Our lives should completely focused on the person of Jesus Christ. He is the central character in everything that’s happened and all that will be. He is the reason we do all that we do. As leaders, we want to hold the door for the next generation to rush in and experience who Jesus is. The time is now for us to process, to live out, to move out, to do something, to take action. What is your destination? Thomas Merton said, ““Your life is a shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.” Whatever you are living for is shaping your heart. Whatever we pursue makes us in its own image. We must determine to know and reflect the face of Jesus. Two Essential Things We Find on the Face of Jesus Christ 1 – Matchless beauty and magnificence – it’s what we were all made for. His face is what we were made for. The beauty and magnificence that is on His face is what our souls were made for. Our souls weren’t made for temporal things. We were made to adore, appreciate and drink in the wonder of the beauty of the face of Jesus. “God formed us for His pleasure, and so formed us that we as well as He can in divine communion enjoy the sweet and mysterious mingling of kindred personalities. He meant us to see Him and live with Him and draw our life from His smile.” – A.W. Tozer May our churches be one again filled with the magnificence of God. If you want a beautiful, generous, good, true, pure, whole, healed, happy, awake heart? It’s in the face of Jesus and in making the face of Jesus the end of you. The psalmist in Psalm 115 says, “Not to us, but to your name be the glory.” What’s your highest prize and highest goal in life? 2 – The Confidence and the Courage to Be the Leaders We Need to Be When you see Jesus’ face you quickly learn it’s not about you. You see He is the head of the Church and it’s all for Him and all about Him. You get confident when you see that He is the Head. Colossians 1:15-21 reflects this message. God inspires little leaders to be courageous and bold as we seek to win the world for His fame. Where’s the courage? What do we have to be afraid of if we’ve seen the face of God? Our Church has an unstoppable head. We can die under a load of stress or look up to the face of Jesus. Leadership is not about getting ahead, it’s about the fact that the church already has one! That should give us confidence to do crazy things for Christ We should never embarrass Him by saying, “I don’t think we can do that…” because He can do it. It’s not something you learn by reading a book, it’s something you learn by seeing His face. Extreme Makeover Home Edition is predicated on the words: MOVE THAT BUS! When the bus moves you don’t see the house first…When the bus moves you see their faces. You see the face of people who have been living in horrible conditions. Now they have a home. They are in shock and in awe. You see the tears and wonder on their faces. Then, you see the house. What you see first is the house on their face. We live in a world that can’t quite see Jesus, the beauty of the Gospel and the Church… they are looking at us, and we have to have been with Jesus, because our faces reflect Him. Our faces must reflect His glory. Then the world can say, “we found God on your face.” That’s leadership. It’s knowing Jesus and reflecting face on ours to the world. How Do You Get There? Go into the closet. Close the door. Humble yourself. Open your heart and wait. God is waiting for us there. Jesus had 1,059 days of ministry on earth… and when He got on His mark, set, and go… He went into the wilderness for 40 days. I want to do what I see Him doing and say what I hear Him saying. Notes taken by timschraeder.com.

The very quality of your life, whether you love it or hate it, is based upon how thankful you are toward God. It is one’s attitude that determines whether life unfolds into a place of blessedness or wretchedness. Indeed, looking at the same rose bush, some people complain that the roses have thorns while others rejoice that some thorns come with roses. It all depends on your perspective. This is the only life you will have before you enter eternity. If you want to find joy, you must first find thankfulness. Indeed, the one who is thankful for even a little enjoys much. But the unappreciative soul is always miserable, always complaining. He lives outside the shelter of the Most High God. Perhaps the worst enemy we have is not the devil but our own tongue. James tells us, “The tongue is set among our members as that which . . . sets on fire the course of our life” (James 3:6). He goes on to say this fire is ignited by hell. Consider: with our own words we can enter the spirit of Heaven or the agonies of hell! It is hell with its punishments, torments and misery that controls the life of the grumbler and complainer! Paul expands this thought in 1 Corinthians 10:10, where he reminds us of the Jews who “grumble[d] . . . and were destroyed by the destroyer.” The fact is, every time we open up to grumbling and complaining, the quality of our life is reduced proportionally — a destroyer is bringing our life to ruin! People often ask me, “What is the ruling demon over our church or city?” They expect me to answer with the ancient Aramaic or Phoenician name of a fallen angel. What I usually tell them is a lot more practical: one of the most pervasive evil influences over our nation is ingratitude! Do not minimize the strength and cunning of this enemy! Paul said that the Jews who grumbled and complained during their difficult circumstances were “destroyed by the destroyer.” Who was this destroyer? If you insist on discerning an ancient world ruler, one of the most powerful spirits mentioned in the Bible is Abaddon, whose Greek name is Apollyon. It means “destroyer” (Rev. 9:11). Paul said the Jews were destroyed by this spirit. In other words, when we are complaining or unthankful, we open the door to the destroyer, Abaddon, the demon king over the abyss of hell! In the Presence of God Multitudes in our nation have become specialists in the “science of misery.” They are experts — moral accountants who can, in a moment, tally all the wrongs society has ever done to them or their group. I have never talked with one of these people who was happy, blessed or content about anything. They expect an imperfect world to treat them perfectly. Truly, there are people in this wounded country of ours who need special attention. However, most of us simply need to repent of ingratitude, for it is ingratitude itself that is keeping wounds alive! We simply need to forgive the wrongs of the past and become thankful for what we have in the present. The moment we become grateful, we actually begin to ascend spiritually into the presence of God. The psalmist wrote, “Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing. . . . Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations” (Psalm 100:2, 4-5).

What does the Lord require of you? – To do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Your God’ – Micah 6 v 8 Truthful worship requires us to be willing to get raw, honest, and vulnerable before God. It is here that God is able to slowly mold and shape our hearts into one that mirrors the heart of Jesus. This change is fueled by God’s great love for us and is designed to propel our focus and attention onto what concerns the Father – His people. This is why the condition of our heart is so critical. Without a heart that mirrors Jesus, we do not see the need around us and our lives become introverted, self-serving and very two dimensional. Every one of us is capable of affecting and influencing much change on the earth, but we must never underestimate the value of kindness and compassion to the ONE person who is often right in our view if we choose to see them. This is the key to mirroring the heart of Jesus. Even though He was coming to free the whole world and to be the ransom for the whole of humanity – it is often displayed in the gospels how compassionate and gentle he was with individuals. We are able to love others, only because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) Worship is the fuel our hearts need to allow our lives to be poured out in service. We must allow our worship and devotion to God to motivate us into action. We were not made to be simply singers of songs, but lovers of God who worship Him not just with our voices, but with our whole lives. How God Showed me to worship with my service: HOPE I guess this is where my dream began which was to become Hope: Rwanda back in 2004. I felt so burdened to express my devotion to Christ and His purposes in a very tangible way. During the 100-day genocide in 1994 over 1 million people were killed and hundreds of thousands were brutalized and displaced. Rwandans themselves call it “the time the world forgot us.” When we saw this it was impossible not to act, we felt compelled to do something to help bring hope and healing to the people of Rwanda. There is something so special about Rwanda that makes me love this country and her people. We at Hope: Rwanda are doing more now than ever and will continue to remain committed to this beautiful country. Our mission statement is: ‘to assist nations reduce poverty, achieve sustainable development, and to bring spiritual strength and social justice to every segment of society.’ This is my dream. Rwanda is the start of the journey towards doing what our team can to and I am excited about the possibilities of ‘HOPE’ in other countries around the globe. SO, the journey continues… to worship Jesus with all we have, the songs of our hearts, and the fabric of our lives….Perhaps God will give you a vision to serve Him in some way. He will place the needs of the hurting before your very eyes as you look into His face and feel with His compassionate heart. Let your worship lead you into action!

Share 0 One of the most profound moments of my life came this past March when I visited Ellis Island in New York City. Between 1892 – 1924, more than 22 million immigrants came to America through Ellis Island. What was it about America that caused so many people to leave everything they had and strike out to build a new life in a foreign country? Freedom. On September 6, 1774, the First Continental Congress met. Their first act was to vote on a motion to begin their deliberations in prayer. Opposed, because they were such a diverse group, they couldn’t possibly agree on one prayer common to all religious sentiments. Samuel Adams was known as the Father of the American Revolution. He instigated the Boston Tea party, and was a signer of the Declaration of Independence. Later became Governor of Massachusetts. “Mr. Samuel Adams arose and said that he was no bigot and could hear a Prayer from any gentleman of Piety and virtue who was, at the same time, a friend to his Country.”-John Adams On September 7th 1774, the Continental Congress met for the first time. British troops were bearing down on Boston. These men were risking everything for the sake of freedom. So they agreed they would open their first session in prayer. Our nation began on its knees. “They prayed fervently for America, for Congress, and especially the town of Boston. Who can realize the emotion with which they turned imploringly to Heaven? It was enough to melt a heart of stone. I saw tears gush into the eyes of the old, grave Pacific Quakers of Philadelphia.” (John Adams) Alexis de Tocqueville was a French political thinker and historian. After his travels to America in the early 1800’s, he wrote a two-volume work called Democracy in America. It was his observations about the cause of effect of freedom in America. “I sought for the key to the greatness and genius of America in her harbors… in her fertile fields and boundless forests, in her rich mines and vast world commerce, in her public school systems and institutions of learning. I sought for it in her democratic Congress and in her matchless Constitution.” “Not until I went into the churches of America and heard her pulpits flame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power. The safeguard of morality is religion, and morality is the best security of law as well as the surest pledge of freedom.” One hundred thirty years later, that light of freedom, founded in faith, shone all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to the village of Trondheim, Norway and beckoned a young man named Ole Fallan. Two years later, in the village of Songdahl, Norway, a young woman named Kristina Aarestad decided she, too, wanted to build a new life in America. At the age of 16, she left home and family, and set sail for America on the U.S. Luciana. Kristian Aarestad was my grandmother. And Ole Fallan was my grandfather. The bright light of freedom created from that flame in the pulpits in America brought them to America. In September, 1914, both my grandparents became United States citizens. They later met while working on a sheep ranch in Montana and were eventually married. My Grandfather eventually became a State Senator and the Justice of the Peace in Park County, Montana. About 30 years after he became a citizen, he presided over a ceremony granting citizenship to a new batch of immigrants. “It is my prayer today that there will be a spiritual awakening that will sweep the country from coast to coast. It can begin now by taking God in as your partner and advocate the teaching of Jesus Christ, who loved you so much that He was willing to die for you.” So my Norwegian immigrant heritage was much on my mind and in my heart when I walked into the Immigrant Museum at Ellis Island. They have computer terminals where you can look for the immigration records of your ancestors. I sat down at a terminal and started keying in names and dates for my grandfather. I thought,” this probably isn’t going to work.” But suddenly, up on the screen pops the ship’s manifest that included my grandfather’s name: Ole Ericksen Fallan, November 9th, 1905. And then I found the ship’s manifest for my grandmother. Last summer, my daughters and I were in Washington, D.C. for a family gathering. I had never been to the National Archives, but the movie National Treasure had given me a real desire to see the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. As I entered the rotunda room, and approached the display housing the Declaration of Independence, I felt like I was on holy ground. I stood over the Declaration, and became overwhelmed with emotion. I put my hand on the glass cover and pondered what that document meant and how it changed the course of the world. I moved to the right to the display housing the Constitution. My youngest daughter came up alongside of me, looked up at me and asked “Dad, why are you crying?” I had to pause for a moment and think about it. Finally, I told her, “The ideas, the ideals, the virtues and beliefs in these two documents, are what brought my grandfather and grandmother to this country. These documents are why you and I are alive today.” I was moved to tears because I realized that the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, are my citizenship papers. I’m so very grateful for my gifts of freedom and liberty. And I’m grateful and blessed to hold citizenship in a nation that began on its knees.

If we will move in true discernment, our view of life must be purged of human thoughts and reactions. We must perceive life through the eyes of Christ. To Discern, You Cannot Judge We will never possess true discernment until we crucify our instincts to judge. Realistically, this can take months or even years of uprooting old thought-systems that have not been planted in the divine soil of faith and love for people. To appropriate the discernment that is in the “mind of Christ” (1 Cor. 2:16), we must first find the heart of Christ. The heart and love of Jesus is summed up in His own words: “I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world” (John 12:47). Spiritual discernment is the grace to see into the unseen. It is a gift of the Spirit to perceive the realm of the spirit. Its purpose is to understand the nature of that which is veiled. However, the first veil that must be removed is the veil over our own hearts. For the capacity to see into that which is in another’s heart comes from Christ revealing that which is in our own hearts. Before He reveals the sin of another, Jesus demands we grasp our own deep need of His mercy. Thus, out of the grace that we have received, we can compassionately minister grace to others. We will know thoroughly that the true gift of discernment is not a faculty of our minds. Christ’s goal is to save, not judge. We are called to navigate the narrow and well-hidden path into the true nature of men’s needs. If we would truly help men, we must remember, we are following a Lamb. This foundation must be laid correctly, for in order to discern, you cannot react. To perceive, you must make yourself blind to what seems apparent. People may react to you, but you cannot react to them. You must always remain forgiving in nature, for the demons you cast out will challenge you, masquerading as the very voice of the person you seek to deliver. You must discern the difference between the oppressing spirit and the person oppressed. Thus, Jesus prepared His disciples to be proactive in their forgiveness. Using Himself as their example, He taught, “Everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him” (Luke 12:10). Jesus prepared His heart to forgive men before they ever sinned against Him. He knew His mission was to die for men, not condemn them. Likewise, we are called to His mission as well. In His prayer to the Father, Jesus said, “As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them” (John 17:18). We are called to die that others may live. Therefore, we must realize that before our perception develops, our love must mature until our normal attitude is one of forgiveness. Should God reveal to us the hearts of men and then call us to release them from captivity, we cannot react to what they say. As our perception becomes more like Christ Himself and the secrets of men’s hearts are revealed to us, we cannot even react to what they think. If we do not move in divine forgiveness, we will walk in much deception. We will presume we have discernment when, in truth, we are seeing through the veil of a critical spirit. We must know our weaknesses, for if we are blind to our sins, what we assume we discern in men will merely be the reflection of ourselves. Indeed, if we do not move in love, we will actually become a menace to the body of Christ. This is exactly what Jesus taught when He said: Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. —Matthew 7:1-5 Repentance is the removal of the “logs” within our vision; it is the true beginning of seeing clearly. There are many who suppose they are receiving the Lord’s discernment concerning one thing or another. Perhaps in some things they are; only God knows. But many are simply judging others and calling it discernment. Jesus commanded us to judge not. The same eternal hand that wrote the Law on stones in the old covenant is writing the law of the kingdom on tablets of flesh today. This word to “not judge” (by “outer appearance”) is just as immutable as His Ten Commandments. It is still God speaking. The Goal is To See Clearly The judgmental carnal mind always sees the image of itself in others. Without realizing it is seeing itself, it assumes it is perceiving others. Jesus refers to the person who judges as a “hypocrite.” The Lord is not saying we should totally stop thinking about people. He wants us to be able to help one another. The emphasis in Jesus’ command to “not judge” is summarized in His concluding remark: “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” The way we help is not by judging but by seeing clearly. And we do not see clearly until we have been through deep and thorough repentance, until the instinct to judge after the flesh is uprooted. We have seen that Jesus paralleled speaking to people about their sins with taking specks out of their eyes. The eye is the most tender, most sensitive part of the human body. How do you take a speck out of someone’s eye? Very carefully! First, you must win their trust. This means consistently demonstrating an attitude that does not judge, one that will not instinctively condemn. To help others, we must see clearly. If you seek to have a heart that does not condemn, you must truly crucify your instinct to judge. Then you will have laid a true foundation for the gift of discernment, for you will have prepared your heart to receive the dreams, visions and insights from God. You will be unstained by human bias and corruption. The preceding message is adapted from a chapter in Francis’ best selling book, The Three Battlegrounds.

In the kingdom, there are no great men of God, just humble men whom God has chosen to use greatly . How do we know when we are humble? When God speaks, we tremble. God is looking for a man who trembles at His words. Such a man will find the Spirit of God resting upon him; he will become a dwelling place for the Almighty. Entering the Sabbath Rest of God Heaven is My throne, and the earth is My footstool. Where then is a house you could build for Me? And where is a place that I may rest?     — Isaiah 66:1 God asks for nothing but ourselves. Our beautiful church buildings, our slick professionalism, all are nearly useless to God. He does not want what we have; He wants who we are. He seeks to create in our hearts a sanctuary for Himself, a place where He may rest. In the Scriptures this rest is called “a Sabbath rest” (Heb. 4:9). It does not, however, come from keeping the Sabbath, for the Jews kept the Sabbath but never entered God’s rest. The Book of Hebrews is plain: Joshua did not give the Israelites rest (v.v. 7-8). And after so long a period of Sabbath-keeping, Scripture continues, “So there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God” (v. 9). The question must be asked then, “What is this Sabbath rest?” Let us explore Genesis in pursuit of our answer. “Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work” (Gen. 2:3). Before God rested on the Sabbath, there was nothing special or holy about the seventh day. Had the Lord rested on the third day, then it would have been holy. Rest is not in the Sabbath; it is in God. Rest is a prevailing quality of His completeness. The Sabbath was not a source of rest for God; He was the source of rest for the Sabbath. As it is written, “The Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired” (Isa. 40:28). And even as the Sabbath became holy when God rested upon it, so we become holy as we put away sin, as the fullness of God settles and rests upon us. The rest we seek is not a rejuvenation of our energy; it is the exchange of energy: our life for God’s, through which the vessel of our humanity is filled with the Divine Presence and the all-sufficiency of Christ Himself. We must be enveloped and permeated With God. The Hebrew word for rest is nuach; among other things, it means “to rest, remain, be quiet.” It also indicates a “complete envelopment and thus permeation,” as in the spirit of Elijah “resting” on Elisha, or when wisdom “rests in the heart of him who has understanding.” God is not looking for a place where He can merely cease from His labors with men. He seeks a relationship where He can “completely envelop and thus permeate” every dimension of our lives, where He can tabernacle, remain, and be quiet within us. When God’s rest abides upon us, we live in union with Jesus the same way He lived in union with the Father (John 10:14-15). Christ’s thought-life was “completely enveloped and thus permeated” with the presence of God. He did only those things He saw and heard His Father do. He declared, “The Father abiding in Me does His works” (John 14:10). There is rest because it is Christ working through us . Jesus promises us, “If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it” (v. 14). How vain we are to think we can do miracles, love our enemies, or do any of the works of God without Christ doing His works through us! This is why Jesus said, “Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). In a storm-tossed boat on the sea of Galilee, Christ’s terrified disciples came to Him. Their cries were the cries of men about to die. Jesus rebuked the tempest, and immediately the wind and sea became “perfectly calm,” even as calm as He was (Matt. 8:26). What program, what degree of ministerial professionalism can compare with the life and power we receive through Him? Our efforts, no matter how much we spend of ourselves, cannot produce the rest or life of God. We must come to Him and enter into the rest of faith . Resting in God and surrender to His will is the key to humility and spiritual power. http://www.frangipane.org . Used by permission.

Most early signs of anorexia center on preoccupation with food or dieting. Behavior may appear obsessive or compulsive, and begin to consume more time. Eventually, disordered eating patterns will become more noticeable to others and potentially disrupt schooling, career, and relationships with family and friends. If you’re concerned that you or someone you love may have an eating disorder, watch for these early warning signs of anorexia: refusal to eat denial of hunger, even when starving difficulty concentrating obsession with body size and shape skipping meals making excuses for not eating eating only a few certain foods considered safe, usually those low in fat and calories adopting meal or eating rituals, such as cutting food into tiny pieces or spitting food out after chewing weighing food cooking elaborate meals for others but refusing to eat In men or women with an abnormal preoccupation with food, several other behaviors should also be recognized as clear warning signs of anorexia nervosa, or possibly other eating or body image disorders: excessive exercise flat mood, or lack of emotion repeated weighing of themselves frequent checking in the mirror for perceived flaws wearing baggy or layered clothing complaining about being fat Much work remains to be done to understand the causes of anorexia nervosa. As with bulimia, other eating disorders, and addiction, anorexia involves complicated interaction among biological, psychological and social factors. Doctors, therapists and staff at anorexia treatment centers have more recently acknowledged that genetics play a part in the development of anorexia. A young woman with a biological sibling or parent with an eating disorder is at higher risk, suggesting a possible genetic link. However, it’s not clear specifically how genetics may interact with other contributing factors. It may be that some people have a genetic tendency toward perfectionism, sensitivity and rigidity, all traits associated with anorexia nervosa. Psychological and emotional characteristics may also leave some people more susceptible to seeking emotional relief through self-starvation. Common examples observed in anorexics are: Low self-esteem, which may stem from unresolved experiences of neglect or abuse during childhood Obsessive or compulsive personality traits, which make it easier to adhere to strict diets and resist hunger Perfectionism, when centered on the body leads to thought distortions such as “I’m never thin enough.” Low levels of serotonin, one of the brain chemicals involved in depression Cultural influences can also contribute to the development of anorexia nervosa. Our society sends a constant stream of media reinforcing thinness as an ideal, especially for young women. Television, magazines, and billboards are filled with images of unrealistically thin models, athletes and actresses / actors. Success and worth are often equated with being thin. Peer pressure may fuel the desire to be thin, particularly among teen girls, who over time view anorexic symptoms as normal, even positive traits. Anorexia nervosa is a complicated disease that affects each man or woman differently. There are several patterns of anorexia signs and symptoms that eating disorders treatment specialists know to look for: Co-occurring Alcoholism Adolescent women with anorexia show a dramatically greater incidence of alcoholism than the rest of their peer group. This can occur when efforts to numb feelings of inadequacy by restricting food intake fail to bring the control and emotional relief a woman with anorexia seeks. College-aged women in particular are much more likely to show symptoms of co-occurring alcohol addiction along with anorexia nervosa. Abuse of Stimulants Many over the counter energy boosters, dietary supplements and prescription stimulants, such as medication for ADHD, have appetite suppressing side effects. Because of the ready availability of these drugs in schools and on college campuses, adolescents with anorexia are particularly susceptible to the temptation to misuse them to suppress appetite. Co-occurring Disorders Anorexia nervosa often co-exists with major depression, anxiety disorders, or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).These are called co-occurring disorders, and they are difficult for many treatment providers to diagnose accurately and treat effectively in conjunction with an eating disorder. Patients whose anorexia nervosa treatment fails to address co-occurring disorders will face a vastly more difficult treatment path and more complex challenges in recovery. Purging Behaviors with Starvation Many with symptoms of anorexia show signs of a separate variation, the binge-purge type. Persons with this type of anorexia disorder will not only self-starve, but also take other actions to reduce their weight. This may include exercising obsessively, or abusing laxatives, diuretics / water pills, or other diet drugs. Anorexia’s effects vary depending on the severity of the disease. They tend to worsen as thoughts about food crowd out more and more of an anorexic’s thoughts. Forced withdrawal from school or college Loss of connection to faith or religion Career disruption Isolation from friends and family Suicide The physical effects of starvation are often irreversible, and reflect the extremely high rate of deaths associated with anorexia nervosa: Infertility Shutdown of major body systems Brain damage Heart attacks Death Can I Possibly Talk To My Parents About This? Whether your parents have suspected you have a problem with eating or cutting, or they are completely surprised, it will be difficult for them to hear how much you are hurting. But having this conversation will not only help you overcome your own emotional struggles. Most women in your situation have reported that sharing their secret and getting help for an eating disorder, self-injury or a mood disorder also brings them much closer to their family than they’ve been in years. This article contains input from multiple members of our treatment team, and attempts to answer some of the most common questions that keep young women from starting that process. While this blog post is oriented primarily toward young women who are living at home with their parents, the principles apply to men and women of any age who need to seek support from loved ones to confront a major challenge. Q: What’s the first step? A: Consider the best way to approach your parents. If you live with both parents, decide whether you want to talk with them together or separately. Some young women find it helpful to write a letter or an email to one or both parents before talking in person. Writing a letter or email allows you time to include everything you want to say, so you won’t have to worry that you’ll forget something important. It also lets parents digest your message in private, and start to deal with their own feelings before talking with you. That might make it easier for them to ask questions that will allow them to help you. Q: Should I talk to my parent or parents alone? If not, whom else should I include? A: Whomever you need to make yourself feel safe and find the courage to be honest. There is no right or wrong answer. Asking a friend, a brother or sister, or another trusted family member or even a teacher to join you may reduce the chance that you change your mind at the last minute. It also makes sure that there will be someone in the room to support you no matter how your parents respond. They can help you remember important details or questions you want to ask, too. Q: When should I talk to them? A: If your family is busy, it may be best to ask them to plan a time a day or two in advance. Otherwise, pick a time when neither of you will be rushed or interrupted. After dinner, a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, or a day off might give you the most time. Mornings before school or right after they get home from work are probably not the best times. There is no perfect time: the important thing is that you start your conversation as soon as possible. Q: Where is the best place to tell them? A: Somewhere private that makes you feel safe. Picking a place where you don’t have to worry about being interrupted while you’re talking is a good idea. Some young women feel safest in their bedroom, the back yard, or even going for a walk or to a park. It’s probably best to avoid telling them in the car while driving, or in front of your brothers or sisters. It can also be difficult to talk in public places like a restaurant where there’s lots of noise or strangers may overhear. Q: What else should I do before the conversation? A: The most important thing is to take some time by yourself to think about what you want to say. Make some notes about how you’ve been feeling and what you’ve done in response. If you keep a diary or journal, look back at past entries for help describing your feelings. Consider telling a close friend or sibling that you’re going to be having this conversation, and that you’re anxious or afraid. It may make you feel better knowing that you will have someone waiting to support you after you finish telling your parents. Q: I’ve tried telling them before, but haven’t been able when the time comes. What do I say? A: Be honest about how you’re feeling at the time – it’s okay to admit you’re feeling nervous, scared, sad, or lonely. If it helps, take your notes or a letter with you when you talk. Tell them: What you have been doing and how it’s hurting you You want to stop, but haven’t been able to alone Eating disorders, mood disorders and cutting are medical illnesses, not choices You need their help now so you don’t hurt yourself even worse Young women with these problems can get better with counseling and treatment You need to see a doctor, and to find a counselor who is experienced at treating eating disorders and/or cutting If you need to take a break during the conversation, tell them. Go outside for a few minutes, or go in your bedroom or another quiet place and say a short prayer. Remember: this is the start of a process to help you help yourself. There will be many more conversations along the way. What’s important is you get your process started today . Q: Can I help my parents with figuring out what to do after we talk? A: Yes, they will appreciate this. Several organizations offer free, high-quality online resources for getting help with self-injury or an eating disorder. Many of them are targeted specifically for parents, such as the Parents Toolkit offered by the National Eating Disorders Association (http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today/) Self-injury.net can help parents and other loved ones to better understand urges to self-harm. Q: I’m worried my mom or dad will blame himself or herself, how do I avoid that? A: By educating themselves, parents will quickly realize that eating disorders, self-harming and mood disorders are real medical diseases that originate in genetics, biology and a number of other complicated factors. Parents do not cause them, but they do have a critical role to play if their daughter is to be successful in recovery. If your parents are feeling guilty or ashamed, the best thing you can do is point them to resources to learn more. Printing off some of the articles you’ve read might be a good start. It’s also helpful to remind yourself that you’re not responsible for your parents’ feelings or reactions. This will be a process for them, just like your recovery will be a process for you. Q: I told them, now what? A: Pat yourself on the back. You are incredibly strong and courageous. You may not feel like it right now, but you’ve taken a HUGE step. Sharing your feelings with others is incredibly liberating. At TK, we often say that our secrets keep us sick. Now that you’ve told one or both parents, consider whether there are other family members or close friends you would like to tell. The more people you can draw support from, the better. It’s up to you to decide how much detail you share with each person, and whether you ask them to keep what you’ve told them private. If you feel up to it, we encourage you to come back and tell your story in a comment on this blog post. You can leave your name, or post anonymously. Posts will be moderated and screened to make sure they aren’t triggering for other readers. Q: Where else can I go for support from other young women who’ve been in my situation? A: Other websites like Self-Injury.net and DailyStrength.org have forums or discussion boards where young women can seek support from each other. Online support should never be a substitute for connecting with others in person. 12-step support groups can be found in most places across the country and also provide support online. Some examples are: Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous (www.anorexicsandbulimicsanonymousaba.com) Eating Disorders Anonymous (www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org) Self-mutilators Anonymous (www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org) NEDA also offers a listing of support groups for both young women and parents here: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today/treatment-referrals.php Remember, you are strong, and you deserve to live a happy, healthy life. You don’t have to do it alone. Take the next step. Then, come back and share your story with others.

Two religions that put special emphasis on men are America’s fastest growing, according to a study released this week. Mormons and Muslims are adding the most members, while mainline Protestants and Catholics continue to shed followers. “The number of Muslim adherents rose to 2.6 million in 2010 from 1 million in 2000, fueled by immigration and conversions,” said Dale Jones, a researcher who worked on the study by the Association of Statisticians of American Religious Bodies. The number of U.S. Mormons grew by 45% over the past decade. They were the fastest growing group in 26 of the 50 states. Muslims and Mormons would seem to have little in common, yet both have strong appeal to men. This is undoubtedly one of the factors driving their explosive growth. Mormons give great discretion and latitude to their laymen. The Latter-Day Saints do not have professional pastors. Each layman is considered a priest, and is authorized to preach, teach, prophesy and baptize. The LDS church offers a formal, rigorous training program to every young man. Males are initiated into a lower priesthood at age 12, and the higher priesthood at 19. Mormons have a long tradition of sending their young men on two-year missions after high school (although women have joined this tradition in recent years). Muslims also take pains to accommodate men. Men and women worship separately in the mosque. Friday prayers are a full-body experience, with an almost militant air. There’s no emphasis on emotion or “feeling God.” Islamic leadership is completely male dominated and female imams are extremely rare. Islam’s reputation as a dangerous, violent religion only increases its allure among young men. As a practical matter, both Mormons and Muslims value childbearing and large families. High fertility is another reason these groups are growing so rapidly. Interestingly, both faiths have a reputation for polygamy, and both promise sex in the afterlife, which undoubtedly increases a man’s yearning for eternity. Both faiths are known for theological and social conservatism. Numerous studies have shown that high-demand churches that lean conservative attract more men (and tend to grow). Meanwhile, theological liberalism drives men away. The study found that the more liberal the denomination, the more likely it was to have lost members. The Evangelical Lutheran Church and the Episcopal Church, both of which made major concessions on homosexuality during the past decade, each lost more than 15% of their members. The United Methodists lost four percent, while the Southern Baptists held steady over the past decade. Non-denominational Protestants grew slowly, with most of the growth occurring in micro-congregations of fewer than 100 people. The Catholic church, rocked by allegations of sexual abuse against boys, saw huge declines, particularly in the Northeast. The exposure of gay and pedophile priests has been a definite turn-off for men. This report simply confirms what we’ve been saying at Church for Men since we opened our doors seven years ago: laymen are the key to church growth. Faiths that are intentional about reaching guys grow the fastest. Meanwhile, churches that marginalize or drive away men are declining. Jesus started his church with 12 common men. The original church growth strategy still works today. Recruit men. Train them. Create an environment where they can grow. Just ask the Muslims and Mormons how this strategy works.

When is the last time you felt alive? I mean, really alive. Free to be the person you have always envisioned and hoped you could be? Free to be the person that you know deep down in your heart you are. If you are feeling less than alive (or if you are wondering, “Do I even have a pulse?!”) then it’s time for a spiritual check-up. Let me explain why. The essence of who you are, who you were created to be, and the seeds of your divine purpose and destiny reside in your spirit. Yes, you have a spirit! Merriam-Webster defines the word SPIRIT as that “vital principle” that “animates” and “brings life” to a being. Your spirit is eternal and what enlivens you – it is that which gives you life with a capitol “L”. Regardless of your beliefs, you have a spiritual pulse. God created you with a body, soul and spirit and His divine order sets up our human spirit as the head of our being with our soul, (which I define as the compilation of your mind, your will, and your emotions) and our bodies, as secondary to the spirit. Your spirit brings life to your body and soul. This is because our spirits are eternal. When the body and soul cease to exist, your spirit lives on. Eating disorders, addictions and mood problems all take a toll on our ability to be truly free and to feel fully alive. Therefore, they take a toll on the human spirit. When an individual is in the throes of an eating disorder or addiction, this causes the divine order to be “out of whack.” The drives of these disorders seek to usurp the power of the spirit, the functions of the body and an individual’s thoughts, emotions and ability to make choices. Additionally, if you have grown up in an environment that has not nurtured your spirit, or in an environment that overvalued or over-nurtured some other aspect of your being (for example your mind) to the neglect of the other aspects of your being; or, if you have been exposed to an environment that was toxic to any aspect of your being – your sense of freedom and capacity to feel and live fully alive can become seriously compromised. Taking your Spiritual Pulse There are three primary ways our spirits respond when spiritual health is compromised: 1. ADDICTION: A “captive spirit” When a disorder like an addiction or an eating disorder thrives and threatens to upset the divine order, it can actually begin to “rule” over your soul and spirit. That’s why I call this a captive spirit. As this occurs, you live less and less out of the essence of who you are and begin to look more and more like the disease that holds you captive. An individual struggling with substance abuse, for example, may long to feel alive and the abuse or addictions have become superficial substitutes. Often times, this individual has unknowingly functioned with a “slumbering spirit” or an “orphan spirit” for years. In their attempts to “enliven” themselves, they look to drugs, alcohol, or compulsive behaviors, etc. 2. NEGLECT: A “slumbering spirit” If you have grown up in an environment that has not nurtured your spirit, or in an environment that overvalued or over-nurtured some aspect of your being to the neglect of your spirit; you may experience what is called a slumbering spirit. It’s like your spirit went into hibernation due to lack of nurture, strengthening, or under-development. Alternatively, trauma such as physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect or abandonment, can also contribute to a slumbering spirit. This is especially the case when the individual has repressed emotions or disassociates from the negative effects of the trauma or toxic environment. 3. ABANDONMENT: An “orphan spirit” Finally, someone with these issues has wounds that come from deep feelings of emotional abandonment. Individuals with an abandonment struggle to trust or receive from relationships. They have essentially closed their hearts off to others, even those they are seemingly close to. They do this out of fear of being hurt. They struggle to believe that their emotional and relational needs could ever be truly met in relationships. As a result they tend to be overly self-reliant and hide from God. This type of wounded spirit also struggles the most to feel connected with God. They may be angry with God or feel God is angry with them or just not believe they are worthy of His full attention or love. While someone with an orphan spirit may appear fiercely independent, in actuality this independence covers hurt and pain. But there is Hope! FREEDOM: You were created to be a free spirit. The first step to having a healthy spirit is paying attention to your spirit and identifying and nurturing the needs of your spirit. Many of the groups at Timberline Knolls like the “Awakenings” group, are designed to do just that. Once you have taken your spiritual pulse, here are some practical ways to begin the journey towards hope. LIBERATE AND EMPOWER: Individuals with ADDICTION (a captive spirit) s truggle to connect with life. The only connection they have is with their addiction or disorder. If you are struggling with a captive spirit, it is important to understand how the addiction or eating disorder has taken your spirit captive. Admitting this is a powerful step and making decisions that will strengthen your recovery, instead of choices that only strengthen the power of the addiction, is key. The journey involves giving your spirit a voice to restore proper alignment of your spirit being in control of your mind and body instead of the addiction being in control. Just like in the movie “Shawshank Redemption”, individuals coming out from under the captivity of their disorder struggle at first with re-engaging in life (the good and the bad) and what it means to be truly free and feel empowered without the addiction or disorder. “True freedom is always spiritual. It has something to do with your innermost being, which cannot be chained, handcuffed, or put into a jail.” OSHO, Freedom: The Courage to Be Yourself “Caged birds accept each other but flight is what they long for.” TENNESSEE WILLIAMS, Camino Real Awaken and Nurture: Individuals with NEGLECT (a slumbering spirit) struggle the most to connect with themselves. They have lost sight of what they really think, feel and want out of their lives. If you are struggling with a this, then you have an under-developed, “malnourished” spirit. Do all that you can to engage your spirit and have a healthy relationship with yourself by learning to identify and respond to your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a healthy way. Once again, connecting with your spirit and with God through prayer, scripture reading, music, art, and the outdoors is important. Do things that you used to do as a child – play, dream, explore! “The free man is he who does not fear to go to the end of his thought.” LEON BLUM Restore and Strengthen: Individuals with ABANDONMENT (an orphan spirit) struggle to connect with others. This person needs to identify and heal their emotional wounds and exchange the lies they have come to believe about themselves and relationships that have contributed to the lack of trust in relationships and pessimistic outlook towards life and disconnect with God. Prayer, scripture reading, music, arts and nature are important here as well and orphans are encouraged to learn how to connect with their spirits while learning to connect with and build a healthy and nurturing community around them. “Freedom is the basic condition for you to touch life, to touch the blue sky, the trees, the birds, the tea, and the other person.” NHAT HANH, Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames “The truth shall make you free.” JESUS, John 8:31 Born to be FREE! Your spirit is most activated and at its strongest during those times in which you feel most alive and free. This will give you insight into what is unique to you in helping to liberate and empower, awaken and nurture, and restore and strengthen your spirit. Learn about and respond to the truth about your true identity and destiny as a child of God because …You were born to be free in Christ!

The visible glory of God descended, then manifested on the top of Mt. Sinai. As many as six million Israelites heard the audible voice of God speaking to them from the majestic fire. The entire nation quaked and trembled in holy fear. In response, Israel’s leaders begged Moses that no further words be spoken to them by God. Moses agreed, then turned and ascended the mountaintop and entered this frightening holy blaze where He remained for forty days. (See Exodus 19:17-20:19; 24:18.) Incredibly, when Moses delayed his return, the Israelites began to rebel, making for themselves an idol, a golden calf, similar to the idols of Egypt. They did this in full view of the glory of God, defying His glory with their outrageous idolatry. (See Exodus 31:1-8.) Nothing angers the living God more than man’s idolatry, and this brazen act was enough to have destroyed all Israel, both the sinners and also those who saw their sin and did nothing to stop it. In response, the Lord said to Moses, “I have seen this people, and behold, they are an obstinate people. Now then let Me alone, that My anger may burn against them, and that I may destroy them; and I will make of you a great nation” (Exod. 32:9-10). This is an amazing verse. It reveals something of the inner workings of the divine mind. I am thinking in particular of the Lord’s statement: “Let Me alone.” The implication is that if the Lord is “alone”—that is, without an intercessor to appeal to His mercy—divine wrath can be fully expressed. Conversely, the opposite is also true: wrath can be restrained if we, as intercessors, do not withdraw our entreaty. As long as Moses does not withdraw from prayer, there is a mercy opportunity that is being made possible. The goal of an intercessor is to remain in prayer; i.e., to “not let God alone.” This is not to imply that we are more merciful or forgiving than God. That would be quite untrue. What is true, though, is that some measure of divine grace and forgiveness – an unreasonable measure – is reserved in God’s heart and only escorted to earth by human intercession. God’s holiness demands that sin be punished; His mercy, however, triumphs over judgment and can be enlisted by prayer. Our quest is to unite in oneness with the mercy of God. Conversely, the devil’s goal is to create the opposite relationship between us and God where we accuse people for their sins and failures. Satan seeks to embitter us against our loved ones and associates, neighbors and nation so that our desires are not redemptive but accusatory and judgmental. Peter tells husbands to not be embittered against their wives so that their “prayers will not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7). Underline this truth: bitterness hinders intercession. The Lord desires we climb into His very thought-processes in extending mercy to earth. In this, the mercy-oriented intercessor attracts the full attention of God. “Let Me alone,” the Lord said. Yet Moses refused. Instead, he reminds the Lord of His promises for Israel as well as His relationship with Israel’s forefathers: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (Ex. 32:11-13). Too many intercessors misinterpret the Lord’s initial pushback and report, erroneously, that God has exhausted His mercy. He has not. In fact, His mercies are new every morning. Moses’ response to the pushback was to prevail upon God’s love. He reminds the Lord of His purpose, repeats the Lord’s promise, and he does not stop praying for Israel. Moses became a mature intercessor. He stayed close to God, prevailing in prayer. Even though the Lord said He would make of Moses a great nation, Moses ignored the prospect. He knew all people would have times of sin and failure. Moses had come too far to start over. This journey was about a covenant that was made with Israel’s forefathers. Remember, the assignment is to bring an imperfect people with a promise from God into fulfillment. The intercessor’s role is to pray from the beginning of that journey, through the valleys of sin and setbacks, and continue praying until the promise from God is obtained. You may be a pastor of a church or an intercessor or a parent. Regardless, whoever you are praying for, you must have this attitude: “Lord, I am not letting You alone concerning my loved one.” When I pray, I never pray for divine wrath to fall; I always pray for mercy and grace. I agree with God that wrath is justified because of man’s sin, yet I plead with God for mercy and correction. The Result The result of Moses’ intercession is utterly amazing: “So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said He would do to His people” (Exod. 32:14). May this be a revelation to us all! Moses’ prayer changed God’s mind! Much of how God relates to the future of a nation is based upon how the people in that society pray. The Spirit has made one truth plain to me: The future of a society does not belong to sinners; it belongs to those who pray. Thus, Jesus tells His disciples that whatever two of them agree on “about anything that they may ask” (Matt. 18:19), it will be granted by the heavenly Father. Two or three servants of God who refuse to abandon their faithfulness in prayer can release the mercy of God into their world. For Moses and the Israelites, the outcome was profound: “the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said He would do to His people” (Exod. 32:14). Think of it: prayer changed the mind of God. Lord, thank You for always remaining open to our cries. Help me to persevere, to give You no rest, until You fulfill Your highest purposes with my family, church and nation. Thank You that one voice is not too feeble that You cannot hear it. Master, I stand in the gap for those I love. Reveal Your mercy to them. —adapted from a chapter in Francis’ book, The Power of One Christlike Life

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1 Is there anything about my speech, actions, dress, or attitudes that could defraud the men around me? Am I building up my “house”—home, work place, church,—(vs. tearing it down)? Am I taking in sensual thoughts and desires through books, magazines, TV programs,music, or movies that are not morally pure? Am I investing in the lives of those around me? Am I nurturing the heart of my siblings or others God has called me to bless? Am I looking to any man (pastor, counselor, colleague, etc.) to fill an emotional vacuum in my life? Do I go to a man rather than going to the Lord to meet my emotional needs? Am I cultivating a grateful, joyful spirit? Am I rejoicing in the Lord? Is there any behavior or relationship I am involved in that I am hiding? Am I engaged in anything now that I will not want my husband to know about if I marry in the future? Am I giving the best of my physical and emotional energy for the Lord? Am I discontent? Am I dwelling on thoughts that make me unable to find fulfillment through serving the Lord and those around me He has called me to serve? Am I cultivating a pleasant, gracious spirit in my words, actions, and attitudes that brings honor and glory to the Lord? Am I critical or judgmental? Do my parents have the freedom to be honest with me? Am I keeping my emotions, attention, and affection from every man to whom I am not engaged or married? Am I protecting the thoughts and feelings of my heart? Is my conversation ever loose, crude, or unbecoming for a woman of God? Am I discreet and restrained in the way I talk with men at work? Am I expressing admiration for a man that should more appropriately come from his wife? 16. Do I communicate a meek, quiet, and submissive spirit? 17. Does my demeanor tend to be “loud and defiant”? Do I dominate or try to control the men around me? 18. Does my dress help men to keep their thoughts pure and Christ-centered? Is my dress feminine and modest? 19. Am I a “door” or a “wall” (Song of Songs 8:9)? Am I a “loose” woman? Do I communicate to the men around me that I am “available”? Does my demeanor invite them to “partake” of intimate parts of my body, soul, or spirit? Do I engage in overly-flirtatious speech, looks, or behavior? 20. Have I purposed in my heart to be morally pure? 21. Am I currently in a situation that is (or could become) compromising? 22. Do I reserve intimate communication, looks, words, and touch for my future husband (if I marry)? 23. Have I become a “refuge” for a man who may be struggling in his marriage? 24. Have I surrendered my sexual desires in honor of the Lord, my future husband if God chooses for me to be married, and the marriages or future marriages of those around me? Am I walking in holiness and honor? 25. Do I esteem and value any man more than the Lord? Do I love any man more than I love the Lord? Who comes first in my estimation? 26. Would those who know me best say that I am a woman of moral virtue and purity? 27. Am I in a situation that could appear to others to be compromising? 28. Am I making myself accountable to another godly woman for my walk with God and others? 29. Do I treat men with respect by keeping an appropriate distance from them, emotionally and physically? 30. Have I erected (and am I maintaining) adequate “hedges” (appropriate boundaries) in my relationships with men? Have I defined what those hedges are? If the answer is “no” to any of these questions, pray with me now for God to bring healing and a fresh walk with Jesus in my life. “Lord, I acknowledge and renounce my sinful involvement in _______________ and pray in the name and through the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ that you would break this stronghold in my life. I realize, Lord, this sin has been a detrimental influence in my life [and marriage]. Lord, I humbly ask that You would forgive me and wash me in the blood of Christ, cleansing me from this sin. I ask you, Lord Jesus to take back the ground given to the enemy through my involvement and I yield that ground to Your control. I purpose to honor You in my heart, practicing purity and discretion in all of my relationships.” © Revive Our Hearts. Adapted from “Becoming a Woman of Discretion” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used by Permission.

Welcome to “Lakeside” Church, the statistically average U.S. Congregation. This week: Lakeside will draw an adult congregation that’s 61 percent female, 39 percent male. Almost 25 percent of the married women who attend Lakeside will do so without their husbands. Lakeside will attract a healthy number of single women, but few single men. The majority of men who actually show up for Sunday worship are there in body only. Their hearts just aren’t in it. Few will do anything during the week to nurture their faith. Lakeside is the norm in Christianity – in the U.S., and around the world. Your church profile is probably similar. Count noses this Sunday – you’ll be surprised. A 60/40 gender gap (or larger) probably affects your worship services, midweek meetings, Bible studies, ministry teams, youth group, etc. In today’s church, women are the participators, men, the spectators. How did we get here? How did a faith founded by a man and his 12 male disciples become anathema to men? Why do Christian churches around the world experience a chronic shortage of males, when temples and mosques do not? Why are churchgoing men so hesitant to really live their faith, when men of other religions willingly die for theirs? As a church leader, the lack of male participation may not be one of your top concerns. After all, if you want a smooth running congregation, women are the key. Women keep the ministry machine going. They sing in the choir, care for children, teach classes, cook for potlucks, and serve on committees. George Barna puts it this way: women are the backbone of Christian congregations. Men are like hood ornaments on cars: nice, but not necessary Over the long term, however, a lack of men will doom a congregation. The gender gap is associated with church decline, according to the latest studies. The denominations with the fewest men (per capita) are also those that have been losing members and shutting churches. On the other hand, churches with robust male participation are generally growing. If you want a healthy church for the long term, attract men. This was Jesus’ strategy. It still works today. There’s just one little problem: men hate going to church. Why men hate going to church Ninety percent of American men believe in God. Five out of six call themselves Christians. Yet just two in six can be found in church on any given Sunday. Those men who do show up often seem passive, bored or out-of-place. Like the Doobie Brothers, men think Jesus is Just All Right, but the very idea of churchgoing gives them the willies. While some men have had specific, negative church experiences, others simply feel a general unease. Men like Lance are common: “My wife Laura loves church, but it just doesn’t work for me,” he says. “The whole feel of it just doesn’t connect.” Why do millions of Lauras feel right at home in church, while millions of Lances feel as out of place as a ham sandwich at a bar mitzvah? Look at it from a sociological perspective. What other behaviors do men avoid? What other venues make men uncomfortable? The answer is obvious: in our society, men avoid any behavior (or venue) that might call their manhood into question. For example, men don’t go to baby showers, fabric stores or “chick flicks.” So it is with church: men believe, deep in their hearts, that church is a women’s thing. Men approach Christianity with the same apathy or discomfort they display when forced to watch a Meg Ryan film. It just doesn’t resonate with them. You may be thinking, Church is women’s thing? How can men think this? Haven’t we been told for decades that the church is male dominated? If you’re speaking of professional clergy, then yes, the church is male dominated. The governing boards of some congregations remain men-only. But almost every other area of church life is dominated by women. Armies of women. Like a glove that gradually conforms to the hand of its wearer, Christianity has, over the centuries, subtly conformed to the needs and expectations of its most faithful constituency, women age 40 and older. So instead taking up the epic struggle Jesus promised his disciples, today’s congregations focus on creating a warm, nurturing environment where the top priority is making everyone feel loved and accepted. We gather. We worship. We love each other. We sing. We instruct children. We comfort the hurting. This lineup is both beneficial and biblical, but these things alone will not galvanize men. Why not? I think John Eldredge says it best: men are wild at heart. Though men see the goodness of the Christian faith, they are not swept up in it because church life is so soft and sweet. The cautious, sensitive culture of today’s church fails to match the adventurous spirit found in most men. However, women and older folks are more likely to crave the safety and predictability the church provides. They flock to the pews, earning our congregations the dubious reputation as a place for little old ladies of both genders. The signals we send to men Every Sunday, without even realizing it, we send subtle signals to guys: you are in feminine territory. The signals start in Sunday school. Think of the pictures of Jesus you saw as a child. Didn’t they suggest a tender, sweet man in a shining white dress? As our boys grow up, whom will they choose as a role model: gentle Jesus, meek and mild, or Arnold Schwarzenegger, the action hero? The irony here is that the real Jesus is the ultimate hero, bold and courageous as any man alive, but we’ve turned him into a wimp. There are signals in the sanctuary. Let’s say a common working stiff named Nick visits your church. What’s the first thing Nick sees? Fresh flowers on the altar. Soft, cushiony pews with boxes of Kleenex underneath. Neutral carpet abutting lavender walls, adorned with quilted banners (or worse: Thomas Kinkade paintings). Honestly, how do we expect Nick to connect with God in a space that feels so feminine? Nick looks around at the men. Some are obviously there against their will, dragged by a wife or mother. Others are softies. Research finds that men who are interested in Christianity are less masculine than average; seminarians also exhibit more feminine characteristics than the typical male. Even the vocabulary of churchgoing men is softer. Christian men use terms such as precious, share, and relationship, words you’d never hear on the lips of a typical man. The signals keep coming during the service. Nick may be asked to hold hands with his neighbor. He may be asked to sing a love song to Christ, such as, “Lord, You’re Beautiful,” or “Jesus, I am so in love with You.” Someone may weep. Then Nick will have his male attention span put to the test by a monologue sermon. When this torture test is finally over, Nick is invited to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Let’s spend a moment on that last one: a personal relationship with Jesus. That phrase never appears in the Bible. Yet in the past 50 years it’s become the number one way the evangelical church describes the Christian walk. It’s turned the gospel into a puzzle for men, because most guys don’t think in terms of relationships. Let’s say Lenny approaches Nick and says, “Nick, would you like to have a personal relationship with me?” Yuck! Men don’t talk or think like this, yet we’ve wrapped the gospel in this man-repellent package. The signals keep coming: Nick comes alive outdoors, but 99% of church life takes place indoors. Nick was never much of a student, but taking classes, reading the Bible and studying books are presented as cornerstones of a living faith. He lacks the verbal skills to pray aloud, or to sit in a circle and share his feelings. Let’s say Nick makes it through this minefield and decides to volunteer. The typical church needs people to care for infants, to teach children and youth, to sing, to cook meals, to serve on committees and to usher. Given that list, where do you think Nick will sign up? Somewhere in church history, most of the masculine roles were discarded (or assigned to professional clergy), while roles for laywomen multiplied. Today, Christian service revolves around tasks that women have traditionally performed. Men want to serve God, but many feel ill-prepared or even emasculated by the ministry opportunities we’re offering them. Bottom line: today’s church is no longer designed to do what Jesus did: reach men with the good news. To borrow a term from advertising: women are the target audience of the modern church. The feminine atmosphere in our churches causes women to feel loved and nurtured, but men to feel hesitant and restrained. The only men who can function in this feminine milieu are those who happen to be particularly sensitive, verbal, dutiful or studious. The more masculine the man, the more alienated he feels in the modern congregation. How do we turn things around? In my book, Why Men Hate Going to Church, I offer more than 60 pages of practical, proven suggestions for making your church more man-friendly. Here are just a few: Stop sending Nick signals that church is for women. From the moment he walks into the sanctuary, Nick must sense that this is something for him, not just something for his grandma, his wife and his kids. Examine everything about your church: the décor, the vocabulary you use, the songs you sing, the behaviors you expect. Men will respond if you meet them halfway. Become students of men. Please don’t be offended by this, but the truth is many pastors have built their ministries on their ability to interact with women. Because men are so unneeded for church work, ministers have had little incentive to go after them. This must change. I challenge every pastor in America to become a student of men. A good place to start: read John Eldredge’s bestseller, Wild at Heart. Men need great leadership. Men are drawn by vision and purpose, by achievement and power. Churches that attract enthusiastic men do so by taking risks, dreaming big, and bringing a measure of adventure back to the Christian life. Church leaders, I encourage you to dream big in the coming year. Ask God for a Big Hairy Audacious Goal that can only be accomplished by His power. However, expect resistance in the flock – from the rams as well as the ewes. Courageous leadership always involves change, and one researcher found that 85% of Christians have change-resistant personalities. Great leadership stirs up opposition, but over the long term it stirs hope in the hearts of men. Help men learn. Men’s brains are less verbal than women’s, so they require a different approach. Men have been trained to focus for 6 to 8 minutes (the length between TV commercials). The lengthy monologue sermon, so effective in the Victorian era, fails to reach today’s men. Rick Warren of the Purpose Driven Church may have an answer: he frequently breaks his sermons into 5 to 7 minute chunks, with a video, drama or song between each segment. And object lessons are essential: never take the pulpit without an object in hand. Jesus called these parables, and they survive to this day because men remembered them. Effective pastors and teachers draw metaphors and illustrations from the realms of sports, business, battle and survival. Help men worship. With men, it’s all about quality. Men appreciate good music from talented musicians, played in their vocal range. When possible, choose songs with masculine lyrics. Many of today’s praise songs feature lovey-dovey words set to a romantic tune. Nick may feel uncomfortable singing these words to Jesus, a man who lives today. Also, whenever possible, move men outside for worship. There’s nothing like a bonfire and a starry night to connect a man and his Maker. Help men serve. Roger from Ohio says, “If serving in the church was more about pounding nails and less about wiping runny noses, I’d probably be interested.” Men will gladly serve if we let them do what they’re good at. Why not work on cars? One Illinois church has an on-site auto repair facility, staffed by volunteers, that benefits single mothers and the working poor. Even a small church can offer free oil changes in the church parking lot. Our congregation started doing this twice a year; the event attracts more than fifty guys who give up a Saturday morning to serve God. What’s more remarkable, we almost always get a few nonreligious husbands of churchgoing wives. Meeting men’s deepest needs However, men’s deepest spiritual hunger cannot be satisfied with any of these things. Making our Sunday services male friendly will help, but if we want men to come truly alive, we must recover two ancient roles that the founders of our faith understood, but we have lost. Men need spiritual fathers and a band of brothers.