"Don't look now," said Steve, our associate pastor of counseling. "I see Don Perry sitting with his fourth wife. Wives one and three just walked up the aisle and sat down right behind them. In the interim wives numbers one and three had become good friends. Their friendship certainly centered around their comparative misadventures marriages with Don. I don't know what happened to wife number two. I couldn't help myself. I looked. I stared. It was obvious that Don now realized that his two earlier wives were sitting behind him. He began to blush, probably because wives one and three were making comments loud enough for the people around them to hear. I didn't catch it at the time, but I was seeing serial monogamy played out before my very eyes. Serial monogamy is not much different from regular polygamy. Serial monogamy is having more than one wife/husband, just not all at the same time. We have our own version of polygamy; we have several wives/husbands, one after another, after another. We would never justify real polygamy. Polygamy is taboo. However, having a series of wives/husbands in succession is quite acceptable in our American culture. This is called serial monogamy I receive a lot of questions from husbands in West Africa where polygamy is a cultural reality. Their problem is that they recently became Christians and are now learning that the Bible defines marriage is one man and one woman for a life time. They want to do the Christian thing; unfortunately, they already have two or more wives, and two or more families and several children from different mothers. Their questions usually sound something like this: "Should I pick one wife and family over the others?" That is how the Bible says we are to live. But, I am the sole support for all of my wives and their children. If I pick one above the rest then the others will have no means of support and be reduced to begging in abject poverty. Most will likely starve before too long. Help!" I received a letter this week from a man in India who is caught up in serial monogamy. The questioner is struggling with a devastated relationship with God and in deep consternation as he tries to figure out the horror of his previous choices. Notice at the end of his question he asks, "Is it a sin to have two families or abandon one?" Pastor, am 44 male from India, married for 14 yrs & have one boy of 15 yrs & girl of 13 yrs. My wife had affair after 4 yrs of our marriage & we finally got convinced to carryon our marriage for the sake of the parenthood, Society & family commitments.After 2 yrs she started another relationship & I lost my mind. Now the problem is, I'm without guilt having a relationship with wife of another impotent man for 5 yrs & have a 3 yrs girl of mine still living with the same man. Now she's guilty living with her husband with my child & wants to come out of her marriage. Now my responsibility on both ends confusing & stressing me. How to put stop for my problem. I still love my wife & also the 2nd. I want my 3rd kid also. I don't want to hurt all my 3 kids, my wife as well as my 2nd too. Is there any christian way of solution for my problem? I want to live without guilt of abandoning my 2nd & the child. Is it sin to have 2 families or to abandon one? I'm guilt involving in ministry & church activities also. Dear Name Withheld, I am sorry for all the pain and hurt and you and both of your wives and both of your families are enduring. There are consequences to sin. You have two families and children from two mothers. You can't fix it and make it all OK. You have to do what will cause the least pain and bring the most benefit for everyone involved. As I begin, I want you to remember that God is on your side. Certainly, He wishes that all of this had never happened. But, it has. So, He makes it clear in the Bible that He is in the business of "picking up the pieces and starting over again." You can see what His attitude toward you looks like by reading in the gospel of John, chapter eight, verses 1-12 (John 8:1-12). What do you do? Here are my thoughts about your choices. First it is obvious that you are struggling in agony about the spiritual factors that are driving you "crazy." Your confession and repentance are obvious. So, be at peace. God is on your side and will guide you to the best solutions. Second, the Bible says that God hates divorce. Stop thinking about the divorce option. Your first wife may want out of her present marriage but God's intention is for her to fix the problems in that marriage and stay together with her current husband. Third, in the same way, you are not to divorce your second wife. Fourth, it is wrong for you and your first wife to both get divorced and then remarry each other. According to the Bible, you are to remain married to wife number two. Fifth, one of the biggest issues is how to decide and do what is in the best interests of your children. Many divorced couples reach agreements on what is best for the children. Usually that means shared time for the children with both parents. Let me recommend that you search the internet for the term, "blended families" in order to find good ideas on how best to integrate the children into one family or the other--and usually both. Sixth, spend as much time with your children as you can. They need you and they need to remember as they grow older that while mom and dad may not live in the same house, you both always tried to do what was best for them. You want to have a good relationship with them when they are adults. Seventh, however all of this works out, it will not be perfect, so keep you expectations in line with reality. Whenever I had problems to solve, my dad used to say to me, "Roger, when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade." Name Withheld, life has handed you a lemon. Now, go make some lemonade. Footnote: I have changed forever my answer when those in East Africa become Christians and write to know what to do with having more than one wife and/or family. When I was younger I was rather legalistic in telling the husband/father that to be right with God he had to choose one wife because God only allows for one wife if you want to be a good Christian. Now I realize what awful counsel I was peddling. God is more interested in people and relationships than in legalistic rules. I tell the husband/father to keep everything just as it is. He is not to divorce or toss out all the families but one. He has a lot of people depending on him and the worst thing he could do is break relationships and bring intense anger, bitterness, hate and impoverishment among the people he cast out. I make it clear that as a Christian he is not to add any more wives. I also encourage him to begin to develop a more Christian culture in his midst. One man and one woman for a lifetime will be in the best interests for his children in all their future relationships.

Dear Roger, So many different Bibles are available today. I am overwhelmed! How do I study the Bible most effectively? How do I know which one is the right translation for me? Sincerely, Kate Dear Kate, A little old lady once said that if the King James Bible was good enough for Paul, then it was good enough for her. Of course, we know that Paul didn’t write the King James Bible. He wrote in Greek. He’d never heard of English! The name 'Bible' comes from the city of Byblos. Papyrus was the paper of choice for the biblical writers. It was made from the pithy stem of a water plant grown in both Byblos (near modern-day Lebanon) and Egypt. There are more than fifty English Bible translations in circulation in the world today. I’ve used a number of different ones. Each is profitable and insightful in its own way. Let me share some basic principles of Bible translation, and then I’ll provide a quick summary of the most commonly used English Bibles. I hope this helps you find the translation or translations that are most helpful to you. Is the Original Bible Still in Existence? The answer is both no and yes. In the strictest sense, the answer is no: the actual original documents (called the “autographs”) are not in anyone’s possession. However, in a very real way the answer is yes,  we do have the actual words that make up the word of God. Textual scholars are able to access more than 5,000 extant Greek texts dating back to the second century, to compare and compile over 99.9% of what the original authors wrote. Before the  advent  of the printing press in the 1600s, the cost for translating was incredibly high. Each copy had to be handwritten by a qualified scribe. For this reason and many others, the Roman Catholic Church wanted to keep the Bible away from the average person. In the 1300s, John Wycliffe was the first to translate the New Testament into English. He was then burned at the stake as a heretic. John Wycliffe left quite an impression on the Roman Catholic Church. Forty years after his death, Catholic Church officials dug up his body, burned his remains, and threw the ashes into the river. In the 1500s, William Tyndale was the first to translate the entire Bible into English. His translation served as the foundation for subsequent English translations. The Roman Catholic Church murdered him by strangulation. Over 20 Bibles existed in English before the King James Bible was first printed: Great Bible, Geneva Bible, Matthew’s Bible, and Bishop’s Bible to name a few. Then there’s the “Wicked Bible,” that left out the word 'not' in the seventh commandment so it read, “Thou shalt commit adultery.” It was quickly recalled. There’s the Murderer’s Bible where  Mark 7:27  reads, “Let the children first be  killed ,” instead of 'filled.' It also was quickly recalled. Do you think that these printers made these changes purposely? Some Observations to Keep in Mind When Comparing and Understanding Translations 1. There is no such thing as a completely accurate translation. Incidentally, the translator must deal with the word 'covering' which is considered to be a theological issue in other passages. 2. Consider the difficulty in making ancient customs understandable to modern readers. “Greet one another with a holy kiss”  ( Romans 16:16 Romans 16:16 )becomes in Phillip’s paraphrase,  “Shake hands all around.” One Wycliffe translator working with indigenous Eskimos in the Arctic described Christ as “The keeper of the huskies.” They’d never seen a lamb. 3. There are three distinct approaches for handling translations. The literal approach  prioritizes a word-for-word translation that gives priority to the original language. The dynamic approach  gives priority to what the text means. It is still a rather literal approach which aims to make the text as readable as possible. It endeavors to find equivalent concepts in English to match the concepts in the language being translated. A paraphrase  focuses on simplicity and clarity over precision. It seeks to bring maximum clarity by using additional words as needed to get the meaning right. For example,  Matthew 8:20 : Literal:  “The Son of man has nowhere to lay his head.” Dynamic:  “The God who put on a body and became man declared, ‘I don’t have a place to sleep.’” Paraphrase:  “Christ, the holy dude rapped, ‘Yo, the God-man has no crib to chill and catch some z’s.”’ Which translation is best for me? 1. Literal Approach American Bible Society Greek Text King James Version  (KJV) - This Bible is basically literal. It stays close to the original sentence structure but changes it where meaning is compromised. It is based on the best Hebrew and Greek texts available in the 16th century. Some words used in the KJV now have different meanings. For example, the word 'suffer' in the King James is dramatically different today:  “Suffer the little children to come in to me.” Today, the word 'suffer' means “approach.” The New King James Version (NKJV) is often used (Let the little children come to me...) instead of the King James Version today. English Standard Version  (ESV) - The ESV seeks, as far as possible, to capture the precise wording of the original text and the personal style of each Bible writer. New American Standard Bible  (NASB) - This Bible is considered by many to be the most literal English translation of all the Bibles. It is conservative, evangelical, and protestant. Conservative theology affects translational decisions. It is often very difficult to understand in English. However, it is a great tool for those who don’t know Greek and Hebrew. 2. Dynamic Approach The Amplified Bible (AMP) takes a single word and adds many descriptive words to amplify its meaning. For example, “Jesus, the Savior, the Redeemer, the hypostatic union of flesh and spirit has no dwelling, no refuge, no home, no place of safety to recline his cranium, to rest his muscles, to relax and refresh his body after ministry” ( Matthew 8:20 ) The  Douay Bible  is the foundation on which nearly all English Catholic versions are based. It owes its existence to the religious controversies of the 16th century. It’s very readable and easy to understand and is mostly close to the text. (Roger: “This is the version I used the first time I read through the entire Bible.”) Today’s English Version (TEV) Bible is almost a paraphrase. The translation is often very colloquial and renders the original language loosely. The Jerusalem Bible (JB) is a Roman Catholic translation that does not try to follow the original sentence structure. Instead it focuses on what the text means. This Catholic Bible contains the extra seven books of the Catholic canon (The Apocrypha). The  New International Version  (NIV) tries to balance a literal translation with an emphasis on meaning. It is clear and easy to read. It seeks to balance between word-for-word and thought-for-thought. (Roger: “This is my favorite translation. It is my everyday Bible.) 3. Paraphrase Living Bible (LB) attempts to say as exactly as possible what the writers of the Scriptures meant and to say it simply. It expands as necessary for a clear understanding by the modern reader. J. B. Phillips New Testament (Phillips) is an English translation of the New Testament by Anglican clergyman J. B. Phillips. While the translation is not well known, it has many ardent fans including Os Guinness, Chuck Swindoll, and Ray Stedman. (Roger: “This is my favorite paraphrase.”) The Message  (MSG) is easy to read and understand. Created by Pastor Eugene Peterson, it tends to translate thought for thought. While it still may be identified as close to the text, it renders the original language loosely. Interlinear Greek New Testament: this translation has the English text next to the Greek text. It is especially helpful for those who know a little Greek. Other Bibles You Might Consider The Children’s Bible is a comic book paraphrase with great pictures and simple words (Roger: “I raised my children on this Bible.”) The Names of God Bible New Testament for Everyone The Prophecy Bible Young’s Literal Translation The Kingston Bible is a large three-volume graphic novel Bible which sticks closely to the original text. Once you start reading it, it’s hard to put it down! The Layman’s Parallel New Testament places two or more translations side-by-side on the same page. I also recommend that you invest in a study Bible. This tool provides a running commentary on each passage placed next to the English text for easy access. Many people find that they need more than one Bible translation and use different ones for different occasions. A Bible handbook and Bible dictionary will be of great help. Of course, the YouVersion app, Bible Gateway, Daily Audio Bible, and Bible.is are just a few Scripture resources available on your phones and devices. It's great to be able to read multiple translations, to hear the Scriptures, and to study a plethora of resources online. The test of a true Bible student is not how much we learn—but how much we live. Luke 24:32  teaches, “Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” The proof that we are learning from the Bible is not a big head but a burning heart. Well, Kate, I hope that I’ve given you the information you need to make a good choice. Let me know how it works out. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, My brother-in-law, recently posted this query to me via e-mail: Question from reading John 12:39-41 – my commentary says, people in Jesus' time would not believe despite the evidence. As a result, God HARDENED their hearts. He simply confirmed their own choices. After a lifetime of resisting God, they were so set in their ways, they wouldn’t even TRY to understand Jesus’ message. So I was wondering why God hardened their hearts, if their hearts were already hardened? I was just puzzled … do we “give up” on hard hearts while continuing to pray for them? What did I miss? Thank you so much for your time! Bob Dear Bob, A seventy-seven-year-old father, husband and grandfather was dying. Years and years of family prayers for him to come to Jesus fell upon deaf ears. I get the call. Family asks, "Will you please go and visit him. We've prayed for many years for him to follow Christ and be saved. We are out of chances. He will not leave the hospital alive. We are asking you to give it a try. You are our final hope. Will you please go?" An hour or so later as I entered his room, he said, "I know who you are. You're the pastor of that church that my children attend. I know why you're here. You're here to talk me into becoming a Christian. My kids sent you for one last try, didn't they?" "You know them well, don't you?" "Well," he said, "Go ahead; I've heard it all before; one more time can't hurt." So, with that open door, I began: "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life," I shared the gospel from start to finish. I finished with an invitation from John 3:16: ""For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." The gospel can't be any more clear than that. Would you like to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?" With chilling finality he responded: "I've said "No" to Jesus for so many years that I don't think that I could become a Christian even if I wanted to." Is it possible to say "No" to the gospel of Christ so many times that God finally says, "OK, if that is the way you want it, I'll harden your heart and I'll never ask you again." Could the Father ever give up on someone who has rejected Him too many times? That is one way to look at Hebrews 6:4-6: It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. Some would explain this passage as a fourth-class-conditional sentence from a Greek perspective. Other point to the six things "tasted" as proof that this is a person who has never actually experienced (eaten) the saving grace of Christ. Others say that this is a Christian who has committed apostasy and thus fallen from grace and lost his salvation. However we interpret the passage we have to wonder about the implications. Christians argue a lot about "Once saved always saved." Somewhere along the way we have to deal with the issue dealt with in Hebrews six, "once lost, always lost." The person mentioned in Hebrews "hardened" his heart so God hardened it right back. He couldn't come to Christ even if he wanted to come. The essence of this concept is John 6:44: "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, …" The writer to the Hebrews makes it clear that we must come to Christ the first time we hear the gospel. Otherwise, we run the risk of hardening our own hearts and missing salvation as described in Hebrews 3:7-11: So, as the Holy Spirit says:"Today, if you hear his voice,do not harden your heartsas you did in the rebellion, …during the time of testing in the desert,where your fathers tested and tried meand for forty years saw what I did. …So I declared on oath in my anger,'They shall never enter my rest.'"  A "hard heart" is a callous and wrinkled thing that refuses to follow the guidance and promptings of God. A hard heart is synonymous with spiritual ignorance and alienation from God (Ephesians 4:18). In 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 Paul used the Greek words "fleshen" and "fleshly" to describe soft and hard hearts. "Fleshen" refers to soft-new-born baby skin. "Fleshly" describes the skin of someone in their 80s who has spent a life-time out in the sun. Their skin is hard, wrinkled and discolored. Pharaoh's heart was double "fleshly" hard. Why? Because both he and God contributed to making it like stone. Many struggle that God hardened Pharaoh's heart and thus Pharaoh was forced to live heart-hardened whether he wanted to or not. It seems so unfair. Especially when we see that God hardened Pharaoh's heart before Pharaoh even hardened his own heart (Exodus 7:3 versus 8:15). On the other hand, it seems to me that hardening Pharaoh's heart was quite just and fair. Pharaoh was no saint. He was a totalitarian dictator who oppressed his subjects, not just the Hebrews. Egypt was a wicked and sinful. By hardening Pharaoh's heart God and unleashing the ten plagues, God was finally bringing judgment on a wicked and sinful man--and nation. God punishes sin. As the plagues proceeded, Pharaoh increased his own pride and obstinacy to the point that his heart was completely calloused toward God and his plans (Exodus 8:15). If that explanation fails to satisfy you, then be thankful that God tells us exactly why He hardened Pharaoh's heart: For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” God raised up Pharaoh and hardened Pharaoh's heart in order to promote His own glory. If we recklessly continue in our sin Paul clearly states in 1 Timothy 4:1-2 and Romans 1:18-25 that God can give us over to depravity, and from that point on He lets us have our way. Eventually, we cycle down to destruction with hardened hearts. By the way, we get all upset about God hardening Pharaoh's heart. Hardening Pharaoh's heart should not surprise us. God hardens hearts all over the Bible (for example, Isaiah 6:9-10 and 63:17). Hardening hearts has to do with sin, justice and punishment. The antidote for a hard heart is to recognize our condition, repent and submit our hearts to Jesus as our Lord and Savior (See Psalm 139:2-24; 1 John 1:9; and John 3). I believe that God can darken the heart of any unbeliever. He can also enlighten it if that unbeliever decides to follow Christ (1 Corinthians 2:14-16). Regarding the hearts of Believers in Christ, I believe that once the Holy Spirit turns on the light He will never turn it off (John 3:1-21). This is the truth of Hebrews 6:1-4. The passage is a fourth class conditional sentence. A first class condition is always true. For example, Satan said to Jesus, "Since (If) you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread…" A fourth class conditional sentence is true if something could be done, but the fact is, it can't be done. For example, If I could see the earth from the moon tonight I would have a beautiful view of the earth. That is true. But the fact is, there is no way I can get to the moon tonight. In the same way, the writer to the Hebrews is saying, "If it were possible for someone to fall away from Christ, then he/she could never come back again. But the fact is, true Christians can never commit apostasy." (If someone appears to commit apostasy then this very action is proof that this one was never a Christian in the first place.) God will never harden the heart of a Christian. We might say, "Once enlightened, always enlightened." My heart grieves for those who say, "No", while God is saying, "Yes". Doesn't yours? Bob, I hope my answer is helpful to you and your brother-in-law. Love, Roger

Hello Roger, I was just reading your teaching on divorce and remarriage and I find it very fulfilling because we are dealing with those issues in our church and this teaching will help me and the other ministers to provide the right advice. However, there is another problem that the church faces which I would also ask your advice and that’s concerning those who married to get their green card. How should the church view those marriages? Thanks in advance. Looking forward for your wise and honest response. Fitzroy Dear Fitzroy, Of course you know that a Green Card is the informal name for an ID card attesting to the long-term approved status of an immigrant in the United States. What you may not know is that they are good for ten years and must be renewed thereafter. Of course, there are many ways to secure permanent status. One is to marry an American citizen. This is, of course, the issue to which you are referring. You also may not know that “Green Card” was a 1990 romantic comedy that focused on an American woman who entered into a marriage of convenience with a Frenchman so that he could obtain a green card and remain in the United States. The film won the Golden Globe for Best Motion and was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay. Fitzroy, what you really need to know is that it is totally illegal to get married just to obtain a Green Card! That settles the issue right there. Christians are to obey the law. However, it is perfectly legal to marry and obtain a Green Card when the marriage is for the right reasons. Nevertheless, you bring up an interesting question. Is it OK to get married for reasons other than love? One couple got married so his live-in-girl friend could be put on his army medical insurance. Another got married in order to give their out-of-wedlock baby a name. One got married because he thought that she would be the only person who would ever love her. Paul even said that relieving sexual tension is a good reason to get married: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry , for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). Of course, we Christians know that it is best for people who are in love to get married. You know what I mean, one man and one woman, committed in love and partnership “until death do they part” (Genesis 2:18). We put a lot of emphasis on love before marriage. All we need is love and we can be happy. However, most of the world doesn’t see it that way. For societies who believe that arranged marriages will flourish and endure forever, love, at least for the time being, can take the back seat Arranged marriages are the order of the day in most cultures. People have married without love in arranged marriages all throughout recorded history (all the way back to 4000 B.C. when writing was first invented simultaneously by both the Egyptians and the Chinese). Arranged marriages were the norm worldwide until the 18th century. In modern times, arranged marriage is common in South Asia, Africa, the Middle East, Latin America, Southeast Asia and parts of East Asia. Let’s consider that most of us consider arranged marriages to be old and archaic. But, perhaps we should look again. Nothing is wrong with marrying for love. It’s just that arranged marriages are usually more stable and last longer. I love to ask newly-wed couples how they met and who proposed to whom. Usually the man is the one to propose, but sometimes the woman is in charge! People tell of special dinners, rings hidden in cakes, getting down on one knee, having scavenger hunt s and on and on. Let me tell you one of my favorite proposals. Love doesn’t get any lovelier than this. “Tell me how you proposed to her,” I asked the forty-six-year-old-ex-con pastor. I knew why he hadn’t married earlier. He spent too many years in prison for a youthful indiscretion. He met Christ in prison, felt called to preach, attended school and subsequently met the woman of his dreams. Here is the story just as he told it to me. “At 11:00 p.m. after an evening out together,” he replied, “I took her to church. I told her to be obedient and go into the restroom and take off her nylons.” I was immediately uncomfortable with where this tale was heading. “She was obedient,” he continued. “I turned on the lights and invited her to accompany me to the front. We sat for a moment on the platform steps and then I reached for the basin of water and a towel that I had placed previously under the front pew. As I began to wash her feet, I gazed into her eyes and said, ‘The most humble service Jesus ever did was to wash His disciples’ feet. I want to wash your feet for the rest of your life.’ She was crying as I put down the towel, reached for the ring and asked, ‘Will you marry me?’” There may be better ways for a man to propose to a woman; but, I can’t think of any. However, thinking long range, the real question is whether or not they will still be married 50 years later. Statistics show that they probably will. Saying that the divorce rate is America is over 50% is misleading. The real number is complex and hard to pin down. For example, age has a lot to say about when people get divorced. Under 20 years old 27.6 percent 20 to 24 years old 36.6 percent 25 to 29 years old 16.4 percent 30 to 34 years old 8.5 percent 35 to 39 years old 5.1 percent Sorry, I was unable to get the exact percentage for people over 40. However, I did find that the percentage of people over 50 who are choosing to divorce is skyrocketing. What this says to me is that people twenty-four years and younger ought to consider that marrying for love is a dangerous way to go about marriage. Apparently, love alone is not enough to bind two hearts together. In practical terms, young lovers, in the absence of arrangers would do well to get advice and recommendations from several significant others before entering into marriage. Considering marriage is the time to get the right perspective. For example, the old saying that “two people can live as cheaply as one” is just not true. There are significantly fewer divorces or separations between people of arranged marriages. The average divorce rate globally for arranged marriages is 6%. We Americans could learn a lot here. From a Biblical perspective marriages which start out with love are few and far between. The marriage of Isaac and Rebecca was arranged by his father, Abraham. He sent out his trusted servant, Eleazar, to find the right woman and make the proper arrangements.  “So, she became his wife, and he loved her …” (Genesis 24). The love between Isaac and Rebecca was quite unusual. Most biblical marriages were like the arrangement between Abigail and David. Abigail was married to a fool named, Nabal who treated David shamefully. Abigail saved her foolish husband from the wrath of David (1 Samuel 25) and when Nabal died suddenly, David took Abigail to be his wife. She agreed and immediately promised to serve David as a wife but neither she nor David said anything about love. After all, David already was collecting multiple others to be his wives. He ended up with thirty seven by the time he was finished. Abigail was just another in a long line. We would do well to get our marriage expectations in line with reality. Marriage is about partnering up in a relationship which is stable and foundationally strong. Remember in the 1 Corinthians 13 chapter on love, love is never described as an emotion or feeling. Love is there described with verbal adjectives. Love is something we do. Feelings may not even be involved. But, there is nothing wrong when they are. I remember David Ferguson summing up today’s American marriage philosophy: “As long as you love me, care for me, meet my needs and give me what I want, we can be married. But, if you don’t love me, care for me, meet my needs and give me what I want then I’ll divorce you and find someone else who will love me, care for me, meet my needs and give me what I want and make me happy.” Arranged marriages both in the Bible and in secular cultures focus more on long-term viability. This does not mean that love will not come. It may come as love at first sight. It may mature over time. Most arranged marriages are pragmatic marriages. They successfully navigate social and economic issues. In most cases parents know their children best and have the wisdom and wherewithal to select the best candidate. The marriage will benefit from the support and encouragement of their extended family units and will often result in permanent durability. There are significantly fewer divorces or separations between people of arranged marriages in contrast to those who can pick their own partners unimpeded. A young Arab Muslin and I were in Antalya, Turkey discussing the high divorce rate in America. He was gloating that the American divorce rate was over fifty per cent while divorce in his country was virtually unknown. I replied, “Of course, there is a great stigma in your culture against divorce. So, most stay married. But, how many would get out of their marriages if they could?” He looked surprised for a moment and then reacted to my question with this a long-thought-out-blank stare. His silence spoke volumes. Marriages have difficulties in all cultures. The lesson here is that love is important but not necessarily primary. Long term commitment, partnership and an intimate best-friend relationship seems to be the best. Well, Fitzroy, may God give you wisdom as you deal with this issue at church. Let me know how it all works out. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I am presently pastoring a church in a remote area in Nigeria, a community of idol worshipers. My neighbor joined the church. In the process, I discovered that he was in so many religious societies. Free Masons, Ogboni Fraternity, and there is a strong local Juju idol worshipper to which he is strongly attached. He wants the freedom to practice Christianity as one of his religious beliefs. He took ill a couple of months ag,o and instead of calling on Christ he resorted to a massive and open display of different animal sacrifices. This kept us apart for a while. But after I visited to greet him as a neighbor and admonished him, he resumed church with his family. A few days ago, he performed more sacrifices as he had just been initiated into the traditional palace council of the King. I was advised by one of my pastor friends to visit him again and pray with the family. My spirit is so grieved inside me. I find it difficult to do in light of Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians. Sincerely, Rev. Mrs. Constance Oyolu. Dear Reverend Oyolu, Two issues emerge from your question. The first is the issue of church discipline. The Bible gives an example of church discipline in 1 Corinthians 5:1-13 . In this case, the discipline led to excommunication, and the apostle Paul explains the need for discipline. One illustration he used is that sin is like yeast; if allowed to exist, it spreads to those nearby in the same way that “a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough” (verses 6-7). Also, Paul explains that Jesus saved us so that we might be set apart from sin, that we might be “unleavened” or free from that which causes spiritual decay (verses 7-8). Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:25-27 that Christ wants to present His bride, the church, as pure and undefiled. Finally, the testimony of Christ Jesus (and His church) before unbelievers is also essential. When David sinned with Bathsheba, one of the consequences of his sin was that the name of the one true God was blasphemed by God’s enemies (2 Samuel 12:14). The ultimate goal of any disciplinary action a church takes against a member is to bring about godly sorrow and true repentance. When repentance occurs, the individual can be restored to fellowship. The man involved in the  discipline case in Corinth repented, and Paul later encouraged the church to restore him to full fellowship with the church (2 Corinthians 2:5-8). Unfortunately, disciplinary action—even when done correctly and in love—is not always successful in bringing about restoration. But even when church discipline fails to bring about repentance, it is still vital to accomplish other good purposes such as maintaining a good testimony in the world. The second issue you mentioned is idolatry. You know it's not possible to sacrifice to idols and be a Christian. The Ten Commandments are very clear about worshipping the One and Only God. In fact, idol worship is at the top of the list! “You shall not make yourselves any idols: no images of animals, birds, or fish.  5  You must never bow or worship it in any way; for I, the Lord your God, am very possessive. I will not share your affection with any other god!” (Exodus 20:3-5) Many Christians from other parts of the world do not understand that idol worship still exists. They also don’t realize that they too worship idols, but their idols come in different forms. All idolatry is insidious and destructive. What is an idol? And who is an idol worshipper? Usually when we think of idols we think of little statues or wooden figurines that people kneel before and pray and worship. A close missionary friend of mine, Tom Terry, defines an idol as “any representation of a deity or exalted person that people venerate or worship. Idols are usually a focus of worship or a tool used to direct veneration or worship to what it represents.” An idol is anything that is more important to us than God. An idol is anything that absorbs our hearts and imaginations more than God. An idol is anything that attempts to give us what only God can give. An idol is anything that seeks to find meaning apart from Christ. Money, power, and sex are idols that transcend every generation. Essentially, an idol is anything real or imagined that takes a person's focus off of the one true God and gives dedication, veneration, or worship to something or someone other than the one true God. Simply, we worship an idol ay time we attempt to find money, meaning, power, or pleasure apart from God. How can we identify idol worship in our lives and overcome it? First , be aware of your true spiritual situation . Find anything that you might venerate more than or/in addition to, Jesus Christ. Of course, as Christians in the Western World, we are not talking about little statuettes. We’re talking about all of the sins and activities that crowd the Lord Jesus out of our lives. Today, many people worship idols of money, possessions, or reputation. These are our real idols. Second , recognize that idolatry is evil, because no idol represents a true deity or true reality. The only true deity is the God of the Bible and no one knows what he looks like. “God does not have a physical form that can be accurately represented” (Tom Terry). Third , it’s not possible to be fully devoted to Jesus Christ while simultaneously hanging on to our idols. We all have a choice to make. Ask yourself the question, “Do I want my idols or my Lord Jesus Christ?” You can’t have both. If we try to keep an idol while we are attempting to serve the Lord, we will spiral into a decimated Christian life. Jesus demands exclusive rights to our worship. Fourth , make a commitment to let go of your idols and avoid them at all costs. John the Apostle states it simply in 1 John 5:21 ; “Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.” We must conscientiously and deliberately put idols in the proper perspective or throw them away. This means confession, repentance and a renewed commitment Christ as Lord and Savior. I pray you will be able to reach this man. You certainly are a Spiritual Warrior in Christ’s kingdom! Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, I decided to read through the  Bible  from beginning to end. I just came to  Psalm 22  and was struck by how closely this Psalm paralleled Jesus’ experience on the cross. Could you please expand on this Psalm with thoughts from your point of view? Sincerely, Ricky Dear Ricky, Psalm 22  is known as the Psalm of the Cross. It is perhaps the most amazing of all the Psalms. It accurately predicts what Jesus saw as he hung on the cross some 950 years before the crucifixion occurred. Psalm 22  begins with the words, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  Psalm 22  concludes with the words, “It is finished.” In this Psalm we find the photograph of Christ’s final hours, the record of his dying words. Ricky, I want to answer your request in the form of an interactive meditation. Reflect on each verse with quiet reverence. We are standing on holy ground. Forsaken Psalm 22:1 : My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? The tragedy is what Christ didn’t see! He looked around and couldn’t find his father. We can imagine Judas and Peter deserting him – but surely not his own father. What compels a father to desert a son in his hour of greatest need?  Habakkuk 1:3 : “God is too holy as to look upon sin.” Reflect: Take a moment now and thank God that he will never forsake you, no matter what you do or what happens. Picture yourself secure in the palm of his right hand.  By the way, you might consider that it was our sin that put him there. Think about that. (Fulfilled in  Matthew 27:46 : “About the ninth hour Jesus cried in a loud voice, “Eloi,Eloi,lama sabachthani” – which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). Mocked Psalm 22:7-8 : All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. “He trusts in the Lord,” they say, “Let the Lord rescue him.” Reflect: Meditate for a moment and consider the shameful mocking!  You know that Jesus was hurting as people ridiculed him. Have you ever talked about someone behind his/her back? Has your mocking hurt someone? Does that bother you? The crowds around Jesus weren’t bothered at all.  Take time to confess your sin. After all, our mocking others helped put him on the cross. Notice that the greatest mocking of all was their mocking of His deity! Satan tempted Him with the same tools in the wilderness: “If you are the Son of God, jump off this ledge of the temple and have your angels catch you before you hit the ground.” Reflect: Consider how well you are handling temptation. When’s the last time you failed? Did Satan tempt you; or did you just bring it on yourself If you failed take a moment to confess to God you were wrong. When we confess our sins he can forgive them and restore us to intimacy and relationship with him. ( 1 John 1:9 ). (Fulfilled in  Matthew 27:41-42 : “In the same way the chief priests and teachers of the law mocked him. “He saved others, but he can’t save himself! Let him come down from the cross and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, “’I am the son of God’”). (Fulfilled also in  Matthew 27:27-30 : “Then the soldiers took Jesus into the praetorian and gather the whole company of soldiers around him. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him and twisted it into a crown of thorns.”) Afraid Psalm 22:12  and  Psalm 22:16 : Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me. Roaring lions tearing their prey open their mouths against me...Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men encircles me. The priests, elders, scribes, Pharisees, rulers and captains close in on him. They stamp and foam around the innocent one as he imagines them goring him to death. They look like wild tigers, mouths open, leaping at his feet. I think that Jesus was afraid. After all, he was 100% human (as well as 100% man). He endured these pains from the physical point of view. He suffered as only God could suffer. The term “dogs” was utilized in the first century to as a euphemism for an Roman soldiers. David prophesied Christ’s crucifixion by His Roman captors 950 years before it finally occurred. Reflect: Have you encountered a situation where you felt trapped? It felt like the wolves were nipping at your feet. Remember that event. Think of how God got you through those awful moments. Then give him thanks. (Fulfilled in  Matthew 27:39-40 : “Those who pass by hurled insults at him shaking their heads and saying come down from the cross if you are the son of God.”) Broken and bleeding Psalm 22:14 : I am poured out like water. My heart has turned to wax, it has melted away within me. John tells us that it was blood mixed with water that emerged. Obviously, the pericardial sac around his heart filled rapidly. The soldier’s sword pierced into that sac and the fluid came out with the blood. It’s fair to say that Jesus died of a broken heart. Reflect: Has anyone ever broken your heart? Take that feeling and multiply it 1,000 times and get a sense of the hurting heart of our Savior. (Fulfilled in  John 19:34 : One of the soldiers pierced Jesus side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water.) Parched Psalm 22:15 : My mouth is dried up like a potsherd, my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. (A potsherd is a piece of broken pottery). It’s dry as dust. “I thirst.” Presently, a gracious man offered him a sponge of anesthetic vinegar to help ease some of the pain. Even thirst was a form of torture. After a day or so with no water the tongue begins to turn black, crack and swell. Three days without water means death. What’s the most you’ve ever been thirsty? For me it was right after open heart surgery when I was thirteen. I was so thirsty. During surgery a substance is induced into the body to dry up the tissues to make it easier for the surgeons to work. Post-surgery oxygen was administered in a plastic tent with boiling water by my ear which delivered the scalding oxygen. It was hot as hell. I was so thirsty. I begged for an ice chip and they said, “No.” The thirst was incredible. Reflect: What’s the thirstiest you’ve ever been? What finally quenched your thirst? Why don’t you take a moment and think about our spiritual thirst being quenched by the living water of Jesus Christ. (Fulfilled in  Matthew 27:48 : Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge, filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a stick, and offered it to Jesus to drink.) Rejected and pierced Psalm 22:16 : They pierce my hands and my feet. “He was in the world, and though the world was made by Him, the world did not recognize him. He came to his own, and his own received him not. Yet to all who receive him, who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” ( John 1:10-12 ). These were His men. He made them. But they didn’t recognize Him. The Creator held still as the ones that He created drove spikes into his flesh. Take a long moment and think on this: It was not the nails, but His love, that held Him in place on the cross. (Fulfilled in  John 19:18 : “Here they crucified him, and with him two others.”) Humiliated Psalm 22:17-18 : All my bones are on display, people stare and gloat over me. They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment. This may well be the worst humiliation Christ ever endured. When a person was crucified, the crucifiers usually confiscated his clothes and sold them or used them for rags. Nothing is thrown away in a culture that has so little. Sometimes, they left a loincloth. Other times they did not. This reminds us of  Hebrews 12:2 : “...He endured the cross, despising the shame...” Reflect: Have you ever been humiliated? Of course you have! Consider your embarrassment. Then think about the humiliation and embarrassment that Christ was enduring. (Fulfilled in  John 19:23-24 : When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes and, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. Let’s not tear it, they said to one to another, let’s decide by lot who will get it). Before we finish this thought, let’s consider how Mary felt as she read the Psalms to Jesus when he was a child? Imagine her tears as she read to Him  Psalm 22 . Can you imagine the tears in her eyes? She told Him, “This is all about you.” It’s no wonder she cried. Finished Psalm 22:31 : “They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn – for it is finished.” How fitting that  Psalm 22 , which begins with the words, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me," ends with the words, “it is finished.” Jesus aptly culminated his work with these words, “It is finished.” The gospel of salvation is now complete. There is no other name on earth by which we can be saved. Reflect: imagine yourself standing 50 feet away from the cross. What are your impressions? What do you see? Now, imagine yourself walking towards Jesus and stopping five feet away. How do you feel as you look up into his face? Don’t you wish you could put your arms around Him and somehow comfort Him in his pain? You can’t do that now. But you still can comfort Him. Jesus said, "as you’ve done it to the least of my brethren, you did it to me.” (Fulfilled in  John 19:30 : When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "it is finished.”) Well, Ricky, I know it’s not been easy; nevertheless, meditating on  Psalm 22  is well worth it. Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, If life exists on other planets, did Jesus die and resurrect for them, too? Sincerely, Tom Dear Tom, What a great question! Revelation 13:6 describes Jesus as the "Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world.” Could it be that Jesus was crucified and then resurrected on a cosmic cross before God spoke the universe into existence? “World” is the English translation for the Greek word, “cosmos." Jesus was the Lamb slain before the creation of the cosmos. Sometimes, "cosmos" is translated as "universe." Notice that He was slain "from" or "before" the creation of the cosmos. The idea that our universe is populated with others is not hard to imagine any more. Our universe is “carbon based” and life-friendly. It stands to reason that life on earth is not the only life in the universe. Scientists have already found over 400 planets orbiting distant stars. Approximately twenty-five of them are in the bio-life zones surrounding stars that could sustain life as we know it. A billion trillion more stars exist that have yet to be observed. The number of planets in our universe must be mind boggling. Personally, I have a hard time imagining that the only life in the universe is on our little planet earth. After all, our sun us just a second-rate star tucked between two spiral arms in the Milky Way galaxy. We are not even in a spiral arm! Our earth is cosmically insignificant! Creating billions and billions of galaxies with trillions and trillions of planets seems like a tremendous waste of God’s time and energy if He created only one planet to harbor life. When Henry Ford began mass producing cars in giant factories, thousands of cars emerged from the warehouse doors. It's inconceivable that Ford would build massive factories and then make one automobile and no more! In the same way, it is hard to conceive that God would make a massive universe and produce only one car—I mean only one planet with living humans. I believe that God loves people and He enjoys having many of them posited throughout His universe. Jesus may have made an oblique reference to life on other planets in John 10:16. He told His disciples: “I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.” Most probably Jesus was referring to the Gentiles. Nevertheless, some people have put this verse into a cosmic perspective and wondered if Jesus were talking about sheep on other planets. Because of the distance between stars, the likelihood of actually visiting another planet to verify the existence of life there is miniscule. Wormholes are highly unlikely to work (if they even exist). The instantaneous connectivity of Quantum Mechanics may one day prove otherwise--but probably not. Then why bother to speculate on such questions? Because such imaginings stretch our insight into the "height, depth and width" (Ephesians 3:14-19) of an all powerful, all knowing and always present God! Again, why bother to speculate on such questions? Because if alien life does exist throughout our universe, what might be God’s relationship with them? In his Space Trilogy (“Out of the Silent Planet”; “Perelandra” and “That Hideous Strength”) C.S. Lewis ponders the existence of life on other planets and asks the same question. "Out of the Silent Planet" is set mostly on Mars. Dr. Elwin Ransom voyages to Mars and discovers that earth is exiled from the rest of the solar system due to its fallen nature. Earth's Oyarsa, or the angel whose assignment was to protect earth, has rebelled against God and fallen into sin. Instead of protecting, he has seduced mankind into sin. People on the other planets know that something horrible has happened on earth and that the people of earth are now bent. No more information is know about the fallen planetl Intriguingly, four races live harmoniously on the planet Mars where sin has never occurred. Dr. Ransom observes that Satan is trying mightily to bring sin into any or all of the four races? Perelandra is set mostly on Venus. Dr. Ransom journeys to an unspoiled, sinless planet in which the first humans have just emerged. Only two people live on Venus. Satan is utilizing every trick in his Satanic tempt book to seduce them into sinning. Perhaps there are aliens in our universe where sin has not occurred. They would not need a Savior. But, it is more likely, I suppose, for aliens to be just as sinful as we are. They would certainly need a Savior. (For your information, "That Hideous Strength" is set on earth. A scientific think tank is secretly in touch with demonic entities who seek to ravage and lay waste to earth.) Jesus being crucified and resurrected "before the creation of the cosmos" (Hebrews 11:3) may mean that Jesus died on some sort of cosmic cross with an accompanying cosmic resurrection. That does not diminish the reality of Jesus coming to earth, taking on a body and dying for our sins. What happens to other planets or civilizations simply was not revealed to us in His Word. But for the sake of conjecture, the Hebrews passage might suggest that Christ is free to come in a human or alien form, incarnated in a physical body, die an actual physical death and be fully, physically resurrected to pay the penalty for sin on any planet that needs it. As far as earth is concerned, Jesus was crucified and resurrected before the creation of the universe. Our fallen earth is saturated with sin and needs a Savior. So, according to John 1:14, the cosmic Christ (the "logos," or the "unrevealed wisdom of God" in John 1:1) put on a body and appeared on earth in human form. Then, He was crucified on Good Friday, 30 A.D. and resurrected by the Father and the Spirit three days later on Easter Sunday morning. Well, Tom, thanks for the great question. The speculation is fun. The possibility is mind shattering. God bless you. Have a happy Easter. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I grew up at Casas Church. I remember how you occasionally closed each service by asking the congregation to bow their heads and close their eyes. Then, you guided us through a meditation on a particular biblical passage or story. I use meditation as part of my quiet times. These meditations often take me into a Bible passage where I see and learn things that I have never noticed before. I often hear God speaking to me very clearly during those times. I remember one particular meditation that you led us through from Hebrews 12:2, about the crucifixion of Jesus. If you remember it, will you please share it with me? I’d like to begin using it again. It meant so much to me. Sincerely, Jamie Dear Jamie, I remember. That passage is foundational to me … in fact, meditating on the crucifixion has been key to my personal spiritual growth. I will walk you through it. But first, let me share how I begin my meditation times. First, I find a secluded place, close my eyes and breathe slowly and deeply. Second, I quiet my mind. Third, when the time seems right, I think of a biblical passage, verse, or Bible story that I want to dig into and discover more. Fourth, I try to imagine what people are saying and feeling as if I were a participant. I meditate not just on what people say, but upon the feelings and emotions behind their words. For example, I like to meditate on the man or woman who was last in line to make it through the Red Sea. Do you see him running as fast as he can? She sees the Egyptian chariots getting closer and closer. Do you see the fear in his eyes as Moses lifts his staff in preparation for closing the sea? Look at the relief as she reaches Moses and safety. Imagine what she learns from her experience … “God rescues. If He rescued the Israelites, then He certainly will rescue me.” Try meditating on each phrase in the Lord’s Prayer. I suppose we could spend 20 or 30 minutes just on, “Our Father.” We could spend a week on, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.“ Finally, I always end my meditation with time spent thanking Jesus for meeting with me, and then tell Him how much I’m looking forward to next time. LET’S MEDITATE TOGETHER Join me in a meditation on Hebrews 12:2: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despised the shame, and is now sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Take a few minutes to pray, quiet your mind, and prepare your heart. “LET US FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS” How do you picture Jesus? I picture Him like this: He is wearing sandals with dusty feet. His homespun robe is girded with a short piece of rope. I think about all the things that rope saw during three years of His earthly ministry. Jesus has a light olive complexion. His hair is the color of ripe chestnuts, falling down past His shoulders, parted in the middle. His eyes are light brown and filled with delight as He gazes at me. Our eyes meet. He has an incredible look of love and compassion. I am drawn into His presence. “THE AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF OUR FAITH” I see Jesus sitting at a table with pen and pencil in hand, sketching out His plan for the salvation of mankind. He’s enjoying the moment … thinking about the ultimate outcome of overcoming sin and death, restoring relationships with all of humankind. The cross will be hard; nevertheless, “for the joy saving us,” He believed that the pain is worth it. “DESPISING THE SHAME” No one likes to be shamed. I hate being shamed. I had a terrible case of acne when I was in the seventh grade. School was almost out for the day and some of the students were talking with the history teacher, Mrs. Horne. One of the students brought up the subject of complexions and the next thing I heard was Mrs. Horne shaming me: “What’s the matter with Roger, doesn’t he wash his face enough? I froze with embarrassment and shame. I’ve never gotten over that moment. It took me a long time before I could forgive her—the old hag. Look at Jesus Christ. He despised the shame, being hated even by those He served and loved. I try to imagine how that must have felt…the sorrow and pain. And yet He endured the cross, for the joy of saving us. A SHAMEFUL REJECTION When Jesus came to His hometown, He faced incredible rejection. Imagine how he must have felt as some of his childhood friends tried to throw him over an embankment (Luke 4:28-30). Imagine how he felt as he walked out, never to return home? He’s thinking, “How could they do this to me.” Look at His face as His heart was breaking. A SHAMEFUL ACCUSATION See him standing before the Priests, Annas and Caiaphas. They charged him with blasphemy (Mark 14:56-64) … with turning His back on His own Father. Can you imagine his feelings? He who loved as He loved … He who obeyed as He obeyed … to charge Him with blasphemy must have caused him intense sorrow and suffering. Mocking His Kingship They took him to Pilate: “Are you a King?” Here stands the King of all creation. He was there at the beginning of time, the ultimate King of Kings. And He deliberately humbled Himself: “As a lamb before his shearers is dumb, so He opened not his mouth.” So, what did they do to the King? Did they bring Him robes and bow down to worship the King of Kings? No, they placed a crown of thorns on his forehead, spit on Him and mocked Him. Try to place yourself in His sandals; do you sense His sorrow. MOCKING HIS DEITY They dragged Jesus before Herod. The Roman soldiers stripped and blindfolded Him, and they began to poke the Son of God with sticks, saying “If you really are God tell us who struck you.” How did it feel for Jesus to hear, “Do some tricks to prove that you are God,” and we’ll let you go free”? Did He feel angry? Hurt? Frustrated? How would you have reacted? MOCKING HIS PRAYERS Never before do we read in the annals of execution that anyone mocked the prayers of a dying man … except for Jesus’s crucifixion. Villains about to die ask, “Give me a minute or two to pray.” “Well, of course.” Look at Jesus. Every prayer is an object of jest. “ Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani … My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” The religious leaders made a pun. “He calls for Elijah! Let’s see if Elijah will come and rescue Him!” (Mark 15:33-37). The sorrow. The pain. The hurt. THE SHAMEFUL CROSS Men have devised many horrible ways to kill: guillotine, gas chamber, electric chair, mustard gas, nuclear weapons, hanging, and firing squad … among others. Nevertheless, I suppose nothing is more shameful than the cross. Modern forensics sheds much light on the manner of crucifixion. Take some time to imagine this… Death begins with scourging, which progressed slowly for maximum suffering. The whip quickly pierced the epidermis. Little bleeding occurred as the veins contracted. As the whip cut deeper into the tissue, larger vessels began to bleed freely. The whip cut through the intercostal muscles into the spine and lungs. Imagine …  think about the level of pain … Jesus’s whipping has been compared to a shotgun blast at short range. Our traditional view of Jesus’s feet crossed and nailed in front of the cross is challenged by the 1968 archaeological discovery of a complete skeleton of a crucified man in his early thirties that dated to the first century. A five-inch nail was hammered through the side of his heel. In other words, instead of crossing his feet in the front of the cross, his feet were positioned, one to each side of the cross and the nails driven through the side of the heel and into the wood. The knees are bent back for maximum pain. To take a breath, Jesus had to push up on those excruciatingly painful legs with all of His strength. One agonizing push … one agonizing breath … The question about ropes to hold his arms and body up is easy to answer. He needed ropes. Whether nailed in the hand or wrist, a crucified body will pull away from the cross with only 40 to 60 pounds of pressure. WHAT CAUSED HIS DEATH? A combination of things contributed to Jesus’s death: dehydration, exhaustion; hypovolemic shock; blood loss; and/or hypoxia when he was no longer able to push up to open his lungs to breathe. Imagine the agony of each breath … do you feel His pain? His suffering? Frankly, I think that Jesus died from a broken heart. Under stress, his heart literally rips open. It feels like an intense heart attack. Jesus cries out just before death: “It is finished; into your hands I commit my spirit.” All is quiet. He’s gone. Perhaps 30 minutes after his death, a soldier thrust his spear into Jesus’s side, and out gushed blood and water. Today we know that a tear in His heart likely began to fill the pericardial sac with blood. The sword pierced the pericardial sac and out gushed blood and clear pericardial fluid which looked like water. Now, meditate on the musings of the crowd. Don’t you know that His tender heart bled as He was put to death by the very ones He had come to save! This was His world, His men; His nails, His cross … and they did not recognize Him. His head fell on his breast. They said, “He’ll never lift that head among the multitudes again!” They said, “Look at his hands. Those were the hands which healed the sick, raised the dead, touched lips, made mud and opened blind eyes, commanded the winds to calm the storm. He will never use those hands again.” By the way, to the crowd he was just another crazy rebellious Jew to add to long list of others crucified by Rome … how far from the reality could they be? A SIGNIFICANT DEATH Consider what made Jesus’s death different from all other deaths. His death on the cross was a divine transaction to take upon Himself the sins of the whole world. He took the punishment we deserved for our sin so that we could be forgiven given, fit for heaven and experience eternal life. What does that mean to you? He took on your sin … He died for you. Take that in for a moment. Then reflect on John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believes in him might not perish, but have eternal life.” One more time, read and reflect on Hebrews 12:2; “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despised the shame, and is now seated on the right hand of the throne of God.” Why endure it? Why? Why? Because He could see the joy on the other side of the cross—the joy of saving us … saving you. RESURRECTION GLORY Catch the end of Hebrews 12:2, Jesus is “now seated on the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus’s story doesn’t end with bleak suffering on the cross. He was brought back to life. And He is now at right hand of God. Today is the day to bow before Christ and confess Him as your Savior and Lord. Who is He to you? What does His life, death, and love mean to you personally? How does knowing Jesus change you? Now, imagine the scene as you close your meditation. You’re standing in an unending crowd of people stretching out in all directions. Suddenly Jesus appears and everyone kneels in unison and cries out: “Jesus Christ is Lord.” And you know that He is. Amen

God never missed an opportunity to use powerful symbols throughout Scripture. Jesus’ famous ride on this lowly animal reveals much about Christ’s character and purpose. Why did Jesus ride a donkey? 1. Christ is claiming His rightful place as the prophesied Messiah. God never missed an opportunity to use powerful symbols throughout Scripture. Jesus’ famous ride on this lowly animal reveals much about Christ’s character and purpose. Prior to entering Jerusalem, Christ instructed his disciples to acquire for him a donkey Matthew 21:1-5. (In Matthew’s Gospel a donkey and a colt, two poetic Hebrew parallel phrases.) Why did Jesus ride a donkey?  Zechariah wrote:  “Behold, your king comes to you, triumphant and victorious. He is humble and riding on an ass, on a colt, the foal of an ass.”  ( Zechariah 9:9 ) KJV. Every Jew would know Zechariah’s messianic prophecy. That’s why the crowds hailed Jesus as their king shouting,  “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”  ( Matthew 21:9 ). Jesus is the true Davidic Messiah and king. 2. Jesus rode a donkey to symbolize peace. Why didn’t Jesus ride a warhorse, as He did in Revelation? Mark Boda explains: In the ancient Middle Eastern world, leaders rode horses if they rode to war, but donkeys if they came in peace. First Kings 1:33 mentions Solomon riding a donkey on the day he was recognized as the new king of Israel. Other instances of leaders riding donkeys are  Judges 5:10 ; 10:4; 12:14; and  2 Samuel 16:2 . The mention of a donkey in  Zechariah 9:9-10  fits the description of a king who would be  “righteous and having salvation, gentle.”  Rather than riding to conquer, this king would enter in peace. Zechariah 9:10  highlights this peace:  “I will take away the chariots from Ephraim and the war-horses from Jerusalem, and the battle bow will be broken. He will proclaim peace to the nations. His rule will extend from sea to sea and from the River to the ends of the earth." Note the many details symbolic of peace in this prophecy: “Take away the chariots”:  an end to the main vehicle of war. “Take away... the war-horses”: no need for horses used in war. “The battle bow will be broken”: no need for bows or arrows for fighting. “He will proclaim peace to the nations”: His message will be one of reconciliation. “His rule shall be from sea to sea”: the King will control extended territory with no enemies of concern. Jesus fulfills this prediction of Zechariah. Worldwide peace proclaimed by this humble King will be a fulfillment of the angels’ song in  Luke 2:14 : “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” (NKJV).   3. Christ's journey on a donkey harkened back to the foreshadowing of a father sacrificing his own only son. Isaac, a type of Christ, rides a donkey to be slain by his father Abraham on the altar ( Genesis 22:3 .) 4. Jesus' journey on a donkey symbolized God's blessing to His people. Jacob’s divine blessing over his son Judah includes a reference to a donkey and a donkey’s foal ( Genesis 49:10-12) “The scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler’s staff from between his feet until he to whom it belongs shall come and the obedience of the nations shall be his. He will tether his donkey to a vine, his colt to the choicest branch; he will wash his garments in wine, his robes in the blood of grapes. His eyes will be darker than wine, his teeth whiter than milk.” Jesus is born of the tribe of Judah, eternally enthroned. Jacob’s prophecy describes a king who washes with wine (His blood) and has white teeth (purity). Incidentally, read vers es 14-16  about Isaachar, the rawboned donkey, who bows in submission! 5. Jesus' triumphal journey teaches us that after all of the sacrifices offered for sin, we can enter the rest of faith because of His final sacrifice (Hebrews 10:12). Exodus 23:12  states God’s clear command: “Six days do your work, but on the seventh day do not work, so that your ox and your donkey may rest, and so that the slave born in your household and the foreigner living among you may be refreshed.”  6. Emissaries sent donkeys overloaded with gifts to appease the wrath of an enemy, preventing bloodshed. Jacob sent donkeys packed with treasures to avoid the wrath of his brother Esau ( Genesis 33:8 ). Abigail brought donkeys packed with food to keep David from killing her family. Nabal, her husband, had angered the king-to-be. The wise woman knelt before David and said in  1 Samuel 25:26 : “And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal.”  7. God used a donkey to speak His judgment! Yes, Balaam’s donkey actually warns the prophet of His disobedience. In  Numbers 22 , Moses writes: “… Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, ‘What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?’ Balaam answered the donkey, ‘You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.’ The donkey said to Balaam, ‘Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?’ ‘No,’ he said. Then the Lord opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown. The angel of the Lord asked him, ‘Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me.’” Samson defeated the Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. ( Judges 15:15 ). God sent a lion to devour a false prophet in  1 Kings 13:27-31 , while his donkey safely stood and watched. The lion did not eat the donkey. The donkey carried the slain prophet back home at God’s behest. King Jehu rode a donkey into Samaria, a kind of false Jerusalem, in order to destroy the temple of the false god Baal ( 2 Kings 9:11-10 :28). Christ entered Jerusalem’s temple and pronounced judgment as He overturned the money-changer’s tables in  Matthew 21:12 : “My house shall be called a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves.”  8. Jesus demonstrated that he was the burden-bearer who came to save us. Baby Jesus was born in humility. Remember, a donkey carried a poor, pregnant mother named Mary all the way from Nazareth to Bethlehem. ( Luke 2:4-7 ). This gentle beast of burden carried the Savior of the World. Jesus used the image of Mary’s donkey to connect with the common people. He came for them. Jesus embraced the poor, weak and oppressed during his time here on earth. Christ’s sweet, simple story of the Good Samaritan in  Luke 10:33-34  is a perfect symbol of his love and compassion: “But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.” The Bible is rich in symbolism. Enjoy the triumphal entry in a deeper way this year. Sources:  Haggai, Zechariah NIV Application Commentary by Mark Boda www.Amazingbibletimeline.com www.Taylormarshall.com Kristin M. Swenson, Ph.D. Lessons from a Donkey: Alan Rudnick, Baylor University

“You're going to die, retire, quit or get fired,” said Jim Collins (the author of Good to Great) . "You'll not pastor your church forever.” “What!” I thought, as he addressed our small conference of twenty pastors. I was busy building a church and growing a people! I assumed that I’d pastor Casas Church forever. Such is the immortality and idealism of youth. “Now, consider this,” asked Collins, “what will happen to your church after you are dead, retired, quit or fired?” “The greatest hindrance to the ongoing success of an organization is the charismatic leader who founded it,” continued Collins. I was stunned. I basically founded Casas--from seventy people to over 10,000. Might I one day be its greatest hindrance to its Casas one day thriving and surviving? Juan Tripp founded Pan American World Airways. Pan Am circled the globe like no other airline. Tripp often boasted that it took an unusually gifted man (himself) to build an airline like Pan Am. In fact, he often boasted that Pan Am could never survive without him. With a little humility and planning, Pan Am might well be still flying the friendly skies. Unfortunately, the airline died shortly after Tripp. Collins' next book, Built To Last, detailed the common factors for the success of organizations that last over one-hundred years--like Johnson & Johnson and the Boeing Aircraft Company. Collin's research revealed that one-hundred-year organizations hire from within. Every organization has a culture. Ministers we hire from outside of Casas tend to last five years or less. They run into cultural issues that they most often misplay. Both they and the people end up hurt. On the other hand, pastors that we hire from inside tend to last twenty to thirty years and longer. They know how to navigate the culture. They know where the boundaries are and just how far they can go without stirring up unmanageable conflict. Next, organizations that last over one-hundred years take ten to fifteen years to transition to new leaders. Most churches don’t have the luxury of cultivating someone in the organization to take over five or ten years later. Finances can be a problem. More importantly, there is the issue of what to do with the pastor-in-waiting until it's time for him/her to take over. In addition, organizations that last over one-hundred years groom four or five individuals to be the next leader. When the present leader leaves, one of the four or five becomes the next leader and the others are fired. Very few church will follow this example. However, it does bring up the issue of what happens in many churches--especially small ones. In many smaller churches the people are the stabilizing force. They stay for the long haul. Pastors come and go. So, the church family chooses their own new leader. One of my dreams was to pastor a multi-generational church. Most churches last for a generation and a quarter. The founders lead and guide and finance the church for twenty-five years or so. Their children grow up in the church but don’t stick. The children of the first generation leave to seek their own spiritual fortunes. Their departure is only natural. Teenagers and young adults navigate in a very different culture from mom and dad. If the church is to last a significant number of years then it must respond well to a changing culture. Changing the church culture is no easy task. There are worship wars to fight. Presenting the gospel to a new generation often looks little like the presentations of the past. Preaching styles change. Team teaching and team leadership looks very different from the old days of having only one pastor. Pastoral care in many changing churches can be virtually nonexistent. Car rallies on the Sunday morning church parking lot are quite effective in drawing people who have never put a foot in church to put a foot in church. Only strong leadership and lots of time can change the church culture. Only by handling well these transitional changes can a church reach the next generation. This means that the pastor being cultivated must be part of a younger generation. When I arrived at Casas at the age of 25 I was part of the "Boomer" Generation. Casas was a "Builder" church. Over the next ten years I studied the church culture and pushed back the boundaries. Eventually, Casas was a "Boomer" church. We transitioned to the second generation. About ten years later it was time to start planning for the third generation. I baptized Glenn when he was eight years old. When he was sixteen I heard God telling me that one day Glenn would be my successor. I admired Glenn's guts and confrontational courage. During his high school years he and Jack Gracie went every year to the Utah State fair where they set up a table and argued with Mormons. He also was sold out in his passion to love Jesus and to bring unchurched, unconnected people into the presence of Jesus. He longed to make the church relevant to his culture. He trained under Bill Hybels and went on to pastor a brand-new church in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I was 50 years old. Glenn was 30--time to make plans to pass on the torch. I invited him to Casas. After much prayer, thought and consideration Glenn returned to the church of his youth. We agreed that for the next five years Roger would be "over" Glenn while Glenn focused on reaching "Generation X" aged people. Then for the next five years Roger and Glenn would share the responsibilities of leading and pastoring the church. I yielded to Glenn most of the meetings, vision casting and leadership. Then, for the final five years, I would pass the baton completely to Glenn. Roger would "disappear" to Dallas to care for aging parents and enjoyment of our children and relatives. A new pastor can never be the real pastor until the old pastor moves completely away. Under Glenn, Casas is in its third generation as it has morphed into a "Generation X" church. As Glenn approaches fifty, the one who will lead Casas into its fourth generation as a "Millennial" church is already on staff and commencing his transition into full-fledged pastoral leadership. Casas' transition into its fourth generation is well under way. Not long from now, my "boys", as I call them, will be searching for the person who will lead Casas into the " Nones Generation ". This will be the fifth generational change for Casas. The term "nones" refers to non-religious people. The number of religiously unaffiliated Americans is increasing dramatically. By the way, Casas' transition is working marvelously well as Casas is thriving six years after my departure. I had a lot of dreams for Casas. One was to leave the church debt-free. We built 18 buildings under my leadership and eventually transitioned to a 100 acre site. The cost was enormous. However, we believed that if someone wanted to come to Casas then the least we could do was to provide them with a seat. Casas grew accordingly. One of my promises to Glenn and the rest of the ministers was that I would leave them with a church debt-free before I was 65. I am now 64 and last week the mortgage was completely paid off. As a result, Casas now has an extra $500,000 plus to pour into ministry each year. Let me leave you with several thoughts. First, take care of home base. Home base is you and your family. It's one thing to transition a large church to a new set of leaders. It's quite another for a pastor of a young church or a small church to attempt an early transition and departure. My friend, Sam, dreamed of transitioning his church to the next generation. He knew that this would only be accomplished with a younger pastor. He told me of his plans to turn over the church when he turned 60 years old. I replied, "What a great idea; but, have you thought about what you will do after 60?" He was so intent on taking care of the church that he neglected to care for himself. "Are you financially ready to retire at 60?" "No," he replied. "So what you're really telling me is that you'll be 60 years old and have no job. Most churches aren't hiring 60-year-old men and women." "Yes, but I'm really concerned with the future of our church. I've given my life to the church. God will take care of me somehow." "Yes, but one of the saddest things I see are pastors who gave their all for the church and left themselves with nothing. You might consider that transiting to a younger man is putting yourself out of a job. Those years from 60-68 might be rather important in your financial planning." My biggest mistake in the transition was not taking care of home base. I took so much time and effort preparing the church that I forgot to plan to take care of me. I've pastored since I was 18 years old and now it was over. I didn't know what to do with myself. How could I ever have know that the last sermon I would preach was titled "Unplugged". I felt like God had placed me on the shelf. He didn't need me anymore. I'm ashamed to confess that I hardly went to church for the next twelve months. My grief was intense. Going to church made me sad. My soul was in pain. Fortunately, I found much peace when I read in Leviticus that God required all priests to retire by age 50. Now, I felt less guilty not "being in the ministry". I must admit, by faith, that God knows what is best. Had I stayed at Casas the final five years I have no doubt that I would be dead. The scar tissue from open-heart surgery at the age of thirteen finally caught up with me. My heart began suffering debilitating electrical system fritz! Only the bottom half works now. My pacemaker, (I named him "Repeat") beats a steady 75 beats per minute to keep me alive. I don't have the strength to pastor even if I wanted to. I've made great progress finding peace with my past and my future. I find great fulfillment in answering thirty to forty "Ask Roger" counseling questions with 30,000 on line readers per week. I miss the relationships in personal pastoring but I've found a new calling. All things considered, my ministry hands are full, contentment has come, and my thirty year dream of a transitioning multi-generational church is fully fulfilled. www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/01/14/169164840/losing-our-religion-the-growth-of-the-nones

Dear Roger, Recently, I hurt one of my best friends. We both said that everything was okay. But, it’s not. There is a wall between us that hasn’t gone away. What’s the best way to fix this? Sincerely, Sara Dear Sara, An apology, accompanied with a good confession is the best way to fix it. Let me tell you how I deeply hurt my wife, Julie—and how we healed that hurt when I apologized and confessed that what I did was hurtful and damaging to our marriage. I was so busy starting a church that I didn’t have much time for Julie. I’d gone two years without a day off. One Sunday I said to Julie, “Why don’t we go to Phoenix this weekend. We can spend the night in a nice hotel. We’ll have dinner at a nice restaurant. We’ll go to a movie. After breakfast we will go to the mall and shop as long as you like. We’ll have a nice dinner. Then, we will drive back home to Tucson and get ready for church services tomorrow.” It was it was Friday, almost noon, and my briefcase was packed. I was heading out the door when my phone rang. Ken, one of our deacons, was on the phone. “Hey, Roger, I just heard you were driving to Phoenix. My car broke down in Phoenix and I it’s ready for pickup. Can you give me a ride to Phoenix? The repair shop is right on the way.” What choice did I have? How would it look to the congregation if the young pastor refused to take Ken to Phoenix? I picked up the phone and called Julie: “I’m on the way. I’ll pick you up in ten minutes. By the way, Ken called … car broke down in Phoenix … ready for pickup … needs a ride … “CLICK.” She hung up on me. We didn’t go to a fancy hotel. We spent the night in the Holiday Inn. We didn’t go to a nice restaurant. We ate dinner at the Holiday Inn. We didn’t go to a movie. We watched TV at the Holiday Inn. We didn’t go to a special place for breakfast. We ate breakfast at the Holiday Inn. After about 30 minutes at the mall Julie said, “I’m not having any fun. Let’s go home.” We were we were pulling suitcases out of the car when I said, “I’m so sorry. I know this marriage is not turning out to be what you wanted. If you’d like, I’ll give you a divorce.” Julie looked at me and said, “No, we’ll work this out.” So, we went inside and got ready for Sunday. Over the next several months I’d say to Julie, “I am so sorry. Will you please forgive me?” She would say, “Okay, I forgive you.” But we both knew that deep inside, things were not all right. Let’s make my answer an interactive, working document. Let’s talk about how to make a good apology and confession. (These seven principles were formulated by David Ferguson of Intimate Life Ministries). 1. LET’S THINK OF ONE WAY THAT WE’VE HURT OUR SPOUSE, CHILDREN, FAMILY OR FRIENDS. Let me give you a few examples to start you thinking. One of my favorite nicknames for Julie was, “Muffin.” After she got pregnant, I started calling her “Pumpkin” I thought it was funny. Julie got hurt. One of the most hurtful, critical words that I ever perpetrated “against” Julie was at an elder Christmas party. She said something that I thought was stupid and without thinking I quoted the Proverb which says, “Even a fool is deemed wise when he keeps his mouth shut”. (Proverb 17:28). Everyone gasped. I was incredibly embarrassed. I said “I am sorry”, but that didn’t help. I wounded her deeply. By the way, everyone at the dinner table agreed that I was a I was the stupid one.) Until I learned better, I was often insensitive to the feelings of my children. Occasionally, I would tease the girls and they would cry. We finally figured out the problem. I was using “boy humor” instead of using “girl humor”. There is a difference you know. I grew up with one brother and no sisters. I was just doing what came naturally and the girls got hurt. Julie has a hard time keeping up with car keys. She loses them all the time. I’d often get a call at 11:00 PM on Wednesday night after choir practice: “Come get me. I can’t find my keys.” Time and time again I had to redress and drive to church to help her look. One afternoon I noticed Julie’s keys on the front seat of her car. I’d had enough! I entered the church to find Julie practicing with seven’ little violinists for an upcoming worship service. I charged down the aisle to the piano shaking the keys: “You did it again!” I threw them on the piano keyboard and said angrily, “How many times must I ask you to keep up with your keys”? I turned and stalked that to my office. You should have seen the reaction of the young violinists when they saw the pastor’s behavior! I began working on my sermon for next Sunday. My topic was 1 Corinthians 13 on love. (That’s the honest truth.) I got to feeling really guilty for what I’d done. Shamefully, I returned to the piano. I said to Julie, “I’m so sorry, I know I hurt you, I shouldn’t have acted that way. Will you please forgive me?” Of course she forgave me. She’s a pastor’s wife. 2. NOW WE CONFESS TO GOD AND RECEIVE HIS FORGIVENESS. So, I am standing at the trunk of the car… “Do you want a divorce?” Maybe what I should have done, before I talked to Julie, was to talk to God about what I’d done. Can you imagine that if I had first talked to God and gotten His perspective that I might have approached Julie a little differently? We deal with God before we go any further. “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Confess really means “to agree with.” This means that I am to say the same about my sin that God says. This means to get alone with God and deal with the fact that my behavior is intricately involved with why He had to die. “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10). Godly sorrow means that I begin to feel what Jesus felt when he watched me do what I did. I begin to imagine Jesus watching as I charged down the aisle shaking Julie’s keys. I saw Jesus in pain for Julie. He knows what’s coming. He’s hurting for Julie and embarrassed for me. He sees me throw the keys on the piano. He watches Julie’s face in horror. My behavior breaks his heart. I begin to get a sense of what Jesus felt when he saw me do what I did. My behavior is not only sin, it is part of what crucified Jesus. As I enter into godly sorrow, what stirs in me is what the Old Testament calls “a broken and contrite heart” (Psalm 51:17) and what the New Testament calls, “godly sorrow.” I do not believe we are ready to make things right with the one we’ve hurt until we’ve experienced “Godly Sorrow”! 3. IT’S NOW TIME TO CONFESS THAT WHAT WE DID WAS WRONG AND ASK THE ONE WE’VE HURT FOR FORGIVENESS. Here Is A Suggestion As To What A Good Apologetic Confession Sounds Like. “I realize that I have hurt you deeply by my selfishness, inattention, and wrong priorities, and that was wrong of me, will you please forgive me?” There Are Seven Key Ingredients To A Good Apologetic Confession. 1. The Scope Of Our Confession Should Equal The Scope Of Our Offense. If we’ve hurt a family, then we confess to that family. We don’t need to confess to anyone else. If we’ve hurt some folks at the office, then we confess to that coworker. We need go no further. If we’ve hurt someone in a Bible study, we confess to those in the Bible study. If what we’ve done offends others, we must confess to them as well. (James 5:16). 2. Apologetic Confessions Are Most Effective When We Take The Initiative To Apologize And Confess Without Having To First Be Confronted By Those We’ve Offended. 3. Our apologetic Confession Should Have An Emotional Dimension. Usually, our sin is not only wrong, it emotionally hurts the one we’ve offended.  We must not only confess our sin, but also show concern and comfort for the hurt we caused. 4. Be Specific. Name The Sin. Let there be no doubt about exactly what you did. 5. Use The Phrase “I Was Wrong” Instead Of “I’m Sorry.” Politicians are experts at deflecting blame: “If what I said about the SPCA offended anyone, I’m sorry.” No, don’t say that. Instead, say, instead say, “What I did was wrong. I did offend you and I am sorry. Please forgive me.” Two or three little words can make all the difference in the world. 6. After Your Apologetic Confession, Put A Period And Stop Talking. Do not try to defend yourself or your actions. That will only ruin everything. We all have too much lawyer in us. 7. Now It’s Time To Ask The One We’ve Hurt To Forgive Us. Watch the person carefully as you apologize and ask for forgiveness. You can tell by their facial response whether or not you’ve asked for enough forgiveness Some things are easier to forgive than some others. WHAT IF IT IS REALLY A BIG HURT? Remember the big hurt I inflicted on Julie with the K.D. Phoenix trip? Off and on for the next several months I’d show up and say to Julie, ““Will you still forgive me for that?  Please?” She even said on several occasions, “Yes, I forgive you for that.” However, we both knew that the issue was not healed. Do you see the problem we have here?  It just hurt me a little bit.  It hurt her a lot.  She is filled with pain and it is hard to forgive a lot of hurt when the one who hurt you is only asking for a little bit of forgiveness. In other words, it’s hard to forgive ten gallons worth of hurt when the perpetrator is only asking for a pint’s worth of forgiveness. So, one evening after dinner, we sat in our blue chairs in the living room and I said to Julie, “I don’t care how long it takes, I want you to take all the time you need to tell me how much I’ve hurt you. I really did the one to know what ten gallons of hurt really felt like. “Roger, you’ve betrayed me. The church is your mistress. You spend more time with her than you spend with me.” I felt so rejected. We were going to be ministry partners; however, you continually do things with others instead of me. Do you know how sad I feel? It’s not supposed to be this way. (This is when Julie started crying.) I’ve been so afraid. Remember when you were out of town and that man got on the roof and called on his cell phone to say that he was going to get me? And you were nowhere around. Do you know how lonely I feel? I sit home alone night after night while you are out with one church activity or another. I’m afraid of what our future will look like if it looks anything like our past. I’m not sure I can make it.” (Now I began crying.) I began to realize just how much hurt I had laid on her. Do you know how devalued I feel. Everything revolves around you. I’m not even there. The more she shares her pain, the more I sense just how deeply I’ve hurt her. 8. At this point, it is time to experience James 5:16: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed.” Healing means that the relationship is restored. Healing means that we work to restore trust. Admitting wrongdoing builds trusts—covering up wrong erodes it. An honest apology builds trust—excuses erode it. Changed behavior builds trusts—repeated wrongdoing erodes it. Comforting may now be appropriate. This means that we may say things like, “I’m so sorry you’ve been through such a painful time. It breaks my heart to see you in so much despair. I know you’ve been hurting deeply, and life and relationships are not supposed to be this way. I’m so sorry.” By the way, after you’ve made your apologetic confession you may want to ask, “Are there other ways that I have hurt you that I’m not seeing?” If so, share them with me. I’d like to get them right with God and you.” Then, work through the process again. Well Sara, I hope this helps. If you have more questions, please let me know. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I’m a new Christian and I’d like to know more about spiritual gifts. Our pastor preached once on spiritual gifts, and then he went on to something else. How can I find out what my gift is and how to use it? Sincerely, Ryan Dear Ryan, When we meet Christ, the Holy Spirit gives us at least one spiritual gift. In one sense, we are wired to serve ( Romans 12:6 ). God does not just tell us to serve; He gives us special tools for the task: “Now about spiritual gifts, brothers, I do not want you to be ignorant” ( 1 Corinthians 12:1 ). Why does the Holy Spirit dispense gifts? “For the common good...” ( 1 Corinthians 12:7 ) To Strengthen the local church fellowship To Extend the church's witness and ministry To provide Christians with the tools needed to accomplish their ministry To paint a relevant picture of Christ when all the gifts are working properly Spiritual gifts are found in three separate passages in the New Testament. The lists are not exactly identical, but some overlapping occurs: Ephesians 4:11 Apostles Prophets Evangelists Pastor-Teacher Romans 12:6-8 Prophecy Helps Teaching Encouragement Giving Administration Leadership Celibacy Mercy 1 Corinthians 12:8-10 Wisdom Knowledge Faith Healing Miracles Prophecy Distinguishing spirits Speaking in tongues Interpreting tongues 1 Corinthians 7:7 Singleness What is the difference between spiritual gifts and natural talents? We are born with natural talents. Spiritual gifts are given at conversion. Natural talents are often the vehicle through which spiritual gifts can be used. A Christian vocalist may have a natural talent to sing beautifully. A vocalist with the spiritual gift of evangelism may use musical talents along with the spiritual gift of evangelism to guide people to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. Does every believer have a gift? Yes: “All these are the work of one and the same spirit, and he gives them to each man, just as he determines” ( 1 Corinthians 12:11 ). Can a believer have more than one gift? Yes. As we mature and our ministry responsibilities increase, God will give us the tools we need for the tasks ahead: “Since you are eager to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in the gifts that build up the church” ( Romans 14:12 ). The number of possible combinations is astounding. By using the algebraic formula, “2n-1” where “n” is the number of gifts, 18 spiritual gifts can produce 262,144 combinations. I don’t have the gift of service, am I still supposed to serve? Of course! While there are many combinations, there is only one Lord and one Body. “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them and all men. . . The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ...” ( Romans 12:4-12 ). I’m going to share a short description of each gift. Hopefully, this will help you understand which spiritual gift, or gifts, that the Holy Spirit has given to you. A short description of each gift: An Apostle  is one who is sent to establish a foothold for Christianity in unevangelized areas by establishing churches. Today, we often call these Christians, “church planters.” Our church ministry partner in Mexico, Roberto Morales, is an apostle. He has planted over 80 churches in Mexico and Peru. A Prophet  applies a message from God to a particular situation in relevant terms. The Prophet answers the question, “Does God have a Word for me today?” An  Evangelist  is spiritually anointed to persuade people through a variety of relevant methods to surrender their lives to Jesus Christ. They are quite successful at it. A  Pastor-Teacher  oversees the care and spiritual feeding of a church congregation. His/her teaching clarifies and preserves the truths of God. Many pastor-teachers find preaching the Word more exciting than shepherding the flock. Remember, when Jesus commissioned Peter for ministry instructed him to, “Feed my sheep; take care of my little lambs.” Jesus was saying, “I’m a shepherd, you be a shepherd, too.” The gift of  Helps  is a God-given gift for meeting the practical needs of people. When Don Young died, my friend Marilyn Tolson was cleaning up the kitchen when I arrived. "Do you have the gift of helps?” I asked. She gave me a puzzled look: "I don't know; but, if there is something you need help with, let me know.” The gift of  Encouragement  has a double use: to comfort or encourage, or to admonish and rebuke when necessary. An encourager is someone with a fantastic ability to motivate others: “Cheer up! Our God is omnipotent!” You know people who are like that; they're always in the right place at the right time. Several years ago I set a goal to do three encouraging things every day. At a restaurant, for example, when I see two parents with well-behaved children I like to walk to their table and say, “you must be wonderful parents, you have such delightful children.” They grin from ear to ear. One of our staff once came to my office and said, “I need to give you a biblical rebuke about something you’ve done.” He was right. The gift of  Giving  is the ability to make money and/or resources and to give them freely away with joy and delight. Two characteristics of a person who has the gift of giving are: he/she has resources; he/she delights in sharing those resources. Every Christian is to give generously whether they have the spiritual gift or not. The gift of  Administration  is the spiritual capacity to organize and manage the church. The Greek word for administration is kuberneseis, meaning helmsman or governor.  The administrator is the person who is qualified to steer the ship. He/she is not the Captain. The gift of  Leadership  is the spiritual capacity to energize people by creating a vision for the future and then by inspiring them to make the vision a reality. Children can be so delightful. A group of children was asked to define Leaders: “Leaders are out front.” “Their rear end is better seen than their front side.” “Leaders chart a course on star that most never see.” “A leader is one who causes conflict, but who changes things.” “You know you're a leader when you look around and people are following you.” Such astute observations from children! The gift of  Mercy  brings the empathetic love of God to hurting people in practical ways. In the first teachers’ meeting of the new year a new teacher sat down beside one of our church members. They began discussing churches and the new teacher asked Linda where she went to church. “I go to Casas Church,” Linda replied. “I know that church,” said the new teacher. “That’s the church that helps people.” “Helping hurting people” was our church motto. Every church has a target market whether they realize it or not. We figured that there would always be a market for hurting people. One with the gift of mercy is drawn to suffering people. He/she must do something about it. The hurt requires action. The gift of  Wisdom  synthesizes concepts, facts and truths in order to find a God-inspired solution for a particular situation. Some people have the ability to synthesize a complex issue into a simple solution. Dr. Harry Ironside said, “Put the cookies on the lower shelf where everyone can get to them.” The gift of the  Word Of Knowledge  is a supernaturally-revealed communication for a particular reason. Peter's knowledge of God's supernatural judgment regarding the embezzling of Ananias and Sapphira is a prime example ( Acts 5:1-11 ). The gift of  Faith  is the spiritual ability to see something that God wants done and to live accordingly even before God acts. Perhaps the gift of faith is synonymous with vision. This person has the same problems as all others, but can see right through the problems to the resources of God. One of our church building projects was having troubles. I was panicking. Lefty, one of our elders, pulled me aside and said, “I have the spiritual gift of faith. Trust me, everything is going to be okay. There was something about the way he said it. I felt a calm peace. I said to myself, “I think I can live on that faith.” So I did! The gift of  Healing  refers to the healing of physical disease in response to the Holy Spirit’s promptings through confession, laying on of hands and prayer. One with this gift will often utilize  James 5:13-17  to facilitate the work. By the way, I believe that this healing gift and the following gift of miracles are not often seen in the United States of America today. On the other hand, we often hear missionaries on the mission field tell supernatural stories about how miracles and healings compel people to come to Christ. However, we must not limit God’s power. The gift of  Miracles  is an event of supernatural power, to authenticate the Word and/or the reality of God. One particular Campus Crusade missionary told of a witch doctor who didn’t want the Jesus film shown in his village. He demanded the villagers to stay away. The witch doctor didn't want the Jesus film. He pleaded and threatened. The missionaries showed it anyway. They invited neighboring villages to come and several thousand turned up. They turned on the generator and the film commenced. Fifteen minutes into the film the witch doctor crept into the darkness, took his machete and with one quick move, cut the electric cord in two. And the movie kept right on playing! The Jesus film never stopped. The witch doctor said, "If that is the kind of God you have, we need him." He became a Christian. The gift of  Distinguishing Between Spirits  is the ability to differentiate between holy, human, and demonic powers. We’ve all wondered sometimes if it is really God speaking to us. The person with this gift has a God anointed ability to give guidance and wisdom in these areas. Please notice that the gifts of  Tongues  and  Interpreting Tongues  the are considered by many to be gifts utilized in the first century only. The gift of Tongues is the ability to speak fluently in a previously unlearned language (dialektos) ( Acts 2 ). Unsaved men and women might hear the gospel in their own languages. This occurred on Pentecost as described in Acts or in a Holy Spirit-inspired spiritual prayer language (glossolalia) which means tongues ( 1 Corinthians 12 ). Tongues are useful in prayer to express ideas and concepts that are deep in the human spirit. Some Christians believe that glossolalia is described in  Romans 8:26-27 : “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself  intercedes  for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit  intercedes  for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” My wife Julie had a miraculous experience with dialektos. On a mission trip to Brazil, Dianne Walters, one of her mission volunteers, broke her leg in two places. The rest of the tour leadership left my wife, Julie, alone to handle the medical emergency in the huge metropolis of San Paulo. She knew no one and spoke no Portuguese. By the power of the Holy Spirit, Julie was granted the ability to speak Portuguese (dialektos), discuss medical terms and make all sorts of hotel, airline and hospital arrangements while communicating in Portuguese. The gift of Interpreting Tongues is the spontaneous ability to translate the language of one who is using the gift of tongues (glossalalia).  How to unwrap your gift/gifts: 1. Study the gifts in the Bible  and learn how they operate. 2. Observe the lives of Christians you know to see how gifts operate in them. 3. Analyze what gifts you recognize developing in yourself. 4. Seek confirmation of your gift from others--and from God. Jake Ellis, a well-respected teacher at my home church affirmed my teaching gift early in my life.  “Roger, you are a wonderful teacher,” he said. The inner witness of the Spirit is not limited to confirming our salvation. He wants us to know what our gifts are and how to use them. Let your successful ministry experiences be a determining factor in recognizing your gift. What ministry is God blessing? When you have prayed for sick people, do you often see answers to those prayers? Do you see fruit from your teaching? Are people trusting Christ as a result of your evangelism? Finally, practice! Practice! Practice! 1 Timothy 4:10 : Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.