Sir, My name is (Name Withheld) from (state withheld) and I am a Christian but I have been diagnosed with anxiety post-Iraq and Afghanistan. I have a lot of anger issues, isolated periods where I just shut down and don't talk, just hold everything in and the majority of the time, all of this frustration, anger and isolation is centered around my wife. Our marriage is seriously in jeopardy. Our communication is terrible. We go days and sometimes weeks without really even talking to each other and it's making both of us miserable. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you in advance Name Withheld Dear Name Withheld, I would be remiss not to begin my letter without thanking you in advance for your service to our country. I don’t know how you feel about the battles and the casualties and even the validity of the missions. But, I do know that you did heroic things, saw some awful things, and struggled with a lot of pain and hurt – as did so many of your brothers and sisters who fought beside you. I also want you to know how my heart grieves for you and so many others who are in constant danger the Middle East as well as around the world. I can’t imagine the pain and your suffering and the struggles that are now occurring in your personal and family lives. All I can say is that it really hurts to see and hear that you’re hurting. There’s no doubt that this is a tense and debilitating time for you and for your wife as well. Let me share some thoughts that may be of helpful to you as you seek to get your life and family back together. I have no illusions that you will ever completely recover from the mental and emotional scars you’ve endured. Nevertheless, there is no doubt in my mind that you can put the pieces back together again and live a long, loving and profitable life. My first thought has to do with PTSD. You are exhibiting signs that make it obvious to me that you need good counseling help to handle well your experiences of the recent past. I encourage you to find a counselor who specializes in PTSD and began to get some accountability and professional help for how to live with and successfully navigate this disorder. One of my daughters was raped when she was in high school. She never said a word to me or my wife but we did notice the commencement of some unusual behaviors. Now we realize that she was acting out. For example, she joined the fencing club in college and one evening was relating how at times she would faint high and quickly lower her sword into her male opponent’ s private parts. Over the next several months her horror was revealed to us and together we found a 65-year-old-Christian woman counselor who specialized in helping women who had been sexually abused. It took about a year. She is now in her mid-30s, healed and well and happily married. She has a great job in a fabulous husband. I have a hunch that your experience was much more devastating than hers. Nevertheless, I believe that if she can get well then you can, too. Regarding the anger and communication issues between you and your wife I have several thoughts: First, I think that following the guidance of the right PTSD counselor will give you the help you need. Most, but perhaps not all, of the things you’ve experienced may need to surface for you to confront them and bring healing to them. Some things may well simply be left inside. That’s for you and your counselor to sort out. I would imagine that some of the things with which you are struggling are overflowing into your marriage and half directed your anger and rage at your wife because she’s a convenient target. You need to find some other targets before your inner hurts destroy your marriage deeply hurt you both. Hopefully, you have some other friends, or can find some others, who experienced many of the same things as you to whom you can unburden your heart instead of dumping them upon your wife. Second, let me suggest that in one of your peaceful, rational moments, you both sit down and make an agreement to calm down. My wife and I have done this for years. We call this “stepping on landmines”. All of a sudden, one of us says or does something that really angers the other. When we find that happening we know that often we stepped on a very sensitive area that may or may not have anything to do with our anger. So, when the land mine gets stepped on, we allow one of us or both of us to say, “Timeout, we (or you) just stepped on a land mine, let’s sit down and talk about what’s really going on.” This helps to deescalate the fight and helps us not to hurt each other with the words and anger. Third, you both are obviously hurting. Jesus tells us in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew Five) that the way to heal hurts is to mourn and grieve hurt and to receive comfort. Jesus said: “Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.” This is the only plan given in the Bible for healing our hurts. Julie and I also do this a lot. When one of us is hurt we allow the other one to talk through and mourn what is hurting them. After a time of mourning. we comfort them with words like, “I’m so sorry you went through that.” “It grieves me that you experience such pain.” “Let me just hold you close for a moment. I know this is really rough, and if you’d like to, you don’t have to, but if you’d like to, you can tell me how much you’re hurting. I’d like to share what you’re going through. I’d like to hold you and comfort you.” Mourning can take many forms. Don’t miss it for what it is. It can look like anger. It can look like criticism. It can look like depression. When you see someone hurting the proper response is to comfort them. When someone is yelling at you the proper response is not to yell back; but instead, to say something like this, “I can see how angry you are. That tells you hurting deeply. Why don’t you let me take a few moments to tell you how much it hurts me to see you in pain? I’m so sorry for what you have been through.” Please remember that your wife is hurting – perhaps as much as you. Staying home while you were deployed was a miserable, fear-filled time. It will be good for you to listen as she tells you her hurts, and then you comfort her. Mourning and comforting is God’s plan for healing your hurts. Fourth, I believe that you should consider some medical help in getting you through this time of crisis. There are many wonderful brain chemistry meds available today to deal with issues like anxiety, depression, anger, fear, and various mood issues which you may well be experiencing. Most physicians understand these drugs and how to apply them for your benefit. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for you to get some medical help. Fifth, as a Christian, God has given to you many tools for getting through very difficult times. Let me suggest that you read through Second Corinthians Chapters 11-12. Paul went through some agonizing experiences that certainly must left him scarred deeply – both literally and figuratively. He attributes his ability to handle his traumas victoriously because Jesus Christ poured in the power to meet his needs in every situation. Also read Philippians 4:10 – 14 where Paul tells how he was able to access the power of Christ to help handle the difficulties that he experienced. Finally, Name Withheld, I once more want to buy express my sorrow and grief for the hurt being experienced by both you and your wife. I believe that you can get well. My wife and I will keep you in our prayers. Please let me know how things are coming along. Love, Roger Helpful links: maketheconnection.net (support groups and counseling in your area) http://www.militarywithptsd.orghttp://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-in-veterans.htmhttp://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/PTSD-overview/reintegration/help-for-veterans-with-ptsd.asphttp://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/reintegration/guide-pdf/FamilyGuide.pdf

Dear Roger, I’m not sure how to be thankful. I can’t understand all of the terrible things happening around the world...all of the disasters, suffering, war, and disease. I just don’t feel thankful. I get angry over my problems, too. I feel fearful and confused. How am I supposed to pray to God with a thankful heart? Sincerely, Mary Dear Mary, I’m sorry you are struggling. There are right and wrong ways to pray, especially when you don’t feel particularly thankful or full of faith. Here are my thoughts: 1. Don’t Give Thanks to Manipulate God In 1 Samuel, Samuel the prophet instructed King Saul to wait until he arrived to offer the sacrifice. But the anxious king feared the approaching enemy and grew impatient. His army started to scatter. So he disobeyed the Lord. He wanted to thank God to ensure victory over his enemies. Samuel was livid: “What have you done?” asked Samuel. Saul replied, “When I saw that the men were scattering, and that you did not come at the set time, and that the Philistines were assembling at Mikmash, I thought, ‘Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the Lord’s favor.’ So I felt compelled to offer the burnt offering.”  ( 1 Samuel 13:11-12 1 Samuel 13:11-12 ) King Saul’s disobedience eventually cost him his kingship. Thankful prayers are not selfish prayers. They are not offered with an ulterior motive. Check your heart! Thank God for who He is, not what you want. 2. Don’t Give Thanks With a Prideful Heart The Pharisee in  Luke 18  offered a very prideful prayer of Thanksgiving in the  Bible : Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘ God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get. ’ But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God.  ( Luke 18:10-14 ) We must come before God in humble contrition. Jesus taught us that God does not recognize or respond to self-righteous thanksgiving prayers. He honors honest, contrite prayers. 3. Don’t Pray With a Heart of Unbelief In  Romans 1 , Paul teaches that He has clearly revealed Himself through nature (sometimes called “general revelation”). He is angered by those who take His goodness for granted: …since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  ( Romans 1:19-21 ) Perhaps this is the worst thanksgiving prayer of all! If we refuse to see the goodness and glory all around us, we have grieved God’s heart. Such ingratitude is dangerous and leads us into sin and idolatry. God showers us with blessings every day. Let us respond to Him in obedience, humility and faith. What are the best thankful prayers? 1. Do Give Thanks in Your Pain Psalm 69  was written by King David during the rebellion of Absalom, one of the darkest periods of his life (according to most theologians). David composed the song to the tune of “Lilies.” Can you imagine? Singing a song in the midst of his pain and disappointment? “But as for me, afflicted and in pain—may your salvation, God, protect me. I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.” ( Psalm 69:29-30 ) Surprisingly, this is one of the best prayers of thanksgiving.  Psalm 69  is referred to seven times in the New Testament as a picture of Jesus’ suffering and faith. A great thank-you prayer is a prayer of faith. No matter what you are going through, you can trust a faithful God. That’s why Paul writes in  1 Thessalonians 5:18 : “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Paul and Silas sang “Count Your Blessings” after being brutally flogged and imprisoned. When you are hurting, it’s time for a great thankful prayer as an expression of devotion and trust. 2. Do Give Thanks as Preparation for Coming into God’s Presence Psalm 100  (some attribute to David, some to Moses) is a classic picture of all expressions of praise and worship to God: Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.  ( Psalm 100:4 ) The psalm calls us to shout, sing, worship, praise, and thank God. Don’t assume that a token blessing before a meal is the real expression of a thankful heart. Make your thankful prayers filled with singing. Cheer for him instead of a football game. Meditate on Him quietly. Invite friends, loved ones and all of those around you to engage in thanking God together. John Gill, an English Baptist pastor, wrote these inspiring words about  Psalm 100 : “Let them shout unto him as their King; as the angels did at his birth, the disciples when he made his public entrance into Jerusalem, the apostles at his ascension to heaven, the saints when the marriage of him, the Lamb, will be come, and both men and angels when he shall descend from heaven to judge the world; and such a joyful noise or shout should be made unto him as to a triumphant conqueror, who has got the victory over sin, Satan, death, and the grave, and every enemy of his and his people.” We will be thanking and praising God forever. Why not start now? 3. Do Give Thanks for God’s Amazing Power Jesus’ thanksgiving prayer was the most powerful one in the Bible. His blessing was so significant, it was mentioned in all four Gospels. The feeding of the five thousand was one of Jesus’ greatest miracles and it started with a thanksgiving prayer. “Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.” “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. “Bring them here to me,” he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.”  ( Matthew 14:16-21 ) Jesus took a little boy’s lunch of five loaves and two fish and fed a crowd that would fill a football stadium. I often picture Jesus simply creating bread and fish out of nothing. Can you imagine that thanking a mighty God who would release His power and presence in a new way in your life? When our baby daughter was born, we knew she was going to die. I felt God told me to thank Him for her life. All I could do was thank Him by faith for a blessing I could not see. But her story has been the catalyst for my ministry around the world. You never know what God will do when you give thanks by faith! Love, Roger

Dear Roger, Yesterday evening my family and I sat down in a restaurant. I immediately opened my purse and pulled out my cell phone. I looked around the table and so had everyone else. We’ve got a problem! We are wasting a lot of time and God is not pleased. So, I decided to do a little research. First, I read an article from Pew Research Center which calculated that the average person (children through adults), spends more than five hours a day using mobile phones or tablets. Second, Robert Lustig in a recent article entitled “in The Hacking Of The American Mind” says that “many kids are definitely addicted. It’s not a drug, but it might as well be, it works the same way.” Finally, Tristan Harris, from The Center On Humane Technology explains how tech companies design their products to get kids addicted. “When you wake up in the morning, you have certain goals for your life, for your kids. On the other hand, technology like YouTube has only one goal: to make you forget your goals and to keep you watching as many YouTube videos as possible.”  Don’t get me wrong, nothing is inherently wrong or evil with any kind of cell phone or social media use. The problem is when they short-circuit the kind of life God intends for us to live.  Does the  Bible  have much to say about managing our time? Love, Julie Dear Julie, The classic passage on how to use our time is  Ephesians 5:15-18 : “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,  redeeming the time , because the days are evil. Be wise, understand what the will of the Lord is...be filled with the Spirit.”  (KJV) “Redeeming the time” means to  use wisely the time that God has granted us, because it is really easy to waste it.  Let’s look at  nine insights on time management: 1. Time Is One of Our Most Valuable Commodities We cannot store up time. We cannot buy it back. Neither can we retrieve it once it is gone; nor can we borrow anyone else’s. Andrew Carnegie, the multiple times over millionaire, said at the point of death, “I would gladly give $200 million for 10 more years of life.” But time doesn’t work like that. God has given us a little slice of time, and our success in life is determined by our faithfulness in using that time to mature us to look like Jesus, live godly lives and advance the kingdom of God on earth. 2. ‘No Time’ Is Often a Symptom of Pressure, Not Priority  If we don’t have enough time it may be that we are operating under the principle of pressure and not priority. Did it ever occur to you that Jesus had only 3½ years in which to launch an earthshaking, eternity-transforming movement? Talk about pressure! Yet the interesting thing is that Jesus is never in a hurry. He always has time to do the Father’s will. When it was time to travel from  Jerusalem to Galilee, Jesus walked for five days. He had no phone or tablet or computer to help hurry him along. He did not drive or fly. He had just enough time to make it there, right on time! He even took time out to comfort a woman at a well in Samaria who was struggling with multiple marriage problems. Jesus operated under the Principle of Priority. He knew His objective. He set His face like a stone and went to Jerusalem to die and on the cross. He said, “It is finished. He made it both to Gethsemane and to the Cross right on time. 3. God Does Not Measure Time Like We Do Psalm 90  is a contrast between the permanence of God and the passing of perishable men and women. 1,000 years in your sight are like a day that is just gone by...  ( Psalm 90:3 ) The length of our days is 70 years – or 80, if we had the strength.  ( Psalm 90:10 ) Lord, teach us to number our days that we might get a heart of wisdom.  ( Psalm 90:12 ) In other words, “Lord, teach us to understand time in the context of eternity.” One day I decided to figure out the proportion of 1,000 years to one day as mentioned in  Psalm 90:3 . To make a long story short, one year on earth equals about 15 seconds in heaven. What that means is if your friend dies and goes to heaven, and you outlive him/her by 10 years, then your friend arrives in heaven and 15 minutes later there you come. He/she is probably still waiting in line to see Jesus! C.S. Lewis wrote, “All that is not eternal is eternally out of date.” Sir William Russell on the way to the gallows to die for Christ said:” Please take my watch, I am dealing with eternity now.” 4. Satan Is the Master Deceiver, Stealing Our Time Jesus said in  John 10:10 : “Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy, but I have come that they may have abundant life.” Notice the context here. What is Satan trying to steal? Our abundant life. The more time that he steals, the less time we have to enjoy abundant life. Imagine a horizontal line and write the word “present” in the middle of the line. Now move a little to the left and write the word “past” on the line. Finally, move to the far right and write the word “future.” Jesus wants us to experience abundant life, but notice that abundant life can only be enjoyed in the present. Here is how Satan steals our abundant joy. If he can keep us bound up in bitterness, anger, brooding, failure, guilt, and disappointment about our past, might that just steal away the enjoyment of our time in the present? If he can keep us bound up in fear, dread, and worry about the threat of sickness or loss in the future—might that just steal away the enjoyment of our time in the present? Paul declares the best advice for countering Satan’s insidious attack on our abundant life is  2 Corinthians 10:5 :  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take  captive  every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 5. Plug the Screen Time Leak I think that “screen time” is the biggest leak of all today! If you want to become a man or a woman of the hour, then you must learn to make every minute count. Let me tell you an experience that has stuck with me for over 50 years. Some lessons are that powerful. Dr. Fish, one of my seminary professors, was late to class. His tardiness was fine with us. We had more time to talk. He entered and was quite embarrassed. He apologized profusely: “Sorry I’m late. I should have started this class five minutes ago. There are 110 of you in this class. I’ve just wasted 550 minutes.” That’s a powerful thought. Make every minute count. 6. Learn To Say “No” “No” is the hardest word to say in the English language. When someone says. “Why don’t you do this or that? My first question should be, “Is that on my list of priorities?” Many people are living defeated lives; many people are practically useless to the purposes of God because they haven’t learned how to say, “No.” Many people are in the process of going down tubes with family because they don’t know how to say “no.” For example, they say “yes” to everything else and “no” to their families. I recall receiving a frantic call from one of our Bibles study leaders whose teacher had just canceled for the evening. “Can you hurry over and teach the class?” I replied, “No.” “Well why not?” the leader persisted, “It’s important to teach the Bible tonight to our class. Why won’t you come? I explained, “Because tonight I’m spending with my family.” 7. Relaxation Is Not a Waste of Time John Wanamaker, an American businessman whom some consider to be the father of advertising in America once said: “People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness.” I entered my first pastorate with a hot passion to be the best pastor God ever had. I spent three years working without a day off. Of course our marriage was sick, and one Saturday evening I found myself crying behind the orange couch in our den. I called Steve, our first counselor, and I asked him: how could I ever survive? He said, “Roger, I’ve seen this crash coming for quite a long time. I’ve already arranged a counselor who specializes in executive-level stress. He will see you Monday morning at 10 AM.” He taught me about meditation and how to quiet down. I redoubled my effort to play golf every week and started building model airplanes on the side. My marriage improved; my work was more balanced; and my spiritual life thrived. 8. Not Enough Time May Reflect Poor Choices If we don’t have enough time, it may be because we are doing too much, or doing the wrong things, or doing things the wrong way. It’s easy to become inordinately compulsive. It’s easy to become enamored with our activity and believe that God is impressed by what we are doing. He is not. It’s not enough just to be active in Christian work. We ought to be accomplishing something. In  Acts 10:38  Luke wrote: “ And Jesus went out doing good .” Most of our lives could be summarized: “And he went about.” We have no difficulty differentiating between that which is good and that which is evil. That’s not where the hang-up comes. Real maturity comes when we have to differentiate between that which is good and that which is better and that which is best. The good is often the enemy of the better. 9. Here’s How to Do it Right I like to ask as Christians, “If you knew you had just one more day to spend on earth, what would you do?” I receive all kinds of responses. Most people say they would hurry to lead as many people to Christ as they could! Others talk about their families. Many talk about getting their sins forgiven and being certain that they are right with God. However, here’s the best answer I ever heard, it was from a man who was gardening when I approached; he said to me,  “I wouldn’t change anything different from what I’m doing right now. I’m satisfied that I’m exactly where God wants me to be. Why would I want to be anyplace else? Well, Julie, I hope that you find my insights interesting. So many books have been written on time management. I just picked out a few the ideas that I think are most important. Love, Roger

Hi Roger, I am a Christian married to a Christian. I make significantly more money than my husband. I want to be able to tithe on the money I make and he doesn't want me to. We have plenty of money and no financial burdens or debt. Should I be submissive to my husband on this issue or insist on being able to tithe on the money I make? I would actually like to give more than just a tithe, but 10% to me seems like a compromise. You can reword this question as you wish, but I would value your opinion. I would not like my name to be used to protect my husband. Name withheld Dear Name Withheld, In your case I would not make it a big issue. Yielding to him now is the best way to open the door for tithing later. Jesus taught that tithing is the natural outcome of a heart of love and obedience to God (Luke 11:42).Your husband is acting like an unbeliever in this area and must be treated as such. Peter advised wives whose husbands were not Christians to win them to Christ by their sacrificial, loving behavior. He went on to say that wives must refrain from nagging and attempting to convince their husbands with rational arguments. Peter wrote: "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives" (1 Peter 3:1). Your husband is behaving like he doesn't "believe the word" and is acting like a non-believer! So we follow Peter's advice. Winning him over "without words" in no way precludes a talk as to why he's reluctant to tithe. At the right time, and in the right way, it's OK to explore with him why he refuses to tithe--or to allow you to tithe. He obviously has issues that are worth exploring. Is he angry with God? Is he blaming God for some past hurt or suffering? Does he think that withholding a tithe makes it even? Does he resent the fact that you make more money? Is he, in a twisted way, building up his ego in trying to "control" the family's finances? Does he think that your church doesn't need it? Or, doesn't deserve it? Could he be addicted to spending and buying? Does lack of faith frighten him into believing that God may not provide if you get into financial trouble? Is he bowing down the god Materialism (Matthew :24). A frank discussion like this is not designed to get him to tithe as much as it is for him to deal with any internal issues that preclude his giving to the Lord. This not a time for judgment. It is more a time of exploration and perhaps some comfort for the suspected hurts behind his behavior. Then, at the right time I would let him know that you are going to follow 1 Peter 3:1 and submit to his leadership and that you will keep quiet about the tithing issue. Solomon calls this "heaping burning coals on his head (Proverb 25:22). Peter probably had this verse in mind as he dispensed advice on this subject. Tell him that if he ever he decides to let you tithe you'll be pleased and grateful. However, until that time you intend to pray for a change in his heart-- and that you will never mention it again.You don't have to worry that Jesus is disappointed in you for not tithing. He understands. You're in the same position as David when he wanted to build the Temple and God told him, "No!" David was heartbroken. But, then God said to David, "You did well to have it in your heart. I'll give you credit for building it even though you don't." I believe, Name Withheld, that God is saying much the same thing to you: "I'll still give you credit for it because I know that you have it in your heart. So, Name Withheld, I hope that this helps you. I hope it also helps many Christian women (and men) who are laboring under the same handicap. God bless you for your generous and loving heart. Sincerely, Roger

Dear Roger, My husband would rather go to porn sites than have sex with me. What is wrong here? What do I need to do? Sincerely, C Dear C, You ask, "What is wrong here?" Porn is what's wrong. In my opinion, your boyfriend is either addicted or far along the road to addiction. You ask, "What do I need to do?" Think carefully about how you want to handle this. Start by bringing the issue out into the open with earnest and frank discussions with your boyfriend. Also, let me address an important side note before we continue; as a Christian you must stop having sex outside of marriage. We'll talk a little bit more about how that relates to your question later on. Now, there is little doubt that most all men look at porn at one time or another. After all, porn lurks just a keyboard click away. Unfortunately, surveys indicate that 92% of males in America are exposed to porn by the age of eleven. I believe that finding a husband in our culture who has never seen port is nigh unto impossible. I've read statistics that report that male adolescents think about sex at least once every fifteen minutes. I don't know how true that is; but, remembering back to my adolescent years, that number can't be too far off. I suppose that most adult males don't think about sex quite that much--their rate is probably more like twenty or twenty-five minutes per sexual thought. Thinking about sex is not unusual. God has woven sex into the heart of man. The operative words here are "procreation" and "intimacy." Well-adjusted men often glance and then look away. After a while, they glance again. I don't suppose any man looks just once and never looks again. Over all, a glance or glances seem to have little adverse effect on the long-term success and fulfillment of marriages and relationships. Nevertheless, this does not mean that looking casually at porn is OK by any means. It has serious consequences. Job knew the dangers of Pornography to personal and spiritual well-being when he declared, "I Made A Covenant With My Eyes Not To Look Lustfully At A Young Woman" (Job 31:1). Covenant made. Boundaries in place. Not easily kept, in that ancient culture or in our own . . . but it is the biblical model. Others, however, don't fare so well. When porn moves into the realm of need, and a person can't stop at any time, then he or she is travelling down the road of sexual addiction. Something is drastically wrong, mentally, morally, emotionally and spirtitually with the person who actively seeks out porn. Sexual or pornography addiction is a hard task master. Pornography hinders a person's ability to see or hear from God. Jesus said in Matthew 5:4: "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God." My heart grieves when someone gives up an opportunity to see God for a fleeting glimpse of Miss October. All pornography is based on a big lie. Luscious Cheryl, breasts flashing, seems "oh so close" and available. The truth is that if your boyfriend sat down on the airplane next to Cheryl, she wouldn't give him the time of day. Less than five days after I performed a wedding, the new bride and groom sat in my office needing counseling. It seems that on their wedding night he expected her to perform like the porn stars he'd watched on the internet. He had no idea why she wasn't measuring up to his expectations. Their whole sex life was based on the lie of pornography. Their marriage didn't last long. In many cases, women whose husbands are into porn will have their self images brutalized, because  he can't help but compare their bodies to the air-brushed, touched up, and made-up women that inhabit the internet. Worst of all, many husbands and wives never find the sexual satisfaction God intended in marriage because of the false smokescreen that is pornography. Maybe the reason that his sexual desire for you is waning is because he is using up his sexual energy sitting in front of the computer screen. By the way, the Bible calls this "defrauding your wife." I was talking about this topic with one of my counselor friends who specialized in sexual addiction. He related that the more involved a person is with porn, the more difficult it is for the porn addict to perform sexually with a real person. The beauty of God-given intimacy is traded for a sordid fantasy that doesn't exist. To this point I have assumed that the one addicted is male. The truth is that the number of female sex addicts is increasing exponentially. Now, let's move on to your second question: "What do I need to do?" I am assuming that you are a Christian. I will answer you in that context. Open up and bring the issue out into the open. Why is the person struggling with porn. Was he or she sexually abused? Did they begin at a young age and got hooked? Forever? Can they stop if they want to or is pornography a driving force in their life? Please, don't fall into the trap of assuming that a partner who's looked at porn at one time or other needs to be divorced or can never make a good marriage partner. In my opinion, looking at porn is a sin like any other and needs repentance and confession to God for cleansing our very souls. However, carefully consider that the burden of being shackled to a porn-addicted person can result in decades of misery and hurt. Hopefully, he will get help for his addiction. But, most don't. You can't force your boyfriend to change. You need to make a wise decision about continuing the relationship--pursue counsel from people you trust, spend time in prayer, and go with the truth in your "knower." Now, there is one more issue included in your question that we need to talk about: having sex with someone when you are not married. According to the Bible sex is for married couples. Sex is a holy thing and to be expressed only in a marriage setting. Sex with someone who is not your spouse defiles both your body and his. Sex outside of a marriage setting brings with it an ungodliness that breaks Jesus' heart ( 1 Corinthians 6:15-20). Also, consider that Matthew 5:4 also comes into play in your life. Sex without marriage dirties up your spiritual soul and compromises your ability to both see God and to hear Him speak into your life. In one sense, sex outside of marriage will put a spiritual stain on your life. One reason that marriage is a "big deal" to God has to do with the future success or failure of society. Families are the glue that hold a society intact. When marriages and families fail, society is on the way to destruction (1 Timothy 4:1-3). I'd like to tell you to keep your eyes open and someday the perfect man who has never looked at porn will come along and you'll live happily ever after. Of course, we both know that man doesn't exist. But, we do know that when we live pure and holy lives, surrendered to the plan and will of God, He is in a great position to bring just the right person along. So, be honest and open with your boyfriend. Talk with him about becoming the kind of loving husband Paul described in Ephesians 5:25-31: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse . . . not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. . . . So ought men to nourish, cherish and love their wives as their own bodies. . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. I believe with all my heart that such men exist. I pray that you will find one. Finally, let me tell you about Tim and Lisa. Lisa finally fell in love with the “right” guy. At age 30, she had waited patiently for a godly man who would treat her with respect and great love, someone who would be the spiritual leader of her family. Tim felt the same way. He treated Lisa like his “princess,” and they planned a June wedding. In May, Lisa stopped by Tim’s house and received the shock of her life. The man she planned to marry in just a few weeks was deeply engrossed in hardcore internet pornography. They stared at each other; she pulled off the ring and set it on his desk. She turned and ran out the door. How could a man who proclaimed his love for the Lord fill his eyes and mind with such perverse images? What did his desire to see those women have to do with his desire for her? Lisa couldn’t stop the questions. Sitting at lunch the next day with a close friend, she said, “It’s over, isn’t it? Tim keeps calling, but the pornography thing is so disgusting. I can’t imagine that a Christian guy would ever struggle with it.” As they talked, her friend became convinced of several things. First, Lisa had no idea that most men—Christian men included—do struggle with the temptation of pornography. The Scriptures contain warning after warning about how to handle the “lust of the eyes.” The classic Biblical way is to flee as quickly as possible. Second, she deeply loved Tim and was committed to the relationship. Her friend asked if she would be willing to open up with Tim a conversation about the issue. In many ways, the sin of pornography thrives in secret. By openly discussing the issue with Tim, including what she had seen, how often Tim struggled with pornography, and when he began to become addicted, key elements of the healing process commenced. First, Tim admitted that he needed help overcoming the pull of pornography. He made a commitment to seek out counseling immediately. Second, Lisa realized that Tim is human; he was struggling with this sin, but his love for her was real. And perhaps most importantly, they agreed that it was not time to rush into marriage. Over the next year, Tim spent time in intensive therapy, uncovering several contributors to his addiction to pornography. Sadly, they included childhood sexual abuse, which led to more counseling and healing time. Lisa walked beside Tim as a friend, encouraging him and praying for him, while allowing him to work through this issue in his own time. When Tim and his counselor felt that he was ready, Tim asked Lisa if she would be willing to begin a relationship again. Several conditions applied: Tim would continue to attend counseling: the adage of “once an addict, always an addict” holds true. Second, he and Lisa would attend counseling together on an ongoing basis. And third, the topic of pornography would always be an open one. Bringing pornography into the light removes its fangs . . . Five years later, Lisa and Tim are very happily married, with one young son and another on the way. The issue of pornography will always be there, a serpent to be carefully watched and defended against. But their marriage has been battle-tested and is stronger for it. Their story is rather unusual. However, I believe that Tim’s commitment to deal with the sin openly and honestly provided a foundation for trust and healing. Lisa’s willingness to open the lines of communication even when she felt violated and angry, and their joint commitment to be vigilant in their marriage has led to their success. I hope this is helpful to you, C. May God grant you great blessings and good days ahead. Love, Roger

Dear Roger, I believe that vampirism is alive and well today. Vampire lore seems innocuous enough, but I have observed cases in my counseling practice that give me pause. Several years ago, I had a client who was involved in the vampire cult. When I asked him to explain to me what he meant, he replied that he belonged to a cult who met at a local cemetery once a week to engage in a variety of rituals including drinking one another's blood. I asked him what it was that he got out of his participation in this act. He replied that the night would start out with certain rituals of chanting and dancing around headstones, then everyone would run around the cemetery to get their endorphins "revved up." At that point they would get out their blood-letting kits that included a needle, a tube, and a tourniquet, which was used to get the blood vein ready for piercing. They would each take turns drinking each other's blood through the hollow tube. He was told that since their endorphins were so high, he too would received a high from the blood they drank. He admitted to never feeling an actual "high" from the drinking of the blood but did it anyway to feel accepted as a cult member. I asked him if he was aware of blood born pathogens. He believed because they did a "certain ritual" prior to drinking the blood that this would prevent any negative illnesses from being passed between the cult members. At first I found it difficult to believe this was real. However after he showed me his arms and the totally collapsed blood veins in each, I was then convinced he was engaging in something unusual. He even showed me his blood letting kit. The reason he came to me for counseling was not because of the vampirism, but because he was suffering from heavy depression. He was unclear why he was so depressed all the time. I asked him if he felt depressed during his time at the cemetery. He stated he felt good after spending time with his cult once a week and doing the rituals but that high led to a greater feeling of depression later on. He not only felt empty, he also felt a sense of numbness. His life had no meaning and he often stated he was suicidal. He was promised by the cult that he would be a part of a family that loved and adored him. He soon realized that all they wanted was to simply use him and the love they described was a deception. Roger, the cult he belonged to was located here in our hometown, however he stated there were similar cults nearby. Both men and women including teenagers are involved in these cults. How would you address those issues as they pertain to the incredibly popular vampire-themed materials everywhere? Can vampirism be a doorway to satanic ritual abuse? A Concerned Counselor Dear Concerned Counselor, The vampire legend can be traced back to medieval and later Eastern European folklore, but variations of tales of vampire-like creatures also exist in Africa, Asia and the Americas. The current vampire craze really became popular in two quasi-romantic novels of the 19th century, The Vampyre by John Polidori (1819) and Dracula by Bram Stoker (1897). These two are the progenitors of the romantic vampire genre of fantasy fiction. The seductive “kiss of the vampire” has generated an alluring mystique, especially for young women, and that mystique, along with the “forbidden fruit” syndrome, is the basis for the popularity of the Vampire literature. The romantic/sexual attraction of the suave, sophisticated vampire Count Dracula as portrayed by Frank Langella in the movie Dracula (1979) is an example of the allure of the vampire. The film's tagline is: "Throughout history, he has filled the hearts of men with terror, and the hearts of women with desire." Any obsessive interest in vampires—or for that matter witches, ghosts, and other occultic figures—can be unhealthy at best and dangerous at worst. It depends on the spiritual state of the person whose interest is piqued by such subjects. One such character is featured in the classic Twilight book series. Bella, the central character, is a socially awkward teen who finds her identity and love in a social setting where she is surrounded by vampires and werewolves who are both seductive and compelling. A weak, emotionally fragile young girl, for example, whose life is characterized by family stress, self-esteem issues, and a lack of strong role models, could be at risk for developing an unhealthy interest in the occult. Such an interest can be an open door for destructive demonic influence to infiltrate her mind and spirit. Satan, as we know, is the enemy of our souls, who “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” ( 1 Peter 5:8 ). The Bible does address the issue of drinking or eating blood. In essence God says, “Don’t drink it.” For example, God says in Leviticus 17:10-12: “Any Israelite or any alien living among them who eats any blood—I will set my face against that person who eats blood and will cut him off from his people. For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one's life. Therefore I say to the Israelites, "None of you may eat blood, nor may an alien living among you eat blood." What about Jesus' words in John 6? In one of Jesus’ most demanding teachings on discipleship He declared that only those who eat His flesh and drink His blood will be “part” of Him. He was talking about total commitment. We can taste something and still spit it out. But, once we eat or drink it, it becomes part of us. It is no wonder that the people who heard His challenge were scandalized! They were quite familiar with Leviticus 17! It is no wonder that every one of His followers left Him that day—except the Twelve. Communion (or the Lord’s Supper) is a symbol of eating the flesh and drinking the blood of Jesus. His body and blood were given on the cross as the working tools of the divine transaction that forgave our sins and made us Christ Followers fit for Heaven. Christ’s work on the cross is often identified as the “atonement” God was pointing to in Leviticus 17:10-12. By sharing communion we not only remember His sacrifice on the cross, we are demonstrating our whole-hearted commitment to Him. So back to vampires—in a sense, the concept of a vampire is a perversion of Scripture. When we come to Christ, we choose to trust Him and give control of our lives to Him. The metaphor of “drinking his blood” represents becoming a part of His body—part of His family. On the other hand, vampires are imagined to forcibly drink the blood of others. The victims have no choice. They are often forced to become part of this dark world without their consent. See the contrast? Here is another thought about vampires and the Bible. When we think of vampires, we think of blood, death and gore. But, remember, the Bible is also filled with blood, death, and gore. One of the goriest Bible stories is found in Judges 19:25-30: “So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. . . . When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, ‘Get up; let's go.’ But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home. When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel. . . .” Vampire stories are not the only unpleasant stories in the world. Now, let me share a few simple observations about helping your family with media that glorifies vampires. 1. We are wise to realize that many stories are written with hidden agendas—like hooking children into witchcraft and evil. Many stories espouse values that are unchristian or certainly not the values that we want our children to emulate. Some really nasty aspects of our culture reside just below the surface where our children are too easily exposed to them. Here we must be vigilant. We also need to be aware of the video games our progeny play. Many are great and fun, some are dangerously addictive and/or filled with occult images. Regarding literature like the Twilight series, Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight series, the inspiration for her first book came from a “very vivid dream.” She writes: “In my dream, two people were having an intense conversation in a meadow in the woods. One of these people was just your average girl. The other person was fantastically beautiful, sparkly, and a vampire. They were discussing the difficulties inherent in the facts that (a) they were falling in love with each other while (b) the vampire was particularly attracted to the scent of her blood, and was having a difficult time restraining himself from killing her immediately. For what is essentially a transcript of my dream, please see Chapter 13 ("Confessions") of the book.” 2. Recommend to your sons and daughters that they read the Christian classics like This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti. These Christian novels are about the battles behind the scenes in the spiritual realm for the souls of men and women on earth. The books are filled with adventure and suspense. I guarantee that they will not be able to put down either book. Even though they are fiction, they hold much truth about the reality of the spiritual world. I think that many people are captivated by the spirit world because we do inherently know that there is something beyond our physical senses. These books can begin a study of what is really happening “behind the scenes.” 3. Be informed about the books and media that your child or teen wants to watch or read. I often encourage parents to get involved in their kids’ worlds. This may sound controversial, but you might choose to read this book together, discussing the concerns you both have about the content. Go to the movies he/she watches as often as you can. Read some of the magazines he/she reads. And then talk. Don’t panic! Listen to their opinions. Be careful not to instantly dismiss them out of fear. Consider that it is OK for them to be searching for truth rather than already knowing the truth. The ultimate goal is for you, as a parent, to lovingly help him/her develop a spiritual “filter”—a high level of spiritual discernment. As they becomes adults, they will be able to search out and formulate answers to these questions on their own. 4. Educate your child’s conscience. Help him or her to recognize that they should avoid media he or she “doesn’t feel right about.” God instructs us never to violate our consciences because the conscience often acts as the interface between our inner spirit where God lives and our mind where we live. We must be careful never to violate it (1 Corinthians 10:23-30). Remember, Paul wrote, for Christians to stop worrying about “disputable things”—enjoy them! On the other hand, if your activities (freedoms of conscience) violate your conscience—or the consciences of those around you—then stay away from them. 5. Teach your child the power of purity. Finally Philippians 4:8-9 gives good advice for anything we allow ourselves or our children to read or be involved in: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” As parents, we should be well-informed and screen what our children read or watch. Openly discuss the “hidden” and “open” messages of media with occultic overtones, no matter how clever and popular it is.  Teach your how to discern good and evil by studying God’s Word and being an active part of a local church. May God give you wisdom—and spiritually discerning sons and daughters. Love, Roger Rhodes, Ron: The Truth Behind Ghosts, Mediums, and Psychic Phenomena  Gotquestions.org Rice, Anne. Peretti, Frank. This Present Darkness, Piercing the Darkness .

Dear Roger, I'm a 25 yr. old Christian guy (former Casas member) living in Hollywood, and am establishing a successful career for myself in the popular music industry (I am a writer/performer of my own music as well as a writer for other artists). When I first entered the industry a couple of years ago, I felt like I was firmly rooted in Christ as my foundation. I sought Him for counsel regularly in regards to my career and whether or not this was the right field for me to be in. I have watched over these past few years as God has seemingly opened door after door for me down this path. I have been amazed at the perfect timing of specific events that have led to these doors being opened. I'm glad this has happened because I really love making music. Recently, I've noticed that I have become more and more focused on securing my own success. I realize that putting too much time and energy into securing success can be harmful because it can cause a Christian to place that above God in his life. But at the same time, I know that every career requires a great deal of hard work and dedication if there is any hope of establishing and maintaining a future in it! I'm struggling to grasp how I can fulfill my duties as a follower of Christ and still put in the time and effort that my job requires. I think part of the issue for me is that I feel guilty when I spend a lot of time working on songs because there is no direct correlation between my work and God. By that I mean that my work does not produce results that are a specific fulfillment of commandments in Scripture the way that a pastor or missionary's work would (I realize that I can (and hope to) be a witness of Christ to all of the people I encounter in the industry, but I am talking specifically about the end result of my work, which is a song). I know that there are a great deal of occupations out there that don't directly produce these "specific fulfillments" that I am talking about (accountants, plumbers, etc.), and I think I would wrestle with this concept in any one of them. But I guess it feels like a bigger issue in this instance because in the music industry, success leads to great wealth and popularity, and I feel a bit guilty to be capitalizing on that when my songs don't proclaim the Gospel (although they don't diminish it, either). My questions are: Is it wrong to strive for success in careers like this, where the direct result of your work doesn't really have much to do with preaching God's Word? And in my case specifically, is it wrong to desire wealth and popularity in recognition of my accomplishments? Is desiring success in pop music sinful in and of itself? Thanks, and I hope to hear from you soon! Sincerely, "A" P.S. I watched your "Ask Roger" sermons online. I was both surprised and encouraged to hear your "Favorite Song" answers... No Doubt, Avril and Adele??!! You're the coolest 30 year old I know : ) Dear “A”, Congratulation! I hope for you to have much success and recognition in your chosen field! Let me begin with a simple answer to your primary concern. I find no spiritual or Biblical problem that your “end product” may not be a direct reflection of Christ or of spiritual things. Be at peace. Now let’s deal with your other questions. It seems to me that how you personally answer these questions depends on the spiritual condition of your heart, and the choices you make. Let’s make this simple. First, you ask: “Is it wrong to strive for success in careers like this, where the direct result of your work doesn't really have much to do with preaching God's Word?” No, it is not wrong to work in a field where the end result is not “spiritual.” Most all people have jobs just like that—bankers, construction workers, administration assistants, school teachers and so forth. Your goals and temptations are no different than any one else’s. Second, you ask: “And in my case specifically, is it wrong to desire wealth and popularity in recognition of my accomplishments?” No, not inherently wrong—as long as you know well the Biblical definition of wealth which we will discuss shortly. Finally, you ask: “Is desiring success in pop music sinful in and of itself?” No. In answering your questions more fully, I think it will be most helpful if I share several Bible verses that have direct bearings on what you want to know. I will first quote the relevant verse and then make a comment or two on each one. By the way, I don’t want my answers to sound negative; however, we both know that the temptations in the music world are powerful. So, while some verses will spur you on to become a great success. Others give dire warnings of allowing the distractions to pull you away from a powerful life in Christ. To begin with, Jesus said in Matthew 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” As my pastor friend, Glenn Barteau, says, “The key here depends upon who in the driver’s seat of your life?” If you try to drive you will invariably crash and burn as you attempt to live for Christ in the music industry. On the other hand, if God is driving, you don’t have to worry or try to plan out every step in your career. Sit back and enjoy the ride. He will chauffeur you to His chosen destinations—however how great or small they might be! The key here is that your top goal is to become a spiritual father (1 John 2:12-14) at any price. With that prayer in place, you can be well on the way for God to freely fulfill your dreams. Second, Paul wrote in 1 Colossians 3:17: “ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” “Whatever you do” means it is OK to be in the music industry and implies that you work hard at it and at being successful—just remember that true success originates with God and not with you. The practical manifestation of this verse is that at every opportunity, without being overbearing or obnoxious, with a humble heart, you reflect all you do and accomplish to Jesus Christ and not to yourself. Let others know that Jesus Christ is the key to your life and to whatever success you may have. Third, Paul wrote in Colossians 3:23-24: “ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.” Work hard at your job and remember that Jesus Christ is in the driver’s seat—not you. Keep perspective, as you seek success and wealth, true treasures are in Heaven—not here on earth. Solomon advised in Ecclesiastes 7:18: It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all .” “b "Balance” is an important word for all of us as we here as we negotiate the positives and pitfalls  between career and commitment to Christ. Fourth, Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 6:6-10: “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” “A”, notice here that gaining wealth is not inherently a sin—especially if we know what wealth is for. Also notice that having money is not a sin. The problem is loving money whether we have not much or a lot. Again, notice carefully the Biblical definition of wealth: “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” Good Biblical economics teaches us that the ultimate purpose of earthly wealth is to meet our basic needs and then to give the rest away to the poor and needy. If this is your monetary goal, then make all the money you can to the glory of Jesus Christ. By the way, the Greek words describing what happens to those who fall into the trap of greed and materialism refer to a person who is impaled (“pierced”) on a spit and are slowly roasting over an open fire. Using money and wealth properly can be a great blessing to you and others. Used improperly, they can bring ruin, destruction and misery to any life—no matter what the profession. Fifth, Solomon gave advice on the danger of pride. He wrote in Proverb 16:18: “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall;” and again in Proverb 29:23: “A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. Pride is an over concern with ourselves. Keep your pride under control. Most of us are not as important as we think we are. Sixth, “A”, you didn’t ask any advice about the sexual temptations that always exist “just around the corner” in your chosen profession (and in all other professions as well). I want you to take out your Bible as soon as possible and read Proverbs chapters one, five and nine. Read them because of what Solomon has to say about the wise following the voice of wisdom and the fools ignoring her calls. Read it because of Wisdom’s clear powerful warnings about the seductive powers of sexual sins—and how to avoid them. Finally, as you mentioned above, enmeshing yourself in the secular “Pop Music” world reminds me of what the legalists said about Jesus in Matthew 11:19: “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners. They meant it as criticism; but, we see their words as a compliment. As Christians we need to invade the secular world with the Gospel and not shy away from the tax collectors and sinners. We are the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14-16). I am glad that you are a light for Christ in a lost and dark world. May you shine brightly in every moment. Well, “I hope my answers are helpful to you. I have already prayed for you to experience and enjoy all the dreams God has in store for you. Keep me apprised of your career. I hope to rejoice with you even more in the future. Love, Roger. P.S. Since my wife, Julie, has spent her entire life in the music world and has encountered all the issues you are now experiencing, I asked her if she would also answer your question. Her answer follows: Dear “A,” Thank you for your question. Congratulations for your success. Here are a few thoughts that might assist you in navigating the turbulent waters of the entertainment industry. First and foremost, remember that all creative gifts ultimately come from God. God’s given you a wonderful gift, thank Him for it and do your work with excellence. We need strong Christians in the secular marketplace. Write honest, truthful music that comes from your heart and express the human condition with integrity . Remain humble, let your life reflect the character of Christ, and don’t be crass or compromise your faith. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24 NIV Let’s discuss the issue of inspiration and creativity first.One of my favorite passages of scripture is Paul’s profound proclamation in Colossians 1:16: “For by Him all things were created…. ” Regardless of the artistic medium you utilize, everything you create was gifted to you by a loving Creator. He gave you a unique voice to speak to the world, and what you say, sing or play is His. That does not mean that all musical texts must be sacred, but they should be composed with a deep understanding that God inspires and speaks through you. In my experience as an artist, this underlying truth is very significant. If you cull through the Billboard charts since their inception, there are very few artists that have more than one or two hit recordings-about sixteen songs, and then they begin to sound like bad sequels to a hit movie. If you look at God’s world, no snowflake, no plant or animal species is identical. We must tap into His infinite creativity to continue to have a voice that lasts over time. Secondly, remember-you can’t paint a masterpiece without the right tools. Some Christians say that training and careful skill development is contrary to “spirituality.” Paul contradicted that premise in Colossians 3:23: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. An oft’ told tale is the scene of a wobbly soprano who prefaced her church solo with “God gave me this song.” A tenor in the back row of the choir mumbled, “Please lady, give it back!” Remember the psalmist’s words in Psalm 33:3 “Sing to him a new song; play skillfully , and shout for joy.” God does not need our mediocrity. He delights for us to hone our craft and to be excellent musicians. He also wants us to enjoy performing! The price of fame is a heavy one and pride is the keenest of temptations. Some celebrities manage to remain unchanged by the press and the glitz, but most do not. They fall victim to the sin of pride. Satan fell because he became proud. Pride can take two forms. The first is to believe your own press releases, to become arrogant and forget your walk with God. The second is to be riddled with self-doubt and quit. Lucifer was a cracker jack worship leader, the best in the business. But he became proud and he lost it all. Isaiah 14:12-15 says: “How you have fallen from heaven, (Lucifer) O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, "I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God…” Pride can also be manifested in perfectionism and self-doubt. When I attended graduate school, the basic goal for a professional musician was to develop a “critical ear.” Although musical discernment is essential, most musicians can never do enough. The joy of performing is lost in a perfectionistic drive that can never be satisfied. Nothing is ever good enough. I have to confess that I spent so many years producing, performing and analyzing music, I can’t listen to music and enjoy it anymore. Listening is always work to me. Were the vocals pitchy? Was the mix dynamic? Did the drummer do too many fills? Were the lyrics mediocre? My husband can listen to the radio and whistle by the hour. I want to turn it off and enjoy some peace and quiet. My critical ear took away my love for music. Paul again has a nugget of wisdom in this regard: Romans 12:3:“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” NIV It’s okay to know you are good at what you do. Don’t overestimate your talent, but don’t underestimate it either. Recognize who you are as an artist and enjoy the level where you are, knowing that God is always maturing you and growing you up as a musician and as a person. You asked another penetrating question. Can you live in Hollywood and not be tainted by the godless influences that permeate the “Hollywood culture. Remember, sex sells, money is the bottom line and fame has its price. Carrie Underwood and Kristin Chenowith are open about their faith in Christ and, as far as I know, seem to stay true to their spiritual convictions. Tom Hanks and Brad Pitt grew up in Christian homes and neither claim to be believers at this point in their lives. Katy Perry was a pastor’s kid and even made a Christian album. She regularly flaunts her godless lifestyle, and scoffs at Christian beliefs. Joe Simpson, the father of Jessica Simpson and Ashlee Simpson Wentz, was a Baptist pastor before he began managing his daughters’ careers. His famed statement about Jessica was an affront even to the secular press: “She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those up!” How did a man who surrendered his life to God come to live such a reprobate lifestyle? He just got sucked into the mire that is Hollywood. Instead of being a light to the world, he personified the guy who sold his soul for fame and fortune. I can’t imagine that being in the Hollywood spotlight will be easy for you. I can assure you that fame is both fleeting and fickle, so make the most of those moments to honor God by your attitudes and lifestyle. Fame can be an opportunity or a temptation. Be sure you have godly people in your life that will be honest with you and hold you accountable for your behavior and relationships with others. I prayed Paul’s prayer for many years and find it to be a wonderful way to keep my life and work in perspective: For a more complete discussion of the challenges of being a Christian artist, check out http://www.heartoftheartist.org/ . Sincerely, Julie

When it comes to values, we tend to adopt what’s modeled to us while growing up. While it’s important to understand your values, it’s equally important to think through what values you’re passing on to your children or the younger generations you come into contact with. How would you paraphrase the values below if you were teaching them to your children/grandchildren, the person you mentor, a younger co-worker, etc.?

I have hiked the Grand Canyon rim to rim and I have hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, I’ve done a couple of triathlons but that marathon was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And that’s why I did it. The last 10 miles I was cramping up and I had to do a little stopping and stretching along the way but I finished it. I’ve got the shirt to prove it. What a joy to be able to share this weekend. And I want to say up front that it is not about the marathon, it is about the miracle. It is about the miracle. It is an almost an out of body experience for me to watch myself preach that message from July 2, 2016 because I had no idea what would happen and here we are 475 later and I want you to know that if God did it for me, He can do it for you. Welcome to National Community Church. At all eight of our campuses this weekend, we kick off a new series titled Whisper. The book releases next Tuesday but we’ve got some black market copies! Lora and I have a little tradition that before you can buy a copy, we want to give you a copy so it is a gift from us to you and you will get a copy on the way out. By the way, can I just say, I didn’t like the cover at first and then Lora and I went out to the Shenandoah Valley and then I liked the cover because I felt like I was looking at it and it was such a beautiful place and I feel like the mountains are so picturesque. It is such a picture of the way in which God speaks. So I’m excited about you getting a copy of the book. This series is going to be short and sweet. Two weeks but I’m believing that this series, this book is going to help us learn to hear the voice of God. I think it is going to help us acquire the seven languages that I talk about in the book. The first language is Scripture and it is in a category by itself but in Scripture God speaks in some different ways. In fact, there are six secondary language, desires, dreams, doors, people, promptings and pain. And I happen to believe that the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever. He still speaks in those ways so I’m praying that it is going to help us learn to hear the voice of God. Turn to I Kings 19 and we will get there in just a minute. Half a century ago, an otolaryngologist, Dr. Tomatis, was confronted with the most curious case of his 50 year career as an otolaryngologist. A renowned opera singer had mysterious lost his ability to hit certain notes even though those notes were still within his octave range. He had been to some other specialists and they all thought it was a vocal problem. The doctor thought otherwise. So using a cymometer, he discovered that the opera singer was producing 140 decibel sound waves. That is a little bit louder than a military jet taking off from an aircraft carrier. Well, that discovery led to this diagnosis. The opera singer had been deafened by the sound of his own voice. And because he couldn’t hear the note, he could no longer sing the note. In the doctor’s word, the voice can only reproduce what the ear can hear. The French Academy of Medicine dubbed it the Tomatis Effect and I think the ramifications are way beyond the opera. Here’s my theory, all of us have problems, relational problems, emotional problems, spiritual problems and we think that those problems are the problems but I think they are the symptoms of a root cause, a spiritual Tomatis Effect, ears that have been deafened to the voice of God. Sometimes it is our own negative self-talk and God can’t even get a word in edgewise. Sometimes it is the voice of criticism. You’ve heard that voice so often for so long that you can’t even believe anything else about yourself. Sometimes it is the voice of conformity, the voice of culture and sometimes it is the voice of condemnation. The Bible says that we have an enemy and he is called the accuser of the brethren and the father of lies and if you listen to those lies long enough, it will deafen you to the voice of God. And if you can’t hear his voice, you can’t sing his song and your life is going to be off key. Let me give you a prescription for the problem. Learning to discern the still, small voice of God is the solution to a thousand problems and it is the key to discovering your identity and your destiny. His voice is joy. His voice is wisdom. His voice is healing. His voice is peace. His voice is power. His voice is grace. His voice is truth. In the beginning God said let there be light and those four words are still creating galaxies at the outer edge of the universe. How did God do it? He did it with his voice. The universe is God’s way of saying look at what I can do with four words. And if God can do that with four words, what are we worried about? The voice that spoke the universe into existence is the same voice that parted the Red Sea and that told the sun to stand still. His voice can heal a withered arm or wither a barren fig tree. His voice can turn water into wine and it can install synaptic connections between the optic nerve and visual cortex of a blind man’s brain and it can resurrect a man who has been four days death. There is nothing that God’s voice cannot say and cannot do and frankly He can do it however He pleases. He can speak through a burning bush and He can speak through a donkey. He can stop a storm on the Sea of Galilee with three words, peace be still. And that is tough for us to comprehend and I’ll tell you why. Because we use our voices for about one thing, to communicate. Sometimes you can talk real loud and you can shout but you know that doesn’t’ always work. And maybe we can use our voice in a beautiful way and sing but our voices, our capacity is limited to that. So when we think voice, we think phonics but this is about physics. Most people I know would say that they have never heard the voice of God. And if you are talking about the audible voice of God between 20 and 20 thousand hertz, me neither. But God’s voice isn’t’ limited to our range of hearing. The reality is this, it is when you get outside the human range of hearing that sound waves begin to do some strange and mysterious things. I don’t have time to talk about infrasound and ultrasound but suffice it to say, God’s ability to speak is not limited to our ability to hear audibly. Can I tell you how God uses his voice? God uses his voice to create and to convey and to heal and to reveal and to guide and to grace. Here’s what I know for sure. God is speaking. Are we listening? And is He the loudest voice in our lives? If He is not, that’s the problem. And the solution is tuning and turning up that still, small voice, these seven languages that we will talk about and that you will read about. Like any language, can I just say it takes some time to acquire? And I know this from experience because it took me about three and half years of Spanish to learn how to say no Espanola. I can’t even roll my Rs. It is not easy learning a language. It is going to take time to learn these seven languages. But it is going to take more than that, it is going to take relationship. I know Lora’s voice. And I know her tone of voice. And I know the non-verbals because we’ve been married 25 years so I know her voice like I didn’t know the day we got married. It is going to take time and it is going to take relationship and that’s what God wants. A few years ago, I wrote a book about prayer title The Circle Maker and really it is a book about talking to God. But I think I have realized that was half the equation. Prayer isn’t just outlining our agenda to God, it is about getting into God’s presence and God’s Word and God outlining his agenda to us. So I sort of feel like Whispers is a sequel about listening to God. And if you said which side of that coin is more important, listen, it is easy, listening to God is far more important than talking to God. And that’s what turns prayer from a monologue into a dialogue. I want you to hear this, I need to hear what God has to say more than God needs to hear what I have to say! Amen! When I preached the message Mountains Move on July 2, 2016, I said at some point you have to stop talking to God about your mountain and start talking to your mountain about God and I think that is still true. You have to declare his power, declare his grace, declare his goodness, declare his promises. Let me tell you a couple of things up front. First, if you aren’t willing to listen to everything God has to say, eventually you won’t hear anything He has to say. If you want to hear his comforting voice, you have to listen to his convicting voice. I think sometimes, let’s be honest, we are afraid of what God is going to say. Anybody else? I think that is because we don’t know his heart. And I want to say this, these seven languages are love languages. The Bible says God is love, and if it not loving, not the way our culture defines it but biblically, if it is not loving, it is not God. Sometimes it is tough love. Sometimes it is what I wanted to hear least that I needed to hear the most. And God’s not afraid to go there. So sometimes it is tough love. The second thing I want to say is we live in a culture where everyone wants to be heard but has so little to say. I think that because we do so little listening especially to God. So I hope and pray that you find your voice but I think finding your voice starts with hearing the voice of God. And if you want people to listen to you, listen to God because then you will have something to say that is worth listening to. The Lord said to Moses, I wish that all the Lord’s people were prophets. I pray that God would give each and every one of us, no matter what sphere of influence you are in, that God would give you a prophetic voice. What I mean by that is this, I Corinthians 13 , it is for comforting and encouraging and strengthening but it is words that are prompted by the Spirit of God Himself. So I pray that God would give you a prophetic voice. But it starts with a prophetic ear. I Kings 19:11 11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. The ESV calls it a low whisper. The NASB translates it, a gentle blowing. The King James, a still, small voice. By definition a whisper is speaking using one’s breath instead of one’s vocal chords. And the theological significance of that is pretty profound. God breathed into the dust and formed Adam. In other words, Adam was once a whisper. And so were you and so was everything else. II Timothy 3:16 says that all Scripture is God-breathed. That book is God whispering to you. Now hold that thought and we will come back to it. On the morning of August 27, 1883, ranchers in Alice Springs, Australia heard what sounded like gun shots. The same mysterious sound was reported in 50 geographical locations spanning one-thirteenth of the globe. What the Aussies heard was the eruption of a volcano on the remote island of Indonesia 2,233 miles away from those ranchers in Australia. That volcanic eruption, possibly the loudest sound ever measured sent sound waves measuring 310 decibels all the way around the globe four times. It generated 3,000 foot title waves. It threw rocks a distance of 34 miles and it cracked one foot thick concrete 300 miles away. That is the power of a sound wave. If sound exceed 110 decibels, we experience a chance in blood pressure. At 141 decibels, we become nauseous. At 145 decibels, our vision blurs because our eyeballs vibrate! At 195 decibels, our eardrums are in danger of rupturing and death by sound wave can happen at 202 decibels. And on the opposite end of that sound spectrum just about the absolute threshold of hearing is a whisper measuring about 15 decibels. Now let me double back to I Kings 19. We tend to dismiss the natural phenomenon that precedes the whisper and we think of it as insignificant because it says God was not in them. But I bet they got Elijah’s attention! God has an outside voice and He is not afraid to use it! But when God wants to be heard, when what He has to say is too important to miss, He often speaks in a whisper right about the absolute of hearing. The question is why? And how? And when? And where? And I can’t answer all of those questions in this message, I touch on them in the book, but let me take a stab at why. When someone speaks in a whisper, you have to get pretty close to hear them don’t you? In fact, you have to put your ear right next to their mouth. We lean into a whisper and that is what God wants. We think that the goal of hearing God’s voice is hearing God’s voice but that is not God’s goal. God’s goal is intimacy with us. So He speaks in a whisper so we have to get really close to hear Him. When our kids were young, I would play a little trick on them. I would speak in a whisper because I wanted them to have to get real close and then I would reach out and grab them and I would hug them. I think God plays the same trick on us. I think what God wants is for us to be so close to Him that we don’t just hear his voice, we hear his heart. Oswald Chambers said the voice of the Spirit is as gentle as a zephyr. Aren’t you grateful for a gentle God? He could intimidate us with his outside voice but he woos us with a whisper. And his whisper is the breath of life. I’ve shared this story but let me share it again. Over the span of 40 years, I had prayed hundreds of times that the Lord would heal my asthma. I don’t know why He wanted until July 2, 2016, that’s past my pay grade, not sure I will ever figure that one out. But I want to tell you why I kept praying and it is because of a whisper. Right before my freshman year of high school, I ended up in the hospital again, intensive care unit and it was bad this time. I was code blue. I thought I was taking my last breath. But I made it out of the hospital, got home and a prayer team from Calvary Church, Pastor Paul McGarvey, came over to our house and said they wanted to pray for me. I said would you pray that God would heal my asthma? So they prayed a prayer and God did a miracle but not the one I expected. I woke up the next morning and I still had asthma but all the warts on my feet were gone! You’ve heard me share this. It was a little confusing, some kind of mix up between here and heaven. There is someone somewhere who is breathing great but still has warts on their feet! And for the first time, I heard the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit. It was not an audible voice, it was Spirit to spirit but I heard it so loud and so clear. The Spirit of God said, Mark, I just wanted you to know that I am able. I held on to that for more than 30 years. It was that whisper that kept me praying and kept me believing and I’m going to share this because no one looks at this except the author but one of my favorite pages on the book is the dedication page and I dedicated Whisper to Pastor Paul McGarvey. Here’s what I said. You prayed a prayer in August of 1984 that God answered on July 2, 2016. My healing was once a whisper. And that is true of every miracle. As I survey my life, I realize that the genesis of every blessing of every breakthrough is a whisper. It is the breath of God. Ebenezers, our coffee house in Capitol Hill a perfect example. When people walk by Ebenezers, they see a coffee house but I hear a whisper because that is what it was two decades ago. It was this graffiti covered building dilapidated with cinder block in the doors and windows but as I walked by one day, I heard the Spirit of God say this crack house would make a great coffee house. A million customers later, a million dollars given to mission, every penny of profit, praise God! That God idea turned into a brave prayer and turned into a coffee house but every shot of espresso that we pull was once a whisper. And that is true of everything. I’m about out of time. Let me share one thought and one challenge. Do you remember the definition of a whisper? It is speaking using one’s breath rather than one’s vocal chords. After God healed my asthma, you saw it, I made a decision to run a marathon. I felt like it was the best way to celebrate and validate the miracle that God had done. You also know that I believe in not just praying like it depends on God, I believe in working like it depends on you, so I did lots of things including going to the pulmonary specialist because I wanted to validate what God had done. I also started researching everything I could find on respiration and on oxygen and on breathing. I made a discovery that somehow managed to allude me despite three seminary degrees. I knew that according to Jewish tradition, the name for God, Yahweh was too sacred to pronounce. But there is another tradition within Judaism that believes that the name for God, Yahweh without the vowels, is synonymous with the sound of breathing. So on one hand, the name is too sacred to pronounce but on the other hand, it is whispered with each and every breath you take. It was your first word. It will be your last word. It is every word in between. 23,000 times a day, I think we are breathing the name of God. In Him we live and move and have our being. May He breathe on you? May He do what He did with the valley of dry bones? He breathed into those bones and they came to life. God breathed into my lungs and they were opened. One challenge. In I Samuel 3 , there is a seven word prayer that I believe can change your life. It is the brave prayer that I talked about July 2, 2016. There was a woman named Hannah who could not conceive. She begged God and God gave her five children but her first child, a boy named Samuel, she gave back to the Lord. He essentially was raised in the temple. In fact, I love this description. I think it is my prayer for all of our parents and all of our children here at NCC. I think about it when we dedicate children to the Lord because it says that he grew up in the presence of God. Don’t you want that for our children? I pray it and I believe it. It says he grew in favor with God and with people. It also says that in those days, the words of the Lord were rare and there were not many visions. Well one night, the Lord spoke to Samuel but Samuel had not yet learned to discern the voice of God. And he mistook the voice of God for the voice of Eli and I wonder if we do the same. God is speaking through desires and dreams and doors and people and promptings and pain but we mistake it for something else or we ignore it altogether. Now, it needs to be filtered through Scripture. I’m about as careful as careful can be when you read the book, it is the first language, but we have to learn to interpret these messages. Verse 7 says the Samuel did not yet know the Lord. The word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. In other words, he had not yet learned to discern the voice of God. And my fear as a pastor is that this is where so many of us settle in spiritually. I hope that the messages that we preach are a catalyst in your spiritual journey, that they feed you spiritually and that they stretch you. But if you rely upon us to hear from God, that is spiritual codependency. You can hear God’s voice! He wants to speak to you! It happened three times and finally the wise old Eli finally figured out what was going on. He knew God was trying to get his attention so Eli gives a piece of advice that changes Samuel’s life. He said go and lie down and if He calls you, say, and here it is, the seven word prayer, I believe it can change your life. ‘Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.’ God speaks. Samuel hears the voice of God for the first time and it ends with this fascinating descriptor. The Lord was with Samuel as he grew up and he let none of his words fall to the ground. How incredible is that! In other words, God have Samuel a prophetic voice. But it started with a prophetic ear. As we end this message, I challenge you to pray that seven word prayer. It is so simple but if you mean it and then after you pray it and then maybe after you pray it, you are quite for a little bit, it will change the game. Speak Lord, for your servant is listening. Let’s pray.

The Lord caused the Egyptians to think well of them, and the Egyptians gave the people everything they asked for. So the Israelites took rich gifts from them. The Israelites traveled from Rameses to Succoth. There were about six hundred thousand men walking, not including the women and children. (Ex. 12:36-37) NCV I. God is the God of the Kings of This Earth The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. (Pro. 21:1 NIV) Cyrus, the king of Persia. Ezra 1:1, Is.45:4 Daniel and the Babylonian official Dan.1:9 Nehemiah and King Artaxerxes. Neh. 1:11,24 The Jews and their prayer pilgrimage. Ex. 34:23-24 “O Lord, God of our Fathers, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you.” (2 Chron. 20:6 NIV) II. We place our trust in the sovereignty of God. First of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. (1 Tim.2:1-4 NIV) There is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God...for is God’s servant to do you good. (Rom. 13:1,4) If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chron. 7:14 NIV)

This weekend Chris kicked off our new series “Holiday Survival Guide.” Below are several practical steps you can use to help you stay healthy in the relationships you have with family (or friends) you typically see during the holidays. Be aware of the role you typically play in your family. Our family role is the behavior(s) we often acted out during our upbringing which can automatically return when back with family. Although this could be a good thing, it can easily be negative in how it affects us and those around us. What role are you tempted to play when around your family? (eg. rescuer, enabler etc.) What To Wear For The Holidays Why we need to change: Ephesians 4:30, Matthew 5:23-24, Matthew 6:12-15 Dad cares about how His kids get along. Forgiveness is a command, not an option. Our motivation for the change? Ephesians 4:32, Romans 12:14-21, 1 Peter 3:8-12, Matthew 18:21-35 Remember how we have been forgiven. Remember how we have been accepted and loved. Remember who we now represent. STEP 1: Recognize the “old me” Anger = Rage = Malice = Slander = Filthy language = STEP 2: Put on the “new me” Compassion = Kindness = Humility = Gentleness = Patience = Daily Dose: To receive our short daily devotional video, text the keyword “daily” to 51400. Standard text rates apply. To subscribe by email or for a free audio or video copy of this message go to northcoastchurch.com Food for Thought for the week of November 18, 2018 (Questions and Scriptures for further study) GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS This weekend Chris kicked off our new series “Holiday Survival Guide.” Below are several practical steps you can use to help you stay healthy in the relationships you have with family (or friends) you typically see during the holidays. Be aware of the role you typically play in your family. Our family role is the behavior(s) we often acted out during our upbringing which can automatically return when back with family. Although this could be a good thing, it can easily be negative in how it affects us and those around us. What role are you tempted to play when around your family? (eg. rescuer, enabler etc.) Be aware of which family members or family situations test you the most. What people or situations come to mind? Decide what healthy boundaries look like and what unhealthy boundaries look like. Are there any boundaries you need to tighten to have healthier interactions with friends or family? Are there any boundaries you need to loosen? Remember we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. What can you change in how you approach or respond to challenging, toxic or negative interactions with friends and family? Are there any actions or attitudes you want to start practicing now to yield a better result in those situations or relationships? Don’t ride the emotional roller coaster. When someone close to us has mood swings or gets angry, often we get to choose whether we ride the roller coaster of emotion with them or if we sit on the bench outside of the ride. How often do you get pulled into someone else’s emotion? How might you best model a calm demeanor to an overly emotional person? TAKING IT HOME Chris reminded us of the importance of recognizing the “old me” and putting on the “new me.” While we know that none of us are finished products, there are ways we can see this play out in our walk with Jesus. As you go through Galatians 5:22-23, how might each of the fruits of the spirit look if someone were putting on the “new me” vs. the “old me”? What advice does Romans 12:19-21 give for how we can respond to challenging people and situations in a loving way? Romans 12:19-21 New International Version (NIV) 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

WHAT TIME IS IT? Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 (Ecclesiastes #3) S-1403 ·SLIDE #1: How many of you are wearing a watch?  Or you have a pocket watch or clock of some kind with you this morning? How many did not bring a watch this morning?  What’s wrong with you?  You are in the minority. Anybody here bring two watches? Probably your cell phone and your watch. Why?  Because time is so important to us. Let’s play “Let’s Pretend.” Let’s pretend that your banker phoned you and said that an anonymous donor has decided to deposit 86,400 pennies into your account every day for the rest of your life. You grab a pencil and start figuring. That’s $864 a day. $864 times seven equals over $6000 a week, times fifty-two. That’s almost $315,000 a year. He adds, “But there’s one stipulation... you must spend all the money that same day. No balance will be carried over to the next day. Now let’s play “Get Serious.” Every morning God deposits into your bank of time 86,400 seconds represent 1,440 minutes every day, which equals 525,600 minutes per year. Now, the same stipulation applies. You have to spend it all. No minutes are ever carried over on credit to the next day. This is what is so tough about time.  It keeps moving and you can’t save it up.  So, if you are not careful, it real easy to waste. Let’s go back to let’s pretend.  Every day you have to spend $864.  Easy to spend it on stuff.  Cars and toys because you have to get rid of it. There was an old movie, Brewster’s Millions. Brewster’s rich uncle died and left him a vast fortune.  But there was a catch.  The Uncle was afraid he’d waste it.  So, take $1 million now or have a chance for all $300 million. He had to spend $1,000,000 every day for 30 days and at the end of 30 days own absolutely nothing.  He bought a ball team, refurnished an apartment, clothes, rented expensive automobiles and threw it all away. ·SLIDE #3: Every day we have to spend 1,440 minutes and if we’re not careful, we will squander and waste it on little things that have no last lasting value—or we can make an impact over 50 years. Solomon learned much during his fling. He has given us advice on where to look to find real value in life. Get the tapes. Now, in chapter 3, he takes up the issue of time. LET’S EXAMINE THE PASSAGE AND SEE WHAT HE SAYS. 1. Life is filled with all sorts of events as time marches on. READ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. All are opposites.  Some build and then destroy, while others tear down and then build up. Time marches on.  Realistic, Fatalistic, good exeriences and bad experiences. 2. Life is beautiful when God makes the right things happen at the right times. READ Ecclesiastes 3:9-11. Death at the right time is beautiful.  Death at the wrong time is not. Contrast Carl Mendenhall: “Grace, today is a good day to die, isn’t it?” with Desperado suicide. 3. God puts eternity in our hearts. READ Ecclesiastes 3:11, 14. If it is not eternal then it will never satisfy in my heart. : 4. We need to enjoy life while we are here. READ Ecclesiastes 3:12-13. Ecclesiastes is a book about enjoying life.  Four or five times Solomon reminds us to enjoy life.  It will be a shame to go through lifetime and murmur and complain all the time. 5. God will one day ask us to account for our actions. READ Ecclesiastes 3:15. Judgment is coming.  That should affect how we live. LET’S DRAW SOME PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS TO HELP US LIVE BETTER LIVES. 1. FIGURE OUT WHAT TIME IT IS AND REACT ACCORDINGLY. Read some “times” in verses 2-8. When your child is injured in an accident, it is time to adjust all priorities and give the care he needs.  It won’t go on forever, but now is the time to take care of your child. When you are on vacation, stop thinking about work.  It is time to relax. When you are in college you stay out all night because you want to party and have fun and never complain.  Then a few years later you still stay up all night caring for a crying baby who won’t go to sleep and you complain about it all the time.  Don’t resent it.  This is the time of life for that. If it is time to work, then work.  If it is time to relax, then relax. It is fun to watch Glenn deal with his new baby.  Angie’s tired.  He is tired. I sympathized and told him that the best way not to stretch this exhaustion out is to go ahead and have another baby right now so they will minimize the years they spend in sleepless nights. I was really enjoying this. Glenn looked up: “Another baby. Now? Are you kidding? I wouldn’t want a dog right now.” Roger:  “Well, enjoy it, it really won’t last long.  Before you know it they will be gone.” Glenn:  “The last thing we are worrying about now is the empty nest syndrome.” What time is it in your life?  Don’t get upset.  React accordingly. Moose Johnson and Herschel Walker played for Dallas Cowboy football fans. Moose had bulging joint.  Career is over.  Herschel was 34 and getting a new lease on life.  Moose needed to be planning for retirement. Famous all over the country.  Go on speaking circuit and raise money for charities if he figures out what time it is. Figure out what season of life you are in. At least six seasons.  The eras overlap so that a new one is getting underway while the previous one is not yet terminated. Childhood: 0 to 13. Personality 85% set by age 12.  Openness, no walls, great opportunity to lead friends to Christ. Adolescence: 10-22: Personality is 96% set.  Crucial years.  Bridge into adult years. Energy and idealism. Willing to take risks and make a difference. Early Adulthood: 17-45:  Peak years of biological and intellectual functioning. Still dealing with overcoming childhood issues while making momentous life changing decisions like marriage, occupation, life style.  Child rearing.  Time to set course to serve Christ. Middle Adulthood: 40-65: Greatest earning power. Body slows. Great artists tend to produce their greatest and most profound works during this period. Launch children.  Empty nest. Time to shape the world around you.  Energy coupled with savy. Mentoring. Senior Adulthood: 60-80: No longer occupies center stage of the world.  Must deal with increasing death and sickness of friends and loved ones. Increasingly out of phase with younger generations.  Yet, more time to impact for Christ and do all the things you’ve always wanted to. Senior Senior Adulthood: 75-100: Sickness, few significant relationships, increasing bodily discomfort, facing death.  Ministry to people with life and death issues. All sorts of issues to deal with in every stage.  But the toughest time is the transition years between stages.  Moving from childhood to adolescence is tough, from adolescence to early adulthood. Are you in transition?  Child rearing and my mom and empty nest calling me to dinner. What time is it? Life cycle graph of man and woman’s satisfaction.       “She’s heading out for identity.  He is coming home for intimacy.” God has made everything appropriate in his time. How much we fail to see when we miss God’s timing!  2. SINCE CHANGE IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS YOU CAN ALWAYS DEPEND ON, HANDLE IT WELL WHEN IT COMES. Mohammed Ali had Parkinson’s Disease.  How many thought he would be invincible? Jerry Rice sat the sidelines in shorts.  Little legs, never saw him out of uniform. Aging Bob Dole made VISA commercials. It is a difficult time for these guys. Leaving home for first time and you are on your own. Extended honeymoon and now you have children in the house and no time for each other. Chart of proper transition through change by Cynthia Scott and Dennis Jaffe. Illustrate with lost fiancé. Denial: focus on past and deny reality of present.  Many get stuck here.  Deal in past, public complaining. Resistance: focus still on past; internal feelings of anxiety, loss, depression, anger Exploration: focus moves to future as explore possibilities for survival.  Awkward phase, confusion, asking questions and looking for answers. Commitment: clarified focus on future, affirmation of right direction. 3. LIVE AND CHOOSE IN LIGHT OF ETERNITY BECAUSE NO INSTANT REPLAY IS ALLOWED. Fourth and goal and the ball is on the one yard line. Down by 6 points.  Hike, quarter back drops back, lines collide as ball carrier hurtles for the goal line. Whistle sounds and yellow flags litter the field as men in Foot Locker sales uniforms scurry about. The call: “Off-sides.  Defense. Half the distance to the goal.  Repeat fourth down. Main intersection at Ina and Oracle.  You start your left turn on a green arrow when another car runs the red light in front of you and collides head on with your car.  Whistle blows, flags litter the intersection and officers scurry about. The call: “Illegal turn.  Repeat the turn.  The opposing car must start 15 yards back from the intersection. No, you are cut and bleeding.  You get no second chance. Someone has to choose what to do when. Life is continually made up of options.  Every hour is an hour of decision. Shoplifting at Sears last Wednesday night.  “His life will never be the same.” Somebody blow the flag and penalize me 15 yards and give me another chance.  No. Lunch with a coworker leads to an affair. Back seat of an auto and you are pregnant. You are making decisions every day, so choose wisely. “God has put eternity in our hearts.” What in the world does that mean? When we get eternity securely in place, it’s remarkable what it will do to time. Professor in Seminary – got one of those little adjustable calendars.  Figured out how many days that he might reasonably have left if God gave him his 3 score and 10 years.  Then every day he stamps in his calendar how many days he has left. You say – “How morbid” – No not at all – how motivational. 4. DON’T BE A DOPE.  ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE. Verses 12-13, 15. Talking with Glenn about the complaining Sr. Adults at the Five and Diner . “Do you think this means that God will hold us accountable if we are grumpy and miserable. Is God going to be pleased with our attitude?  “I gave you food, vacations, car, friendships, relationships, money, televisions and all you ever did is grumble and complain.  I will hold you accountable for whether or not you enjoyed life. God will say, “You dope!” Don’t be a dope. Enjoy yourself while you are here. SLOW DANCE : anonymous poem from Werner Goering Have you ever watched kids on a merry go-round? Or listened to rain slapping the ground? Ever followed a Butterfly’s erratic flight? Or gazed at the Sun into a fading night? You better slow down.  Don’t dance so fast! Time is short, the music won’t last! Do you run through each day – on the fly? When you ask, “How are you?” …do you hear the reply? When the day is done, do you lie in your bed With the next day’s hundred chores running through your head? You better slow down.  Don’t dance so fast! Time is short, the music won’t last! Ever told your child, “We’ll do it tomorrow.” And, in your haste – not seen his sorrow? Ever lost touch.  Let a good friendship die? Because you never had time to call and say, “Hi”…? You better slow down.  Don’t dance so fast! Time is short, the music won’t last! When you run so fast – to get somewhere, You miss half the fun – of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift thrown away. Life is not a race, so take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over. 5. BE SURE TO DO THE ONE THING THE BIBLE SAYS WE HAVE TO DO TODAY. Read Hebrews 3-4:  “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your heart. . .  But encourage one another as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness. . . . Let us therefore make every effort to enter into God’s rest.” “But as many as received Him , to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His Name.” (John 1:12) Becky at UMC and Dr. Feinberg: “You just don’t know do you?” Andy Miller suicide at Mt. View.  Be sensitive.  Took everyone by surprise. You need to receive Christ today. You may leave here and be run over by a bus crossing the street to the mall.  “Aw, that won’t happen to me.  I have plenty of time.” “Yeah, but, you don’t know do you?”  No.  So give your heart to Christ at the awning today. Close with a poem by a contemporary Danish poet I hear on Garrison Keillor several months ago. It is entitled TIME .  Time passes by before we know it. We have twelve clocks in our house; still there’s never enough time. You go into the kitchen and get chocolate milk for your spindly son, and when you return, he has grown too old for chocolate milk, demands beer, girls, revolution. Your daughter comes home from school, goes out to play hopscotch, comes in a little later, and asks if you would mind the baby while she and her husband go to the theatre. While they are at the theatre, the child, with some difficulty, is promoted to the tenth grade. You photograph your full-blooded young wife, with fashion coordinated outfit, an opulent fountain in the background, But the picture is hardly developed before she announces that it is time to collect her old-age pension. Softly, the widow inside her awakes. You want to make the most of your time, but it gets lost all the time. Where has it gone?  Was it ever there at all? Have you spent too much time throwing time out? So you roam around for awhile, without time and place. And when it’s time, you call home, and you hear, “Hello, this is the operator, you’ve called 959-4939.  I’m sorry.  That number is no longer in service.       (Click) Make the most of your time while you have it. That is what Solomon says. · 1. FIGURE OUT WHAT TIME IT IS. · 2. HANDLE THE TRANSITIONAL CHANGES WELL. · 3. LIVE IN LIGHT OF ETERNITY BECAUSE THERE IS NO INSTANT REPLAY. · 4. DON’T BE A DOPE.  ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE. · 5. DO THE ONE THING THE BIBLE SAYS WE HAVE TO DO TODAY. Come to Christ Today.