Is God calling you to serve Him in ministry? First of all, it’s a big YES. God draws lost people to himself to save them, and his desire is that all saved people serve people. So, if you’re a believer, you are called! Obviously, however, there is a kind of “calling” that sets certain individuals apart for positions of ministry leadership. The New Testament refers to some people as apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers. And they are given to the church to teach, preach, shepherd, equip, and instruct. It should be noted before moving any further that everyone within the body of Christ is of equal worth and importance. We may serve different functions, but the gap between “clergy” and “laity” is an imagined one. All believers are “ministers” even though a few may receive a special calling to lead and to take responsibility for the health and welfare of the flock as undershepherds who follow Jesus. Some of these leaders are paid and some are not. Some work for churches full-time, some part-time, and others on a volunteer basis. Regardless of their formal relationship with a particular church body, they are called to a higher level of responsibility for the maturing of the body of Christ. So they preach, they lead, they counsel, they give oversight, and they cast a vision for the fulfillment of the Great Commission. Here’s the million dollar question among those who grapple with this subject: Is the call of God to ministry leadership discerned mystically? Or practically? Is God’s call heard supernaturally? Or naturally? And again, the answer is YES. I have friends who testify that God showed up in a moment of their lives in an unusual way and made his presence known to them in the moment of their calling. But this isn’t always the case. Personally, I would describe my own experience of God’s calling in three phases: I was hungry. I couldn’t get enough of the Bible, and I couldn’t seem to read enough about ministry or ask enough questions of my mentors. This hunger grew over several months as I found my way back into a local church. (As an aside, we ought to pursue this calling in the context of a local church community and under the mentorship of our pastors and leaders.) I was convinced. I came to a moment when I simply knew that God wanted me to spend the rest of my life in full-time, vocational ministry leadership. It was on a bus ride to Louisville, Kentucky when I was a senior in high school. I jotted in the margin of my Bible the phrase, “3-1-95 Called to Preach”. I wrote it next to Jeremiah 1:5, which I was reading that day… Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. I became confident. Once I knew God was calling me, sadly, it took another seven months for me to find the guts to go public. In October of 1995, I preached my first, rather pitiful eighteen-minute sermon. But that experience lit a fire under me that burns to this day, and I still can’t hold it in. While I believe God can and does often speak his calling into our lives in precise and unique ways, I believe that there should be some practical confirmation of that calling. After spending twenty years talking to younger leaders just getting started, I’ve developed a sense for those who are serious and those who aren’t – those who will go far because they lean into God’s grace and launch out in faith, and those who squander their time and energy on the sidelines. When someone expresses an interest in ministry or talks of a calling, there are several questions that are quite appropriate to be asked, and through which a prospective leader can and should be screened, and I would divide them into five areas. 1. YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE Are you presently walking in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit? Are you soaking in God’s Word, praying regularly, and growing in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus? And does it show in your closest relationships? Would those nearest you (especially a spouse) describe you as Spirit-filled? 2. YOUR HEART Do you WANT to lead the church? Do you crave it? Hunger for it? Is your appetite insatiable enough that you cannot be stopped? Do you desire to do the work of a Pastor? 3. YOUR ABILITY Obviously we should never attempt to serve merely in the power of our own flesh, but to be effective, we must be sharpening our skills and abilities. This is why teachability is one of the most vital characteristics of ministry leaders. When you stop learning, you will stop leading. 4. YOUR PERSONALITY Your unique personality doesn’t really determine whether or not you’re ready to lead in ministry. Rather, it relates to HOW you should lead. One of the most beneficial exercises I’ve ever gone through is the DISC profile (or one of dozens of similar personality and temperament assessments). I’m laid back (a high “I”), so I have to work at communicating clear expectations. I hate conflict, so I have to be intentional about confrontation. And I’m an introvert, so owning this and being at peace with it is important. 5. YOUR EXPERIENCES A decade and a half ago, Angie and I started to go plant a church, and had we done so, it would have been disastrous. I only know that because of all that we’ve encountered in the last five years that I would have been totally unprepared for back then. All of your past experiences – the good, the bad, and the ugly – prepare you for what is next in your life. If you’ve come to a place in your Christian walk where your hunger to serve and your conviction that God wants you to serve line up, and you have the maturity, the desire, the ability, the personality, and the experience necessary to prepare you, then GO FOR IT! Every believer is “called.” We’re all called to serve others, to share the gospel, and to glorify God. And we’re all called to do these things “full time.” But thank God for granting the special opportunity for some to be fully immersed in the life of leading the body of Christ forward for the gospel’s sake! www.pastors.com . Used by permission.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine… That’s a line from the chorus of a hit song by the band R.E.M. And I think, surprisingly, there’s a great deal of truth in it. I was pulled aside after a Sunday morning service not long ago by an attender who wanted to know when I was going to be warning the congregation about the impending crash of the world economy that Illuminati would be orchestrating in order to decrease the human population by up to 90%. After several minutes of hearing of the danger of vaccines, conspiracies with communist nations, and the malicious intent of the heads of states, I finally held up a hand and said, “Even if this were all true, I’d be completely comfortable preaching exactly what I just preached.” I believe, at the time, I was in a series called Roots based on the book of Colossians. We were covering such subjects as how to spot real love, how to grow deeper in Christ, and how to live a spiritually fruitful life. This isn’t the first time I’ve been confronted about my lack of urgency about end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it issues. There are also these pesky blood moons to worry about. And someone is always trying to kill us with vaccines, or aspartame, or a zombie virus, or purple dinosaurs on TV, the numerical value of whose names add up to 666 and therefore must be the antichrist in disguise… I’ve heard it all… I’m a skeptical believer. I’ve come to have a sturdy faith in Jesus because I believe the central truths of Christianity stand up under tests of logic, reason, science, history, archaeology, and textual criticism. I embrace the Bible as inerrant, as crazy as that may sound to some. But I’m still skeptical. I don’t mind wrestling with big questions and have found it to embolden my faith over time. I’m especially skeptical of teachings and arguments that serve as a distraction from the main thing – the gospel. Let’s say, hypothetically, that the blood moons point to the end of the world as we know it. The Illuminati is planning to trim the human race back a bit and assume complete control over our lives economically and militarily. What I’d want to preach about this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again. And if that wild theory is hogwash and poppycock (the direction I’m inclined to lean in), then what I’d want to preach this coming Sunday is… the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again. The Apostle Paul once warned a young Pastor named Timothy to rebuke some leaders in the ancient church of Ephesus for getting people off track in endless debates about myths, legends, and Old Testament genealogies. As Paul put it, “these things only lead to meaningless speculations, which don’t help people live a life of faith in God.” (1 Timothy 1:4 NLT) And then Paul continued by saying, “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.” (v. 5) I love that statement. Paul is essentially charging Timothy to avoid motivating people to seek God on the basis of fear, rational or otherwise, and instead to seek him on the basis of love and a desire for purity and real faith. I don’t want people to be afraid of the end of the world. After all, what do we Christians have to worry about in the eternal scheme of things? Though the world fall apart around us and our bodies be destroyed, we live on! We win! We enjoy victory! I’m not attempting to minimize the seriousness of persecution, which is obviously a real and present danger in our world. I’m simply saying that there are some essentials to be preached weekly regardless of the direction the world around us is headed. If the world were ending tomorrow, I’d want to preach this Sunday the good news that Jesus Christ died to save sinners and rose again, and that we can live a life of faith in him that matters for eternity. And if the world hangs around a few more millennia, I’d want to preach the same exact message. It’s (possibly, at any moment) the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. You can build a congregation in size and collect large offerings by creating anxiety, fear, and anger toward the outside world, but I don’t think you’d be on task. In fact, you might just wind up starting a cult, which never ends well. Instead, lead people to life in Jesus. Lead people to the cross for redemption. Lead people to discover the life worth living no matter what the world looks like around us. Lead people to follow Jesus, emulate his character, and implement the ways and practices conveyed in Scripture. Confront sin and apathy. Point people to redemption in the cross of Christ. Equip believers to live a life of faith. Empower servant leaders. Strengthen families. Reinforce the biblical faith. And hail the triumphant return of King Jesus. In other words, this Sunday… Preach. The. GOOD. NEWS. Re-printed from www.pastors.com. Used by permission.

Spring speaks a different dialogue in the country. Its native tongue is the same: warmer days, sudden gusts of air like angels are breezing through, robes caught on branches then tugging free, chattersome birds competing for best lung and limb, dogs sunbathing and scratching their backs on the few stiff sprigs of dead grass leftover by winter. Though Spring bears such similarities every year, it still surprises and delights the delight-able. I want in the worst way to remain one of those. Our area of the country experienced the worst drought in its history last Spring, Summer, and early Fall. Though we’ve had the enormous relief of winter rains, they tell us that this unwelcome desert-shroud has not lifted from us yet and will blanket us in our hot flashes for another half a year. We hope they are wrong. The question for people of faith is not “Will I experience drought?” It’s “When will I experience drought?” And, when we do, how we will respond. Will we, for all practical purposes, die a needless spiritual death or will we strengthen what remains, plant something new in Jesus’ Name, and dig our roots deeper toward the stream? Here are a few thoughts about God’s lessons in cutting away that which is dead and finding new life. 1. The cutting away is painful but it can relieve considerable angst. Sometimes knowing for certain what is dead is better than wondering. It is pointless to keep trying to resuscitate things God has killed…or permitted to die. I’m not talking about unspeakably sacred treasures like people. I’m talking about things.< Like plans, works, efforts, castles, methods, accomplishments, goals, aspirations, positions, tenures, results. Sometimes God uses a fresh Spring to say, “That was a good thing. And it had some good life. But now it is dead. Let’s chop it down and use it for firewood. You’re wearing yourself out giving it CPR. It’s dead. Have a one-day memorial service and move on. You don’t have to understand why. I bring to life. I kill. I understand the cycle. You don’t. But, if it’s any encouragement, you will.” There comes a time when it’s finally time to stop forcing things that don’t work. You know me better than to think I mean marriages. We’re talking things here. God alone can perform a resurrection and, notice, He usually chooses in His sovereign wisdom to keep dead things dead once they’re dead here on earth. That’s not so bad when you consider that we’re heading somewhere where nothing will die but death. 2. The cutting away of the dead is to make room for the living. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine dresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit He takes away.” That thing we keep beating our bloody fists on is not bearing fruit. It’s taking up space where something else needs planting. Something that needs nurturing. Something that needs exposing to the sun. It’s in the way. Crack. Break. Thud. Another one. Good grief. How many will there be? Spring talks on… 3. Sometimes only a few limbs are dead. The tree is alive but it’s suffering, trying to hold onto dead weight. Let it go. Scoot out from under it and let it fall. And the rest of the tree will flourish again. You do not equal “it.” Stop defining yourself by what’s past. The Holy Spirit penned it this way in John 15: “Every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” The purpose for this massive cutting away of what is dead is to make room for what is alive. It is for our health. Not for our end. “Abide in Me, and I in you,” He says. 4. Some limbs are alive – barely – but they’re too strangled to sip from the tree. “As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.” Catch the nuance in Galatians 3:3 – “Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” I’ve tried that before. Have you? The limb is choking on a stubborn clot of flesh. Cough up the human means to a divine end, spit it as far as you can, and drink of the Tree of Life. “Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,” says the Lord of hosts. (Zech. 4:6) 5. Not every loss of something old is a crying shame. Just because it’s been there long and large doesn’t mean that it should stay. Keith’s parents lost a really big tree in the drought. A painful one. A prime oak that loomed over their front yard like a giant flexing its muscles on twenty massive arms. In the tree-man’s own words, “That was a near perfect tree. Perfectly shaped. Sometimes things get to live a really long and wonderful life before they die. But perish the thought that, in their honor, we’d keep calling something alive that has long since breathed its last. If it is not cut down, it could tumble down and cause ten times the destruction. Traditional and eternal are not synonymous. Sometimes they coexist. Sometimes they conflict. 6. So much is alive. Sometimes only a cutting-away of what is dead can improve our view. In the words of Proverbs 29:18, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (KJV) Most of the trees down the dirt road we share with our neighbors survived the drought. There is a birthing of every shade of green around us. Forest green, hunter green, apple green (minus the apple), sea green (minus the sea), lime green (minus the lime), shamrock green (do three-leaf clovers count?), and pine green (pines enough to count). But I’m partial. If I tilt my head the other way, it all just looks plain green. But after the ugliest drought to ever hit our area, nothing is more gorgeous than green. 7. Not every dying thing is meant to be dead. If we are so distracted by what has died that we cannot see what is alive, we could risk losing the living. “Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die.” (Revelation 3:2) Hear that one more time: Strengthen what remains! It is still there on purpose. Nothing is haphazard here in the landscape of God. Nothing is as random as it seems. Though you thought less of it, look at its strength: it survived the worst drought in your history! Though you were parched, it stuck its tongue out at the drought and licked the dew. Thank God for it and tend to it before it dies from the quiet cancer of neglect. 8. Bare ground is not necessarily barren ground. Maybe it’s time to plant something brand new. Like a Redbud. The difference between growing a tad older and just plain getting-old can be the willingness to plant something brand new. Listen to Jeremiah’s prophetic words in Jeremiah 17:5-8: 5 This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. 6 That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. 7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. 8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Feeling a tad dry? Go deeper. Trust God. Do NOT fear. The drought will pass and, even though the mightiest trees around you may wither or fall, you may cease for a while to have fun, but you will not cease to bear fruit. I don’t know about you but, if for a little while life’s not fun then, Lord help me, at least let there be fruit! “They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” Isaiah 61:3 NIV Re-printed from “In the Wake of Drought, What Remains” by Beth Moore, Living Proof Ministries. March 28, 2012.

Spiritual abuse is often unrecognized among Christians and churches. A person who has experienced hurt at the hands of a religious leader who “spoke for God” will likely have a distorted view about who God is as a result. Here are just a few examples. A pastor told a woman who was being physically abused by her husband that God wanted her to stay in the marriage and endure the abuse because it was an act of obedience to God and that He would change her husband. Church leadership who assumed control over the members to the extent that permission and “blessings” had to be obtained from them prior to getting married, changing jobs, or buying a house. A church that taught that God is punishing, and that for every sin committed you should received corresponding levels of punishment. If something bad happened, it was always because God was punishing the sinner. A church that taught that God’s blessing, approval, love and salvation are all conditional based upon one’s performance. Two responses often occur as the result of spiritual abuse. The “abused” believer often “strives” to be good enough to deserve God’s love and grace. He or she compulsively tries to strive for God’s favor of “quits” because he or she realizes they can’t ever measure up to God’s impossible standards and leaves religion altogether. When I have asked people who have experienced spiritual abuse and hold a distorted image of God, their answers usually fall in one of four categories. They see God as a policeman-an enforcer who will exact punishment for any wrongdoing. God’s job is to be on the lookout for those who violate His laws, to catch them and see that they are punished. They see God as disapproving, rejecting, critical and perfectionistic. People with this view describe God with statements like “I can never do it well enough to please God, so why try?” They see God as absent or distant. This person will say, “God doesn’t know that I exist,” or “Yes, He exists, but He is not really involved in my life.” They see God as a tyrant. As one person put it, “He acts without reason to make my life miserable. Another stated, “God must really hate us, just look at all the horrible things that happen to people.” Fear, questioning (“Where was God when…”), lack of trust, lack of joy and gratitude can plague the life of a person with a distorted view of God. So how can a right view of God be rebuilt? Here are a few suggestions. Identifying the distortions in a safe setting with someone they respect and trust is key. Because damage was done in a relational context, healing must also take place in a healthy, safe relationship. Ask God to heal the distortions. We must recognize our dependence on the Holy Spirit for healing. The woundedness often goes so deep that our cognitive understand will take us only so far in the healing process. Understand the causes of the distortions. It helps to ask questions to determine how the distortions got rooted in the person’s mind. Build a relationship with a safe person. It is imperative that wounded people be in a relationship with a safe person. As trust is established with a caring helper, the one being helped can begin to see and experience how the same process can take place with God. This process takes time. Connect with a healthy church. The healing process is enhanced and enriched by a sense of belonging and acceptance that can take place in a functional Christian community. Choose the truth as an act of obedience to God. It is a partnership between the individual and the Holy Spirit facilitated by the ministry of the Body of Christ. Commit to do the work. The individual who has been hurt must also commit to do the hard work of applying truth and taking negative thoughts captive. The daily infusion of truth about who God is and how He sees us is essential spiritual food. Pastors, address the issue of distorted images of God from the pulpit in a way that draws out the alienated and encourages them to connect with others who can help them in the process of healing and growth. Have you been hurt in church? Don’t bury it. Allow God to bring healing in your life today. He wants to reveal Himself to you. Dowdle, Steven. Helping the Hurting in Your Church . Lake Mary: Creation House, 2007, pp. 105-117.

There are two conditions of the heart no one can hide: one is when the heart is filled with love and the other when we are infected with bitterness. Either condition can take over our thoughts and both can filter our entire view of life. As followers of Jesus Christ, we must make our highest quest to possess hearts full of God’s love. Indeed, how successful we are at revealing Christ’s love is the true measure of our spirituality. Thus, love cannot long exist as an unexpressed or hidden secret. If love is real, it will be seen in a thousand manifestations reaching to the heart of its beloved. Love, which is in truth passion for oneness, is too powerful to be contained by mere discipline or self-control. Indeed, is not love boldly displayed in its unrequited gifts, and is it not heard in its many encouragements and expressions of concern? Is it not tangible in its unabashed enjoyment of time spent with those it loves? Bitterness, too, cannot be hidden. A bitter soul is not seeking oneness, but justice. It is driven by the unresolved theft of its peace, personhood or possessions. Bitterness is not just a wound seeking healing, it is a prosecuting attorney building a case against the guilty. Because a bitter soul is conjoined to the injustice committed against it, it perpetually is listening to the voice of its heartache and, thus, perpetually wounded by the unforgiven offense. Dear friends, Jesus said He came to give us life in abundance. He said He was anointed and sent to proclaim release to prisoners and freedom to captives (John 10:10; Luke 4:18). If we feel we have been spiritually incarcerated by a bitter experience or an injustice, God is not seeking to condemn us for it, but to save us from it. Even now, His Spirit is reaching to release us from this unbearable burden of the past. How Do We Become Free? In my years of walking with the Lord, there have been times that I have been slandered, defrauded or unfairly attacked. I have had plenty of opportunities to be embittered by injustice. Not every wound was healed instantly nor each injustice swiftly remedied. Jesus said, “By your endurance you will gain your lives” (Luke 21:19). The Message translation renders this: “Staying with it – that’s what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry; you’ll be saved.” In the final analysis, being wounded or suffering loss is not the issue – Paul said he “suffered the loss of all things.” The real issue is that we “may gain Christ” (Phil. 3:8). Let me also say, I know people whom the Lord simply touched and healed. Yes, often the Lord will simply remedy the offending situation itself, thus bringing healing. Let us make room for the vastness of God’s grace. Indeed, Hebrews 2:18 reveals that since Christ “Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.” For no other reason except that He loves us, He will “come to the aid of those” who are embattled. Let us always make room for such grace. At the same time, I have also recognized that God’s highest goal for me is my conformity to Christ. (See Rom. 8:28-29). God heals me so He can conform me to Christ, and sometimes He reverses that process: He conforms me to Christ so He can heal me. In other words, my deliverance came as I appropriated Christ’s love and learned to entrust myself to God even when I was wounded by injustice. Consider this issue of trusting God. Peter tells us, “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;” (1 Pet. 2:21-23). Sometimes my healing from wounding and possible bitterness came, not because restitution was made to me by the person who hurt me, but because I learned to entrust myself to God who judges righteously. To trust that God will vindicate me in His time and in His way is a sign of spiritual maturity. It’s really the only way we can avoid responding to reviling with reviling and allowing a wound to fester into bitterness. There are other times when a lingering conflict would become an oppression upon my soul. Again, as an antidote to becoming bitter, Jesus taught, “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad (Luke adds, “and leap for joy”), for your reward in heaven is great” (Matt. 5:11-12). If you have been unfairly treated, if some injustice has soiled your name or threatens your future because of your faith in Christ, one antidote is to rejoice. Before you defend your right to remain miserable, let me ask this: have you obeyed Jesus by leaping for joy? I remember one occasion when I was especially hurt by a man who, based on a dream his wife had, used his wife’s fantasy to divide our little church. I loved this couple greatly, just as I loved everyone in our church, so my sorrow was multiplied. Indeed, each time I considered the evil this slander was causing, my emotions stormed with anger and grief. Yet, eventually the Lord spoke to my heart. He asked, since the slander spoken against me wasn’t true, why I hadn’t obeyed Him? He said I had become oppressed by people’s words, but I hadn’t yet leaped for joy. So, I decided to obey Him. Standing alone in the dimmed afternoon lighting of our church sanctuary, I prepared myself to rejoice. Yet, I was so emotionally drained with sadness I had no joy; I could hardly walk, much less leap. Yet, in obedience I tried a feeble jump. Then again, and again, until the Holy Spirit broke through and I was shouting and leaping before the Lord, rejoicing in His sovereign power in my life. Now, if the problems we are encountering are legitimate consequences to our bad behavior, then we should repent and not blame others for our condition. We still can rejoice that we serve a great God who can work even our failures for good. But if our conflicts are due to our commitment to serve the Lord, then we ought to obey Him and “leap for joy.” The Waters of Marah Christ is not our “Savior” in merely a distant or theological sense; He is Immanuel, “God with us.” He dwells within us; He is committed to us. He is fully capable of transforming what was meant to destroy us and using it as a means to perfect us. We must believe that God is fully able to redeem all we go through. If we harbor unbelief about either the Father’s goodness or His abilities, our difficulties will reduce us to bitter, angry people. Consider also, if Satan is set on destroying us, it must be because God has something powerful waiting for us in the future. The devil does not waste his time attacking insignificant people; he attacks those he fears will be used by God to liberate others. If Satan can set up an attack that causes you to become bitter, your destiny will be sidetracked until that root of bitterness is plucked from your soul. How is it that bitterness can exist in us? Bitterness is a demonic manipulation of a wound or injustice we suffer in our soul. Jesus, however, said that the only way to save our souls is to lose them to Him (John 12:25). Beloved, I am telling you how I have passed through some of the most difficult battles I faced: I carried the cross. I believe that my steps are ordered of God. Therefore, if I have faced an injustice, He must have either allowed it or ordered it. In His great omniscience, He knew I would need more love or faith or dependency upon Him, so He arranged my steps so He could work in me His overcoming nature. My battles are not about me and someone else, or even me coming against the devil; ultimately, in every conflict, God is seeking to create Christlikeness in me. As the character, authority and love of Christ become functional in my life, my enemies are subdued and Christ is triumphant through me. We must, therefore, get over the idea that there is a painless place of existence on earth, and we must learn how to carry the cross of Christ. The cross puts to death our unbelieving, fearful, selfish nature and allows the character of Christ to emerge in our spirits. The cross is the cost we pay so that redemption prevails. There is a story in Exodus that figuratively reveals the power of the cross. The Israelites went three days without fresh water. When they finally found water,“they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter; therefore it was named Marah” (Ex. 15:22-23). Marah, you’ll recall, means bitterness. They finally found water, but they could not drink it. The Lord, however, showed Moses “a tree; and he threw it into the waters, and the waters became sweet” (Ex. 15:25). What Moses did was prophetic. The tree that was applied symbolically to the bitter water was a picture of the cross of Christ when it’s applied to our bitter experiences: it turns the bitter to sweet. I know in the many times the enemy has used people to wound or strike me, as I applied the cross to my life – forgiving, blessing and letting love be perfected – the outcome has always been a greater manifestation of Christ in my life. This is exactly how Paul handled adversity and injustice. Listen to what he wrote, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh” (2 Cor. 4:7-11). Dear one, is this not what you desire most: the life of Jesus Himself manifested in your mortal flesh? Satan has been manipulating your old nature, seeking to work bitterness into your life. The way the Lord has redeemed me from every battle I have faced has been to use that battle to crucify my old nature and release a greater unveiling of Christ in me. This is New Testament Christianity in its greatest glory. Lord Jesus, forgive me for trying to save my life. I purpose to trust You, to allow love to be perfected within me, to not seek justice, but mercy for myself and others. Help me, Lord. Reveal Your Spirit’s power within me. Even now, uproot every bitter plant in my soul. Let my words be full of grace and truth, not bitterness and evil. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Here are scriptures to address Satan’s attacks on your mind. Blasphemous Thoughts –2 Cor10:4-5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Condemning Thoughts – Rom 8:1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Confusing Thoughts – 1 Cor.14:33 for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. Fearful Thoughts – 2 Tim 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. NKJV Rom 8:15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, ” Abba! Father!” Haughty (prideful) Thoughts – Phil 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Lying Thoughts – Eph 4:25-26 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. John 8:44-45 ” You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Obsessive Thoughts – Phil 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension (need to figure it out), will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Negative Thoughts – Rom 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Jealous Thoughts – James 3:14-16 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. Thoughts of Guilt and Shame – Gal 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us–for it is written, “CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE”—Heb 12:1-2 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Suicidal Thoughts – John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. Luke 9:56 for the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”] Fantasy Thoughts – Acts 17:24-27 The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; 25 nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; 26 and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation. Ps 139:1-6 O LORD, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. 3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. 5 You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Perfectionistic/Legalistic Thoughts – 2 Cor3:5-6 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, 6 who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. Unprotected Thoughts – 2 Thess3:1-3 Finally, brethren, pray for us that the word of the Lord will spread rapidly and be glorified, just as it did also with you; 2 and that we will be rescued from perverse and evil men; for not all have faith. 3 But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. Religious Thoughts – Gal 1:6-10 I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ, for a different gospel; 7 which is really not another; only there are some who are disturbing you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! 9 As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed! 10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Thoughts of Regret – Jer 29:11-12 ‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Distracting Thoughts – 1 Peter 1:13-14 Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Defensive Thoughts – 1 Peter 5:6-8 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Angry Thoughts – Eph 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. People Pleasing – Gal 1:10 For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Thoughts of loneliness – Rom 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. FICM.ORG . Used by permission.

“Gary R. Brooks, Ph.D., describes what he observes as a ‘pervasive disorder’ linked to the consumption of soft-core pornography like Playboy.1 He mentions five main symptoms of this:” • “Voyeurism – An obsession with looking at women rather than interacting with them; this can apply to far more than pornography, including any consumption of the ‘sexuality-on-tap’ culture in which we live; media glorifies and objectifies women’s bodies, thus, promoting unreal images of women, feeding male obsession with visual stimulation and trivializing other mature features of a healthy sexual relationship.” • “Objectification – An attitude in which women are objects rated by size, shape and harmony of body parts: sexual fantasy leads to emotional unavailability and dissatisfaction.” • “Validation – The need to validate masculinity through beautiful women; women who meet centerfold standards only retain their power as long as they maintain ‘perfect’ bodies and the lure of unavailability; it is very common for a man’s fantasy sexual encounter to include a feeling of manly validation; it is also common for men to feel invalidated by their wives if they have trained their minds and bodies to respond only to the fantasy advances of their dream girl.” • “Trophyism – The idea that beautiful women are collectibles who show the world who a man is; pornography reinforces the women’s-bodies-as-trophies mentality.” • “Fear of True Intimacy – Inability to relate to women in an honest and intimate way despite deep loneliness; pornography exalts a man’s sexual needs over his need for sensuality and intimacy; some men develop a preoccupation with sexuality, which powerfully handicaps their capacity for emotionally intimate relationships.” “When a child or adolescent is directly exposed to pornography the following effects have been documented:” • “Lasting negative or traumatic emotional responses.” • “Earlier onset of first sexual intercourse, thereby increasing the risk of STD’s ?over the lifespan.” • “The belief that superior sexual satisfaction is attainable without having affection for one’s partner, thereby reinforcing the commoditization of sex and ?the objectification of humans.” • “The belief that being married or having a family are unattractive prospects.” • “Increased risk for developing sexual compulsions and addictive behavior.” • “Increased risk of exposure to incorrect information about human sexuality long ?before a minor is able to contextualize this information in ways an adult brain could.” • “And overestimating the prevalence of less common practices (e.g., group sex, bestiality, or sadomasochistic activity.)”2 “Teens and Sexting:” “In a survey (2008) of teens and young adults done by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com:3” • “20% of teens overall have sent or posted nude or seminude pictures or videos of themselves.” • “39% of teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages.” • “71% of teen girls and 67% of teen guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent/posted this content to a boyfriend/girlfriend.” • “21% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys say they have sent such content to someone with whom they wanted to date or ‘hook up.’” • “15% of teens who have sent or posted nude/seminude images of themselves say they have done so to someone they only knew online.” • “51% of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages ?or images; only 18% of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.” • “23% of teen girls and 24% of teen boys say they were pressured by friends to send or post sexual content.” • “66% of teen girls and 60% of teen boys who have sent sexually suggestive content say they did so to be ‘fun or flirtatious’ (this was their most common reason for sending sexy content).” • “40% of teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as ‘a joke.’” • “34% of teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content say they sent/posted sexually suggestive content to ‘feel sexy.’” • “Among teen girls, 38% say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails—originally meant for someone else—shared with them, and 25% say they have had nude or semi-nude images—originally meant for someone else—shared with them.” • “Among teen boys, 39% say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails—originally meant for someone else—shared with them, and 33% of teen boys say they have had nude or semi-nude images —originally meant for someone else—shared with them.” “Internet Porn and its Effects on Marriage:” “According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, prolonged exposure to pornography leads to:” • “An exaggerated perception of sexual activity in society” • “Diminished trust between intimate couples” • “The abandonment of the hope of sexual monogamy” • “Belief that promiscuity is the natural state” • “Belief that abstinence and sexual inactivity are unhealthy” • “Cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners” • “Belief that marriage is sexually confining” • “Lack of attraction to family and child-raising4” ?“According to sociologist Jill Manning, the research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends, among others:” 1. “Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce” 2. “Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction” 3. “Infidelity” 4. “Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity ?associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices” 5. “Devaluation of monogamy, marriage and child rearing” 6. “An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive and addictive sexual behavior”5 “In a press release from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (divorce lawyers) reported that the most salient factors present in divorce cases are as follows:6” • “68% of the divorces involved one party meeting a new lover over the Internet.” • “56% involved one party having “‘an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.’” • “47% involved spending excessive time on the computer.” • “33% involved excessive time spent speaking in chat rooms.” “In 2003, a Focus on the Family poll showed 47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home.”7 For citations in the original article, go to Covenant Eyes.

“I think I’ll go with you today,” Ted informed Krista as she started out the door one Sunday morning. Her stomach knotted. She glanced at him, wondering what brought this on. “Sure.” “I’ll change my shirt and be right out.” Joy and dread warred within her. Every time Ted attended church her hopes soared. Is this the day he’ll ask Jesus into his life? Will this be the first of many weeks we’ll sit in church together? Will anyone talk to him? Will he hate the sermon? The music? At best, the experience was bittersweet. On the drive, Krista rubbed sweaty palms against her cotton skirt, praying fervently in silence. God, please help him feel comfortable, and send men to shake his hand. Let the pastor’s message pierce his heart with truth. Open his eyes to see his need for You. Her endless, noiseless begging continued as she walked toward the double doors. “Where would you like to sit?” she whispered. No use dragging him up to the front, where she normally settled into one of the first five rows. He would definitely be intimidated then. Ted pointed to the last row. Krista nodded and slipped into the second chair, leaving him the seat on the end. Her hands, balled tightly into fists, rested in her lap. Her tension mounted as the praise team took the stage. “I was a wreck, scrutinizing everything,” Krista commented afterward. “Every word the pastor uttered—I wondered how Ted interpreted it. I left with a headache, a stomach ache, and wondered if my life would be easier if he just stayed home. His coming along put me on an emotional roller coaster that left me exhausted and depressed. “I wished the pastor had said this instead of that, wished the man sitting in front of us was friendlier, and wished the associate minister who prayed for the offering had foregone his mini-sermon about tithing. I already knew how Ted felt about church and money issues. “Anyway,” Krista continued, catching her breath, “one day the truth hit me. I wasn’t trusting God! Startled by the revelation, I cried. I needed to relax and not worry about all the details. God is sovereign, and He’s big enough to handle the particulars. This concept brought freedom. I still pray for God to take charge of everything said and done, but then I just enjoy the service. God can and will do the rest.” I resided at the opposite end of the spectrum from Krista. In the early years I invited Dean to church often. If he went, I usually ended up regretting I had asked, because he was miserable. When he said no, disappointment and sorrow nearly did me in. Either way, I lost, so I quit mentioning it. I adopted a new policy: I would invite him only for special events and programs the kids were involved in unless the Holy Spirit directed otherwise. I would ask without pressure or expectation and pray for sensitivity to accept Dean’s answer graciously and trust the Lord for His timing. My spouse’s church attendance and salvation are God’s work, not mine. Whether your life is filled to overflowing with people or you are in a season of isolation, choose to fill your voids with God alone. I’ve made both choices, having searched for answers in the things of this world and letting God be my all in all. Only in Him did I find peace, contentment, and joy—even in my empty pew. MY PRAYER DEAR GOD, Please be with me in those lonely times that naturally arise out of an unequally yoked relationship. Make me aware of my limitations, and give me the wisdom to choose wisely the activities that will enhance my growth and not cause me to stumble. And God, please reveal where You want me to serve in Your Body of Believers. On the occasions my husband does attend church, I invite You to be in charge instead of me. Teach me to rest, knowing You are there with me. Open my spouse’s ears to hear what You know he’s ready to hear. Lay upon the hearts of men to reach out to him, and, Father, flood me with Your peace, that I may rest in You. I long to follow where You lead, so don’t let fear or lack of understanding paralyze me. May my trust be in You alone, knowing that You’re completely trustworthy. The plans You have for me are for my best, even when it doesn’t seem that way at the time. I thank You, my dearest and most faithful companion, for Your promise to never leave me. I love You, Lord. In Your name I pray. Amen. Spiritually Single: Living with an Unbelieving Husband. Used by permission.

After a loss, each member of a family has his or her own unique grief process. But just as important and unique is the grief experience of the entire family unit. Here are some of the reasons that it is important to acknowledge the needs of the family as a whole: Each person in a family has functions and roles not filled by anyone else. The death of any member results in the reorganization of all relationships in the system. Roles must be shifted and the family must reorganize. This shifting takes time and strongly influences the family’s growth and character. A family has its own identity. For example, the family may identify themselves as “community leaders”, “a group of practical jokers”, or “centered around the children”. When a member dies, family members often struggle to retain or redefine that identity in a way that is meaningful to them. Due to different developmental levels, life circumstances, lifestyles and relationships with the deceased, grief needs differ among family members. How family members communicate about their needs can contribute either to family harmony or family conflict. An open family system acknowledges feelings openly and involves each member in decisions and events. A closed family system denies feelings and excludes some members from decisions and events. Time and effort may be needed to apply a healthy style of interacting after the impact of loss. Grief and ways of expressing grief can be handed down from generation to generation. If parents have unresolved grief issues from their own childhoods, it will ripple into the lives of their own children. The family rules that a parent learned while growing up are likely to be the rules he/she models to the next generation. Family members may now practice these rules unconsciously, even if the rules are unhealthy. For example, a family who has dealt with emotions by keeping them secret and unexpressed will likely have negative results if they suppress all discussion of grief. New phases of family development often result in a resurgence of family grief. Suppose, for example, that a mother of two children dies. As those children grow up and reach life milestones, such as the first piano recital or a high school graduation, the family will grieve their loss anew from their current perspective. New grief needs arise whenever we face life changes without the deceased loved one, including moves, marriages, job/career changes, births, and even later deaths. Here are some suggestions to help families grieve together: Hold a family meeting for all interested members. Allow for open discussion of thoughts, feelings, and needs that have emerged for each person since the death. Set a ground rule that each person will listen to others without interrupting or passing judgment. Brainstorm ideas for how to memorialize, express feelings, and meet needs as a family unit. Memorialize together. Collaborate on a photo album, video montage, or collection of stories in honor of the deceased. Make a copy for each family member or each branch of the family tree. Create something that symbolizes the family unit’s identity, such as a “Coat of Arms”, Family Mission Statement, or Family Motto. Have plaques or some form of reproductions made so each member or subsection of the family can have one to display in their home. Hold a family ritual where all family members can unite in memory of the deceased and in honor of the family’s values and history. Some examples include: a candle-lighting ceremony; an ash-scattering gathering; participating together in a walkathon to find a cure for the disease the loved one died from; making an annual donation to or volunteering as a group for a cause important to the entire family; planting a tree together in honor of the deceased and the family’s ongoing growth, even after loss. Consider engaging the services of a family counselor to facilitate communication and problem-solving among family members. Remember that all families need an objective perspective sometimes. Invite members of all ages to share their perspectives and ideas. Posted by Larry M. Barber, LPC-S, CT author of the grief survival guide “Love Never Dies: Embracing Grief with Hope and Promise” available online at Amazon (www.amazon.com/Love-Never-LPC-S-Larry-Barber/dp/1613796005 ) Used by permission.

When you go through grief, you go through a lot of complex, confusing emotions. One way to gauge how well you are dealing with the loss, your grief and your grief emotions is to take an inventory of all the emotions and experiences that are a part of your grief journey. Below is a whole list of things you might think or feel (or have thought or felt) when someone has died. Read through the list as quickly as you can and check the thoughts and feelings that come close to describing the same thoughts and feelings you have experienced (no matter how short or long you experienced them). Don’t think too much about each one; just go through the checklist as quickly as you can! ____1. Sometimes I feel left out; people forget to ask about me and how I am doing. ____2. Sometimes I get angry with the person for dying. ____3. Sometimes I feel sad and hurt when I think about it. ____4. Sometimes I feel guilty. ____5. It really feels weird to be around other people who knew the person that died. ____6. I wonder about death and dying ____7. Sometimes I feel guilty cause I don’t want to want to be sad all the time. ____8. Sometimes I get jealous because other people don’t have these feelings. ____9. Sometimes this all feels like a dream that will go away when I wake up. ____10. Sometimes I feel real confused and out-of-sorts! ____11. I feel helpless, like there isn’t anything I could do to stop it or to help. ____12. I wonder if the same thing could happen to someone else in my family. ____13. Anything can hit you the wrong way and bring up all kinds of feelings. ____14. Not crying means that I am strong and I can hold it together. ____15. I wonder if I should of acted differently towards the person that died. ____16. Sometimes I find myself getting angry at the person that died. ____17. Sometimes I find myself mad at God for letting this happen. ____18. I wonder about what would have happened if they did not die. ____19. I need a break from thinking about all this cause I still need to have fun. ____20. I know I’m just a normal person in an abnormal situation. ____21. Sometimes I start thinking that the person really isn’t dead. ____22. People are always trying to get me to be happy when I need to feel sad. ____23. Sometimes my family isn’t very helpful and I have to talk to friends. ____24. Sometimes my friends aren’t very helpful and I rely on my family for support. ____25. I find myself being more cautious or careful these days. ____26. I feel like the sadness will never go away. ____27. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who feels the way I do about all this. ____28. I get mad because this is so unfair!!! ____29. I get confused sometimes, and it’s hard to concentrate and remember things. ____30. Sometimes I get scared, even for no reason. ____31. I feel like I am a different person now that this has happened to me. ____32. Sometimes I pretend it hasn’t happened. ____33. Life goes on–and I get mad because it’s not happening to anyone else’s family, it’s happened to mine! ____34. I can still be happy even though this is happening to me. ____35. Sometimes when I think about it, I don’t feel anything at all. ____36. I’d like to erase this all from my brain! ____37. Sometimes I don’t want to think about it or talk about it because it’s too much! ____38. I just can’t help worrying about other people in my family. ____39. Sometimes I have dreams and even nightmares about the person who died. ____40. Sometimes I cry for no reason. ____41. I get afraid sometimes to be alone ____42. I get worried or feel anxious more than I used to (for no particular reason). ____43. Nighttime can be the hardest time—that’s when I can’t stop thinking about it! ____44. Sometimes I think I’ll never get use to this. ____45. Sometimes I feel guilty because I did or said something mean to the person who’s died–but I was just mad. ____46. Sometimes I can’t remember what it was like before the person died. ____47. I know what has happened but don’t understand why! ____48. I wonder if the person who died knows that I love him/her. ____49. Nobody asked me what I think or how I feel. ____50. I know no matter what happens, I am going to be okay. Whew! That’s quite a list! So how many thoughts and feelings did you check? Maybe you recognized ten or twenty, or maybe even all fifty! Some of these things are hard to feel and some are hard to admit that you feel. Remember that taking an inventory of how the loss has impacted you equips you to better face your grief journey. Remember, the thing about thoughts and feelings is that they are not right or wrong, and they are not good or bad. They just are, and you can’t help thinking or feeling the way you do about anything! It is what you do to take care of your thoughts and feelings that matter. Some of these feelings feel good, and some feel not so good. All these thoughts and feelings are normal! Everyone who experiences grief can think and feel these ways. And, many persons, big and little, find it helpful to share these with others. Find someone with whom you feel safe to share your grief thoughts and feelings with.

How does Satan influence you? How do you defeat him? You can clearly ways to recognize demonic oppression in your life and find victory! I believe a Christian cannot be possessed by a demon, but oppression can cripple you. The Evil One and his demons seize opportunities to cunningly sway your thinking in many different ways and to varying degrees. If his schemes remain hidden from your conscience thought, they can form a foothold or establish a stronghold in your souls from which evil spirits can operate unimpeded. FOOTHOLDS: The most common use of the word foothold today is as a place or thing that will support a climber’s foot or as a secure starting position from which further advance can be made. In biblical Greek it can refer to a spot, place, location, room, home, position, tract, occasion, opportunity, locality, region, or condition. Paul gives us insight into how Satan might establish a foothold in our thinking from which further advancement can be made. He says, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27) In these verses Paul warns us to quickly forgive an offense so that retained anger does not turn into bitterness, because bitterness (long-held unforgiveness) gives Satan a “foot up” in our thought life. It can give him a platform that will support further incursions into our thought life. Let me illustrate. When I am offended or emotionally wounded, becoming angry or embittered, I may think things such as: 1. If I forgive the person who offended me, he/she will just hurt me again. 2. By holding onto my anger, I can punish the one who offended me. 3. This offense is so egregious, I cannot forgive. There is no truth in any of these thinking patterns. The behavior that typically follows these kinds of deception is sinful disobedience of Christ’s instruction and example of forgiveness. Through unwillingness to forgive, the evil one gains a foothold—gains ground, a place, or a spot from which to make further advances into his target’s thought processes and actions. STRONGHOLDS: Another of Satan’s deceptive schemes is to establish strongholds in our minds. Look at what the Apostle Paul has to say about this: “…though we live in the world we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5) The Greek word for stronghold is used in the Greek Old Testament several times where it always carries the literal meaning of a fortress. The above passage is the only occurrence of the word stronghold in the New Testament and it is used figuratively to refer to the “strength of false arguments.” The words rendered arguments and pretension in the Greek tell us that the stronghold—the strong false argument—is established by a proud adversary for evil purposes. Look at the way Today’s English Version expresses it: “The weapons we use in our fight are not the world’s weapons but God’s powerful weapons, which we use to destroy strongholds. We destroy false arguments; we pull down every proud obstacle that is raised against the knowledge of God; we take every thought captive and make it obey Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-5, TEV) Author Mark Bubeck defines stronghold, saying: “a stronghold is an idea, belief, fear, feeling, desire, or anything else (arguments, pretensions against the knowledge of God) that has a strong hold, or a firm grip on, our mind, spirit, body, or heart—enslaving us—motivating us to act out against God’s will through repeated sinful behavior. A stronghold is a believed lie we have allowed to become reality to us and hold us in bondage to sin. It’s a lie that has darkened our minds to the truth of Christ.” The differences between footholds and strongholds are subtle. But we can make this distinction. A foothold is based upon lies one believes that lead him/her into sin for which he/she remains unrepentant. Continuing to function in that sin gives Satan a place from which to advance against us—to gain more ground in our lives. A stronghold seems to be directly connected to a proudly held strong argument or belief that weakens a person’s faith in God or leads the person away from God. Such false beliefs may stem from apostasy, habitual sin, or from misinterpretations of traumatic events in a person’s life. The false belief is so deeply ensconced in the person’s thinking that Satan can safely operate in the person’s life as if he were protected within the walls of a strong fortress. The door for spiritual attack in our life is opened both by the sins we commit and the sins committed against us. The enemy gains ground in our lives so that he can harass, oppress, and oppress believers. These include involvement in the occult (false religions), deception, bitterness, rebellion, pride, habitual sin, and generational sin. OCCULT INVOLVEMENT: Replacing the worship of God with the worship of Satan is the core characteristic of involvement in the occult. The worship of Satan is often hidden in the activities and beliefs of occult groups (occult means “hidden”). Just as Satan in his Temptations of Christ openly offered Jesus ruling power (Matt. 4: 8-9), the occult is seductive and deceptive as it offers power to the seeker. (Deuteronomy 18:9-13). BITTERNESS: Bitterness (unforgiveness) is one of the primary areas of vulnerability for many Christians. Some people struggle with bitterness because they have misconceptions about what it means to forgive. Forgiveness assaults the bitter person’s sense of justice. For these, forgiving someone for an offense means to let the offender off the hook. This smacks of weakness and codependency. The opposite, of course, is true. Forgiveness takes great courage and it reflects the grace and mercy of Christ. Some do not want to forgive because they want vengeance. And they are dedicated to extracting that vengeance. Some do it with cruel and direct retaliation. Others are more covert. They get their vengeance through gossip, manipulation of relationships, and other passive-aggressive behaviors. Some just enjoy hating the offender. Hanging onto bitterness is self-destructive and poisons the soul (Heb. 12:15; Eph. 4:30- 32). It is a violation of love (1 Cor. 13:5); it is rebellion against Jesus’ instruction to His followers (Matt. 6:12, 14-15). 1. Forgiveness is not forgetting. 2. Forgiveness is letting go of resentment; we forgive in order to heal. 3. Forgiveness is not seeking revenge (overtly or covertly). 4. Forgiveness is something you do for your sake; it is between you and God. 5. Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another’s sin. We pay the price for the evil we forgive, just as Christ did. 6. Forgiveness is a crisis of the soul; it is an act of the will—a choice we make even if we do not feel like it. 7. Forgiveness sets the offended one free to heal and grow beyond the pain of the offense. DECEPTION: Jesus described the evil one as a liar and the father or progenitor of lies. “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44) Satan and his army of demons seek to impact our thinking process primarily through deception or lies. The evil one is described as a deceiver and a liar. We also can be indirectly impacted by the evil one’s deception of others. Paul warned Timothy about deceiving spirits operating in men for the purpose of seducing them away from the truth: “The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. (1 Timothy 4:1-2) Paul tells us in Romans 12:2 that we can be deceived by the world—led by cultural messages, behaviors, and customs into false beliefs. Scripture also teaches that we can deceive ourselves (1 Cor. 3:18). In summary, we can say that Satan seeks to capture our mind, emotions and will through deception. We know that we need to be alert to several sources of deception. 1. Satan and his demons can directly deceive people (1 Tim. 4:1). 2. Other people can deceive us (Matt. 24:4-11). 3. We can be deceived by the culture in which we live (Rom. 12:2). 4. We can deceive ourselves (1 Cor. 3:18). Although it often is difficult to pinpoint a direct cause-effect relationship between a lie that we believe and the source of the lie, we know that Satan’s power is always in the lie, because he is the father of lies. REBELLION: Rebellion is failing to submit to the authority of God and to the authorities that He has placed over us in the structures He has ordained. The essence of rebellion is rooted in this question: Who is in control? When we rebel against those God has placed in authority over us we are taking control away from God and claiming it for ourselves. The Bible says this about rebellion: Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness [insubordination] is as bad as worshiping idols. (1 Samuel 15:23, NLT) Witchcraft and idolatry are both on God’s list of “detestable ways.” That makes rebellion and stubbornness [insubordination] detestable to God. How sobering! The Word gives us specific information about those to whom we are to submit—those not to rebel against. PRIDE: When we behave arrogantly or harbor prideful attitudes, we are emulating Satan rather than being an image-bearer of Christ. Remember that Satan was removed from the presence of God and cast to the earth because of his pride. Notice the connection between pride and spiritual warfare in the following verses: He gives us more and more strength to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, “God sets himself against the proud, but he shows favor to the humble. So humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you.” (James 4:6-8, NLT) Pride often manifests itself in self-reliance, selfishness, and self-condemnation. HABITUAL SIN: The habitual practice of a specific sin can lead to bondage to “the god of this age.” Paul uses unforgiveness as the example, clearly identifies this principle. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27) If we habitually remain unforgiving, holding onto anger, we create an opportunity for Satan to establish a foothold or beachhead in our life from which he may advance. This principle works because it is based on the nature of sin. Sin is rebellion against God and rebellion is at the core of who Satan is. He was the first rebel against God and has continued to work his plans against God by tempting man to join with him in his rebellion by committing sin. Demonization can take place when we join Satan in his rebellion by our habitual sin, giving him a place to build a stronghold. Of course, unforgiveness is not the only habitual sin that can give evil spirits entrance into our mind and will. A habitual gossip, liar, thief, etc., can open himself or herself to demonization as well. This principle is at work in the lives of many addicts, too. Drug addiction, sexual addiction, and alcoholism are all forms of habitual sin that open people up to demonization. GENERATIONAL SIN: People can be spiritually influenced in a negative way by the idolatrous sins of four generations of their ancestors. Look at these passages: “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand [generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments….” (Exodus 20:4-6) It is easy to connect the sins of the fathers in a social context. A person who has been physically abused by his father is likely to abuse his own children. Addiction has a genetic component and is easily tracked from one generation to the next. Sexual sin can be observed generation to generation. Obviously, the grace of God can change any pattern with Divine Power. SYMPTOMS OF OPPRESSION: Disinterest in or inability to read Scripture, comprehend the teaching of the Word, or participate in worship and prayer Possession of items used in Pagan, New Age, Eastern, or Native American worship rituals or in Freemasonry ceremonies Fearful, bizarre dreams and/or night experiences related to sexual perversion, occultic symbolism, or violence; evil presences, visitations, or impressions of demonic faces Conscious invitation extended to Satan and/or demons to become involved in one’s life Systematic patterns of personal sinfulness, i.e., lying, dishonesty, and resentment toward others; sexual acting out; and racial hatred Personality disturbance, i.e., paranoia, vengefulness, abuse of others (physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual), self-mutilation, suicide attempts, depression, rebellion, and bizarre, violent, blasphemous thoughts Addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, work, food, exercise, or pornography Experiencing no relief from medical treatments (including prescribed drugs), personal prayer, or psychological counseling LOOK AT THE LIST. PRAY OVER EACH ITEM. Lord Jesus, I thank You that You have provided me with all of the resources that I need for abundant spiritual life in You (2 Pet. 1:3). Holy Spirit of Truth, I thank you for revealing to me indications of possible demonic oppression in my life. I trust You, in accordance with your Word, to liberally give me the necessary knowledge and wisdom to destroy any footholds or strongholds established in my life by the enemies of God and Christ. I understand that Your knowledge and WISDOM may be provided to me through your Word and through godly and wise counsel of other believers. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen. HERE IS A POWERFUL PROTECTION PRAYER: Holy Spirit, the Word of God declares that you are the Spirit of Truth who has come to guide me into all truth. I submit myself to You and ask that You reveal to my mind—or confirm to me—truth concerning these indicators that may reveal where I have made myself vulnerable to demonic oppression (John 16:13). It is the desire of my heart to recognize and destroy footholds and strongholds that evil spirits may have established in order to influence my thoughts and actions (Psalm 21:2; Eph. 4:26-27; 2 Cor. 10:3-5). I thank You in the Name and Authority of Jesus, the Christ. Amen. Dealing with your demons is a discipleship issue. Understanding Satan’s schemes is the first step. This article is an excerpt of the exceptional Resisting the Enemy Curriculum.

What do I say to a mourner? The moment of greeting a mourner is indeed difficult. What are the words of comfort? Can I help to ease the pain? I want to express my condolences sincerely, but the words seem so inadequate. Or, perhaps I will say the wrong thing- something I intend to be well-meaning – but is received as hurtful? WHAT CAN I SAY? In the Bible, we learn from the example of three friends who come to comfort Job as he grieves for his ten children: “And they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great. After this, Job began to speak…” (Job 2:12-13) Jewish tradition derived three principles of comforting the mourner from this text: BE THERE, SPEAK IN SILENCE and HEAR WITH A HEART. BE THERE If there is one fundamental message of Judaism about death and bereavement it is this: We are not alone. When a loved one dies, the feeling of being alone is overwhelming. That is why the goal of Jewish comforting is to surround the mourner with a supportive community. Be there. Be there at the funeral. Be there at the shiva home. Be there during the difficult days, weeks, and months ahead. Without a word, your presence says “I am here for you. You are not alone.” SPEAK IN SILENCE Ironically, silence is often the most powerful language of all. It is perhaps the best way to begin a conversation with a mourner. A warm embrace, an arm around a shoulder, a sincere look, the sharing of tears together – these are the non-verbal messages to the bereaved that say more than a thousand words. Jewish tradition suggests that comforters say nothing until the mourner begins to speak. Let the mourner take the lead. Some will want to talk, to tell the story, to share their feelings. Some will not. Do not fear silence. Offer a hug, a hand, a touch that says “I understand. ‘I accept your feelings another way you are expressing them. Go ahead. I’ll be here for you.“ HEAR WITH A HEART There is great power in presenting yourself to the mourning as an empathetic listener. Real hearing is silent – no interruptions, no judgments, no denials, no problem-solving – just hearing with the heart . This is not easy to do. We all want to fix things. We all want to make things better. We all want to take the grief away. But we cannot. Nor should we try. For when we do, we often say the wrong thing: “Time will heal. ” “Calm down.” “I know exactly how you feel. ” “It’s probably for the best.” “Be strong.” “What my mother went through when she died…” “You’re young. You’ll have another child. ” “It’ll be all right. ” For most bereaved, it is definitely not “all right.” A loved one has died and the grief-work must proceed for the person to be psychologically healed. One of the most important gifts you can give to a mourner is the full, complete and non-judgmental acceptance of the person’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, no matter how explosive, no matter how “embarrassing,” no matter how much you wane desperately to reassure the mourner that things will be better. It is the mourner who must do the grief-work, not you. It is the mourner who must come up with answers, not you. It is the mourner who must speak, not you. WHAT YOU CAN SAY You have come to the home. You have offered your nonverbal greeting. Now comes the awkward moment when you have to say something. What can I say? Here are a few suggestions for opening a conversation with a mourner: “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.” “I’m so sorry about your (mother; brother; etc. or name the deceased)” “I don’t know what to say. This must be really tough for you.” “I hurt for you ” “(Name the deceased) loved you so much.” “I hope you can hold on to the good memories.” ”Do you feel like talking?” If the answer to the last question is “no,” suggest another time. Often mourners are too exhausted to talk. Or, they may be tired. of telling the same story over and over again. On the other hand, if they indicate a willingness to talk, you may want to ask a simple “What happened?” As the mourner talks, keep in mind these suggestions for helpful conversations: Listen non-judgmentally. Mourners don’t want to be told their feelings are wrong. Pay attention. Give your undivided attention. Try to get on eye-level with the mourner, establish eye contact, lean forward, hold hands, nod your head and use nonverbal expressions to encourage the mourner to continue the conversation. Don’t interrupt. Give the bereaved all the time he or she needs to speak without jumping in to finish a thought or to hurry the person along. Don’t give rational answers. The death of a loved one cannot be explained away with logic. Don’t compare experiences. Grief is not a competitive. The last thing a mourner wants to hear about is your loss. Some mourners do feel a connection with someone whose loved one went through a similar illness and death, but if you must speak of your loss, it’s important to qualify your comments with the statement, “I can’t know how you feel, but when my…” You may also want to offer your help, but make a specific suggestion: “Can I bring dinner tomorrow?” is a much better approach than the vague “Is there anything I can do?” SHARE MEMORIES Many of us have been in shiva homes where there was more talk about the news, sports and weather, more sharing of gossip and jokes, than memories of the deceased. We do this in part because we are uncomfortable with death and grief. But we also do this because we aren’t sure what is appropriate conversation in the home of a mourner. The rabbis who created the Jewish approach to bereavement knew that there would be talk of death, but they also wanted talk of life. Specifically, talk of the life of the deceased. The eulogy at the funeral is designed precisely for this purpose – to stimulate a life-review and to conjure up memories of the loved one. Those who seek to comfort can continue this process by sharing personal memories of special times with the mourner and the deceased: “I remember when you and your mother went with us to the theater…” Or, recall a favorite characteristic of the deceased: “I’ll never forget what a generous man your father was…” When the time is right, you might even share a humorous incident. The laughter, though bitter sweet, can be very therapeutic for the mourner. If you did not know the deceased, ask the mourner about photos or other mementos that may be displayed in the home. Enabling the mourner to share these stories helps them crystallize and record fond memories of the deceased in the heart and mind. This is one of the major goals of the bereavement period. It is also one of the most comforting things we can do. WHAT CAN I BRING? When making a condolence call, it is appropriate to bring a token of your support. During the bereavement period, it is customary for the community to enable the mourners to concentrate on their grief by providing for their sustenance. This explains why gifts of food are often brought to the home. A safe choice for any home is a fruit basket. Flowers, liquor and candy are usually considered too festive for a house of mourning. A meaningful and much appreciated alternative to food is to make a donation in memory of the deceased to a charity designated by the mourners. WHAT CAN I WRITE? Condolence letters are another source of comfort to mourners. The words of sympathy and memory are welcome reminders to the bereaved that you are thinking about them. A good condolence letter acknowledges the loss and names the deceased, uses words of sympathy that share your sorrow, notes special qualities of the deceased, recalls a memory about the deceased, reminds the bereaved of their personal strengths, and offers specific help. For further study: Purchase I Didn’t Know What to Say: Being a Better Friend to Those Who Experience Loss. www.griefreliefministries.com . Used by permission. ~ What Can I Say / Words of Comfort was written by Dr. Ron Wolfson