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Many of you have heard the tale of the mouse who rode the elephant across a bridge. After getting to the other side, the mouse said, “We really shook that bridge!” Of course, it’s the elephant that shook the bridge, but the mouse rode the power! We know that momentum is mass times velocity. The elephant has several thousand times more mass than the mouse, and the elephant can also run faster. In fact, for the two to have the same momentum, the mouse would have to travel faster than sound! But if the mouse simply rides the elephant, the mouse can rapidly plow through a jungle of obstacles. I had a professor who said, “Just stay on the bus, and the bus will take you where you want to go. But you have to stay on the bus.” Holding onto this truth helped me to get through a tough doctoral program. Taking this saying to heart is similar to believing in one of my favorite scriptures: “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared” (Exodus 23:20). To get to where we’re going, it’s important to simply keep our eyes on Christ and trust that He’ll bring us victories that we anticipate. As a therapist and marriage counselor for over 30 years, I’ve seen hundreds of “underdogs” take charge of their lives. Many of us have been underestimated and even treated unfairly. Others have been abused, have run afoul of the law, have been born with chemical imbalances, or have faced unimaginable family-of-origin horrors. Some people have simply had set-backs to their well-ordered lives and high expectations. None of this is easy and it takes a toll on us. So I try to remember that life isn’t fair, but God is MORE than fair. Sometimes we have yet to see what’s on the OTHER side of the bridge, “the place” that God has prepared. Turmoil and confusion can be the beginning of creativity and victory. With a passion for the fulfillment of dreams, for victories over any obstacle, and for service to Christ – oftentimes with many miracles! – many have risen from ash heaps to mountain tops, from believing lies to believing the truth, from confusion to vision, and from defeat to victory. We can be just like that mouse! All we have to do is ride the elephant. And at the end of the ride we can say, “Wow, we really shook that bridge!” Points to Ponder: Before I shake the bridge, I want to know four things: ? It’s the right bridge (a call of God or one of my missions in life). ? It’s the right time. ? I’m ready for greater obstacles on the other side of the bridge. ? I’m ready to live a victorious life.

Dead. That’s exactly how John felt that morning as he faced the platform. He was singing along with the music, eyes closed, trying to focus on the lyrics, trying to lift his heart to God as best he knew how. But like many Sundays before, his soul felt shriveled and uncomfortably numb. If those who stood around him only knew the depths of his sin, how would they treat him? If they knew about the websites he visited the night before, what would they say? What would his wife say? Men like John are all too common in the church today. According to Pure Desire Ministries, after collecting thousands of surveys from churches all over America, men like John comprise 60-70% of the men in our pews (plus 25-30% of women, and sadly, 50-58% of church leaders). Can churches become communities where people like John find repentance, hope, and healing? The good news is many leading churches are striving for this, and they are reshaping the culture of the church to change lives. Dry Drunks in the Pews How could so many Christians be so sexually broken and go unnoticed? Is this problem really as large as it is made out to be? According to Leadership Journal, more than half (57%) of pastors surveyed say porn addiction is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation. Some in the pews are undeniably addicts of the first degree: their sexual compulsions have brought them to unfathomable depths of perversion. And they are paying dearly for it. But others have only convinced themselves they don’t have a problem. Ted Roberts of Pure Desire likens these men and women to “dry drunks”: they watch a little porn now and then, they masturbate, they sexually fantasize, but they would never call themselves “addicts.” Outwardly their sexual habits might pass for unharmful, but inwardly they are filled with loneliness, bitterness, and lust. Their marriages are far from intimate. Their fellowship with others is shallow at best. And week after week they lose a little more hope that things will ever be different. “Our church, every church, all this culture are awash in lust, pornography, and every manner of sexual perversion,” says Pastor John Piper of Bethlehem Baptist Church. “We are, in fact, so awash that we’ve become fish who don’t even dream about air anymore.” Opening the Can of Worms: Taking on Taboos Some church leaders have said enough is enough, and they have become intentional and strategic about tackling this issue head-on. James Reeves, senior pastor of Celebration Fellowship in Fort Worth, likens the damage of pornography to a coming tsunami. “The issue of sexual addiction caught us unaware at first,” Reeves writes. “All around us marriages began to fall apart, husbands started getting caught with pornography, in affairs, and visiting prostitutes, and we knew we had to do something. Although we were heavily involved in recovery ministry already, we knew very little about how to deal with the specific issue of sexual addiction. So we got informed, educated, and went to work.” On Sept. 21, 2003, they devoted a special Sunday to the issue, entitled, “The Day Celebration Told the Truth about Pornography.” They had a panel discussion where six couples and one man, all of whom were in recovery, told their stories. They spoke about the shame, frustration, and despair that comes with this addiction, and they talked about their path to recovery so far. Reeves didn’t announce the topic beforehand to his congregation so people would not come up with convenient excuses to miss church that morning. “From that day forward,” says Reeves, “we were off and running in ministering to men, women, and families caught in this area.” Even smaller churches are taking action. Rev. Hank Van der Woerd ministers to a growing congregation of 250 families in the immigrant community in Southern Alberta, Canada. Even among this farming community, the members of Trinity United Reformed Church are no strangers to the problem of pornography. Rev. Van der Woerd, along with ministers from surrounding churches, decided to organize a seminar for all their men, age 14 and up, where they communicated biblical, psychological, and practical advice for men facing this temptation. The event was well-attended, and while there were some naysayers, critics were soon silenced when they were confronted with the enormity of the problem. For the elders of Trinity, this is only the beginning of their approach to this problem. Determined to help their 900 members, the elders have decided to set aside funds every year to purchase Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability for any family who wants it in their church. They are sending a message to the church-at-large: we want to be a community of hope and healing, where secrets sins can be brought into the light. The Inevitable Fight with Shame For many men and women who deeply struggle with sexual sin, a feeling of shame clings to them like a wet blanket and often become the biggest barrier against seeking help. Biblical counselor David Powlison says shame and guilt are related but distinct experiences. “Guilt is an awareness of failure against a standard,” such as a rule or a personal expectation. But shame, says Powlison, is “a sense of failure before the eyes of someone else.” Shame is overtly relational. For many porn and sex addicts, the shame is so acute, being open and honest in a spiritual community sounds like the last thing they want to do. So for churches that are proactive about this issue, disinfecting the shame-dynamic is a constant battle. Disinfecting Shame at Hospital Church And religious environments, unfortunately, encourage masks and pretension. A few decades ago, Pastor James Reeves came to believe that the church (as he experienced it) was not a safe place to talk about real problems. Reeves was saved at age 18 right off the street. He grew up, as he says, “poor white trash in a tin-roof house.” He was no stranger to drugs and alcohol. His own father died a penniless alcoholic in a flop house. Coming to Christ brought about a radical change in his life and eventually, after college, he entered a life of vocational ministry. However, six years into his pastoral career he sunk into an inexplicable and deep depression. His fellow church leaders gave him a short sabbatical, during which Reeves discovered how insufficiently he had recovered from the hurts and sins of his past. He returned to his church, not only refreshed, but with a new vision for what he wanted his church to become. He desires his church to become a place where people felt free to bring their deepest hurts and their biggest secrets. He calls it “Hospital Church.” The church, says Reeves, is meant to be like a hospital gown. “The hospital gown is designed not for concealment but easy access.” Reeves dreams of a church where people can be completely transparent—warts and all—and for the past 20 years, Reeves and the leaders of Celebration Fellowship have worked hard to intentionally create an atmosphere of grace to make transparency possible. Similarly, Dr. Bill Berry of Central Church in Collierville, Tennessee, says battling the shame-orientation is crucial to helping men and women come out of hiding. Dr. Berry has been the director of Battle Plan Ministries for 12 years in his church, and through this program he has watched scores of men walk out of the darkness of porn addiction and into the light. He knew men and women were seeking private counseling for these problems—a tactic he calls “covert warfare”—but he wanted his church to be a place where men could be honest publically about their struggles. Berry says he started Battle Plan for this very reason: to change the culture of his church and give men a safe forum for being honest without fear of condemnation. He now oversees four Battle Plan groups around the Memphis area. Modeling Brokenness from the Front Where does transparency start? Jon Acuff calls Christian leaders to give “the gift of going second.” When one brave soul speaks first, when he or she shares the raw and dirty details off their life, others in the room are given “the gift of going second.” It’s so much harder to be first. No one knows what’s off limits yet and you’re setting the boundaries with your words. You’re throwing yourself on the honesty grenade and taking whatever fall out that comes with it. Going second is so much easier. And the ease only grows exponentially as people continue to share. But it has to be started somewhere. Someone has to go first, and I think it has to be us. In the New York metropolitan area, Grace Community Church reaches thousands with its weekend services.Nearly every week Pastor Jarrod Jones will stand on the platform and remind his congregation, “This is a church where it’s okay to not be okay.” Jones, himself, is no stranger to the struggle of sexual sin. He writes candidly about what he has learned from his own struggles in his book, 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life. This environment of grace is one of the reasons why their Men’s L.I.F.E. Accountability Group is as strong as it is. Mike Pagna, who leads this Saturday morning fellowship, believes strongly that leaders need to set the pace when it comes to transparency. “I don’t care if I’m labeled a sex addict,” he says. Wanting more guys to come clean about their struggles, he would create venues to tell his story: men’s breakfasts, youth group events, anywhere he was given a platform. This not only drew guys to his group, but it also empowered men to be honest when they got there. “The leader needs to really, really lay it out. I need to lead with my junk so other guys can talk about theirs.” This is the same approach used by Pastor Darrell Brazell of New Hope Fellowship in Lawrence, Kansas. Brazell struggled with pornography since he was 10. He pursued a career in ministry believing if he devoted his life to God in full-time service, God would make his sexual struggles go away. When this did not happen, his heart was eaten alive with shame, and the addiction only became worse. Brazell started to find freedom when he opened up about his struggle to other fellow pastors. Because of his willingness to share his story with others, more and more men came to Brazell for help for their sexual sins. In October 2003, Brazell founded New Hope Fellowship, and to this day its sexual addiction recovery ministry is the church’s largest outreach to the surrounding community. Brazell knows his situation is unique: not every pastor’s story is like his own. But he believes strongly that pastors need to be honest about their own weaknesses. “If the teaching pastors do not understand their own brokenness and constantly proclaim grace, no recovery ministry is going to thrive.” www.covenanteyes.com . Used by permission.

In my books I offer a lot of advice for attracting men to church. Among these are the obvious “spiritual” suggestions: preach better sermons, do a better job loving people, offer ministry opportunities for men, etc. But then I get into some practical ones: choose manly songs. Ditch the quilts, flowers and lace. Don’t make people hold hands. Go easy on the Love Songs to Jesus. I tend to focus more on these practical steps because we rarely give them much thought. My critics often take issue with these suggestions. They have a hard time believing that song lyrics, paint color, décor and metaphors make a difference. God is all-powerful, and the idea that He could be limited by something as trivial as pink walls or romantic lyrics is insulting to many Christians. Let me be clear: God is God, and he can do whatever he wants. If God is present in worship, it won’t matter if the pastor wears a pink ballerina tutu – men will be drawn. The Spirit always trumps the practical. Yet practical things do matter. Let’s say this Sunday your church’s furnace goes out. The temperature outside is near freezing. The sanctuary temperature drops into the mid-40s (8° C). You decide to hold your worship service despite the temperature. The Spirit comes and people get a blessing. Things go so well you decide not to repair the furnace. Week after week you leave the furnace unrepaired. The temperature in your church varies widely based on the weather. Tell me, what will happen? Would there be complaints? Opposition? Defections? Yes, yes and yes. People would leave your church over the temperature of the sanctuary. Now, should air temperature matter? Not at all. Paul and Silas praised God in a smelly jail cell in Philippi. Peter was crucified upside down. Shouldn’t we have the fortitude to praise God in a room that’s a bit frosty? Are we really that weak? Are today’s Christians shallow people concerned only with their own comfort? Perhaps. But we’re focusing on the wrong issue. Look at it this way: when people come to church they want to focus on God. Not on distractions. A cold sanctuary is a distraction. If takes our focus off the Lord and places it on ourselves. Our discomfort. Our frigid fingers. Our fussy children. At Church for Men, we help you identify the distractions that are keeping men from focusing on God when they enter a church building. Many of these things are trifles. They really shouldn’t matter. But they do. If there were only one church in a particular city, the little things would not matter as much. But modern worshippers have choices. They come to church seeking God. And they’ll choose the church where sense his presence. God’s voice is still and small. The fewer distractions, the easier it is to hear his voice. Some of my critics feel that I’m reducing the power of God into a commodity. That I’m suggesting we somehow manipulate the pure gospel message to appeal more to a certain constituency – in this case, men. This is not what I’m saying at all. In fact, I’m suggesting the opposite: the pure Gospel has already been manipulated in subtle ways to appeal to a female audience. Church for Men helps congregations restore a healthy masculine spirit – a spirit that’s widely present in the Bible but woefully absent in many congregations today. David Brooks wrote an insightful article in the New York Times cataloging some of the ways people are affected by seemingly trivial environmental factors. Among these: Organic foods may make you less generous Men are dumber around women Women inhibit their own performance Judges are tougher at election time New fathers are stingier with their money Children from affluent neighborhoods are more often delinquent Women wear red to impress men Now, should any of these things affect our jobs and our relationships? No. But they do. We’re only human. And when we walk into a church we’re affected not only by the Spirit, but also by our environment. Getting that environment right (and removing distractions) will help men connect with God. www.churchesformen.com . Used by permission.

How do we discern the effects of witchcraft? We must not be oblivious to the schemes of Satan, assuming that the practice of witchcraft is only used among primitive peoples in far away places. Paul confirms in Ephesians 6:12 the need for us to be proactive in our fight with forces of darkness. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Therefore, let’s examine some of the characteristic symptoms that occur when a spiritual battle like witchcraft affects a Christian or a church. 1. When a Christian is under an assault of witchcraft and curses, he becomes increasingly disoriented or confused; he might even become clumsy. Satan wants to cloud his vision, thus stopping him from reaching his destiny in God. Thus, the individual under attack cannot connect with his spiritual vision; his motivation is either gone or lacking. 2. When one is targeted by curses, he will feel emotionally drained or debilitated. Those who have been the object of spiritual curses will carry a darkness, a cloud, in their countenance. The back of their neck is tight; a band of oppression around their head manifests as a headache. The person might assume he is sick, but it is not the flu. It is witchcraft. 3. Often, the curses released from witchcraft will arouse a number of inordinate fears which will plague the mind. The theater of the individual’s imagination will be targeted: At center stage, grotesque images will flash. The individual will be further drained by lack of deep or restful sleep. 4. When curses are aimed at a congregation, inter-church relationships will experience constant problems, distracting the body of Christ from its primary focus and calling. Irritation levels will be high; patience will be low. People will be more likely to complain about one another. Gossip and backbiting will increase proportionately. Rebellion against church leaders will seem justified and the temptation to withdraw from fellowship will be strong. It is vital to note that any or all of these symptoms may be evident and the cause may not be witchcraft. However, once we ascertain that we are truly fighting a spiritual enemy, victory is near. Putting On Christ To win this battle, we must understand why the Lord allows evil in the first place. From the beginning, God’s plan has been to create man in His image. To facilitate His eternal purpose, the Lord accommodates evil to bring forth godly character in us. In other words, we would never ascend to the heights of Christlike love, which loves even one’s adversary, without there being actual enemies to perfect our love. God cannot establish within us a pure heart and a steadfast spirit without allowing genuine temptations and actual obstacles that must be overcome. The reason the Lord even tolerates evil in the world is to produce a righteousness within us that not only withstands the assault of evil but grows stronger and brighter in the midst of it. Therefore, to deal with witchcraft, we must understand that the Lord’s primary objective is not the removal of wickedness from society, but the transformation of our hearts to Christlikeness. Let’s look again at the symptoms that accompany the assault of witchcraft and apply the principle of transformation. 1. How do we break the effect of curses and confusion that blocks our vision? We bless those who curse us. Even if we do not know specifically who is directing a curse toward us, we pray a blessing on them. In other words, we ask God to bless them with the same blessing we have experienced in our repentance and coming to Christ. We bless and curse not. This is vital. Too many Christians become bitter and angry in the conflict. If we descend into hatefulness, we have already lost the battle against witchcraft. We must cooperate with God in turning what was meant for evil into a greater good within us. This is why we bless those who would curse us: It is not only for their sakes but to preserve our own soul from its natural response toward hatred. While silent prayer is certainly an acceptable form of communication with God, it is our experience that audible prayer is both more forceful and effective with regard to spiritual warfare. A typical example of a prayer against witchcraft and curses would be the following: Heavenly Father, You know the battle which is coming against me/us. I pray that You would forgive those who are serving the devil. Lord, I know You said that those who bless us, You would bless, and those who curse us, You would curse. Yet, Father, these people are already under Your curse. Therefore, I pray that You would pour out Your redemptive blessings-those very blessings which shatter darkness with light, that overcome evil with good, that bring hope to the hopeless and life to the dead. And I ask these things, Heavenly Father, that You might fulfill the redemptive purposes You revealed in Your Son, Jesus Christ, and satisfy the longing of Your heart. Amen. 2. How do we throw off the power of debilitation and oppression? We put on the mantle of praise for the spirit of heaviness. The church is, by biblical definition, the house of the Lord, the temple of God. The purpose of the temple was not to “house” God, for even the heaven of heavens cannot contain Him. The temple was created to offer worship to the Almighty and to provide a place of access for us in God’s habitation. Thus, the Holy Spirit unites us so that we can provide a living temple where we offer continual worship to God. The battle against us seeks to keep us from that purpose. If you are under an assault of witchcraft, begin to listen to praise music in your home or car. Sing along with them, letting your heart reach to the Lord. Build a buffer of worship around your soul. Become thankful for all that God has given you. The Scripture says we “enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise” (Ps. 100:4). 3. How do we overcome fear? The Scripture tells us that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a disciplined or sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7). Satan is a liar and the father of lies. The devil cannot tell the truth. No matter what Satan tells you, it is not the truth but a perversion of truth. Jesus also said that Satan is a murderer. Whenever we believe the devil instead of God, the quality of our life proportionally declines; something in us dies and it dies because we believed a lie. Therefore, we must stop listening to Satan and simply do what the Lord tells us to do. You ask, “But what if I get hurt?” Being a Christian is not a guarantee that we will not be hurt. Peter tells us, “Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose” (1 Peter 4:1). It is one thing to know that Jesus Christ died for the sins of the world; it is quite another to hear Him tell us, “Come, follow Me” (Luke 18:22). The fears that bind us are often the result of the wavering, unresolved condition of our will. Once we decide to truly follow Christ, the bondage of fear can be overcome. Where then, you ask, is the divine antidote or the place of immunity? The Lord never promised us immunity from pain. There will be times when we hurt. Yet, through the love of Christ our inner person will not be injured. Jesus said we would be “delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death, and you will be hated by all on account of My name. Yet not a hair of your head will perish” (Luke 21:16-18). God’s promise is not to keep us from conflict, but to be with us in conflict. Though we are put to death, every part of our lives shall experience resurrection: “not a hair . . . will perish.” Indeed, part of our weaponry against the threats of Satan is our knowledge that death cannot hold us. The devil cannot torment us with the fear of dying if we know that death is but a meeting with God and our departure from earth is but an arrival in heaven. Let us once again pray: Lord God, forgive me for my fears. I confess that I have been seeking to save my life when You, in fact, have called me to lose it for Your sake. By the power of Your Spirit, I renounce fear. God has not given me a spirit of fear! Father, I submit to the vision and courage of Your Son, Jesus, that I might live in accordance with Your will no matter what the cost. I also pray for others in the body of Christ who might be struggling against inordinate fears and frightening imaginations. In the name of Jesus, I bind the spirit of fear and I pray that, according to Your promise, You will deliver Your people from all their fears. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 4. How do we end Satan’s assault against the congregation? Constant irritations, division and strife among brethren-we must expose the work of the devil. Thousands of churches have gained the upper hand in their battle against darkness by simply recognizing that people are not our real enemy; the devil is. Fathers, mothers, pastors, intercessors and Christian workers of all kinds must possess this basic knowledge of spiritual warfare and the willingness to exercise authority. When the enemy seeks to bring us to a place of contention or division with one or more people, we must discern this satanic activity as a plot to keep us all from a blessing that God intended for us. Thus, we must turn quickly to intercession for that person or church. This prayer posture must expand beyond our immediate church relationships into the citywide body of Christ. We are our brother’s keeper. We must recognize, if we are to be effective in resisting the enemy, the church will have to become a house of prayer. Lord, we ask You to grant us the gift of discernment. Forgive us for judging one another and for failing to see the work of the enemy who seeks to divide us. Father, we submit to the mind of Christ, we ask for His perception, that we would have insight into what You are doing in the church. Lord, we also ask for boldness to defend one another from the voice of accusation and suspicion. Help us, Lord, to pray when we hear a rumor, to stand in the gap when we see a fault, to become a house of prayer for the church in this city. In Jesus’ name. Amen. Re-printed from www.frangipane.org. Used by permission.

I didn’t want just a filter that was like a fence around my kids. Fences might be good for keeping dogs in, but they only provide a temptation for people. You always want to see what’s on the other side—particularly with the Internet, especially if you know nobody is really watching.” – Ron DeHaas, founder of Covenant Eyes Two Reasons Accountability Software is Important When it comes to Internet safety, parental controls often focus on only one method: blocking content. But accountability software is not the same as Internet filtering. A filter blocks access to specific places online; accountability services do not. While people frequently use accountability and filtering together, accountability services monitor and report the sites that have been visited and the apps that have been used. 1. Internet accountability is important is because secrecy has become the norm. According to recent research, 71% of teens have done something to hide what they do online from their parents. This includes clearing browser history, minimizing a browser window when in view, deleting inappropriate videos, lying about online behavior, blocking parents with social media privacy settings, and using private browsing. 2. Internet accountability is important because it offers “relational” parental controls. Internet safety is not merely a matter of shielding young eyes from bad content. Internet safety is about training kids to become adults in a world without filters. Nothing does this better than having a healthy, constant conversational relationship with your child about their online choices. To do this, however, we need to know where they are going online. Seven Steps to Internet Safety: Parental Controls in Your Home Good parental controls begin with conversation. As you set down clear rules for using the Internet in the home, remember the importance of keeping a warm, open dialogue with your kids. As the video stated above, here are seven steps you should take right away in your home. Adopt this policy: If I am not willing to monitor a device, I will not provide it. Review and configure all parental controls for devices in your home. Make sure you have administrative controls on every device. Review every app on your child’s devices. Make sure you can control when apps are added and deleted. Discuss Internet concerns with the parents of your children’s friends. See what protocols they have in place. Limit the times of day your child spends online. Require all computers and phones be outside the bedroom, especially at night. Install Covenant Eyes on every device in your home. Use it to monitor where your kids go online and then start having good conversations with them about the choices they are making.. www.covenanteyes.com . Used by permission.

Women are always asking me how they can get their husbands to talk. “He just won’t talk to me, Dr. Leman. I just can’t seem to make out what he’s thinking and he won’t tell me.” Women love to talk. They’re wired to be verbal. In the average day woman use about three and a half times as many words as men. To put it another way, women could write novels with their conversations while men prefer the CliffsNotes version. That’s quite a difference. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t get your husband to communicate with you. But it may not happen in the way you think. And I can tell you this: getting your husband to talk isn’t going to start with interrogation. Let’s start with what not to say to your husband. Never ask your husband “why.” Why you ask? Because it instantly puts your husband on the defensive. If your husband is trying to communicate with you and you ask him “why,” you’ve effectively killed the conversation. Asking him that is like saying, “Explain your reasoning to me because I think you’re pretty stupid and you obviously can’t figure this out without my help.” This may sound extreme but male egos are much more fragile than they appear. “Why” is a challenge to your husband, and the defensive walls that will rise from this question can make you feel as if you’re actually talking to no one. So why not try statements instead? This may sound counter-relational, but your husband won’t hear it that way. When your husband is talking to you try saying, “Hey, that’s really interesting. Tell me more about that!” Take an interest in what your husband is talking about (even if the subject isn’t thrilling to you). If he’s into baseball he would love it if you asked him how his fantasy team was doing! Even if your husband is presenting an idea to you that you’re not crazy about, stick with the “tell me more about that” vein. Don’t ask him why he would want to do this or that. It will only clam him up. Men and women are different creatures. But communication is possible! Let your husband know that you care about what he cares about and he’ll be more than happy to open up . Just remember—you don’t always need to know why. To learn more about the way your husband communicates, purchase Have a New Husband by Friday. Available at all bookstores and online at Amazon, B&N and Christian Books. www.birthorderguy.com . Used by permission.

Face it, there are just some things that we don’t like to do. We all have those irritating things that incessantly demand our attention. Every one of us has a collection of loathsome demands that keep throwing themselves in front of us. Our lives are chock full of repetitive tasks, missed agenda items, overdue obligations, lapsed deadlines, and overlooked commitments that constantly harass us. We all have those irritating things that are irritating because we know that they need to be done, and we know that we should have gotten them done a long time ago, and we know that we’d feel a whole lot better if we had gotten them done. But we don’t want to. And so all of these various things have become something of a noxious stench emanating from the pages of our calendars. And so we find ourselves attempting to pencil those things out and off of our calendars. We all have things that we just don’t like to do, so we kick the can down the road. Then there are the messes that we’ve made. There’s the colossal blunders, the erroneous missteps, and the self-centered choices that have turned on us. Then there’s the little messes that have grown into mammoth messes because we never took care of the little messes when we should have. There were gambles that we took that were prompted more by a narcissistic headiness than a thoughtful deliberation. There were risks that we embraced out of some childish cavalier notion rather than a measured wisdom. We have some bad things that we caused that we just don’t like to deal with, so we kick them down the road as well. Versions of Kicking the Can Yet, things don’t go away just because we want them to. Problems don’t get solved just because we’re annoyed with them. Life is not so enchanted that things simply just dissipate all by themselves, or mystically resolve themselves because life feels bad for us. ‘Avoidance’ is not some sort of practiced slight-of-hand where the things that we’re avoiding magically vanish under the silken cloak of avoidance. ‘Denial’ is not some ingenious, multi-purpose tool that fixes whatever problem is that we’re in denial of, somehow busily working away behind the scenes while we’re sitting in denial of the problem. And whatever ‘ignoring’ is, it’s not powerful enough to somehow relegate the thing that we’re ignoring to the very oblivion that we hope our ignoring will relegate it to. We all have things that we just don’t like to do, so we kick the can down the road. Kicking the Can Implies Acceptance of the Can In kicking the can, it’s not that we’re in denial of the issue, or the commitment, or the obligation, or the deadline that we’re working so hard to avoid, or the self-made mess that we want to forget about. We’ve come to accept whatever it is that we’re kicking down the road, and we’ve embraced the fact that it’s a part of our lives and it’s likely here to stay as much as we hate that. We’ve long given up hope that it’s going to go away, or supernaturally fix itself, or be fixed by someone else. Kicking the can down the road implies that we’re accepted the galling reality that whatever it is that we’ve avoiding, it’s something that’s not going to go away; at least on its own. So given that it’s not going to go away, we decide to push it away by kicking it down the road. Kicking the Can Is an Action Based on a Decision Kicking the can down the road is an action. It represents the decision that we’ve made about whatever it is that we’re avoiding. It’s the choice we’ve made to deal with this thing by not dealing with it. It’s a conscious decision to placate responsibility, postpone the inevitable, deny our poor choices, pay a legitimate obligation forward yet again, and momentarily pretend that all is good so as to avoid any discomfort around that fact that all is not good. There’s nothing inherently good or redeeming about kicking the can down the road. In doing so, we’re doing nothing more than exhibiting cowardice and nothing less than throwing off responsibility. Kicking the Can to Pawn It Off Sometimes kicking the can down the road is done out of some pathetic hope that somebody else is going to pick it up and take care of it for us. Maybe someone else will step in or step up and solve this. Maybe if we kick it down the road long enough and hard enough somebody else is going to get tired of watching us do it, or feel bad enough for us that they’ll take care of it. Maybe we’re actually kicking the can in the direction of somebody as a means of baiting them a bit and hoping they’ll get rid of this for us. Whatever the case, maybe someone will have mercy on us, walk up to the can, pick it up, and dispense of it for us. Kicking The Can is Often Blaming the Can on Someone Else Sometimes kicking the can is designed to kick it so far away from us that we no longer look like we’re connected to the can. If we can ignore the issue long enough and distance ourselves from it far enough, we can often make it look like we really have nothing to do with it at all. But more than that, it’s often a way to distance the issue or the mistake or the blunder so far from us that it actually looks as if it belongs to someone else. Maybe we can ignore the issue long enough and kick it so far away from us that it appears as if it’s closer to somebody else than it is to us. If we can pull that off, we can actually make the issue look like it belongs to the person that we’ve kicked it over to. And too often once we’ve done that, we not only make the claim that it’s theirs, but we go so far as to say that it was never ours in the first place. Suddenly, kicking the can down the road becomes an act of kicking it over onto someone else’s road. Kicking the Can Will Kick Our Can There are implications for kicking the can down the road. Sometimes those implications are serious beyond whatever the issue was in the first place. Sometimes they’re outright devastating. The reality of life is such that avoiding most things means that those things will become worse in the avoiding, not better. If we’re avoiding something in the first place it’s probably because it’s pretty bad to begin with, otherwise we wouldn’t be working so hard to avoid it. And the worse something is, the worse it’s going to get if we avoid it. We add to the problem each time with avoid the problem. So kicking the proverbial can down the road only increases in the size of the can. And when that happens there will come a time when it’s too big to kick any longer. What’s Your Can? We all have our cans. Some are small and some are anything but small. But we all have them and it would be in our best interest to be honest about them. It’s time to identify our cans, as grueling and distasteful as that might be. Once we’ve done that, it’s time to quite the kicking and start the resolving. The road to resolution might be a rough one that demands much of us, but it will not demand as much of us as it will if we keep on kicking the can. It’s about being accountable. It’s about being a person of integrity and intention. It’s about stepping up to whatever our cans might be, purposefully reaching down, picking up the lot of them and ridding our lives of each one. A life with no cans to kick is a life of un-littered roads that grant us unobstructed passage. And it would seem that a litter free road would be a rather nice one to travel. It might be wise to consider adopting a can free life and giving up a kicking career.

When I was a young believer, I committed to memory Hebrews 4:12: “For the word of God is living and operative and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit and of joints and marrow, and able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Admittedly, I had no clue what “the dividing of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow” meant. I since discovered that this text has everything to do with one of the present-day ministries of Jesus. Specifically, His ministry as Great High Priest. The high priestly ministry of Christ is in fact the main theme of Hebrews. Just count the number of times “high priest” is used throughout the letter and that will become clear. As I pointed out in Jesus Now , we often miss this theme because Hebrews contains five parenthetical warnings which interrupt the author’s main subject. So what is the meaning of “piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit and of joints and marrow?” It is this: Jesus Christ, by His living word and through His indwelling life, enables us to differentiate between our soul (our mind, will, and emotion) and our spirit (the deepest part of us where God dwells). To put it another way, part of the high priestly ministry of Christ is to reveal what comes from our own thoughts, feelings, and volition and what comes from His leading. (I’ve demonstrated elsewhere that the human spirit and soul are not the same thing. 1 Thess. 5:23 makes that plain, as well as many other biblical texts.) In Hebrews 3:1, the writer mentions Jesus as our Apostle (a sent messenger) and High Priest. He uses Moses as a shadow of both roles and then collapses into a long parenthetic warning, explaining how the word of God fell on disobedient ears in the wilderness (quoting Psalm 95:7-11). In Hebrews 4:12, the writer picks up the themes of God’s word and Christ’s high priestly ministry, telling us that the Lord Jesus is carrying out His work as High Priest for our spirit and soul. Specifically, the writer likens each of us to be a sacrifice on the altar. Under the Old Testament covenant, when Israel offered up sacrifices, the sacrifice was tied to an altar. The priest killed it with a very sharp knife, dividing the sacrifice into two halves. The word translated “sword” in Hebrews 4:12 is machaira, and one of the meanings is “a large knife, used for killing animals and cutting up flesh.” The priest’s knife was so sharp that it pierced the sacrifice to the joints and the marrow. As a result, all the insides of the sacrifice that were once hidden could now be seen. They were laid bare without concealment. After the priest opened the sacrifice with his knife, he would burn it with fire as an offering to the Lord. Now hold that image in your mind and read the next verse, Hebrews 4:13, “And there is no creature that is not manifest before Him, but all things are naked and laid bare to the eyes of Him to whom we are to give our account.” In verse 14, the writer continues into other aspects of the high priestly ministry of Christ saying, “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven . . . ” So in Hebrews 4:12-14, the Holy Spirit paints a powerful picture illustrating the work of the Lord Jesus as our Great High Priest. As the sacrifice was opened with the knife of the Old Testament priest so that the joints and marrow were all laid bare, the Lord Jesus does this same penetrating, exposing, and dividing work on our spirits and souls with the knife of His word. It’s no accident that Revelation 1:16 says of Christ, “Out of his mouth went a sharp two edged sword.” In like manner, Revelation 2:12 says, “To the angel of the church in Pergamum write: These are the words of him [Jesus] who has the sharp, double-edged sword.” As our Great High Priest, the Lord Jesus uses His word to pierce and divide every part of us: the spiritual from the soulish. Only the sharp sword of God’s word handled by the Lord Jesus Christ can clearly discern the source of our living. Just as a human knife can divide bone from marrow, the knife of God’s word can divide the closely knit spirit from the soul. Within an immature Christian or one who operates in his or her flesh, it’s virtually impossible to distinguish between what comes from a person’s own natural soul (mind, will, or emotion) and what comes from their spirit (the place where God dwells, speaks, and reveals). In other words, such a person can’t tell when God is speaking to them and when it’s their own fallen thoughts, emotions, or desires that they assume is God’s speaking. The word of God, when received with a teachable ear and an unhardened heart (see Hebrews 3), proves sharper than any two-edged sword. Hebrews 4:12 says the word of God is “living.” It’s not dead or inanimate, but something that is vital and speaks yesterday, today, and forever. It’s also “operative.” This means it’s capable of accomplishing its purpose, which is to divide spirit from soul and expose the intentions of the heart. It’s “sharper than any two-edged sword.” It’s so sharp it can pierce into the human spirit, the innermost part of the human anatomy. Your spirit is the part of you that’s deeper than thought, feeling, and volition. If you open your heart to God’s word, and let it penetrate your inward being, Jesus, your High Priest, will do His amazing work of dividing what’s natural from that which is spiritual in your life. For much more on this subject, get Frank Viola’s new book Jesus Now.

Learn to make the hand-off. Try to do for the next generation of church leaders what the previous generation of church leaders has not done for you. We need to hand off the local church in better condition than it was handed to us. Jesus is the hope of the world and the local church is the vehicle of expressing that hope to the world. Every generation of the church has a new opportunity to bring that message in fresh and relevant ways. Luke 5 – How did Matthew get to be one of Jesus’ disciples? Jesus selected him. How did the other 11 get to be Jesus’ disciples? Jesus selected them. How would you have felt if you would have not been selected? Most of us would have thought that wasn’t fair. •Fairness ended at the garden of Eden. Our current generation of leaders, if we are not careful, will make the same mistakes that the previous generation of church leaders have made. Apprenticing. Our single focused strategy for developing leaders at North Point Church was to do intentional apprenticing. Apprenticing – selecting, modeling, and coaching for the purpose of replacing yourself. We have the most trouble with the word “selecting.” Was Jesus fair? No. Was He intentional? Yes. Even among those He chose there was a subcategory of 3. It didn’t seem to bother Him. For 3 years He so ingrained Himself in those 12 that they carried on without Him. Make Disciples of Christ. A disciple is a learner. What was Jesus’ approach to apprenticeship? 1- Jesus began with succession in mind. Jesus was the most irreplaceable person of all time. He started out selecting those He was going to pour his life and time into. We wait too long to do that. 2- He handpicked those to whom he would entrust his mission. He didn’t ask for volunteers. We think in terms of classes and volunteers; Jesus didn’t. We are all about fairness and who shows up; Jesus was intentional about who He selected. Have the courage to choose whom you will invest in. 3 – He rarely did ministry alone. 4- He gave His disciples opportunity to do ministry alone while He was still around to debrief. Luke 9 – He sent the disciples out… they came back and reported to Him what happened. Jesus decided to stay around to see what would happen without him. Eventually somebody else is going to be doing our job. Will you be there to see it done without you? Most people don’t plan to be around to see someone else do it without us. If Jesus was willing to do that, so should we. Churches almost always ignore this principle. We are too busy, insecure and intimidated to apprentice. We totally miss this. We get to the place that nobody will listen or nobody will take this seriously. We fail to engage in apprenticing in an intentional way. We do a lot of training but we fail to apprentice. There’s a difference. This isn’t about succession. This is about being intentional about pouring into the leaders that are coming behind you. notes by timschraeder.com. Mentor as Jesus did. He intentionally trained his disciples to carry on His ministry. Your successors may not be in your area of ministry or share your interests, but it is your responsibility as a Christian leader to teach them. We need to pour into them, not because they may someday have our job, but because someday they will carry that same responsibility of carrying the Gospel to the world.

We live in a war zone. Satan has successfully duped the vast majority of our churches into imbalance regarding all things concerning or threatening him. Our human natures are drawn like magnets to polar points, and we unfortunately apply our fleshly extremes to our pulpits. We tend to give the devil either far too much credit or not nearly enough. I cannot say this strongly enough: it is imperative in the days in which we’ve been assigned to occupy this earth that believers walk in truth and soundness of doctrine. Just as Christ warned in Matthew 24, we are living in days characterized by a rampant increase of deception and wickedness. Satan knows the biblical signs of Christ’s imminent return far better than we do, and he is furious because he knows his time is short (Rev. 12:12). Therefore, he has moved into comparative nuclear arms in his war against us, while we’re still using popguns in our war against him. A war of unprecedented proportions is waging against the church and the people of God. We must put on our armor, learn how to use our weapons, and fight with the confidence of those who know they are destined to win. When we speak God’s Word out loud with confidence in Him—rather than in our own ability to believe—we are breathing faith. Believing and speaking the truth of God’s Word is like receiving blessed CPR from the Holy Spirit: “Since we have the same spirit of faith in accordance with what is written, ‘I believed, therefore I spoke,’ we also believe, and therefore speak” (2 Cor. 4:13). When we approach God in genuine repentance, taking full responsibility for our sins, our prison doors swing open. But we could sit right there in our prison cells in torment if we don’t stand on God’s promises and walk forward in truth: “Therefore, dear friends, since we have such promises, we should wash ourselves clean from every impurity of the flesh and spirit, making our sanctification complete in the fear of God” (2 Cor. 7:1). As believers and members of Christ’s body, we must pursue God’s heart and know Him intimately to find spiritual victory. Praying for a Christ Awakening:A Contemporary Collection for Church and Culture, p. 64. Used by permission of Dr. David Ferguson and Great Commandment Ministries.

Clutter is the enemy of intention. Without a sense of order in your life, your marriage relationship will never reach its potential. You probably remember the comedy shorts from the duo of Laurel and Hardy, which nearly always featured a classic line uttered by Hardy to his inept sidekick: “Another fine mess you’ve gotten me into!” Of course, Hardy typically had some part in creating the mess, but he was unwilling to acknowledge responsibility. This is about finding solutions, not assigning blame. First, let’s look at how clutter can hinder your marriage: Physical clutter engenders stress and leaves you feeling out of control. The time you spend looking for something because of disorganization is time lost forever to you and your spouse. Mental clutter robs you of the ability to meditate on God’s Word and your relationships. The Psalmist said, “Be still and know that I am God.” The Message Bible says it like this: “Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God.” (Psalm 46:10). Emotional clutter imprisons you behind iron bars of uncontrolled anger, bitterness or hatred, leaving you incapable of true intimacy. The good news about clutter is that it can be cleared. Here are some One Things you can do to clean up the mess: With your spouse, assign responsibility for housekeeping chores for each member of the family with a daily and weekly list. Discuss and think about how you each will feel with the freedom of an uncluttered home. Set aside specific time to be with God, and recognize that He probably will not reach out to you via Twitter. Banish all electronics and other distractions and ask God to help you “establish your thoughts.” (Proverbs 16:3) Identify one area of emotional clutter and seek out a trusted, Godly counselor who can help you overcome it. God is not a God of disorder, but of peace (1 Corinthians 14:33). With an intentional focus on cleaning up the “fine mess,” you will carve out new space to enrich and deepen your marriage. Free eBook by Dr. Randy Carlson Dr. Randy Carlson has developed a 38 page eBook titled “Really Live” that will equip and challenge you to live life with more purpose and more meaning today, and more hope and success tomorrow. To download this free eBook simply visit TheIntentionalLife.com.

Scientists at the Oregon Health and Science University reported they had produced embryonic stem cells from a cloned human embryo. Here are 9 things you should know about human cloning: 1. Cloning is a form of reproduction in which offspring result not from the chance union of egg and sperm (sexual reproduction) but from the deliberate replication of the genetic makeup of another single individual (asexual reproduction). Human cloning, therefore, is the asexual production of a new human organism that is, at all stages of human development, genetically virtually identical to a currently existing or previously existing human being. 2. Human cloning is achieved by a technique referred to as somatic cell nuclear transfer (SCNT). The process involves introducing material from the nucleus of a human somatic cell (any biological cell forming the body of an organism, though for the purposes of SCNT, usually a skin cell) into an oocyte (a female egg cell that has not yet gone through the process to become an ovum) whose own nucleus has been removed or inactivated. The oocyte becomes an ovum that now no longer needs to be fertilized, because it contains the correct amount of genetic material. This new entity begins dividing and growing, yielding a cloned human embryo. 3. Cloning does not produce an exact genetic replica of the donor (the person the genetic material was taken from to produce the cloned embryo). All human cells, including eggs and sperm, contain small, energy-producing organelles called mitochondria. Mitochondria contain a small piece of DNA that specifies the genetic instructions for making several essential mitochondrial proteins. SCNT transfers the nucleus into the oocyte which contains mitochondrial DNA of the egg donor. Just as in sexual reproduction, the embryo produced by cloning contains genetic material from two different individuals. 4. Due to missing, but crucial interactions between the sperm and egg, genetic reprogramming errors’ are inherent to cloning. This leads to random, widespread genetic ‘imprinting’ and ‘epigenetic’ defects that are both known causes of cancer. In addition to the ‘epigenetic’ defects, cells derived from cloning that are injected back into the donor are rejected because of epigenetic mis-expression, genetic differences due to mitochondrial DNA, and the incompatibility of cells too immature in development to interact with adult tissue environments. This is the major stumbling block for using material from cloned embryos for the treatment of diseases. 5. The use of the terms therapeutic cloning and reproductive cloning are misleading. All cloning produces a human embryo and is therefore reproductive in nature. The more accurate, neutral phrasing is cloning-to-produce-children and cloning-for-biomedical-research. These terms make a distinction between cloning that results in the creation of an embryo for subsequent destruction and one that is created in order to continue the normal process of human development. 6. The primary moral objection to cloning for research is that it creates human life solely for the purpose of destroying it; using a human embryo merely as a means to an end. In order to justify the killing of these human beings for their “spare parts”, we have to ignore the scientific understanding what makes a member of the human species and argue on the metaphysical definition of what constitutes personhood.’ While it is true that many people oppose the cloning of human embryos for valid religious and ethical reasons, the issue is not divided along the typical left/right political spectrum. Even pro-choice advocates and others who hold secular and/or progressive political views find sufficient ethical concerns for opposing the procedure. Daniel Sulmasy, a professor of medicine and a bioethicist at the University of Chicago, told National Public Radio (NPR), “This is a case in which one is deliberately setting out to create a human being for the sole purpose of destroying that human being. I’m of the school that thinks that that’s morally wrong no matter how much good could come of it.” 7. Currently, the primary justification for therapeutic cloning is as a means of harvesting embryonic stem cells—a process that ends a human life—for research purposes. Despite years of media hype and billions of dollars dedicated to the venture, embryonic stem cell research (ESCR) has never produced any clinically proven therapies—and likely never will. As the Washington Post wrote earlier this week, “few experts think that production of stem cells through cloning is likely to be medically useful soon, or possibly ever.” ESCR has been one of the most expensive boondoggles in biomedical history. 8. Cloning not only compounds the ethical concerns of ESCR but adds a significant number of other moral problems. This Machiavellian approach would be difficult to justify even if ESCR were to lead to miraculous cures. But research using harvested embryonic stem cells appears to be an unnecessarily speculative undertaking and a waste of money, life, and medical research. The use of adult stem cells, however, has none of the ethical problems and far fewer of the biomedical complications of ESCR. In fact, more than 70 types of therapies have been developed using adult stem cells. 9. As the President’s Council on Bioethics explained in 2005, The prospect of cloning-to-produce-children, which would be a radically new form of procreation, raises deep concerns about identity and individuality, the meaning of having children, the difference between procreation and manufacture, and the relationship between the generations. Cloning-for-biomedical-research also raises new questions about the manipulation of some human beings for the benefit of others, the freedom and value of biomedical inquiry, our obligation to heal the sick (and its limits), and the respect and protection owed to nascent human life. Moreover, the legislative debates over human cloning raise questions about the relationship between science and society, especially about whether society can or should exercise ethical and prudential control over biomedical technology and the conduct of biomedical research. Rarely has such a seemingly small innovation raised such large questions. (Although the studies on cloning and ESCR produced by the President’s Council on Bioethics were once available at Bioethics.gov, the Obama administration has removed all the work produced by the previous council.) Re-print from The Gospel Coalition. Used by permission.