Search Results

HOW TO BE GOOD AND ANGRY “We are flawed people in relationships with flawed people, living in a fallen world, but with a faithful God. Christ in us will empower us to increasingly engage our fallen planet with the restorative anger of love, the rescuing anger of mercy, and the advocacy anger of justice. May this conference and study guide be instrumental in helping us grow in Christ likeness, reflecting His love and His anger at the same time.” BEING GOOD AND ANGRY “One of the necessary components of our broken world is anger. Because if this world is broken, if it’s not the way it’s supposed to be, then it’s right at points to be motivated by anger. Anger is not just a bad thing; anger is also a very good thing, and we better know the difference. God’s grace is not supposed to make us unangry. God’s grace is supposed to make us good and angry, at the same time.” TWO PARALLEL ANGERS “You see people’s anger; and then you see moments when God is clearly angry, but it’s something good, because God is trying to preserve this world that He has made. The drama of Scripture in a real way is the drama of these two angers living alongside one another, and you just know they’re going to explode in a moment.” God’s righteous anger is the hope of the universe; our unholy anger is our doom. OUR STRUGGLE WITH ANGER “If you ever want to understand your anger, you have to look this way (inward), because your anger is connected not just to events outside of you; your anger is connected to something going one inside of you. You will never gain ground with your anger unless you get this.” Anger is connected to our desires and therefore anger is connected to worship. (Romans 1:25) WHEN GOOD THINGS BECOME BAD THINGS “I was never meant to have a life that is driven by what I want and where I want it and when I want it and how I want it and why I want it and all of those things. I was meant to live in the transcendent big sky country of God’s existence and God’s grace and God’s will and God’s plan.” A desire for even a good thing becomes a bad thing when that desire becomes a ruling thing. A GOOD DESIRE BECOMES A RULING DES IRE “I want _____.” (Desire) ?“I must have______.” (Demand) ?“I will have______.” (Need) “You should______.” (Expectation) “You didn’t______.” (Disappointment) Therefore, “I will______.” (Punishment) HORIZONTAL PROBLEM, VERTICAL SOLUTION “It’s not enough for us as Christians to believe in life after death; we better believe in life before death: a quality of love and peace, a quality of existence in our relationships and situations that would not be possible apart from the Person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ did not die just for your future; Jesus Christ died for your here-and-now! Praise Him!” We must learn to love God and place Him in the center of our universe. We cannot keep the second big commandment, if we are not keeping the first big commandment first. GOD WANTS YOU TO BE GOOD AND ANGRY “Our problem is not just that we are angry. Our problem is that we are angry in all the wrong places for all the wrong reasons.” We must move, by God’s grace, from our own self-focused anger to God’s big, beautiful and constructive anger. Dismantling Idols: Learning to Worship the True King 1. Name it. Confess it. “Lord, this is what I have wrapped my heart around.” (Example: position, possessions, people, power, approval, comfort, security…) 2. Repent. Turn to God. Draw near to Him—James 4:6-10. Spend time with Him. Talk to Him about your struggles. Write out your prayers. 3. Unmask the idol for what it is. It appears desirous and beautiful, but it is a fraud and worshipping and living for it will only bring destruction. Compare what your idol does for you with what Jesus has done and continues to do for you. Write out a list comparing both lovers. Talk to Jesus about this. 4. Meditate on Isaiah 44:9-23 and Psalm 115. Recognize the excellence of your new King in comparison with your old ruling idol/master. Here are some essentials to gain victory over your anger. REJOICE IN JESUS As you rejoice in Jesus, your affection for you old lover/master will gradually decrease and you will be drawn more and more to Him. Spend time daily with Him, meditating on a portion of God’s Word. Write down on an index card each day one verse that caught your attention. Carry it with you and reread to yourself at different times during the day. It will keep your mind focused on God and His kingdom. It is like getting over an old boyfriend/girlfriend. The more you get to know your true lover, you begin to see all the flaws, selfishness and abuse of your old lover. What used to look like gold and silver was just a cover up for what was underneath—just a stump of old dry wood—and you were becoming just like it. Remember, rejoicing in Christ as a replacement for idols is a process…be patient…your heart will warm up more and more and you will come alive with joy. The Holy Spirit is your helper, pouring out God’s love into your heart.?(Romans 5:1-5; Ephesians 1:17-23; 3:15-21)) The above is a synopsis of a powerful conference taught by Dr. Paul David Tripp and Lois Kehlenbrink, contributors, Redeemer Counseling Services in conjunction with Revive Our Hearts ministries. To obtain these resources, go to www.reviveourhearts.com/store/product/good-and-angry-cd/ https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/good-and-angry-discussion-guide/

Jezebel exemplifies Satan’s demonic attack on God’s people, especially His prayer warriors. Jezebel, the wife of Ahab was wicked, manipulative and murderous. Satan uses the same methods (her wiles) to undermine and destroy the saints. Satan’s demons, like Jezebel, will target, and then seek to divide, the relationship between a pastor and the church’s spiritual leadership. The antidote? Let the senior leader appreciate, communicate and support his leadership and prayer warriors, and esteem their contribution, and let the intercessors set their prayer focus to first seek the spiritual fulfillment of the senior pastor’s vision. Pastors are under siege. The war is over one thing: satan seeks to neutralize spiritual authority, and no enemy of hell does this more efficiently than the demonic forces-like Jezebel’s wiles. When Satan attacks the church leadership-whether it involves temptation, confusion, witchcraft, fear or discouragement-it will always have as its ultimate purpose to disable the spiritual authority of pastoral leadership. Thus, Jesus promised that the church that overcomes Jezebel will be granted “authority over the nations.” (See Rev 2:26-28). The Jezebel spirit seeks to divide, diminish and then displace the spiritual authority God has given church leaders. Without pastors leading in godly authority, a church simply cannot function: confusion, ambition and chaos reign. True spiritual authority is a source of protection; it is a living shelter that covers and nurtures a home or church. Satan seeks to neutralize the leader in that Christian setting, for if he can strike the shepherd, he can scatter the sheep. Churches that are influenced by Satan’s attacks are often divided-intercessors undermining pastoral authority. The deception deepens for often those who present a vision different than the pastor’s are usually presenting something that could seem godly. It is the spirit or attitude through which they communicate their perceptions that opens the door to attack. The unbending demand that a leader conform to both their “sense of God’s leading” and the timing of its implementation is where this spirit gains access and causes division. Pray The Senior Leader’s Vision The best relationship between a pastor and the church intercessors occurs when intercessors simply pray the vision of the senior church leader. His responsibility is to lead; their responsibility is to intercede. They are not called to try to make their church become like some other church. For to do so becomes a great source of strife and heartache for all. God has a unique call, or responsibility, that He bestows upon every congregation. That sense of direction and purpose for the local church is usually given to its founding pastor. When he leaves, the vision of the church is passed on to the church elders who, in turn, look for a new pastor who can build upon God’s historic call to that congregation. The senior leader of a church, though he is certainly imperfect, is still appointed by God as the “head of the household” (see Matt 24:45) This senior pastor, working together with his associate leaders, has the responsibility to incorporate into the church structure what the Lord brings to him. This responsibility presents itself through a variety of sources. His “leading” may come personally from the Lord, or it might emerge from counsel with his elders or other peers as well as godly leaders and authors who mentor him in the faith. When one or more intercessors seek to manipulate, pressure or control the church leader with a prophetic witness, beware: “Jezebel” is at work. When church members are being disconnected from the senior leader through a whispering campaign, Satan wins. Remember, Jesus said of Jezebel, “She calls herself a prophetess.” Beware of self-appointed spiritual authorities in the church that undermine the authority of the senior leader or leadership team. God Loves Order One cannot truly know God nor appreciate Him as He is without being awed at the ordered array of His universe. Yes, the Almighty loves life and freedom, but at the substructure of all creation there first had to exist an immutable matrix of order. It was upon this foundation of ordered laws of physics that life emerged. Order is the source of life. We must remember that the very same eternal mind that created the structured order of the universe, created the church. There is a divine order to the church that begins in being rightly related to Christ and the leadership He gives to the church through people. God is a God of order; order precedes life and freedom. God’s mind is ordered; His will is ordered and He gives “orders” to put things in order. It is important to note that the Lord Himself honors the order He creates. Consider: the Lord appeared to Paul, spoke to him, actually blinded him in His glory, and then said, “rise, and enter the city, and it shall be told you what you must do” (Acts 9:6). Why didn’t the Lord just heal Paul? Why didn’t He just tell Paul what he had to do? Paul would have to learn that, to reach God, he would have to submit to man. This is God’s order and the Lord Himself honored it. Paul had to hear about Jesus from Ananias. Or consider Cornelius: an angel appeared to this Roman centurion in a dream and told him that a man named Simon Peter would explain to him the way of salvation. Why didn’t the angel simply tell Cornelius about Jesus? In the Almighty’s universe, God works in an ordered fashion. Before the gentile’s could enter the kingdom en masse they would be invited by the Jews, who first accepted Christ. God honored the order He created. Consider church protocol in the book of Acts. When Philip brought the gospel to Samaria after Pentecost, miracles, conversions and great signs were accomplished. But Philip would not lay his hands upon the Samaritans to receive the Holy Spirit. Why? Because until this time, the Holy Spirit had only spread through the hands of the first apostles. Again, God required His servant to respect the order and authority of the first apostles. God has an order in your church. However it is established, and in whatever way it is defined, it is a place in order and it should be respected and honored. It does not matter whether you agree or not with the governmental structure within a church; as long as you attend that fellowship you should honor the order. The issue is not the form of government, but the life within the form. Paul wrote of apostles and prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers; John, however, spoke of the church in terms of fathers, young men and children; Peter, on the other hand, taught of elders, shepherds and the flock of God. The issue is not how the order is defined, but to understand that there is an order already established in a church and that order should be honored. It can be changed, but to change a church structure, one must submit to the elders of that church and be in agreement with the senior leader. They will pay the price for change when they are convinced God is leading. But they should not be forced to change just because someone has a problem with a church expression. When Satan’s influence begins to manifest in a church, it immediately seeks to undermine the authority structure. If it cannot directly seduce a leader or cause him to commit immorality (and use that sin to diminish his authority), it will bring strife and division to challenge his authority in the church. Remember, Jezebel was a queen who ruled a king; she assumes a “prophetess” role so she can rule a church. In so doing, she seeks to create a counterfeit authority among groups of individuals in a congregation. The result is that the established order in the church is undermined, true authority is neutralized, leaders are then wearied by endless meetings. “And angels who did not keep their own domain, but abandoned their proper abode, He has kept in eternal bonds under darkness for the judgment of the great day.” (Jude 1:6). There is a proper abode for each of us in the order of God. Jesus said that, in the Father’s house there were “many dwelling places” and that He was going to prepare a place of each of us. The Father’s house is not only a place found in heaven; it is revealed here on earth in the body of Christ. Whenever we seek to break the order of our church, we leave our proper place and enter a realm “kept in eternal bonds under darkness.” My friends, stay loyal to the church order where you worship God. If that order does not fit your temperament, find a church that does. If you cannot find a church, perhaps you are called to start one where your vision of Christianity can be fulfilled. But whatever you do, do not open up to false authority; do not dishonor the authority in your local fellowship through gossip or dissension; rather pray the vision of the senior pastor. For in so doing, you will help bring the church into the destiny of God and serve to fulfill the uniqueness of God’s purpose.

This message is one our culture preaches in earnest to girls and women, beginning in earliest childhood. It comes at us from virtually every angle: television, movies, music, magazines, books, and advertisements. In nearly perfect unison, they paint for us a picture of what really matters. And what matters most for women, they insist, is beauty—physical beauty. Even parents, siblings, teachers, and friends sometimes add unwittingly to the chorus: “darling” children get oohs, aahs, and doting attention, while less attractive, overweight, or gangly children may be the objects of unkind comments, indifference, or even overt rejection. I believe that our preoccupation with external appearance goes back to the first woman. Do you remember what it was that appealed to Eve about the forbidden fruit? “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.” Genesis 3 :6 The fruit had a functional appeal (it was “good for food”); it also appealed to her desire for wisdom. But equally important was the fact that it was “pleasing to the eye”—it was physically attractive. The Enemy succeeded in getting the woman to value physical appearance more highly than less visible qualities, such as trust and obedience. The problem wasn’t that the fruit was “beautiful”—God had made it that way. Nor was it wrong for Eve to enjoy and appreciate the beauty of God’s creation. The problem was that Eve placed undue emphasis on external appearance. In doing so, she believed and acted on a lie. The priority Eve placed on physical attractiveness became the accepted pattern for all human beings. From that moment on, she and her husband saw themselves and their physical bodies through different eyes. They became self-conscious and ashamed of their bodies—bodies that had been masterfully formed by a loving Creator. They immediately sought to cover up their bodies, afraid to risk exposure before one another. The deception that physical beauty is to be esteemed above beauty of heart, spirit, and life leaves both men and women feeling unattractive, ashamed, embarrassed, and hopelessly flawed. Ironically, the pursuit of physical beauty is invariably an unattainable, elusive goal—always just out of reach. One might ask, how much damage can it do to place inordinate value on physical, external beauty? Let’s go back to our premise: What we believe ultimately determines how we live. If we believe something that is not true, sooner or later we will act on that lie; believing and acting on lies leads us into bondage. Each of the following women believed something about beauty that is not true. What they believed impacted the way they felt about themselves and caused them to make choices that placed them in bondage. “I believed that outward beauty (my body) was all that was valuable about me to anyone, especially men. I chose to take advantage of that to get the attention I so desperately craved. I became a sexual addict.”“I have a beautiful sister, whom I adore, but I am plain. I have always believed myself to be inferior and that I must perform to be accepted by others. I see the beautiful people get the breaks in life. I just accept that I won’t, and I am in bondage to my perception of my appearance.”“All my life I have believed that my self-worth was based on my appearance, and of course I never looked like the world said I should, so I have always had a low self-worth. I developed eating disorders, am a food addict, and struggle in my marriage with the perception that I am not attractive, and that my husband is always looking at other women who are attractive to him.” Comparison, envy, competitiveness, promiscuity, sexual addictions, eating disorders, immodest dress, flirtatious behavior—the list of attitudes and behaviors rooted in a false view of beauty is long. What can set women free from this bondage? Only the Truth can overcome the lies we have believed. God’s Word tells us the Truth about the transitory nature of physical beauty and the importance of pursuing lasting, inner beauty: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.” 1 Peter 3:3-5 These verses do not teach, as some might think, that physical beauty is somehow sinful, or that it is wrong to pay any attention to our outward appearance. That is just as much a deception as the lie that places an overemphasis on external beauty. Nowhere does the Scripture condemn physical beauty or suggest that the outward appearance does not matter. What is condemned is taking pride in God-given beauty, giving excessive attention to physical beauty, or tending to physical matters while neglecting matters of the heart. One of Satan’s strategies is to get us to move from one extreme to another. There is a growing aversion in our culture to neatness, orderliness, and attractiveness in dress and physical appearance. I sometimes find myself wanting to say to Christian women: “Do you know who you are? God made you a woman. Accept His gift. Don’t be afraid to be feminine and to add physical and spiritual loveliness to the setting where He has placed you. You are a child of God. You are a part of the bride of Christ. You belong to the King—you are royalty. Dress and conduct yourself in a way that reflects your high and holy calling. God has called you out of this world’s system—don’t let the world press you into its mold. Don’t think, dress, or act like the world; inwardly and outwardly, let others see the difference He makes in your life.” We as Christian women should seek to reflect the beauty, order, excellence, and grace of God through both our outward and inner person. The Christian wife has even more reason to find the right balance in this matter. The “virtuous wife” of Proverbs 31 is physically fit and well dressed (vv. 17, 22). She is a compliment to her husband. If a wife dresses in a way that is slovenly and unkempt, if she does not take any care for her physical appearance, she reflects negatively on her husband (and on her heavenly Bridegroom). Further, if she makes no effort to be physically attractive for her husband, you may be sure another woman out there will be standing in line to get his attention. When the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy about how things ought to be in the church, he took time to address the way women dress. His instructions show the balance between the inner heart attitude of the woman and her outer attire and behavior. Paul exhorts women to, “Adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” 1 Timothy 2: 9-10 ( nkjv) The words translated “adorn” and “modest” in this text mean “orderly, well-arranged, decent”; they speak of “harmonious arrangement.” The outward appearance of the Christian woman is to reflect a heart that is simple, pure, and well-ordered; her clothing and hairstyles should not be distracting or draw attention to herself by being extravagant, extreme, or indecent. In this way, she reflects the true condition of her heart and her relationship with the Lord, and she makes the Gospel attractive to the world. © Taken from Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Moody Publishers, 2001. More articles on modesty available at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Your husband learned from an early age to deny his true feelings — and to be silent about his deepest needs. Most men long for greater intimacy with their wives – but they have no idea how to find it. Bestselling author David Murrow breaks the silence – uncovering the central secret of your spouse’s heart. He reveals what every husband since Adam has felt, but has been unwilling or unable to say. If you really want to know what’s stored up in your husband’s heart, read this book. You’ll not only understand him better – you’ll love and respect him more. “What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You.” catalogs the many secrets men keep from their wives. For instance, if your husband is typical: He wants to be more honest with you, but you often become angry when he tells you how he’s really feeling. Many wives train their husbands to conceal the truth from them. He’s happiest when he’s competent and in control of a situation. He is at his core a protector and provider. These are the two roles Adam assumed at the fall of man and your husband wants desperately to succeed in these two roles He and his friends compare wives. And the man with the best looking wife wins. He’s afraid to admit weaknesses or fears, especially to you. He keeps a sexual scrapbook filled with images and memories. Most men would love to be rid of this scrapbook. At work he’s a genius. At home he’s a dunce. If he shares his true feelings with his guy friends he’ll be ridiculed. He’s tired of being seen as 100% of the problem in your marriage. He experiences God more fully outdoors than he does in a church building. The key to his sexual enjoyment is your enjoyment. If you’re having a good time, he’s having a good time. He hates having to read your mind. Tell him clearly what you want, and then be happy when you get it. He feels unappreciated at home. He’s less excited about church than you are. He feels that you are the expert in religious matters, and he’d rather defer to you. Let’s go back to that first one: many wives train their husbands to conceal the truth from them. When I share this with women they are shocked. Yet it’s true. Here’s how it happens. Men learn as children to hide their true emotions. Five-year-old Patrick falls off his bicycle and skins his knee. The pain is so intense he starts to cry. His friends gather around him and start taunting. “Crybaby!” they yell. Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside. At age 15, Patrick is sitting with friends in the school cafeteria. He says, “Hey guys, I’m struggling with some fears. Can I share my heart with you?” Patrick is quickly laughed out of the room. He learns to keep is true feelings inside. At age 25, Patrick is married. He says to his wife, “There’s a woman at work who is flirting with me. I want to stay faithful to you honey, but I’ve got to admit I’m struggling.” How does she respond? Silence. Pouting. Depression. Even threat of divorce. The minimum sentence is a night on the sofa. Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside. Does this really happen? Just ask your husband, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Observe the terror in his eyes as he calculates the damage to his marriage if he tells you the truth. Imagine you’re housebreaking a puppy. Every time he soils the rug he gets a swat. But if he does his business outside you lavish rewards on him. Eventually the puppy does what he’s trained to do—not because he wants to, but because it’s the only way to avoid punishment. Now, imagine you’re training a husband. Every time he tells you the absolute truth he gets a swat. But when he conceals his true feelings, you lavish rewards on him. Eventually he begins carefully managing what he tells you—not because he wants to, but because it’s the only way to avoid punishment. When you penalize your man each time he reveals his true feelings, here’s the message you are sending: “If you want your life to be hell, tell me the truth. But if you want things to go smoothly, lie to me. Tell me only those things that won’t upset me.” Don’t misunderstand: I am not blaming women for every communication glitch in marriage. Husbands do the same things to wives. I know women who can’t tell their husbands the truth because they’re afraid their men will explode. Women suffer too. I get it. I’m simply asking you to open your eyes to the possibility that you are contributing to your husband’s silence. You may have unwittingly trained him to hide his true heart from you. So how can you unlock your husband’s true heart? Make him this promise: “I will never punish you for telling me the truth. Even if you say, “I’m having an affair,” I will not retaliate in anger.” What? How can a woman NOT get mad if her husband says he’s having an affair? Of course, you have every right to be furious if he admits to infidelity. You even have a right to divorce him (Matt. 5:32). You’re not giving him a pass to do whatever he wants – you’re promising to hear what he has to say—without shutting him down. Weeks or months may pass. Then one day he’ll take a chance. “Sweetheart, can we talk about your weight? It’s bothering me.” “I’ve been thinking about quitting my job to pursue my dream.” “Let’s talk about how we discipline the kids.” “I’d like to spice up our sex life by trying some new things.” “I’m feeling unsupported at home.” These are not fighting words – they’re your husband’s true feelings. At that moment you’ll have a decision to make. You can erupt in anger and shut him out. You can descend into a depression for having failed yet again. You can go into the bedroom and pout. Or you can calmly listen to what he has to say. Thank him. Hear his concerns and take them to God in prayer. Do what you can to meet his needs. So there’s your precious key – if you really want to know what your husband is thinking, learn to receive the truth with grace. Hear what he has to say without punishing him.

What should elders be like? Outside of the Bible, you’d be hard pressed to find a better, sweeter, more uplifting explanation than the one given by David Dickson The Elder and His Work. Chew on these words. Be encouraged. Be challenged. Be inspired. Pray for grace. 1. The office and work being spiritual, it is necessary that elders should be spiritual men. It is not necessary that they be men of great gifts or worldly position, of wealth or high education, but it is indispensably necessary that they be men of God, at peace with Him, new creatures in Christ Jesus; engaged in the embassy of reconciliation, they must be themselves reconciled. We must love the Master, and the work for the Master’s sake. If we do love it, it will be a happy service because it is a willing service. And as our souls prosper, our work will prosper; the joy of the Lord will be our strength… 2. We should have a good knowledge of the Word of God, and be able to give a reason for the hope that is in us. Not that we must be theologians, able to grapple learnedly with all heresies or controversies; but we should be well read in our Bibles, and able to do what Aquila and Priscilla did to Apollos. Elders should be men to a certain extent “established, strengthened, settled” (1 Peter 5:10), not “novices”, whom the elevation to office in the church is likely to make heady, forward, crotchety, conceited. For very young men and very young Christians, other useful though humbler spheres are more suitable. It is a very great help to an elder to have been for some years previously a Sabbath-school teacher, and thus accustomed to study the truth and to apply it. Such work will also test his intelligence and interest in divine things. If an elder is to discharge the duty laid upon him in Scripture – “to reprove, rebuke, and exhort” (2 Tim.4:2), to “be able by sound doctrine to exhort and convince gainsayers” – the Word of God must be the man of his counsel, his daily companion… 3. Elders should be men of common sense, knowing when to speak and when to hold their tongues. Even grace does not give common sense, a little of which would settle many controversies and heresies in the church of Christ. Men of points and pugnacity are very annoying in a session or congregation, and they may rise to be the terror of presbyteries and other church courts. They may love the truth at heart – and we believe they often do – but they love fighting too. For such men the grave and quiet duties of the eldership have little or no charm. A carping, censorious spirit is to be watched and prayed against in all of us: it is often the precursor or companion of backsliding in doctrine or life. An uneasy conscience likes to find faults in others. Having many different characters and tempers to deal with, we need as elders to be men of a meek and quiet spirit, not going from one extreme to another – men of practical wisdom and sanctified common sense, and thus able to judge matters calmly and not as partisans. 4. We must be consistent in our life and conversation; we must be clean that bear the vessels of the Lord; men of good report, both with those who are without and those who are within the church; model members of it; “examples to the flock” in faith, hope, and charity, ruling our own children and our own houses well. In these days wolves find it profitable to put on sheep’s clothing, for a certain amount of religious profession is a help and not a hindrance to a man’s worldly prosperity. the church and the world are thus in danger of fraternizing, and it is always the church that loses… The usefulness of an elder will depend in the long run more on his character than on his gifts and knowledge. Quiet Christian consistency will give weight to his words of advice and be a daily lesson to all around. His walk and conversation, his style of living, his companions and friends, his geniality, his amusements will all have an important influence, not only on his own family, but on the people of his district and congregation. young people especially notice, and get good or evil from, much that they do not speak about to others. They should learn from us what a Christian is like, not by the frequent use of pious expressions, but by the clear, transparent outflow of a life “hid with Christ in God”. Brethren, “what manner of persons ought we elders to be in all holy conversation and godliness?” (2 Peter 3:11). 5. Last, not least, we should be men of deep sympathy – having not only human kindness in our hearts, but that sanctified and consecrated. Having experience of the ups and downs of human life, we should have sympathy with human hearts, ready to “weep with them that weep and rejoice with them that rejoice” (Rom.12:15). The world is not governed by logic, and to do much good in it, especially as Christian men and elders, the words of truth we speak must come warm from our hearts, or they fall cold and pointless. It was once said to me of another, ‘He’s a good man, but somehow he never reminds me of Jesus.’ Much of our usefulness will lie not only in knowing the wants, natural and spiritual, of our people, but in our having that heart-sympathy with them that will make us open our hearts to them, and will lead them to open their minds and hearts to us in return. We can best learn this by living in fellowship with him who was displeased with his disciples when they rebuked the mothers for bringing their little children to Him, and when they wished the hungry multitude to be sent away unfed. Taken from David Dickson, The Elder and His Work, pages 30-38.

I’ve been following the Lord for a little over 30 years now. And as I’ve watched the passing parade, some of the most zealous, devout, committed Christians that I knew in their 20s and 30s are now atheists in their 40s. They filed Chapter 7 on their Christian life. Each of them shared one of three things in common: They chose to become offended by God when He didn’t meet their expectations. They chose to become bitter at those who hurt them. They made provision for their flesh and were completely overtaken by it. Holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith (1 Timothy 1:19). Likewise, some of the people who claimed to be utterly dedicated to the vision of God’s central mission later abandoned it for an easier, less costly, more convenient life. They filed Chapter 11 on their spiritual progress. The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful (Matthew 13:22). Point: There are no guarantees when it comes to our walk with the Lord. What God knows mortals do not. The truth is, all of us are hanging by grace. Every day. “The one who endures until the end will be delivered,” Jesus said. John wrote, “They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us” (1 John 2:19). The entire culture is pressing on us to take our eye off the ball. To divert our attention from Jesus to the flesh, the world, and the enticements of the enemy. Egypt, Babylon, and Sodom cry out to us every day from every quarter. Consequently, we all need encouragement to go on with the Lord . . . to keep Christ before our eyes. Teetering on the edge of spiritual bankruptcy is no fun, but it’s a red flag to motivate you to seek spiritual encouragement. And to receive it. If you’re down, you can bet that some Christian you know is up. And when they’re down, you can return the favor. The antidote to spiritual bankruptcy? See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first (Hebrews 3:12-14). According to the writer of Hebrews, the antidote to an unbelieving hard heart, the deceitfulness of sin, and turning away from the living God is mutual encouragement. Not mutual tear-down, mutual bickering, mutual hair-splitting, mutual condemning, mutual finger-pointing or mutual in-fighting. But mutual encouragement. But if you bite and devour one another, take heed that you don’t consume one another (Galatians 5:13). There once were two cats of Kilkenny Each thought there was one cat too many So they fought and they fit And they scratched and they bit ‘Til excepting their nails And the tips of their tails Instead of two cats there weren’t any. Acknowledging to yourself and to someone else that you’re stuck in your walk is the first step to getting unstuck. And finding people and communities where mutual encouragement is the norm (opposed to tear-down and in-fighting) is the best way to protect your spirit. Spiritual bankruptcy can be avoided. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).

As a community of believers grows, its needs new leaders raised up to handle the increased ministry needs. This is true for churches that handle growth by multiplying into new locations and for churches that keep their growth in one location. It is the story of Acts 6:1-7. The early church was a time of growth where 5,000 men could find Christ from just one sermon (Acts 4:4). Yet we see in chapter 6, that the Greek-speaking Jewish widows became lost in the bustle of growth and were neglected. Seven men of good reputation and spiritual maturity were chosen to meet that need. Unfortunately, raising up volunteers isn’t easy. It’s hard work. And to have Acts 6 quality volunteers takes a culture well-equipped at discipleship and cultivating spiritual maturity long before being appointed to serve. Volunteer Challenges Based on Church Size The benefit of house churches (<25 people ideally) is they have no need for volunteers to run major equipment, maintain facilities, or manage ministry operations. What volunteer needs do exist tend to happen naturally, such as greeting newcomers and watching kids. But as a church grows, even a house church, the need for volunteers and structure increases as the ease of relationships decreases. For example, it is said that the quality of community intimacy declines after a house church exceeds 25 people. At this size, it is less likely for everyone to take part and more difficult to know each other deeply. At around 100-230 people, we experience Dunbar’s number – our cognitive limit of being able to know who everyone is and how they relate to each other. This is a medium-sized church (51-300) that still has some relational agility but still needs structure to meet all ministry needs and appoint believers according to their gifts. Large churches (301-1,999) often undergo intense growing pains as they learn they can no longer know everyone. It is at this size and above that we more commonly see volunteer mistakes, such as: not communicating volunteer opportunities lack of clear leadership lack of leadership training lack of accountability lack of volunteer appreciation haphazardly appointing volunteers (lack of necessary spiritual maturity, abilities, etc.) By the time a church grows to be a megachurch (2,000-9,999) or gigachurch (10,000+), they’ve usually figured out structure and now must work even harder at relationships and love. If left to itself, structure and management become cold and sterile. You can’t systematize love and relationships; trying just seems artificial and disingenuous. It is a weird tension because you need structure, but true love is sloppy. This is non-negotiable. It doesn’t matter how structured and high performance you are, if you don’t have love, it is in vain (1 Corinthians 13). So each stage comes with its own challenges. Regardless of what size you’re at, download ACTIVE Faith’s free ebook and think through if there is anything that your church needs to change.

There’s enough circulating in the media today to discourage Christians about the future of marriage and family. In a recent Atlantic article, “All the Single Ladies,” Kate Bolick suggests we stop thinking of “traditional marriage” as society’s highest ideal. Divorce is no longer the “new” normal, it’s just normal. In the 1980s and 90s, the term “turn-key kids” was meant to represent a sad reality for children. Now the term has been largely retired because of its regularity. These cultural developments have led evangelicals to become more family-centered, both for our own sake and also for the sake of our neighbors. Promise Keepers encouraged men to love their wives. John Piper and Wayne Grudem edited a scholarly and pastoral—in my opinion, definitive—book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood , arguing for a complementarian understanding of the home and local church. The name Focus on the Family speaks for itself. But with every response, there’s always the danger of over-correction. It’s not that I think some evangelicals have become too conservative or too traditional. I worry that they’ve simply adopted traditional cultural and societal norms, instead of biblical norms. Zechariah and Mary The two birth announcements in the Gospel of Luke to Zechariah and Mary reveal how a society’s “traditional” family values may not line up with God’s. Zechariah, the priest married to a barren woman, and Mary both heard miraculous announcements about impending childbirth. Yet while Zechariah responded with skepticism and doubt, Mary responded with faith and wonder. So why would Zechariah, a priest, doubt an angel of the Lord? He knew the story of Abraham and Sarah, so the idea of an older, barren woman giving birth wouldn’t be ridiculous to him. But consider Zechariah and Elizabeth’s situation. Some of you may know the pain of not being able to have children. It’s the feeling of 10, 20, even 30 years deeply desiring children with hopes unfulfilled. Zechariah and Elizabeth also suffered shame. Luke 1:24-25 reveals Elizabeth’s heart. She said, “Thus the Lord has done for me in the days when he looked on me, to take away my reproach among people.” By reproach she meant the shame that comes from known barrenness. Maybe some of you have experienced this reproach from more conservative societies, where family is held in such a high regard. If you’re nearing your 40s with no children and maybe not even married, you start to receive questions like, “When are you going to get yourself a husband?” “When are we going to start seeing some little ones around here?” You hear the whispers. Every baby shower brings guilt and shame. Zechariah and Elizabeth also dealt with questions about whether they did something wrong to deserve barrenness. Was there some hidden sin? Worse, Zechariah was a religious leader, a priest! Can you imagine how this public shame undermined his position, his authority? So for Zechariah, pain and sorrow turned to shame and disgrace. He held on tightly to the cultural idol of family. This idol filled his heart so that there was no room for the truth of God’s promise, even if he heard it from an angel. The good news of a coming son did not inspire joy but unbelief. It’s too late. We’re too old. Two Common Errors Reading about Zechariah and Elizabeth while studying our own age, we discern two errors common to societies when it comes to family. First, a society can value personal independence and autonomy to such a degree that family and children become burdens. What God has provided for our joy and human flourishing, we regard as a killjoy, draining personal resources that we’d rather use to advance our own dreams, ambitions, and plans. But there’s another wrong view. A society can make the family the most important thing. It can become an idol, something that fundamentally defines us. We regard anyone who never marries or cannot have children as somehow subhuman. They must have done something wrong to upset God. By contrast, the Bible actually teaches a radically subversive message about the family. God, we often discover, is the cause of barrenness in women. Stories of family dynamics rarely flatter. You’ll never find a Leave it to Beaver household in the Bible. Rather, we see constant distress, rivalry, and jealousy. Usually this dynamic doesn’t result from undervaluing children. No, we see it when children become the most important thing! Not only that, Jesus also has some deeply alarming things to say about the family, sounding almost cold and uncaring—see Mark 3:31-35 and Luke 14:26. And finally, it’s difficult to make family the most central thing for Christians when the two most prominent figures in the New Testament, Jesus and the apostle Paul, were both single. Actually, Christianity made singleness a legitimate way of life for the first time in any culture or religion. Christ and the Church Before you thumb your noses at traditional values on marriage and family, remember this: When God wanted to paint a picture of his great love for he church and cost of his death, he cited marriage between a husband and wife. God in Jesus Christ is the faithful and sacrificial husband for his bride, the church. In fact, the Bible often describes our spiritual union with one another and God using the language of family. Through the cross of Jesus Christ, we see that God is no distant judge, but a Father; Jesus is not only a friend of sinners, but our brother; we share not only a common belief system, but we also live in community as brothers and sisters. While the family cannot be so important that it invades the space in our heart that only God should occupy, we see that even from Creation, God designed marriage and family to result in a maturing society. Zechariah, however, warns us not to make family the ultimate thing. He turned it into a false god, leaving no room for the truth of the real God. Not so with Mary! She responded with wonder and faith, saying, “Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). She, too, had dreams and hopes for family. She was even betrothed. You don’t think she daydreamed of what her family might be like? We know from John 8 that Mary’s pregnancy out of wedlock was public knowledge. Many believed that Jesus was born from “sexual immorality.” So Mary endured the whispers, stares, and brooked smiles. A virgin birth was hardly family-centered in that traditional society. Might we have whispered and wondered about her, too? Christians should have strong convictions about marriage and family. But their convictions should come from the Bible, not simply the norms of traditional societies. John Starke is an editor for The Gospel Coalition and lead pastor of All Souls Church in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. You can follow him on Twitter. Used by permission. Originally titled “Just How Family-Centered is the Bible?”

Contrary to popular belief, men do have feelings. But most men are reluctant to share those feelings with others. Women, on the other hand, have no problem opening up. Why the difference? Men are trained from a young age to deny their true feelings. Complete this phrase: “Big boys don’t __________.” We enforce this rule with our boys from an early age. Five-year-old Patrick falls off his bicycle and skins his knee. The pain is so intense tears well up in his eyes. His friends gather around him and start taunting. “Crybaby!” they yell. Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside. At age 9, a bully begins picking on Patrick. The more emotional Patrick becomes, the more taunting the bully dishes out. Patrick learns to suffer in silence. At age 12, Patrick goes out for the baseball team – but is not chosen. He becomes emotional. His dad tells him to, “Buck up, and take it like a man.” Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside. At age 15, Patrick is sitting with friends in the school cafeteria. He says, “Hey guys, I’m struggling with some fears. Can I share my heart with you?” Patrick is quickly laughed out of the room. He learns to keep is true feelings inside. At age of 19, Patrick is feeling overwhelmed by college, the demands of his fraternity and his part-time job. His girlfriend just dumped him and his bank account is overdrawn. When he shares his anxieties with one of his frat brothers he’s dismissed as a “navel-gazer.” He learns to keep his true feelings inside. Every time Patrick opens up and shares his true feelings and emotions, there’s a man who tells him to stop. Or he pays a penalty for opening up. Patrick gets the message: to be a man is to deny your true feelings. Contrast this to his sister Edie, who cries freely when she skins her knee, who’s allowed to mourn when she feels rejected, and who easily shares her emotions with her friends. Why are women allowed to share their innermost feelings but men are not? For thousands of years men have been hunters and warriors. Hunters had to project an air of strength and confidence at all times. If a hunter were to complain about the cold, a lack of food or his fear of being mauled by a saber-tooth tiger, he could bring down the morale of the rest of the hunting party. If a solder were to speak openly of his fear of death or injury (or worse yet dissolve into tears) he could spook his entire platoon. Men also had to swallow their fears at home. If a hunter were to admit the possibility of an unsuccessful hunt might cause the tribe to panic. Same with war – if a soldier were to admit to his wife he was afraid of defeat, morale at home would suffer. Meanwhile, women were free to share their fears and emotions back at camp. In fact, this sharing was therapeutic and healthy for the women and the tribe. This is what gave rise to the double standard. Women have been free to share emotion because it’s beneficial, but men have had to keep their sorrows private because it could lead to disaster. Thus, societies have trained boys from a young age to keep their emotions in check. This prepares boys for the day they may someday be called upon to project an image of confidence in the face of danger. So we have yet another societal adaptation that has served humans well in the past, but has failed to keep up with the times. Today most American men don’t go to war. They don’t face imminent starvation. Sure, men still deal with bad news, unemployment and setbacks. But modern men rarely face the life-and-death situations that made emotional aloofness so important to our ancestors’ survival. The church can help men get in touch with their emotions – but it must walk a tightrope. It must provide forums for men to be real with one another, without pushing men too hard to fast. Most men’s ministry consists of Bible studies. We are focused on the acquisition of knowledge, which is a good thing. But we never get around to sharing from the heart because the format is wrong. On the other hand, some men’s groups are too focused on emotions. Some leaders press their men to share intimate details of their personal lives. Most men will not go there during an initial meeting; it takes time and familiarity before a man can trust others. True story: My friend Brian was invited to a men’s group at his church. At the first meeting group leader pulled out a towel and basin and washed the men’s feet. The next week only one man showed up. This was too much intimacy too soon. (Remember, Jesus didn’t wash his disciples’ feet until he’d walked with them daily for three years). One other reason men have a hard time opening up in a small group: if I am completely honest about my struggles, I am handing you a weapon you can use to destroy me. For example, if I tell you I’m using pornography, you now have the power to wreck my reputation in the church, to destroy my family, and maybe even get me fired from work. So yes, we want men to open up and be real. But the road that takes us there is a long one. A man must overcome the weight of society’s expectations and a boatload of fear before he can let another man see into their heart. churchformen.com/products-page/

One thing I love about the automobile industry is their solution to problem solving. Faulty parts do not have to undergo painstaking surgery. They are simply replaced with a duplicate part that works. Imagine if God suddenly called you to a different role in ministry, would there be someone that could fulfill the responsibilities of your current position? Would there be a replacement that could do the same job? Learning the principle of duplication is an important key to being able to grow a lasting ministry. It allows for your church to keep running smoothly even if a few parts are replaced along the way. Jesus’ twelve disciples were chosen to help Him with His earthly ministry, but more importantly, they were chosen to become duplicates of Him so that they in turn could duplicate His nature in others. They were not precise duplicates of Christ because they had sinned, but they did learn how to be Christ-like. As a leader, you should know how to duplicate your role in ministry three different ways. First, learn to duplicate yourself as a boss would. Train people beneath you to do more generic tasks so that you can focus on doing what only you can do. Moses did this in Exodus 18:13-26 when he established a system of judges to help maintain order among the Israelites in the wilderness. As a result, Moses did not wear himself out and was able to endure the pressures of his calling. Similarly, the Apostles in Acts 6:1-7 appointed seven men to administer a food program so that they could focus on prayer and preaching the Word. As a result, the number of disciples in Jerusalem greatly increased. Second, learn to duplicate yourself as a teacher would. When you went to school, you did not go to learn something that you would only practice at school, but you went to learn something that you could practically apply elsewhere in a situation that needs it. God has given you specific gifts. You have been called to a specific role in ministry. Remember to share your knowledge with others. Teach them so that they may go throughout the world and use that knowledge to further the gospel. Lastly, learn to duplicate yourself as a mentor would. Ensure that someone can take your place once the season in your current role of ministry is fulfilled. Jesus focused on mentoring His disciples so that they could effectively continue His ministry after His ascension. Mentoring takes time, but that investment is well worth it when your years of hard work don’t die but continue to thrive after you leave. Recently, I transitioned from one area of ministry into another. I had been involved with a preschool ministry for over six years. Throughout the years, I oversaw handfuls of workers. With each worker, I would duplicate myself as a boss would. I would train them to handle various tasks according to their gifts so that I could focus on administration and preaching. With several workers, I duplicated myself as a teacher would, and they took what they learned and put it to use supervising their own classes. Yet when it was time for me to transition into a new area of ministry, I needed to turn to the man I had mentored. Mentoring requires four stages to guarantee success. 1. Potential The first step is to look for someone with potential. Who appears to have what it takes to do what you do? Sometimes this is obvious, but do not forget to consider less obvious candidates. Jesus picked disciples that many thought were unfit for religious work, but He saw potential in them. So how can you see potential? Start with a set of requirements. The early church had requirements for elders (Titus 1:6-9). Are there any essentials for your role? These guidelines will help you narrow down the list of potential candidates. 2. Teachable Second, you must look for someone who is teachable. A person can have all the potential in the world but is useless if he is unteachable. The teaching process is the longest stage of the four. The more complicated your role in ministry, the more difficult it will be to teach to someone. If there is someone who has already learned similar skills to yours, that is an advantage but not necessarily essential. The only essential is that he or she is a good learner. 3. Performance Some people are learners but not doers. You need someone who can put into practice what they learn. Yes, you may have to correct him or give him guidance along the way, but overall, he or she needs to be capable of performance. Ideally, that performance will be even better than your own. 4. Sustainable Lastly, that performance needs to be sustainable. You’ve found someone who can learn and perform, but can he or she handle the pressures of flying solo? Will the ministry be able to last and thrive under the person you mentored? This is a true test of leadership. I was fortunate to have someone who met these four stages. He has been able to continue my previous area of ministry so that I can focus on where God wants me now. Best of all, he has brought leadership gifts of his own that will help further season the workers serving him and add a fresh approach to the ministry itself. No matter what your role is in ministry, look for people who you can duplicate yourself in. Whether you are a janitor, a designer, or a pastor, look for people who can learn from the excellence in what you do. Never stop duplicating. More from Kent Shaffer or visit Kent at www.churchrelevance.com Used by permission.

Here are some amazing statistics that re-shape the stereotypes of faith among Hispanic Americans. George Barna gives us a glimpse of the paradigm shifts we are now experiencing. Hispanic Statistics in the United States Earlier this fall we celebrated National Hispanic Heritage Month (mid-Sept through mid-Oct). How familiar are you with the hispanic cultures and traditions of the U.S. residents whose heritage came from Spain, Mexico, and the Spanish-speaking nations of Central America, South America, and the Caribbean? How well, if at all, does your church understand hispanic culture? The Hispanic population may not be a minority for much longer, and it is vital that your church understand their culture if you ever want to reach them. In honor of the hispanic community, we have collected the following general hispanic statistics. 52.0 Million – The estimated Hispanic population of the United States as of July 1, 2011, making people of Hispanic origin the nation’s largest ethnic or race minority. Hispanics constituted 16.7 percent of the nation’s total population. (Census.gov) 132.8 Million – The projected Hispanic population of the United States as of July 1, 2050. According to this projection, Hispanics will constitute 24 percent of the nation’s total population on that date. (Census.gov) More than 1 of every two people added to the nation’s population between July 1, 2010, and July 1, 2011, were Hispanic (1.3M of 2.3 M total) (Census.gov) 27 – Median age, in years, of the Hispanic population in 2010, compared with 32 for blacks, 34 for Asians and 42 for whites. (PEW) 5 states with the highest percentage of hispanics – CA (27.8%), TX (18.8%), FL (8.4), New York (6.8%), Illinois (4.0%). (PEW) 8 – The number of states with at least 1 million Hispanic residents. These states are: Arizona, California, Colorado, Florida, Illinois, New Jersey, New York and Texas. ( Census.gov 2.3 Million – The number of Hispanic-owned businesses in 2010. (Census.gov) 66% – The percentage of Hispanic families consisting of a married couple. (Census.gov) 41% -Â The percentage of Hispanic families consisting of a married couple with children under the age of 18. (Census.gov) 25% – Percentage of population under age 5 that is Hispanic, as of 2008. (Census.gov) $38,624 – The median income of Hispanic households in 2011 (Census.gov), a real income a decline of 4.1 percent from 2009 to 2012. (Washington Post) 26.7% – The poverty rate among Hispanics in 2011, a 4.9% increase since 2005. (Pew) 14.1% – Percentage of hispanics with a bachelor’s degree or higher (Census.gov) 71% – Percentage of hispanics age 25 and older who have at least a high school education (compared with 88% for blacks and 94% for whites) (IES) FAITH AND HISPANICS The Barna Group recently launched Barna:Hispanics, an entire section of it’s website dedicated to research specific to the hispanic community. In addition to their great (paid) reports, they have also released several free infographics. Hispanics & Faith 2012 (a series of 20 infographics) Understand one of the fastest-growing audiences in America. As the nation’s largest minority group—and one of the fastest-growing segments—Hispanics are an increasingly powerful force shaping our society. And with 84% identifying themselves as Christians, Hispanic Americans are also shaping the face of American Christianity. Hispanic America will give you an understanding of the faith, values and priorities of this important group. You’ll gain insights into these areas of Hispanic life and thought: Expressions of Faith Social Views & Concerns Work & Vocation Money & Finances Families Children & Youth The Bible Worldview Unchurched Latino viewpoints Demographics & Psychographics Politics Reliable, authoritative data and insightful analysis come together to create a useful tool for those who want to help shape the Church of tomorrow. Learn how to minister to and serve alongside Hispanic Americans with the groundbreaking new report Hispanic America. “This is one of the best comprehensive studies on our Hispanic population. I commend you for the wide scope and depth of the information.” Dr. Fermín A. Whittaker CEO, California Southern Baptist Convention See what others are saying about the Hispanic America report. It is critical that we see how God is moving among our Hispanic population here in the United States and around the world. www.churchrelevance.com . Used by permission.

You’re not imagining it: there’s a severe shortage of single men in the church. Not just here in the U.S., but also around the world. When I was writing my first book, I spoke to a Christian woman from France. “Once a woman receives Jesus here, she is unmarriagable,” the woman said. “There are almost no men in my country who are following Christ. And French men will not marry a woman whose faith in Jesus is so strong. She is a leper in their eyes.” Christian colleges are becoming convents. I recently visited a Christian college in the Pacific Northwest, whose student body is 66% female. Camerin Courtney writes, “I often joke with a single male friend of mine that because of his gender, he’s got a buffet of dating/mate choices stretched out before him. I, on the other hand…am starving in the desert.” Christian writers like Joshua Harris (I Kissed Dating Goodbye) have have given men permission ignore the opposite sex — and appear godlier for it. So even the guys who go to church seem afraid to date. They may feel pressure since there are so many women to choose from. One man said that going to a singles meeting feels like “walking into a room full of bees with honey smeared on your face.” There’s even a joke about the gender imbalance. It goes like this: Men in the church are like parking spaces. All the good ones are either already taken, or they’re handicapped.” So where are all the single Christian men? How can you meet one? Research shows that single men are more likely to attend churches that fit the following profile: Large (thousands of attendees on a weekend) Headed by a male pastor who’s bold and outspoken Non-denominational Contemporary worship style Conservative theology Risk-taking culture Offers intentional male discipleship Worship service done in under 90 minutes I’m not suggesting you switch churches over this issue. You need to grow where God has planted you. But it probably wouldn’t hurt to visit such a church – especially if your church offers nothing for singles. A columnist for Christianity Today writes, “I have great single female friends who want godly husbands—as do I. We want to build strong Christian marriages and raise good godly children. And we simply have no idea where to find these great men, if they even exist.” Yes, they exist, but they’re hard to find because demand is outstripping supply. http://www.churchesformen.com . Used by permission