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If you want to draw men to your church, you must understand their unique needs. Churches must be intentional about reaching men, and the current process is counter-intuitive. Here are just a few things to consider if you wish to “man up” your church. 1. A Manly Pastor. Men don’t like macho or power-hungry pastors, but a pastor who projects a healthy masculinity will draw men. This is because men see their churches through their pastor. If a man respects his pastor, then he likes his church. If a man doesn’t respect his pastor, he won’t like his church. Go ahead, ask a man about his church. He won’t talk about the ministries, or the facilities, or the programs; he’ll talk about the pastor. 2. Excellence is vital. Men are less forgiving of anything bad, hokey or half baked. The churches that are growing and attracting men consistently offer excellence – in the preaching, the music, the facility and the programs. You don’t have to be the best in town; just do what you do very well and men will be drawn. And if you can’t do something well, then don’t do it at all. 3. Give men space. Churches that attract men honor their need for space. Don’t force your men to hold hands or hug each other. If you must hug, there are safe ways to do it. And you should also be judicious when laying hands on men. These days we like to put people in “prayer mushrooms.” You know what I’m talking about – Vince asks for prayer and soon he’s mobbed, with hands all over him. The other men look at what happened to Vince, so they keep requests to themselves, for fear that they will be mobbed too. 4. Make Prayer Real. Christians speak normally to one another, but when they talk to God they lapse into a strange language I call “prayer speak.” I’m not talking about speaking in tongues; prayer-speak is a nonstop petition to God, repeating his name over and over, punctuated by the word “just” (Father God, we just thank you for this day, Father God, and Father God, we just ask that you’d bless us Father God). The problem with prayer-speak is that it discourages plainspoken men from praying aloud, because the feel that their petitions need to be delivered in this “holy language.” If you want more men praying, cut the prayer-speak. 5. Honor Men’s Time. Nothing discourages men like a worship service that drags on and on. It’s no coincidence that African-American churches, known for their 3 hour worship services, are also very likely to have a man shortage. Jesus was not long winded; in fact the average parable of Jesus can be taught comfortably in under a minute. It’s not the length of your message but its impact that changes men’s lives.

We are carry an internal tension that’s associated with our appetites. We struggle desperately because we all want MORE. When we talk about our appetites, we immediately think about food or hunger, but there are a lot of different human appetites. There’s food and sex and….I’m sure there are a lot more! For me, I’m just looking through the lens of a guy because that’s all I’ve really been, but for you ladies who a trying to figure men out, they only have three appetites: food, sex and sleep. Just kidding. God has designed us in such a way that we are really just a big bundle of appetites and desires. And appetites also include security, an appetite for love, an appetite to be respected, to be cherished, to feel successful…All these things God designed us with, but each one of our appetites creates tension. The reason you feel tension in your life, is because one or more of your appetites are clamoring for MORE.   When it comes to leadership-whether it’s in a non-profit business, a for-profit business, a church or whatever it is, I believe that there are some appetites that are heightened beyond the average person. I want to discuss the tensions that you will always have to manage as a leader. All of us in leadership have an appetite for progress. We want to see our churches or companies move forward. We have an appetite for greater responsibility. You probably wish you had more responsibility, but here’s the interesting thing. Every time you get more responsibility in your organization, what do you want? MORE! We want respect-recognition for what we’ve accomplished. We want to win. Now, we don’t like the sound of that word in ministry because it sounds so non-godly and non-spiritual, but you know what? No matter who you are, there’s something in you that wants to win! Every year Outreach Magazine publishes a list of the fastest growing churches in America. Here’s what happens in our office. The magazine sits on the desk of my assistant’s office, and I pretend like I don’t want to pick it up. How silly! Who cares about who has the biggest church? I mean, God doesn’t care about who has the biggest church…We know that big churches depend on where you are located, how long you’ve been there, whether your father is a famous televangelist like mine. Many people ask me how I do what I do. I always say, step one is to be born into the family of a famous televangelist. Every time I get invited somewhere, they think it’s him. I show up somewhere and they say, “Wow, it’s you?” Now we all think this stuff is kind of silly, so I walk back and forth in front of the church growth magazine and I’m not going to let someone know how much I want to pick it up. But do you think I want to know if we are on the list? Of course I do!  If you are a leader, don’t be fooled. You want to win! No matter how many times you win, guess what you want? MORE. We want to grow. We want to be famous. (We don’t talk about that out loud.) If someone says they read your article or heard you speak-you may appear humble on the outside, but you go home and gloat. Pastor Rick Warren talked about the appetite to be envied. Guys, isn’t that why we buy the cars we choose to buy? We drive around cars we can’t even see because we are inside of them. Have you ever thought about that? You can’t even see your car driving down the road. You’re inside of it. But here’s the amazing truth. I think all of this is part of the imago dei -the way in which God made us. God created our desires and sin distorted them. Winning, progress, responsibility are all created by God. Think about it. Man is in the Garden of Eden and God said “This is your job-run the WHOLE WORLD.” Appetites are never fully and finally satisfied. EVER. This is an internal tension that never goes away. No matter how big your student ministry is, whether you got recognized by your denomination, or your pastor gave you a trophy. Three days later, that award is in the rear view mirror and you want MORE. How many times have you finished a meal and you say “I can’t eat another thing.” Three hours later-the refrigerator is calling your name and guys say, “Duh, Food!” We somehow think there is someone out there, some reward, some recognition that will finally fulfill our appetites. Often we will spend our lives making really poor leadership decisions trying to find the “golden ring” and give a relaxing sigh, “Ah!” “ My church is big enough! My ministry is big enough! I’ve written enough books.” “ I have a cool enough car. My children are perfect enough.” None of your appetites are fully and finally satisfied.” Leaders, there is always, always, always tension in this area. Your appetites always whisper, “Now!” Never “Later.”   Your response to these appetites, your ability or inability to manage your unquenchable urges and to say “I can’t let them rule my life” determines your success and your spirituality. Your response to that truth will determine your direction of your ministry, your family and your life. Do you know how that’s true? You simply look at your parents. Some of your parents wrecked their lives over an appetite that they thought could be fully and finally satisfied. Some of your parents have ended well because they were able to tame and manage this tension and they knew there was not someone or something out there that would bring the big “Ahhhh…I’m done!”   I can’t name many people serving God who lost their ministry over bad theology. But we could compile an endless list of men and women who have lost their ministry, lost their churches or families because of their inability to manage the tension of a longing that says, “I want more.”   If you don’t get this right, it doesn’t really matter if you get the rest right. If you are ruled and controlled and deceived by the little voice that says, “More.” If you could just get a little more, have a little more, grow a little more…somehow you are going to get to this place where you can say, “Done!” If we lead that way, ultimately embarrassment follows and the loss of what you currently consider most valuable.   I Timothy 6:6 : “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”   Be content. Be thankful. It’s time to sigh, “Ahhhh.” Thanks, God. I choose to do Your will, not mine.   Transcribed from Session One Catalyst West 2010. Used by permission. Register for a Catalyst Conference: events.catalystspace.com .

Listening to James MacDonald’s radio program “Walk in the Word” tonight, I was encouraged by something he said. In his message he spoke of how the Bible is attacked and maligned with such vengeance on college campuses and elsewhere.  We seldom see such attacks against the Book of Mormon, or the Quran, or any other spiritual literature – just the Bible.  He said the reason we don’t see such attacks against the others is that they just don’t reflect true realities like the Bible does.   It encouraged me in a strange, but substantive way.  The reason the Bible is so attacked and maligned by so many is that it really does matter.  It IS the Word of God.  It does have the Words of Life.  It is a living, breathing, life-giving light in a very dark world.  It changes people.  It brings peace during chaos.  It offers hope amidst utter devastation.  And it has withstood such fierce attacks for centuries – and it’s not going away.  The darker the world gets, the brighter it shines.   What is really remarkable is how it has won over some of its most dedicated critics.  Simon Greenleaf attempted to show by his widely accepted rules of testimony, that the four gospels were either collusion, or the telling of different stories – he wrote “Testimony of the Evangelists”.  Josh McDowell set out to prove that the evidence refuted the resurrection of Jesus – he wrote two volumes of “Evidence That Demands a Verdict”.  Viggo Olsen set out to prove the Bible to be scientifically inaccurate – he wrote “Daktar, Diplomat in Bangladesh”.  Antony Flew spent most of his life lecturing and writing against the Bible and promoting Atheism – he wrote “There is a God.”   The list goes on and on.  Time-and-time-again, the Bible wins over those who honestly oppose it and try to refute it by studying it to expose its weaknesses.  Instead of weaknesses, they find it to be the powerful word of God.  Instead of holes, they find it to be the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  Instead of inaccuracies, they find insights missed by centuries of scientific enquiry.  Instead of oppressive legalism, they find life-giving grace.  Instead of irrelevance, they find it to more accurately describe the state of mankind and this world than any other work in existence.  Instead of a hateful mean-spirited God, they find a God who loves them so much that He sacrificed what was most precious to save them. They find that the Bible really does matter!   And that is the reason it comes under such relentless assault.  Something in us chafes when faced with ultimate authority.  Part of our fallen nature wants to lash out at anything that claims authority.  Every time I see one of those bumper-stickers that read “Question Authority”, I want to reply, “Who says I have to?”   I do not think God feels the least bit threatened when His word comes under attack, and I don’t think I need to lose heart about it either.  His word will stand, when all others are proven false.  Communism could not blot out God’s Word – there were hundreds of times more Christians in China when it opened up to the west in the 1980s than when it kicked out the missionaries in 1949.  Nazism could not overcome the Bible – it only proved the depravity of man and drove many, including Jews to the Bible.  Rome could not keep the New Testament from being written – its road system became the Bible’s distribution network to the world.  Materialism could not make God’s truth unnecessary – its emptiness highlighted the Bible’s substance.  Darwinism could not explain away the creator – it only reveals more of God’s glorious creation.  Neither will the “New Atheism” prove the Bible irrelevant or harmful.   So I need not lose sleep when someone with fancy credentials or notoriety lashes out at the Bible.  I don’t think God is wringing His hands over it, neither should I.  Instead I can sit back and watch the glory of God as He triumphs over the most “formidable” of His detractors.  Yet like God, I need not see them as enemies to be eliminated.  He has drawn some of His best workers from such stock.  I think of the Apostle Paul, at one point committed to the elimination of this troublesome sect from the face of the earth.  Even before his conversion, all he accomplished was to spread its followers over the known world by his acts of oppression.   What encourages me about all of this is that I don’t need to “defend” the Bible.  It will stand on its own merit.  It will defend itself better than I ever will be able.  All I need do is present it.  God’s Word will sink down into the hearts of people, even the most hardened, and kindle that flame so long smothered.  It will inspire even the most lifeless.  It will give hope to the most discouraged.  It will bring light to the deepest dungeon.  It will bring a song to the spiritually deaf and dumb.   For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12 (New International Version, ©2011)

Acts 16:19 : “And when her masters saw that the hope of their gains was gone, they caught Paul and Silas and drew them into the marketplace unto the rulers. “ When this woman that was possessed with the spirit of divination and was following Paul and Silas, nobody knew that she was an agent of other people. She was working for her masters who were the “brains” behind the operation of the spirit of divination. The Bible says that the masters were making great financial gains through her. This woman was under the bondage of the demon of divination.    But when the evil spirit operating through this lady was cast out, the woman was delivered, but her masters were angry. They had been operating behind the scenes before, but now they were forced to come out. However, they did not come out for peace. Their coming out was not to submit or to surrender. They came out to fight Paul and Silas. Paul and Silas ended up in jail but their imprisonment led to the fulfillment of God’s purpose and Paul’s mission in Macedonia.   What our enemies intend for evil God uses for good ( Genesis 50:20 ).   The revelation here is that when you pray for deliverance from evil, there may be a time that the real forces behind your affliction will begin to manifest. But this manifestation comes with even greater affliction, e.g., Paul and Silas were thrown in jail.  That is why some afflictions become greater when your prayer becomes severe and intense. This is what is happening  when some people complain that the more they pray, the more severe their problems become. But if we do not give up, our problems will give up because the masters and sponsors of our problems must surely receive shame and disgrace.   Here are two good prayers to pray: 1.) I pray that every power profiting from my affliction be consumed by the fire of the Holy Spirit (2) Lord, expose and disgrace every “master” who is masterminding my affliction.   Most of the enemies that come against us in this life are mere agents. Heartfelt prayers will give us victory over them, and their real sponsors will come out to be put to shame. Then the purpose of God for your life will continue to be fulfilled.   So why do things get worse after they get bad?  God wants us to fight the good fight, God wants to expose evil, and God has a bigger plan.  In the midst of trials and tribulations, we must trust in God’s timing for deliverance and in His goodness more than ever!   Keep in mind Isaiah 49:4 that states, “I will contend with those who contend with you.”  When we are falsely accused, “the truth will out” (“The Merchant of Venice,” by Shakespeare).    One final word of encouragement: “God works all things together for good to them that love Him, who are called according to His purpose” ( Romans 8:28 ).   Adapted from the writings of Evangelist, Mangeni Mathias, 3/27/11.

There is a place of immunity for the believer, a spiritual fortress in Christ that shelters us from the attacks of the devil. For those who abide in this stronghold of God, the onslaught of the wicked one does not touch them. Here, in this secret dwelling with the Almighty, we are hidden from the effects of the accuser’s tongue; we are sheltered from the assignment of the destroyer. The dictionary defines immunity as “freedom or exemption, as from a penalty, burden, duty or evil.” This is how the living God wants His children to walk: in freedom from the penalties and burdens of sin, delivered from the duties of legalistic religion, protected and triumphant over the assault of the evil one. Survey the landscape of the Bible. You will find hundreds of examples of God’s loving protection. Every time the Lord pleaded with sinful Israel to return to Him, it was to urge them back to His protection; each time they responded, they were secured again within the shelter of God. The Scripture says, “ He shielded them and cared for them, guarding them as the apple of his eye” (Deut. 32:10 nab). A Father’s Care God is not only our Creator; He is also our Father. As such, it is inconceivable that He would leave His children unprotected. In Matthew 6:8, Jesus says that our Father knows our needs before we ask Him. If we, even in our fallen condition, seek to provide for our children, how much more does God in His perfection seek to shelter and care for His offspring! Scripture testifies that He has “granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3). The more we possess a true knowledge of the Almighty, the more accessible His provisions for us become. What has He given us? He has prepared an abiding place for us where all that we need concerning life and godliness is ours. It is a place where every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places belongs to us in Christ (Eph. 1:3). David knew of this awesome place of protection. He wrote, “The Lord is my rock and my fortress . . . in whom I take refuge; my shield and . . . my stronghold” (Ps. 18:2). Again, speaking of those who fear God, David prayed, “Thou dost hide them in the secret place of Thy presence from the conspiracies of man; Thou dost keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues” (Ps. 31:20). And again, “Thou art my hiding place; Thou dost preserve me from trouble; Thou dost surround me with songs of deliverance” (Ps. 32:7). In David’s personal life, he knew the living God as a spiritual stronghold and a place of safety from conflict. The king was intimately familiar with this special place in God’s Presence. It was here, in the fortress of God, that David’s soul was sheltered. For Those Who Follow Christ This place of immunity was not just a special provision for prophets and godly kings. From the day of Christ’s resurrection, the entrance into the citadel of heaven was opened to all who would follow the Messiah. Discovering this abode, where Christ literally floods us with His life, is not merely the subject of this message, it is the object of our existence! How shall we find this spiritual place? We simply begin by loving Jesus. He said, “He who loves Me shall be loved by My Father, and I will love him, and will disclose Myself to him” (John 14:21). If we persevere in love and obedience, Jesus has promised to progressively reveal Himself to us. Consider the magnitude of Jesus’ promise! He continued, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him, and make Our abode with him” (John 14:23). This unfolding revelation of Jesus Christ to our hearts is the path to the abode of God. It is this stronghold of the Most High which is the shelter of God. Lord, with the psalmist I cry, “When shall I enter the courts of the living God?” You are our Father; do not hide Yourself from us, Your children! Bring us to Your lap, oh God! Hold us to Your heart; assure us with the fulness of Your Spirit that You, indeed, are near. Thank You, Lord! www.frangipane.org

Our lives should completely focused on the person of Jesus Christ. He is the central character in everything that’s happened and all that will be. He is the reason we do all that we do. As leaders, we want to hold the door for the next generation to rush in and experience who Jesus is. The time is now for us to process, to live out, to move out, to do something, to take action. What is your destination? Thomas Merton said, ““Your life is a shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.” Whatever you are living for is shaping your heart. Whatever we pursue makes us in its own image. We must determine to know and reflect the face of Jesus. Two Essential Things We Find on the Face of Jesus Christ 1 – Matchless beauty and magnificence – it’s what we were all made for. His face is what we were made for. The beauty and magnificence that is on His face is what our souls were made for. Our souls weren’t made for temporal things. We were made to adore, appreciate and drink in the wonder of the beauty of the face of Jesus. “God formed us for His pleasure, and so formed us that we as well as He can in divine communion enjoy the sweet and mysterious mingling of kindred personalities. He meant us to see Him and live with Him and draw our life from His smile.” – A.W. Tozer May our churches be one again filled with the magnificence of God. If you want a beautiful, generous, good, true, pure, whole, healed, happy, awake heart? It’s in the face of Jesus and in making the face of Jesus the end of you. The psalmist in Psalm 115 says, “Not to us, but to your name be the glory.” What’s your highest prize and highest goal in life? 2 – The Confidence and the Courage to Be the Leaders We Need to Be When you see Jesus’ face you quickly learn it’s not about you. You see He is the head of the Church and it’s all for Him and all about Him. You get confident when you see that He is the Head. Colossians 1:15-21 reflects this message. God inspires little leaders to be courageous and bold as we seek to win the world for His fame. Where’s the courage? What do we have to be afraid of if we’ve seen the face of God? Our Church has an unstoppable head. We can die under a load of stress or look up to the face of Jesus. Leadership is not about getting ahead, it’s about the fact that the church already has one! That should give us confidence to do crazy things for Christ We should never embarrass Him by saying, “I don’t think we can do that…” because He can do it. It’s not something you learn by reading a book, it’s something you learn by seeing His face. Extreme Makeover Home Edition is predicated on the words: MOVE THAT BUS! When the bus moves you don’t see the house first…When the bus moves you see their faces. You see the face of people who have been living in horrible conditions. Now they have a home. They are in shock and in awe. You see the tears and wonder on their faces. Then, you see the house. What you see first is the house on their face. We live in a world that can’t quite see Jesus, the beauty of the Gospel and the Church… they are looking at us, and we have to have been with Jesus, because our faces reflect Him. Our faces must reflect His glory. Then the world can say, “we found God on your face.” That’s leadership. It’s knowing Jesus and reflecting face on ours to the world. How Do You Get There? Go into the closet. Close the door. Humble yourself. Open your heart and wait. God is waiting for us there. Jesus had 1,059 days of ministry on earth… and when He got on His mark, set, and go… He went into the wilderness for 40 days. I want to do what I see Him doing and say what I hear Him saying. Notes taken by timschraeder.com.

The very quality of your life, whether you love it or hate it, is based upon how thankful you are toward God. It is one’s attitude that determines whether life unfolds into a place of blessedness or wretchedness. Indeed, looking at the same rose bush, some people complain that the roses have thorns while others rejoice that some thorns come with roses. It all depends on your perspective. This is the only life you will have before you enter eternity. If you want to find joy, you must first find thankfulness. Indeed, the one who is thankful for even a little enjoys much. But the unappreciative soul is always miserable, always complaining. He lives outside the shelter of the Most High God. Perhaps the worst enemy we have is not the devil but our own tongue. James tells us, “The tongue is set among our members as that which . . . sets on fire the course of our life” (James 3:6). He goes on to say this fire is ignited by hell. Consider: with our own words we can enter the spirit of Heaven or the agonies of hell! It is hell with its punishments, torments and misery that controls the life of the grumbler and complainer! Paul expands this thought in 1 Corinthians 10:10, where he reminds us of the Jews who “grumble[d] . . . and were destroyed by the destroyer.” The fact is, every time we open up to grumbling and complaining, the quality of our life is reduced proportionally — a destroyer is bringing our life to ruin! People often ask me, “What is the ruling demon over our church or city?” They expect me to answer with the ancient Aramaic or Phoenician name of a fallen angel. What I usually tell them is a lot more practical: one of the most pervasive evil influences over our nation is ingratitude! Do not minimize the strength and cunning of this enemy! Paul said that the Jews who grumbled and complained during their difficult circumstances were “destroyed by the destroyer.” Who was this destroyer? If you insist on discerning an ancient world ruler, one of the most powerful spirits mentioned in the Bible is Abaddon, whose Greek name is Apollyon. It means “destroyer” (Rev. 9:11). Paul said the Jews were destroyed by this spirit. In other words, when we are complaining or unthankful, we open the door to the destroyer, Abaddon, the demon king over the abyss of hell! In the Presence of God Multitudes in our nation have become specialists in the “science of misery.” They are experts — moral accountants who can, in a moment, tally all the wrongs society has ever done to them or their group. I have never talked with one of these people who was happy, blessed or content about anything. They expect an imperfect world to treat them perfectly. Truly, there are people in this wounded country of ours who need special attention. However, most of us simply need to repent of ingratitude, for it is ingratitude itself that is keeping wounds alive! We simply need to forgive the wrongs of the past and become thankful for what we have in the present. The moment we become grateful, we actually begin to ascend spiritually into the presence of God. The psalmist wrote, “Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing. . . . Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations” (Psalm 100:2, 4-5).

What does the Lord require of you? – To do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Your God’ – Micah 6 v 8 Truthful worship requires us to be willing to get raw, honest, and vulnerable before God. It is here that God is able to slowly mold and shape our hearts into one that mirrors the heart of Jesus. This change is fueled by God’s great love for us and is designed to propel our focus and attention onto what concerns the Father – His people. This is why the condition of our heart is so critical. Without a heart that mirrors Jesus, we do not see the need around us and our lives become introverted, self-serving and very two dimensional. Every one of us is capable of affecting and influencing much change on the earth, but we must never underestimate the value of kindness and compassion to the ONE person who is often right in our view if we choose to see them. This is the key to mirroring the heart of Jesus. Even though He was coming to free the whole world and to be the ransom for the whole of humanity – it is often displayed in the gospels how compassionate and gentle he was with individuals. We are able to love others, only because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) Worship is the fuel our hearts need to allow our lives to be poured out in service. We must allow our worship and devotion to God to motivate us into action. We were not made to be simply singers of songs, but lovers of God who worship Him not just with our voices, but with our whole lives. How God Showed me to worship with my service: HOPE I guess this is where my dream began which was to become Hope: Rwanda back in 2004. I felt so burdened to express my devotion to Christ and His purposes in a very tangible way. During the 100-day genocide in 1994 over 1 million people were killed and hundreds of thousands were brutalized and displaced. Rwandans themselves call it “the time the world forgot us.” When we saw this it was impossible not to act, we felt compelled to do something to help bring hope and healing to the people of Rwanda. There is something so special about Rwanda that makes me love this country and her people. We at Hope: Rwanda are doing more now than ever and will continue to remain committed to this beautiful country. Our mission statement is: ‘to assist nations reduce poverty, achieve sustainable development, and to bring spiritual strength and social justice to every segment of society.’ This is my dream. Rwanda is the start of the journey towards doing what our team can to and I am excited about the possibilities of ‘HOPE’ in other countries around the globe. SO, the journey continues… to worship Jesus with all we have, the songs of our hearts, and the fabric of our lives….Perhaps God will give you a vision to serve Him in some way. He will place the needs of the hurting before your very eyes as you look into His face and feel with His compassionate heart. Let your worship lead you into action!

Most early signs of anorexia center on preoccupation with food or dieting. Behavior may appear obsessive or compulsive, and begin to consume more time. Eventually, disordered eating patterns will become more noticeable to others and potentially disrupt schooling, career, and relationships with family and friends. If you’re concerned that you or someone you love may have an eating disorder, watch for these early warning signs of anorexia: refusal to eat denial of hunger, even when starving difficulty concentrating obsession with body size and shape skipping meals making excuses for not eating eating only a few certain foods considered safe, usually those low in fat and calories adopting meal or eating rituals, such as cutting food into tiny pieces or spitting food out after chewing weighing food cooking elaborate meals for others but refusing to eat In men or women with an abnormal preoccupation with food, several other behaviors should also be recognized as clear warning signs of anorexia nervosa, or possibly other eating or body image disorders: excessive exercise flat mood, or lack of emotion repeated weighing of themselves frequent checking in the mirror for perceived flaws wearing baggy or layered clothing complaining about being fat Much work remains to be done to understand the causes of anorexia nervosa. As with bulimia, other eating disorders, and addiction, anorexia involves complicated interaction among biological, psychological and social factors. Doctors, therapists and staff at anorexia treatment centers have more recently acknowledged that genetics play a part in the development of anorexia. A young woman with a biological sibling or parent with an eating disorder is at higher risk, suggesting a possible genetic link. However, it’s not clear specifically how genetics may interact with other contributing factors. It may be that some people have a genetic tendency toward perfectionism, sensitivity and rigidity, all traits associated with anorexia nervosa. Psychological and emotional characteristics may also leave some people more susceptible to seeking emotional relief through self-starvation. Common examples observed in anorexics are: Low self-esteem, which may stem from unresolved experiences of neglect or abuse during childhood Obsessive or compulsive personality traits, which make it easier to adhere to strict diets and resist hunger Perfectionism, when centered on the body leads to thought distortions such as “I’m never thin enough.” Low levels of serotonin, one of the brain chemicals involved in depression Cultural influences can also contribute to the development of anorexia nervosa. Our society sends a constant stream of media reinforcing thinness as an ideal, especially for young women. Television, magazines, and billboards are filled with images of unrealistically thin models, athletes and actresses / actors. Success and worth are often equated with being thin. Peer pressure may fuel the desire to be thin, particularly among teen girls, who over time view anorexic symptoms as normal, even positive traits. Anorexia nervosa is a complicated disease that affects each man or woman differently. There are several patterns of anorexia signs and symptoms that eating disorders treatment specialists know to look for: Co-occurring Alcoholism Adolescent women with anorexia show a dramatically greater incidence of alcoholism than the rest of their peer group. This can occur when efforts to numb feelings of inadequacy by restricting food intake fail to bring the control and emotional relief a woman with anorexia seeks. College-aged women in particular are much more likely to show symptoms of co-occurring alcohol addiction along with anorexia nervosa. Abuse of Stimulants Many over the counter energy boosters, dietary supplements and prescription stimulants, such as medication for ADHD, have appetite suppressing side effects. Because of the ready availability of these drugs in schools and on college campuses, adolescents with anorexia are particularly susceptible to the temptation to misuse them to suppress appetite. Co-occurring Disorders Anorexia nervosa often co-exists with major depression, anxiety disorders, or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).These are called co-occurring disorders, and they are difficult for many treatment providers to diagnose accurately and treat effectively in conjunction with an eating disorder. Patients whose anorexia nervosa treatment fails to address co-occurring disorders will face a vastly more difficult treatment path and more complex challenges in recovery. Purging Behaviors with Starvation Many with symptoms of anorexia show signs of a separate variation, the binge-purge type. Persons with this type of anorexia disorder will not only self-starve, but also take other actions to reduce their weight. This may include exercising obsessively, or abusing laxatives, diuretics / water pills, or other diet drugs. Anorexia’s effects vary depending on the severity of the disease. They tend to worsen as thoughts about food crowd out more and more of an anorexic’s thoughts. Forced withdrawal from school or college Loss of connection to faith or religion Career disruption Isolation from friends and family Suicide The physical effects of starvation are often irreversible, and reflect the extremely high rate of deaths associated with anorexia nervosa: Infertility Shutdown of major body systems Brain damage Heart attacks Death Can I Possibly Talk To My Parents About This? Whether your parents have suspected you have a problem with eating or cutting, or they are completely surprised, it will be difficult for them to hear how much you are hurting. But having this conversation will not only help you overcome your own emotional struggles. Most women in your situation have reported that sharing their secret and getting help for an eating disorder, self-injury or a mood disorder also brings them much closer to their family than they’ve been in years. This article contains input from multiple members of our treatment team, and attempts to answer some of the most common questions that keep young women from starting that process. While this blog post is oriented primarily toward young women who are living at home with their parents, the principles apply to men and women of any age who need to seek support from loved ones to confront a major challenge. Q: What’s the first step? A: Consider the best way to approach your parents. If you live with both parents, decide whether you want to talk with them together or separately. Some young women find it helpful to write a letter or an email to one or both parents before talking in person. Writing a letter or email allows you time to include everything you want to say, so you won’t have to worry that you’ll forget something important. It also lets parents digest your message in private, and start to deal with their own feelings before talking with you. That might make it easier for them to ask questions that will allow them to help you. Q: Should I talk to my parent or parents alone? If not, whom else should I include? A: Whomever you need to make yourself feel safe and find the courage to be honest. There is no right or wrong answer. Asking a friend, a brother or sister, or another trusted family member or even a teacher to join you may reduce the chance that you change your mind at the last minute. It also makes sure that there will be someone in the room to support you no matter how your parents respond. They can help you remember important details or questions you want to ask, too. Q: When should I talk to them? A: If your family is busy, it may be best to ask them to plan a time a day or two in advance. Otherwise, pick a time when neither of you will be rushed or interrupted. After dinner, a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, or a day off might give you the most time. Mornings before school or right after they get home from work are probably not the best times. There is no perfect time: the important thing is that you start your conversation as soon as possible. Q: Where is the best place to tell them? A: Somewhere private that makes you feel safe. Picking a place where you don’t have to worry about being interrupted while you’re talking is a good idea. Some young women feel safest in their bedroom, the back yard, or even going for a walk or to a park. It’s probably best to avoid telling them in the car while driving, or in front of your brothers or sisters. It can also be difficult to talk in public places like a restaurant where there’s lots of noise or strangers may overhear. Q: What else should I do before the conversation? A: The most important thing is to take some time by yourself to think about what you want to say. Make some notes about how you’ve been feeling and what you’ve done in response. If you keep a diary or journal, look back at past entries for help describing your feelings. Consider telling a close friend or sibling that you’re going to be having this conversation, and that you’re anxious or afraid. It may make you feel better knowing that you will have someone waiting to support you after you finish telling your parents. Q: I’ve tried telling them before, but haven’t been able when the time comes. What do I say? A: Be honest about how you’re feeling at the time – it’s okay to admit you’re feeling nervous, scared, sad, or lonely. If it helps, take your notes or a letter with you when you talk. Tell them: What you have been doing and how it’s hurting you You want to stop, but haven’t been able to alone Eating disorders, mood disorders and cutting are medical illnesses, not choices You need their help now so you don’t hurt yourself even worse Young women with these problems can get better with counseling and treatment You need to see a doctor, and to find a counselor who is experienced at treating eating disorders and/or cutting If you need to take a break during the conversation, tell them. Go outside for a few minutes, or go in your bedroom or another quiet place and say a short prayer. Remember: this is the start of a process to help you help yourself. There will be many more conversations along the way. What’s important is you get your process started today . Q: Can I help my parents with figuring out what to do after we talk? A: Yes, they will appreciate this. Several organizations offer free, high-quality online resources for getting help with self-injury or an eating disorder. Many of them are targeted specifically for parents, such as the Parents Toolkit offered by the National Eating Disorders Association (http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today/) Self-injury.net can help parents and other loved ones to better understand urges to self-harm. Q: I’m worried my mom or dad will blame himself or herself, how do I avoid that? A: By educating themselves, parents will quickly realize that eating disorders, self-harming and mood disorders are real medical diseases that originate in genetics, biology and a number of other complicated factors. Parents do not cause them, but they do have a critical role to play if their daughter is to be successful in recovery. If your parents are feeling guilty or ashamed, the best thing you can do is point them to resources to learn more. Printing off some of the articles you’ve read might be a good start. It’s also helpful to remind yourself that you’re not responsible for your parents’ feelings or reactions. This will be a process for them, just like your recovery will be a process for you. Q: I told them, now what? A: Pat yourself on the back. You are incredibly strong and courageous. You may not feel like it right now, but you’ve taken a HUGE step. Sharing your feelings with others is incredibly liberating. At TK, we often say that our secrets keep us sick. Now that you’ve told one or both parents, consider whether there are other family members or close friends you would like to tell. The more people you can draw support from, the better. It’s up to you to decide how much detail you share with each person, and whether you ask them to keep what you’ve told them private. If you feel up to it, we encourage you to come back and tell your story in a comment on this blog post. You can leave your name, or post anonymously. Posts will be moderated and screened to make sure they aren’t triggering for other readers. Q: Where else can I go for support from other young women who’ve been in my situation? A: Other websites like Self-Injury.net and DailyStrength.org have forums or discussion boards where young women can seek support from each other. Online support should never be a substitute for connecting with others in person. 12-step support groups can be found in most places across the country and also provide support online. Some examples are: Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous (www.anorexicsandbulimicsanonymousaba.com) Eating Disorders Anonymous (www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org) Self-mutilators Anonymous (www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org) NEDA also offers a listing of support groups for both young women and parents here: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today/treatment-referrals.php Remember, you are strong, and you deserve to live a happy, healthy life. You don’t have to do it alone. Take the next step. Then, come back and share your story with others.

Two religions that put special emphasis on men are America’s fastest growing, according to a study released this week. Mormons and Muslims are adding the most members, while mainline Protestants and Catholics continue to shed followers. “The number of Muslim adherents rose to 2.6 million in 2010 from 1 million in 2000, fueled by immigration and conversions,” said Dale Jones, a researcher who worked on the study by the Association of Statisticians of American Religious Bodies. The number of U.S. Mormons grew by 45% over the past decade. They were the fastest growing group in 26 of the 50 states. Muslims and Mormons would seem to have little in common, yet both have strong appeal to men. This is undoubtedly one of the factors driving their explosive growth. Mormons give great discretion and latitude to their laymen. The Latter-Day Saints do not have professional pastors. Each layman is considered a priest, and is authorized to preach, teach, prophesy and baptize. The LDS church offers a formal, rigorous training program to every young man. Males are initiated into a lower priesthood at age 12, and the higher priesthood at 19. Mormons have a long tradition of sending their young men on two-year missions after high school (although women have joined this tradition in recent years). Muslims also take pains to accommodate men. Men and women worship separately in the mosque. Friday prayers are a full-body experience, with an almost militant air. There’s no emphasis on emotion or “feeling God.” Islamic leadership is completely male dominated and female imams are extremely rare. Islam’s reputation as a dangerous, violent religion only increases its allure among young men. As a practical matter, both Mormons and Muslims value childbearing and large families. High fertility is another reason these groups are growing so rapidly. Interestingly, both faiths have a reputation for polygamy, and both promise sex in the afterlife, which undoubtedly increases a man’s yearning for eternity. Both faiths are known for theological and social conservatism. Numerous studies have shown that high-demand churches that lean conservative attract more men (and tend to grow). Meanwhile, theological liberalism drives men away. The study found that the more liberal the denomination, the more likely it was to have lost members. The Evangelical Lutheran Church and the Episcopal Church, both of which made major concessions on homosexuality during the past decade, each lost more than 15% of their members. The United Methodists lost four percent, while the Southern Baptists held steady over the past decade. Non-denominational Protestants grew slowly, with most of the growth occurring in micro-congregations of fewer than 100 people. The Catholic church, rocked by allegations of sexual abuse against boys, saw huge declines, particularly in the Northeast. The exposure of gay and pedophile priests has been a definite turn-off for men. This report simply confirms what we’ve been saying at Church for Men since we opened our doors seven years ago: laymen are the key to church growth. Faiths that are intentional about reaching guys grow the fastest. Meanwhile, churches that marginalize or drive away men are declining. Jesus started his church with 12 common men. The original church growth strategy still works today. Recruit men. Train them. Create an environment where they can grow. Just ask the Muslims and Mormons how this strategy works.

One of my favorite cartoons features a young boy standing at Dad’s computer, while Dad looks blankly at the screen. The son says, “In return for an increase in my allowance, I can offer you free unlimited tech support.” Now that’s the truth in most homes! Can anyone else relate to this little comic- or is it just me?! With out littlest Leman out of the house, Mrs. Uppington and I are having to call our 2nd oldest daughter that lives in town to help us fix our computers or turn on the TV. She now answers the phone, “Hello Tech Support.” Anyways, Allowances. Any of these sound familiar? “I give Matt, our 14-year old, an allowance every week. But he’s always coming back to me the day after he receives the money asking for more money for something he’s just got to have it’s driving me crazy” “We give all three of our kids- who are 12, 14, and 16 the same amount of allowances every week. But our 16-year old is constantly asking to borrow money for our 12-yera old… and getting it! Should we give more to the 16 year old because he’s older? Or be fair and keep the amount consistent?” or “Our 2 children, ages 11 and 13 are vastly different in personality. Jen, the oldest, is a hard worker. Always doing extra chores. Mark, our youngest, has to be prodded away from his Wii serval times in order to get his own chores done. I was raised in a home where everything was ‘even Steven’. But it always drove me crazy when I would do all the work and my little brother and I got the same amount of allowance. I don’t want to make Mark feel inferior by giving him less money, what should I do?” Here’s my 2 cents on allowances: Giving allowances is one of those areas that influence many other areas. Money a child has at his fingertips, how he has received that money, and how he views that money affect not only what he’s able to buy or save but how he feels about himself. In my view, an allowance is part of a family’s recreational budget. It’s one of the perks of being a family member. This is very different view than most of us grew up with. Remember, the chore list on the refrigerator? We all groaned about it, but we did it (unless we could get our little sister to do it for us!) because it was the only way to get paid. Clean your room: 50 cents Set the table: 10 cents Take out the garbage: 20 cents Doing those chores directly related to how much money we received in our allowance each week. But here’s what I am suggesting: every family member should automatically receive an allowance from the family’s recreational budget. Some family members, due to age and abilities, will have more work to do than others. For example, you wouldn’t expect a 6-year old to do the same kind of work that you would expect from a 14 year-old. But by the same token, the older child also has some perks that younger child doesn’t have- like a later bedtime and freedom to go out with friends. I suggest that you start a child with an allowance around the age of 5. Give the child, say 5 quarters ($1.25 per week). Age 5 is also a good age at which to begin teaching the value of money. As a child gets older, increase their allowance with respect to her or his age. Little Kayla, who is 8, is a saver. She puts every penny she received into her buy-a-horse-someday fund. But last year when she heard about a little girl who lost her home in a flood, she dipped into her allowance and sent that girl’s family a special gift- from her own heart and finances. Encourage your kids to think about how they could help other people with their savings. Children need to know that when the money is spent, it’s spent. There’s no free lunch in life. If your child ask for more money because he/she used it up, say, “Well, payday isn’t until Saturday. I’m sure you’ll make something work.” Children also need to know that upholding their end of the bargain as a family member is important. If they don’t there are consequences. Let’s say your son doesn’t mow the lawn like he is supposed to, instead of bickering what if you quietly hired another sibling to cut the lawn? What if the money it cost to hire someone else was taken out of your son’s allowance the following week? Do you think you’d get them message across? Allowances teach children how to manage money- and they also teach children firsthand about consequences. If your child does not get around to a certain task, don’t cajole her, remind her , or lecture her. Simply hire someone else to do that task and take whatever you had to pay that person from your child’s allowance. No threats-no warnings- only action. I go into even more detail about allowances in the book Have A New Kid By Friday. How do allowances work in your house? What works, what doesn’t? What will you take from this post?

The way that you evaluate your ministry environments establishes the culture for the rest of your church. Your church is a conglomeration of ministry environments. Parking lot, hallways, children’s rooms, check-in process, greeting, worship experience, etc are all ministry environments. Every environment communicates a message. The message of your environment speaks so loudly that it can sometimes overcome the message that’s being communicated from the pulpit. The Gospel is offensive but other things in our church shouldn’t be. The responsibility of the pastor/speaker is to be offensive. Every ministry environment needs to define the win. Make sure there is a filter for everyone to use to evaluate the experiences that happens in the environments that your church creates. It won’t look the same for every church. At the macro level answer this question, “What does is it mean to have a great ministry environment?” When everyone evaluates through the same grid, you accidentally create a culture of evaluation where everyone is evaluating through the same lens. If you don’t tell people how to measure success in their ministry environment, they will default to numbers. We can end up rewarding things that don’t match our values if we don’t have a standard. The word our church uses to evaluate is the word irresistible. We want to create irresistible environments… so people say, “Wow! I’ve got to come back and bring a friend.” What does an irresistible environment look like? 1 – An appealing setting Setting is the physical environment. All ministry takes place in a physical environment. Settings create first impressions. First impressions matter. An appealing setting speaks to people. Settings for 20-30 year olds are HUGE. They are sensitive to physical environments. Starbucks gets it, restaurants get it, churches don’t. An uncomfortable or distracting setting can derail ministry before it begins. • Physical environments impact people. Every physical environment communicates something. Cleanliness communicates, “we were expecting you.” Organization communicates, “we are serious about what you are doing here.” Check out the book The eM yth. What people see says something to them. A business that looks orderly communicates that people know what they are doing. Safety matters. Design, decor, and attention to detail communicate what and who you value most. Design, decor, and attention to detail communicate whether or not you were expecting new people. The sermon begins in the parking lot. Periodically, we all need fresh eyes on our ministry environments. What are some questions we should ask? 1. Are our ministry settings appealing to your target audience? 2. Does the design, decor, and attention to detail of your environments reflect what and who is most important to you? 3. What’s starting to look tired? 2 – An Engaging Presentation Engaging presentations are central to the success of our mission. Presenting the Gospel is a primary responsibility of the church. “Teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” is the unique responsibility of the church (Matthew 28:20) To engage is to secure one’s attention. Generally speaking, it’s the presentation that makes information interesting. Great presenters know how to make information people already know what’s interesting. An audience’s attention span is determined by the quality of the presentation. Engaging presentations require engaging presentations or an engaging means of presentation. The presenters present, let the content creators create. Create a system that gives you the flexibility to surface your best presenters and content creators. What we are presenting is too important to fool around with. We need engaging presenters. What are some questions we should ask? 1. Is your culture characterized by a relentless commitment to engaging presentations at every level of the organization? 2. Does your system allow you to put your best presenters in your most strategic presentation environments? 3. Are your presenters evaluated and coached? 4. Does your system create opportunities for your best content creators to partner with your presenters? 3 – Helpful Content Helpful = Useful. Truth isn’t enough. Matthew 7 – “everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice…” Helpful content is content that directly addresses the issues of thinking and living. Content should be age and stage-of-life specific. Information that does not address a felt need is perceived as irrelevant. All Scripture is equally inspired but is not equally applicable. Information that isn’t perceived as useful is perceived as irrelevant. Irrelevant doesn’t stick. What are some questions we should ask? 1. Is your content helpful? 2. Do your content creators and communicators understand that the goals are renewed minds and changed behaviors? 3. Is your content age and stage-of-life specific? Conclusion: Creating a “Come and See” environment for your church is critical. It has eternal consequences. Of every environment, program, and production, we must ask: 1. Was the context appealing? 2. Was the presentation engaging? 3. Was the content helpful?