaven. However, it seems likely that recalling the reality of such troubles and sorrows and sins would set a sharp contrast to the glories of heaven, as darkness does to light, as hell does to heaven. This contrast would be lost if the sense of what sorrow is was entirely forgotten. (If we ever forget we were desperate sinners, how could we appreciate the depth and meaning of Christ’s glorious work for us?) It is even possible that an awareness of the perfect justice of hell will enhance the depth of gratitude to God of those in heaven. Even in the new heavens and earth there are memorials to the twelve tribes and the apostles (Rev. 21:12-14). Christ’s nail scared hands and feet in his eternal resurrection body (John 20:24-29) prove his suffering and redemption-and the fact it was necessitated by our sins-will not be forgotten! Hence, these passages clearly preclude the “we’ll remember nothing on earth” understanding of Isaiah 65:17. Every believer’s crowns and rewards will continuously remind us of acts of faithfulness to God done in that window of opportunity on earth. While God will wipe away the tears and sorrow attached to this world, the drama of God’s work in human history will not be erased from our minds. Heaven’s happiness will not be dependent on our ignorance of what really happened on earth. Rather, it will be greatly enhanced by our informed appreciation of God’s glorious grace and justice in what really happened on earth. www.epm.org . Used by permission.

People usually think of “Heaven” as the place Christians go when they die. A better definition explains that Heaven is God’s central dwelling place, the location of his throne from which he rules the universe. Many don’t realize that the present pre-resurrection Heaven and future post-resurrection Heaven are located in different places. The exact location of the present Heaven is unknown, but we’re told the future Heaven will be located on the New Earth. The present Heaven is a place of transition between believers’ past lives on Earth and future resurrection lives on the New Earth. Life in the present Heaven (which theologians call the “intermediate” Heaven) is “better by far” than living here on Earth under the curse (Phil. 1:23). But it’s not our final destination. Will We Live in Heaven Forever? The answer depends on our definition of Heaven. Will we be with the Lord forever? Absolutely. Will we always be with God in the same place Heaven is now? No. In the present Heaven, God’s people are in Christ’s presence, free of sin and suffering and enjoying great happiness: “in your presence there is fullness of joy” (Ps. 16:11). But they’re still looking forward to their bodily resurrection and permanent relocation to the New Earth. So, yes, after death we’ll always be in Heaven, but not in the same place or the same condition. To illustrate, imagine you lived in a homeless shelter in Miami. One day you inherit a beautiful house overlooking Santa Barbara, California, and are given a wonderful job doing something you’ve always wanted to do. Many friends and family will live nearby. As you fly toward Santa Barbara, you stop at the Dallas airport for a layover. Other family members you haven’t seen in years meet you. They will board the plane with you to Santa Barbara. Naturally you look forward to seeing them in Dallas, your first stop. But if someone asks where you’re going, would you say “Dallas”? No. You would say Santa Barbara, because that’s your final destination. Dallas is just a temporary stop. At most you might say “I’m going to Santa Barbara, with a brief stop in Dallas.” Similarly, the present Heaven is a temporary dwelling place, a stop along the way to our final destination: the New Earth. (Granted, the Dallas analogy isn’t perfect—being with Jesus and reunited with loved ones will be immeasurably better than a layover in Dallas!) In the Present Heaven Do People Have Physical Forms? Unlike angels, who are in essence spirits (John 4:24; Heb. 1:14), human beings are by nature both spiritual and physical. We don’t occupy our bodies as a hermit crab occupies a shell. We can’t be fully human without both a spirit and a body. Given the consistent physical descriptions of the intermediate heaven and its inhabitants, it seems possible—though debatable—that between our earthly lives and bodily resurrection, God may grant us temporary physical forms. If so, that would account for the repeated depictions of people now in Heaven occupying physical space, wearing clothes and crowns, talking, holding palm branches in their hands, and having body parts (e.g. Luke 16:24, Rev. 7:9). Certainly we do not receive resurrection bodies immediately after death. If we have intermediate forms in the intermediate heaven (and we may not), they will be temps, not our true bodies, which remain dead until the final resurrection. Will We Recognize Each Other in the Present Heaven? When asked if we would recognize friends in Heaven, George MacDonald responded, “Shall we be greater fools in Paradise than we are here?” Scripture gives no indication of a memory wipe causing us to forget family and friends. On the contrary, if we wouldn’t know our loved ones in Heaven, the “comfort” of an afterlife reunion, taught in 1 Thessalonians 4:14-18, would be no comfort at all. In Christ’s transfiguration, his disciples recognized Moses and Elijah, even though they couldn’t have known what they looked like (Luke 9:29-33). This suggests that personality will emanate through whatever forms we take. If we can recognize those we’ve never seen, how much more will we recognize our family and friends? After we die, we will give a detailed account of our lives on Earth (2 Cor. 5:10; Matt. 12:36). This will require better memories, not worse. Those memories will surely include our families and friends! Are You Looking Forward to Your Forever Home? Though life in the intermediate Heaven will be wonderful, it’s not the place we’re made for, our true eternal home. The Bible promises that we’ll live with Christ and each other forever on the New Earth, where God—Father, Son (eternally incarnate), and Holy Spirit—will be at home with his people: Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth. . . . I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God. . . . And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.” (Rev. 21:1-3) This passage clearly indicates that ultimately God’s central dwelling place—Heaven—is on Earth. Some, including N. T. Wright, argue that the New Earth shouldn’t be called Heaven. But if Heaven, by definition, is God’s special dwelling place, and “the dwelling of God” will be with humankind on Earth, then Heaven and the New Earth will essentially be the same place. Heaven is also where we see God’s throne, and we’re told that “the throne of God and of the Lamb” will be in the New Jerusalem, on the New Earth (Rev. 22:1). Instead of us going up to God’s place to live forever, God will come down to live with us in our place, literally bringing Heaven to Earth! God’s children are destined for life as resurrected beings on a resurrected Earth. We should daily keep in mind our true destination, our ultimate home. Let’s be like Peter and the early Christians: “according to his promise we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells” (2 Pet. 3:13). Taken from Eternal Perspective Ministries. Used by permission.

“It is as well to admit when your enemies are onto something.” So wrote Douglas Murray in his essay in the May issue of the British magazine Standpoint. While Murray’s point was on the broad theme of the West’s move to secularization, I was most arrested by Murray’s point about the growth of Islam—and I think there are some things there we Christians ought to pay attention to. By the growth of Islam, I am not here talking about demography, although there is much to consider there. Reports indicate that the global future is religious, not secular, but that religious element includes a massive Islamic population. The world’s tomorrow is heavily Islamic, even if, as I believe, the world’s day after tomorrow is the kingdom of God. By the growth of Islam, I am also not referring to the paramilitary conquests of radical Islamic groups—such as those driving ancient Christian communities out of Iraq. No, today I’d like to consider the stories of those Westerners who convert to Islam. Murray notes that he is struck by accounts of those who convert to Islam because of how similar they are to each other. He writes they go something along the lines of this: “I had reached X age (often the twenties or early thirties) and I was in a nightclub and I just thought, ‘Life must be about more than this.’” Murray continues: “Almost nothing in our culture says, ‘But of course this is not all.’ Instead the voice of our culture just says, ‘repeat, repeat.’ In the absence of such a voice, they search, and they discover Islam.” But why do these seekers choose Islam, and not something else? Why not, for instance, Christianity? “Partly it is because most branches of mainstream Christianity have lost the confidence to proselytize,” Murray concludes. “Partly it is the trickle-down effect of the fact that Islamic traditions have not yet been so affected by historical criticism and scholarship.” These points are, I believe, critical to the future of the church. The issue is precisely what Murray identifies—a question of confidence. The old mainstream of liberal Protestant churches, such as those in Western Europe—as well as many sectors of European Catholicism—lack creedal confidence. In their rush to appeal to the cultured despisers of religion, these forms of previously Christian conviction have negotiated away the authority of Scripture and the supernatural core of the Christian faith. They have no transcendent Word from God to address those perennial questions of meaning and purpose—and guilt and shame. The cultured despisers recognize in these churches a commitment to the same authority they already know—science, progress, and human rationality. There is no need to pay attention, then, because there is not a claim to authority from the outside. There is no longer remaining a “Thus saith the Lord.” Now, it is easy for those of us who are conservative evangelicals to recognize this sort of loss of confidence and to cluck our tongues. We, after all, still hold to the authority of Scripture. We have something to say. But Murray’s other point hits us too. Many sectors of Christianity, he says, have lost the confidence “to proselytize,” that is, to call persuasively for unbelievers to repent of sin and to believe the gospel. This is not simply a problem for those who have lost the scriptural authority to evangelize—those, for instance, who embrace universalism or inclusivism or some other false teaching about the gospel. This is a problem for those who hold to the old-time religion, but who do not verbally share that faith. Confidence is precisely the issue. We don’t evangelize for the precisely same reasons the liberals apostatize—because we fear what unbelievers will think of us. The unconfident Christian assumes that he or she must be an expert in philosophy and apologetics and history, to knock back every possible objection an unbeliever might have. The unconfident Christian cringes, afraid the unbeliever will think us to be backward or unsophisticated if we say things like, “Have you come to know Christ for the forgiveness of your sins?” It’s not just that this lack of confidence prevents us from sharing the gospel; it’s also that this lack of confidence is readily apparent to the unbelieving around us. Why consider the claims of a resurrected Christ, if his followers are no more confident of his power from on high to carry out the last command he gave us before his ascension to the Father (Acts 1:7-8)? Our unbelieving neighbor can tell if we are afraid of him, or afraid of what the culture thinks of us. That is almost as much of an apologetic for a still-dead Christ as the liberal bishop who makes his case with German scholarship. And the sad result is that this sort of unconfident Christianity leaves our neighbor, when the crisis hits in that nightclub, left in fear and despair and in the tyranny of a guilty conscience. Only a few will go to Islam, of course, but many more will just go on with the “repeat, repeat” nihilism of Western culture. The answer is a church that is not afraid. The church should be unafraid to hold up a Bible and to say, “Thus saith the Lord.” And the church should be unafraid to look into the eye of a neighbor and say, “You must be born-again.” The church is unafraid because we know that Jesus of Nazareth isn’t dead anymore, and he wields from heaven the power of a gospel that raises the dead and tears down strongholds. A faithful, evangelistic church will find that the culture often will laugh at us, or rail against us. Of course it does. Jesus told us that the Light of the world is painful; it exposes hidden sin and reminds of coming judgment. But the Light has come into the world and the darkness has not, will not, cannot overcome it. A fallen world groans around us. The stakes are too high to let the only ones with confidence to confront a secular culture be those carrying Korans. www.russellmoore.com . Used by permission.

Is it okay to talk to our loved ones who’ve gone on to be with Jesus? First, would it even be possible for someone in Heaven to know what’s happening on earth, and be able to hear us say anything? Many assume the answer is no. But in Matthew 17, Moses and Elijah clearly already knew the events going on when they appeared with Jesus on the mount of transfiguration. In Luke 15 Jesus speaks of rejoicing in the presence of the angels, not BY the angels but in their presence, whenever a sinner repents, suggesting God’s people in heaven rejoice at God’s work in lives on earth. To rejoice at it, they obviously must be aware of it. And Revelation 6:9-11 shows martyrs in Heaven who are clearly aware that God hasn’t yet brought judgment on those who persecuted them, and are wondering why. So they know some of what’s happening on earth. Okay, so if it’s possible someone in Heaven could hear us, is it right to talk to them? First, there’s a huge difference between talking to someone and praying to them, and it’s critical we keep that clear. When people pray to Mary and the saints, they are calling on them as intermediaries, asking them to intervene and exercise power in this world. There is no biblical basis for this. Since 1 Tim. 2:5 says Christ is the only mediator between God and men, it would violate this to pray to those in heaven. We’re not to pray to people or to angels, but only to God. But would it be okay to say, “I’m not sure you can hear this, Mom, but if you can I just want to say thanks for how you always watched out for me. I love you and I’m looking forward to seeing you again and talking and having you show me some special places there.” That’s talking to someone, but it’s NOT praying to them, calling upon them to do something, or to exercise power or talk back. Seeking to call up from the dead or to hear from the spirits of the departed is a forbidden occult practice (Deut. 18:9-14). But that’s very different than doing what I just described. Personally, rather than talking to a loved one, I am more comfortable simply praying to Jesus or the Father (there are biblical examples of praying to each) and saying, “Lord, would you please give my mom a hug, and tell her it’s from me?” Now I think my mom sometimes sees what’s going on here and might hear this when I say it, but I KNOW God hears it. And I trust God to do what He knows is best. Does that make sense? I have some old friends in Heaven, Greg and Jerry among them, that I sometimes think of and ask the Lord to greet for me. Whether He does that is His call, but my relationships with those brothers was a gift from God, and one day I’ll see them again in His presence. I suspect God is pleased with my sense of connection to them, and certainly He understands the bonds of friendship. Jesus called us his friends. He is the best friend I’ve ever had. I could see how a person speaking to their departed loved one, even if they’re not violating Scripture (since they’re not praying to them or calling on them), could become unhealthy or obsessive. But that’s not likely to happen when we’re talking to God about them. He invites us to come to Him with what’s on our minds and hearts. Obviously your loved one is on your mind and heart. If your child or wife or husband or parents or best friend are with Jesus, God understands your desire to feel connected to them, and to want them to know of your love for them, and that you miss them and look forward to seeing them again. I have every reason to believe God would honor the request to pass on our warm greetings to loved ones. But again, that’s up to Him. It’s one thing to ask God for something like this, but entirely another to insist on it. We’re the creatures, He’s the Creator. He’s the Potter, we’re the clay. (And what a privilege to be His clay, as well as his sons and daughters.) So, bottom line to the person who asked the question, as long as you’re not praying TO your loved one or FOR your loved one (who needs no prayer now), but to God ABOUT your loved one, and your feelings, and your desire for them to know something, I think there’s nothing in that which violates a Scripture. Just be careful it doesn’t shift into anything that treats them as intermediaries or leads to obsession or seeking contact with them, which is expressly forbidden. I said at both our daughters’ weddings, in the summer of 2001, that I believed their two grandmothers were watching from heaven. And since Nanci’s mom had been blind her last few years here, she was seeing the wedding in a way she couldn’t have even a few months earlier before she died. I firmly believe this is true, but even if I was wrong on that point (since of course I can’t know exactly when God allows people to see events on earth and when He doesn’t), I would not be wrong in praying “Lord, please tell Mom her precious granddaughters love You with all their hearts and married young men that do too. That will mean so much to her.” My guess is that Mom knows all that anyway, and that she is enjoying seeing God at work in the lives of our grandchildren, her great-grandchildren she hasn’t yet been able to hug. (It’s odd to me that so many assume people in Heaven are ignorant of what’s going on here on earth where the great drama of redemption is unfolding—wouldn’t we think they’d be more enlightened, not less?). Still, it doesn’t hurt to ask God, the Giver of special relationships. He is gracious and understanding of our thoughts and feelings and love for the precious people He has put in our lives. From epm.org. Used by permission.

The tragic death of any celebrity offers every parent the opportunity to talk to your kids about drugs. Her death is on every television, magazine, and Web site in the country. When something is this widespread, it creates a nice big opportunity for you to address the issue of drugs. You might hear from your kid, as many parents do these days, this idea that smoking weed is no big deal. More and more cities and states are “decriminalizing” marijuana and so-called “medical marijuana” joints (pun intended) are popping up in communities around the country. So much so that the government has started to send letters to those that are too close to high schools. When you talk to your kids about drugs, I would suggest a terse comment that includes the words “Whitney Houston.” Houston’s life ended at age 48. That’s deeply tragic, but also avoidable. The lesson here is that other people–not just the user–are affected by drug abuse. In Whitney’s case, her friends, her daughter, her family, and her fans are now hurting from her decisions. Whether you are a superstar or a regular one, you’re self-destructive decisions in life take a toll on those you love, and those that love you! What researchers have known for years is that if you expose a developing brain to drugs or alcohol, you run the risk of making that person more susceptible to addiction. It’s as though you are training the brain as it is growing–conditioning it for addictive behavior down the road. Researchers also tell us that kids are smoking pot and drinking alcohol earlier than ever. Putting those two together, we could have a generation of addicts in the making (not just drugs, but addiction of all flavors). Another well known fact is that the part of the brain that is slowest to mature is the part that deals with judgment. Don’t believe me? Call your insurance agency today and insure your 16-year-old to drive your car. You’ll quickly find that their extremely high insurance rates that are tied to facts that young people don’t always use the best judgment. Of course, you may have already experienced your own son or daughter’s lack of common sense. Some of these guys think they are economists. They are talking about all the money that could be gained by taxing the now illegal drug market. Well, we tax alcohol and cigarettes very heavily in our country today. And quite frankly, the revenues received through taxation don’t come near the damage that cigarettes and alcohol take on the lives of our citizens. So here are a few tips for those of us that want our kids to make good decisions in life. Remember, you are your child’s best teacher: 1. Make sure your kids have plenty of practice making decisions in your home. This is their safe place to learn good judgment, vs. bad. 2. Ask your what your kids’ opinion is on everyday family issues! 3. Make sure you have POSITIVE expectations for your kids (Raise a child UP in the way they should go) 4. Find ways, like discussing Whitney Houston’s death this week, to negatively imprint drug usage in your kids minds at a young age. 5. Get to know your child’s friends and their families! 6. Your house should be the centerpiece of your kids social life! Yes, it might mean you have to spring for pizza. But I would rather have my kids hanging out at my home then someone else’s. Your kids might be surprised that their friends like you! 7. Beware of your child’s money supply. Kids should get allowances, but if your kid starts having money and you are unaware of its source, that is a red flag. 8. When a child’s grades fall right off the table, that is a pretty good indication that your son or daughter has discovered the world of drugs. Smoking weed diminishes motivation. 9. Don’t tell yourself “My kid would never do such a thing!” Because obviously kids that get hooked on drugs come from a variety of home situations. If your child is already using drugs, you have to directly confront the issue. Get him or her to a group that deals with drug usage effectively. Personally, I think Teen Challenge does a great job. Do not become the enabler! Do not make excuses for your kids! And pray. Pray every day. Now go talk with your kids. Not at your kids. Use public events, cautionary tales, as a springboard to talk about the difficult issues surrounding drug use.