Dear Roger, How do I learn to be content? I am never happy. I always want more. I feel like drowning, overwhelmed with my family problems and my health. I am mad at God and I don’t know how to stop. Please help. Sincerely, Rob Dear Rob,   One of my favorite pictures of contentment is a small kitten following a leaky cow. I learned a lot about contentment from my Dad.   “The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price has been forgotten,” said my Dad on many occasions.   “Don’t sell your peanuts at the end of the parade” was another favorite. ”When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” “He who whispers down a well about the goods he has to sell, doesn’t have as many dollars as he who climbs a tree and hollers.” “Roger,” he used to say, “if you learn to love people and work hard, you will always be a success.”  Whenever I faced a difficulty in life, “Roger, you’re just the man who can do it,” he’d say with enthusiasm.   Dad repeated his sayings over and over to drill practical truth deep into my brother Ron’s and my life. I could go on and on. But, it’s time to stop. Well, not quite. He had one favorite saying that he repeated most of all, especially when life got rough: ” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ( Philippians 4:13 ).   Paul’s relationship with the Philippian church was being renewed. They sent him a gift. He wrote Philippians from a Roman prison to say thank you. Incidentally, his prison was the Mamartine prison near the Roman forum. You can visit it the next time that you go to Rome.   Mamartine prison was an awful place. The stairs from the upper floor to the bottom of the enclosure are a recent addition. Paul was thrown down through a hole. Filled with other prisoners, the dungeon was dark, dank and must have reeked of mold, sweat, and urine.   Yet, in this somewhat “God forsaken” prison cell, Paul wrote a most joyous letter. “Rejoice in the Lord always,” he repeats over and over again.   Now, this seems rather strange to me—especially in light of my Dad’s favorite verse.   Paul said that he could do all things through Christ, but he couldn’t get out of that jail.   Paul was chained to a Roman guard, and said that he could do all things through Christ, but he but he couldn’t get out of those chains.   Paul claimed that he could do all things through Christ; but as I read the text, there were all sorts of things he couldn’t do.   Paul sounds a bit rude as he thanked the Philippian Church and then wrote, “but, I really didn’t need it.” Certainly, he enjoyed the gift; but he had something better in mind!   “I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want ( Philippians 4:10-12 ).   Contentment does not come naturally. It is something we must learn. How do we learn it? Through the fires of affliction.   Dr. Harry Ironside was getting hard of hearing as he finished out his teaching career at the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. A student asked Ironside to pray for him to be more patient. Ironside began, “Dear Father, could you send this young man some problems…” Thinking that Ironside had misheard, the student interrupted the prayer and said, “No. No. Not problems. I need patience.”   Ironside began again, “Dear Father, could you send this young man some problems…” Again, the student assumed that Ironside didn’t hear right. Again, he interrupted the prayer and said, “No. No. Not problems. I want patience.”   Ironside paused, looked at the young man and quoted from James 1 , “Don’t you know that troubles and pains are what produce patience.   No wonder Paul had learned such contentment. Listen to his own words about how he learned patience.   “I’ve been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches ( 2 Corinthians 11:23-28 ).   Of course we say, “I’ve never had that many problems. Maybe I can’t learn patience.” Of course we can. We all have stories we could tell about the rough and tough times we’ve faced.   As Hebrews 12 tells us, if we refuse to get angry at God, or lose heart and quit, or fall into depression, and instead, submit to the will of our Heavenly Father, we will be learning contentment in spades.   Jesus “pouring in the power” doesn’t mean that He will necessarily remove the chains or free us from prison. It means that He will give us the personal power to be content and victorious in whatever troubles life throws our way—whether in jail or out, hungry or well fed, in the hospital bed or out.   Learning to handle difficulties well, while allowing Jesus to pour in the power, is the secret of contentment.   My dad knew what it is like for Jesus to pour in the power. He lived in Christ’s strength for decades. Lymphoma began to slow him down in his 84 th year. He knew something was going wrong. He couldn’t walk his usual 18 holes of golf five days a week. He was feeling tired. After some medical tests he got the bad news. Subsequently, the doctors tried several cancer killers but none worked. They turned to an experimental drug. Three months later dad was in his wheel chair and I was with him in his doctor’s office when more bad news came.   “I am sorry to tell you that the experimental drug is not working. We have to stop treatment.” “OK” said Dad. “What are we going to try next?” “Roger, there is no next,” said the doctor.” Slowly, the reality sank in. “Well, doc, what am I supposed to do now? With a sense of compassion in his voice, Dad’s doctor said, “Well, it’s time to just go home and die. I am so sorry.” “How long do I have?” “About three months.”   I sat there thinking what it must be like to be given your death sentence!   Dad thanked the doctor and we left the room.   We were passing the nurses station when I heard my father say quietly to himself, under his breath, “Well, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”   By the way, we may do well to readjust our expectations of contentment. Paul wrote to Timothy: “But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that ( 1 Timothy 6:8 ).”   Is that an intriguing statement for us today? Let’s be content! Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I had this conversation with an elder of a church recently. He was, out of love, giving me a hard time as I don’t have a job at the moment so 10 % of nothing is well, nothing. But his argument was that I still have money in the bank, enough to get by for a while until I’m able to find work. My question is this: is tithing simply a money issue? If I am to give God the top of what I have; the cream of the crop so to speak, how can that simply be something I use to make ends meet? Can’t it be using what talents and abilities I’ve been given to serve? Money has never been a huge issue to me, and I’ll gladly give what I have…as you said, God asks us to test Him in money. I take that to heart and God’s always provided. But I can’t get past the thought that it’s just money. Sincerely, Dustin Dear Dustin, I am sorry. From my perspective you were given wrong, hurtful, and guilt-producing advice from this particular elder. Giving you a “hard time” is not being loving. Speaking truth is one thing. Speaking truth in love is another ( Ephesians 4:14-15 ). Particularly galling is when someone speaks to us untruth not in love. It seems to me that you were more ambushed than helped by your encounter with him. Again, I grieve that happened to you. The elder missed this truth: Jesus, Paul and James talked about meeting the needs of others as a way of expressing gratitude to the Lord. Tithing is the outward expression of a grateful heart. Meeting the needs of others is just as significant a part of the Christian life as a regular tithe. You might try to look for opportunities to minister to those around you as a way to practice the grace of giving. Paul commends the Macedonian church in 2 Corinthians 8:2 “…out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.” You don’t have to feel like a failure if a lack of income leaves you unable to tithe. We’ve all been called to meet the needs of others any time we see them. This concept is taught just as strongly throughout Scripture as the concept of tithing. Whether you have income coming in and therefore you are able to tithe or not, you are still a valuable, contributing member of the body of Christ with so much to give. Now, let me answer your questions one by one. First, we tithe on our present income, not on past money we have already tithed on. No income, no tithe. If you have already tithed on the money in the bank, you have no need to tithe on it again. Of course, if you have not tithed on that income, it would be quite appropriate to tithe on it now. Second, from how I read the Bible, tithing is basically a money issue. The OT sacrificial system, for example, accepted grain, sheaves, birds, and oxen. Each of these things had monetary value. Of course, cash was also accepted. Third, as best as I can tell, talents, abilities, spiritual gifts, and so forth, are not subject to tithing. They are utilized under the influence and guidance of the Holy Spirit as needed. Service in the Kingdom is not measured by time or tenths, but by responding positively to the Holy Spirit when our service is necessary to minister to others. Fourth, You said that you would gladly tithe if you had a job, and when you do work again, you will resume tithing. I remember when God refused to allow David to build the Temple because of David’s bloody hands. Solomon would accomplish that task. David was broken-hearted; however, the Lord let him know that because he had it in his heart, He would give him “credit” for it. I think the same applies to you, to others now out of work, and to so many married Christian women who want to tithe, but whose husbands won’t allow them. God says to you all, “I know you would if you could. You will when you can. You’ve done well; since you have it in your hearts, I will still give you “credit.” Well, Dustin, I hope this is helpful. God bless you and I hope you will soon have a new job. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, Why doesn’t the church in general teach about the gifts of prophecy, healing, words of knowledge, speaking in tongues, etc. … I am starving for this teaching and get it on tv.   Sincerely, Starving   Dear Starving,   I agree, spiritual gifts don’t seem to be taught or emphasized much. Like you, I consider tragic the lack of focus on the gifts. Their utilization is critical if the Church is to function properly in society.   In his letter to the Romans, Paul teaches, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us . . . let [us] use [them] in proportion to [our] faith” (12:6).   The spiritual gifts are found in three separate passages in the New Testament ( Romans 12 ; 1 Corinthians 12–14 ; and Ephesians 4 ). The lists are not exactly identical. Some overlapping occurs.   According to 1 Corinthians 12:6 , God the Father pours in the power; Jesus the Son assigns the ministry; God the Holy Spirit gives out the gifts as He deems necessary for the proper functioning of the church body.   The gifts may be grouped as follows:   MINISTRIES OF CHRIST ( Ephesians 4:11 and 1 Corinthians 12:29 ) (for planting and growing churches in number and maturity): Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists and Pastor-Teachers   SUPPORTING GIFTS ( Romans 12:6-8 ): Prophecy, Service, Teaching, Encouragement, Giving, Administration/Leadership, and Mercy   GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT ( 1 Corinthians 12:8-10 , 27-31 ) (Tools for ministry) Wisdom, Knowledge, Faith, Healing, Miracles, Prophecy, Helps, Administration, Leadership, Distinguishing spirits, Speaking in tongues, Interpreting tongues.   Every Christian is given at least one gift at conversion. Our initial gift may lie dormant for awhile as we mature. We might call these early impartations “driving force” gifts. They seem to remain with believers throughout their ministry lives.   Other spiritual gifts may be thought of in terms of a toolbox full of tools. At times God may utilize a particular gift in our lives on a short-time basis in order to minister to a particular need in the body of Christ. As we manage well our initial gift, and as our ministries expand, we may ask God for other gifts under the direction of the inner promptings of the Holy Spirit.   Spiritual gifts are not merely special abilities or talents. Innate abilities are often a function of both our personalities and skill development. Spiritual gifts are manifestations of God’s power which profit the church body as a whole.   Congregations are often spiritually impotent when the members do not freely and responsibly allow the Holy Spirit to manifest God’s power through the gifts He has given. I used to think that I could have only one gift. But as ministry increases, my need for gifts increase. So does yours.   As our ministries grow, and as our need for more gifts arises, God will grant us more gifts if we ask for them ( 1 Corinthians 12:31 and 14:39 ).   Personally, my initial gift was teaching. Over the years I see God developing more gifts as I need them to minister better. These days I’m praying for the gifts of wisdom, administration, discerning of spirits, prophecy, and faith. I need help in these areas.   As we move forward on our spiritual journey, we need to recognize and learn how to use our spiritual gifts. Allow me to share a few guidelines on how to unwrap your spiritual gifts:   SIX DIAGNOSTIC QUESTIONs TO HELP US IDENTIFY OUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS   1 . As I Study The Gifts And Their Operation In The Bible, Do Any Resonate In My Soul ?   2. What Do I Enjoy Doing?   God wants us to be “Happy in the service of the King.” Christian ministry must not become a neurotic compulsion to duty. Like Jesus, in doing the Father’s will we should find delight, not drudgery And this delight continues. Later he will enthusiastically affirm, “This is what I’d rather be doing for the Lord than anything else in the world. I so enjoy it! This is my thing. This turns me on!” He will readily talk about his ministry and wish to improve it.   3. What Is The Holy Spirit Telling Me?   The inner witness of the Spirit is not limited to confirming our salvation. He wants us to know what our gifts are and how to use them.   4. What Ministry Is God Blessing?   Someone may realize that often when he has prayed for sick people, they have become well. Another discovers that people to whom he has given something have make especially good use of it. Do you see fruit from your teaching? Are people trusting Christ as a result of your evangelism? As we begin to evangelize, exhort, show mercy, and help, the Holy Spirit gradually unveils certain gifts. So we should get busy in Christian service.   When considering whether to engage in some form of Christian work, adopt the well-known slogan, “Try it–you may like it!   5. What Gifts Do Others See In Me?   The crowning confirmation that we do possess a gift is recognition of this gift by others. Jake Ellis, well respected teacher at Northway: “Roger, you are a wonderful teacher.” God gives us parents, pastors, teachers, and friends to help us in making key decision like this.   As we are engaging in Christian service in obedience others may see a gift in us long before we ourselves are aware of it.   Occasionally, others recognize that we don’t possess a gift we think we have. One professor said, “it’s so strange to meet someone who claims to have the gift of preaching when no one has the gift of listening.”   PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!   Disuse of a limb results in paralysis or atrophy, so doctors order patients up soon after surgery. Similarly, exercise is the only way to prevent a gift’s lapse or collapse. If you don’t use it, you don’t lose it, it just doesn’t work very well.   The existence of a gift is a call to exercise it. Eyes are purposeless unless they exercise the function of sight. Paul advised Timothy, “Neglect not the gift that is in thee” ( I Timothy 4:14 ).   Faithful utilization of a gift brings increased effectiveness in its ministry, but failure to develop a gift curtails one’s service. Discover and develop your spiritual gifts and you will experience abundant living!   Every person and every gift is important—no matter how small and insignificant it may seem. A young boy on the beach was picking up starfish and throwing them back into the water after the tide retreated. Thousands of dying starfish dotted the seashore. An older gentleman walking by noticed the young man’s actions. He said, “There must be 100,000 starfish here on the beach. What difference will it make?”   As the boy picked up another starfish and threw it back into the sea, he replied, “Well, it will make a difference to this one.” Roger

Dear Roger,  I have never seen so many afraid of disease and death. Some of us believe there is no way God is big enough to heal us. Is there any hope? How do I pray for healing? Sincerely, Kelly   Dear Kelly,   Let me share some observations regarding prayers for healing and then give an illustration to help you experience the principle.   1. THE JAMES 5:13-16 HEALING PRAYER REALLY CAN WORK!   13  Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14  Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15  And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. NIV   Kelly had suffered for years with radiation burns on her back and spine. Her treatment to eradicate cancer was not then as precise a procedure as it is today.   Sitting in my office Kelly read from James 5:14-15 :   “Is anyone of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.  And the prayer of faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.”   “Would you please gather the elders and pray for me?” she asked. Unfortunately, it was not that simple.   To begin with, I’d never done it before. Also, our church was organized around deacons; we had no elders. Furthermore, I wasn’t sure what a “prayer of faith” was. Finally, I had never anointed anyone with oil.   I explained to Kelly my dilemma and then suggested that we both pray and fast for five days. “I’ll meet you in my office next Friday afternoon, and if God tells us to proceed, we will.”   Five days later we both wrote on paper what we thought God was telling us. We shared our answers; our conclusions were identical. We made plans for a healing service. Since we had no elders, I invited our deacons.   During the thirty minutes before Kelly arrived, I explained to the deacons her request, the background to her pain, and what I knew of James 5:14-15 . I asked if anyone had participated in a healing service before. No hands rose.   When Kelly arrived, we asked her to confess any known sins. When she finished prepared to pour olive oil over her head. Fortunately, one of the deacons averted a mess when he shook his head and whispered that a drop on a finger applied lightly to her forehead might work better. We took turns passing the bottle, anointing her with oil, and praying for her.   I wondered if perhaps Kelly would leap up like on television and shout, “Glory to God! I’m healed!” But nothing happened. She thanked us for our prayers and left a room full of deacons filled with emotions of disappointment and confusion mixed together with some measure of squelched hope.   Early the next morning Kelley awoke to a strange sensation. By the time she was out of bed, the pain was gone. 20 years later I performed her funeral. She was pain-free all those years. Sometime later Kelly shared with me: “I think that the reason God did not heal me in front of the deacons was because they might get proud. I think God waited until I was alone so He would get all the glory.”     2. IT IS NOT ALWAYS GOD’S WILL TO HEAL. SOMETIMES, HE HAS OTHER PLANS.   In John 9 Jesus healed a man born blind: His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned; but this happened so that the work of God may be displayed in his life.”   Some sicknesses are designed to mature us to look like Jesus. This is Hebrews 12:10 : “No discipline seems painful at the moment; but, later on it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”   This is Romans 8:28 : “All things work together for the good purpose of maturing us to look just like Jesus.”   Some sicknesses are discipline for sin. In acts chapter 5 Luke records how Ananias and Sophia lied to the Holy Spirit. God took their lives away.   Finally, some sicknesses are under death. It is time to die. David may bring teenaged Abishag to his bed to keep him warm when he was dying. But he was 75! It was time to die!   My father got lymphoma when he was 84. We could pray all we wanted to for him to be healed. But he was 85. It was time to die.   God never guarantees anyone a set number of years. Some live to the ripe, old age of eighty-five. Others fulfill their life destiny by the age of two. But the point is, we’re all going to die. There comes a time to stop praying for healing and begin to pray for God’s grace.   3. THE JAMES FIVE PRAYER OF FAITH CAN BE EXERCISED ONLY WITH AN UNDERSTANDING OF GOD’S WILL AND INTENTIONS.   The Prayer of Faith does not demand a leap into the unknown. It is not positive thinking. It does not mean believing something so strongly that we make it come true—or that God must do what we want.   The prayer of faith does not rest on human emotions, feelings or desires. It is based on a word from God.   In every case the heroes of Hebrews eleven based their faith on a word from God. The Prayer of Faith is no different. By definition, it is not possible to pray in faith when there has been no word from God. However, on those occasions when God makes his will clear, it’s exciting to pray in faith knowing that God has promised to answer that prayer.   My first attempt at praying a Prayer of Faith occurred when a young mother was rushed to the hospital with a brain aneurysm. As I walked down the hospital corridor, I contemplated what words of comfort to share with her and just how to pray about her situation. Several moments later I sensed that God was saying in my innermost spirit that Kelly’s sickness was not unto death. She would survive and live to raise her children.   “Surgery is scheduled for Monday,” she said. “The doctors want the swelling to subside before they operate. There is no guarantee that the artery will hold until then.”   I took a step of faith and delivered God’s message. “Kelly, God told me that your sickness is not unto death. You’ll live long enough to raise your children. Be at peace.” I don’t often have impressions like this one; nevertheless, when I sense God speaking in my inner spirit, I want to do what he says. My Prayer of Faith rested on hearing a word from God.   Kelly’s surgery on Monday was a complete success. I didn’t see her again for 30 years. We ran into each other at a Little League baseball game at the park. She was watching her grandchildren play.   The truth is, I usually have no idea what God intends when I pray for someone’s healing. In those cases I pray a standard prayer based on James 4:2 :   “You do not have because you do not ask God.”   So, I ask God for a full recovery with no problems or long-term complications. I want no one to miss out on God’s blessing because we failed to ask. Then, I pray for submission to God’s will: “Father, since we do not know Your will in this case, we submit to whatever You have in mind. Your will be done.” Then, I ask God to pour in the power of Christ with the grace that we need for any situation. Finally, I ask God to let their guardian angel watch over them carefully through this sickness or surgery.   4. PRAYERS FOR HEALING ARE NOT INTENDED TO REPLACE MEDICAL ATTENTION.   Going to a doctor does not invalidate earnest faith. Occasionally I encounter Christians who are afraid that seeking medical help symbolizes a lack of faith. These people need instruction.   Evangelicals seem divided as to the meaning of the anointing oil in James five. Some anoint with oil as a sacred symbol of the Holy Spirit. Others believe that the oil represented good, first century, medicine. James may well have had both meanings in mind. Two extremes are to be avoided. One extreme is to pray with faith and refuse medical attention. The other extreme is to resort to medical help and never pray.   God taught me a hard lesson about this.  After suffering with an intestinal disease for almost a decade, I decided that it was time to pray in faith for God’s healing. As a young, idealistic student, searching for the boundaries of practical Christianity, I reasoned that taking prednisone and sulfa drugs was a sign of unbelief. I told God that I would stop taking my medicine and place my full faith in Him for my healing. In less than a month I was hospitalized, and shortly thereafter the surgeon removed my entire colon. My “faith” was sinful, misguided presumption: “Thou shalt not put the Lord your God to the test” ( Exodus 20:7 ) I encourage people to pray hard and seek the best medical help they can find. Faith plus modern medicine is often a good prescription for healing.   5. GOD HEALS IN A VARIETY OF WAYS.   “Gifts of healings,” as mentioned in First Corinthians 12:9 , is a double plural: “healings”. I wish I’d noticed that when we first prayed for Rhonda Then I would not have been disappointed when she did not jump up healed. After many prayers I have learned that God uses a variety of healing methods—some immediate and some resolving over time.   Occasionally healing is spoken directly. Peter said to the lame man , “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you.  In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk ” ( Acts 3:6 ).   Sometimes hands are laid on the sick: “His father was sick in bed, suffering from fever and dysentery. Paul went into see him and, after prayer, placed hands on him and healed him” ( Acts 28:8 ). Sometimes a healing occurs immediately, like with the man born blind ( John 9:1-41 ).   Sometimes it takes a while, like when Jesus healed a blind man and the job was only half finished: “I see men as trees walking” ( Mark 8:24 ). Jesus then went on to finish the job.   My favorite unusual divine healing happened one Sunday evening after church. A medical student approached me in tears. Cancerous lesions were on her cervix and she and her husband, Anthony, were meeting with her doctor in the morning to plan a course of action. As a medical student Toni knew better than most the risks and complications involved. If she did live, she may never have children. She wanted prayer according to James five.   I invited several spiritual men and women to a corner of our now deserted church auditorium to pray for her healing. When we finished both she and her husband thanked us and departed.   The next morning Anthony called me. “You’ll never guess what happened after we got home last night. We were discussing the prayer time and Toni said, ‘Wasn’t that exciting when the lighting crew turned that bright spotlight on me when Roger began to pray?’”   I said, “What spotlight? Nobody turned on any bright light.” “She said, “You mean that you didn’t see the light?” ‘”No,” he replied, “There was no bright light.” “Yes there was.” “Then, we realized that the lighting crew had left a long time ago. We concluded that the bright light had to be a sign from God that he was answering the prayers.”   She asked her position to rerun the tests. The cancerous lesions were gone. She needed no surgery, no therapy, no treatment. Toni finished her residency at the University of Arizona Medical School. She and Anthony now have two healthy children. She is a pediatrician in Denver and calls me occasionally to say, “hi.”   6. WHEN GOD SAYS “NO”, STOP PRAYING FOR HEALING AND START PRAYING FOR GRACE.   Occasionally, I’m asked, “How long should we keep on praying?” The answer is simple. We keep praying until God says, “Yes,” or, until we sense that God’s answer is, “No.”   There are times when Jesus encourages us to keep on praying and he will give us a, “Yes.” On the other hand, no matter how often Paul pleaded, God’s answer was still, “No.”   Julie and I were in Turkey leading a conference for Campus Crusade workers in the Middle East. After one evening session one of the workers asked for volunteers to come and pray with him for his healing. He related that he’d been praying with people for healing from “restless leg syndrome,” for over ten years. So, the pleading and praying for his healing began in earnest. Frankly, I was getting a little upset at what I consider to be misguided prayers. It was obvious to me that God had already answered his prayer with a “No!” I mean, if God hasn’t said, “yes,” in 10 years, the likelihood of him saying it now seems slim. Sometimes, God has other plans. The time comes to stop pleading for healing and start praying for grace to handle well the troubles. After all, God said to Paul: “I won’t take away the thorn, but my grace is sufficient.   I shared those thoughts with the worker after the prayer meeting. At breakfast he thanked me profusely.   7. GOD WILL SACRIFICE THE BODY EVERY TIME IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES TO MATURE OUR INNER SPIRIT.   We spend so much time praying for our bodies to be well. God is much more concerned that we’re praying for the maturing of our innermost spirit, which is eternal, than pleading for the healing of bodies which only last for a short time.   I can’t think of any time when Paul prayed for someone’s body to get healed. On the other hand, he prayed continually, in most all of his letters, for the development of the inner spirits of his readers.   Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians is a great example   For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, cut may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” ( Ephesians 3: 14-19 ).   Well Kelly, I hope that some of my thoughts are helpful to you. I pray that you will pray wisely and with great insight. May God grant you many answer prayers–especially the ones that are part of his plans.   Sincerely, Roger   PS: Barbara gave birth to a beautiful little girl. The daughter is now married and the mother of two delightful children. I performed Barbara’s funeral several months after her baby was born.

Dear Roger, I am a new Christian and the church where I found Christ had a big fight and split in two. It was awful. People were fighting and choosing sides. The pastor was forced to leave and started a new church nearby. I’m not sure I ever want to go to church again. Some of my new Christian friends now tell me that church fights are not that unusual. I don’t want to be around any of those people. I thought that when I became a Christian things would be different. Most of my friends who aren’t Christians are nicer than the ones in church. Help? Sincerely, J Dear J, Once upon a time I was interviewing a candidate for the position of worship pastor in our church. After asking him my questions, I turned my attention to his wife to see how she was handling ministry. After a moment she said to her husband: “Should I tell him?” “Yes.” She paused and tears came as she began to speak. It seems that the chairman of deacons was making sexual advances to her. Her husband told the pastor and he refused to deal with it because the deacon was so powerful, influential, and financially supportive. Now, she was weeping. I encouraged them to insist that their pastor deal with issue or for them to get out as soon as possible. No one needs to remain in that sort of dysfunctional system. The pain in their lives was incredible.   Unfortunately, conflict between among Christians occur all too often. They may be out in the open for all to see; on the other hand, they may be hidden deep below the surface. I grieve that you were hurt in church by fighting Christians. I am sorry you experienced the pain of watching a church crumble. While it may seem to you now that Christians are not different from other people, there really are some wonderful Christian people who really are different. They solve problems in a mature Christian way following the guidelines God laid down for solving conflicts in an atmosphere of love. I’m sorry that as a new Christian your church was not one of those.   As you search for a new church, I hope you find one filled with love, mentoring, and spiritual health. Find one with a spiritual atmosphere. Find one with a loving, compassionate pastor who leads with forgiveness and grace. Attend a Bible study with some of the members. Hopefully you soon will find the kind of Christian people you want to share your live with. Don’t give up on Christianity because of one bad experience. As you grow in faith, you will enjoy more and more your relationship with Jesus and with other Christians who are growing to be like Christ.   God says that the reason most Christians fight is because they are spiritual babies: “Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?” ( 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 ).   The Christian life is one of spiritual growth. We begin as spiritual infants, grow into spiritual childhood, mature into spiritual adolescence and finally become spiritual mothers and fathers. In your search, find a church which has some spiritual maturity. Spiritual babies may still start fights but the more mature Christians will arrest the fighting and solve conflicts in a loving and Biblically mature manner.   Let me give you some thoughts to consider as you grow on to maturity.   It is the rare Christian who doesn’t get wounded in church at one time or other. The reason is obvious. Christians are people, too. Just because Christians are forgiven in no way implies that they never sin and hurt people.   We live in a society where people are looking for perfect companions:  “I want someone who will love me unconditionally, never let me down, disappoint, hurt, or cause me pain.  And if you let me don’t love me unconditionally, let me down, disappoint, hurt, or cause me pain, then I’ll leave you, and find some one else who will love me unconditionally, won’t let me down, disappoint, hurt, or cause me pain.” Unfortunately, they will look long and hard for that person. They are doomed to disappointment.   In my experience hurts from church come at us from all directions—just like they do in life!   Some have church friends who betray them. Some experience the trauma of divorce and look to the church for help and felt dirty, left out, and ostracized—second class citizens. Some are abused in church. The Roman Catholic Church has many wonderful priests who dedicate their lives to Christ. But maybe that’s not the priest you had. Some go to a pastor for spiritual counsel and are spiritually abused with legalism and come away beaten down spiritually instead of set free from bondage. Some in dire financial need feel abandoned by the church family which pledged to help them. Some experience tremendous emotional trauma and look to the church for care and support—but there is none. Some are lonely and the church people they think are friends just aren’t there for them.   Please don’t mistake my line of thinking. I am sharing some hurts that we may experience in church, but I am in no way down on the church. For those who are wounded scores more share story after story of the blessing and care and love they have experienced in the company of Christ’s children.   Fortunately, the Bible has many stories of Christian love and compassion. It contains many examples of great Christian churches. Nevertheless, it occasionally “pulls back the covers” to reveal that there are no perfect churches. Most all have flaws. Read Revelation chapters two and three to see a cross section of the good and bad of Christian churches. No matter the circumstances Jesus says that those who refuse to give up on Christianity will receive great rewards in Heaven.   In 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 Paul dealt advice to a church family which was filled with hurt. A man had brought much pain and shame to the church at Corinth and to Paul himself. Paul gave the church leaders several guidelines for healing pain and binding up the wounds of a hurting church and the Christians in it. These principles are good for healing individuals as well as churches. Let me outline them.   First, beware for Satan’s schemes.   Remember that the “sheep” are not the enemy ( Ephesians 6:10-12 ). Satan’s schemes revolve around inducing us to refrain from extending forgiveness to those who have hurt us: “If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes…” ( 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 ).   Second, the proper utilization of church discipline exposes issues so that they can be handled with openness and honesty.   Church families can be dysfunctional. They often allow conflicts to go underground which eventually rise up and do devastation at a future time. Dysfunctional churches keep secrets and communicate in half-truths. Refusing to recognize and deal with the truth opens the door to tremendous pain and suffering.   Church discipline keeps us from becoming dysfunctional by giving us a method to bring wounds and pain out into the open where they can be properly handled ( Matthew 18:15-20 ; Galatians 6:1-2 ; and Ephesians 4:15 ).   Third, forgiveness restores relationship so healing may proceed: “The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow ( 2 Corinthians 2:6-7 ).   Forgiveness removes the offense as a barrier to future fellowship. Forgiveness does not mean that the offense is forgotten or belittled. It is rather to act in God’s grace and use the ruptured fellowship as a stepping stone to more loving fellowship in the future.   I remember one night when my daughter, Bronwyn, kept getting out of bed when she was a child. I was so tired from a hard day and really tired of returning her again and again to bed. It was past 10:30 pm when Julie came home from orchestra practice. Bronwyn heard the door open and called out, “Is mom home?” “No,” I hollered back. Moments later she peeked around the door and asked, “Why did you lie to me?” The reason didn’t matter. I lied to her. I immediately confessed my sin to her and asked, “Will you please forgive me?” “No,” she said, followed moments later with, “I was just kidding. I forgive you.” Our relationship is unbreakable. I would always be her father and she my daughter. However, my sin broke up our fellowship and I wanted to restore it as soon as possible.   Fourth, comfort disarms and brings encouragement.   We don’t know much about how to bring comfort in American society any more. Comfort deals with the inevitable disappointments of life. Imagine that your ten-year-old struck out with the bases loaded and his team lost. Or, perhaps, he came home to tell you that he didn’t even make the team. Imagine that your daughter comes in the door weeping to tell you that she failed to make the cheerleading squad. What do you say to your son or daughter? “That’s life … Better luck next time … “You didn’t really expect to make it, did you?” Your thirteen-year-old daughter was mercilessly teased on the school bus and comes weeping in the front door. You say to your child, “What did you do to cause them to treat you like that?” Notice that you gave her condemnation instead of comfort. Comfort is weeping with those who weep. “I am so sorry. I know this really hurts!” Comfort sounds like: “I have a great pain and sadness that you were hurt … I feel compassion for you because I love you … “My heart is filled with sorrow because of what has happened to you …” Comfort is filled with feeling words. It brings love, acceptance, security, and understanding. Comfort is not advice, logic, encouragement or reasoning.   Finally, love reaffirms and restores: “I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him” ( 2 Corinthians 2:7-9 ).   I remember reading about a fourteen-year-old boy who took his own life because “no one seemed to care.” He felt no love from anyone, except his dog, and in a brief suicide note written to his parents, he left instructions for the care of his dog. It is likely that his parents really did care; but, they got distracted by the cares of everyday living and failed to communicate their love.   Let me share an insightful opinion from Chuck Swindoll called, “Lessons From A Tavern.” He creatively describes the kind of person I want to be and the kind of people I’d like to be around:   An old Marine Corps buddy of mine, to my pleasant surprise, came to know Christ after he was discharged. I say “surprise” because he cursed loudly, fought hard, chased women, drank heavily, loved war and weapons, and hated chapel services A number of months ago, I ran into this fellow, and after we’d talked awhile, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “You know, Chuck, the only thing I still miss is that old fellowship I used to have with all the guys down at the tavern. I remember how we used to sit around and laugh and drink a pitcher of beer and tell stories and let our hair down. I can’t find anything like that for Christians. I no longer have a place to admit my faults and talk about my battles—where somebody won’t preach at me and frown and quite me a verse.” It wasn’t one month later that in my reading I came across this profound paragraph: “The neighborhood bar is probably the best counterfeit that there is to the fellowship Christ wants to give His church. It’s an imitation, dispensing liquor instead of grace, escape rather than reality—but it is a permissive, accepting, and inclusive fellowship. It is unshockable. It is democratic. You can tell people secrets, and they usually don’t tell others or even want to. The bar flourishes not because most people are alcoholics, but because God put into the human heart the desire to know and be known, to love and be loved, and so many seek a counterfeit at the price of a few beers With all my heart,” this writer concludes, “I believe that Christ wants his people to be unshockable, a fellowship where people can come in and say, ‘I’m sunk, I’m beat, I’ve had it.’ Alcoholics Anonymous has this quality—our churches too often miss it.” Now before you take up arms to shoot some wag that would compare your church to the corner bar, stop and ask yourself some tough questions, like I had to do. Make a list of some possible embarrassing situations people may not know how to handle. A woman discovers her husband is a practicing homosexual. Where in the church can she find help where she’s secure with her secret? Your spouse talks about separation or divorce. To whom in the church do you tell it? Your daughter is pregnant, and she’s run away—for the third time. She’s no longer listening to you. Who do you tell that to? Financially you were unwise, and you’re in deep trouble. Or your wife is an alcoholic. Or something as horrible as getting back the biopsy from the surgeon and it reveals cancer, and the prognosis isn’t good. Or you had an emotional breakdown. To whom do you tell it?   We can become the most severe, condemning, judgmental, guilt-giving people on the face of the earth, or we can (1) be aware of the schemes of Satan, (2) deal honestly in the open with the issues, and (3) forgive like Jesus, and (4) comfort like Christ, and (5) open our lives and express love to those who are hurting. Then, we will be the people God has designed us to be on this earth.   Well, J, again, I am sorry for the hurt and wounds you sustained in church. I hope my answer encourages you not to give up on church and especially not Christianity. I hope you now have a better understanding of what can go on in churches and their people—and how to find healing when hurts of occur.   Love, Roger

QUESTION: Hi Roger! The question I have is about boundaries. Over the years I’ve had a few friends at various times who were extremely needy. Whether Christian or still unbelievers, these have been women with deep unresolved issues who were not necessarily handling them in healthy ways. I know God puts people in our lives in His timing and for His reasons. But I get confused sometimes about how exactly to help or be their friend. I know I’m not their professional counselor. I know I can’t condone certain unhealthy behaviors. I’ve learned that I need to be their friend without their being my best friend (because I need a best friend who is fairly healthy). But after that, the water gets muddy for me. Can you clear it up a bit? Sincerely, A.P. ANSWER: It seems to me that you are already well on the way to ministering like Jesus. You have a heart for helping hurting people. You recognize the need to have energizing friends for balance. You also understand the need for boundaries so you don’t wear out. Jesus knew the importance of boundaries: “Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself” ( John 6:15 ). Some misguided disciples were trying to force Christ into an untimely and dysfunctional predicament. He walked away. The exhausted Jesus—tired from teaching, preaching and healing all day often withdrew away from everyone to regroup and pray. Now, let’s put a few boundaries in place. Put a boundary on your self. Since you are not a counselor, don’t try to be one. Recognize when you are “in over your head” and recommend that they seek professional help. Then, refuse to act as their counselor. Set boundaries for your needy friends. Many people really don’t expect you to solve their problems. They are hurting and need to express their hurts. They are lonely and need someone to listen. So, listen. Listen to their problems, comfort their hurts, support them in their struggles and grieve their losses. Give them the attention they need. Work with them on their issues—once, twice, even three and four times. But, that is enough. Set a boundary. “Functional” people will be able to move on in their healings and struggles. Unfortunately, the “dysfunctional” ones will be no further along than when you began. The time to move on has come. So tell them. Refuse to let them continue discussing their issues with you. Perhaps you might say, we’ve talked about your issues long enough. “I would love to help you some more; but, let’s talk about something else.” Then, perhaps, you might add, “Your life is so much more than just these problems. I’d like to know about the rest of you!” Then, you might add, “Besides, I have some problems of my own that I need to share. Some of your needy friends will get the message and move into a deeper and healthier relationship with you. Others will get mad and think you are not nice or not loving or whatever—and leave you to begin their draining process all over again with someone else. Perhaps their next set of friends will know exactly how to help them—probably not! But at least they tried—and so did you. Remember, fixing another’s problems is seldom your responsibility. You can give some guidance, advice, comfort and care. But, ultimately, their healing is in their hands—not yours. Set boundaries on how long you listen and comfort. Pray for their needs. Roger

Hi Roger, A New Testament author says that “All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, reproof, etc. …” The New Testament is good for all those things and although we view it as inspired and regard it as Scripture, I don’t think the author was referring to his own words when he wrote that. What tests do Bible scholars use to determine whether or not a particular writing should be accepted as Scripture? I’ve wanted to know that for a long time. Thanks, E.   Dear E, You have asked two questions. I am glad to help you with both. First, the passage you are referring to was written by the Apostle Paul: “ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” ( 2 Timothy 3:16-17 ) . Of course, Paul probably never considered that he was writing what would one day be collected and bound up in the book we call the Bible!   When Paul wrote the only Bible he had was the Old Testament—what is basically today (with several variations) known as the Jewish Bible which includes the Torah (the first five books), the books of prophecy and the writings which include most of the historical narrative passages. So, when Paul referred to the “Scriptures” he was referring to what we know as the Old Testament.   In regard to your second question, the list of Books included in our Bible is often referred to as the “Canon” of Scriptures. The word “canon” means straight line or ruler.   During the first three centuries after the resurrection of Christ many gospels, acts, epistles and revelations flooded the landscape. Some were included in the Bible; but most were not. For example, there were the four Biblical Gospels; five separate works known as gospels among the Gnostics ( The Gospels of Truth , Thomas , Philip , Egyptians and Mary ); two more gospels are found in the Pseudapigrapha (which means “false writings”). Recently, another gospel, the Gospel of Judas , dated 225-250 a.d. was found in Egypt and hailed by many as giving new insights into the “real” Jesus.   There are numerous Acts, like the Acts of Paul and Thecla and multiple “Revelations” in existence. Numerous epistles exist, like the Shepherd of Hermes .   With so many choices to choose from, you wanted to know the criteria (the “canon”) for selecting which books are included in the Bible and which were omitted. Four forces drove the effort to define which documents bore unique authority for Christians.   1. The books considered authoritative were either written by an apostle or by one close to an apostle. For example, the four New Testament gospels are the only historical documents that can be shown, with certainty, to be first-century documents. All the other supposed “gospels” were composed well into the second and third centuries. The New Testament gospels were basically eye-witness accounts.   2. The books considered as Holy Scripture were consistent with both the Old Testament and with the teachings of the Apostles. Even a cursory reading of the books not included in the canon reveals that most were written with a Gnostic bias. Gnosticism was an early Christian heresy that took root in the second century. The word Gnosticism comes from the Greek term “gnosis”, meaning “knowledge”. Gnosticism sought salvation through secret knowledge. However, the Bible declares that the gospel is given openly and for all to see. According to Gnosticism not all people have a divine spark, only the intellectuals who had the real “gnosis”. Everyone else was doomed. Under Gnosticism, there was no hope of salvation for most of the human race. This theology stands in stark contrast to Jesus declaration in John 3:13 : “…and whoever believes in Him shall not perish…”   3. The books included in the Bible were the ones which experienced widespread use in the churches. Some books just stood out “head and shoulders” above the rest. In other words, the cream rose to the top. These particular books stood out as “God Breathed” while the others did not.   4. Finally, persecution quickly determined which books were more likely God breathed than others. Some books were more easily surrendered to persecuting soldiers—others were worth dying for.   By the way, E , no group ever officially voted on which should be considered as Holy Scripture. However, by the early fourth century the 27 books now included in the New Testament were first mentioned in a list by the Council of Nicea as being God breathed. Those 27 New Testament books along with the 39 books of the Old Testament now make up the 66 books in the Holy Bible of today.   The divine nature of the Old Testament Books was set in place by the Jews beginning about 1200 B.C. As far as the cannon was concerned, the Old Testament was finalized by 400 B.C. with the Book of Malachi.   Numerous books were written during the intertestamental period from 400 B.C. to the time of Christ. These are called the Apocrypha (from the words meaning “false” or “spurious”). Both Protestant Christians and Jews reject the Apocryphal Books. The Roman Catholics include them as Biblical truth.   I hope you find this helpful. Love, Roger   P.S . “The New Testament Books: Are They Reliable,” by F.F. Bruce is one of the most finely detailed on why the New Testament Books are divinely inspired—and why others are not. Roger

Dear Roger, What about tattoos and all those piercings? Are they Biblical? Thanks Dear Thanks, Tattoos are mentioned specifically by name in Leviticus 19:28 : “‘Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD. Some, often parents of teenagers, read this verse and say, “The Bible says that getting a tattoo is wrong.” As far as many are concerned, the issue is settled. Tattoos are expressly forbidden by the Word of God. Before we delve more deeply into a proper Biblical interpretation of this verse, let me give you my conclusions regarding the Biblical teaching regarding tattoos. First, some people decorate themselves with body marks which purposely magnify things that are not of God like Satan, evil, false religions, killing, neo-Nazi symbols and such. These are an affront to the Lord Jesus and have no part in the Kingdom of God ( Matthew 5-7 ). Therefore, tattoos like those mentioned above are sinful to adorn our bodies. Second, some people decorate themselves with distinctly Christian markings like crosses, Bible verses, Holy Spirit doves and other Christian symbols. Many glorify the Lord Jesus Christ, propagate evangelism, focus on the love of Christ and so forth. I see no harm in these types of tattoos. In fact, I think God relishes the advertisement. Finally, some people have tattoos that are clearly neutral. One friend of mine is an airplane pilot and has a small airplane tattooed on her right ankle. One of my neighbors is a Dallas Cowboys football team fanatic. If having a Cowboy tattoo on his arm brings him joy, then rejoice with him. Sports, girlfriends, wives, butterflies, hobbies, etc. all fit into the neutral category. Now, let’s see how I reached my conclusions. While the passage in Leviticus says, “no tattoos,” it also says in Leviticus 19:27 : “Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.” It declares in Leviticus 19:26 : “Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it.” Of course, very few of us today believe that getting a haircut or enjoying a steak cooked rare is inherently evil. In the same way, tattoos are not inherently evil. However, tattoos that glorify Satan or evil are inherently wrong. Proper interpretation of the Old Testament recognizes that there are three distinctly different types of commands and laws—and each must be interpreted accordingly. First, some commands are eternal truths to be followed in every circumstance. For example, “you shall not steal … covet your neighbor’s wife … or commit adultery” are eternal truths ( Exodus 20 ). Second, religious laws set out the religion of the nation of Israel in the years before Christ. For example, observing the Sabbath ( Leviticus 19:30 ) and circumcision are religious laws that Christians no longer follow for the simple fact that we are no longer following the Jewish religion. Tattoos, rare steaks, selling dogs, and haircuts fall all into the religious category. Finally, governmental laws sustained the political organization and functioning of the nation. For example, God provided for a king to organize the government and placed laws and limits on his behavior ( Deuteronomy 16:14-17 ). Cities of refuge were provided which helped in dealing with the issue of homicides ( Numbers 35 ). All debts were canceled every seven years ( Deuteronomy 15:1 ). Of course, we are not bound by any of the governmental laws of Israel because we are not governed by the Old Testament nation of Israel. As Christians we observe the eternal truths; however, we have no reason to follow the religious laws nor the governmental laws of ancient Israel. They no longer apply to us. Paul confirmed this view in Galatians 4:10-11 as he dealt with new-born Christians who were struggling to give up their Old Testament religion and find freedom in Christ: “You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you.” Again, Paul reconfirmed our freedom in Galatians 5:1 : “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” As a result of the above, I believe that there are three categories of tattoos as I mentioned at the beginning of my answer. By the way, in practicality,I think that the biggest concern regarding tattoos has to do with longevity. Once a tattoo is in place, it tends to be there for a very long time. What seemed so good at twenty-two may not at all seem good at thirty-four—or twenty-eight. Peer groups, interests, girlfriends and people change over time.” While commitment to Christ may well be a lifetime fulfillment, wanting a clean ankle may one day take precedence over the outline of an airplane. My friend would do anything to remove her ankle tattoo; but, she can’t afford the laser treatment. I have a vivid memory of a golfing acquaintance I met on the first tee one day on the golf course. He had an enormous tattoo on his left forearm. Now, many years after application, it was so smeared and indistinct that I could not discern what it was. After playing the twelfth hole I asked, “Your tattoo looks like something you might get in the marines. Were you in the marines?” “No, I got this when I was fifteen years old. It was the biggest mistake of my life.” “Really! Why?” “My friends and I were at the fair and on the spur of the moment, I decided to get a tattoo. When I got home that night my dad threw me out of the house. It was the greatest mistake of my life,” he repeated. Well, Thanks, I hope my answer throws some insight into your question regarding tattoos. Should you decide to get one, feel free to sent me a picture. Stay in the neutral and Christian realm and you should look just fine. Love, Roger

Roger, My best friend and I were talking recently… about the man as head of the household and him needing to lead as head of the household. His spouse is very liberal and a feminist. He was telling me in so many words that the word of God saying that men were the head of household is no longer pertinent today because times have changed. I know this thinking is wrong but…  Sincerely, S Dear S, My four-year-old daughter was deep in thought as we drove to our new house. The trailer trailing our car was filled with furniture from the old house. Sitting beside me in the front seat my daughter looked over to me and declared, “Dad, you know how you were the boss of the old house?” “Yes,” I replied. “Well,” she said, “I’m going to be the boss of the boss of the new house.” I thought she was kidding. She wasn’t. OK, S , let’s talk about who is the boss of the house. The Bible teaching that a husband is the head of the family ( Ephesians 5:23-33 ) is obviously a struggle for your friend and incomprehensibly ridiculous to his “feminist” wife. Let’s see if we can clear this up to everyone’s satisfaction. The primary Biblical purpose regarding marriage is companionship. God said to Adam in  Genesis 2:18 : “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a ‘helper’ [partner] for him.” The Hebrew word for “helper” is hard to translate with only one English word. It certainly contains the idea of service but mixed in is the idea of completion and partnership. Adam was incomplete and alone. Eve completed Adam in a way that brought fulfillment to them both. The most significant issue of marriage is removing aloneness. A mature marriage is one where husband and wife become intimate friends. We are blessed if we have two or three intimate friends in a lifetime. Most people go through life and never have even one. We are doubly blessed if one of those two or three is the one we married. I often tell people, “You ought to marry your best friend!” Close friends make the best marriage partners. A superficial or incorrect understanding of Paul’s teaching in Ephesians chapter five about the “husband being the head of the household” has wrecked many a marriage. The operative directive is never a husband who thinks things like, “I am the head of this household; everyone must answer to me; I am responsible to oversee and control everyone’s life; I am the ultimate authority.” This complete abandonment of God’s design for marriage will bring untold harm to his wife and children. They are defenseless against his mistreatment and emotional dysfunction. The operative directive to husbands is that they love their wives like Jesus loves the church and lays down His life for the church. Husbands are to lead with love, humility, unselfishness—not with power, authority and “divine right.” In fact, God’s design is for husbands to do whatever is best for the wife’s needs first. Headship brought to its logical conclusion is surrendering my rights in order to meet the needs of my family. In other words, to do everything possible to help everyone in the family become less and less alone. In  Ephesians 5:21,  Paul enunciated the overall attitude for husbands and wives in marriage: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Who is designated to be in charge here? Neither. Mutual submission is the principle attitude behind a successful marriage. Husbands and wives are concerned first about the emotional health and well being of their partners—even before themselves. Paul outlined the roles of husband and wife in  Ephesians 5:22-33 . In these verses, Paul advised wives to submit to their husbands in the same way as they submit to Christ. Paul adds one more injunction for wives in verse 33: “…and the wife must respect her husband.” Paul’s instructions are intriguing for what he didn’t say. Paul never instructed wives to love their husbands. I find this a rather glaring omission and want to know why. In  Ephesians 5:25-33,  Paul instructed husbands on their roles: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body… This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.” The loving sacrifice of Jesus Christ in dying on the cross for His church is the model for how husbands are to love their wives. Husbands are to lay down their lives in sacrifice for their wives in the same way Jesus laid down His life in sacrifice for His church. Could you imagine a wife submitting to a husband who always had her best interests at heart?! That might be for her a rather lovely and enjoyable thing to do! I often think of the husband as being like the sun and the wife being like the moon. The sun gives off the light and the moon reflects it back. Whatever the husband gives to his wife she often reflects right back to him. Show me a husband who is pouring anger, resentment, disapproval, disappointment and hurt into his marriage and I will show you a wife who is soon reflecting anger, resentment, disapproval, disappointment and hurt right back to her husband. On the other hand, show me a husband who is pouring in love, acceptance, forgiveness, approval and compassion and I will show you a wife who is soon reflecting love, acceptance, forgiveness, approval and compassion right back to her husband. I often use these instructions when I perform wedding ceremonies. I say to the bride, “If he were to love you like Christ loved the church, if he were to lay down his life in sacrifice for you, if he were always to put you and your needs first and if he were defer his own needs in order that your needs were met at all costs, wouldn’t you find it easy to love a man like that?” I wish you could see the sparkle in her eyes as looks over at the man of her dreams—could she love a man like that? You bet she could! Could she respect a man like that? You bet she could! Could she submit to a man like that—one who always had her best interests at heart? You bet she could! Now I know the answer to my earlier wonderings. When husbands love as Christ loved, Paul has no need to instruct wives to love them in return—the love of the wives will come automatically. By the way, remember how wives are to respect their husbands? Respect is a big deal for men. Unfortunately, respect does not come automatically. Respect is cultivated over time by the husband’s careful loving and caring for the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of his wife. A wife who expresses respect for her husband goes a long way toward meeting one of the deepest needs in his life. I hope you will be able to share with your friend this Biblical perspective on a husband being the “head” of the wife. She might even decide that she likes it. I hope this helps. Love, Roger

Was Jesus a zombie? In this age of “anything goes” some young adults are considering the possibility. According to some, His resurrection and most powerful call to discipleship certainly align themselves with zombie characteristics. Let me first say Zombie reanimation has nothing to compare itself to the Christian belief about Jesus’ resurrection! The Biblical resurrection presents not a reanimation but a true return to life! But how do we answer questions from our teens or others who hold these superstitions?. George Romero’s 1968 movie, “Night of the Living Dead”, popularized the idea of zombies. “The Dawn of the Dead,” and “The Walking Dead” are just a few of the movies and television shows which have infiltrated the American-cultural consciousness. Zombism is really about a virus or disease that infiltrates someone’s body and kills him/her. The person is then reanimated as a zombie. Unpredictably, the only part of the now undead person is the medulla oblongata or brain stem which controls movement. Hence, the shuffling walk of the dead. Other humans are then infected by a bite or a virus which then turns that person into a zombie, thus perpetrating the cycle. According to “ gotquestions.org ”, a zombie is “a dead person’s body, reanimated but continuing the process of decay. A zombie is considered “undead” rather than fully alive.   Think of Frankenstein and Dracula. Zombies are portrayed as creatures who are out to eat human flesh. Some attribute to zombies the drinking of human blood. However, most of that particular tradition is rooted in the ancient past.   Zombie Walks with hundreds of teenager and young adult participants shuffle along in gore make up. These walks often have charitable dimensions, often raising money to combat brain disease.   Please don’t fall into the temptation of thinking that zombies are all bad and evil. Some certainly are , and are derived from voodoo practices and beliefs. But, in my opinion, the vast majority of zombie stories, paraphernalia and participations are harmless. My youngest daughter and her husband watch television zombie shows for fun. These bore me to tears. Of course, they have little use for my military movies which I suppose bore them to tears.   Zombie games top the list of available apps. Many video games into our homes. “Warm Bodies” are Zombie love stories.   Belief in Zombies is nothing new. The first recorded mention of flesh-eating dead is in The Epic of Gilgamesh. Witch doctors and voodoo practitioners in Haiti and throughout the Caribbean have utilized zombies in pagan worship for hundreds of years. Witch doctors are said to exercise complete control over these sad creatures no longer human.   Recently, I received the following terse suggestion from a person in India: Dear Roger, Check out some zombies verses in the Bible: Rev. 20:5 Isaiah 26:19-20 Rev. 9:6 Ezekiel 37:3-5 Ecc.9:5-6 Psalm 135-21 Daniel 12-2 From India   So, I did a little checking. More than a few Biblical passages seem to talk about Zombies. Let me share several examples: “The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended” ( Revelation 20:5 ) “ This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life” ( Ezekiel 37:5 ). “Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt” ( Revelation 12:2 ). “And this shall be the plague with which the Lord will strike all the peoples that wage war against Jerusalem: their flesh will rot while they are still standing on their feet, their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths” ( Zechariah 14:12 ).   Jesus declared in John 6:53-57 : “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me.   When zombie enthusiasts read these words from the lips of Jesus it’s no wonder that they wonder if Jesus was a zombie.   Jesus instituted the new covenant of love sealed in his flesh and blood: “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.’ And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me. In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you” ( Luke 22:19-20 ).   As Christians we must certainly affirm that Jesus drank the cup ate the flesh and was a dead corpse come back to life by a bodily resurrection. However, the difference between biblical truth and fanaticized zombies is the difference between reanimation and resurrection.   Zombies are reanimated and in the process of purification. Jesus was resurrected fully back to life with a fully functioning body. Those resurrected in the biblical record lived to complete their natural lives in the exact same body they lived with ( 1 Kings 17:12-2 ; Matthew 9:18-26 ; John 11:38-44 ; and Acts 20:9-12 just to share a few examples). They did not wander around attacking people wanting human blood and brain matter.   Jesus was crucified on a cross and confirmed dead by a soldier who pierced His side with a spear. Three days later, Jesus was resurrected by God the Father and God the Holy Spirit. (John chapters 20 and 21). The resurrection proved that Jesus’ work on the cross was accepted as perfect work. If Jesus’ work were not perfect, the Father and Spirit would have left Him in the tomb.   Jesus lives today in His resurrection body, which does not decay, has no appearance of death, and is forever immune from death, injury, and sickness. In no sense is Jesus still dead. Jesus declared, “ I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive forever and ever!” ( Revelation 1:18 ).   Jesus’ resurrection body will be perfect for all eternity, and those who receive Jesus as their Savior will be granted perfect resurrection bodies, as well. “We shall be like him” ( 1 John 3:2 ).   So, no, Jesus is not a zombie. Jesus was resurrected, not just reanimated. After His resurrection, He conversed with His disciples, performed miracles, and proved Himself to be, in every way, fully alive.   Jesus did not return as a decomposing corpse; He was and is fully alive. This is not fiction. This is not Night of the Living Dead . This is truth from God’s Word.   As I researched about zombies I came across an article at “ 412teens.org ” that put a perspective on zombies and morals that I had never considered. It is written, “tongue in cheek,” with insights worth considering: Some people have the tragic notion that as soon as the first zombie takes the very first juicy bite out of someone’s leg, then all morals go out the window, and we no longer have to follow any of the laws of Christ. But we are assured that, in all time, no circumstance can ever erode the sacred commandments of God, and in every situation, even a zombie apocalypse, God’s Word still applies. The belief to the contrary, that natural morals are not a fixed thing, which is called relativism, is a completely un-Christian belief. No matter how many zombies there are and how ready for dinner they are, we can never simply abandon our God given morals. Yes, kills streaks and headshots are important, but in defending our family and friends, we just can’t forget God’s love and mercy.   Finally, may I reiterate that Zombiesm is for most a literary genre focusing on fascinating, imaginative and scary stories. If we will take the time to look just under the surface we will see that most zombie stories are allegories regarding our present-day values, society, culture, and politics.   To you, India, I hope my answer is encouraging and helpful. Sincerely, Ask Roger

Dear Roger,   I have had a friend ask me a question about ghosts. They have stated that they have seen a ghost, a man who stands by a window. The ghost walks by them but does not do anything to them. They also asked if this could this be a family member who died and has returned from Heaven? Are ghosts real? Anon Dear Anon, Surprisingly—or, perhaps not—the  Bible  has a lot to say about ghosts. Let’s begin with several definitions which give us a foundation from which we can work. A ghost may be defined as “t he spirit of a dead person, especially one believed to appear in bodily likeness to living persons or to haunt former habitats.” A ghost may be defined as “any faint shadowy semblance; an unsubstantial image; a phantom; a glimmering; as, not a  ghost  of a chance.” A  ghost  is sometimes said to be “the apparition of a deceased person. The word ‘ ghost ’ may also refer to the spirit or soul of a deceased person, or to any spirit …” Ghosts are encountered several times in the Word of God. In  Job 4  Eliphaz, one of Job’s three argumentative “friends”, described a night-time encounter with a ghost who enforced Eliphaz’s incorrect assumption that Job’s problems resulted from his sin. Eliphaz’s night-time demonic (?) encounter makes for fascinating reading ( Job 4:12-19 ): 12 “A word was secretly brought to me,my ears caught a whisper of it.13 Amid disquieting dreams in the night,when deep sleep falls on men,14 fear and trembling seized meand made all my bones shake.15 A spirit glided past my face,and the hair on my body stood on end.16 It stopped,but I could not tell what it was.A form stood before my eyes,and I heard a hushed voice:17’Can a mortal be more righteous than God?Can a man be more pure than his Maker?18 If God places no trust in his servants,if he charges his angels with error,19 how much more those who live in houses of clay,whose foundations are in the dust,who are crushed more readily than a moth! Several things stand out in the encounter. First, he experienced what to him was a visual, auditory and physical event. Second, the conclusions drawn by the apparition were not from God. Third, it is not beyond the realm of imagination to think that Eliphaz made up the encounter in order to give some credence to his philosophical position on sin and suffering. Finally, under times of great stress, the brain is perfectly capable of conjuring up a seemingly very real human experience (like seeing a ghost) which, in fact, never occurred at all! Another infamous “ghost” experience occurred with King Saul and the Witch of Endor in  1 Samuel 28:4-25   Again reading the passage is fascinating: 5 When Saul saw the Philistine army, he was afraid; terror filled his heart. 6 He inquired of the LORD, but the LORD did not answer him by dreams or Urim or prophets. 7 Saul then said to his attendants, “Find me a woman who is a medium, so I may go and inquire of her.” “There is one in Endor,” they said. 8 So Saul disguised himself, putting on other clothes, and at night he and two men went to the woman. “Consult a spirit for me,” he said, “and bring up for me the one I name.”… 11 Then the woman asked, “Whom shall I bring up for you?” “Bring up Samuel,”…. 13 The king said to her, “Don’t be afraid. What do you see?” The woman said, “I see a spirit coming up out of the ground.” 14 “What does he look like?” he asked. “An old man wearing a robe is coming up,” she said. Then Saul knew it was Samuel, and he bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. 15 Samuel said to Saul, “Why have you disturbed me by bringing me up?” “I am in great distress,” Saul said. “The Philistines are fighting against me, and God has turned away from me. He no longer answers me, either by prophets or by dreams. So I have called on you to tell me what to do.” 16 Samuel said, “Why do you consult me, now that the LORD has turned away from you and become your enemy? 17 The LORD has done what he predicted through me. The LORD has torn the kingdom out of your hands and given it to one of your neighbors —to David. 18 Because you did not obey the LORD…” Let’s make several observations. First, this is an enigmatic passage. Nothing like it is found anywhere else in the Bible. Second, God recorded in  Deuteronomy 18  a list of ocultic practices which are an abomination to Him. This passage is God’s glossary of the occult. He specifically mentioned that consulting mediums is detestable. Third, Saul’s behaviors were in direct disobedience to the will of God. Fourth, it is most probable that the “person” who appeared to Saul was not Samuel but what the Bible refers to as a “familiar spirit”—a demonic spirit who masqueraded as the then-dead prophet Samuel. Fifth, the Bible is quite clear that no one returns to earth and makes appearances after death. Jesus made this fact quite clear in  Luke 16:26   In reiterating Abraham’s answer to the rich man who wanted a chance to return to earth from Hell and warn his brothers, Abraham said: “And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.” In addition, the writer to the Hebrews declared in  Hebrews 9:27  that the “after-death process” includes no option for a return to earth: “Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.” Now, let me draw four direct conclusions regarding your questions about how to respond to your friend and “are ghosts real” question:  First, your friend may very well have seen a ghost. The ghost might appear to be a familiar spirit impersonating a departed family member. Second, the apparition they observed is certainly not a returned-family member. Once we die, there exists no possible pathway to return to the land of the living. This fact rules out the return of a dead person as a “ghost” to haunt a house or place of their death—or wherever. Third, the apparition could be an actual demonic manifestation. This happened to Martin Luther when he was in the process of composing his “Ninety-Five Theses” for posting on the Wittenberg Door. The Devil appeared in his room at night and Luther actually threw an ink bottle to drive him away. Fourth, let’s consider the possibility that our minds are perfectly capable of fooling us into experiencing a ghost that doesn’t exist! Contrary to popular belief, the brain is not a tape recorder. It records “highlights” and then fills in the blanks between the “highlights” according to what the brain “thinks” most likely happened—based on previous experiences. This is why four people who witness a traffic accident from four different corners of an intersection can have greatly varying accounts. It is not just that they are looking from different angles. Their brains each record the “highlights” most meaningful to them. One observer may focus on the horror on a passenger’s face at the moment of impact. Someone on another corner may be fascinated by how the front of the engine collapsed back into the firewall. Each brain then fills in “facts” that it thinks most probably occurred between the recorded “highlights”. Each observer believes that they have the real truth of what happened at the accident. By the way, stored memories are never retrieved in the same form in which they were laid down. The “highlights” emerge relatively unscathed but the “in betweens” can vary considerably over time. Walking in scary places at night can provide all sorts of possibilities for “ghostly” encounters—especially when someone thinks he or she might actually see one. Memory of strange noises, frightful moments, mewing cats, imbedded pictures of horror movies—just to name a few stored emotional triggers—can bring up “highlights” that remind us of ghosts. Stress, tension, fear and/or expectations can cause “ghostly” highlights to emerge. It is possible for the brain to fill in a “ghost” between the recorded “highlights. Then, we actually “see” a ghost. The various parts of the brain that would be involved in actually encountering a ghost light up positive simultaneously during fMRIs. Well, Annon, I hope this helps to give you some insight into how to respond to your friend. Share with him some of the possible explanations for what he saw–or didn’t see. Gently tell him that whatever he saw was not his mother portraying a ghost. I have not seen my long-time dead child, Jesse, since we buried her. I don’t expect to see her again until we meet in Heaven’s glory. Nevertheless, I have much comfort when I am praying to take a moment and tell Jesse that we love and miss her and are looking forward to seeing her soon. May God bless you in loving and helping him. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I have had a friend ask me a question about ghosts. They have stated that they have seen a ghost, a man who stands by a window. The ghost walks by them but does not do anything to them. They also asked if this could this be a family member who died and has returned from Heaven? Could my Mom or some other family member haunt me?  Annon   Dear Annon,   Surprisingly—or, perhaps not—the Bible has a lot to say about ghosts.   Let’s begin with several definitions which give us a foundation from which we can work.   A ghost may be defined as “t he spirit of a dead person, especially one believed to appear in bodily likeness to living persons or to haunt former habitats.”   A ghost may be defined as “any faint shadowy semblance; an unsubstantial image; a phantom; a glimmering; as, not a ghost of a chance.”   A ghost is sometimes said to be “the apparition of a deceased person. The word ‘ ghost ’ may also refer to the spirit or soul of a deceased person, or to any spirit …”   Ghosts are encountered several times in the Word of God.   In Job 4 Eliphaz, one of Job’s three argumentative “friends”, described a night-time encounter with a ghost who enforced Eliphaz’s incorrect assumption that Job’s problems resulted from his sin.   Eliphaz’s night-time demonic (?) encounter makes for fascinating reading ( Job 4:12-19 ):   12 “A word was secretly brought to me, my ears caught a whisper of it. 13 Amid disquieting dreams in the night, when deep sleep falls on men, 14 fear and trembling seized me and made all my bones shake. 15 A spirit glided past my face, and the hair on my body stood on end. 16 It stopped, but I could not tell what it was. A form stood before my eyes, and I heard a hushed voice: 17’Can a mortal be more righteous than God? Can a man be more pure than his Maker? 18 If God places no trust in his servants, if he charges his angels with error, 19 how much more those who live in houses of clay, whose foundations are in the dust, who are crushed more readily than a moth!   Several things stand out in the encounter.   First, he experienced what to him was a visual, auditory and physical event.   Second, the conclusions drawn by the apparition were not from God.   Third, it is not beyond the realm of imagination to think that Eliphaz made up the encounter in order to give some credence to his philosophical position on sin and suffering.   Finally, under times of great stress, the brain is perfectly capable of conjuring up a seemingly very real human experience (like seeing a ghost) which, in fact, never occurred at all!   Another infamous “ghost” experience occurred with King Saul and the Witch of Endor in 1 Samuel 28:4-25 . Again reading the passage is fascinating:   5 When Saul saw the Philistine army, he was afraid; terror filled his heart. 6 He inquired of the LORD, but the LORD did not answer him by dreams or Urim or prophets. 7 Saul then said to his attendants, “Find me a woman who is a medium, so I may go and inquire of her.” “There is one in Endor,” they said.   8 So Saul disguised himself, putting on other clothes, and at night he and two men went to the woman. “Consult a spirit for me,” he said, “and bring up for me the one I name.”… 11 Then the woman asked, “Whom shall I bring up for you?” “Bring up Samuel,”….   13 The king said to her, “Don’t be afraid. What do you see?” The woman said, “I see a spirit coming up out of the ground.” 14 “What does he look like?” he asked. “An old man wearing a robe is coming up,” she said.   Then Saul knew it was Samuel, and he bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground.   15 Samuel said to Saul, “Why have you disturbed me by bringing me up?”   “I am in great distress,” Saul said. “The Philistines are fighting against me, and God has turned away from me. He no longer answers me, either by prophets or by dreams. So I have called on you to tell me what to do.”   16 Samuel said, “Why do you consult me, now that the LORD has turned away from you and become your enemy? 17 The LORD has done what he predicted through me. The LORD has torn the kingdom out of your hands and given it to one of your neighbors —to David. 18 Because you did not obey the LORD…”   Let’s make several observations.   First, this is an enigmatic passage. Nothing like it is found anywhere else in the Bible.   Second, God recorded in Deuteronomy eighteen a list of ocultic practices which are an abomination to Him. This passage is God’s glossary of the occult. He specifically mentioned that consulting mediums is detestable.   Third, Saul’s behaviors were in direct disobedience to the will of God.   Fourth, it is most probable that the “person” who appeared to Saul was not Samuel but what the Bible refers to as a “familiar spirit”—a demonic spirit who masqueraded as the then-dead prophet Samuel.   Fifth, the Bible is quite clear that no one returns to earth and makes appearances after death. Jesus made this fact quite clear in Luke 16:26 . In reiterating Abraham’s answer to the rich man who wanted a chance to return to earth from Hell and warn his brothers, Abraham said: “And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.” In addition, the writer to the Hebrews declared in Hebrews 9:27 that the “after-death process” includes no option for a return to earth: “Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.”   Now, let me draw some direct conclusions regarding your questions about how to respond to your friend.   First, your friend may very well have seen a ghost. The ghost might appear to be a familiar spirit impersonating a departed family member.   Second, the apparition they observed is certainly not a returned-family member. Once we die, there exists no possible pathway to return to the land of the living. This fact rules out the return of a dead person as a “ghost” to haunt a house or place of their death—or wherever.   Third, the apparition could be an actual demonic manifestation. This happened to Martin Luther when he was in the process of composing his “Ninety-Five Theses” for posting on the Wittenberg Door. The Devil appeared in his room at night and Luther actually threw an ink bottle to drive him away.   Finally, let’s consider the possibility that our minds are perfectly capable of fooling us into experiencing a ghost that doesn’t exist!   Contrary to popular belief, the brain is not a tape recorder. It records “highlights” and then fills in the blanks between the “highlights” according to what the brain “thinks” most likely happened—based on previous experiences.   This is why four people who witness a traffic accident from four different corners of an intersection can have greatly varying accounts. It is not just that they are looking from different angles. Their brains each record the “highlights” most meaningful to them.   One observer may focus on the horror on a passenger’s face at the moment of impact. Someone on another corner may be fascinated by how the front of the engine collapsed back into the firewall. Each brain then fills in “facts” that it thinks most probably occurred between the recorded “highlights”. Each observer believes that they have the real truth of what happened at the accident.   By the way, stored memories are never retrieved in the same form in which they were laid down. The “highlights” emerge relatively unscathed but the “in betweens” can vary considerably over time.   Walking in scary places at night can provide all sorts of possibilities for “ghostly” encounters—especially when someone thinks he or she might actually see one.   Memory of strange noises, frightful moments, mewing cats, imbedded pictures of horror movies—just to name a few stored emotional triggers—can bring up “highlights” that remind us of ghosts. Stress, tension, fear and/or expectations can cause “ghostly” highlights to emerge. It is possible for the brain to fill in a “ghost” between the recorded “highlights. Then, we actually “see” a ghost. The various parts of the brain that would be involved in actually encountering a ghost light up positive simultaneously during fMRIs.   Well, Annon, I hope this helps to give you some insight into how to respond to your friend. Share with him some of the possible explanations for what he saw–or didn’t see. Gently tell him that whatever he saw was not his mother portraying a ghost.   I have not seen my long-time dead child, Jessie, since we buried her. I don’t expect to see her again until we meet in Heaven’s glory.   Nevertheless, I have much comfort when I am praying to take a moment and tell Jesse that we love and miss her and are looking forward to seeing her soon.   May God bless you in loving and helping him.   Love, Roger