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The way that you evaluate your ministry environments establishes the culture for the rest of your church. Your church is a conglomeration of ministry environments. Parking lot, hallways, children’s rooms, check-in process, greeting, worship experience, etc are all ministry environments. Every environment communicates a message. The message of your environment speaks so loudly that it can sometimes overcome the message that’s being communicated from the pulpit. The Gospel is offensive but other things in our church shouldn’t be. The responsibility of the pastor/speaker is to be offensive. Every ministry environment needs to define the win. Make sure there is a filter for everyone to use to evaluate the experiences that happens in the environments that your church creates. It won’t look the same for every church. At the macro level answer this question, “What does is it mean to have a great ministry environment?” When everyone evaluates through the same grid, you accidentally create a culture of evaluation where everyone is evaluating through the same lens. If you don’t tell people how to measure success in their ministry environment, they will default to numbers. We can end up rewarding things that don’t match our values if we don’t have a standard. The word our church uses to evaluate is the word irresistible. We want to create irresistible environments… so people say, “Wow! I’ve got to come back and bring a friend.” What does an irresistible environment look like? 1 – An appealing setting Setting is the physical environment. All ministry takes place in a physical environment. Settings create first impressions. First impressions matter. An appealing setting speaks to people. Settings for 20-30 year olds are HUGE. They are sensitive to physical environments. Starbucks gets it, restaurants get it, churches don’t. An uncomfortable or distracting setting can derail ministry before it begins. • Physical environments impact people. Every physical environment communicates something. Cleanliness communicates, “we were expecting you.” Organization communicates, “we are serious about what you are doing here.” Check out the book The eM yth. What people see says something to them. A business that looks orderly communicates that people know what they are doing. Safety matters. Design, decor, and attention to detail communicate what and who you value most. Design, decor, and attention to detail communicate whether or not you were expecting new people. The sermon begins in the parking lot. Periodically, we all need fresh eyes on our ministry environments. What are some questions we should ask? 1. Are our ministry settings appealing to your target audience? 2. Does the design, decor, and attention to detail of your environments reflect what and who is most important to you? 3. What’s starting to look tired? 2 – An Engaging Presentation Engaging presentations are central to the success of our mission. Presenting the Gospel is a primary responsibility of the church. “Teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” is the unique responsibility of the church (Matthew 28:20) To engage is to secure one’s attention. Generally speaking, it’s the presentation that makes information interesting. Great presenters know how to make information people already know what’s interesting. An audience’s attention span is determined by the quality of the presentation. Engaging presentations require engaging presentations or an engaging means of presentation. The presenters present, let the content creators create. Create a system that gives you the flexibility to surface your best presenters and content creators. What we are presenting is too important to fool around with. We need engaging presenters. What are some questions we should ask? 1. Is your culture characterized by a relentless commitment to engaging presentations at every level of the organization? 2. Does your system allow you to put your best presenters in your most strategic presentation environments? 3. Are your presenters evaluated and coached? 4. Does your system create opportunities for your best content creators to partner with your presenters? 3 – Helpful Content Helpful = Useful. Truth isn’t enough. Matthew 7 – “everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice…” Helpful content is content that directly addresses the issues of thinking and living. Content should be age and stage-of-life specific. Information that does not address a felt need is perceived as irrelevant. All Scripture is equally inspired but is not equally applicable. Information that isn’t perceived as useful is perceived as irrelevant. Irrelevant doesn’t stick. What are some questions we should ask? 1. Is your content helpful? 2. Do your content creators and communicators understand that the goals are renewed minds and changed behaviors? 3. Is your content age and stage-of-life specific? Conclusion: Creating a “Come and See” environment for your church is critical. It has eternal consequences. Of every environment, program, and production, we must ask: 1. Was the context appealing? 2. Was the presentation engaging? 3. Was the content helpful?

Hell Gates were a real structure in Jerusalem, and every person in New Testament times knew what they were and how specific God’s protection and power is for our lives!! If we understand how they were used, we learn more about how to fend off our Enemy, the Devil. “ A Mighty Fortress Is Our God, a Bulwark never failing.” – Martin Luther A bulwark, or a bastion, is a structure projecting outward from the main enclosure of a fortification, situated in both corners of a straight wall (termed curtain), facilitating active defense against assaulting troops. It allows the defenders of the fort to cover adjacent bastions and curtains with defensive fire. The bulwark was designed to offer a full range on which not only to defend a position but also to ATTACK oncoming troops. Perhaps Martin Luther knew when he referenced the Bulwark that God intended more for His children than to cower behind a fortress wall awaiting with trembled knee the enemy’s killing blow. I like to think he was telling us all that God is more than our cover… He is our offensive! “…We are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” – Romans 8:37 Many people still worshipped the Roman gods during the time Jesus walked the earth. One such practice was to offer sacrifices to appease Hades, the god of death and the underworld. People feared Hades, much more than normal superstition, the wrath of this god meant certain death. It controlled every aspect of their lives. People were terrified and the evil was personified by a cave with a gate at its entrance. It became known as “The Gates of Hell.” The Gates of Hell were located at Caesarea Philippi which was an ancient Roman city located at the southwestern base of Mount Hermon (Har Hermon or Arabic Jebel esh-Sheikh). Caesarea Philippi was a religious center for paganism because of the massive amounts of water which flowed out from its’ ground. These sources of life sustaining water lent itself to the worship of fertility gods as the springs symbolized fertility. The source of the spring was known to the Greeks as the “Gates of Hades,” that is, they believed the streams flowed from underground, the location of Hades. The pagan idea was the gods would spend winter underground, that is, in Hades, and return in the spring to return fertility to the land and the animals. Fertility rites were practiced to encourage the gods to come out and begin Spring. If the gods were displeased – then there would be no crops and no food. More than that, they may curse you with plagues and pestilence. During some periods of worship, people sacrificed their infants and virgin daughters to ensure the good pleasure of Hades. No one dare refuse their children to be sacrificed if they were chosen. When loving parents attempted to save their child, the community would take them by mob force and then kill the parents publicly as infidels. To the south of this Gate of Hell, just some 20 miles, Jesus said “The Gates of Hell will not prevail”. Before going to Jerusalem , Jesus took his disciples to Caesarea Philippi and full well knowing the power and oppression that ruled over these peoples, Jesus proclaimed He would overthrow its reign. Jesus spoke of His triumph over all evil rite and paganistic strong hold in Matthew 16:13-19. “ 13 When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?” 14 They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” 15 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” 16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” 17 Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. 18 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Notice Peter’s reference to the “Living God,” evidently in contrast to the pagan idols that were there. Jesus made reference to “this rock” which was in direct correlation to the locals’ very rock where the idols sat and where their children were brutally murdered. In effect, Jesus proclaimed: I and my church have defeated all the evil, darkness, strength, and power that Satan (Hades) has had over you. Jesus said to these people: You will never have to sacrifice your children again… YOU ARE FREE! When Jesus took the disciples to Caesarea Philippi, it was a commencement into a new season in life. Jesus had taught them for three years, and by going to this place of spiritual oppression, Jesus led them to the main point of everything they had learned so far. That their mission would be to claim victory over the very power of the ultimate enemy himself, not behind closed walls, but in the world in which they lived. This is the spirit of the Christian mission. The proclamation that Jesus built his church on this rock—means that his way has replaced the power, religion, and strength of the devil—and the gates of hell will NEVER prevail. The church is the “Ekklesia” in Greek which translates “the called out”… this is us… you and I. Satan and all of his dark forces can never and will never triumph against us as long as we are in Jesus! Likewise, as the church, our Lord has given us a top priority mission. This mission is to be implemented in our culture and in our society. This mission is to take on the gates—the very entrance and strength of hell itself. This mission is what we traditionally call “The Great Commission”. Commission is an act of doing, achieving and advancing. Matthew 28:16-20 gives Christians our marching orders to advance the Gospel, the very good news itself that Jesus has defeated death and hell and that we all, every single man, woman, and child has the hope of eternal salvation. “ 16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee , to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” This means GOD WINS! This means We WIN! When we truly digest that Jesus said the “Gates of Hell” would not stand against his church. The image is that the “Gates of Hades” would not defeat spiritual victory by the church. However, Gates are defensive structures. In the Church, our attitude is often to be defensive, to build gates, rather than to challenge and knock down gates. When we picture this imagery, we typically envision the church as a massive fortress, and the devil continuously pounding against it to no avail. Sometimes, this image freezes Christians with fear. So if the gates of hell will not prevail against the church; who is attacking whom? As Christians, we must not be defensive and impish. The image of the church as a fortress keeping the devil out is absolutely backwards! Christianity as a pleasant and polite weekly event in which we warm pews, sing songs and maybe, if we are really ambitious, dare to be a user or deacon is also backwards. Christian churches and schools should be training grounds for challenging and defeating Satan. Much of the unchurched culture sees us as whinny, wimps who are naive at best, and dishonest fools at least who speak about morals and a good life but are ineffective and unwilling to get our hands dirty to actually help. Brother and Sister, We must heed the Gospel Call. We must take our place beside our Great King Jesus and fight the good fight of faith. King David knew God’s power is unmatchable. The victory is already ours. Who can be against us? Please read Psalm 18. Feel and experience the absolute power in the imagery put forth. It’s chilling, terrifying, beautiful, and comforting to know that God has your back in this battle against the gates of hell. “David is the servant of the Lord. He sang to the Lord the words of this song when the Lord delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. He said: 1 I love you, O Lord, my strength. 2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3 I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. 4 The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. 5 The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. 6 In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. 7 The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry. 8 Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. 9 He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet. 10 He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind. 11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him— the dark rain clouds of the sky. 12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning. 13 The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. 14 He shot his arrows and scattered [the enemies], great bolts of lightning and routed them. 15 The valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth laid bare at your rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of breath from your nostrils. 16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. 17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. 18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. 19 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” Jesus as the King of Kings reminded his disciples why he came to earth. It was not to be placed on Christmas cards in a manger scene; it was to defeat Satan’s death grip on our souls. Matthew 10:34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Likewise, the Apostle Paul appealed to the church at Ephesus to remember they were in the war of all wars, the very struggle for eternity itself. He said in Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” We are to be on the offense. We are called to go into every part of the world and victoriously proclaim Jesus and the power He has given the church over all darkness and evil. Just like the Bulwark, God has our backs like a mighty fortress, but he also provides us a means of offense where we are to cannon blast our way through the powers of darkness with the word of light.

Why do women walk away from church? Most people assume that men are leaving church and the women remain to “hold up the pillars,” but George Barna’s statistics on female church attendance are astonishing. Among U.S. women: Church attendance is down 11 percent since 1991 Bible reading is down 10 percent Sunday school involvement is down seven percent Volunteerism is down nine percent The number of unchurched women is up 17 percent Women’s beliefs also became less orthodox. Fewer women say their faith is very important to them. Fewer believe in the devil, see the Bible as accurate, or hold a traditional view of God. Why is this happening? As I wrote in Why Men Hate Going to Church: As women storm the formerly male-dominated worlds of business, sports, and higher education, they are becoming more comfortable with the masculine values they encounter. Today’s young women seek adventure and challenges every bit as daunting as those sought by men. The “post liberation” generation of women is not looking for the comfortable-as-a-quilt church experience their mothers had come to expect. And women are busy. In 2010, for the first time more women than men held jobs outside the home. Women want to give their limited spare time to an organization that’s having a measurable impact on the world. Ironically, the best way to attract today’s women may be to make the church more man-friendly. Barna notes that “the typical Christian church exudes a female vibe.” In times past, this “female vibe” was the price churches had to pay to keep women happy, giving and volunteering. But if women are becoming more like men, does it make sense to send that vibe any more? Women and Faith No population group among the sixty segments examined has gone through more spiritual changes in the past two decades than women. Of the 14 religious factors studied, women have experienced statistically significant changes related to 10 of them. Of those transitions, eight represent negative movement – that is, either less engagement in common religious behaviors or a shift in belief away from biblical teachings. Five of the six religious behaviors tracked showed significant change. Church attendance among women sank by 11 percentage points since 1991, declining to 44%. A majority of women no longer attend church services during a typical week. Bible reading has plummeted by 10 percentage points, declining from half of all women reading the Bible during a typical week (excluding that done during church events) to just four out of ten doing so today (40%). Sunday school involvement is less common among women these days, down seven points from the 24% mark noted in 1991. Women have traditionally been the backbone of volunteer activity in churches. However, there has been a nine point slide in the percentage of women helping out at a church during any given week. That drop reflects a 31% reduction in the non-paid female work force at churches. The only religious behavior that increased among women in the last 20 years was becoming unchurched. That rose a startling 17 percentage points – among the largest drops in church attachment identified in the research. The only religious behavior tracked among women that stayed stable was the percentage who attended a church of 600 or more people, which has remained at 16%. Although the core beliefs of women have undergone comparatively less turbulence, five of the eight beliefs tracked registered significant change. Women are six percentage points less likely to say their religious faith is very important to them than they were in 1991. Even so, nearly two-thirds of them (63%) hold their faith in high regard. When it comes to views on the devil, women are five percentage points less likely to write off Satan as merely a symbol of evil. Sixty-one-percent did so in 1991, but that has been reduced to 56% now. Perceptions of the reliability of the Bible have taken a hit, as the percentage of women who firmly believe the Bible is accurate in all of the principles it teaches has declined by seven percentage points to 42%. An even larger drop has occurred in the proportion of women who possess an orthodox view of God. Those who contend that God is the “the all-knowing, all-powerful and perfect Creator of the universe who still rules the world today” has slumped from 80% in 1991 to 70% today. The percentage of women whose beliefs qualify them to be classified as born again Christians has risen significantly in the past 20 years. In 1991, 38% of woman said they had made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that remained important in their life, and also said they believed they would go to Heaven after they died solely because they confessed their sins and accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Since then, the figure has increased slightly to 44%. Men and Faith While men have not undergone changes on as many religious indicators as women have since 1991, men experienced statistically significant shifts in relation to six of the 14 religious factors studied. Four of those transitions were behavioral while the other two were shifts in belief. The four behavioral changes were all negative from a church’s perspective. Church attendance declined by six percentage points among men, The research showed that the proportion of men who had attended a church service, other than a special event such as a wedding or funeral, during the week prior to their survey interview fell from 42% to 36%. Sunday school attendance declined by eight percentage points among men since 1991. Only one out of eight men (13%) presently attends such a meeting in a typical week. The percentage of men who volunteer at a church during a typical week has slipped by six percentage points since 1991 to its present level of 18%. The proportion of unchurched men has grown by nine percentage points since 1991. Today an estimated 39% of all men can be deemed unchurched – that is, having not attended a church event, other than a special service such as a wedding or funeral, in the past six months. The two religious beliefs that witnessed significant change were having a personal responsibility to share their religious views with others who believe differently (down five points, to just 23%); and firmly believing that the Bible is totally accurate in all of the principles it teaches, down by ten points to only one-third of men (33%). Among the surprises emerging from the research was the fact that despite decreases in core religious behaviors men are no less likely to read from the Bible these days than they were 20 years ago (41% in 2001, 40% in 1991). In fact, men and women are now equally likely to read the Bible during a typical week, thanks to the recent decline Bible reading among females. There were additional changes of interest related to men and women, described along with some interpretive comments by researcher George Barna on his blog site, georgebarna.com. Creating a sense of significance, hunger for the Word of God through powerful, relevant Bible teaching and deepening community are just a few ways men and women will renew their desire for church. But most importantly, prayer for the Holy Spirit to draw them begins the process. www.churchformen.com

Before I launch into this blog, I want to remind you that a difference between a man and a woman is not a value judgement; it does not expose weakness between males and females, rather it celebrates uniqueness. So now let me tell you about a great structure that we (males and females both!) have in the brain called the insula. The insula helps translate physical sensations and thoughts in our subconscious mind into conscious thoughts with attached emotions. So working with the rest of the brain, the insula helps us anticipate what something will feel like before it happens, like the proverbial “gut-feel” or “6th-sense”. The insula is larger in the female, which makes ladies more sensitive to existing and anticipated situations. A woman will quickly, for example, draw on past memories of financial situations (or any situation for that matter!) and bring them into the present scenario, which almost collapses time, making it more difficult for her to take risks. The male insula, on the other hand, is more geared to strategically reading the environment and actions, making it easier for him to take risks. These are complementary ways of thinking things through, so neither males or females alone will have the full answer; together we are exponentially better! A woman predominately provides the emotional colour and details, while a man predominantly provides the strategy and action. Another area of the brain called the Anterior Central Gyrus (ACG) enables men and women to shift between thoughts, weigh up options and make predictions. The ACG is bigger in a female, which enables her to integrate and consider many scenarios; this is assuming she is not harboring toxic thoughts, in which case she will get “stuck” in an event or thought pattern. Men’s ACGs are smaller and operate in a more focused manner, getting “bottom-line-big-picture” information quickly. If a man is operating from toxic thoughts, he will not weigh up options sufficiently and will act too quickly. Thus, the smaller ACG helps men see reason and logic quicker, and the larger ACG in women helps them see detail and emotional nuance quicker–both are important in any decision making and in life! So when we combine these two opposite, but nevertheless equal, types of thought and apply it to financial investment–whether it is between husband and wife or business colleagues–the best investment can be achieved. This last week has been a fascinating mix: a TV taping with James and Betty Robison on the male and female approaches to finances; Praise the Lord’s doctors’ night with Matt and Laurie Crouch; a doctor’s seminar for TBN; a taping about Toxic thinking with Leo Shreven from All Power Seminars; training and filming teachers in my “Switch on your Brain Classroom”…whew, now I think it’s time to breath! However, what struck me when I was considering these interviews and seminars was how experts are teaming up to speak about current global issues like finances, education, and our mental and physical health and providing information on how to manage these integral parts of our lives. In this process I, once again, have had the incredible opportunity to work with some amazingly talented and extraordinary individuals and, in doing so, was challenged to provide a neuroscientific perspective. I really felt impressed to share a little of this information over the next several blogs because I believe it will help you as much as it has helped me. I am going to start in this blog sharing a little on males, females and finances, which is definitely a relevant discussion considering the global financial crisis. Lets first look at the male brain circuitry. When it comes to decision-making and money, the male brain is geared towards considering the context and working towards the end result. The type of question males generally ask is: “Which option will work and which one won’t?” This leads men to, in general, be more comfortable taking big risks, whereas a woman might feel more uncomfortable with such a risk. Men see the big picture and the strategy that will get them there quickly in an almost compartmentalized way. Women’s brain circuitry, on the other hand, is better at making decisions regardless of the context, and she will prioritize her personal preferences. The most important question that one should ask a woman in terms of a financial (or any) decision will be “Which option is most comfortable?” Women will, in general, opt for the safer, more familiar decision where she can see from the big picture to the detail, even when she has a surplus of money. The reason for these differences has to do with the design of the male and female brains, which is based on complementary opposites and equal intelligence. For example, the male brain’s decision and processing strengths lie in the gray matter (the top part of the nerve cell), which a man has 6x more than a woman; this gray matter functions like numerous little supercomputers. The female brain’s strengths lie in the white matter (the tree-trunk like part of the nerve cell), which a woman has 10x more than a man, thus making a woman’s brain like the internet. This means gents tend to excel in tasks requiring more local processing, leading to that focus of “which option will work best”; while women tend to be above average at integrating and assimilating information from the distributed gray matter regions in the brain, which enables them to see detailed permutations. This will make her want to build her “nest-egg” safely and to always have a back-up plan. The fact of the matter is that without supercomputers the internet cannot exist; without the internet even the greatest supercomputer cannot achieve it’s full potential! When it comes to finances and related management and decision-making skills, we have to talk about the Insula and ACG—I will discuss these in my next blog, so keep watching!

Unfaithful pastors I’ve counseled have said things like, “The affair was like a run-away-train,” or “It’s like I was temporarily insane.” Even the pastors who are restored to God and their families take a circuitous route, taking jobs as teachers, train engineers, taxi cab drivers, car salesmen, and many other kinds of valuable jobs. But these circuitous routes aren’t refreshing springs for these pastors whose giftings lie in different areas, and other careers are endured as God’s discipline. We all reap what we sow, but pastors have an even greater accountability, as they are depended upon for inspiration and to model lives worthy of being imitated. Truly, as scripture says, “As dead flies give perfume a bad smell, so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honor” (Ecclesiastes 10:1). When a pastor falls into sin, the ripple effect on the lives of others is often immeasurable. We know that adultery was one of the sins for which God had Eli’s sons killed. We know that King David paid serious “dues” for his immorality with Bathsheba. Other biblical characters were personally disciplined by God for the sin of adultery. Prophets have denounced adultery; and idolatry and sexual immorality were so intertwined in biblical times that each was a synonym for the other. And a ‘spiritual’ relationship with a member of the congregation that morphs into immorality is, perhaps, the grossest form of idolatry. How common is adultery among clerics? About 15 years ago I read an interesting study that concluded the following: 10% of all psychologists have had an affair with a client; and 30% of all pastors have had an affair with a member of the congregation. I think we can account for the difference between the 10% and the 30% in this way: Psychologists have to take a course in ethics, which includes teachings on how to draw boundaries with clients, how to seek counseling for themselves in order to understand their how to gain victory over personal flaws, how to avoid temptations in the office, how to make appropriate referrals, learning professional consequences of inappropriate behavior (losing one’s license), grasping the importance of “doing no harm” to a client, learning about the requirement to report another psychologist that you hear about that’s having an affair, and other important ethical and legal teachings. I’ve had two years of seminary and three years of Bible College, and I never took such a course. If seminaries and Bible Colleges presently provide such a course, I’m not aware of this. Also, pastors are frequently alone with women, alone in an office without a window, and sometimes even go to a woman’s house alone. Pastors are also “targets” for some women who idealize them, some of whom are extremely needy and flirtatious and who are sometimes mentally ill and without treatment. My father, a Methodist minister, was plagued by a mentally ill woman who thought that he was the Messiah. My father was able to refer her to a psychiatrist friend at Butler University. Of course, this didn’t stop her from visiting my father’s church when we moved from Indianapolis to Columbus, Ohio. I don’t know what became of her, but I remember that my father well documented all interactions and stayed far away from even the appearance of evil. Basically, many pastors are “sitting ducks.” Of course, their protection against immorality should be their deep and personal commitment to and relationship with Christ. How sad that this is not enough. Why isn’t it enough? Before answering these questions, let’s look at a few more statistics: I just read of four recent surveys of pastors (source is cited below). 14-18% of pastors admitted to an affair and an additional 18% admitted to an emotional affair. But because 14% of the pastors admitted that they lied on the survey, we can assume the rate of either physical or emotional infidelity among pastors is at about 40%. This is probably shocking to some of you. It was to me! What are the risk factors for pastoral infidelity? Not dealing with these factors explains why reliance on Christ isn’t enough. They aren’t relying on Christ with their whole beings, but with only the part that is capable of spiritual maturity. In the four recent surveys, three family risk factors emerged: Family history of infidelity Single parent/blended family history Physically abusive/chronically conflicted family history Such families usually have a lack of adequate nurturing and there are often attachment disturbances that need to be faced and resolved. Sex can become a great comfort to pastors who haven’t learned to receive nurturing from the right sources, or who haven’t resolved marital conflicts. Distance from a father can influence a son to “sexualize” his world, not having a close relationship with someone who models true masculinity. The world’s definition becomes all the more alluring: That “manhood” equals sexual appeal. Here are three high risk personal factors: Sexual molestation Adolescent promiscuity Learning disabilities/ADHD Such experiences or limitations often engender a focus on the pleasure of sexual gratification. Adolescents are often picked on because of their limitations and sexual gratification can become a copying mechanism. Also, most children who are sexually molested feel guilty. Hence, a negative self-image becomes something to be unconsciously reinforced. This is sometimes an “invisible loyalty” to the perpetrator who may have even threatened the one who was molested. Here are two high risk seasons of life: 1. Times of loss 2. Times of life transitions Whether it’s the loss of health, a spouse, a career a dream, a family member or even a pet, these losses create vulnerabilities to inappropriate comfort, including the attentions of others with whom alliances can be dangerous. The greatest risk factor may be the two years surrounding pregnancy and infancy of a child. At such times, there’s more focus on the baby, hormonal changes, and other changes, including restrictions on sexual activity. I’ve know people who have had an affair right after a loved one died. The vacuum in the heart can be so great, any pleasurable stimulation can be a source of craving and can be falsely justified. Finally, here are two high risk personal behaviors: Opposite sex friendships Conjoint volunteer activities In the cited studies, 50% of the pastors who were unfaithful said that they had a history of close relationships with members of the opposite sex. Temptations to talk about personal matters evolve, and exchanging details always breeds intimacy. When these interactions are kept secret from the pastor’s spouse, distance between the pastor and his wife sets in, and the pastor’s vulnerability increases. The researchers suggest that common ministry passions between the pastor and the affairee, which are not shared between the pastor and his/her spouse, is the biggest personal risk factor, after pregnancy. Younger pastors who never “sowed their wild oats” are the most vulnerable; more highly educated pastors are also more vulnerable, being more of a “target” for a parishioner, and perhaps developing more of a “gray area” between right and wrong. Also, keep in mind that, according to the researchers, pastors who struggle with immorality don’t generally attend conferences. Continual learning and fellowship with other pastors can be a big help in avoiding inappropriate or sinful relationships. Also, keep in mind that “sin doesn’t make sense,” and it doesn’t have to. Pastors should simply run from sin! I’ve been a Christian-based counselor for over 30 years, primarily serving in a large church or in a Christian-based counseling agency. As a young counselor, a seasoned pastor told me in his office something that he had observed throughout his whole life: People that fall into immorality are usually the most legalistic among us. Over the years of my career, I’ve noticed that this is true; and from a psychological perspective, this makes sense. When we focus on rules and regulations, rather than enjoying our life in Christ and following the “royal law of love,” we provide a “target rich environment” for attacks of the enemy. Therefore, the answer is to develop our relationship with the Lord through a proper understanding of the scriptures, the message of grace, and to maintain an atmosphere of grace in our homes with spouses and family members. We must seek out appropriate ways to stimulate our senses, living the “abundant life” that Christ wants His children to enjoy. These risk factors should not be used to rule out pastoral candidates. In the counseling profession, having faults is never a measure of risk; but rather insight into these faults is all important. When counselors – and pastors – understand their vulnerabilities, seek help, maintain openness and honesty with God and their spouses, these vulnerabilities can be managed and often eliminated. What to do? I would encourage all educators to include these issues in their courses on pastoral ethics, if they have such courses. If they don’t have such courses, they should create them. I would encourage pastors to simply be honest with God, themselves, and their spouses about their vulnerabilities and often seek counseling. Our senior pastor has an accountability partner that he meets with weekly. So an accountability partner can help greatly to eliminate this heinous sin that is afflicting those who should be the most influential leaders of our culture. To encourage us all, one of my favorite scriptures is that God works all things together for good to those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). The playwright, Edward Albee, said that “sometimes we have to go a long distance out of our way to go a short distance correctly.” Another clever and more profound way to express the same truth is echoed in a Portuguese proverb: “God draws straight with crooked lines.” One of our best biblical examples of this comes from the life of King David. His affair with Bathsheba was, indeed, a “crooked line” that led to much personal suffering and suffering by an untold number of family members and Israelites. Yet King Solomon was eventually born from that ungodly union, and Christ is descended from David and Bathsheba. God’s grace is always available to those who will humble themselves. Nevertheless, if we “discern what is best” (Philippians 1:10), it’s best to lead lives that continually glorify God. I’ve also counseled many pastors who were tempted, but wanted to solve their family and personal problems before they initiated an affair (people don’t “fall into” anything, not love, not affairs, not anything!). These pastors have been strong influences to advance the kingdom of God. Because God meets all of us right where we’re at and loves us unconditionally, may we all purpose to glorify him daily, whether through repentance and discipline, or through steadfast resistance of sin and temptation. I suggest that all of us continue personal discipleship and ministry that builds God’s kingdom here on earth. As the spires of great cathedrals point toward an infinite God, may our lives continually point toward our magnificent Creator. “High Risk Factors in Pastoral Infidelity,” by Carder, D., Christian Counseling Connection, 2007, Publication of the American Christian Counseling Association. In addition to the conclusions of the researchers who analyzed the four surveys, Dr. Weld added his own experiences, conclusions, and perspectives which are supportive of the points that the researchers have made.

Share 0 Since it is virtually impossible to identify and erase all of the misleading information in our mental computers, the only way to change our thinking habits is to input new information. Unless we change what we know, we will continue to believe, decide, and act in a manner that is contrary to our best interests” (The Five Major Pieces to the Life Puzzle, by Jim Rohn). This theory is similar to the “black box theory.” Picture how complicated some of our technological gadgets have become. Technology is now so complicated that when our toys of wizardry break (e.g., a cell phone, an airplane instrument, computers, even a television set), sometimes it’s almost impossible to fix them. However, we can introduce new information into these “black boxes” that WILL fix them (Generation to Generation, by Edwin Friedman)! When people can’t fix what’s broken in their relationships, the same principles apply. There are a plethora of communication skills that can bring healing to any relationship. Yet many people – and many couples – are unable to use these skills. However, if kindness and comfort are introduced into the dysfunctional relationship system, problems are solved and communication automatically improves! When someone has an imbalance in their protein-based neurotransmitters, then introducing the right medication can eliminate or help to manage difficult problems such as panic disorders, obsessions and compulsions, bipolar disorders, anxiety and depression, and many other problems that either are certainly or may be chemically based. New information is simply plugged into the “black box” of the body organ that we call our “brain.” Just as many medications heal all kinds of physical disorders, psychotropic medications often fix problems that are based in imbalances in our brain chemistry. In relationships, when communication skills don’t seem to help people fix the “black box,” then meeting intimacy needs such as attention, affection, appreciation, and respect often bring healing. When such needs are met, the relationship often starts to function in a healthy way! The same is true of an individual. If underlying assumptions about self, others, the world, and the future cannot be discovered, e.g., such dysfunctional assumptions as “Men cannot be trusted,” “Everyone must love me,” or “If I don’t succeed, I am a loser,” and if new and rational decisions are just too hard to make, then people often simply need to meditate on truth. Meditating and acting on the truth brings changes in the human soul and psyche (and brain!). Perhaps, all we will ever discover is that somewhere inside of us are assumptions that enabled our survival at the time, but that as adults, don’t work anymore. But new decisions and new thinking can fix the black box! Personally, I “re-tread my head” with God’s word. I program my mind with “wholesome thinking” such as thoughts that are “true, honorable, and just.” Also, I try to be proactively kind to people. All of these are scriptural principles guaranteed to bring positive changes in ourselves and in our relationships. When we give our life to Christ, he assists us in changing us from the inside out. We partner with God by believing and confessing the truthful statements of God’s word. We know that as with many people in the Bible, God gives us a new identity when we submit our lives to Christ. God didn’t send Christ to make us “better,” but to make us NEW! We’re new creations in Christ! Our personal “black box” is often simply fixed through faith in this fact and in living it out every day! When I “walk” (act and believe) in this newness of life by trusting God and by re-treading my head with the truth, I am changed – even when I’m not sure about what the underlying problems are – whether in a relationship or in myself. I simply introduce new information into the black box and put my full trust in God to change me from the inside out. Of course, God never fails!!! When we plug ourselves into the mysteries of life, these mysteries are often made known to us.

“Why Care About Sexual Activity Among Young Teenagers?” Warning: The Information in this article is graphic in nature and is appropriate only for adults, especially pastors, parents and youth leaders. “While the proportion of unmarried teen girls age 15-19 who have had sexual intercourse decreased between 1988 and 1995, the proportion of unmarried teen girls who have had sexual intercourse at 14 and younger increased appreciably during the same time period (Terry & Manlove, 2000).” “A recent national survey found that the younger a girl was the first time she had sex, the more likely it was to have been unwanted (Moore, Driscoll, & Lindberg, 1998).” “A 2002 public opinion poll found that 81% of sexually experienced youth age 12-14 wish they had waited longer to have sex, compared to 55% of sexually experienced 15- to 19-year-olds (The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2002).” “Based on data collected (1996-1997) in seven cities as part of an evaluation of the Children’s Aid Society (CAS)-Carrera program. It is one of the few surveys that have asked youth in this age group about or anal sex. Such data are important because there is some concern – and some evidence – that adolescents are increasingly engaged in such behaviors (Remez, 2000).” “Nearly one in five adolescents has had sex before his or her 15th birthday.” “The National Picture” “Estimates from the three nationally representative data sets of the proportion of youth who have had sex at age 14 or younger are remarkably similar. Overall, these data indicate that 18-19% of youth have had sexual intercourse at age 14 or younger. Percentages increase with age – at age 12, 4-5% have had sex, increasing to 10% at age 13, and 18-19% at age 14. Boys are more likely than girls to have had sex at an early age. At age 12, 2-4% of girls and 6-8% of boys were sexually experienced. At age 14, 14-20% of girls and 20-22% of boys were sexually experienced.” “Results in a Box” “Sexual Experience” “Approximately one in five adolescents has had sexual intercourse before his or her 15th birthday.” “Boys age 14 and younger are slightly more likely to have had sex than girls the same age.” “Frequency of Sex” “A substantial proportion of teens age 14 and younger who have had sex are not currently sexually active.” “According to one of the national surveys (NLSY), approximately half of sexually experienced 14-year-olds have had sex 0-2 times in the past 12 months.” “Pregnancy” “Approximately one in seven sexually experienced 14-year-old girls reports having been pregnant.” “Dating” “A significant proportion of those age 12-14 report having been on a date (two-fifths in the NLSY survey) or having a romantic relationship in the past 18 months (half in Add Health). “Significant minorities of youth age 14 and under report a romantic relationship with someone three or more years older (girls far more than boys).” “Relationships with a significantly older partner – compared with those with someone only slightly older, the same age, or younger – are much more likely to be sexual.” “Pressure” “More than one in ten girls who first have had sex before age 15 describe it as non-voluntary and many more describe it as relatively unwanted.” “Other Risky Behavior” “Sexually experienced youth age 14 and younger are much more likely to smoke, use drugs and alcohol, and participate in delinquent activities than youth who have not had sex.” “Parents” “In general, parents report talking a moderate amount with their children age 12-14 about sex and related issues, although their children recall less communication than the parents claim.” “Parents are more likely to have spoken with their daughters than with their sons about sex and related issues.” “Parents tend to be unaware of what their children are actually doing sexually – only about a third of parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds know that their child has had sex.” “Romantic relationship with older partners were much more likely to include intercourse – 13% of relationships between same age partners included intercourse, compared to 26% of relationships with a partner who was 2 years older, 33% of relationships with a partner who was 3 years older, and 47% of relationships with a partner who was 4 or more years older. In the NSFG, only 8% of girls who first had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger did so with a partner who was the same age or younger, compared to 24% of girls who first had sex at age 15 or older. One in six girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger reported that her first partner was 5 or more years older.” “Add Health also makes clear that, overall, the romantic relationships of young adolescents are of relatively short duration. For example, 25% of relationships among youth age 12-14 ended after 3 months, 50% ended after 6 months, and 75% ended after 15 months. On the other hand, sexual romantic relationships in this age group tended to be of longer durations than non-sexual ones; a quarter lasted two years or longer. Over a quarter of sexually experienced youth age 12-14 (27%) also reported multiple recent sexual partners in the past 18 months, which implies, among other things, an increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).” “Additional Information from Local Data” “Among 14-year-olds, 30% of girls and 73% of boys whose oldest ‘serious boyfriend or girlfriend’ was 2 or more years older were sexually experienced, compared to 13% of girls and 29% of guys whole oldest partner was no more than one year older.” “Many young adolescents experience pressure to have sex.” “Thirteen percent of girls in the NSFG who first had sex at age 14 or younger described it as nonvoluntary, clearly a cause for concern. Even among those who classified their first sexual experience as voluntary, girls who had sex at age 14 or younger were significantly more likely to say that it was relatively unwanted, compared to girls who had sex for the first time at age 15 or older.” “Additional Information from Local Data” “The questions in Draw the Line about the acceptability of sexual pressure found that a substantial proportion of youth feel it’s ‘okay’ for someone to pressure a partner for sex if the couple has had sex before. Boys were much more likely to think so than girls: for example, 34% of boys thought it would be okay for a boy to pressure a girl to have sex if they had had sex before, while only 14% of girls thought that such pressure would be okay. Boys were more likely to agree that it is okay for a girl to pressure for sex than for a boy to pressure (34% agreed that it is okay for boys to pressure vs. 42% who agreed that it is okay for girls to pressure). Girls, on the other hand, were equally as likely to agree that either boys or girls can pressure a partner for sex (14% said it is okay for boys to pressure and 15% said it is okay for girls to pressure).” “Sexually experienced young adolescents are also engaging in other risky behavior.” “Seven percent of youth used alcohol the first time they had sex, and 6% used alcohol the most recent time they had sex.” “17% of girls and 11% of boys age 14 and younger said that, because of alcohol, they had been in a sexual situation they later regretted.” “These data sets do no shed much light on the extent to which young adolescents are engaging in oral sex and other sexual behavior.” “The National Picture” “In the Add Health survey, 12% of virgins age 12-14 reported that a relationship in the past 18 months included ‘touching under clothes,’ and 6% of virgins age 12-14 reported that touching genital occurred within at least one of their recent romantic relationships. But neither Add Health nor the other two nationally representative surveys included questions specifically asking youth age 14 and under about oral and anal sex.” “Numerous recent media reports have suggested that teens – including young adolescents – are increasingly having oral and/or anal sex, perhaps as a substitute for vaginal intercourse.” “Young adolescents don’t seem to know a lot about sex.” “Additional Information from Local Data” “The Draw the Line survey confirmed that young teens are often poorly informed about sex. For example, about half of 14-year-olds (boys and girls) believed it is illegal for youth under 16 to buy condoms (it is not). About 20% of youth age 12-14 erroneously believed that ‘you could tell if a person has HIV/AIDS by looking at him/her.’ Nearly four out of ten (39%) 14-year-old boys and half (51%) of 14-year-old girls agreed with the statement, ‘most teens your age are having sex,’ even though, as noted earlier, only a minority are.” “Parents and youth give mixed reports about family communication about sex, and seem to have misperceptions about each other’s attitudes and behaviors.” “The National Picture” “Parents in the Add Health survey generally rejected numerous reasons thought to explain why they might not speak with their child about sex, such as feeling that they don’t know enough, that the child would be embarrassed, that it would only encourage the child to have sex, or that parents don’t need to talk to their children because the children will get the information they need elsewhere.” “Parents surveyed by Add Health also tended to be unaware of what their children were actually doing sexually – only 30% of the parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds believed their child had had sexual intercourse. This percentage was slightly higher for parents of girls (36%) than it was for parents of boys (25%).” “One local data set suggests that many young adolescents have ample opportunities to have sex, and many report willingness to have sex.” “A third of 12-year-olds reported that they had attended a party in the previous three months where no adults were in the house. By age 14, this percentage increased to 51% of boys and 42% for girls. Thirty-eight percent of 14-year-old boys and 30% of 14-year-olds girls said that in the past three months they had been alone lying on a couch or bed with ‘someone they liked.’” “Many boys, and some girls, in the Draw the Line data set expressed interest in having sex ‘at this time in their lives.’ The proportion of boys who said they would have sex with someone they like very much if they had the opportunity increased from 19% at age 12 to 42% at age 14 (comparable statistics for girls were 5% at age 12 and 8% at age 14). Thirty-six percent of 14-year-old boys and 18% of 14-year-old girls said they would consider having sex if they had a boyfriend or girlfriend they loved. About one-third of 14-year-old boys said they would have sex because of curiosity and an equal proportion said they would do so to ‘satisfy my sexual desires.’ Of those girls who would have sex if the opportunity arose, the top tree reasons (of seven offered) that they would consider having sex were similar to the boys – 18% would do so with a boyfriend they loved, 12% would do so to satisfy curiosity, and 12% would do so because of sexual desire.” “Significant proportions of youth surveyed as part of the Draw the Line/Respect the Line evaluation perceived that people in their lives would be accepting, if not approving, of their having sex. Half of boys and a third of girls age 14 said that the majority of their friends think it’s acceptable for people their age to have sex with a serious boyfriend or girlfriend. About half of 14-year-olds (boys and girls) agreed that boys are more popular if they have sex; 36% of boys and 20% or girls age 14 thought that girls are also more popular if they have sex. Virtually no girls thought their parents would approved of them having sex at this time in their lives, but by age 14, 21% of boys thought their fathers would think it was okay and 15% thought that their mothers would think it was okay.” “Implications” “There is good reason to be concerned about youth who begin having sex at an early age. Youth who have sex at an early age seem to be different from those who do not, both in their sexual behavior and in other areas as well. Early first sexual experiences for girls are more likely to be unwanted, compared to girls who have sex at age 15 or older, and these first sexual relationships end more quickly. Youth age 14 and younger who are sexually experienced are much more likely than peers who have not had sex to use drugs and alcohol and to engage in delinquent behavior; that is, such behaviors often occur together. Over the longer term, girls who begin having sex at age 14 or younger will likely have more sexual partners and an increased ris of teen pregnancy, contracting an STD, and dropping out of school. Although early sexual activity in and of itself may not ‘cause’ these outcomes, it does appear to be an early and important warning sign of risk.” “Parents should be concerned about their young teenagers dating, in general, and very cautious about letting their children date someone much older, in particular. One of the most striking and clear findings from this collected research is the great risk inherent in young teens dating older partners. Parents clearly need to discourage early dating, in general, as well as dating older partners specifically, both of which greatly increase the chances of having sex. Although most sexual activity among young teens is voluntary, there is evidence from small area studies that some young teens, like older teens, can get into situations where they feel sexual pressure or coercion. By virtue of their young age, however, they may be less able to handle these situations effectively than older teens. Such data suggest that teaching middle school youth about how to resist and manage sexual pressure is appropriate. Another clear message is that supervising the social behavior of young teens remains important. Parents and other responsible adults need to know where their children are, what they are doing, and with whom. As noted earlier, one small area study found that fully one-third of 12-year-olds and almost half of 14-year-olds (51% of boys and 42% of girls) report that they have been at a party where there were no adults in the house.” “It’s important to add that simple communication between parents and children about sex does not necessarily reduce the chances of early sexual activity. For example, recent research has highlighted the importance of overall closeness between parents and teens, more than specific discussion of sex, as being especially protective (Blum, 2002).” “PART ONE: PAPERS FROM NATIONALLY REPRESENTATIVE DATA SETS” “CHAPTER ONE: DATING AND SEXUAL EXPERIENCES AMONG MIDDLE SCHOOL YOUTH: ANALYSES OF THE NLSY97” “What is typical dating behavior among early adolescents?” “Forty-two percent of teens reported that they had ever gone on an unsupervised date with a person of the opposite sex at the time of the 1997 survey.” “Black youth were the least likely to report having ever dated (34% compared with 41-44% for other racial/ethnic groups). Non-Hispanic Whites who had ever dated were more likely to date relatively frequently – 28% dated once a month or more, compared to 22% of Blacks and 18% of Hispanics. However, age at first date did not differ significantly by race/ethnicity.” “What proportion of 12-14-year-olds had sex before age 15?” “Among adolescents whose mothers had higher educational attainment (defined as greater than high school), 15% had sexual intercourse before age 15, compared with 24% of adolescents whose mothers completed only a high school education or less.” “Among boys with mothers who had a high school education or less, Black males were most likely to be sexually experienced before age 15 (50%), followed by Hispanic males (29%), and Non-Hispanic White males (22%).” “CHAPTER TWO: DATING BEHAVIOR AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY OF YOUNG ADOLESCENTS: ANALYSES OF THE NATIONAL LONGITUDINAL STUDY OF ADOLESCENT HEALTH” “Sexual experience, contraceptive use, and pregnancy – this survey finds that:” “20% of boys, 14% of girls, and 18% of the entire sample report that they became sexually experienced at age 14 or younger.” “60% of boys, 54% of girls, and 57% of the entire sample of 12-14-year-olds reported that they used contraception at first sex.” “9% of sexually experienced girls under 15 reported having been pregnant.” “What is typical dating behavior among young adolescents?” “Overall, about half of the teens in this age group reported a dating relationship (romantic or casual) in the 18 months preceding the first round of in-home interviews. The proportion increased with age. At age 12, 39% of teens reported such a relationship, increasing to 56% at age 14. Girls were less likely to report such a relationship than boys, especially at younger ages; at age 12, 46% of boys but only 35% of girls reported a dating relationship. By age 14, boys and girls were equally likely to do so (56%). Virgins were somewhat less likely to report a relationship (44%). Differences between virgins and sexually experienced teens in a dating experience were more pronounced among boys – only 40% of male virgins reported a dating relationship at age 12, compared to 46% of all males. The difference was smaller for girls (32% compared to 35% at age 12).” “The greater the age difference between the partners, the more likely that sex occurred in the relationship. Only 13% of relationships between same-age partners were sexual. By contrast, 26% of the relationships in which an adolescent’s partner was 2 years older were sexual. The proportion increased to 33% for partners who were 3 years older. Where partners of young adolescents were 4 or more years older, almost half of all relationships were sexual.” “What proportion of 12- to 14-year-olds have had sex?” “Overall, 18% of adolescents reported having had sex at age 14 or younger, boys (at 20%) somewhat more than girls (at 14%). Sexual experience increased with age: 14-year-old boys were more than twice as likely to be sexually experienced as 12-year-old boys (8% compared to 20%); 14-year-old girls were seven times more likely to be sexually experienced as 12-year-old girls (14% compared to 2%). At age 12, boys were four times more likely to report intercourse than girls (8% compared to 2%). After age 13, though, girls began to catch up with the behavior of boys their same age.” “One third (34%) of Black adolescents age 12-14 were sexually experienced, compared to 14% of Whites the same age. Black males were three times more likely to be sexually experienced than White males (45% compared to 15%). Nineteen percent of all Hispanics 12-14 reported that they had had sex and 9% of Asian teens (boys and girls) reported sexual experience in this age group. “CHAPTER THREE: SEXUAL ACTIVITY AMONG GIRLS UNDER AGE 15: FINDINGS FROM THE NATIONAL SURVEY OF FAMILY GROWTH” “Sexual experience, contraceptive use, and pregnancy – this study finds:” “20% of girls report that they became sexually experienced at age 14 or younger.” “72% of girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger report that they used contraceptives at first sex.” “15% of girls who had voluntary sex at age 14 or younger report being pregnant before turning 15.” “How common is sexual activity among girls age 14 and younger?” “One in five teen girls (20%) report having had sex at age 14 or younger. Of those who first had sex at age 14 or younger, about half did so when 14 years old, the other half when 13 or younger.” “Among the three largest racial/ethnic groups, sex at age 14 or younger is most common among non-Hispanic Black adolescents (31%) and least common among non-Hispanic White adolescents (17%). Twenty four percent of Hispanics report having sex at age 14 or younger.” “What adverse outcomes are associated with becoming sexually active at an early age?” “First, teens who have sex at an early age are significantly more likely to have reported ever being pregnant (41%) or to have given birth by the time of the NSFG interview (21%), compared to teens who have sex at an older age (27% and 14%, respectively. It is not clear, however, whether having sex at an early age in and of itself increases the risk of teen pregnancy or if the two outcomes are correlated because early sex and early pregnancy are both influenced by the same underlying risk factors, perhaps family dysfunction or a propensity to choose ‘risky’ romantic partners.” “Girls whose first voluntary sex was at 14 or younger had more lifetime sexual partners, on average, than girls whose first voluntary sex was at age 15 or older (4.7 versus 2.5 ), were less likely to have had only one partner (20% versus 46%) and more likely to have had between 3 and 5 partners (36% versus 21%) or 6 or more partners (25% versus 9%). Because the two groups of teens had the same average number of partners per year of sexual activity (1.3), it appears that the increased average number of lifetime sexual partners lies solely in beginning sexual activity at an early age.” “Finally, girls who had first sex at age 14 or younger had worse educational outcomes by the time of the interview. They were twice as likely to have dropped out of school – 20% of girls whose first voluntary sex was before age 15 had dropped out of school by the interview, versus 10% of girls who had sex for the first time at age 15 or older.” “PART TWO: PAPERS FROM SMALL AREA DATA SETS” “CHAPTER FOUR: THE DEVELOPMENT OF SEX-RELATED KNOWLEDGE, ATTITUDES, PERCEIVED NORMS, AND BEHAVIORS IN A LONGITUDINAL COHORT OF MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN” “What do youth believe their peers are doing?” “Nearly half of the 14-year-old boys and three-fourths of the 14-year-old girls thought that most teen who have sex wish they had waited until they were older.” “What reasons do youth endorse for not having sex?” “Given that youth seem to have opportunities that could lead to sex, it is important to assess what might stop them from having sex. Students were given a list of reasons for not having sex and asked to respond whether each reason was true for them or not. Fewer boys than girls endorsed each reason regardless of their age, but ‘not wanting to get AIDS or other diseases you can get from sex’ remained the most commonly noted reason for most youth across all ages. Other major reasons included: not wanting a baby, parental anger, and being too young to have sex.” “As boys grew older, not wanting to get diseases, not wanting a baby, parental anger, and being too young to have sex remained the primary reasons for not having sex. However, by age 14, disease and pregnancy prevention seemed the most important, while less than two-thirds were concerned about parental anger and less than half believed they were too young to have sex.” “Girls showed a similar pattern in terms of the most important reasons not to have sex, but in higher proportion. Nearly nine out of every ten 12-year-old girls selected: not wanting to get AIDS or other diseases, not wanting a baby, parental anger and being too young as reasons not to have sex.” “By age 14, 94% of girls reported not wanting to get sexually transmitted diseases and 93% reported not wanting a baby as reasons for not having sex. Parental anger (77%) and being too young (72%) also continued to be important reasons not to have sex as girls aged.” “What reasons do youth say motivate them to have sex?” “The top three reasons that most motivated youth to have sex were love, curiosity, and desire.” “Reasons to have sex, particularly among boys, included curiosity, love, and desire.” “CHAPTER FIVE: YOUTH WITH OLDER BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS: ASSOCIATIONS WITH SEXUAL RISK” “Are youth with an older boyfriend or girlfriend more likely to ever have had sex?” “More than 40% of 13-year-old boys and 70% of 14-year-old boys with a girlfriend two or more years older reported being sexually experienced, compared to less than 18% of 13-year-olds and 29% of 14-year-olds with a same-age girlfriend. Among 14-year-old boys, those with older girlfriends were more than 14 times more likely to have had sex than those boys with no girlfriend. The same pattern holds for girls: One-fifth to one-third of girls 12-14 year old with an older boyfriend reported having had sex, compared to 6% to 13% of girls with a ‘same age’ boyfriend. For each age group, girls with older boyfriends were roughly ten times more likely to have had sex than girls with no boyfriend. Although boys are less likely to have an older partner than girls, if they do, they are more likely to have had sex.” “Why are youth with an older boyfriend or girlfriend more likely to have had sex?” “It may be because the power differential between an older partner and a younger one can be quite large. Older partners generally have more resources, ‘maturity,’ and status (Phillips, no date; Raymond & Associates, 1996). Also, a young person is at a social and developmental disadvantage when dating someone several years older, making it more difficult to refuse sexual advances. The older partner is more likely to be sexually experienced than the younger one, and some research suggests that older males may seek out younger partners precisely because they are more able to control the younger partner and their interaction with her (Phillips, n.d.; Raymond & Associates, 1996). Finally, older boyfriends or girlfriends, especially if they have access to automobiles, may provide more opportunities for privacy and, thus, for sexual activity. On the other hand, even if the young person did not have sex with the older boyfriend or girlfriend, by associating with an older boyfriend or girlfriend, a youth is likely to be exposed to his/her partner’s friends, who are likely to be older. Older youth; in general, are more likely to have had sex and to express positive attitudes toward sex.” “References” “Blum, R.W. (2002). Mothers’ influence on teen sex: Connections that promote postponing sexual intercourse. Center for Adolescent Health and Development. University of Minnesota.” “Moore, K.A., Driscoll, A.K., & Lindberg, L.D. (1998). A statistical portrait of adolescent sex, contraception, and childbearing. Washington: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.” “The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (2002). With one voice 2002: America’s adults and teens sound off about teen pregnancy. [Online]. Available: www.teenpregnancy.org/resources/data/pdf/teenwant.pdf. Washington DC: Author” “Remez, L. (2000). Oral sex among adolescents: Is it sex or is it abstinence? Family Planning Perspectives, 32(6), 298-304.” “Terry, E., & Manlove, J. (2000). Trends in sexual activity and contraceptive use among teens. Washington: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.” “Phillips, L.M. (n.d.). Unequal partners: Exploring power and consent in adult-teen relationships (Report from phase one of the New Findings, New Approaches: Preventing Adolescent Pregnancy Project). Morristown, NJ: Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey.” “Raymond & Associates, Inc. (August, 1996). Teen Partners Study (Final Report). Rochester, NY: Monroe County.” (Albert, Bill, Brown, Sarah, Flanigan, Christine M., “14 and Younger: The Sexual Behavior of Young Adolescents,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, May 2003) www.josh.org/resources/research

A pastor admits to requesting sex from some of his female staff members. A woman commits suicide after being told she was demon-possessed. A four-year-old boy dies for lack of a saving medical procedure because they were instructed by their pastor not to call a doctor, but to rely on prayer alone. Several couples in a rural community divorce because the pastor told them they were outside God’s perfect will. There is a danger of any spiritual leader, whether it be a pastor, counselor, chaplain, or an other leader in a powerful position, to use their influence to manipulate care-receivers. An entire church system spends millions on out-of-court settlements to those who claim to have been sexually molested by their priests. Some abuse, such as pat answers to life’s problems that are given to a voice further engagement into a person’s life, is done innocently, without malicious intent. Other abuse comes when a minister or counselor takes advantage of their power to manipulate the weak in order to gain something for themselves. How do we identify spiritually abused Christians? They may develop a distorted image of God. A demanding God who is never satisfied. A mean vindictive god who delights in humiliating punishment when one makes a mistake. An apathetic God who watches people who are hurting or abused and does nothing to help. An unaware God who does not know when his people are abused. A powerless God who cannot help. A fickle God who is inconsistent in His attitude toward people. An “utterly holy” God so perfect He cannot identify with people. They may be preoccupied with spiritual performance. Going by certain formulas in order to gain God’s acceptance or to have a problem-free, orderly life. It results in legalism and promotes extreme forms of self-righteousness and shame. They have a distorted Christian self-identity. Lack of biblical understanding or awareness of what it means to be new creations in Christ. Confusion between guilt and shame. Guilt is a signal indicating wrong performance. Shame indicated that something is wrong with the person. Shame is the primary motivator of good behavior or performance. The negative understanding of self can be solved by good behavior, or doing good deeds. A high need to focus on the negative view of self in order to explain negative behaviors. For example, I am just a “sinner saved by grace,” or “I am worthless before God.” They have a problem relating to spiritual authority. Once abused, people develop ways to defend themselves from further abuse. They may become extremely compliant or defiant when under someone’s authority. They have a difficult time with grace. Being treated gracefully is not accepted. It is difficult for the abused to receive gifts from God or people without feeling a deep need to repay that person. They feel holiness is not a grace given, but is earned by doing. They may have a problem with personal boundaries. An unclear understanding about “death to self” teachings and “rights” boundaries are invisible barriers that tell others where they start and stop. Leaders who have misused their power have beaten down the boundaries of other people. They have difficulty with personal responsibility . A person may be under-responsible in their relationship with God and others. They have realized that no amount of performance will gain acceptance and love, so they opt to be undisciplined and uncaring to others. On the other hand, some will be over-responsible. They feel a personal responsibility for other people’s problems. They have a greater sense of god needing them, rather than them needing God. They may suffer from a lack of living skills. Some religious organizations develop a “bunker mentality.” This means that they are closed to the outside world and secretive to what goes on in the inside. Some are not able to function in the outside world due to this kind of teaching. They may have a hard time admitting the abuse. No one wants to confront the “man of God.” This is common because they are often told that they are the problem for confronting a leader about a problem. Admitting the abuse feels like they are being disloyal to the family, church or to God. People who have experienced spiritual abuse have lost track of what normal is. Natural human denial is often a reason people do not admit the abuse. Finally, shame keeps people in darkness. They do not admit the abuse. They do not want to admit they were so naïve to have not recognized the abuse. They have a hard time trusting people again. Once people have been hurt by an abusive pastor, it is very hard for them to ever trust any pastor again. Those who have been spiritually abused by an abusive religious system will have a hard time trusting a healthy religious system also. John Kie-Vining. Home Is Where the Hurt Is . Marriage Comission, pp. 139-143. Used by permission.

Josh McDowell answers a number of relevant questions for parents and Christian leaders. Here’s one: “Some question whether a person who has committed suicide will go to heaven or if it is the unforgivable sin. Lloyd and Gwendolyn Carr address this in their book, The Fierce Goodbye : “Nowhere in the Bible, either Old Testament or New Testament, is the act or attempt of suicide explicitly condemned. There are several suicides recorded in Scripture and without exception they are treated just as any other death. The victim is given a normal burial, mourning, at least for some of them, is recorded, and there is no stigma attached to the act itself.” (p.95) Some of the suicides recorded in the Bible are Samson, who killed himself along with all the Philistines in the temple of Dagon, King Saul who fell on his own sword, and Ahithophel, a counselor of King David. Because the sanctity of human life is affirmed in Scripture, these suicides were not the Lord’s answer, but neither were they the unforgivable sin. See quotes below: “The evidence, then, is that there is neither valid biblical nor natural grounds for the church’s condemnation of suicide as an unforgivable sin. It is an act which we do not want to condone or encourage, yet there is no evidence that it brings eternal damnation to its successful practitioners.” (p. 97) You would need to read the entire book to become familiar with all the guidance given for those who worry about the eternal fate of loved ones who have committed suicide. Baker and Nester, authors of Depression: Finding Hope and Meaning in Life’s Darkest Shadow , said the following about suicide: Many feel that suicide is the ultimate sin for which there is no forgiveness. . . This is obviously a misunderstanding of the gospel of God’s grace. The only sin that truly keeps one from God’s presence is the sin of unbelief—of not trusting the work of Christ personally. The inability to confess suicide as a sin is not a real issue. If salvation depended upon confessing every sin committed as a believers, no one would qualify! The unfortunate and sad ending of an individual’s life of his own hand does not nullify the effect of the grace of God in his life. Suicide victims who are children of God are redeemed souls in the presence of their Heavenly Father. This is just a glimpse of some statements about the issue from a variety of sources.” www.josh.org In addition to Josh’s answer, here is some further research from his sources. Here are just a few key elements in recognizing and preventing suicide in a loved one from Lloyd and Gwendolyn Carr: If someone you know: Threatens suicide Talks or writes about wanting to die Appears depressed, sad, withdrawn, hopeless Shows significant changes in behavior, appearance, mood (either from being “normal” to being depressed or the reverse) Abuses drugs, alcohol Deliberately injures himself or herself Says he or she will not be missed if gone Gives away treasured belonging You can help: Stay calm and listen Take threats seriously Let him or her talk about his or her feelings Be accepting; do not judge Ask if he or she has suicidal thoughts Ask how intense and frequent these thoughts are Ask if he or she has a plan Ask if he or she has a means to carry out the plan Don’t swear secrecy – tell someone Assure the person it is OK and necessary to get help Copyright (c) November, 1999, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. (http://www.elca.org/dcs/suicide_prevention.html) Produced by the Department for Studies, Division for Church in Society. Get help: You cannot do it alone. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – a prevention hotline dedicated to providing immediate assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

If you are a guy, you have been tempted with sexual sin. If you deny it, you are a liar or are you are dead. But there are some powerful principles for gaining victory over sexual sin and some great Scripture passages regarding the subject. Here are Perry Noble’s wise, succinct words. #1 – Who or what you pursue will ultimately determine what you do and who you become. It is a spiritual impossibility to pursue Jesus AND sexual sin at the same time. (Psalm 25:15) #2 – As a friend of mine has often said, “God is not after our begrudging submission but rather our joy!” And long term joy, peace and fulfillment are never the result of pursuing sexual sin. (Please read Proverbs 5, Proverbs 6 & Proverbs 7 for further confirmation in regards to this point.) #3 – Sexual sin is not something that can be “prayed away,” nor can we simply read Bible verses about grace after committing it in order to feel better. NOR can we simply promise God over and over that we won’t do it again (how’s that working for you?) We CAN be set free from it…but it will not be pretty. It must be confessed (James 5:16) and repented of (Revelation 2:21-23!) (I did not overcome my nearly 20 year battle with pornography until I confessed it and asked for help!) YES, it may “cost you” when it comes to your reputation…but remember, the costs of concealment are far greater than the costs of confession…and repentance is WAY more important than our reputation. #4 – Sexual sin costs us our spiritual esteem…people who are involved in sexual sin feel disconnected from God, guilty and spiritually dead. #5 – For those who want to STOP sinning sexually…a decision MUST be made to renew your mind (Romans 12:1-12,) to FIGHT the battles in your mind (II Corinthians 10:5) and to ask GODLY men and women to come along side of you and both encourage and spur you when necessary (Hebrews 10:24-25). (PS…this means you have to stop saying, “I messed up sexually.” OR, “I made a mistake!” Call it what it is…sin. AND stop meeting with people who are doing the same things that you are doing and so when you get together to “hold one another accountable” you are actually hoping that the other person “messed up” so that you don’t feel bad about doing so!) #6 – Understand that IN CHRIST you CAN have victory over sexual sin!!! (See Romans 8:37, I Corinthians 15:57, Philippians 4:13!) IN CHRIST you are NOT a victim but rather a receiver of VICTORY! If Jesus overcame DEATH then Christ in you can help you breakthrough the stronghold of sexual sin!!! (Luke 1:37!!!) #7 – For those who belong to Christ and are trying their best to pursue Him on a daily basis but are still haunted by a sexual past…remember that is who you WERE, it is not WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST!!! (II Corinthians 5:17!) Do not allow what used to defeat you to define you! You are no longer defined by what you did but rather by what CHRIST did for you on the cross!!!

Romans 14 is an excellent chapter for study in regard to making decisions concerning various issues not addressed in the Bible. Since most of what we do affects our relationships with others, study of this passage may help you reach a Christ-like decision that is best for you in your walk with the Lord, as well as your relationships with others. Often it is easy to fall into the practice of passing judgment on those whose thinking does not line up with our own regarding a particular issue. Rather than pass judgment, we are to accept one another (Romans 14:1). Matters of the conscience–those not strictly addressed in the Bible–must be settled in relationship to God (14:4, 7-8, 12, 22). Our actions should not bring condemnation on us. We should be completely convinced in our own mind concerning our convictions. If we have heard God correctly, we will have a clear conscience. Pleasing God is the determining factor for a clear conscience, not the opinions of others. We are not to do anything without believing that it is right. Everything that does not proceed from faith is sin (verse 23). We are, however, to guard our influence. Verses 13, 20, 21 say not to do anything that makes your brother stumble. Others are watching our walk as a Christian, therefore, it is important to keep in mind the higher law of love. The welfare of my brother is more important than my rights. Verse 16, 17 say, “Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” The kingdom of God requires real righteousness, personal integrity, loving relationships with others, and a moral influence. How do we resolve the conflict that may arise when we feel released by the Lord to exercise our freedom to participate in an activity while others feel just as strongly that such participation is unChristlike? How do we accept others and refrain from passing judgment, yet still guard our influence and not cause another to stumble? The answer is by imitating Christ. What did Christ do? Obviously, we will encounter situations in today’s society which Christ did not encounter, yet we can always look to Him as our example for every decision. Look at the first few verses of Romans 15. Jesus glorified the Father (15:5-7). He accepted others (15:7). He became a servant of others on behalf of God’s truth (15:8-12). When our life in relationship to others is in conflict, imitate Christ. A good motto to follow is, “In essentials unity, in nonessentials liberty, in all things charity.” In Psalm 32:8, the Lord says that He will lead you and guide you in the way that you should go. You can be confident that He will make His will clear to you in this matter if you are diligently seeking Him. It is your responsibility to follow the leading of the Lord. Susannah Wesley said, “If anything hinders your relationship with God, for you it is sin.” Our place is to listen to what God says and not worry whether God is dealing more or less strictly with a brother or sister in the Lord. Our job is to hear and obey, not to judge. http://www.josh.org . Used by permission.

Have you heard about this church that’s building itself on a military metaphor? It’s led by a general, not a bishop. Their clergy are not referred to as pastors, priests or vicars – instead it’s captain, major, colonel and commander. Officers go through seven years of training and are barred from earning outside income. This church even tells officers whom they can and cannot marry. Membership requirements are rigorous. When you join this church, you are referred to as a soldier. You must sign a declaration of faith and practice known as Articles of War, and you are required to give volunteer service to the church. You’re required to abstain from all tobacco, illegal drugs and alcohol. The organization’s magazine is called War Cry! Sounds like some weird cult, doesn’t it? So what’s the name of this unusual church? The Salvation Army. You may not realize it, but the Salvation Army is a church. Unlike most churches, it’s not known for its worship services. Instead, it’s known for helping people. And no church feeds more, clothes more or comforts more. The church has only about 600,000 members, but this year alone it will help more than 30 million people. The Salvation Army is at work in more than 100 countries around the globe. How is it possible to accomplish so much with so few members? While most churches are built around an academic model, the Salvationists are building on a military model. The entire church is structured for outreach. As a result of this structure, this relatively small denomination is able to accomplish more social service than all other denominations combined. What lessons can the local church learn from the Salvation Army? A masculine organizational model is desirable. By using a military metaphor, the Army. High standards are good. Call many, choose few. Effectiveness is more important than size. Most churches try to be everything to everyone. But a church that focuses like a laser on a particular aspect of the gospel will outperform the multi-focused church every time. It’s time to lift the de facto ban on military imagery and songs in the church. How long has it been since we’ve been allowed to sing Onward Christian Soldiers? Military imagery does not create violent men; it helps them focus their passions on the good fight. Instead of gender neutralizing our churches, we should celebrate both masculine and feminine expression. Androgyny has no place in God’s creation.