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Pregnant at 90? You have to have great faith and a healthy sense of humor to deal with diapers, stretch marks, and midnight feedings at such an advanced age! But Sarah, wife of Abraham, was just the woman that could handle it. After long, long years of awaiting God’s promise, a son named Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah. But the miraculous birth is not the beginning of this story. The mysterious holy visit at the trees of Mamre gave Sarah the first hint of her becoming a mother-to-be. In Genesis 21:1-7, the account of Sarah’s journey ensues. The Lord promised that He would return to them “at the appointed time next year” and Sarah would bear an heir. “And the LORD was gracious to Sarah as He had said, and the LORD did for Sarah as He had spoken. For Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him. And Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him-whom Sarah bore to him-Isaac. Then Abraham circumcised his son Isaac when he was eight days old, as God had commanded him. Now Abraham was one hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. And Sarah said, “God has made me laugh, and all who hear will laugh with me.” She also said, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? For I have borne him a son in his old age.” In the first verse, the Hebrew word “gracious” is padaq which signifies taking into account, numbering, looking after, calling into account. The God of the Universe visiting His child with His presence is both gracious and miraculous. Abraham was undoubtedly the biological father of Isaac, who was born out of loving physical union that took place between Abraham and his elderly wife. God’s visitation lent the supernatural power both to conceive and deliver. Then Isaac was there, red-faced tightened into an angry knot and cord still attached, reminding Sarah that all babies are miracles. Her gray hair lay soaked with sweat while tears ran like tiny rivers through the crow’s feet around her eyes. Those aging eyes had witnessed volumes of life but never a more precious moment thsn this. Slippery. Squirming. Screaming. Son of Abraham. Child of promise. Genesis 21:6 paints this picture: “God has brought me laughter.” Yes, with a capital “L.” Suddenly, the wait was worthwhile. If Isaac’s birth says anything at all, it surely says that nothing is too difficult for the Lord. Among thousands of other things, God can perform miracles in marriages long past their prime. He can give offspring (using doctors, physically, by adoption, spiritual children)-whatever the means-to the barren. What may be a little more unsettling is the thought that both marriage and birth miracles could happen to the same elderly couple. How does one express such great joy? Words are assigned to smaller things, after all. From The Patriarchs, Nashville: Lifeway Press, pp. 63-65. Used by permission.

There are a lot of books, articles, and stage talks on how to get things done. In some ways, the topic has become so romanticized in Western culture that some love the pursuit of learning about it to the extent of not having time for real productivity. There are a slew of tips and research worth paying attention to: Start things (that’s the hardest part). Don’t multi-task. Pick one task and focus on it for a long, uninterrupted stretch of time. Be deliberate. Break large tasks into smaller steps. Eliminate distractions like social media. Schedule your day and tasks in the morning or the evening before. Write down your long-term goals and the milestones for achieving them. Checking email too often makes you stupid. Too much data can make you stupid. 2 Reminders for Productive Ministry Yet in the midst of a sea of how-to advice, I think it is important remember a few key things about ministry: #1: God’s plan doesn’t always seem productive (or at least efficient). Joseph’s journey from slave to Egyptian ruler wasn’t efficient. Moses waited 80 years before leading the Israelites. From a Western perspective, these timeframes seem excruciating. From a Western perspective, a few months can seem too long. There are certainly situations that need to be sprinted through, but the race Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 9 and 2 Timothy 4 is a patient marathon. There is a big difference between being lazy and patiently working hard. At the heart of the gospel and The Great Commission is a responsibility we have to selflessly love, serve, teach, and proclaim. And almost the only way to do this is through the patient nurturing of relationships. In ministry we must fight against the desire to replace relationships entirely with big events, programs, and systems that give the appearance of results. These things are great when built upon a culture that invests in relationships, but without that relational depth, they rarely disciple people as well as we think they do. When making disciples, do you want quantity or quality? God looks at the heart, but pursuing quality is often full of messy ups and downs that feel unproductive. # 2 :: Do what’s most important. The busyness of ministry always has more important things to do than you have attention to give. Focus on what is most important and trust God to take care of the rest. Focus more on God’s voice through Scripture and the Holy Spirit and less on the opinions of your church’s biggest donor or the best-selling author celebrity pastor. My 5 Favorite Productivity Tools I’m far from a productivity guru. I have, however, experimented with an abundance of techniques and approaches to getting things done. My workflow rhythm changes every few months, so I try to custom tailor my task management to each specific season of life. These are my 5 favorite tools from recent years: NeuYear Wall Calendar It helps to visualize the year’s biggest responsibilities, events, and milestones charted in one place for quick reference. It gives a sense of urgency that helps goad productivity towards the next fast-approaching deadline. It reminds me of what I need to do today to accomplish what need to be done next month. Perhaps most importantly, it’s helped me see if I am leaving enough room in my schedule to spend time with my wife and kids. I recommend the Dry Erase version of the calendar. Google Calendar Google Calendar weaves every aspect of my life, my family, and my workspace into one master schedule on my phone and computer. Gmail App Rather than using an app for notes. I write notes as an email to myself when on the go. Paper Notepad For daily planning and task management for a day in the office, I’ve found jotting down a quick schedule and to-do list each morning on a notepad to be the most helpful. It helps me focus on the tasks at hand by removing the clutter of future obligations. And I love the feeling of accomplishment from physically scratching off a completed task. Asana For long term planning and team interactions, I use Asana. It is free, less time-intensive, and a more versatile solution than popular alternatives. For Discussion: What are your favorite tools, tips, and techniques for productivity? Re-printed from Church Relevance. Used by permission.

Pastor Carey Nieuwhof reflects on Andy Stanley’s teaching about how to make your church seeker-friendly. Here are a few of his observations. The bold type statements are quotes from Andy Stanley with comments from Pastor Nieuwhof. Powerful insights! 1. We don’t tailor content of our services for unchurched people, but we do tailor the experience. This is such a huge and important distinction. Opening up your service to the unchurched doesn’t mean dumbing it down. 2. Nothing should offend people in your weekend services except the Gospel. Often people get turned away not because of Christ, but because of people’s bad attitudes or strange preferences for certain kinds of music or culture. 3. A parking team is not about ‘parking’ guests, it’s about welcoming them. Even if you don’t have a “parking problem”, your welcome should start when your guests pull into the parking lot. Greet them personally and help them start their experience well. 4. Everyone has an approach to their weekend services. If there is a conflict between your goal and your approach, your approach always wins. Everyone has a template for their weekend services. If your template and approach aren’t getting you to your goal, change it. 5. If you start (a message or event) with common emotions and common experiences, not everybody agrees with your point, but everybody follows you there. Brilliant. 6. People learn best in emotionally charged environments. So engage their emotions early – with a fun opener (Andy referenced the 101st anniversary of the Oreo recently. They gave away a prize of Oreos and milk to an attender – cool). Or let music prepare people’s emotions. 7. We leverage common experiences and emotions, not belief systems. When you’re reaching unchurched people, don’t start with disagreement (belief), start with agreement (common experiences and emotions) and then get to belief later. 8. The more time you can spend in planning a service or experience, the more personal it becomes. Planning is the friend of the Holy Spirit, not His enemy. Often “I’m relying on God” actually means “I didn’t prepare”. 9. Our goal is not to be creative, but to leverage creativity for the sake of the mission and vision. Bingo. 10. A clean environment communicates that we’re expecting you. I wish this was in the Bible. Then I could preach at people about it. But it’s not. So quoting Andy will do. 11. An orderly environment communicates you know what you’re doing. I wish this was in the Bible too. Clean and orderly communicates so much about you and so much about how you value the people you’re welcoming. 12. People stop attending church because they disengage, not because they disagree. HUGE insight. Very few people walk out your door because of disagreement. Many leave because of disengagement. 13. Attention span is determined by the quality of the presentation. With all the talk about diminishing attention spans, this is a clear reminder than 5 minutes of boring is 5 minutes too much, and 1 hour of gripping feels like not nearly enough. Pastors, before you use it to justify a 60 minute message, just make sure you’re that gripping. 14. A goal is something you accomplish. A win is something you experience. So true! 15. Creativity works best in the context of predictability. Creativity has constraints, but like obedience to the law, eventually the constraints bring a new kind of freedom. Other Gems 1. Public loyalty buys you private leverage. Criticize privately, praise publicly. Your boss and colleagues will respect you. Flip it and they’ll fire you or never trust you. 2. Your direction, not intention, determines your destination. This principle came up numerous times. It’s just true. Good intentions amount to little. 3. Evaluate everything you do against your mission. This was from a session I attended led by Diane Grant. Diane is Andy’s Executive Assistant but a super strong leader in her own right. She owns this principles. 4. Great opportunities are a chance for a vision to drift. Again from Diane Grant. Exactly. And an opportunity does not equal an obligation. Stay true to the mission. 5. The loudest critics in the church are people who have become missionally disengaged. Clay Scroggins, a campus pastor at North Point, shared this nugget. So true. Why listen to people who are missionally disengaged give you feedback on your mission? 6. Kids begging their parents to go to church beats parents begging their kids to go to church. Invest in your family ministry environments. Chad Ward, UpStreet director at one of the North Point campuses shared this. So true. Get the kids, and you’ve got the parents.

When I was a young man, it was widely believed the world would end in a thermonuclear fireball. The Civil Defense was everywhere. The “fallout shelter” logo was posted on thousands of public buildings. Children were taught to “duck and cover” in case of a blast. All the smart people were certain this catastrophe would happen. But it didn’t. During the late 1960s, the intelligentsia began to focus on a new doomsday scenario: overpopulation. The most influential voice of this era was Stanford professor Paul Erlich, whose book, “The Population Bomb” sold hundreds of thousands of copies. Here’s an excerpt: The battle to feed all of humanity is over. In the 1970s hundreds of millions of people will starve to death in spite of any crash programs embarked upon now. At this late date nothing can prevent a substantial increase in the world death rate… All the smart people were certain this catastrophe would happen. But it didn’t. Despite a doubling of world population since the 1950s, famine due to overpopulation is unknown in the world today. There’s plenty of food – the main challenge is getting it past corrupt officials to the people who need it. Ironically, the U.N. recently identified obesity as the world’s number one health challenge. So, when the twin bombs (atomic and population) failed to detonate, the intelligentsia moved on to a new doomsday scenario: global warming. Its chief prophets are Al Gore and NASA scientist Dr. James Hansen. In this scenario, our planet is slowly burned up because of our environmental sins. Seas rise, crops fail, diseases return, wars break out. Global warming was recently renamed “climate change” because a recent run of bitter cold winters made a shivering public skeptical. Brilliant move. By calling it climate change, scientists can now blame any unwelcome weather occurrence on mankind. Every tornado, hurricane and drought is a call upon us to repent of our wicked, SUV-driving ways. Even blizzards can be blamed on climate change. Once again, all the smart people believe a climate catastrophe will happen. Ninety-seven percent of climate scientists believe in man-made global warming, and the other 3 percent are buffoons. Anyone who calls human-caused climate change into question is dismissed with this epithet: denier. Our prophets and seers used to be religious leaders. Today we look to scientists to tell us the future – and we shower them with millions of research dollars. So you wonder why people no longer believe in the Christian doctrine of hell? As lifespans increase, eternity becomes a distant reality. And the church cannot compete with secular doomsday tales, whose drumbeat is amplified daily in the news media. As a result, the church is slowly exiting the eternal life business, and getting into the relationship repair business. We must also deal with the DOOMSDAY soothsayers who have de-sensitized us to Biblical truth, especially regarding hell, heaven and the endtimes. It’s the afternoon of April 17, 2013. You’re a worker at the West Fertilizer Company in central Texas. By some miracle you are given a glimpse into the future. You’re able to see the fire and explosion that will take place later that day. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it. At this point you’d have a choice: you could be courageous and warn as many people as possible of the coming destruction. Or you could slip quietly away to save yourself, telling no one of the impending disaster for fear of being seen as a fool. This scenario illustrates the first dilemma of evangelicalism: We believe in a fiery destruction known as hell, but we’re often hesitant to warn people about it because we sound so foolish – even to ourselves. Let’s admit it: we’re embarrassed to believe in hell. Want to stop a great conversation in its tracks? Bring up the subject of eternal judgment. Speaking of hell makes us sound like backward, uneducated yokels. It conjures up images of bearded crazies carrying signs in parks. But just because we don’t like talking about hell doesn’t mean it’s not real. Hell is not some doctrinal relic tucked away in a musty corner of the Old Testament. The concept of eternal punishment is primarily a New Testament teaching. Jesus speaks of hell far more than anyone else in the Bible. Christ describes it as a real place of damnation, torments, and fire that shall not be quenched. For Evangelicals, sharing our faith is more than just a way of helping people live better lives. It can literally mean the difference in where a soul spends eternity. In order to make that transition from death-to-life as easy as possible, we want to make our churches as welcoming as possible. We want to remove every barrier so that everyone has the opportunity to hear Jesus’ extravagant offer of salvation. Which leads us to the second dilemma of evangelicalism. Do we lower the bar so many can be saved? Or do we raise the bar to produce more faithful disciples? Lowering the bar results in more conversions. Yet many of these are false conversions. How many times have you heard someone say, “The meeting was great! Over 300 people gave their hearts to the Lord!” Yet everyone realizes that most of those 300 will experience very little life change as a result of their decision. Barna research found that more than half of the people who “invite Jesus in to their hearts” have no discernible faith within eight weeks of making such a decision. The second dilemma shows up in the scriptures themselves. The Bible sets a fairly low bar for salvation. Simply believe in Jesus, and you’ll go to heaven: John 3:16: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Romans 10:9: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Furthermore, the Scriptures tell us that God longs for our salvation, and takes no pleasure in our destruction: 2 Peter 3:9: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. John 3:17: For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. But Jesus sets a very high bar for his disciples, asking for an all-in, total commitment: Luke 14:26: If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:33: In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples. Matthew 8:21-22: Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.” This leads us to the third dilemma: Salvation is easy, but discipleship is tough. At Church for Men, we wrestle with this dilemma all the time. When it comes to reaching men, I advocate a more rigorous approach to discipleship. I look at how demanding Jesus was and how effective he was at mobilizing men. And studies have shown that the most demanding churches produce the most committed disciples. Yet such an approach will always turn some men away. It did in Jesus’ day (John 6:66) and it will today. Which leads us to the fourth dilemma: If I follow Jesus’ tough love example, my actions could end up driving someone away from their best chance to be saved from hell. If I press too hard on a newcomer, I risk alienating him from God. This did not seem to concern Jesus, yet it greatly concerns me, as I will have to one day give an account for my actions (Rom. 14:12). And if one of my actions led someone away from Christ, even if my motives were pure, I risk bringing judgment upon myself. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s struggled with these four dilemmas. I think this is why we’ve set the bar so low on church membership. Our motives are pure – we want as many people as possible to hear the good news. But in doing so, we fail to stir the hearts of men, who secretly long for a more challenging, rigorous faith. Here are the four dilemmas of evangelicalism: We believe in a fiery destruction known as hell, but we’re often hesitant to warn people about it because we sound so foolish – even to ourselves. Do we lower the bar so many can be saved? Or do we raise the bar to produce more faithful disciples? Salvation is easy, but discipleship is tough. If we follow Jesus’ tough love example, our actions could end up driving someone away from their best chance to be saved from hell. www.churchformen.com . Used by permission.

Passivity in our spiritual lives is a powerful, insidious, destructive enemy. The Spirit of God does not want us merely to tolerate oppression; He desires we conquer it. He has not called us to passivity; He has called us to war! God has anointed us with the power of His Holy Spirit and Jesus has given us His authority over all the power of the enemy (see Luke 10:19). This authority of the Lord is not just for guard duty or defensive maneuvers. The Holy Spirit desires that, as we follow Christ, we take the battle to the enemy as well. When David sings in Psalm 18 that, under God’s anointing, he can “bend a bow of bronze,” he also states: “I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and I did not turn back until they were consumed” (Psalm 18:37). Let’s make this clear: David was first a worshiper of God. He did not pursue his enemies without first pursuing God. But when the Lord led him into war, he thoroughly defeated his foes. I will tell you a solemn truth: Either we pursue our enemies or our enemies will pursue us. We must develop Christ’s attitude toward evil. He came “to destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3 8). The Bible says, “Hate evil, you who love the Lord” (Psalm 97:10). The Holy Spirit is looking for determination in us so that, like David, we will pursue our enemies until they are consumed. It is, in fact, this aggressive attitude of heart that causes us to grow into mature Christlikeness. Jesus could live with and forgive human failure, but He never allowed evil spirits to oppress Him. He was aggressive toward His spiritual enemies. There is no neutral ground. There is no room for a passive spirit in God’s army. Attack and Counterattack Let’s take a classic example of our need to act aggressively against our enemy: the battle for the mind. If you are frustrated repeatedly by fear, self-pity, anger, immoral thoughts or fleshly lusts, you know that these ideas and feelings will not go away by themselves. Your mind must be renewed through repentance and the knowledge of God’s Word. And if there is demonic influence exploiting your sin nature, that enemy must be confronted in the authority of Jesus’ name. Whether you are fighting fear, lust, anger or any other sin, you are in a spiritual war. Some people respond to this by saying: “I don’t have a problem with Satanic oppression; my battle is with the flesh.” I agree. Frequent failure in a particular area might genuinely be rooted in the carnal attitudes of our old nature. But if you have repented repeatedly and still cannot find lasting freedom, perhaps the issue is a combination of sin and the devil’s manipulation of that sin. The real power behind recurring failure may well be demonic. Yet, even if you confront a demonic attack in the authority of Christ, your fight is not over. The enemy will wait until you relax your guard and try to harrass your life. Recall Jesus’ warning: “Now when the unclean spirit goes out of a man, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came’” (Matthew 12:43-44). Jesus explains that even if you have experienced a genuine victory from the hand of God, a time may still come when that “unclean spirit” seeks to return to the “house from which” it came. The symbolic “house” it seeks to reenter is the darkness created in your soul by your unclean thought-life. The way Satan seeks to oppress you is to use his thoughts to masquerade as your own thoughts. Jesus warns that if the unclean spirit returns and finds your soul unguarded, it brings “seven other spirits more wicked than itself” (Matthew 12:45), which implies that the attack will be more aggressive because of your apathy and passivity. You must discern this counterattack. The enemy will try to infiltrate your thought life, seeking to plant a thought or sow a sinful idea in your soul. Then he will attempt to water that seed with corresponding temptation. We must capture those initial, invasive thoughts. We must be vigilant to recognize and conquer the oppression before it leads us back into sin. We must take authority over it before it can multiply. If we fail to use our authority, though, the enemy will attempt a full-scale invasion. Jesus says that “the last state of that man becomes worse than the first” (verse 45). Thus, we must be aggressive in our prayers and actions! Satan will attack and counterattack. To win, in the midst of everything else we do, we must guard our hearts and minds. To do this we must exercise spiritual authority aggressively. Present Attitudes and Future Victories An Old Testament story captures well my concern with the effects of a passivity. Elisha the prophet was about to die and Joash, king of Israel, in an unusual show of affection, wept over the man of God. Yet a test remained. After promising victory to the king over Aram, Elisha told Joash to take the arrows and “strike the ground,” but Joash struck the ground just three times and stopped. At this the prophet became angry and said, “You should have struck five or six times, then you would have struck Aram until you would have destroyed it. But now you shall strike Aram only three times” (2 Kings 13:18-19). Elisha was angered by the passive spirit in King Joash. He saw that the king did not possess the perseverance to pursue his enemies until he fully conquered them. What does this mean for us? The prophet’s anger actually mirrors the Lord’s displeasure toward the passiveness or laziness of His people today. Is it hard to believe that Jesus would actually be angry with His Church? Then consider the Lord’s word to the church in Laodicea, a church that was overly concerned with its own comfort and passive in its attitude toward spiritual realities. Jesus said, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were either cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth” (Revelation 3:15-16). Jesus would rather we were hot or cold than lukewarm. Does He still love those He rebukes? Of course, but He calls us to change our attitudes. It is not that passivity or laziness is such terrible sin, like murder or adultery. It is simply that such attitudes create a psychological prison around believers that actually holds us hostage to our other sins. The Lord is not pleased with the spiritual passivity and indifference so prevalent among His people. We are aware daily that our enemies could attack our country with massive destruction, or we watch the advance of perversion in our cultures, yet many Christians remain prayerless and inactive. This is in spite of the Lord’s promise that if we will come before Him, humbling ourselves in earnest prayer, He will empower us to pursue our enemies and defeat them. But instead of seeking God’s face on behalf of the lost, too many of us are immobilized by the grip of a passive spirit. I am not talking about the level of energy in our bodies, but the level of fire in our obedience. Elisha could see that King Joash was a quitter by the passive way he struck the arrows. Beloved, God has given us authority and He has given us spiritual weapons of our warfare to help us, but we need to get up and fight. We need to repent of a passive spirit and stand with Christ’s authority in this day of battle. For if we fail to do either — pray or act — we might actually lose the soul of our nation. Our defeat might come, not because God’s help was not available but because we saw the advance of evil and did nothing. For maximum benefit, pray this prayer out loud: Lord God, I thank You that You have given me authority over all the power of the enemy. Forgive me for allowing my voice to remain silent and my will immobilized by a passive spirit. I realize that to be victorious in my spiritual life, I must face my spiritual temptations persistently. You have given me authority over the plans and works of evil. You have created me to be a minister of Your righteousness. You have filled me with Your Holy Spirit and with fire. This day I confront, renounce and take authority over the power of Satan’s work to destroy my spiritual life. I repent of a passivity. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

In Memory of Dr. Dallas Willard-May, 2013. Let us understand “wisdom” in the following manner: a person has wisdom provided that (i) he understands the certain and the probable sources of frustration and joy in his self, in his relations to others, and in his relations to his non-human environment, and (ii) he habitually utilizes this understanding in selecting those routes of thought and behavior which maximize the fulfillment of his total system of needs and wants. This understanding of “wisdom” harmonizes with the discussions of wisdom in both Eastern and Western philosophy. It is agreed on all sides that wisdom involves the direction of life by relevant knowledge, and thus, that it incorporates both a theoretical and a practical element. Pretty clearly, some degree of wisdom, as just described, is greatly to be desired — if not for one’s self, at least for others. Parents fervently wish it upon their offspring, and others, beyond the stage of such wishing, tender it to the world at large in various forms and manners. The following was found inscribed (dated 1692) on the wall of old Saint Paul’s Church in Baltimore, and is now sold on scrolls for the edification of all who have a dollar to buy it: Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story …. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism…Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass … Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. . . . . .You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should… Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be; and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. The — rather pathetic — words of Polonius to his son Laertes, leaving “these few precepts in thy memory,” no doubt owe a part of their special pull to the pervasive parental predicament involved in “putting the young on their own.” …Give thy thoughts no tongue, Nor any unproportion’d thought his act. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; But do not dull thy palm with entertainment Of each new-hatch’d, unfledg’d comrade. Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in, Bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee. Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice: Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgement. Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy: For the apparel oft proclaims the man; … Neither a borrower nor a lender be: For loan oft loses both itself and friend; And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all,— to thine own self be true; And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. (Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3) Now I believe that these two samples of directives to wise behavior, in addition to containing a great deal of sound advice, also bring sharply before us — in the triteness, presumption and dubious generalization which they contain — the problems which many feel in the very idea of teaching wisdom. For surely, upon considering the matter, we all immediately realize the futility of spouting prescriptions of the above sort at people with the intent of bringing them to act with wisdom. Probably we realize it even when we engage in it. Moreover, most of us would feel a certain presumption in using exhortations of the above sort — especially in the relation of teacher to student, as it nowadays is structured. And yet all of this does not, alone, show that wisdom, in some important sense, cannot be taught. Exhortation is not the only, nor the most effective, way of teaching; and it may be that principles of the good life could be taught in a manner not necessitating presumption in the teacher. However, if wisdom somehow is to be communicated, though not via exhortation, how is it to be done? And is the manner of its communication such that the task would reasonably fall to our schools and universities? Certainly many parents do expect their children to be wiser as a result of a university education; and many universities give indications that their work is at least somewhat oriented to the meeting of that expectation. I quote the following impressive paragraph from page eight of the 1970-71 Bulletin of the USC College of Letters, Arts, and Sciences: The program as a whole is designed to give the student a better understanding not only of the basic skills — language as a factor in thought, emotion, and behavior; independent reflection and judgement based on the critical evaluation of facts and evidence; the methods of systematic inquiry and how they may vary with different fields; and the interrelation of the various fields of knowledge — but also, perhaps more importantly, of the meaning and significance of values and the criteria of evaluation; of moral, religious, and aesthetic experiences and the role they play in the life of an individual and a culture; of the goals of self realization, personal integration, maturity, creativity; and of the nature and meaning of freedom in a democratic society. Similar intimations of the wisdom to be gained in the curriculum at USC are to be found on page forty-six of this Bulletin. But if we look away from these expectations and promises to the actualities of life in the academies, we will find little reality corresponding to the hopes. I have asked a number of faculty members at USC for their views on just who, or what parts of our program, at USC is supposed to be responsible for fulfilling the promises quoted above from the Bulletin. So far, I have found no one with any clear idea of how the result promised in the Bulletin is to come about, nor of what the individual faculty member’s role is in the process. A large number of faculty members will frankly tell you that they will assume no role in procuring wisdom for their students. Their job is to teach classes in certain areas and to impress their professional peers. Clearly their view of the matter does not strongly clash with the views of university administrators who hire and reward them. Nonetheless, it is this sort of unclarity and/or unwillingness in faculties which constitute the proximate cause of the present state of the universities — described so aptly by Hans Morgenthau as follows: The universities have provided us with mastery over nature, but they have been unable to give it meaning and harness it to human purposes. They claim to be dedicated to the disinterested search for truth about man, society, and the universe. But they have transformed themselves, through the very dynamics of their undertakings, into gigantic and indispensable service stations for the powers-that-be, both public and private. They serve society but do not sit in judgment on it. The student who enters the university with those questions about man and the universe–(stated earlier: What does a man live for? What is his purpose in life? What is the meaning of death, which appears to wipe out that life as though it had never existed? What, in short, is the truth about the human condition?) — on his lips finds himself in the presence of an institution that, to paraphrase Tolstoy, is like a deaf man answering questions nobody has asked. The university pretends to be the mouthpiece of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But in actuality, in so far as what it presents as the truth is really true, it is largely irrelevant to what concerns man, young and old, and much of what it presents as truth is either not truth at all or truth only by accident, arrived at because it furnishes the powers-that-be with ideological rationalizations and justifications for the status quo. ( The N.Y. Review of Books , Sept. 24, 1970, p. 38) It is not possible in this place to argue for the correctness of the above description of the current state of our institutions of higher education, nor, assuming its correctness, to analyze fully the more ultimate causative factors involved. Two such factors, however, should be mentioned here. The first is the dogma, uncritically accepted on almost all sides, that a person’s well-being is a strictly subjective matter about which there simply are no objective truths to be sought out or taught. Then, of course, one should not attempt to instruct or deal with students concerning their values, but only assume that their values will be what they will be, washed into and out of the students by the ebb and flow of their environment. The second causative factor which I will mention is this: The culture of which the universities are a (largely) uncritical expression has a bed rock conviction that you cannot rely upon the truth to direct people nor upon people to take directions from the truth. You do not simply allow or aid the truth to be fully known, and then let events take their course. Things might not turn out ‘right.’ One must have recourse to what Erich Fromm has called “this specifically human ingenuity; the lie.” He continues: Most of us are awakened, some more and some less brutally, to the fact that people often do not mean what they say or say the opposite of what they mean. And not only ‘people,’ but the very people we trusted most –our parents, teachers, and leaders. (The Revolution of Hope, p. 21) Now I do not say that our American culture is worse in this respect than others, but only that it is very bad. It also engages in a great deal of hypocrisy on this point. But, in any case, I think that one reason why the university experience is so irrelevant to wisdom in life is that refusing to deal with the issues of wisdom in contemporary life is a sure way of staying out of trouble with the culture which supports the university. To deal honestly and thoroughly with wisdom in contemporary life would inevitably turn out to be subversive of the world order in which we live– or at least to some important parts of it. And no doubt there would be danger of some running distracted down the blind alley of so-called ‘revolution.’ So, given that our social order does not and cannot rely upon truth to direct human affairs, there is nothing left to rely upon except pressure (including brute force), ‘treatment,’ and exhortion. It is right for academics to conclude that these are not in their line of work, and to suppose it not their responsibility to deal in wisdom, if the transferral of the commodity entails the use of such means. But in the cornerstones of university buildings across our nation are carved the words: “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” “Free” was understood, in this context, to indicate, not political freedom or at least not primarily that, but rather the state in which one appreciably fulfills one’s vision of the good life: a state to which knowing what goes on in and around oneself is a necessary but not SUFFICIENT condition. Truth known was viewed as an armament of the spirit against the would-be tyrants in itself and in its natural and social surroundings. And indeed, although there are important senses in which wisdom and virtue cannot be taught, the university which set itself to trade in humanly important truths of all sorts — and not in certificates, images, prestige, and money alone — may contribute to its student becoming wiser if not wise. For it could search out and teach objective truths–established as obtaining for large classes of human beings, if not all concerning the sure sources of frustration and joy in the human self, in social relations, and in man’s relations to his natural environment. Surely this has always been some part of the university’s task. Only in recent decades has it been down-graded or omitted. But current events have forced the university to reflect and teach concerning the wise and unwise relations of man to his natural environment. And it may be that this re-beginning of wisdom in one quarter will soon lead us to deal with the person himself , and with his social relations, from the viewpoint of the wise and the unwise. It is perhaps time to say once again that, considered as educating or teaching institutions, colleges and universities should have as ultimate aim to help students understand what are the possible and what are the preferable arrangements of the relations and activities in which they must or may spend the rest of their lives. A humanely responsible program of higher education would lead the student into a vivid awareness of what can be done in his probable life circumstances by intelligent cultivation and deployment of the physical, sensate, conceptual, emotional, social and moral powers of the human being. It should, thus, teach the truth, including the truth about how to get at the truth. Its only ultimate task consciously undertaken should be intellectual. But that would not mean that the task must be humanly trivial, leaving the student as much of a fool as he was to begin with. It would answer theoretical questions which human beings ask for the sake of living wisely. Were the university today to undertake such a task, it would find millennia of human experience ready to yield testable hypotheses. There are even some wise people — in the sense stated above — still alive today. Of course, many of us who are responsible for the course of university events do not feel ourselves to be especially wise, and, consequently, may not wish to be associated with the pursuit and communication of wisdom as I have portrayed it here. Many other barriers stand in the way of reforming the current university along the lines suggested. If such reform were attempted, much would have to be worked out in the attempt , and there is no reason to suppose that the entire faculty would have to be involved in the reform. But there are, on the other hand, faculty members in this and other universities who could and would take part in such a reform. Administrative officers should seek out such faculty members who do this work effectively, and they should assign specific and testable responsibility for the realization in students of the sort of wisdom which USC promises in its College Bulletin . Or else they should take those promises out of the Bulletin. Administrative leadership in this matter is absolutely indispensable. It may be that this university and others will never reform along the lines indicated above. In any case, it is now being sensed and said by many, that until they can take their place in a life which on the whole makes good sense, our larger and smaller textbook truths taught in Human Triviality 101 at 10:00 MWF have a questionable or accidental value at best, or just no value at all. What will be the university’s response? Can it continue to scorn inquiry and discussion of those principles by which a person must live if he is to be accounted wise? Or can it show that there are no such principles? Or will society finally decide that the university really has, after all, nothing of vital interest to it? Taken from Roundtable Magazine, 1971. USC Chaplain’s Office.

Cyberbullying is deliberately using digital media to communicate false, embarrassing, or hostile information about or to another person. Types of Bullying Online According to the Internet Safety 101 curriculum, there are many types of cyberbullying: Gossip: Posting or sending cruel gossip to damage a person’s reputation and relationships with friends, family, and acquaintances. Exclusion: Deliberately excluding someone from an online group. Impersonation: Breaking into someone’s e-mail or other online account and sending messages that will cause embarrassment or damage to the person’s reputation and affect his or her relationship with others. Harassment: Repeatedly posting or sending offensive, rude, and insulting messages. Cyberstalking: Posting or sending unwanted or intimidating messages, which may include threats. Flaming: Online fights where scornful and offensive messages are posted on websites, forums, or blogs. Outing and Trickery: Tricking someone into revealing secrets or embarrassing information, which is then shared online. Cyberthreats: Remarks on the Internet threatening or implying violent behavior, displaying suicidal tendencies. Cyberbullying Facts 32% of online teens say they have been targets of a range of annoying or potentially menacing online activities. 15% of teens overall say someone has forwarded or posted a private message they’ve written, 13% say someone has spread a rumor about them online, 13% say someone has sent them a threatening or aggressive message, and 6% say someone has posted embarrassing pictures of them online. 38% of online girls report being bullied , compared with 26% of online boys. In particular, 41% of older girls (15-17) report being bullied—more than any other age or gender group. 39% of social network users have been cyberbullied in some way, compared with 22% of online teens who do not use social networks. 20% of teens (12-17) say “people are mostly unkind” on online social networks. Younger teenage girls (12-13) are considerably more likely to say this. One in three (33%) younger teen girls who use social media say that people their age are “mostly unkind” to one another on social network sites. 15% of teens on social networks have experienced someone being mean or cruel to them on a social network site. There are no statistically significant differences by age, gender, race, socioeconomic status, or any other demographic characteristic. 13% of teens who use social media (12-17) say they have had an experience on a social network that made them feel nervous about going to school the next day. This is more common among younger teens (20%) than older teens (11%). 88% of social media-using teens say they have seen someone be mean or cruel to another person on a social network site. 12% of these say they witness this kind of behavior “frequently.” When teens see others being mean or cruel on social networks, frequently 55% see other people just ignoring what is going on , 27% see others defending the victim, 20% see others telling the offender to stop, and 19% see others join in on the harassment. 36% of teens who have witnessed others being cruel on social networks have looked to someone for advice about what to do. 67% of all teens say bullying and harassment happens more offline than online. 1 in 6 parents know their child has been bullied over social media . In over half of these cases, their child was a repeat victim. Over half of parents whose children have social media accounts are concerned about cyberbullying and more than three-quarters of parents have discussed the issue of online bullying with their children. 11% of middle school students were victims of cyberbullying in the past two months. Girls are more likely than boys to be victims or bully/victims. “Hyper-networking” teens (those who spend more than three hours per school day on online social networks) are 110% more likely to be a victim of cyberbullying, compared to those who don’t spend as much time on social networks . Anti Bullying Campaigns and Programs The Great American NO BULL Challenge Internet Safety 101 Olweus Bullying Prevention Program Stomp Out Bullying Delete Digital Drama Cyberbully411 STOP Cyberbullying Effects of Bullying “While bullying through physical intimidation has long been a problem among teenagers, cyberbullying by using computers and smart phones to send rumors or post cruel messages has become more prevalent in recent years,” explains Dr. Jennifer Caudle. “Even though there might not be physical injuries, cyberbullying leaves deep emotional scars on the victim.” Warning signs of being cyberbullied can include: appearing sad, moody, or anxious avoiding school withdrawing from social activities experiencing a drop in grades appearing upset after using the computer appearing upset after viewing a text message In extreme cases, physical bullying and online bullying can drive a child or teen to deep depression and even suicide (sometimes called “bullycide” ). Since 1983, over 150 children have taken their own lives due, in part, to the extreme pressure of being bullied. Cyberbullying Videos The documentary, Submit* – the virtual reality of cyberbullying CBS’s 48 Hours special presentation, Bullying: Words Can Kill PBS’s Frontline report, Growing Up Online A clip from Enough is Enough, Cyberbullying 101 Security Spotlight’s Cyberbullying Safety Marilyn Morris · Looking for the Bigger Picture Through object lessons students learn how difficult it is to understand the pain others experience without seeing the bigger picture. · Understanding the Pain Students learn the cruelty of judging others by petty standards. Through heart-felt stories students are challenged to step back and look at the bigger picture of those students who have become the Target of these cruel attacks. · Tough Guys Tough Guys can be guys or girls who enjoy making life miserable for others. They tend to do this for one primary reason – to feel Power! Some are Tough Guys at school, but they are Targets at home. Whether muscles, words or facial expressions are used, the pain can be excruciating for the Target. The future of Tough Guys is not a pretty picture as many become school dropouts, abuse drugs. . . · Cyberbullying Today’s young people are the first generation ever to grow up with social media at their fingertips. Texting, IM, Facebook, cameras, and chat rooms serve as destructive weapons in the arsenal for a whole new breed of Tough Guys who are hiding behind a computer screen. Students hear stories of young people who have been brutally harassed through social media. Students learn ways of dealing with Cyberbullying. Warning: According to the FBI, what you send can be retrieved. Beware of civil law suits. · The Seriousness of This Problem Intentionally hurting others isn’t just painful – it can be deadly. Pictures of happy, carefree young people are shown who couldn’t handle the pain any longer and eventually took their own lives. · How to Stop the Tough Guys Transform Bystanders into Defenders. Stop being an active participant – no stopping and watching, laughing and cheering. Report what’s happening. This isn’t tattling – it’s rescuing the Target. Students are empowered as they hear stories of young people who initiated random acts of kindness to classmates who were targets of vicious attacks. Students are challenged to live their lives in a way that others will be glad they are in the school. · Hope for the Targets What you’re going through today may be an extremely painful chapter of your life, but it’s not the last chapter. Students hear true stories of famous people who were once the Target of brutal attacks. But the next chapter of their lives led them down a road to great success. ·

Here is the word used when the graph of fulfillment and the accumulation of things comes together. It’s one simple word, ENOUGH. It may be different areas of our lives for all of us but we’ve got to learn to say the word ENOUGH. When is it enough for you? I finally had to look at my television set and say, “It’s enough. I don’t need another one. I don’t need to borrow money to get another one. I don’t have to have the ultimate brand new off the shelf high def experience. ” Most days I believe that. It’s enough. Just to say that can be so liberating. We went through our whole house the last two weeks. We cleaned out nine to ten years worth of junk in our house – clothes, furniture, we donated all of it to Goodwill. It was so liberating to say, “That’s enough.” What we have is enough. Just be thankful for that. The Bible talks about this word ENOUGH in an interesting passage. Ecclesiastes 5:10, “Whoever loves money, never has money enough.” If you really love it you will never have enough of it. “Whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.” If we are ever going to really experience contentment it’s not going to be related to how much money you have. Because if you love it and have ten million in the bank, it won’t be enough. It will never be enough until we get to that place where we learn to say, “ENOUGH.” Paul writes in Philippians 4 that if we are going to have it all with out all the stuff then we have to learn to avoid comparisons. Nothing will lead to discontentment faster than comparisons. In fact, Philippians 4:11 says, “I’ve learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Whatever is coming into my life I have learned to be content. Let’s say you are thankful for your car. It may not be brand new or the greatest car on the market but it’s a good car. The car runs, it has air in the summer. It has heat in the winter. Those are good things. You are grateful to have a ride. You drive up to church. It’s all good. You are thankful. You are filled with joy. You are going to worship all that. You pull in and park next to a brand new BMW. You get out of your car and shut the door. You look at the piece of junk you drove in parked right next to it – isn’t that how it works in our lives? That piece of junk. I need to get a new car. If I had that car I wouldn’t be late to work. Things would be good. We start justifying it in our minds. That car paid for itself. It wouldn’t lose any value. When you get the NEW car, you are just on to the next thing. Paul is saying, “I’ve learned that no matter what is going on around me, no matter what other people have, I can be content.” I can learn the value of contentment by avoiding comparisons. He talks about the whole value of money in 1 Timothy 6:6, “Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing we can be content with that.” What a statement! How many of us can read that and say, “That’s me. If I had food and clothing I’d be content with that.” Right! Paul is acknowledging that the most important things in life, the things that really bring contentment is not related to all this external stuff. There is a place where you need food and clothing. Then that place overlies with our life and it’s enough. We need to learn to say enough. If you make $47,500.00 then you make more than ninety-nine percent of people on planet Earth. We can lose perspective in our country of how much we really have and how much God has given us. We start looking at all the things we don’t have. We forget to look at all the things that we do have. Contentment begins when we stop comparing our selves with what we don’t have and start being grateful for what we do have. In that gratitude it’s a big mental shift, isn’t it? It really changes your heart as it comes to stuff. Now Paul goes on in 1 Timothy 6. He’s going to say some pretty strong words about money and wealth. Let’s dive into it and then we’ll work through it. “People who want to get rich fall into a temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Some people eager for money have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” Money itself is not bad. Money is a blessing that God brings into our lives. When you look through the Bible some of the greatest people of faith where people of extreme wealth. Abraham had bling. He had money, possessions, cattle, and servants. He had the whole deal. But he also had faith and kept it in perspective. What Paul is writing about in 1 Timothy 6 is what happens when we get this inappropriate desire in our hearts and lives for more. It’s an inappropriate love for money can do damage in our lives. It’s a fishing term like baiting a hook and dropping it in the water. The fish swims along and takes that bait. He takes it hook, line, and sinker. Paul is saying we’re the fish. It’s the temptation to have an inappropriate love of money that’s the bait. If we bite into it, it can destroy us. Paul says that people have actually wandered from the faith for the love of money. They’ve subtly begun to place money and possessions in that place that only God wants to be in our lives. God is very concerned that he comes first in our lives. As you look at the Bible, the Ten Commandments say you should have no other idols before me. No other gods before me. I’m number one. I come first. We subtly and slowly begin to trust money over God. We begin to trust what money can do for us over the things that God can do for us. That shift in our hearts can make us wander from the faith. Paul says people who get caught up in this whole materialistic trap pierce themselves with many griefs. That word PIERCE is a word used of a person who cuts his finger on a thorn bush. Paul is saying when we allow money to take that much dominance in hearts and lives, to make it that much of a focus of our thoughts and dreams, we can get into a place where it is devastating to us. It’s like we are plunging our hands in and out of a thorn bush. We’re piercing ourselves with many griefs. What kind of griefs? Many of them – just look around. Relational griefs. How many marriages and families have been devastated over an inappropriate love of money? How many trusts have been fought over and scrapped over by families that once loved each other. When the money got involved everything got complex. Now they no longer talk and they no longer relate. How many marriages have been devastated? Think about the people you know that you work and interact with? How many people have been ripped off for the love of money? Burned for the love of money? Taken for all they are worth for the love of money? How many corporate scandals do we have to see before we realize that the love of money, if it really gets to your heart, can do dangerous things? We have to be cautious. It’s not that money is bad; it can be a huge blessing. It’s not that lots of money is bad. God may bless you with all kinds of money and resources. That’s great. Just keep it in perspective and avoid comparisons with others so you don’t get into that trap where you have to have more.

HOW TO BE GOOD AND ANGRY “We are flawed people in relationships with flawed people, living in a fallen world, but with a faithful God. Christ in us will empower us to increasingly engage our fallen planet with the restorative anger of love, the rescuing anger of mercy, and the advocacy anger of justice. May this conference and study guide be instrumental in helping us grow in Christ likeness, reflecting His love and His anger at the same time.” BEING GOOD AND ANGRY “One of the necessary components of our broken world is anger. Because if this world is broken, if it’s not the way it’s supposed to be, then it’s right at points to be motivated by anger. Anger is not just a bad thing; anger is also a very good thing, and we better know the difference. God’s grace is not supposed to make us unangry. God’s grace is supposed to make us good and angry, at the same time.” TWO PARALLEL ANGERS “You see people’s anger; and then you see moments when God is clearly angry, but it’s something good, because God is trying to preserve this world that He has made. The drama of Scripture in a real way is the drama of these two angers living alongside one another, and you just know they’re going to explode in a moment.” God’s righteous anger is the hope of the universe; our unholy anger is our doom. OUR STRUGGLE WITH ANGER “If you ever want to understand your anger, you have to look this way (inward), because your anger is connected not just to events outside of you; your anger is connected to something going one inside of you. You will never gain ground with your anger unless you get this.” Anger is connected to our desires and therefore anger is connected to worship. (Romans 1:25) WHEN GOOD THINGS BECOME BAD THINGS “I was never meant to have a life that is driven by what I want and where I want it and when I want it and how I want it and why I want it and all of those things. I was meant to live in the transcendent big sky country of God’s existence and God’s grace and God’s will and God’s plan.” A desire for even a good thing becomes a bad thing when that desire becomes a ruling thing. A GOOD DESIRE BECOMES A RULING DES IRE “I want _____.” (Desire) ?“I must have______.” (Demand) ?“I will have______.” (Need) “You should______.” (Expectation) “You didn’t______.” (Disappointment) Therefore, “I will______.” (Punishment) HORIZONTAL PROBLEM, VERTICAL SOLUTION “It’s not enough for us as Christians to believe in life after death; we better believe in life before death: a quality of love and peace, a quality of existence in our relationships and situations that would not be possible apart from the Person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ did not die just for your future; Jesus Christ died for your here-and-now! Praise Him!” We must learn to love God and place Him in the center of our universe. We cannot keep the second big commandment, if we are not keeping the first big commandment first. GOD WANTS YOU TO BE GOOD AND ANGRY “Our problem is not just that we are angry. Our problem is that we are angry in all the wrong places for all the wrong reasons.” We must move, by God’s grace, from our own self-focused anger to God’s big, beautiful and constructive anger. Dismantling Idols: Learning to Worship the True King 1. Name it. Confess it. “Lord, this is what I have wrapped my heart around.” (Example: position, possessions, people, power, approval, comfort, security…) 2. Repent. Turn to God. Draw near to Him—James 4:6-10. Spend time with Him. Talk to Him about your struggles. Write out your prayers. 3. Unmask the idol for what it is. It appears desirous and beautiful, but it is a fraud and worshipping and living for it will only bring destruction. Compare what your idol does for you with what Jesus has done and continues to do for you. Write out a list comparing both lovers. Talk to Jesus about this. 4. Meditate on Isaiah 44:9-23 and Psalm 115. Recognize the excellence of your new King in comparison with your old ruling idol/master. Here are some essentials to gain victory over your anger. REJOICE IN JESUS As you rejoice in Jesus, your affection for you old lover/master will gradually decrease and you will be drawn more and more to Him. Spend time daily with Him, meditating on a portion of God’s Word. Write down on an index card each day one verse that caught your attention. Carry it with you and reread to yourself at different times during the day. It will keep your mind focused on God and His kingdom. It is like getting over an old boyfriend/girlfriend. The more you get to know your true lover, you begin to see all the flaws, selfishness and abuse of your old lover. What used to look like gold and silver was just a cover up for what was underneath—just a stump of old dry wood—and you were becoming just like it. Remember, rejoicing in Christ as a replacement for idols is a process…be patient…your heart will warm up more and more and you will come alive with joy. The Holy Spirit is your helper, pouring out God’s love into your heart.?(Romans 5:1-5; Ephesians 1:17-23; 3:15-21)) The above is a synopsis of a powerful conference taught by Dr. Paul David Tripp and Lois Kehlenbrink, contributors, Redeemer Counseling Services in conjunction with Revive Our Hearts ministries. To obtain these resources, go to www.reviveourhearts.com/store/product/good-and-angry-cd/ https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/good-and-angry-discussion-guide/

Jezebel exemplifies Satan’s demonic attack on God’s people, especially His prayer warriors. Jezebel, the wife of Ahab was wicked, manipulative and murderous. Satan uses the same methods (her wiles) to undermine and destroy the saints. Satan’s demons, like Jezebel, will target, and then seek to divide, the relationship between a pastor and the church’s spiritual leadership. The antidote? Let the senior leader appreciate, communicate and support his leadership and prayer warriors, and esteem their contribution, and let the intercessors set their prayer focus to first seek the spiritual fulfillment of the senior pastor’s vision. Pastors are under siege. The war is over one thing: satan seeks to neutralize spiritual authority, and no enemy of hell does this more efficiently than the demonic forces-like Jezebel’s wiles. When Satan attacks the church leadership-whether it involves temptation, confusion, witchcraft, fear or discouragement-it will always have as its ultimate purpose to disable the spiritual authority of pastoral leadership. Thus, Jesus promised that the church that overcomes Jezebel will be granted “authority over the nations.” (See Rev 2:26-28). The Jezebel spirit seeks to divide, diminish and then displace the spiritual authority God has given church leaders. Without pastors leading in godly authority, a church simply cannot function: confusion, ambition and chaos reign. True spiritual authority is a source of protection; it is a living shelter that covers and nurtures a home or church. Satan seeks to neutralize the leader in that Christian setting, for if he can strike the shepherd, he can scatter the sheep. Churches that are influenced by Satan’s attacks are often divided-intercessors undermining pastoral authority. The deception deepens for often those who present a vision different than the pastor’s are usually presenting something that could seem godly. It is the spirit or attitude through which they communicate their perceptions that opens the door to attack. The unbending demand that a leader conform to both their “sense of God’s leading” and the timing of its implementation is where this spirit gains access and causes division. Pray The Senior Leader’s Vision The best relationship between a pastor and the church intercessors occurs when intercessors simply pray the vision of the senior church leader. His responsibility is to lead; their responsibility is to intercede. They are not called to try to make their church become like some other church. For to do so becomes a great source of strife and heartache for all. God has a unique call, or responsibility, that He bestows upon every congregation. That sense of direction and purpose for the local church is usually given to its founding pastor. When he leaves, the vision of the church is passed on to the church elders who, in turn, look for a new pastor who can build upon God’s historic call to that congregation. The senior leader of a church, though he is certainly imperfect, is still appointed by God as the “head of the household” (see Matt 24:45) This senior pastor, working together with his associate leaders, has the responsibility to incorporate into the church structure what the Lord brings to him. This responsibility presents itself through a variety of sources. His “leading” may come personally from the Lord, or it might emerge from counsel with his elders or other peers as well as godly leaders and authors who mentor him in the faith. When one or more intercessors seek to manipulate, pressure or control the church leader with a prophetic witness, beware: “Jezebel” is at work. When church members are being disconnected from the senior leader through a whispering campaign, Satan wins. Remember, Jesus said of Jezebel, “She calls herself a prophetess.” Beware of self-appointed spiritual authorities in the church that undermine the authority of the senior leader or leadership team. God Loves Order One cannot truly know God nor appreciate Him as He is without being awed at the ordered array of His universe. Yes, the Almighty loves life and freedom, but at the substructure of all creation there first had to exist an immutable matrix of order. It was upon this foundation of ordered laws of physics that life emerged. Order is the source of life. We must remember that the very same eternal mind that created the structured order of the universe, created the church. There is a divine order to the church that begins in being rightly related to Christ and the leadership He gives to the church through people. God is a God of order; order precedes life and freedom. God’s mind is ordered; His will is ordered and He gives “orders” to put things in order. It is important to note that the Lord Himself honors the order He creates. Consider: the Lord appeared to Paul, spoke to him, actually blinded him in His glory, and then said, “rise, and enter the city, and it shall be told you what you must do” (Acts 9:6). Why didn’t the Lord just heal Paul? Why didn’t He just tell Paul what he had to do? Paul would have to learn that, to reach God, he would have to submit to man. This is God’s order and the Lord Himself honored it. Paul had to hear about Jesus from Ananias. Or consider Cornelius: an angel appeared to this Roman centurion in a dream and told him that a man named Simon Peter would explain to him the way of salvation. Why didn’t the angel simply tell Cornelius about Jesus? In the Almighty’s universe, God works in an ordered fashion. Before the gentile’s could enter the kingdom en masse they would be invited by the Jews, who first accepted Christ. God honored the order He created. Consider church protocol in the book of Acts. When Philip brought the gospel to Samaria after Pentecost, miracles, conversions and great signs were accomplished. But Philip would not lay his hands upon the Samaritans to receive the Holy Spirit. Why? Because until this time, the Holy Spirit had only spread through the hands of the first apostles. Again, God required His servant to respect the order and authority of the first apostles. God has an order in your church. However it is established, and in whatever way it is defined, it is a place in order and it should be respected and honored. It does not matter whether you agree or not with the governmental structure within a church; as long as you attend that fellowship you should honor the order. The issue is not the form of government, but the life within the form. Paul wrote of apostles and prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers; John, however, spoke of the church in terms of fathers, young men and children; Peter, on the other hand, taught of elders, shepherds and the flock of God. The issue is not how the order is defined, but to understand that there is an order already established in a church and that order should be honored. It can be changed, but to change a church structure, one must submit to the elders of that church and be in agreement with the senior leader. They will pay the price for change when they are convinced God is leading. But they should not be forced to change just because someone has a problem with a church expression. When Satan’s influence begins to manifest in a church, it immediately seeks to undermine the authority structure. If it cannot directly seduce a leader or cause him to commit immorality (and use that sin to diminish his authority), it will bring strife and division to challenge his authority in the church. Remember, Jezebel was a queen who ruled a king; she assumes a “prophetess” role so she can rule a church. In so doing, she seeks to create a counterfeit authority among groups of individuals in a congregation. The result is that the established order in the church is undermined, true authority is neutralized, leaders are then wearied by endless meetings. “And angels who did not keep their own domain, but abandoned their proper abode, He has kept in eternal bonds under darkness for the judgment of the great day.” (Jude 1:6). There is a proper abode for each of us in the order of God. Jesus said that, in the Father’s house there were “many dwelling places” and that He was going to prepare a place of each of us. The Father’s house is not only a place found in heaven; it is revealed here on earth in the body of Christ. Whenever we seek to break the order of our church, we leave our proper place and enter a realm “kept in eternal bonds under darkness.” My friends, stay loyal to the church order where you worship God. If that order does not fit your temperament, find a church that does. If you cannot find a church, perhaps you are called to start one where your vision of Christianity can be fulfilled. But whatever you do, do not open up to false authority; do not dishonor the authority in your local fellowship through gossip or dissension; rather pray the vision of the senior pastor. For in so doing, you will help bring the church into the destiny of God and serve to fulfill the uniqueness of God’s purpose.

This message is one our culture preaches in earnest to girls and women, beginning in earliest childhood. It comes at us from virtually every angle: television, movies, music, magazines, books, and advertisements. In nearly perfect unison, they paint for us a picture of what really matters. And what matters most for women, they insist, is beauty—physical beauty. Even parents, siblings, teachers, and friends sometimes add unwittingly to the chorus: “darling” children get oohs, aahs, and doting attention, while less attractive, overweight, or gangly children may be the objects of unkind comments, indifference, or even overt rejection. I believe that our preoccupation with external appearance goes back to the first woman. Do you remember what it was that appealed to Eve about the forbidden fruit? “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.” Genesis 3 :6 The fruit had a functional appeal (it was “good for food”); it also appealed to her desire for wisdom. But equally important was the fact that it was “pleasing to the eye”—it was physically attractive. The Enemy succeeded in getting the woman to value physical appearance more highly than less visible qualities, such as trust and obedience. The problem wasn’t that the fruit was “beautiful”—God had made it that way. Nor was it wrong for Eve to enjoy and appreciate the beauty of God’s creation. The problem was that Eve placed undue emphasis on external appearance. In doing so, she believed and acted on a lie. The priority Eve placed on physical attractiveness became the accepted pattern for all human beings. From that moment on, she and her husband saw themselves and their physical bodies through different eyes. They became self-conscious and ashamed of their bodies—bodies that had been masterfully formed by a loving Creator. They immediately sought to cover up their bodies, afraid to risk exposure before one another. The deception that physical beauty is to be esteemed above beauty of heart, spirit, and life leaves both men and women feeling unattractive, ashamed, embarrassed, and hopelessly flawed. Ironically, the pursuit of physical beauty is invariably an unattainable, elusive goal—always just out of reach. One might ask, how much damage can it do to place inordinate value on physical, external beauty? Let’s go back to our premise: What we believe ultimately determines how we live. If we believe something that is not true, sooner or later we will act on that lie; believing and acting on lies leads us into bondage. Each of the following women believed something about beauty that is not true. What they believed impacted the way they felt about themselves and caused them to make choices that placed them in bondage. “I believed that outward beauty (my body) was all that was valuable about me to anyone, especially men. I chose to take advantage of that to get the attention I so desperately craved. I became a sexual addict.”“I have a beautiful sister, whom I adore, but I am plain. I have always believed myself to be inferior and that I must perform to be accepted by others. I see the beautiful people get the breaks in life. I just accept that I won’t, and I am in bondage to my perception of my appearance.”“All my life I have believed that my self-worth was based on my appearance, and of course I never looked like the world said I should, so I have always had a low self-worth. I developed eating disorders, am a food addict, and struggle in my marriage with the perception that I am not attractive, and that my husband is always looking at other women who are attractive to him.” Comparison, envy, competitiveness, promiscuity, sexual addictions, eating disorders, immodest dress, flirtatious behavior—the list of attitudes and behaviors rooted in a false view of beauty is long. What can set women free from this bondage? Only the Truth can overcome the lies we have believed. God’s Word tells us the Truth about the transitory nature of physical beauty and the importance of pursuing lasting, inner beauty: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.” 1 Peter 3:3-5 These verses do not teach, as some might think, that physical beauty is somehow sinful, or that it is wrong to pay any attention to our outward appearance. That is just as much a deception as the lie that places an overemphasis on external beauty. Nowhere does the Scripture condemn physical beauty or suggest that the outward appearance does not matter. What is condemned is taking pride in God-given beauty, giving excessive attention to physical beauty, or tending to physical matters while neglecting matters of the heart. One of Satan’s strategies is to get us to move from one extreme to another. There is a growing aversion in our culture to neatness, orderliness, and attractiveness in dress and physical appearance. I sometimes find myself wanting to say to Christian women: “Do you know who you are? God made you a woman. Accept His gift. Don’t be afraid to be feminine and to add physical and spiritual loveliness to the setting where He has placed you. You are a child of God. You are a part of the bride of Christ. You belong to the King—you are royalty. Dress and conduct yourself in a way that reflects your high and holy calling. God has called you out of this world’s system—don’t let the world press you into its mold. Don’t think, dress, or act like the world; inwardly and outwardly, let others see the difference He makes in your life.” We as Christian women should seek to reflect the beauty, order, excellence, and grace of God through both our outward and inner person. The Christian wife has even more reason to find the right balance in this matter. The “virtuous wife” of Proverbs 31 is physically fit and well dressed (vv. 17, 22). She is a compliment to her husband. If a wife dresses in a way that is slovenly and unkempt, if she does not take any care for her physical appearance, she reflects negatively on her husband (and on her heavenly Bridegroom). Further, if she makes no effort to be physically attractive for her husband, you may be sure another woman out there will be standing in line to get his attention. When the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy about how things ought to be in the church, he took time to address the way women dress. His instructions show the balance between the inner heart attitude of the woman and her outer attire and behavior. Paul exhorts women to, “Adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” 1 Timothy 2: 9-10 ( nkjv) The words translated “adorn” and “modest” in this text mean “orderly, well-arranged, decent”; they speak of “harmonious arrangement.” The outward appearance of the Christian woman is to reflect a heart that is simple, pure, and well-ordered; her clothing and hairstyles should not be distracting or draw attention to herself by being extravagant, extreme, or indecent. In this way, she reflects the true condition of her heart and her relationship with the Lord, and she makes the Gospel attractive to the world. © Taken from Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Moody Publishers, 2001. More articles on modesty available at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Your husband learned from an early age to deny his true feelings — and to be silent about his deepest needs. Most men long for greater intimacy with their wives – but they have no idea how to find it. Bestselling author David Murrow breaks the silence – uncovering the central secret of your spouse’s heart. He reveals what every husband since Adam has felt, but has been unwilling or unable to say. If you really want to know what’s stored up in your husband’s heart, read this book. You’ll not only understand him better – you’ll love and respect him more. “What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You.” catalogs the many secrets men keep from their wives. For instance, if your husband is typical: He wants to be more honest with you, but you often become angry when he tells you how he’s really feeling. Many wives train their husbands to conceal the truth from them. He’s happiest when he’s competent and in control of a situation. He is at his core a protector and provider. These are the two roles Adam assumed at the fall of man and your husband wants desperately to succeed in these two roles He and his friends compare wives. And the man with the best looking wife wins. He’s afraid to admit weaknesses or fears, especially to you. He keeps a sexual scrapbook filled with images and memories. Most men would love to be rid of this scrapbook. At work he’s a genius. At home he’s a dunce. If he shares his true feelings with his guy friends he’ll be ridiculed. He’s tired of being seen as 100% of the problem in your marriage. He experiences God more fully outdoors than he does in a church building. The key to his sexual enjoyment is your enjoyment. If you’re having a good time, he’s having a good time. He hates having to read your mind. Tell him clearly what you want, and then be happy when you get it. He feels unappreciated at home. He’s less excited about church than you are. He feels that you are the expert in religious matters, and he’d rather defer to you. Let’s go back to that first one: many wives train their husbands to conceal the truth from them. When I share this with women they are shocked. Yet it’s true. Here’s how it happens. Men learn as children to hide their true emotions. Five-year-old Patrick falls off his bicycle and skins his knee. The pain is so intense he starts to cry. His friends gather around him and start taunting. “Crybaby!” they yell. Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside. At age 15, Patrick is sitting with friends in the school cafeteria. He says, “Hey guys, I’m struggling with some fears. Can I share my heart with you?” Patrick is quickly laughed out of the room. He learns to keep is true feelings inside. At age 25, Patrick is married. He says to his wife, “There’s a woman at work who is flirting with me. I want to stay faithful to you honey, but I’ve got to admit I’m struggling.” How does she respond? Silence. Pouting. Depression. Even threat of divorce. The minimum sentence is a night on the sofa. Patrick learns to keep his true feelings inside. Does this really happen? Just ask your husband, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Observe the terror in his eyes as he calculates the damage to his marriage if he tells you the truth. Imagine you’re housebreaking a puppy. Every time he soils the rug he gets a swat. But if he does his business outside you lavish rewards on him. Eventually the puppy does what he’s trained to do—not because he wants to, but because it’s the only way to avoid punishment. Now, imagine you’re training a husband. Every time he tells you the absolute truth he gets a swat. But when he conceals his true feelings, you lavish rewards on him. Eventually he begins carefully managing what he tells you—not because he wants to, but because it’s the only way to avoid punishment. When you penalize your man each time he reveals his true feelings, here’s the message you are sending: “If you want your life to be hell, tell me the truth. But if you want things to go smoothly, lie to me. Tell me only those things that won’t upset me.” Don’t misunderstand: I am not blaming women for every communication glitch in marriage. Husbands do the same things to wives. I know women who can’t tell their husbands the truth because they’re afraid their men will explode. Women suffer too. I get it. I’m simply asking you to open your eyes to the possibility that you are contributing to your husband’s silence. You may have unwittingly trained him to hide his true heart from you. So how can you unlock your husband’s true heart? Make him this promise: “I will never punish you for telling me the truth. Even if you say, “I’m having an affair,” I will not retaliate in anger.” What? How can a woman NOT get mad if her husband says he’s having an affair? Of course, you have every right to be furious if he admits to infidelity. You even have a right to divorce him (Matt. 5:32). You’re not giving him a pass to do whatever he wants – you’re promising to hear what he has to say—without shutting him down. Weeks or months may pass. Then one day he’ll take a chance. “Sweetheart, can we talk about your weight? It’s bothering me.” “I’ve been thinking about quitting my job to pursue my dream.” “Let’s talk about how we discipline the kids.” “I’d like to spice up our sex life by trying some new things.” “I’m feeling unsupported at home.” These are not fighting words – they’re your husband’s true feelings. At that moment you’ll have a decision to make. You can erupt in anger and shut him out. You can descend into a depression for having failed yet again. You can go into the bedroom and pout. Or you can calmly listen to what he has to say. Thank him. Hear his concerns and take them to God in prayer. Do what you can to meet his needs. So there’s your precious key – if you really want to know what your husband is thinking, learn to receive the truth with grace. Hear what he has to say without punishing him.