Tips for parenting: 1. Watch your expectations, make sure they are positive and not negative! 2. Make sure your kids get enough Vitamin E (encouragement) and some very essential Vitamin N which is No! Remember, if you love your child, you will disciple them 3. Rules are important but not the only thing that is important, relationships matter most! 4. Have fun with your kids, laugh at yourself, use the words, “I am sorry” 5. Finally, to put it bluntly do not take any disrespectful act from your son or daughter without significant consequences! Kids have a need to please you. They don’t like it when Mom and Dad are unhappy. As important as relationships are with our kids, the more profound relationship is with your spouse! Now, realizing that many of you are single, stay with me because there are tips for you to come. For those of you who are married, here are some thoughts to make this year as close to stress-free as possible. Tips for your marriage: 1. Ladies, remember he is the SIMPLE one! As I have said many times, think of him as a four year old that shaves! His needs are simple. He needs to be needed and wanted by YOU! 2.Guys, understand that your wife majors in relationships and communication. She has the need to hear from you. She wants to know your feelings that you have about, well… almost everything in life! She needs to feel like your lovingly affectionate at all times! 3. We spend money on everything under the sun, I wonder how many of us invest our time and our money in our marriage? Want to do something for your family this year, take time to be a couple, enjoy a date night, consider joining next year’s Couples of Promise Cruise! Those kind of investments play dividends for generations. 4. Do your marriage a great favor and make sure that your spouse and your relationship take precedence. Tips for relationships (including those of you who are single!): 1. Don’t “should” on yourself — When you “should” on yourself, you are really putting down the masterpiece that God created in you. You truly are a one-of-a-kind! 2. If you have a critical eye– that is to say that you can spot a flaw, especially in the ones you love, in less than 10 seconds…. give it a rest! And rather than pull up the negatives, look for the positives and use the words, “Good job!” “Nice going” and “I bet that makes you feel good inside!” 3. One more thing, if you want to see a relationship with someone you love improve dramatically, in less than 48 hours, stop asking questions! It’s like magic. On that note, tuck the “why” word away and watch the relationship change before your eyes! Two of my favorite scriptures come from St. Paul — Where in Ephesians 6, he says “Children obey your parents, it is the right thing to do! Because God has placed them in authority over you.” And in the preceding chapter, Paul writes these profound words, for those of us who are married, “Honor Christ by submitting to one another.” These imperfect people that surround your life are God gifts for you! Handle these relationships with care. I have said many times that marriage and parenthood is not easy, but it is simple. God does have a simple plan for our marriages as well as for the journey of being a good parent.

Teach your children to encourage and inspire others with homemade prayer gifts at Christmastime. Here are some creative craft ideas that show children the true meaning of Christ, God’s greatest gift, coming to earth. Be sure your child delivers the gift personally, so he or she sees the joy and gratitude on the face of the recipient! A Huggable Prayer for Another Child. Things you need: A plain calico or cotton-covered toy such as a teddy bear. A fine-tipped permanent-ink fabric pen. Give a prayer that can be hugged! Purchase a plain pale-colored, firmly-stuffed soft toy. Write short prayers for the recipient on the bear or other toy and let your child sign his/her name at the end of the prayer. If your child is too young to write on the toy, have him/her compose the prayer and write the prayer on the toy for the child. Let the child wrap the gift with tinsel, bows, tissue paper or a box decorated by your son or daughter. Give the bear (toy) to a mother-to-be, a young child, someone in need of comfort and encouragement…even a student leaving home for the first time. “A time to embrace…” Ecclesiastes 3:5. Bible Promise Prayer Book. Things you need: Computer with a good graphics program and color printer, or pens and crayons. Christmas stickers may also be used. White paper (for a large book) or large white note cards (for a smaller child’s book.) Hole punch and Christmas ribbon. Create a booklet of promises that your child may want to pray for a friend or family member. You can use a Bible promise book (an easy-read Bible translation). Choose favorite Bible verses. Psalm verses can be meaningful choices for your child. Match lovely pictures from your computer graphics program, or use stickers to go with each verse. Be sure to personalize each verse by including the recipient’s name with the book. Treat each page of the card as a page in the book. Create an attractive cover and print this on card stock. The child may also make a collage of wrapping paper to make a cover for the prayer book. Hole-punch and use ribbon as the book binder. (You may also want to go to an office supply or print shop to laminate the book or simply use clear contact paper). “’I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” Jeremiah 29:11. Ornament Prayer. Things you need: cardboard, a water glass for tracing, or tracing paper. A photo of your child. Glitter, stars, foil, or wrapping paper. A wire ornament hook or ribbon Create a two-sided ornament by tracing the ornament shape onto the cardboard. Cut the traced shape to make the ornament. Be sure the ornament is large enough to accommodate the photo and the name of the child. Glue the photo of your child in the center of the ornament. Write a short prayer for the recipient on the other side of the ornament. Be sure the name of your child is written at the end of the prayer. If your child is old enough, they will want to write the prayer. You may want to write the prayer on the paper if your child is younger. Go crazy. Let the child glue, color and glitter the ornament as much as they like! (You can always sweep up the mess later)! “You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful” Psalm 139:13-14. Bookmark Prayer. Things you need: Card cut into bookmark shape(s). Scissors, Rubber stamps, inks or markers, stickers and lace or other trim, hole punch, thin cloth ribbon. Create a bookmark to give to a friend. Use all kinds of craft materials to make simple bookmarks. Match the theme of the decorations to the theme of the prayer. Write a personalized prayer for your friend on the back of the bookmark. Punch a hole in the bookmark and knot a length of ribbon through the hole. Give the bookmark as a gift to go with an encouraging book. “Let the reader understand” Mark 13:14. Quilt Prayer. Things you need. Fabric (different colors and patterns) and fabric pens. Fusible webbing Sewing thread, Embroidery threads. Batting and binding for older children. Create a quilt for your child, or for the wall, as a prayer reminder. Design a quilt or a patchwork wall hanging with equal-sized squares. Add a half-inch to the finished size of the squares to allow for edging. Create designs for the squares that remind you of different things to pray about. Many of the traditional quilting designs lend themselves to being prayer reminders. For example: Angels: prayer for protection. Hearts: reminders of God’s amazing love. Flowers: thanks for God’s creation. Car: prayer for safe travel. House: prayer for the home and family. Birds: songs of praise to God. Hands and Hearts: prayer for God to use our hands to show love to others. Flags: prayer for our country. Gold Crown: praise to God. Appliqué or iron designs onto the squares using scrap fabrics and fusible webbing, or use a traditional appliqué method. You may find quilting books or tracing designs at your local craft store. Use fabric pens or embroidery for any words your wish to write on the quilt. Sew or iron the squares together. You may also buy a solid color quilt and iron the designs onto the fabric. Adapt this idea to suit the child’s skills and time frame. Use hem tape and trim for the edging. This could be a lovely gift for a mother-to-be, a baby or elderly person. “She makes coverings for her bed” Proverbs 31:22. Doorknob Prayer. Things you need: A blank doorknob sign or stiff cardboard to make your own sign. Markers, paints, transfers, stencils, etc. Create a prayer to hang on someone’s door. Write a prayer on the blank sign with fine permanent pens. Decorate the prayer in any way you like. Laminate or seal the sign with clear contact paper. Prayers for protection are especially appropriate for the door hangers. “Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” Deuteronomy 6:9. A Christmas Cookie Tin. Things you need: Sugar cookie ingredients or pre-made sugar cookie dough, a cookie tin. Plastic colored tissue paper, ribbon and trim, fabric glue, cardboard and art supplies to make the gift card for the tin. Photograph of your child. Bake sugar cookies from your favorite cookie recipe and cut them into rounds. Put Bible verse references on the cookies with tubes of icing or a piping bag. Write or type the corresponding verses onto the inside of the gift card. Include the photo of your child on the front of the card. Wrap the circumference of the tin with curly ribbon and tie the hole-punched card to the ribbon. Another variation is to put a single word on each cookie, like love, peace, joy and use a corresponding verse on the card using the key word. “How sweet are the taste of Your words, sweeter than honey” Psalm 119:103. Be creative this Christmas. Save time to “craft” with the little people who live in your house. Have your child make a prayer gift for someone who is hurting or in need (an elderly person, a sick person or someone in a homeless shelter). Take a picture of the recipient with your child on your phone or with your camera. Print the photo. Place the photo in your child’s Bible. Pray for the person who received the gift every night as a part of your little one’s bedtime prayers. Ideas included in this article are compiled with 100 Creative Prayer Ideas for Kids by Karen Holford. Nampa, Idaho: Pacific Press Publishing, 2003. Also written and edited by Julie Barrier.

Do all men leave? For the first ten years of my marriage, I struggled with the fear of abandonment. My father and my first pastor had both left their wives for younger women. Because of what I had experienced, I allowed fearful thoughts to linger unchecked in my mind. They didn’t yell; they whispered, Eventually all men leave. Don’t let them get too close. Then they can’t disappoint you. This kind of thinking caused me to even resist small displays of affection. When John hugged me, it wasn’t long before I’d start patting him so I could pull away. One day after one of my “pat-and-pull-aways,” John asked me point blank, “How long will we have to be together before you realize I’m not going to leave you? Are you going to wait until we’re seventy?” I was stunned. “I’ll wait as long as it takes,” he continued, “but we’re going to miss out on a lot of fun in the meantime.” I realized I was making John pay for the disappointments I had with other men. I thought, Why should John have to pay for their shortcomings? That’s not fair. In an effort to protect myself, I am sabotaging our relationship. My fear of losing John in the future was robbing both of us in the present. I decided then that I would rather love John completely, even at the risk of losing him, than love him halfway and look back with regrets on what might have been. Fear and distrust keep us from thriving in marriage, for fear tenaciously clings to the past while refusing to believe something better can arise in the future. If we want God to do a new thing in our marriages, we must choose to abandon fear and accept what love would forecast for our futures. Fear expects failure, while love ultimately can never fail. Fear is a spiritual force in direct opposition to God’s love and protection in our lives. It is the opposite of love, for both love and fear operate from believe in the unseen. Love challenges us to doubt what we see and believe for what we cannot. Fear urges us to believe what is seen and doubt the unseen. When faced with the fear of failure or the hope of love, we can choose to believe one or the other, but never both. Fear displaces love; love casts out fear. …Perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. ( 1 John 4:18–19 ) Love’s ability to transform is greater than fear’s ability to ensnare. The perfect love that expels fear is only found in the experience of God’s love. Through the power of His love, we can forsake concern for self, because we know that God will faithfully tend to our needs. But if we don’t spend time in God’s presence, we cannot have an intimate knowledge of His loving nature; for His faithfulness manifests in His presence. Without knowledge of God’s true nature, we will live in constant fear of abandonment by Him or by spouses, which is a twisted form of punishment. As we grow more and more secure in God’s love for us, we can become free from fear and offer selfless love to our spouses. …Let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. ( 1 John 4:7–8 ) The stronghold of fear is what causes us to say things like, “If my spouse ever cheats on me, I will never forgive him.” Such vows, which are intended to shield us in the future, keep us from embracing the power of God’s love today. We must learn to trust God to care for our hearts, even if a spouse wounds, rejects, or betrays us. God has asked us to surrender our fears to Him. Refusal to do so tells God we don’t believe He is capable of directing our lives. We cannot submit to Jesus’s lordship without surrendering our fears. What fears are you holding on to? Dear one, let them go and watch the love of God transform you from the inside out and free you to step into your destiny. On the other side of your fear, you will discover the life you so deeply long for. www.messengerinternational.com .

When the Scriptures refer to the “heavenly host,” we usually think of “choirs of angels.” The word “host” in the Bible meant “army” (Josh. 5:13–14). It is an important truth: the hosts of Heaven are worshiping armies. Indeed, no one can do warfare who is not first a worshiper of God. The Central Issue In Tribulation: Worship One does not have to penetrate deeply into the Revelation of John to discover that both God and the devil are seeking worshipers (see Rev. 7:11; 13:4; 14:7, 11). Time and time again the line is drawn between those who “worship the beast and his image” and those who worship God. In the last great battle before Jesus returns, the outcome of every man’s life shall be weighed upon a scale of worship: in the midst of warfare and conflict to whom will we bow, God or Satan? Yet, while this warfare shall culminate in the establishment of the Lord’s kingdom on earth (see Rev. 11:15), we must realize the essence of this battle is the central issue in our warfare today. Will we faithfully worship God during satanic assault and temptation? True worship must emerge in the context of our lives now. For no man will worship through the great battles of tomorrow who complains in the mere skirmishes of today. You will remember that the Lord’s call to the Israelites was a call to worship and serve Him in the wilderness (see Exod. 7:16). Indeed, when Moses first spoke of God’s loving concern, we read that the Hebrews “bowed low and worshiped” (Exod. 4:31). But when trials and pressures came, they fell quickly into murmuring, complaining and blatant rebellion. Their worship was superficial, self-serving and conditional—an outer form without an inner heart of worship. This same condition of shallow worship prevails in much of Christianity today. If a message is given that speaks of the Lord’s great care for His people, with eagerness do we bow low and worship. But as soon as the pressures of daily living arise or temptations come, how quickly we rebel against God and resist His dealings! The enemy has easy access to the soul that is not protected by true worship of the Almighty! Indeed, the Lord’s purpose with Israel in the wilderness was to perfect true worship, which is based upon the reality of God, not circumstances. The Lord knows that the heart that will worship Him in the wilderness of affliction will continue to worship in the promised land of plenty. Without true worship of God, there can be no victory in warfare. For what we bleed when we are wounded by satanic assault or difficult circumstances is the true measure of our worship. You see, what comes out of our hearts during times of pressure is in us, but hidden during times of ease. If you are a true worshiper, your spirit will exude worship to God no matter what battle you are fighting. In warfare, worship creates a wall of fire around the soul. Protecting Your Heart Through Worship Most of us understand the basic dynamics of the human soul. We have been taught, and rightly so, that the soul is the combination of the mind, will and emotions. Generally speaking, when the enemy comes against the church, he targets any of these three areas. We must see that the protection of these areas is of vital importance in our war against Satan. To further illuminate the nature of this battle, let us add that, in addition to the mind, the will and the emotions, the soul is made of events and how we responded to those events. Who we are today is the sum of what we have encountered in life and our subsequent reactions. Abuses and afflictions hammer us one way, encouragement and praise inflate us another. Our reaction to each event, whether that event was positive or negative, is poured into the creative marrow of our individuality, where it is blended into the nature of our character. What we call memory is actually our spirit gazing at the substance of our soul. With few exceptions, those events that we remember the most have also shaped us the most. Indeed, the reason our natural minds cannot forget certain incidents is because those events have literally become part of our nature. Our soul is shaped by how well or poorly we handled our past experiences. When Scripture commands us to not look back and to “forget . . . what lies behind” (Phil. 3:13; see Luke 9:62), it is saying we must undo the consequences that have come from our unchristlike reactions. With God, this is not impossible, for though the events of our lives are irreversible, our reactions to those events can still be changed. As our wrong reactions to the past change, we change. In other words, although we cannot alter the past, we can put our past upon the “altar” as an act of worship. A worshiping heart allows God to heal and restore the soul. All of us receive a portion of both good and evil in this world. But for life to be good, God, who is the essence of life, must reach into our experiences and redeem us from our negative reactions. The channel through which the Lord extends Himself, even into our past, is our love and worship of Him. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” (Rom. 8:28). The key for the fulfillment of this verse is that we become lovers of God in our spirits. Bad things become good for “those who love God.” When we are given to loving Him, all that we have passed through in life is washed and redeemed in that love. Bad becomes good by the power of God. Therefore, it is essential to both the salvation of our souls and our protection in warfare that we be worshipers. The ship that safely carries us through the storms of adversity is worship. Psalm 84 expresses in praise to God the wonderful effect worship has upon the soul. “How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passing through the valley of Baca [weeping] they make it a spring; the early rain also covers it with blessings” (vv. 5–6). If you are “ever praising” God (Ps. 84:4), your worship of God will transform the negative assault of the enemy into “a spring” of sweet refreshing waters. No matter what befalls a worshiper, their “valley of weeping” always becomes a spring covered “with blessings.” You cannot successfully engage in warfare, nor pass safely through the wilderness of this life, without first becoming a worshiper of God. Worship: The Purpose Of Creation We were created for God’s pleasure. We were not created to live for ourselves but for Him. And while the Lord desires that we enjoy His gifts and His people, He would have us know we were created first for His pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them further and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem “smitten of God, and afflicted” (Isa. 53:4). Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord’s purpose for creation. One would think that God would protect them, guarding them in such a way that they would not be marred. Instead, they are marred more than others. Indeed, the Lord seems pleased to crush them, putting them to grief. For in the midst of their physical and emotional pain, their loyalty to Christ grows pure and perfect. And in the face of persecutions, their love and worship toward God become all-consuming. Would that all Christ’s servants were so perfectly surrendered. Yet God finds His pleasure in us all. But as the days of the Kingdom draw near and the warfare at the end of this age increases, those who have been created solely for the worship of God will come forth in the power and glory of the Son. With the high praises of God in their mouth, they will execute upon His enemies the judgment written (see Ps. 149). They will lead as generals in the Lord’s army of worshipers. Orginally titled “Army of Worshippers.” www.frangipane.org. Used by permission.

“Happiness” is an over-used, misunderstood term. The word happy literally comes from the root word “happenstance.” “Happiness” is something that happens to you. We say “Happy Birthday” or “Happy New Year.” We talk about happy hour as a place where you can go to buy cheap drinks and appetizers. Then the hour ends. Disneyland advertisers call their theme park the “Happiest Place on Earth.” I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Disneyland. We took our kids to the Magic Kingdom. We had fun, but when we stood in line 95-degree heat on black pavement for and hour and forty minutes we weren’t happy. All of us live our lives in this tension. We want to be happy, but a lot of what happens to us causes us to be unhappy. Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:10: “God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” Whoa – wait a minute … again that word “God blesses” is one word in the original language. It could literally be translated as “divine favor” or “blessed” or “happy.” Happy are those who are persecuted for doing right. As you read through this passage in Matthew 5, Jesus assures us twice that the persecuted are blessed. It’s as if he’s saying there are double blessings to you when you are going through a difficult time because you are a follower of Christ. Double blessing. Happy are you because people are persecuting you. We can experience an inner peace and an inner joy that co-exists with tough circumstances. It is possible to have this happiness within us even through persecution, sufferings and setbacks. Focusing on our problems and difficulties is a happiness-killer. We must look beyond those to the hope of Heaven and the love of God, to the peace and the reward that we will ultimately receive as we follow Christ. What you focus on tends to be what you see. You’ll start to see Jesus and experience His strength and power in the midst of your trouble and problems. Christ’s divine blessing can give us the power to say and do miraculous things even when everything and everyone around us is going against us. A perfect example of a man who rose above his problems and challenges was the English statesman William Wilberforce. Wilberforce was elected to parliament at the age of 21. This bold young man of 21 years stood in front of parliament for four and one-half hours and argued to abolish slave trade. His motion was summarily voted down. For the next 23 years, every single year, William Wilberforce did the same thing. He stood up in parliament pleading for the abolishment of the slave trade. He was mocked. He received death threats. People wrote horrible things about him. He was the brunt of jokes and the subject of satirical cartoons in the newspapers. Wilberforce was persecuted for doing what was right. This godly man could have focused on his troubles, but he never did. He continued to keep his eyes on God and passionately pursue the calling God gave him. After twenty-three grueling years, the vote tipped in favor of abolishing the slave trade. History books tell us that the day the English government abolished slavery, everyone rose to their feet. The resounding ovation was one of the longest in the history of the British parliament. Do you know how William Wilberforce responded? He sat in his seat with his face in his hands and he wept. Undaunted by persecution, this godly servant spent twenty-three years of difficulty and struggle to fight for his cause. But God told him he had not finished his mission. Wilberforce, continued to persevere. For the next twenty years, the crusader gave his life to another phase of that campaign-freeing the existing slaves. This great saint fought that battle until the final days before he died. While Wilberforce lay on his deathbed, parliament finally voted to free all of the slaves. His colleagues came and told him that finally it had been done. All existing slaves were freed! This compassionate, visionary Christian man also fought for single mothers and orphans. He defended the poor. He was unstoppable, and I think he represented the heart of Jesus Christ in such a powerful way. Peter writes in I Peter 3:13 “Now who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for doing what is right God will reward you for it. Don’t worry or be afraid of their threats; instead you must worship Christ as Lord of your life.” You follow Christ; you remember who and whose you are and do what’s right. Jesus exhorts us to rejoice when we suffer great difficulties and obstacles. In Matthew 5:12, Christ encourages us to rejoice: “Be happy about it. Be very glad.” It could be translated as “jump for joy.” What? You want me to jump for joy? He’s saying in the midst of difficulty and hardships you can rejoice. I think what Jesus means is that between what happens to us and how we chose to respond is one of our greatest life-tests. Jump for joy. Keep jumping even when you suffer. Rejoicing is the gasoline that fuels your engine to keep moving forward with God’s passion and power. Wilberforce knew the key to facing impossible obstacles and suffering was rejoicing in God. We have a choice to make. We may be victims, but we don’t have to live as victims. We can choose to live differently. Do you know the saying, pain is inevitable, but misery is optional? We may face pain in our lives from any number of directions, but how we choose to deal with that will determine whether or not we are miserable. Your attitude is the one thing that you can control. Jesus says to learn in the midst of those difficulties–to rejoice. And when you learn the power of rejoicing, God can help you move mountains and change the course of history.

Sermons, talks, and books on discipleship usually give a basic definition of disciple as “learner.” But the New Testament gives us a more thrilling and dynamic definition of a disciple and the cost that follows. Take for example the parable of the soils in Matthew 13. How do we know a disciple from merely a “learner”? Matthew 13:23 says, “He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.” A disciple is, by nature—by definition!—a multiplier. Disciples are not merely learners but fruit-bearing disciple-makers; they multiply themselves. Dynamic Definition As you read the New Testament, you see that discipleship is complex and thrilling. Hans Kvalbein wrote in 1988 a Themelios article on the concept of discipleship in the New Testament (see the entire archive of Themelios articles) that gives strength and depth to how local churches should think, talk, and teach about discipleship. He gives 13 theses on discipleship. Here are several of them in summary form: The first word for Christians was not “Christians” but “disciples.” Newcomers to the faith saw themselves in relationship to the risen Lord Jesus in some way similar to the relationship of the first disciples to the earthly rabbi Jesus. A disciple learns by hearing his Master and doing like his Master. This is explicitly commanded by Jesus in John 13: “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set an example that you should do as I have done for you.” The disciples are chosen by Jesus. He says, “You did not choose me, But I chose you to go and bear fruit” (John 15:16). Life as a disciple is “death and resurrection” with Christ, inaugurated in Christian baptism. Baptism is initiation into discipleship, giving admittance to the “school” of Jesus and starting a new life in obedience to him and his commands. To be a disciple is to be called to make new disciples. Throughout the New Testament, the term “disciple” is a dynamic concept. It implies multiplication. All nations have been invited to this mission. “He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world” (1 John 2:2). You can read the rest of Kvalbein’s helpful article for the entire list and helpful summaries. The Cost As we should expect, whenever the New Testament explains discipleship, it immediately warns us of the cost. Being a follower of Jesus splits up your family, threatens your life, and calls you to radical sacrifice of your job, finances, desires, hopes, and reputation. However, the cost comes after a promise. When Jesus tells his disciples to “sell your possessions, and give to the needy” (Luke 12:32), he does so after a very important assurance: “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” In Jesus’ day, they didn’t have banks, savings, or CDs. Their net-worth was found in their possessions. Jesus is saying, if you are my disciple, you should be able to radically give, even if it means dipping into your savings (see Joel Green’s The Gospel of Luke). But notice the order. Jesus doesn’t say, “Sell everything, give to the poor, and God will give you his kingdom.” It’s the exact opposite. Disciples can be radical in their giving because they’ve already been given the kingdom. Christ became poor, so his disciples might become rich (2 Cor. 8:9), and out of infinite riches, disciples become generous. Another example is when Jesus instructs his disciples that he will be sending them out as “sheep in the midst of wolves,” and the wolves will “deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synagogues” (Matthew 10:16-17). That’s not a very encouraging rallying cry for church growth and evangelism! Notice that Jesus isn’t saying that they will be suddenly attacked by wolves; he’s sending them out into them. This is deliberate. They will be mocked, shamed, and possibly even killed. He knows this will happen to them, because that’s what the wolves will do to him. No servant is greater than his Master. Only when disciples are filled with God’s grace can they go into the wolves hoping to see some turn into lambs. Discipleship is as dynamic and costly as the gospel. Disciples can give up anything, go anywhere, and risk everything because the gospel has filled us with good things that can never be taken away. John Starke is an editor for The Gospel Coalition and lead pastor of All Souls Church in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. http://www.gospelcoalition.org. Used by permission of the author.

“There are six things the LORD hates – no, seven things he detests . . . a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.” ~ Proverbs 6:16, 19 How are seeds of discord sown? One way is to tell others what someone allegedly said about them. The first is rather subtle so it broadsides many Christians when it takes place. One of your friends . . . a Christian, perhaps even a member of your fellowship . . . says the following to you: ”You know, Jimmy doesn’t like you . . . I’m telling you this because I’m your friend.” Or they may say something like: “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I think you should know that Twila said such and such about you.” Immediately, your defenses go up. You feel insulted. Hurt. You suddenly look at Jimmy and Twila, whom you’ve regarded as trusted friends, in a completely different light. Your friend was doing you a favor by telling you these things . . . right? Think again. The problem is that in most cases where I’ve seen this play out, the person reporting on Jimmy’s feelings or Twila’s words isn’t telling you the truth. Re-read that sentence. Sometimes they are spinning. Other times they are flat-out lying. The motive? It’s usually because they don’t like Jimmy or Twila and they want you to dislike them too. Or maybe your friend is buddies with Jimmy or Twila and they are jealous that you are close to them also. So they want to sabotage the relationship. Other times the motives aren’t so dark. Your friend has simply “read into” the words of Twila or Jimmy and thought the worst. And they are passing on to you what they assume Jimmy is feeling and what Twila may have meant. Or . . . they heard someone else pass on to them what Twila or Jimmy allegedly said. So they are engaging in gossip. The person hearing such reports . . . in this case you . . . usually believes it, never thinking to go to Jimmy or Twila privately and directly to ask, “ I was told that you may have an issue or a concern with me. Is this true? Are we okay?” Or even more boldly, “Someone told me that you said such and such . . . please be honest with me and let me know if you said this or something similar or if the person who gave me this report is bearing false witness.” This direct approach will get things out on the table . If Twila or Jimmy did say whatever was reported to you, you can work it out with them. If they didn’t, well . . . your friend is sowing seeds of discord. When this direct approach isn’t taken, however, dissension is sown and rifts occur. Suddenly, there’s a rift between you and Jimmy . . . or you and Twila. . . and they haven’t the foggiest idea why. They can just feel distance from you. All because of lies, spin, or misinterpretation on the part of one person . . . what the Bible calls a “whisperer” or a “troublemaker.” “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” (Proverbs 16:28, ESV) “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (Proverbs 16:28, NLT) So the next time someone comes to you bearing bad news of what someone allegedly said about you or what they allegedly think of you, there’s an excellent chance that they are sowing seeds of discord. The antidote? Go to the person in question directly. It will reveal a great deal. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24) If your friend is sowing seeds of discord in your life, there’s a good chance that they are doing the same in the lives of others as well. What is another way to sow seeds of discord? One sure way to destroy a friendship, alienate people, and cause division is to judge another person’s motives. It’s perfectly fine to judge someone’s actions. Lying about someone is wrong. Paying them a sincere compliment is good. Those are value judgments. But to impute motives to their hearts is wrong and Scripture condemns it. When someone says something like, “Tommy told that joke because he was trying to garner attention and is full of pride.” Or . . . “Candy wore that dress because she was trying to impress Rick.” Or . . . “Bill posted that update on his Facebook page because he was trying to make Andrea jealous.” Or . . . “Tim said all of that in order to prove to himself that he’s better than his father.” They are attempting to read someone else’s heart. The irony is that in many cases – if not most – the person who is ascribing a bad motive to another person is simply revealing what’s in their own hearts. This is called “projection.” An individual cannot face their own shortcomings and defects so they unconsciously project them onto other people. They accuse others of the very same dark things that are lurking deep within their own hearts. As I put it in another place, In Matthew 7:1–4, Jesus points out that those with defective eyesight are all too willing to perform eye surgery on others. Yet within this text, the Lord makes this chilling assessment: If you impute an evil motive onto someone else, you’re simply making known what your motives are. To put it another way, the piece of sawdust we see in our brother’s eye is simply a small chip off the two-by-four that lies within our own. And a piece of wood will always distort our vision. When people cannot face the reality of what’s in their own hearts, they project it onto others—particularly those who they find threatening to their egos. (Excerpted from Revise Us Again.) To assume and disparage a person’s intentions is to sow seeds of discord and create division. May we never judge someone’s motives, therefore. Love always thinks the best. It never second-guesses or imputes evil. It always treats others the same way we want to be treated. And no one wants their motives judged. Only God can peer into the human heart. So we are wise to leave such business in His hands.

I am an out-of-the-box parenting problem solver. A clever method of getting little “ankle biters” to obey is less exhausting and more successful than ranting, raving, blaming, pleading, begging or threatening. It’s all about responsibility The first thing to remember about Reality Discipline is that you want your children to learn to think for themselves and learn to become more responsible through guidance and action-oriented techniques. In an article from First Things First , Dr. Leman says, “Action-oriented discipline is based on the reality that there are times when you have to pull the rug out and let the little buzzards tumble. I mean disciplining your children in such a way that he/she accepts responsibility and learns accountability for his actions.” Here’s an example. When my brother was in high school, my mother implemented Reality Discipline without realizing it. My little brother, Gannon, could sleep through a tornado (or a hurricane or tsunami) and my mother was tired of waking him up every morning and saying, “You’d better hurry, or you’re going to miss the bus.” Finally, Mom thought, I’m not waking him up anymore. He can be late. Just as she suspected, Gannon did miss the bus and was forced to walk the mile to school. Much to my mother’s delight, he was never late again. She didn’t have to beg, plead, give him ultimatums or nag Gannon one more time. Instead, she let reality do the discipline. A little bit of ice cream can do the trick One afternoon, I had the privilege of listening to Dr. Leman explain on the radio how reality discipline teaches responsibility. He told an engaging story about a mother whose preschool son was driving her bananas because every day when she stopped to pick him up from preschool, he ran from her on the playground. She felt like a fool for being outrun by a preschooler while teachers and parents looked on. Desperate, she asked Dr. Leman for advice. Dr. Leman suggested that if her son ran from her next time, she should ask another adult on the playground if they would be kind enough to keep an eye on her son for a few minutes. Then she should drive away, go to the nearest ice cream shop, purchase a cone for herself and drive back to the school to pick up her son. Then, when her little guy got in the car and asked, “Where’s my ice cream?” he told the woman she should cheerfully say, “Well you could have had some ice cream, but you ran away; so I had to go get some alone.” One point for mom; zero for Junior. That’s Reality Discipline. No ranting. No raving. No warnings. Just cool, collected action with some quick, clever thinking to make your point loud and clear. Sounds great, right? Here are some basic principles of Reality Discipline to help you get (and keep) the upper hand with your kids. Don’t focus on creating a happy child In his book Have a New Kid by Friday , Dr. Leman says that the goal of parenting is not to create happy kids; rather, it’s to create responsible kids. This means Junior will probably be pretty unhappy that he didn’t get an ice cream cone; he may even throw a fit, and rant and rave — but he will become more responsible and respectful. Don’t back down, but do stay cool as a cucumber. Remind yourself that it’s a battle of the wits and the wills, and you will win. Understand your child’s reality According to Dr Leman, if you want to use Reality Discipline effectively, you need to know what’s important to your child — what really moves him in his reality. Your child may value money, sports, a daily cookie break, staying up late or spending time with friends. Parents who know how to use Reality Discipline make creative connections between bad behavior and discipline through action rather than through warnings, nagging or threats. For example, suppose you ask your ten-year-old daughter (who loves saving money) to take out the trash. She ignores you, and thirty minutes later the trash is still sitting by the back door. With a little creativity, you decide to implement some Reality Discipline. Instead of reminding your daughter about the trash, you enlist her younger sister to take it out . Then you take some money out of your ten-year-old daughter’s allowance and give it to her sister for a job well done. Can you imagine the peace and satisfaction that could come from being such a quick-witted parent? Note: If you want to use Reality Discipline, you have to listen to your child. Then you’ll know what will move him to responsibility. The more you understand what’s important to him, the more ammunition you’ll have in your arsenal to “train up” your child in the way he should go. Make sure that Reality Discipline is grounded in love In Have a New Kid by Friday , Dr. Leman writes, “Show me a mean teacher, and I’ll show you a good one.” If you find that you are a permissive parent who is afraid of “pulling the rug out from under your child” as Dr. Leman suggests, remember that Reality Discipline is not unkind. Instead, when it’s motivated by love to help your child mature into a responsible adult, it’s a very good gift. Dr. Kevin Leman: Have a New Kid by Friday.

Transferred Guilt When church leaders serve the living Christ in love, aggressive faith, and prayerful humility, the people who live under their anointing become rich in the presence of God. Conversely, when a leader blatantly sins or is led into deception, the heartache of his downfall is absorbed into the spirits of those following him. This precept, that a leader’s sin carries consequences which affect people negatively is seen in all facets of life. Do you remember what you felt when you heard of past leader’s sins? Former President Clinton’s sins? Or when famous evangelist Jimmy Swaggert fell? Consider the distress that crushes a family when a parent falls in to serious iniquity. Unless it is remedied, the impact of these events is similar to that of a curse upon one’s life. Another example is seen when David ordered Joab, a general, to take a census of Israel. Joab begged the king, “Why does my lord want to do this? Why should he bring guilt on Israel?” (1 Chr 21:3 NIV) David’s sin brought “guilt on Israel” and a plague struck killing thousands. The Lord provides a means to deal with both the leader’s sin and its subsequent effect upon people. He says, “If the anointed priest sins so as to bring guilt on the people, then let him offer to the Lord a bull without defect as a sin offering” (Lev 4:3). Guilt is that terrible mixture of fear, shame, apprehension and anger. It is a state of being that exists outside of the blessedness of a right relationship with God. The “guilt on the people” does not mean that they have sinned, but that the effect of sin has positioned them in an “unblessable state of being.” This “unblessed state,” be it anger or heartache, as legitimate as they seem, is now a “guilt on the people” which must be acknowledged and atoned for. As much as they wish it were otherwise, wounded congregations often carry a discernible cloud of heaviness upon them; for years, the influence of their wounding surfaces in conversations, attitudes of cynicism or in fearful anticipations. Worse, their shared, unremedied pain becomes a bee hive of demonic exploitation, where human attitudes of mistrust, anger and confusion remain vulnerable to demonic manipulation. The Amplified Bible, speaking of the effects, or the dwelling place, of unexpiated sin, gives us an insight into this demonic infestation. It reads, “the shades of the dead are there [specters haunting the scene of past transgressions]” (Prov 9:18). That understanding, that “specters haunt . . . the scene of past transgressions,” tells us that when we pass through the disappointment and heartache caused by another’s sin, if we do not find a way to react as Christ, our human reactions can become a magnet for ongoing warfare. Thus, to move into the blessed future, we must be cleansed of the unredeemed past. What is especially unfortunate is that the unredeemed past can be transferred to individuals who join a church, yet were never partakers of the original wounding. New believers come to churches where mistrust of leadership has residence. Soon, though the osmosis of human relationships, the same fears, mistrust and suspicions that were resident in the old Christians surface in the life of the new Christian. Simply replacing pastors will not bring healing; what needs replacing is the cloud of heaviness that remains in that church. For, not only did the fallen leader need forgiveness, cleansing and renewal in Christ but, as we stated, what was transferred to the people must be cleansed as well. Perhaps we are tempted to think, “So what? Leaders come and go. I walk with God. Their fall doesn’t affect me.” Individually, you may indeed be blessed; but you will never know the descent of the Lord’s corporate blessing on a church until you experience renewal. If we fail to deal with the effect fallen leadership has had on us, it is possible that our future relationships with church leaders will be colored with fear and suspicion. Remember, the Lord’s promise is that He will raise up, ”‘Shepherds over [His people] and they will tend them; and they will not be afraid any longer, nor be terrified, nor will any be missing” (Jer 23:4). Unless we are cleansed of the effect of our negative experience, the filter of our mistrust might disqualify us from seeing godly leaders when the Lord brings us to them. You see, there is a corporate blessing coming to the church which is greater than the individual blessing. The corporate blessing is greater for it carries a unique reward to those who overcome offenses and persevere in faith for each other and their leaders. This is the Pentecost anointing that was in the 120 who were able to overcome the failings of the original twelve. Here is where God touches multitudes, turns cities, and empowers His people with the life of heaven. You may say, “Ours is a new church; our leaders have not fallen in sin.” Locally, your church may be clean, but the tremors caused when national leaders fall have impacted churches also. And, one does not have to be a church historian to recall how many major spiritual leaders have fallen in recent years. Each time one fell, the “mistrust level” toward all church leaders increased. The cumulative effect of moral failure, both on a national and local level, has smothered the fire in many Christian hearts. If you are a pastor and you are wondering why people do not respond to your teaching as you would hope, it might be they are carrying woundedness from a previous leader. Among regular church attenders, this woundedness has been translated into a polite, yet numbing attitude of unbelief and suspicion a filter of mistrust. They may not hear you because of they have distanced themselves from the memory of pain; and distance hinders hearing. The Cleansing River of Forgiveness The antidote for a leader’s sin in the Old Testament was to “offer to the Lord a bull without defect as a sin offering.” Of course, we have a Sacrifice for sins greater than the blood of bulls and goats, but until we apply Christ’s sacrifice to this need, it remains, affecting us negatively. Indeed, one of the great graces of the Christian faith is that, as we yield to God, He makes all things new. On a personal level, this renewal work is as effective as our ability to forgive those who hurt us and let go of the past. It is a profound opportunity, but we can be delivered from being old, hardened wineskins and face the future trusting God for new beginnings! Thus, to facilitate this new grace, let me speak for all leaders who have failed you. Forgive us. For every leader who stumbled badly, remember there are a hundred still climbing the mountain of God. Release that man or woman who, in their immaturity, misused spiritual authority or betrayed the solemn responsibilities entrusted to them and fell in sin. Again, I ask you to forgive leaders who have fallen or failed your expectations. Let us also take up our positions to intercede for our leaders. God never intended that congregations would not participate in their leaders protection and inspiration. Your leadership reflects, at least in part, the answer to your prayers. Unprayed for pastors are vulnerable to the battle in unique ways. If you haven’t stood in intercession, perhaps you are, at least in part, a contributor to his stumbling. No one knows how long it shall be before Christ returns and is fully glorified in His saints. Until then, God calls us to an ever renewing work of grace, one which takes us glory to glory. Inevitably, we shall return many times to this process of forgiving, cleansing and renewal. In truth, God shall remove every wrinkle from our past and present to His Son a church without the defects of sin or the reactions of heartache, a bride without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. www.frangipane.org . Used by permission.

When forced to choose their top priority in life, Christian women overwhelmingly pick family over faith, according to a new survey from Barna Research. Five times more women chose “being a mother or parent” than chose “being a follower of Christ,” as their most important role in life. These stunning survey results give us a clue as to why Christianity is so rapidly changing into a family-centered faith; why Christian culture is feminizing; and why the gender gap in many denominations continues to grow. The researchers wrote: Though women project a calm, confident exterior when it comes to their faith, the research suggests their spiritual lives are rarely their most important source of identity. That role is taken up by the strong priority Christian women place on family. The preeminence of family was most overt for Christian women when it came to naming the highest priority in their lives. More than half (53%) says their highest priority in life is family. By contrast, only one third as many women (16%) rate faith as their top priority, which is less than the cumulative total of women who say their health (9%), career performance (5%) or comfortable lifestyle (5%) are top on their list of life objectives. Despite the characterization of women as intricately connected to their peers, only 3% of Christian women say their friends are their top priority, equal to those who place finances (2%) and leisure (1%) at the top. Women’s sense of identity very closely follows their priorities, with 62% of women saying their most important role in life is as a mother or parent. Jesus came next: 13% of Christian women believe their most important role in life is as a follower of Christ. In third place is their role as wife (11%). Any other roles women identify with came in at similarly low rankings and far below that of a parent, including that of employee or executive (3%), that of church member (2%) and that of friend or neighbor (2%). American citizen, teacher and caregiver all rank with one percent each. The researchers continue: Perhaps not surprisingly given where they place their identity, Christian women also point to family-related objectives as their most important goal in life. Raising their children well is the highest goal for Christian women (36%). While, roughly one quarter of Christian women identify faith-oriented goals as most important (26%). Though women consider themselves family-driven, their marriages may be suffering from a lack of intentionality: only 2% of Christian women say their most important goal in life is to enhance their relationship with their significant other. Marriage comes in below several other goals, including health (6%), career (5%), lifestyle (4%), personal growth (4%), morality (4%) and financial objectives (3%). Only goals related to personal appearance, relationships outside the home and travel come in lower than marital goals. Why are today’s Christian women so family and relationship focused? In an earlier series of blog posts (part 1 and part 2) I observed how the church’s core product had changed from eternal salvation to interpersonal relationships over the past 50 years. Church is no longer the place to go to save your soul; it’s the place you go to save your messed-up family. Barna’s research confirms what I’ve suspected for a decade: modern Christianity is brazenly marketing itself to its core constituency – married women. Without these women the church machine cannot function. Christian authors, songwriters, preachers and talk show hosts know the importance of married women and they work very hard to satisfy their deepest desire. And what is that desire? Happy relationships, by a landslide. All this attention to relationships within the church may be creating a feedback loop: as Christians absorb more and more church teaching on relationships, they begin to see the Gospel through this lens. A new generation of Christians is emerging that sees church as something that exists to protect and promote healthy relationships. The fact that Christian women overwhelmingly choose family over faith is no surprise – what’s so shocking is that so many now admit it. It’s become acceptable among churchgoing women to publicly state, “I place my family above all else.” David Kinnaman, president of Barna research said, “Others may conclude this study shows too many women have created an ‘idol’ of their family, perhaps at the expense of their devotion to Christ.” While the Bible certainly endorses interpersonal harmony, Scripture is not chock-full of happy relationship advice. Whenever Jesus spoke of relationships he usually predicted their demise (Matt. 10:34-35), or promised rewards for people who abandoned their loved ones (Luke 18:29-30). God takes no delight in dysfunctional relationships, but neither did he send his son so you could have a regular date night. Good relationships are a blessing. They are not the reason Jesus died a horrible death on the cross. The church’s increasing focus on relationships may be leading women to take an unrealistic view of their faith. Parts one and three of the survey reveal women’s very high levels of satisfaction with their churches and their spiritual lives. More than two thirds of women say they are making the most of their gifts and potential at church and doing meaningful ministry. Speaking of their personal lives, more than two-thirds say they are filled with, “joy, spiritual freedom and fulfillment,” while just 3% admit to struggling “a lot” with fear, doubt or confusion. (When I shared this statistic with my wife who ministers to women, she laughed out loud. “They’re in total denial,” she said.) Commenting on the research, Kinnaman asked: Has raising children and doing it well become central to the definition of being a good Christian? If the answer to Kinnaman’s question is, “yes,” then we’ve given men another reason to find their purpose outside the church. As Christianity becomes known as a family-building institution, it will attract more women. Some married men will still come, but young, single childless men will have no reason to get involved. These are precisely the men Jesus attracted as his followers, and precisely the men we’re losing in the church today. We owe Barna Research a big “thank you” for this survey. And I commend these women for being honest about their true priorities, instead of blindly parroting the “God comes first” language they’ve heard in church. However, I’ll close this post with four challenges: To Christian women: honestly, ruthlessly examine your priorities. Everything in this life passes away, even family (except if you’re a Mormon?). As followers of Christ, your identity should be rooted in the eternal. To Christian men: ask your wives the same questions Barna asked the women. Help them see the larger picture of what God is doing in this world. When you pray with your wives, ask for things besides safety, health, and happy relationships. Pray for big things outside your circle, such as the advancement of the kingdom, mercy for the persecuted and food for the hungry. To Pastors: please, dial back those sermon series on relationships. I know it’s a hot topic and it packs the pews, but you need to realize that these series can alienate men and breed narcissism in your congregation. Teach your people to derive their identity from God, not from their relational network. Your men will thank you. And finally, to Barna Research: please survey Christian men with these same questions. I feel another book coming on…

I’m a member of Alaska’s largest church. It’s a lot like every other megachurch. We meet in a cavernous, windowless room with stage lighting and two huge projection screens. We’re led by a rock band and a casually dressed pastor. The service lasts exactly 75 minutes. Our church draws a large crowd who attends sporadically. There’s a relatively small, highly committed core of members that keeps the machine going. I like my church. But it’s in Anchorage, 26 miles from my house. It’s summertime and I’m lazy. So my wife and I have been worshipping at a small traditional church in our little town of Chugiak. (Let’s call it First Church of Chugiak) We’ve been enjoying our Sundays at First Church. The richness and rigor of the liturgy is refreshing after years of seeker-sensitive services. It’s an eight-course meal, carefully measured out for us by church fathers – confession, forgiveness, praise, instruction, communion, giving, fellowship and benediction. It’s like a spiritual multivitamin in an easy-to-swallow, hour-long pill. First Church has a lot going for it. The people are friendly, but not pushy. There is a healthy number of kids and young adults. The facility is well kept. The sermons are insightful. We love the depth of the hymns – and the people sing robustly (as opposed to most megachurches where very few people sing). It takes my wife back to the 100-member churches of her youth. But last Sunday was different. Once a month, this little church does a contemporary service. Gina and I were surprised – unpleasantly so. We arrived to find the pastor without his clerical robe. A projection screen had been lowered in front of the organ pipes. We sang praise choruses instead of hymns, led by a solo guitarist who had trouble keeping the beat. The congregation did not seem to know the songs, so they sang tentatively. On a positive note, the sermon was good as usual, and the pastor skillfully used PowerPoint slides to reinforce his message. But on balance, the overall quality of the service was not up to par. Had this been our first Sunday at First Church, it’s unlikely that we would have returned. So what went wrong? This little church was trying to be something it’s not. First Church is a traditional church. And it’s very good at being a traditional church. But it’s a lousy contemporary church. Here’s the advice I give every congregation – be who you are. Do what you do well – and do it over and over. If you’re going to innovate, do so within the bounds of your culture. It’s an article of faith these days that contemporary worship is the way to go if you want your church to grow. Thousands of churches will be planted this year – and every one will offer contemporary worship. Hymns are out – love songs to Jesus are in. Traditional churches have seen young believers flocking to megachurches, so naturally they want to get in on the growth. But this is foolish. Smaller traditional churches lack the musical depth, computer controlled lighting or special effects that are needed to generate the “worship high” that young believers associate with God. Rock music seems out of place in a brightly lit chapel festooned with felt banners and stained glass. People come to church to encounter God. A good worship service is transcendent; it helps people detach from this present world to connect with the divine. But when traditional churches try to be contemporary it usually comes across as forced, stilted or artificial. This dissonance jerks people back into the mundane world. Worshippers focus on the distraction instead of the Lord. So once again here’s my advice to every church: be who you are . Do what you do well – and do it over and over. Don’t worry about what some other church is doing. Radio stations understand this principle. You won’t find the local pop music station playing the occasional Beethoven concerto. Nor will the country music station spin Lil Wayne’s latest rap record. Our local “Mix” radio station plays a variety of songs – but they’re all within the same genre – familiar pop/rock hits of the past 30 years. If your church is big enough to offer two services, it might make sense to designate one a “traditional service” and the other a “contemporary one.” But if you offer just one service, stick with what you do best. About a year ago I was filming a documentary at a traditional United Methodist Church that is growing by focusing on men. They sing hymns accompanied by piano and organ. They already attract a fairly young crowd (median age 42) and their nursery is packed with babies. They’re obviously doing a lot of things right. During filming I interviewed the woman in charge of the worship committee. After the camera stopped rolling, she happened to mention that the church was preparing to recruit a rock band for the occasional contemporary worship service. I strongly encouraged her NOT to do this. Our conversation went something like this: Me: Why? You’re already the fastest growing Methodist church in your conference. Woman: We’ve had a couple of people ask for it. We think the young people will like it more. Me: Have you asked the young people if it matters to them? Woman: No. Me: Have you talked to any other traditional churches that have tried to add contemporary worship to see how it went? Woman: No. Me: I’d do that first. I think you’ll stick with what you’re doing. As of now, Grace UMC is sticking with the piano and organ. They sing a mix of hymns and praise songs. They do not have a band. They are doing what they do well. And they’re still growing. Oh, and one more thing: they have more active men than women. In my estimation, that’s one sign of a healthy church.

Me. Myself. And I. The three people we tend to care about the most in western civilization. Since the fall of Adam and Eve, the sickness of self-absorption has infected all of humanity, but it has particularly affected segments of the population that have adopted cultural values that revolve around the preservation of personal happiness. We are narcissists. In their book, The Narcissism Epidemic, psychologists Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell explore the rise of narcissism in American culture… Understanding the narcissism epidemic is important because its long-term consequences are destructive to society. American culture’s focus on self-admiration has caused a flight from reality to the land of grandiose fantasy. We have phony rich people (with interest-only mortgages and piles of debt), phony beauty (with plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures), phony athletes (with performance-enhancing drugs), phony celebrities (via reality TV and YouTube), phony genius students (with grade inflation), a phony national economy (with $18 trillion of government debt), phony feelings of being special among children (with parenting and education focused on self-esteem), and phony friends (with the social networking explosion). All this fantasy might feel good, but, unfortunately, reality always wins. The mortgage meltdown and the resulting financial crisis are just one demonstration of how inflated desires eventually crash to earth. So how do you know when you’re a carrier of this deadly disease? Well, first of all, you are. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.– I saiah 53:7 NLT Obviously, some of us are affected by the narcissism more than others. There are plenty of people in our society who commit selfless acts of kindness on a daily basis and even heroic self-sacrificing deeds on occasion. We support causes, give to charity, and try to protect the people we love. But on the whole, we’re still highly concerned with protecting and providing for ourselves above anyone else. Thankfully, narcissism is a disease with a cure. But few people will discover the antidote and among those who hear about its healing power will be willing to swallow it entirely, having counted the cost of doing so. The cure for our narcissism epidemic is found in the cross. Jesus put it this way: Jesus told his disciples, “The nation’s leaders, the chief priests, and the teachers of the Law of Moses will make the Son of Man suffer terribly. They will reject him and kill him, but three days later he will rise to life.” Then Jesus said to all the people: If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself. You must take up your cross each day and follow me. If you want to save your life, you will destroy it. But if you give up your life for me, you will save it. What will you gain, if you own the whole world but destroy yourself or waste your life? Luke 9:22-25 CEV Practice self-forgetfulness. Take up your cross. Daily. Follow Jesus. That’s it. Stop focusing on your own wants and desires above all others and instead, embrace your cross on a daily basis and follow the example of Jesus in every possible way. And what does it mean to take up your cross? Well, it’s not about trying harder, doing better, or improving self. That’s all junk that came from our narcissism to begin with. Taking up our cross is a choice we must consciously make, but the cross we bear isn’t ours to choose. Just as Jesus submitted himself to every single detail of the painful plan of God for his life down to the last drop of blood he spilled on the cross, so we must choose to recognize that God himself is the very center of our universe and His will supersedes ours in every way. Whether life or death, happiness or suffering, taking up our cross involves us saying, as Jesus did in the garden on the eve of his death, “whatever you will, God.” Think of it this way. You don’t fly to Chicago. You can try, but your arms will get rather tired. What you can do is decide to get on the plane and allow yourself to go where the pilot takes you. Furthermore, the choice to take up our cross and follow Jesus is both a one-time decision as well as a daily series of decisions. I’m still learning to follow Him. I’m still fighting the remaining effects of the disease of narcissism. Thankfully, when I fail, I get to fall on the inexhaustible grace of God, look back to Jesus, and start following him again. The antidote is within reach. It’s free for the taking. Salvation is a gift from the Father of the One who died to make our redemption possible. Re-printed from www.brandoncox.com. Visit www.gracehillschurch.com.