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There’s enough circulating in the media today to discourage Christians about the future of marriage and family. In a recent Atlantic article, “All the Single Ladies,” Kate Bolick suggests we stop thinking of “traditional marriage” as society’s highest ideal. Divorce is no longer the “new” normal, it’s just normal. In the 1980s and 90s, the term “turn-key kids” was meant to represent a sad reality for children. Now the term has been largely retired because of its regularity. These cultural developments have led evangelicals to become more family-centered, both for our own sake and also for the sake of our neighbors. Promise Keepers encouraged men to love their wives. John Piper and Wayne Grudem edited a scholarly and pastoral—in my opinion, definitive—book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, arguing for a complementarian understanding of the home and local church. The name Focus on the Family speaks for itself. But with every response, there’s always the danger of over-correction. It’s not that I think some evangelicals have become too conservative or too traditional. I worry that they’ve simply adopted traditional cultural and societal norms, instead of biblical norms. Zechariah and Mary The two birth announcements in the Gospel of Luke to Zechariah and Mary reveal how a society’s “traditional” family values may not line up with God’s. Zechariah, the priest married to a barren woman, and Mary both heard miraculous announcements about impending childbirth. Yet while Zechariah responded with skepticism and doubt, Mary responded with faith and wonder. So why would Zechariah, a priest, doubt an angel of the Lord? He knew the story of Abraham and Sarah, so the idea of an older, barren woman giving birth wouldn’t be ridiculous to him. But consider Zechariah and Elizabeth’s situation. Some of you may know the pain of not being able to have children. It’s the feeling of 10, 20, even 30 years deeply desiring children with hopes unfulfilled. Zechariah and Elizabeth also suffered shame. Luke 1:24-25 reveals Elizabeth’s heart. She said, “Thus the Lord has done for me in the days when he looked on me, to take away my reproach among people.” By reproach she meant the shame that comes from known barrenness. Maybe some of you have experienced this reproach from more conservative societies, where family is held in such a high regard. If you’re nearing your 40s with no children and maybe not even married, you start to receive questions like, “When are you going to get yourself a husband?” “When are we going to start seeing some little ones around here?” You hear the whispers. Every baby shower brings guilt and shame. Zechariah and Elizabeth also dealt with questions about whether they did something wrong to deserve barrenness. Was there some hidden sin? Worse, Zechariah was a religious leader, a priest! Can you imagine how this public shame undermined his position, his authority? So for Zechariah, pain and sorrow turned to shame and disgrace. He held on tightly to the cultural idol of family. This idol filled his heart so that there was no room for the truth of God’s promise, even if he heard it from an angel. The good news of a coming son did not inspire joy but unbelief. It’s too late. We’re too old. Two Common Errors Reading about Zechariah and Elizabeth while studying our own age, we discern two errors common to societies when it comes to family. First, a society can value personal independence and autonomy to such a degree that family and children become burdens. What God has provided for our joy and human flourishing, we regard as a killjoy, draining personal resources that we’d rather use to advance our own dreams, ambitions, and plans. But there’s another wrong view. A society can make the family the most important thing. It can become an idol, something that fundamentally defines us. We regard anyone who never marries or cannot have children as somehow subhuman. They must have done something wrong to upset God. By contrast, the Bible actually teaches a radically subversive message about the family. God, we often discover, is the cause of barrenness in women. Stories of family dynamics rarely flatter. You’ll never find a Leave it to Beaver household in the Bible. Rather, we see constant distress, rivalry, and jealousy. Usually this dynamic doesn’t result from undervaluing children. No, we see it when children become the most important thing! Not only that, Jesus also has some deeply alarming things to say about the family, sounding almost cold and uncaring—see Mark 3:31-35 and Luke 14:26. And finally, it’s difficult to make family the most central thing for Christians when the two most prominent figures in the New Testament, Jesus and the apostle Paul, were both single. Actually, Christianity made singleness a legitimate way of life for the first time in any culture or religion. Christ and the Church Before you thumb your noses at traditional values on marriage and family, remember this: When God wanted to paint a picture of his great love for he church and cost of his death, he cited marriage between a husband and wife. God in Jesus Christ is the faithful and sacrificial husband for his bride, the church. In fact, the Bible often describes our spiritual union with one another and God using the language of family. Through the cross of Jesus Christ, we see that God is no distant judge, but a Father; Jesus is not only a friend of sinners, but our brother; we share not only a common belief system, but we also live in community as brothers and sisters. While the family cannot be so important that it invades the space in our heart that only God should occupy, we see that even from Creation, God designed marriage and family to result in a maturing society. Zechariah, however, warns us not to make family the ultimate thing. He turned it into a false god, leaving no room for the truth of the real God. Not so with Mary! She responded with wonder and faith, saying, “Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). She, too, had dreams and hopes for family. She was even betrothed. You don’t think she daydreamed of what her family might be like? We know from John 8 that Mary’s pregnancy out of wedlock was public knowledge. Many believed that Jesus was born from “sexual immorality.” So Mary endured the whispers, stares, and brooked smiles. A virgin birth was hardly family-centered in that traditional society. Might we have whispered and wondered about her, too? Christians should have strong convictions about marriage and family. But their convictions should come from the Bible, not simply the norms of traditional societies. John Starke is an editor for The Gospel Coalition and lead pastor of All Souls Church in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. You can follow him on Twitter.

Then, they said to the king, “Daniel, who is one of the exiles from Judah, pays no attention to you, Your Majesty, or to the decree you put in writing. He still prays three times a day.” When the king heard this, he was greatly distressed; he was determined to rescue Daniel and made every effort until sundown to save him. Then, the men went as a group to King Darius and said to him, “Remember, Your Majesty, that according to the law of the Medes and Persians, no decree or edict that the king issues can be changed.” So the king gave the order, and they brought Daniel and threw him into the lions’ den. The king said to Daniel, “May your God, whom you serve continually, rescue you!” (Daniel 6:13-16 NIV) The story of Daniel in the Lion’s Den (Daniel 6:13-16) has been a long-standing favored story that not only intrigues the minds of children, but adults as well. The story is set in the Middle East, about 600 – 650 BC, at a time when the Babylonians had conquered Israel, taking into captivity many of Israel’s promising young men, among them was a man named, Daniel. Ironically, when king Darius decreed that Daniel must be thrown into the lion’s den, Daniel was not young, but a man about 80 years old. Through the many years of captivity, Daniel had developed a reputation for being a very hard worker and extremely honest; as well as being devout and obedient to his God, Yahweh Jehovah, the God of Israel. Daniel had managed to rise up in this pagan kingdom to achieve the position of administrator among the political ranks; and thereby, he had made many government officials angry with him and in their jealousy, they set out to find a way to remove him from his office of prominent authority. The decree was that if anyone were caught praying to another god, or man, besides the king, during a specific thirty-day period, that person would be thrown into the lion’s den. Needless to say, a very dangerous place for any human being and obviously pending a “not so good out come”! Yet, Daniel was persistent and continued with his faithfulness to his God, the God of Israel. Knowing how much King Darius loved and favored Daniel, the wicked government officials believed they would be able to force the king in keeping his own decree against Daniel, so they brought Daniel before the king and declared the wrong deed, which Daniel was guilty of committing. Even though King Darius wanted to rescue Daniel, and try as he did, still, at sundown, the king was compelled to keep his decree; and Daniel was ordered into the lion’s den to face sure and certain death. As the story goes, King Darius just knew that Daniel would not survive the lion’s den and the king struggled to eat or sleep. However, the next morning, the king was delighted to learn that Daniel was still alive and asked Daniel if his God and protected him? Daniel answered, My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, O king.” (Daniel 6:22 NIV) As the scripture states about this story, King Darius was overjoyed to learn that Daniel has survived the lion’s den, because he had trusted his god (Daniel 6:23 NIV) and as a result, King Darius ordered the jealous officials, who had brought their allegations against Daniel, arrested and along with their wives and children, they were ordered to be thrown into the lion’s den. Next, King Darius issued another decree ordering that all the people would fear and pay reverence to Daniel’s God, the God of Israel. Daniel continued a prosperous life under King Darius and his successor, King Cyrus, the Persian. What is interesting to note about King Darius (558 – 485 BC) is that even though he found favor with Daniel and admired his good deeds, Daniel’s diligent work habits and his honesty, plus his loyalty and faithfulness to God, King Darius was recognized as a great king and empire builder, for making laws, and achieving many good deeds such as completing a canal from the Nile River to the Red Sea, irrigation projects, and a coinage system, but also, he was known for being a king, who could very violent against his enemies. This world is not an easy world in which to live and it is filled with many people, who love others and in their loyalty to them, they will do many good things for them. Yet, there are those, who are not loving and kind, who will become jealous of those, who strive to do good, to be loving, and kind; and they will set out to compete with them, try to get them in trouble, even lie against them, and sometimes, they will try to hurt that good person in some way. Children are not in this world very long before they discover how bad and dangerous this world can, just like adults have to contend with this world. This is why the story of Daniel in the Lion’s Den is so appealing to everyone, especially children, and even adults at any age. Daniel was completely aware of his situation and knew full-well that he could have died that night in the lion’s den, but Daniel believed his God, and trusted him at all times for all circumstances; and even though he might die, still, he was willing to trust God. Daniel believed that God knew him, that he would keep his word to watch over him and protect him, and that God knew where Daniel was at all times and God was fully aware of what Daniel was doing and what was about to happen to him. Daniel knew that his obedience to God would be honored even when he obeyed the king, who loved Daniel, but whose law could also make sure that Daniel would be killed. God honored Daniel’s obedience first to him, then to the king. God made sure that Daniel lived. The king admired Daniel’s loyalty and faithfulness to God so much that he made a new decree that Daniel’s God would be honored and revered. Life can be fun, filled with many happy events and it can be peaceful many times, but also, it is filled with challenges that cause people to struggle; and there are many sad times that people experience in life. Quite often, it is easy to feel that one is experiencing or enduring their own personal “lion’s den” and it will never end. Children have life situations and circumstances that cause them to feel that way, too. The key is to learn not to focus on one’s own situation and how it is, or could become, but to focus on God, just like Daniel did, and be willing to believe God is all-powerful, he knows every situation that everyone endures, and he knows exactly where everyone is and what is happening to them at all times. Be willing to place complete faith in God and trust God will be there, that he honors faithfulness and he will rescue those, who obey and trust him. “Your effectiveness and personal victory in Christ are linked to the time you spend with the Lord in prayer.” Dr. Charles Stanley, Suggested References: Fairchild, Mary. “Obedience to God: What Does the Bible Say About Obedience?” Stories of Calvary. Christianity.com (2005-2014). 01/17/2014. Gill, N. S. “King Darius the Great” Ancient Classical History.com (2014) 01/27/2014. Hopler, Whitney. “Bible Angels: An Angel Rescues Daniel From a Den of Lions” Christianity.com (2005-2014) 01/27/2014. Stanley, Ph.D. Charles. “The Battle Of Prayer” Atlanta, Georgia: In Touch Ministries, October, 2013. 01/27/2014. Zavada, Jack. “Bible Story Summary: God Protected and Delivered Daniel from the Den of Lions.” Christianity.com (2005-2014) 01/27/2014.

What motivated the early church to press on under threat of rejection, persecution, and death? It’s the same thing we need to overcome our fear of sharing the gospel with our neighbors—gospel courage. I have a dear friend who has a beautiful wife, one very precocious little girl, and one little boy who’s the mellowest kid I’ve ever seen in my life. My friend loves his family very much. He makes a good living, lives in a great house, and has great friends. He enjoys a really good life. Regardless of where you come from, you could look at his life and think that he’s very blessed. My friend recently got on a plane to Darfur to go to one of the most dangerous places in the world to dig wells. He went to help provide clean drinking water for people he did not know and who, by and large, do not care for him. Some of them would rather he die than be there to give them clean drinking water. As he went, he was betting it all on the providence of God that he wouldn’t run across the wrong crowd at the wrong time. Because if you do, out in the desert in some of the places his group had to travel, you are dead. Fearless faith results from holding on to Christ as our treasure. Now, why would he leave a beautiful wife and two awesome kids and get on a plane to go dig water wells for people who would just as soon kill him as drink his water? Why would he do that? Because to live is Christ and to die is gain. Fearless faith The Christian living a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ is fearless, regardless of the situation. The Apostle Paul describes the mature Christian life this way: “Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents” (Phil. 1:27–28). Being fearless in our faith makes the gospel look big. From our Western comfort zone, my friend’s trip to Darfur can be seen as an extreme example of gospel-fueled courage. But don’t we need this sort of confidence in Christ to simply overcome the fear of sharing the gospel with our neighbors? Paul talks about marginalization, insults, oppression, persecution, and suffering as if they’re gifts. They are “granted” to us (Phil. 1:29) to further the cause of Christ, which is the goal we all strive toward together. The Christian living a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ is fearless, regardless of the situation. The day will come—perhaps today—when you will die and see all of history being effectively rewritten from the halls of heaven. The annals of history will not be filled with wars and kings. There will be one story: the heroes will be missionaries, and the victor will be seen clearly as Christ. Knowing this, who cares if friends or enemies mock you? Do not be “frightened in anything by your opponents” (Phil. 1:28). Be willing to get on a plane and go to dangerous places. Be willing to take the pay cut at work to do what’s right. Be willing, no matter who your opponent is, to be fearless. Why? This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have. (Phil. 1:28–30) To be opposed because of our faith is a sign of our opponent’s destruction. Ironic, isn’t it? Especially given that it was the Christians’ destruction the early church’s persecutors had in mind. In fact, to be opposed for our faith in Christ is a blessing because it is in itself a sign of our salvation! (Matt. 5:10–12). Christ is all Fearless faith results from holding on to Christ as our treasure. If we believe that our reward in heaven far surpasses all the comfort, convenience, and collections of the world, we, too, will be willing to consider them all as loss. Be willing to get on a plane and go to dangerous places. Be willing to take the pay cut at work to do what’s right. Be willing, no matter who your opponent is, to be fearless Paul encourages those in the Philippian church to remember the gospel that saved them, the gospel that brought them all together and made them family, the gospel that secures them second by second for the glorification of eternity so that they will hold all else loosely and ultimately fear nothing. A life worthy of the gospel So what does it look like to live a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ? It looks like standing with courage against all oppressors, natural or supernatural. What secures you is Christ. Christ is all. Looking at it that way, the implication becomes rather simple. Not easy. But simple. The gospel motivates fearless faith. How are you doing? Fearlessly face that question. Are you living a life worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ? Have you found Christ worth living for, worth dying for, worth casting all away for his sake? Examine your own heart. Do you just hang out with people who are like you? Are you timid and fearful when it comes to any opposition to your faith? Face these questions with courage, and press on. Jesus loves you. Re-printed from The Resurgence.

If a person walks through the door of your church, what are the essential truths they must hear? I’m talking about the basics, about the things that every Christian should know backwards and forward, the things we should hear in church all the time. Granted, people do not remember all they should remember. It’s possible the fault lies with the hearers as much as the speakers. But still, that’s only more incentive to make certain thing crystal clear. We must not assume our people know what they need to know. We can’t assume they’ve heard what we think we’ve told them. As a pastor, there are certain things I hope the people at my church will never say they never heard. These are not necessarily the most important doctrines of the faith (though some are). Rather, these are the things we easily assume our people know, but often still miss. And when they miss these things they can end up missing everything. 1. “Being a Christian is more than going to church and being a good person.” We have to make this one absolutely and repetitively clear. I promise you there are people in your church (and mine) who think Christianity consists of attending religious services with some regularity and not screwing up in major ways. Make sure they know the gospel, that Jesus Christ lived the life we couldn’t live and died the death we deserved so that by faith alone we can be made right with God. Make sure they can articulate the gospel too. 2. “We must be born again.” I’m struck that the history of revivals shows that awakenings often follow when preachers return to this theme again and again. Do your people know that they are dead in sin and need the miracle of regeneration? 3. “We need to develop a personal relationship with Christ.” We may tire of the phrase “personal relationship” but it’s trying to get at something crucial for the Christian life. We must really know Christ and love him and walk with him and listen to him. 4. “Mature Christians develop lifelong habits of Bible reading and prayer.” It may be completely my fault, but somehow I didn’t know this until I met some good fundy Baptist friends in high school who started each day with something called a “quiet time.” 5. “Christians suffer.” Our suffering is made worse in this country because no one tells us it is coming. 6. “God can be pleased with me.” The Christians who understand numbers 1-5 often struggle to embrace this truth. Tell your people often that God delights in their obedience. Tell them that God is a loving Father who is pleased with his faithful, though imperfect, children. 7. “Beware of false teachers.” We have not trained our young people well if they leave our safe environment and assume that everyone who goes by the name of Christian or publishes a Christian book or teaches at a Christian school can be trusted. 8. “There is one God in three Persons.” What’s more foundational than God himself? And yet, how many churches adequately, frequently instruct their people in the Trinity. 9. “There are many people in the world who don’t think Christianity is true and some of them are very nice and very smart.” If we are around church our whole lives we may learn that others disagree with us, but their beliefs and arguments are often presented weakly. It’s easy for people to grow up in the church figuring that other worldviews are pretty dumb and/or those who espouse them are obviously bad people. Prepare your people that they will encounter decent and intelligent people who disagree with them. Get them ready to think beyond stereotypes. 10. “There is a reason we worship the way we do.” Granted, this may not be the case in every church. Some worship services are thrown together under the basic rubric of “whatever I like and seems to work.” But probably your church is better than this. Take time to explain why you still sing old hymns, why you try new songs, why you have a prayer of confession, why there is a pastoral prayer, why the sermon is the way it is. Worship goes goofy when church members have never been taught why we worship the way we do. If you are a pastor, parent, Bible study leader, Sunday school teacher, or anyone who instructs others in the faith, don’t assume your kids or your people know these things. Repeat then. Sing them. Pray them. Ask people to say what you just said. Make them raise their hands. Make them repeat after you. Do whatever it takes to make sure your people can never say they never heard the most important things from you.

There’s always that one kid. The kid who won’t stay in his seat at the restaurant. The girl who has to have the last word. And the boy who’s always screaming in the Target. That’s a powerful child at work. And maybe he’s yours. These powerful children are master manipulators and expert attention-getters! They love to be in control of the household power source—you. So how can you tell if you’ve got a powerful master-manipulator on your hands? Here’s just a few ways you can spot the powerful child in your family. Every family’s got one and sometimes it’s not who you think. 1. Does your child love to battle with you? Is your kid stubborn beyond reason? Do they fight you at every turn? With powerful stubborn manipulators, every comment can turn into an argument. These kids have a need to be right! 2. Is he or she overly sensitive? Does your family feel like they have to walk on eggshells around that one son or daughter? We can often find ourselves sticking up for these children, saying “Oh, Fletcher is just so sensitive!” Don’t be fooled. These kids are workin’ ya! 3. Does it seem as if your child has developed a frightening new personality? Was your child once an easy-going cooperative kid who you were proud to call your own? But now that she’s hit puberty, has she developed a personality close to that of a werewolf? These moody curveball kids can really throw you for a loop! 4. Do you feel like you’re always asking questions but never getting answers? Powerful children aren’t always the loud obnoxious kid in the Target. Children can manipulate through silence too, and we can be suckers for the shy kid. We’ll ask him question after question, but he’ll only respond with a shrug or an “I dunno know.” Next Steps? Check your reaction! Chances are, if you have a powerful child, you’re having a powerful reaction. Your heart may pound, your stomach churn, and maybe you can picture more arguments than not with that child. Or perhaps you’ve gone out of your way to placate her. Powerful manipulators come in a variety of packages. And they can leave us pulling our hair out at night! But having a powerful child isn’t all bad. It simply means that the power needs to be redirected, and you (yes, you!), dear parent, can be a circuit breaker on that power. All behavior is learned, and your child is looking to you to set the example. Don’t teach your powerful child to walk all over you with permissive parenting, and don’t fight power with power. It takes two to do battle, so disengage! So next time Johnny says, “Hey, let me borrow the car so I can drive to the football game,” after he’s mouthed-off to you all night, don’t play the typical permissive or authoritarian parent. Don’t let him off the hook with a simple, “Well, alright. But don’t stay out too late!” And don’t give him the “Are you kidding me?! You’re not going anywhere for a month with a tone like that!” Be authoritative. Stay calm. Control your power surges. Instead, calmly say something like, “Maybe I would consider letting you borrow the car, but I don’t like the way you’ve treated me tonight.” This puts the ball back in Johnny’s court and it’s up to him to decide whether he’ll abide by the rules. He may whine and complain at first, but he’ll come around if he wants those keys! Parenting is never easy, but it is simple. Stay consistent, stay calm, and redirect those power surges! Your powerful child can become a powerful force for good. For more information on redirecting your powerful child, check out my new book Parenting Your Powerful Child. If you’ve got a powerful kid, it’s a book you can’t afford to miss! Re-printed from www.birthorderguy.com. Used by permission.

Just moments ago, she had enjoyed all the thrills of sleeping with a man she shouldn’t have. And only a short time later, she stood naked and beaten before a group of men in the temple—of all places. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind. She wanted so badly to be clothed, to get out of there, and to turn back time. Thoughts of the disgrace and embarrassment that her family would own because of her actions haunted her. The men around her began asking questions to a well–known, if not famous, Rabbi, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now, in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. So what do you say?” When she heard this question, the thought of dying on that very day overwhelmed her so much that she began to sob out loud. She knew the Law. It was sacred and holy. She knew she had to face death for her actions—to not do so would break the very Law these men were commanded to enforce. She knew her fate and threw herself down on the ground waiting for the Rabbi’s command. But he said nothing. The crowd grew irritated and began asking repeatedly the same question, increasing their volume. But, still he said nothing. She wanted to know what was happening and what the outcome would be as fear and shame raced through her. It seemed like eternity, and all the while she was waiting for the first stone to come flying out of nowhere and hit her. She just wanted it all to be over. How could it have come to this? She had betrayed her God, her family, and her husband. Sorrow finally overcame her and all that flowed through her mind were the words, “I’m sorry”—over and over again. Finally the Rabbi said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw the stone at her.”The next thing she heard were stones hitting the ground one-by-one. She looked up and saw only the Rabbi there. He asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She lowered her head and immediately began to weep uncontrollably. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her head and a blanket cover her bare shoulders. She didn’t want to have to raise her head to look the Rabbi in the face. Although the threat of death was gone, shame and guilt were as present as they had ever been. She started to wish they would have killed her anyway. The Rabbi called to her again, “Woman, where are they? Has not one of them condemned you?” Through her tears, she answered, “No one, Lord.” The Rabbi gently lifted her head up with his hand. As her eyes met his, a strange quiet fell over her entire being. And for a few moments, he stared into her soul. Then he said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” In a recent Q&A session during the Membership Class here at the Village, I was asked if there were any concerns about the theology in our church or if truth was being applied incorrectly. I thought for a few moments and answered with one major area of concern: the flow of obedience that comes from having grace take hold of you or the absence of that obedience. It has been my experience that where grace is unapologetically taught, there is also a sinful residue that almost always accompanies it. People can easily grab hold of the concept of grace, but any call to “obedience” is labeled as “legalism” that is contrary to the gospel. It’s like they either forget or don’t acknowledge the part where Jesus said to the adulteress, “go, and from now on sin no more.” In grace-driven churches, legalism is not tolerable. Call us anything else you want, but to call us “legalistic” is the Mother of all insults. It’s like saying something derogatory about our spouses, children, or mothers, and it’s unacceptable. As a matter of fact, it might even get you punched in the face (which is okay because God’s grace will cover our actions, right?). In churches where grace is the central focus, there seems to be reluctant attitudes toward obedience or commandments. The interesting thing about all of this is that Jesus wasn’t reluctant to talk about obedience or commandments then, and He isn’t today either. If commanding obedience is legalism, then the author of the grace we teach is the biggest “legalist” of us all. John 14:15 says, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” Profession and belief alone is not evidence of your love for Christ. The Scripture says that even the demons believe that Jesus is the Christ and they shudder, which is more than most of us do, at the thought of the incarnation. So mere belief is inadequate according to Jesus. Instead, Jesus says that if you love Him, then you will obey His commands. Is this just one obscure passage dealing with this issue? Not at all. John 15:10-11 says, “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” There are a few things that should be clear to you thus far: Jesus had no problem giving commandments; Jesus had no problem affirming existing laws; and Jesus had no problem asking us to obey God’s commandments. To Him, there was no conflict or tension between love, grace, and obedience. First John 2:3- 6 says, “Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, ‘I know Him,’ and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.” According to this text, is it an option whether or not to keep God’s commandments? Look at the verse again. No—it isn’t. What a strong statement! A brother or sister who does not walk in God’s commandments is not really a brother or sister. Here is another passage, from Psalm 40:8, but this is later quoted in Hebrews 10:5-9. The reference in Hebrews makes it clear that when the Psalmist wrote this, it was a prophecy of Jesus Christ. In fact, it was the Messiah saying these words. So, although this passage appears first in the book of Psalms, this is the very heart of Jesus. This is what Jesus said, I delight to do Thy will, O my God; Thy law is within my heart. Jesus didn’t say, “Your law is my enemy, O God,” “I run away from Your law,” or “I am ashamed of Your law.” He said that God’s law burned within His being and He desired to obey it. One problem is that we do not have a working definition “legalism.” This very topic comes up many times in The Village home groups, over coffee, and at the gym. But, I have never heard anyone define it. We often just throw “legalism” into a theological junk drawer along with other things that convict us or people’s lives that challenge us. The truth is no action can be called legalistic in itself. Is it legalistic to obey God’s commands—even the small ones? Of course not. Is it legalistic to preach and teach people to obey the commands of Christ? On the contrary—we are commanded to do so. How about confronting, rebuking, or disciplining our fellow believers if they are unrepentant in their disobedience? Again, we are commanded by God to do these exact things. Legalism is not an action, it is a motive. It’s why we do things that can make the action wrong. It’s the trap legalistic people fall into of trying to earn love already given to them or trying to pay back God for mistakes and sins. Both of these motives produce “good works” based off of wrong motives. In the end, they destroy one’s understanding of God and grace, and make his or her ability to extend grace nearly impossible. The bottom line is—we do not keep God’s commands in order to improve our relationships with God, to win His love, or to receive more of His love. Think back on John 8 for evidence of this. What did the woman caught in adultery do to receive the grace and forgiveness of Jesus? When the story begins, she was caught in the act of sin. She wasn’t suspected of it—she was actually found guilty of it. Yet before she obeyed even one of God’s commands, she was forgiven. Love was extended to her before she even confessed, made things right with her husband, went to church, or memorized any Scripture. How is this possible? The only answer is that God’s love for her was not rooted in her actions but in the soon-to-be death of Jesus on the cross. This leads to the issue of “right motives.” What do you think she felt in that moment—the moment where undeserved love, forgiveness, and grace were extended to her? Do you think she was thinking about going back to what she was doing before? Surely not. I have found that there is a difference between you grasping the concept of grace and grace grasping you. When the reality and truth of grace captures your heart, when it’s your turn to stand naked and beaten before all, guilty, and deserving of death, and when you hear the words “neither do I condemn you,” then in that moment all the right motives for obedience are born. There are at least three motives. The first is gratitude. We obey the commands of God because our hearts overflow with gratefulness that was birthed in the grace extended to us. And we want to obey Him—not to earn His love—but because He gave His love to us freely. We obey not to pay back but because we owe nothing. Keeping God’s commands as an expression of love is the second motive for obedience. It brings us pleasure to obey God because we love Him. Think of being in love. I love my wife, Lauren, very much. And because I love her, I like doing things that make her happy—even if I don’t necessarily like the actual things I must do. A few examples would be watching romantic comedies or cleaning the kitchen. However, I don’t mind doing those things, because they make my Love happy and therefore bring me joy. The third motive is obedience as an act of devotion. This motive can’t be separated from the first two, or it becomes begrudging submission. And begrudgingly submitting to someone is very different from obeying as an act of devotion because the latter is loyalty birthed out of grateful love. I am not devoted for devotion’s sake. I am devoted to obey the commands of God because He has written them on my heart, because I am thankful for those commands, because I’m in love with Him for giving them to me, and because of who He is. So the remaining question is: what do we do if our motives are wrong, our hearts are not grateful, and we are not in love? I don’t think there is a silver bullet here, but there are definitely some things we can do that can help. Meditating on Scripture can penetrate any funk that we find ourselves in because God’s Word is “living and active.” I am not saying that simply reading the Bible is the answer. But prayerful meditation over the inspiration found in God’s Word is. Try reading the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8. Read it slow. Imagine the smells and the emotions that she must have felt. You’ve already read a piece of the story in the first two paragraphs. But put yourself in her place. Imagine your sins going public and the “neither do I condemn” being extended to you. Read the story of the woman at the well in John 4. Read Romans 5-6. Read Galatians 2:20-3:5. Read each of these passages slowly and pray, think, and answer Jesus’ question, “Has no one condemned you?” Then think upon His statement “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” May the Lord be gracious to us and may that grace lead us to obedience to Him so that our joy and His glory maybe full. © 2007 The Village Church. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

After I was thrown out of North Park University in the middle of my sophomore year, I returned to Tucson to live with my Mom and Dad. My older brother Jack, who was a graduate student at the University of Arizona, also lived at home. In all the years we lived together with good ole mom and Dad, we never had a ripple. We got along great! We helped out our parents, painted the house, did yard work, took out the garbage, and all the rest. It was a great experience and you sure couldn’t beat the rent! But someone once said, “Fish and company smell after three days.” And I’ve heard enough horror stories to know that my experience is NOT the norm. Do you remember the milestone years in your life? Remember turning 18 and thinking that you were on your own? Remember turning 21 and telling yourself that you are legal? The problem is most of us, especially guys, are not grown up until we’re 25 or older. Now, if you are going to have your adult kids living in your home for any reason, you would be very smart to set up basic guidelines. Another old saying is that “good fences make good neighbors.” And when it comes to this issue, I guarantee you need a fence. Although your home might be rent free, it is not duty free! It’s a home, not a hotel, and your child cannot just come and go as they please (no matter how grown up they think they are). If you could walk the halls of the average college dorm at 2 in the morning, you’d see many kids are not home yet. And many of them are still awake! While your son or daughter sees coming home at 3 in the morning at your house completely normal, you must set the expectation that this is not a dorm, but a home. Your kid thinks,”Hey, I’m 21, you can’t tell me when to be home!” But the truth is, “You are right. You are 21 and I can’t tell you when to come home. But if you come home at 3 in the morning and wake us up when you come through the door and the dog is barking… your seemingly innocent behavior now is impeding on the rights of us old folks that live in this home and pay the mortgage.” Am I saying that on occasion a kid cannot stay out late? Absolutely not. But it would need to be agreed on by both parent and child. I know that college-aged kids living at home can easily turn into a nightmare. Before you agree to this, as a couple you should agree to the “fences” that you need to put in place. If you’re not on the same page, forget it. It’s doomed before you even start! These agreements should be revisited every semester and during the summer. You might discover (or your son or daughter!) that living together at home is all it’s cracked up to be. They might want to strike out on their own. That is a real good experience for young adults to understand that REAL landlords require cash up front, security deposits, and many other expectations that are part of the real world. Here’s some ideas for how you can build “good fences” with your young adult living at home. 1. Clean up after yourself 2 Help around the house 3. Every day ask, “What can I do to help?” 4. Respect your family members These things mean different things to each family, so YOU have to color in that picture. Your son may think cleaning up means dropping the dirty dishes in the sink for someone else to clean. Be clearer than a kindergarten teacher on what your expectations are for living in YOUR home. Now, many parents want to provide a free place to their children as a way of helping them get started or to help with their education. That’s all well and good, but I know other parents that say, “If my adult child is living here, especially if they working, they should be paying rent!” If that is the case, the rent needs to be agreed to and it needs to be paid on a specific day of the month. Cash only, no checks please! As I saw in the store the other day “No checks please, we have a good supply from last year! If things go awry, it’s time for reality discipline. You have to say, “Honey, things obviously aren’t working out, as your Mom and Dad we are giving you 30 days notice to remove what you need from our home because this clear is not working.” Realize that you child might be shocked that you are taking such action. After all, they probably think its “their” home. But reiterate the many reasons why this is not working. Ideally these will be things you’ve already shared and given fair warning that they need to change in order for the arrangement to continue. But if you’ve asked for improvement, and you are still getting woken up in the wee hours in the morning you have to act. If you are still cleaning dirty dishes and laundry, it’s time for an intervention. Be firm, and you will soon realize that you will probably get along better with your son or daughter once they are out on their own, living in an apartment, and and having the rights and responsibilities of young adulthood squarely on their shoulders. Remember it’s a house…not a hotel! It’s up to you to follow through if is not being treated like one. For more of Dr. Leman’s wonderful books and resources, go to: www.drleman.com/store/

Empower your son! You can, you know! How to give your son the confidence to say no! If you have a boy who’s entering the world of adolescence, there’s almost no doubt you’ve worried about him “running with the wrong crowd.” Moms are especially good worriers (you know you are!), but in this case, it’s hard to blame them. With drugs, sex, and guns running rampant, you may find yourself in a cold sweat just because your son is five minutes late for curfew. There’s almost no way you can completely ensure your son’s safety. But what you can do is provide your son with the key components of a loving family: acceptance, belonging, and competence. These ingredients will give your child the confidence to say no to the temptations he will encounter. Acceptance Think back to those awkward adolescent years. I bet you wanted more than anything to be accepted by your peers and, most of all, your family. Your son needs to know that no matter how awkward those sprigs of first facial hair or odd mood swings, that you accept him. Kids will live up to your unwritten expectations. What are you saying with yours? Make sure your unwritten expectations are encouraging. Expect the best and you’ll often get it. Sprinkle in sincere compliments and accept your child even when he fails. Love him, but still hold him accountable. Belonging We all need a place to belong. Ask yourself, where would you rather your son belong, to a an unhealthy group of friends or your family? (Your family of course!) So make sure everyone gets a say in household decisions and that everyone’s opinion is respected. Eat dinners together, and go to each other’s activities as a family. Kids need to know their family is a place where they will always “fit in.” Without a sense of belonging, there is no relationship between you and your son. And without a relationship, what you say and what you do mean nothing. But make your son feel like he belongs, and he’ll be primed for success! Competence No one wants to feel worthless. Make your son feel competent and he’ll have the confidence to tackle new projects and to say no to bad influences. So no matter his age, treat your son as if he’s competent. Give him tasks, and make him feel needed within your family. Don’t do anything for him that he can do himself. Instead, give him age appropriate responsibility, and watch him fly! The more tasks he does, the more competent he’ll become. You can’t keep your son locked in a bubble. Eventually, he’ll squirm his way out, and he needs to be able to function in the real world. Giving him acceptance, belonging, and competence can keep him from going out in search of other more dangerous places to find these necessities. It can also give him the confidence he needs to say no to unsafe situations. So make your home a place of connection—of deep relationships your boy can always count on. If you give your son acceptance, belonging, and competence, he won’t need to take a drag on a joint to “fit in.” He can say no, because he already has a place where he fits, just as he is. For more information on raising your son, check out my book What a Difference a Mom Makes, a book for Mothers and the deep imprint they leave on their boys. – See more at: www.birthorderguy.com/parenting/how-to-give-your-son-the-confidence-to-say-no/

Colossians was written by Paul the apostle to address syncretism. The Roman Empire ruled the known world for 1,500 years. Rome ruled England to India for 1,500 years in relative peace. They stabilized the world. They brought law and order, roads, and urban centers. Different religions and different lifestyles created a melting pot of ideas. Paul identifies syncretism and exalts the supremacy? of Christ in the first two chapters of the book. USA Today and The Wall Street Journal articles discuss the rise of “false Christianity.” Of the Christians surveyed, 65% rarely or never pray with others. 38% almost never pray by themselves. Follow me here: 38% of the people that proclaim to be Christians don’t talk to Him. The assumption is that you can be a Christian without knowing Jesus Christ! That’s an absurd but popular notion. 65% of the Christians surveyed rarely or never attend any type of worship gathering. 67% don’t read the Bible. 50% are unsure of whether or not Jesus is the only path to God. 68% did not mention faith, religion, spirituality or Jesus Christ when asked what was really important in life. 50% do not attend church at least weekly. So bare bones minimum is Sunday morning attendance is nominal, at best. Self-proclaimed Christians say, “I love Jesus. I don’t pray, I don’t read anything about Him and I never go to church, but I’m a Christian.” All right. Why? “Because I’m an American. I guess…I don’t know.” Only 40% of Evangelicals polled believe it’s their responsibility to share the gospel with neighbors, coworkers and friends. In the past, people went to church to better their business or attended so they could look like upstanding, upright citizens. That’s not the case anymore. Living a secular lifestyle is considered the norm. Paul writes that when Christ enters your heart, when the Holy Spirit enters your soul, He changes you. Paul also warns of the opposite trend of sectarianism. Sectarianism means we completely from culture. Sectarianism withdraws from the world from fear of contamination. Fearful Christians build a fortress around themselves and don’t really let anyone in. They are self-righteous and stubborn. They don’t want to associate with anyone who doesn’t believe like they believe. Paul gives us three ways that we relate to our non-Christian friends and secular culture. In Colossians 4:5, he writes “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders.” So let me give you nine questions I think you should ask. I’m pulling all nine of these questions from Mark Driscoll’s book, Radical Reformission. Here are nine questions he says we should ask in regards to our activities, whether that be our finances, whether that be our hobbies, whether that what we do on Friday night. Okay, here they are: Is it beneficial to me personally and the gospel generally? You and I are gospel people. If we’re believers in Christ, we see through the lenses of God’s grace and mercy given to us in Jesus Christ. So we see the world through those lenses. Is what you’re doing beneficial to you individually in regards to the gospel, and is it beneficial to the gospel in general? Do I, by my decisions, make God look glorious and beautiful or do I in turn slander and belittle His name? Will I lose self-control and be mastered by what I participate in? Will I be doing this in front of someone who will fall into sin because of my behaviors or attitudes? Is it a violation of the law? (Speeding is included!) If I do this, will I lose opportunity to share the gospel? Am I doing this to help others or am I being selfish? Can I do this in a way that can glorify God? Am I following the example of Jesus to help sinners reconcile to God? Paul says to the Corinthians, “When I came to you, I did not come with wise and persuasive words but a demonstration of the Spirit’s power.” He professed Jesus Christ and Him crucified for sins. The Holy Spirit working through his authentic faith drew men to Himself. So here’s what you need to do: lose confidence in you and gain confidence in Him. Stop reading the Bible like it’s the newspaper. Every morning look for a simple truth that you can meditate on all day and watch God’s activity in your life. So Paul’s saying, “The quickest way to exalt God with your mouth is to love Him with your heart.” Otherwise you’re just pretending. Taken from Matt Chandler’s sermon at The Village Church. http://www.thevillagechurch.net. Used by permission.

The first principle of “charging up your church” is to connect with others. Hebrews 10:25 states, “Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.” One of the best ways to experience Christ and experience the church in your life is to start out by plugging into God and others by attending church regularly. Then you go on to the next phase and you charge up to become like Christ in a small group gathering. In other words, you begin build some relationships that begin to take you deeper in your faith. Small groups are just a place where you can make friends, where you can grow in your faith and where you can have fun. It’s a safe place. The emphasis when you look to the Bible isn’t just about showing up, it’s about connection. Go beyond church attendance. Connect with one another. The second principle is that when you connect with one another then you can motivate one another. Hebrews 10:23 says, “Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.” Why do people walk out the back door of our churches? I think part of what allows that to happen is there is not relational depth that they are building in the church community. There is no one in their life to motivate them and say, “Hey what are you doing? You need to be here. You need to be involved. You need to let God work in your life in this way.” When that’s in place, when it’s happening, it makes a huge difference. I think the writer of Hebrews is saying if you want to wake up in two years, in five years and seven years from now and still be maintaining the course and continuing to see God bring changes into your life, then you have to regularly be deepening relationships with other believers on the journey. Thirdly, encourage one another. Literally you pour courage into one another. You see it in the Hebrews 10 passage the writer emphasizes encouragement. “Let us not neglect our meeting together as some people do but encourage one another especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” One of the most significant reasons for meeting together in small group gatherings and large group gatherings is to encourage one another. Pour courage in to one another. It’s an amazing experience when you are in a group with two, three or four other people. People start showing up to that group. One person will say “It’s been an interesting week this week because maybe for the first time in a long, long time, I actually opened up the Bible and read it this week. I really sensed God was working in my life.” People say, “instead of just coming home and hitting the couch this week I spent some quality time with my kids and I feel really great about that.” People high five one another and encourage one another and say “Good job! Way to go!” Other people bring their pain and hurt into those group meetings and they walk away and they feel like they’ve let go of some of that burden. They are not walking alone. We are encouraging one another. Wherever you are at in your life, I think what God wants to do is move you from just looking at the back of heads, move you from just sitting on a pew to sitting in a circle. Look at the faces of some people who are also on the journey following Christ so that you know that you are not alone. Get connected. Motivate one another. Encourage one another. Let God move in your life. Re-printed from Jud Wilhite’s sermon, “Charge Up Your Church” . Central Christian Church. Used by permission.

In my book, Revise Us Again, I argued at length that the Christian life is becoming who you already are. In Ephesians, Paul says two times to “speak the truth in love” to one another. In context, Paul is exhorting God’s people to remind one another of who they are in Christ . . . to remind one another about the new self into which they have been made . . . to remind one another of their true identity. Something that’s all too easy to forget. If you have received Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, here’s a list of who you really are. Marvel at the epic greatness of your Lord and what He has done for you. Receive it, remember it, and walk in it . . . You are complete in Christ who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10). You have been crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20). You are dead to sin (Romans 6:2). You have been made alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5). You are free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). You are born of God, and the evil one does not touch you (1 John 5:18). You are holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16). You have been given the peace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7). You have the Greater One living in you and greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). You have received the gift of righteousness and reign in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17). You have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus (Ephesians 1:17-18). You can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13). You show forth the praises of God who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9). You are God’s child, born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God (1 Peter 1:23; John 1:12). You are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus unto good works (Ephesians 2:10). You are a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). You are alive to God (Romans 6:11). You are an heir of God and a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17). You are more than a conqueror through Him who loves you (Romans 8:37). You have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ (Ephesians 2:13). You are beloved of God (1 John 4:10). You are loved by the Father the same way Jesus is loved by the Father (John 17:23). You have been redeemed from the curse of the Law (Galatians 3:13). You have been justified from all things (Acts 13:39). You are now God’s offspring (1 John 3:2). You are the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13). You have been reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5:18). You have been accepted by God in the Beloved Son (Ephesians 1:6). You are kept by the power of God (1 Corinthians 1:8). You are free in Christ (John 8:36; Galatians 5:1). You are in Christ’s hands out of which no one can pluck you out (John 10:28). You are in the Father’s hands out of which no one can pluck you out (John 10:29). You are an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony (Revelation 12:11). You are a partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3-4). You are part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9). You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:21). You are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). You are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14). You are God’s elect, full of mercy, kindness, humility, and longsuffering (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12). You are forgiven of all sins and washed in the blood (Ephesians 1:7). You have been delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13). You have put off the old man and have put on the new man (Colossians 3:9-10). You are healed by the stripes of Jesus (1 Peter 2:24). You are raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12). You have overcome the world (1 John 5:4). You are greatly loved by God (Romans 1:7; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4). You are strengthened with all might according to His glorious power (Colossians 1:11). You have not been given a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). You have Christ living inside of you (Galatians 2:20). You are a holy one (Colossians 1:2). You are one spirit with the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:17). You are holy, unreprovable, and unblameable in His sight (Colossians 1:22). You are a member of Christ’s holy body (1 Corinthians 12:27). You have been given all things that pertain to life and godliness (1 Peter 1:3). You are light in the Lord (Ephesians 5:8). You have been given all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). You have been chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). You have been justified (just as if you had never sinned) (Romans 5:1). You are a branch on the true Vine (John 15:1, 5). You are born of God (1 John 5:18). You have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 4:14-16). You are free from condemnation and you cannot be charged or indicted (Romans 8:1, 32-34). You have been established, anointed and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21-22). You are hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:1-4). You are a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20). You are at peace with God (Romans 5:1). You have everlasting life (John 5:24). You are kept by God’s power (1 Peter 1:5). You are in Christ Jesus by God’s act (1 Corinthians 1:30). You cannot be separated from God’s love in Christ (Romans 8:35-39). You are fit to partake of His inheritance (Colossians 1:12; Ephesians 1:14). You are part of Christ’s bride that He cherishes, bone of His bone and flesh of His flesh (Ephesians 5:29-32). You are a king and priest unto God (Revelation 1:6). You have been sealed with the promised Holy Spirit until the day of redemption (Ephesians 1:13; 4:30). God will complete the good work that He started in you (Philippians 1:6). God is for you even when others are against you (Romans 8:31). www.frankviola.org . Used by permission.

God never adjusts His commands to fit the customs of nations, no matter how deeply ingrained they are. Furthermore, His immutable standards prove right every time—and for each party involved. History has yet to record a single nation completely free of oppression. God never oppresses people. People oppress people. Any time we seek to use, oppress, or abuse others, we first invariably disconnect from their individuality (name, personal rights). For instance, Hitler systematically brainwashed his governmental leaders to view the Jews as animals and to assign them numbers instead of names. On a much smaller scale, any of us are far more successful in nursing our prejudices if we can avoid knowing our target group personally and seeing them as individuals with value. A perfect Bible example is Hagar. An old Assyrian marriage contract included this instruction: “If within two years she (the wife) has not procured offspring for him (the husband), only she may buy a maid-servant and even later on, after she procures somehow an infant for him, she may sell whatever she pleases.” Hagar’s personal rights and choices were never figured into Sarai and Abram’s alternative plan. Hagar was just a “servant,” a “her,” a “she.” Surely the intensity of Hagar’s aloneness was almost unbearable. She never expected to encounter Yahweh herself. Don’t you suppose she assumed Yahweh was Abram and Sarai’s God? Not an Egyptian maidservant’s. No, Hagar wasn’t looking for God. God was looking for Hagar. As Hagar ran from the wrath of her mistress, she had a personal encounter with God. God said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,” she answered. Then the angel of the LORD told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel added, “I will so increase your descendants that they will be too numerous to count.” The angel of the LORD also said to her: “You are now with child and you will have a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the LORD has heard of your misery. He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone’s hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers.” She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:8-13 NIV Yahweh called Hagar’s baby by name and prophesied over him. Ishmael means God has noticed your humiliation. In the same way, God notices YOU, even when you bring humiliation upon yourself. The Lord knew that the Ishmaelites would exist as surely as the Israelites. Then something happens in this passage that is unparalleled in Scripture. Hagar gave God a name. No other character in the Old Testament, male or female, ever does such a thing Only Hagar, the Egyptian maidservant. She calls Him, El Roi, the God who sees. God sees when no one cares to look. He sees through the smile we wear when we’re dying inside. He sees our hurt when we’re mistreated. He sees us when we cry into our pillow because we feel unloved. He sees beyond our sin into the depth of our need. He sees when we are hiding. Running. He sees when we continue to sow the seed of His Word even in the floodplain of our grief. Sometimes we don’t realize we’ve encountered God until our vision clears. Maybe that’s what seeing His back means. He is the God who sees YOU. Beth Moore, The Patriarchs. Nashville, Tennessee: LifeWay Press, 2005, pp. 36-37. Used by permission.